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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:18,686 --> 00:00:20,616 RON: Thank you, Tucson! 2 00:00:21,289 --> 00:00:22,389 Mm-hmm. No, I'm happy. 3 00:00:22,456 --> 00:00:25,486 Well, Gina, listen to me, I'm fine, all right? 4 00:00:25,559 --> 00:00:26,589 I landed on my feet. 5 00:00:26,660 --> 00:00:29,500 I've a great new place. I'm there right now, actually. 6 00:00:29,563 --> 00:00:30,563 (spits) Mm-hmm. 7 00:00:30,631 --> 00:00:31,871 Oh, it's in a great neighborhood. 8 00:00:31,932 --> 00:00:33,232 Lots of natural light. 9 00:00:33,301 --> 00:00:35,641 Listen, I gotta go. I'm on the other line, okay? 10 00:00:35,703 --> 00:00:37,343 (sarcastically): Say "hi" to the new boyfriend for me. 11 00:00:37,405 --> 00:00:40,865 (phone beeps) Oh, sorry about that. It was the ex. 12 00:00:40,941 --> 00:00:43,811 Poor thing just can't move on, you know what I mean? 13 00:00:43,877 --> 00:00:45,347 Tony, Tony, calm down. 14 00:00:45,413 --> 00:00:48,183 Listen, just give me till the end of business tomorrow, 15 00:00:48,249 --> 00:00:50,449 and I'll have your $2,000, okay? 16 00:00:50,518 --> 00:00:52,088 Well, that's just really mean. 17 00:00:52,153 --> 00:00:53,353 All right, look, look, look. 18 00:00:53,421 --> 00:00:54,921 I'm picking up these antique toy soldiers 19 00:00:54,988 --> 00:00:56,258 later on today. They're mint. 20 00:00:56,324 --> 00:00:58,494 They're worth way more than two grand, trust me. 21 00:00:58,559 --> 00:01:00,689 Hey, um, I'm at the dentist. Think I can call you back? 22 00:01:00,761 --> 00:01:02,001 Oh, Tony! 23 00:01:02,062 --> 00:01:03,262 Hey, you're here! 24 00:01:03,331 --> 00:01:06,071 Why didn't you, uh...? Uh... 25 00:01:06,134 --> 00:01:08,104 That is a really great shirt, man. 26 00:01:08,169 --> 00:01:10,539 Just give me till the end of tomorrow. 27 00:01:10,604 --> 00:01:11,744 Noon. 28 00:01:11,805 --> 00:01:13,565 Okay, noon, yeah. 29 00:01:13,641 --> 00:01:15,281 Later. 30 00:01:21,149 --> 00:01:23,579 This is the guy I was talking about: 31 00:01:23,651 --> 00:01:25,421 Ron Snuffkin. 32 00:01:25,486 --> 00:01:26,586 Watch him. 33 00:01:38,166 --> 00:01:40,226 (whistling) 34 00:01:40,301 --> 00:01:42,271 He's a creep. Exactly. 35 00:01:42,336 --> 00:01:44,236 He's perfect. We're working too hard. 36 00:01:44,305 --> 00:01:45,635 Let's just put an ad on craigslist: 37 00:01:45,706 --> 00:01:47,806 "Wanted: father for three boys." Bam, we're done. 38 00:01:47,875 --> 00:01:51,075 Great idea. A footrace between the pervs and Child Services. 39 00:01:51,145 --> 00:01:54,275 Bam! We're screwed. I like my bam better. 40 00:01:54,348 --> 00:01:56,278 (clears throat) That's an excellent choice, yeah. 41 00:01:56,350 --> 00:01:58,920 I'm seeing butt crack. Are we this desperate? 42 00:01:58,986 --> 00:01:59,916 A shoelace untied. 43 00:01:59,987 --> 00:02:01,757 GARY: Yes, we are. 44 00:02:01,822 --> 00:02:03,662 We've been through over a hundred people now. 45 00:02:03,724 --> 00:02:04,534 We need a dad today. 46 00:02:04,592 --> 00:02:06,692 Let's just spread out and watch him. 47 00:02:06,760 --> 00:02:07,900 Oh, sorry I'm late, folks. 48 00:02:07,961 --> 00:02:09,931 But I've got some good news! 49 00:02:09,997 --> 00:02:11,267 Just got the new Bowflex in. 50 00:02:11,332 --> 00:02:13,132 Something to think about, ma'am. 51 00:02:13,201 --> 00:02:14,271 MAN: Can I speak to your manager? 52 00:02:14,335 --> 00:02:15,765 Aah, you don't want to do that. 53 00:02:15,836 --> 00:02:17,306 What's going on? 54 00:02:17,371 --> 00:02:19,971 You told me these sleeping bags were rated at ten-below. 55 00:02:20,040 --> 00:02:21,680 My family nearly froze to death. 56 00:02:21,742 --> 00:02:24,512 And you all wore the thermals? MAN: You never mentioned that. 57 00:02:24,578 --> 00:02:26,278 Yeah, you have to keep your wrist loose, yeah. 58 00:02:26,347 --> 00:02:29,577 RON: I'm sure I did, okay? You can check 59 00:02:29,650 --> 00:02:31,250 the security footage if you'd like. 60 00:02:31,319 --> 00:02:32,089 Unfortunately, 61 00:02:32,152 --> 00:02:33,252 I have to pass this on 62 00:02:33,321 --> 00:02:34,791 to another service rep. 63 00:02:34,855 --> 00:02:37,985 I'm dealing with a bit of a personal crisis. 64 00:02:38,058 --> 00:02:40,188 Yeah? And what's that? 65 00:02:40,261 --> 00:02:43,461 My, uh, my-my brother... 66 00:02:43,531 --> 00:02:46,301 uh, and his wife and kids, they live in Seattle, 67 00:02:46,367 --> 00:02:49,667 um, just got hurt pretty, pretty badly... 68 00:02:50,471 --> 00:02:52,341 ...at a lumberjack event. 69 00:02:52,406 --> 00:02:57,476 Um, a chain saw... uh, kicked, kicked up on them, 70 00:02:57,545 --> 00:03:00,805 and, uh... I need to catch a flight up there right now. 71 00:03:00,881 --> 00:03:02,281 They're all in the ICU-- 72 00:03:02,350 --> 00:03:04,850 the Intensive Care Unit. 73 00:03:04,918 --> 00:03:06,548 Wow. Yeah. 74 00:03:06,620 --> 00:03:08,720 I hate to keep you from your chopped-up relatives, 75 00:03:08,789 --> 00:03:11,359 but you think you can exchange these Rollerblades 76 00:03:11,425 --> 00:03:13,255 for me before you head to the airport? 