All language subtitles for Best.Friends.Forever.S01E04.Single.and.Lovin.it.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DD+5.1.x264-Cinefeel_track3_[eng]

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,535 --> 00:00:03,237 - OKAY, CAN YOU-- CAN YOU PLEASE BACK UP? 2 00:00:03,271 --> 00:00:05,106 I CAN FEEL YOUR HOT CASHEW BREATH ON MY NECK. 3 00:00:05,139 --> 00:00:06,807 - SORRY. CAN YOU JUST CLICK ON THE PHOTOS PAGE? 4 00:00:06,840 --> 00:00:09,110 I WANT TO SEE IF RACHEL DIGGLER HAS POPPED OUT THAT BABY YET. 5 00:00:09,143 --> 00:00:10,478 - DON'T YOU HAVE YOUR OWN COMPUTER? 6 00:00:10,511 --> 00:00:12,113 I HAVE WORK TO DO. - GIVE ME A BREAK, JOE. 7 00:00:12,146 --> 00:00:13,547 WHEN I CAME IN HERE, YOU WERE GOOGLING "TOILET RATS." 8 00:00:13,581 --> 00:00:15,783 - THEY CLIMB UP THE PIPES, JESSICA. 9 00:00:15,816 --> 00:00:17,351 THEY HOLD THEIR BREATH FOR HOURS. 10 00:00:17,385 --> 00:00:18,552 - YOU SHOULD LEAVE THE TOILET SEAT DOWN. 11 00:00:18,586 --> 00:00:19,820 - OH, NO. - WHAT? IS THAT PETER? 12 00:00:19,853 --> 00:00:21,255 - NO, NO, THAT'S NOTHING. 13 00:00:21,289 --> 00:00:22,356 - WHY IS PETER ON A BEACH WITH SHORT BANGS? 14 00:00:22,390 --> 00:00:23,357 CLICK BACK TO THAT. 15 00:00:23,391 --> 00:00:24,825 - NO, NO, NO, LET'S JUST CLOSE THIS REAL QUICK. 16 00:00:24,858 --> 00:00:25,826 - NO, NO, I NEED TO SEE THOSE PHOTOS--LENNON! 17 00:00:25,859 --> 00:00:28,129 - GET YOUR HANDS OFF. LENNON'S GONNA KILL ME. 18 00:00:28,162 --> 00:00:30,131 - JOE, THAT IS MY EX-HUSBAND! YOU SHOW ME THOSE PHOTOS! 19 00:00:30,164 --> 00:00:31,299 - WHAT'S GOING ON IN HERE? 20 00:00:31,332 --> 00:00:32,300 - PETER'S ON A BEACH WITH SHORT BANGS. 21 00:00:32,333 --> 00:00:33,334 - WHAT? - SHE OVERPOWERED ME. 22 00:00:33,367 --> 00:00:35,069 - OH, GOD. 23 00:00:35,103 --> 00:00:37,338 WHY IS HER LEG BENT LIKE THAT? - WHAT IS SHE, DOUBLE-JOINTED? 24 00:00:37,371 --> 00:00:39,840 - THAT'S A LOT OF LIMBS. - OH, INAPPROPRIATE. 25 00:00:39,873 --> 00:00:41,575 - DO THEY HAVE A PROFESSIONAL PHOTOGRAPHER 26 00:00:41,609 --> 00:00:42,810 TRAVELING WITH THEM? 27 00:00:42,843 --> 00:00:44,312 WHAT? WHY? - AMAZING. 28 00:00:44,345 --> 00:00:45,513 - ARE HER BOTTOMS OFF? 29 00:00:45,546 --> 00:00:46,414 - [screams] 30 00:00:46,447 --> 00:00:48,416 - YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M SHUTTING THIS DOWN. 31 00:00:48,449 --> 00:00:49,450 JOE, WHY ARE YOU STILL FRIENDS WITH PETER? 32 00:00:49,483 --> 00:00:50,584 - I'VE BEEN DEFRIENDED BEFORE, 33 00:00:50,618 --> 00:00:51,852 AND I CAN TELL YOU IT IS NOT PLEASANT. 34 00:00:51,885 --> 00:00:53,154 - WELL, DEFRIEND HIM RIGHT NOW. 35 00:00:53,187 --> 00:00:54,355 - NO, NO, NO, LENNON. 36 00:00:54,388 --> 00:00:55,389 IF PETER IS ALREADY HUMPING PEOPLE 37 00:00:55,423 --> 00:00:57,858 IN THE CANARY ISLANDS, I SHOULD BE OUT THERE TOO. 38 00:00:57,891 --> 00:01:00,594 JOE, CHANGE MY STATUS TO "SINGLE." 39 00:01:00,628 --> 00:01:02,430 NO, CHANGE IT TO "SINGLE AND LOVING IT." 40 00:01:02,463 --> 00:01:03,597 - NO, THAT'S NOT AN OPTION. 41 00:01:03,631 --> 00:01:05,166 - JOE, DON'T TELL ME IT'S NOT AN OPTION! 42 00:01:05,199 --> 00:01:07,468 - JUST DO IT. - DO IT, JOE! 43 00:01:07,501 --> 00:01:08,536 - I CAN'T DO THAT. - JOE, DO IT! 44 00:01:08,569 --> 00:01:09,403 - MAKE IT HAPPEN. 45 00:01:09,437 --> 00:01:10,871 - DO YOUR DUMB, DUMB COMPUTER THINGS. 46 00:01:10,904 --> 00:01:12,573 DO IT! "LOVING IT!" I'M TYPING "LOVING IT!" 47 00:01:12,606 --> 00:01:15,643 - * ALL IS NOTHING 48 00:01:15,676 --> 00:01:18,846 * ALL IS KEEPING IT DOWN 49 00:01:18,879 --> 00:01:20,548 * ALL IS NOTHING 50 00:01:23,351 --> 00:01:24,485 - GOOD MORNING. 51 00:01:28,689 --> 00:01:30,624 - HEY, REMEMBER BEFORE JESSICA LIVED HERE 52 00:01:30,658 --> 00:01:32,160 AND WE USED TO HAVE SEX? 53 00:01:32,193 --> 00:01:35,329 - YEAH, WE ALMOST POPPED YOUR WOLVERINES CHAIR. 54 00:01:35,363 --> 00:01:37,331 - IT CAN'T WITHSTAND THAT AMOUNT OF WEIGHT AND FRICTION. 55 00:01:37,365 --> 00:01:39,333 - MUCH LIKE THE WOLVERINES' OFFENSIVE LINE. 56 00:01:39,367 --> 00:01:42,436 - HEY, SHOELACE GOT THE JOB DONE. 57 00:01:42,470 --> 00:01:43,637 - DO YOU WANT TO HAVE SEX RIGHT NOW? 58 00:01:43,671 --> 00:01:46,674 - YES, PLEASE. - [laughs] 59 00:01:47,941 --> 00:01:48,909 [door opening] 60 00:01:48,942 --> 00:01:50,077 - I STILL GOT IT! - AAH! 61 00:01:50,110 --> 00:01:53,347 - A MERE EIGHT HOURS AFTER I CHANGED MY FACEBOOK STATUS 62 00:01:53,381 --> 00:01:55,216 TO SINGLE, GUESS WHO MESSAGES ME? 63 00:01:55,249 --> 00:01:56,250 KEITH KAZAKIAN. 64 00:01:56,284 --> 00:01:58,219 - WAIT, THE KEITH KAZAKIAN? - YES. 65 00:01:58,252 --> 00:02:00,221 KEITH "MEATY CALVES" KAZAKIAN. 66 00:02:00,254 --> 00:02:02,323 - WITH THE SOCCER SANDALS AND THE UMBROS? 67 00:02:02,356 --> 00:02:03,657 - I GUESS HE LIKED THAT PHOTO WE TOOK 68 00:02:03,691 --> 00:02:05,659 OF ME ON THE FIRE ESCAPE IN MY TANKINI. 69 00:02:05,693 --> 00:02:06,894 - NAILED IT. 70 00:02:06,927 --> 00:02:08,262 - AT LEAST SOMEBODY'S NAILING IT. 71 00:02:08,296 --> 00:02:09,930 - I FEEL LIKE THIS IS 72 00:02:09,963 --> 00:02:12,233 A LEARNING MOMENT FOR ALL OF US, YOU KNOW? 73 00:02:12,266 --> 00:02:14,935 I PUT MYSELF OUT THERE, I TOOK A RISK, 74 00:02:14,968 --> 00:02:17,638 AND THE WORLD REPLIED, "WELCOME BACK, STRANGER. 75 00:02:17,671 --> 00:02:19,240 WE LIKE WHAT WE SEE." 76 00:02:19,273 --> 00:02:20,708 - JESSICA, GET OUT OF OUR BEDROOM. 77 00:02:20,741 --> 00:02:22,310 - JOE, YOU GOT A POINT. 78 00:02:22,343 --> 00:02:23,544 I GOTTA GET OUT THERE, ALL RIGHT? 79 00:02:23,577 --> 00:02:24,912 AND I'M GONNA TAKE AN EVEN BIGGER RISK 80 00:02:24,945 --> 00:02:25,913 AND ASK KEITH OUT. 81 00:02:25,946 --> 00:02:27,315 - THAT'S A GREAT IDEA. 82 00:02:27,348 --> 00:02:28,382 - MAYBE YOU TWO WILL HAVE SEX. 83 00:02:28,416 --> 00:02:32,353 - MAYBE WE WILL, JOE! MAYBE WE WILL! 84 00:02:32,386 --> 00:02:33,487 - I'M SORRY. 