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1
00:00:00,750 --> 00:00:02,125
OK, what do you think
I should get Travis
2
00:00:02,208 --> 00:00:03,458
for his graduation gift?
3
00:00:03,667 --> 00:00:05,959
The robot vacuum,
uh, electric bike,
4
00:00:06,041 --> 00:00:07,625
or a one-person hovercraft?
5
00:00:07,709 --> 00:00:09,834
Definitely not a robot vacuum.
6
00:00:10,166 --> 00:00:11,625
Those things really
creep me out.
7
00:00:12,000 --> 00:00:13,583
I need my vacuums
to have soul.
8
00:00:13,750 --> 00:00:15,417
He doesn't graduate
for four months.
9
00:00:15,542 --> 00:00:17,667
I thought you agreed to cut back
on your early shopping?
10
00:00:17,750 --> 00:00:18,917
OK, fine.
11
00:00:19,000 --> 00:00:20,333
Then I'll just
make some returns,
12
00:00:20,417 --> 00:00:21,458
and you'll never know
what you were getting
13
00:00:21,542 --> 00:00:23,000
for Christmas 2015.
14
00:00:24,333 --> 00:00:25,375
A spray tan package!
15
00:00:25,583 --> 00:00:27,583
Oh, hey, why don't you
get him this massage chair?
16
00:00:27,917 --> 00:00:29,834
"Perfect for those times
you wanna be touched,
17
00:00:30,333 --> 00:00:31,625
but you're all alone."
18
00:00:31,750 --> 00:00:34,125
You can have them deliver it
right to his room upstairs,
19
00:00:34,208 --> 00:00:36,083
where he'll be
for the next ten years.
20
00:00:36,166 --> 00:00:38,166
Why would Travis be
living here after graduation?
21
00:00:38,750 --> 00:00:40,917
'Cause he's graduating
from art school.
22
00:00:41,000 --> 00:00:42,166
Oh, come on, Ellie.
23
00:00:42,250 --> 00:00:44,750
Now we all know that Trav
is ambitious, independent,
24
00:00:44,834 --> 00:00:46,625
and has a fantastic work ethic.
25
00:00:50,500 --> 00:00:53,166
Why are we laughing?
26
00:01:01,709 --> 00:01:03,750
{\an8}Hey, I was just
talking about you.
27
00:01:04,166 --> 00:01:05,750
{\an8}So graduation's
in a couple months, huh?
28
00:01:05,834 --> 00:01:07,792
{\an8}Yeah. Guess that's right.
29
00:01:07,875 --> 00:01:10,417
{\an8}In the eight or nine years
it'll take you
30
00:01:10,500 --> 00:01:13,125
{\an8}to find a way to make money
with an art degree,
31
00:01:13,750 --> 00:01:14,875
{\an8}what do you see yourself doing?
32
00:01:14,959 --> 00:01:16,375
{\an8}Lotta irons in the fire.
33
00:01:16,458 --> 00:01:18,792
{\an8}Can't wait to, uh, dive in,
34
00:01:18,875 --> 00:01:20,291
{\an8}get my hands dirty,
really hit the ground running.
35
00:01:21,166 --> 00:01:22,208
I gotta go to class. Later.
36
00:01:23,125 --> 00:01:24,166
{\an8}Bye, babe.
37
00:01:24,333 --> 00:01:26,583
{\an8}Well, it sounds like Travis
has got a lot going on.
38
00:01:26,667 --> 00:01:27,917
{\an8}Those are just
empty buzzwords.
39
00:01:28,000 --> 00:01:29,041
{\an8}I do that at work
40
00:01:29,125 --> 00:01:30,333
{\an8}when I can't think
of anything to say.
41
00:01:30,417 --> 00:01:31,792
{\an8}"You need to prioritize,"
42
00:01:31,917 --> 00:01:34,041
{\an8}"refocus your capital,"
"really attack the market."
43
00:01:34,125 --> 00:01:35,333
{\an8}Should I be attacking
the market?
44
00:01:35,417 --> 00:01:36,500
{\an8}Yeah, go ahead.
45
00:01:36,917 --> 00:01:39,500
{\an8}I don't mind dating a guy
who plays with action figures,
46
00:01:39,583 --> 00:01:41,667
{\an8}I just don't think
I should have to pay for them.
47
00:01:41,750 --> 00:01:44,875
{\an8}- Dude needs a j-o-b.
- I should go.
48
00:01:44,959 --> 00:01:47,583
{\an8}We are trying to get Stan
into Gulfhaven Academy.
49
00:01:47,667 --> 00:01:50,792
{\an8}The woman from admissions
is coming by the house.
50
00:01:50,959 --> 00:01:54,250
{\an8}That place is crazy competitive.
They barely accept anyone.
51
00:01:54,625 --> 00:01:56,667
{\an8}- Like me, but a school.
- Why didn't you tell me?
52
00:01:56,750 --> 00:01:58,709
{\an8}You know I need at least
an hour to tie a Windsor knot.
53
00:01:58,792 --> 00:01:59,792
{\an8}You're not invited.
54
00:01:59,875 --> 00:02:02,208
{\an8}You know you get all weepy
talking about Stan's future,
55
00:02:02,291 --> 00:02:03,709
{\an8}and then you make
a huge ass of yourself.
56
00:02:03,792 --> 00:02:05,917
{\an8}I'm cool with Stan
getting older...
57
00:02:06,667 --> 00:02:07,792
{\an8}going to school...
58
00:02:08,750 --> 00:02:09,834
{\an8}becoming a man.
59
00:02:10,417 --> 00:02:12,625
{\an8}All right,
that's all yours, Jules. Enjoy.
60
00:02:12,709 --> 00:02:13,792
{\an8}Just let it out.
61
00:02:14,208 --> 00:02:16,375
{\an8}It's like yesterday
he was a baby!
62
00:02:17,709 --> 00:02:19,959
{\an8}- Laurie, where's Jules?
- Whoa, are you OK?
63
00:02:20,041 --> 00:02:21,417
{\an8}You didn't even
call me a name.
64
00:02:21,500 --> 00:02:23,500
{\an8}There's no time,
trample-Stiltskin.
65
00:02:23,917 --> 00:02:25,875
{\an8}OK, there's a little time.