77 00:03:13,327 --> 00:03:14,657 My God, have some compassion. 78 00:03:16,297 --> 00:03:18,527 All right, everybody, that is it for me. 79 00:03:18,599 --> 00:03:20,629 Sara Beth will have your back in about an hour. 80 00:03:25,639 --> 00:03:27,809 Pardon me, sir. Got a minute? 81 00:03:27,875 --> 00:03:29,935 I'm on break, boys. It'll have to wait. 82 00:03:30,010 --> 00:03:32,110 Ow! What are you doing?! 83 00:03:32,179 --> 00:03:33,909 How do you feel about lying for money? 84 00:03:33,981 --> 00:03:36,721 Uh, keep talking. We need a dad for the day. 85 00:03:36,784 --> 00:03:39,824 Say what? Wait. First, if you could have dinner 86 00:03:39,887 --> 00:03:42,487 with any person in history, what would you eat? 87 00:03:42,556 --> 00:03:44,986 Uh, not sure, but it would be wrapped in bacon. 88 00:03:45,058 --> 00:03:46,258 (quietly): He's good. 89 00:03:46,327 --> 00:03:48,057 We'll give you 200 bucks for an hour's work. 90 00:03:48,128 --> 00:03:49,598 Give me 200 bucks? 91 00:03:50,498 --> 00:03:52,068 What do I gotta do? 92 00:03:52,132 --> 00:03:53,232 Fake out the school secretary. 93 00:03:53,301 --> 00:03:54,771 Pretend to be our dad and sign us up for school. 94 00:03:54,835 --> 00:03:56,665 Ron, is there a problem out here? 95 00:03:56,737 --> 00:03:58,567 No, no. No problem, Eric. Thank you. It's all good. 96 00:03:58,639 --> 00:04:00,909 Well, there are several people just standing in line 97 00:04:00,974 --> 00:04:02,544 at the customer service counter. 98 00:04:02,610 --> 00:04:03,640 Hey-hey, listen. Did you check your suggestions box today? 99 00:04:03,711 --> 00:04:06,281 I think someone filled out one of your comment cards. 100 00:04:06,347 --> 00:04:07,277 Oh, nice! 101 00:04:07,348 --> 00:04:08,318 Huh, yeah, go get it. 102 00:04:08,382 --> 00:04:09,582 So, you in, Ron? 103 00:04:09,650 --> 00:04:11,650 Can we just slow this down for a second? 104 00:04:11,719 --> 00:04:12,989 I don't even know you guys' names. 105 00:04:13,053 --> 00:04:16,463 Gary, Brandon, Robby. Details are all in there. 106 00:04:16,524 --> 00:04:17,694 Be at school by noon. 107 00:04:17,758 --> 00:04:20,158 Wear a suit. I don't have a suit. 108 00:04:20,227 --> 00:04:21,757 We could give you one of Dad's old ones. 109 00:04:21,829 --> 00:04:23,629 He's not gonna need it anytime soon. 110 00:04:23,697 --> 00:04:25,567 Okay. Listen, I'm gonna be honest with you guys. 111 00:04:25,633 --> 00:04:27,773 You're kind of scaring me a little bit right now. 112 00:04:27,835 --> 00:04:29,295 No problem. We'll find someone else 113 00:04:29,370 --> 00:04:31,670 who wants to make easy money. Come on. 114 00:04:31,739 --> 00:04:33,239 See ya. Don't tell the police about us. 115 00:04:33,307 --> 00:04:35,977 Uh, uh, hang on, hang on, 116 00:04:36,043 --> 00:04:37,013 hang on! 117 00:04:37,077 --> 00:04:39,307 Wait-wait one sec. Hey, listen! 118 00:04:39,380 --> 00:04:41,520 I am interested, okay, but, uh... 119 00:04:42,750 --> 00:04:45,250 Come over here. Step into my office. Come on. 120 00:04:45,319 --> 00:04:48,659 What is the deal with your real dad? 121 00:04:48,722 --> 00:04:49,822 We're not gonna get into that. 122 00:04:49,890 --> 00:04:51,190 You guys didn't kill him, did you? 123 00:04:51,258 --> 00:04:52,028 No! 124 00:04:52,092 --> 00:04:52,962 Did he kill someone? 125 00:04:53,026 --> 00:04:53,856 He's a banker. 126 00:04:53,927 --> 00:04:55,297 Oh, so he's in prison. 127 00:04:57,498 --> 00:04:59,298 Oh, my God, he's in prison. 128 00:04:59,367 --> 00:05:00,527 Wh-What was it, mortgages? Mail fraud? What? 129 00:05:00,601 --> 00:05:02,071 It was a stock thing; 25 years. 130 00:05:02,135 --> 00:05:05,005 He sort of stole from the rich and gave to some other rich, 131 00:05:05,072 --> 00:05:06,942 who he later stole from again, but not as much. 132 00:05:07,007 --> 00:05:09,937 Brandon, shut up! And it's not gonna be 25 years! 133 00:05:10,010 --> 00:05:11,410 He's gonna escape anyway! 134 00:05:11,479 --> 00:05:12,449 Right. Look, man. 135 00:05:12,513 --> 00:05:15,083 We don't want to end up being foster kids, 136 00:05:15,148 --> 00:05:16,518 so please keep your mouth shut. 137 00:05:16,584 --> 00:05:19,294 Okay, all right. So where's Mom? 138 00:05:19,353 --> 00:05:20,323 She left a long time ago. 139 00:05:20,388 --> 00:05:21,758 You guys are out here on your own? 140 00:05:21,822 --> 00:05:23,222 Probably living in a car or something. 141 00:05:23,290 --> 00:05:24,320 Who does that? 142 00:05:24,392 --> 00:05:25,532 No one. 143 00:05:25,593 --> 00:05:28,063 Our dad kept an investment home and cash over in Mesa Ridge. 