85 00:02:33,521 --> 00:02:35,189 - SHE DOESN'T HAVE ANY RESPECT FOR DOORS! 86 00:02:35,223 --> 00:02:36,724 - I KNOW, BUT SHE'S IN A VERY VULNERABLE PLACE RIGHT NOW. 87 00:02:36,757 --> 00:02:39,293 - I'M IN A VULNERABLE PLACE! SHE ALMOST SAT ON MY JUNK. 88 00:02:39,327 --> 00:02:41,395 - I KNOW, I WILL TALK TO HER, OKAY? 89 00:02:41,429 --> 00:02:43,597 IT WILL NOT HAPPEN AGAIN. 90 00:02:43,631 --> 00:02:48,269 WHAT WILL HAPPEN AGAIN IS THIS... 91 00:02:48,302 --> 00:02:49,970 - THINGS ARE REALLY HEATING UP. - NOOOO! 92 00:02:50,003 --> 00:02:53,441 - HE SAID YES. WE ARE GOING OUT TONIGHT! 93 00:02:53,474 --> 00:02:54,675 - STAY OUT OF OUR BEDROOM! 94 00:02:54,708 --> 00:02:55,976 - ALL RIGHT, BUDDY. 95 00:02:56,009 --> 00:02:57,478 YOU DON'T LOOK EXCITED, BUT I KNOW YOU ARE. 96 00:02:57,511 --> 00:02:58,512 [door closes] 97 00:02:58,546 --> 00:03:01,415 - IT'S LIKE SHE HAS A SUPERPOWER FOR KNOWING WHEN 98 00:03:01,449 --> 00:03:03,284 WE'RE ABOUT TO HAVE SEX SO SHE CAN BARGE IN 99 00:03:03,317 --> 00:03:04,718 AND TALK ABOUT SOME DUDE WITH MEATY CALVES. 100 00:03:04,752 --> 00:03:06,320 - OH, YEAH, KEITH KAZAKIAN? 101 00:03:06,354 --> 00:03:07,955 - HOW DO YOU KNOW ABOUT KEITH KAZAKIAN? 102 00:03:07,988 --> 00:03:11,492 - I'VE BEEN HEARING ABOUT THAT GUY'S CALVES SINCE 1994. 103 00:03:11,525 --> 00:03:13,561 YOU KNOW, IF I HAD SUPERPOWER, 104 00:03:13,594 --> 00:03:15,996 I'D WANT THE POWER TO KNOW DOGS' NAMES. 105 00:03:16,029 --> 00:03:18,566 I'D MEET A NEW DOG, I'D BE LIKE, "WHAT'S UP, HERCULES?" 106 00:03:18,599 --> 00:03:19,967 "OH, MY GOD, HOW'D YOU KNOW HIS NAME?" 107 00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:22,970 "SUPERPOWER." 108 00:03:23,003 --> 00:03:26,307 - [moans loudly] OH... 109 00:03:26,340 --> 00:03:27,975 - YOU OKAY THERE, BUDDY? - I'M SORRY. 110 00:03:28,008 --> 00:03:30,344 SINCE I CAN'T HAVE SEX, THIS GYRO'S MY ONLY PLEASURE. 111 00:03:30,378 --> 00:03:32,580 WELL, DON'T CHEW SO FAST. TAKE IT SLOW. 112 00:03:32,613 --> 00:03:34,448 TEASE IT A LITTLE. 113 00:03:34,482 --> 00:03:35,783 - AT LEAST JESS IS GOING ON A DATE TONIGHT, 114 00:03:35,816 --> 00:03:37,585 SO WE'LL HAVE THE APARTMENT ALL TO OURSELVES. 115 00:03:37,618 --> 00:03:40,721 - JESS HAS A DATE? - YEAH, WITH KEITH KAZAKIAN. 116 00:03:40,754 --> 00:03:42,790 I THINK I NEED SOME MORE TZATZIKI. 117 00:03:42,823 --> 00:03:44,325 - DAPHNE. - HELLO, RAV. 118 00:03:44,358 --> 00:03:45,293 - I'M SORRY I DIDN'T CALL YOU BACK. 119 00:03:45,326 --> 00:03:47,695 I-I WAS GONNA CALL YOU, BUT I LOST MY PHONE. 120 00:03:47,728 --> 00:03:49,463 - RAV, I MAY BE GREEK, BUT I'M NOT AN IDIOT. 121 00:03:49,497 --> 00:03:50,564 - I DON'T THINK THAT'S A STEREOTYPE. 122 00:03:50,598 --> 00:03:51,399 IS THAT A STEREOTYPE? 123 00:03:51,432 --> 00:03:53,434 - NO, I'M SERIOUS. I LOST MY PHONE. 124 00:03:53,467 --> 00:03:55,436 I WAS GONNA TELL YOU TODAY. CAN I GET YOUR NUMBER AGAIN? 125 00:03:55,469 --> 00:03:57,004 - YEAH, JUST AS SOON AS I 126 00:03:57,037 --> 00:03:58,539 TOP OFF YOUR COFFEE. - WHOA! WHOA! 127 00:03:58,572 --> 00:03:59,807 - WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT? - GET OUT OF HERE. 128 00:03:59,840 --> 00:04:01,342 I DON'T EVER WANNA SEE YOU AGAIN! 129 00:04:01,375 --> 00:04:02,743 BOTH OF YOU! YOU'RE BANNED! 130 00:04:02,776 --> 00:04:05,346 - RAV, NO, MY GYRO! COME ON! 131 00:04:05,379 --> 00:04:07,615 - JOE, I REALLY DID LOSE MY PHONE. 132 00:04:07,648 --> 00:04:09,283 - YOU KNOW, I-I'M SORRY, I'M JUST GONNA TAKE THIS. 133 00:04:09,317 --> 00:04:10,484 I'M HAVING SOME BEDROOM ISSUES. 134 00:04:10,518 --> 00:04:11,485 - I DON'T NEED TO KNOW THAT! 135 00:04:11,519 --> 00:04:13,321 - THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT. 136 00:04:13,354 --> 00:04:14,755 - GUYS, THIS ONE IS UGLY. IT'S NOT WORTH IT. 137 00:04:14,788 --> 00:04:16,357 - WELL, CAN WE PLEASE JUST SEE IT? 138 00:04:16,390 --> 00:04:17,625 - [sighs] 139 00:04:17,658 --> 00:04:20,561 - OH, STUNNING. STUNNING! - UGLY, UGLY, UGLY! 140 00:04:20,594 --> 00:04:21,729 UGH, THIS BLAZER MAKES ME FEEL LIKE 141 00:04:21,762 --> 00:04:23,764 AN OUT-OF-WORK, LESBIAN TEMP. 142 00:04:23,797 --> 00:04:25,599 - I THINK YOU NEED TO PUT ON SOME SPANX 143 00:04:25,633 --> 00:04:27,034 AND SMOOTH IT ALL OUT. 144 00:04:27,067 --> 00:04:30,037 TRUTH? YOU MAY NEED SPANX ON TOP OF SPANX. 145 00:04:30,070 --> 00:04:31,439 - OKAY, Q, THAT'S NOT HELPFUL. 146 00:04:31,472 --> 00:04:33,374 - I'M JUST SAYING. IF YOU'RE TRYING 147 00:04:33,407 --> 00:04:34,842 TO CLOSE THE DEAL, SHE NEEDS TO TIGHTEN IT UP. 148 00:04:34,875 --> 00:04:36,510 - WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT CLOSING A DEAL? 149 00:04:36,544 --> 00:04:37,778 YOU'RE 9 YEARS OLD. 150 00:04:37,811 --> 00:04:39,580 - 9 1/2! - NO, Q'S RIGHT. 151 00:04:39,613 --> 00:04:40,714 I AM NOT READY TO CLOSE ANY DEAL. 152 00:04:40,748 --> 00:04:44,051 I DON'T THINK I WANNA DO THIS, LENNON. 153 00:04:44,084 --> 00:04:47,388 - HEY, Q, I NEED A MINUTE ALONE WITH JESS. 154 00:04:47,421 --> 00:04:49,723 - I GET THE HINT. MY HELP IS NOT WANTED HERE. 155 00:04:49,757 --> 00:04:51,359 BUT JUST SO YOU KNOW, 156 00:04:51,392 --> 00:04:53,661 I PICK OUT THE CLOTHES FOR MY FRIEND TIME DOLL, 157 00:04:53,694 --> 00:04:56,096 AND SHE ALWAYS LOOKS TIGHT. 158 00:04:56,129 --> 00:04:58,666 - HEY, YOU'RE GONNA BE FINE. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? 159 00:04:58,699 --> 00:05:00,801 YOU'RE SO GOOD AT THIS. - GOOD AT WHAT? 160 00:05:00,834 --> 00:05:03,737 - CONNECTING WITH PEOPLE. TALKING TO PEOPLE. 