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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:56,230 --> 00:00:57,840 MAN: I don't know what the fuck is going on 2 00:00:57,883 --> 00:00:59,537 in this country, man! 3 00:00:59,581 --> 00:01:01,974 Every day I turn on the TV, 4 00:01:02,018 --> 00:01:05,804 and I see these fucking freaks marching for their rights! 5 00:01:07,763 --> 00:01:09,417 What about our rights? 6 00:01:11,158 --> 00:01:13,638 This is our time to show the world 7 00:01:13,682 --> 00:01:15,684 that we are not just an online movement! 8 00:01:17,599 --> 00:01:18,774 We're growing physically! 9 00:01:18,817 --> 00:01:21,385 This is our time to assert ourselves 10 00:01:21,429 --> 00:01:23,431 as the true voice of America! 11 00:01:23,474 --> 00:01:25,650 MEN: Yeah! 12 00:01:25,694 --> 00:01:26,999 Yes, let's do that! 13 00:01:27,043 --> 00:01:29,567 MAN: Now, you may have noticed 14 00:01:29,611 --> 00:01:31,830 that our friend Aryan Grande 15 00:01:31,874 --> 00:01:33,484 has brought in a new recruit. 16 00:01:33,528 --> 00:01:36,183 FucktheJews82. Welcome, brother! 17 00:01:36,226 --> 00:01:38,098 ALL: Yeah! 18 00:01:39,186 --> 00:01:41,231 Hi. Heil. Heil,everybody. 19 00:01:41,275 --> 00:01:43,146 White power. Obviously. 20 00:01:43,190 --> 00:01:46,193 Been a big fan of you guys for a while. 21 00:01:46,236 --> 00:01:47,716 Since World War II, really. 22 00:01:47,759 --> 00:01:51,546 That's when you made your big entrance, on the scene. 23 00:01:51,589 --> 00:01:55,027 And, uh... Yeah. Just, um, in closing... 24 00:01:56,159 --> 00:01:58,205 Fuck the Jews!ALL: Yeah! 25 00:01:58,248 --> 00:02:00,294 Welcome! 26 00:02:02,296 --> 00:02:03,471 Let's fucking party! 27 00:02:13,220 --> 00:02:15,918 So you guys are, like, pretty active on social media, right? 28 00:02:15,961 --> 00:02:17,398 MEN: Yeah. 29 00:02:17,441 --> 00:02:19,139 How many times a day would you say you tweet on average? 30 00:02:19,182 --> 00:02:21,619 Hey, FTJ!FRED: Yo! 31 00:02:21,663 --> 00:02:24,056 You said you wanted a swastika tattoo. 32 00:02:24,100 --> 00:02:25,232 Now's your chance. 33 00:02:26,668 --> 00:02:28,931 Yeah, you know, I've been thinking about it. I'm cool. 34 00:02:28,974 --> 00:02:31,542 Come on, man. We all got 'em! 35 00:02:38,854 --> 00:02:40,377 You guys want me to get a swastika tattoo? 36 00:02:40,421 --> 00:02:41,900 MEN: Yeah! 37 00:02:41,944 --> 00:02:43,685 I will get a swastika tattoo. 38 00:02:44,294 --> 00:02:45,774 Um... 39 00:02:45,817 --> 00:02:47,036 Yeah. 40 00:02:49,517 --> 00:02:51,736 Hey, take over, man. I got to take a piss. 41 00:02:53,651 --> 00:02:55,218 Super cool, guys. Thank you for this. 42 00:02:55,262 --> 00:02:56,480 This is really exciting. 43 00:02:57,699 --> 00:02:59,918 All right, here we go! 44 00:03:01,268 --> 00:03:03,444 Ooh, right! Yeah! 45 00:03:03,487 --> 00:03:05,054 That hurt? 46 00:03:05,097 --> 00:03:07,099 On many levels. Yes. 47 00:03:08,797 --> 00:03:09,885 Fuck! 48 00:03:10,668 --> 00:03:12,888 Hey! This you? 49 00:03:14,063 --> 00:03:15,673 You're a journalist? 50 00:03:16,674 --> 00:03:18,285 Yeah! 51 00:03:18,328 --> 00:03:20,504 We all got to be fucking journalists in this day and age, 52 00:03:20,548 --> 00:03:23,420 mainstream media not covering our side of the story! 53 00:03:23,464 --> 00:03:25,466 His name is Fred Flarsky. 54 00:03:25,509 --> 00:03:27,207 He writes for the Brooklyn Advocate. 55 00:03:27,250 --> 00:03:29,774 He's a fucking Jew!What? 56 00:03:29,818 --> 00:03:32,342 Look, look, look. Okay, okay, okay. Hey! 57 00:03:34,779 --> 00:03:35,867 What are you doing here? 58 00:03:35,911 --> 00:03:37,173 You're here to fucking embarrass us, huh? 59 00:03:37,217 --> 00:03:39,131 Who sent you? No one sent me! 60 00:03:39,175 --> 00:03:40,829 It's okay. I'm... I'm... 61 00:03:40,872 --> 00:03:43,484 He's been recording us the whole time! 62 00:03:43,527 --> 00:03:46,138 Fucking shit, man! You infiltrated our group! 63 00:03:46,182 --> 00:03:48,010 You're gonna fucking die! 64 00:03:48,053 --> 00:03:49,185 How do you turn this thing off? 65 00:03:49,229 --> 00:03:50,708 The fucking red button, right there, man! 66 00:03:57,802 --> 00:03:59,413 Holy shit! 67 00:04:05,984 --> 00:04:09,292 Yeah! 68 00:04:09,336 --> 00:04:11,773 Not only did I escape... 69 00:04:13,296 --> 00:04:15,298 I held onto my phone! 70 00:04:15,342 --> 00:04:17,387 Yes! Ow! 71 00:04:19,911 --> 00:04:21,565 I trusted you, man! 72 00:04:21,609 --> 00:04:23,306 Yeah, well... 73 00:04:23,350 --> 00:04:25,917 Jews win this round, motherfucker! 74 00:04:26,614 --> 00:04:28,920 Peace! Ow. 75 00:04:28,964 --> 00:04:30,400 NEWSCASTER: Tonight onWembley News, 76 00:04:30,444 --> 00:04:32,707 we take an in-depth look at Charlotte Field, 77 00:04:32,750 --> 00:04:35,449 a Rhodes Scholar, a Pulitzer winner, 78 00:04:35,492 --> 00:04:38,321 and protege of President Chambers, 79 00:04:38,365 --> 00:04:40,192 who tapped Field two years ago 80 00:04:40,236 --> 00:04:42,499 to be the youngest secretary of state 81 00:04:42,543 --> 00:04:44,022 in the history of this nation. 82 00:04:44,066 --> 00:04:46,329 And honestly, looking hotter than usual. 83 00:04:46,373 --> 00:04:48,331 Now, people are gonna say that's sexist, 84 00:04:48,375 --> 00:04:50,333 but, she's just hot! 85 00:04:50,377 --> 00:04:51,682 NEWSCASTER 2: You know, when we talk about women in this way, 86 00:04:51,726 --> 00:04:53,336 it is because we respect them so much, 87 00:04:53,380 --> 00:04:54,903 and we start with their body. 88 00:04:54,946 --> 00:04:56,557 You two are terrible. 89 00:05:00,474 --> 00:05:02,302 Good night, Steven.Good night, Madam Secretary. 90 00:05:06,741 --> 00:05:08,612 Sorry for the late call, Mr. Foreign Minister. 91 00:05:08,656 --> 00:05:09,744 Long day. 92 00:05:09,787 --> 00:05:11,354 Three bilaterals. 93 00:05:11,398 --> 00:05:14,052 Listen, we're not going to be able to do it. 94 00:05:14,096 --> 00:05:16,359 There's just not enough traction around this thing. 95 00:05:16,403 --> 00:05:19,362 I believe in it, it's just... I don't have Congress support. 96 00:05:19,406 --> 00:05:20,972 I don't have the American people's support. 97 00:05:21,016 --> 00:05:23,061 I know you and I don't like it, Chuck, 98 00:05:23,105 --> 00:05:24,715 but you know who likes it? 99 00:05:24,759 --> 00:05:28,023 88% of college-educated Americans over 45. 100 00:05:28,066 --> 00:05:29,459 Likely voters. 101 00:05:29,503 --> 00:05:31,853 That's Gallup. We have to make this happen. 102 00:06:07,062 --> 00:06:10,326 Well, I wouldn't call the president inexperienced. 103 00:06:10,370 --> 00:06:11,762 I mean, he did play a president 104 00:06:11,806 --> 00:06:15,549 on a very popular television show for over a decade. 105 00:06:15,592 --> 00:06:17,855 You don't get six Golden Globe nominations 106 00:06:17,899 --> 00:06:19,988 without being pretty convincing. 107 00:06:20,031 --> 00:06:22,425 Um, I do think I'm funny. 108 00:06:22,469 --> 00:06:24,427 I'm sorry, I thought this interview was about 109 00:06:24,471 --> 00:06:26,734 promoting democracy in Eastern Europe. 110 00:06:26,777 --> 00:06:28,475 All right, next one's BBC. 111 00:06:28,518 --> 00:06:29,954 Would you be asking a male cabinet member 112 00:06:29,998 --> 00:06:31,565 what products they use in their hair? 113 00:06:32,348 --> 00:06:33,871 I'm just kidding. 114 00:06:33,915 --> 00:06:36,396 No, it's olive oil and mayonnaise. 115 00:06:36,439 --> 00:06:38,702 I know. So cheap. So much shine. 116 00:06:41,749 --> 00:06:43,620 Good morning, Mr. President. 117 00:06:43,664 --> 00:06:45,317 Good morning, Mr. President. 118 00:06:46,754 --> 00:06:49,191 Good morning, Mr. President. 119 00:06:49,234 --> 00:06:51,106 Good morning, Mr. President. 120 00:06:51,149 --> 00:06:52,586 Oh, hey, Charlotte. 121 00:06:52,629 --> 00:06:55,676 You caught me watching my show. 122 00:06:55,719 --> 00:06:58,592 Mr. President. We still recommend Option C. 123 00:06:58,635 --> 00:07:01,595 I am not nuking a tsunami! 124 00:07:01,638 --> 00:07:03,771 Oh, here it is. 125 00:07:03,814 --> 00:07:05,425 Not now... 126 00:07:05,468 --> 00:07:07,035 Not today. 127 00:07:07,078 --> 00:07:08,558 Not in my house. 128 00:07:08,602 --> 00:07:10,865 Yes! I love that! 129 00:07:10,908 --> 00:07:12,693 Oh, me too. 130 00:07:12,736 --> 00:07:14,782 Anyway, that's not why I called you here. 131 00:07:17,001 --> 00:07:18,307 Charlotte. 132 00:07:18,742 --> 00:07:20,048 Yes, sir? 133 00:07:20,091 --> 00:07:22,746 I will not be seeking reelection. 134 00:07:22,790 --> 00:07:24,139 Really? 135 00:07:24,182 --> 00:07:25,836 Look, I know it's crazy, 136 00:07:25,880 --> 00:07:27,882 because I'm only halfway through my first term. 137 00:07:27,925 --> 00:07:30,972 And you're incredibly popular, sir. 138 00:07:31,015 --> 00:07:33,104 And I want to use that popularity 139 00:07:33,148 --> 00:07:36,499 to transition into something 140 00:07:36,543 --> 00:07:38,980 more prestigious than the presidency. 141 00:07:40,285 --> 00:07:42,897 I wanna make it in the movies. 142 00:07:42,940 --> 00:07:46,117 You're going to leave 143 00:07:46,161 --> 00:07:48,772 the Presidency to go be in movies? 144 00:07:48,816 --> 00:07:51,079 I know. It's gonna be tough.Ah... 145 00:07:51,122 --> 00:07:53,647 Only like, 10 guys have made that jump 146 00:07:53,690 --> 00:07:55,562 from TV to film. 147 00:07:55,605 --> 00:07:58,216 Woody Harrelson, George Clooney... 148 00:07:58,260 --> 00:07:59,827 Might be... Might be just two. 149 00:07:59,870 --> 00:08:03,308 I... Mr. President, have you 150 00:08:03,352 --> 00:08:07,138 given any consideration as to whom you might endorse? 151 00:08:07,182 --> 00:08:09,227 I'm sure you're probably thinking of McNichol 152 00:08:09,271 --> 00:08:12,709 or Crowly. Strong choices. 153 00:08:12,753 --> 00:08:16,539 So strange, because I was considering a run in 2024. 154 00:08:17,540 --> 00:08:18,933 And I've been vetted. 155 00:08:19,586 --> 00:08:21,501 So that's all done. 156 00:08:21,544 --> 00:08:24,808 And I can't stop thinking about what... 157 00:08:26,114 --> 00:08:28,116 What it would do for your legacy 158 00:08:29,291 --> 00:08:31,336 to endorse the first female president. 159 00:08:33,208 --> 00:08:34,775 I mean... Wow. 160 00:08:35,340 --> 00:08:36,341 That's a legacy. 161 00:08:39,736 --> 00:08:40,998 Charlotte?Hmm? 162 00:08:41,042 --> 00:08:43,348 I would like to endorse you 163 00:08:43,392 --> 00:08:45,873 to be the next president of the United States. 164 00:08:47,918 --> 00:08:51,574 I mean, if you think that's a good idea, sir, I trust you. 165 00:08:51,618 --> 00:08:54,446 I'd... I'd be honored. 166 00:08:54,490 --> 00:08:58,363 I'm gonna be pulling for Team Charlotte. Right? 167 00:08:58,407 --> 00:09:00,322 Because you've been a great secretary. 168 00:09:00,931 --> 00:09:02,150 ...of state. 169 00:09:02,193 --> 00:09:04,544 Whatever. It's a cool job. 170 00:09:04,587 --> 00:09:06,720 And, um, you've done it well. 171 00:09:06,763 --> 00:09:09,374 Thank you, sir.So stay focused. 172 00:09:09,418 --> 00:09:10,767 Don't make any major screw-ups. 173 00:09:10,811 --> 00:09:12,116 Don't kill any hookers. 174 00:09:12,160 --> 00:09:13,509 Probably not a problem for you. 175 00:09:13,553 --> 00:09:14,989 I don't know what you're into. Whatever. 176 00:09:15,032 --> 00:09:16,817 And before you know it... 177 00:09:19,907 --> 00:09:21,038 I like the sound of that. 178 00:09:21,082 --> 00:09:23,301 ♪ Hey, here she comes 179 00:09:23,345 --> 00:09:25,216 ♪ It's the first lady president 180 00:09:25,260 --> 00:09:27,871 ♪ Who can believe that she's actually a woman 181 00:09:27,915 --> 00:09:29,569 Thank you, sir. 182 00:09:29,612 --> 00:09:34,269 ♪ She's got a big brain And a couple other assets ♪ 183 00:09:36,880 --> 00:09:37,925 TOUR GUIDE: Oh, and here we see 184 00:09:37,968 --> 00:09:39,666 Secretary of State Charlotte Field. 185 00:09:39,709 --> 00:09:40,971 Good morning. 186 00:09:42,407 --> 00:09:43,583 Yes! 187 00:09:47,674 --> 00:09:50,546 So the headline is, "You're in great shape." 188 00:09:50,590 --> 00:09:53,114 Ninety-two, that's good.Really good. 189 00:09:53,157 --> 00:09:54,724 Yeah.KATHERINE: And now, keep in mind 190 00:09:54,768 --> 00:09:57,422 that these are numbers for a female candidate. 191 00:09:57,466 --> 00:10:00,643 If you were a man, you'd be in the 192nd percentile. 192 00:10:00,687 --> 00:10:02,863 Well, that seems about right.Yeah. 193 00:10:02,906 --> 00:10:04,995 'Cause the man... Okay. 194 00:10:05,039 --> 00:10:08,042 Um, your sense of humor is 82, 195 00:10:08,085 --> 00:10:10,392 which is solid. It's solid. 196 00:10:10,435 --> 00:10:12,524 But, you know, we wouldn't mind seeing those numbers 197 00:10:12,568 --> 00:10:14,701 go up a few points, or more. 198 00:10:14,744 --> 00:10:16,964 So, I'm going to get some writing samples from 199 00:10:17,007 --> 00:10:18,661 some funny speech writers.Great. 200 00:10:18,705 --> 00:10:21,795 I am really interested in knowing how people feel 201 00:10:21,838 --> 00:10:23,710 about my accomplishments.Yeah. 202 00:10:23,753 --> 00:10:25,537 Right. You know, so we don't 203 00:10:25,581 --> 00:10:29,541 drill down on specific policies. 204 00:10:29,585 --> 00:10:32,675 And that's only because people don't seem to care. 205 00:10:32,719 --> 00:10:33,894 That's interesting. 206 00:10:33,937 --> 00:10:37,375 With that said, if you could broker some deal 207 00:10:37,419 --> 00:10:38,768 that gets you out there talking 208 00:10:38,812 --> 00:10:40,248 about a thing that you feel 209 00:10:40,291 --> 00:10:42,424 really strongly about, that would be great. 210 00:10:42,467 --> 00:10:43,643 CHARLOTTE: Well, that's perfect. 211 00:10:43,686 --> 00:10:45,470 I mean, we've been looking for an opening 212 00:10:45,514 --> 00:10:47,429 to start a conversation about the environment. 213 00:10:48,169 --> 00:10:50,693 All right. 214 00:10:50,737 --> 00:10:53,696 Romantically, if I may... 215 00:10:53,740 --> 00:10:56,699 Remember the stir online 216 00:10:56,743 --> 00:10:59,180 when the Canadian Prime Minister and you 217 00:10:59,223 --> 00:11:01,051 were seated next to each other 218 00:11:01,095 --> 00:11:02,705 at The Global Business Forum? 219 00:11:02,749 --> 00:11:03,924 Mmm-hmm. 220 00:11:03,967 --> 00:11:06,100 A relationship like that 221 00:11:06,143 --> 00:11:08,842 would push you into the high 90s. 222 00:11:09,407 --> 00:11:11,888 High 90s? Wow. 223 00:11:11,932 --> 00:11:13,368 KATHERINE: That brings us to... 224 00:11:17,024 --> 00:11:18,895 CHARLOTTE: What's wrong with my wave? 225 00:11:18,939 --> 00:11:20,897 Um, I think people feel that 226 00:11:20,941 --> 00:11:23,944 that level of elbow movement is, um... 227 00:11:23,987 --> 00:11:25,597 It stresses people out. 228 00:11:25,641 --> 00:11:28,600 You know what? It's just an area for improvement. 229 00:11:28,644 --> 00:11:30,298 Okay, fine, I'll work on the wave. 230 00:11:34,650 --> 00:11:36,130 Hey.BOSS: Hey, Fred. 231 00:11:36,173 --> 00:11:38,785 You're gonna love this. I almost died. 232 00:11:39,350 --> 00:11:40,787 You got a second? 233 00:11:40,830 --> 00:11:43,659 Yeah.Come on. 234 00:11:43,703 --> 00:11:46,009 I actually have some really great news. 235 00:11:46,053 --> 00:11:48,229 Really? Cool.Yes. 236 00:11:48,272 --> 00:11:50,666 We were just bought by Wembley Media. 237 00:11:50,710 --> 00:11:52,624 What?Yeah. 238 00:11:52,668 --> 00:11:53,800 Are you fucking kidding me? 239 00:11:53,843 --> 00:11:54,801 I knew you'd have a harsh reaction... 240 00:11:54,844 --> 00:11:56,019 A harsh reaction? 241 00:11:56,063 --> 00:11:57,586 Fred, this is a good thing.How? 242 00:11:57,629 --> 00:11:59,066 The fucker represents everything 243 00:11:59,109 --> 00:12:00,981 that we've been fighting against since day one! 244 00:12:01,024 --> 00:12:03,548 The whole point of this paper is to fight giant media conglomerates. 245 00:12:03,592 --> 00:12:05,289 Now we've been bought by a giant media conglomerate. 246 00:12:05,333 --> 00:12:07,639 I do see the irony.Irony? 247 00:12:07,683 --> 00:12:10,207 He's gonna turn this place into a propaganda machine. 248 00:12:10,251 --> 00:12:12,035 Not the good kind, that's right! 249 00:12:12,079 --> 00:12:13,776 The bad kind, that's wrong! 250 00:12:13,820 --> 00:12:15,256 Well, we're out of options. 251 00:12:15,299 --> 00:12:16,910 We've been running as long as we can 252 00:12:16,953 --> 00:12:19,434 on ads for weed doctors and escorts. 253 00:12:19,477 --> 00:12:21,566 Let's get penis enlargement ads, too. 254 00:12:21,610 --> 00:12:22,872 No one likes their dick. 255 00:12:22,916 --> 00:12:24,831 Come on, Fred.This Wembley guy, 256 00:12:24,874 --> 00:12:27,529 he ran fake stories to help get Chambers elected. 257 00:12:27,572 --> 00:12:28,791 No, they couldn't prove that. 258 00:12:28,835 --> 00:12:30,750 We proved it! I wrote three articles about it! 259 00:12:30,793 --> 00:12:32,621 You published them!I did. 260 00:12:32,664 --> 00:12:35,232 The shit that comes out of this fucking guy's mouth... 261 00:12:35,276 --> 00:12:37,844 He said hurricanes were caused by gay marriage. 262 00:12:37,887 --> 00:12:39,628 I don't even get how that fucking works. 263 00:12:39,671 --> 00:12:41,108 I don't even get the math on that one. 264 00:12:41,151 --> 00:12:43,197 Fred, it's done, all right?It's done? 265 00:12:43,240 --> 00:12:46,809 They're upstairs finalizing the deal right now. 266 00:12:46,853 --> 00:12:49,507 Look, we have to cut two-thirds of our staff. 267 00:12:49,551 --> 00:12:51,553 Two-thirds?Yeah. 268 00:12:51,596 --> 00:12:53,816 But we wanna keep you on. They wanna keep you on. 269 00:12:53,860 --> 00:12:55,339 It's just... 270 00:12:55,383 --> 00:12:57,211 You just have to tone it down a little bit. 271 00:12:57,254 --> 00:12:58,821 I don't know how I can tone things down 272 00:12:58,865 --> 00:13:00,388 any more than I'm toning them down. 273 00:13:00,431 --> 00:13:02,390 Okay, Fred. You're a great writer. 274 00:13:02,433 --> 00:13:03,608 Thank you.All right, you're funny, 275 00:13:03,652 --> 00:13:05,219 you take risks, you connect with people. 276 00:13:05,262 --> 00:13:06,568 I'm sensing a twist in this. 277 00:13:06,611 --> 00:13:08,613 You have a distinct, authentic voice, but... 278 00:13:09,789 --> 00:13:11,573 Sometimes you're a little too much. 279 00:13:11,616 --> 00:13:12,922 I don't think I am too much! 280 00:13:12,966 --> 00:13:14,968 I actually think I'm the perfect right portion. 281 00:13:15,011 --> 00:13:16,621 Look, you have your job. 282 00:13:16,665 --> 00:13:19,407 Okay, focus on that and just toe the line a little bit. 283 00:13:19,450 --> 00:13:20,887 You know what? I quit. 284 00:13:20,930 --> 00:13:22,366 Oh, come on, Fred. 285 00:13:22,410 --> 00:13:24,064 You should quit, too. Everyone should fucking quit. 286 00:13:24,107 --> 00:13:25,979 No, I'm not gonna quit, I need my job. 287 00:13:26,022 --> 00:13:28,111 I need my fucking job, too. I'm broke, man! 288 00:13:28,155 --> 00:13:29,634 But I can't work for that guy. 289 00:13:29,678 --> 00:13:31,854 At least let me fire you so you can get unemployment. 290 00:13:31,898 --> 00:13:33,943 No fucking way! 291 00:13:33,987 --> 00:13:36,119 I want him to know that I quit. 292 00:13:36,163 --> 00:13:38,556 He's never gonna know it, he's never heard of you. 293 00:13:38,600 --> 00:13:40,994 You're gonna destroy your life to spite a guy who's never heard of you? 294 00:13:41,037 --> 00:13:42,734 Yes! You said it best! 295 00:13:42,778 --> 00:13:44,258 That's exactly what I'm doing. 296 00:13:44,301 --> 00:13:46,695 You're making bad decisions and it's bumming me out, man. 297 00:13:46,738 --> 00:13:48,001 Well, that makes two of us. 298 00:13:48,044 --> 00:13:51,743 Fuck this. Journalism died today, people. 299 00:13:51,787 --> 00:13:54,703 Yes, hello, this is, uh, Fred Flarsky. 300 00:13:54,746 --> 00:13:56,618 Um... I, uh, 301 00:13:56,661 --> 00:13:58,054 was just calling to say that I was forced 302 00:13:58,098 --> 00:13:59,403 to quit my job recently, 303 00:13:59,447 --> 00:14:01,014 making me something of a free agent. 304 00:14:01,057 --> 00:14:02,754 And I know in the past, uh, 305 00:14:02,798 --> 00:14:05,366 you said I'm not exactly whatThe Times was looking for, 306 00:14:05,409 --> 00:14:07,934 but I was just calling to see if anything's changed. 307 00:14:07,977 --> 00:14:10,110 Uh, just give me a ring. Thank you so much. 308 00:14:10,153 --> 00:14:12,416 Yo, Lance. It's Fred. Um... 309 00:14:14,070 --> 00:14:15,419 I lost my job and I'm very sad. 310 00:14:15,463 --> 00:14:16,899 Can I come by? 311 00:14:22,383 --> 00:14:23,688 LANCE: We need to schedule a meeting 312 00:14:23,732 --> 00:14:25,690 and see what they have to say. 313 00:14:25,734 --> 00:14:27,127 Excuse me. 314 00:14:28,345 --> 00:14:31,044 Man, I can't believe they did you like that. 315 00:14:31,087 --> 00:14:32,872 It's fucked up. I'm pissed. 316 00:14:32,915 --> 00:14:34,786 But you're gonna feel a lot better, man, we're leaving. 317 00:14:34,830 --> 00:14:36,397 You can leave work right now? 318 00:14:36,440 --> 00:14:38,486 Yeah, I can fucking leave. You see this corner office? 319 00:14:38,529 --> 00:14:39,835 That's a "I can leave this bitch 320 00:14:39,879 --> 00:14:41,793 "whenever I want" corner office. 321 00:14:41,837 --> 00:14:43,230 Come on, man. Everybody! 