Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,834 --> 00:00:01,667
Just a heads-up:
2
00:00:01,875 --> 00:00:04,542
Starting tomorrow,
my bar will be closed for a week.
3
00:00:04,625 --> 00:00:06,667
Did someone finally get sick
from eating the food?
4
00:00:06,750 --> 00:00:08,625
Or is it smelling the food?
5
00:00:08,875 --> 00:00:11,291
I think the smell is worse than the taste.
6
00:00:11,375 --> 00:00:12,625
My bar is clean, OK?
7
00:00:12,709 --> 00:00:14,000
This is just some routine maintenance.
8
00:00:14,417 --> 00:00:15,667
The place is crawling with bugs.
9
00:00:15,750 --> 00:00:17,000
It's just some termites.
10
00:00:17,083 --> 00:00:19,792
Jules, seriously?
I told you that In confidence.
11
00:00:19,875 --> 00:00:22,083
Are you sure you didn't tell me
with confidence?
12
00:00:22,583 --> 00:00:23,583
"I have termites."
13
00:00:23,667 --> 00:00:25,208
Have I ever said anything to you in secret
14
00:00:25,291 --> 00:00:27,208
that you didn't immediately tell everyone?
15
00:00:28,291 --> 00:00:30,750
Hmm? I think I have my answer. Thanks.
16
00:00:30,834 --> 00:00:32,583
Oh, well, you're welcome, babe.
17
00:00:32,667 --> 00:00:35,166
If Bug Boy's bar is gonna
get circus-tented,
18
00:00:35,250 --> 00:00:36,583
who's gonna pour our drinks?
19
00:00:36,667 --> 00:00:37,542
Hey, guys.
20
00:00:38,125 --> 00:00:39,041
Tom...
21
00:00:40,458 --> 00:00:42,625
Hold and pour.
22
00:00:42,709 --> 00:00:44,000
Mm.
23
00:00:44,083 --> 00:00:45,542
You know it's 9:00 a.m., right?
24
00:00:45,625 --> 00:00:48,125
Already? Oh.
25
00:00:54,041 --> 00:00:58,458
Why does Grayson have a picture
of P!nk on his bathroom mirror?
26
00:00:58,542 --> 00:01:00,125
- 'Cause he's trying to get her abs.
- Mm.
27
00:01:00,959 --> 00:01:02,125
Were you snooping up there?
28
00:01:02,208 --> 00:01:04,750
- That's preposterous.
- You were.
29
00:01:04,834 --> 00:01:07,125
You only talk like the queen
when you're hiding something.
30
00:01:07,208 --> 00:01:09,333
- Beg pardon, milady?
- Mm.
31
00:01:09,542 --> 00:01:10,792
{\an8}Hey, guys.
32
00:01:10,875 --> 00:01:13,959
{\an8}Wow. Jelly, you look ridiculous.
33
00:01:14,041 --> 00:01:16,750
{\an8}Is this a gift for me? I love it.
34
00:01:16,834 --> 00:01:19,000
{\an8}No, it was a gift for me
from my uncle Doug,
35
00:01:19,083 --> 00:01:21,500
{\an8}whose passion for fine women's clothing
36
00:01:21,583 --> 00:01:23,583
{\an8}made him an expert tailor,
and also ruined his marriage.
37
00:01:24,500 --> 00:01:26,166
{\an8}Jules, my giant thing of sprinkles
38
00:01:26,250 --> 00:01:28,083
{\an8}is missing from my shop again.
Did you take it?
39
00:01:28,166 --> 00:01:29,500
I beg your pardon, milady?
40
00:01:30,041 --> 00:01:30,917
Sorry.
41
00:01:31,000 --> 00:01:33,667
Sometimes I like to pour it in my wine
and pretend it's my birthday.
42
00:01:33,959 --> 00:01:35,125
Look at you, Jelly.
43
00:01:35,208 --> 00:01:39,333
Wardrobe-matched baby on one arm,
big tub of sprinkles in the other.
44
00:01:39,417 --> 00:01:41,875
You look white trash enough
to be Kid Rock's mom.
45
00:01:41,959 --> 00:01:46,291
{\an8}I don't even wanna tell you
how many ways that is super disturbing.
46
00:01:46,375 --> 00:01:48,208
So why were you snooping anyway?
47
00:01:48,500 --> 00:01:50,375
Are you eating sprinkles and wine
48
00:01:50,458 --> 00:01:52,291
like some sort of new hobo cereal?
49
00:01:52,375 --> 00:01:54,500
{\an8}- What now?
- What I wanna know
50
00:01:54,583 --> 00:01:58,333
{\an8}is why Grayson has been leaving
at 9:00 a.m. every day this week
51
00:01:58,417 --> 00:02:02,875
{\an8}with no mention of where he's going,
carrying a weird duffel bag,
52
00:02:03,000 --> 00:02:06,667
{\an8}and then returning three hours later
looking strangely happy.
53
00:02:06,750 --> 00:02:08,375
{\an8}How have I not noticed that?
54
00:02:08,458 --> 00:02:10,250
{\an8}Who can know, really?
55
00:02:10,333 --> 00:02:13,458
{\an8}But it's been three hours. Take note.
56
00:02:13,875 --> 00:02:15,834
Hey, guys. Great day, huh?
57
00:02:18,417 --> 00:02:19,500
That Is strange.
58
00:02:22,291 --> 00:02:23,750
{\an8}You ever think there's a termite
that's like,
59
00:02:23,834 --> 00:02:27,166
{\an8}"Guys, why are we eating wood?
Wood sucks.
60
00:02:27,250 --> 00:02:28,500
{\an8}Let's eat food."