Where is she?
66
00:02:25,959 --> 00:02:27,125
{\an8}She's showing a house.
67
00:02:27,208 --> 00:02:28,458
{\an8}Aren't you supposed
to be at your interview?
68
00:02:28,542 --> 00:02:29,583
{\an8}My nanny is sick.
69
00:02:29,792 --> 00:02:31,250
{\an8}If I don't have someone
watching Stan,
70
00:02:31,417 --> 00:02:32,834
{\an8}he might put
Thousand Island dressing
71
00:02:32,917 --> 00:02:34,000
{\an8}in my shampoo bottle again.
72
00:02:34,083 --> 00:02:35,250
{\an8}Honey, I'll watch him.
73
00:02:35,375 --> 00:02:37,458
{\an8}I used to take care
of my 15 foster sibs.
74
00:02:37,542 --> 00:02:39,291
{\an8}Well, Stan
is a major handful.
75
00:02:39,750 --> 00:02:40,834
{\an8}Bitch, please.
76
00:02:40,917 --> 00:02:42,542
{\an8}One of my brothers
thought he was a pit bull.
77
00:02:42,625 --> 00:02:44,250
{\an8}I used to fill a dog toy
with peanut butter
78
00:02:44,333 --> 00:02:46,583
{\an8}to keep him from biting.
I think I got this.
79
00:02:46,750 --> 00:02:49,583
{\an8}OK, but only
because I'm totally screwed.
80
00:02:50,375 --> 00:02:51,625
{\an8}Come on, Hooba-skank!
81
00:02:51,709 --> 00:02:53,250
{\an8}Hey! I'm doing you a favor.
82
00:02:53,333 --> 00:02:56,041
{\an8}I'm sorry, it's reflex.
Thank you so much for helping.
83
00:02:56,500 --> 00:02:57,542
Slut-bag.
84
00:02:59,834 --> 00:03:01,041
{\an8}Bobby, we need to talk.
85
00:03:01,125 --> 00:03:03,500
{\an8}Uh-oh.
I know that voice.
86
00:03:04,375 --> 00:03:05,709
{\an8}Either something's going on
with Travis,
87
00:03:05,792 --> 00:03:07,250
{\an8}or your aunt Gracie
died again.
88
00:03:07,792 --> 00:03:10,000
{\an8}I asked Travis what he wants
to do after graduation,
89
00:03:10,208 --> 00:03:12,959
{\an8}he said he has a lot
of irons in the fire.
90
00:03:14,166 --> 00:03:16,375
{\an8}Sounds like our boy
means business.
91
00:03:16,458 --> 00:03:17,625
{\an8}No, he doesn't.
92
00:03:17,709 --> 00:03:19,250
{\an8}I know he wants to be
a photographer,
93
00:03:19,333 --> 00:03:20,917
{\an8}but that could take
a really long time.
94
00:03:21,291 --> 00:03:22,792
{\an8}What's he gonna do
for money until then?
95
00:03:23,417 --> 00:03:24,750
{\an8}Pretty soon,
Trav will be on his own...
96
00:03:25,417 --> 00:03:26,458
{\an8}out in the world.
97
00:03:26,542 --> 00:03:27,667
{\an8}OK, you're gonna
have to go, dude.
98
00:03:27,750 --> 00:03:29,041
{\an8}You're kicking me out, too?
99
00:03:29,625 --> 00:03:30,709
{\an8}Damn it.
100
00:03:33,000 --> 00:03:34,917
{\an8}I don't want Travis
to be one of those kids
101
00:03:35,000 --> 00:03:36,500
{\an8}that finishes school,
and just sits around
102
00:03:36,583 --> 00:03:38,458
{\an8}doing nothing,
waiting for his dream job.
103
00:03:38,917 --> 00:03:39,792
{\an8}What are we gonna do?
104
00:03:39,875 --> 00:03:42,041
{\an8}You hold him so close
he never grows up.
105
00:03:42,125 --> 00:03:43,500
{\an8}- Dude.
- I'll stop.
106
00:03:44,000 --> 00:03:45,834
We have to sit Travis down,
and we have to make sure
107
00:03:45,917 --> 00:03:46,917
that he has a plan.
108
00:03:47,458 --> 00:03:48,542
I'm in.
109
00:03:48,667 --> 00:03:49,917
Hello?
110
00:03:50,458 --> 00:03:53,041
Hmm? Oh, you meant now.
Oh, come on. Yep, got it.
111
00:03:56,875 --> 00:03:58,583
Looks like you're dealing
with something,
112
00:03:58,750 --> 00:04:00,750
so I'm just gonna
leave you with that and...
113
00:04:01,208 --> 00:04:02,417
Ellie kicked me
out of the house,
114
00:04:02,500 --> 00:04:04,291
and I don't know what
to do with myself.
115
00:04:04,375 --> 00:04:05,917
Are you kidding?
116
00:04:06,333 --> 00:04:07,375
In my first marriage,
117
00:04:07,500 --> 00:04:09,750
my friends and I would rage
when our wives were busy.
118
00:04:10,500 --> 00:04:11,500
Me and a buddy once
119
00:04:11,583 --> 00:04:12,834
broke into
Gloria Estefan's house
120
00:04:12,917 --> 00:04:14,125
and took a picture
with her grammy.
121
00:04:14,834 --> 00:04:16,875
Not the award, her grandmother
was house-sitting.
122
00:04:16,959 --> 00:04:18,041
I don't know.
123
00:04:18,458 --> 00:04:19,834
I might just put on
my cozy pants
124
00:04:19,917 --> 00:04:21,208
and get an oil change.
125
00:04:21,291 --> 00:04:23,709
Tell you what,
Jules is with Travis,
126
00:04:23,917 --> 00:04:25,083
so I'm gonna help you out.
127
00:04:25,166 --> 00:04:26,458
We're gonna do
anything you want.
128
00:04:26,625 --> 00:04:29,542
Something crazy,
you name it. Bro Day!
129
00:04:30,000 --> 00:04:31,125
Do we have to call it
"Bro Day"?
130
00:04:31,291 --> 00:04:32,834
Well, I used to call it
"dudes on the down low,"
131
00:04:32,917 --> 00:04:34,166
but turns out,
that means something else.
