All language subtitles for Cougar.Town.S06E13.Mary.Janes.Last.Dance.720p.DSNP.WEB-DL.DD+5.1.H.264-playWEB_Subtítulos01.ENG

We love the place.

I-I think we're ready to buy,

unless there's anything else
we need to know.

Well, the house is zoned
to add another half-bath,

and, oh, the last owner
murdered his family here.

I mean, not all of them in the house.

The wife made it to the street.

Oh, sorry.

Why do you keep discouraging people
from buying my old house?

The guy said he was eight years sober.

More like eight years snore-ber.

Right?

Oh, and look at her.

She always has that expression.

She's got resting bitch face.

Huh.

See, here's the deal,

the cul-de-sac is basically Jules island,

and I've always been very careful about
who's allowed to live on the island.

Hey, there, neighbors!

He was here when I got here.

Uh, you mind if I use your mug?

No, because it's your mug now.

Thanks, pony boy.

He's calling me pony boy

because he sleep-walked
into our bedroom last night

and tried to mount me.

It was adorable.

Wow, you finally had a threesome

with Grayson and a family member.

I always thought it would be Travis.

Me too.

I love having family around.

You know what would be amazing?

Besides your dad not sleeping nude?

If Travis and Laurie
bought your old house.

Shut your mouth.

Deep down, you know you'd like it.

Imaginary knife.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

- Are you guys done?
- Jules,

there are enough people
hanging out in this house already.

We don't need anyone else in our house.

"Our house"?

Come on, dime eyes.

You know that this house
really belongs to Jules and me.

You're just our guest.

Are you listening to her?

You have your own key.

That's got to count for something.

All right, I think we all know
what's happening tomorrow.

Tomorrow's Thursday,
so Jules bleaches her cute little 'stache,

Ellie gives Stan his weekly hug,

and Travis says he's going to the gym

but actually goes to the doughnut shop.

- Muscles are for losers.
- How would you know?

Tom, do you have
everyone's daily schedule memorized?

You're gonna kill us all someday,
aren't you?

I don't know.

What I was going to say
is that tomorrow night

at 11:48 p.m. is Jules' birthday.

Yay!

As usual, I assume you are going to do
everything in your power to ruin it.

Well, I'll try not to,
but it's probably gonna happen.

That's exactly how I feel
about killing you all.

While I know that your expectations

are so high that no human being
could possibly meet them,

this year, you are going to have
an amazing birthday.

I will defeat you.

Can't be done.

I'm way too strong when it comes
to sabotaging my own happiness.

Everything you do will fall short

to what I've built up in my head.

Well, maybe it would be easier

if you didn't ask for presents
that were impossible to get.

I've seen a baby tiger.

I know they exist.

They do.

I tried to steal you one
at a circus last year

and ended up in circus prison.

You know those little, red train cars

with the bars like in Dumbo?

That's what they use for their jails.

And FYI, if an animal misbehaves,
it gets thrown in the same cell.

There was this adorable little monkey.

Apparently he went nuts under the big top

and started running around
and ripping the earrings

off of women, you know, lobes and all.

But he ended up actually being, like,

a pretty solid little dude.

He's how I got out of there.

I've always wanted to ask this

after one of your ridiculous stories:

is any of that true?

You'd have to read it back to me.

So, what's this year's
insane gift request?

You know, I always thought it would be fun

to die and get to see your own funeral.

Wouldn't it be awesome to be able to hear

what people had to say about you?

To see who was crying and who wasn't?

Ooh, I wonder
if my first boyfriend would show up.

I hope he's fat.

Yeah, I don't think
they sell that at target.

Oh, hey, honey.

You know, we're having girl coffee time,

so why don't you take baby Bobby

and just stroll him
around the plaza for a bit? 'Kay, babe?

Yeah, babe.
Why don't you go be Jellybean's bitch

and walk your baby around in a circle?

Oh, well, now I'm gonna stay.

I'll just be one of the gals.

All right, let me tell you
what's going on with my vagina.

- Catch you later.
- What...

Well played.

Imaginary hat.

Imaginary confetti.

- Whoo!
- Yay!

What are we doing?

I'm not explaining that to you again.

I'm having an annoying problem
on the home front.

