All language subtitles for Sons.of.Tucson.S01E10_English

RON:
Thank you, Tucson!

(tires screeching)

(dogs barking)

(indistinct cheering)

Okay, go ahead and
give me ten bucks

on number seven
in the next race.

Let's double it.

I want a taste.

Yeah, gambling
at the dog races

is fun, huh?

Bu-But we do it responsibly,
don't we?

Thank you.
All right, come on.

Hey, Dr. Lou.

Big night
for you, huh?

So hey, hey,
let me ask you:

How come you always end up
so flush at these things?

Well, you got to
have a system.

Yeah, a system--
that's key.

Yeah, I'll, I'll tell you mine
if you tell me yours.

You have a system?

Yeah, I got--
of course I got a system.

You know, I take,
I take surface into account--

concrete or asphalt.

Take a look at their poop,
see what's going on there.

Give the nads
a little once-over.

You know, that's, uh...
that's pretty much it, yeah.

Do not tell
anybody.

You tell me yours.

Yeah, I got something
better than that.

It's not so much a system

as it is me pumping

one of 'em full of
amphetamines before the race.

Really?
Yeah,

makes 'em run like rockets.

I bet.
Yeah,

plus they love it.

Oh, yeah,
look at that one.

He is stoked up.

All right, all
right, I'm in.

Who are you shooting up
on Sunday?

All right, there's a
Welsh corgi that I love.

He pays 30 to one.

Maximum bet's $1,000.

I would like to bet more,

so you put $1,000
down for me,

I'll keep a third,

you keep the rest.
Yeah.

Oh, yeah, yeah, okay, yeah,
I can have

1,000 bucks here
by Sunday, no problem.

Just got to pull
a few strings.
Hold on,

hold on, hold on,
teacup division's out.

Oh, who do you have in this one?

(sighs)
I don't bet on these guys.

Too cute to exploit?

No. They can't
handle the drugs.

Their little hearts explode.

(nervous chuckle)
He doesn't mean that.

That doesn't actually happen.

I'm sorry. I was boxing the two
and eight dogs in the third.

Say what now?

My boy. Who do you got?

(dogs barking)

So, what are we going
to do now?

You want to go back
that that restaurant with poles,

where I'm not allowed
to look up?

Uh...

You know what?

I think I'm just going to
take a horse tranquilizer

and hit the sack.
All right.

See you Sunday.
Later, Doc.

Hey, Robby,

you know, I love hanging out
with you, I do,

but, um, I don't know,
I think maybe

we need to get you
some friends your own age.

I don't get along
with kids my age.

There's this one kid I stabbed
with a pencil.

He didn't get the joke.

Yeah, I don't think
anyone would get that joke.

Is it the pencil part?

'Cause I can try
something else.

No. Okay, I get it.

It's tough making friends,
I know.

But what if I help ease you
into it a little bit, you know?

I'll set up a few playdates.

They can come over--
you won't stab 'em.

It'll be great.

I can't make any promises.

Nor should you.
Come on, hop in, buddy.

Scooch over.

Hey.
BRANDON:
All right, check it out.

That's Molly.
She's a cheerleader

and she came in third

in the spelling bee.

So, of course,
Gary's in love with her.

Oh, yeah?
I think he's finally
going to make a move.

There he comes.
He's gonna do it.
He's gonna do it.

Seal the deal,
little man, come on.

Aw.
Oh!

RON:
Brutal.

Been there a time or two.

Hey, buddy.

What's wrong with me?!

I can't even steer
my own body!

All right, okay, oh,
okay, easy. Take it easy.

Let me tell you what I do
when I strike out with a girl.

I look for her flaws.

I'm telling you right now,
that ass is going wide.

No, Molly is the one.

All I can think about
is kissing her.

And how she spelled
"oxymoron" at regionals.

Mathematically,
she shouldn't exist.

Would she be
your first kiss?

Oh, yeah,
I get it,
I get it.

Feels like it's never
going to happen, right?