132
00:04:36,750 --> 00:04:38,834
Stan's test scores are great.
133
00:04:39,291 --> 00:04:41,625
But we're looking for kids
from families
134
00:04:41,709 --> 00:04:43,375
that are a little more...
diverse.
135
00:04:43,458 --> 00:04:44,750
Well, Stan's half-Cuban.
136
00:04:44,834 --> 00:04:46,625
This is Florida, Mrs. Torres.
137
00:04:46,875 --> 00:04:49,166
I dare you to throw a rock
and not hit a Cuban.
138
00:04:49,250 --> 00:04:50,333
Figuratively.
139
00:04:50,542 --> 00:04:51,583
Sorry, sorry to interrupt.
140
00:04:51,667 --> 00:04:53,125
I just need to grab
Stan's books.
141
00:04:54,417 --> 00:04:57,083
Unfortunately,
we only have a few spots left
142
00:04:57,166 --> 00:04:59,917
and we hope to fill those
with a child from say,
143
00:05:00,166 --> 00:05:03,083
a low-income bracket
or single-parent home,
144
00:05:03,166 --> 00:05:05,500
or perhaps
an alternative family.
145
00:05:06,208 --> 00:05:07,834
so...
146
00:05:08,083 --> 00:05:09,792
Excuse me. Oh, baby girl.
147
00:05:15,458 --> 00:05:17,375
You know I can't resist you
when you wear this sweater.
148
00:05:18,667 --> 00:05:21,417
Oh, I didn't realize
that you were...
149
00:05:21,709 --> 00:05:23,417
Yes, big time.
150
00:05:24,834 --> 00:05:25,917
Big time.
151
00:05:27,458 --> 00:05:29,500
So this graduating thing
is exciting,
152
00:05:29,583 --> 00:05:32,000
and I know you have
a lot of irons in the fire.
153
00:05:32,083 --> 00:05:33,709
Yeah, you gotta cast
a wide net,
154
00:05:34,125 --> 00:05:35,750
bait the hook,
see what bites.
155
00:05:35,834 --> 00:05:38,458
Mover and shaker, this guy.
156
00:05:39,417 --> 00:05:40,333
Oh, sorry.
157
00:05:40,417 --> 00:05:42,125
We both support
your photography,
158
00:05:42,208 --> 00:05:43,500
but that could take years,
159
00:05:43,583 --> 00:05:45,417
so what are you planning
to do in the meantime?
160
00:05:45,500 --> 00:05:49,000
A ton, cooking up
an animated web series,
161
00:05:49,083 --> 00:05:50,333
may kickstart an app.
162
00:05:50,667 --> 00:05:53,000
and if my blog gets linked
to HuffPo, sky's the limit.
163
00:05:53,083 --> 00:05:54,959
All I heard was "po,"
"kick," and "app."
164
00:05:55,291 --> 00:05:57,125
So let me ask you another way...
165
00:05:57,458 --> 00:05:59,333
um, how are you gonna
support yourself?
166
00:05:59,417 --> 00:06:02,083
Probably just move back here
until one of my ideas pops.
167
00:06:02,166 --> 00:06:04,125
Oh! and I thought
of an idea for a reality show
168
00:06:04,208 --> 00:06:05,250
about old firehouses.
169
00:06:05,333 --> 00:06:07,125
My friend's cousin
lives next to a producer, so...
170
00:06:07,500 --> 00:06:08,583
fingers crossed.
171
00:06:09,208 --> 00:06:11,583
Yep, we raised a deadbeat.
172
00:06:12,917 --> 00:06:15,125
Trav has no interest
in a real job.
173
00:06:15,625 --> 00:06:18,333
You know, when I was 20,
I-I worked at a car wash.
174
00:06:18,417 --> 00:06:20,500
I mean, I only quit because
all the old men were yelling,
175
00:06:20,667 --> 00:06:21,667
"put 'em on the glass!"
176
00:06:21,750 --> 00:06:23,083
When we met,
I was selling shoes
177
00:06:23,166 --> 00:06:24,417
at an Irish Pub.
178
00:06:24,583 --> 00:06:26,166
I would steal them off
the drunk guys
179
00:06:26,417 --> 00:06:28,291
and sell them back to 'em
at the end of the night.
180
00:06:28,750 --> 00:06:30,792
Yeah, when you told me that,
there was no way
181
00:06:30,875 --> 00:06:31,875
I wasn't marrying you.
182
00:06:33,083 --> 00:06:35,458
Hey, maybe Trav can use
a metal detector
183
00:06:35,583 --> 00:06:37,041
and collect coins at the beach.
184
00:06:37,917 --> 00:06:39,041
Now, well, how do you
buy a metal detector
185
00:06:39,125 --> 00:06:40,166
when you have no money?
186
00:06:40,625 --> 00:06:41,667
I'm out of ideas.
187
00:06:41,750 --> 00:06:43,083
Yeah, I think Travis
needs a job
188
00:06:43,166 --> 00:06:45,417
that's more... a job.
189
00:06:46,875 --> 00:06:48,750
The manager at Coffee Bucks
loves me.
190
00:06:48,834 --> 00:06:50,500
He lets me pay
for coffee in hugs.
191
00:06:50,583 --> 00:06:52,333
I bet he'd give Travis
a job interview.
192
00:06:52,417 --> 00:06:54,709
I cannot believe
you kissed me!
193
00:06:54,792 --> 00:06:56,000
Pff. Ugh.
194
00:06:56,083 --> 00:06:57,583
What kiss? You kissed?
195
00:06:58,291 --> 00:06:59,667
W-where was I
when you kissed?
196
00:06:59,750 --> 00:07:02,375
Big deal.
There was no tongue slip.
197
00:07:02,458 --> 00:07:05,375
There was no tongue
because I shut my lips.
198
00:07:05,709 --> 00:07:07,542
I felt you trying to poke in.
199
00:07:07,625 --> 00:07:09,750
OK, I need to know
what's going on right now.
200
00:07:09,834 --> 00:07:11,333
Jelly Clarkson
made out with me
201
00:07:11,417 --> 00:07:12,625
in front of
the admissions rep,
202
00:07:12,709 --> 00:07:14,250
who now thinks
we're lovers.