61
00:02:28,583 --> 00:02:30,333
Are you working on your stand-up act?
62
00:02:30,542 --> 00:02:31,875
Nah. Just chit-chattin'.
63
00:02:31,959 --> 00:02:34,458
Unless that was gold.
Was that gold? I think that was gold.
64
00:02:34,542 --> 00:02:37,625
{\an8}Fellas! Just got a belated baby present.
65
00:02:38,125 --> 00:02:40,208
{\an8}A few of the old co-workers
from Coffee Bucks chipped in,
66
00:02:40,291 --> 00:02:42,417
{\an8}- got me this gift card.
- Well, that was generous,
67
00:02:42,500 --> 00:02:44,000
{\an8}considering you were lazy, obnoxious,
68
00:02:44,083 --> 00:02:46,000
{\an8}and your coffee drinks
tasted like roast dirt.
69
00:02:46,083 --> 00:02:48,625
{\an8}- Yeah, but they never had bugs.
- Dude, that is low.
70
00:02:50,166 --> 00:02:53,250
{\an8}This is not a gift card. It's a bank card.
71
00:02:53,333 --> 00:02:55,000
{\an8}You can use this anywhere.
72
00:02:55,583 --> 00:02:57,583
{\an8}For $300! Wow!
73
00:02:57,667 --> 00:03:00,417
- Yeah, Laurie's gonna be stoked.
- W-- Trav.
74
00:03:00,917 --> 00:03:03,750
Your old co-workers just
gave you a $300 gift
75
00:03:03,834 --> 00:03:04,667
that Laurie doesn't know about,
76
00:03:04,750 --> 00:03:06,667
has no way of ever hearing about,
77
00:03:06,750 --> 00:03:10,583
{\an8}and you're house gonna hand it over to her
for diapers and butt wipes?
78
00:03:11,291 --> 00:03:13,375
Seems to me that you're the butt wipe.
79
00:03:13,458 --> 00:03:16,667
Once again, it's time for me
to take you by the hand
80
00:03:16,750 --> 00:03:18,959
{\an8}- and guide you to the ways of--
- Don't hold my hand.
81
00:03:19,375 --> 00:03:21,458
{\an8}No one ever wants to hold hands
around here!
82
00:03:23,125 --> 00:03:25,458
{\an8}Hey, is Jules here?
I'm missing a bag of frosting.
83
00:03:25,583 --> 00:03:28,208
{\an8}I'm sure she's enjoying
a big glass of frosting wine.
84
00:03:28,667 --> 00:03:31,000
{\an8}Are you seriously dressed alike again?
85
00:03:31,083 --> 00:03:32,458
{\an8}Well, when we saw
86
00:03:32,542 --> 00:03:34,875
{\an8}how much you enjoyed our outfits
the other day,
87
00:03:34,959 --> 00:03:37,250
{\an8}I went out and bought, like, 50 more.
88
00:03:37,542 --> 00:03:40,166
{\an8}Baby B. And I are gonna be
all match, all the time.
89
00:03:40,375 --> 00:03:42,500
We're even wearing
the same unisex cologne--
90
00:03:42,625 --> 00:03:43,834
{\an8}"Both" by Bruce Jenner.
91
00:03:43,917 --> 00:03:45,875
You can't decorate your child
to match you.
92
00:03:45,959 --> 00:03:48,291
It's a baby, not an accessory.
93
00:03:48,375 --> 00:03:50,000
Or is it both?
94
00:03:50,083 --> 00:03:52,166
You think you're being super clever?
You're being super annoying.
95
00:03:52,250 --> 00:03:53,083
Or--
96
00:03:53,166 --> 00:03:54,667
- Don't!
- Am I?
97
00:03:54,750 --> 00:03:55,667
Stop it.
98
00:03:56,583 --> 00:03:57,417
Both.
99
00:03:57,500 --> 00:03:58,542
I...
100
00:03:59,625 --> 00:04:02,583
Trav, in every happy relationship,
there is one common element--
101
00:04:02,667 --> 00:04:04,959
A woman who gets what she wants
when she wants it
102
00:04:05,041 --> 00:04:06,500
all the time without exception.
103
00:04:06,583 --> 00:04:08,208
Well, that doesn't sound happy to me.
104
00:04:08,291 --> 00:04:10,250
Well, that's because
you're young and stupid,
105
00:04:10,375 --> 00:04:11,208
but I'm here to help.
106
00:04:11,500 --> 00:04:14,750
In every relationship disagreement,
there are two possible outcomes.
107
00:04:15,125 --> 00:04:17,625
The woman wins,
and there's harmony.
108
00:04:17,709 --> 00:04:20,667
The man wins, and there
appears to be harmony,
109
00:04:21,000 --> 00:04:25,000
but in reality, the woman
secretly resents that win.
110
00:04:25,083 --> 00:04:26,750
Then I saw the light:
111
00:04:27,333 --> 00:04:30,125
Everything's better
when the woman always wins.
112
00:04:30,208 --> 00:04:32,458
- So the man never wins?
- Well, he can win,
113
00:04:32,542 --> 00:04:35,542
but he has to do it in the shadows
with silent victories.
114
00:04:36,208 --> 00:04:37,125
Secret treats.
115
00:04:38,166 --> 00:04:41,125
I love marshmallows,
but Ellie won't let me have them.
116
00:04:41,208 --> 00:04:42,041
So what do I do?
117
00:04:42,125 --> 00:04:43,458
Fine. What do you do?
118
00:04:43,542 --> 00:04:47,542
I keep secret marshmallow stashes--
in my house, in my car, all over town.