161 00:05:03,771 --> 00:05:05,639 - LEN, I USED TO BE GOOD AT IT! 162 00:05:05,673 --> 00:05:07,608 YOU KNOW, IF I WAS A PROFESSIONAL JOCKEY, 163 00:05:07,641 --> 00:05:08,542 AND I TOOK THREE YEARS OFF 164 00:05:08,576 --> 00:05:10,511 AND THEN YOU PUT ME BACK ON THAT HORSE, 165 00:05:10,544 --> 00:05:11,445 I WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO DO IT. 166 00:05:11,479 --> 00:05:12,580 - YEAH, BUT THERE WOULD BE NOTHING ELSE 167 00:05:12,613 --> 00:05:15,716 THAT YOU COULD DO BECAUSE YOU'D BE SUCH A TINY MAN. 168 00:05:15,749 --> 00:05:19,487 COME ON, THIS IS KEITH "MEATY CALVES" KAZAKIAN, OKAY? 169 00:05:19,520 --> 00:05:22,823 WE'VE BEEN DREAMING ABOUT THIS MOMENT FOR 22 YEARS. 170 00:05:22,856 --> 00:05:24,692 YOU KNOW HOW GOOD IT'S GONNA BE WHEN YOU... 171 00:05:24,725 --> 00:05:26,093 - WHEN I WHAT? 172 00:05:26,126 --> 00:05:28,829 - I THINK WE KNOW WHAT WE'RE TALKING ABOUT, OKAY? 173 00:05:28,862 --> 00:05:30,698 - DO YOU THINK HE STILL WEARS DRAKKAR NOIR? 174 00:05:30,731 --> 00:05:33,567 - I HOPE NOT, FOR YOUR SAKE, 175 00:05:33,601 --> 00:05:35,569 'CAUSE YOU WILL SMELL LIKE THAT FOR THREE DAYS. 176 00:05:35,603 --> 00:05:37,438 NOW GO PUT ON THAT RED DRESS 177 00:05:37,471 --> 00:05:38,706 THAT MAKES YOU LOOK LIKE SHARON STONE, 178 00:05:38,739 --> 00:05:40,107 AND LET'S CLOSE THIS DEAL. 179 00:05:40,140 --> 00:05:41,875 - YOU GOT ME IN SO MUCH TROUBLE IN THAT CLASS. 180 00:05:41,909 --> 00:05:43,677 - WELL, I GOT EVERYONE IN TROUBLE. 181 00:05:43,711 --> 00:05:45,846 - ARE YOU KIDDING ME? - WELL, THAT WAS KINDA MY THING. 182 00:05:45,879 --> 00:05:47,415 - NO, MR. NASTAYLOR WAS, LIKE, SO PISSED AT ME. 183 00:05:47,448 --> 00:05:50,718 - HE WAS THE WORST. - [laughs] 184 00:05:50,751 --> 00:05:54,722 - YOU KNOW I, LIKE, ALWAYS HAD THE BIGGEST CRUSH ON YOU, RIGHT? 185 00:05:54,755 --> 00:05:55,889 - WHAT? YOU SHOULD'VE TOLD ME. 186 00:05:55,923 --> 00:05:57,124 - WELL, YOU WERE WITH SOMEONE. 187 00:05:57,157 --> 00:05:58,592 - WHO, ERIC WAMPLER? 188 00:05:58,626 --> 00:05:59,693 - THE WAMPS. - OH, MY GOD. 189 00:05:59,727 --> 00:06:02,463 I WAS ONLY WITH WAMPLESTILTSKIN BECAUSE HE HAD A POOL. 190 00:06:02,496 --> 00:06:03,731 - OKAY, WELL, YOU KNOW I ONLY WENT TO HIS PARTIES 191 00:06:03,764 --> 00:06:04,732 BECAUSE YOU WERE THERE. 192 00:06:04,765 --> 00:06:06,700 - NO--I CAN'T EVEN-- - YEAH. 193 00:06:06,734 --> 00:06:07,701 AND I ALWAYS TRIED TO GET PAIRED UP WITH YOU 194 00:06:07,735 --> 00:06:08,736 FOR CHICKEN FIGHTS. ALWAYS. 195 00:06:08,769 --> 00:06:09,737 - WELL, I MEAN, 196 00:06:09,770 --> 00:06:12,139 I DID HAVE A PRETTY GOOD ONE-PIECE THAT SEASON. 197 00:06:12,172 --> 00:06:13,841 JUST SAYING. 198 00:06:13,874 --> 00:06:15,609 I'M KINDA ROCKING TANKINIS NOW. 199 00:06:15,643 --> 00:06:16,910 - YEAH, YOU ARE. - YEAH. 200 00:06:16,944 --> 00:06:18,479 - UH, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, 201 00:06:18,512 --> 00:06:19,713 I'M GONNA USE THE GENTLEMEN'S LOUNGE. 202 00:06:19,747 --> 00:06:23,551 DO NOT LEAVE. - OH, I WON'T. 203 00:06:27,788 --> 00:06:29,490 LENNON, WE ARE VERY CLOSE TO CLOSING THIS DEAL. 204 00:06:29,523 --> 00:06:30,758 I THINK I'M ABOUT TO GET KEITHED. 205 00:06:30,791 --> 00:06:32,626 - MAN, HE IS LAYING IT ON THICK. 206 00:06:32,660 --> 00:06:34,628 - I DO HAVE TO SAY, I LIKE A MAN THAT SAYS "GENTLEMEN'S LOUNGE." 207 00:06:34,662 --> 00:06:36,196 - JOE, I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE ON THIS CALL. 208 00:06:36,229 --> 00:06:38,499 - YEAH, LEN SAID WE'D ONLY BE LISTENING FOR FIVE MINUTES. 209 00:06:38,532 --> 00:06:40,568 - YEAH, BUT THEN WE GOT CAUGHT UP IN THE SEXUAL TENSION. 210 00:06:40,601 --> 00:06:41,935 - SO MUCH SEXUAL TENSION. - OKAY. 211 00:06:41,969 --> 00:06:42,970 SO YOU'RE OKAY? 212 00:06:43,003 --> 00:06:45,205 - I'M GREAT. THANK YOU, LENNON. 213 00:06:45,238 --> 00:06:46,640 - OKAY, THEN I'M GONNA HANG UP AND HAVE SEX 214 00:06:46,674 --> 00:06:47,941 WITH MY BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. - OKAY, GROSS. 215 00:06:47,975 --> 00:06:49,510 - YOU'RE GROSS. - OH, HE'S COMING BACK. 216 00:06:49,543 --> 00:06:51,512 - OKAY, BYE! 217 00:06:51,545 --> 00:06:54,214 - ALL RIGHT, A LITTLE SOMETHING SOMETHING TO SET THE MOOD. 218 00:06:54,247 --> 00:06:57,785 [Loverboy's Working for the Weekend] 219 00:06:57,818 --> 00:07:00,220 AND SINCE JESSICA'S NOT HERE, I CAN DO THIS... 220 00:07:00,253 --> 00:07:01,855 - [laughs] 221 00:07:01,889 --> 00:07:03,657 - AND A LITTLE BIT OF THIS... 222 00:07:03,691 --> 00:07:04,725 - YEAH. 223 00:07:04,758 --> 00:07:06,794 - AND A WHOLE LOT OF THIS... 224 00:07:06,827 --> 00:07:07,995 - BRING IT. 225 00:07:08,028 --> 00:07:09,463 [laughs] 226 00:07:09,497 --> 00:07:12,666 - * EVERYONE'S LOOKIN' AT YOU * 227 00:07:12,700 --> 00:07:13,834 - WHAT'S WRONG? 228 00:07:13,867 --> 00:07:16,804 - I-I CAN'T DO IT WITH HER WATCHING US. 229 00:07:16,837 --> 00:07:18,672 - * EVERYONE'S WONDERIN' 230 00:07:18,706 --> 00:07:20,541 * WILL YOU COME OUT TONIGHT * 231 00:07:20,574 --> 00:07:23,711 - [sighs] 232 00:07:25,012 --> 00:07:27,615 - SO WHAT DO YOU THINK? ARE WE GONNA DO THIS? 233 00:07:27,648 --> 00:07:29,717 - I DON'T KNOW, ARE WE? 234 00:07:29,750 --> 00:07:31,251 - 'CAUSE I GOTTA BE BACK BY 11:30 235 00:07:31,284 --> 00:07:33,821 OR ELSE CHERYL'S GONNA SUSPECT SOMETHING. 236 00:07:33,854 --> 00:07:36,557 - WAIT--WAIT. CHERYL MASTRIONI? 237 00:07:36,590 --> 00:07:38,526 - WELL, IT'S CHERYL KAZAKIAN NOW. 238 00:07:38,559 --> 00:07:41,495 - I PLAYED JV SOFTBALL WITH CHERYL MASTRIONI. 239 00:07:41,529 --> 00:07:42,563 SHE WAS OUR CATCHER. 240 00:07:42,596 --> 00:07:43,697 - OH, YEAH. 241 00:07:43,731 --> 00:07:45,866 SHE USED TO HAVE REAL TIGHT GLUTES. 