Oh, well, just let Andy do it once

- and he'll stop asking.
- What?

- What?
- What?

I'm talking about Stan.

The elementary school
in Gulfhaven is terrible.

No, it's not.

I went there.

I got straight O's.

They only give two grades:
"OK" and "not OK."

Oh. Do we think a good education
really matters for kids?

Yeah, people are split on that.

Plus, Stan's science teacher

got her degree from beauty school.

Oh, Mrs. Ortiz! I love her.

She taught me how to cornrow my hair.

And I taught her English.

Can you help me out?
I can't reach this spot.

Fine, but let's not make it weird.

Oh, yeah. Oh, deep and hard. That's it.

I win!

I thought of the most
perfect gift for Jules.

Name the one thing
that anyone would kill for.

A machine that will wipe out
my memory of the last ten seconds?

- You loved it.
- To Jules, I give...

the gift of Bobby.

Beer me, A-Train!

Ah...

Man, how great is this?

I got no pants on,
and I'm hanging out with the fellas.

That's right. No one can top my gift.

Your gift? This is my gift.

No, no, the gift of Bobby's from me.

Well, the gift of me is me.

Dumbest fight ever.

Bobby, how are you gonna
give yourself to Jules if I do this?

Why is it so dark in here?

Come on, man. This is scary.

Then say it.

Fine.

The gift of me is from you.

Hey.

Trav and Laurie are doing
a winebulance event

at the end of the plaza.

Can I get a glass of wine for the walk?

It's only like 50 feet away.

Oh, right. Give me two.

I got you the most amazing gift
for your birthday.

I present you... this.

Happy birthday, J-Bird!

Aw, that's awesome!

Your husband's an awesome back scratcher.

Ask me how I know that.

OK.

Wow, the winebulance is crushing it.

What's the event?

The Gulfhaven Scooter Club.

- Thanks.
- Seems safe.

We didn't judge when we hosted
that five-mile open-ocean

"Swim and Drink Wine" race,
and we're not judging here.

Is everyone from that ocean race OK?

Let's just say
that they eventually found everyone.

Are you all right?

- I-I can't catch my breath.
- Here, drink this.

Babe, that's how things went bad
at the ocean race.

What's going on?

Stan can go to the elementary school

in the next town over.

Oh, well, that's great.

But we have to move.

That's why I carry two glasses.

It has three bedrooms,

um, it's in a great neighborhood,

and I don't know why
you have to move so quickly.

It's my birthday.

For Stan to go
to the elementary school in this town,

we need an address
by the first of the month,

and that's tomorrow.

Oh, I hate this so much.

And with that jacuzzi in the master,

we can finally take a bath together again.

- Did you say "again"?
- What?

- What?
- What?

I just can't believe you're moving.

I don't see what the big deal is.

We're only moving ten minutes away.

You said eight!

I don't know how I'm gonna live my life

not knowing that you're there
whenever I need you.

I know, sweetie.

Andy and I live in different states,

but we find a way to see
each other's wiener every day.

- What?
- What?

- What?
- What?

Bobby and I will be in the car.

Oh, hey, Jules,

I know you and Ellie
are the best of friends,

but you've always taken time
to make me feel special.

Thank you for that.

This house could be ours.

We could finally do it.

We could start our new lives together
and live here as a couple.

We could get matching robes
that say "Hers" and "Hers."

I could finally wear
all those vests that I love.

You'd probably miss
your stupid husband, though, right?

Yeah, I would.

You'd miss yours, too, right?

I would. Don't tell anyone.

Aw.

I still like resting my head
on your boobs.

I know, sweetie.

Oh, I just really needed a baby fix.

You know, Ellie leaving kicks ass,

but sometimes you just got
to eat the sword

and slap out of it, you know?

Totes. Hey, you know
what might cheer her up?

- Tell her.
- At the wine event,

we met this old, rich guy

who happens to think delivering
wine to people in a winebulance

is a great business idea.

He wants to meet with us.

Usually when old, rich guys
offer me money,

I end up in a harem,
but this just feels different.

I mean, first of all,
he doesn't want either one of us

- to be in our bathing suits, so...
- Hmm.

Travis, I am so proud of you.

Be nowhere without you. I mean...

you've always believed
and supported me in all these things.

