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1
00:00:01,535 --> 00:00:03,237
- OKAY, CAN YOU--
CAN YOU PLEASE BACK UP?
2
00:00:03,271 --> 00:00:05,106
I CAN FEEL YOUR HOT
CASHEW BREATH ON MY NECK.
3
00:00:05,139 --> 00:00:06,807
- SORRY. CAN YOU JUST
CLICK ON THE PHOTOS PAGE?
4
00:00:06,840 --> 00:00:09,110
I WANT TO SEE IF RACHEL DIGGLER
HAS POPPED OUT THAT BABY YET.
5
00:00:09,143 --> 00:00:10,478
- DON'T YOU HAVE
YOUR OWN COMPUTER?
6
00:00:10,511 --> 00:00:12,113
I HAVE WORK TO DO.
- GIVE ME A BREAK, JOE.
7
00:00:12,146 --> 00:00:13,547
WHEN I CAME IN HERE, YOU WERE
GOOGLING "TOILET RATS."
8
00:00:13,581 --> 00:00:15,783
- THEY CLIMB UP
THE PIPES, JESSICA.
9
00:00:15,816 --> 00:00:17,351
THEY HOLD THEIR BREATH
FOR HOURS.
10
00:00:17,385 --> 00:00:18,552
- YOU SHOULD LEAVE
THE TOILET SEAT DOWN.
11
00:00:18,586 --> 00:00:19,820
- OH, NO.
- WHAT? IS THAT PETER?
12
00:00:19,853 --> 00:00:21,255
- NO, NO,
THAT'S NOTHING.
13
00:00:21,289 --> 00:00:22,356
- WHY IS PETER ON A BEACH
WITH SHORT BANGS?
14
00:00:22,390 --> 00:00:23,357
CLICK BACK TO THAT.
15
00:00:23,391 --> 00:00:24,825
- NO, NO, NO, LET'S JUST
CLOSE THIS REAL QUICK.
16
00:00:24,858 --> 00:00:25,826
- NO, NO, I NEED TO SEE
THOSE PHOTOS--LENNON!
17
00:00:25,859 --> 00:00:28,129
- GET YOUR HANDS OFF.
LENNON'S GONNA KILL ME.
18
00:00:28,162 --> 00:00:30,131
- JOE, THAT IS MY EX-HUSBAND!
YOU SHOW ME THOSE PHOTOS!
19
00:00:30,164 --> 00:00:31,299
- WHAT'S GOING ON IN HERE?
20
00:00:31,332 --> 00:00:32,300
- PETER'S ON A BEACH
WITH SHORT BANGS.
21
00:00:32,333 --> 00:00:33,334
- WHAT?
- SHE OVERPOWERED ME.
22
00:00:33,367 --> 00:00:35,069
- OH, GOD.
23
00:00:35,103 --> 00:00:37,338
WHY IS HER LEG BENT LIKE THAT?
- WHAT IS SHE, DOUBLE-JOINTED?
24
00:00:37,371 --> 00:00:39,840
- THAT'S A LOT OF LIMBS.
- OH, INAPPROPRIATE.
25
00:00:39,873 --> 00:00:41,575
- DO THEY HAVE
A PROFESSIONAL PHOTOGRAPHER
26
00:00:41,609 --> 00:00:42,810
TRAVELING WITH THEM?
27
00:00:42,843 --> 00:00:44,312
WHAT? WHY?
- AMAZING.
28
00:00:44,345 --> 00:00:45,513
- ARE HER BOTTOMS OFF?
29
00:00:45,546 --> 00:00:46,414
- [screams]
30
00:00:46,447 --> 00:00:48,416
- YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'M SHUTTING THIS DOWN.
31
00:00:48,449 --> 00:00:49,450
JOE, WHY ARE YOU
STILL FRIENDS WITH PETER?
32
00:00:49,483 --> 00:00:50,584
- I'VE BEEN
DEFRIENDED BEFORE,
33
00:00:50,618 --> 00:00:51,852
AND I CAN TELL YOU
IT IS NOT PLEASANT.
34
00:00:51,885 --> 00:00:53,154
- WELL,
DEFRIEND HIM RIGHT NOW.
35
00:00:53,187 --> 00:00:54,355
- NO, NO, NO,
LENNON.
36
00:00:54,388 --> 00:00:55,389
IF PETER
IS ALREADY HUMPING PEOPLE
37
00:00:55,423 --> 00:00:57,858
IN THE CANARY ISLANDS,
I SHOULD BE OUT THERE TOO.
38
00:00:57,891 --> 00:01:00,594
JOE, CHANGE MY STATUS
TO "SINGLE."
39
00:01:00,628 --> 00:01:02,430
NO, CHANGE IT TO
"SINGLE AND LOVING IT."
40
00:01:02,463 --> 00:01:03,597
- NO, THAT'S NOT
AN OPTION.
41
00:01:03,631 --> 00:01:05,166
- JOE, DON'T TELL ME
IT'S NOT AN OPTION!
42
00:01:05,199 --> 00:01:07,468
- JUST DO IT.
- DO IT, JOE!
43
00:01:07,501 --> 00:01:08,536
- I CAN'T DO THAT.
- JOE, DO IT!
44
00:01:08,569 --> 00:01:09,403
- MAKE IT HAPPEN.
45
00:01:09,437 --> 00:01:10,871
- DO YOUR DUMB,
DUMB COMPUTER THINGS.
46
00:01:10,904 --> 00:01:12,573
DO IT! "LOVING IT!"
I'M TYPING "LOVING IT!"
47
00:01:12,606 --> 00:01:15,643
- * ALL IS NOTHING
48
00:01:15,676 --> 00:01:18,846
* ALL IS KEEPING IT DOWN
49
00:01:18,879 --> 00:01:20,548
* ALL IS NOTHING
50
00:01:23,351 --> 00:01:24,485
- GOOD MORNING.
51
00:01:28,689 --> 00:01:30,624
- HEY, REMEMBER
BEFORE JESSICA LIVED HERE
52
00:01:30,658 --> 00:01:32,160
AND WE USED TO HAVE SEX?
53
00:01:32,193 --> 00:01:35,329
- YEAH, WE ALMOST POPPED
YOUR WOLVERINES CHAIR.
54
00:01:35,363 --> 00:01:37,331
- IT CAN'T WITHSTAND THAT AMOUNT
OF WEIGHT AND FRICTION.
55
00:01:37,365 --> 00:01:39,333
- MUCH LIKE THE WOLVERINES'
OFFENSIVE LINE.
56
00:01:39,367 --> 00:01:42,436
- HEY, SHOELACE
GOT THE JOB DONE.
57
00:01:42,470 --> 00:01:43,637
- DO YOU WANT TO
HAVE SEX RIGHT NOW?
58
00:01:43,671 --> 00:01:46,674
- YES, PLEASE.
- [laughs]
59
00:01:47,941 --> 00:01:48,909
[door opening]
60
00:01:48,942 --> 00:01:50,077
- I STILL GOT IT!
- AAH!
61
00:01:50,110 --> 00:01:53,347
- A MERE EIGHT HOURS AFTER I
CHANGED MY FACEBOOK STATUS
62
00:01:53,381 --> 00:01:55,216
TO SINGLE, GUESS
WHO MESSAGES ME?
63
00:01:55,249 --> 00:01:56,250
KEITH KAZAKIAN.
64
00:01:56,284 --> 00:01:58,219
- WAIT, THE KEITH KAZAKIAN?
- YES.
65
00:01:58,252 --> 00:02:00,221
KEITH "MEATY CALVES"
KAZAKIAN.
66
00:02:00,254 --> 00:02:02,323
- WITH THE SOCCER SANDALS
AND THE UMBROS?
67
00:02:02,356 --> 00:02:03,657
- I GUESS HE LIKED
THAT PHOTO WE TOOK
68
00:02:03,691 --> 00:02:05,659
OF ME ON THE FIRE ESCAPE
IN MY TANKINI.
69
00:02:05,693 --> 00:02:06,894
- NAILED IT.
70
00:02:06,927 --> 00:02:08,262
- AT LEAST SOMEBODY'S
NAILING IT.
71
00:02:08,296 --> 00:02:09,930
- I FEEL LIKE THIS IS
72
00:02:09,963 --> 00:02:12,233
A LEARNING MOMENT
FOR ALL OF US, YOU KNOW?
73
00:02:12,266 --> 00:02:14,935
I PUT MYSELF OUT THERE,
I TOOK A RISK,
74
00:02:14,968 --> 00:02:17,638
AND THE WORLD REPLIED,
"WELCOME BACK, STRANGER.
75
00:02:17,671 --> 00:02:19,240
WE LIKE WHAT WE SEE."
76
00:02:19,273 --> 00:02:20,708
- JESSICA,
GET OUT OF OUR BEDROOM.
77
00:02:20,741 --> 00:02:22,310
- JOE, YOU GOT A POINT.
78
00:02:22,343 --> 00:02:23,544
I GOTTA GET OUT THERE,
ALL RIGHT?
79
00:02:23,577 --> 00:02:24,912
AND I'M GONNA TAKE
AN EVEN BIGGER RISK
80
00:02:24,945 --> 00:02:25,913
AND ASK KEITH OUT.
81
00:02:25,946 --> 00:02:27,315
- THAT'S A GREAT IDEA.
