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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 2 00:00:56,188 --> 00:00:57,690 I don't know what the fuck is going on 3 00:00:57,690 --> 00:00:59,458 in this country, man! 4 00:00:59,458 --> 00:01:01,794 Every day I turn on the TV, 5 00:01:01,794 --> 00:01:05,664 and I see these fucking freaks marching for their rights! 6 00:01:07,599 --> 00:01:09,367 What about our rights? 7 00:01:11,137 --> 00:01:13,539 This is our time to show the world 8 00:01:13,539 --> 00:01:15,574 that we are not just an online movement! 9 00:01:17,476 --> 00:01:18,644 We're growing physically! 10 00:01:18,644 --> 00:01:21,346 This is our time to assert ourselves 11 00:01:21,346 --> 00:01:23,382 as the true voice of America! 12 00:01:23,382 --> 00:01:25,551 Yeah! 13 00:01:25,551 --> 00:01:26,819 Yes, let's do that! 14 00:01:26,819 --> 00:01:29,488 Now, you may have noticed 15 00:01:29,488 --> 00:01:31,690 that our friend Aryan Grande 16 00:01:31,690 --> 00:01:33,425 has brought in a new recruit. 17 00:01:33,425 --> 00:01:36,194 FucktheJews82. Welcome, brother! 18 00:01:36,194 --> 00:01:38,165 Yeah! 19 00:01:39,165 --> 00:01:41,233 Hi. Heil. Heil, everybody. 20 00:01:41,233 --> 00:01:43,169 White power. Obviously. 21 00:01:43,169 --> 00:01:46,205 Been a big fan of you guys for a while. 22 00:01:46,205 --> 00:01:47,373 Since World War II, really. 23 00:01:47,373 --> 00:01:51,477 That's when you made your big entrance, on the scene. 24 00:01:51,477 --> 00:01:54,915 And, uh... Yeah. Just, um, in closing... 25 00:01:55,915 --> 00:01:58,915 Fuck the Jews! 26 00:01:55,915 --> 00:01:58,217 Yeah! 27 00:01:58,217 --> 00:02:00,217 Welcome! 28 00:02:02,254 --> 00:02:03,422 Let's fucking party! 29 00:02:13,199 --> 00:02:15,768 So you guys are, like, pretty active on social media, right? 30 00:02:15,768 --> 00:02:16,902 Yeah. 31 00:02:16,902 --> 00:02:18,937 How many times a day would you say you tweet on average? 32 00:02:18,937 --> 00:02:21,937 Hey, FTJ! 33 00:02:18,937 --> 00:02:21,539 Yo! 34 00:02:21,539 --> 00:02:23,876 You said you wanted a swastika tattoo. 35 00:02:23,876 --> 00:02:25,312 Now's your chance. 36 00:02:26,312 --> 00:02:28,781 Yeah, you know, I've been thinking about it. I'm cool. 37 00:02:28,781 --> 00:02:31,691 Come on, man. We all got 'em! 38 00:02:38,691 --> 00:02:40,359 You guys want me to get a swastika tattoo? 39 00:02:40,359 --> 00:02:41,759 Yeah! 40 00:02:41,759 --> 00:02:43,263 I will get a swastika tattoo. 41 00:02:44,263 --> 00:02:45,663 Um... 42 00:02:45,663 --> 00:02:46,435 Yeah. 43 00:02:49,435 --> 00:02:51,404 Hey, take over, man. I got to take a piss. 44 00:02:53,305 --> 00:02:55,241 Super cool, guys. Thank you for this. 45 00:02:55,241 --> 00:02:56,575 This is really exciting. 46 00:02:57,575 --> 00:02:59,777 All right, here we go! 47 00:03:01,247 --> 00:03:03,414 Ooh, right! Yeah! 48 00:03:03,414 --> 00:03:04,883 That hurt? 49 00:03:04,883 --> 00:03:06,654 On many levels. Yes. 50 00:03:08,654 --> 00:03:09,556 Fuck! 51 00:03:10,556 --> 00:03:12,859 Hey! This you? 52 00:03:13,859 --> 00:03:15,562 You're a journalist? 53 00:03:16,562 --> 00:03:17,830 Yeah! 54 00:03:17,830 --> 00:03:20,466 We all got to be fucking journalists in this day and age, 55 00:03:20,466 --> 00:03:23,401 mainstream media not covering our side of the story! 56 00:03:23,401 --> 00:03:25,437 His name is Fred Flarsky. 57 00:03:25,437 --> 00:03:26,006 He writes for the Brooklyn Advocate. 58 00:03:27,006 --> 00:03:29,006 He's a fucking Jew! 59 00:03:27,006 --> 00:03:29,675 What? 60 00:03:29,675 --> 00:03:32,646 Look, look, look. Okay, okay, okay. Hey! 61 00:03:34,646 --> 00:03:35,514 What are you doing here? 62 00:03:35,514 --> 00:03:36,982 You're here to fucking embarrass us, huh? 63 00:03:36,982 --> 00:03:38,982 Who sent you? 64 00:03:36,982 --> 00:03:38,950 No one sent me! 65 00:03:38,950 --> 00:03:40,718 It's okay. I'm... I'm... 66 00:03:40,718 --> 00:03:43,455 He's been recording us the whole time! 67 00:03:43,455 --> 00:03:45,958 Fucking shit, man! You infiltrated our group! 68 00:03:45,958 --> 00:03:47,860 You're gonna fucking die! 69 00:03:47,860 --> 00:03:48,761 How do you turn this thing off? 70 00:03:48,761 --> 00:03:50,697 The fucking red button, right there, man! 71 00:03:57,669 --> 00:03:59,372 Holy shit! 72 00:04:05,811 --> 00:04:09,315 Yeah! 73 00:04:09,315 --> 00:04:11,051 Not only did I escape... 74 00:04:13,051 --> 00:04:15,086 I held onto my phone! 75 00:04:15,086 --> 00:04:17,755 Yes! Ow! 76 00:04:19,757 --> 00:04:21,526 I trusted you, man! 77 00:04:21,526 --> 00:04:23,095 Yeah, well... 78 00:04:23,095 --> 00:04:25,531 Jews win this round, motherfucker! 79 00:04:26,531 --> 00:04:28,800 Peace! Ow. 80 00:04:28,800 --> 00:04:30,401 Tonight on Wembley News, 81 00:04:30,401 --> 00:04:32,637 we take an in-depth look at Charlotte Field, 82 00:04:32,637 --> 00:04:35,440 a Rhodes Scholar, a Pulitzer winner, 83 00:04:35,440 --> 00:04:38,110 and protege of President Chambers, 84 00:04:38,110 --> 00:04:39,012 who tapped Field two years ago 85 00:04:40,012 --> 00:04:42,480 to be the youngest secretary of state 86 00:04:42,480 --> 00:04:43,882 in the history of this nation. 87 00:04:43,882 --> 00:04:46,351 And honestly, looking hotter than usual. 88 00:04:46,351 --> 00:04:48,120 Now, people are gonna say that's sexist, 89 00:04:48,120 --> 00:04:50,122 but, she's just hot! 90 00:04:50,122 --> 00:04:51,622 You know, when we talk about women in this way, 91 00:04:51,622 --> 00:04:53,358 it is because we respect them so much, 92 00:04:53,358 --> 00:04:54,793 and we start with their body. 93 00:04:54,793 --> 00:04:56,432 You two are terrible. 94 00:05:00,432 --> 00:05:02,432 Good night, Steven. 95 00:05:00,432 --> 00:05:02,637 Good night, Madam Secretary. 96 00:05:06,637 --> 00:05:08,574 Sorry for the late call, Mr. Foreign Minister. 97 00:05:08,574 --> 00:05:09,675 Long day. 98 00:05:09,675 --> 00:05:11,142 Three bilaterals. 99 00:05:11,142 --> 00:05:13,911 Listen, we're not going to be able to do it. 100 00:05:13,911 --> 00:05:16,148 There's just not enough traction around this thing. 101 00:05:16,148 --> 00:05:19,151 I believe in it, it's just... I don't have Congress support. 