119
00:04:47,709 --> 00:04:49,959
Always close enough to grab
whenever I want one.
120
00:04:50,041 --> 00:04:51,750
Right now you could just reach out and...
121
00:04:55,166 --> 00:04:57,667
That's harmony.
A woman who always wins
122
00:04:57,750 --> 00:04:59,333
and a man who doesn't mind
because he has...
123
00:04:59,583 --> 00:05:00,625
secret treats.
124
00:05:00,709 --> 00:05:01,959
OK, you don't have to keep whispering it.
125
00:05:02,041 --> 00:05:03,000
I know. I like to.
126
00:05:03,583 --> 00:05:05,333
There must be something you want,
127
00:05:05,417 --> 00:05:06,917
Something she doesn't want you to have.
128
00:05:07,000 --> 00:05:09,875
Go get it. She won't know. Everyone wins.
129
00:05:12,083 --> 00:05:13,208
You did it!
130
00:05:13,291 --> 00:05:16,625
I've wanted this for months,
but Laurie hates video games.
131
00:05:16,709 --> 00:05:18,291
Come on! Let's go to your house and play.
132
00:05:18,375 --> 00:05:21,166
My house? Are you crazy?
Ellie can't see me playing this.
133
00:05:21,250 --> 00:05:22,500
We can't play at my house.
134
00:05:23,542 --> 00:05:25,291
So I just indirectly lied to Laurie
135
00:05:25,333 --> 00:05:27,375
and blew my gift card
on a treat I can't enjoy?
136
00:05:27,709 --> 00:05:28,542
Well, see ya.
137
00:05:33,083 --> 00:05:34,750
- Hey, babe.
- Hi. Where you been?
138
00:05:35,208 --> 00:05:37,709
Oh, just out running some errands,
met the exterminators.
139
00:05:37,917 --> 00:05:39,333
Boring stuff.
140
00:05:40,625 --> 00:05:42,208
Right on time.
141
00:05:42,291 --> 00:05:44,458
Yeah, and he's all happy and smiley.
142
00:05:45,083 --> 00:05:45,917
It's not like him.
143
00:05:46,542 --> 00:05:47,959
It's all a bit strange.
144
00:05:48,542 --> 00:05:49,667
I-I need to prep.
145
00:05:50,250 --> 00:05:52,542
I got totally slammed by
the happy hour rush yesterday.
146
00:05:52,625 --> 00:05:53,875
All right, when he comes back down,
147
00:05:53,959 --> 00:05:55,417
I'm gonna get to the bottom of this.
148
00:05:55,500 --> 00:05:57,625
My husband! Yay!
149
00:05:57,709 --> 00:05:59,500
My wife! Cool!
150
00:05:59,959 --> 00:06:01,458
Hey, I have to run to the bar
for a few things
151
00:06:01,542 --> 00:06:02,375
before they fumigate.
152
00:06:02,583 --> 00:06:03,792
I'll be back in a bit. Love you.
153
00:06:04,125 --> 00:06:04,959
Uh, hey, babe?
154
00:06:05,500 --> 00:06:06,792
You know, when you've been coming home
155
00:06:06,917 --> 00:06:10,000
from your daily errands,
you seem really happy.
156
00:06:10,083 --> 00:06:13,083
Of course I'm happy.
I'm married to you.
157
00:06:13,166 --> 00:06:15,125
Aw.
158
00:06:16,250 --> 00:06:17,834
Dang it! He threw me off the trail.
159
00:06:17,917 --> 00:06:20,083
World's worst detective.
160
00:06:20,166 --> 00:06:22,333
Fortunately, you have me.
161
00:06:22,625 --> 00:06:23,834
Ellie, what are you doing?
162
00:06:24,333 --> 00:06:25,500
W-- no, no, no. We can't.
163
00:06:25,917 --> 00:06:28,000
Yes, I am dying to know
what's in that bag,
164
00:06:28,083 --> 00:06:31,041
but it is more important for me
to trust my husband
165
00:06:31,125 --> 00:06:32,709
and respect his boundaries.
166
00:06:32,792 --> 00:06:34,208
Are you sure about that?
167
00:06:35,500 --> 00:06:36,333
Look down.
168
00:06:37,583 --> 00:06:39,208
Aw, hands.
169
00:06:39,959 --> 00:06:40,917
What are you doing?
170
00:06:42,792 --> 00:06:44,834
Ellie, I'm not gonna
go through Grayson's bag.
171
00:06:45,250 --> 00:06:46,250
Again, hands.
172
00:06:46,750 --> 00:06:48,500
Uh, seriously, they just do
whatever they want.
173
00:06:49,875 --> 00:06:50,750
Gold chain.
174
00:06:51,583 --> 00:06:52,542
Black gloves.
175
00:06:53,166 --> 00:06:55,291
Weird paper in the shape of money.
176
00:06:55,583 --> 00:06:58,375
I thought there'd be
some gay stag film he did in college,
177
00:06:58,458 --> 00:07:00,208
or... a gun.
178
00:07:00,583 --> 00:07:01,417
This is boring.
179
00:07:01,709 --> 00:07:03,709
At least none of these
are weird sex things.
180
00:07:04,000 --> 00:07:05,834
- Uh, two of them can be.
- Which one?
181
00:07:06,125 --> 00:07:06,959
No, I don't wanna know.
182
00:07:08,166 --> 00:07:09,000
The fedora, right?
183
00:07:09,500 --> 00:07:11,083
If you really wanna know
what he's doing...
184
00:07:11,333 --> 00:07:13,291
1100 Ocean Street.
185
00:07:13,750 --> 00:07:14,917
6:00 p.m.