It's... you're the best mom
I could ask for.

That is so sweet.

Do you want Laurie to leave
so you can bring that thought home

and tell me I'm the most
important woman in your life?

Please don't make me.

The love between you and Trav
is truly beautiful.

I really feel like he's my soul mate.

I'm just dropping by to let you know

that, uh, my girlfriend, Mary, thinks

I should stop hanging around
outside your window.

Something about missing our anniversary
to watch you drink coffee.

But that was such a fun morning.

Wasn't it?

You know, I never had
a friend like you before.

You've always made me feel included.

I'm so grateful for that.

I, uh, I brought your robe back.

Why do you have my robe?

Must have got mixed in with my mail.

Why do we have to get dressed up
for your damn birthday party?

I'm out.

Dad, the ladies are gonna be all over you.

OK, I'm in,

- but we have to stop for condoms.
- What?

- What?
- What?

FYI, Junebug,

my cousin Pootie is passing through town,

and after the party,
I'm gonna hitch a ride with Poots

to his place down in the keys.

I'm gonna spend a few weeks down there

while my health is still good.

But, Dad, you live here.

Oh, sweetheart.

You're such a great daughter.

You take such good care of me.

Not a day goes by
that I don't wish your mother was here

so she could see
what a wonderful woman you've become.

- Are you freaking out, too?
- Yeah.

I can't believe I married someone

with a family member named Pootie.

That's not why I'm freaking out.

I-I just feel like everyone
is abandoning me.

Ellie, Andy, Tom, and now Dad?

Why are you smiling?

Jules, you know how I love having

all your friends and family
at our house all the time.

- No, you don't.
- I know.

I'm just softening you up
before I make my point.

We do live on an island,

but we have different opinions
on what that island should be.

You see, on Grayson Island,
we walk around all day nude,

just drinking water from coconuts

because it's just us.

There's a dock on Grayson Island
so people can come visit,

but when nighttime comes,

they have to get back
on their boat and go.

Coconut water gives me fruit farts.

That's an important point.

But you see, the problem with Jules Island

is that there is no dock,
so everyone you know

is crammed on the island all the time,

and they can't get off, ever.

That's why Grayson Island
is the best of both worlds.

You can still see
all the people you care about,

and we can also have more time for us.

It'll be great.

I promise.

Well, can I be the queen
of Grayson Island?

Can I order you around
like my naked little bitch?

At your service.

Oh, yeah, oh!

Trendy Nightclub...

...Penny Can! Whoo!

Man, this party's the bee's boobs.

Is this some sort
of virtual hillbilly app?

Her-dee-der-der!

Guys,

so far, this birthday rocks!

I get to spend time with all the people
that I care about most...

and Mary.

I'm ready to open some presents.

Where you hiding them?

The reason no one can ruin
your birthday gift this year is...

- this!
- Ta-da!

You bought me a nightclub?

No, this, us, tonight... is your gift.

So no presents?

- I got weed.
- What?

What?

- What?
- What?

- What?
- Jules,

hear me out, OK?

We start your party drinking here,

where you have the power
to make any one of us dance

with anyone else
in the style of your choosing.

Travis slow dances with me.

- Saw that coming.
- Mm-hmm.

Then it's off to the beach for a bonfire,

where, one by one, we each tell you

our biggest personal problem,

and then we have to listen
while you tell us how to fix it.

Well, that is the best gift for me.
And you!

4:00 a.m., we all go
to a diner for pancakes,

where we all give toasts to you.

Grayson had us type out
our toasts beforehand

in case you need to rewrite them.

Who wants a drink?

- I do!
- Me!

Why aren't Jelly and Tank Head drinking?

You're not pregnant again, are you?

No.

I mean, honestly, maybe.
I don't know. Who knows?

We have been hitting it
pretty hard lately.

So, what's going on?

Just that, that rich, old investor

that wanted to meet with Trav
about the winebulance,

he wants to franchise it.

And he's in South Carolina.

He wants us to relocate there.

Yay!

There's actually, uh, an investor meeting
tomorrow morning,

so we're gonna have to leave tonight.

- Get me Big Chuck, please.
- No.

- Yes.
- OK.

Uh... Chuck is dead.