102 00:05:19,151 --> 00:05:20,853 I don't have the American people's support. 103 00:05:20,853 --> 00:05:22,920 I know you and I don't like it, Chuck, 104 00:05:22,920 --> 00:05:24,656 but you know who likes it? 105 00:05:24,656 --> 00:05:27,892 88% of college-educated Americans over 45. 106 00:05:27,892 --> 00:05:29,461 Likely voters. 107 00:05:29,461 --> 00:05:31,105 That's Gallup. We have to make this happen. 108 00:06:06,899 --> 00:06:10,134 Well, I wouldn't call the president inexperienced. 109 00:06:10,134 --> 00:06:11,702 I mean, he did play a president 110 00:06:11,702 --> 00:06:15,541 on a very popular television show for over a decade. 111 00:06:15,541 --> 00:06:17,776 You don't get six Golden Globe nominations 112 00:06:17,776 --> 00:06:19,877 without being pretty convincing. 113 00:06:19,877 --> 00:06:22,447 Um, I do think I'm funny. 114 00:06:22,447 --> 00:06:24,216 I'm sorry, I thought this interview was about 115 00:06:24,216 --> 00:06:26,685 promoting democracy in Eastern Europe. 116 00:06:26,685 --> 00:06:28,487 All right, next one's BBC. 117 00:06:28,487 --> 00:06:29,855 Would you be asking a male cabinet member 118 00:06:29,855 --> 00:06:31,124 what products they use in their hair? 119 00:06:32,124 --> 00:06:33,791 I'm just kidding. 120 00:06:33,791 --> 00:06:36,194 No, it's olive oil and mayonnaise. 121 00:06:36,194 --> 00:06:38,663 I know. So cheap. So much shine. 122 00:06:41,666 --> 00:06:43,601 Good morning, Mr. President. 123 00:06:43,601 --> 00:06:45,672 Good morning, Mr. President. 124 00:06:46,672 --> 00:06:49,040 Good morning, Mr. President. 125 00:06:49,040 --> 00:06:50,040 Good morning, Mr. President. 126 00:06:50,976 --> 00:06:52,577 Oh, hey, Charlotte. 127 00:06:52,577 --> 00:06:55,646 You caught me watching my show. 128 00:06:55,646 --> 00:06:58,584 Mr. President. We still recommend Option C. 129 00:06:58,584 --> 00:07:01,586 I am not nuking a tsunami! 130 00:07:01,586 --> 00:07:03,721 Oh, here it is. 131 00:07:03,721 --> 00:07:05,223 Not now... 132 00:07:05,223 --> 00:07:06,925 Not today. 133 00:07:06,925 --> 00:07:08,560 Not in my house. 134 00:07:08,560 --> 00:07:10,795 Yes! I love that! 135 00:07:10,795 --> 00:07:12,663 Oh, me too. 136 00:07:12,663 --> 00:07:14,733 Anyway, that's not why I called you here. 137 00:07:16,869 --> 00:07:18,670 Charlotte. 138 00:07:18,670 --> 00:07:19,704 Yes, sir? 139 00:07:19,704 --> 00:07:22,708 I will not be seeking reelection. 140 00:07:22,708 --> 00:07:23,009 Really? 141 00:07:24,009 --> 00:07:25,776 Look, I know it's crazy, 142 00:07:25,776 --> 00:07:27,812 because I'm only halfway through my first term. 143 00:07:27,812 --> 00:07:30,882 And you're incredibly popular, sir. 144 00:07:30,882 --> 00:07:32,985 And I want to use that popularity 145 00:07:32,985 --> 00:07:36,521 to transition into something 146 00:07:36,521 --> 00:07:38,091 more prestigious than the presidency. 147 00:07:40,091 --> 00:07:42,827 I wanna make it in the movies. 148 00:07:42,827 --> 00:07:45,997 You're going to leave 149 00:07:45,997 --> 00:07:48,733 the Presidency to go be in movies? 150 00:07:48,733 --> 00:07:50,733 I know. It's gonna be tough. 151 00:07:48,733 --> 00:07:50,968 Ah... 152 00:07:50,968 --> 00:07:53,639 Only like, 10 guys have made that jump 153 00:07:53,639 --> 00:07:55,574 from TV to film. 154 00:07:55,574 --> 00:07:58,076 Woody Harrelson, George Clooney... 155 00:07:58,076 --> 00:07:59,778 Might be... Might be just two. 156 00:07:59,778 --> 00:08:03,148 I... Mr. President, have you 157 00:08:03,148 --> 00:08:06,019 given any consideration as to whom you might endorse? 158 00:08:07,019 --> 00:08:09,086 I'm sure you're probably thinking of McNichol 159 00:08:09,086 --> 00:08:12,690 or Crowly. Strong choices. 160 00:08:12,690 --> 00:08:16,295 So strange, because I was considering a run in 2024. 161 00:08:17,295 --> 00:08:18,565 And I've been vetted. 162 00:08:19,565 --> 00:08:21,300 So that's all done. 163 00:08:21,300 --> 00:08:24,971 And I can't stop thinking about what... 164 00:08:25,971 --> 00:08:27,107 What it would do for your legacy 165 00:08:29,107 --> 00:08:31,044 to endorse the first female president. 166 00:08:33,044 --> 00:08:34,147 I mean... Wow. 167 00:08:35,147 --> 00:08:36,684 That's a legacy. 168 00:08:39,684 --> 00:08:40,684 Charlotte? 169 00:08:39,684 --> 00:08:40,918 Hmm? 170 00:08:40,918 --> 00:08:43,187 I would like to endorse you 171 00:08:43,187 --> 00:08:45,826 to be the next president of the United States. 172 00:08:47,826 --> 00:08:51,596 I mean, if you think that's a good idea, sir, I trust you. 173 00:08:51,596 --> 00:08:54,265 I'd... I'd be honored. 174 00:08:54,265 --> 00:08:58,202 I'm gonna be pulling for Team Charlotte. Right? 175 00:08:58,202 --> 00:09:00,839 Because you've been a great secretary. 176 00:09:00,839 --> 00:09:02,039 ...of state. 177 00:09:02,039 --> 00:09:04,342 Whatever. It's a cool job. 178 00:09:04,342 --> 00:09:06,711 And, um, you've done it well. 179 00:09:06,711 --> 00:09:09,711 Thank you, sir. 180 00:09:06,711 --> 00:09:09,214 So stay focused. 181 00:09:09,214 --> 00:09:10,749 Don't make any major screw-ups. 182 00:09:10,749 --> 00:09:11,017 Don't kill any hookers. 183 00:09:12,017 --> 00:09:13,317 Probably not a problem for you. 184 00:09:13,317 --> 00:09:14,919 I don't know what you're into. Whatever. 185 00:09:14,919 --> 00:09:16,788 And before you know it... 186 00:09:19,825 --> 00:09:20,958 I like the sound of that. 187 00:09:20,958 --> 00:09:23,160 ♪ Hey, here she comes 188 00:09:23,160 --> 00:09:25,096 ♪ It's the first lady president 189 00:09:25,096 --> 00:09:27,832 ♪ Who can believe that she's actually a woman 190 00:09:27,832 --> 00:09:29,368 Thank you, sir. 191 00:09:29,368 --> 00:09:34,807 ♪ She's got a big brain And a couple other assets ♪ 192 00:09:36,807 --> 00:09:37,875 Oh, and here we see 193 00:09:37,875 --> 00:09:39,678 Secretary of State Charlotte Field. 194 00:09:39,678 --> 00:09:40,912 Good morning. 195 00:09:42,214 --> 00:09:43,653 Yes! 196 00:09:47,653 --> 00:09:50,355 So the headline is, "You're in great shape." 