144 00:05:28,128 --> 00:05:30,058 We made it out here all by ourselves from Jersey. 145 00:05:30,130 --> 00:05:32,570 Robby fought off a rail yard hobo for a can of beans. 146 00:05:32,633 --> 00:05:34,233 Those beans were mine. 147 00:05:34,301 --> 00:05:35,571 Make-or-break time, Ron. What do you say? 148 00:05:35,636 --> 00:05:37,336 $200 for an hour's work? 149 00:05:42,410 --> 00:05:45,580 All right, boys, let's play house. 150 00:05:55,456 --> 00:05:57,826 Oh, this suit is not cut well. 151 00:05:57,891 --> 00:05:59,531 Have you been in a suit that is cut well? 152 00:05:59,593 --> 00:06:02,233 Don't worry about the suit, it's all about the walk, okay? 153 00:06:02,295 --> 00:06:04,095 A good model can sell a garbage bag. 154 00:06:04,164 --> 00:06:05,574 WOMAN: Hiya. 155 00:06:05,633 --> 00:06:06,803 Hi. 156 00:06:06,867 --> 00:06:08,997 So, good-looking bunch you got there. 157 00:06:09,069 --> 00:06:10,999 Oh, don't I know it. It's all their mother. 158 00:06:11,071 --> 00:06:12,111 Where is mom? 159 00:06:13,941 --> 00:06:15,211 Still in the picture? 160 00:06:15,275 --> 00:06:17,105 No. 161 00:06:17,177 --> 00:06:21,817 No, no. She, uh, she never left the Big Easy... 162 00:06:21,882 --> 00:06:23,052 New Orleans. 163 00:06:23,116 --> 00:06:24,816 You heard of it? 164 00:06:24,885 --> 00:06:25,945 Yeah. 165 00:06:26,019 --> 00:06:27,559 Yeah, it's a great town. Great, great town. 166 00:06:27,621 --> 00:06:29,791 It's a shame we had to leave, but it is a town 167 00:06:29,857 --> 00:06:31,757 that nevertheless haunts our every moment. 168 00:06:31,825 --> 00:06:34,525 I mean, the boys dream of floodwaters every night. 169 00:06:34,595 --> 00:06:35,825 I, myself, have struggled with addictions 170 00:06:35,896 --> 00:06:38,596 to antipsychotics and methamphetamines. 171 00:06:38,666 --> 00:06:41,536 (voice breaking): When my bride, 172 00:06:41,602 --> 00:06:44,572 or "Mom," as you called her, when she, um... 173 00:06:44,638 --> 00:06:49,038 (sobbing): when she passed, we... we just... 174 00:06:50,478 --> 00:06:52,678 It's, it's okay. 175 00:06:52,746 --> 00:06:55,146 Is it?! 176 00:06:56,283 --> 00:06:58,093 Yeah, um, just give a shout 177 00:06:58,151 --> 00:06:59,551 when you're done, 178 00:06:59,620 --> 00:07:01,560 and you guys will be good to go. 179 00:07:01,622 --> 00:07:03,392 Oh, that sounds wonderful. Thank you. 180 00:07:03,457 --> 00:07:05,887 Thank you. You're welcome. 181 00:07:08,295 --> 00:07:10,495 Boom stick. 182 00:07:10,564 --> 00:07:11,904 That's how it's done. 183 00:07:11,965 --> 00:07:13,025 (scoffs) 184 00:07:14,234 --> 00:07:16,804 I gotta ask. Did you have the Katrina thing going in 185 00:07:16,870 --> 00:07:18,370 or did that just come to you? 186 00:07:18,438 --> 00:07:20,008 No, I just get in the zone. 187 00:07:20,073 --> 00:07:21,443 You just missed our turn! 188 00:07:21,509 --> 00:07:24,849 Yeah, I know. I lied to you. Gotta make a quick stop, okay? Ron? 189 00:07:24,912 --> 00:07:26,712 Look, I just gotta show my Grandma Ethel 190 00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:28,320 that I have a family now, that's all. 191 00:07:28,381 --> 00:07:30,151 Had a little falling-out a few years ago; 192 00:07:30,217 --> 00:07:31,817 disagreement of where the country was headed. 193 00:07:31,885 --> 00:07:33,615 She's not doing so well now, 194 00:07:33,687 --> 00:07:35,687 and I feel guilty for calling Eisenhower a douche bag. 195 00:07:35,756 --> 00:07:38,626 So what do you kids say? You want to come help cheer up an old lady before she croaks? 196 00:07:38,692 --> 00:07:40,062 I'm out of here. 197 00:07:41,128 --> 00:07:42,898 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! 198 00:07:42,963 --> 00:07:44,333 What the hell are you doing?! 199 00:07:44,397 --> 00:07:46,027 I was gonna do a stunt roll! 200 00:07:46,099 --> 00:07:46,899 Well, that is insane! 201 00:07:46,967 --> 00:07:48,397 Okay, everybody just calm down, all right? 202 00:07:48,468 --> 00:07:49,268 We're just gonna pay 203 00:07:49,336 --> 00:07:50,136 a little visit 204 00:07:50,203 --> 00:07:51,513 to an old lady, that is all. 205 00:07:51,572 --> 00:07:52,712 (bird chirping) 206 00:07:52,773 --> 00:07:55,043 All right, let's make this quick. 207 00:07:55,108 --> 00:07:56,208 I'm not going. 208 00:07:56,276 --> 00:07:57,436 We'll wait here. 209 00:07:57,511 --> 00:07:59,081 Point to us. We'll wave and smile. 210 00:08:01,181 --> 00:08:04,451 (sighs) Okay, fine. 211 00:08:04,518 --> 00:08:06,988 Wave good. 212 00:08:12,292 --> 00:08:14,192 We chose the wrong dad. 213 00:08:14,261 --> 00:08:16,601 We could've gone with the biker guy I picked out. 214 00:08:16,664 --> 00:08:17,604 He was black, Brandon. 215 00:08:17,665 --> 00:08:20,225 You have no imagination. What if Mom was albino? 216 00:08:20,300 --> 00:08:20,970 Go to hell! 217 00:08:21,034 --> 00:08:21,674 I can't yet. 218 00:08:21,735 --> 00:08:23,765 I have kids to raise. 