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1
00:02:09,547 --> 00:02:18,514
(Jolly music)
2
00:03:24,080 --> 00:03:25,498
- How much is this?
3
00:03:25,832 --> 00:03:27,500
- That's uh...35 dollars.
4
00:03:34,382 --> 00:03:35,800
- This one?
5
00:03:36,134 --> 00:03:38,761
- That's 31, but it's a...
solid silver.
6
00:03:39,095 --> 00:03:41,597
- For 31 dollars I could
buy the holy grail.
7
00:03:47,645 --> 00:03:49,814
- Shit
8
00:04:21,220 --> 00:04:23,473
Oh it's a, it's you Irv.
9
00:04:23,973 --> 00:04:26,893
- Oh Melvin, did I see a
flick last night!
10
00:04:27,393 --> 00:04:28,770
You see, Tina Russell is this
nun...
11
00:04:29,145 --> 00:04:31,481
- Yeah I seen it,
lseenit
12
00:04:31,856 --> 00:04:33,357
- You didn't tell me!
13
00:04:33,691 --> 00:04:35,610
- Well I ain't seen you.
14
00:04:35,985 --> 00:04:37,862
- But I saw you
yesterday!
15
00:04:38,446 --> 00:04:39,530
Ooooh,
16
00:04:39,864 --> 00:04:41,699
You took a two
hour lunch again.
17
00:04:42,116 --> 00:04:43,910
What did you think of the picture?
18
00:04:44,243 --> 00:04:45,995
- Eh, it was good.
19
00:04:46,579 --> 00:04:47,872
- Oh, and that green sequence,
20
00:04:48,206 --> 00:04:51,292
When Tina's sister and her husband,
take off her clothes
21
00:04:51,626 --> 00:04:53,044
and put the boots to her
22
00:04:53,377 --> 00:04:54,295
Awww
23
00:04:54,670 --> 00:04:58,382
Especially...especially when they
remove her undergarments!
24
00:04:58,800 --> 00:05:01,719
And the sister warms her up,
while the guy gets his Shmuck ready.
25
00:05:07,975 --> 00:05:12,230
- Wait a second...l only got one,
I didn't know you were coming.
26
00:05:14,190 --> 00:05:16,734
- I had breakfast already.
27
00:05:18,569 --> 00:05:21,614
Look, how pink...
28
00:05:22,782 --> 00:05:24,033
How nice,
29
00:05:24,367 --> 00:05:27,161
looks like Tina Russell's before the
guy poked in his Shmuck!
30
00:05:30,414 --> 00:05:32,083
Looks good enough
to eat.
31
00:05:35,086 --> 00:05:37,004
Ain't you gonna eat it?
32
00:05:37,630 --> 00:05:39,549
- Yeah, yeah after I finish dusting
33
00:05:47,723 --> 00:05:50,977
Well uh, yes that was an interesting
motion picture
34
00:05:51,310 --> 00:05:53,479
from a, from a purely
intellectual standpoint.
35
00:05:53,813 --> 00:05:55,940
- Also very horny!
36
00:05:56,274 --> 00:05:57,400
Last night when I got home
37
00:05:57,733 --> 00:05:58,943
I crept up the stairs,
38
00:05:59,277 --> 00:06:00,236
nice...
39
00:06:00,653 --> 00:06:02,238
Debbie was in bed reading...
40
00:06:02,613 --> 00:06:04,532
The first words out of her mouth
41
00:06:04,866 --> 00:06:06,576
Irving, don't start already!
42
00:06:06,909 --> 00:06:08,870
Today was my day at the hairdressers!
43
00:06:10,621 --> 00:06:12,832
- I may even write a book.
44
00:06:13,165 --> 00:06:14,959
Pornography in film,
45
00:06:15,293 --> 00:06:17,753
an intellectual study, the impact on
modern man.
46
00:06:18,462 --> 00:06:20,756
- We spent the whole night
under a tent.
47
00:06:21,090 --> 00:06:23,551
A tent with a throbbing center pole.
48
00:06:26,262 --> 00:06:28,973
Next time I'll bring my rain coat
to the theatre
49
00:06:29,307 --> 00:06:31,934
Wear it in my lap, like
all them other guys.
50
00:06:32,310 --> 00:06:33,269
That'll show her.
51
00:06:33,603 --> 00:06:34,896
That'll show her.
52
00:06:36,230 --> 00:06:38,149
We'll see how she likes
sleeping under a tent
53
00:06:38,482 --> 00:06:40,860
with a chronically collapsed
center pole.
54
00:06:43,613 --> 00:06:45,531
Don't tell me such movies
don't turn you on.
55
00:06:45,865 --> 00:06:46,699
- L\/Ie?
56
00:06:47,033 --> 00:06:48,951
With all the action I get?
57
00:06:49,285 --> 00:06:50,411
- So?
58
00:06:51,078 --> 00:06:52,997
So what did you do last night?
59
00:06:54,290 --> 00:06:58,169
- Well last night it was June Madigan,
again.
60
00:06:59,045 --> 00:07:00,212
- June Madigan?
61
00:07:00,630 --> 00:07:03,299
Is that the curver you picked up
at the hopscotch bar?
62
00:07:03,799 --> 00:07:08,137
- No, no, no, June Madigan the pretty
young housewife from East 73rd Street.
63
00:07:08,554 --> 00:07:12,808
You know, the one with the, handsome,
scrapping steel worker husband.
64
00:07:13,684 --> 00:07:15,603
The one who is irresitably
attracted to me
65
00:07:15,937 --> 00:07:19,398
- Married women, they are always
dangerous.
66
00:07:20,316 --> 00:07:24,195
What if that goy, that steelworker
should drop in unexpectedly.
67
00:07:25,529 --> 00:07:27,406
- A chance that must be taken.
68
00:07:29,116 --> 00:07:31,702
I am sure his disability pension would
take care of him.
69
00:07:32,161 --> 00:07:34,997
Oh I am a coiled Cobra
when I am surprised.
70
00:07:37,416 --> 00:07:39,835
Anyway like I told you
before,
71
00:07:40,169 --> 00:07:43,130
June has been dying to get me and her
together with her friend Agnes.
72
00:07:44,382 --> 00:07:46,842
You know the three of us in
one bed together, you know?
73
00:07:48,219 --> 00:07:49,053
So...
74
00:07:49,679 --> 00:07:50,596
last night,
75
00:07:51,055 --> 00:07:52,974
Agne's husband was out bowling,
76
00:07:53,808 --> 00:07:56,185
and uh, Jesus
77
00:08:00,106 --> 00:08:02,024
- So who is watching the dry goods?
78
00:08:02,400 --> 00:08:05,861
- Oh I just dropped in for a minute,
Mrs. Finkelfarb, to see how Melvin
79
00:08:06,195 --> 00:08:06,737
was doing.
80
00:08:07,113 --> 00:08:08,280
- Mmhmm.
81
00:08:11,617 --> 00:08:13,536
We had any customers yet?
82
00:08:13,869 --> 00:08:15,079
- Momma, don't start already.
83
00:08:15,413 --> 00:08:17,248
- Uh, from this you earn a living,
84
00:08:18,082 --> 00:08:20,334
Buying dreck and selling hazari
85
00:08:20,710 --> 00:08:22,628
- Momma, I do a good business.
86
00:08:22,962 --> 00:08:23,587
- Mmm
87
00:08:23,963 --> 00:08:25,881
- Alright, not a good business,
88
00:08:26,298 --> 00:08:27,299
but a good business.
89
00:08:27,633 --> 00:08:29,802
- For this? For this you
gave up college?
90
00:08:30,136 --> 00:08:32,221
Two more years and
you would have been an accountant.
91
00:08:32,555 --> 00:08:33,889
- Ma, I don't want to be an
accountant.
92
00:08:35,016 --> 00:08:38,394
- No you want to buy dreck,
and sell hazarai.
93
00:08:39,186 --> 00:08:42,857
- Look Ma, buying dreck and selling
hazarai, it gives me the few pennies
94
00:08:43,190 --> 00:08:44,191
lneed
95
00:08:44,525 --> 00:08:46,068
and the time I need to
become a writer.
96
00:08:46,610 --> 00:08:47,194
- A writer?
97
00:08:47,570 --> 00:08:49,780
A writer he wants to become!
98
00:08:50,114 --> 00:08:52,616
At a time when people
are only reading dirty books,
99
00:08:52,992 --> 00:08:56,203
like Portnoy's Complaint
and the Charlie Chaplin report
100
00:08:57,371 --> 00:08:59,957
Ah, you have got a customer!