197 00:09:50,355 --> 00:09:52,355 Ninety-two, that's good. 198 00:09:50,355 --> 00:09:52,024 Really good. 199 00:09:53,024 --> 00:09:54,024 Yeah. 200 00:09:53,024 --> 00:09:54,726 And now, keep in mind 201 00:09:54,726 --> 00:09:57,261 that these are numbers for a female candidate. 202 00:09:57,261 --> 00:10:00,666 If you were a man, you'd be in the 192nd percentile. 203 00:10:00,666 --> 00:10:02,666 Well, that seems about right. 204 00:10:00,666 --> 00:10:02,833 Yeah. 205 00:10:02,833 --> 00:10:04,936 'Cause the man... Okay. 206 00:10:04,936 --> 00:10:07,972 Um, your sense of humor is 82, 207 00:10:07,972 --> 00:10:10,241 which is solid. It's solid. 208 00:10:10,241 --> 00:10:12,344 But, you know, we wouldn't mind seeing those numbers 209 00:10:12,344 --> 00:10:14,712 go up a few points, or more. 210 00:10:14,712 --> 00:10:16,914 So, I'm going to get some writing samples from 211 00:10:16,914 --> 00:10:18,914 some funny speech writers. 212 00:10:16,914 --> 00:10:18,450 Great. 213 00:10:18,450 --> 00:10:21,787 I am really interested in knowing how people feel 214 00:10:21,787 --> 00:10:23,787 about my accomplishments. 215 00:10:21,787 --> 00:10:23,721 Yeah. 216 00:10:23,721 --> 00:10:25,356 Right. You know, so we don't 217 00:10:25,356 --> 00:10:29,360 drill down on specific policies. 218 00:10:29,360 --> 00:10:32,464 And that's only because people don't seem to care. 219 00:10:32,464 --> 00:10:33,865 That's interesting. 220 00:10:33,865 --> 00:10:37,235 With that said, if you could broker some deal 221 00:10:37,235 --> 00:10:38,769 that gets you out there talking 222 00:10:38,769 --> 00:10:40,138 about a thing that you feel 223 00:10:40,138 --> 00:10:42,274 really strongly about, that would be great. 224 00:10:42,274 --> 00:10:43,208 Well, that's perfect. 225 00:10:43,208 --> 00:10:45,309 I mean, we've been looking for an opening 226 00:10:45,309 --> 00:10:47,046 to start a conversation about the environment. 227 00:10:48,046 --> 00:10:50,716 All right. 228 00:10:50,716 --> 00:10:53,485 Romantically, if I may... 229 00:10:53,485 --> 00:10:56,488 Remember the stir online 230 00:10:56,488 --> 00:10:59,091 when the Canadian Prime Minister and you 231 00:10:59,091 --> 00:11:00,991 were seated next to each other 232 00:11:00,991 --> 00:11:02,494 at The Global Business Forum? 233 00:11:02,494 --> 00:11:03,894 Mmm-hmm. 234 00:11:03,894 --> 00:11:05,030 A relationship like that 235 00:11:06,030 --> 00:11:08,234 would push you into the high 90s. 236 00:11:09,234 --> 00:11:11,870 High 90s? Wow. 237 00:11:11,870 --> 00:11:13,942 That brings us to... 238 00:11:16,942 --> 00:11:18,876 What's wrong with my wave? 239 00:11:18,876 --> 00:11:20,879 Um, I think people feel that 240 00:11:20,879 --> 00:11:23,914 that level of elbow movement is, um... 241 00:11:23,914 --> 00:11:25,417 It stresses people out. 242 00:11:25,417 --> 00:11:28,419 You know what? It's just an area for improvement. 243 00:11:28,419 --> 00:11:30,187 Okay, fine, I'll work on the wave. 244 00:11:34,426 --> 00:11:36,426 Hey. 245 00:11:34,426 --> 00:11:36,061 Hey, Fred. 246 00:11:36,061 --> 00:11:38,197 You're gonna love this. I almost died. 247 00:11:39,197 --> 00:11:40,798 You got a second? 248 00:11:40,798 --> 00:11:43,798 Yeah. 249 00:11:40,798 --> 00:11:43,467 Come on. 250 00:11:43,467 --> 00:11:45,971 I actually have some really great news. 251 00:11:45,971 --> 00:11:48,971 Really? Cool. 252 00:11:45,971 --> 00:11:48,139 Yes. 253 00:11:48,139 --> 00:11:50,475 We were just bought by Wembley Media. 254 00:11:50,475 --> 00:11:52,475 What? 255 00:11:50,475 --> 00:11:52,443 Yeah. 256 00:11:52,443 --> 00:11:53,345 Are you fucking kidding me? 257 00:11:53,345 --> 00:11:54,812 I knew you'd have a harsh reaction... 258 00:11:54,812 --> 00:11:55,980 A harsh reaction? 259 00:11:55,980 --> 00:11:57,980 Fred, this is a good thing. 260 00:11:55,980 --> 00:11:57,414 How? 261 00:11:57,414 --> 00:11:58,017 The fucker represents everything 262 00:11:59,017 --> 00:12:00,485 that we've been fighting against since day one! 263 00:12:00,485 --> 00:12:03,388 The whole point of this paper is to fight giant media conglomerates. 264 00:12:03,388 --> 00:12:05,190 Now we've been bought by a giant media conglomerate. 265 00:12:05,190 --> 00:12:07,190 I do see the irony. 266 00:12:05,190 --> 00:12:07,458 Irony? 267 00:12:07,458 --> 00:12:10,128 He's gonna turn this place into a propaganda machine. 268 00:12:10,128 --> 00:12:11,996 Not the good kind, that's right! 269 00:12:11,996 --> 00:12:13,798 The bad kind, that's wrong! 270 00:12:13,798 --> 00:12:15,167 Well, we're out of options. 271 00:12:15,167 --> 00:12:16,902 We've been running as long as we can 272 00:12:16,902 --> 00:12:19,303 on ads for weed doctors and escorts. 273 00:12:19,303 --> 00:12:21,405 Let's get penis enlargement ads, too. 274 00:12:21,405 --> 00:12:22,874 No one likes their dick. 275 00:12:22,874 --> 00:12:24,874 Come on, Fred. 276 00:12:22,874 --> 00:12:24,842 This Wembley guy, 277 00:12:24,842 --> 00:12:27,379 he ran fake stories to help get Chambers elected. 278 00:12:27,379 --> 00:12:28,346 No, they couldn't prove that. 279 00:12:28,346 --> 00:12:30,548 We proved it! I wrote three articles about it! 280 00:12:30,548 --> 00:12:32,548 You published them! 281 00:12:30,548 --> 00:12:32,450 I did. 282 00:12:32,450 --> 00:12:35,153 The shit that comes out of this fucking guy's mouth... 283 00:12:35,153 --> 00:12:37,855 He said hurricanes were caused by gay marriage. 284 00:12:37,855 --> 00:12:39,456 I don't even get how that fucking works. 285 00:12:39,456 --> 00:12:41,058 I don't even get the math on that one. 286 00:12:41,058 --> 00:12:43,058 Fred, it's done, all right? 287 00:12:41,058 --> 00:12:43,128 It's done? 288 00:12:43,128 --> 00:12:46,597 They're upstairs finalizing the deal right now. 289 00:12:46,597 --> 00:12:49,366 Look, we have to cut two-thirds of our staff. 290 00:12:49,366 --> 00:12:51,366 Two-thirds? 291 00:12:49,366 --> 00:12:51,403 Yeah. 292 00:12:51,403 --> 00:12:53,839 But we wanna keep you on. They wanna keep you on. 293 00:12:53,839 --> 00:12:55,240 It's just... 294 00:12:55,240 --> 00:12:57,142 You just have to tone it down a little bit. 295 00:12:57,142 --> 00:12:58,610 I don't know how I can tone things down 296 00:12:58,610 --> 00:13:00,278 any more than I'm toning them down. 297 00:13:00,278 --> 00:13:02,279 Okay, Fred. You're a great writer. 