This party is over.

I want to go home.

They're taking the chair.

I know you're sad,
but do you have to be sad about each item?

They're taking the other chair.

I thought we'd still be at your birthday.

Who moves at night? This is insane.

Sweetie, we're moving,
but I'm never gonna be out of your life.

Before I met you, I was so closed-off,

and you got me to open up
and care about other people.

I will always hate you for that.

But I'll always love you for it.

You're my best friend.

This is too much.

I can't do this right now.

Oh.

Hey, J-Bird.

I told Ando here to make me look
like a human being.

Look, Jules, I just want to say one thing.

Even though we're not together anymore,

you still were the greatest thing
that ever happened to me.

You made me a better man.

Oh, Jules, your house is moving!
Get out of there!

What the hell is happening?

Does everyone have to leave this second?

All packed up. Gonna head out.

Quick goodbye hug?

I'll turn away

so you can be inappropriate with your son.

- You're a nerd.
- Well...

Find a sciency way for me
to live in your blood.

God!

There you go.

All done.

Mom.

OK, you know what?
Let's just walk out like this.

Oh, don't leave me.

We'll call you when we get there.

Stay here with me.

- Laurie is not good enough for you.
- What?

- What?
- What?

Just, please, I want someone
to stay with me.

Laurie, don't go.

Oh.

You know,

you were the first person
who ever believed in me.

You showed me that I was more than just...

a hot piece of townie tail

with legs that won't quit
and an ass that's like ba-pow

and a face that says,
"you know you want to."

You changed my life, Jules.

And I love you so much.

I love you, too, Laurie.

Come on, let's go. OK, bye.

Why is everyone leaving me?

I would never leave you.

I mean, I'm leaving right now.
I'm gonna go to work.

It's my birthday.

I figured this night was so shot to hell,
might as well go make us some money.

This is the worst birthday of my life.

My heart is broken.

And I'm sorry, OK?

I don't want to live on Grayson Island.

I mean, I want you.

I do. I love you. I want you forever.

But you know me.

I have way too much love to give.

You couldn't handle all that love.

- That's stupid.
- Really?

All the love that I give everyone

directed at you 24/7.

Yeah, that would not be good.

Grayson, the most important thing to me
in my life are the people in it.

It's everything to me.

And now they're gone.

Yeah, you know, I actually miss them, too.

You know, I spent my entire life

building these walls around myself,

but then my wife, Jules,

she broke those walls down.

I love Jules so much.

My life didn't really start
until after I met her.

Why are you talking about me
like I'm dead?

Well, isn't that what you wanted
as a birthday present?

To go to your own funeral

and hear all the amazing things
people had to say about you?

But you've always taken the time
to make me feel special.

I don't know, you're just...

You're the best mom I could ever ask for.

You always made me feel included.

Oh, sweetheart,
you're such a great daughter.

You made me a better man.

You changed my life, Jules.

You're my best friend.

I don't understand.

And what's this about worst birthday ever?

I mean, your birthday
doesn't officially start

until 11:48 p.m.,
which it happens to be right now.

Hey, Tom, hit it.

You didn't leave?

There's nothing wrong with Stan's school.

She'd never let me move.

Who's gonna invest

in a broken-down ambulance
that serves wine?

- Hey.
- Oh, come on, babe, you know it's true.

June Bug, we don't have
a cousin named Pootie.

No one does.

So, you just stripped me of everything,

just so you would have the excuse

to tell me how you feel about me?

Happy birthday, Jules.

This is the best present!

Oh! Oh, and one more thing.

Your dad and I lent
Trav and Laurie enough money

to put a down payment on a house.

They move in next week.

Right there.

Yay.

Welcome to the island!

This is the best birthday ever!

You know, all of us here drinking wine,

I'm having the weirdest déjà view.

Oh, it's déjà vu.

- It's French.
- It's stupid.

If you feel
like you've seen something before,

it should be déjà view.

- Here it comes.
- Change approved.

Do you guys ever wonder if this is

what we'll be doing
for the rest of our lives?

I mean, we're all adults,

so the odds are,
not that much is gonna change.

We're gonna probably do this
for the rest of our years,

Just drinking wine

and hanging out, doing nothing.

We are so lucky.

Cheers!