82
00:02:27,348 --> 00:02:28,382
- MAYBE YOU TWO
WILL HAVE SEX.
83
00:02:28,416 --> 00:02:32,353
- MAYBE WE WILL, JOE!
MAYBE WE WILL!
84
00:02:32,386 --> 00:02:33,487
- I'M SORRY.
85
00:02:33,521 --> 00:02:35,189
- SHE DOESN'T HAVE
ANY RESPECT FOR DOORS!
86
00:02:35,223 --> 00:02:36,724
- I KNOW, BUT SHE'S IN A VERY
VULNERABLE PLACE RIGHT NOW.
87
00:02:36,757 --> 00:02:39,293
- I'M IN A VULNERABLE PLACE!
SHE ALMOST SAT ON MY JUNK.
88
00:02:39,327 --> 00:02:41,395
- I KNOW,
I WILL TALK TO HER, OKAY?
89
00:02:41,429 --> 00:02:43,597
IT WILL NOT HAPPEN AGAIN.
90
00:02:43,631 --> 00:02:48,269
WHAT WILL HAPPEN AGAIN
IS THIS...
91
00:02:48,302 --> 00:02:49,970
- THINGS ARE REALLY HEATING UP.
- NOOOO!
92
00:02:50,003 --> 00:02:53,441
- HE SAID YES.
WE ARE GOING OUT TONIGHT!
93
00:02:53,474 --> 00:02:54,675
- STAY OUT OF OUR BEDROOM!
94
00:02:54,708 --> 00:02:55,976
- ALL RIGHT, BUDDY.
95
00:02:56,009 --> 00:02:57,478
YOU DON'T LOOK EXCITED,
BUT I KNOW YOU ARE.
96
00:02:57,511 --> 00:02:58,512
[door closes]
97
00:02:58,546 --> 00:03:01,415
- IT'S LIKE SHE HAS A SUPERPOWER
FOR KNOWING WHEN
98
00:03:01,449 --> 00:03:03,284
WE'RE ABOUT TO HAVE SEX
SO SHE CAN BARGE IN
99
00:03:03,317 --> 00:03:04,718
AND TALK ABOUT SOME DUDE
WITH MEATY CALVES.
100
00:03:04,752 --> 00:03:06,320
- OH, YEAH,
KEITH KAZAKIAN?
101
00:03:06,354 --> 00:03:07,955
- HOW DO YOU KNOW
ABOUT KEITH KAZAKIAN?
102
00:03:07,988 --> 00:03:11,492
- I'VE BEEN HEARING ABOUT
THAT GUY'S CALVES SINCE 1994.
103
00:03:11,525 --> 00:03:13,561
YOU KNOW,
IF I HAD SUPERPOWER,
104
00:03:13,594 --> 00:03:15,996
I'D WANT THE POWER
TO KNOW DOGS' NAMES.
105
00:03:16,029 --> 00:03:18,566
I'D MEET A NEW DOG, I'D BE LIKE,
"WHAT'S UP, HERCULES?"
106
00:03:18,599 --> 00:03:19,967
"OH, MY GOD,
HOW'D YOU KNOW HIS NAME?"
107
00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:22,970
"SUPERPOWER."
108
00:03:23,003 --> 00:03:26,307
- [moans loudly]
OH...
109
00:03:26,340 --> 00:03:27,975
- YOU OKAY THERE, BUDDY?
- I'M SORRY.
110
00:03:28,008 --> 00:03:30,344
SINCE I CAN'T HAVE SEX,
THIS GYRO'S MY ONLY PLEASURE.
111
00:03:30,378 --> 00:03:32,580
WELL, DON'T CHEW SO FAST.
TAKE IT SLOW.
112
00:03:32,613 --> 00:03:34,448
TEASE IT A LITTLE.
113
00:03:34,482 --> 00:03:35,783
- AT LEAST JESS
IS GOING ON A DATE TONIGHT,
114
00:03:35,816 --> 00:03:37,585
SO WE'LL HAVE THE APARTMENT
ALL TO OURSELVES.
115
00:03:37,618 --> 00:03:40,721
- JESS HAS A DATE?
- YEAH, WITH KEITH KAZAKIAN.
116
00:03:40,754 --> 00:03:42,790
I THINK I NEED
SOME MORE TZATZIKI.
117
00:03:42,823 --> 00:03:44,325
- DAPHNE.
- HELLO, RAV.
118
00:03:44,358 --> 00:03:45,293
- I'M SORRY
I DIDN'T CALL YOU BACK.
119
00:03:45,326 --> 00:03:47,695
I-I WAS GONNA CALL YOU,
BUT I LOST MY PHONE.
120
00:03:47,728 --> 00:03:49,463
- RAV, I MAY BE GREEK,
BUT I'M NOT AN IDIOT.
121
00:03:49,497 --> 00:03:50,564
- I DON'T THINK
THAT'S A STEREOTYPE.
122
00:03:50,598 --> 00:03:51,399
IS THAT A STEREOTYPE?
123
00:03:51,432 --> 00:03:53,434
- NO, I'M SERIOUS.
I LOST MY PHONE.
124
00:03:53,467 --> 00:03:55,436
I WAS GONNA TELL YOU TODAY.
CAN I GET YOUR NUMBER AGAIN?
125
00:03:55,469 --> 00:03:57,004
- YEAH, JUST AS SOON AS I
126
00:03:57,037 --> 00:03:58,539
TOP OFF YOUR COFFEE.
- WHOA! WHOA!
127
00:03:58,572 --> 00:03:59,807
- WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT?
- GET OUT OF HERE.
128
00:03:59,840 --> 00:04:01,342
I DON'T EVER
WANNA SEE YOU AGAIN!
129
00:04:01,375 --> 00:04:02,743
BOTH OF YOU!
YOU'RE BANNED!
130
00:04:02,776 --> 00:04:05,346
- RAV, NO, MY GYRO!
COME ON!
131
00:04:05,379 --> 00:04:07,615
- JOE, I REALLY DID
LOSE MY PHONE.
132
00:04:07,648 --> 00:04:09,283
- YOU KNOW, I-I'M SORRY,
I'M JUST GONNA TAKE THIS.
133
00:04:09,317 --> 00:04:10,484
I'M HAVING
SOME BEDROOM ISSUES.
134
00:04:10,518 --> 00:04:11,485
- I DON'T
NEED TO KNOW THAT!
135
00:04:11,519 --> 00:04:13,321
- THAT'S NOT
WHAT I MEANT.
136
00:04:13,354 --> 00:04:14,755
- GUYS, THIS ONE IS UGLY.
IT'S NOT WORTH IT.
137
00:04:14,788 --> 00:04:16,357
- WELL, CAN WE PLEASE
JUST SEE IT?
138
00:04:16,390 --> 00:04:17,625
- [sighs]
139
00:04:17,658 --> 00:04:20,561
- OH, STUNNING. STUNNING!
- UGLY, UGLY, UGLY!
140
00:04:20,594 --> 00:04:21,729
UGH, THIS BLAZER
MAKES ME FEEL LIKE
141
00:04:21,762 --> 00:04:23,764
AN OUT-OF-WORK,
LESBIAN TEMP.
142
00:04:23,797 --> 00:04:25,599
- I THINK YOU NEED TO
PUT ON SOME SPANX
143
00:04:25,633 --> 00:04:27,034
AND SMOOTH IT ALL OUT.
144
00:04:27,067 --> 00:04:30,037
TRUTH? YOU MAY NEED SPANX
ON TOP OF SPANX.
145
00:04:30,070 --> 00:04:31,439
- OKAY, Q,
THAT'S NOT HELPFUL.
146
00:04:31,472 --> 00:04:33,374
- I'M JUST SAYING.
IF YOU'RE TRYING
147
00:04:33,407 --> 00:04:34,842
TO CLOSE THE DEAL,
SHE NEEDS TO TIGHTEN IT UP.
148
00:04:34,875 --> 00:04:36,510
- WHAT DO YOU KNOW
ABOUT CLOSING A DEAL?
149
00:04:36,544 --> 00:04:37,778
YOU'RE 9 YEARS OLD.
150
00:04:37,811 --> 00:04:39,580
- 9 1/2!
- NO, Q'S RIGHT.
151
00:04:39,613 --> 00:04:40,714
I AM NOT READY
TO CLOSE ANY DEAL.
152
00:04:40,748 --> 00:04:44,051
I DON'T THINK
I WANNA DO THIS, LENNON.
153
00:04:44,084 --> 00:04:47,388
- HEY, Q, I NEED A MINUTE
ALONE WITH JESS.
154
00:04:47,421 --> 00:04:49,723
- I GET THE HINT.
MY HELP IS NOT WANTED HERE.
155
00:04:49,757 --> 00:04:51,359
BUT JUST SO YOU KNOW,
156
00:04:51,392 --> 00:04:53,661
I PICK OUT THE CLOTHES
FOR MY FRIEND TIME DOLL,
157
00:04:53,694 --> 00:04:56,096
AND SHE ALWAYS LOOKS TIGHT.
158
00:04:56,129 --> 00:04:58,666
- HEY, YOU'RE GONNA BE FINE.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
159
00:04:58,699 --> 00:05:00,801
YOU'RE SO GOOD AT THIS.