101
00:09:01,917 --> 00:09:05,379
Customers, huh, they got long hair,
102
00:09:05,963 --> 00:09:07,631
patched blue jeans,
103
00:09:08,549 --> 00:09:10,968
and holes in their undergarments
I bet ya,
104
00:09:11,802 --> 00:09:15,222
Uh, the one with the beard is a boy,
I hope.
105
00:09:16,098 --> 00:09:17,683
Well Melvin,
106
00:09:18,017 --> 00:09:19,477
Take care of your customers,
107
00:09:20,019 --> 00:09:21,437
Dinner will be waiting.
108
00:09:25,649 --> 00:09:28,486
(Sneaky Music)
109
00:10:53,195 --> 00:10:57,199
(Moaning)
110
00:11:11,964 --> 00:11:13,883
- (off screen) Oh Baby
111
00:11:32,568 --> 00:11:34,361
- Uh nurse, send in Mrs. Finch.
112
00:11:34,695 --> 00:11:37,364
- Mrs. Dogrun, and Mrs. Carpenter are
also waiting.
113
00:11:37,698 --> 00:11:39,825
- There'll be no waiting here, we have
three beds,
114
00:11:40,159 --> 00:11:43,370
I mean we have three examination
tables, working at all times.
115
00:11:43,913 --> 00:11:45,497
Tell them to get undressed also.
116
00:11:48,083 --> 00:11:49,043
Ah.
117
00:11:51,253 --> 00:11:54,757
- Oh Doctor, what an instrument!
118
00:11:55,090 --> 00:11:55,925
May I examine it?
119
00:11:56,258 --> 00:11:57,051
- Of course.
120
00:11:57,384 --> 00:11:59,136
Oh!
121
00:12:17,071 --> 00:12:20,699
Pardon me Madam, I have
other patients who I must care to.
122
00:12:21,784 --> 00:12:23,619
- Doctor, hurry back!
123
00:12:25,079 --> 00:12:27,831
- And what seems to be
your problem Mrs. Carpenter?
124
00:12:28,499 --> 00:12:32,586
- It's just that my little thing runs
and oozes all the time.
125
00:12:32,920 --> 00:12:34,672
Especially when I think about you
Doctor.
126
00:12:35,089 --> 00:12:36,799
- Got some leaky plumbing eh?
127
00:12:37,132 --> 00:12:38,717
Here let me plug the hole.
128
00:12:39,051 --> 00:12:40,386
Temporary packing of course.
129
00:12:41,053 --> 00:12:42,930
Oooh!
130
00:12:48,310 --> 00:12:50,771
Pardon me Mrs. Carpenter.
131
00:12:51,105 --> 00:12:52,022
- But wait a minute!
132
00:12:54,775 --> 00:12:58,237
(sneaky music)
133
00:13:57,421 --> 00:14:00,341
- So you got leaky plumbing eh?
134
00:14:01,759 --> 00:14:04,219
Well here, let me plug the hole.
135
00:14:06,055 --> 00:14:07,431
(fly unzipping)
136
00:14:10,726 --> 00:14:13,437
Temporary packing of course.
137
00:14:21,487 --> 00:14:25,699
(forboding exploding sound)
138
00:14:29,119 --> 00:14:32,164
(bells ringing)
139
00:14:41,423 --> 00:14:43,967
(bells ringing)
140
00:14:44,551 --> 00:14:50,516
(Arabic music)
141
00:15:06,490 --> 00:15:09,201
- Master I am here to
heed your wishes.
142
00:15:10,661 --> 00:15:12,413
You have five wishes.
143
00:15:13,122 --> 00:15:16,208
- Well gee, I uh, I always
thought three wishes was the standard.
144
00:15:17,209 --> 00:15:20,170
- That was years ago,
when three wishes went someplace.
145
00:15:20,838 --> 00:15:22,798
There's been inflation you know?
146
00:15:25,008 --> 00:15:28,303
Well I'm waiting master,
to grant you the first of your wishes.
147
00:15:28,679 --> 00:15:30,431
- Well wait a minute, don't rush me.
148
00:15:30,764 --> 00:15:34,351
I mean a guy can't have the
responsibility of five wishes
149
00:15:34,685 --> 00:15:35,811
being pushed up on him,
just like that.
150
00:15:36,145 --> 00:15:38,105
- Yes kind and gentle master.
151
00:15:38,480 --> 00:15:39,731
I am sorry master.
152
00:15:41,150 --> 00:15:43,235
- Well just because I am a kind and
gentle master,
153
00:15:43,569 --> 00:15:45,904
well don't get the idea
I'm easy.
154
00:15:46,321 --> 00:15:49,741
- I am standing patiently master,
awaitng your first wish.
155
00:15:50,117 --> 00:15:52,494
- Well I'm thinking, I'm thinking.
156
00:15:56,457 --> 00:15:59,668
How come you came out of that
jar like that? I mean poof?
157
00:16:00,294 --> 00:16:02,045
- Five hundred years ago.
158
00:16:02,421 --> 00:16:05,215
Abdul El Rasheed the sorcerer,
159
00:16:05,549 --> 00:16:07,342
condemned me to imprisonment
in that jar.
160
00:16:08,385 --> 00:16:10,637
I could only be freed to serve
a master.
161
00:16:11,972 --> 00:16:13,974
Who rubbed the inside
of my jar.
162
00:16:15,100 --> 00:16:17,728
You succeeded in rubbing
the inside of my jar.
163
00:16:18,103 --> 00:16:20,063
- Now look I don't want you
telling people how
164
00:16:20,397 --> 00:16:23,108
I succeeded in rubbing the inside
of your jar.
165
00:16:24,193 --> 00:16:25,360
- As you wish master.
166
00:16:26,653 --> 00:16:28,572
- Quick hide.
167
00:16:28,906 --> 00:16:29,781
- Where?
168
00:16:30,115 --> 00:16:31,283
- Anyplace, get back in your bottle.
169
00:16:31,658 --> 00:16:34,369
- Well I can't on such short notice,
it's a big deal.
170
00:16:35,162 --> 00:16:36,914
- Some magic genie you are.
171
00:16:43,212 --> 00:16:45,005
- Goldstein, the tenant, called!
He said there
172
00:16:45,339 --> 00:16:46,965
was smoke coming
from underneath your door!
173
00:16:50,344 --> 00:16:51,303
Who's she?
174
00:16:51,970 --> 00:16:52,679
- A customer Momma,
175
00:16:53,013 --> 00:16:53,847
- A customer?
176
00:16:54,181 --> 00:16:55,474
In the back room?
177
00:16:55,891 --> 00:16:57,809
Where's the rest of her clothes?
178
00:16:58,143 --> 00:16:59,937
- That's the way they dress where
she comes from.
179
00:17:00,854 --> 00:17:02,731
- A foreigner eh?
180
00:17:03,357 --> 00:17:05,067
She looks like someboy out of the,
181
00:17:05,400 --> 00:17:07,402
I wouldn't mention the name
nights.
182
00:17:07,819 --> 00:17:09,738
- Momma why were you carrying
that can?
183
00:17:10,531 --> 00:17:12,366
- Well because when Goldstein
called I thought you had
184
00:17:12,699 --> 00:17:14,409
a fire, so I came to put it out!
185
00:17:17,788 --> 00:17:19,998
- But Momma, that's paint
thinner, it burns!
186
00:17:21,291 --> 00:17:23,502
- Oy I gotta get my glasses checked.
187
00:17:24,378 --> 00:17:26,088
- Momma, you don't wear glasses.
188
00:17:26,463 --> 00:17:30,092
- See I gotta get glasses,
so I can have them checked.
189
00:17:31,218 --> 00:17:32,844
A customer huh?
190
00:17:33,262 --> 00:17:34,179
Melvin,
191
00:17:34,513 --> 00:17:35,013
listen,
192
00:17:35,347 --> 00:17:37,766
you know a nice, eligible man like
you
193
00:17:38,475 --> 00:17:40,269
has got to be very careful,
194
00:17:40,602 --> 00:17:42,396
those people,
195
00:17:42,896 --> 00:17:46,108
they believe that a man
should have more than one wife,
196
00:17:46,525 --> 00:17:50,112
that his mother should
share him with!
197
00:17:56,577 --> 00:17:58,078
- Well,
198
00:17:58,453 --> 00:17:59,913
we're alone again.
199
00:18:00,372 --> 00:18:02,291
- Just wait a minute and let me think,
huh?
200
00:18:02,624 --> 00:18:03,792
- Oh master,
201
00:18:04,334 --> 00:18:07,963
your wildest desires are
at your fingertips!