186
00:07:15,375 --> 00:07:17,250
Bingo. Case closed.
187
00:07:17,750 --> 00:07:20,458
Actually, it-- it's not. It's very open.
188
00:07:20,542 --> 00:07:22,834
That's what I meant. Case wide open.
189
00:07:22,917 --> 00:07:25,542
I've gotta go. All this stupid's
giving me a headache.
190
00:07:26,750 --> 00:07:28,625
If that backpack is from your dad's boat,
191
00:07:28,709 --> 00:07:30,417
one of the pockets may be filled
with snake eggs.
192
00:07:30,458 --> 00:07:32,375
We need to talk about... this.
193
00:07:32,458 --> 00:07:36,333
Have you lost your mind?
What if Ellie sees that here?
194
00:07:36,500 --> 00:07:37,959
- Is she here?
- No!
195
00:07:38,041 --> 00:07:40,458
- Then how would she know?
- This is her lair.
196
00:07:40,542 --> 00:07:41,917
If anything's off, she'll sniff it out.
197
00:07:42,333 --> 00:07:44,458
Last week, just as I was
about to click "buy"
198
00:07:44,542 --> 00:07:47,250
on a full 5-season DVD set
of Charles in Charge,
199
00:07:47,333 --> 00:07:49,125
She texted me "Don't."
200
00:07:49,625 --> 00:07:50,875
All right, well, if I can't
play this anywhere,
201
00:07:50,959 --> 00:07:51,834
I might as well return it.
202
00:07:51,917 --> 00:07:53,375
No, you can't give up now.
203
00:07:53,667 --> 00:07:55,250
This is your... [whispers] Secret treat.
204
00:07:57,792 --> 00:07:58,709
We gotta find
a place to play.
205
00:07:58,792 --> 00:08:00,458
- What about Tom's house?
- No.
206
00:08:00,542 --> 00:08:02,959
The last time I walked in his garage,
he was wearing a kimono,
207
00:08:03,041 --> 00:08:05,000
eating sushi off the body
of a female mannequin.
208
00:08:05,083 --> 00:08:07,000
I got it!
I know where we can play!
209
00:08:07,667 --> 00:08:11,083
Oh. So you're heading to
Grayson's mystery address.
210
00:08:11,166 --> 00:08:13,542
What do you think it is?
Fight club? Sex club?
211
00:08:13,625 --> 00:08:14,458
Maybe it's both.
212
00:08:14,583 --> 00:08:16,667
Maybe it's Fight-Sex Club
or a Sex-Fight Club.
213
00:08:17,208 --> 00:08:18,583
- What's the difference?
- One has fight sex
214
00:08:18,667 --> 00:08:20,000
and the other one has sex fights.
215
00:08:20,083 --> 00:08:21,375
Whatever it is, I'm covered.
216
00:08:21,458 --> 00:08:25,625
I got, uh, two bottles of Gatorade,
can of mace, and my best bra.
217
00:08:25,709 --> 00:08:27,375
Oh, it does sound like
you have It covered.
218
00:08:27,458 --> 00:08:28,834
Uh, one nutty pinot.
219
00:08:29,875 --> 00:08:31,458
Oh, tip him a dollar. It's worth it.
220
00:08:34,625 --> 00:08:36,458
♪ Tip tip hooray! Tip tip hooray! ♪
221
00:08:36,542 --> 00:08:38,291
♪ Your generosity just made my day ♪
222
00:08:38,375 --> 00:08:39,500
♪ So drink your wi-- ♪
223
00:08:39,709 --> 00:08:41,000
What up, y'all?
224
00:08:41,542 --> 00:08:44,291
OK, that's officially child abuse.
225
00:08:44,583 --> 00:08:48,458
I mean, skankify yourself if you must,
but please, don't skankify a baby.
226
00:08:48,542 --> 00:08:50,709
Jules, tell her how this looks.
227
00:08:50,792 --> 00:08:52,083
They're so adorable.
228
00:08:52,166 --> 00:08:54,291
I just wanna gobble them both up
right now.
229
00:08:54,375 --> 00:08:57,750
What? Yesterday when you saw it,
you went, "Wow."
230
00:08:57,834 --> 00:08:59,125
"Wow, they are so adorable,
231
00:08:59,208 --> 00:09:01,250
I wanna gobble them up right now."
232
00:09:01,959 --> 00:09:03,291
OK, I gotta go to a Sex-Fight Club.
233
00:09:03,375 --> 00:09:04,792
Oh! Cheetah's?
234
00:09:05,000 --> 00:09:07,375
I thought that burned down
in the thong fire of '07.
235
00:09:07,458 --> 00:09:08,333
Hmm.
236
00:09:08,417 --> 00:09:11,250
I am not good
at choosing the people I hang out with.
237
00:09:11,917 --> 00:09:12,750
What, babe?
238
00:09:13,291 --> 00:09:14,125
Ugh.
239
00:09:14,542 --> 00:09:15,375
Tom!
240
00:09:16,125 --> 00:09:19,208
I need you to hook me up
with some... protection.
241
00:09:20,000 --> 00:09:21,834
Are we talking condoms or guns?
242
00:09:21,917 --> 00:09:22,750
No. I need...
243
00:09:23,458 --> 00:09:24,291
You have guns?
244
00:09:24,375 --> 00:09:26,041
I don't know. You have money?
245
00:09:27,542 --> 00:09:28,375
Hi.
246
00:09:30,291 --> 00:09:31,709
- Hello.
- Oh.
247
00:09:31,875 --> 00:09:34,125
Um, I'm here to, um...