- GOOD AT WHAT?
160
00:05:00,834 --> 00:05:03,737
- CONNECTING WITH PEOPLE.
TALKING TO PEOPLE.
161
00:05:03,771 --> 00:05:05,639
- LEN, I USED TO
BE GOOD AT IT!
162
00:05:05,673 --> 00:05:07,608
YOU KNOW, IF I WAS
A PROFESSIONAL JOCKEY,
163
00:05:07,641 --> 00:05:08,542
AND I TOOK THREE YEARS OFF
164
00:05:08,576 --> 00:05:10,511
AND THEN YOU PUT ME
BACK ON THAT HORSE,
165
00:05:10,544 --> 00:05:11,445
I WOULD NOT
BE ABLE TO DO IT.
166
00:05:11,479 --> 00:05:12,580
- YEAH, BUT THERE
WOULD BE NOTHING ELSE
167
00:05:12,613 --> 00:05:15,716
THAT YOU COULD DO BECAUSE
YOU'D BE SUCH A TINY MAN.
168
00:05:15,749 --> 00:05:19,487
COME ON, THIS IS KEITH
"MEATY CALVES" KAZAKIAN, OKAY?
169
00:05:19,520 --> 00:05:22,823
WE'VE BEEN DREAMING
ABOUT THIS MOMENT FOR 22 YEARS.
170
00:05:22,856 --> 00:05:24,692
YOU KNOW HOW GOOD
IT'S GONNA BE WHEN YOU...
171
00:05:24,725 --> 00:05:26,093
- WHEN I WHAT?
172
00:05:26,126 --> 00:05:28,829
- I THINK WE KNOW WHAT
WE'RE TALKING ABOUT, OKAY?
173
00:05:28,862 --> 00:05:30,698
- DO YOU THINK
HE STILL WEARS DRAKKAR NOIR?
174
00:05:30,731 --> 00:05:33,567
- I HOPE NOT,
FOR YOUR SAKE,
175
00:05:33,601 --> 00:05:35,569
'CAUSE YOU WILL SMELL LIKE THAT
FOR THREE DAYS.
176
00:05:35,603 --> 00:05:37,438
NOW GO PUT ON
THAT RED DRESS
177
00:05:37,471 --> 00:05:38,706
THAT MAKES YOU
LOOK LIKE SHARON STONE,
178
00:05:38,739 --> 00:05:40,107
AND LET'S CLOSE THIS DEAL.
179
00:05:40,140 --> 00:05:41,875
- YOU GOT ME IN SO MUCH TROUBLE
IN THAT CLASS.
180
00:05:41,909 --> 00:05:43,677
- WELL, I GOT EVERYONE
IN TROUBLE.
181
00:05:43,711 --> 00:05:45,846
- ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
- WELL, THAT WAS KINDA MY THING.
182
00:05:45,879 --> 00:05:47,415
- NO, MR. NASTAYLOR
WAS, LIKE, SO PISSED AT ME.
183
00:05:47,448 --> 00:05:50,718
- HE WAS THE WORST.
- [laughs]
184
00:05:50,751 --> 00:05:54,722
- YOU KNOW I, LIKE, ALWAYS HAD
THE BIGGEST CRUSH ON YOU, RIGHT?
185
00:05:54,755 --> 00:05:55,889
- WHAT?
YOU SHOULD'VE TOLD ME.
186
00:05:55,923 --> 00:05:57,124
- WELL,
YOU WERE WITH SOMEONE.
187
00:05:57,157 --> 00:05:58,592
- WHO, ERIC WAMPLER?
188
00:05:58,626 --> 00:05:59,693
- THE WAMPS.
- OH, MY GOD.
189
00:05:59,727 --> 00:06:02,463
I WAS ONLY WITH WAMPLESTILTSKIN
BECAUSE HE HAD A POOL.
190
00:06:02,496 --> 00:06:03,731
- OKAY, WELL, YOU KNOW
I ONLY WENT TO HIS PARTIES
191
00:06:03,764 --> 00:06:04,732
BECAUSE YOU WERE THERE.
192
00:06:04,765 --> 00:06:06,700
- NO--I CAN'T EVEN--
- YEAH.
193
00:06:06,734 --> 00:06:07,701
AND I ALWAYS TRIED TO
GET PAIRED UP WITH YOU
194
00:06:07,735 --> 00:06:08,736
FOR CHICKEN FIGHTS.
ALWAYS.
195
00:06:08,769 --> 00:06:09,737
- WELL, I MEAN,
196
00:06:09,770 --> 00:06:12,139
I DID HAVE A PRETTY GOOD
ONE-PIECE THAT SEASON.
197
00:06:12,172 --> 00:06:13,841
JUST SAYING.
198
00:06:13,874 --> 00:06:15,609
I'M KINDA
ROCKING TANKINIS NOW.
199
00:06:15,643 --> 00:06:16,910
- YEAH, YOU ARE.
- YEAH.
200
00:06:16,944 --> 00:06:18,479
- UH, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME,
201
00:06:18,512 --> 00:06:19,713
I'M GONNA USE
THE GENTLEMEN'S LOUNGE.
202
00:06:19,747 --> 00:06:23,551
DO NOT LEAVE.
- OH, I WON'T.
203
00:06:27,788 --> 00:06:29,490
LENNON, WE ARE VERY CLOSE
TO CLOSING THIS DEAL.
204
00:06:29,523 --> 00:06:30,758
I THINK
I'M ABOUT TO GET KEITHED.
205
00:06:30,791 --> 00:06:32,626
- MAN, HE IS
LAYING IT ON THICK.
206
00:06:32,660 --> 00:06:34,628
- I DO HAVE TO SAY, I LIKE A MAN
THAT SAYS "GENTLEMEN'S LOUNGE."
207
00:06:34,662 --> 00:06:36,196
- JOE, I DIDN'T KNOW
YOU WERE ON THIS CALL.
208
00:06:36,229 --> 00:06:38,499
- YEAH, LEN SAID WE'D ONLY
BE LISTENING FOR FIVE MINUTES.
209
00:06:38,532 --> 00:06:40,568
- YEAH, BUT THEN WE GOT
CAUGHT UP IN THE SEXUAL TENSION.
210
00:06:40,601 --> 00:06:41,935
- SO MUCH SEXUAL TENSION.
- OKAY.
211
00:06:41,969 --> 00:06:42,970
SO YOU'RE OKAY?
212
00:06:43,003 --> 00:06:45,205
- I'M GREAT.
THANK YOU, LENNON.
213
00:06:45,238 --> 00:06:46,640
- OKAY, THEN I'M GONNA
HANG UP AND HAVE SEX
214
00:06:46,674 --> 00:06:47,941
WITH MY BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW.
- OKAY, GROSS.
215
00:06:47,975 --> 00:06:49,510
- YOU'RE GROSS.
- OH, HE'S COMING BACK.
216
00:06:49,543 --> 00:06:51,512
- OKAY, BYE!
217
00:06:51,545 --> 00:06:54,214
- ALL RIGHT, A LITTLE SOMETHING
SOMETHING TO SET THE MOOD.
218
00:06:54,247 --> 00:06:57,785
[Loverboy's
Working for the Weekend]
219
00:06:57,818 --> 00:07:00,220
AND SINCE JESSICA'S NOT HERE,
I CAN DO THIS...
220
00:07:00,253 --> 00:07:01,855
- [laughs]
221
00:07:01,889 --> 00:07:03,657
- AND A LITTLE BIT OF THIS...
222
00:07:03,691 --> 00:07:04,725
- YEAH.
223
00:07:04,758 --> 00:07:06,794
- AND A WHOLE LOT OF THIS...
224
00:07:06,827 --> 00:07:07,995
- BRING IT.
225
00:07:08,028 --> 00:07:09,463
[laughs]
226
00:07:09,497 --> 00:07:12,666
- * EVERYONE'S LOOKIN'
AT YOU *
227
00:07:12,700 --> 00:07:13,834
- WHAT'S WRONG?
228
00:07:13,867 --> 00:07:16,804
- I-I CAN'T DO IT
WITH HER WATCHING US.
229
00:07:16,837 --> 00:07:18,672
- * EVERYONE'S WONDERIN'
230
00:07:18,706 --> 00:07:20,541
* WILL YOU COME OUT
TONIGHT *
231
00:07:20,574 --> 00:07:23,711
- [sighs]
232
00:07:25,012 --> 00:07:27,615
- SO WHAT DO YOU THINK?
ARE WE GONNA DO THIS?
233
00:07:27,648 --> 00:07:29,717
- I DON'T KNOW, ARE WE?
234
00:07:29,750 --> 00:07:31,251
- 'CAUSE I GOTTA
BE BACK BY 11:30
235
00:07:31,284 --> 00:07:33,821
OR ELSE CHERYL'S
GONNA SUSPECT SOMETHING.
236
00:07:33,854 --> 00:07:36,557
- WAIT--WAIT.
CHERYL MASTRIONI?
237
00:07:36,590 --> 00:07:38,526
- WELL,
IT'S CHERYL KAZAKIAN NOW.
238
00:07:38,559 --> 00:07:41,495
- I PLAYED JV SOFTBALL
WITH CHERYL MASTRIONI.
239
00:07:41,529 --> 00:07:42,563
SHE WAS OUR CATCHER.