That's 'cause it
won't. I'm kidding.
I'm totally kidding.

It'll happen. It will
just happen a lot later
than you want it to.

You should have put gum
in her hair. That's my move.

Hmm.
Or you could
kick her.

That works sometimes--
if you're out of gum.

All right, listen, do you
really like this girl?
Yeah.

You would do
anything for a kiss?

Pretty much, yeah.

Including paying me $1,000?

GARY:
I'm already paying you

to be my dad.

Okay, well, as your dad,

I say you're going to have
to wait years for that kiss.

But as the guy you're
paying 1,000 bucks to,

I say pack your bags, homeboy,
you're going to first base.

I'm not going to pay you
1,000 bucks.

That's ridiculous.
Whatever.

I'll pay you $500.

Yes! All right!

We are halfway
there, Dr. Lou.

Just need $500 more.

Whoa, whoa, you're kidding me.

That's yours?

How the hell did
you afford that?

Beads, man, beads.

Beads?
I get my little cousins

down in the basement
on weekends

making bracelets
and dream catchers
and crap like that.

Guilt-ridden tourists will buy
anything from us poor Indians.

I bet.

I guess what
I'm really selling

is forgiveness.

Wait, wait, hold on a second.

Hey, if you front me some beads,

do you think I can make
500 bucks by Sunday?

Yeah, sure, it's possible.

But you need a crew.

With little hands.

Little hands...

(motorcycle engine starting)

Okay, here's the deal--
I want everybody

to clear their calendars
tomorrow night

because we are having a party.

That's right.

I was already planning one
for you

so you can get

your kiss on,
you little freak.

But you, I want to do one
for you, too, huh?

Forget about playdates.
Let's blow this sucker out

so you can make a whole crapload
of friends all at once.

What do you say?
High five.

Boom! Yeah.

Oh, this is going to work
just fine.

Ah, keep 'em warm.

Okay, homework.

Back to work. Whoo!

I am just a guy

An ordinary guy...

Forget it. This is
never going to work.

I've already sweated
through five shirts.

All I have left
is pajama tops

and a shirt from chess camp
that says "Black Queen."
Okay, relax, relax.

You're gonna be fine,
all right?

And you're gonna get
that kiss, too.

I set tonight up perfectly.

So, come on, let's start out by
just chilling out a little bit.

Drop-drop the shoulders.

You look like a weird
little Liza Minnelli.

(deep breath)
Good. Okay.

Oh, no, now your lips
are all dry and cracked.

You're gonna scare
the crap out of her.

Here. You got to balm up
every 20 minutes.

(smacking lips)
Cap it, cap it.

BRANDON:
Hey, we have chips
and dip on the table,

a basket of glow sticks
by the couch

and there's an oxygen bar

over there in the kitchen.

It's really just
an open window,

but that's what we call it.

Great. What the hell
is Brandon doing?

This is your day.

He's just here to
help you out a bit.

She's going to
pass out some food

and do that restaurant
lighting thing

where they dim the lights,
and nobody notices.

We good?

Yeah, I guess so.

My pits are starting
to dry a little bit.

Let me feel. Good. Arid.

Okay, listen, I'm gonna go in
the garage and check on Robby

and his new friends.

But you, in the
meantime, young man,

you are going to go mingle,
okay?

Oh, also, stay away
from the onion dip.

I put that out to sandbag
the other guys. Okay?

Wait, wait, Ron.

Hey, Molly.

Hi, Jerry.

It's Gary.

Um, I'm glad you could make it
to our little shindig here.

I know it's not exactly
the Hamptons,

but I hope it's rocking your
expectations to some degree.

Is there pizza?
Um, we were going

for more of a wine and cheese
vibe without the wine.

Just the cheese.

Is that too cheesy?

Um, no, seriously,
we do have cheese.

Hey, how's it
going with Molly?
I'm talking to her

right now.
I know. How's it going?

Anything I can
do to help?

Leave.

Got it. Anything else?

Die.