298 00:13:02,279 --> 00:13:03,279 Thank you. 299 00:13:02,279 --> 00:13:03,447 All right, you're funny, 300 00:13:03,447 --> 00:13:05,149 you take risks, you connect with people. 301 00:13:05,149 --> 00:13:06,418 I'm sensing a twist in this. 302 00:13:06,418 --> 00:13:08,553 You have a distinct, authentic voice, but... 303 00:13:09,553 --> 00:13:11,423 Sometimes you're a little too much. 304 00:13:11,423 --> 00:13:12,457 I don't think I am too much! 305 00:13:12,457 --> 00:13:14,960 I actually think I'm the perfect right portion. 306 00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:16,461 Look, you have your job. 307 00:13:16,461 --> 00:13:19,297 Okay, focus on that and just toe the line a little bit. 308 00:13:19,297 --> 00:13:20,899 You know what? I quit. 309 00:13:20,899 --> 00:13:22,033 Oh, come on, Fred. 310 00:13:22,033 --> 00:13:24,034 You should quit, too. Everyone should fucking quit. 311 00:13:24,034 --> 00:13:25,971 No, I'm not gonna quit, I need my job. 312 00:13:25,971 --> 00:13:28,072 I need my fucking job, too. I'm broke, man! 313 00:13:28,072 --> 00:13:29,474 But I can't work for that guy. 314 00:13:29,474 --> 00:13:31,876 At least let me fire you so you can get unemployment. 315 00:13:31,876 --> 00:13:33,945 No fucking way! 316 00:13:33,945 --> 00:13:36,081 I want him to know that I quit. 317 00:13:36,081 --> 00:13:38,416 He's never gonna know it, he's never heard of you. 318 00:13:38,416 --> 00:13:40,985 You're gonna destroy your life to spite a guy who's never heard of you? 319 00:13:40,985 --> 00:13:42,553 Yes! You said it best! 320 00:13:42,553 --> 00:13:43,721 That's exactly what I'm doing. 321 00:13:43,721 --> 00:13:46,524 You're making bad decisions and it's bumming me out, man. 322 00:13:46,524 --> 00:13:47,993 Well, that makes two of us. 323 00:13:47,993 --> 00:13:51,562 Fuck this. Journalism died today, people. 324 00:13:51,562 --> 00:13:54,532 Yes, hello, this is, uh, Fred Flarsky. 325 00:13:54,532 --> 00:13:56,467 Um... I, uh, 326 00:13:56,467 --> 00:13:58,035 was just calling to say that I was forced 327 00:13:58,035 --> 00:13:59,303 to quit my job recently, 328 00:13:59,303 --> 00:14:00,005 making me something of a free agent. 329 00:14:01,005 --> 00:14:02,573 And I know in the past, uh, 330 00:14:02,573 --> 00:14:05,277 you said I'm not exactly what The Times was looking for, 331 00:14:05,277 --> 00:14:07,946 but I was just calling to see if anything's changed. 332 00:14:07,946 --> 00:14:10,081 Uh, just give me a ring. Thank you so much. 333 00:14:10,081 --> 00:14:12,019 Yo, Lance. It's Fred. Um... 334 00:14:14,019 --> 00:14:15,320 I lost my job and I'm very sad. 335 00:14:15,320 --> 00:14:16,922 Can I come by? 336 00:14:22,259 --> 00:14:23,528 We need to schedule a meeting 337 00:14:23,528 --> 00:14:25,529 and see what they have to say. 338 00:14:25,529 --> 00:14:27,232 Excuse me. 339 00:14:28,232 --> 00:14:31,035 Man, I can't believe they did you like that. 340 00:14:31,035 --> 00:14:32,671 It's fucked up. I'm pissed. 341 00:14:32,671 --> 00:14:34,605 But you're gonna feel a lot better, man, we're leaving. 342 00:14:34,605 --> 00:14:36,307 You can leave work right now? 343 00:14:36,307 --> 00:14:38,375 Yeah, I can fucking leave. You see this corner office? 344 00:14:38,375 --> 00:14:39,644 That's a "I can leave this bitch 345 00:14:39,644 --> 00:14:41,613 "whenever I want" corner office. 346 00:14:41,613 --> 00:14:43,316 Come on, man. Everybody! 347 00:14:44,316 --> 00:14:46,051 This is my best friend, 348 00:14:46,051 --> 00:14:47,585 and he just lost his job today. 349 00:14:47,585 --> 00:14:49,453 All right? He's at rock bottom. 350 00:14:49,453 --> 00:14:51,453 It's not that bad. 351 00:14:49,453 --> 00:14:51,655 He feels like shit. 352 00:14:51,655 --> 00:14:53,325 And I'm gonna make him feel better. 353 00:14:53,325 --> 00:14:54,025 It's been a tradition since we were in college, 354 00:14:55,025 --> 00:14:56,394 when one of us feels sad, 355 00:14:56,394 --> 00:14:58,129 the other one has to get him fucked up. 356 00:14:58,129 --> 00:15:02,299 I'm talking Britney Spears, mid-2000s bald head, 357 00:15:02,299 --> 00:15:04,568 almost dropping the baby fucked up. 358 00:15:04,568 --> 00:15:06,671 No judgement. No judgement. 359 00:15:06,671 --> 00:15:09,039 I need my schedule cleared, Zander. 360 00:15:09,039 --> 00:15:10,140 I don't want to do shit. 361 00:15:10,140 --> 00:15:12,376 I'm going off-grid till tomorrow. 362 00:15:12,376 --> 00:15:13,546 Matter of fact... 363 00:15:14,546 --> 00:15:16,546 Everybody's got the day off. 364 00:15:16,480 --> 00:15:18,984 Everybody's got the day off. Y'all got the day off. 365 00:15:18,984 --> 00:15:20,085 Everybody, go home. 366 00:15:20,085 --> 00:15:22,754 I'm so appreciative of all of you guys' hard work. 367 00:15:22,754 --> 00:15:24,489 I love every single one of you. 368 00:15:24,489 --> 00:15:25,557 Except you, Ted! 369 00:15:25,557 --> 00:15:28,659 Bagel Friday is for everybody, Ted! 370 00:15:28,659 --> 00:15:30,761 You don't think we know you taking the bagels? 371 00:15:30,761 --> 00:15:32,130 Yeah, Ted, not cool. 372 00:15:32,130 --> 00:15:33,130 Zander. 373 00:15:32,130 --> 00:15:33,065 Yeah? 374 00:15:33,065 --> 00:15:35,299 I need two cans of the Pamplemousse LaCroix. 375 00:15:35,299 --> 00:15:36,299 Uh-huh. 376 00:15:35,299 --> 00:15:36,533 I need that filled 377 00:15:36,533 --> 00:15:39,070 with Johnnie Walker Blue and CBD oil. 378 00:15:39,070 --> 00:15:40,605 Do you want one? 379 00:15:41,605 --> 00:15:43,274 I got fucked, man. 380 00:15:43,274 --> 00:15:45,010 Yeah, you got fucked like a stepmom on Pornhub. 381 00:15:46,010 --> 00:15:47,178 Well, it happens to everybody. 382 00:15:47,178 --> 00:15:49,114 I've been unemployed before, it sucks. 383 00:15:49,114 --> 00:15:50,381 But I didn't ask for any handouts. 