322 00:14:44,448 --> 00:14:46,059 This is my best friend, 323 00:14:46,102 --> 00:14:47,756 and he just lost his job today. 324 00:14:47,799 --> 00:14:49,584 All right? He's at rock bottom. 325 00:14:49,627 --> 00:14:51,847 It's not that bad.He feels like shit. 326 00:14:51,891 --> 00:14:53,414 And I'm gonna make him feel better. 327 00:14:53,457 --> 00:14:55,024 It's been a tradition since we were in college, 328 00:14:55,068 --> 00:14:56,504 when one of us feels sad, 329 00:14:56,547 --> 00:14:58,158 the other one has to get him fucked up. 330 00:14:58,201 --> 00:15:02,379 I'm talking Britney Spears, mid-2000s bald head, 331 00:15:02,423 --> 00:15:04,729 almost dropping the baby fucked up. 332 00:15:04,773 --> 00:15:06,862 No judgement. No judgement. 333 00:15:06,906 --> 00:15:09,038 I need my schedule cleared, Zander. 334 00:15:09,082 --> 00:15:10,170 I don't want to do shit. 335 00:15:10,213 --> 00:15:12,476 I'm going off-grid till tomorrow. 336 00:15:12,520 --> 00:15:13,608 Matter of fact... 337 00:15:14,739 --> 00:15:16,611 Everybody's got the day off. 338 00:15:16,654 --> 00:15:18,961 Everybody's got the day off. Y'all got the day off. 339 00:15:19,005 --> 00:15:20,397 Everybody, go home. 340 00:15:20,441 --> 00:15:22,965 I'm so appreciative of all of you guys' hard work. 341 00:15:23,009 --> 00:15:24,619 I love every single one of you. 342 00:15:24,662 --> 00:15:25,707 Except you, Ted! 343 00:15:25,750 --> 00:15:28,840 Bagel Friday is for everybody, Ted! 344 00:15:28,884 --> 00:15:30,973 You don't think we know you taking the bagels? 345 00:15:31,017 --> 00:15:32,148 WOMAN: Yeah, Ted, not cool. 346 00:15:32,192 --> 00:15:33,367 Zander.ZANDER: Yeah? 347 00:15:33,410 --> 00:15:35,369 I need two cans of the Pamplemousse LaCroix. 348 00:15:35,412 --> 00:15:36,674 ZANDER: Uh-huh.I need that filled 349 00:15:36,718 --> 00:15:39,068 with Johnnie Walker Blue and CBD oil. 350 00:15:39,112 --> 00:15:40,330 Do you want one? 351 00:15:41,810 --> 00:15:43,333 FRED: I got fucked, man. 352 00:15:43,377 --> 00:15:45,988 Yeah, you got fucked like a stepmom on Pornhub. 353 00:15:46,032 --> 00:15:47,207 Well, it happens to everybody. 354 00:15:47,250 --> 00:15:49,122 I've been unemployed before, it sucks. 355 00:15:49,165 --> 00:15:50,471 But I didn't ask for any handouts. 356 00:15:50,514 --> 00:15:53,213 I picked myself up by my bootstraps and got to it. 357 00:15:53,256 --> 00:15:54,779 Where are we going right now? 358 00:15:54,823 --> 00:15:56,520 Best day ever, Fred. Don't worry about it. 359 00:15:56,564 --> 00:15:58,740 I've got this dope afternoon planned for us. 360 00:15:58,783 --> 00:16:00,481 First we're going to finish these Pamplemousse's. 361 00:16:00,524 --> 00:16:01,743 Play at the park. 362 00:16:01,786 --> 00:16:03,484 After that we're going to go to Peter Luger's, 363 00:16:03,527 --> 00:16:05,007 get you a nice fat steak, 364 00:16:05,051 --> 00:16:07,314 and then finish it off with a World Wildlife Fund benefit. 365 00:16:07,357 --> 00:16:08,793 I don't know if I want to go to some 366 00:16:08,837 --> 00:16:10,230 fancy rich person party. 367 00:16:10,273 --> 00:16:11,666 What... Oh, come on, man, 368 00:16:11,709 --> 00:16:13,146 don't be so judgmental, all right? 369 00:16:13,189 --> 00:16:15,670 It's free booze and there'll be pandas and shit. 370 00:16:15,713 --> 00:16:18,064 People love pandas and shit.I don't know. 371 00:16:18,107 --> 00:16:19,369 All right, fine, Fred. 372 00:16:19,413 --> 00:16:20,892 Then just do nothing. All right? 373 00:16:20,936 --> 00:16:22,807 Go home, do nothing. 374 00:16:22,851 --> 00:16:25,288 And don't kick it with your best friend and Boyz II Men. 375 00:16:26,463 --> 00:16:27,725 Say what? 376 00:16:27,769 --> 00:16:29,379 Oh, yeah. 377 00:16:29,423 --> 00:16:30,990 Boyz II Men is bringing their timeless blend 378 00:16:31,033 --> 00:16:34,036 of R&B, hip-hop and new jack swing to the party. 379 00:16:34,080 --> 00:16:36,038 I thought you would like to be there. 380 00:16:36,082 --> 00:16:37,953 Bo-bo-bo-Boyz II Men? 381 00:16:37,997 --> 00:16:41,043 ♪ Motownphilly's back again 382 00:16:42,523 --> 00:16:43,654 That's what I'm talking about, man. Let's do this shit. 383 00:16:43,698 --> 00:16:45,004 Okay, let's have fun. What a fun day. 384 00:16:47,006 --> 00:16:50,487 CHARLOTTE: I am so hungry, it's insane. 385 00:16:50,531 --> 00:16:51,793 Why didn't you PowerBar me? 386 00:16:51,836 --> 00:16:53,142 I tried, you pushed my hand away. 387 00:16:53,186 --> 00:16:54,665 Oh. 388 00:16:54,709 --> 00:16:57,364 Skewered foods. I can't eat skewered foods gracefully. 389 00:16:57,407 --> 00:16:58,887 I look like a fucking caveman. 390 00:16:58,930 --> 00:17:00,584 Yeah, and there are cameras everywhere. 391 00:17:00,628 --> 00:17:02,369 That's really gonna hurt your elegance score. 392 00:17:02,412 --> 00:17:03,500 That's my best score. 393 00:17:08,027 --> 00:17:09,898 Fuck! It's all skewered foods. 394 00:17:09,941 --> 00:17:11,465 I'm gonna take the chicken off the skewers. 395 00:17:11,508 --> 00:17:13,380 Take it off...Quickly. Quickly. 396 00:17:13,423 --> 00:17:15,338 Why do they make this so difficult... 397 00:17:15,382 --> 00:17:17,775 Oh. I'm sorry, sir. I apologize. 398 00:17:17,819 --> 00:17:20,213 Jesus fucking Christ.Can't do things... 399 00:17:20,256 --> 00:17:22,171 Just make a fucking... Make a wall. Make a wall. 400 00:17:22,215 --> 00:17:24,043 Yup. Yes.CHARLOTTE: Do you have it? 401 00:17:27,263 --> 00:17:29,004 Good. Good, good, good, good. 402 00:17:29,048 --> 00:17:30,788 Oh, my God, it's really good chicken. 403 00:17:32,312 --> 00:17:34,009 James Steward is approaching. James Steward is approaching. 404 00:17:34,053 --> 00:17:35,097 What? 405 00:17:35,141 --> 00:17:36,794 Okay, he's about nine feet away. 406 00:17:36,838 --> 00:17:38,840 His dick is probably about seven feet away. 407 00:17:38,883 --> 00:17:40,537 Maggie!MAGGIE: Six feet away. 408 00:17:40,581 --> 00:17:42,409 Five feet away. Spit, spit, spit, spit, spit. 409 00:17:43,888 --> 00:17:45,890 James! Bonsoir. 410 00:17:45,934 --> 00:17:47,675 Hi.Good evening. 411 00:17:47,718 --> 00:17:49,242 I am so sorry I missed you 412 00:17:49,285 --> 00:17:51,113 when I was at the White House a few weeks ago. 413 00:17:51,157 --> 00:17:54,029 Oh, are you so "sorry," James? 414 00:17:54,073 --> 00:17:55,422 You're never gonna 415 00:17:55,465 --> 00:17:56,858 stop making that joke, are you? 416 00:17:56,901 --> 00:17:59,034 No. I'm not. 417 00:17:59,078 --> 00:18:00,340 Well, I... Oh, hello. 418 00:18:00,383 --> 00:18:01,732 Hi.Oh, yes. 419 00:18:01,776 --> 00:18:03,517 PHOTOGRAPHER: Thank you. 420 00:18:04,996 --> 00:18:07,042 One more. One more.One more. 421 00:18:08,174 --> 00:18:10,306 Merci.Thank you. 422 00:18:10,350 --> 00:18:11,568 What do you say we get out of here? 423 00:18:13,048 --> 00:18:15,703 Grab a drink somewhere a bit more private. 424 00:18:17,922 --> 00:18:19,141 Yes...Yeah? 425 00:18:19,185 --> 00:18:21,187 Oh, my God! 426 00:18:21,230 --> 00:18:23,145 Make some noise out there! Make some noise! 427 00:18:23,189 --> 00:18:25,234 Yeah! Check it out, y'all! 428 00:18:25,278 --> 00:18:27,410 One question, what's the name of the group? 429 00:18:27,454 --> 00:18:28,759 CROWD: Boyz II Men! 430 00:18:28,803 --> 00:18:29,586 What's the name of the group, y'all? 431 00:18:29,630 --> 00:18:31,022 CROWD: Boyz II Men! 432 00:18:52,914 --> 00:18:53,958 Yeah... 433 00:18:54,002 --> 00:18:55,308 I told you this would be dope. 434 00:18:55,351 --> 00:18:58,093 Yeah, uh... This is really cheering me up. 435 00:18:58,137 --> 00:18:59,355 Wow. 436 00:19:09,191 --> 00:19:10,410 I'm super underdressed. 437 00:19:10,453 --> 00:19:11,802 Stop complaining, all right? 438 00:19:11,846 --> 00:19:13,717 You think you feel outta place? 439 00:19:13,761 --> 00:19:14,936 This is one of the brightest rooms 440 00:19:14,979 --> 00:19:16,981 I've ever been in, in my life. 441 00:19:17,025 --> 00:19:18,766 Bright? What do you mean, bright? 442 00:19:19,245 --> 00:19:20,507 Like white. 443 00:19:20,550 --> 00:19:22,596 Oh, "bright" is white?Yeah, man. 444 00:19:22,639 --> 00:19:24,685 It's only me, the waiters and Boyz II Men. 445 00:19:24,728 --> 00:19:26,513 I've already had three people tell me they love my music. 446 00:19:32,475 --> 00:19:33,737 Duty calls. 447 00:19:33,781 --> 00:19:36,218 I'll take a snow check on that dance. 448 00:19:36,262 --> 00:19:38,699 Canadian for "rain check."Okay. 449 00:19:38,742 --> 00:19:40,788 Okay. 450 00:19:47,751 --> 00:19:49,884 Man, you're pounding 'em kinda hard, don't you think? 451 00:19:49,927 --> 00:19:51,973 I got fired today, man. 452 00:19:52,016 --> 00:19:53,192 You told me you quit. 453 00:19:54,715 --> 00:19:56,804 I was forced to quit because of... 454 00:19:56,847 --> 00:19:57,979 Yeah, okay, man. 455 00:19:58,022 --> 00:19:59,198 Lie to me some more. 456 00:20:01,287 --> 00:20:02,331 You good? 457 00:20:07,684 --> 00:20:09,904 Shit. Is the secretary of state looking at us? 458 00:20:11,819 --> 00:20:13,081 Oh, she's looking at you? 459 00:20:15,083 --> 00:20:16,258 Fred. 460 00:20:19,435 --> 00:20:21,611 Fred. What the hell? What was that? 461 00:20:22,656 --> 00:20:24,484 Damn. Hey, what was that? 462 00:20:25,833 --> 00:20:27,269 I... 463 00:20:27,313 --> 00:20:28,792 Kinda... I kinda know her. Okay? 464 00:20:28,836 --> 00:20:30,707 You kinda know her?Yeah. 465 00:20:30,751 --> 00:20:32,361 Nobody kinda knows Charlotte Field, all right? 466 00:20:32,405 --> 00:20:33,884 It's like kinda knowing a mermaid, dude. 467 00:20:33,928 --> 00:20:35,059 You tell people that shit. 468 00:20:35,103 --> 00:20:36,626 That's exceptional.Okay. 469 00:20:36,670 --> 00:20:38,019 I'll tell you a story. 470 00:20:38,062 --> 00:20:41,675 So, I'm like 13, she's like 16. 471 00:20:41,718 --> 00:20:43,154 She's my babysitter. 472 00:20:48,595 --> 00:20:51,250 She's like, perfect. She's very nice to me, 473 00:20:51,293 --> 00:20:52,642 which goes a long way with me. 474 00:20:52,686 --> 00:20:54,209 So, we're at her house... 475 00:20:54,253 --> 00:20:56,124 She's practicing a speech that she's writing. 476 00:20:56,167 --> 00:20:58,082 She's running for Student Council president. 477 00:20:58,126 --> 00:20:59,780 Did you know that every year, 478 00:20:59,823 --> 00:21:02,261 the school throws away over 500 tons of recyclable garbage? 479 00:21:02,304 --> 00:21:05,046 And no one cares.I know, it's total bullshit. 480 00:21:05,089 --> 00:21:06,526 But how do you get idiots to care about shit 481 00:21:06,569 --> 00:21:09,659 they don't care about?They'll just care 482 00:21:09,703 --> 00:21:11,705 because it's the right thing to care about. 483 00:21:11,748 --> 00:21:14,708 You're more inspiring than George Bush and Dan Quayle combined. 484 00:21:14,751 --> 00:21:16,405 Well, that's not too hard. 485 00:21:18,015 --> 00:21:19,626 FRED: Well, she was amazing, and she was smart, 486 00:21:19,669 --> 00:21:21,062 and she seemed to kinda like me, 487 00:21:21,105 --> 00:21:22,759 and I felt like we were having a moment. 488 00:21:22,803 --> 00:21:24,979 You know what I mean? Like a romantic moment. 489 00:21:25,022 --> 00:21:26,067 Oh, shit. 490 00:21:26,110 --> 00:21:27,547 FRED: So I did something, 491 00:21:27,590 --> 00:21:29,679 that in retrospect was highly inappropriate. 492 00:21:29,723 --> 00:21:31,115 I kissed her. 493 00:21:31,681 --> 00:21:33,074 I looked down... 494 00:21:33,117 --> 00:21:35,294 I got a fucking 13-year-old boner, man! 495 00:21:35,337 --> 00:21:38,079 Oh!Hard... But not big. 496 00:21:38,122 --> 00:21:40,821 But hard. And pronounced, "13-year-old boner." 497 00:21:40,864 --> 00:21:42,126 Sorry. 498 00:21:42,170 --> 00:21:43,824 And she looks at it. She sees it. And she goes... 499 00:21:44,520 --> 00:21:45,565 It's okay. 500 00:21:45,608 --> 00:21:47,218 And then, 501 00:21:47,262 --> 00:21:49,046 her boyfriend comes into the room, 502 00:21:49,090 --> 00:21:50,657 who was in the other room watching Blossom! 503 00:21:50,700 --> 00:21:51,745 Hey, babe. 504 00:21:51,788 --> 00:21:53,573 Points out my fucking little boner. 505 00:21:53,616 --> 00:21:56,097 He makes a joke!Whoa! 506 00:21:56,140 --> 00:21:57,533 FRED: And they left. 507 00:21:58,360 --> 00:21:59,753 I'm sorry. 508 00:22:01,798 --> 00:22:04,888 And I'm left standing there alone... 509 00:22:05,672 --> 00:22:06,890 ...in the kitchen, 510 00:22:06,934 --> 00:22:09,589 with my little, hard 13-year-old fucking boner. 511 00:22:09,632 --> 00:22:11,808 Hard as a rock.And on top of that, 512 00:22:11,852 --> 00:22:13,375 she didn't win the fucking election. 513 00:22:13,419 --> 00:22:16,291 Bill Sterling won because he ran on a two-prom platform. 514 00:22:16,335 --> 00:22:19,338 Two-prom!Two-proms! Back-to-back! 515 00:22:19,381 --> 00:22:21,514 She didn't stand a fucking chance. 516 00:22:21,557 --> 00:22:22,993 No, man. 517 00:22:23,037 --> 00:22:24,734 I think you're skimming over the best part of that story. 518 00:22:24,778 --> 00:22:26,388 What's the best part of that story? 519 00:22:26,432 --> 00:22:28,390 She says your boner was okay. 520 00:22:28,434 --> 00:22:30,131 She said, "It's okay," like she was trying 521 00:22:30,174 --> 00:22:31,915 to not make me fucking feel bad. 522 00:22:31,959 --> 00:22:33,917 Fred, you see a fucked-up story, 523 00:22:33,961 --> 00:22:37,573 when I see a beautiful story about a girl that you liked, 524 00:22:37,617 --> 00:22:40,750 liking your boner in all of its okay-ness. 525 00:22:40,794 --> 00:22:42,839 You need to talk to her tonight. 526 00:22:42,883 --> 00:22:44,188 She probably doesn't remember who I am, 527 00:22:44,232 --> 00:22:45,799 and if she does remember who I am, 528 00:22:45,842 --> 00:22:47,322 the last thing she wants is 529 00:22:47,366 --> 00:22:49,150 my 13-year-old-boner-having fucking ass walking up to her. 530 00:22:49,193 --> 00:22:50,238 Look...AGENT M: Excuse me. 531 00:22:50,281 --> 00:22:51,587 Whoa. 532 00:22:51,631 --> 00:22:52,849 Secretary Field would like to speak with you. 533 00:22:52,893 --> 00:22:54,155 With me? 534 00:22:54,198 --> 00:22:55,417 With him, right? 535 00:22:55,461 --> 00:22:57,419 Yeah.FRED: Right now? 536 00:22:57,463 --> 00:22:58,899 Uh, do you know why? 537 00:22:58,942 --> 00:23:00,074 This way. 538 00:23:01,205 --> 00:23:02,381 This is good. 539 00:23:02,424 --> 00:23:03,643 What are you nervous about? 540 00:23:03,686 --> 00:23:05,993 What the fuck? Everything I just said! 541 00:23:15,568 --> 00:23:17,483 Oh, my God, dude, there she is. 542 00:23:26,230 --> 00:23:27,971 What are you gonna say to her? 543 00:23:28,015 --> 00:23:29,451 I don't know. 544 00:23:29,495 --> 00:23:30,931 Should open with a neg. 545 00:23:30,974 --> 00:23:32,323 Tell her she's too tall. 546 00:23:32,367 --> 00:23:34,195 I'm not gonna neg the secretary of state. 547 00:23:34,238 --> 00:23:36,153 It was so nice to see you.WOMAN: You as well. 548 00:23:38,329 --> 00:23:41,028 Give me the signal when you need me. 549 00:23:41,071 --> 00:23:43,204 Hi.Hi. 550 00:23:43,247 --> 00:23:44,466 A man brought me here. 551 00:23:44,510 --> 00:23:46,163 Yes, sorry about that. 552 00:23:46,207 --> 00:23:47,513 Um...No, not at all. 553 00:23:47,556 --> 00:23:50,037 I can't shake this feeling that we know each other. 554 00:23:50,080 --> 00:23:51,560 We do. Yeah.We do? 555 00:23:51,604 --> 00:23:53,083 We do know each other.Okay, so I'm not crazy. 556 00:23:53,127 --> 00:23:55,477 Uh, I'm Fred.Fred... 557 00:23:55,521 --> 00:23:56,565 I was shorter, 558 00:23:56,609 --> 00:23:58,132 but other than that...Flarsky? 559 00:23:58,175 --> 00:23:59,220 Yeah! Holy fuck! 560 00:23:59,263 --> 00:24:00,830 I can't believe it. You remember. 561 00:24:00,874 --> 00:24:03,180 Oh, my God, look at you! 562 00:24:03,224 --> 00:24:04,443 Look at me, yes. 563 00:24:04,486 --> 00:24:05,487 What are you doing here? 564 00:24:05,531 --> 00:24:08,142 My friend, Lance... That's Lance. 565 00:24:08,185 --> 00:24:09,491 Hey, how you doing? 566 00:24:09,535 --> 00:24:11,754 He, uh, he just brought me here to see Boyz II Men. 567 00:24:11,798 --> 00:24:12,929 I just met them. 568 00:24:12,973 --> 00:24:14,714 You met the Men?Yeah. 569 00:24:14,757 --> 00:24:16,498 What was it like?Don't tell anybody, 570 00:24:16,542 --> 00:24:17,847 but it was the highlight of my life. 571 00:24:17,891 --> 00:24:19,022 Oh, I totally get that. 572 00:24:19,066 --> 00:24:20,328 And I've met the Dalai Lama. 573 00:24:20,371 --> 00:24:22,591 Fuck him. How many hits does he have? None. 574 00:24:22,635 --> 00:24:24,506 Don't actually fuck him. 575 00:24:24,550 --> 00:24:25,681 He's a wonderful man.Yeah. 576 00:24:25,725 --> 00:24:27,248 What are you doing these days? 577 00:24:27,291 --> 00:24:29,119 I bet it's something amazing. 578 00:24:30,773 --> 00:24:32,079 It's pretty amazing.Yeah. 579 00:24:32,122 --> 00:24:33,472 Uh, yeah, 580 00:24:33,515 --> 00:24:35,648 but it's still in its, uh, gestation period, I guess. 581 00:24:35,691 --> 00:24:36,866 I don't need to get into it. 582 00:24:36,910 --> 00:24:38,041 What about you, what have you been up to? 583 00:24:38,999 --> 00:24:40,174 You're the secretary... I'm joking. 584 00:24:40,217 --> 00:24:41,349 I know what you've been up to. 585 00:24:41,392 --> 00:24:42,916 Yeah. You're very, um... 586 00:24:42,959 --> 00:24:44,787 You know, I just, I... I just wanna say it's, like, amazing 587 00:24:44,831 --> 00:24:45,875 to see what you've done with your life. 588 00:24:45,919 --> 00:24:47,311 A lot of people say they're gonna do 589 00:24:47,355 --> 00:24:49,183 all this incredible stuff and they don't do anything, 590 00:24:49,226 --> 00:24:51,751 but you actually did it all, so, congrats. 591 00:24:53,230 --> 00:24:55,145 Well, I'm trying. 592 00:24:55,189 --> 00:24:56,582 I think you've done it. 593 00:24:58,453 --> 00:24:59,541 PARKER: Oh! 594 00:25:00,760 --> 00:25:02,109 CHARLOTTE: Parker Wembley. 595 00:25:02,152 --> 00:25:03,763 I hate this guy. 596 00:25:03,806 --> 00:25:05,982 FRED: Parker Wembley, the guy who buys and sells newspapers 597 00:25:06,026 --> 00:25:08,115 and thinks that hurricanes are caused by gay marriage? 598 00:25:08,158 --> 00:25:09,203 You know him? 599 00:25:09,246 --> 00:25:10,465 He's coming over here. 600 00:25:10,509 --> 00:25:12,162 Is he behind me?Yeah. 601 00:25:12,206 --> 00:25:15,644 Finally. Secretary Field.Parker, how are you? 602 00:25:15,688 --> 00:25:17,864 You are looking particularly gorgeous tonight. 603 00:25:17,907 --> 00:25:19,256 Thank you. 604 00:25:19,300 --> 00:25:21,476 I... I've been trying to set a meeting with you 605 00:25:21,520 --> 00:25:23,957 for some months now, and, uh... 606 00:25:24,000 --> 00:25:25,654 I mean, have you been avoiding me? 607 00:25:25,698 --> 00:25:28,657 No! No. 608 00:25:28,701 --> 00:25:30,877 Not successfully. 609 00:25:32,487 --> 00:25:34,881 Who's your friend? 610 00:25:34,924 --> 00:25:36,709 Fred.Hey, Fred! 611 00:25:36,752 --> 00:25:37,797 Yes, hi.How are you? 612 00:25:37,840 --> 00:25:39,755 And, uh, what is it that you do? 613 00:25:39,799 --> 00:25:41,801 I'm a journalist, actually. Yeah. 614 00:25:41,844 --> 00:25:43,585 Ooh, a journalist.Mmm-hmm. Yeah. 615 00:25:43,629 --> 00:25:46,109 Will I have read anything that you've written? 616 00:25:46,153 --> 00:25:48,851 Probably not recently 'cause I'm unemployed at the moment. 617 00:25:48,895 --> 00:25:50,723 Oh, I am so sorry to hear that. 618 00:25:50,766 --> 00:25:52,072 Not your fault. 619 00:25:52,115 --> 00:25:53,987 Excuse me, Secretary Field, we need a word. 620 00:25:54,030 --> 00:25:56,076 Oh, okay.So we will have that meeting. 621 00:25:56,119 --> 00:25:57,164 Right?Yes. 622 00:25:57,207 --> 00:25:58,818 Okay, good. Fred. 623 00:25:58,861 --> 00:26:00,036 Yes?Best of luck. 624 00:26:00,080 --> 00:26:01,124 Oh, why, thanks. 625 00:26:01,168 --> 00:26:02,212 Things will turn around for you. 626 00:26:02,256 --> 00:26:03,387 So nice of you. 627 00:26:03,431 --> 00:26:04,867 Darkest before the dawn and all that. 628 00:26:06,565 --> 00:26:08,828 I actually... I do have to...Yeah. 629 00:26:08,871 --> 00:26:10,307 You probably have a lot of things to do. 630 00:26:10,351 --> 00:26:11,395 Better than this. 631 00:26:11,439 --> 00:26:12,571 It's really nice to see you again. 632 00:26:12,614 --> 00:26:15,965 Oh. Yeah. Okay. Sure. Great. 633 00:26:16,009 --> 00:26:19,012 Oh, you're backless. Wasn't expecting that. 634 00:26:19,055 --> 00:26:20,840 Have fun at the party.You too. 635 00:26:20,883 --> 00:26:22,058 Great to see you. 636 00:26:25,148 --> 00:26:28,064 I see you. I see you. Yeah. 637 00:26:30,676 --> 00:26:32,939 PARKER: So I said, "You want..." 638 00:26:34,593 --> 00:26:35,768 Hey. Hey. What's that look in your eye? 639 00:26:35,811 --> 00:26:36,856 What are you about to go do? 640 00:26:36,899 --> 00:26:38,640 Tonight is about the animals, dude. 641 00:26:38,684 --> 00:26:40,642 Fuck the animals! They're fucking gone, man. 642 00:26:40,686 --> 00:26:42,557 Too late for the fucking animals. 643 00:26:44,385 --> 00:26:45,908 Hey! 644 00:26:45,952 --> 00:26:47,562 PARKER: Oh, Fred?Yeah, look. 645 00:26:47,606 --> 00:26:49,695 What's the problem?I'll tell you the problem. 646 00:26:49,738 --> 00:26:51,392 What?You're the problem, man! 647 00:26:51,435 --> 00:26:53,829 You're everything that's wrong with this fucking country. 