248
00:09:34,750 --> 00:09:37,083
Well... I actually
don't know why I'm here.
249
00:09:37,750 --> 00:09:41,125
You're looking to have some fun,
maybe get out of your comfort zone?
250
00:09:41,458 --> 00:09:44,041
Um... O-OK. Sure.
251
00:09:44,417 --> 00:09:46,125
First time? Mm.
252
00:09:46,458 --> 00:09:47,750
The first time is the best.
253
00:09:49,208 --> 00:09:50,083
Oh, God.
254
00:10:16,250 --> 00:10:17,166
Stick with me, kid.
255
00:10:17,458 --> 00:10:18,709
I'll take you places.
256
00:10:19,792 --> 00:10:21,041
Well, hello, Jelly.
257
00:10:21,750 --> 00:10:23,291
No way.
258
00:10:23,375 --> 00:10:26,500
Yeah, I'm just out for a walk
with my child,
259
00:10:26,583 --> 00:10:30,333
who's dressed exactly like me,
to show you how dumb it looks.
260
00:10:30,417 --> 00:10:32,417
This is how dumb you look.
261
00:10:33,041 --> 00:10:34,083
What do ya think?
262
00:10:34,166 --> 00:10:35,959
- I love it.
- What?
263
00:10:36,041 --> 00:10:38,250
No, you don't. You can't. It's ridiculous.
264
00:10:38,333 --> 00:10:40,166
More like ridonkulous.
265
00:10:40,250 --> 00:10:42,125
Jelly, there are many things
that I hate--
266
00:10:42,792 --> 00:10:47,792
vegans, craft fairs,
vaping, home births--
267
00:10:47,875 --> 00:10:49,291
People who say "hashtag."
268
00:10:49,375 --> 00:10:51,917
I hate that. Girls named Keegan...
269
00:10:52,000 --> 00:10:54,333
I had a foster sister
named Keegan who was vegan...
270
00:10:54,417 --> 00:10:55,625
until she got rabies,
271
00:10:55,709 --> 00:10:59,250
and then she craved
the taste of fresh, raw cow.
272
00:10:59,542 --> 00:11:01,041
Your stories.
273
00:11:01,542 --> 00:11:02,542
But what I hate most of all
274
00:11:02,625 --> 00:11:05,834
are parents who dress
their children exactly like them.
275
00:11:05,917 --> 00:11:07,125
It's like nails on a chalkboard,
276
00:11:07,208 --> 00:11:09,083
but then the chalkboard is
beating me over the head.
277
00:11:09,166 --> 00:11:10,834
Please, please stop it.
278
00:11:10,917 --> 00:11:12,333
I'm asking you nicely!
279
00:11:12,417 --> 00:11:14,750
I had no idea that you felt this way.
280
00:11:14,834 --> 00:11:16,375
Of course I could stop it...
281
00:11:16,792 --> 00:11:19,583
If it wasn't so adorable.
282
00:11:19,667 --> 00:11:23,667
I mean, look at us!
Twinsies! Twins times two!
283
00:11:23,750 --> 00:11:24,959
Double trouble doubled.
284
00:11:25,041 --> 00:11:26,792
Ooh, I see you. Get out that camera phone.
285
00:11:26,875 --> 00:11:28,291
Come on, click some pics!
286
00:11:28,375 --> 00:11:30,917
Hey! #Samesies!
287
00:11:31,959 --> 00:11:33,750
There's
some strange people here,
288
00:11:35,125 --> 00:11:37,041
But no one who looks like
they're into sex fighting.
289
00:11:39,041 --> 00:11:40,000
OK, one guy.
290
00:11:43,750 --> 00:11:45,333
Grayson, what are you into?
291
00:11:45,875 --> 00:11:47,125
Ladies and gentlemen...
292
00:11:47,208 --> 00:11:48,625
Please don't sacrifice an animal.
293
00:11:48,709 --> 00:11:49,542
We know why you're here.
294
00:11:49,625 --> 00:11:52,166
We have what you want.
So brace yourselves...
295
00:11:52,375 --> 00:11:55,542
for the sauciest comedy troupe
this side of Nokomis--
296
00:11:55,709 --> 00:11:57,667
The Riga-Tonys!
297
00:11:57,750 --> 00:12:00,375
Hiya!
298
00:12:00,458 --> 00:12:02,041
Oh! There you are!
299
00:12:02,125 --> 00:12:04,834
Hey! Two, three, four!
300
00:12:05,083 --> 00:12:07,583
- ♪ We're the Riga-Tonys ♪
- ♪ And it's no baloney ♪
301
00:12:07,667 --> 00:12:09,583
♪ We like jokes and pratfalls ♪
302
00:12:09,709 --> 00:12:14,959
♪ 'Cause we're a bunch of meatballs ♪
303
00:12:18,125 --> 00:12:18,959
Seriously?
304
00:12:19,667 --> 00:12:20,500
Ugh.
305
00:12:24,667 --> 00:12:27,166
Hey, how was the, uh,
Sex-Fight/Fight-Sex Club?
306
00:12:27,250 --> 00:12:29,125
It was even weirder than I thought.
307
00:12:29,375 --> 00:12:31,667
Was it anything like
Eyes Wide Shut meets Mortal Kombat?
308
00:12:31,750 --> 00:12:32,583
That's how I picture it.
309
00:12:33,166 --> 00:12:34,000
Hyah!
310
00:12:34,291 --> 00:12:36,417
Oh...
311
00:12:37,208 --> 00:12:38,041
Mm.
312
00:12:50,875 --> 00:12:51,709
Interesting night.
313
00:12:51,792 --> 00:12:54,500
Yep, yep. Yep, yep, yep.