384 00:15:50,381 --> 00:15:53,183 I picked myself up by my bootstraps and got to it. 385 00:15:53,183 --> 00:15:54,619 Where are we going right now? 386 00:15:54,619 --> 00:15:56,421 Best day ever, Fred. Don't worry about it. 387 00:15:56,421 --> 00:15:58,590 I've got this dope afternoon planned for us. 388 00:15:58,590 --> 00:16:00,392 First we're going to finish these Pamplemousse's. 389 00:16:00,392 --> 00:16:01,360 Play at the park. 390 00:16:01,360 --> 00:16:03,394 After that we're going to go to Peter Luger's, 391 00:16:03,394 --> 00:16:04,562 get you a nice fat steak, 392 00:16:04,562 --> 00:16:07,264 and then finish it off with a World Wildlife Fund benefit. 393 00:16:07,264 --> 00:16:08,633 I don't know if I want to go to some 394 00:16:08,633 --> 00:16:10,201 fancy rich person party. 395 00:16:10,201 --> 00:16:11,535 What... Oh, come on, man, 396 00:16:11,535 --> 00:16:13,138 don't be so judgmental, all right? 397 00:16:13,138 --> 00:16:15,539 It's free booze and there'll be pandas and shit. 398 00:16:15,539 --> 00:16:18,539 People love pandas and shit. 399 00:16:15,539 --> 00:16:18,076 I don't know. 400 00:16:18,076 --> 00:16:19,309 All right, fine, Fred. 401 00:16:19,309 --> 00:16:20,711 Then just do nothing. All right? 402 00:16:20,711 --> 00:16:22,647 Go home, do nothing. 403 00:16:22,647 --> 00:16:25,351 And don't kick it with your best friend and Boyz II Men. 404 00:16:26,351 --> 00:16:27,585 Say what? 405 00:16:27,585 --> 00:16:29,320 Oh, yeah. 406 00:16:29,320 --> 00:16:30,788 Boyz II Men is bringing their timeless blend 407 00:16:30,788 --> 00:16:34,058 of R&B, hip-hop and new jack swing to the party. 408 00:16:34,058 --> 00:16:36,061 I thought you would like to be there. 409 00:16:36,061 --> 00:16:37,761 Bo-bo-bo-Boyz II Men? 410 00:16:37,761 --> 00:16:40,831 ♪ Motownphilly's back again ♪ 411 00:16:41,932 --> 00:16:42,833 That's what I'm talking about, man. Let's do this shit. 412 00:16:42,833 --> 00:16:44,803 Okay, let's have fun. What a fun day. 413 00:16:46,770 --> 00:16:50,408 I am so hungry, it's insane. 414 00:16:50,408 --> 00:16:51,643 Why didn't you PowerBar me? 415 00:16:51,643 --> 00:16:53,144 I tried, you pushed my hand away. 416 00:16:53,144 --> 00:16:54,312 Oh. 417 00:16:54,312 --> 00:16:57,315 Skewered foods. I can't eat skewered foods gracefully. 418 00:16:57,315 --> 00:16:58,716 I look like a fucking caveman. 419 00:16:58,716 --> 00:17:00,485 Yeah, and there are cameras everywhere. 420 00:17:00,485 --> 00:17:02,320 That's really gonna hurt your elegance score. 421 00:17:02,320 --> 00:17:03,791 That's my best score. 422 00:17:07,791 --> 00:17:09,727 Fuck! It's all skewered foods. 423 00:17:09,727 --> 00:17:11,395 I'm gonna take the chicken off the skewers. 424 00:17:11,395 --> 00:17:13,395 Take it off... 425 00:17:11,395 --> 00:17:13,330 Quickly. Quickly. 426 00:17:13,330 --> 00:17:15,299 Why do they make this so difficult... 427 00:17:15,299 --> 00:17:17,634 Oh. I'm sorry, sir. I apologize. 428 00:17:17,634 --> 00:17:20,634 Jesus fucking Christ. 429 00:17:17,634 --> 00:17:20,204 Can't do things... 430 00:17:20,204 --> 00:17:22,173 Just make a fucking... Make a wall. Make a wall. 431 00:17:22,173 --> 00:17:24,173 Yup. Yes. 432 00:17:22,173 --> 00:17:24,211 Do you have it? 433 00:17:27,211 --> 00:17:28,813 Good. Good, good, good, good. 434 00:17:28,813 --> 00:17:30,250 Oh, my God, it's really good chicken. 435 00:17:32,250 --> 00:17:33,817 James Steward is approaching. James Steward is approaching. 436 00:17:33,817 --> 00:17:34,885 What? 437 00:17:34,885 --> 00:17:36,654 Okay, he's about nine feet away. 438 00:17:36,654 --> 00:17:38,690 His dick is probably about seven feet away. 439 00:17:38,690 --> 00:17:40,690 Maggie! 440 00:17:38,690 --> 00:17:40,458 Six feet away. 441 00:17:40,458 --> 00:17:42,694 Five feet away. Spit, spit, spit, spit, spit. 442 00:17:43,694 --> 00:17:45,694 James! 443 00:17:43,694 --> 00:17:45,730 Bonsoir. 444 00:17:45,730 --> 00:17:47,730 Hi. 445 00:17:45,730 --> 00:17:47,565 Good evening. 446 00:17:47,565 --> 00:17:49,233 I am so sorry I missed you 447 00:17:49,233 --> 00:17:50,902 when I was at the White House a few weeks ago. 448 00:17:50,902 --> 00:17:53,837 Oh, are you so "sorry," James? 449 00:17:53,837 --> 00:17:55,373 You're never gonna 450 00:17:55,373 --> 00:17:56,708 stop making that joke, are you? 451 00:17:56,708 --> 00:17:58,708 No. I'm not. 452 00:17:58,843 --> 00:18:00,310 Well, I... Oh, hello. 453 00:18:00,310 --> 00:18:01,310 Hi. 454 00:18:00,310 --> 00:18:01,613 Oh, yes. 455 00:18:01,613 --> 00:18:03,613 Thank you. 456 00:18:04,781 --> 00:18:06,781 One more. One more. 457 00:18:04,781 --> 00:18:06,919 One more. 458 00:18:07,919 --> 00:18:10,288 Merci. Thank you. 459 00:18:10,288 --> 00:18:11,824 What do you say we get out of here? 460 00:18:12,824 --> 00:18:15,593 Grab a drink somewhere a bit more private. 461 00:18:17,729 --> 00:18:18,729 Yes... 462 00:18:17,729 --> 00:18:18,930 Yeah? 463 00:18:18,930 --> 00:18:21,199 Oh, my God! 464 00:18:21,199 --> 00:18:22,933 Make some noise out there! Make some noise! 465 00:18:22,933 --> 00:18:25,236 Yeah! Check it out, y'all! 466 00:18:25,236 --> 00:18:27,372 One question, what's the name of the group? 467 00:18:27,372 --> 00:18:28,640 Boyz II Men! 468 00:18:28,640 --> 00:18:29,507 What's the name of the group, y'all? 469 00:18:29,507 --> 00:18:30,842 Boyz II Men! 470 00:18:52,730 --> 00:18:53,798 Yeah... 471 00:18:53,798 --> 00:18:54,833 I told you this would be dope. 472 00:18:54,833 --> 00:18:57,902 Yeah, uh... This is really cheering me up. 473 00:18:57,902 --> 00:18:59,336 Wow. 474 00:19:08,946 --> 00:19:10,381 I'm super underdressed. 475 00:19:10,381 --> 00:19:11,682 Stop complaining, all right? 476 00:19:11,682 --> 00:19:13,617 You think you feel outta place? 477 00:19:13,617 --> 00:19:14,786 This is one of the brightest rooms 478 00:19:14,786 --> 00:19:16,820 I've ever been in, in my life. 479 00:19:16,820 --> 00:19:18,223 Bright? What do you mean, bright? 480 00:19:19,223 --> 00:19:20,458 Like white. 481 00:19:20,458 --> 00:19:22,458 Oh, "bright" is white? 482 00:19:20,458 --> 00:19:22,527 Yeah, man. 483 00:19:22,527 --> 00:19:24,596 It's only me, the waiters and Boyz II Men. 484 00:19:24,596 --> 00:19:26,463 I've already had three people tell me they love my music. 485 00:19:32,403 --> 00:19:33,637 Duty calls. 