242 00:07:45,899 --> 00:07:47,701 - SHE LED US TO NATIONALS! 243 00:07:47,735 --> 00:07:49,970 YOU EXPECT ME TO SLEEP WITH YOU WHILE YOU CHEAT ON MY TEAMMATE? 244 00:07:50,003 --> 00:07:51,905 - WELL, YOU HAVEN'T TALKED TO HER IN, LIKE, 15 YEARS, SO... 245 00:07:51,939 --> 00:07:53,841 - OKAY, WELL, YOU CLEARLY UNDERSTAND NOTHING 246 00:07:53,874 --> 00:07:55,576 ABOUT THE HIGH-SCHOOL SOFTBALL EXPERIENCE. 247 00:07:55,609 --> 00:07:57,645 WHEN A GROUP OF YOUNG WOMEN PERSEVERE-- 248 00:07:57,678 --> 00:07:59,012 - YOU KNOW WHAT? NEVER MIND. 249 00:07:59,046 --> 00:08:00,981 - DID YOU JUST SAY "NEVER MIND"? 250 00:08:01,014 --> 00:08:02,583 - WELL, I'M ACTUALLY FEELING PRETTY FULL 251 00:08:02,616 --> 00:08:04,718 FROM THE, UH, FROM THE GNOCCHI YOU FORCED ON ME, 252 00:08:04,752 --> 00:08:06,687 SO IT'S GOOD. 253 00:08:06,720 --> 00:08:08,589 THANK YOU. - NO, I'LL GET THE... 254 00:08:08,622 --> 00:08:10,824 - YOU'RE GONNA GET IT? - NO, I'M NOT GONNA GET IT! 255 00:08:10,858 --> 00:08:12,993 - OH, I THOUGHT-- 256 00:08:13,026 --> 00:08:15,963 - I FOUND FIVE PICTURES OF THE TWO OF YOU IN A LOG FLUME. 257 00:08:15,996 --> 00:08:17,898 - YOU KNOW WHERE THERE'S NO PICTURES OF THE TWO OF US? 258 00:08:17,931 --> 00:08:18,832 IN THE KITCHEN. 259 00:08:18,866 --> 00:08:20,601 - NO, I THINK THERE'S ONE ON THE FRIDGE 260 00:08:20,634 --> 00:08:21,935 OF THE TWO OF YOU IN A HOT AIR BALLOON. 261 00:08:21,969 --> 00:08:23,837 - [clears throat] 262 00:08:23,871 --> 00:08:28,075 - OH, I GET IT. - [laughs] 263 00:08:28,108 --> 00:08:29,577 - OKAY. - YEAH. 264 00:08:29,610 --> 00:08:30,911 - JUST TAKE THESE OFF. - YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. 265 00:08:30,944 --> 00:08:31,812 - YEAH. 266 00:08:31,845 --> 00:08:33,614 MAYBE WE SHOULD-- - IT WOULD BE EASIER 267 00:08:33,647 --> 00:08:35,315 IF WE JUST DO IT OURSELVES. - SURE, YEAH. 268 00:08:35,348 --> 00:08:37,618 - THIS IS THE KIND OF THING THEY SHOULD SHOW 269 00:08:37,651 --> 00:08:38,819 ON THE FOOD NETWORK. 270 00:08:38,852 --> 00:08:40,020 - GET IT, GET IT! - GOT IT. 271 00:08:40,053 --> 00:08:42,756 - HA! 272 00:08:42,790 --> 00:08:43,924 [laughs] 273 00:08:43,957 --> 00:08:45,659 [door opening] - KEITH KAZAKIAN IS MARRIED! 274 00:08:45,693 --> 00:08:47,628 - OH, MY GOD! PANTS! 275 00:08:47,661 --> 00:08:49,630 - HE'S MARRIED, AND HE WANTED TO HAVE SEX WITH ME, 276 00:08:49,663 --> 00:08:50,964 BUT HE SAID HE WAS TOO FULL. 277 00:08:50,998 --> 00:08:53,867 TOO FULL, LENNON! - OH, THAT IS TERRIBLE. 278 00:08:53,901 --> 00:08:55,869 - I MEAN, HE DIDN'T EVEN HAVE TO BE THAT CHARMING. 279 00:08:55,903 --> 00:08:58,906 I WAS A DONE DEAL. I DOUBLE-SPANXED MYSELF. 280 00:08:58,939 --> 00:08:59,807 I WENT OUT AND BOUGHT A MIDSIZE CLUTCH 281 00:08:59,840 --> 00:09:02,309 JUST SO I COULD FIT ALL OF MY CONDOMS! 282 00:09:02,342 --> 00:09:03,944 THESE ARE TOO MANY CONDOMS! 283 00:09:03,977 --> 00:09:05,112 [sighs] YOU KNOW WHAT? 284 00:09:05,145 --> 00:09:07,615 I JUST--I WANT TO HAVE A HOT CHOCOLATE, 285 00:09:07,648 --> 00:09:08,682 AND I JUST WANT TO GO TO SLEEP. 286 00:09:08,716 --> 00:09:09,683 - NO, NO, NO, NO! - NO! 287 00:09:09,717 --> 00:09:10,784 - I KNOW IT'S LATE FOR SUGAR, 288 00:09:10,818 --> 00:09:11,785 BUT IT'S JUST BEEN A ROUGH ONE. 289 00:09:11,819 --> 00:09:15,055 - JESSICA! - STOP WALKING! 290 00:09:15,088 --> 00:09:18,659 - OH, MY GOD. ARE YOU GUYS HAVING SEX? 291 00:09:18,692 --> 00:09:19,727 - NO! - YES! 292 00:09:19,760 --> 00:09:21,361 - IN THE KITCHEN? [gasps] 293 00:09:21,394 --> 00:09:23,030 LENNON, ARE YOU WEARING PANTS RIGHT NOW? 294 00:09:23,063 --> 00:09:25,933 - UH, WELL, NOT AT THIS EXACT MOMENT, 295 00:09:25,966 --> 00:09:26,900 BUT I WILL PUT SOME ON, 296 00:09:26,934 --> 00:09:28,335 AND THEN I'LL GET YOU THAT HOT CHOCOLATE. 297 00:09:28,368 --> 00:09:31,104 - THIS IS SO EMBARRASSING. - JESS! 298 00:09:31,138 --> 00:09:33,140 BABE, I'M SORRY. 299 00:09:36,376 --> 00:09:37,878 - I'M NOT EXAGGERATING WHEN I SAY THIS, RAV. 300 00:09:37,911 --> 00:09:39,947 LENNON AND I ARE NEVER GOING TO HAVE SEX AGAIN. 301 00:09:39,980 --> 00:09:41,014 - YOU CAN HAVE SEX IN MY KITCHEN, 302 00:09:41,048 --> 00:09:42,049 BUT IT'S PRETTY DIRTY. 303 00:09:42,082 --> 00:09:43,250 - SHE'D SOMEHOW FIND US. 304 00:09:43,283 --> 00:09:45,919 - HEY... WHERE ARE OUR GYROS? 305 00:09:45,953 --> 00:09:48,155 - I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU DID, BUT THE PEOPLE IN THAT DINER 306 00:09:48,188 --> 00:09:49,222 DID NOT LIKE YOU ONE BIT. 307 00:09:49,256 --> 00:09:50,858 - WHAT, DID YOU SELL US OUT? 308 00:09:50,891 --> 00:09:53,326 - NO, I DID EXACTLY WHAT YOU TOLD ME TO DO. 309 00:09:53,360 --> 00:09:56,764 I SAID I WANTED THREE GYROS, ONE WITH EXTRA TZATZIKI. 310 00:09:56,797 --> 00:09:58,198 BUT THE LADY WITH THE NICE HAIR SAID, 311 00:09:58,231 --> 00:10:00,167 "ARE THOSE FOR THOSE TWO MEN OUT ON THE SIDEWALK?" 312 00:10:00,200 --> 00:10:02,836 AND I SAID, "I CAN'T TELL A LIE. YES, THEY ARE." 313 00:10:02,870 --> 00:10:05,072 - COME ON, Q! - IT'S NOT MY FAULT! 314 00:10:05,105 --> 00:10:07,875 YOU SHOULD'VE STOOD FURTHER DOWN THE STREET. 315 00:10:07,908 --> 00:10:08,876 MONEY, PLEASE. 316 00:10:08,909 --> 00:10:09,943 - I'M NOT PAYING YOU. 317 00:10:09,977 --> 00:10:12,079 YOUR JOB WAS TO PROCURE THE GYROS, AND YOU FAILED. 318 00:10:12,112 --> 00:10:14,815 - NO, SIR, I'M NOT PAID FOR RESULTS. 319 00:10:14,848 --> 00:10:17,384 I'M PAID FOR MY TIME. 320 00:10:23,023 --> 00:10:26,827 [T. Rex's 20th Century Boy] 321 00:10:26,860 --> 00:10:28,328 - LEN, I'M OVERDRESSED. THESE GUYS HERE 322 00:10:28,361 --> 00:10:30,063 LOOK LIKE THEY JUST FINISHED RAKING LEAVES. 