240
00:07:42,596 --> 00:07:43,697
- OH, YEAH.
241
00:07:43,731 --> 00:07:45,866
SHE USED TO HAVE
REAL TIGHT GLUTES.
242
00:07:45,899 --> 00:07:47,701
- SHE LED US TO NATIONALS!
243
00:07:47,735 --> 00:07:49,970
YOU EXPECT ME TO SLEEP WITH YOU
WHILE YOU CHEAT ON MY TEAMMATE?
244
00:07:50,003 --> 00:07:51,905
- WELL, YOU HAVEN'T TALKED TO
HER IN, LIKE, 15 YEARS, SO...
245
00:07:51,939 --> 00:07:53,841
- OKAY, WELL,
YOU CLEARLY UNDERSTAND NOTHING
246
00:07:53,874 --> 00:07:55,576
ABOUT THE HIGH-SCHOOL
SOFTBALL EXPERIENCE.
247
00:07:55,609 --> 00:07:57,645
WHEN A GROUP
OF YOUNG WOMEN PERSEVERE--
248
00:07:57,678 --> 00:07:59,012
- YOU KNOW WHAT?
NEVER MIND.
249
00:07:59,046 --> 00:08:00,981
- DID YOU JUST SAY
"NEVER MIND"?
250
00:08:01,014 --> 00:08:02,583
- WELL, I'M ACTUALLY
FEELING PRETTY FULL
251
00:08:02,616 --> 00:08:04,718
FROM THE, UH, FROM THE GNOCCHI
YOU FORCED ON ME,
252
00:08:04,752 --> 00:08:06,687
SO IT'S GOOD.
253
00:08:06,720 --> 00:08:08,589
THANK YOU.
- NO, I'LL GET THE...
254
00:08:08,622 --> 00:08:10,824
- YOU'RE GONNA GET IT?
- NO, I'M NOT GONNA GET IT!
255
00:08:10,858 --> 00:08:12,993
- OH, I THOUGHT--
256
00:08:13,026 --> 00:08:15,963
- I FOUND FIVE PICTURES OF
THE TWO OF YOU IN A LOG FLUME.
257
00:08:15,996 --> 00:08:17,898
- YOU KNOW WHERE THERE'S
NO PICTURES OF THE TWO OF US?
258
00:08:17,931 --> 00:08:18,832
IN THE KITCHEN.
259
00:08:18,866 --> 00:08:20,601
- NO, I THINK THERE'S ONE
ON THE FRIDGE
260
00:08:20,634 --> 00:08:21,935
OF THE TWO OF YOU
IN A HOT AIR BALLOON.
261
00:08:21,969 --> 00:08:23,837
- [clears throat]
262
00:08:23,871 --> 00:08:28,075
- OH, I GET IT.
- [laughs]
263
00:08:28,108 --> 00:08:29,577
- OKAY.
- YEAH.
264
00:08:29,610 --> 00:08:30,911
- JUST TAKE THESE OFF.
- YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
265
00:08:30,944 --> 00:08:31,812
- YEAH.
266
00:08:31,845 --> 00:08:33,614
MAYBE WE SHOULD--
- IT WOULD BE EASIER
267
00:08:33,647 --> 00:08:35,315
IF WE JUST DO IT OURSELVES.
- SURE, YEAH.
268
00:08:35,348 --> 00:08:37,618
- THIS IS THE KIND OF THING
THEY SHOULD SHOW
269
00:08:37,651 --> 00:08:38,819
ON THE FOOD NETWORK.
270
00:08:38,852 --> 00:08:40,020
- GET IT, GET IT!
- GOT IT.
271
00:08:40,053 --> 00:08:42,756
- HA!
272
00:08:42,790 --> 00:08:43,924
[laughs]
273
00:08:43,957 --> 00:08:45,659
[door opening]
- KEITH KAZAKIAN IS MARRIED!
274
00:08:45,693 --> 00:08:47,628
- OH, MY GOD!
PANTS!
275
00:08:47,661 --> 00:08:49,630
- HE'S MARRIED, AND HE WANTED
TO HAVE SEX WITH ME,
276
00:08:49,663 --> 00:08:50,964
BUT HE SAID HE WAS TOO FULL.
277
00:08:50,998 --> 00:08:53,867
TOO FULL, LENNON!
- OH, THAT IS TERRIBLE.
278
00:08:53,901 --> 00:08:55,869
- I MEAN, HE DIDN'T EVEN
HAVE TO BE THAT CHARMING.
279
00:08:55,903 --> 00:08:58,906
I WAS A DONE DEAL.
I DOUBLE-SPANXED MYSELF.
280
00:08:58,939 --> 00:08:59,807
I WENT OUT AND BOUGHT
A MIDSIZE CLUTCH
281
00:08:59,840 --> 00:09:02,309
JUST SO I COULD FIT
ALL OF MY CONDOMS!
282
00:09:02,342 --> 00:09:03,944
THESE ARE TOO MANY CONDOMS!
283
00:09:03,977 --> 00:09:05,112
[sighs]
YOU KNOW WHAT?
284
00:09:05,145 --> 00:09:07,615
I JUST--I WANT TO HAVE
A HOT CHOCOLATE,
285
00:09:07,648 --> 00:09:08,682
AND I JUST
WANT TO GO TO SLEEP.
286
00:09:08,716 --> 00:09:09,683
- NO, NO, NO, NO!
- NO!
287
00:09:09,717 --> 00:09:10,784
- I KNOW
IT'S LATE FOR SUGAR,
288
00:09:10,818 --> 00:09:11,785
BUT IT'S JUST BEEN
A ROUGH ONE.
289
00:09:11,819 --> 00:09:15,055
- JESSICA!
- STOP WALKING!
290
00:09:15,088 --> 00:09:18,659
- OH, MY GOD.
ARE YOU GUYS HAVING SEX?
291
00:09:18,692 --> 00:09:19,727
- NO!
- YES!
292
00:09:19,760 --> 00:09:21,361
- IN THE KITCHEN?
[gasps]
293
00:09:21,394 --> 00:09:23,030
LENNON, ARE YOU
WEARING PANTS RIGHT NOW?
294
00:09:23,063 --> 00:09:25,933
- UH, WELL,
NOT AT THIS EXACT MOMENT,
295
00:09:25,966 --> 00:09:26,900
BUT I WILL PUT SOME ON,
296
00:09:26,934 --> 00:09:28,335
AND THEN I'LL GET YOU
THAT HOT CHOCOLATE.
297
00:09:28,368 --> 00:09:31,104
- THIS IS SO EMBARRASSING.
- JESS!
298
00:09:31,138 --> 00:09:33,140
BABE, I'M SORRY.
299
00:09:36,376 --> 00:09:37,878
- I'M NOT EXAGGERATING
WHEN I SAY THIS, RAV.
300
00:09:37,911 --> 00:09:39,947
LENNON AND I ARE NEVER
GOING TO HAVE SEX AGAIN.
301
00:09:39,980 --> 00:09:41,014
- YOU CAN HAVE SEX
IN MY KITCHEN,
302
00:09:41,048 --> 00:09:42,049
BUT IT'S PRETTY DIRTY.
303
00:09:42,082 --> 00:09:43,250
- SHE'D SOMEHOW FIND US.
304
00:09:43,283 --> 00:09:45,919
- HEY...
WHERE ARE OUR GYROS?
305
00:09:45,953 --> 00:09:48,155
- I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU DID,
BUT THE PEOPLE IN THAT DINER
306
00:09:48,188 --> 00:09:49,222
DID NOT LIKE YOU ONE BIT.
307
00:09:49,256 --> 00:09:50,858
- WHAT, DID YOU SELL US OUT?
308
00:09:50,891 --> 00:09:53,326
- NO, I DID EXACTLY
WHAT YOU TOLD ME TO DO.
309
00:09:53,360 --> 00:09:56,764
I SAID I WANTED THREE GYROS,
ONE WITH EXTRA TZATZIKI.
310
00:09:56,797 --> 00:09:58,198
BUT THE LADY
WITH THE NICE HAIR SAID,
311
00:09:58,231 --> 00:10:00,167
"ARE THOSE FOR THOSE TWO MEN
OUT ON THE SIDEWALK?"
312
00:10:00,200 --> 00:10:02,836
AND I SAID, "I CAN'T TELL A LIE.
YES, THEY ARE."
313
00:10:02,870 --> 00:10:05,072
- COME ON, Q!
- IT'S NOT MY FAULT!
314
00:10:05,105 --> 00:10:07,875
YOU SHOULD'VE STOOD
FURTHER DOWN THE STREET.
315
00:10:07,908 --> 00:10:08,876
MONEY, PLEASE.
316
00:10:08,909 --> 00:10:09,943
- I'M NOT PAYING YOU.
317
00:10:09,977 --> 00:10:12,079
YOUR JOB WAS TO PROCURE
THE GYROS, AND YOU FAILED.
318
00:10:12,112 --> 00:10:14,815
- NO, SIR,
I'M NOT PAID FOR RESULTS.
319
00:10:14,848 --> 00:10:17,384
I'M PAID FOR MY TIME.
320
00:10:23,023 --> 00:10:26,827
[T. Rex's
20th Century Boy]
321
00:10:26,860 --> 00:10:28,328
- LEN, I'M OVERDRESSED.