486 00:19:33,637 --> 00:19:35,007 I'll take a snow check on that dance. 487 00:19:36,007 --> 00:19:38,007 Canadian for "rain check." 488 00:19:36,007 --> 00:19:38,609 Okay. 489 00:19:38,609 --> 00:19:40,380 Okay. 490 00:19:47,618 --> 00:19:49,753 Man, you're pounding 'em kinda hard, don't you think? 491 00:19:49,753 --> 00:19:51,823 I got fired today, man. 492 00:19:51,823 --> 00:19:53,592 You told me you quit. 493 00:19:54,592 --> 00:19:56,693 I was forced to quit because of... 494 00:19:56,693 --> 00:19:57,828 Yeah, okay, man. 495 00:19:57,828 --> 00:19:59,031 Lie to me some more. 496 00:20:01,031 --> 00:20:02,571 You good? 497 00:20:07,571 --> 00:20:09,675 Shit. Is the secretary of state looking at us? 498 00:20:11,675 --> 00:20:12,878 Oh, she's looking at you? 499 00:20:14,878 --> 00:20:16,384 Fred. 500 00:20:19,384 --> 00:20:21,553 Fred. What the hell? What was that? 501 00:20:22,553 --> 00:20:24,690 Damn. Hey, what was that? 502 00:20:25,690 --> 00:20:27,291 I... 503 00:20:27,291 --> 00:20:28,692 Kinda... I kinda know her. Okay? 504 00:20:28,692 --> 00:20:30,692 You kinda know her? 505 00:20:28,692 --> 00:20:30,627 Yeah. 506 00:20:30,627 --> 00:20:32,363 Nobody kinda knows Charlotte Field, all right? 507 00:20:32,363 --> 00:20:33,765 It's like kinda knowing a mermaid, dude. 508 00:20:33,765 --> 00:20:34,898 You tell people that shit. 509 00:20:34,898 --> 00:20:36,898 That's exceptional. 510 00:20:34,898 --> 00:20:36,567 Okay. 511 00:20:36,567 --> 00:20:37,868 I'll tell you a story. 512 00:20:37,868 --> 00:20:41,605 So, I'm like 13, she's like 16. 513 00:20:41,605 --> 00:20:42,512 She's my babysitter. 514 00:20:48,512 --> 00:20:51,048 She's like, perfect. She's very nice to me, 515 00:20:51,048 --> 00:20:52,583 which goes a long way with me. 516 00:20:52,583 --> 00:20:53,018 So, we're at her house... 517 00:20:54,018 --> 00:20:55,952 She's practicing a speech that she's writing. 518 00:20:55,952 --> 00:20:57,922 She's running for Student Council president. 519 00:20:57,922 --> 00:20:59,223 Did you know that every year, 520 00:20:59,223 --> 00:21:02,059 the school throws away over 500 tons of recyclable garbage? 521 00:21:02,059 --> 00:21:04,059 And no one cares. 522 00:21:02,059 --> 00:21:04,895 I know, it's total bullshit. 523 00:21:04,895 --> 00:21:06,497 But how do you get idiots to care about shit 524 00:21:06,497 --> 00:21:09,497 they don't care about? 525 00:21:06,497 --> 00:21:09,599 They'll just care 526 00:21:09,599 --> 00:21:11,635 because it's the right thing to care about. 527 00:21:11,635 --> 00:21:14,638 You're more inspiring than George Bush and Dan Quayle combined. 528 00:21:14,638 --> 00:21:16,406 Well, that's not too hard. 529 00:21:17,842 --> 00:21:19,577 Well, she was amazing, and she was smart, 530 00:21:19,577 --> 00:21:20,912 and she seemed to kinda like me, 531 00:21:20,912 --> 00:21:22,680 and I felt like we were having a moment. 532 00:21:22,680 --> 00:21:24,848 You know what I mean? Like a romantic moment. 533 00:21:24,848 --> 00:21:25,916 Oh, shit. 534 00:21:25,916 --> 00:21:27,518 So I did something, 535 00:21:27,518 --> 00:21:29,619 that in retrospect was highly inappropriate. 536 00:21:29,619 --> 00:21:30,588 I kissed her. 537 00:21:31,588 --> 00:21:32,923 I looked down... 538 00:21:32,923 --> 00:21:35,093 I got a fucking 13-year-old boner, man! 539 00:21:35,093 --> 00:21:37,093 Oh! 540 00:21:35,093 --> 00:21:37,929 Hard... But not big. 541 00:21:37,929 --> 00:21:40,731 But hard. And pronounced, "13-year-old boner." 542 00:21:40,731 --> 00:21:41,732 Sorry. 543 00:21:41,732 --> 00:21:43,469 And she looks at it. She sees it. And she goes... 544 00:21:44,469 --> 00:21:45,536 It's okay. 545 00:21:45,536 --> 00:21:47,038 And then, 546 00:21:47,038 --> 00:21:48,905 her boyfriend comes into the room, 547 00:21:48,905 --> 00:21:50,607 who was in the other room watching Blossom! 548 00:21:50,607 --> 00:21:51,675 Hey, babe. 549 00:21:51,675 --> 00:21:53,544 Points out my fucking little boner. 550 00:21:53,544 --> 00:21:55,544 He makes a joke! 551 00:21:53,544 --> 00:21:55,946 Whoa! 552 00:21:55,946 --> 00:21:57,115 And they left. 553 00:21:58,115 --> 00:21:59,685 I'm sorry. 554 00:22:01,685 --> 00:22:04,589 And I'm left standing there alone... 555 00:22:05,589 --> 00:22:06,557 ...in the kitchen, 556 00:22:06,557 --> 00:22:09,559 with my little, hard 13-year-old fucking boner. 557 00:22:09,559 --> 00:22:11,559 Hard as a rock. 558 00:22:09,559 --> 00:22:11,729 And on top of that, 559 00:22:11,729 --> 00:22:13,397 she didn't win the fucking election. 560 00:22:13,397 --> 00:22:16,099 Bill Sterling won because he ran on a two-prom platform. 561 00:22:16,099 --> 00:22:19,099 Two-prom! 562 00:22:16,099 --> 00:22:19,136 Two-proms! Back-to-back! 563 00:22:19,136 --> 00:22:21,506 She didn't stand a fucking chance. 564 00:22:21,506 --> 00:22:22,641 No, man. 565 00:22:22,641 --> 00:22:24,674 I think you're skimming over the best part of that story. 566 00:22:24,674 --> 00:22:26,411 What's the best part of that story? 567 00:22:26,411 --> 00:22:28,179 She says your boner was okay. 568 00:22:28,179 --> 00:22:29,980 She said, "It's okay," like she was trying 569 00:22:29,980 --> 00:22:31,816 to not make me fucking feel bad. 570 00:22:31,816 --> 00:22:33,817 Fred, you see a fucked-up story, 571 00:22:33,817 --> 00:22:37,555 when I see a beautiful story about a girl that you liked, 572 00:22:37,555 --> 00:22:40,691 liking your boner in all of its okay-ness. 573 00:22:40,691 --> 00:22:42,759 You need to talk to her tonight. 574 00:22:42,759 --> 00:22:43,028 She probably doesn't remember who I am, 575 00:22:44,028 --> 00:22:45,730 and if she does remember who I am, 576 00:22:45,730 --> 00:22:46,897 the last thing she wants is 577 00:22:46,897 --> 00:22:48,000 my 13-year-old-boner-having fucking ass walking up to her. 578 00:22:49,000 --> 00:22:50,000 Look... 579 00:22:49,000 --> 00:22:50,067 Excuse me. 580 00:22:50,067 --> 00:22:51,102 Whoa. 581 00:22:51,102 --> 00:22:52,769 Secretary Field would like to speak with you. 582 00:22:52,769 --> 00:22:53,005 With me? 583 00:22:54,005 --> 00:22:55,440 With him, right? 