323 00:10:30,097 --> 00:10:32,199 - ARE YOU KIDDING? YOU LOOK LIKE A STONE-COLD FOX. 324 00:10:32,232 --> 00:10:33,000 - OKAY, CAN WE NOT--LEN! - WHAT? 325 00:10:33,033 --> 00:10:34,968 - GET YOUR HANDS OUT OF MY BOOBS! 326 00:10:35,002 --> 00:10:36,003 LISTEN, I DON'T THINK I'M IN THE MOOD FOR THIS. 327 00:10:36,036 --> 00:10:39,006 I JUST--I'M FEELING TERRIBLE ABOUT LAST NIGHT. 328 00:10:39,039 --> 00:10:40,307 - OKAY, CAN WE LET OLD MEATY CALVES GO? 329 00:10:40,340 --> 00:10:41,174 HE'S NOT WORTH IT. - [laughs] 330 00:10:41,208 --> 00:10:43,310 I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT MEATY CALVES. 331 00:10:43,343 --> 00:10:45,078 I'M TALKING ABOUT WALKING IN ON YOU GUYS. 332 00:10:45,112 --> 00:10:46,880 - OH, NO, THAT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT. 333 00:10:46,914 --> 00:10:48,148 - YOU KNOW, HONESTLY, I'M ACTUALLY SURPRISED 334 00:10:48,181 --> 00:10:50,217 IT HASN'T HAPPENED BEFORE. - YEAH. 335 00:10:50,250 --> 00:10:52,352 - LENNON, IT HASN'T HAPPENED BEFORE, HAS IT? 336 00:10:52,385 --> 00:10:54,154 - NO, OF COURSE NOT. 337 00:10:54,187 --> 00:10:55,856 - YOU KNOW, I SHOULD'VE KNOWN KEITH WAS MARRIED. 338 00:10:55,889 --> 00:10:57,190 HE WAS WEARING A WOVEN BELT. 339 00:10:57,224 --> 00:10:58,125 - OKAY, WELL, LESSON LEARNED. 340 00:10:58,158 --> 00:10:59,993 WE'LL KEEP OUR EYES OPEN FOR WOVEN BELTS. 341 00:11:00,027 --> 00:11:00,828 - [laughs] - NOW, CAN WE DO THIS? 342 00:11:00,861 --> 00:11:01,995 - ALL RIGHT, LET'S DO THIS. - YEAH! 343 00:11:02,029 --> 00:11:04,364 - AND THAT'S WHEN I STARTED GROWING MY OWN VEGETABLES. 344 00:11:04,397 --> 00:11:07,034 - OH, WOW, YOU KNOW, JESSICA'S AN AMAZING CHEF. 345 00:11:07,067 --> 00:11:08,035 - OH, YEAH? - YEAH. 346 00:11:08,068 --> 00:11:09,036 - I'M KIND OF A FOODIE MYSELF. 347 00:11:09,069 --> 00:11:10,938 WHAT DO YOU LIKE TO COOK? - OH, EVERYTHING. 348 00:11:10,971 --> 00:11:13,941 I COOK, UM, ALL THE FOODS. UH, ESPECIALLY MEAT. 349 00:11:13,974 --> 00:11:15,843 I LOVE MEAT. I MEAN, ALL KINDS OF MEAT. 350 00:11:15,876 --> 00:11:17,377 UH, JUST MEAT SANDWICH OR MEAT PIZZA. 351 00:11:17,410 --> 00:11:19,847 SOMETIMES I JUST THROW MEAT ON A PLATE, I DON'T CARE! 352 00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:21,248 JUST GIVE ME THAT MEAT! - OKAY, JESSICA... 353 00:11:21,281 --> 00:11:23,150 - MEAT! MEAT! MEAT! I CAN'T STOP SAYING 354 00:11:23,183 --> 00:11:24,852 THE WORD "MEAT." I'M TRYING TO STOP... 355 00:11:24,885 --> 00:11:26,386 - THAT'S FINE. - BUT I CAN'T SEEM TO. 356 00:11:26,419 --> 00:11:29,289 - JESSICA, UM, MADE AN AMAZING PULLED PORK 357 00:11:29,322 --> 00:11:31,124 LAST WEEK. MELT IN YOUR MOUTH. 358 00:11:31,158 --> 00:11:33,260 - YOU KNOW, I KNOW OF THIS GREAT BARBECUE PLACE 359 00:11:33,293 --> 00:11:35,896 IN WILLIAMSBURG THAT YOU WOULD LOVE, LENNON. 360 00:11:35,929 --> 00:11:38,265 WE SHOULD GO SOMETIME. 361 00:11:38,298 --> 00:11:40,233 - EXCUSE ME. - OKAY, THIS IS OVER. 362 00:11:41,468 --> 00:11:42,870 - OH! - SORRY. 363 00:11:42,903 --> 00:11:45,072 - I'M SORRY. WOW, YOU ARE VERY TALL. 364 00:11:45,105 --> 00:11:46,406 - OH, AND YOU'RE VERY RUDE. 365 00:11:46,439 --> 00:11:48,942 I HAVE A HYPERACTIVE PITUITARY GLAND. 366 00:11:48,976 --> 00:11:50,210 MY MOTHER DIED FROM IT. 367 00:11:50,243 --> 00:11:51,278 - OH, I AM SO SORRY. 368 00:11:51,311 --> 00:11:54,047 - QUESTION-AY: IS YOUR FRIEND SINGLE? 369 00:11:54,081 --> 00:11:55,448 - [sighs] 370 00:11:58,118 --> 00:12:00,888 RAV, WHY AM I SUCH A BONER REPELLENT? 371 00:12:00,921 --> 00:12:03,090 - YOU WANT A REAL ANSWER, OR DO YOU WANT ME TO TELL YOU 372 00:12:03,123 --> 00:12:04,191 THAT YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL AND ANY BONER HERE 373 00:12:04,224 --> 00:12:05,025 WOULD BE LUCKY TO HAVE YOU? 374 00:12:05,058 --> 00:12:06,359 - CAN YOU DO A LITTLE BIT OF BOTH? 375 00:12:06,393 --> 00:12:08,061 I'M VERY VULNERABLE RIGHT NOW. 376 00:12:08,095 --> 00:12:10,497 EVERY MAN THAT WE HAVE SPOKEN TO HAS ASKED LENNON OUT. 377 00:12:10,530 --> 00:12:11,899 - IT'S 'CAUSE YOU'RE TOO WORKED UP. 378 00:12:11,932 --> 00:12:14,334 - JUST RELAX, WILL YOU? DATING'S WEIRD. 379 00:12:14,367 --> 00:12:16,169 DID I EVER SHOW YOU THIS SCAR I HAVE ON MY BACK? 380 00:12:16,203 --> 00:12:17,470 - WHAT IS HAPPENING? 381 00:12:17,504 --> 00:12:19,372 - I WAS HAVING SEX WITH THIS LADY COP I MET ONLINE 382 00:12:19,406 --> 00:12:20,908 AND HER PET BIRD ATTACKED ME. 383 00:12:20,941 --> 00:12:22,475 WENT TO TOWN ON MY BACK LIKE I WAS A BIRDFEEDER. 384 00:12:22,509 --> 00:12:24,011 - PUT YOUR SHIRT BACK ON, PLEASE. 385 00:12:24,044 --> 00:12:25,112 - DID YOU HEAR WHAT I SAID? 386 00:12:25,145 --> 00:12:27,414 IT WENT TO TOWN ON MY BACK LIKE I WAS A BIRDFEEDER. 387 00:12:27,447 --> 00:12:30,918 - WHAT IS YOUR POINT? - MY POINT IS... 388 00:12:30,951 --> 00:12:33,320 IT GOT WEIRD, BUT I GOT A GREAT STORY OUT OF IT. 389 00:12:33,353 --> 00:12:35,355 - I DON'T KNOW IF I'D REALLY CALL IT A GREAT STORY. 390 00:12:35,388 --> 00:12:38,425 - JUST GET OUT THERE AND LET IT GET WEIRD. 391 00:12:38,458 --> 00:12:41,028 - ALL RIGHT, NEXT TIME I ASK FOR A PEP TALK, 392 00:12:41,061 --> 00:12:43,030 COULD YOU JUST REMIND ME OF THIS SPECIAL MOMENT WE JUST SHARED? 393 00:12:43,063 --> 00:12:44,464 - YEAH. - THANK YOU. 394 00:12:44,497 --> 00:12:46,199 - I EVEN WENT THERE ALONE, AND SHE WAS LIKE, 395 00:12:46,233 --> 00:12:48,235 "YOU CAN GO EAT GYROS IN HELL!" 396 00:12:48,268 --> 00:12:50,070 - WELL, THAT IS HURTFUL. 397 00:12:50,103 --> 00:12:51,471 - GUYS, I THINK I'M GONNA TAKE OFF. 398 00:12:51,504 --> 00:12:53,941 - WHAT? WHY? NO, YOU WERE DOING SO GOOD. 399 00:12:53,974 --> 00:12:55,342 - LENNON, THREE DIFFERENT GUYS ASKED ME FOR YOUR NUMBER. 400 00:12:55,375 --> 00:12:57,110 - WAIT, WHO ASKED FOR YOUR NUMBER? 