648 00:26:53,873 --> 00:26:57,137 'Cause you're an old, rich, white piece of shit 649 00:26:57,180 --> 00:26:59,792 and your media conglomerate is ruining this planet! 650 00:26:59,835 --> 00:27:01,707 Enough.I'm done anyway. 651 00:27:01,750 --> 00:27:03,578 I had more time with you than I thought I would, 652 00:27:03,622 --> 00:27:05,101 so joke's on you. Excuse me, thank you. 653 00:27:05,145 --> 00:27:06,668 Whoa, shit! 654 00:27:09,279 --> 00:27:10,541 God! 655 00:27:11,978 --> 00:27:13,153 Cracker down! 656 00:27:13,196 --> 00:27:14,676 Oh, my God. 657 00:27:14,720 --> 00:27:15,851 GUEST: Looks like it hurt. 658 00:27:16,678 --> 00:27:18,462 Boyz II Men, back up. 659 00:27:18,506 --> 00:27:19,768 You all right? You good? 660 00:27:19,812 --> 00:27:20,987 You all right?I'm okay! 661 00:27:21,030 --> 00:27:22,075 He's okay! 662 00:27:22,118 --> 00:27:23,293 How is he standing? 663 00:27:29,778 --> 00:27:31,911 ALL: Oh!Ouch! 664 00:27:33,956 --> 00:27:37,699 ♪ Oh, no That's the Ruff Ryder... 665 00:27:37,743 --> 00:27:38,787 This is so creative. 666 00:27:41,268 --> 00:27:42,530 Ha-ha! 667 00:27:42,573 --> 00:27:44,010 CHARLOTTE: What was that?Thank you, Tom. 668 00:27:44,663 --> 00:27:46,752 God, that was crazy. 669 00:27:46,795 --> 00:27:48,231 I mean, now that we know he's okay, 670 00:27:48,275 --> 00:27:50,799 it was all so hilarious. 671 00:27:50,843 --> 00:27:53,584 And so what is the relationship exactly? 672 00:27:53,628 --> 00:27:55,108 Was he your super?No, 673 00:27:55,151 --> 00:27:57,023 we grew up next door to each other. 674 00:27:57,066 --> 00:27:58,372 Yeah. 675 00:27:58,415 --> 00:28:01,201 Fuck, I used to babysit for him. 676 00:28:01,244 --> 00:28:03,507 You babysat for him?I did. 677 00:28:03,551 --> 00:28:06,075 Wow. Time has not been kind. 678 00:28:06,119 --> 00:28:07,381 He was such a strange little kid. 679 00:28:07,424 --> 00:28:10,340 But he was really funny. And he was super smart. 680 00:28:10,384 --> 00:28:12,429 He did have this chip on his shoulder, though. 681 00:28:12,473 --> 00:28:14,475 He's actually not a bad writer. 682 00:28:14,518 --> 00:28:15,737 Wait, you've read his stuff? 683 00:28:15,781 --> 00:28:16,999 Yeah, Brooklyn Advocate. 684 00:28:17,043 --> 00:28:19,393 Oh, God, of course, you read that, Tom. 685 00:28:19,436 --> 00:28:21,090 Didn't that paper just get sold off? 686 00:28:21,134 --> 00:28:22,570 Wembley Media just bought them. 687 00:28:22,613 --> 00:28:25,007 Oh, that makes total sense. 688 00:28:25,051 --> 00:28:27,270 That's why he was such a dick to Wembley. 689 00:28:27,314 --> 00:28:31,318 So the rest of the schedule for the day is pretty packed. 690 00:28:41,720 --> 00:28:42,808 Hi.Hey. 691 00:28:42,851 --> 00:28:45,724 Did you like any of those writing samples? 692 00:28:45,767 --> 00:28:48,552 Yeah, McKenzie is good. Bess is solid. 693 00:28:48,596 --> 00:28:52,948 And, um, Fred's stuff isn't too bad. 694 00:28:52,992 --> 00:28:54,907 Wait, not the... 695 00:28:54,950 --> 00:28:57,518 The homeless person that fell down the stairs? 696 00:28:57,561 --> 00:28:59,999 Yeah. He has a real voice. 697 00:29:00,042 --> 00:29:02,784 And he knows me. I mean, he knew me. 698 00:29:02,828 --> 00:29:04,351 And that's probably a good thing 699 00:29:04,394 --> 00:29:07,223 if he's going to be writing for me. 700 00:29:07,267 --> 00:29:09,269 Bringing someone like that onto the team, 701 00:29:09,312 --> 00:29:11,880 I have to say, feels a little reckless. 702 00:29:11,924 --> 00:29:15,492 His writing is really good. And it's funny. 703 00:29:15,536 --> 00:29:17,538 I think he can get that number up by a few points. 704 00:29:17,581 --> 00:29:19,192 And if he doesn't, we fire him. 705 00:29:20,019 --> 00:29:21,063 Okay. 706 00:29:21,107 --> 00:29:22,108 Okay. 707 00:29:22,804 --> 00:29:24,110 Fred Flarsky it is. 708 00:29:24,675 --> 00:29:25,851 Thanks. 709 00:29:31,073 --> 00:29:32,074 All right, bye. 710 00:29:38,646 --> 00:29:40,126 Unknown! 711 00:29:40,169 --> 00:29:41,867 I don't give a fuck. Answer that shit. 712 00:29:41,910 --> 00:29:43,346 What?Answer it! 713 00:29:43,390 --> 00:29:44,870 What if it's The Man trying to get at me? 714 00:29:44,913 --> 00:29:46,785 No, it's the universe trying to talk to you. 715 00:29:46,828 --> 00:29:47,829 Really? 716 00:29:47,873 --> 00:29:49,439 Gang.Gang. 717 00:29:49,483 --> 00:29:51,137 Do that shit, man. Fred, don't fuck with me. 718 00:29:51,180 --> 00:29:52,834 All right. Hello. Gang. 719 00:29:52,878 --> 00:29:54,618 Mr. Flarsky? What? 720 00:29:54,662 --> 00:29:56,011 Wait, slow down. What? 721 00:29:56,055 --> 00:29:57,883 You're unknown. Pardon?Oh, my God. Mr. Flarsky. 722 00:29:57,926 --> 00:30:00,015 Hello?Go on. 723 00:30:00,059 --> 00:30:03,802 This is Maggie Millikin from Secretary Field's office. 724 00:30:03,845 --> 00:30:05,891 Hello, Maggie, who works for Secretary Field. 725 00:30:05,934 --> 00:30:07,762 Whoo! Hello? 726 00:30:07,806 --> 00:30:08,850 That's good! Talk to her. 727 00:30:08,894 --> 00:30:11,722 Hello?How can I help you? 728 00:30:11,766 --> 00:30:13,681 The secretary would like to meet with you immediately. 729 00:30:13,724 --> 00:30:14,856 We will send a car over. 730 00:30:14,900 --> 00:30:16,771 Can you give me the most convenient address? 731 00:30:16,815 --> 00:30:18,555 What is she saying?Secretary would like 732 00:30:18,599 --> 00:30:19,687 to meet with me immediately 733 00:30:19,730 --> 00:30:20,775 and they're going to send a car? 734 00:30:22,995 --> 00:30:25,824 Mr. Lou's Deli in Brooklyn. 735 00:30:25,867 --> 00:30:28,087 I'm sure you can find it. I will google it. 736 00:30:28,130 --> 00:30:30,132 Mr. Lou's in Brooklyn. Stay right there. 737 00:30:30,176 --> 00:30:31,220 Okay. 738 00:30:31,264 --> 00:30:33,440 Uh, I'll see you soon. 739 00:30:33,483 --> 00:30:35,834 Oh, I feel so scared. 740 00:30:36,573 --> 00:30:37,705 Do I look okay? 741 00:30:37,748 --> 00:30:39,011 Do I look funny? 742 00:30:39,054 --> 00:30:40,316 Why are these pockets here?LANCE: It's okay. 743 00:30:40,360 --> 00:30:41,665 God fucking damn it! 744 00:30:41,709 --> 00:30:43,493 Why am I wearing these fucking stupid pants? 745 00:30:43,537 --> 00:30:45,104 They're too tapered! 746 00:30:45,147 --> 00:30:47,062 Who wears these silly-looking, fucking tapered cargo pants 747 00:30:47,106 --> 00:30:49,238 and see the fucking secretary of state? 748 00:30:49,282 --> 00:30:50,892 You can't think like this. You have to be positive. 749 00:30:50,936 --> 00:30:52,241 Mr. Flarsky?FRED: Oh, shit. 750 00:30:52,285 --> 00:30:53,460 Mr. Flarsky. 751 00:30:55,941 --> 00:30:57,333 Wish me luck, man. 752 00:30:57,377 --> 00:30:58,726 Yeah, you don't need luck, man. She said it was okay. 753 00:30:58,769 --> 00:30:59,814 Luck is for losers. 754 00:30:59,858 --> 00:31:01,816 You've got destiny on your side. 755 00:31:01,860 --> 00:31:04,558 You're good. Fred. 756 00:31:04,601 --> 00:31:05,994 You buy the body. 757 00:31:06,821 --> 00:31:07,866 That doesn't mean anything. 758 00:31:10,433 --> 00:31:11,957 LANCE: Fred, put your seat belt on. 759 00:31:12,000 --> 00:31:14,611 Take care of my friend. All right? 760 00:31:15,699 --> 00:31:17,919 I look normal?You look cool. 761 00:31:17,963 --> 00:31:19,181 I love you, Fred! 762 00:31:19,921 --> 00:31:21,749 Nut boys for life! 763 00:31:37,852 --> 00:31:40,768 Empty your pockets and take off your backpack. 764 00:31:40,811 --> 00:31:41,987 Empty my pockets? 765 00:31:44,163 --> 00:31:45,686 All right. That's... 766 00:31:46,817 --> 00:31:48,080 Let's see how this goes. 767 00:31:51,213 --> 00:31:53,215 Not a regular cop, I assume. 768 00:31:53,259 --> 00:31:56,697 Got bigger fish to fry than just normal cop shit, right? 769 00:31:56,740 --> 00:31:58,786 So, uh, okay. Let's do it. 770 00:32:00,483 --> 00:32:04,096 That's prescription. For anxiety. Uh... 771 00:32:04,139 --> 00:32:07,838 This is if you can't dance for a long time and you want to. 772 00:32:07,882 --> 00:32:10,406 That's prescription as well, for, uh, lack of energy. 773 00:32:10,450 --> 00:32:11,755 That's energy powder. 774 00:32:11,799 --> 00:32:15,281 These are to wrap the anxiety medication in 775 00:32:16,108 --> 00:32:19,154 when inhaling it medicinally. 776 00:32:19,198 --> 00:32:21,765 That's if you want to vaporize the anxiety medicine, 777 00:32:21,809 --> 00:32:23,376 which I have a prescription for. 778 00:32:24,377 --> 00:32:25,813 And that's a blunt. 779 00:32:31,862 --> 00:32:32,994 Ooh. 780 00:32:34,865 --> 00:32:35,866 Hi. 781 00:32:41,524 --> 00:32:42,612 MAGGIE: Wow. 782 00:32:44,832 --> 00:32:46,094 Will you sign this, please? 783 00:32:46,138 --> 00:32:48,357 What is it?It's an NDA. 784 00:32:48,401 --> 00:32:49,445 A non-disclosure agreement? 785 00:32:49,489 --> 00:32:51,839 That's right.Okay. 786 00:32:51,882 --> 00:32:53,406 Oh, my God.CHARLOTTE: Fred. 787 00:32:53,449 --> 00:32:55,147 Yeah.Hey, nice to see you again. 788 00:32:55,190 --> 00:32:56,583 Hi, you too.Come on in. 789 00:32:56,626 --> 00:32:57,888 Take a seat. 790 00:32:57,932 --> 00:32:59,847 Good to see you were not injured from that fall. 791 00:32:59,890 --> 00:33:01,631 Oh, yeah, you know what? 792 00:33:01,675 --> 00:33:03,111 I actually think the brim of my hat 793 00:33:03,155 --> 00:33:04,852 kind of protected my face ultimately. 794 00:33:04,895 --> 00:33:07,072 So, thank God I was underdressed in the end, right? 795 00:33:07,115 --> 00:33:09,030 Well, as long as you're good. 796 00:33:09,074 --> 00:33:10,553 I'm okay.Yeah. Great. 797 00:33:10,597 --> 00:33:11,685 FRED: Uh... 798 00:33:13,426 --> 00:33:14,949 Why am I here? 799 00:33:14,993 --> 00:33:16,429 What I'm about to share with you 800 00:33:16,472 --> 00:33:18,605 is, obviously, highly confidential. 801 00:33:18,648 --> 00:33:19,736 Oh, yeah. 802 00:33:19,780 --> 00:33:21,042 Keep it on the down low. 803 00:33:22,696 --> 00:33:25,264 President Chambers will not be seeking reelection. 804 00:33:25,655 --> 00:33:26,700 Really? 805 00:33:26,743 --> 00:33:28,267 Yes. 806 00:33:28,310 --> 00:33:32,271 That's fucking sick! That's awesome. 807 00:33:32,314 --> 00:33:35,404 Are you telling each American individually the good news? 808 00:33:35,448 --> 00:33:36,492 I mean, but seriously. 809 00:33:36,536 --> 00:33:37,711 Did he just realize he sucks at it 810 00:33:37,754 --> 00:33:39,365 and decide not to do it anymore? 811 00:33:39,408 --> 00:33:43,282 He just wants to move into film and make movies. 812 00:33:43,325 --> 00:33:44,892 Really?Yeah. 813 00:33:44,935 --> 00:33:46,763 That's cool. That's a tough transition to make. 814 00:33:46,807 --> 00:33:49,549 Not many actors have made the leap from TV to film. 815 00:33:49,592 --> 00:33:51,203 You got George Clooney, you got Woody Harrelson... 816 00:33:51,246 --> 00:33:52,291 Jennifer Aniston. 817 00:33:52,334 --> 00:33:54,075 Mmm, did she though? 818 00:33:54,119 --> 00:33:55,685 You don't think Jennifer Aniston's a movie star? 819 00:33:55,729 --> 00:33:56,773 Just 'cause you star in movies 820 00:33:56,817 --> 00:33:57,861 doesn't mean you're a movie star. 821 00:33:57,905 --> 00:34:00,038 The point is... 822 00:34:00,081 --> 00:34:02,823 He's going to endorse me for president in 2020. 823 00:34:03,171 --> 00:34:04,216 Wow. 824 00:34:04,259 --> 00:34:05,652 I know. Mazel tov. 825 00:34:05,695 --> 00:34:06,827 So. 826 00:34:06,870 --> 00:34:08,916 We're headed to an environmental summit 827 00:34:08,959 --> 00:34:10,178 hosted by King Gustav 828 00:34:10,222 --> 00:34:12,006 and the Swedish Royal Family. 829 00:34:12,050 --> 00:34:14,095 At the summit, I'll be announcing 830 00:34:14,139 --> 00:34:16,228 that the world's three largest polluters 831 00:34:16,271 --> 00:34:17,707 have signed on to the most comprehensive 832 00:34:17,751 --> 00:34:19,709 and exciting environmental deal ever. 833 00:34:19,753 --> 00:34:21,059 You know, after I have some dairy, 834 00:34:21,102 --> 00:34:22,886 I'm one of the world's three largest polluters. 835 00:34:22,930 --> 00:34:24,105 Excuse me? 836 00:34:24,149 --> 00:34:26,325 We'll address rising sea levels, 837 00:34:26,368 --> 00:34:28,109 combat deforestation 838 00:34:28,153 --> 00:34:30,242 and protect the world's pollinators. 839 00:34:30,285 --> 00:34:33,375 I'm calling it the Global Rehabilitation Initiative. 840 00:34:33,419 --> 00:34:34,724 Internally, we're referring to it 841 00:34:34,768 --> 00:34:36,117 as "Bees, Trees and the Seas." 842 00:34:36,161 --> 00:34:37,510 CHARLOTTE: Soon after that, 843 00:34:37,553 --> 00:34:39,947 I hope to announce that 100 countries have signed on. 844 00:34:39,990 --> 00:34:42,297 Wow.At which point... 845 00:34:42,341 --> 00:34:44,778 I will resign as secretary of state. 846 00:34:44,821 --> 00:34:47,781 Using this initiative as a springboard, 847 00:34:47,824 --> 00:34:50,044 I will announce my presidential run in 2020. 848 00:34:50,088 --> 00:34:51,567 Cool.So... 849 00:34:53,439 --> 00:34:56,137 I need some writers to punch up my speeches. 850 00:34:56,181 --> 00:34:58,270 I read your work and I really like it. 851 00:34:58,313 --> 00:34:59,532 That's... Wow. 852 00:34:59,575 --> 00:35:01,142 You mentioned you were between jobs. 853 00:35:01,186 --> 00:35:02,404 So it's a really good fit. 854 00:35:02,448 --> 00:35:04,841 It's so nice of you to think of me at all, 855 00:35:04,885 --> 00:35:07,192 honestly, with everything going on in your head. 856 00:35:07,235 --> 00:35:08,584 I look forward to working with you. 857 00:35:08,628 --> 00:35:09,629 Thank you. 858 00:35:11,805 --> 00:35:14,634 Um... So, uh, when do you need to know by? 859 00:35:15,983 --> 00:35:18,116 What? I don't understand. 860 00:35:18,159 --> 00:35:20,161 When do you need to know if I'm going to take your, uh, 861 00:35:20,205 --> 00:35:21,641 your punch-up job? 862 00:35:23,164 --> 00:35:24,426 Right now. 863 00:35:24,470 --> 00:35:27,168 Oh. Uh... Then I guess, 864 00:35:27,212 --> 00:35:29,779 maybe... Maybe, uh, no? 865 00:35:29,823 --> 00:35:32,130 Maybe no, I don't know. I don't know! 866 00:35:32,173 --> 00:35:33,566 You know what, Madam Secretary, 867 00:35:33,609 --> 00:35:35,176 he's not interested. We tried, it didn't work out. 868 00:35:35,220 --> 00:35:37,918 So I can give you some writing samples... 869 00:35:42,923 --> 00:35:44,881 What don't you know? 870 00:35:44,925 --> 00:35:47,275 This whole Seas, Bees and Trees thing. 871 00:35:47,319 --> 00:35:49,103 Is it actually going to do something? 872 00:35:49,147 --> 00:35:50,670 Or is it going to be one of those things 873 00:35:50,713 --> 00:35:52,715 that maybe only sounds like it's gonna do something, 874 00:35:52,759 --> 00:35:54,369 but doesn't actually do something? 875 00:35:54,413 --> 00:35:57,067 I only wanna come work for you 876 00:35:57,111 --> 00:35:58,504 if it's actually gonna do something. 877 00:35:58,547 --> 00:35:59,896 It will do something. 878 00:35:59,940 --> 00:36:01,724 This is a perfect document. 879 00:36:01,768 --> 00:36:04,118 They all start out that way and then they get watered down. 880 00:36:04,162 --> 00:36:05,337 Fred. 881 00:36:05,380 --> 00:36:07,339 Not only does this initiative sound good, 882 00:36:07,382 --> 00:36:08,470 it's going to do good. 883 00:36:08,514 --> 00:36:10,646 It's gonna save the fucking planet. 884 00:36:10,690 --> 00:36:12,866 Not to mention, pay your rent. 885 00:36:12,909 --> 00:36:14,215 So, are you in? 886 00:36:14,259 --> 00:36:16,783 Or do you have something more important to do? 887 00:36:17,784 --> 00:36:19,351 Than save the planet with you? 888 00:36:21,266 --> 00:36:23,746 No, I don't. I'm in. 889 00:36:23,790 --> 00:36:25,531 Phew! 890 00:36:25,574 --> 00:36:26,923 Let's save the planet. 891 00:36:27,489 --> 00:36:28,664 That was... 892 00:36:28,708 --> 00:36:30,579 What just happened? She's good. 893 00:36:56,301 --> 00:36:57,563 FRED: Uh, hey. 894 00:36:59,173 --> 00:37:01,131 I had some jokes, uh, I was gonna run by you, 895 00:37:01,175 --> 00:37:02,437 maybe, if you have a second. 896 00:37:05,832 --> 00:37:08,313 What are you... What are you looking at? 897 00:37:12,839 --> 00:37:14,188 Jesus!Oh, my God! 898 00:37:14,232 --> 00:37:16,190 Why would you just barge in here while I'm sleeping? 899 00:37:16,234 --> 00:37:17,583 You were sleeping?Yes! 900 00:37:17,626 --> 00:37:19,280 I was micro napping. 901 00:37:19,324 --> 00:37:21,282 That's what you call that?Yes. 902 00:37:21,326 --> 00:37:22,849 Sorry, I didn't realize you were sleeping. 903 00:37:22,892 --> 00:37:24,285 You were standing and your eyes were open. 904 00:37:24,329 --> 00:37:25,373 Do you need something? 905 00:37:25,417 --> 00:37:26,809 I have some jokes that I wrote 906 00:37:26,853 --> 00:37:28,507 that I was gonna run by you if you have a second. 907 00:37:28,550 --> 00:37:30,117 Yeah, that was actually a really good nap. 908 00:37:30,160 --> 00:37:32,162 Great. Seemed very restful. 909 00:37:32,206 --> 00:37:33,207 Okay. 910 00:37:36,079 --> 00:37:37,255 Whoa. 911 00:37:37,298 --> 00:37:40,432 I feel like these jokes are a little angry. 912 00:37:40,475 --> 00:37:42,825 Oh. I thought maybe they were, like, emphatic? 913 00:37:42,869 --> 00:37:44,697 "With every fracking drill thrust, 914 00:37:44,740 --> 00:37:47,482 "we are literally butt-fucking Mother Earth"? 915 00:37:47,526 --> 00:37:48,701 It can be normal fucking. 916 00:37:48,744 --> 00:37:50,180 It doesn't have to be in the butt. 917 00:37:50,224 --> 00:37:51,269 I can take that part out. 918 00:37:51,312 --> 00:37:52,705 Yeah, listen, Fred. 919 00:37:52,748 --> 00:37:54,228 If I'm angry, I'm hysterical. 920 00:37:54,272 --> 00:37:55,708 If I'm emotional, I'm weak. 921 00:37:55,751 --> 00:37:57,362 If I so much as raise my voice, I'm a bitch. 922 00:37:57,405 --> 00:37:58,711 My job's hard. 923 00:37:58,754 --> 00:38:00,669 Not as hard as mine. 924 00:38:00,713 --> 00:38:02,410 I think maybe, like, part of the problem 925 00:38:02,454 --> 00:38:04,760 is that, like, a lot of humor is based on, 926 00:38:04,804 --> 00:38:06,936 like, personal experiences. 927 00:38:06,980 --> 00:38:08,111 I was thinking, you know, 928 00:38:08,155 --> 00:38:09,765 you cared a lot about the environment 929 00:38:09,809 --> 00:38:10,984 since high school.Mmm-hmm. 930 00:38:11,027 --> 00:38:14,640 So maybe include some stories about that. 931 00:38:14,683 --> 00:38:16,163 High school?Yeah. 932 00:38:17,599 --> 00:38:18,905 You think that's funny? 933 00:38:18,948 --> 00:38:20,036 I think it's a good area. 934 00:38:20,080 --> 00:38:22,125 Nostalgia, pop culture references. 935 00:38:22,169 --> 00:38:23,562 People love that. 936 00:38:23,605 --> 00:38:25,041 Jimmy Fallon's made an entire career off of that. 937 00:38:25,085 --> 00:38:27,261 When I think about school, I just think about studying. 938 00:38:27,305 --> 00:38:28,741 No, you did so much more than that. 939 00:38:28,784 --> 00:38:31,352 I think your whole 1991 platform was pretty on-point 940 00:38:31,396 --> 00:38:32,788 when you were running for Student Council. 941 00:38:32,832 --> 00:38:35,574 I remember you said, "Everyone at this school 942 00:38:35,617 --> 00:38:37,837 "pretends to care about the underdog, 943 00:38:37,880 --> 00:38:39,055 "but the planet Earth is 944 00:38:39,099 --> 00:38:40,318 "the biggest underdog of them all." 945 00:38:40,361 --> 00:38:41,406 Something like that. 946 00:38:41,449 --> 00:38:42,537 I said that? 947 00:38:42,581 --> 00:38:44,060 Yeah, you did say that. 948 00:38:44,104 --> 00:38:45,932 You were in the kitchen, making pizza. 949 00:38:45,975 --> 00:38:48,674 We were making signs for your election. 950 00:38:48,717 --> 00:38:50,980 And you were wearing that shirt. 951 00:38:51,024 --> 00:38:52,939 I don't know if it was a strawberry or a flower, 952 00:38:52,982 --> 00:38:54,288 it always confused me. 953 00:38:54,680 --> 00:38:55,724 It was both. 954 00:38:55,768 --> 00:38:57,639 Oh, there you go. 955 00:38:57,683 --> 00:38:59,424 That's all I remember about that night, though. 956 00:38:59,467 --> 00:39:01,121 Uh, that's where my memories 957 00:39:01,164 --> 00:39:04,472 concerning that evening expire. 958 00:39:04,516 --> 00:39:07,083 I learned a lot from that election. 959 00:39:07,127 --> 00:39:08,520 Yeah, that kids are probably more likely 960 00:39:08,563 --> 00:39:10,043 to vote for two proms 961 00:39:10,086 --> 00:39:12,393 than a very elaborate recycling program. 962 00:39:12,437 --> 00:39:14,177 Not only kids. 963 00:39:14,221 --> 00:39:17,093 Yeah, that's true. 964 00:39:17,137 --> 00:39:20,880 Did you know he asked me out to one of those proms? 965 00:39:20,923 --> 00:39:22,098 Bill Sterling?Yeah. 966 00:39:22,142 --> 00:39:23,317 After he beat you? 967 00:39:23,361 --> 00:39:25,493 Yup.Prom one or prom two? 968 00:39:26,929 --> 00:39:28,191 Oh! 969 00:39:28,235 --> 00:39:30,672 What a fuckhead! You're way better than prom two. 970 00:39:32,152 --> 00:39:34,415 I went to zero proms, by the way, for the record. 971 00:39:34,459 --> 00:39:36,548 I think you're the smart one in this situation. 972 00:39:36,591 --> 00:39:38,680 Yes, that's why I didn't go to prom. 973 00:39:38,724 --> 00:39:42,031 'Cause I was too smart. Uh... 974 00:39:44,207 --> 00:39:47,080 Cool. I'll get to work on that speech stuff. 975 00:39:47,123 --> 00:39:48,124 Great. 