584 00:22:55,440 --> 00:22:57,440 Yeah. 585 00:22:55,440 --> 00:22:57,208 Right now? 586 00:22:57,208 --> 00:22:58,809 Uh, do you know why? 587 00:22:58,809 --> 00:22:59,011 This way. 588 00:23:01,011 --> 00:23:02,180 This is good. 589 00:23:02,180 --> 00:23:03,614 What are you nervous about? 590 00:23:03,614 --> 00:23:05,883 What the fuck? Everything I just said! 591 00:23:15,526 --> 00:23:17,494 Oh, my God, dude, there she is. 592 00:23:26,037 --> 00:23:27,872 What are you gonna say to her? 593 00:23:27,872 --> 00:23:29,473 I don't know. 594 00:23:29,473 --> 00:23:30,842 Should open with a neg. 595 00:23:30,842 --> 00:23:32,143 Tell her she's too tall. 596 00:23:32,143 --> 00:23:34,045 I'm not gonna neg the secretary of state. 597 00:23:34,045 --> 00:23:35,045 It was so nice to see you. 598 00:23:34,045 --> 00:23:35,115 You as well. 599 00:23:38,115 --> 00:23:40,917 Give me the signal when you need me. 600 00:23:40,917 --> 00:23:43,917 Hi. 601 00:23:40,917 --> 00:23:43,054 Hi. 602 00:23:43,054 --> 00:23:44,489 A man brought me here. 603 00:23:44,489 --> 00:23:45,022 Yes, sorry about that. 604 00:23:46,022 --> 00:23:47,022 Um... 605 00:23:46,022 --> 00:23:47,057 No, not at all. 606 00:23:47,057 --> 00:23:49,926 I can't shake this feeling that we know each other. 607 00:23:49,926 --> 00:23:51,926 We do. Yeah. 608 00:23:49,926 --> 00:23:51,561 We do? 609 00:23:51,561 --> 00:23:52,561 We do know each other. 610 00:23:51,561 --> 00:23:52,963 Okay, so I'm not crazy. 611 00:23:52,963 --> 00:23:55,963 Uh, I'm Fred. 612 00:23:52,963 --> 00:23:55,266 Fred... 613 00:23:55,266 --> 00:23:56,567 I was shorter, 614 00:23:56,567 --> 00:23:57,567 but other than that... 615 00:23:56,567 --> 00:23:57,001 Flarsky? 616 00:23:58,001 --> 00:23:59,069 Yeah! Holy fuck! 617 00:23:59,069 --> 00:24:00,770 I can't believe it. You remember. 618 00:24:00,770 --> 00:24:03,039 Oh, my God, look at you! 619 00:24:03,039 --> 00:24:04,241 Look at me, yes. 620 00:24:04,241 --> 00:24:05,509 What are you doing here? 621 00:24:05,509 --> 00:24:07,011 My friend, Lance... That's Lance. 622 00:24:08,011 --> 00:24:09,047 Hey, how you doing? 623 00:24:09,047 --> 00:24:11,715 He, uh, he just brought me here to see Boyz II Men. 624 00:24:11,715 --> 00:24:12,849 I just met them. 625 00:24:12,849 --> 00:24:14,849 You met the Men? 626 00:24:12,849 --> 00:24:14,684 Yeah. 627 00:24:14,684 --> 00:24:16,684 What was it like? 628 00:24:14,684 --> 00:24:16,287 Don't tell anybody, 629 00:24:16,287 --> 00:24:17,788 but it was the highlight of my life. 630 00:24:17,788 --> 00:24:18,923 Oh, I totally get that. 631 00:24:18,923 --> 00:24:19,923 And I've met the Dalai Lama. 632 00:24:19,923 --> 00:24:22,593 Fuck him. How many hits does he have? None. 633 00:24:22,593 --> 00:24:24,529 Don't actually fuck him. 634 00:24:24,529 --> 00:24:25,529 He's a wonderful man. 635 00:24:24,529 --> 00:24:25,663 Yeah. 636 00:24:25,663 --> 00:24:27,097 What are you doing these days? 637 00:24:27,097 --> 00:24:28,701 I bet it's something amazing. 638 00:24:30,701 --> 00:24:31,701 It's pretty amazing. 639 00:24:30,701 --> 00:24:31,969 Yeah. 640 00:24:31,969 --> 00:24:33,037 Uh, yeah, 641 00:24:33,037 --> 00:24:35,640 but it's still in its, uh, gestation period, I guess. 642 00:24:35,640 --> 00:24:36,807 I don't need to get into it. 643 00:24:36,807 --> 00:24:37,875 What about you, what have you been up to? 644 00:24:38,875 --> 00:24:40,044 You're the secretary... I'm joking. 645 00:24:40,044 --> 00:24:41,178 I know what you've been up to. 646 00:24:41,178 --> 00:24:42,178 Yeah. 647 00:24:41,178 --> 00:24:42,378 You're very, um... 648 00:24:42,378 --> 00:24:44,749 You know, I just, I... I just wanna say it's, like, amazing 649 00:24:44,749 --> 00:24:45,816 to see what you've done with your life. 650 00:24:45,816 --> 00:24:46,916 A lot of people say they're gonna do 651 00:24:46,916 --> 00:24:49,053 all this incredible stuff and they don't do anything, 652 00:24:49,053 --> 00:24:51,057 but you actually did it all, so, congrats. 653 00:24:53,057 --> 00:24:54,026 Well, I'm trying. 654 00:24:55,026 --> 00:24:56,229 I think you've done it. 655 00:24:58,229 --> 00:24:59,698 Oh! 656 00:25:00,698 --> 00:25:01,999 Parker Wembley. 657 00:25:01,999 --> 00:25:03,267 I hate this guy. 658 00:25:03,267 --> 00:25:05,903 Parker Wembley, the guy who buys and sells newspapers 659 00:25:05,903 --> 00:25:07,005 and thinks that hurricanes are caused by gay marriage? 660 00:25:08,005 --> 00:25:09,073 You know him? 661 00:25:09,073 --> 00:25:10,273 He's coming over here. 662 00:25:10,273 --> 00:25:12,273 Is he behind me? 663 00:25:10,273 --> 00:25:12,042 Yeah. 664 00:25:12,042 --> 00:25:15,042 Finally. Secretary Field. 665 00:25:12,042 --> 00:25:15,645 Parker, how are you? 666 00:25:15,645 --> 00:25:17,815 You are looking particularly gorgeous tonight. 667 00:25:17,815 --> 00:25:19,115 Thank you. 668 00:25:19,115 --> 00:25:21,285 I... I've been trying to set a meeting with you 669 00:25:21,285 --> 00:25:23,887 for some months now, and, uh... 670 00:25:23,887 --> 00:25:25,655 I mean, have you been avoiding me? 671 00:25:25,655 --> 00:25:28,659 No! No. 672 00:25:28,659 --> 00:25:30,659 Not successfully. 673 00:25:32,262 --> 00:25:34,832 Who's your friend? 674 00:25:34,832 --> 00:25:36,832 Fred. 675 00:25:34,832 --> 00:25:36,701 Hey, Fred! 676 00:25:36,701 --> 00:25:37,701 Yes, hi. 677 00:25:36,701 --> 00:25:37,768 How are you? 678 00:25:37,768 --> 00:25:39,737 And, uh, what is it that you do? 679 00:25:39,737 --> 00:25:41,771 I'm a journalist, actually. Yeah. 680 00:25:41,771 --> 00:25:43,771 Ooh, a journalist. 681 00:25:41,771 --> 00:25:43,607 Mmm-hmm. Yeah. 682 00:25:43,607 --> 00:25:45,009 Will I have read anything that you've written? 683 00:25:46,009 --> 00:25:48,813 Probably not recently 'cause I'm unemployed at the moment. 684 00:25:48,813 --> 00:25:50,714 Oh, I am so sorry to hear that. 685 00:25:50,714 --> 00:25:51,982 Not your fault. 686 00:25:51,982 --> 00:25:53,917 Excuse me, Secretary Field, we need a word. 687 00:25:53,917 --> 00:25:55,917 Oh, okay. 688 00:25:53,917 --> 00:25:55,987 So we will have that meeting. 689 00:25:55,987 --> 00:25:57,987 Right? 