203
00:07:14,333 --> 00:07:16,458
She said that they were
looking for kids
204
00:07:16,542 --> 00:07:18,667
from alternative families.
205
00:07:19,083 --> 00:07:21,792
As in... same-sex couples.
206
00:07:22,542 --> 00:07:23,792
Oh, great. That's her now.
207
00:07:24,625 --> 00:07:27,291
What was it like?
I mean... did you like it?
208
00:07:27,792 --> 00:07:28,792
I mean, do you think
that Ellie would be
209
00:07:28,875 --> 00:07:29,875
a better kisser than me?
210
00:07:29,959 --> 00:07:32,500
I always thought I would
make a magnificent gay man.
211
00:07:32,583 --> 00:07:35,083
I'm a tender, open-minded,
free spirit,
212
00:07:35,166 --> 00:07:36,250
and I got a quality unit.
213
00:07:36,333 --> 00:07:37,333
Oh.
214
00:07:37,417 --> 00:07:40,417
Well, Stan is now very high
on their waiting list.
215
00:07:40,834 --> 00:07:43,542
They just invited me
to a prospective parent picnic.
216
00:07:43,834 --> 00:07:45,625
Boo-yah! I told you
it would work.
217
00:07:46,125 --> 00:07:47,041
So what's the problem, lady?
218
00:07:47,125 --> 00:07:49,375
The problem is
that she wants me
219
00:07:49,458 --> 00:07:50,542
to bring my partner.
220
00:07:50,875 --> 00:07:53,458
Oh, yeah.
That might be a problem.
221
00:07:54,166 --> 00:07:56,000
Goodness, look at us.
222
00:07:56,083 --> 00:07:58,667
The best of friends
just laughin'...
223
00:07:59,208 --> 00:08:00,250
and lovin'...
224
00:08:00,917 --> 00:08:02,625
- and kissing?
- Not now, sweetie.
225
00:08:03,709 --> 00:08:05,083
Bro time!
What do you got?
226
00:08:05,166 --> 00:08:06,166
OK, let's see.
227
00:08:06,250 --> 00:08:09,041
Um, beef up
my shell collection,
228
00:08:09,125 --> 00:08:10,750
make some fruit smoothies.
229
00:08:10,834 --> 00:08:13,041
You know, I always wanted
to grow my own basil.
230
00:08:13,125 --> 00:08:14,917
Dude, you got
a free pass here.
231
00:08:15,000 --> 00:08:16,625
We gotta do something
bro-dacious
232
00:08:16,750 --> 00:08:18,542
like jet-skiing, catfishing,
233
00:08:18,625 --> 00:08:21,709
or body surfing,
or motorcycling, spelunking,
234
00:08:21,792 --> 00:08:22,917
or dunking and crunking!
235
00:08:23,000 --> 00:08:25,041
I guess I'll know it
when I hear it.
236
00:08:26,000 --> 00:08:27,000
Hey, Grayson?
237
00:08:27,083 --> 00:08:28,834
Could I borrow some of those
tiny drink umbrellas?
238
00:08:28,917 --> 00:08:30,417
Snowball and I
are making a cat video.
239
00:08:30,500 --> 00:08:32,875
Cat video!
240
00:08:32,959 --> 00:08:34,667
Oh, no, no, no, no.
241
00:08:34,750 --> 00:08:36,083
You said anything I want,
242
00:08:36,166 --> 00:08:38,750
and this is what I want.
It sounds purr-fect.
243
00:08:39,917 --> 00:08:41,458
Meow we're talkin'.
244
00:08:41,542 --> 00:08:43,583
It'll be kitty fun.
245
00:08:46,542 --> 00:08:47,917
Hey, it's pretty cool
you got Trav an interview,
246
00:08:48,000 --> 00:08:49,917
but I doubt he's gonna dig
us eavesdroppin'.
247
00:08:50,542 --> 00:08:51,959
Please,
I've got this covered.
248
00:08:53,500 --> 00:08:55,959
So, Travis, tell me...
249
00:08:56,417 --> 00:08:58,417
why do you wanna work
for Coffee Bucks?
250
00:08:59,083 --> 00:09:01,750
Well, "want" is
a bit of an overstatement.
251
00:09:01,834 --> 00:09:03,667
My mom forced me
to take this interview.
252
00:09:03,750 --> 00:09:04,625
You know how it is.
253
00:09:04,709 --> 00:09:06,709
Bonus points for honesty,
I suppose.
254
00:09:07,500 --> 00:09:09,542
Uh, what would you say
are your strengths?
255
00:09:09,625 --> 00:09:10,792
Sci-fi movie trivia,
256
00:09:11,000 --> 00:09:13,625
ironic t-shirt ideas,
subtle sarcastic put downs.
257
00:09:13,709 --> 00:09:15,458
- Nice tie, by the way.
- Oh, thank you.
258
00:09:16,083 --> 00:09:17,250
Not a strong start,
259
00:09:17,333 --> 00:09:18,458
but he could still
put it around.
260
00:09:18,959 --> 00:09:20,750
But you are passionate
about coffee.
261
00:09:20,834 --> 00:09:23,542
Uh... coffee?
262
00:09:23,667 --> 00:09:26,250
I'm passionate about
photography,
263
00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:28,500
passionate about
my girlfriend.
264
00:09:28,917 --> 00:09:30,166
Oh, yeah.
265
00:09:30,250 --> 00:09:32,667
What kind of weirdo
is passionate about coffee?
266
00:09:33,208 --> 00:09:35,208
This weirdo is passionate
about coffee.
267
00:09:35,291 --> 00:09:36,583
I think you should go.
268
00:09:37,500 --> 00:09:39,750
I might not be able
to pay with hugs anymore.
269
00:09:39,834 --> 00:09:41,125
Yeah.
270
00:09:41,667 --> 00:09:44,834
If there is anything funnier
than a cat c.p.a.
271
00:09:44,917 --> 00:09:46,166
with a tiny briefcase...
272
00:09:46,250 --> 00:09:47,625
I don't know what it is.
273
00:09:47,709 --> 00:09:48,959
You know,
on my last Bro Day,
274
00:09:49,041 --> 00:09:50,458
my buddy and I
took a cigarette boat
275
00:09:50,542 --> 00:09:51,750
to get Cuban food...