976 00:39:48,516 --> 00:39:49,561 Hey, Fred. 977 00:39:49,604 --> 00:39:51,519 Yeah. 978 00:39:51,563 --> 00:39:53,913 You know, if you want to try some non-joke stuff, 979 00:39:53,956 --> 00:39:55,131 just go ahead. 980 00:39:55,175 --> 00:39:57,830 Really? Like the main part of the speech? 981 00:39:57,873 --> 00:39:59,919 Yeah. Just write. 982 00:40:01,181 --> 00:40:02,748 Cool. Awesome. Thanks. 983 00:40:03,488 --> 00:40:04,967 If you take another nap, 984 00:40:05,011 --> 00:40:06,882 you should put on, like, a bicycle helmet or something. 985 00:40:06,926 --> 00:40:08,754 'Cause you're gonna tip over, there's turbulence. 986 00:40:08,797 --> 00:40:10,451 That's actually a really good idea. 987 00:40:10,495 --> 00:40:11,626 It is. I want you to be careful. 988 00:40:11,670 --> 00:40:12,801 Yeah.We need you. 989 00:40:29,296 --> 00:40:30,689 Ambassador.Welcome to Sweden. 990 00:40:30,732 --> 00:40:32,081 Nice to see you again. 991 00:40:32,125 --> 00:40:33,126 Yeah, you too. 992 00:40:35,302 --> 00:40:36,695 I look forward to seeing you tonight at dinner. 993 00:40:36,738 --> 00:40:37,826 Yes. 994 00:40:37,870 --> 00:40:39,306 Uh, Madam Secretary, 995 00:40:39,349 --> 00:40:40,481 I have some ideas I wanna throw by you. 996 00:40:40,525 --> 00:40:41,743 Yeah, soon, Fred. 997 00:40:41,787 --> 00:40:43,049 Tom, do you have the schedule? 998 00:40:43,092 --> 00:40:44,703 TOM: Yes, of course, ma'am. All right. 999 00:40:47,793 --> 00:40:49,055 MAGGIE: In the back, Flarsky! 1000 00:40:50,622 --> 00:40:52,101 TOM: Then at 8:15, you have a fitting for tonight's gala. 1001 00:40:52,145 --> 00:40:55,017 Then at 8:45, a call with Iraqi Prime Minister Masum, 1002 00:40:55,061 --> 00:40:57,106 9:15, a call to Brazilian President Temer 1003 00:40:57,150 --> 00:40:58,630 about deforestation issues. 1004 00:40:58,673 --> 00:41:01,546 2:15, you have a call with U.K. Foreign Secretary Green 1005 00:41:01,589 --> 00:41:03,809 to discuss your tour of Scotland in a few weeks. 1006 00:41:03,852 --> 00:41:06,028 2:25, then you have a call with New York Times 1007 00:41:06,072 --> 00:41:08,335 to comment on POTUS' latest Instagram attack 1008 00:41:08,378 --> 00:41:10,511 on Prime Minister Bharath of Kashtar. 1009 00:41:10,555 --> 00:41:11,599 At 5:45, we're meeting with the head 1010 00:41:11,643 --> 00:41:12,992 of Sweden's Diplomatic Protocol, 1011 00:41:13,035 --> 00:41:15,603 Ingrid Minervudottir, to discuss tonight's schedule. 1012 00:41:15,647 --> 00:41:16,996 Okay. And then after that? 1013 00:41:17,039 --> 00:41:18,388 Also, Parker Wembley keeps trying to get 1014 00:41:18,432 --> 00:41:19,738 some face time with you.Oh, God. 1015 00:41:19,781 --> 00:41:22,044 Parker can wait. Okay, Fred. Go. 1016 00:41:22,088 --> 00:41:23,481 Yeah, sure. Um... 1017 00:41:24,046 --> 00:41:26,179 So, uh, you know, 1018 00:41:26,222 --> 00:41:27,963 based on what we were talking about last night, 1019 00:41:28,007 --> 00:41:30,792 I just took a stab at the whole speech, basically. 1020 00:41:30,836 --> 00:41:32,707 That's good. 1021 00:41:32,751 --> 00:41:35,449 Thank you.This part isn't. 1022 00:41:35,493 --> 00:41:37,886 Okay, well, you said you didn't want to sound too angry. 1023 00:41:37,930 --> 00:41:40,454 I also don't want to sound like I have a head injury. 1024 00:41:40,498 --> 00:41:42,064 Okay. Uh, I'll go change it. 1025 00:41:42,108 --> 00:41:43,544 Great. Thanks. 1026 00:41:43,588 --> 00:41:45,546 Okay, here we go. 1027 00:41:45,590 --> 00:41:47,069 So... 1028 00:41:47,113 --> 00:41:48,593 All right. 1029 00:41:49,681 --> 00:41:50,769 Fred. 1030 00:41:50,812 --> 00:41:52,335 Yeah? 1031 00:41:52,379 --> 00:41:54,773 Do you have any grown-up clothes to wear tonight? 1032 00:41:58,907 --> 00:42:00,169 I was gonna... I was thinking 1033 00:42:00,213 --> 00:42:02,215 of zipping this up all the way, like to here. 1034 00:42:02,258 --> 00:42:03,390 That's kind of a little more... 1035 00:42:03,433 --> 00:42:04,652 It's, like, slightly more buttoned up. 1036 00:42:04,696 --> 00:42:06,001 MAGGIE: You know what, Madam Secretary, 1037 00:42:06,045 --> 00:42:09,744 I would be delighted to dress Fred for tonight. 1038 00:42:09,788 --> 00:42:11,093 Thank you, Maggie. I'd be thrilled 1039 00:42:11,137 --> 00:42:13,400 to have you dress me for tonight's event. 1040 00:42:13,443 --> 00:42:14,836 What a fun adventure. 1041 00:42:14,880 --> 00:42:16,664 Get a little makeover. All right, have a good one. 1042 00:42:16,708 --> 00:42:17,926 Thank you, Fred. 1043 00:42:17,970 --> 00:42:19,101 FRED: Why, thank you. 1044 00:42:19,145 --> 00:42:20,189 MAGGIE: ...and then it's saying hello, 1045 00:42:20,233 --> 00:42:21,364 you'll sit down, we'll have dinner, 1046 00:42:21,408 --> 00:42:22,583 I'll pull you up...Where's Flarsky? 1047 00:42:22,627 --> 00:42:23,715 Why are we waiting? 1048 00:42:23,758 --> 00:42:25,499 What, is he doing his hair? 1049 00:42:25,543 --> 00:42:27,022 Um... 1050 00:42:27,545 --> 00:42:29,198 Oh. 1051 00:42:29,242 --> 00:42:31,766 TOM: What the... 1052 00:42:35,988 --> 00:42:37,337 What the fuck are you wearing? 1053 00:42:37,380 --> 00:42:39,382 She bought me this shit. Okay? 1054 00:42:39,426 --> 00:42:41,123 It's a traditional Swedish suit. 1055 00:42:41,167 --> 00:42:43,865 I don't see another fucking Swede up in here 1056 00:42:43,909 --> 00:42:45,258 dressed like this. 1057 00:42:45,301 --> 00:42:47,521 It's all I could do on such short notice. 1058 00:42:47,565 --> 00:42:50,089 You just take the jacket off, it's going to make it better. 1059 00:42:50,132 --> 00:42:53,571 It's just... Make it look... Oh, my God. 1060 00:42:56,356 --> 00:42:58,097 Better with the jacket on? Great. 1061 00:42:58,140 --> 00:43:00,099 Razzing the new guy, I get it. Fuck you, Maggie. 1062 00:43:00,142 --> 00:43:01,274 Calm the Smurf down. 1063 00:43:01,317 --> 00:43:02,405 Bring a fucking suit next time. 1064 00:43:08,411 --> 00:43:09,456 Do you like the speech? 1065 00:43:09,499 --> 00:43:10,979 Yes, the speech is good. 1066 00:43:11,023 --> 00:43:13,025 Oh, you're going to have to stay way back there, Fred. 1067 00:43:13,068 --> 00:43:14,722 Just stay back, Flarsky. Okay? She's got to focus. 1068 00:43:14,766 --> 00:43:15,810 On what? 1069 00:43:15,854 --> 00:43:17,072 Getting India and China to agree 1070 00:43:17,116 --> 00:43:18,465 to be a part of this initiative. 1071 00:43:18,508 --> 00:43:20,598 They haven't even agreed to be a part of it yet? 1072 00:43:20,641 --> 00:43:22,861 They will, we just have to sort out a few details. 1073 00:43:22,904 --> 00:43:23,992 We just wrote a whole speech 1074 00:43:24,036 --> 00:43:25,211 about how they're on-board already. 1075 00:43:25,254 --> 00:43:26,516 Don't worry, Fred. 1076 00:43:27,517 --> 00:43:29,171 You just stay here and make sure 1077 00:43:29,215 --> 00:43:32,435 nobody from Candy Land needs their car parked, okay? 1078 00:43:32,479 --> 00:43:33,654 I don't know why you needed a writer. 1079 00:43:33,698 --> 00:43:34,873 Those are sick burns. 1080 00:43:36,439 --> 00:43:38,746 CRIER: Secretary of State Charlotte Field 1081 00:43:38,790 --> 00:43:40,835 of the United States of America. 1082 00:43:43,316 --> 00:43:45,100 Your Majesty. Your Highness. 1083 00:43:45,144 --> 00:43:46,580 Your Highness.Pleasure. 1084 00:43:52,542 --> 00:43:53,848 Oh. 1085 00:43:56,155 --> 00:43:58,592 No, thank you. I'm working right now. 1086 00:43:58,636 --> 00:44:00,159 And you know you are, too. 1087 00:44:01,682 --> 00:44:03,118 I do know that. 1088 00:44:03,162 --> 00:44:05,033 But you dressed me like Cap'n Crunch's Grindr date, 1089 00:44:05,077 --> 00:44:07,427 so I'm going to drink to make you uncomfortable. 1090 00:44:07,470 --> 00:44:10,082 Honestly, Fred, your entire life makes me uncomfortable. 1091 00:44:12,954 --> 00:44:14,477 FRED: Oh no, fuck me. 1092 00:44:16,871 --> 00:44:18,656 Yes. 1093 00:44:18,699 --> 00:44:22,137 We both shop in the same mystical village, I see. 1094 00:44:22,181 --> 00:44:24,662 Yes, you look great. 1095 00:44:24,705 --> 00:44:25,837 Congratulations. Skal. 1096 00:44:25,880 --> 00:44:27,577 Skal. Skalto you, too. 1097 00:44:27,621 --> 00:44:30,493 Yes. 1098 00:44:32,626 --> 00:44:33,627 Jesus. 1099 00:44:36,108 --> 00:44:39,067 Hey, we're making a few revisions to the speech. 1100 00:44:39,111 --> 00:44:40,373 What? 1101 00:44:40,416 --> 00:44:42,288 So we're losing the "Seas" part, so go cut that, 1102 00:44:42,331 --> 00:44:44,246 and then brainstorm a couple of other funny lines 1103 00:44:44,290 --> 00:44:45,378 for the "Trees" section, okay? 1104 00:44:45,421 --> 00:44:46,684 Wait, wait, wait, wait. 1105 00:44:46,727 --> 00:44:49,251 Losing the Seas part, why? 1106 00:44:49,295 --> 00:44:51,036 Because India wouldn't go for it. So we had to pivot. 1107 00:44:51,079 --> 00:44:53,473 That's not a pivot, that's a third of the whole fucking shit. 1108 00:44:53,516 --> 00:44:55,780 Are you kidding me? That's it, it's just gone? 1109 00:44:55,823 --> 00:44:56,911 Yeah, it's gone. 1110 00:44:56,955 --> 00:44:58,173 And there's nothing we can do? 1111 00:44:58,217 --> 00:44:59,609 No. And you don't have to worry about it. 1112 00:44:59,653 --> 00:45:03,048 Just go over to the computer. Start typey-typing. 1113 00:45:03,091 --> 00:45:04,092 Well, no. 1114 00:45:05,093 --> 00:45:06,704 I'm not gonna do that. 1115 00:45:06,747 --> 00:45:08,575 So you quit, resignation accepted. 1116 00:45:08,618 --> 00:45:10,011 I will rewrite the speech. 1117 00:45:10,055 --> 00:45:11,143 Oh, the fuck you will! 1118 00:45:11,186 --> 00:45:12,318 What the fuck? 1119 00:45:22,067 --> 00:45:23,633 MAGGIE: You don't...FRED: Let go! 1120 00:45:31,729 --> 00:45:33,121 FRED: Look out. Excuse me! 1121 00:45:33,165 --> 00:45:34,427 MAGGIE: Stop running! Stop running! Stop running! 1122 00:45:34,470 --> 00:45:35,558 Fred, stop running! 1123 00:45:38,170 --> 00:45:39,171 Fred... 1124 00:45:44,263 --> 00:45:45,307 Why did you do that? 1125 00:45:45,351 --> 00:45:47,222 Because I will not have you damage 1126 00:45:47,266 --> 00:45:48,658 the integrity of my writing! 1127 00:45:48,702 --> 00:45:50,660 The integrity of your writing? 1128 00:45:50,704 --> 00:45:53,054 You're a punch-up writer, you're not Maya Angelou! 1129 00:45:53,098 --> 00:45:54,708 What is going on? 1130 00:45:54,752 --> 00:45:56,318 What's going on with you, bruh? 1131 00:45:56,362 --> 00:45:57,667 Did you just call me "bruh"? 1132 00:45:57,711 --> 00:46:00,061 She's the secretary of state.Is he high? 1133 00:46:00,105 --> 00:46:02,324 MAGGIE: He is wasted, but he's also just stupid. 1134 00:46:02,368 --> 00:46:03,935 Meet me in the conference room, I'll handle this. 1135 00:46:06,851 --> 00:46:08,200 What's the deal, Fred? 1136 00:46:08,243 --> 00:46:10,942 What's the deal? What's the deal? What are... 1137 00:46:10,985 --> 00:46:12,900 The only reason I'm here is 'cause you told me 1138 00:46:12,944 --> 00:46:14,293 you cared about this shit, 1139 00:46:14,336 --> 00:46:16,643 and in the time I come out here to have a smoke, 1140 00:46:16,686 --> 00:46:19,428 you fucking got rid of a massive element of the whole thing. 1141 00:46:19,472 --> 00:46:22,823 I got two out of three. I only lost one. 1142 00:46:22,867 --> 00:46:25,826 That one was the seas. 1143 00:46:25,870 --> 00:46:28,394 It covers 75% of the planet! 1144 00:46:28,437 --> 00:46:30,309 It's a pretty big one!Bring down your voice. 1145 00:46:30,352 --> 00:46:31,745 You know why I'm upset? 1146 00:46:31,789 --> 00:46:33,573 This is exactly what I thought was going to happen. 1147 00:46:33,616 --> 00:46:35,749 And I even said it. I said it in your office. 1148 00:46:35,793 --> 00:46:38,447 I don't want to write for some bullshit politician. 1149 00:46:38,491 --> 00:46:39,797 I wanted to write for you. 1150 00:46:39,840 --> 00:46:41,450 Because I thought you cared about this shit. 1151 00:46:41,494 --> 00:46:44,192 Until you're running the game, you have to play the game. 1152 00:46:44,236 --> 00:46:46,107 Well, then, by the time you win the game, 1153 00:46:46,151 --> 00:46:49,284 you don't know who's scoring touchdowns on whose nets, 1154 00:46:49,328 --> 00:46:51,112 and you don't know who's hitting home runs 1155 00:46:51,156 --> 00:46:52,722 in whose fucking end zones! 1156 00:46:52,766 --> 00:46:54,159 What are you talking about?I don't know sports. 1157 00:46:54,202 --> 00:46:55,769 Let me try it with food. 1158 00:46:55,813 --> 00:46:57,815 You wanna open a restaurant. But all you got is chopsticks. 1159 00:46:57,858 --> 00:47:00,426 No! I don't have time for this, okay? 1160 00:47:00,469 --> 00:47:03,037 If you want to quit, then just fucking quit. 1161 00:47:03,081 --> 00:47:04,865 I don't give a shit.Yeah, you don't give a shit. 1162 00:47:04,909 --> 00:47:06,214 No, I don't.You used to fucking give a shit, 1163 00:47:06,258 --> 00:47:08,216 but now you don't give a shit about anything. 1164 00:47:08,260 --> 00:47:09,870 You cared more about recycling in high school 1165 00:47:09,914 --> 00:47:12,046 than you do this shit and it's very disappointing to me. 1166 00:47:13,308 --> 00:47:15,658 Fuck this. I've got a speech to give. 1167 00:47:15,702 --> 00:47:16,877 Oh, yeah, good luck giving it, 1168 00:47:16,921 --> 00:47:18,009 it's on my computer in the snow. 1169 00:47:18,052 --> 00:47:19,662 I have copies, you idiot. 1170 00:47:19,706 --> 00:47:21,882 You just threw your computer in the snow, that's it. 1171 00:47:23,014 --> 00:47:25,364 Oh, no! Shit! 1172 00:47:26,582 --> 00:47:28,628 Oh, God damn it! 1173 00:47:28,671 --> 00:47:31,283 It's soaked! I need a bowl of rice! 1174 00:47:31,326 --> 00:47:32,980 I need a big bowl of rice! 1175 00:47:34,416 --> 00:47:37,680 God damn it! Why didn't I back this thing up? 1176 00:47:37,724 --> 00:47:39,160 All my shit's on here. 1177 00:47:49,605 --> 00:47:50,955 CHARLOTTE: Fred. Look. 1178 00:47:54,872 --> 00:47:56,134 Wow. 1179 00:47:59,964 --> 00:48:01,879 I've never seen anything like that. 1180 00:48:04,359 --> 00:48:05,360 No, I... 1181 00:48:06,579 --> 00:48:08,320 I've seen pictures of it, but I never... 1182 00:48:09,582 --> 00:48:10,583 ...actually... 1183 00:48:12,498 --> 00:48:14,630 I never saw it. 1184 00:48:15,588 --> 00:48:17,111 Are you crying right now? 1185 00:48:18,025 --> 00:48:19,026 It's pretty. 1186 00:48:23,683 --> 00:48:24,684 Yeah. 1187 00:48:27,121 --> 00:48:28,122 Fred? 1188 00:48:28,688 --> 00:48:29,689 Yeah? 1189 00:48:31,038 --> 00:48:33,301 If you ever pull some shit like that again, 1190 00:48:33,345 --> 00:48:34,781 I'll have you thrown in Gitmo. 1191 00:48:37,131 --> 00:48:38,959 Yes, Madam Secretary. I'm sorry. 1192 00:48:40,918 --> 00:48:43,268 You better hope this fucking speech goes over well. 1193 00:48:46,010 --> 00:48:50,231 I've often gravitated toward the underdog. 1194 00:48:50,275 --> 00:48:54,801 The band of misfits who fight back against the bullies. 1195 00:48:54,844 --> 00:48:57,673 In high school, I would talk about the underdog a lot. 1196 00:48:59,327 --> 00:49:02,026 And I would often find myself on a soapbox, 1197 00:49:02,069 --> 00:49:05,594 rambling on and on about the injustices of the world. 1198 00:49:08,684 --> 00:49:11,078 Which makes you extremely popular, 1199 00:49:11,122 --> 00:49:13,733 especially when everybody would rather be watching 1200 00:49:13,776 --> 00:49:15,822 Beverly Hills, 90210. 1201 00:49:19,913 --> 00:49:22,437 But that is why I am happy to announce 1202 00:49:22,481 --> 00:49:25,788 an initiative that would make my 16-year-old self proud. 1203 00:49:25,832 --> 00:49:28,139 In what is now being dubbed "The Underdog Speech," 1204 00:49:28,182 --> 00:49:30,489 the secretary of state opened up about her childhood 1205 00:49:30,532 --> 00:49:31,881 and passion for the environment 1206 00:49:31,925 --> 00:49:34,362 by announcing a bold new initiative... 1207 00:49:34,406 --> 00:49:37,496 ...turns out she has always been an Andrea Zuckerman 1208 00:49:37,539 --> 00:49:39,759 in the body of a Kelly Taylor. 1209 00:49:41,587 --> 00:49:43,328 Hey.Hi. 1210 00:49:44,546 --> 00:49:46,113 Oh, wow, you shaved your neck. 1211 00:49:46,157 --> 00:49:47,462 I did. I cleaned it up. 1212 00:49:47,506 --> 00:49:49,725 Got my whole back. Went all the way down. 1213 00:49:49,769 --> 00:49:51,205 Looks good. 1214 00:49:51,249 --> 00:49:52,728 Trying to make a good impression, I guess, anyway... 1215 00:49:52,772 --> 00:49:54,817 I, uh... 1216 00:49:54,861 --> 00:49:58,169 I just wanted to apologize to you, again, 1217 00:49:58,212 --> 00:50:01,607 for acting a little crazy, you know. 1218 00:50:01,650 --> 00:50:03,174 I'm gonna... 1219 00:50:03,217 --> 00:50:04,784 I'm going to really try to tone it down 1220 00:50:04,827 --> 00:50:08,092 and not, you know, make you risk global, uh, humiliation. 1221 00:50:08,570 --> 00:50:09,702 Good. Great. 1222 00:50:10,224 --> 00:50:11,356 Also. 1223 00:50:11,399 --> 00:50:13,053 I googled speech writing 1224 00:50:13,097 --> 00:50:14,794 and it was actually very informative. 1225 00:50:14,837 --> 00:50:16,056 What I learned 1226 00:50:16,100 --> 00:50:17,753 was that in order to write better for you, 1227 00:50:17,797 --> 00:50:20,408 I should kinda get to know you better and get in your head, 1228 00:50:20,452 --> 00:50:21,583 and everything I already know about you, 1229 00:50:21,627 --> 00:50:22,845 I kinda used on the first speech. 1230 00:50:22,889 --> 00:50:24,151 So, what I did 1231 00:50:24,195 --> 00:50:25,674 was I wrote a ton of questions 1232 00:50:25,718 --> 00:50:27,372 that will maybe help me capture your voice, 1233 00:50:27,415 --> 00:50:28,764 if you have a minute. 1234 00:50:28,808 --> 00:50:30,592 I actually have seven. 1235 00:50:30,636 --> 00:50:32,812 Seven. Okay, great. Yeah. I'll take it. 1236 00:50:32,855 --> 00:50:34,161 All right.Seven minutes in heaven. 1237 00:50:34,205 --> 00:50:35,597 Um... 1238 00:50:35,641 --> 00:50:37,556 Okay. So. Ah... I guess... 1239 00:50:37,599 --> 00:50:38,774 Just like... What are you into? 1240 00:50:38,818 --> 00:50:40,037 What kind of shit you into? 1241 00:50:40,080 --> 00:50:41,864 Well, this is pretty much it. 1242 00:50:41,908 --> 00:50:43,605 I mean, secretary of state stuff. 1243 00:50:43,649 --> 00:50:45,999 Do you have any hobbies? Anything? Do you watch TV? 1244 00:50:46,043 --> 00:50:47,522 Do you watch Game of Thrones or anything like that? 1245 00:50:47,566 --> 00:50:49,133 Oh, I'm fully aware of what happened 1246 00:50:49,176 --> 00:50:50,786 in every season of Game of Thrones. 1247 00:50:50,830 --> 00:50:52,571 Because you watch it? 1248 00:50:52,614 --> 00:50:54,747 Because I read synopses on every episode. 1249 00:50:54,790 --> 00:50:56,314 That can't actually work. 1250 00:50:56,357 --> 00:50:58,185 I couldn't believe when Khaleesi's dragon 1251 00:50:58,229 --> 00:50:59,708 came back as a White Walker. 1252 00:51:00,274 --> 00:51:01,623 Whoa! 1253 00:51:01,667 --> 00:51:02,755 See?What about movies? 1254 00:51:02,798 --> 00:51:04,104 Do you watch movies? 1255 00:51:04,148 --> 00:51:06,150 Synopses of all the award contenders. 1256 00:51:06,193 --> 00:51:07,586 You used to love movies! 1257 00:51:07,629 --> 00:51:09,718 You made me watch Encino Man30 times. 1258 00:51:09,762 --> 00:51:12,243 "Wheeze a little juice!" 1259 00:51:12,286 --> 00:51:14,332 You still do the worst Pauly Shore impression 1260 00:51:14,375 --> 00:51:16,116 in the history of mankind. 1261 00:51:16,160 --> 00:51:18,684 I can't believe you're still doing "The Weasel" 1262 00:51:18,727 --> 00:51:20,207 and you haven't seen any of the Marvel Universe. 1263 00:51:20,251 --> 00:51:23,167 Those movies are sick. You're like frozen in time. 1264 00:51:23,950 --> 00:51:25,473 I am Encino Man. 1265 00:51:26,822 --> 00:51:29,260 All right, what is your favorite book as a kid? 1266 00:51:29,303 --> 00:51:31,305 The Velveteen Rabbit.You? 1267 00:51:31,349 --> 00:51:32,741 Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. 1268 00:51:32,785 --> 00:51:34,961 Oh, that explains a lot. Yeah. 1269 00:51:36,876 --> 00:51:39,183 I'm so sorry for what we've done to you. 1270 00:51:39,226 --> 00:51:40,923 Best drug experience? 1271 00:51:40,967 --> 00:51:42,838 I could get summoned at any moment 1272 00:51:42,882 --> 00:51:44,188 to deal with an international crisis, 1273 00:51:44,231 --> 00:51:45,624 I can't do that on acid. 1274 00:51:45,667 --> 00:51:46,973 What about Molly? 1275 00:51:47,016 --> 00:51:48,148 Who's Molly? 1276 00:51:49,671 --> 00:51:51,238 REPORTER: Secretary of State Charlotte Field 1277 00:51:51,282 --> 00:51:54,372 continues on her impressive 20-country world tour 1278 00:51:54,415 --> 00:51:55,895 to garner more support 1279 00:51:55,938 --> 00:51:57,549 for her ambitious environmental initiative. 1280 00:51:57,592 --> 00:51:59,333 And all in a private jet, no less. 1281 00:51:59,377 --> 00:52:00,987 You know what would save the environment? 1282 00:52:01,030 --> 00:52:02,728 Charlotte Field grounding her ass. 1283 00:52:02,771 --> 00:52:04,208 I know where I'd like to ground her ass. 1284 00:52:04,251 --> 00:52:06,645 Oh, I walked right into that one. 1285 00:52:06,688 --> 00:52:08,908 Must Have Been Love by Roxette. 1286 00:52:08,951 --> 00:52:11,302 Oh! That's just fucking hot.Right? 1287 00:52:11,345 --> 00:52:12,912 I got a new one. What? 1288 00:52:12,955 --> 00:52:14,174 I got to change my favorite song. 1289 00:52:14,218 --> 00:52:16,002 You have too many.I've done it a few times. 