401 00:12:57,144 --> 00:12:58,445 - RELAX. LISTEN, I'M JUST GONNA GO TO BED. 402 00:12:58,478 --> 00:13:00,013 I DON'T THINK I'M READY FOR ALL THIS. 403 00:13:00,047 --> 00:13:01,381 - ALL RIGHT, WELL, DO YOU WANT US TO COME WITH YOU? 404 00:13:01,414 --> 00:13:03,150 - NO, NO, NO. - EXCUSE ME. 405 00:13:03,183 --> 00:13:04,484 - TAKE A WALK, BUDDY. THIS IS MY GIRL. 406 00:13:04,517 --> 00:13:08,221 - ACTUALLY, I WAS HOPING TO TALK TO HER FRIEND. 407 00:13:08,255 --> 00:13:12,092 CAN I BUY YOU A DRINK? 408 00:13:12,125 --> 00:13:14,261 - UM, YEAH, I GUESS I COULD HAVE ONE DRINK. 409 00:13:14,294 --> 00:13:16,263 - OKAY. 410 00:13:16,296 --> 00:13:19,466 [both mouthing silently] 411 00:13:23,436 --> 00:13:25,572 - DAPHNE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? 412 00:13:25,605 --> 00:13:27,574 - I FOUND YOUR PHONE. - WHERE WAS IT? 413 00:13:27,607 --> 00:13:30,243 - IN MY APARTMENT, BEHIND THE HEADBOARD. 414 00:13:30,277 --> 00:13:32,212 FRANKLY, I'M SURPRISED IT'S STILL IN ONE PIECE. 415 00:13:32,245 --> 00:13:34,982 - ME TOO, I'M ACTUALLY A LITTLE DISAPPOINTED IN MYSELF. 416 00:13:35,015 --> 00:13:36,516 - I'M SORRY I POURED COFFEE ON YOU. 417 00:13:36,549 --> 00:13:39,552 - IT'S OKAY. KINDA LIKED IT. 418 00:13:41,321 --> 00:13:42,555 LISTEN, I WAS WONDERING IF YOU COULD DO SOMETHING 419 00:13:42,589 --> 00:13:44,391 FOR A FRIEND OF MINE. 420 00:13:44,424 --> 00:13:46,393 - DETAILS. 421 00:13:46,426 --> 00:13:48,195 - HIS NAME IS COREY, AND HE WANTS TO TAKE ME 422 00:13:48,228 --> 00:13:50,530 TO A PARTY AT A COUNTRY ESTATE IN NEW JERSEY. 423 00:13:50,563 --> 00:13:52,199 - EXCUSE ME? A COUNTRY ESTATE? 424 00:13:52,232 --> 00:13:53,200 WHEN IS THIS HAPPENING? 425 00:13:53,233 --> 00:13:55,002 - RIGHT NOW. IS THIS CRAZY? 426 00:13:55,035 --> 00:13:57,404 - NO, IT'S NOT CRAZY. AND LET ME TELL YOU WHY, 427 00:13:57,437 --> 00:14:01,108 AND I'M GONNA BE COMPLETELY HONEST WITH YOU RIGHT NOW. 428 00:14:01,141 --> 00:14:04,044 IF YOU GO TO NEW JERSEY, THAT MEANS I GET TO GO HOME 429 00:14:04,077 --> 00:14:06,213 AND HAVE SEX WITH MY GIRLFRIEND WITHOUT INTERRUPTION, 430 00:14:06,246 --> 00:14:07,514 BECAUSE YOU'RE GONNA BE IN A TOTALLY DIFFERENT STATE. 431 00:14:07,547 --> 00:14:10,117 - GROSS. LENNON, WHAT DO YOU THINK? 432 00:14:10,150 --> 00:14:13,120 HE SEEMS REALLY NICE. HE ALSO LOOKS LIKE JASON BOURNE. 433 00:14:13,153 --> 00:14:14,521 - I THINK YOU SHOULD CLOSE THIS DEAL. 434 00:14:14,554 --> 00:14:17,024 - LET'S DO IT! 435 00:14:17,057 --> 00:14:18,391 - YO, DUDE, I THINK I JUST SOLVED YOUR GYRO PROBLEM. 436 00:14:18,425 --> 00:14:20,260 - I DON'T NEED A GYRO, RAV. 437 00:14:20,293 --> 00:14:22,462 I'M ABOUT TO GO HAVE SEX WITH MY GIRLFRIEND. 438 00:14:22,495 --> 00:14:26,366 I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS IS FINALLY HAPPENING. 439 00:14:26,399 --> 00:14:29,202 OH, MY GOD. 440 00:14:29,236 --> 00:14:30,103 YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL. 441 00:14:30,137 --> 00:14:32,439 - THANK YOU. THIS WAS MY GRANDMOTHER'S. 442 00:14:32,472 --> 00:14:33,573 - AW, LENNON! 443 00:14:33,606 --> 00:14:35,442 - WHAT? WE HAVE THE SAME BODY. 444 00:14:35,475 --> 00:14:37,644 - NOW ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT IS HER IN THAT HOSPITAL BED. 445 00:14:37,677 --> 00:14:39,346 REMEMBER? SHE HAD TO TALK THROUGH THAT VOICE BOX? 446 00:14:39,379 --> 00:14:41,581 - OKAY, JUST STAY WITH ME. STAY FOCUSED. 447 00:14:41,614 --> 00:14:43,550 - [Darth Vader voice] LENNON... 448 00:14:43,583 --> 00:14:45,318 I AM YOUR GRANDMOTHER. 449 00:14:45,352 --> 00:14:46,386 - [laughs] COME ON. 450 00:14:46,419 --> 00:14:48,088 [phone rings] 451 00:14:48,121 --> 00:14:49,656 - EVERY SINGLE TIME! - OH, MY GOD. 452 00:14:49,689 --> 00:14:51,258 BABE, ALL I WANT TO DO RIGHT NOW 453 00:14:51,291 --> 00:14:52,325 IS HAVE SEX WITH YOU-- 454 00:14:52,359 --> 00:14:55,062 - BUT SHE'S WITH A NEW GUY. SHE'S IN NEW JERSEY. 455 00:14:55,095 --> 00:14:57,164 SHE COULD BE GETTING MURDERED SOMEWHERE. 456 00:14:57,197 --> 00:14:59,266 ANSWER IT. - OKAY. 457 00:14:59,299 --> 00:15:00,267 JESS, ARE YOU OKAY? 458 00:15:00,300 --> 00:15:01,601 - LENNON! 459 00:15:01,634 --> 00:15:03,103 OH, YOU KNOW WHAT, CORE? ON SECOND THOUGHT, 460 00:15:03,136 --> 00:15:04,104 I WILL HAVE CHAMPAGNE. 461 00:15:04,137 --> 00:15:05,205 - WHAT IS HAPPENING? 462 00:15:05,238 --> 00:15:08,275 - OKAY, THIS PARTY'S AT A BEAUTIFUL ESTATE ON A RIVER, 463 00:15:08,308 --> 00:15:10,477 AND EVEN THOUGH COREY LOOKS A BIT YOUNGER IN THE LIGHT, 464 00:15:10,510 --> 00:15:12,345 I HAVE NEVER BEEN TREATED MORE LIKE A LADY-- 465 00:15:12,379 --> 00:15:13,646 OH, HI, THANK YOU. 466 00:15:13,680 --> 00:15:15,248 - THEN WHY IS SHE CALLING US? 467 00:15:15,282 --> 00:15:16,616 - OKAY, SO I DON'T HAVE TO BE WORRIED? 468 00:15:16,649 --> 00:15:18,118 - NO, NO, NO. 469 00:15:18,151 --> 00:15:19,386 I KNEW YOU GUYS WERE JUST SITTING BY THE PHONE, 470 00:15:19,419 --> 00:15:21,121 WAITING FOR ME TO CALL. 471 00:15:21,154 --> 00:15:22,622 LISTEN, GO TO SLEEP, I'LL CALL YOU IN THE MORNING, 472 00:15:22,655 --> 00:15:24,091 OKAY? - OKAY. 473 00:15:24,124 --> 00:15:25,458 - OH, LOOKS LIKE THE PARTY IS SHIFTING 474 00:15:25,492 --> 00:15:26,459 INTO SOME KIND OF A SAFARI THEME. 475 00:15:26,493 --> 00:15:30,497 - WAIT A MINUTE. WAIT, JESS, LOOK AROUND YOU. 476 00:15:30,530 --> 00:15:32,199 ARE THE GUYS WEARING PITH HELMETS? 477 00:15:32,232 --> 00:15:34,367 - YEAH, PITH HELMETS AS FAR AS THE EYE CAN SEE. 478 00:15:34,401 --> 00:15:36,203 - OH, MY GOD, 479 00:15:36,236 --> 00:15:37,504 YOU'RE AT A COUGAR BALL. - COUGAR BALL? 480 00:15:37,537 --> 00:15:39,239 - YEAH, I READ ABOUT IT IN THE NEW YORKER. 