219 00:08:23,837 --> 00:08:25,367 Bull! You don't have kids! I do! 220 00:08:25,438 --> 00:08:27,108 They're with me right now, in fact, okay? 221 00:08:27,174 --> 00:08:29,684 And I want to tell you, I love them each so much. 222 00:08:29,743 --> 00:08:31,113 They're so special. 223 00:08:31,178 --> 00:08:33,848 They just, they open my eyes to something new every day. 224 00:08:33,914 --> 00:08:35,624 (engine revving) They just... 225 00:08:35,683 --> 00:08:37,353 stole my car. Unbelievable! 226 00:08:37,417 --> 00:08:40,587 Kids, don't drive it! 227 00:08:40,654 --> 00:08:43,894 228 00:08:43,957 --> 00:08:45,487 (panting) 229 00:08:45,559 --> 00:08:47,359 (bicycle bell ringing) 230 00:08:47,427 --> 00:08:48,557 (wheels clacking) 231 00:08:48,629 --> 00:08:50,999 (panting) 232 00:08:57,404 --> 00:08:59,874 (groans) 233 00:08:59,940 --> 00:09:01,410 Okay, ah, 234 00:09:01,474 --> 00:09:03,414 well done. 235 00:09:03,476 --> 00:09:05,106 All right, I just want you 236 00:09:05,178 --> 00:09:07,578 to know that you really disappointed Ethel, okay? 237 00:09:07,648 --> 00:09:08,648 Another thing. 238 00:09:08,716 --> 00:09:10,276 This is only 180 bucks. 239 00:09:10,350 --> 00:09:11,990 You shorted me 20, short stack. 240 00:09:12,052 --> 00:09:13,892 We deducted my 20 you took off the floor. 241 00:09:13,954 --> 00:09:17,064 Oh. I didn't think you saw that. 242 00:09:17,124 --> 00:09:17,734 Hmm. 243 00:09:17,791 --> 00:09:18,831 So, wow, this is 244 00:09:18,892 --> 00:09:20,992 a pretty decent setup you got going on here. 245 00:09:21,061 --> 00:09:23,401 What are we looking at, like, 3,000 square feet? 246 00:09:23,463 --> 00:09:24,433 What's the temp like inside? 247 00:09:24,497 --> 00:09:25,767 We're busy, Ron. 248 00:09:25,833 --> 00:09:27,033 Yeah, yeah, I know. Me, too. 249 00:09:27,100 --> 00:09:29,200 Why don't you guys just let me come in and hang out 250 00:09:29,269 --> 00:09:31,539 for a little bit, huh? The AC's out at my place. 251 00:09:31,605 --> 00:09:33,605 That place? 252 00:09:33,674 --> 00:09:35,414 Yeah, it's temporary, okay? 253 00:09:35,475 --> 00:09:37,605 Look, you guys, I took a 254 00:09:37,678 --> 00:09:38,878 sick day to come and help you. 255 00:09:38,946 --> 00:09:40,776 The least you could do is invite me in. 256 00:09:40,848 --> 00:09:41,948 Ron, we're fine on our own. 257 00:09:42,015 --> 00:09:42,945 Yeah, loser! 258 00:09:43,016 --> 00:09:43,976 Okay, look, guys, let's just... 259 00:09:44,051 --> 00:09:45,891 Ron, our dad was a major player 260 00:09:45,953 --> 00:09:47,823 in the banking world. You sell balls. 261 00:09:47,888 --> 00:09:49,218 See a difference there? 262 00:09:49,289 --> 00:09:50,819 Little bit, maybe? 263 00:10:03,971 --> 00:10:06,171 WOMAN: What the...? Who threw that?! 264 00:10:06,239 --> 00:10:07,339 Have fun with that. 265 00:10:08,642 --> 00:10:10,082 You can keep the bicyclette. 266 00:10:11,679 --> 00:10:12,579 Oh, bother. 267 00:10:12,646 --> 00:10:13,946 268 00:10:14,014 --> 00:10:16,254 What in the world is going on out here?! 269 00:10:34,334 --> 00:10:35,674 Get your hot links! 270 00:10:35,736 --> 00:10:37,936 Bratwurst! Polish sausage! 271 00:10:38,005 --> 00:10:40,235 We only have hot dogs. We're selling dreams, Robby. 272 00:10:40,307 --> 00:10:43,777 What are you doing? Nobody cleared this booth with me. 273 00:10:43,844 --> 00:10:45,854 We are supposed to be keeping a low profile. 274 00:10:45,913 --> 00:10:48,053 You're the one who's always talking about trying to fit in. 275 00:10:48,115 --> 00:10:50,115 This will give us a perfect chance to meet new people. 276 00:10:50,183 --> 00:10:52,723 Let them get to know us... through our meats. 277 00:10:52,786 --> 00:10:54,246 I'll have a bratwurst. 278 00:10:54,321 --> 00:10:55,121 See? 279 00:10:55,188 --> 00:10:56,858 Coming right up. 280 00:10:56,924 --> 00:10:58,434 Let me just fire up the grill. 281 00:11:04,497 --> 00:11:06,327 Oops. 282 00:11:06,399 --> 00:11:08,099 And now they know us. 283 00:11:08,168 --> 00:11:11,238 (siren approaching) Okay. Let's go. 284 00:11:11,304 --> 00:11:13,114 Hey. 285 00:11:13,173 --> 00:11:15,613 Oh, brother. What do you guys want? 286 00:11:15,675 --> 00:11:16,735 We need you again. 287 00:11:16,810 --> 00:11:18,010 Same drill as before. 288 00:11:18,078 --> 00:11:19,578 A little small talk with the principal. 289 00:11:19,646 --> 00:11:20,906 You know, "Nice weather we're having. 290 00:11:20,981 --> 00:11:22,781 Sorry about the explosion," and you're out of there. 291 00:11:22,850 --> 00:11:23,880 What happened? 292 00:11:23,951 --> 00:11:25,321 Robbie stole some camping fuel from your store 293 00:11:25,385 --> 00:11:26,385 and launched a fireball 294 00:11:26,453 --> 00:11:27,553 at the school's fall festival. 