1290 00:52:16,045 --> 00:52:19,048 Broccoliby DRAM, featuring Lil Yachty. 1291 00:52:19,092 --> 00:52:20,485 All those words 1292 00:52:20,528 --> 00:52:22,356 are the name of a song?Yeah. 1293 00:52:22,400 --> 00:52:23,662 CHARLOTTE: I don't really think I have one. 1294 00:52:23,705 --> 00:52:25,707 FRED: You gotta have one. Everyone has one. 1295 00:52:25,751 --> 00:52:27,666 Well, I don't embarrass that easily. 1296 00:52:27,709 --> 00:52:29,537 Yeah, I hear that. I don't either, really. 1297 00:52:29,581 --> 00:52:31,670 Yes, you do.No, I don't! 1298 00:52:31,713 --> 00:52:34,586 Oh, my God. Okay. 1299 00:52:34,629 --> 00:52:36,936 What's your favorite sexual position? 1300 00:52:38,503 --> 00:52:40,679 I mean, you know, front. 1301 00:52:40,722 --> 00:52:42,289 Normal. Front facing normal. Oh, my God. 1302 00:52:42,333 --> 00:52:44,030 What kinda question is that?That's all it took. 1303 00:52:44,073 --> 00:52:45,292 Look at you. 1304 00:52:45,336 --> 00:52:47,120 Well, what's your favorite sexual position? 1305 00:52:47,164 --> 00:52:49,166 Don't be gross, Fred. Hi.Yeah, see? 1306 00:52:49,209 --> 00:52:51,168 What's your favorite sexual position? 1307 00:52:52,081 --> 00:52:53,822 It's too complicated to explain. 1308 00:52:55,041 --> 00:52:56,738 Really?I told you mine. 1309 00:52:57,348 --> 00:52:59,306 Oh, God, okay. 1310 00:52:59,350 --> 00:53:01,917 I just got back from a trip to New Delhi. 1311 00:53:01,961 --> 00:53:03,876 Yeah?I got called into a meeting 1312 00:53:03,919 --> 00:53:06,357 with the Joint Chiefs, and I was a little nervous. 1313 00:53:06,400 --> 00:53:08,533 Yeah.Yeah. 1314 00:53:08,576 --> 00:53:12,580 And my stomach was a little weird from all the curry. 1315 00:53:12,624 --> 00:53:13,712 Oh, no. 1316 00:53:14,321 --> 00:53:15,583 Delhi belly. 1317 00:53:17,629 --> 00:53:21,546 Well, we were in a motorcade and we couldn't stop. 1318 00:53:21,589 --> 00:53:23,025 Oh, no.Mmm-hmm. 1319 00:53:23,765 --> 00:53:25,071 God... 1320 00:53:25,114 --> 00:53:29,075 I ruined a really nice Dolce & Gabbana bag. 1321 00:53:29,118 --> 00:53:31,338 You puked in it?Nope. 1322 00:53:31,382 --> 00:53:34,602 Oh, no! In a moving vehicle? 1323 00:53:37,431 --> 00:53:39,694 Do you actually understand what's happening right now? 1324 00:53:39,738 --> 00:53:42,219 Yes, I speak Russian. 1325 00:53:42,262 --> 00:53:44,525 FRED: The Russian Samuel L. Jackson guy is dope. 1326 00:53:44,569 --> 00:53:47,049 Do svidanya, motherfuckers! 1327 00:53:51,402 --> 00:53:53,795 Oh, my God, they just shot the pirate guy! 1328 00:53:53,839 --> 00:53:55,101 But he's keeping the team together. 1329 00:53:55,144 --> 00:53:56,189 I know. 1330 00:53:56,233 --> 00:53:57,408 I don't think I can handle that. 1331 00:53:57,451 --> 00:53:58,496 Oh, it's okay.No, 1332 00:53:58,539 --> 00:54:00,672 I really liked him in the movie. 1333 00:54:00,715 --> 00:54:02,021 Don't worry, just keep watching. 1334 00:54:02,064 --> 00:54:04,676 FRED: You know, the Philippines gets a bad rap. 1335 00:54:04,719 --> 00:54:06,460 Because it's pretty nice here. 1336 00:54:06,504 --> 00:54:08,984 You'd never know civil war was about to break out. 1337 00:54:09,028 --> 00:54:10,290 This is good. 1338 00:54:10,334 --> 00:54:11,509 Oh, yeah?Yeah. 1339 00:54:11,552 --> 00:54:16,557 Hey. What if we use this line to start with? 1340 00:54:16,601 --> 00:54:17,906 Yeah, "I'm going to start this speech 1341 00:54:17,950 --> 00:54:19,386 "by saying the same thing I said to my boss 1342 00:54:19,430 --> 00:54:21,997 "at Blockbuster Video when I was 16. 1343 00:54:22,041 --> 00:54:23,260 "I quit." 1344 00:54:23,303 --> 00:54:25,523 That's not bad.I love that. 1345 00:54:25,566 --> 00:54:27,481 This is really fucking good. 1346 00:54:27,525 --> 00:54:29,701 Look at you, you get me, Fred. 1347 00:54:29,744 --> 00:54:31,964 I totally get you. 1348 00:54:32,007 --> 00:54:33,748 ♪ All I want for my birthday 1349 00:54:33,792 --> 00:54:35,533 ♪ Is a big booty ho 1350 00:54:35,576 --> 00:54:37,143 ♪ All I want for my birthday... ♪ 1351 00:54:37,186 --> 00:54:38,797 I couldn't be happier that out of all the shit 1352 00:54:38,840 --> 00:54:40,538 I played you from the last decade, 1353 00:54:40,581 --> 00:54:42,279 that what you've liked the most is 2 Chainz. 1354 00:54:42,322 --> 00:54:44,498 It's catchy.It's awesome. 1355 00:54:49,329 --> 00:54:52,158 So, are you, like, dating the prime minister of Canada? 1356 00:54:54,508 --> 00:54:56,162 No. No.No. 1357 00:54:56,205 --> 00:54:57,903 I feel like I read... Did I read that 1358 00:54:57,946 --> 00:54:59,861 in some shitty tabloid that you guys were dating? 1359 00:54:59,905 --> 00:55:02,647 Maybe it's not true.No, I'm sure you did. It's... 1360 00:55:02,690 --> 00:55:05,432 They like to write about it, but no. I... 1361 00:55:05,476 --> 00:55:08,435 We're not, we... We flirt. 1362 00:55:08,479 --> 00:55:09,958 Yeah. Okay.Kind of. 1363 00:55:10,002 --> 00:55:12,613 It's weird. We made out once. 1364 00:55:13,440 --> 00:55:14,528 Dope. 1365 00:55:14,963 --> 00:55:16,182 You asked. 1366 00:55:16,225 --> 00:55:18,271 No, hey! I've hooked up with 1367 00:55:18,315 --> 00:55:20,534 my fair share of world leaders, too. 1368 00:55:20,578 --> 00:55:22,667 I 69'd Fidel Castro once. 1369 00:55:23,581 --> 00:55:24,930 You thought his beard was big. 1370 00:55:25,583 --> 00:55:26,932 Um... 1371 00:55:26,975 --> 00:55:29,674 But how does that work with you? Do you, like... 1372 00:55:29,717 --> 00:55:31,589 Do you, like, date? 1373 00:55:31,632 --> 00:55:35,375 Uh... Yeah. I date. 1374 00:55:36,289 --> 00:55:38,160 Generally, you know, 1375 00:55:38,204 --> 00:55:40,554 with people who have similar lifestyles to me. 1376 00:55:40,598 --> 00:55:42,251 People who travel a lot. 1377 00:55:44,166 --> 00:55:47,735 It's hard to keep those things alive. I... 1378 00:55:49,171 --> 00:55:51,391 I mean, who wants to follow me around the world 1379 00:55:51,435 --> 00:55:53,872 and hope I have five minutes to be affectionate? 1380 00:55:54,742 --> 00:55:56,178 Yeah.And honestly, 1381 00:55:56,222 --> 00:55:57,876 guys don't really want to date women 1382 00:55:57,919 --> 00:55:59,268 who are more powerful than them. 1383 00:55:59,312 --> 00:56:00,792 They think they do, but... 1384 00:56:02,141 --> 00:56:03,882 It's a dick shriveller. 1385 00:56:03,925 --> 00:56:06,014 Uff.Mmm-hmm. 1386 00:56:06,058 --> 00:56:08,321 Dick Shriveller is my favorite Batman villain though. 1387 00:56:08,365 --> 00:56:09,975 So... 1388 00:56:11,585 --> 00:56:13,457 You gonna ask why I'm still single? 1389 00:56:13,500 --> 00:56:16,111 No, I get it. 1390 00:56:16,155 --> 00:56:18,287 It makes sense.Yeah. It adds up. 1391 00:56:27,949 --> 00:56:29,081 We're right in front of the window. 1392 00:56:31,126 --> 00:56:32,563 What the fuck is happening? 1393 00:56:32,606 --> 00:56:34,391 Insurgents are fighting the army. 1394 00:56:34,434 --> 00:56:36,262 Are we in danger?Yes! Yes! 1395 00:56:36,305 --> 00:56:37,829 Madam Secretary, we need to leave now! 1396 00:56:37,872 --> 00:56:39,265 FRED: Fuck! 1397 00:56:39,308 --> 00:56:40,484 AGENT: This way! 1398 00:56:41,963 --> 00:56:43,922 All right, guys, come with me. 1399 00:56:43,965 --> 00:56:45,445 Come on. 1400 00:57:09,904 --> 00:57:11,036 Secretary Field, this way! 1401 00:57:11,079 --> 00:57:13,038 I got her, secure them! 1402 00:57:14,039 --> 00:57:15,127 This way. 1403 00:57:18,522 --> 00:57:19,740 You'll be safe in here. 1404 00:57:21,133 --> 00:57:23,135 Oh, fuck! Are you okay? 1405 00:57:23,178 --> 00:57:24,441 Yeah, I'm okay. Are you okay? 1406 00:57:24,484 --> 00:57:26,138 I'm okay. Yeah. We're okay. Okay. 1407 00:57:26,181 --> 00:57:30,142 Okay.Okay. Okay. Holy shit! 1408 00:57:30,185 --> 00:57:33,450 Oh, we could have just died. 1409 00:57:33,493 --> 00:57:36,191 Oh, my God, I'm freaking out a bit right now. 1410 00:57:36,235 --> 00:57:37,279 I'm having a hard time 1411 00:57:37,323 --> 00:57:38,716 catching my breath a little bit. 1412 00:57:38,759 --> 00:57:40,108 You don't seem like you're freaking out very much. 1413 00:57:40,152 --> 00:57:42,676 I am! I'm employing a Navy SEAL breathing technique, 1414 00:57:42,720 --> 00:57:44,025 for dealing with panicking. 1415 00:57:44,069 --> 00:57:46,332 It's just gonna take about 90 seconds to work. 1416 00:57:46,375 --> 00:57:49,291 90 seconds? I need more than fucking 90 seconds! 1417 00:57:49,335 --> 00:57:50,945 I need 90 fucking years! 1418 00:57:50,989 --> 00:57:53,557 I'm fucked up for life from this shit, yo! 1419 00:57:53,600 --> 00:57:56,516 I have so many regrets, did so many terrible things! 1420 00:57:56,560 --> 00:57:59,780 When I was 12, I peed on a dog to impress an older kid. 1421 00:57:59,824 --> 00:58:02,217 The dog didn't like it. The older kid didn't either! 1422 00:58:03,044 --> 00:58:04,089 It was just pointless. 1423 00:58:04,132 --> 00:58:05,786 What the fuck? 1424 00:58:05,830 --> 00:58:07,919 Holy shit! Fuck! 1425 00:58:09,050 --> 00:58:11,270 Is there more? Is there gonna be more? 1426 00:58:11,313 --> 00:58:12,532 Fred.Is there more? 1427 00:58:12,576 --> 00:58:13,751 You're gonna have to calm down. 1428 00:58:13,794 --> 00:58:15,056 I don't think I can. 1429 00:58:15,100 --> 00:58:16,797 Sit down with me. 1430 00:58:16,841 --> 00:58:17,972 And breathe. 1431 00:58:18,016 --> 00:58:20,453 Four seconds in. 1432 00:58:20,497 --> 00:58:21,541 Four seconds out. 1433 00:58:21,585 --> 00:58:23,325 Four seconds in. 1434 00:58:23,369 --> 00:58:24,892 One, two, three, four... 1435 00:58:24,936 --> 00:58:27,721 Four seconds out.One, two... 1436 00:58:27,765 --> 00:58:30,550 Four seconds in.One, two, three, four... 1437 00:58:30,594 --> 00:58:32,204 You don't have to count while you're doing this. 1438 00:58:32,247 --> 00:58:33,684 ...four. It helps me. 1439 00:58:33,727 --> 00:58:36,991 One, two, three, four...There you go. 1440 00:58:37,035 --> 00:58:39,428 One, two, three, four. 1441 00:58:39,472 --> 00:58:41,343 One, two, three, four. 1442 00:58:42,170 --> 00:58:43,911 One, two, three, four. 1443 00:58:45,173 --> 00:58:47,219 You got it. That actually works. 1444 00:58:48,263 --> 00:58:49,656 Those guys are good. 1445 00:58:54,400 --> 00:58:55,967 We did almost just die, though. 1446 00:58:56,010 --> 00:58:57,055 We actually did almost die. 1447 00:58:57,098 --> 00:58:58,622 Yeah.Oh, thank God. 1448 00:58:58,665 --> 00:58:59,797 That actually makes me feel better. 1449 00:58:59,840 --> 00:59:01,276 Means I didn't overreact. 1450 00:59:01,320 --> 00:59:03,670 Oh, God, no, you completely overreacted. 1451 00:59:04,758 --> 00:59:05,977 Yeah, maybe. 1452 00:59:08,632 --> 00:59:10,372 I can think of worse ways to go 1453 00:59:11,460 --> 00:59:13,027 than here with you. 1454 00:59:14,463 --> 00:59:16,291 Honestly, this has been like, 1455 00:59:16,335 --> 00:59:19,077 the best few weeks of my entire life. 1456 00:59:22,559 --> 00:59:23,647 You don't have to say it back to me. 1457 00:59:23,690 --> 00:59:24,996 I know it's not true for you. 1458 00:59:25,039 --> 00:59:27,041 I saw you sing with Bruce Springsteen last year, 1459 00:59:27,085 --> 00:59:28,521 at that benefit concert. That was probably 1460 00:59:28,565 --> 00:59:29,827 a way better week. 1461 00:59:29,870 --> 00:59:32,612 Just as an example. 1462 00:59:32,656 --> 00:59:35,180 Well, this is a pretty close second. 1463 00:59:35,223 --> 00:59:37,312 Really? To The Boss? 1464 00:59:37,356 --> 00:59:38,400 Yeah. 1465 00:59:38,444 --> 00:59:40,577 Wow. That's nice. 1466 00:59:47,409 --> 00:59:48,585 Uh... 1467 00:59:54,460 --> 00:59:57,506 I feel like maybe you want me to kiss you right now, 1468 00:59:57,550 --> 00:59:59,465 but I don't want to make the same stupid mistake 1469 00:59:59,508 --> 01:00:00,727 I made 25 years ago. 1470 01:00:00,771 --> 01:00:02,599 Wouldn't be a stupid mistake. 1471 01:00:03,512 --> 01:00:04,992 Wait... Really? 1472 01:00:11,695 --> 01:00:13,131 We've secured the location. 1473 01:00:13,174 --> 01:00:16,003 But we need to move you. The helicopter is standing by. 1474 01:00:17,135 --> 01:00:18,745 Thank you, Agent M. 1475 01:00:23,489 --> 01:00:24,664 FRED: Holy shit. 1476 01:00:24,708 --> 01:00:25,752 That helicopter was way louder 1477 01:00:25,796 --> 01:00:27,275 than I thought it was gonna be. 1478 01:00:27,319 --> 01:00:29,277 MAGGIE: Fred, enough. Enough.I'm sorry! I'm sorry! 1479 01:00:30,104 --> 01:00:31,192 We're safe here though? 1480 01:00:31,236 --> 01:00:32,759 MAGGIE: Yes!TOM: Oh, my God, Fred! 1481 01:00:32,803 --> 01:00:33,847 AGENT: This way. 1482 01:00:33,891 --> 01:00:35,196 FRED: This place looks really nice. 1483 01:00:39,113 --> 01:00:40,680 Fred, I need you to come work 1484 01:00:40,724 --> 01:00:42,464 on that speech with me, right now. 1485 01:00:42,508 --> 01:00:44,597 Right now?Yeah. Right now. 1486 01:00:45,424 --> 01:00:46,555 Okay. 1487 01:00:52,736 --> 01:00:53,911 Hang on, get my pants off. 1488 01:00:53,954 --> 01:00:55,390 Okay, I gotta, too. Shit. 1489 01:00:56,740 --> 01:00:58,219 CHARLOTTE: We're doing it?Yeah! 1490 01:00:58,263 --> 01:00:59,307 CHARLOTTE: Do it faster.Let's do it. 1491 01:00:59,351 --> 01:01:00,352 They're coming off! 1492 01:01:02,310 --> 01:01:04,312 Fucking tapered pants. Shit! 1493 01:01:05,749 --> 01:01:06,706 Fuck! 1494 01:01:08,360 --> 01:01:09,883 CHARLOTTE: Okay, just leave it! Just leave it! Leave it! 1495 01:01:09,927 --> 01:01:11,493 FRED: Okay.Okay. Yeah. 1496 01:01:11,537 --> 01:01:12,581 Should I go in, then? 1497 01:01:12,625 --> 01:01:14,148 Yeah, enter. 1498 01:01:14,192 --> 01:01:17,499 Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, no! 1499 01:01:17,543 --> 01:01:19,676 I'm gonna come really soon.Me too. 1500 01:01:19,719 --> 01:01:20,981 Really?Yeah! 1501 01:01:21,025 --> 01:01:22,069 Oh, God!Oh! 1502 01:01:22,113 --> 01:01:23,592 BOTH: Oh, boy! 1503 01:01:26,421 --> 01:01:29,294 Oh, God! Okay.Oh, my God! 1504 01:01:29,337 --> 01:01:31,165 I'm coming out.Okay, come on. 1505 01:01:31,209 --> 01:01:36,910 Oh, God. Oh! Oh! Oh, fuck! 1506 01:01:36,954 --> 01:01:40,261 Wow. Oh, my God, I'm sorry. 1507 01:01:41,132 --> 01:01:42,350 I don't know what happened. 1508 01:01:42,394 --> 01:01:44,613 I usually last way longer than that. 1509 01:01:44,657 --> 01:01:45,876 You know?Not me. 1510 01:01:46,920 --> 01:01:48,095 That was weird. 1511 01:01:48,139 --> 01:01:49,662 We both said, "Oh, boy" when we came... 1512 01:01:49,706 --> 01:01:51,011 Yeah, that's what I was thinking....at the same time. 1513 01:01:51,055 --> 01:01:52,709 That's never happened before.I've never said that. 1514 01:01:52,752 --> 01:01:55,755 Yeah.Super strange. 1515 01:01:55,799 --> 01:01:57,670 Oh!Should we do that again? 1516 01:01:57,714 --> 01:01:59,237 Yeah, my hands are shaking, I need a minute. 1517 01:02:03,894 --> 01:02:05,678 Hmm. 1518 01:02:05,722 --> 01:02:08,594 Who's this little guy? 1519 01:02:08,637 --> 01:02:10,465 I was a writing an article about neo-Nazis 1520 01:02:10,509 --> 01:02:12,119 and I had to get a bottom half 1521 01:02:12,163 --> 01:02:13,686 of a swastika tattooed on me... 1522 01:02:13,730 --> 01:02:15,470 Oh, my God....so they wouldn't kill me 1523 01:02:15,514 --> 01:02:17,472 and I didn't want that, 1524 01:02:17,516 --> 01:02:20,649 so I added little shoes and I made him a little stick man 1525 01:02:20,693 --> 01:02:23,957 and I named him Adolf Stickler. 1526 01:02:24,001 --> 01:02:26,046 You'd never know he had little swastika legs. 1527 01:02:26,090 --> 01:02:27,656 No.He's so happy about it. 1528 01:02:27,700 --> 01:02:29,049 I know, they just look like pants. 1529 01:02:29,093 --> 01:02:31,269 You'd never know he was born in the fires of hatred. 1530 01:02:34,838 --> 01:02:36,578 Man, I am hungry. 1531 01:02:39,103 --> 01:02:40,713 What time is it? 1532 01:02:40,757 --> 01:02:43,324 I couldn't tell you what fucking day it is. 1533 01:02:44,499 --> 01:02:47,415 And where... Where are we right now? 1534 01:02:47,459 --> 01:02:48,808 I don't have a clue. 1535 01:02:48,852 --> 01:02:49,853 You don't know? 1536 01:02:49,896 --> 01:02:51,115 No. They just dropped us here. 1537 01:02:51,158 --> 01:02:53,508 They just took us here on the helicopter. 1538 01:03:15,617 --> 01:03:16,662 AGENT M: Good morning, Mr. Flarsky. 1539 01:03:16,705 --> 01:03:17,881 Jesus! 1540 01:03:19,970 --> 01:03:21,406 You scared me, man. 1541 01:03:27,064 --> 01:03:29,806 Could you maybe not tell anybody about this? 1542 01:03:29,849 --> 01:03:31,590 They wouldn't believe me anyway. 1543 01:03:33,113 --> 01:03:34,201 Fair enough. 1544 01:03:35,289 --> 01:03:36,725 Good luck, man. 1545 01:03:38,684 --> 01:03:39,772 Thank you. 1546 01:03:48,781 --> 01:03:50,957 These helicopters are scary. 1547 01:03:51,001 --> 01:03:54,178 It's gonna be fine, Fred. Just breathe. 1548 01:03:57,181 --> 01:03:59,748 FRED: One, two, three, four. 1549 01:03:59,792 --> 01:04:01,794 One, two, three, four. 1550 01:04:13,937 --> 01:04:15,764 I feel so happy right now! 1551 01:04:15,808 --> 01:04:17,418 Like, I'm beginning to realize, 1552 01:04:17,462 --> 01:04:19,072 I may have never been happy. 1553 01:04:19,116 --> 01:04:21,727 This might be the first time I ever felt happy. 1554 01:04:21,770 --> 01:04:23,033 And it feels good. 1555 01:04:23,076 --> 01:04:26,036 This is like, the best shit that's ever happened. 1556 01:04:26,079 --> 01:04:27,951 There's like this crazy big banquet thing tonight, 1557 01:04:27,994 --> 01:04:29,735 and she gave me like a tuxedo to wear. 1558 01:04:29,778 --> 01:04:30,823 And it's not like a date, 1559 01:04:30,867 --> 01:04:32,303 but it kinda feels like a date. 1560 01:04:32,346 --> 01:04:34,914 How do I not fuck this up? Seems impossible. 1561 01:04:34,958 --> 01:04:37,221 Dude, you just need to give yourself affirmation, man. 1562 01:04:37,264 --> 01:04:38,962 You need to... 1563 01:04:39,005 --> 01:04:41,094 You need to say that you're worthy of love, man. 1564 01:04:42,052 --> 01:04:43,401 I am worthy of love. 1565 01:04:43,444 --> 01:04:44,968 All right, now you gotta say it 10,000 1566 01:04:45,011 --> 01:04:46,621 more times, until you believe it. 1567 01:04:46,665 --> 01:04:47,927 Okay, look, I gotta go. 1568 01:04:47,971 --> 01:04:50,364 I have no fucking clue how to tie a bow tie. 1569 01:04:50,408 --> 01:04:51,931 All right, man. Hey! 1570 01:04:51,975 --> 01:04:52,976 Be bold! 1571 01:05:09,514 --> 01:05:10,907 Hi. 1572 01:05:10,950 --> 01:05:13,474 You look really pretty. 1573 01:05:13,518 --> 01:05:14,823 Thank you. 1574 01:05:15,694 --> 01:05:18,740 You look really pretty, too. 1575 01:05:18,784 --> 01:05:19,828 Thank you. 1576 01:05:19,872 --> 01:05:21,091 Thanks for the suit. 1577 01:05:21,134 --> 01:05:22,266 We should probably head in. 1578 01:05:22,309 --> 01:05:23,441 Shall we?FRED: Yeah. 1579 01:05:27,010 --> 01:05:29,664 Wow. This is awesome. 1580 01:05:29,708 --> 01:05:31,231 It's cool being in Argentina. 1581 01:05:31,275 --> 01:05:32,754 I think the guys who killed my grandparents 1582 01:05:32,798 --> 01:05:34,539 are hiding here somewhere. 1583 01:05:35,192 --> 01:05:36,323 Shit, they got a band. 1584 01:05:38,325 --> 01:05:41,850 Do you wanna, uh, dance maybe? Or grab a drink? 1585 01:05:41,894 --> 01:05:43,243 So there are representatives 1586 01:05:43,287 --> 01:05:45,071 from over 75 countries here tonight. 1587 01:05:45,115 --> 01:05:46,768 She has three hours to get out there, 1588 01:05:46,812 --> 01:05:48,118 shake her money maker...Yeah. 1589 01:05:48,161 --> 01:05:49,467 ...and get as many commitments as possible. 1590 01:05:49,510 --> 01:05:51,034 This is a work event.Of course, yeah. I get it. 1591 01:05:51,077 --> 01:05:54,385 We could, uh, maybe at the end of the night, have a drink. 1592 01:05:54,428 --> 01:05:56,561 Yeah, if you have time. Cool. 1593 01:05:56,604 --> 01:05:58,650 We'll see.Yeah. 1594 01:05:58,693 --> 01:06:00,434 All right. Okay. 1595 01:06:04,438 --> 01:06:05,874 I know what's going on. 1596 01:06:09,052 --> 01:06:11,576 What do you mean?You know what I mean. 1597 01:06:11,619 --> 01:06:12,664 There's nothing going on. 1598 01:06:12,707 --> 01:06:14,883 Don't fucking bullshit me, Fred. 1599 01:06:14,927 --> 01:06:17,495 'Cause my EQ is through the goddamn roof. 1600 01:06:17,538 --> 01:06:20,585 And I understand and intuit the nuances of social dynamics 1601 01:06:20,628 --> 01:06:21,847 like you wouldn't believe. 1602 01:06:21,890 --> 01:06:24,458 The two of you are having sex with each other. 1603 01:06:24,502 --> 01:06:26,243 There's no way you could discern something like that. 1604 01:06:26,286 --> 01:06:27,592 Charlotte told me. 1605 01:06:28,288 --> 01:06:29,463 Really? 1606 01:06:29,507 --> 01:06:31,248 No, but you just did, you fucking idiot. 1607 01:06:31,291 --> 01:06:34,251 Fuck! Shit! That was fucking very clever. 1608 01:06:34,294 --> 01:06:35,469 Jesus, well, you know what, yes. 1609 01:06:35,513 --> 01:06:37,515 Okay. We're sexing one another down. 1610 01:06:37,558 --> 01:06:38,690 So?Ew. 1611 01:06:38,733 --> 01:06:39,865 Honestly, it's probably weirder to me 1612 01:06:39,908 --> 01:06:41,040 than it is to you.Look, 1613 01:06:41,084 --> 01:06:42,563 I can't believe I have to say this, 1614 01:06:42,607 --> 01:06:45,305 but just so you know, there's no way the two of you work. 1615 01:06:46,567 --> 01:06:48,178 Why would you say that? You don't know that. 1616 01:06:48,221 --> 01:06:50,267 The public will never accept the two of you together, 1617 01:06:50,310 --> 01:06:51,746 so neither will she. 1618 01:06:51,790 --> 01:06:53,226 Honestly, Fred, it doesn't matter 1619 01:06:53,270 --> 01:06:54,488 if you get it or you don't, 1620 01:06:54,532 --> 01:06:56,055 'cause the truth is, she is going to realize it 1621 01:06:56,099 --> 01:06:57,100 for the both of you, 1622 01:06:57,143 --> 01:06:59,232 then you'll have your heart broken. 