276
00:09:52,750 --> 00:09:53,750
in Cuba.
277
00:09:53,834 --> 00:09:55,166
I should get some tuna.
278
00:09:55,291 --> 00:09:56,834
Snowball can get
a little bratty
279
00:09:56,917 --> 00:09:58,000
if his blood sugar drops.
280
00:09:58,083 --> 00:10:00,083
It's hard work being
a cat-countant.
281
00:10:00,166 --> 00:10:01,208
A cat-countant?
282
00:10:01,291 --> 00:10:03,000
Can you not see yourselves?
Look at you,
283
00:10:03,083 --> 00:10:04,834
you're two grown men
trying to put a cat
284
00:10:04,917 --> 00:10:07,875
in a bow tie and a pocket
protector, it's so stupid.
285
00:10:07,959 --> 00:10:09,166
You should at least
make him something cool,
286
00:10:09,250 --> 00:10:10,250
you know, like...
287
00:10:10,917 --> 00:10:12,417
you know, like a bartender
or something.
288
00:10:12,875 --> 00:10:14,834
You mean, cat-tender?
289
00:10:14,917 --> 00:10:17,041
Yeah, like a-a cat-tender.
290
00:10:17,834 --> 00:10:18,917
To the pub!
291
00:10:19,542 --> 00:10:22,208
OK, we are only going along
with this insanity
292
00:10:22,291 --> 00:10:24,333
until I find a way to straighten
this whole thing out.
293
00:10:24,583 --> 00:10:26,250
OK, well,
as long as we are a couple,
294
00:10:26,333 --> 00:10:27,959
my relationship demands
are as follows:
295
00:10:28,208 --> 00:10:30,375
constant touching,
surprise kisses,
296
00:10:30,458 --> 00:10:33,208
casual boob grazes,
and regular compliments.
297
00:10:33,291 --> 00:10:35,917
Some good areas to focus on:
my eyes, hair, feet.
298
00:10:36,208 --> 00:10:37,250
I'm out.
299
00:10:38,041 --> 00:10:40,291
Mrs. Torres,
it's great to see you.
300
00:10:40,417 --> 00:10:43,792
It's so nice to be here...
with my partner.
301
00:10:44,291 --> 00:10:46,417
We are lovers, above all else.
302
00:10:46,583 --> 00:10:47,709
Isn't that right, lover?
303
00:10:48,375 --> 00:10:49,500
Yes, lover.
304
00:10:49,583 --> 00:10:51,875
Aw! You have that look
in your eye,
305
00:10:51,959 --> 00:10:53,291
like you're about
to pay me a compliment.
306
00:10:53,709 --> 00:10:54,959
You're... pretty,
307
00:10:56,041 --> 00:11:00,583
particularly in the hair,
eye, and feet area.
308
00:11:00,667 --> 00:11:03,250
It's inspiring to see
a couple so in love.
309
00:11:03,917 --> 00:11:05,959
I can't keep my hands off her.
310
00:11:06,041 --> 00:11:07,041
Aw.
311
00:11:07,125 --> 00:11:08,834
Highway to the lady zone.
312
00:11:08,917 --> 00:11:09,834
What-what?
313
00:11:10,417 --> 00:11:11,625
What-what, indeed.
314
00:11:12,291 --> 00:11:13,959
You know, I was hoping
it wouldn't come to this,
315
00:11:14,041 --> 00:11:16,917
but Trav has no job,
no plan,
316
00:11:17,041 --> 00:11:18,166
and no respect for money.
317
00:11:18,542 --> 00:11:19,834
It's time to scare him straight.
318
00:11:20,333 --> 00:11:22,792
And I am the poster boy
for zero ambition,
319
00:11:23,208 --> 00:11:24,792
living on a land boat,
hand-to-mouth,
320
00:11:24,875 --> 00:11:28,041
and I use a Costco sized bag
of oyster crackers as a pillow.
321
00:11:28,125 --> 00:11:29,333
Why don't you just
roll up a towel?
322
00:11:29,417 --> 00:11:31,500
What would I put under the door
to keep the snakes out?
323
00:11:31,667 --> 00:11:33,208
What's up,
parental unit?
324
00:11:33,542 --> 00:11:34,875
Travis, have a seat.
325
00:11:38,417 --> 00:11:40,500
Let me tell you
about my life, son.
326
00:11:41,041 --> 00:11:43,625
Last night I had
six Doritos locos tacos
327
00:11:43,792 --> 00:11:45,709
and fell asleep naked
under the stars,
328
00:11:45,792 --> 00:11:46,834
'cause I got no job
329
00:11:47,125 --> 00:11:48,417
and nowhere to be
when I wake up.
330
00:11:49,250 --> 00:11:51,542
Sounds... amazing.
331
00:11:51,625 --> 00:11:52,625
It's awful.
332
00:11:52,750 --> 00:11:54,333
You know, he has to steal
his electricity
333
00:11:54,417 --> 00:11:57,000
from a sushi restaurant/
gas station.
334
00:11:57,083 --> 00:11:58,792
Of course, if he was
willing to get a job,
335
00:11:58,875 --> 00:12:01,250
he wouldn't be
in this pathetic situation.
336
00:12:01,750 --> 00:12:03,500
I don't know if it was pathetic.
337
00:12:03,959 --> 00:12:06,000
It's pathetic
and embarrassing.
338
00:12:06,875 --> 00:12:08,542
And that's what's
gonna happen to you, boy.
339
00:12:09,000 --> 00:12:11,250
Is this some type of
"scared straight" routine?
340
00:12:11,333 --> 00:12:13,208
Travis, you need
a wake-up call.
341
00:12:13,625 --> 00:12:16,000
I mean, I can't believe
how you acted in that interview.
342
00:12:16,083 --> 00:12:18,583
So you were spying on me
in the interview?
343
00:12:19,041 --> 00:12:20,875
Why can't you just let me
do anything on my own?
344
00:12:20,959 --> 00:12:23,125
Yeah, Jules, why do you
always have to meddle?
345
00:12:23,208 --> 00:12:24,709
What are you
doing? We're a team.
346
00:12:24,792 --> 00:12:26,583
We were until
you threw me under the bus.
347
00:12:26,667 --> 00:12:28,083
Yes, but we were supposed
to throw you
348
00:12:28,166 --> 00:12:29,166
under the bus together.