481 00:15:39,272 --> 00:15:40,607 IT'S THIS NEW COLLEGE FAD WHERE THE FRATERNITIES 482 00:15:40,640 --> 00:15:42,242 HAVE WHAT THEY CALL A COUGAR BALL. 483 00:15:42,275 --> 00:15:44,511 EACH GUY HAS TO BRING THE HOTTEST COUGAR HE CAN FIND 484 00:15:44,544 --> 00:15:46,313 TO A DINNER, AND AT THE END OF THE NIGHT, 485 00:15:46,346 --> 00:15:47,514 THEY CROWN SOMEBODY QUEEN COUGAR. 486 00:15:47,547 --> 00:15:49,216 - NO, THEY DO NOT. - DISGUSTING. 487 00:15:49,249 --> 00:15:53,253 - JUST STAY WHERE YOU ARE. WE ARE COMING TO GET YOU! 488 00:15:53,286 --> 00:15:54,654 all: TO COUGARS! 489 00:15:54,687 --> 00:15:56,556 [cheering] 490 00:15:59,292 --> 00:16:00,560 - THIS IS ALL MY FAULT. WHY DID I TELL HER TO GO? 491 00:16:00,593 --> 00:16:02,262 - THANK GOD DR. CARNIVACCI SUBSCRIBES TO THE NEW YORKER, 492 00:16:02,295 --> 00:16:03,496 OR ELSE WE'D NEVER HAVE KNOWN! 493 00:16:03,530 --> 00:16:04,531 - OKAY, CALL RAV. WE NEED HIS TRUCK. 494 00:16:04,564 --> 00:16:06,133 - I CALLED HIM THREE TIMES ALREADY. 495 00:16:06,166 --> 00:16:07,700 HE WON'T PICK UP! - SCREW IT, WE'RE RENTING A CAR. 496 00:16:07,734 --> 00:16:09,402 WAIT, WHERE'S MY SWEATER? 497 00:16:09,436 --> 00:16:10,703 [screaming] WHERE IS IT? 498 00:16:10,737 --> 00:16:13,706 [hip-hop party music playing] 499 00:16:13,740 --> 00:16:20,747 * 500 00:16:22,315 --> 00:16:25,552 all: GO! GO! GO! GO! 501 00:16:26,586 --> 00:16:28,421 - HEY, DID YOU BRING ME TO NEW JERSEY 502 00:16:28,455 --> 00:16:30,623 TO BE IN A COUGAR BALL? 503 00:16:30,657 --> 00:16:32,192 ARE YOU THAT STUPID? 504 00:16:32,225 --> 00:16:33,293 'CAUSE, I MEAN, YOU SEEM SMART, 505 00:16:33,326 --> 00:16:34,327 BUT I DON'T KNOW, I JUST MET YOU. 506 00:16:34,361 --> 00:16:36,163 MAYBE YOU'RE JUST, LIKE REALLY, REALLY STUPID. 507 00:16:36,196 --> 00:16:37,497 - I'M SORRY, I-- 508 00:16:37,530 --> 00:16:39,166 I BROUGHT YOU HERE TO BE MY COUGAR. 509 00:16:39,199 --> 00:16:40,167 - WELL, THAT'S GREAT. THAT MAKES ME FEEL 510 00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:41,601 REALLY GOOD ABOUT MYSELF. 511 00:16:41,634 --> 00:16:44,437 THAT'S A LIE, COREY, IN CASE YOU'RE TOO STUPID. 512 00:16:44,471 --> 00:16:47,307 - LOOK AT THIS. NICE CATCH, CORE. 513 00:16:47,340 --> 00:16:49,442 YOU LOOK LIKE YOU'RE STILL IN YOUR 30s. 514 00:16:49,476 --> 00:16:52,412 - I AM IN MY 30s. - THAT'S THE SPIRIT. 515 00:16:52,445 --> 00:16:57,317 I MYSELF WENT WITH MORE OF THE CLASSIC COUG. 516 00:16:57,350 --> 00:16:59,652 SHE IS WRINKLED DYNAMITE. I THINK I HAVE THE WINNER. 517 00:16:59,686 --> 00:17:01,388 - YOU SEEM LIKE A WINNER. 518 00:17:01,421 --> 00:17:04,557 YOU KNOW YOUR PARENTS ARE PAYING FOR YOU TO DRESS LIKE A PENIS? 519 00:17:04,591 --> 00:17:06,626 I'M OUT OF HERE. 520 00:17:06,659 --> 00:17:08,295 - IS THAT A HAT JOKE? - SHUT UP! 521 00:17:10,630 --> 00:17:13,233 HEY! I KNOW YOU PROBABLY HATE ME. 522 00:17:13,266 --> 00:17:15,468 I JUST--I WANT YOU TO KNOW I DIDN'T WANT TO DO THIS. 523 00:17:15,502 --> 00:17:17,337 I DON'T EVEN LIKE THESE GUYS, IT'S JUST MY DAD'S, LIKE, 524 00:17:17,370 --> 00:17:18,738 A FOUNDING MEMBER OF THIS STUPID FRAT, 525 00:17:18,771 --> 00:17:22,709 AND I DON'T KNOW, I THINK YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL, 526 00:17:22,742 --> 00:17:26,213 AND I JUST--I THOUGHT IF I COULD GET YOU TO COME HERE, 527 00:17:26,246 --> 00:17:28,348 I MIGHT HAVE A SHOT AT WINNING QUEEN COUGAR, 528 00:17:28,381 --> 00:17:31,484 AND MY DAD WOULD BE PROUD OF ME FOR ONCE. 529 00:17:31,518 --> 00:17:35,622 - THIS IS...DEFINITELY THE WEIRDEST NIGHT OF MY LIFE. 530 00:17:37,257 --> 00:17:40,627 [sighs] 531 00:17:40,660 --> 00:17:43,796 HEY, COREY? 532 00:17:43,830 --> 00:17:47,300 WHAT WOULD WE NEED TO DO TO WIN THIS THING? 533 00:17:47,334 --> 00:17:48,535 - WHAT? ARE YOU SERIOUS? 534 00:17:48,568 --> 00:17:49,736 - YEAH, I'M SERIOUS. 535 00:17:49,769 --> 00:17:51,638 I WANNA GET A GOOD STORY OUT OF THIS. 536 00:17:51,671 --> 00:17:54,341 SO TELL ME, WHAT DO I NEED TO DO TO STICK IT TO TREVOR 537 00:17:54,374 --> 00:17:55,675 AND TAKE THESE OLD BITCHES DOWN? 538 00:17:55,708 --> 00:17:58,811 'CAUSE I KNOW I GOT THIS--OH, YES! 539 00:17:58,845 --> 00:18:01,648 BUT I CAN ALSO DROP IT PRETTY LOW... 540 00:18:01,681 --> 00:18:03,250 IF YOU NEED THAT. 541 00:18:03,283 --> 00:18:04,851 ALSO, IF THERE'S A KARAOKE PORTION, 542 00:18:04,884 --> 00:18:09,289 I DO DO A MEAN RENDITION OF BOB DYLAN'S LAY LADY LAY. 543 00:18:09,322 --> 00:18:10,857 JUST FYI. 544 00:18:10,890 --> 00:18:12,825 - * JUMP ON IT 545 00:18:12,859 --> 00:18:15,362 * JUMP ON IT, JUMP ON IT * 546 00:18:15,395 --> 00:18:17,664 * 547 00:18:17,697 --> 00:18:19,532 - I AM SHUTTING THIS DOWN! THIS IS OVER! 548 00:18:19,566 --> 00:18:20,833 THIS IS IT! IT'S OVER! 549 00:18:20,867 --> 00:18:22,569 EVERYONE BACK AWAY FROM THIS WOMAN! 550 00:18:22,602 --> 00:18:24,737 AND IF YOU ARE IN THIS ROOM, YOU ARE ON NOTICE! 551 00:18:24,771 --> 00:18:26,339 - YOU AND I ARE TAKING A WALK, MISTER. 552 00:18:26,373 --> 00:18:27,407 - NO, NO! JOE, JOE, STOP! 553 00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:28,641 IT'S OKAY! 554 00:18:28,675 --> 00:18:30,577 - IT'S NOT OKAY, JESS. HEY, THESE COUGARS, 555 00:18:30,610 --> 00:18:32,545 AS YOU BOYS CALL THEM, ARE WOMEN, ALL RIGHT? 556 00:18:32,579 --> 00:18:34,547 WOMEN! HEAR THEM ROAR! 557 00:18:34,581 --> 00:18:35,748 - [laughs] COUGARS ALSO ROAR. 558 00:18:35,782 --> 00:18:36,816 - [angry] WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME? 559 00:18:36,849 --> 00:18:38,551 - LENNON! - NOTHING! 560 00:18:38,585 --> 00:18:39,752 I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING! - YEAH, YOU DID! 561 00:18:39,786 --> 00:18:41,821 YOU NEED TO LEARN YOUR EDUCATION! 562 00:18:41,854 --> 00:18:42,822 - OKAY, OKAY, LENNON, IT'S OKAY, ALL RIGHT? 