202
00:18:08,338 --> 00:18:09,965
You need only command me.
203
00:18:10,340 --> 00:18:12,134
- Look my Mommas pushing me from one
side, you gotta push me
204
00:18:12,467 --> 00:18:13,468
from the other?
205
00:18:17,139 --> 00:18:20,183
Jesus nobody can read,
I got a closed sign out there!
206
00:18:20,517 --> 00:18:24,646
- Oh master, I must tell you, I'll
have to hang around until your five
207
00:18:24,980 --> 00:18:26,273
wishes are used up.
208
00:18:27,024 --> 00:18:29,901
So if you don't see me,
and you want me,
209
00:18:30,819 --> 00:18:32,738
Just clap three times,
210
00:18:33,071 --> 00:18:35,574
orjust rub the inside of my jar a
little,
211
00:18:35,907 --> 00:18:36,700
I like that.
212
00:18:37,117 --> 00:18:39,036
- Alright already!
213
00:18:40,245 --> 00:18:42,164
Oh my god, it's Janet Geckle.
214
00:18:42,831 --> 00:18:45,751
I met her two years ago, at a singles
night, up at the Concord.
215
00:18:46,418 --> 00:18:48,462
Quick, quick, what's your name?
216
00:18:48,795 --> 00:18:50,631
- Hamara.
217
00:19:07,230 --> 00:19:09,149
- Oh, hi Melvin!
218
00:19:09,691 --> 00:19:12,194
I'm so glad I caught you in.
219
00:19:17,115 --> 00:19:20,911
Standing here, I, I feel like one
ofyouranfiques
220
00:19:21,244 --> 00:19:22,204
on display.
221
00:19:25,123 --> 00:19:27,000
Can't we go in the back room?
222
00:19:40,597 --> 00:19:43,475
- Uh Janet, there's someone I have
always wanted you to meet.
223
00:19:43,892 --> 00:19:46,520
- Let me put on my glasses Melvin.
224
00:19:48,980 --> 00:19:51,233
Who did you want me to meet Melvin?
225
00:19:51,566 --> 00:19:54,152
- Oh, uh, my aunt Sophie, you
would like my aunt Sophie.
226
00:19:55,237 --> 00:19:58,156
- The way you talked, I thought
she was here.
227
00:19:59,825 --> 00:20:01,702
I'm so glad we are alone.
228
00:20:02,077 --> 00:20:03,120
- You are?
229
00:20:03,787 --> 00:20:05,706
- Ah, Melvin,
230
00:20:06,039 --> 00:20:07,874
I have so much to tell you.
231
00:20:08,667 --> 00:20:11,628
It's so nice to have a friend,
to be intimate with.
232
00:20:12,087 --> 00:20:13,880
- To be intimate with?
233
00:20:15,507 --> 00:20:18,468
- Someone you can feel safe with.
234
00:20:19,052 --> 00:20:20,887
Someone who's not
going to make a pass at you
235
00:20:21,221 --> 00:20:22,514
every time you turn around.
236
00:20:24,891 --> 00:20:26,768
Ah, Melvin, Melvin.
237
00:20:27,352 --> 00:20:28,687
I found him!
238
00:20:29,104 --> 00:20:30,522
I found him.
239
00:20:31,690 --> 00:20:33,608
The man I was born for.
240
00:20:34,276 --> 00:20:36,194
- Another Doctor right?
241
00:20:36,862 --> 00:20:37,988
- A gynocologist.
242
00:20:38,363 --> 00:20:40,073
Dr. Vladamir Barker!
243
00:20:41,032 --> 00:20:44,202
My heart races when I speak the name.
244
00:20:44,536 --> 00:20:47,122
Feel!
245
00:20:48,415 --> 00:20:49,624
Feel it racing?
246
00:20:50,125 --> 00:20:52,627
- Oh it's racing, it's racing!
247
00:20:53,044 --> 00:20:55,338
Oh, it's me that's racing.
248
00:20:56,673 --> 00:20:58,592
- He's handsome,
249
00:20:58,925 --> 00:21:00,844
distinguished,
250
00:21:01,219 --> 00:21:03,138
he charges forty dollars
a visit,
251
00:21:03,930 --> 00:21:05,849
no house calls.
252
00:21:06,183 --> 00:21:07,934
And he respects me as a woman.
253
00:21:08,810 --> 00:21:11,688
Not as something to paw and fondle.
254
00:21:16,443 --> 00:21:17,402
- Well,
255
00:21:17,736 --> 00:21:18,904
he sounds a,
256
00:21:19,237 --> 00:21:21,072
he sounds a,
257
00:21:22,449 --> 00:21:24,618
- Melvin you are such a great friend!
258
00:21:24,951 --> 00:21:27,204
I had to tell you.
259
00:21:30,749 --> 00:21:32,667
I've got to get back to work.
260
00:21:36,588 --> 00:21:38,840
- Dr. Vladamir Parker
261
00:21:39,174 --> 00:21:40,926
Obviously a pseudonym.
262
00:22:05,951 --> 00:22:07,494
Where did you come
from?
263
00:22:07,828 --> 00:22:09,704
- I was hanging around.
264
00:22:10,038 --> 00:22:13,500
Boy do I ever love the way
you rub the inside of my jar.
265
00:22:13,834 --> 00:22:15,585
- You mean you was here all the time?
266
00:22:15,919 --> 00:22:16,920
- Invisible.
267
00:22:17,379 --> 00:22:18,672
And now oh master,
268
00:22:19,005 --> 00:22:21,800
Your wildest desires are at your
fingertips.
269
00:22:22,425 --> 00:22:24,302
You need only command.
270
00:22:24,761 --> 00:22:26,888
- Well..ok...ok,
271
00:22:27,264 --> 00:22:29,182
I want to go to bed with ah,
272
00:22:30,183 --> 00:22:31,059
with...
273
00:22:34,145 --> 00:22:36,064
Three girls, all at once.
274
00:22:36,439 --> 00:22:39,442
And I wanna be a doctor, and
look like Harry Reems.
275
00:22:41,111 --> 00:22:42,237
- That's your wish?
276
00:22:42,571 --> 00:22:43,405
- That's my wish.
277
00:22:44,698 --> 00:22:45,740
- Alright.
278
00:22:46,491 --> 00:22:47,742
You must close your eyes.
279
00:22:48,368 --> 00:22:50,287
- Why must I close my eyes?
280
00:22:50,620 --> 00:22:52,372
- You must close your eyes for the
spell to work.
281
00:22:54,374 --> 00:22:56,918
You're peeking!
282
00:22:57,252 --> 00:23:00,338
- Well uh, what's gonna happen so bad
I can't see it?
283
00:23:01,798 --> 00:23:03,925
- Don't you want to look like Harry
Reems?
284
00:23:04,259 --> 00:23:07,304
Be a doctor and go to bed with three
girls at once?
285
00:23:09,431 --> 00:23:11,182
(Incantation)
286
00:23:11,516 --> 00:23:13,393
- Hey watch it with the spinning,
I get sick to my stomach very easily.
287
00:23:13,894 --> 00:23:18,440
(Incantation)
288
00:23:21,026 --> 00:23:22,903
(Magic Bells)
289
00:23:31,578 --> 00:23:33,496
You're a phony genie,
it didn't work.
290
00:23:36,041 --> 00:23:38,668
- Hi what happened to your voice,
do you have a cold?
291
00:23:39,961 --> 00:23:42,964
- You're still a phony genie,
I ordered three girls!
292
00:23:51,222 --> 00:23:54,142
- You poor dear, lie down,
we will make you come- fortable.
293
00:23:54,726 --> 00:23:56,978
- That's more my style.
294
00:24:33,431 --> 00:24:37,769
(soft music)
295
00:25:46,629 --> 00:25:50,592
(moaning)
296
00:27:01,496 --> 00:27:05,708
(moaning)
297
00:28:43,431 --> 00:28:44,891
- (off screen) Melvin!
298
00:28:45,225 --> 00:28:46,226
What are you doing?
299
00:28:46,726 --> 00:28:49,938
- I am playing doctor with Suzy, Ona,
and Edna Momma.
300
00:28:51,314 --> 00:28:54,567
- Melvin, it's time to go home.
301
00:28:54,984 --> 00:28:57,779
- I can't Momma, I am giving
Edna a thorough internal.
302
00:28:58,863 --> 00:29:01,407
- What kind of meshuggeneh
talk is this?
303
00:29:02,033 --> 00:29:04,619
You're gonna give Susan
a thorough internal?