THESE GUYS HERE
322
00:10:28,361 --> 00:10:30,063
LOOK LIKE THEY JUST FINISHED
RAKING LEAVES.
323
00:10:30,097 --> 00:10:32,199
- ARE YOU KIDDING?
YOU LOOK LIKE A STONE-COLD FOX.
324
00:10:32,232 --> 00:10:33,000
- OKAY, CAN WE NOT--LEN!
- WHAT?
325
00:10:33,033 --> 00:10:34,968
- GET YOUR HANDS
OUT OF MY BOOBS!
326
00:10:35,002 --> 00:10:36,003
LISTEN, I DON'T THINK
I'M IN THE MOOD FOR THIS.
327
00:10:36,036 --> 00:10:39,006
I JUST--I'M FEELING TERRIBLE
ABOUT LAST NIGHT.
328
00:10:39,039 --> 00:10:40,307
- OKAY, CAN WE LET
OLD MEATY CALVES GO?
329
00:10:40,340 --> 00:10:41,174
HE'S NOT WORTH IT.
- [laughs]
330
00:10:41,208 --> 00:10:43,310
I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT
MEATY CALVES.
331
00:10:43,343 --> 00:10:45,078
I'M TALKING ABOUT
WALKING IN ON YOU GUYS.
332
00:10:45,112 --> 00:10:46,880
- OH, NO,
THAT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT.
333
00:10:46,914 --> 00:10:48,148
- YOU KNOW, HONESTLY,
I'M ACTUALLY SURPRISED
334
00:10:48,181 --> 00:10:50,217
IT HASN'T HAPPENED BEFORE.
- YEAH.
335
00:10:50,250 --> 00:10:52,352
- LENNON, IT HASN'T
HAPPENED BEFORE, HAS IT?
336
00:10:52,385 --> 00:10:54,154
- NO, OF COURSE NOT.
337
00:10:54,187 --> 00:10:55,856
- YOU KNOW, I SHOULD'VE KNOWN
KEITH WAS MARRIED.
338
00:10:55,889 --> 00:10:57,190
HE WAS WEARING
A WOVEN BELT.
339
00:10:57,224 --> 00:10:58,125
- OKAY, WELL,
LESSON LEARNED.
340
00:10:58,158 --> 00:10:59,993
WE'LL KEEP OUR EYES OPEN
FOR WOVEN BELTS.
341
00:11:00,027 --> 00:11:00,828
- [laughs]
- NOW, CAN WE DO THIS?
342
00:11:00,861 --> 00:11:01,995
- ALL RIGHT, LET'S DO THIS.
- YEAH!
343
00:11:02,029 --> 00:11:04,364
- AND THAT'S WHEN I STARTED
GROWING MY OWN VEGETABLES.
344
00:11:04,397 --> 00:11:07,034
- OH, WOW, YOU KNOW,
JESSICA'S AN AMAZING CHEF.
345
00:11:07,067 --> 00:11:08,035
- OH, YEAH?
- YEAH.
346
00:11:08,068 --> 00:11:09,036
- I'M KIND OF
A FOODIE MYSELF.
347
00:11:09,069 --> 00:11:10,938
WHAT DO YOU LIKE TO COOK?
- OH, EVERYTHING.
348
00:11:10,971 --> 00:11:13,941
I COOK, UM, ALL THE FOODS.
UH, ESPECIALLY MEAT.
349
00:11:13,974 --> 00:11:15,843
I LOVE MEAT.
I MEAN, ALL KINDS OF MEAT.
350
00:11:15,876 --> 00:11:17,377
UH, JUST MEAT SANDWICH
OR MEAT PIZZA.
351
00:11:17,410 --> 00:11:19,847
SOMETIMES I JUST THROW MEAT
ON A PLATE, I DON'T CARE!
352
00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:21,248
JUST GIVE ME THAT MEAT!
- OKAY, JESSICA...
353
00:11:21,281 --> 00:11:23,150
- MEAT! MEAT! MEAT!
I CAN'T STOP SAYING
354
00:11:23,183 --> 00:11:24,852
THE WORD "MEAT."
I'M TRYING TO STOP...
355
00:11:24,885 --> 00:11:26,386
- THAT'S FINE.
- BUT I CAN'T SEEM TO.
356
00:11:26,419 --> 00:11:29,289
- JESSICA, UM,
MADE AN AMAZING PULLED PORK
357
00:11:29,322 --> 00:11:31,124
LAST WEEK.
MELT IN YOUR MOUTH.
358
00:11:31,158 --> 00:11:33,260
- YOU KNOW, I KNOW OF
THIS GREAT BARBECUE PLACE
359
00:11:33,293 --> 00:11:35,896
IN WILLIAMSBURG
THAT YOU WOULD LOVE, LENNON.
360
00:11:35,929 --> 00:11:38,265
WE SHOULD GO SOMETIME.
361
00:11:38,298 --> 00:11:40,233
- EXCUSE ME.
- OKAY, THIS IS OVER.
362
00:11:41,468 --> 00:11:42,870
- OH!
- SORRY.
363
00:11:42,903 --> 00:11:45,072
- I'M SORRY.
WOW, YOU ARE VERY TALL.
364
00:11:45,105 --> 00:11:46,406
- OH, AND YOU'RE
VERY RUDE.
365
00:11:46,439 --> 00:11:48,942
I HAVE A HYPERACTIVE
PITUITARY GLAND.
366
00:11:48,976 --> 00:11:50,210
MY MOTHER DIED FROM IT.
367
00:11:50,243 --> 00:11:51,278
- OH, I AM SO SORRY.
368
00:11:51,311 --> 00:11:54,047
- QUESTION-AY:
IS YOUR FRIEND SINGLE?
369
00:11:54,081 --> 00:11:55,448
- [sighs]
370
00:11:58,118 --> 00:12:00,888
RAV, WHY AM I SUCH
A BONER REPELLENT?
371
00:12:00,921 --> 00:12:03,090
- YOU WANT A REAL ANSWER,
OR DO YOU WANT ME TO TELL YOU
372
00:12:03,123 --> 00:12:04,191
THAT YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL
AND ANY BONER HERE
373
00:12:04,224 --> 00:12:05,025
WOULD BE LUCKY TO HAVE YOU?
374
00:12:05,058 --> 00:12:06,359
- CAN YOU DO
A LITTLE BIT OF BOTH?
375
00:12:06,393 --> 00:12:08,061
I'M VERY VULNERABLE RIGHT NOW.
376
00:12:08,095 --> 00:12:10,497
EVERY MAN THAT WE HAVE SPOKEN TO
HAS ASKED LENNON OUT.
377
00:12:10,530 --> 00:12:11,899
- IT'S 'CAUSE
YOU'RE TOO WORKED UP.
378
00:12:11,932 --> 00:12:14,334
- JUST RELAX, WILL YOU?
DATING'S WEIRD.
379
00:12:14,367 --> 00:12:16,169
DID I EVER SHOW YOU THIS SCAR
I HAVE ON MY BACK?
380
00:12:16,203 --> 00:12:17,470
- WHAT IS HAPPENING?
381
00:12:17,504 --> 00:12:19,372
- I WAS HAVING SEX
WITH THIS LADY COP I MET ONLINE
382
00:12:19,406 --> 00:12:20,908
AND HER PET BIRD
ATTACKED ME.
383
00:12:20,941 --> 00:12:22,475
WENT TO TOWN ON MY BACK
LIKE I WAS A BIRDFEEDER.
384
00:12:22,509 --> 00:12:24,011
- PUT YOUR SHIRT BACK ON,
PLEASE.
385
00:12:24,044 --> 00:12:25,112
- DID YOU HEAR WHAT I SAID?
386
00:12:25,145 --> 00:12:27,414
IT WENT TO TOWN ON MY BACK
LIKE I WAS A BIRDFEEDER.
387
00:12:27,447 --> 00:12:30,918
- WHAT IS YOUR POINT?
- MY POINT IS...
388
00:12:30,951 --> 00:12:33,320
IT GOT WEIRD, BUT I GOT
A GREAT STORY OUT OF IT.
389
00:12:33,353 --> 00:12:35,355
- I DON'T KNOW IF I'D
REALLY CALL IT A GREAT STORY.
390
00:12:35,388 --> 00:12:38,425
- JUST GET OUT THERE
AND LET IT GET WEIRD.
391
00:12:38,458 --> 00:12:41,028
- ALL RIGHT, NEXT TIME
I ASK FOR A PEP TALK,
392
00:12:41,061 --> 00:12:43,030
COULD YOU JUST REMIND ME OF THIS
SPECIAL MOMENT WE JUST SHARED?
393
00:12:43,063 --> 00:12:44,464
- YEAH.
- THANK YOU.
394
00:12:44,497 --> 00:12:46,199
- I EVEN WENT THERE ALONE,
AND SHE WAS LIKE,
395
00:12:46,233 --> 00:12:48,235
"YOU CAN GO EAT GYROS
IN HELL!"
396
00:12:48,268 --> 00:12:50,070
- WELL, THAT IS HURTFUL.
397
00:12:50,103 --> 00:12:51,471
- GUYS, I THINK
I'M GONNA TAKE OFF.