It was.
314
00:12:55,625 --> 00:12:57,041
Valet parking's really expensive.
315
00:12:57,125 --> 00:12:58,417
Yeah, that's why I prefer to self-park.
316
00:12:58,917 --> 00:13:00,500
I can't believe you've been lying to me.
317
00:13:00,875 --> 00:13:02,792
Me? I can't believe you.
318
00:13:03,125 --> 00:13:04,500
Trailing me all over town,
319
00:13:04,583 --> 00:13:07,125
- spying on me.
- I have not been trailing you.
320
00:13:07,375 --> 00:13:08,709
I've been going through
your private things
321
00:13:08,792 --> 00:13:09,625
when you're not here.
322
00:13:10,417 --> 00:13:11,250
That may be worse.
323
00:13:11,333 --> 00:13:12,667
What is wrong with you?
324
00:13:12,875 --> 00:13:14,291
What is wrong with you?
325
00:13:14,375 --> 00:13:15,834
I tell you everything--
326
00:13:15,917 --> 00:13:19,083
My ATM code,
why I'm scared of mannequins.
327
00:13:19,166 --> 00:13:21,333
I even tell you about my dream
that I'm marrying Travis.
328
00:13:21,417 --> 00:13:23,667
I know. I keep asking you to stop.
329
00:13:23,750 --> 00:13:26,125
Well, someone has to know
how beautiful the ceremony was.
330
00:13:26,875 --> 00:13:29,792
Uh, slow night tonight.
331
00:13:29,875 --> 00:13:33,166
You can apologize
anytime, OK? I'm waiting.
332
00:13:34,083 --> 00:13:35,333
Oh. Well...
333
00:13:35,417 --> 00:13:37,417
You may be waiting a while, OK?
334
00:13:38,583 --> 00:13:40,333
If you think I'm more
in the wrong here than you are,
335
00:13:40,417 --> 00:13:41,709
I have nothing else to say.
336
00:13:41,792 --> 00:13:43,625
Well, if you think that I'm not more...
337
00:13:44,375 --> 00:13:45,959
in the wrong waiting... here...
338
00:13:46,917 --> 00:13:47,750
Bad!
339
00:13:48,000 --> 00:13:49,125
Great. I'm done.
340
00:13:49,500 --> 00:13:50,542
Done! I'm great!
341
00:13:54,083 --> 00:13:54,917
Tom.
342
00:14:02,166 --> 00:14:03,000
Oh. There you go.
343
00:14:03,083 --> 00:14:05,542
You'd think as a surgeon
I'd be better at this.
344
00:14:09,333 --> 00:14:11,709
- What is happening?
- Hey.
345
00:14:12,000 --> 00:14:12,834
You like it?
346
00:14:13,542 --> 00:14:17,667
Is this one of those
"what would you do?" news shows?
347
00:14:17,750 --> 00:14:19,959
'Cause if so, the answer's mass murder.
348
00:14:20,041 --> 00:14:21,959
I tweeted out to all my larmy peeps
349
00:14:22,041 --> 00:14:25,458
to declare today
Parent-Kid Dress-Alike Day in Gulfhaven.
350
00:14:25,709 --> 00:14:28,041
#parent-kid-samesies-day, obvi.
351
00:14:28,125 --> 00:14:29,250
It's horrible!
352
00:14:29,333 --> 00:14:33,041
It's like a bunch of twins,
except one twin got all the placenta,
353
00:14:33,125 --> 00:14:35,458
and the other twin didn't
and stayed really tiny.
354
00:14:35,542 --> 00:14:36,875
That happened to two of my cousins.
355
00:14:37,417 --> 00:14:38,500
The tiny one does porn now.
356
00:14:38,917 --> 00:14:39,959
Of course she does.
357
00:14:45,834 --> 00:14:47,000
We were cooking today.
358
00:14:54,583 --> 00:14:55,500
Oh, hey, babe.
359
00:14:56,417 --> 00:14:57,750
- How was your day?
- Completely normal.
360
00:14:58,083 --> 00:14:59,041
Left this morning,
361
00:14:59,125 --> 00:15:01,542
Made three work deliveries,
gassed up, hit the car wash,
362
00:15:01,875 --> 00:15:03,959
stopped for a sandwich--
roast beef on toasted wheat--
363
00:15:04,041 --> 00:15:05,125
Made six more deliveries,
364
00:15:05,208 --> 00:15:07,000
an impromptu stop
for a fun-size candy bar,
365
00:15:07,083 --> 00:15:08,041
then I came home. You?
366
00:15:08,125 --> 00:15:09,250
It was good.
367
00:15:09,625 --> 00:15:12,333
I mean, not as detailed as that, but good.
368
00:15:12,417 --> 00:15:14,417
Oh, I'm starving.
369
00:15:14,500 --> 00:15:15,583
You wanna grab some food?
370
00:15:15,917 --> 00:15:19,917
Oh, no. I'm still full from
the roast beef on toasted wheat
371
00:15:20,000 --> 00:15:21,625
and the impromptu fun-size candy bar.
372
00:15:21,709 --> 00:15:22,875
But... thanks.
373
00:15:23,333 --> 00:15:24,709
Is that your phone?
374
00:15:25,166 --> 00:15:26,000
Nah.
375
00:15:26,417 --> 00:15:28,041
It seems like it's coming from over there.
376
00:15:28,125 --> 00:15:31,417
From... inside the vent?
377
00:15:31,500 --> 00:15:33,500
Laurie
378
00:15:33,583 --> 00:15:34,875
that's...
379
00:15:34,959 --> 00:15:36,458
That's crazy. I mean...