304
00:29:05,328 --> 00:29:07,538
- Momma, how did you get here?
305
00:29:08,331 --> 00:29:09,624
- I walked.
306
00:29:10,208 --> 00:29:12,126
I'm gonna take a subway
for one block?
307
00:29:12,585 --> 00:29:14,087
- Where are the others?
308
00:29:15,004 --> 00:29:20,343
- Who would be here? Except
Edna, Ona, and Susan?
309
00:29:36,317 --> 00:29:39,237
- Momma, why are you looking at me
like that?
310
00:29:40,405 --> 00:29:42,573
- Do you feel alright Melvin?
311
00:29:43,908 --> 00:29:45,827
- I feel alright.
312
00:30:02,385 --> 00:30:05,638
- That's the way it was Sadie,
he was on the floor, I don't know what
313
00:30:05,972 --> 00:30:07,056
to do.
314
00:30:07,932 --> 00:30:10,226
I think I hear him coming,
let's talk about milk men.
315
00:30:14,522 --> 00:30:18,818
So Sadie, if you're not satisfied,
take on my milk man.
316
00:30:19,861 --> 00:30:22,655
He's young, he's tall, he'll give the
317
00:30:22,989 --> 00:30:27,410
heavy cream like you never had before.
318
00:30:28,995 --> 00:30:31,205
I think he's gone now.
319
00:30:33,875 --> 00:30:38,671
Alright, yes. I am so
worried about my Melvin,
320
00:30:39,005 --> 00:30:41,507
I just don't know what to do.
321
00:30:41,841 --> 00:30:42,759
What Sadie?
322
00:30:44,385 --> 00:30:48,264
Of course he knows if he plays
with himself too much
323
00:30:48,598 --> 00:30:51,142
his brain will turn into
overcooked Kasha.
324
00:30:51,476 --> 00:30:53,728
What else could a mother do
but to tell him?
325
00:31:20,088 --> 00:31:21,005
- Melvin!
326
00:31:21,381 --> 00:31:22,507
Vos makhstu?
327
00:31:22,840 --> 00:31:23,591
- Fine.
328
00:31:26,803 --> 00:31:28,346
- What's wrong with you?
329
00:31:28,721 --> 00:31:31,224
- It's my mother,
I think she is having an affair.
330
00:31:33,434 --> 00:31:34,894
- Your mothers not an old woman
331
00:31:36,854 --> 00:31:38,856
When we were in highschool,
I used to have the roaring
332
00:31:39,190 --> 00:31:40,233
hots for her.
333
00:31:41,692 --> 00:31:43,111
Who is the lucky man?
334
00:31:43,444 --> 00:31:44,695
- Her milk man.
335
00:31:45,029 --> 00:31:46,406
- Petrosky, I know him.
336
00:31:46,781 --> 00:31:48,032
He's a shtarker,
337
00:31:48,366 --> 00:31:50,118
He's taking care of half the gals
in the neighborhood.
338
00:31:52,829 --> 00:31:56,040
And, you're not the only one that
troubles.
339
00:31:56,791 --> 00:31:59,127
I told you last week, my brother in
law came over to spend a
340
00:31:59,460 --> 00:32:00,586
few days us.
341
00:32:00,920 --> 00:32:02,797
Such a loafer!
342
00:32:03,131 --> 00:32:05,174
Spends so much time on the
sofa we are thinking about having him
343
00:32:05,508 --> 00:32:06,259
fitted for slipcovers.
344
00:32:06,759 --> 00:32:07,844
- All these years.
345
00:32:08,594 --> 00:32:11,639
Whole string of plumbers, TV
repairmen,
346
00:32:12,140 --> 00:32:14,475
icemen, and she thought
I never suspected it.
347
00:32:15,560 --> 00:32:17,645
Now it's Petrosky the milk man,
348
00:32:17,979 --> 00:32:20,606
and now she is already giving
references of him to her friend Sadie.
349
00:32:21,065 --> 00:32:22,358
- What an appetite.
350
00:32:22,692 --> 00:32:25,069
It was five days before
I knew the guy was growing a beard.
351
00:32:25,528 --> 00:32:27,113
He never gets his face from behind
the plate.
352
00:32:27,447 --> 00:32:30,241
- Petroksy, he's young, he's tall,
he's good looking,
353
00:32:30,575 --> 00:32:34,203
and on top of it all
he gives them the heavy cream like
354
00:32:34,537 --> 00:32:36,289
they
never had it before.
355
00:32:36,956 --> 00:32:41,043
- Petrosky, he's our milk man too.
356
00:32:41,586 --> 00:32:43,504
With his reputation,
I might be worried.
357
00:32:43,963 --> 00:32:46,340
But he would be hard to find
a day where my wife hasn't been to the
358
00:32:46,674 --> 00:32:47,133
hairdresser.
359
00:32:49,427 --> 00:32:52,096
Melvin, my boy,
I have to get back to the store.
360
00:33:01,981 --> 00:33:03,649
(magical chimes)
361
00:33:11,616 --> 00:33:15,203
- What is your desire master?
362
00:33:16,454 --> 00:33:18,372
- Don't you ever get back
inside your bottle?
363
00:33:18,706 --> 00:33:20,708
- It's more fun hanging around.
364
00:33:21,042 --> 00:33:24,712
'Sides, I can see when you're going to
rub the inside of my jar.
365
00:33:26,380 --> 00:33:30,968
Not one of my previous masters
ever rubbed the inside of my jar with
366
00:33:31,427 --> 00:33:33,513
such, such technique!
367
00:33:34,597 --> 00:33:35,556
Master,
368
00:33:36,641 --> 00:33:37,850
Master, what is your pleasure?
369
00:33:39,101 --> 00:33:40,144
- Well you see,
370
00:33:40,478 --> 00:33:42,355
there's this milk man,
a plain ordinary milk man.
371
00:33:42,688 --> 00:33:44,524
- Oh you mean Petrosky?
372
00:33:45,149 --> 00:33:48,819
- Hey how do you know Petrosky?
You haven't been shtupping him too?
373
00:33:50,029 --> 00:33:52,740
- What kind of a genie
do you think I am?
374
00:33:53,282 --> 00:33:56,536
I only know of him because
you have been talking about him.
375
00:33:57,078 --> 00:33:59,288
- You know you are sneaky,
and I don't like the idea of you
376
00:33:59,622 --> 00:34:01,666
hanging around watching everything I
am doing.
377
00:34:04,418 --> 00:34:07,046
Well hey, I told you not
to follow me around.
378
00:34:07,463 --> 00:34:12,260
- Well I have to hang around
within sight of myjar.
379
00:34:13,928 --> 00:34:17,181
- Well uh, make me into a milk man.
380
00:34:17,515 --> 00:34:19,642
- What do you want to look like?
381
00:34:20,434 --> 00:34:24,730
- Oh just your plain, average,
everyday, handsome dog of a milkman.
382
00:34:25,523 --> 00:34:29,110
- You have to be more specific.
383
00:34:29,694 --> 00:34:33,239
- Wait a sec, I once saw a milk man
in a film, and he shtupped everybody
384
00:34:33,614 --> 00:34:35,533
At one apartment building.
385
00:34:36,117 --> 00:34:38,077
By the time he reached the top floor,
386
00:34:38,411 --> 00:34:40,413
After taking care of all the ladies in
the house,
387
00:34:40,746 --> 00:34:43,708
When he was giving his heavy cream to
the bottom floor it had already
388
00:34:44,041 --> 00:34:45,084
turned into sour cream.
389
00:34:45,418 --> 00:34:47,211
- But what did he look like?
390
00:34:47,545 --> 00:34:49,755
It was this actor named John Ashton.
391
00:34:50,089 --> 00:34:52,300
Yeah he made it with these two great
looking chicks.
392
00:34:52,842 --> 00:34:56,095
- So think about what he looked like,
and close your eyes.
393
00:34:57,930 --> 00:35:01,517
(incantation)
394
00:35:24,040 --> 00:35:26,917
(soft music)
395
00:37:00,928 --> 00:37:05,474
- Oh darling, I could hardly wait
until you made your delivery.
396
00:37:11,564 --> 00:37:13,566
Darling.
397
00:37:15,985 --> 00:37:17,903
I want your heavy cream.
398
00:37:23,033 --> 00:37:24,910
- I want some of your heavy cream
too baby.
399
00:37:30,416 --> 00:37:33,335
- But I have to save some for
my other customers
400
00:37:39,592 --> 00:37:42,136
(drums pounding)
401
00:40:02,192 --> 00:40:06,405
- And don't forget Petrosky,
I want some heavy cream too.