398
00:12:51,504 --> 00:12:53,941
- WHAT? WHY?
NO, YOU WERE DOING SO GOOD.
399
00:12:53,974 --> 00:12:55,342
- LENNON, THREE DIFFERENT GUYS
ASKED ME FOR YOUR NUMBER.
400
00:12:55,375 --> 00:12:57,110
- WAIT, WHO ASKED
FOR YOUR NUMBER?
401
00:12:57,144 --> 00:12:58,445
- RELAX. LISTEN,
I'M JUST GONNA GO TO BED.
402
00:12:58,478 --> 00:13:00,013
I DON'T THINK
I'M READY FOR ALL THIS.
403
00:13:00,047 --> 00:13:01,381
- ALL RIGHT, WELL,
DO YOU WANT US TO COME WITH YOU?
404
00:13:01,414 --> 00:13:03,150
- NO, NO, NO.
- EXCUSE ME.
405
00:13:03,183 --> 00:13:04,484
- TAKE A WALK, BUDDY.
THIS IS MY GIRL.
406
00:13:04,517 --> 00:13:08,221
- ACTUALLY, I WAS HOPING
TO TALK TO HER FRIEND.
407
00:13:08,255 --> 00:13:12,092
CAN I BUY YOU A DRINK?
408
00:13:12,125 --> 00:13:14,261
- UM, YEAH, I GUESS
I COULD HAVE ONE DRINK.
409
00:13:14,294 --> 00:13:16,263
- OKAY.
410
00:13:16,296 --> 00:13:19,466
[both mouthing silently]
411
00:13:23,436 --> 00:13:25,572
- DAPHNE,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
412
00:13:25,605 --> 00:13:27,574
- I FOUND YOUR PHONE.
- WHERE WAS IT?
413
00:13:27,607 --> 00:13:30,243
- IN MY APARTMENT,
BEHIND THE HEADBOARD.
414
00:13:30,277 --> 00:13:32,212
FRANKLY, I'M SURPRISED
IT'S STILL IN ONE PIECE.
415
00:13:32,245 --> 00:13:34,982
- ME TOO, I'M ACTUALLY
A LITTLE DISAPPOINTED IN MYSELF.
416
00:13:35,015 --> 00:13:36,516
- I'M SORRY
I POURED COFFEE ON YOU.
417
00:13:36,549 --> 00:13:39,552
- IT'S OKAY.
KINDA LIKED IT.
418
00:13:41,321 --> 00:13:42,555
LISTEN, I WAS WONDERING
IF YOU COULD DO SOMETHING
419
00:13:42,589 --> 00:13:44,391
FOR A FRIEND OF MINE.
420
00:13:44,424 --> 00:13:46,393
- DETAILS.
421
00:13:46,426 --> 00:13:48,195
- HIS NAME IS COREY,
AND HE WANTS TO TAKE ME
422
00:13:48,228 --> 00:13:50,530
TO A PARTY AT A COUNTRY ESTATE
IN NEW JERSEY.
423
00:13:50,563 --> 00:13:52,199
- EXCUSE ME?
A COUNTRY ESTATE?
424
00:13:52,232 --> 00:13:53,200
WHEN IS THIS HAPPENING?
425
00:13:53,233 --> 00:13:55,002
- RIGHT NOW.
IS THIS CRAZY?
426
00:13:55,035 --> 00:13:57,404
- NO, IT'S NOT CRAZY.
AND LET ME TELL YOU WHY,
427
00:13:57,437 --> 00:14:01,108
AND I'M GONNA BE COMPLETELY
HONEST WITH YOU RIGHT NOW.
428
00:14:01,141 --> 00:14:04,044
IF YOU GO TO NEW JERSEY,
THAT MEANS I GET TO GO HOME
429
00:14:04,077 --> 00:14:06,213
AND HAVE SEX WITH MY GIRLFRIEND
WITHOUT INTERRUPTION,
430
00:14:06,246 --> 00:14:07,514
BECAUSE YOU'RE GONNA BE
IN A TOTALLY DIFFERENT STATE.
431
00:14:07,547 --> 00:14:10,117
- GROSS.
LENNON, WHAT DO YOU THINK?
432
00:14:10,150 --> 00:14:13,120
HE SEEMS REALLY NICE.
HE ALSO LOOKS LIKE JASON BOURNE.
433
00:14:13,153 --> 00:14:14,521
- I THINK YOU SHOULD
CLOSE THIS DEAL.
434
00:14:14,554 --> 00:14:17,024
- LET'S DO IT!
435
00:14:17,057 --> 00:14:18,391
- YO, DUDE, I THINK I JUST
SOLVED YOUR GYRO PROBLEM.
436
00:14:18,425 --> 00:14:20,260
- I DON'T NEED A GYRO, RAV.
437
00:14:20,293 --> 00:14:22,462
I'M ABOUT TO GO HAVE SEX
WITH MY GIRLFRIEND.
438
00:14:22,495 --> 00:14:26,366
I CAN'T BELIEVE
THIS IS FINALLY HAPPENING.
439
00:14:26,399 --> 00:14:29,202
OH, MY GOD.
440
00:14:29,236 --> 00:14:30,103
YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL.
441
00:14:30,137 --> 00:14:32,439
- THANK YOU.
THIS WAS MY GRANDMOTHER'S.
442
00:14:32,472 --> 00:14:33,573
- AW, LENNON!
443
00:14:33,606 --> 00:14:35,442
- WHAT?
WE HAVE THE SAME BODY.
444
00:14:35,475 --> 00:14:37,644
- NOW ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT
IS HER IN THAT HOSPITAL BED.
445
00:14:37,677 --> 00:14:39,346
REMEMBER? SHE HAD TO TALK
THROUGH THAT VOICE BOX?
446
00:14:39,379 --> 00:14:41,581
- OKAY, JUST STAY WITH ME.
STAY FOCUSED.
447
00:14:41,614 --> 00:14:43,550
- [Darth Vader voice]
LENNON...
448
00:14:43,583 --> 00:14:45,318
I AM YOUR GRANDMOTHER.
449
00:14:45,352 --> 00:14:46,386
- [laughs]
COME ON.
450
00:14:46,419 --> 00:14:48,088
[phone rings]
451
00:14:48,121 --> 00:14:49,656
- EVERY SINGLE TIME!
- OH, MY GOD.
452
00:14:49,689 --> 00:14:51,258
BABE, ALL I WANT TO DO
RIGHT NOW
453
00:14:51,291 --> 00:14:52,325
IS HAVE SEX WITH YOU--
454
00:14:52,359 --> 00:14:55,062
- BUT SHE'S WITH A NEW GUY.
SHE'S IN NEW JERSEY.
455
00:14:55,095 --> 00:14:57,164
SHE COULD BE
GETTING MURDERED SOMEWHERE.
456
00:14:57,197 --> 00:14:59,266
ANSWER IT.
- OKAY.
457
00:14:59,299 --> 00:15:00,267
JESS, ARE YOU OKAY?
458
00:15:00,300 --> 00:15:01,601
- LENNON!
459
00:15:01,634 --> 00:15:03,103
OH, YOU KNOW WHAT, CORE?
ON SECOND THOUGHT,
460
00:15:03,136 --> 00:15:04,104
I WILL HAVE CHAMPAGNE.
461
00:15:04,137 --> 00:15:05,205
- WHAT IS HAPPENING?
462
00:15:05,238 --> 00:15:08,275
- OKAY, THIS PARTY'S AT
A BEAUTIFUL ESTATE ON A RIVER,
463
00:15:08,308 --> 00:15:10,477
AND EVEN THOUGH COREY LOOKS
A BIT YOUNGER IN THE LIGHT,
464
00:15:10,510 --> 00:15:12,345
I HAVE NEVER BEEN TREATED
MORE LIKE A LADY--
465
00:15:12,379 --> 00:15:13,646
OH, HI, THANK YOU.
466
00:15:13,680 --> 00:15:15,248
- THEN WHY
IS SHE CALLING US?
467
00:15:15,282 --> 00:15:16,616
- OKAY, SO I DON'T
HAVE TO BE WORRIED?
468
00:15:16,649 --> 00:15:18,118
- NO, NO, NO.
469
00:15:18,151 --> 00:15:19,386
I KNEW YOU GUYS
WERE JUST SITTING BY THE PHONE,
470
00:15:19,419 --> 00:15:21,121
WAITING FOR ME TO CALL.
471
00:15:21,154 --> 00:15:22,622
LISTEN, GO TO SLEEP,
I'LL CALL YOU IN THE MORNING,
472
00:15:22,655 --> 00:15:24,091
OKAY?
- OKAY.
473
00:15:24,124 --> 00:15:25,458
- OH, LOOKS LIKE
THE PARTY IS SHIFTING
474
00:15:25,492 --> 00:15:26,459
INTO SOME KIND OF
A SAFARI THEME.
475
00:15:26,493 --> 00:15:30,497
- WAIT A MINUTE.
WAIT, JESS, LOOK AROUND YOU.
476
00:15:30,530 --> 00:15:32,199
ARE THE GUYS
WEARING PITH HELMETS?
477
00:15:32,232 --> 00:15:34,367
- YEAH, PITH HELMETS
AS FAR AS THE EYE CAN SEE.