349
00:12:29,250 --> 00:12:30,750
This is crazy! I'm outta here.
350
00:12:31,500 --> 00:12:33,041
Yeah, you know what?
I'm outta here, too.
351
00:12:33,542 --> 00:12:35,083
Well, I'm outta here, too!
352
00:12:38,375 --> 00:12:41,417
Damn it! This is not
an easy place to storm out of.
353
00:12:45,500 --> 00:12:47,750
Whoa. You're really
sucking it down, huh?
354
00:12:48,250 --> 00:12:49,291
Yeah, so what?
355
00:12:49,709 --> 00:12:52,125
Your wine is like crap,
pretzels are stale.
356
00:12:52,542 --> 00:12:53,875
What's that
stupid photograph?
357
00:12:53,959 --> 00:12:56,166
Oh, that's me
and my buddy Blake
358
00:12:56,250 --> 00:12:57,458
with Gloria Estefan's grammy.
359
00:12:57,875 --> 00:12:59,375
We were being
bro-dacious.
360
00:12:59,667 --> 00:13:01,000
Well, that's actually
kinda cool.
361
00:13:01,792 --> 00:13:02,834
I'm sorry, honey, I'm just...
362
00:13:02,959 --> 00:13:04,500
I'm upset about this
Travis thing.
363
00:13:04,875 --> 00:13:07,709
And Bobby completely ruined
our "scared straight" routine.
364
00:13:07,792 --> 00:13:08,834
That never works.
365
00:13:08,917 --> 00:13:10,792
Although, I do do
a great angry inmate.
366
00:13:11,709 --> 00:13:14,500
Boy, you don't
wanna come into my world.
367
00:13:14,667 --> 00:13:16,667
I'll slap some strawberry
lip gloss on you
368
00:13:16,750 --> 00:13:18,917
and make you my woman.
369
00:13:19,000 --> 00:13:20,917
Oh, can we do that tonight?
370
00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:22,125
What? No.
371
00:13:22,208 --> 00:13:23,709
All right, maybe
the "scared straight" thing
372
00:13:23,792 --> 00:13:24,917
was a dumb idea,
373
00:13:25,000 --> 00:13:26,667
but I just--I want Travis
to start thinking
374
00:13:26,750 --> 00:13:27,750
about his future.
375
00:13:27,834 --> 00:13:29,333
I didn't start working
right after college,
376
00:13:29,417 --> 00:13:30,417
and look at me now.
377
00:13:30,542 --> 00:13:32,875
I'm a successful,
responsible business owner.
378
00:13:33,458 --> 00:13:35,709
Grayson, look at these
prosthetic cat paws
379
00:13:35,875 --> 00:13:37,000
so Snowball can mix drinks.
380
00:13:38,875 --> 00:13:40,709
I didn't--
what was that about?
381
00:13:40,792 --> 00:13:42,500
I didn't even know
he was back there.
382
00:13:43,291 --> 00:13:44,709
I know I meddle in Travis' life.
383
00:13:44,834 --> 00:13:46,625
I just... I want him
to make smart choices
384
00:13:46,792 --> 00:13:49,208
so he doesn't end up struggling
like Bobby and I did.
385
00:13:49,291 --> 00:13:50,792
Look,
he's 22 years old now.
386
00:13:50,875 --> 00:13:52,166
He's gonna do
what he wants to do,
387
00:13:52,250 --> 00:13:53,417
and if you've
raised him right,
388
00:13:53,500 --> 00:13:55,333
then he already has the tools
to make the right decisions.
389
00:13:55,875 --> 00:13:58,291
Besides, we know he's mature.
I mean, all he does
390
00:13:58,417 --> 00:13:59,583
is hang with a bunch of adults.
391
00:13:59,667 --> 00:14:01,750
Grayson, the mustache you made
392
00:14:01,875 --> 00:14:03,333
won't stick
to Snowball's whiskers.
393
00:14:03,417 --> 00:14:04,875
We need a cat-safe adhesive.
394
00:14:04,959 --> 00:14:07,667
Are you trying to time these
for maximum embarrassment?
395
00:14:07,750 --> 00:14:09,083
Yeah, but seriously,
396
00:14:09,166 --> 00:14:10,375
we need your help
with the whiskers.
397
00:14:13,375 --> 00:14:16,333
Ellie was my psych t.a.
in college,
398
00:14:16,583 --> 00:14:18,000
so I asked for study help,
399
00:14:18,083 --> 00:14:21,250
and she said office hours
were that night at her house.
400
00:14:21,542 --> 00:14:24,166
Well, bottle of tequila later,
401
00:14:24,792 --> 00:14:26,834
we're all tangled up
in a bubble bath.
402
00:14:26,917 --> 00:14:28,083
The rest is history.
403
00:14:28,166 --> 00:14:30,041
It's like our story was lifted
404
00:14:30,125 --> 00:14:32,959
straight off the pages
of Maxim magazine.
405
00:14:33,125 --> 00:14:34,333
Oh, oh, baby.
406
00:14:35,959 --> 00:14:38,417
Maybe dial it back
a notch, l-word.
407
00:14:38,500 --> 00:14:41,083
I don't do relationships
halfway.
408
00:14:41,166 --> 00:14:42,125
Quick, the Murrays are looking.
409
00:14:42,417 --> 00:14:43,583
Stick your tongue in my ear,
make it deep.
410
00:14:44,000 --> 00:14:45,917
At what roadside truck stop
411
00:14:46,000 --> 00:14:47,667
did you learn about
relationships?
412
00:14:47,792 --> 00:14:50,625
I guess I'm supposed
to just sit here, unloved,
413
00:14:50,709 --> 00:14:52,625
by a seething ball
of negativity.
414
00:14:52,709 --> 00:14:55,750
Well, at least I'm not
a giant pit of need.
415
00:14:55,834 --> 00:14:58,000
I'm sorry that I'm so needy!
416
00:14:58,083 --> 00:15:00,125
You're just a cold fish.
You never touch me!
417
00:15:00,583 --> 00:15:02,208
We're at a public event.
418
00:15:02,291 --> 00:15:05,250
This is not the ideal place
for ear sex
419
00:15:05,333 --> 00:15:06,417
and a full-body rubdown.