380
00:15:39,542 --> 00:15:41,166
You know what?
I guess I could eat again. Pizza?
381
00:15:45,750 --> 00:15:47,500
- You're in my way.
- And you're in mine.
382
00:15:47,583 --> 00:15:49,000
- So move.
- You move.
383
00:15:49,083 --> 00:15:51,083
I'll move when you apologize for lying.
384
00:15:51,166 --> 00:15:54,375
I'll apologize when you apologize
for invading my privacy.
385
00:15:55,709 --> 00:15:56,834
I'm not apologizing first.
386
00:15:57,375 --> 00:15:58,625
Well, then I guess we'll just stand here.
387
00:15:59,083 --> 00:16:01,542
Great. I can do this all day.
388
00:16:01,625 --> 00:16:03,709
I hope we do.
389
00:16:03,792 --> 00:16:05,917
There is a lot of anger between us.
390
00:16:06,417 --> 00:16:07,291
I feel it too.
391
00:16:07,875 --> 00:16:09,834
And it is turning me on big-time.
392
00:16:09,917 --> 00:16:11,291
- Ditto that.
- Oh!
393
00:16:14,333 --> 00:16:16,667
OK, wait. Is this undermining
the fact that I'm mad at you?
394
00:16:16,750 --> 00:16:18,333
- Tremendously.
- Ugh.
395
00:16:21,250 --> 00:16:24,000
Babe, I am so sorry
for not being honest with you.
396
00:16:24,083 --> 00:16:26,083
Well, I'm sorry for not trusting you.
397
00:16:26,166 --> 00:16:27,625
Look, Jules,
398
00:16:27,709 --> 00:16:29,166
I'm in a comedy troupe.
399
00:16:30,166 --> 00:16:32,583
There it is-- my humiliating secret.
400
00:16:32,959 --> 00:16:34,125
Well, that's not that bad.
401
00:16:34,417 --> 00:16:38,000
I thought you were in a Sex-Fight Club
or a Fight-Sex Club.
402
00:16:38,083 --> 00:16:39,333
What's the difference?
403
00:16:39,417 --> 00:16:40,959
I don't know. I thought you could explain.
404
00:16:41,041 --> 00:16:42,041
I have no idea.
405
00:16:42,125 --> 00:16:44,625
Look, Jules, I'm a guy who loves acting.
406
00:16:44,709 --> 00:16:47,500
I mean, I know the Riga-Tony's
are corny and dumb,
407
00:16:47,792 --> 00:16:49,291
but... it's fun.
408
00:16:50,291 --> 00:16:52,125
We make people happy.
It makes me happy.
409
00:16:52,667 --> 00:16:54,208
Well, why didn't you just tell me?
410
00:16:54,291 --> 00:16:56,834
Well, because I can't enjoy it
if I'm being mocked and teased
411
00:16:56,917 --> 00:16:58,417
by our entire group.
412
00:16:59,166 --> 00:17:01,333
I wanted to trust you
with my secret, Jules.
413
00:17:01,792 --> 00:17:02,917
I just wasn't sure I could.
414
00:17:08,625 --> 00:17:10,000
I'm sorry. It's...
415
00:17:10,500 --> 00:17:13,625
Andy convinced me women always win,
and the only way to stay happy is...
416
00:17:13,709 --> 00:17:15,041
Secret treats.
417
00:17:15,125 --> 00:17:16,375
Why do you whisper it?
418
00:17:16,458 --> 00:17:17,417
I still don't know.
419
00:17:18,583 --> 00:17:20,417
Are you completely furious with me?
420
00:17:20,500 --> 00:17:24,000
No, I'm not furious.
I mean, I'm a little annoyed,
421
00:17:24,083 --> 00:17:26,083
but not because you bought
a Playstation,
422
00:17:26,166 --> 00:17:27,875
because you felt like
you had to hide it from me.
423
00:17:27,959 --> 00:17:30,375
You think video games
are stupid. I just figured--
424
00:17:30,458 --> 00:17:33,583
Babe, I think most everything
that you love is stupid.
425
00:17:34,000 --> 00:17:35,792
But if it makes you happy,
I'm cool with it.
426
00:17:36,417 --> 00:17:39,333
I did not judge
this situation well at all.
427
00:17:39,417 --> 00:17:42,750
Well, you were taking advice
from a guy who eats stale marshmallows
428
00:17:42,834 --> 00:17:45,792
that he's stashed all over town
because he's so terrified of his wife.
429
00:17:45,875 --> 00:17:46,792
You know about that?
430
00:17:46,875 --> 00:17:49,291
Everybody knows about that.
Ellie thinks it's hilarious.
431
00:17:49,792 --> 00:17:51,834
Is there anything I can do
to make it up to you?
432
00:17:51,917 --> 00:17:54,000
There is one thing.
433
00:17:54,375 --> 00:17:55,792
It might be a little...
dangerous.
434
00:17:55,875 --> 00:17:57,458
Whoo!
435
00:17:57,709 --> 00:17:59,917
Missile
to the head! Suck on that!
436
00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:02,875
Careful!
Trash talk fogs up the mask.
437
00:18:02,959 --> 00:18:04,500
You be careful, or I'm gonna...
438
00:18:05,417 --> 00:18:07,750
Oh, wait. I'm in a swamp.
What's happening?
439
00:18:08,500 --> 00:18:09,458
Laurie found out?
440
00:18:10,083 --> 00:18:12,208
Did she yell until it set off a car alarm?
441
00:18:12,291 --> 00:18:15,542
Give you a look so cold you
started having war flashbacks,
442
00:18:15,875 --> 00:18:17,667
despite never having been near a war?