I'm gonna go walk around.

Oh yeah, totally.

Rain check on that convo.

"Convo," idiot.

(boys shouting)

Yeah!
All right!

(cheering)
Yeah, man!

Yeah!

Whoo, you guys having
a fun Saturday night or what?

ALL:
Yeah!

Yeah, all right!

That is good news.

Time to kick things up a notch.

Oh...

(kids groaning)

Yeah, quit your bellyaching.

Ron!

Hey. What?

What are you doing, Ron?

We were having fun together.

And no one was scared of me.

I know, I know, but
this-this is not the way
to make friends, okay?

And these video games--
they're weird and isolating.

We need a group activity.

We're going old school.

We are doing arts and crafts!

Yeah.

Yeah! All right,
everybody grab a thimble.

Which you get to keep,
by the way.

Stretch out those
sticky little
fingers of yours

and get ready for turbo beads.

Yeah. We are going to make
some ornamental bracelets

to honor the native
peoples of Arizona.

It is a real privilege.

Originally

only Native American warriors

got to craft
this mystical jewelry

in order to harness the power

of lightning!

(imitates thunder crashing)

Any takers?

(reggae music playing)

Hey, Gary.

Hi.

Thanks for inviting me.
Nice music.

Doing great really,
pretty great.

So, is the rumor at school true
that you're pregnant?

Yep, yep, yep.

Wait, what?

Now he's listening.

No, no, I'm sorry.
You see, I was...

Hey, don't worry about it.

You're the host.
A lot of pressure.

Huh. Tell me about it.

(air horn blaring)

Hello, everybody,

and welcome to our home.

Gary is very excited

to have all you
out here tonight.

Now we thought
it would be nice

to start things off
with some icebreakers,

conversation starters.

You know, just
a little something

to help us all get to
know each other better.

And then, who knows what
the night might bring.

Hey, Gary, huh?
So let the fun begin.

Your dad is on fire
and your mother's drowning.

You have a rifle
with one bullet left.

Who do you put out
of their misery,

and who do you watch

die a slow horrible death?

Discuss.

Listen up, gang.
I didn't tell you guys
the best part yet, did I?

Local legend has it,
if you manage to complete

100 of these magical bracelets
in one night,

you, too, will inherit
the awesome powers

of a thousand Cherokee chiefs.

You said lightning.

The chiefs control
the lightning.

Oh, so what do you say?
How's that sound?

This is awesome!

Yeah, there's my guy.
Right?
Right?

Okay.

(whispering):
I'm trusting you.

I know. No, no, no, this
is going to be good.

This is going to be great.

Uh...
Yeah, okay.

Some of these children
might cause problems.

I can help.

Okay, cool.

You hold down the fort,
all right?
Will do.

All right, don't party too hard,
you animals.

I don't know!
Is there any way

to disarm the bomb

without having
to saw my dog in half?

I don't even get the connection!

Hey, I just read
what's on the card.

But guys, really good stuff
going on here.

Yeah, some interesting
back-and-forth.

Why don't we try
another one?

Can we please
take a break?

I need some fresh air.

Okay, okay, last question.

"You're at a party

"with no adult supervision.

"A sensitive guy

with unique charm wants
his first kiss..."

Okay, great game.
Hey, that was fun.

Let's get back
to the normal kid-talk now.

Okay, and I have tons of cheese
over there, so dig in.

Gary, I'm just getting...
(loud rock music plays)

Hey-hey-hey,
how's it going in there?

Great. I just told Molly
in front of everybody

that I would eat
her dead cooked body

in order to survive
on Mount Everest.

Okay, just out
of curiosity,

did you introduce the idea
of cooking and eating her

or did she bring that up
on her own?

BRANDON: So, I think
I've set things up nicely.

You and Molly are
really connecting.

Do you really think that,
Brandon?

She's called me "Jerry"
three times now.

This kiss is never gonna happen.

Whoa!

Whoa-whoa-whoa,
settle down, okay?

We're right on track here.

All we got to do now is
bring down the hammer:

Spin the bottle. We'll set it up
so you're guaranteed a kiss.

But the mood isn't right
for that, man.

How can you even
bring up something
like that?

The girls are never
gonna want to play...

Who wants to play
spin the bottle?

All right.

Go time.

This is a bad idea.
I don't see

how I'm guaranteed
a kiss from this.

Science.

Keep talking.

I stuck a magnet
in the bottle, okay?

I put one in that pillow
right over there.

So all you got to do is sit
on that one,

make sure
Molly spins first,

and you're good
to go, my man.

Nice!

Sketchy, but nice.

Yeah. Come on.

Okay, hey-hey!
All right!

Who wants to party?!

Let's party down!

Come on, everybody.
Gather around.

Let's do this thing.
It's gonna be great!

How about a game
of spin the bottle?!

It's my favorite game.

Whoa-oa! I sound really
creepy right now, don't I?

I just...
You know what?

If you guys need me,

I'm gonna be in the garage
with the little kids.

That was even worse.

Um, okay, you gotta
start kissing...

I'm gonna... I'll be....

It's Saturday night,
there's nothing better

Spread the word
that we coming together

So come at me now

Ah, and you're gun-shy

(record scratching)

The revolution will begin
this Saturday night.

(kids exclaiming)

Mmm, onion!

(mouthing)

Whoa, hell! What's that?!

No-no-no-no-no
no-no-no-no!

Oh, what are you all doing
off of the fun bench?

I'm sorry, Mr. Ron,

but some of the kids are now
saying that the bench isn't fun.

Who's saying that?

Everyone.

Ron, old school isn't working!

Turn the video game back on!

So, what-what,
none of you want to become

a magical native American
warrior anymore?

Well, that's a shame,

because that is the chance
of a lifetime right here.

My fingers are numb.

I swallowed a bead.

I swallow beads
all the time.

Okay, all right!
Okay, all right!

All right, all right,
look, I was gonna save this

as a surprise, but, uh,
I'll tell you right now, okay?

After you are all finished
with the beads,

you are all getting candy.

Yeah, that's right,
big-time candy.

Tons of candy. Candy you can't
even get in the U.S. anymore

because it's illegal, all right?

And also,
I shouldn't tell you this--

I don't know
if I can trust you--

but this is the candy that
they carry on the space shuttle.

We're gonna eat
so much candy,

we're gonna puke
all over ourselves, all right?

But not until we make
a couple hundred more bracelets!

ALL:
Yeah!

Fun bench,
let's do it.

Okay, good, good, good.

Where is it? You can tell me.

It's in that box
right up there.

B-But you can't touch it yet
because, uh,

it's still being stabilized
for our atmosphere, okay?

Back to the bench.

Gary, you gotta
get back in there!

Dude, this thing
is not over.

You kidding me?

You just kissed
the love of my life.

Dude, I'm sorry.

But look,
I warmed her up for you.

Hey, this doesn't mean
she still won't kiss you.

Yeah? Why don't I just make out
with you and skip the middleman?

Oh, hey, how's it going, Romeo?

Oh, yeah, I see
the change in you already.

It's like more confidence,
or manliness or something.

Looks good, right?
So listen,

I don't know
if I mentioned it,

but I'm gonna need that
$500 in cash. Is that cool?

Your stupid plan didn't work.

Impossible. What happened?

Forget it.

No, no, no,
come on. Come on.
No.

Look, you can't keep this stuff
bottled up inside.

You have to talk about it,
let it out there.

It's gonna torture you forever.

(sighs) Okay, fine.
Brandon...

(phone rings)
Brandon will...

Hold that thought.
Talk to me, ass-kiss.

Mr. Ron, we're having
a little trouble here.

It's not candy.

It's just more beads!

ALL:
Beads?!

Scratch that.
A lot of trouble.

Oh-oh, stay with me, Gabe!

Don't you quit on me,
little buddy!

Hey, Ron, it's 8:00.

You got my bracelets?

Uh, Mike,

uh, listen,
I'm gonna need

just a little more time.

I ran into a baby snag
with my crew.

I promised them candy
that doesn't exist.

Wow, a white man making promises
he can't keep.

I appreciate your stoic irony,

but seriously, do you know how
to make magic candy?

Oh, sure, I do.

Really?

Idiot. Look, I need
those bracelets now.

I got a tip on a broken-down
busload full of Deadheads,

and I gotta move fast.

Got it.

Kids?

(muffled moaning)

(beads crunching underfoot)

(muffled yelling)

Ass-kiss?
What is going on?

(muffled yelling)

Behind you!

ROBBIE:
Get him!

Robbie, it started
from a good place.

Not the pencil.

Not the pencil!

No! Please,
not that! No!

If you close your fist
for some of these,

you might actually
do some damage.

Shut up!

Look, I said I was sorry, okay?!

I will make this up to you!

It's not just this,
it's a million things!

Everything always works out
for you

and ends up crappy for me.

I don't try to do that!

I know, that's why
it sucks even more!

I've got magnets
on my side!

You got a mouthful
of onion breath,

you still get the kiss,
and I get a bagful of nothing.

It never works out for me!

There's my wallet.

Of course,
it's your wallet.

And it's full
of million-dollar bills

and girls who want to kiss you!

Oh, hey.

Anyone want flan?

(kids clamoring)
Oh, please not...! No!

How do you like
those beads now, Ron?

(clamoring)
No!

Hey, Molly, uh...

I know things got
a little crazy back there.

Yeah. I should go.

Molly?

Yeah, Mom, I'm coming.

Molly, Molly, don't, don't go!

Ron, no!
I got this! Shh!

Molly, Molly, hey,

he-hey, hey, listen,
just one kiss.

Just one little
itty-bitty kiss.

I'll pay you a hundred dollars.

It'll be
our little secret.

Uh, no-no, no...

GABE:
Wh-Wh-What's happening?

Is-is is she into it?

No.

Mr. Ron, they found us.

Go now. I'll try
to slow them down.

(all yelling)

Come on!

(yelling)
(whimpering)

(horn blaring)
(screaming)

(tires squealing)

Rocket Pops!

Killer party, Robbie!

Let's eat till we puke!

(kids laughing)

(Gabe grunting)

(sighs)

Please hurry.

You're right, Mom,
this party's weird.

Gary, hey, I know you think
that this first kiss

is gonna be some big
life-changing event,

but it's not.

You're gonna
suck at it.

You know, you're
really gonna suck

if I accurately
recall my first kiss.

It's gonna be the same
with the second

and the third and
the fourth kisses;

they're all gonna suck.

You know, one of them
will laugh at you,

another one will catch you
with your eyes open mid-kiss,

That'll be weird
'cause then you can't
close your eyes.

(sighs) And then you find one
that's just perfect.

She's just, oh... so good,
but maybe she's your cousin.

(clears throat)

(door shuts)

Good talk. Okay.

(sighs)
Okay, I'm just gonna
get it over with.

Wow!

That didn't suck.

Okay, now that we're together,

this is gonna be so much fun.

Tina's party is
next week, so we need

to get your hair cut
and buy you some new clothes.

Oh, and Sunday's game night
at my stepdad's.

Wowee, I really thought
you were gonna get

that eighth one down
there for a second.

It was looking good.
Okay, so I told you

that bead thing would work,
didn't I?

Did I make you some friends
or did I make you some friends?

Yeah, they totally want to come
back and beat you up next week.

Oh.

Can you bring home
some whiffle bats from work?

You know what?
For a thousand bucks,

I'll let you guys use
a real bat.

Okay, listen,

I was just talking
to Molly, okay?

She wants to get serious, dude.

She gave me her number,

but I told her it was
never gonna happen.

Anyway, good-bye Molly.

I think I have a girlfriend now.

Awesome. I kind of wish
I knew that two minutes ago.