420
00:15:06,500 --> 00:15:09,000
All you do
is take me for granted.
421
00:15:09,083 --> 00:15:11,333
I give and I give
and I give
422
00:15:11,625 --> 00:15:13,000
to be the very best
lesbian I can,
423
00:15:13,083 --> 00:15:14,083
and you never care!
424
00:15:14,250 --> 00:15:16,542
I am done. Do you hear me?
425
00:15:16,959 --> 00:15:18,041
Done!
426
00:15:19,333 --> 00:15:20,375
Excuse me.
427
00:15:23,709 --> 00:15:25,083
We fight because we love.
428
00:15:28,458 --> 00:15:29,542
Uh, excuse me.
429
00:15:29,667 --> 00:15:31,500
Why is our cat-tender
wearing a Hawaiian shirt?
430
00:15:31,583 --> 00:15:34,750
Oh, because he's a flair cat,
like Tom Cruise in Cocktail.
431
00:15:34,834 --> 00:15:35,875
Whoo!
432
00:15:37,291 --> 00:15:38,792
I don't know how cats
work with these things.
433
00:15:38,875 --> 00:15:41,875
We are not doing
some cheesy cat-tail rip-off.
434
00:15:42,166 --> 00:15:44,083
Snowball is a film noir cat,
435
00:15:44,166 --> 00:15:45,333
Serving up martinis
436
00:15:45,417 --> 00:15:47,041
to hard-boiled
Humphrey Bogart types.
437
00:15:47,125 --> 00:15:49,291
Who's ever heard
of a film noir cat?
438
00:15:49,375 --> 00:15:51,083
Who's ever heard
of a Cocktail cat?
439
00:15:51,166 --> 00:15:53,333
I don't think this
is a healthy cat-mosphere.
440
00:15:53,417 --> 00:15:56,083
This is my Bro Day,
and I wanna do cat-sablanca.
441
00:15:56,166 --> 00:15:58,250
Well, this is my bar,
and I wanna do cat-tail.
442
00:15:58,333 --> 00:15:59,333
This is my cat--
443
00:15:59,417 --> 00:16:00,542
Shut up, Tom!
444
00:16:00,625 --> 00:16:02,041
You should not
have to listen to this.
445
00:16:03,375 --> 00:16:05,542
Very unprofessional.
446
00:16:05,959 --> 00:16:07,000
Hey, Trav.
447
00:16:07,083 --> 00:16:08,750
Look, I just got your text.
I know you're mad.
448
00:16:08,834 --> 00:16:09,834
Sit.
449
00:16:10,041 --> 00:16:11,583
OK, son, I got your text,
450
00:16:11,667 --> 00:16:12,917
and I know
you're pissed off.
451
00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:15,000
- Park it.
- Oh, shoot.
452
00:16:16,792 --> 00:16:17,834
You know,
when I was walking away
453
00:16:17,917 --> 00:16:19,208
from the boat earlier,
I thought to myself,
454
00:16:19,750 --> 00:16:22,625
"who else but my parents
would come up with an idea
455
00:16:22,709 --> 00:16:24,709
as stupid as
a 'scared straight' routine?"
456
00:16:24,792 --> 00:16:26,375
It seemed so smart
when we thought of it.
457
00:16:26,458 --> 00:16:27,792
I was impressed with us.
458
00:16:28,250 --> 00:16:29,834
I was mad that you'd
treat me like a child,
459
00:16:29,917 --> 00:16:31,709
so I figured I'd ignore you
for a few days,
460
00:16:31,792 --> 00:16:33,208
make you come to me
and apologize,
461
00:16:33,291 --> 00:16:34,542
but that seemed
like the behavior
462
00:16:34,625 --> 00:16:36,291
of, well, a child.
463
00:16:37,083 --> 00:16:40,709
So, thought I'd try something
a little more adult.
464
00:16:40,792 --> 00:16:42,083
Oh, man.
465
00:16:42,166 --> 00:16:43,333
Am I about to get
punched in the face?
466
00:16:43,417 --> 00:16:46,875
No, Dad. I brought you here
to say thanks.
467
00:16:46,959 --> 00:16:48,333
Even though you show it
468
00:16:48,417 --> 00:16:51,417
in amazingly stupid ways
sometimes,
469
00:16:51,500 --> 00:16:53,041
I know you guys care about me,
470
00:16:53,709 --> 00:16:56,792
and I think you guys
are great parents.
471
00:16:57,333 --> 00:17:00,375
Oh, my little boy
has gotten so dadgum mature.
472
00:17:00,542 --> 00:17:02,291
Not really helping
the adult vibe, Mom.
473
00:17:02,375 --> 00:17:03,834
Let's get in there
and grab some coffee.
474
00:17:05,625 --> 00:17:07,875
- I think that went OK.
- Yes, it did.
475
00:17:07,959 --> 00:17:09,917
I'm so gonna have
to pay for these coffees.
476
00:17:10,000 --> 00:17:11,000
Yes, you are.
477
00:17:12,333 --> 00:17:14,250
Why did you draw whiskers
on your face?
478
00:17:14,333 --> 00:17:16,166
I am playing
Snowball's bar back.
479
00:17:16,250 --> 00:17:17,125
It's called committing.
480
00:17:17,208 --> 00:17:19,375
Well, I hope you can commit
to flair cat,
481
00:17:19,458 --> 00:17:20,583
'cause that's what we're doing.
482
00:17:20,667 --> 00:17:21,667
Oh! Pff.
483
00:17:21,750 --> 00:17:23,917
Look at me, I have flair! Oh!
484
00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:27,583
Well, look at me!
I'm a film noir rip-off.
485
00:17:28,750 --> 00:17:30,125
Her gams went all the way
486
00:17:30,208 --> 00:17:31,667
from her paws to her ears.
487
00:17:31,750 --> 00:17:34,000
I could tell from the start
that this tabby was trouble.
488
00:17:34,875 --> 00:17:36,500
What's happening here?
What are you guys doing?
489
00:17:36,583 --> 00:17:38,000
We're having awesome bro time.
490
00:17:39,000 --> 00:17:40,542
Oh, wait,
are we taking a five?
491
00:17:40,625 --> 00:17:42,709
This isn't bro-dacious
at all.