1623 01:06:59,276 --> 01:07:00,668 And that could be kinda fun to watch. 1624 01:07:00,712 --> 01:07:02,322 Ambassador Plenipotentiary... 1625 01:07:19,513 --> 01:07:20,819 PARKER: Madam Secretary! 1626 01:07:21,950 --> 01:07:23,300 Excuse me. 1627 01:07:23,343 --> 01:07:24,475 Ah!Parker. 1628 01:07:24,518 --> 01:07:26,564 Nope. Nope. Uh... 1629 01:07:28,435 --> 01:07:31,873 You know, we still have not found time to sit down. 1630 01:07:31,917 --> 01:07:33,092 You know, it's not gonna happen. 1631 01:07:33,136 --> 01:07:34,615 I'm not gonna find time. 1632 01:07:34,659 --> 01:07:37,096 I will get my way on this. 1633 01:07:37,140 --> 01:07:38,532 I don't even know what you mean by "this," 1634 01:07:38,576 --> 01:07:41,100 but please have at it. It's all yours. 1635 01:07:41,144 --> 01:07:42,362 May I have a word?Can you excuse me? 1636 01:07:42,406 --> 01:07:43,668 We're in the middle of a conversation here. 1637 01:07:43,711 --> 01:07:46,236 Of course. Yes.Oh, my God. You are a... 1638 01:07:46,279 --> 01:07:48,890 You look absolutely wonderful. 1639 01:07:48,934 --> 01:07:50,762 CHARLOTTE: Oh. 1640 01:07:52,111 --> 01:07:53,417 I have to say, I have been 1641 01:07:53,460 --> 01:07:55,723 so impressed by your initiative. 1642 01:07:55,767 --> 01:07:57,421 Does this mean I can add Canada 1643 01:07:57,464 --> 01:07:59,423 to the list of countries taking part? 1644 01:07:59,466 --> 01:08:01,642 On one condition. 1645 01:08:01,686 --> 01:08:02,817 Let me guess. 1646 01:08:02,861 --> 01:08:05,168 You want fewer restrictions on lumber. 1647 01:08:05,211 --> 01:08:06,647 I don't care about lumber. 1648 01:08:08,040 --> 01:08:09,433 I just want to dance. 1649 01:08:13,001 --> 01:08:14,046 Sure. 1650 01:08:37,635 --> 01:08:38,723 Whoa! 1651 01:08:39,985 --> 01:08:41,334 Wow. 1652 01:08:42,814 --> 01:08:44,076 You know when you see something, 1653 01:08:44,120 --> 01:08:47,210 and it just looks right. 1654 01:08:47,253 --> 01:08:49,299 Like a Kangol hat on Samuel L. Jackson. 1655 01:08:49,342 --> 01:08:50,343 MAGGIE: Mmm-hmm. 1656 01:09:00,179 --> 01:09:01,789 I'm worthy of love. 1657 01:09:03,400 --> 01:09:04,836 I'm worthy of love. 1658 01:09:07,360 --> 01:09:08,753 What the fuck are you saying? 1659 01:09:09,623 --> 01:09:10,624 Nothing. 1660 01:09:43,875 --> 01:09:44,876 Bonjour,ma'am. 1661 01:10:17,909 --> 01:10:18,910 Excuse me. 1662 01:10:20,999 --> 01:10:22,392 Agent E, look alive. 1663 01:10:38,146 --> 01:10:39,322 Hi.Hey. 1664 01:10:40,323 --> 01:10:41,846 I hear you have a crush on me. 1665 01:10:43,326 --> 01:10:44,501 I do. 1666 01:10:46,242 --> 01:10:47,982 Kinda have a crush on you, too. 1667 01:10:49,593 --> 01:10:50,811 Well, that's cool. 1668 01:10:54,162 --> 01:10:56,252 Hey, I know I asked earlier. 1669 01:10:56,295 --> 01:10:57,688 But, uh... 1670 01:11:01,344 --> 01:11:02,780 Do you want to dance with me? 1671 01:11:05,565 --> 01:11:06,566 It's a dope song. 1672 01:11:07,785 --> 01:11:09,047 Really fucking good song. 1673 01:11:09,090 --> 01:11:10,222 Maybe the best song ever written. 1674 01:11:10,266 --> 01:11:11,267 Yeah. 1675 01:12:59,418 --> 01:13:00,898 I want you to fuck me from behind 1676 01:13:00,941 --> 01:13:02,160 and slap my ass really hard. 1677 01:13:04,728 --> 01:13:05,946 What? 1678 01:13:05,990 --> 01:13:07,383 What? 1679 01:13:07,426 --> 01:13:09,428 Nothing. What, did I say "what"? 1680 01:13:09,472 --> 01:13:10,821 Am I being too bossy? 1681 01:13:10,864 --> 01:13:13,519 No. No. No. No. Not at all. No. No. 1682 01:13:13,563 --> 01:13:15,216 I am. I am. I'm your boss all day, 1683 01:13:15,260 --> 01:13:16,348 and now I'm bossing you in bed. 1684 01:13:16,392 --> 01:13:17,436 I'm sorry. I didn't mean it that way. 1685 01:13:17,480 --> 01:13:19,003 No. Not at all. 1686 01:13:19,046 --> 01:13:20,526 My brain, honestly, just went into shock a little bit... 1687 01:13:20,570 --> 01:13:22,006 Yeah, but you hesitated. 1688 01:13:22,049 --> 01:13:24,748 No, it's just not how I imagined you liking things. 1689 01:13:24,791 --> 01:13:27,881 You know what? We'll do exactly what you were imagining. 1690 01:13:27,925 --> 01:13:29,883 And then you turn me around and slap me on my ass 1691 01:13:29,927 --> 01:13:31,232 and then choke me a little bit. 1692 01:13:31,929 --> 01:13:32,930 Oh, my God. 1693 01:13:40,590 --> 01:13:41,678 Whoa. 1694 01:13:51,688 --> 01:13:52,689 Frederick. 1695 01:13:53,472 --> 01:13:54,473 Margaret. 1696 01:13:59,478 --> 01:14:01,175 Hey, you forgot this... Oh, fuck! 1697 01:14:01,219 --> 01:14:02,873 Gross!Um... 1698 01:14:02,916 --> 01:14:04,309 I thought you guys hated each other. 1699 01:14:04,352 --> 01:14:06,442 We do hate each other.We do. Big time. 1700 01:14:06,485 --> 01:14:08,356 We are also fucking.Ugh. 1701 01:14:08,400 --> 01:14:09,488 How long have you been fucking? 1702 01:14:09,532 --> 01:14:10,620 That was probably 20 minutes. 1703 01:14:10,663 --> 01:14:11,708 Not right now! 1704 01:14:11,751 --> 01:14:13,971 Oh.A lot of questions. Um, I... 1705 01:14:14,014 --> 01:14:15,189 I would say anywhere between 1706 01:14:15,233 --> 01:14:17,017 two and five... Three and a half times. 1707 01:14:17,061 --> 01:14:18,802 I would say on my end, five. 1708 01:14:18,845 --> 01:14:20,412 Three and a half sounds right. 1709 01:14:20,456 --> 01:14:22,588 I don't know how you're tallying that shit. That's sick. 1710 01:14:22,632 --> 01:14:25,156 Okay, first of all, there's a woman present. 1711 01:14:25,199 --> 01:14:26,679 There's a woman in there, too? 1712 01:14:26,723 --> 01:14:28,551 Excuse me.Easy. 1713 01:14:28,594 --> 01:14:29,813 And I got it.Sorry. 1714 01:14:29,856 --> 01:14:31,292 Again.Sorry, I'm... 1715 01:14:31,336 --> 01:14:33,120 A woman is present and that woman is me. 1716 01:14:33,164 --> 01:14:34,600 You?TOM: We're talking about her. 1717 01:14:34,644 --> 01:14:36,515 Trust me, I know, Fred. 1718 01:14:36,559 --> 01:14:37,603 Tom, I got this. 1719 01:14:37,647 --> 01:14:39,170 Ugh!I'm gonna say goodnight. 1720 01:14:39,213 --> 01:14:40,432 You tuck that in. Goodnight to you. 1721 01:14:40,476 --> 01:14:41,564 And I will take my leave. 1722 01:14:41,607 --> 01:14:44,305 No. No way. I'm not touching that shit. 1723 01:14:44,349 --> 01:14:46,612 It's not the worst instinct.Guys, just... 1724 01:14:46,656 --> 01:14:47,700 Those hands have been places. 1725 01:14:47,744 --> 01:14:49,354 MAGGIE: Goodnight. 1726 01:14:49,397 --> 01:14:51,704 With France's commitment, U.S. Secretary of State 1727 01:14:51,748 --> 01:14:55,186 Charlotte Field's noble Rehabilitation Initiative 1728 01:14:55,229 --> 01:14:57,231 has secured the support of 100 countries. 1729 01:14:59,407 --> 01:15:01,018 The president wants to talk to you. 1730 01:15:01,061 --> 01:15:03,586 We've set up the tent in the next room, Madam Secretary. 1731 01:15:03,629 --> 01:15:04,978 Tell him hi. 1732 01:15:09,548 --> 01:15:12,029 Mr. President. Bonjour. 1733 01:15:12,072 --> 01:15:13,596 CHAMBERS: Charlie,bonjour. 1734 01:15:13,639 --> 01:15:16,816 Hey, what's this I hear about an environmental treaty thing? 1735 01:15:16,860 --> 01:15:18,557 Oh, it's the Global 1736 01:15:18,601 --> 01:15:20,690 Rehabilitation Initiative, sir. 1737 01:15:20,733 --> 01:15:23,344 It's been on your desk for the last three weeks. 1738 01:15:23,388 --> 01:15:25,477 Yeah, well, we ran it up the flagpole 1739 01:15:25,521 --> 01:15:27,740 and it's ruffling some feathers. 1740 01:15:27,784 --> 01:15:29,916 Sir, you are the flagpole. 1741 01:15:29,960 --> 01:15:33,485 There are actually quite a few flagpoles in this joint. 1742 01:15:33,529 --> 01:15:35,182 We need you to revise it. 1743 01:15:35,226 --> 01:15:36,227 Sir? 1744 01:15:37,097 --> 01:15:39,230 We need you to kill the trees. 1745 01:15:43,234 --> 01:15:44,801 Why would he do that? 1746 01:15:44,844 --> 01:15:47,543 Because he's funded by a bunch of fucking rich assholes 1747 01:15:47,586 --> 01:15:49,066 and I probably pissed one of them off. 1748 01:15:49,109 --> 01:15:50,676 Can I just say the optics of this 1749 01:15:50,720 --> 01:15:52,591 are actually not that different? 1750 01:15:52,635 --> 01:15:54,332 The initiative still has the same name. 1751 01:15:54,375 --> 01:15:56,029 It sounds very impressive, 1752 01:15:56,073 --> 01:15:58,205 which is ultimately all that matters. 1753 01:15:58,249 --> 01:16:00,817 I actually cared about this. 1754 01:16:00,860 --> 01:16:02,558 Now what am I fucking left with? Bees? 1755 01:16:02,601 --> 01:16:03,689 I don't even like bees. 1756 01:16:03,733 --> 01:16:05,038 Do you have to listen to him? 1757 01:16:05,082 --> 01:16:08,259 Yes. I have to listen to him. 1758 01:16:08,302 --> 01:16:11,044 Because unless he endorses me, I won't win. 1759 01:16:11,088 --> 01:16:13,960 And this whole fucking show would have been for nothing. 1760 01:16:14,004 --> 01:16:16,049 Well, maybe you don't need his endorsement to win. 1761 01:16:16,093 --> 01:16:17,529 You know? People are digging your shit. 1762 01:16:17,573 --> 01:16:19,096 And your numbers are good. 1763 01:16:19,139 --> 01:16:21,359 You know what, Fred? She needs a little alone time. 1764 01:16:21,402 --> 01:16:22,752 Right, she probably just needs a friend right now. 1765 01:16:22,795 --> 01:16:23,840 MAGGIE: Time to go, buddy. 1766 01:16:23,883 --> 01:16:25,668 CHARLOTTE: Oh, my God. 1767 01:16:25,711 --> 01:16:29,019 Maggie, just give me a second alone with Fred, please. 1768 01:16:43,816 --> 01:16:46,297 I don't wanna do this job anymore. 1769 01:16:46,340 --> 01:16:47,428 I fuckin' hate it. 1770 01:16:48,299 --> 01:16:50,475 I mean, what's the point? 1771 01:16:50,518 --> 01:16:53,609 Every time I do something, it just gets undone. 1772 01:16:54,348 --> 01:16:55,611 I'm sorry. 1773 01:16:55,654 --> 01:16:57,351 I just wanna be a normal person 1774 01:16:57,395 --> 01:16:59,049 and not give a fuck about anything 1775 01:16:59,092 --> 01:17:01,094 just like the rest of the world. 1776 01:17:01,138 --> 01:17:03,183 Yeah, most people don't give a shit about anything. 1777 01:17:03,227 --> 01:17:04,837 I bet it's really nice. 1778 01:17:06,056 --> 01:17:07,797 That's what I want. 1779 01:17:07,840 --> 01:17:09,973 I don't know how to give that to you. 1780 01:17:13,541 --> 01:17:14,978 Let's get fucked up. 1781 01:17:15,500 --> 01:17:16,544 Fucked up? 1782 01:17:16,588 --> 01:17:18,851 Yeah.Like a few beers fucked up 1783 01:17:18,895 --> 01:17:21,201 or more than that fucked up? 1784 01:17:21,245 --> 01:17:23,203 Like super fucked up. 1785 01:17:28,992 --> 01:17:31,559 I want to smoke a Molly with you. 1786 01:17:32,865 --> 01:17:34,084 What? 1787 01:17:34,780 --> 01:17:36,695 That's not, um... 1788 01:17:36,739 --> 01:17:38,262 That's not how you take it, but... 1789 01:17:38,305 --> 01:17:39,437 How do you take it? 1790 01:17:39,480 --> 01:17:40,960 It's a pill. You take it in your mouth. 1791 01:17:41,004 --> 01:17:42,658 But I don't know if you wanna do it. 1792 01:17:42,701 --> 01:17:43,789 Why not? 1793 01:17:43,833 --> 01:17:45,704 I just don't know if it's a good idea. 1794 01:17:45,748 --> 01:17:49,229 As your boss, I'm ordering you to get me a Molly. 1795 01:17:50,143 --> 01:17:51,362 Oh, man. 1796 01:18:21,392 --> 01:18:22,567 You good? 1797 01:18:22,610 --> 01:18:24,525 I don't feel anything. 1798 01:18:24,569 --> 01:18:26,527 You don't feel it? 1799 01:18:26,571 --> 01:18:28,268 No, I don't feel a fucking thing. 1800 01:18:28,312 --> 01:18:31,054 Ooh! Wow. 1801 01:18:31,663 --> 01:18:34,013 ... Was right. 1802 01:18:34,057 --> 01:18:37,887 Holy fuck... 1803 01:18:37,930 --> 01:18:39,323 No! 1804 01:18:39,366 --> 01:18:41,760 My jaw feels really weird. 1805 01:18:41,804 --> 01:18:42,892 Yeah, that's the drugs. 1806 01:18:42,935 --> 01:18:44,676 Drugs love a jaw. 1807 01:18:44,720 --> 01:18:46,939 I want more.No, no, no, no. 1808 01:18:46,983 --> 01:18:48,462 Maybe in like an hour. 1809 01:18:48,506 --> 01:18:50,116 We should do it now. 1810 01:19:18,928 --> 01:19:21,147 Yes, motherfuckers! 1811 01:19:21,191 --> 01:19:23,062 I could do this forever! 1812 01:19:23,106 --> 01:19:24,585 We're gonna. 1813 01:19:24,629 --> 01:19:26,936 I know I've been like... 1814 01:19:26,979 --> 01:19:29,242 I've been, like, playing it pretty cool. 1815 01:19:29,286 --> 01:19:31,244 Like I've probably been a little hard to read, 1816 01:19:31,288 --> 01:19:32,811 and I've been acting kinda, like, aloof, 1817 01:19:32,855 --> 01:19:34,682 maybe like I don't care that much. 1818 01:19:34,726 --> 01:19:37,947 But I don't wanna do that anymore. I really like you. 1819 01:19:37,990 --> 01:19:40,340 You haven't been playing it cool at all. 1820 01:19:40,384 --> 01:19:42,908 You just followed me into the bathroom. 1821 01:19:42,952 --> 01:19:44,214 Yeah, to talk. 1822 01:19:44,257 --> 01:19:46,390 I really like you, too!Really? 1823 01:19:46,433 --> 01:19:47,913 Yeah!Yeah! 1824 01:19:49,915 --> 01:19:52,744 Madam Secretary!Yeah! Whoa! 1825 01:19:52,788 --> 01:19:54,528 Madam Secretary! Listen to me! 1826 01:19:54,572 --> 01:19:56,704 Dance with me, Steven! Dance! 1827 01:19:56,748 --> 01:19:57,836 We have a situation. 1828 01:19:57,880 --> 01:19:59,055 Huh? 1829 01:20:07,498 --> 01:20:09,282 FRED: Yo. 1830 01:20:09,326 --> 01:20:12,329 How much longer is this Molly stuff gonna last? 1831 01:20:12,372 --> 01:20:14,026 We just re-upped. 1832 01:20:14,070 --> 01:20:16,289 You kept saying you wanted to take more, so we did. 1833 01:20:16,333 --> 01:20:19,423 So we have another maybe four or five hours. 1834 01:20:20,641 --> 01:20:22,774 Yeah. Why? 1835 01:20:22,818 --> 01:20:24,558 I'm in so much trouble. 1836 01:20:24,602 --> 01:20:25,646 FRED: What's happening? 1837 01:20:25,690 --> 01:20:27,126 I'm gonna be in so much trouble. 1838 01:20:27,170 --> 01:20:29,433 What's happening? Are they outta water? 1839 01:20:30,260 --> 01:20:31,739 One of our U2s went down 1840 01:20:31,783 --> 01:20:34,307 while performing a standard fly-over in Kashtari airspace. 1841 01:20:34,351 --> 01:20:35,743 The pilot was able to eject, 1842 01:20:35,787 --> 01:20:38,442 but it appears he was taken by the Kashtari military. 1843 01:20:38,485 --> 01:20:40,052 Thank you, General. 1844 01:20:40,096 --> 01:20:41,706 Prime Minister Bharath is refusing 1845 01:20:41,749 --> 01:20:44,056 to return the pilot to United States custody. 1846 01:20:44,100 --> 01:20:46,015 He's personally hurt by the many insults 1847 01:20:46,058 --> 01:20:47,668 hurled at him by POTUS. 1848 01:20:47,712 --> 01:20:49,540 Good job. All right. 1849 01:20:52,282 --> 01:20:53,674 It's gonna be okay in there, right? 1850 01:20:54,632 --> 01:20:55,894 That's up to you, ma'am. 1851 01:20:57,200 --> 01:20:59,724 Oh, God. You got this. 1852 01:21:17,133 --> 01:21:19,178 I can hold onto your sunglasses for you, if you'd like. 1853 01:21:19,222 --> 01:21:24,270 Oh, no. I have alopecia. In both eyes. 1854 01:21:30,755 --> 01:21:32,017 Hello. 1855 01:21:32,061 --> 01:21:32,975 BHARATH: Secretary Field! 1856 01:21:33,018 --> 01:21:34,106 CHARLOTTE: Oh, my God! 1857 01:21:34,150 --> 01:21:36,935 Hello, Bharath? Hey. 1858 01:21:36,979 --> 01:21:40,417 I hear we have a situation here? 1859 01:21:40,460 --> 01:21:43,594 One that we both probably want resolved. 1860 01:21:45,378 --> 01:21:47,903 Very quickly... 1861 01:21:47,946 --> 01:21:50,383 You're not going to bully me this time, Madam Secretary. 1862 01:21:50,427 --> 01:21:51,994 Your man will stay here 1863 01:21:52,037 --> 01:21:54,953 until your president personally apologizes to me. 1864 01:21:54,997 --> 01:21:55,998 Over Instagram. 1865 01:21:57,260 --> 01:22:00,219 He won't do that.Yeah, no. Yes... 1866 01:22:01,351 --> 01:22:03,570 Yo.Yes? 1867 01:22:03,614 --> 01:22:05,007 Can I level with you? 1868 01:22:05,050 --> 01:22:06,704 Can I fill you in on something? 1869 01:22:06,747 --> 01:22:08,010 Go ahead. 1870 01:22:08,053 --> 01:22:09,315 Me and Charlotte, we're fucked up right now. 1871 01:22:09,359 --> 01:22:10,534 We're on drugs. 1872 01:22:10,577 --> 01:22:11,927 First of all, I don't wanna talk about that. 1873 01:22:11,970 --> 01:22:13,537 Why? We can't talk about the drugs. 1874 01:22:13,580 --> 01:22:14,973 Do you know we're on drugs? 1875 01:22:15,017 --> 01:22:17,410 I don't wanna talk about that in this room. 1876 01:22:18,672 --> 01:22:19,891 What's happening? 1877 01:22:21,197 --> 01:22:22,241 We're on drugs right now. 1878 01:22:24,374 --> 01:22:26,028 That's funny. That's a funny joke! 1879 01:22:26,071 --> 01:22:27,986 FRED: What's a joke? We're on fucking drugs... 1880 01:22:29,335 --> 01:22:30,467 Are we going somewhere? 1881 01:22:32,295 --> 01:22:34,123 What is that? 1882 01:22:34,166 --> 01:22:36,473 What is happening? We're on drugs right now. 1883 01:22:36,516 --> 01:22:39,084 So you're admitting that the United States government 1884 01:22:39,128 --> 01:22:41,391 ordered these planes to spy on my country? 1885 01:22:41,434 --> 01:22:42,479 No. 1886 01:22:43,741 --> 01:22:46,831 No! No! Of course not! 1887 01:22:46,874 --> 01:22:48,964 That's what it sounded like. Face it. 1888 01:22:49,007 --> 01:22:50,574 You have no leverage here. 1889 01:22:50,617 --> 01:22:53,316 Match his aggression, Madam. It's the only way out of this. 1890 01:22:53,359 --> 01:22:55,927 I don't know, he seems really fucking pissed off. 1891 01:22:55,971 --> 01:22:57,276 Get more fucking pissed. 1892 01:22:57,320 --> 01:22:58,843 Let him know who's really in charge. 1893 01:23:03,717 --> 01:23:05,328 Oh, my God, that really hurt. 1894 01:23:06,633 --> 01:23:08,287 I gotta be honest, I'm not... 1895 01:23:08,331 --> 01:23:11,551 I'm not feeling all this aggression stuff. 1896 01:23:11,595 --> 01:23:15,120 I'm into more of, like, a chilled vibe. 1897 01:23:15,164 --> 01:23:17,993 You know, just feeling... 1898 01:23:18,906 --> 01:23:20,821 God, are those Gauloises? 1899 01:23:21,822 --> 01:23:23,302 Just, I'm so... 1900 01:23:24,695 --> 01:23:27,002 I'm just gonna bum one. 1901 01:23:29,134 --> 01:23:30,483 Just give me one sec. 1902 01:23:30,527 --> 01:23:31,615 Don't worry. 1903 01:23:39,840 --> 01:23:40,885 Bharath. 1904 01:23:40,928 --> 01:23:42,582 Hello? Listen. 1905 01:23:43,931 --> 01:23:45,846 Mmm. Mmm. 1906 01:23:47,457 --> 01:23:52,201 You and I are in the same boat, my friend. 1907 01:23:52,940 --> 01:23:54,464 How is that the case? 1908 01:23:54,507 --> 01:23:55,987 We both have to deal with my boss 1909 01:23:56,031 --> 01:23:59,208 and we both think he is an asshole. 1910 01:23:59,251 --> 01:24:01,297 You also think he's an asshole? 1911 01:24:01,340 --> 01:24:02,950 Oh, my God, he's such an asshole. 1912 01:24:02,994 --> 01:24:04,778 His stupid fucking TV show 1913 01:24:04,822 --> 01:24:06,693 was like, good for three episodes 1914 01:24:06,737 --> 01:24:08,521 and then it just didn't make any sense. 1915 01:24:08,565 --> 01:24:10,741 Fuck, it feels good to say that. 1916 01:24:13,787 --> 01:24:14,788 Listen. 1917 01:24:17,008 --> 01:24:21,056 You need to keep this on the real DL. 1918 01:24:21,099 --> 01:24:24,320 We both know that the U.S. does not 1919 01:24:24,363 --> 01:24:27,497 negotiate with terrorists. 1920 01:24:27,540 --> 01:24:33,024 But, we do negotiate with homies. 1921 01:24:33,068 --> 01:24:35,548 So if you give us our guy back, 1922 01:24:35,592 --> 01:24:39,726 I'm gonna hook you up with a sweet aid package. 1923 01:24:39,770 --> 01:24:42,773 So not only do you not have to keep a guy hostage, 1924 01:24:42,816 --> 01:24:46,472 which is a pretty shitty thing to do. 1925 01:24:46,516 --> 01:24:48,213 I mean, I've done it myself. 1926 01:24:48,257 --> 01:24:50,346 Don't tell anybody, super classified. 1927 01:24:51,347 --> 01:24:53,088 It sucks, I hate it. 1928 01:24:53,131 --> 01:24:58,180 Yeah. So, why don't we instead 1929 01:24:58,223 --> 01:25:02,053 save a ton of lives? 1930 01:25:02,097 --> 01:25:05,274 I mean, that's pretty fucking awesome, right? 1931 01:25:05,317 --> 01:25:07,102 I think this is a really good idea. 1932 01:25:10,409 --> 01:25:11,628 What do you say? 1933 01:25:14,283 --> 01:25:15,849 Ma'am. 1934 01:25:20,680 --> 01:25:22,900 Hostage saved, motherfuckers! 1935 01:25:22,943 --> 01:25:25,555 Yeah, yeah! 1936 01:25:25,598 --> 01:25:28,514 She did it! She did it!She did it! 1937 01:25:28,558 --> 01:25:31,169 I'm here with Secretary of State Charlotte Field. 1938 01:25:31,213 --> 01:25:33,737 Who, after a tense and complicated negotiation 1939 01:25:33,780 --> 01:25:35,652 with Kashtar, has secured the release 1940 01:25:35,695 --> 01:25:38,698 of the pilot of the U.S. spy plane that went down 1941 01:25:38,742 --> 01:25:40,874 over Kashtari airspace. 1942 01:25:40,918 --> 01:25:42,963 I know, right. Crazy. 1943 01:25:43,007 --> 01:25:44,356 REPORTER: And this is all in the midst 1944 01:25:44,400 --> 01:25:46,532 of the success of your environmental initiative, 1945 01:25:46,576 --> 01:25:50,101 which I understand has secured the support of 100 countries. 