478
00:15:34,401 --> 00:15:36,203
- OH, MY GOD,
479
00:15:36,236 --> 00:15:37,504
YOU'RE AT A COUGAR BALL.
- COUGAR BALL?
480
00:15:37,537 --> 00:15:39,239
- YEAH, I READ ABOUT IT
IN THE NEW YORKER.
481
00:15:39,272 --> 00:15:40,607
IT'S THIS NEW COLLEGE FAD
WHERE THE FRATERNITIES
482
00:15:40,640 --> 00:15:42,242
HAVE WHAT THEY CALL
A COUGAR BALL.
483
00:15:42,275 --> 00:15:44,511
EACH GUY HAS TO BRING
THE HOTTEST COUGAR HE CAN FIND
484
00:15:44,544 --> 00:15:46,313
TO A DINNER,
AND AT THE END OF THE NIGHT,
485
00:15:46,346 --> 00:15:47,514
THEY CROWN SOMEBODY
QUEEN COUGAR.
486
00:15:47,547 --> 00:15:49,216
- NO, THEY DO NOT.
- DISGUSTING.
487
00:15:49,249 --> 00:15:53,253
- JUST STAY WHERE YOU ARE.
WE ARE COMING TO GET YOU!
488
00:15:53,286 --> 00:15:54,654
all: TO COUGARS!
489
00:15:54,687 --> 00:15:56,556
[cheering]
490
00:15:59,292 --> 00:16:00,560
- THIS IS ALL MY FAULT.
WHY DID I TELL HER TO GO?
491
00:16:00,593 --> 00:16:02,262
- THANK GOD DR. CARNIVACCI
SUBSCRIBES TO THE NEW YORKER,
492
00:16:02,295 --> 00:16:03,496
OR ELSE
WE'D NEVER HAVE KNOWN!
493
00:16:03,530 --> 00:16:04,531
- OKAY, CALL RAV.
WE NEED HIS TRUCK.
494
00:16:04,564 --> 00:16:06,133
- I CALLED HIM
THREE TIMES ALREADY.
495
00:16:06,166 --> 00:16:07,700
HE WON'T PICK UP!
- SCREW IT, WE'RE RENTING A CAR.
496
00:16:07,734 --> 00:16:09,402
WAIT, WHERE'S MY SWEATER?
497
00:16:09,436 --> 00:16:10,703
[screaming]
WHERE IS IT?
498
00:16:10,737 --> 00:16:13,706
[hip-hop party music playing]
499
00:16:13,740 --> 00:16:20,747
*
500
00:16:22,315 --> 00:16:25,552
all: GO! GO! GO! GO!
501
00:16:26,586 --> 00:16:28,421
- HEY, DID YOU
BRING ME TO NEW JERSEY
502
00:16:28,455 --> 00:16:30,623
TO BE IN A COUGAR BALL?
503
00:16:30,657 --> 00:16:32,192
ARE YOU THAT STUPID?
504
00:16:32,225 --> 00:16:33,293
'CAUSE, I MEAN,
YOU SEEM SMART,
505
00:16:33,326 --> 00:16:34,327
BUT I DON'T KNOW,
I JUST MET YOU.
506
00:16:34,361 --> 00:16:36,163
MAYBE YOU'RE JUST,
LIKE REALLY, REALLY STUPID.
507
00:16:36,196 --> 00:16:37,497
- I'M SORRY, I--
508
00:16:37,530 --> 00:16:39,166
I BROUGHT YOU HERE
TO BE MY COUGAR.
509
00:16:39,199 --> 00:16:40,167
- WELL, THAT'S GREAT.
THAT MAKES ME FEEL
510
00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:41,601
REALLY GOOD ABOUT MYSELF.
511
00:16:41,634 --> 00:16:44,437
THAT'S A LIE, COREY,
IN CASE YOU'RE TOO STUPID.
512
00:16:44,471 --> 00:16:47,307
- LOOK AT THIS.
NICE CATCH, CORE.
513
00:16:47,340 --> 00:16:49,442
YOU LOOK LIKE
YOU'RE STILL IN YOUR 30s.
514
00:16:49,476 --> 00:16:52,412
- I AM IN MY 30s.
- THAT'S THE SPIRIT.
515
00:16:52,445 --> 00:16:57,317
I MYSELF WENT WITH
MORE OF THE CLASSIC COUG.
516
00:16:57,350 --> 00:16:59,652
SHE IS WRINKLED DYNAMITE.
I THINK I HAVE THE WINNER.
517
00:16:59,686 --> 00:17:01,388
- YOU SEEM LIKE A WINNER.
518
00:17:01,421 --> 00:17:04,557
YOU KNOW YOUR PARENTS ARE PAYING
FOR YOU TO DRESS LIKE A PENIS?
519
00:17:04,591 --> 00:17:06,626
I'M OUT OF HERE.
520
00:17:06,659 --> 00:17:08,295
- IS THAT A HAT JOKE?
- SHUT UP!
521
00:17:10,630 --> 00:17:13,233
HEY! I KNOW
YOU PROBABLY HATE ME.
522
00:17:13,266 --> 00:17:15,468
I JUST--I WANT YOU TO KNOW
I DIDN'T WANT TO DO THIS.
523
00:17:15,502 --> 00:17:17,337
I DON'T EVEN LIKE THESE GUYS,
IT'S JUST MY DAD'S, LIKE,
524
00:17:17,370 --> 00:17:18,738
A FOUNDING MEMBER
OF THIS STUPID FRAT,
525
00:17:18,771 --> 00:17:22,709
AND I DON'T KNOW,
I THINK YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL,
526
00:17:22,742 --> 00:17:26,213
AND I JUST--I THOUGHT
IF I COULD GET YOU TO COME HERE,
527
00:17:26,246 --> 00:17:28,348
I MIGHT HAVE A SHOT
AT WINNING QUEEN COUGAR,
528
00:17:28,381 --> 00:17:31,484
AND MY DAD WOULD BE
PROUD OF ME FOR ONCE.
529
00:17:31,518 --> 00:17:35,622
- THIS IS...DEFINITELY
THE WEIRDEST NIGHT OF MY LIFE.
530
00:17:37,257 --> 00:17:40,627
[sighs]
531
00:17:40,660 --> 00:17:43,796
HEY, COREY?
532
00:17:43,830 --> 00:17:47,300
WHAT WOULD WE NEED TO DO
TO WIN THIS THING?
533
00:17:47,334 --> 00:17:48,535
- WHAT?
ARE YOU SERIOUS?
534
00:17:48,568 --> 00:17:49,736
- YEAH, I'M SERIOUS.
535
00:17:49,769 --> 00:17:51,638
I WANNA GET A GOOD STORY
OUT OF THIS.
536
00:17:51,671 --> 00:17:54,341
SO TELL ME, WHAT DO I NEED TO DO
TO STICK IT TO TREVOR
537
00:17:54,374 --> 00:17:55,675
AND TAKE
THESE OLD BITCHES DOWN?
538
00:17:55,708 --> 00:17:58,811
'CAUSE I KNOW
I GOT THIS--OH, YES!
539
00:17:58,845 --> 00:18:01,648
BUT I CAN ALSO
DROP IT PRETTY LOW...
540
00:18:01,681 --> 00:18:03,250
IF YOU NEED THAT.
541
00:18:03,283 --> 00:18:04,851
ALSO, IF THERE'S
A KARAOKE PORTION,
542
00:18:04,884 --> 00:18:09,289
I DO DO A MEAN RENDITION
OF BOB DYLAN'S LAY LADY LAY.
543
00:18:09,322 --> 00:18:10,857
JUST FYI.
544
00:18:10,890 --> 00:18:12,825
- * JUMP ON IT
545
00:18:12,859 --> 00:18:15,362
* JUMP ON IT,
JUMP ON IT *
546
00:18:15,395 --> 00:18:17,664
*
547
00:18:17,697 --> 00:18:19,532
- I AM SHUTTING THIS DOWN!
THIS IS OVER!
548
00:18:19,566 --> 00:18:20,833
THIS IS IT!
IT'S OVER!
549
00:18:20,867 --> 00:18:22,569
EVERYONE BACK AWAY
FROM THIS WOMAN!
550
00:18:22,602 --> 00:18:24,737
AND IF YOU ARE IN THIS ROOM,
YOU ARE ON NOTICE!
551
00:18:24,771 --> 00:18:26,339
- YOU AND I
ARE TAKING A WALK, MISTER.
552
00:18:26,373 --> 00:18:27,407
- NO, NO!
JOE, JOE, STOP!
553
00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:28,641
IT'S OKAY!
554
00:18:28,675 --> 00:18:30,577
- IT'S NOT OKAY, JESS.
HEY, THESE COUGARS,
555
00:18:30,610 --> 00:18:32,545
AS YOU BOYS CALL THEM,
ARE WOMEN, ALL RIGHT?
556
00:18:32,579 --> 00:18:34,547
WOMEN!
HEAR THEM ROAR!
557
00:18:34,581 --> 00:18:35,748
- [laughs]
COUGARS ALSO ROAR.
558
00:18:35,782 --> 00:18:36,816
- [angry]
WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME?
559
00:18:36,849 --> 00:18:38,551
- LENNON!
- NOTHING!
560
00:18:38,585 --> 00:18:39,752
I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING!