402
00:40:08,073 --> 00:40:10,743
- Momma, what are you doing here?
403
00:40:12,036 --> 00:40:14,663
_ Hmm, my big boy.
404
00:40:15,581 --> 00:40:21,378
Who would think by looking at him that
he was Valedictorian for his
405
00:40:21,712 --> 00:40:24,048
graduating class of PS768
406
00:40:25,090 --> 00:40:28,719
- Momma, you've gotta stay our
of my fantasies.
407
00:40:32,389 --> 00:40:34,975
Momma, don't come near me
I am your son Melvin.
408
00:40:35,768 --> 00:40:42,650
- Ah, Petrosky don't try to fool me,
that tushy? That shmuck?
409
00:40:43,484 --> 00:40:45,277
That isn't my Melvin.
410
00:40:46,028 --> 00:40:48,572
Wouldn't I know?
Haven't I powdered his
411
00:40:48,906 --> 00:40:53,369
tushy, and washed his little shmekala
while he went tinkle
412
00:40:53,702 --> 00:40:55,454
in the potty all these years.
413
00:40:55,871 --> 00:40:57,873
- Momma, I grew up.
414
00:40:58,207 --> 00:41:00,084
- Petrosky?
415
00:41:00,501 --> 00:41:02,378
Give me the heavy cream.
416
00:41:04,004 --> 00:41:06,715
- OK Mrs. Finkelfarb, here it is.
417
00:41:13,305 --> 00:41:18,477
- Ugh it's butta, you've been
bouncing and wiggling all day long you
418
00:41:18,811 --> 00:41:20,896
churned the thing into butta.
419
00:41:21,689 --> 00:41:24,274
- Sorry that's all the
heavy cream I have left.
420
00:41:25,401 --> 00:41:27,361
- Petrosky.
421
00:41:28,028 --> 00:41:31,949
I want you should give me,
your heavy cream.
422
00:41:32,700 --> 00:41:37,079
The way you do everyday, from the
nozzle!
423
00:41:37,413 --> 00:41:39,415
- Momma, stay away from me.
424
00:41:39,957 --> 00:41:42,126
Momma, you're making me
very dizzy.
425
00:41:47,047 --> 00:41:50,384
- Momma, you see, I think I am going
to get a nosebleed,
426
00:41:50,718 --> 00:41:52,928
and it's all your fault Momma.
427
00:41:53,387 --> 00:41:55,305
And besides, that's incest!
428
00:41:56,890 --> 00:41:59,643
Momma, Momma!
429
00:42:04,732 --> 00:42:08,777
You know I bet that big mouth genie,
gave her the address of wherever I was
430
00:42:09,570 --> 00:42:10,863
Uh, Momma?
431
00:42:11,447 --> 00:42:15,743
Have you ever thought of another man,
since Papa died?
432
00:42:17,119 --> 00:42:18,996
- Why would I want another man?
433
00:42:19,496 --> 00:42:21,040
I always have you.
434
00:42:21,373 --> 00:42:25,127
Well yes Momma, but you see other men
can give you compainionship.
435
00:42:25,669 --> 00:42:26,879
And, uh, and stuff.
436
00:42:27,337 --> 00:42:31,675
- Well what kind of companionship
could those men give me that
437
00:42:32,009 --> 00:42:34,178
I don't get from my lady friends?
438
00:42:41,935 --> 00:42:44,688
- I knew I'd find you here.
439
00:42:48,192 --> 00:42:52,863
- Alright Shamus, you big dick.
440
00:42:55,365 --> 00:42:57,242
I hear you are looking for me.
441
00:42:57,618 --> 00:42:59,661
- You're right Bonita.
442
00:43:00,496 --> 00:43:02,414
- Well you got Clyde.
443
00:43:05,084 --> 00:43:07,002
But you'll never get me.
444
00:43:18,305 --> 00:43:21,892
- Stop, stop in the name of the law,
don't do that.
445
00:43:22,684 --> 00:43:26,271
Don't it will blow your brians out
and make an ugly mess.
446
00:43:26,855 --> 00:43:30,776
Give it to me, please,
I've got something better.
447
00:43:32,194 --> 00:43:35,114
I've got something better for you.
448
00:43:52,297 --> 00:43:56,093
- Boy, that Tina Russell,
and how about that Marc Stevens?
449
00:43:56,426 --> 00:43:58,595
Have you ever seen a schvonce
like that one?
450
00:43:59,012 --> 00:44:01,682
- Well I don't know I haven't had
any complaints you know.
451
00:44:02,015 --> 00:44:04,643
- Oh come on now Melvin,
this is your old buddy you are talking
452
00:44:04,977 --> 00:44:06,186
to, Irving Stein.
453
00:44:06,520 --> 00:44:09,481
I remember you from the locker room
at PS768
454
00:44:09,815 --> 00:44:14,153
- Well yeah, that is before I got my
B12 Shots.
455
00:44:14,862 --> 00:44:18,115
- You mean, now you got a schvonce
like Marc Stevens?
456
00:44:18,532 --> 00:44:20,033
- Well what do you think it is
June Madigan likes about me.
457
00:44:20,534 --> 00:44:22,161
- June Madigan, what do you mean
the one with the strapping steel
458
00:44:22,494 --> 00:44:23,162
worker husband?
459
00:44:23,495 --> 00:44:26,415
- Yeah that one, what do
you think she goes so crazy for?
460
00:44:26,748 --> 00:44:28,500
It ain't only my good looks you know.
461
00:44:28,876 --> 00:44:31,461
- I've gotta get back to work.
462
00:44:34,256 --> 00:44:36,175
- If Irving only knew.
463
00:44:41,305 --> 00:44:45,017
Hey wait a minute, didn't I just rub
the inside of herjar yesterday?
464
00:44:45,350 --> 00:44:47,227
Why should I spoil that genie?
465
00:44:48,937 --> 00:44:51,273
I'll bet she's had five
masters before me.
466
00:44:52,900 --> 00:44:56,862
Not one of them had a technique like
me, not one.
467
00:45:06,997 --> 00:45:09,458
(magical chimes)
468
00:45:13,795 --> 00:45:16,757
- What is your desire master?
469
00:45:17,257 --> 00:45:21,011
- Genie, I command you to make
me a private eye like Marc Stevens.
470
00:45:22,804 --> 00:45:27,434
Oh and genie, I want
Tina Russell as my partner
471
00:45:34,691 --> 00:45:37,945
(incantation)
472
00:45:41,782 --> 00:45:46,870
- Alright Marc, now is the time for
the big showdown.
473
00:45:50,999 --> 00:45:54,211
Oh dear, and I mean big.
474
00:45:59,800 --> 00:46:02,427
Let me just put my lips around
that thing.
475
00:46:06,265 --> 00:46:11,144
Let me take the tip of my tongue
and put it into the opening.
476
00:46:14,398 --> 00:46:17,317
Til' the juices just begin to flow.
477
00:50:08,840 --> 00:50:12,385
- Momma, what are you doing
here again?
478
00:50:13,011 --> 00:50:16,973
- I'm watching! I might have have
known I'd catch you here again.
479
00:50:17,516 --> 00:50:21,436
Listen, I don't mind a little
hanky panky,
480
00:50:21,811 --> 00:50:25,732
But you and that little blondie, out
of I wouldn't mention the name nights.
481
00:50:26,066 --> 00:50:28,318
Is making a bad habit out of this.
482
00:50:29,152 --> 00:50:33,281
- Ah hah! It was that big mouth
genie who told you where I am.
483
00:50:34,199 --> 00:50:38,537
- Can I ask you a question maybe?
Who is watching the store while you
484
00:50:38,870 --> 00:50:40,872
are playing the big shtupper?
485
00:50:51,883 --> 00:50:53,802
- Boy am I dizzy.
486
00:50:54,594 --> 00:50:56,513
Any minute now I expect a nose bleed.
487
00:50:57,013 --> 00:50:59,266
And it's all her fault.
488
00:50:59,641 --> 00:51:01,560
I've gotta find a way to keep
her out of my orgies.
489
00:51:05,313 --> 00:51:07,983
- Melvin, oh I had to see ya.
490
00:51:08,400 --> 00:51:11,403
Debbie and I, what I fight we just had
on the telephone.
491
00:51:12,904 --> 00:51:15,282
Oh, it's a good thing we were on the,
phone and not face to face.
492
00:51:15,615 --> 00:51:17,325
Otherwise l...l mighta hit her.
493
00:51:17,659 --> 00:51:20,579
Then she woulda broken my nose
and my collar bone, or something,
494
00:51:21,121 --> 00:51:24,249
She could hit a zets, that girl.
495
00:51:24,666 --> 00:51:26,918
Oy, I hate to come to you
when I got troubles.
496
00:51:27,252 --> 00:51:30,797
- Well who else would you come to,
what are friends for?
497
00:51:31,548 --> 00:51:34,509
I got problems with my mother.
498
00:51:35,051 --> 00:51:37,512
- You heard about the guy with
the iron fist under the velvet glove?
499
00:51:37,846 --> 00:51:41,433
Debbie, she's got brass balls, under
lace panties.
500
00:51:41,766 --> 00:51:46,313
- I strongly suspect that my mother
is having an affair with some women.
501
00:51:50,442 --> 00:51:52,652
- At least they can't make
her pregnant.
502
00:51:57,907 --> 00:51:59,618
- Momma?
503
00:52:00,368 --> 00:52:02,287
Momma, where are you going?
504
00:52:03,246 --> 00:52:05,165
- I'm going out, I have a date.
505
00:52:05,874 --> 00:52:06,916
- A date?
506
00:52:07,250 --> 00:52:08,585
A date with whom?
507
00:52:08,960 --> 00:52:12,255
- With the girls, Sadie and a new girl
Nora, good night.
508
00:52:12,589 --> 00:52:17,052
- Momma I was hoping you would stay in
tonight and play some canasta with me.
509
00:52:17,469 --> 00:52:20,013
- Oh I can't, I promised Sadie.
510
00:52:21,806 --> 00:52:23,058
- And Nora?
511
00:52:23,475 --> 00:52:25,393
- And nora.
512
00:52:26,561 --> 00:52:29,564
- Momma, if you go out, I am
going to do something desperate.
513
00:52:30,190 --> 00:52:33,485
- Oh Melvin, I know what you'll do.
514
00:52:33,985 --> 00:52:38,907
You'll go out, you'll drink too
much, you'll be sick,
515
00:52:39,240 --> 00:52:42,452
you'll come home, you'll kneel
in front of the toilet and
516
00:52:42,786 --> 00:52:44,913
you'll throw your guts up all
night long.
517
00:52:45,372 --> 00:52:48,249
Good night darling.
518
00:52:52,003 --> 00:52:53,463
- She's right.
519
00:52:53,880 --> 00:52:55,256
I'll go to Bernsteins,
520
00:52:55,715 --> 00:52:57,634
and I wont know when I've had enough,
so I'll take that one more,
521
00:52:58,802 --> 00:53:01,429
Five malteds instead of four.
522
00:53:01,763 --> 00:53:03,515
And then I'll throw up my kishkas
all night.
523
00:53:16,027 --> 00:53:19,197
Oy, why do I always take that
fifth one?
524
00:53:34,796 --> 00:53:36,548
(magical chimes)
525
00:53:39,509 --> 00:53:42,429
- Oh, oh my goodness, what
is your desire Master?
526
00:53:50,353 --> 00:53:53,898
- Hey Mel, your ma called, the
elevator in the building broke down.
527
00:53:55,942 --> 00:53:59,446
Oh pardon me, I didn't intend to
interrupt something.
528
00:53:59,904 --> 00:54:02,782
- No ah, you didn't interrupt anything
Irv. This is my friend.
529
00:54:03,241 --> 00:54:05,785
- Let me guess, June Madison?
530
00:54:06,411 --> 00:54:08,329
- No, no this is my friend Amara.
531
00:54:08,663 --> 00:54:10,415
- Amara? You never told me about her.
532
00:54:10,749 --> 00:54:13,001
You been keeping her to yourself?
533
00:54:14,919 --> 00:54:17,172
- Look uh, you think thats
a girl right?
534
00:54:18,923 --> 00:54:21,509
Well that ain't any girl.
535
00:54:22,677 --> 00:54:23,762
- It's a guy?
536
00:54:24,095 --> 00:54:25,889
- No no, it's a genie.
537
00:54:26,306 --> 00:54:29,350
- It's a genie? Of course it's a
genie, any fool can see it's a genie.
538
00:54:30,977 --> 00:54:35,815
- Oh great and kind master,
prince of the universe.
539
00:54:36,858 --> 00:54:39,778
Command me, I am your slave.
540
00:54:40,111 --> 00:54:44,407
- Oh just one question, if I decide
to take my friend along with me,
541
00:54:44,991 --> 00:54:46,910
do I use up only one wish?
542
00:54:47,243 --> 00:54:48,286
- Only one wish.
543
00:54:49,162 --> 00:54:51,706
- So uh, how would you like
to be John Ashton
544
00:54:52,040 --> 00:54:52,665
for a couple of hours.
545
00:54:53,082 --> 00:54:53,917
- What do you mean?
546
00:54:54,250 --> 00:54:56,127
- Look I mean, you like
shtupping right?
547
00:54:57,045 --> 00:54:58,755
Well stick with me and I'll
get you shtupped.
548
00:54:59,130 --> 00:55:01,049
- I'll stick, I'll Stick!
549
00:55:01,382 --> 00:55:02,801
- Genie, I uh,
550
00:55:03,134 --> 00:55:07,639
I want my friend here to be John
Aston, and I wanna be Harry Reems.
551
00:55:08,056 --> 00:55:09,933
- You know what might be a good
idea?
552
00:55:11,226 --> 00:55:14,187
The two of you boys,
with one very horny girl.
553
00:55:14,604 --> 00:55:17,273
- Hey you know that would be
a good idea.
554
00:55:17,607 --> 00:55:20,485
- Yeah, but who should the girl be?
555
00:55:23,613 --> 00:55:27,867
- I only suggested this because,
this has been one of my greatest
556
00:55:28,201 --> 00:55:28,952
fantasies.
557
00:55:30,036 --> 00:55:31,788
Two boys at once.
558
00:55:34,207 --> 00:55:36,751
- Hey wait a second, I know this girl
Sandy,
559
00:55:37,126 --> 00:55:39,170
The one Tina Russell and I
were involved with.
560
00:55:39,504 --> 00:55:41,840
- Tina Russell? You made it
with Tina Russell?
561
00:55:42,340 --> 00:55:43,216
- Yeah and Sandy.
562
00:55:43,550 --> 00:55:45,385
- Close your eyes boys.
563
00:55:48,137 --> 00:55:50,014
(Incantation)
564
00:56:08,283 --> 00:56:10,201
- Melvin, where are we?
565
00:56:10,869 --> 00:56:12,787
- A place where they have
orgies.
566
00:56:13,204 --> 00:56:15,123
- Where is it located?
567
00:56:16,457 --> 00:56:19,168
- I think it's in the same building I
live in, three or four flights above.
568
00:56:20,211 --> 00:56:24,048
Wherever it is, it's easy for
my mother to get here.
569
00:56:33,641 --> 00:56:36,644
(upbeat music)
570
01:00:52,900 --> 01:00:56,821
- Ah Irving, boychick! I know you
have always wanted me.
571
01:01:03,452 --> 01:01:04,704
9h yes!
572
01:01:07,582 --> 01:01:09,292
- But what about Melvin?
573
01:01:09,709 --> 01:01:11,627
- Eh, let him watch, maybe
he'll learn something.
574
01:01:20,094 --> 01:01:22,013
(moaning)
575
01:02:01,802 --> 01:02:04,388
- Momma, how did you get here?
576
01:02:04,805 --> 01:02:06,724
Irving even told me the elevator
was busted.
577
01:03:00,069 --> 01:03:03,406
(moaning)
578
01:03:46,574 --> 01:03:48,367
- That was something.
579
01:03:49,035 --> 01:03:50,953
Now I've done something I have always
wanted to do.
580
01:03:52,288 --> 01:03:53,956
Ball your old lady!
581
01:03:54,290 --> 01:03:56,167
And I was right, she's hot!
582
01:03:58,169 --> 01:03:58,961
Melvin!
583
01:03:59,295 --> 01:04:00,463
Boychicko!
584
01:04:00,963 --> 01:04:02,840
Your Mommy is some Tootsie!
585
01:04:03,966 --> 01:04:07,720
And that Sandy, it was just like the
old days.
586
01:04:09,555 --> 01:04:12,475
Remember Ethel Pinsky,
You used to take the back,
587
01:04:13,976 --> 01:04:16,354
I used to take the front.
588
01:04:16,812 --> 01:04:19,357
And then just like that latest Harry
Reems picture with Tina Russell
589
01:04:19,774 --> 01:04:20,983
and what's her name.
590
01:04:21,525 --> 01:04:24,653
Your momma and Sandy they
both dove at each others muffs!
591
01:04:24,987 --> 01:04:27,698
- Irving, one more word and I'll
592
01:04:29,075 --> 01:04:30,993
- What Melvin?
593
01:04:32,203 --> 01:04:35,039
- I'll never take you with me again,
never, no place!
594
01:04:35,915 --> 01:04:39,168
- Now wait a minute, be reasonable,
I was only kidding.
595
01:04:41,003 --> 01:04:43,255
Look the next time you are planning
to take a little trip to that
596
01:04:43,589 --> 01:04:45,091
penthouse or whatever
597
01:04:47,009 --> 01:04:49,887
Just give me a little nudge
and I'll be here.
598
01:04:50,304 --> 01:04:52,932
- Look I don't want any stories
floating around Harry's delicatessen
599
01:04:53,265 --> 01:04:54,141
about my Momma.
600
01:04:54,975 --> 01:04:56,852
And if maybe Debbie got wind of it.
601
01:04:58,604 --> 01:05:00,856
- I hope I am not
interrupting something.
602
01:05:01,190 --> 01:05:02,483
- No uh, come right in.
603
01:05:02,817 --> 01:05:04,485
- What a mob down the street.
604
01:05:06,237 --> 01:05:10,157
In front of the dry goods store,
they are having a big sale!
605
01:05:10,741 --> 01:05:13,744
Everythings at half price!
606
01:05:14,328 --> 01:05:18,165
- Oh, I left my brother in law that,
that bishcon, that rip off artist.
607
01:05:18,541 --> 01:05:21,919
To watch the store!
608
01:05:24,130 --> 01:05:28,342
- Uh, so Janet, how is your friend the
gynocologist these days?
609
01:05:30,845 --> 01:05:32,430
- Oh, oh him.
610
01:05:33,305 --> 01:05:36,350
I'm through with him.
611
01:05:38,102 --> 01:05:39,979
He's only interested in, well...
612
01:05:42,857 --> 01:05:44,775
vaginas...
613
01:05:46,193 --> 01:05:48,112
Other girls vaginas.
614
01:05:49,905 --> 01:05:54,160
And anyway, I have met this most
fascinating man!
615
01:05:55,703 --> 01:05:58,289
Harold Sampson
616
01:05:59,039 --> 01:06:00,916
- Harold Sampson, the insurance man?
617
01:06:01,292 --> 01:06:03,085
- You know him?
618
01:06:03,461 --> 01:06:06,797
Yeah tall, big hands, and
not too good looking right?
619
01:06:07,131 --> 01:06:12,011
- No, no, no this one is very,
very handsome.
620
01:06:13,095 --> 01:06:15,014
- Yeah well maybe, if you like
the big biking type
621
01:06:15,764 --> 01:06:18,184
but not too many girls I know
like a guy
622
01:06:18,642 --> 01:06:21,520
who wears a hat with horns and is
always holding a weapon in his hands.
623
01:06:21,979 --> 01:06:23,981
- Oh so you do know him.
624
01:06:24,440 --> 01:06:26,358
You described him perfectly.
625
01:06:27,276 --> 01:06:29,195
- You mean he wears a hat
with horns?
626
01:06:29,528 --> 01:06:31,947
- Nah, no, no, no, no, no
627
01:06:33,407 --> 01:06:35,826
He always, he's always...
628
01:06:37,828 --> 01:06:41,457
He's always got his weapon
in his hands.
629
01:06:44,543 --> 01:06:47,129
Goodbye Melvin!
630
01:06:47,838 --> 01:06:50,633
- Oh, who is that running out of the
store?
631
01:06:51,091 --> 01:06:52,426
Was that your red face?
632
01:06:52,843 --> 01:06:54,720
- A customer Momma
633
01:06:55,095 --> 01:06:58,224
- Melvin, I am not going to hear any
stories about you if I go into
634
01:06:58,557 --> 01:07:00,518
Harry's delicatessen am l?
635
01:07:01,352 --> 01:07:04,104
It's enough his pastrami gives
me a heartburn.
636
01:07:05,981 --> 01:07:10,736
Why don't you close the store today,
you won't get any more customers.
637
01:07:12,404 --> 01:07:16,659
Stein's dry goods has a huge clearance
sale on,
638
01:07:17,243 --> 01:07:20,120
the whole neighborhood's there.
639
01:07:20,454 --> 01:07:22,373
Oy, it's such a success,
640
01:07:22,706 --> 01:07:25,626
already they have given
Irving Stein oxygen.
641
01:07:25,960 --> 01:07:28,212
And taken him away to the hospital
in an ambulance.
642
01:07:29,296 --> 01:07:33,300
He was so overcome with the
way they cleaned out his store.
643
01:07:34,343 --> 01:07:36,804
Twice they had
to give him sedatives.
644
01:07:37,137 --> 01:07:39,306
When his brother in law passed
close to him.
645
01:07:39,640 --> 01:07:42,393
I guess he was just so grateful
for the way the young man ran such a
646
01:07:42,726 --> 01:07:43,852
sale for him.
647
01:07:58,158 --> 01:08:00,077
- Momma?
648
01:08:00,911 --> 01:08:02,830
Do you remember a Harold
Sampson?
649
01:08:04,123 --> 01:08:08,294
- Harold Sampson?
The big viking insurance man.
650
01:08:08,711 --> 01:08:13,465
Everybody knows him, he's a
big schmoozer with the ladies.
651
01:08:14,800 --> 01:08:18,762
In this building alone, there must be
three children,
652
01:08:19,096 --> 01:08:20,222
and they all look like him.
653
01:08:21,640 --> 01:08:23,559
Oy what a heart breaker
654
01:08:23,892 --> 01:08:28,897
Poor Myra Cluxturn, she was ready to
leave Milton
655
01:08:29,273 --> 01:08:31,400
Until she found out that Harold was
making
656
01:08:31,734 --> 01:08:35,362
whoopie with her daughter Joyce.
657
01:08:37,239 --> 01:08:40,367
And I heard down
at Harry's delicatessen
658
01:08:40,701 --> 01:08:44,288
that he has a serious thing
going on with Cynthia Schwartz
659
01:08:45,581 --> 01:08:47,625
Number 10B
660
01:08:48,375 --> 01:08:51,962
And they say she is pregnant now
too.
661
01:08:52,546 --> 01:08:55,090
- Momma, I think I am gonna go to the
movies.
662
01:08:55,424 --> 01:08:59,678
- No Melvin, you go to the movies too
much, it's bad for your eyes.
663
01:09:01,055 --> 01:09:02,931
And your eyes are not so great.
664
01:09:03,557 --> 01:09:07,519
New prescriptions the
past three years for your glasses?
665
01:09:10,022 --> 01:09:14,943
You know they say that certain
things boys do make their eyes
666
01:09:15,319 --> 01:09:16,403
not so good.
667
01:09:18,614 --> 01:09:22,576
Melvin, you don't shake it too much
when you make peepee do you?
668
01:09:23,035 --> 01:09:25,621
- Good night Momma!
669
01:09:27,748 --> 01:09:31,043
- What else could a mother
do but to tell him?
670
01:09:33,170 --> 01:09:36,090
- (off screen) Mrs. Petrovich, please
restrain yourself.
671
01:09:36,507 --> 01:09:38,384
I have my reputation in the
building to consider.
672
01:09:41,011 --> 01:09:43,889
- Mr. Gordon, is my policy
ready for me yet?
673
01:09:45,933 --> 01:09:48,852
- (off screen) Oh let's see,
that's not yours
674
01:09:49,937 --> 01:09:51,855
and uh, that not yours.
675
01:09:54,441 --> 01:09:56,360
- I want this size.
676
01:09:56,777 --> 01:09:58,654
- Oh yes, I have it.
677
01:09:59,488 --> 01:10:01,407
I had your policy in my pants
pocket all along.
678
01:10:02,282 --> 01:10:05,536
But my hands are full,
won't you please get it?
679
01:10:15,879 --> 01:10:18,382
- Mr. Gordon?
680
01:10:19,967 --> 01:10:21,885
Do you have my policy ready?
681
01:10:22,261 --> 01:10:24,179
- Shortly, shortly Mrs. Holmes
682
01:10:27,683 --> 01:10:31,186
- What's Mrs. Petrovich doing
down there?
683
01:10:32,271 --> 01:10:34,189
- Reading the small print
684
01:10:34,523 --> 01:10:36,191
Reading the small print.
685
01:10:39,987 --> 01:10:41,905
- I'll be behind my door.
686
01:10:44,199 --> 01:10:46,118
As soon as you have my
policy ready.
687
01:10:48,245 --> 01:10:50,789
- As soon as I refill my pen
sweet lady.
688
01:10:57,546 --> 01:10:59,089
Ah, ah!
689
01:11:08,807 --> 01:11:11,351
(slow jazz music)
690
01:11:50,140 --> 01:11:51,642
(magical chimes)
691
01:11:56,021 --> 01:11:59,942
- I am here to take care of your
inner most desires, sire.
692
01:12:00,776 --> 01:12:02,820
- Do you always have
to creep up on me?
693
01:12:03,821 --> 01:12:05,781
- This is your last wish Master.
694
01:12:06,532 --> 01:12:08,450
- You don't have to remind me.
695
01:12:08,784 --> 01:12:12,788
- After this wish I shall disappear
from your sight forever.
696
01:12:13,872 --> 01:12:17,125
Back into the dark recesses of my jar.
697
01:12:18,710 --> 01:12:22,631
Please master, would you
grant me one moment?
698
01:12:25,008 --> 01:12:27,594
I face centuries of lonliness in
my jar.
699
01:12:29,847 --> 01:12:31,014
- I'm sorry.
700
01:12:31,348 --> 01:12:33,183
- No, no there's nothing you
can do about it.
701
01:12:33,642 --> 01:12:35,894
But in these last moments
together,
702
01:12:36,228 --> 01:12:38,146
may I make a recommendation?
703
01:12:41,400 --> 01:12:46,488
Don't squander your last wish,
choose your next partner well.
704
01:12:47,197 --> 01:12:50,450
Select someone who has some
tender feelings for you
705
01:12:50,993 --> 01:12:53,412
Someone who really cares about you.
706
01:12:53,829 --> 01:12:55,747
Someone who could give
you the ride of your life.
707
01:12:58,000 --> 01:13:00,502
- I don't want to go to bed with my
mother
708
01:13:00,836 --> 01:13:03,964
- I'm not speaking about your mother.
709
01:13:04,798 --> 01:13:08,051
Merciful Master,
what is your desire?
710
01:13:09,052 --> 01:13:10,971
- I, uh
711
01:13:11,430 --> 01:13:13,348
I want to be the kind of insurance man
that Eric Edwards is.
712
01:13:15,309 --> 01:13:17,352
And I want to be chased by women
713
01:13:17,686 --> 01:13:19,521
like Tina Russell and Lynn Stevens.
714
01:13:21,064 --> 01:13:22,983
- You shall have your wish master
715
01:13:23,650 --> 01:13:25,569
But first there is something that I
must tell you.
716
01:13:28,238 --> 01:13:31,491
And it's against all rules laid down
for genies.
717
01:13:33,243 --> 01:13:35,913
I like you Melvin Finkelfarb
718
01:13:36,246 --> 01:13:38,081
I shall miss you very much.
719
01:13:39,541 --> 01:13:41,460
I love you Melvin Finkelfarb.
720
01:13:42,294 --> 01:13:44,212
(incantation)
721
01:13:51,553 --> 01:13:55,182
Goodbye, I love you.
722
01:13:57,059 --> 01:13:58,977
I love you.
723
01:13:59,811 --> 01:14:01,688
- Amara, Amara?
724
01:14:03,815 --> 01:14:09,613
- I hope your pen is really full baby,
you have a really big policy to write.
725
01:14:12,115 --> 01:14:14,326
- Ok baby, just let me dip
it into the well.
726
01:14:17,120 --> 01:14:19,456
(moaning)
727
01:16:33,840 --> 01:16:37,094
- Pardon me Mrs. Curt, I have to go
see your neighbor
728
01:16:38,929 --> 01:16:40,889
Mrs. Benson
729
01:16:41,223 --> 01:16:43,058
I have to write up a new policy.
730
01:16:43,475 --> 01:16:45,894
I'll be back shortly.
731
01:16:47,562 --> 01:16:50,440
- Hurry back, I'll keep this
seat warm for you while your away.
732
01:17:02,577 --> 01:17:05,455
- Is my policy ready baby?
733
01:17:06,456 --> 01:17:08,375
- I have it right here
734
01:17:17,843 --> 01:17:20,470
- Seems to be a few loopholes in my
policy.
735
01:17:28,270 --> 01:17:32,440
I'd like you to plug up all my loop
holes before you leave this afternoon.
736
01:20:19,858 --> 01:20:22,402
I want more baby.
737
01:20:22,902 --> 01:20:23,862
More.
738
01:20:26,865 --> 01:20:28,783
- Sorry darling.
739
01:20:29,200 --> 01:20:32,871
I've got to go re-write
Mrs. Curts policy.
740
01:20:34,914 --> 01:20:38,293
- But you haven't finished
plugging all my holes.
741
01:20:39,336 --> 01:20:41,921
- I'll be back.
742
01:20:53,850 --> 01:20:55,769
- Amara!
743
01:20:56,978 --> 01:20:58,188
Amara!
744
01:20:58,521 --> 01:21:01,066
Oh come on, I know your hanging around
here.
745
01:21:23,254 --> 01:21:26,174
Amara?
746
01:21:26,508 --> 01:21:28,426
I didn't realize that you cared.
747
01:21:29,302 --> 01:21:31,221
I mean you really cared about me.
748
01:21:32,263 --> 01:21:36,684
Even though I wasn't tall,
good looking, and richly endowed.
749
01:21:39,270 --> 01:21:41,815
Amara?
750
01:21:42,148 --> 01:21:43,983
I hope you can hear me.
751
01:21:44,692 --> 01:21:46,611
I love you.
752
01:22:02,544 --> 01:22:05,296
- How do you feel this morning Melvin?
753
01:22:05,672 --> 01:22:07,924
- I, uh, feel alright Momma.
754
01:22:08,675 --> 01:22:11,928
You know you have been looking so pale
lately,
755
01:22:12,345 --> 01:22:15,223
and you've been moping around
756
01:22:15,598 --> 01:22:18,226
no, theres no fever.
757
01:22:18,643 --> 01:22:21,354
Maybe you should have some chicken
soup anyway.
758
01:22:21,688 --> 01:22:24,190
- Not for breakfast Momma!
759
01:23:23,666 --> 01:23:27,086
Oh, uh, can I do something for you
Madam?
760
01:23:28,213 --> 01:23:30,465
It's Miss.
761
01:23:32,675 --> 01:23:34,594
Oh my what a lovely jar.
762
01:23:38,681 --> 01:23:40,558
- Well it ain't for sale.
763
01:23:48,024 --> 01:23:49,943
Hey, uh, don't I know you?
764
01:23:50,818 --> 01:23:52,362
- Maybe.
765
01:23:52,820 --> 01:23:54,113
I work down at the dime store.
766
01:23:54,447 --> 01:23:56,658
I'm a sales girl, you've probably seen
me there.
767
01:23:57,075 --> 01:23:59,619
- What department do you work in?
768
01:23:59,953 --> 01:24:01,704
- I'm in pottery.
769
01:24:04,040 --> 01:24:05,083
- Miss?
770
01:24:05,416 --> 01:24:07,085
- Names Pearl.
771
01:24:07,627 --> 01:24:09,546
- Pearl, would you insulted if uh,
772
01:24:10,129 --> 01:24:13,925
- I would be insulted as many times
as you would like to insult me.
773
01:24:14,300 --> 01:24:18,888
- No I mean, uh, how would you like
to join me for dinner tonight?
774
01:24:19,222 --> 01:24:21,849
You see there is this delicatessen
down the street, Harry's.
775
01:24:22,183 --> 01:24:25,061
It's a pretty classey joint,
so would could dine there.
776
01:24:25,395 --> 01:24:27,397
- Sounds lovely.
777
01:24:27,730 --> 01:24:29,607
I'll meet you here after work.
778
01:24:30,650 --> 01:24:33,736
- You know you, uh, you remind me of
someone I once knew.
779
01:24:34,112 --> 01:24:34,904
- Oh?
780
01:24:35,280 --> 01:24:36,990
- Yeah, she uh,
781
01:24:37,574 --> 01:24:41,286
She used to love it when I rubbed
the inside of this jar.
782
01:24:49,877 --> 01:24:53,715
- Well I better get back
to work.
783
01:24:54,048 --> 01:24:56,217
Don't forget, you'll find
me in pottery.
784
01:25:09,105 --> 01:25:12,859
(Arabic music)
58593
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