563 00:18:42,855 --> 00:18:44,424 I'M FINE. 564 00:18:44,457 --> 00:18:46,359 - IT'S NOT FINE, JESS. YOU'RE AT A COUGAR BALL. 565 00:18:46,393 --> 00:18:47,860 - YEAH, AND I'M HAVING THE TIME OF MY LIFE. 566 00:18:47,894 --> 00:18:49,896 THERE'S ENDLESS CHAMPAGNE. 567 00:18:49,929 --> 00:18:51,464 I KEEP GETTING LIFTED UP ON A CHAIR, 568 00:18:51,498 --> 00:18:53,400 WHICH YOU KNOW HAS ALWAYS BEEN A DREAM OF MINE, 569 00:18:53,433 --> 00:18:54,401 SINCE I'M NOT JEWISH. 570 00:18:54,434 --> 00:18:56,703 I THREW MY HAT IN THE RING FOR QUEEN COUGAR, 571 00:18:56,736 --> 00:18:59,439 AND WORD ON THE STREET IS I MIGHT ACTUALLY WIN THIS THING 572 00:18:59,472 --> 00:19:01,908 IF DANIELLE FROM SHORT HILLS DOESN'T STEAL IT FROM ME. 573 00:19:01,941 --> 00:19:03,876 SO I'M OKAY. 574 00:19:03,910 --> 00:19:06,579 - REALLY? - YES! I PROMISE! 575 00:19:06,613 --> 00:19:09,582 ALL RIGHT, NOW LITTLE PETE, GRAB MY FRIENDS 576 00:19:09,616 --> 00:19:11,551 A COUPLE OF COUGARITAS-- HOLD THE SALT-- 577 00:19:11,584 --> 00:19:13,886 AND LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED! 578 00:19:13,920 --> 00:19:15,788 [cheering] 579 00:19:15,822 --> 00:19:17,557 - * PUT YOUR HANDS UP AND HEAR ME SHOUT * 580 00:19:17,590 --> 00:19:18,858 * A LITTLE BIT LOUD 581 00:19:18,891 --> 00:19:20,460 * NOW PUT YOUR HANDS UP 582 00:19:20,493 --> 00:19:21,661 * CAN'T KEEP YOURSELF FROM JUMPING AROUND * 583 00:19:21,694 --> 00:19:23,763 - OKAY, THAT WAS A NEW SONG 584 00:19:23,796 --> 00:19:25,765 THAT I DON'T LIKE AND DON'T CARE ABOUT, 585 00:19:25,798 --> 00:19:27,700 BUT HERE'S ONE OF THE BEST ONES EVER RECORDED, 586 00:19:27,734 --> 00:19:30,903 AND IF YOU DISAGREE, YOU CAN FIGHT ME ON THE DANCE FLOOR. 587 00:19:30,937 --> 00:19:33,906 [Loverboy's Working for the Weekend] 588 00:19:33,940 --> 00:19:35,942 * 589 00:19:35,975 --> 00:19:37,477 - LENNON, TRUTH. 590 00:19:37,510 --> 00:19:38,745 WHEN I CALLED YOU GUYS EARLIER TODAY, 591 00:19:38,778 --> 00:19:39,912 WERE YOU GETTING YOUR BODIES WORKED? 592 00:19:39,946 --> 00:19:41,481 - WE ABSOLUTELY WERE. 593 00:19:41,514 --> 00:19:42,949 - SO WHY DID YOU PICK UP THE PHONE? 594 00:19:42,982 --> 00:19:45,818 - WELL, 'CAUSE I WAS WORRIED YOU WERE GETTING MURDERED. 595 00:19:45,852 --> 00:19:47,587 - OKAY, LEN, YOU NEED TO STOP WORRYING ABOUT ME 596 00:19:47,620 --> 00:19:48,821 AND START GETTING THAT BODY WORKED. 597 00:19:48,855 --> 00:19:51,724 - OKAY, THEN YOU NEED TO KNOCK BEFORE YOU COME IN OUR BEDROOM. 598 00:19:51,758 --> 00:19:54,627 - OH, MY GOD, THAT MORNING, WERE YOU GUYS IN THE MIDDLE-- 599 00:19:54,661 --> 00:19:56,496 [gasps] I SAT ON THE EDGE OF THE BED! 600 00:19:56,529 --> 00:19:57,630 - YEAH, YOU ALMOST SAT ON HIS JUNK. 601 00:19:57,664 --> 00:19:58,598 - OH, MAN. - BAD NEWS! 602 00:19:58,631 --> 00:20:00,767 YOU'VE BEEN DISQUALIFIED FROM QUEEN COUGAR. 603 00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:03,370 - [groans] DANIELLE FROM SHORT HILLS. 604 00:20:03,403 --> 00:20:04,837 - NO, TREVOR LOOKED YOU UP ON FACEBOOK. 605 00:20:04,871 --> 00:20:06,406 NICE TANKINI, BY THE WAY. - THANK YOU. 606 00:20:06,439 --> 00:20:07,607 - HEY. - YEAH. 607 00:20:07,640 --> 00:20:08,941 WELL, YOU'RE UNDER THE AGE LIMIT. 608 00:20:08,975 --> 00:20:10,577 - HUH. YOU KNOW WHAT? 609 00:20:10,610 --> 00:20:11,711 I WILL TELL YOU SOMETHING, COREY. 610 00:20:11,744 --> 00:20:14,381 THE ONLY THING BETTER THAN BEING CROWNED QUEEN COUGAR 611 00:20:14,414 --> 00:20:16,749 IS BEING TOLD THAT YOU ARE TOO YOUNG TO BE QUEEN COUGAR. 612 00:20:16,783 --> 00:20:18,885 - ARE YOU COREY? ARE YOU COREY? 613 00:20:18,918 --> 00:20:20,553 YOU THE GUY? EXCUSE ME, ARE YOU THE GUY? 614 00:20:20,587 --> 00:20:22,422 - I'M ALWAYS THE GUY. 615 00:20:22,455 --> 00:20:23,856 [all gasp] - NO, RAV! 616 00:20:23,890 --> 00:20:25,425 RAV, STOP! STOP! I'M GOOD! 617 00:20:25,458 --> 00:20:26,959 I'M ALL RIGHT. - REALLY? 618 00:20:26,993 --> 00:20:28,428 - YES. 619 00:20:28,461 --> 00:20:31,931 I LET IT GET WEIRD. 620 00:20:31,964 --> 00:20:33,766 - SORRY, DUDE. I HAD TO PUNCH YOU, MAN. 621 00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:34,867 YOU WERE WEARING A PITH HELMET. 622 00:20:34,901 --> 00:20:36,736 - NO, HE DESERVED IT. 623 00:20:36,769 --> 00:20:38,671 - I DID. 624 00:20:38,705 --> 00:20:40,006 [music resumes] 625 00:20:40,039 --> 00:20:42,409 - OH, MAN, I GOTTA GET IN ON THIS. 626 00:20:42,442 --> 00:20:43,910 ALL RIGHT! 627 00:20:43,943 --> 00:20:46,713 GET IN THERE, GIRL. - GET OUT OF HERE. 628 00:20:46,746 --> 00:20:49,749 - * EVERYBODY WANTS A NEW ROMANCE * 629 00:20:52,485 --> 00:20:54,687 - OH, MAN, THAT'S A NICE ONE. 630 00:20:54,721 --> 00:20:56,556 [laughs] GUYS! 631 00:20:56,589 --> 00:20:59,559 GUYS, YOU GOTTA SEE DANIELLE FROM SHORT HILLS' FACE 632 00:20:59,592 --> 00:21:01,894 WHEN THEY TELL HER I'M TOO YOUNG TO BE QUEEN COUGAR! 633 00:21:01,928 --> 00:21:03,963 THIS IS PRICELESS. 634 00:21:03,996 --> 00:21:05,832 OH, MY GOD. 635 00:21:05,865 --> 00:21:07,567 [knocks] [door lock clicks] 636 00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:09,702 GUYS, I KNOCKED. WHAT'S GOING ON? 637 00:21:09,736 --> 00:21:10,637 [door lock clicks] 638 00:21:10,670 --> 00:21:12,705 OH, MY GOD, DID YOU PUT A LOCK ON THIS? 639 00:21:12,739 --> 00:21:13,906 [Loverboy's Working for the Weekend] 640 00:21:13,940 --> 00:21:15,908 [gasps] ARE YOU DOING IT RIGHT NOW? 641 00:21:15,942 --> 00:21:17,477 - [laughs] 642 00:21:17,510 --> 00:21:19,679 - OH, MY--YOU ARE! RIGHT NOW! 643 00:21:19,712 --> 00:21:21,548 YOU'RE WORKING EACH OTHER'S BODIES. 644 00:21:21,581 --> 00:21:23,616 GROSS! 645 00:21:23,650 --> 00:21:25,652 GROSS! 48249

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