1946 01:25:50,145 --> 01:25:51,537 CHARLOTTE: Yes, um...Ooh, sore subject. 1947 01:25:51,581 --> 01:25:53,191 I'm very happy to announce that 1948 01:25:53,235 --> 01:25:56,151 not only do I have the support of those 100 countries, 1949 01:25:56,194 --> 01:25:58,762 but the president himself called me personally 1950 01:25:58,805 --> 01:26:00,894 just to tell me how psyched he is about this initiative... 1951 01:26:00,938 --> 01:26:03,854 Did he call? Did he call?That didn't happen. 1952 01:26:03,897 --> 01:26:05,160 ...don't change a word, 1953 01:26:05,203 --> 01:26:08,075 especially the part, uh, with the trees. 1954 01:26:08,119 --> 01:26:09,599 That's a lie.CHARLOTTE: So, all in all, 1955 01:26:09,642 --> 01:26:11,035 I'm just... Well, 1956 01:26:11,078 --> 01:26:13,646 I kinda feel like I'm just kinda crushing it right now. 1957 01:26:13,690 --> 01:26:16,083 Thank you so much. So...Thank you. 1958 01:26:16,693 --> 01:26:17,737 Thank you. 1959 01:26:17,781 --> 01:26:20,175 The incredible Charlotte Field. 1960 01:26:20,218 --> 01:26:22,307 Who clearly still feels the effects 1961 01:26:22,351 --> 01:26:25,702 of the intense all-night hostage situation. 1962 01:26:38,149 --> 01:26:40,934 After negotiating the release of Lieutenant Gary Smith... 1963 01:26:40,978 --> 01:26:42,849 Charlotte Field's popularity continues to skyrocket... 1964 01:26:42,893 --> 01:26:44,503 In the newest Gallup poll, 68%... 1965 01:26:44,547 --> 01:26:47,898 ...are women mentally unfit to hold the presidency? 1966 01:26:47,941 --> 01:26:49,682 Here to chat about it is Chris Brown, 1967 01:26:49,726 --> 01:26:52,163 Jeremy Piven, and Brett Ratner. 1968 01:26:52,207 --> 01:26:54,905 In the wake of her successful hostage negotiation, 1969 01:26:54,948 --> 01:26:57,168 Charlotte Field's poll numbers keep going up. 1970 01:26:57,212 --> 01:26:58,343 MALE REPORTER: I'd like to apologize 1971 01:26:58,387 --> 01:26:59,866 to Charlotte, and anyone out there 1972 01:26:59,910 --> 01:27:03,000 who was upset yesterday when I called her Booby-McBoobson. 1973 01:27:04,741 --> 01:27:06,003 Give me the president's office. 1974 01:27:06,830 --> 01:27:08,875 Yep? 1975 01:27:08,919 --> 01:27:10,399 MAGGIE: Can I talk to you for a second? 1976 01:27:10,442 --> 01:27:12,052 Of course. 1977 01:27:12,096 --> 01:27:14,011 We got some new polling that I thought I'd share with you. 1978 01:27:14,054 --> 01:27:15,186 All right. 1979 01:27:15,230 --> 01:27:16,622 MAGGIE: It feels like everything 1980 01:27:16,666 --> 01:27:17,928 is kinda falling into place for us. 1981 01:27:17,971 --> 01:27:19,451 So we thought we'd dig a little deeper 1982 01:27:19,495 --> 01:27:20,974 and make sure there are no surprises. 1983 01:27:21,018 --> 01:27:22,628 Why are you acting so weird?It's good. 1984 01:27:22,672 --> 01:27:24,543 We got some really helpful feedback. 1985 01:27:25,849 --> 01:27:27,459 From the public. 1986 01:27:27,503 --> 01:27:30,810 So we asked a thousand constituents 1987 01:27:30,854 --> 01:27:32,464 how they would feel 1988 01:27:32,508 --> 01:27:35,554 if, say, Princess Di...CHARLOTTE: Hmm. 1989 01:27:35,598 --> 01:27:37,077 ...if she were to start dating 1990 01:27:37,948 --> 01:27:38,949 Guy Fieri. 1991 01:27:40,559 --> 01:27:42,387 I don't even know who that is. 1992 01:27:42,431 --> 01:27:44,041 MAGGIE: They don't like that. 1993 01:27:44,084 --> 01:27:46,522 CHARLOTTE: Yeah.MAGGIE: Or Kate Middleton 1994 01:27:46,565 --> 01:27:48,785 were to start dating Danny DeVito. 1995 01:27:48,828 --> 01:27:49,916 I see where you're going with this. 1996 01:27:49,960 --> 01:27:51,309 Pretty negative reaction. 1997 01:27:51,353 --> 01:27:53,877 Or if Jennifer Lawrence 1998 01:27:53,920 --> 01:27:57,141 were to start dating this potato in a teal windbreaker. 1999 01:27:58,229 --> 01:28:00,057 They would be very upset. 2000 01:28:00,100 --> 01:28:01,406 You did a lot of work, 2001 01:28:01,450 --> 01:28:03,365 and I...Well, but, can I just finish? 2002 01:28:03,408 --> 01:28:05,671 No, that's, like, a lot of... I get it. 2003 01:28:05,715 --> 01:28:07,543 Madam Secretary. I have no desire 2004 01:28:07,586 --> 01:28:09,588 to limit your romantic life.Good. 2005 01:28:09,632 --> 01:28:12,374 But the optics of you and Fred 2006 01:28:12,417 --> 01:28:14,985 will make a presidential run very challenging. 2007 01:28:15,028 --> 01:28:16,291 Fred is a journalist. 2008 01:28:16,334 --> 01:28:18,423 Who's written some extremely fucked-up stuff. 2009 01:28:18,467 --> 01:28:21,470 No. That's exposed some really fucked-up stuff. 2010 01:28:22,645 --> 01:28:24,908 And I just want to know for myself, 2011 01:28:24,951 --> 01:28:27,911 you're comfortable with putting everything on the line for a hookup? 2012 01:28:27,954 --> 01:28:29,565 Oh, my God. 2013 01:28:29,608 --> 01:28:30,783 Why are we having this conversation? 2014 01:28:30,827 --> 01:28:32,219 This is insane. 2015 01:28:32,263 --> 01:28:35,092 I don't have to explain myself to you. 2016 01:28:35,135 --> 01:28:36,746 I'm sorry. I really don't understand this. 2017 01:28:36,789 --> 01:28:38,269 And I fucking love you, Charlotte. 2018 01:28:38,313 --> 01:28:39,575 I want you to be happy. 2019 01:28:39,618 --> 01:28:40,750 But more than that, I want you to be in charge. 2020 01:28:40,793 --> 01:28:42,665 And I want you to be president. 2021 01:28:42,708 --> 01:28:44,884 For the sake of the future of our country. 2022 01:28:48,888 --> 01:28:50,455 Look, there's another option. 2023 01:28:51,935 --> 01:28:53,284 There's a guy who works for the Secret Service 2024 01:28:53,328 --> 01:28:57,375 whose job it is to handle the mistresses... 2025 01:28:57,419 --> 01:28:58,811 Maggie. You're gonna have to stop. 2026 01:28:58,855 --> 01:29:01,118 And there are a series of tunnels in the White House 2027 01:29:01,161 --> 01:29:02,641 that Woodrow Wilson...That's enough. 2028 01:29:04,991 --> 01:29:06,602 Fred is not an idea 2029 01:29:06,645 --> 01:29:09,169 that I'm floating by you for your approval. 2030 01:29:09,213 --> 01:29:11,258 And you're getting very close to crossing a line. 2031 01:29:16,916 --> 01:29:18,265 Okay. Got it. 2032 01:29:18,309 --> 01:29:19,571 Goodnight, Madam Secretary. 2033 01:29:25,490 --> 01:29:27,579 When I grow up, I want to be Charlotte Field. 2034 01:29:27,623 --> 01:29:29,059 Because she's smart and pretty 2035 01:29:29,102 --> 01:29:30,582 and she's going to be president. 2036 01:29:38,938 --> 01:29:41,680 I will be that little girl's president. 2037 01:29:41,724 --> 01:29:44,988 Thank you, and God bless America. 2038 01:29:45,031 --> 01:29:48,208 MAGGIE: Massive applause. Massive cheering. 2039 01:29:48,252 --> 01:29:50,385 At that point, I think the stage would descend, 2040 01:29:50,428 --> 01:29:54,127 right, and then Lil Uzi Vert or Charli XCX 2041 01:29:54,171 --> 01:29:56,434 would join hands with the Harlem Boys Choir... 2042 01:29:56,478 --> 01:29:58,305 Well, I said we'll figure that out later. 2043 01:30:00,220 --> 01:30:01,570 Uh, Madam Secretary, 2044 01:30:01,613 --> 01:30:03,093 the president would like to see you right now. 2045 01:30:03,746 --> 01:30:04,921 Shit. 2046 01:30:05,965 --> 01:30:07,010 Damn it! 2047 01:30:07,053 --> 01:30:08,403 The nation is at war! 2048 01:30:09,273 --> 01:30:10,796 I find myself torn. 2049 01:30:10,840 --> 01:30:14,974 Torn between my personal love and my love of country... 2050 01:30:15,018 --> 01:30:16,541 Sir, is this a good time? 2051 01:30:16,585 --> 01:30:19,588 Oh, hi, Charlotte. No, I'm just running lines. 2052 01:30:19,631 --> 01:30:20,937 Oh.CHAMBERS: All right. 2053 01:30:20,980 --> 01:30:22,417 Clear the room. Everybody, just Charlotte, please. 2054 01:30:25,985 --> 01:30:26,986 Thanks. 2055 01:30:30,381 --> 01:30:31,904 Is everything okay, sir? 2056 01:30:32,992 --> 01:30:35,255 PARKER: Oh, look who it is. 2057 01:30:35,908 --> 01:30:38,607 She's here at last. 2058 01:30:38,650 --> 01:30:41,174 You gotta love that secret door. Sit down. 2059 01:30:45,527 --> 01:30:47,137 This feels like an ambush. 2060 01:30:47,180 --> 01:30:49,182 Well, in the entertainment world, 2061 01:30:49,226 --> 01:30:51,402 we call this a surprise walk-on. 2062 01:30:51,446 --> 01:30:52,664 You see, Charlotte, 2063 01:30:52,708 --> 01:30:55,406 we have a number of business interests 2064 01:30:55,450 --> 01:30:58,235 and that, you know, may be gravely affected 2065 01:30:58,278 --> 01:31:00,193 by this agreement of yours. 2066 01:31:00,237 --> 01:31:02,544 Yeah. Uh, aside from getting into film, 2067 01:31:02,587 --> 01:31:05,372 I'm looking to use my connections as president 2068 01:31:05,416 --> 01:31:07,418 to expand my investment portfolio. 2069 01:31:07,462 --> 01:31:09,986 Sort of like an Ashton Kutcher type thing, you know. 2070 01:31:10,029 --> 01:31:12,902 I mean, that guy is killing with acting and investing... 2071 01:31:12,945 --> 01:31:15,687 I think what the president is trying to say, 2072 01:31:15,731 --> 01:31:18,560 is that the server farm we want to build in Alaska 2073 01:31:18,603 --> 01:31:22,128 is sitting on 10 miles of land which will now be 2074 01:31:22,172 --> 01:31:24,043 protected by your initiative. 2075 01:31:24,783 --> 01:31:26,089 Move your server farm. 2076 01:31:26,132 --> 01:31:27,917 PARKER: We want to build it in Alaska. 2077 01:31:27,960 --> 01:31:29,614 There's plenty of room for expansion. 2078 01:31:29,658 --> 01:31:32,574 Charlotte. I'm surprised that it's come to this. 2079 01:31:32,617 --> 01:31:34,489 You're usually so agreeable. 2080 01:31:34,532 --> 01:31:36,752 But I watched you undermine me 2081 01:31:36,795 --> 01:31:38,797 on TV the other day. 2082 01:31:38,841 --> 01:31:40,886 TV of all places. 2083 01:31:40,930 --> 01:31:42,932 That's my medium. All right? 2084 01:31:42,975 --> 01:31:46,544 You used TV against me! 2085 01:31:46,588 --> 01:31:49,155 That was your first mistake. 2086 01:31:49,199 --> 01:31:52,071 Look, I'm about to give you the easiest ultimatum 2087 01:31:52,115 --> 01:31:54,204 that you're ever, ever gonna receive. 2088 01:31:55,945 --> 01:31:57,555 Drop the tree thing. 2089 01:31:57,599 --> 01:32:00,123 Or?PARKER: Or... 2090 01:32:00,166 --> 01:32:06,129 We will release the content of your friend's hard drive. 2091 01:32:06,172 --> 01:32:08,784 We found a lot of interesting stuff 2092 01:32:08,827 --> 01:32:10,568 when we hacked into his webcam. 2093 01:32:10,612 --> 01:32:12,657 Now here is a little taster. 2094 01:32:15,921 --> 01:32:19,011 Yo, Charlotte, it's Fred. 2095 01:32:19,055 --> 01:32:20,796 Uh, you want to come to my room 2096 01:32:20,839 --> 01:32:23,015 and have sex with me really fast? 2097 01:32:23,059 --> 01:32:26,149 Oh no, don't worry. I'll find ways to kill time today. 2098 01:32:26,192 --> 01:32:27,890 It's cool. Just let me know when you're back. 2099 01:32:27,933 --> 01:32:29,021 Great. 2100 01:32:33,548 --> 01:32:35,201 CHARLOTTE: ...important to me. 2101 01:32:35,245 --> 01:32:37,726 That's a good speech. 2102 01:32:37,769 --> 01:32:39,728 CHARLOTTE: The band of misfits fight back... 2103 01:32:39,771 --> 01:32:41,643 Nice dress. ...against the bullies. 2104 01:32:43,079 --> 01:32:44,297 Never giving up. 2105 01:32:44,341 --> 01:32:45,472 Never laying down. 2106 01:32:48,606 --> 01:32:49,912 CHARLOTTE: In high school, 2107 01:32:49,955 --> 01:32:51,304 I would talk about the underdog a lot. 2108 01:32:53,655 --> 01:32:56,266 And I would often find myself on a soapbox 2109 01:32:56,309 --> 01:32:58,921 rambling on and on about the injustices 2110 01:32:58,964 --> 01:33:00,183 of the world. 2111 01:33:02,402 --> 01:33:04,013 Which makes you extremely popular... 2112 01:33:05,710 --> 01:33:07,407 ...especially when everybody would rather be watching 2113 01:33:07,451 --> 01:33:09,105 Beverly Hills, 90210. 2114 01:33:16,939 --> 01:33:18,897 Oh, wow. 2115 01:33:23,946 --> 01:33:25,687 Oh, boy! 2116 01:33:28,733 --> 01:33:31,475 Oh, no... 2117 01:33:31,518 --> 01:33:32,781 Yucky. 2118 01:33:35,218 --> 01:33:36,262 FRED: Oh, boy! 2119 01:33:36,306 --> 01:33:37,916 What the fuck? 2120 01:33:39,352 --> 01:33:44,270 Oh, my God! I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry this happened. 2121 01:33:44,314 --> 01:33:45,924 You don't have to be sorry.What do we do? 2122 01:33:45,968 --> 01:33:47,926 This is what everyone was afraid was gonna happen, 2123 01:33:47,970 --> 01:33:49,014 because of me. 2124 01:33:49,058 --> 01:33:50,581 And now it's happening because of me. 2125 01:33:50,625 --> 01:33:51,669 Do I get a publicist?No. 2126 01:33:51,713 --> 01:33:52,975 Do I do a publicity tour?Stop. 2127 01:33:53,018 --> 01:33:54,193 Do we have a press conference? 2128 01:33:54,237 --> 01:33:57,196 Fred, listen to me. I took the deal. 2129 01:33:58,720 --> 01:33:59,764 What? 2130 01:33:59,808 --> 01:34:01,200 We scratched the tree thing 2131 01:34:01,244 --> 01:34:03,681 and I have a real shot at becoming president. 2132 01:34:03,725 --> 01:34:08,817 And some billionaire motherfucker 2133 01:34:08,860 --> 01:34:12,734 gets to blackmail you? Using me? 2134 01:34:12,777 --> 01:34:15,084 Doing something that everybody does? 2135 01:34:15,127 --> 01:34:17,086 Out of a policy that you cared about, 2136 01:34:17,129 --> 01:34:18,696 since you were in middle school. 2137 01:34:18,740 --> 01:34:20,350 Since I've known you, you've cared about this. 2138 01:34:20,393 --> 01:34:21,830 And now you're just gonna get rid of it? 2139 01:34:21,873 --> 01:34:26,095 I'm trying to compromise here for a bigger goal. 2140 01:34:26,138 --> 01:34:27,270 Well, I don't think you should right now. 2141 01:34:27,313 --> 01:34:28,401 Oh, my God! 2142 01:34:28,445 --> 01:34:29,881 Of course you don't think I should. 2143 01:34:29,925 --> 01:34:31,883 You never compromise for anything in your life, 2144 01:34:31,927 --> 01:34:33,711 which gives you the perfect excuse to fail. 2145 01:34:33,755 --> 01:34:36,583 Well, it's better than maybe bending over backwards 2146 01:34:36,627 --> 01:34:37,889 for anyone who asked, 2147 01:34:37,933 --> 01:34:39,456 to the point that you don't even know 2148 01:34:39,499 --> 01:34:40,936 why the fuck you're doing this shit anymore! 2149 01:34:40,979 --> 01:34:42,720 In my world, in order to achieve 2150 01:34:42,764 --> 01:34:44,635 what I'm trying to achieve, I have to compromise. 2151 01:34:44,679 --> 01:34:45,723 Oh, why, because you're a woman? 2152 01:34:45,767 --> 01:34:46,942 Yeah, motherfucker. 2153 01:34:46,985 --> 01:34:48,552 Okay, that makes sense. 2154 01:34:48,595 --> 01:34:50,728 And because I'm not giving up everything I've ever wanted 2155 01:34:50,772 --> 01:34:53,122 just because it doesn't live up to your moral code. 2156 01:34:53,165 --> 01:34:55,472 I don't care if this tape comes out. I really don't. 2157 01:34:55,515 --> 01:34:57,517 Oh, my God, Fred.I'll be okay. 2158 01:34:57,561 --> 01:34:59,389 You don't have to do this for me. 2159 01:35:01,434 --> 01:35:03,262 You're not doing this for me. 2160 01:35:04,524 --> 01:35:05,874 Obviously. 2161 01:35:05,917 --> 01:35:09,791 Look, you and I both know 2162 01:35:09,834 --> 01:35:11,749 the woman who stands beside the guy 2163 01:35:11,793 --> 01:35:14,186 that's coming on his face gets way more scrutiny 2164 01:35:14,230 --> 01:35:17,189 than the guy who's actually coming on his face. 2165 01:35:17,233 --> 01:35:18,887 Don't know if that's happened enough 2166 01:35:18,930 --> 01:35:20,627 for there to be, like, a precedent for it. 2167 01:35:20,671 --> 01:35:23,239 So, who knows? Maybe that won't be the case this time. 2168 01:35:23,282 --> 01:35:24,980 Who knows? Maybe people will think it's romantic. 2169 01:35:25,023 --> 01:35:26,677 I'm jerking... I'm jerking off to you. 2170 01:35:26,721 --> 01:35:28,200 You don't know how people are gonna react. 2171 01:35:28,244 --> 01:35:30,246 I'm not taking that risk. 2172 01:35:34,206 --> 01:35:35,294 I can't do it. 2173 01:35:36,818 --> 01:35:38,123 Okay. 2174 01:35:44,216 --> 01:35:48,046 So the video doesn't come out, what happens to us? 2175 01:35:53,486 --> 01:35:57,664 I was talking to Maggie, and she knows 2176 01:35:57,708 --> 01:35:59,971 this consultant who could scrub your history. 2177 01:36:00,015 --> 01:36:01,668 We could make sure nothing else like this 2178 01:36:01,712 --> 01:36:03,888 pops up and surprises us. 2179 01:36:04,584 --> 01:36:05,760 And then we just... 2180 01:36:05,803 --> 01:36:07,022 We work on your image, 2181 01:36:07,065 --> 01:36:08,937 and we figure out how we want to 2182 01:36:08,980 --> 01:36:11,548 present ourselves as a couple to the public. 2183 01:36:11,591 --> 01:36:12,767 That's all. 2184 01:36:17,859 --> 01:36:19,991 Okay.Okay. 2185 01:36:20,035 --> 01:36:21,210 How long... How long will it take, 2186 01:36:21,253 --> 01:36:24,169 do you think, to create 2187 01:36:24,213 --> 01:36:27,042 an image of me that we can present to the public? 2188 01:36:27,085 --> 01:36:30,785 Just through the first couple months of the campaign. 2189 01:36:30,828 --> 01:36:33,222 You think? But you don't know that, right? 2190 01:36:33,265 --> 01:36:34,919 It could take longer than that. 2191 01:36:34,963 --> 01:36:36,834 In a couple of months, you could find that it's not a good moment 2192 01:36:36,878 --> 01:36:39,532 to introduce a new boyfriend, right? 2193 01:36:39,576 --> 01:36:41,796 And then we'd have to wait a couple more months. 2194 01:36:41,839 --> 01:36:44,320 I don't know how long it's gonna take, Fred. 2195 01:36:45,147 --> 01:36:47,453 And then meanwhile, 2196 01:36:47,497 --> 01:36:49,368 you're pretending not to date me. 2197 01:36:50,587 --> 01:36:53,372 And you're scrubbing my Internet history? 2198 01:36:53,416 --> 01:36:55,070 So my articles are gone. 2199 01:36:55,113 --> 01:36:56,985 And you, like, sneak me around 2200 01:36:57,028 --> 01:36:58,943 like I'm Marilyn Monroe and you're JFK? 2201 01:36:58,987 --> 01:37:00,466 Is that what we're talking about? 2202 01:37:00,510 --> 01:37:03,339 I just want to be clear, that's what we're talking about. 2203 01:37:03,382 --> 01:37:05,820 And we have to do that because I'm... 2204 01:37:07,212 --> 01:37:08,431 ...not right. 2205 01:37:10,215 --> 01:37:12,870 And then once we present us to the world, 2206 01:37:12,914 --> 01:37:17,614 we present a version of me that isn't...actually me? 2207 01:37:21,226 --> 01:37:22,314 Yeah. 2208 01:37:31,802 --> 01:37:33,064 I can't do it. 2209 01:37:35,240 --> 01:37:37,329 I wish 2210 01:37:37,373 --> 01:37:40,506 that I was the type of person that could, but I can't. 2211 01:37:49,733 --> 01:37:51,213 You don't have to do it. 2212 01:38:12,364 --> 01:38:14,323 FRED: Don't know what the fuck I was thinking. 2213 01:38:14,366 --> 01:38:18,240 Why the fuck I thought someone like her 2214 01:38:18,283 --> 01:38:20,024 and someone like me could work? 2215 01:38:20,068 --> 01:38:23,201 She's a fucking politician. Like, I don't even know her. 2216 01:38:23,245 --> 01:38:25,943 Like, I don't know who she is. 2217 01:38:25,987 --> 01:38:28,903 She has no moral compass. 2218 01:38:28,946 --> 01:38:31,470 She's working with fucking Democrats one day, 2219 01:38:31,514 --> 01:38:32,994 Republicans the next fucking day. 2220 01:38:33,037 --> 01:38:34,082 I mean, what's wrong with working 2221 01:38:34,125 --> 01:38:35,561 with Democrats and Republicans? 2222 01:38:35,605 --> 01:38:37,215 That's... That's the whole country. 2223 01:38:37,259 --> 01:38:40,479 Uh, yeah, except fuck Republicans, 2224 01:38:40,523 --> 01:38:42,046 I guess is the problem with that. 2225 01:38:42,090 --> 01:38:45,571 Speaking as an American, shouldn't you see both sides? 2226 01:38:45,615 --> 01:38:48,313 Yeah. I see one side's fucking wrong. 2227 01:38:48,357 --> 01:38:50,968 What's the problem here? 2228 01:38:51,012 --> 01:38:52,535 I'm a Republican. 2229 01:38:52,578 --> 01:38:54,232 You're fucking joking right now. 2230 01:38:54,276 --> 01:38:57,496 Member of the GOP! Yeah, you know me. 2231 01:38:57,540 --> 01:38:58,933 You're a Republican. 2232 01:38:58,976 --> 01:39:00,108 Yeah, I'm a Republican! 2233 01:39:00,151 --> 01:39:02,110 The shit has worked out so far for me. 2234 01:39:02,153 --> 01:39:03,850 What the fuck, man? 2235 01:39:03,894 --> 01:39:05,243 All that shit you're always saying to me! 2236 01:39:05,287 --> 01:39:06,810 Yeah.Pull yourself up 2237 01:39:06,853 --> 01:39:09,073 by your bootstraps. And being in charge of your own destiny. 2238 01:39:09,117 --> 01:39:11,380 Republican shit.Oh, and it worked on me. 2239 01:39:11,423 --> 01:39:13,034 And it works on a lot of people. 2240 01:39:13,077 --> 01:39:14,252 Oh, that's fucking sick. 2241 01:39:14,296 --> 01:39:15,384 That's right. 2242 01:39:15,427 --> 01:39:16,863 Ugh! That's gross! 2243 01:39:16,907 --> 01:39:18,778 That Republican shit, you put it in my brain 2244 01:39:18,822 --> 01:39:20,911 and it made me feel good. That's fucked up, man! 2245 01:39:20,955 --> 01:39:22,217 Come on. See, this is what I'm talking about, 2246 01:39:22,260 --> 01:39:23,348 your negative way of thinking. 2247 01:39:23,392 --> 01:39:24,697 I don't even know you! 2248 01:39:24,741 --> 01:39:25,829 What do you mean?Ugh! 2249 01:39:25,872 --> 01:39:27,004 I'm the same dude from two minutes ago. 2250 01:39:27,048 --> 01:39:28,092 Your best friend. 