443
00:18:17,750 --> 00:18:19,125
Is that stuff Ellie's done?
444
00:18:19,875 --> 00:18:20,875
I don't wanna talk about it!
445
00:18:21,959 --> 00:18:23,083
So what did Laurie do?
446
00:18:23,542 --> 00:18:24,375
Asked to play.
447
00:18:24,917 --> 00:18:25,750
It was great.
448
00:18:28,834 --> 00:18:29,667
Are you OK?
449
00:18:30,291 --> 00:18:32,458
Of course. I have my...
450
00:18:35,333 --> 00:18:36,625
Secret treats.
451
00:18:38,083 --> 00:18:39,583
I guess I could move.
452
00:18:39,667 --> 00:18:41,625
I don't really have any ties to this town.
453
00:18:42,000 --> 00:18:45,959
Hey, would you babysit Baby Bobby tonight
so Travis and I can go out?
454
00:18:46,041 --> 00:18:47,291
What do you think?
455
00:18:47,375 --> 00:18:50,166
I think that you shouldn't have
told me your kryptonite,
456
00:18:50,542 --> 00:18:53,625
because I can make this
happen anytime, here...
457
00:18:53,709 --> 00:18:54,709
Or here.
458
00:18:55,208 --> 00:18:56,041
Hey, guys.
459
00:18:57,000 --> 00:18:59,125
- Ah! Trav, twinsies!
- Hey!
460
00:18:59,208 --> 00:19:00,959
Just like we did when you were a teenager.
461
00:19:01,375 --> 00:19:03,041
Are you referring to how
you would buy all my clothes
462
00:19:03,125 --> 00:19:05,166
from the women's department,
get yourself a matching set,
463
00:19:05,250 --> 00:19:06,667
then wait to see
what I would wear every day
464
00:19:06,750 --> 00:19:07,792
so you could wear the same thing?
465
00:19:07,875 --> 00:19:09,125
Twinsies!
466
00:19:10,166 --> 00:19:12,417
Drop the baby off before you go out.
467
00:19:12,500 --> 00:19:14,125
Done! And you know what?
468
00:19:14,208 --> 00:19:15,583
I'm gonna stop twinsing with Baby B.
469
00:19:16,125 --> 00:19:18,500
I'm kinda over it.
I'm into exotic pets now.
470
00:19:19,458 --> 00:19:21,625
It's a baby fox.
471
00:19:21,709 --> 00:19:24,667
- Aw! Can I pet it?
- No, I wouldn't. It's a wild animal.
472
00:19:24,750 --> 00:19:26,375
All right. That's OK. I gotta go anyway.
473
00:19:26,458 --> 00:19:28,375
- Where to?
- Ah, just some boring errands.
474
00:19:28,458 --> 00:19:30,000
Gotta pick up the dry cleaning,
475
00:19:30,083 --> 00:19:33,041
get some plant food,
um... tax document, so...
476
00:19:33,125 --> 00:19:34,792
That's odd, you know,
477
00:19:35,166 --> 00:19:37,417
considering you picked up
your dry cleaning yesterday
478
00:19:37,500 --> 00:19:39,500
and your houseplants are fake.
479
00:19:39,583 --> 00:19:41,166
And that tax document--
480
00:19:41,250 --> 00:19:43,917
What's it for, your LLC or personal?
481
00:19:44,000 --> 00:19:47,083
It's, uh, LLC-3PO, so see you guys.
482
00:19:50,291 --> 00:19:52,041
Oh, whatsamatta with me?
483
00:19:52,583 --> 00:19:54,166
Whatsamatta with you?
484
00:19:54,250 --> 00:19:56,667
Hey! Nothingsamatta with me.
485
00:19:56,750 --> 00:19:58,917
I wanna know whatsamatta with them!
486
00:19:59,041 --> 00:19:59,875
- Hey!
- Hey!
487
00:19:59,959 --> 00:20:02,792
Don't point! Whatsamatta with you?
488
00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:05,542
Whoa! Well, whatsamatta with them?
489
00:20:05,709 --> 00:20:06,834
Ohh!
490
00:20:08,417 --> 00:20:11,625
Whatsamatta with you?
491
00:20:15,000 --> 00:20:18,000
I don't understand any of this,
but I love it.
492
00:20:18,083 --> 00:20:19,375
♪ My house in Budapest ♪
493
00:20:19,458 --> 00:20:21,750
♪ My beautiful castillo ♪
494
00:20:21,834 --> 00:20:23,875
♪ Ooh, ooh ♪
495
00:20:24,417 --> 00:20:25,583
♪ I'd leave it all ♪
496
00:20:27,750 --> 00:20:31,125
So I got a great story about my friend.
497
00:20:31,417 --> 00:20:33,083
{\an8}Oh, yeah? What's his name?
498
00:20:33,291 --> 00:20:35,208
{\an8}Fuhgeddaboutit!
499
00:20:35,375 --> 00:20:36,750
{\an8}All right. Then we'll go then.
500
00:20:36,834 --> 00:20:37,709
{\an8}Where's you goin'?
501
00:20:37,792 --> 00:20:40,083
{\an8}Are you gonna tell a story or not?
502
00:20:40,166 --> 00:20:42,458
{\an8}I'm trying to!
503
00:20:42,667 --> 00:20:45,417
{\an8}So my friend Fuhgeddaboutit...
504
00:20:46,500 --> 00:20:49,917
{\an8}He's datin' this girl...
Get the hell outta here.
505
00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:55,625
{\an8}Ohh! I'm trying to tell a story here!
37458
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof