All language subtitles for Sons.of.Tucson.S01E13_English

RON:
Thank you, Tucson!

Where the hell is Ron?

What kind of an idiot volunteers
to host a block party meeting

and doesn't even show up?

The same kind of idiot who
packed a tennis ball

and a box of crayons for
my lunch last week.

It's Gina.

Ever since they've gotten
back together,

Ron's been completely useless.

A noticeable decline
from mostly useless.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Where do you think you're
going, nerd?

You owe me a rematch on
that bike race last week.

I totally wasn't ready
when I said "go."

You know I'm 13, right?

And I'm 24.

They're just numbers, man.

Leave that boy
alone, Barry,

or I'm not driving you to
the skate park tomorrow.

Keep bossing me around,

Mom, and one of these days
I'm gonna move out.

Then who's gonna shave
your corns? Hmm?

I skipped my competitive
yoga class for this?

I'm sure you would have
had the downwardest dog

in the whole class,
sweetie.

Quit kissing my ass, Glenn.
I can do that myself now.

It's ridiculous.

The stupid thing's in two weeks,
and we've done nothing.

Everyone thought
it would be so funny

to vote me out
as block party coordinator

and elect a joke
candidate like Ron.

You hear anyone laughing now?

WOMAN (laughing):
Ron, watch my head!

You're the one who wanted
to be eight feet tall.

Okay.

Oh, you're a giant.
You have to admit,

people did treat me
differently.
That's true. That's true.

RON: Oh, no.

Is this a surprise party
or an intervention?

'Cause I am not nearly drunk
enough for either one.

You selfish,
inconsiderate jerk.

Oh, boy.
You think I don't have

anything better to do than
sit around waiting for you

to drag your sorry
ass home?

Your turn.

Nah, you took mine.

(chuckles)
I don't think you two have met.

This is my girlfriend, Gina.

Gina, this is Kali, the
Hindu goddess of death.

Angela.
GINA: Sorry.

This guy at the
Margarita Barn--

he bet that Ron couldn't
chug the bar gutter.

I did it. I did it.

I love your hair.
It's just... pretty.

Um, okay,
I'll see you later.
Bye, baby.

(kissing)

Mmm. Mmm! Stop it.

Oh, for God's sake, Ron, you
know, there's other people here.

Sorry, Angela, I'm taken.

And shame on you.
Glenn's my best friend.

All right. Hey, everybody.
Let's get this thing started.

Gather around.

Come on, gather around.
Wha-- uh, wait.

What are we doing?

Block party planning
committee.

What, that thing I volunteered
for just to piss Angela off?

That's great.

And she's pissed.
Mission accomplished.

Yeah, I wouldn't push it
too far, buddy.

She's got her throwing shoes on.

Okay. All right.

I'm just gonna-- just gonna
spitball a couple ideas

for you here right off
the top of my dome.

How about this year,

instead of a bouncy castle,

we have a bouncy street?

What?! I know!

Look into it, Trevor.

Also, why don't we
kick it off right,

with a flyover
by the Blue Angels?

MAN: Yeah!
Yeah, I know

they're expensive,
but they do set a tone.

You have to agree.

Also, I know for a fact

that you can get a
discount from them

if you know someone
with a terminal disease.

So, anyone?

Come on, don't hold out.

Mavis, how about you?

You're not looking so good
these days.

Ticktock.

No. Okay, good.

We will figure it out.

That's my point.

Ron, you promised to teach me
arm farts tonight.

I'm shooting blanks here.

No, not tonight, buddy.
Gina's picking up a video.

I don't care which one,
baby, you decide.

PS, I love you, too.

Oh, the movie.

No, yeah, that works.
That's good.

Okay.

All right. Bye, sugar.

She's coming back?
Yeah!

Poor thing can't get
enough Snuffkin.

It's a curse. What can I say?

You guys don't mind, do you?
GARY: Yeah, we do!

She's taking up too much
of your time.

Which is time we pay for.

Your tongue's been spending more
time in her mouth than yours.

(chuckles)

Can she do arm farts?

You guys, I'm totally
T-ing C of B.

You guys are right, though.
You're right.

You deserve my
undivided...

(phone rings)

Oh, cute.

She's texting me
the tongue out wink.

Oh, I can't-- I can't
ignore this.

I gotta...

(sighs)

Hey.
Hey.

Mmm, you smell good.

I think that's
the carpet cleaner.

Mmm, cedar stain guard.

That's good, too.

Um, your fake kids
are staring at us.

Ron, can we talk to you
in the kitchen, please?

Busted.

Um, I'm gonna
take a shower.

Do you think while
they're yelling at you,

you could make me
some breakfast?

Okay.

We have a problem.
(sighs)

All right, hurry up.

I want to go wash Gina's
back. She's got...

(sighs) the best back.

So smooth, no zits.

Okay, what's the problem?

That! You can't be having
girls sleeping over

and washing their backs
and... other stuff.

Why can't she wash her own back?

What a baby!

I don't know how
to break this to you.

I'm a man. Men have needs.

No, stop!

Just stop it right there.

No one wants to hear
about your creepy needs.

I'm with Gary on this one.
All right, look,

I'm sorry, but I live here.

Unfortunately, I don't
have a lot of privacy.

Okay? So, you tell me,

what should I to do?
It's a two bedroom.

There's nothing we
can do about that.

We would have made "no women
sleeping over" a rule

from the start, but we
honestly never thought

it would be an issue.

Oh, hi-larious.

Listen, I'm not crazy
about it myself, okay?

But Gina's staying with
her mother right now.

It's even weirder
over there.

I mean, that woman is more
religious than God.

She says grace before
she brushes her teeth.

GINA:
Ron, you have to come up here
and see this!

Excuse me, boys.

Holy crap!

Hey, how'd you get the locked
storage closet open?

GARY: Oh, God.

Who left it unlocked?!

RON:
What... the hell?

Sorry, my shoulder was sore
from arm fart practice.

I had to take a steam.

RON:
No, unbelievable.

No! No!

GINA:
Why don't I just
call you later?

Okay?
Fine!

Why?!

Unbelievable.

No.

What the...?

(clicks)

(clinking)

I have been sleeping

like a hobo on the couch
downstairs,

and this room has been here
empty the whole time?!

I'm sorry, Ron, but
you can't have this room.

We're saving it
for our real dad,

for when he gets out of prison.

So, you're keeping this room in
mint condition

for a man who would be happy

as long as his toilet
wasn't also his sink!

He's not gonna be
in there forever.

Yeah, we're busting him out

as soon as we train a monkey
to handle dynamite.

(groans)
I can't believe

you guys have kept this a secret
from me the whole time.

You know what, Ron?
What are you complaining about?

Your last apartment
got towed away

while you were
still sleeping in it.

You're welcome to go back
to living there, if you want.

Oh, do not tempt me!

I don't need this job!
GARY: Oh, really?

Go ahead!

You're replaceable.

You've been completely
unreliable lately, anyway.

We'd be better off without you.

Oh, yeah?
Yeah.

Is that what you think?

Yeah!
Good.

'Cause guess what?

I quit!

(whoosh)

(groans)

Are you kidding me?

A Roomba?!

(Roomba whirring)

Go ahead!
We don't need you!

Fine! I don't need you either!

I'll send Glenn by for my pizza
stone and my ham radio!

Is this the Gunderson house?

Who wants to know?

Your father.

We're out of money?!

Oh, no, no, no.

Don't misunderstand.

You have plenty of money.

You just can't use it.

I thought Dad's lawyer
was an old guy.

Mr. Donaldson.

Yes, I'm his lawyer.

See, Mr. Donaldson was a senior
partner in our firm,

and worked very closely
with your father.

They shared a lot.

Now they're gonna share a room
at the gray bar hotel.

(chuckles)

Sorry, that was unprofessional.

Well, when can we
get more money?

Because we're down
to our last 50 bucks.

Getting Robby out of the chimney
last week wasn't cheap.

Or fun.

Well, I don't think
it'll be too long.

We just have to wait
for the heat to die down

and for them to sort out
the co-conspirators.

Shouldn't be longer
than six months.

ALL: Six months?!

Or... maybe longer.

On another note,

could you point me towards
your backdoor, please?

Thank you.

Oh, I can live like this
forever, Glenn.

It's a-- it's a simpler
existence, you know?

Closer to nature.

(crickets chirping)

Those crickets are really loud.

Could you turn 'em down
for me a little?

Oh, sure.
All right, dude.

Just a tad.

(chirping quiets)
Super.

Okay... so, you seen the boys?

Not that I care. I don't care.

Ah, matter of fact,
you should go over

to the house tomorrow
and tell them that.
(beep)

Better yet,
do it tonight.

I don't care.

Look, if that's
what you want.

Hey, hey, hey,
that's your thing, man.

Don't drag me into it, okay?

These-These kids...
they just...

they never, ever appreciated
anything I did for them.

They... do you know how many
packages I signed for?

How many things I grabbed

that were too high up for them
to reach? Dozens.

I'm done with them being abusive
and taking me for granted.

And I'll tell you another thing.

I am sick and tired

of pretending to be
someone I'm not!

(clattering)
Oh, no.

Okay, we're
camping dummies.

...38, 39, 40.

Chew slowly and make
every bite count.

This sucks.

I say we eat everything
right now.

So, no one remembers
what the lawyer

who crawled out of our window
yesterday told us?

We're on a tight budget.
We have to watch every cent.

We just have to make it
through the next six months.

Well, I guess I could start
hocking a couple of things.

That's the spirit.

Well, I have to get
back to my new job.

(with Indian accent):
Yes, this is Samir.

Thank you for holding.

Your software won't boot?

Goodness gracious,
uh, may I suggest

that we roll back some of
your drivers, my friend?

I am in Mumbai, just like you.

That is, too, the way
you pronounce it.

RON:
Hey.

So what do you think?

Want to maybe, uh,
swing by my place tonight

little later on?

I rehydrate a mean
dehydrated turkey tetrazzini.

Haven't you heard?

You do know how
to woo a girl.

Got you, didn't I?
(laughs)

So, how are the
kids? Are they okay?

Oh, who cares?

No. You know, as far
as I'm concerned,

those boys don't exist,
you know?

I mean, yeah, yeah, I check up
on them in the mornings only.

And at night
and midday on the weekends.

But you know, it's just to make
sure they're still suffering.

And they are, believe me.

So you're only spending a
little bit more time there

than you did when
you lived there.

Hey, spying from the bushes
doesn't count.

Okay, ask anybody.

Well, we could
stay at my mom's...
Ugh!

...but historically,
it's been hard for you

to stay in the
game over there.

What? I...

You know what?

You know, you try
keeping the boat afloat

with the little Jesus pictures
staring at you

with the accusing eyes,
all right?

What, like he was so perfect?

What do we
say to him?

Nothing. We're just here

to grab a few rolls of toilet
paper out of the bathroom.

We should at least
tell him what happened.

He might come through for us.

GARY:
There he is.

Look, this
is ridiculous.
Yeah.

We need our own space.

We need a place where
there are no kids,

where Jesus
can't find us.

Oh, God, wouldn't that be great?

Well, if you took that
assistant manager position

that you said that they offered
you, and with my salary,

we can totally
afford...

Oh, my God,
freeze-dried chili con carne.

I didn't even know
we had this.

Ron.
I just...
Gina, come on, don't...

Don't ask me

to take that job, okay?

You know me.

Working full-time
would crush my soul.

Forget it. Let's
just go home.

That guy's never coming
through for anyone.

GARY:
Okay, here we go.

Bill. Bill.

Oh, hey, another bill.

Bill. Oh.

My paycheck!

They're paying me in rupees?!

(sighs)

In two weeks,
I'll clear ten bucks.

I didn't get much more
for the flat screen.

I'll tell you one thing.

Nick the Pawnbroker...

not as generous
as he seems on TV.

Oh, and get this.

His name isn't even Nick.

We are so screwed.

It's Warren.

Maybe you got problems,
but I got options.

I've got these baby blues,
and I'm toilet trained.

I'm at peak adoptability.

I've hocked everything
in this house.

I guess we could tear
into the walls

and start stripping the copper.

Let's face reality, guys.
We need help.

I guess we don't have
much of a choice.

We may have to do some begging,
but it's him or nothing.

(doorbell ringing)

(sighs)

Oh. Hey.

Hey.

You look good.

Thanks.

I've been taking care of myself.

You look good yourself.

Thanks.

So, I was just
in the neighborhood.

I thought maybe
I'd swing by and grab that

comb I left here.

Oh.

There it is.

I see you have company.

Oh, no. That's Barry.

He lives here now.

We rented out your space
downstairs to him.

Don't worry.

He knows you're in recovery.

I'm...
BARRY:
Hey.

If you meet a guy
named Howie at rehab,

tell him that Barry wants
his Playbo back, okay?

I'm not telling Howie anything.

BRANDON:
Oh, my God.

I'm so hungry,
I just ate a toothpick,

and I don't even care.

What are you doing here?

I have just as much
right to be here

as you do, Gary, all right?

Gina sends her
warmest regards

and a tuna noodle casserole.

Well, our soufflé is still
in the oven.

Brandon was

just about
to go get it.

Oh.

Just put that there.

What are you
talking about?

All we have is bologna
and half a stick of butter.

Okay, go get
a dirty casserole dish

and put our name on it.

We'll put it in the center
of the table,

and it'll look like
everybody loved ours. Go.
All right.

ANGELA:
All right, Ron.

If you're here to swoop in
at the last minute

and take all the credit from me,
it's not gonna happen.

Everyone knows
once you bailed, I made

every decision for
this block party--

from the "Summer in
Provence" color palette

to the theme...
"The Kid in All of Us."

Yeah!

(shrieks)

Whoa. Whoa.

(Glenn whoops and laughs)

GLENN:
What up?
Hmm.

Yeah, it's
not bad.
What?

You win.

I don't understand.

What-What's going on, Ron?

Nothing. I just, uh...

I know
how important it is to you.

Okay, stop saying nice things
to me.

Okay.

And don't you dare walk away
without a snide remark!

This your rig?

Sure is.

Got any kids?

What?

What? Hey. You
can't eat our food!

We made that a house rule.

No one tells me
what to do, dork,

except my mom, and I don't
live with her anymore,

so she really can't, except
when I'm there, which is a lot.

But not now.

Great. Now all we have left
is butter.

Hmm. Wrong again.

I used that up, too.

My hands were chapped.

What the hell is wrong
with your glasses?

Clean that up, dork!

ANGELA:
What the hell?!

Where is Barry?

It is his shift to sit
in the dunk tank.
Uh-oh.

Hey, Gar, looks like

that new roommate's
not so reliable, huh?

Shut up, Ron!

You know what? I'll do it.
I'll do it.

We don't want to let the block
down, do we? Do we, Gar?

No, no, no, we
can't do that.

There we go.

I'm gonna do it.

(laughs) You're
funny, Daddy.

Ooh, whoops, that
was a weird slip.

Knock it off, Robby.

It's not gonna work.

Who's that?
No idea.

RON:
All right,
come on, Gar.

Let's see you take me down.
Let's go, tough guy.

Why? You're the same loser,
dry or wet.

That sounded like a little baby
with a chicken arm to me.

Come on, let's see what you can
do with that chicken wing.

Fine. You want it?

Yeah, if you think
you can bring it.

One dollar's worth, please.

No, Gary.
That's our last dollar.

It's totally worth it.

You ready to go down, Ron?!

Uh, yeah, I'm ready to stay dry,
if that's what you mean.

In fact, someone hand me a hair
dryer and plug it in, because

no way am I...

...getting wet. Okay.
All right.

Lucky shot. A broken clock
is right...

...twice a day.

I don't get it, Gary.
Why are you so...

...angry? I'm the one who got
the short end of the...

...stick.

Wait. Gary.
Where have you been?

Barry ate the last
of our bologna.

No!
No!

So, what? You guys don't even

like bologna that much.

We don't have anymore money!

Shut up, Robby.
RON:
What?

Is that true?

Yeah. We're totally broke.

Oh, so, big deal.

I'll take the assistant
manager's job.

We'll all...

...be fine.

Really?

You'd do that for us?

Wouldn't you hate that?

Yeah, probably, but you know,

what am I gonna do,
let you guys starve?

Wow.

So, you'd do that for us,
but not for Gina?

Huh.

Yeah, I guess so.

Never thought
of that before.

You think she'd have
a problem with that?

I have to say,

I never expected this
from you, Ron.

Well, to tell you the truth,
I'm a little surprised myself.

ANGELA:
Ron?

Your shift isn't over.

Oh, yeah. Sorry.

Had to towel off
for the main event.

What main event?

I didn't authorize a main event.

(engines whooshing)

(applause and cheering)

Yeah!

Did you really think I was gonna
let you win? (laughs)

I know a guy.

Hey, what are you doing?

You can't work
on your bike in here.

Oh, I can't?

What are you going to do?
Give me a noogie?

(grunting)

Huh? Huh?

Or maybe
a purple nurple?
No!

How about an atomic wedgie?

What?!
(fabric tears)

(Barry yelling)

Oh, let's go...

Trust me, you're gonna
love this, Barry. I promise.

Hey, hey, come on.
Put me down!

Trick is to breathe,
okay?
I mean it.

Don't make me kick your butt.

Get me down!

Thanks,
Randy.

You're a dead man!

Mommy?

(yelling)

RON:
Oh, my God! Wow!

I don't know why I expected
the elastic to last longer.

Oh, man, I never thought
I would be this excited

to see a couch in my life.

Oh, about that...

We want you to have Dad's room.

GARY:
Yeah. I mean,

we figured if you're getting
your soul crushed every day,

you should have a
nice place to sleep.

You guys... I know... I know...
I know what this means to you,

okay, and I do not
take it lightly.

I promise you
I'll leave it

in the exact same condition
I found it.

We know you will.

Ah!

(rueful chuckle)

(yawns)

Can you teach me
how to do arm farts?

Yeah. Yeah, I can...

I can teach you
how to do arm farts.

Here. Here's the key.
You need a little moisture.

Lick the palm of your hand.
Get a better air pocket.

Now, take that hand,
stick it up in that armpit.

BRANDON:
Boys' sports are
a little different

than girls' sports, but
you'll get used to it.

Yeah, I know
math isn't your strong suit,

but 12 to ten means
I'm winning.

It's Gunderson
to Gunderson.

Back to Gunderson.

And he scores!

Oh, but I get the assist.

(loud flatulence)

ROBBY:
Hey, I did it!

RON:
No. That was me. Sorry.