- YEAH, YOU DID!
561
00:18:39,786 --> 00:18:41,821
YOU NEED TO LEARN
YOUR EDUCATION!
562
00:18:41,854 --> 00:18:42,822
- OKAY, OKAY, LENNON,
IT'S OKAY, ALL RIGHT?
563
00:18:42,855 --> 00:18:44,424
I'M FINE.
564
00:18:44,457 --> 00:18:46,359
- IT'S NOT FINE, JESS.
YOU'RE AT A COUGAR BALL.
565
00:18:46,393 --> 00:18:47,860
- YEAH, AND I'M HAVING
THE TIME OF MY LIFE.
566
00:18:47,894 --> 00:18:49,896
THERE'S ENDLESS CHAMPAGNE.
567
00:18:49,929 --> 00:18:51,464
I KEEP GETTING
LIFTED UP ON A CHAIR,
568
00:18:51,498 --> 00:18:53,400
WHICH YOU KNOW HAS ALWAYS
BEEN A DREAM OF MINE,
569
00:18:53,433 --> 00:18:54,401
SINCE I'M NOT JEWISH.
570
00:18:54,434 --> 00:18:56,703
I THREW MY HAT IN THE RING
FOR QUEEN COUGAR,
571
00:18:56,736 --> 00:18:59,439
AND WORD ON THE STREET IS
I MIGHT ACTUALLY WIN THIS THING
572
00:18:59,472 --> 00:19:01,908
IF DANIELLE FROM SHORT HILLS
DOESN'T STEAL IT FROM ME.
573
00:19:01,941 --> 00:19:03,876
SO I'M OKAY.
574
00:19:03,910 --> 00:19:06,579
- REALLY?
- YES! I PROMISE!
575
00:19:06,613 --> 00:19:09,582
ALL RIGHT, NOW LITTLE PETE,
GRAB MY FRIENDS
576
00:19:09,616 --> 00:19:11,551
A COUPLE OF COUGARITAS--
HOLD THE SALT--
577
00:19:11,584 --> 00:19:13,886
AND LET'S GET
THIS PARTY STARTED!
578
00:19:13,920 --> 00:19:15,788
[cheering]
579
00:19:15,822 --> 00:19:17,557
- * PUT YOUR HANDS UP
AND HEAR ME SHOUT *
580
00:19:17,590 --> 00:19:18,858
* A LITTLE BIT LOUD
581
00:19:18,891 --> 00:19:20,460
* NOW PUT YOUR HANDS UP
582
00:19:20,493 --> 00:19:21,661
* CAN'T KEEP YOURSELF
FROM JUMPING AROUND *
583
00:19:21,694 --> 00:19:23,763
- OKAY,
THAT WAS A NEW SONG
584
00:19:23,796 --> 00:19:25,765
THAT I DON'T LIKE
AND DON'T CARE ABOUT,
585
00:19:25,798 --> 00:19:27,700
BUT HERE'S ONE OF
THE BEST ONES EVER RECORDED,
586
00:19:27,734 --> 00:19:30,903
AND IF YOU DISAGREE, YOU CAN
FIGHT ME ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
587
00:19:30,937 --> 00:19:33,906
[Loverboy's
Working for the Weekend]
588
00:19:33,940 --> 00:19:35,942
*
589
00:19:35,975 --> 00:19:37,477
- LENNON, TRUTH.
590
00:19:37,510 --> 00:19:38,745
WHEN I CALLED YOU GUYS
EARLIER TODAY,
591
00:19:38,778 --> 00:19:39,912
WERE YOU GETTING
YOUR BODIES WORKED?
592
00:19:39,946 --> 00:19:41,481
- WE ABSOLUTELY WERE.
593
00:19:41,514 --> 00:19:42,949
- SO WHY DID YOU
PICK UP THE PHONE?
594
00:19:42,982 --> 00:19:45,818
- WELL, 'CAUSE I WAS WORRIED
YOU WERE GETTING MURDERED.
595
00:19:45,852 --> 00:19:47,587
- OKAY, LEN, YOU NEED TO
STOP WORRYING ABOUT ME
596
00:19:47,620 --> 00:19:48,821
AND START GETTING
THAT BODY WORKED.
597
00:19:48,855 --> 00:19:51,724
- OKAY, THEN YOU NEED TO KNOCK
BEFORE YOU COME IN OUR BEDROOM.
598
00:19:51,758 --> 00:19:54,627
- OH, MY GOD, THAT MORNING,
WERE YOU GUYS IN THE MIDDLE--
599
00:19:54,661 --> 00:19:56,496
[gasps]
I SAT ON THE EDGE OF THE BED!
600
00:19:56,529 --> 00:19:57,630
- YEAH, YOU ALMOST
SAT ON HIS JUNK.
601
00:19:57,664 --> 00:19:58,598
- OH, MAN.
- BAD NEWS!
602
00:19:58,631 --> 00:20:00,767
YOU'VE BEEN DISQUALIFIED
FROM QUEEN COUGAR.
603
00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:03,370
- [groans]
DANIELLE FROM SHORT HILLS.
604
00:20:03,403 --> 00:20:04,837
- NO, TREVOR LOOKED YOU UP
ON FACEBOOK.
605
00:20:04,871 --> 00:20:06,406
NICE TANKINI, BY THE WAY.
- THANK YOU.
606
00:20:06,439 --> 00:20:07,607
- HEY.
- YEAH.
607
00:20:07,640 --> 00:20:08,941
WELL, YOU'RE UNDER
THE AGE LIMIT.
608
00:20:08,975 --> 00:20:10,577
- HUH.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
609
00:20:10,610 --> 00:20:11,711
I WILL TELL YOU
SOMETHING, COREY.
610
00:20:11,744 --> 00:20:14,381
THE ONLY THING BETTER
THAN BEING CROWNED QUEEN COUGAR
611
00:20:14,414 --> 00:20:16,749
IS BEING TOLD THAT YOU ARE
TOO YOUNG TO BE QUEEN COUGAR.
612
00:20:16,783 --> 00:20:18,885
- ARE YOU COREY?
ARE YOU COREY?
613
00:20:18,918 --> 00:20:20,553
YOU THE GUY?
EXCUSE ME, ARE YOU THE GUY?
614
00:20:20,587 --> 00:20:22,422
- I'M ALWAYS THE GUY.
615
00:20:22,455 --> 00:20:23,856
[all gasp]
- NO, RAV!
616
00:20:23,890 --> 00:20:25,425
RAV, STOP! STOP!
I'M GOOD!
617
00:20:25,458 --> 00:20:26,959
I'M ALL RIGHT.
- REALLY?
618
00:20:26,993 --> 00:20:28,428
- YES.
619
00:20:28,461 --> 00:20:31,931
I LET IT GET WEIRD.
620
00:20:31,964 --> 00:20:33,766
- SORRY, DUDE.
I HAD TO PUNCH YOU, MAN.
621
00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:34,867
YOU WERE WEARING
A PITH HELMET.
622
00:20:34,901 --> 00:20:36,736
- NO, HE DESERVED IT.
623
00:20:36,769 --> 00:20:38,671
- I DID.
624
00:20:38,705 --> 00:20:40,006
[music resumes]
625
00:20:40,039 --> 00:20:42,409
- OH, MAN,
I GOTTA GET IN ON THIS.
626
00:20:42,442 --> 00:20:43,910
ALL RIGHT!
627
00:20:43,943 --> 00:20:46,713
GET IN THERE, GIRL.
- GET OUT OF HERE.
628
00:20:46,746 --> 00:20:49,749
- * EVERYBODY
WANTS A NEW ROMANCE *
629
00:20:52,485 --> 00:20:54,687
- OH, MAN,
THAT'S A NICE ONE.
630
00:20:54,721 --> 00:20:56,556
[laughs]
GUYS!
631
00:20:56,589 --> 00:20:59,559
GUYS, YOU GOTTA SEE
DANIELLE FROM SHORT HILLS' FACE
632
00:20:59,592 --> 00:21:01,894
WHEN THEY TELL HER I'M TOO YOUNG
TO BE QUEEN COUGAR!
633
00:21:01,928 --> 00:21:03,963
THIS IS PRICELESS.
634
00:21:03,996 --> 00:21:05,832
OH, MY GOD.
635
00:21:05,865 --> 00:21:07,567
[knocks]
[door lock clicks]
636
00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:09,702
GUYS, I KNOCKED.
WHAT'S GOING ON?
637
00:21:09,736 --> 00:21:10,637
[door lock clicks]
638
00:21:10,670 --> 00:21:12,705
OH, MY GOD,
DID YOU PUT A LOCK ON THIS?
639
00:21:12,739 --> 00:21:13,906
[Loverboy's
Working for the Weekend]
640
00:21:13,940 --> 00:21:15,908
[gasps]
ARE YOU DOING IT RIGHT NOW?
641
00:21:15,942 --> 00:21:17,477
- [laughs]
642
00:21:17,510 --> 00:21:19,679
- OH, MY--YOU ARE!
RIGHT NOW!
643
00:21:19,712 --> 00:21:21,548
YOU'RE WORKING
EACH OTHER'S BODIES.
644
00:21:21,581 --> 00:21:23,616
GROSS!
645
00:21:23,650 --> 00:21:25,652
GROSS!
48249
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