295 00:11:27,620 --> 00:11:29,490 You can see the outline of the stilt man on the gym wall. 296 00:11:29,556 --> 00:11:31,586 Nice work. Piss off! 297 00:11:31,658 --> 00:11:33,128 You piss off! You-You know what? 298 00:11:33,193 --> 00:11:34,263 I shouldn't even be talking to you guys 299 00:11:34,327 --> 00:11:35,357 after the way you treated Ethel. You know that? 300 00:11:35,428 --> 00:11:37,028 But I like you kids. 301 00:11:37,097 --> 00:11:38,097 And clearly, you need me. 302 00:11:38,165 --> 00:11:39,795 So, let's call a spade a spade here. 303 00:11:39,867 --> 00:11:40,667 A thousand bucks. 304 00:11:40,734 --> 00:11:41,804 No way. $300. 305 00:11:41,869 --> 00:11:42,999 Okay. All right. I get it. 306 00:11:43,070 --> 00:11:44,600 You're kids. Your back's up against the wall. 307 00:11:44,671 --> 00:11:45,771 You're vulnerable. 308 00:11:45,839 --> 00:11:47,509 $500. $350. 309 00:11:47,574 --> 00:11:48,414 Deal. Get in. Come on. 310 00:11:49,743 --> 00:11:51,083 All right. So, $400 it is. 311 00:11:51,144 --> 00:11:53,314 Plus, a small, little favor. 312 00:11:54,381 --> 00:11:56,351 Ow, God. 313 00:11:56,416 --> 00:11:57,546 Where's my money?! 314 00:11:57,617 --> 00:11:59,217 What's his problem? 315 00:12:00,988 --> 00:12:02,888 (school bell rings) 316 00:12:02,956 --> 00:12:04,086 When did you get to town? 317 00:12:04,157 --> 00:12:05,487 Last week. A few months ago. 318 00:12:05,558 --> 00:12:06,588 Uh... 319 00:12:06,659 --> 00:12:07,959 Last week, 320 00:12:08,028 --> 00:12:08,928 but it feels like a few months ago. 321 00:12:08,996 --> 00:12:10,756 That's Tucson for you, right? 322 00:12:10,831 --> 00:12:11,771 How old is Robby? 323 00:12:11,832 --> 00:12:12,602 He's nine. Eight. 324 00:12:12,665 --> 00:12:13,795 Eight? 325 00:12:13,867 --> 00:12:15,337 Oh. How old is he? 326 00:12:15,402 --> 00:12:16,502 He's eight. 327 00:12:16,569 --> 00:12:17,939 Can you explain 328 00:12:18,005 --> 00:12:20,935 how an eight-year-old got ahold of camping fuel? 329 00:12:21,008 --> 00:12:22,108 He gave it to me. No clue. 330 00:12:22,175 --> 00:12:24,005 Uh, Robby, why don't you go out to the car 331 00:12:24,077 --> 00:12:25,777 and start the air conditioner for me? 332 00:12:25,846 --> 00:12:26,906 It gets hot, you know? 333 00:12:26,980 --> 00:12:29,680 Go on. Chop, chop. 334 00:12:29,749 --> 00:12:31,219 (school bell rings) 335 00:12:31,284 --> 00:12:32,094 MAGGIE: Robby? 336 00:12:32,152 --> 00:12:33,852 ROBBY: Whatever. Oh. 337 00:12:33,921 --> 00:12:37,421 You. The, uh, Rollerblader, right? 338 00:12:37,490 --> 00:12:39,530 (laughs) Wow. 339 00:12:39,592 --> 00:12:40,532 You're Robby's father? 340 00:12:40,593 --> 00:12:42,033 Yeah, I am. 341 00:12:42,095 --> 00:12:42,995 Perfect. 342 00:12:43,063 --> 00:12:44,003 John, the kid brought an explosive 343 00:12:44,064 --> 00:12:45,774 onto school property-- 344 00:12:45,833 --> 00:12:46,673 Well, actually, it was camping fuel. 345 00:12:46,733 --> 00:12:47,803 Sally Teal's gonna need 346 00:12:47,868 --> 00:12:49,138 therapy and a wig. 347 00:12:49,202 --> 00:12:51,372 I can't have them in class together. 348 00:12:51,438 --> 00:12:53,508 Maggie, you have the only class with room for another student. 349 00:12:53,573 --> 00:12:55,043 MAGGIE: John, I have 34 kids 350 00:12:55,108 --> 00:12:57,008 and with Robby, you're killing me. 351 00:12:57,077 --> 00:12:58,807 Guys, let's not blame Robby, okay? 352 00:12:58,879 --> 00:13:00,409 Let's blame the person 353 00:13:00,480 --> 00:13:01,510 responsible here. 354 00:13:01,581 --> 00:13:02,981 His father. 355 00:13:03,050 --> 00:13:05,450 You know, he hasn't been around much lately. 356 00:13:05,518 --> 00:13:08,188 You get a good job. Start climbing up in the ranks. 357 00:13:08,255 --> 00:13:09,885 Next thing you know, you wake up one morning, 358 00:13:09,957 --> 00:13:11,157 and you are literally living at your office. 359 00:13:11,224 --> 00:13:15,004 It starts small. You miss a practice, then a game. 360 00:13:15,062 --> 00:13:16,532 Then the season is gone. 361 00:13:16,596 --> 00:13:17,756 Hmm. 362 00:13:17,831 --> 00:13:18,901 They say they don't mind, 363 00:13:18,966 --> 00:13:20,226 but their eyes tell a different story. 364 00:13:20,300 --> 00:13:22,140 The kids are asking you to come to career day, 365 00:13:22,202 --> 00:13:23,502 but you're not going to be there, 366 00:13:23,570 --> 00:13:25,310 'cause you can't even hear them. Want to know why? 367 00:13:25,372 --> 00:13:27,272 'Cause you're too busy crushing dreams for a living... 368 00:13:27,340 --> 00:13:28,980 1988. 369 00:13:29,042 --> 00:13:30,912 I was superintendent of the Flagstaff school system. 370 00:13:30,978 --> 00:13:32,948 Had a portrait at City Hall, 371 00:13:33,013 --> 00:13:34,613 my pick of tables at the best restaurants... 372 00:13:34,681 --> 00:13:38,091 and a pair of sons selling crack cocaine out of my basement. 373 00:13:41,154 --> 00:13:42,194 (sighs) 374 00:13:43,290 --> 00:13:45,360 You think the principal suspects anything? 375 00:13:45,425 --> 00:13:46,255 Who cares? 376 00:13:46,326 --> 00:13:47,826 We do, Robby! If they find us, 377 00:13:47,895 --> 00:13:48,525 they'll split us up. 378 00:13:48,595 --> 00:13:50,655 You want to go live with some weird foster mom 379 00:13:50,730 --> 00:13:51,600 with a bunch of cats? 380 00:13:51,664 --> 00:13:53,534 You always go right to that old lady with the cats. 381 00:13:53,600 --> 00:13:55,670 What about the kids who end up with celebrities 382 00:13:55,735 --> 00:13:56,935 and sports legends? 383 00:13:57,004 --> 00:13:58,214 'Cause that's who I'd pick. 384 00:13:58,271 --> 00:13:59,411 Check it out. 385 00:13:59,472 --> 00:14:00,242 Oh. We're just glad 386 00:14:00,307 --> 00:14:02,207 to have you Gundersons here in Tucson. 387 00:14:02,275 --> 00:14:03,605 Likewise. Looks like we're okay. 388 00:14:03,676 --> 00:14:04,506 So, we're all good? 389 00:14:04,577 --> 00:14:06,307 Absolutely. Yes. 390 00:14:06,379 --> 00:14:08,919 And we'll let Maggie make that call on Robby. 391 00:14:08,982 --> 00:14:09,952 It's her classroom. Okay. 392 00:14:10,017 --> 00:14:12,187 Right. Uh... So, uh... 393 00:14:12,252 --> 00:14:13,922 We're all good, right? No. 394 00:14:13,987 --> 00:14:14,847 I have a few more questions. 395 00:14:14,922 --> 00:14:16,262 How can you assure me that Robby-- 396 00:14:16,323 --> 00:14:17,693 Is this going to take more than one minute? 397 00:14:17,757 --> 00:14:18,987 What do you think? 398 00:14:19,059 --> 00:14:20,959 It's just, I have an urgent appointment off campus 399 00:14:21,028 --> 00:14:22,058 I have to get to. So, I'll tell you what. 400 00:14:22,129 --> 00:14:23,799 Why don't you and I finish this tonight? 401 00:14:23,863 --> 00:14:25,003 10:00? Drinks? Stallion Club? 402 00:14:25,065 --> 00:14:27,995 4:00. No drinks. In my classroom. 403 00:14:28,068 --> 00:14:30,268 If you're late, you're home-schooling Robby. 404 00:14:30,337 --> 00:14:31,397 Okay, sounds good, Maggie. 405 00:14:31,471 --> 00:14:32,871 Miss Morales is fine. 406 00:14:32,940 --> 00:14:34,370 Miss Morales. 407 00:14:34,441 --> 00:14:35,311 You little... 408 00:14:35,375 --> 00:14:36,905 What are you doing? Close the deal. 409 00:14:36,977 --> 00:14:38,077 Yeah. I will, at 4:00. 410 00:14:38,145 --> 00:14:40,205 But I'm much less persuasive if I'm dead. 411 00:14:42,315 --> 00:14:43,745 GARY: What's the deal, Ron? 412 00:14:43,816 --> 00:14:45,016 You want to know the deal? 413 00:14:45,085 --> 00:14:47,515 There. That's the King and Patriots collection. 414 00:14:47,587 --> 00:14:49,257 Worth two grand. 415 00:14:49,322 --> 00:14:51,522 Those are actually somewhere inside my Grandma Ethel's house. 416 00:14:51,591 --> 00:14:54,231 I got to find them and sell them, so I can pay back Tony. 417 00:14:54,294 --> 00:14:57,264 The, uh, nice gentleman you met with the baseball bat earlier. 418 00:14:57,330 --> 00:14:58,830 I still don't understand why you need us. 419 00:14:58,898 --> 00:15:00,828 Ah, she's got this weird thing 420 00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:02,100 about keeping them in the family, 421 00:15:02,169 --> 00:15:04,269 passing them down to the kids. 422 00:15:04,337 --> 00:15:06,007 I don't care if they're your kids. 423 00:15:06,073 --> 00:15:07,413 I don't care if they're Jerry's kids. 424 00:15:07,474 --> 00:15:08,914 They're not getting anywhere near 425 00:15:08,976 --> 00:15:10,136 those soldiers. 426 00:15:10,210 --> 00:15:10,980 Okay, but you said you wanted 427 00:15:11,044 --> 00:15:12,184 to keep them in the family. 428 00:15:12,245 --> 00:15:14,105 I also said I'm not a racist, 429 00:15:14,181 --> 00:15:16,051 but that doesn't make it true. 430 00:15:16,116 --> 00:15:18,216 (bird chirping) Oh, son of a bitch! 431 00:15:18,285 --> 00:15:21,715 Those damn squirrels are in my bird feeder again! 432 00:15:21,788 --> 00:15:23,818 (Ethel grumbling) Uh-huh. 433 00:15:23,890 --> 00:15:25,130 GARY: She's gone. 434 00:15:25,192 --> 00:15:26,792 Now, go find them. 435 00:15:26,859 --> 00:15:29,929 Oh, my God. Unbelievable. 436 00:15:29,997 --> 00:15:31,997 I got to find those soldiers or I'm dead. 437 00:15:32,065 --> 00:15:34,095 Keep him occupied, okay? 438 00:15:34,167 --> 00:15:35,937 What? He's got a bat! 439 00:15:36,003 --> 00:15:36,873 Well, then, find a ball! 440 00:15:36,936 --> 00:15:38,636 (pounding at door) 441 00:15:38,705 --> 00:15:41,165 Uh... Okay, that thing in the bus station bathroom. 442 00:15:41,241 --> 00:15:42,811 North Carolina? Oklahoma. 443 00:15:42,875 --> 00:15:44,275 On it. 444 00:15:44,344 --> 00:15:47,014 445 00:15:47,080 --> 00:15:48,380 What are you doing? Oklahoma! 446 00:15:48,448 --> 00:15:50,278 What? 447 00:15:58,391 --> 00:16:01,431 Oh, thank God. The doctor. What? 448 00:16:01,494 --> 00:16:03,534 We don't need a doctor! We need a priest! 449 00:16:03,596 --> 00:16:06,166 We are not letting her die, Gary! Come here! 450 00:16:09,669 --> 00:16:10,739 Oh! 451 00:16:22,515 --> 00:16:24,275 You have to save Grandma! I think she's dying! 452 00:16:24,351 --> 00:16:25,821 Let her die with dignity! 453 00:16:25,885 --> 00:16:27,145 You took an oath! What? 454 00:16:27,220 --> 00:16:28,990 Look around. Is this any kind of life? 455 00:16:29,056 --> 00:16:30,656 Okay. Enough! 456 00:16:30,723 --> 00:16:31,823 Okay, she's ready now. 457 00:16:31,891 --> 00:16:33,531 What? Uh... 458 00:16:33,593 --> 00:16:34,633 What am I doing? 459 00:16:34,694 --> 00:16:35,864 We can't play God. 460 00:16:35,928 --> 00:16:37,228 Get in there and help the poor woman. 461 00:16:39,432 --> 00:16:40,702 (snapping) 462 00:16:40,767 --> 00:16:42,237 Oh! 463 00:16:42,302 --> 00:16:42,772 Ah! 464 00:16:42,835 --> 00:16:44,795 (grunting) 465 00:16:44,871 --> 00:16:46,911 No. No, no, no! (shouts) 466 00:16:46,973 --> 00:16:49,013 (groaning, screams) 467 00:16:49,076 --> 00:16:50,806 Oh. Oh. 468 00:16:50,877 --> 00:16:54,007 Oh, Ethel. 469 00:16:58,351 --> 00:16:59,391 (gasps) 470 00:16:59,452 --> 00:17:01,352 Oh, no. 471 00:17:01,421 --> 00:17:04,221 472 00:17:25,945 --> 00:17:28,115 Oops. 473 00:17:28,181 --> 00:17:29,081 Play time's over, boys. 474 00:17:29,149 --> 00:17:30,179 Where is he? 475 00:17:30,250 --> 00:17:31,420 Let's just tell him. Gary. 476 00:17:31,484 --> 00:17:34,024 No, really. We don't owe him anything. 477 00:17:34,087 --> 00:17:36,117 He's in the basement. 478 00:17:38,925 --> 00:17:40,055 (crashing, Ron groans) 479 00:17:40,127 --> 00:17:41,427 I found them. 480 00:17:41,494 --> 00:17:43,304 Ron. I'm going to rip you... 481 00:17:44,597 --> 00:17:46,127 Oh.... 482 00:17:46,199 --> 00:17:47,569 Now, you guys get his pants off, 483 00:17:47,634 --> 00:17:49,404 and I'll go pick out the right wig. 484 00:17:54,374 --> 00:17:55,944 Uh, I can't believe she actually-- 485 00:17:56,008 --> 00:17:59,148 We agreed not to talk about it. Just get us to school, please. 486 00:18:03,015 --> 00:18:04,415 Hey. 487 00:18:04,484 --> 00:18:06,494 No, no! 488 00:18:06,553 --> 00:18:08,323 No, no, no! 489 00:18:08,388 --> 00:18:10,088 N-n-- 490 00:18:10,157 --> 00:18:12,957 Wow. What is that, a word castle? 491 00:18:13,025 --> 00:18:15,195 Look at that. That is very creative. 492 00:18:15,262 --> 00:18:16,762 You missed your chance. I'm busy. 493 00:18:16,829 --> 00:18:18,769 Aww. What are you doing? 494 00:18:18,831 --> 00:18:21,801 I'm transcribing the history of papier-mâché. 495 00:18:21,868 --> 00:18:22,798 The printer doesn't work. 496 00:18:22,869 --> 00:18:24,199 I thought that was a microwave. 497 00:18:25,638 --> 00:18:27,268 I told you 4:00. 498 00:18:27,340 --> 00:18:28,540 I know, I know, I know. 499 00:18:28,608 --> 00:18:29,778 Listen. Um... (clears throat) 500 00:18:29,842 --> 00:18:33,112 I'm going to be totally honest with you right now, okay? 501 00:18:33,180 --> 00:18:35,220 I was saving a man's life this afternoon. 502 00:18:35,282 --> 00:18:36,652 I'm finishing this, 503 00:18:36,716 --> 00:18:38,586 and then I need to get my car out of the impound. 504 00:18:38,651 --> 00:18:39,591 Impound? Listen. 505 00:18:39,652 --> 00:18:41,592 Why don't you wait until tomorrow. I can help you 506 00:18:41,654 --> 00:18:43,564 because I know Carlos down there really well. 507 00:18:43,623 --> 00:18:44,463 No, no. 508 00:18:44,524 --> 00:18:46,734 I promised myself I'd get it done today. 509 00:18:46,793 --> 00:18:47,863 It's been there 510 00:18:47,927 --> 00:18:50,257 for two weeks, and I just need to deal with it. 511 00:18:50,330 --> 00:18:51,960 I'm tired of Rollerblading to school. 512 00:18:52,031 --> 00:18:53,131 The kids make fun of me. 513 00:18:53,200 --> 00:18:55,640 Yeah, I can see that. Look, I get it, I get it. 514 00:18:55,702 --> 00:18:57,602 You know, you're overworked, you're underappreciated. 515 00:18:57,670 --> 00:18:59,740 You're thinking, "What's one more kid, you know?" 516 00:18:59,806 --> 00:19:00,906 You can't save them all. 517 00:19:00,973 --> 00:19:03,313 So what? Robby turns to a life of crime in the streets. 518 00:19:03,376 --> 00:19:05,006 Odds are, he's not gonna rob your house. 519 00:19:05,077 --> 00:19:06,977 I'm a teacher. I don't have a house. 520 00:19:07,046 --> 00:19:08,346 All right, all right. Look, hey. 521 00:19:08,415 --> 00:19:10,375 What if I solve your printer problem? Then can Robby stay? 522 00:19:11,951 --> 00:19:14,221 Come on, please. 523 00:19:14,287 --> 00:19:17,357 Fine. Deal. 524 00:19:17,424 --> 00:19:19,894 There is no way you're gonna get that printer fixed, though. 525 00:19:19,959 --> 00:19:20,959 Oh, no, no, no. 526 00:19:21,027 --> 00:19:22,927 I'm not going to fix it. 527 00:19:22,995 --> 00:19:24,595 You're right, Ron. 528 00:19:24,664 --> 00:19:26,904 I should just man up and tell my boys I love them. 529 00:19:26,966 --> 00:19:28,396 Mm-hmm. 530 00:19:28,468 --> 00:19:29,598 You will thank yourself for it, Johnny. 531 00:19:29,669 --> 00:19:30,999 And do not forget to journal it. 532 00:19:31,070 --> 00:19:32,610 Okay? 533 00:19:32,672 --> 00:19:35,072 And again, I am, I am just so sorry 534 00:19:35,141 --> 00:19:37,081 about the printer, Maggie. It's a disgrace. 535 00:19:37,143 --> 00:19:39,213 Just don't let the other teachers know 536 00:19:39,279 --> 00:19:41,179 I let you have mine. 537 00:19:41,981 --> 00:19:43,881 (clears throat) 538 00:19:45,151 --> 00:19:47,191 So, um... 539 00:19:47,254 --> 00:19:48,924 Robby can start tomorrow, Ms. Morales? 540 00:19:48,988 --> 00:19:51,088 Maggie's fine. 541 00:19:51,157 --> 00:19:53,287 Oh. Well, that's a new progression. 542 00:19:58,365 --> 00:19:59,695 I'll get that. 543 00:20:03,236 --> 00:20:06,066 Mmm! This is a good day, huh? 544 00:20:06,138 --> 00:20:08,278 So, what's on the schedule for mañana? 545 00:20:08,341 --> 00:20:09,611 Well, we'll be going to school. 546 00:20:09,676 --> 00:20:11,376 You'll be eating dashboard bacon. 547 00:20:11,444 --> 00:20:12,754 Hey, you know, actually, 548 00:20:12,812 --> 00:20:14,452 I think we work pretty well together, don't you? 549 00:20:14,514 --> 00:20:15,924 I was thinking maybe we should make this 550 00:20:15,982 --> 00:20:17,252 a bit more of a regular gig. 551 00:20:17,317 --> 00:20:18,917 That's a pretty big step, Ron. 552 00:20:18,985 --> 00:20:19,845 And you're kind of annoying. 553 00:20:19,919 --> 00:20:21,189 You're kind of annoying! 554 00:20:21,254 --> 00:20:23,464 See? You're acting like a child, okay? 555 00:20:23,523 --> 00:20:25,493 You guys, you're gonna need me a lot more than you think. 556 00:20:25,558 --> 00:20:27,788 What if you need a doctor's note for school? 557 00:20:27,860 --> 00:20:29,200 Or a ride to the mall? 558 00:20:29,262 --> 00:20:30,562 Plus, I can buy beer. 559 00:20:30,630 --> 00:20:33,030 Not-not-not that you should be drinking. 560 00:20:33,099 --> 00:20:33,869 You should not be drinking. 561 00:20:33,933 --> 00:20:36,573 Although it can be fun sometimes, you know. 562 00:20:36,636 --> 00:20:38,866 But you'll do, you'll do regrettable things. Don't drink. 563 00:20:38,938 --> 00:20:40,408 That's what I'm getting at. Don't drink 564 00:20:40,473 --> 00:20:43,183 Plus, don't forget your teacher and your principal 565 00:20:43,242 --> 00:20:44,312 both think I'm your dad. 566 00:20:44,377 --> 00:20:46,147 What's your offer? And make it short. 567 00:20:46,212 --> 00:20:48,322 Okay. I make myself available to you 568 00:20:48,381 --> 00:20:49,921 whenever you need me for 500 bucks a week 569 00:20:49,982 --> 00:20:51,282 plus a room in the house. 570 00:20:51,351 --> 00:20:53,191 We can't afford that. We'll find somebody else 571 00:20:53,252 --> 00:20:54,992 when we need a dad. 572 00:20:55,054 --> 00:20:57,864 Okay. Fine. 573 00:21:00,159 --> 00:21:01,459 All right. $300 a week. 574 00:21:01,528 --> 00:21:02,628 But you stay out of our hair. 575 00:21:02,695 --> 00:21:03,955 Yeah! Okay. 576 00:21:04,030 --> 00:21:07,270 Got it. Oh, wow. Wow. 577 00:21:07,334 --> 00:21:08,644 Yeah, this is good. 578 00:21:08,701 --> 00:21:10,001 You guys won't even know I'm here. 579 00:21:10,069 --> 00:21:11,839 I promise, you know? I might snore a little bit. 580 00:21:11,904 --> 00:21:14,444 But if I do, just chuck a shoe at my head or something. 581 00:21:14,507 --> 00:21:16,707 You know? Although, that might trigger the night rages. 582 00:21:16,776 --> 00:21:19,176 We'll work it out. It's fine. Wow. 583 00:21:19,245 --> 00:21:20,275 Is that a 50-inch flat screen? 584 00:21:20,347 --> 00:21:22,147 Yeah. 585 00:21:22,214 --> 00:21:23,424 We've got 500 channels, 586 00:21:23,483 --> 00:21:24,983 a full sports package and all the premiums. 587 00:21:25,051 --> 00:21:26,291 Sweet. 588 00:21:26,353 --> 00:21:28,123 Yeah, but you probably won't see it from there. 589 00:21:28,187 --> 00:21:29,987 From what? What's that? 590 00:21:30,056 --> 00:21:32,486 It's the tool shed. It's where you'll be living. 591 00:21:40,500 --> 00:21:43,400 (rattlesnake rattling) Oh, come on! 592 00:21:45,004 --> 00:21:46,214 We need you. 593 00:21:46,272 --> 00:21:47,172 Sorry. I'm actually 594 00:21:47,239 --> 00:21:48,639 off the clock right now, so... 595 00:21:48,708 --> 00:21:50,308 You said, "whenever we need you." 596 00:21:50,377 --> 00:21:52,007 I did. 597 00:21:52,078 --> 00:21:53,408 Okay. All right. Fine. 598 00:21:53,480 --> 00:21:54,950 I didn't do it. I didn't do it. 599 00:21:56,015 --> 00:21:57,515 Ah, I see. 600 00:21:58,351 --> 00:22:00,851 Okay. Uh... 601 00:22:00,920 --> 00:22:02,990 Ah, there we go. 602 00:22:03,055 --> 00:22:06,025 All right. Close your eyes and tilt your head to the right. 603 00:22:07,093 --> 00:22:08,363 (glass shatters) GARY: Ron! 604 00:22:08,428 --> 00:22:09,828 RON: Did it work? I wasn't looking. 42370

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