2251 01:39:28,136 --> 01:39:29,702 Why'd you never tell me this? 2252 01:39:29,746 --> 01:39:31,574 'Cause I knew you'd act exactly how you're acting right now. 2253 01:39:31,617 --> 01:39:33,750 Wait a minute. 2254 01:39:33,793 --> 01:39:35,795 You're always talking about how, like, the universe has a plan for all of us... 2255 01:39:35,839 --> 01:39:37,058 Take it easy. 2256 01:39:37,101 --> 01:39:38,668 There's someone watching over us at all times. 2257 01:39:38,711 --> 01:39:40,626 Yeah.Does that mean... 2258 01:39:40,670 --> 01:39:41,845 I'm a man of Christian faith. 2259 01:39:42,324 --> 01:39:44,326 What the fuck! 2260 01:39:44,369 --> 01:39:45,980 Now, come on now! We pray for you! 2261 01:39:46,023 --> 01:39:47,329 Don't pray for me! Keep it! 2262 01:39:47,372 --> 01:39:49,418 Lord.Oh, stop it. Ignore him, God! 2263 01:39:49,461 --> 01:39:51,376 He doesn't mean that.Don't pray for me! 2264 01:39:51,420 --> 01:39:52,899 You are trippin' right now. 2265 01:39:52,943 --> 01:39:54,292 I'm not fucking trippin'! How could you be Christian? 2266 01:39:54,336 --> 01:39:58,296 I wear this cross, every day, since you've known me! 2267 01:39:58,340 --> 01:39:59,515 What did you think it was for? 2268 01:39:59,558 --> 01:40:02,039 I thought it was... 2269 01:40:02,083 --> 01:40:03,475 ...a cultural thing. 2270 01:40:03,519 --> 01:40:05,173 You mean like, 'cause I'm black? 2271 01:40:06,609 --> 01:40:07,784 That's what I thought, yeah. 2272 01:40:08,350 --> 01:40:09,699 That might be. 2273 01:40:09,742 --> 01:40:11,701 But that don't mean what you said ain't racist. 2274 01:40:11,744 --> 01:40:13,790 You're right.Yeah, I know I'm right! 2275 01:40:13,833 --> 01:40:15,357 Fuck.That's racist as shit! 2276 01:40:15,400 --> 01:40:16,662 All right, dude... 2277 01:40:16,706 --> 01:40:18,490 I love you, man. 2278 01:40:18,534 --> 01:40:21,493 But you're very judgmental. They don't want politics 2279 01:40:21,537 --> 01:40:23,669 to get into this, because you've never really 2280 01:40:23,713 --> 01:40:25,410 been good at looking at shit 2281 01:40:25,454 --> 01:40:27,238 from other people's perspective, Fred. 2282 01:40:27,282 --> 01:40:29,110 I know.It might explain 2283 01:40:29,153 --> 01:40:31,460 why you haven't been able to look at this through Charlotte's eyes. 2284 01:40:31,503 --> 01:40:32,852 I'm sorry. 2285 01:40:32,896 --> 01:40:34,463 I'm sorry you couldn't be who you are around me, 2286 01:40:34,506 --> 01:40:36,987 and you had to hide your true self. 2287 01:40:37,031 --> 01:40:38,119 That's really fucked up. 2288 01:40:38,162 --> 01:40:39,207 That's all right, man. 2289 01:40:39,250 --> 01:40:43,124 But my love for the GOP and the G-O-D 2290 01:40:43,167 --> 01:40:45,082 has nothing to do with us. 2291 01:40:45,126 --> 01:40:46,997 I'm racist. You're a Republican. 2292 01:40:47,041 --> 01:40:49,260 I don't know what the fuck's going on. 2293 01:40:50,783 --> 01:40:52,959 JAMES: Polls suggested I should get into yoga, 2294 01:40:53,003 --> 01:40:54,570 which I did and it turns out, 2295 01:40:54,613 --> 01:40:55,962 I don't really like yoga. 2296 01:40:56,006 --> 01:40:59,270 Don't you sometimes just wish you could say, 2297 01:40:59,314 --> 01:41:00,837 "Fuck the polls"? 2298 01:41:00,880 --> 01:41:05,929 Well, polls say that people find my laugh unattractive. 2299 01:41:05,972 --> 01:41:07,670 So I shouldn't laugh in public. 2300 01:41:07,713 --> 01:41:08,845 That was a bit of a bummer, 2301 01:41:08,888 --> 01:41:11,195 because I really, I like to laugh. 2302 01:41:11,239 --> 01:41:12,762 A lot.Hmm. 2303 01:41:12,805 --> 01:41:14,938 Um, but we came up with another laugh 2304 01:41:14,981 --> 01:41:16,592 that was better. That's more, uh... 2305 01:41:16,635 --> 01:41:18,376 Presidential, I guess.Hmm. 2306 01:41:20,117 --> 01:41:21,379 That's good. 2307 01:41:21,423 --> 01:41:22,598 It's a lot of teeth and not too much sound. 2308 01:41:22,641 --> 01:41:25,166 Yeah. Mmm. 2309 01:41:25,209 --> 01:41:27,385 So, um, after dinner, 2310 01:41:27,429 --> 01:41:29,126 how about we go for a drink somewhere? 2311 01:41:29,170 --> 01:41:30,780 Ooh. 2312 01:41:30,823 --> 01:41:33,391 I know this great little place that's not too far from here. 2313 01:41:33,435 --> 01:41:35,828 It's called Mini Bar. 2314 01:41:35,872 --> 01:41:40,094 It's quite exclusive, you need a little key to access it. 2315 01:41:40,137 --> 01:41:44,185 And you get charged as you remove the bottle. 2316 01:41:44,228 --> 01:41:45,969 Hmm.It's actually more of 2317 01:41:46,012 --> 01:41:47,623 a small fridge than a bar. 2318 01:41:47,666 --> 01:41:49,451 And it's in my room...No, I get it. 2319 01:41:49,494 --> 01:41:51,017 I'm inviting you back to my room. 2320 01:41:51,061 --> 01:41:53,629 I... 2321 01:41:55,631 --> 01:41:57,676 That was my real laugh.Mmm! 2322 01:41:57,720 --> 01:41:58,851 I don't know why 2323 01:41:58,895 --> 01:42:01,115 they told you not to use that laugh. 2324 01:42:02,638 --> 01:42:03,813 It's... 2325 01:42:10,559 --> 01:42:12,387 Big day tomorrow, Madam Secretary. 2326 01:42:14,911 --> 01:42:16,739 Yeah. Big day. 2327 01:42:36,759 --> 01:42:39,153 Okay. "Hey, it's Fred." 2328 01:43:02,393 --> 01:43:03,481 Hello? 2329 01:43:05,266 --> 01:43:06,702 Beep. 2330 01:43:06,745 --> 01:43:09,183 Oh, uh, guess I got your voicemail. Um, hi. 2331 01:43:09,966 --> 01:43:12,229 It's Fred. 2332 01:43:12,273 --> 01:43:15,537 I guess I wanna start by saying I'm really sorry. 2333 01:43:15,580 --> 01:43:17,669 You were right about everything 2334 01:43:17,713 --> 01:43:19,845 and I was wrong about everything. 2335 01:43:21,456 --> 01:43:25,895 And we should go along with the plan. 2336 01:43:25,938 --> 01:43:29,464 I can be Marilyn. I can be your Marilyn. 2337 01:43:30,421 --> 01:43:32,031 I'd rather be your Lady Bird, 2338 01:43:32,075 --> 01:43:35,557 because, you know, LBJ put a ring on that finger. 2339 01:43:37,472 --> 01:43:40,953 But I would do anything to continue, 2340 01:43:40,997 --> 01:43:42,607 to be able to be with you. 2341 01:43:46,394 --> 01:43:47,612 Okay, bye. 2342 01:44:02,061 --> 01:44:03,672 So, we're losing the trees, huh? 2343 01:44:03,715 --> 01:44:06,588 Yeah. POTUS talked me out of it. 2344 01:44:06,631 --> 01:44:08,938 I know that meant a lot to you. I'm so sorry. 2345 01:44:08,981 --> 01:44:10,766 Hmm, nothing we can do about it. 2346 01:44:10,809 --> 01:44:12,289 We need his endorsement. 2347 01:44:12,333 --> 01:44:14,465 Yep.Yep. 2348 01:44:17,338 --> 01:44:19,601 And I am sorry about you and Fred. 2349 01:44:22,778 --> 01:44:25,955 You know, he called last night. 2350 01:44:25,998 --> 01:44:28,131 He said he'd do it, he'd go along with the plan. 2351 01:44:28,174 --> 01:44:31,352 Really? Wow. 2352 01:44:31,395 --> 01:44:33,528 That's a shock. 2353 01:44:35,094 --> 01:44:38,707 Um... Okay. 2354 01:44:38,750 --> 01:44:40,230 I'll... I'll start to make arrangements. 2355 01:44:40,274 --> 01:44:41,275 No, Maggie. 2356 01:44:42,101 --> 01:44:43,538 There's nothing to do. 2357 01:44:43,581 --> 01:44:45,540 At the end of the day, it was never gonna work. 2358 01:44:48,412 --> 01:44:51,589 Well, today is such a good day, 2359 01:44:51,633 --> 01:44:53,548 and I am so excited. 2360 01:44:53,591 --> 01:44:55,158 We should be psyched. 2361 01:44:55,201 --> 01:44:57,639 So psyched. 2362 01:44:57,682 --> 01:44:59,815 All right, I will see you out there. 2363 01:44:59,858 --> 01:45:00,946 All right. 2364 01:45:20,183 --> 01:45:21,358 LANCE: Hey, man. 2365 01:45:22,228 --> 01:45:23,317 Can I get a beer? 2366 01:45:24,796 --> 01:45:27,973 Thanks for coming.No problem, bro. 2367 01:45:28,017 --> 01:45:30,498 How you feelin' though? 2368 01:45:30,541 --> 01:45:32,543 Okay, you know, you were right. 2369 01:45:32,587 --> 01:45:33,805 I called her. 2370 01:45:33,849 --> 01:45:35,590 I left a message. She didn't call me back. 2371 01:45:35,633 --> 01:45:37,635 So... Whatever. 2372 01:45:37,679 --> 01:45:39,115 Sure you wanna watch this? 2373 01:45:40,072 --> 01:45:41,335 Yeah, I have to. 2374 01:45:43,685 --> 01:45:46,383 Madam Secretary, I'd like to introduce you 2375 01:45:46,427 --> 01:45:47,602 to Lil Yachty. 2376 01:45:47,645 --> 01:45:49,168 He's going to be performing after the speech. 2377 01:45:49,212 --> 01:45:50,561 Pleasure to meet you, Mr. Yachty. 2378 01:45:50,605 --> 01:45:52,998 I'm a big-ass fan. I'm so excited to vote for you. 2379 01:45:53,042 --> 01:45:55,131 I'm sorry, it's game time. Okay. 2380 01:46:13,192 --> 01:46:14,759 Good morning! 2381 01:46:14,803 --> 01:46:17,762 Thank you, everyone, for being here with me today. 2382 01:46:19,111 --> 01:46:20,548 Let me start by saying something 2383 01:46:20,591 --> 01:46:23,028 I haven't said since I was 16 2384 01:46:23,072 --> 01:46:25,117 and worked at Blockbuster Video. 2385 01:46:27,468 --> 01:46:28,512 I quit... 2386 01:46:28,556 --> 01:46:30,688 I helped write that joke. 2387 01:46:30,732 --> 01:46:31,950 Oh, yeah? That's a good joke. 2388 01:46:31,994 --> 01:46:34,083 ...as secretary of state, 2389 01:46:34,126 --> 01:46:35,606 in order to run 2390 01:46:35,650 --> 01:46:38,827 for president of the United States of America. 2391 01:46:42,134 --> 01:46:44,049 God bless. 2392 01:46:46,835 --> 01:46:49,446 And I'm honored 2393 01:46:49,490 --> 01:46:53,102 to have the full support of President Chambers, 2394 01:46:53,145 --> 01:46:55,713 a man I greatly admire. 2395 01:46:55,757 --> 01:46:59,195 A man who is an extraordinary leader. 2396 01:46:59,238 --> 01:47:01,066 Man, you know who you should date? 2397 01:47:02,328 --> 01:47:03,721 Taylor Swift. 2398 01:47:04,940 --> 01:47:06,898 Hell, yeah. I could see that. 2399 01:47:06,942 --> 01:47:10,815 Why... Why do you think I could date Taylor Swift? 2400 01:47:10,859 --> 01:47:12,556 Fred, you were dating Charlotte Field. 2401 01:47:12,600 --> 01:47:14,210 That's the most powerful woman on Earth! 2402 01:47:14,253 --> 01:47:15,603 Oh, I get it. 2403 01:47:15,646 --> 01:47:17,779 I don't know what me and Taylor Swift have in common. 2404 01:47:19,084 --> 01:47:22,958 Y'all white. Ya ain't got a care in the world. 2405 01:47:23,001 --> 01:47:24,263 That's true. 2406 01:47:24,307 --> 01:47:26,265 But this campaign is not about me. 2407 01:47:26,875 --> 01:47:28,616 It's about you. 2408 01:47:28,659 --> 01:47:29,921 It's about us. 2409 01:47:31,227 --> 01:47:32,663 It's about how together, 2410 01:47:32,707 --> 01:47:36,754 we can build the future our fellow Americans deserve. 2411 01:47:39,931 --> 01:47:42,847 I have dreamt about this moment 2412 01:47:42,891 --> 01:47:45,154 ever since I was a little girl 2413 01:47:45,197 --> 01:47:47,330 growing up in the nation's capital. 2414 01:47:49,854 --> 01:47:53,510 And I know that if that young girl 2415 01:47:53,554 --> 01:47:56,861 could see me standing up here right now... 2416 01:48:02,258 --> 01:48:04,826 She would be so... 2417 01:48:08,133 --> 01:48:09,744 She would be... 2418 01:48:16,315 --> 01:48:17,491 What's happening? 2419 01:48:18,970 --> 01:48:22,496 She... She would be so disappointed in me, actually. 2420 01:48:24,410 --> 01:48:27,762 Yeah, the truth is, that girl 2421 01:48:27,805 --> 01:48:29,024 would want me to be honest 2422 01:48:29,067 --> 01:48:31,592 and have integrity and not be 2423 01:48:31,635 --> 01:48:35,160 blackmailed by evil people with evil agendas. 2424 01:48:37,467 --> 01:48:39,208 So instead, I'm just gonna... 2425 01:48:39,251 --> 01:48:42,385 I'm just gonna tell the truth, and whatever happens, happens. 2426 01:48:42,428 --> 01:48:44,343 So here we go. 2427 01:48:44,387 --> 01:48:47,912 Parker Wembley and our dumb-fuck president... 2428 01:48:47,956 --> 01:48:49,305 Whoo! 2429 01:48:49,348 --> 01:48:50,567 ...are doing some evil shit together. 2430 01:48:50,611 --> 01:48:52,221 And because I just told you now, 2431 01:48:52,264 --> 01:48:55,703 they're going to release a video of a guy I dated 2432 01:48:55,746 --> 01:48:58,140 jerking off all over himself. 2433 01:48:58,183 --> 01:48:59,445 Release the video. 2434 01:48:59,489 --> 01:49:01,230 Get the fucking thing online. Get it online! 2435 01:49:01,273 --> 01:49:03,624 But don't slut shame me. I... 2436 01:49:05,016 --> 01:49:06,104 I like him. 2437 01:49:06,757 --> 01:49:08,454 I like him a lot. 2438 01:49:08,498 --> 01:49:10,500 Fred, you gotta go to her. 2439 01:49:12,633 --> 01:49:14,635 Go get her ass, man. 2440 01:49:14,678 --> 01:49:16,114 And he jerks off. 2441 01:49:18,552 --> 01:49:20,597 And so do all of you. 2442 01:49:20,641 --> 01:49:21,642 Hell, yeah! 2443 01:49:21,685 --> 01:49:23,905 So deal with it. 2444 01:49:23,948 --> 01:49:25,559 Deal with it, America. 2445 01:49:34,480 --> 01:49:36,482 Hey! I'm Fred! 2446 01:49:36,526 --> 01:49:38,049 Is that an XL? 2447 01:49:38,093 --> 01:49:39,398 I've got five stars in it, 2448 01:49:39,442 --> 01:49:40,748 if you could speed this shit up, man! 2449 01:49:40,791 --> 01:49:42,184 We'll give you extra tip, real tip. 2450 01:49:42,227 --> 01:49:43,620 Not Uber tip! Cash tip! 2451 01:49:43,664 --> 01:49:45,840 AGENT M: Get back! Get back! 2452 01:49:48,930 --> 01:49:51,062 Where are we going?I don't know. 2453 01:49:54,979 --> 01:49:56,285 MAGGIE: She's leaving? Where is she going? 2454 01:49:56,328 --> 01:49:58,026 Shit, I don't know. This isn't on the itinerary. 2455 01:49:58,069 --> 01:50:00,245 Tom, you have to think past the itinerary! 2456 01:50:00,289 --> 01:50:01,464 I can't. 2457 01:50:01,507 --> 01:50:02,944 LANCE: Fred, I just got a Wembley news alert 2458 01:50:02,987 --> 01:50:05,207 with your name on it.FRED: Don't open it! 2459 01:50:05,250 --> 01:50:07,818 FRED: Oh, yeah! Oh, boy! 2460 01:50:07,862 --> 01:50:09,341 Oh, Fred! 2461 01:50:09,385 --> 01:50:12,344 Oh, no. Oh, no. 2462 01:50:12,388 --> 01:50:13,607 Hey, it's all right, man. 2463 01:50:13,650 --> 01:50:15,173 You know, we all got our things. 2464 01:50:15,217 --> 01:50:16,784 I don't bust a nut on my face. 2465 01:50:16,827 --> 01:50:19,047 But, like...It's not like a thing I do! 2466 01:50:20,309 --> 01:50:22,050 Do you think that'll, like, go viral? 2467 01:50:22,093 --> 01:50:24,879 This is the news! 2468 01:50:25,662 --> 01:50:27,229 Oh, shit. 2469 01:50:35,150 --> 01:50:38,414 Excuse me. Move, damn it! This man is in love. 2470 01:50:38,457 --> 01:50:40,242 Secretary Field just drove away, 2471 01:50:40,285 --> 01:50:42,331 no comment as to her destination. 2472 01:50:42,374 --> 01:50:44,507 We're gonna keep tracking this story for you... 2473 01:50:44,550 --> 01:50:46,291 CAMERAMAN: Yo, check it out. It's the come-guy! 2474 01:50:46,335 --> 01:50:47,902 MAN: Yeah, that's him!REPORTER: Oh, sir, 2475 01:50:47,945 --> 01:50:49,164 just a couple of questions. We're live right now. 2476 01:50:49,207 --> 01:50:52,341 No! I'm come-guy? 2477 01:50:52,384 --> 01:50:53,951 No comments at this time, thank you! Thank you! 2478 01:50:53,995 --> 01:50:55,126 Thank you! 2479 01:50:55,170 --> 01:50:57,302 Do not touch him! Do not touch him! 2480 01:51:11,969 --> 01:51:13,057 Hi. 2481 01:51:14,058 --> 01:51:15,277 Holy shit. 2482 01:51:17,409 --> 01:51:18,802 Did you see my speech? 2483 01:51:20,108 --> 01:51:22,763 Yeah. I think everyone saw it. 2484 01:51:23,372 --> 01:51:24,373 Yeah. 2485 01:51:27,115 --> 01:51:29,030 You know, your video's out there. 2486 01:51:29,900 --> 01:51:31,554 Yeah, I caught that. 2487 01:51:38,561 --> 01:51:40,519 Here's the deal. I love you. 2488 01:51:42,217 --> 01:51:44,306 I know I do. 2489 01:51:44,349 --> 01:51:47,309 Because I've never been so scared in my entire life. 2490 01:51:50,268 --> 01:51:54,882 And I once shared an elevator with Saddam Hussein. 2491 01:51:56,318 --> 01:51:58,537 Just me and Saddam. 2492 01:52:01,627 --> 01:52:03,455 And this is way scarier. 2493 01:52:06,371 --> 01:52:07,764 I love you. 2494 01:52:10,941 --> 01:52:13,509 Okay, you're really gonna have to say something right now. 2495 01:52:13,552 --> 01:52:15,032 'Cause I'm freaking out. 2496 01:52:17,861 --> 01:52:20,211 I've been in love with you since I was 12 years old. 2497 01:52:41,363 --> 01:52:42,364 Oh. 2498 01:52:43,974 --> 01:52:45,323 Hello? 2499 01:52:45,367 --> 01:52:48,109 Hey, Fred, uh, there's a million people out here 2500 01:52:48,152 --> 01:52:50,633 and they want to talk to the candidate and the come-guy. 2501 01:52:50,676 --> 01:52:52,461 So, I figured they'd hit you. 2502 01:53:13,308 --> 01:53:14,744 LANCE: Fred! 2503 01:53:15,701 --> 01:53:17,094 Fred! 2504 01:53:22,491 --> 01:53:25,363 A crazy day. 2505 01:53:25,407 --> 01:53:27,670 But I'm really glad you're all here. 2506 01:53:27,713 --> 01:53:29,803 I'd like to introduce you to someone. 2507 01:53:30,978 --> 01:53:32,066 This is Fred. 2508 01:53:32,893 --> 01:53:33,937 Hi, there. 2509 01:53:35,721 --> 01:53:37,680 My boyfriend. 2510 01:53:37,723 --> 01:53:38,899 Whoo! 2511 01:53:42,293 --> 01:53:44,165 You kind of know him already, 2512 01:53:44,208 --> 01:53:46,297 but you'll get to know him a lot more 2513 01:53:46,341 --> 01:53:47,733 in the next few months... 2514 01:53:49,300 --> 01:53:51,476 'Cause he's gonna be right by my side on my campaign trail. 2515 01:54:02,052 --> 01:54:03,880 Wakanda Forever! 2516 01:54:12,149 --> 01:54:14,456 Charlotte! Charlotte! 2517 01:54:14,499 --> 01:54:16,980 ALL: Charlotte! Charlotte! 2518 01:54:18,199 --> 01:54:19,765 LANCE: I started the chant! 2519 01:54:19,809 --> 01:54:21,724 I started that chant! 2520 01:54:25,380 --> 01:54:26,947 ...that I will faithfully execute 2521 01:54:26,990 --> 01:54:30,254 the office of the president of the United States. 2522 01:54:30,298 --> 01:54:31,734 REPORTER: What a momentous day, 2523 01:54:31,777 --> 01:54:33,083 our first female president. 2524 01:54:33,127 --> 01:54:34,998 I never thought I'd see it. 2525 01:54:35,042 --> 01:54:36,913 Well, I mean, a lot of people are gonna say 2526 01:54:36,957 --> 01:54:38,915 this is a historic moment for women everywhere, 2527 01:54:38,959 --> 01:54:40,961 but do we really want her finger on the button 2528 01:54:41,004 --> 01:54:42,397 when it's that time of the month? 2529 01:54:42,440 --> 01:54:44,225 I wouldn't want my wife making any decision 2530 01:54:44,268 --> 01:54:45,661 during that time of the month. 2531 01:54:45,704 --> 01:54:47,445 You know what? Fuck you guys. I quit. 2532 01:54:47,489 --> 01:54:48,925 Looks like it's someone's time of the month. 2533 01:54:48,969 --> 01:54:50,622 Oh! Looks like Aunt Flow 2534 01:54:50,666 --> 01:54:52,450 is going to work down at the Red River Casino... Oh! 2535 01:54:52,494 --> 01:54:54,061 Jesus Christ! Quick, quick, cut! 2536 01:54:54,104 --> 01:54:57,934 Hi! I'm the First Mister of the United States of America. 2537 01:54:57,978 --> 01:54:59,544 My name is Fred Field. 2538 01:54:59,588 --> 01:55:01,068 I took my wife's last name. 2539 01:55:01,111 --> 01:55:04,854 And, uh, I'm gonna give you a tour of the White House. 2540 01:55:04,898 --> 01:55:07,813 We're starting with the portraits of the first spouses. 2541 01:55:07,857 --> 01:55:09,641 Here we have Mamie Eisenhower. 2542 01:55:09,685 --> 01:55:11,034 Jackie Kennedy. 2543 01:55:11,078 --> 01:55:13,515 We have the beautiful Lady Bird Johnson's portrait. 2544 01:55:13,558 --> 01:55:16,170 And that leads us into my portrait. 2545 01:55:16,213 --> 01:55:18,520 It was painted by Todd McFarlane, 2546 01:55:18,563 --> 01:55:20,957 who created the Spawn comics, of course. 2547 01:55:21,001 --> 01:55:22,872 The first versions were a little over the top. 2548 01:55:24,526 --> 01:55:26,571 Hi, guys. 2549 01:55:26,615 --> 01:55:28,399 FRED: I used to think the best way for me to change the world, 2550 01:55:28,443 --> 01:55:30,271 to make it a better place was through journalism. 2551 01:55:30,314 --> 01:55:31,881 Then I realized that's not at all the case. 2552 01:55:31,925 --> 01:55:35,363 Really, the best thing I could be doing for the world 2553 01:55:35,406 --> 01:55:38,366 is just supporting this amazing person 2554 01:55:38,409 --> 01:55:40,107 and just trying to learn from her 2555 01:55:40,150 --> 01:55:41,804 and kinda just trying to be 2556 01:55:41,847 --> 01:55:44,198 the best first mister I can be. 2557 01:55:44,241 --> 01:55:46,940 I actually got a tattoo of the first mister insignia. 2558 01:55:46,983 --> 01:55:49,681 He did.There we are. 2559 01:55:49,725 --> 01:55:50,900 CHARLOTTE: You're wearing mittens. 2560 01:55:50,944 --> 01:55:52,728 FRED: Got little mittens on. 2561 01:55:52,771 --> 01:55:54,773 If you think of where this tattoo started to where it ended up. 2562 01:55:54,817 --> 01:55:56,688 It really has an amazing arc to it. 2563 01:55:56,732 --> 01:55:59,604 INTERVIEWER: What are some of the perks of your new roles? 2564 01:55:59,648 --> 01:56:02,999 Well, I finally get to enact my vision for America. 2565 01:56:03,043 --> 01:56:05,001 I finally got to find out who killed Kennedy. 2566 01:56:05,045 --> 01:56:06,307 Oh, my God. Don't you dare.I won't say. 2567 01:56:06,350 --> 01:56:07,525 Don't.I won't say. 2568 01:56:07,569 --> 01:56:08,657 Fred, I'm not kidding around. 2569 01:56:08,700 --> 01:56:09,745 It's not who you think! 2570 01:56:09,788 --> 01:56:11,138 Don't do it. 2571 01:56:11,181 --> 01:56:12,269 It's pretty surprising. 2572 01:56:13,183 --> 01:56:14,793 He's my Mister. 2573 01:56:14,837 --> 01:56:17,361 I'm her Mister. And she's my president. 174713