492
00:17:42,792 --> 00:17:44,959
Yeah, I guess I can't
get as wild as I used to.
493
00:17:45,166 --> 00:17:46,583
Do you think maybe
I could get a drink?
494
00:17:46,667 --> 00:17:48,333
Ellie and I broke up.
495
00:17:49,792 --> 00:17:51,792
Oh, I'm sorry.
496
00:17:52,625 --> 00:17:54,166
She's like a tornado.
497
00:17:55,208 --> 00:17:57,583
She sweeps you up,
knocks you down,
498
00:17:58,208 --> 00:17:59,458
and as much as it hurts,
499
00:17:59,542 --> 00:18:01,291
you just want her
to do it all over again.
500
00:18:02,000 --> 00:18:03,250
You smell like cat litter.
501
00:18:06,125 --> 00:18:07,166
Hey.
502
00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:09,083
I wanna apologize.
503
00:18:09,166 --> 00:18:10,291
I know you were just
trying to help.
504
00:18:10,375 --> 00:18:12,291
I'm sorry I got so carried away.
505
00:18:12,417 --> 00:18:14,291
It's just...
I never had a chance
506
00:18:14,375 --> 00:18:16,250
to go to a great school
like that and...
507
00:18:17,000 --> 00:18:18,875
I really wanted it
to work out for Stan.
508
00:18:18,959 --> 00:18:22,125
And it's so sweet that you
care about him so much.
509
00:18:22,291 --> 00:18:23,625
I really do.
510
00:18:24,375 --> 00:18:26,875
And if there was a truth gun
to my head,
511
00:18:27,875 --> 00:18:29,250
I really care about you, too.
512
00:18:30,583 --> 00:18:31,583
I feel the same.
513
00:18:32,291 --> 00:18:36,333
Man, I'm sorry
for being such a jerk.
514
00:18:37,208 --> 00:18:38,667
I'm sorry for being so...
515
00:18:40,333 --> 00:18:41,542
I'm tempted to say "catty."
516
00:18:41,625 --> 00:18:42,625
Don't.
517
00:18:43,250 --> 00:18:45,750
I just wish I hadn't
ruined everything today.
518
00:18:45,834 --> 00:18:47,917
That school's
too pretentious for Stan.
519
00:18:48,000 --> 00:18:49,125
He deserves better.
520
00:18:51,333 --> 00:18:54,875
And for what it's worth,
you were a great girlfriend.
521
00:18:54,959 --> 00:18:56,041
Thanks.
522
00:18:56,667 --> 00:18:59,250
You were a really good
girlfriend, too.
523
00:19:00,417 --> 00:19:01,417
And you're
a great kisser.
524
00:19:01,500 --> 00:19:02,500
You weren't bad, yourself.
525
00:19:02,667 --> 00:19:03,667
Thank you.
526
00:19:04,083 --> 00:19:05,250
- Mmm.
- Aw.
527
00:19:05,333 --> 00:19:07,417
The camera's not even here.
528
00:19:09,875 --> 00:19:11,834
I'm sorry for what I said
about you on the boat.
529
00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:13,083
You're not pathetic.
530
00:19:13,166 --> 00:19:14,583
I was just trying
to get through to Trav.
531
00:19:14,667 --> 00:19:16,000
I know, Jules.
532
00:19:16,083 --> 00:19:17,625
You know, we both just want
what's best for him,
533
00:19:18,458 --> 00:19:20,125
and we may not get through
to him all the time,
534
00:19:20,208 --> 00:19:22,125
but overall, I'd say
we did all right.
535
00:19:23,792 --> 00:19:25,583
Welcome to Coffee Bucks.
Can I take your order?
536
00:19:25,667 --> 00:19:27,125
Trav, what are you doing
back there?
537
00:19:27,208 --> 00:19:28,375
Did you steal that apron?
538
00:19:28,458 --> 00:19:29,709
You're gonna get
in so much trouble!
539
00:19:29,792 --> 00:19:32,208
Guys, I work here now.
540
00:19:32,291 --> 00:19:34,417
I called the manager
and asked for a second chance.
541
00:19:34,500 --> 00:19:36,250
So... what can I get for ya?
542
00:19:36,333 --> 00:19:38,125
It's my first shift, I only know
how to make coffee.
543
00:19:38,583 --> 00:19:39,625
Two coffees.
544
00:19:40,041 --> 00:19:41,125
- There you go.
- Thank you.
545
00:19:41,542 --> 00:19:42,625
I'm not supposed
to take your money.
546
00:19:43,208 --> 00:19:44,125
My coffees are free?
547
00:19:44,208 --> 00:19:46,125
Well,
they're not exactly free...
548
00:19:52,208 --> 00:19:53,458
- Ah.
- Oh.
549
00:19:54,083 --> 00:19:55,417
Mmm.
550
00:20:02,041 --> 00:20:03,417
Is this the worst coffee
you've ever had?
551
00:20:04,792 --> 00:20:06,417
Man, it tastes
like dirt and water.
552
00:20:06,542 --> 00:20:07,542
Ugh.
553
00:20:25,667 --> 00:20:28,000
{\an8}Wow. What'll it be, pal?
554
00:20:28,500 --> 00:20:29,750
{\an8}Do you know the mug
555
00:20:29,834 --> 00:20:30,875
{\an8}at the end of the bar?
Skinny Sal?
556
00:20:30,959 --> 00:20:34,291
{\an8}Big drinker, bad tipper.
Ha ha, meow.
557
00:20:35,583 --> 00:20:36,834
{\an8}He's not as dumb as he looks.
558
00:20:37,291 --> 00:20:38,667
{\an8}He's the top money man for--
559
00:20:40,875 --> 00:20:41,917
{\an8}Whoa.
560
00:20:42,125 --> 00:20:44,000
{\an8}He's not as dumb as he looks.
He's the top--
561
00:20:44,834 --> 00:20:45,750
{\an8}What are you doing?
562
00:20:45,834 --> 00:20:47,375
{\an8}These paws suck...
563
00:20:47,667 --> 00:20:51,125
{\an8}um... cessfully help me
catch mice.
564
00:20:53,583 --> 00:20:55,333
{\an8}Snowball's never
gonna forgive me for this.
41667
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