690 00:25:55,987 --> 00:25:57,054 Yes. 691 00:25:57,054 --> 00:25:58,788 Okay, good. Fred. 692 00:25:58,788 --> 00:25:59,788 Yes? 693 00:25:58,788 --> 00:25:59,957 Best of luck. 694 00:25:59,957 --> 00:26:00,025 Oh, why, thanks. 695 00:26:01,025 --> 00:26:02,093 Things will turn around for you. 696 00:26:02,093 --> 00:26:02,093 So nice of you. 697 00:26:02,993 --> 00:26:04,329 Darkest before the dawn and all that. 698 00:26:06,329 --> 00:26:08,329 I actually... I do have to... 699 00:26:06,329 --> 00:26:08,798 Yeah. 700 00:26:08,798 --> 00:26:10,166 You probably have a lot of things to do. 701 00:26:10,166 --> 00:26:11,234 Better than this. 702 00:26:11,234 --> 00:26:12,369 It's really nice to see you again. 703 00:26:12,369 --> 00:26:15,369 Oh. Yeah. Okay. Sure. Great. 704 00:26:15,905 --> 00:26:18,942 Oh, you're backless. Wasn't expecting that. 705 00:26:18,942 --> 00:26:20,942 Have fun at the party. 706 00:26:18,942 --> 00:26:20,810 You too. 707 00:26:20,810 --> 00:26:21,016 Great to see you. 708 00:26:25,016 --> 00:26:27,984 I see you. I see you. Yeah. 709 00:26:30,421 --> 00:26:32,357 So I said, "You want..." 710 00:26:34,357 --> 00:26:35,759 Hey. Hey. What's that look in your eye? 711 00:26:35,759 --> 00:26:36,827 What are you about to go do? 712 00:26:36,827 --> 00:26:38,663 Tonight is about the animals, dude. 713 00:26:38,663 --> 00:26:40,664 Fuck the animals! They're fucking gone, man. 714 00:26:40,664 --> 00:26:42,365 Too late for the fucking animals. 715 00:26:44,201 --> 00:26:45,869 Hey! 716 00:26:45,869 --> 00:26:47,869 Oh, Fred? 717 00:26:45,869 --> 00:26:47,371 Yeah, look. 718 00:26:47,371 --> 00:26:49,371 What's the problem? 719 00:26:47,371 --> 00:26:49,707 I'll tell you the problem. 720 00:26:49,707 --> 00:26:51,707 What? 721 00:26:49,707 --> 00:26:51,241 You're the problem, man! 722 00:26:51,241 --> 00:26:53,810 You're everything that's wrong with this fucking country. 723 00:26:53,810 --> 00:26:57,048 'Cause you're an old, rich, white piece of shit 724 00:26:57,048 --> 00:26:59,784 and your media conglomerate is ruining this planet! 725 00:26:59,784 --> 00:27:01,784 Enough. 726 00:26:59,784 --> 00:27:01,719 I'm done anyway. 727 00:27:01,719 --> 00:27:03,386 I had more time with you than I thought I would, 728 00:27:03,386 --> 00:27:04,021 so joke's on you. Excuse me, thank you. 729 00:27:05,021 --> 00:27:06,691 Whoa, shit! 730 00:27:09,125 --> 00:27:10,361 God! 731 00:27:11,895 --> 00:27:13,064 Cracker down! 732 00:27:13,064 --> 00:27:14,464 Oh, my God. 733 00:27:14,464 --> 00:27:15,433 Looks like it hurt. 734 00:27:16,433 --> 00:27:18,301 Boyz II Men, back up. 735 00:27:18,301 --> 00:27:19,769 You all right? You good? 736 00:27:19,769 --> 00:27:20,769 You all right? 737 00:27:19,769 --> 00:27:20,938 I'm okay! 738 00:27:20,938 --> 00:27:21,006 He's okay! 739 00:27:22,006 --> 00:27:23,974 How is he standing? 740 00:27:29,747 --> 00:27:31,747 Oh! 741 00:27:29,747 --> 00:27:31,884 Ouch! 742 00:27:33,884 --> 00:27:37,721 ♪ Oh, no That's the Ruff Ryder... 743 00:27:37,721 --> 00:27:38,788 This is so creative. 744 00:27:41,125 --> 00:27:42,358 Ha-ha! 745 00:27:42,358 --> 00:27:43,358 What was that? 746 00:27:42,358 --> 00:27:43,428 Thank you, Tom. 747 00:27:44,428 --> 00:27:46,763 God, that was crazy. 748 00:27:46,763 --> 00:27:48,132 I mean, now that we know he's okay, 749 00:27:48,132 --> 00:27:50,800 it was all so hilarious. 750 00:27:50,800 --> 00:27:53,404 And so what is the relationship exactly? 751 00:27:53,404 --> 00:27:55,404 Was he your super? 752 00:27:53,404 --> 00:27:55,038 No, 753 00:27:55,038 --> 00:27:56,973 we grew up next door to each other. 754 00:27:56,973 --> 00:27:58,241 Yeah. 755 00:27:58,241 --> 00:28:01,112 Fuck, I used to babysit for him. 756 00:28:01,112 --> 00:28:03,112 You babysat for him? 757 00:28:01,112 --> 00:28:03,346 I did. 758 00:28:03,346 --> 00:28:05,016 Wow. Time has not been kind. 759 00:28:06,016 --> 00:28:06,017 He was such a strange little kid. 760 00:28:07,017 --> 00:28:10,221 But he was really funny. And he was super smart. 761 00:28:10,221 --> 00:28:12,288 He did have this chip on his shoulder, though. 762 00:28:12,288 --> 00:28:14,325 He's actually not a bad writer. 763 00:28:14,325 --> 00:28:15,759 Wait, you've read his stuff? 764 00:28:15,759 --> 00:28:16,961 Yeah, Brooklyn Advocate. 765 00:28:16,961 --> 00:28:19,262 Oh, God, of course, you read that, Tom. 766 00:28:19,262 --> 00:28:20,030 Didn't that paper just get sold off? 767 00:28:21,030 --> 00:28:22,398 Wembley Media just bought them. 768 00:28:22,398 --> 00:28:24,969 Oh, that makes total sense. 769 00:28:24,969 --> 00:28:27,171 That's why he was such a dick to Wembley. 770 00:28:27,171 --> 00:28:31,179 So the rest of the schedule for the day is pretty packed. 771 00:28:41,484 --> 00:28:42,484 Hi. 772 00:28:41,484 --> 00:28:42,819 Hey. 773 00:28:42,819 --> 00:28:45,522 Did you like any of those writing samples? 774 00:28:45,522 --> 00:28:48,392 Yeah, McKenzie is good. Bess is solid. 775 00:28:48,392 --> 00:28:52,930 And, um, Fred's stuff isn't too bad. 776 00:28:52,930 --> 00:28:54,898 Wait, not the... 777 00:28:54,898 --> 00:28:57,367 The homeless person that fell down the stairs? 778 00:28:57,367 --> 00:28:59,970 Yeah. He has a real voice. 779 00:28:59,970 --> 00:29:02,573 And he knows me. I mean, he knew me. 780 00:29:02,573 --> 00:29:04,240 And that's probably a good thing 781 00:29:04,240 --> 00:29:07,144 if he's going to be writing for me. 782 00:29:07,144 --> 00:29:09,180 Bringing someone like that onto the team, 783 00:29:09,180 --> 00:29:11,882 I have to say, feels a little reckless. 784 00:29:11,882 --> 00:29:15,352 His writing is really good. And it's funny. 785 00:29:15,352 --> 00:29:17,387 I think he can get that number up by a few points. 786 00:29:17,387 --> 00:29:19,957 And if he doesn't, we fire him. 787 00:29:19,957 --> 00:29:20,025 Okay. 788 00:29:21,025 --> 00:29:22,559 Okay. 789 00:29:22,559 --> 00:29:24,461 Fred Flarsky it is. 790 00:29:24,461 --> 00:29:25,932 Thanks. 791 00:29:31,000 --> 00:29:32,503 All right, bye. 792 00:29:38,442 --> 00:29:40,076 Unknown! 793 00:29:40,076 --> 00:29:41,878 I don't give a fuck. Answer that shit. 794 00:29:41,878 --> 00:29:43,878 What? 795 00:29:41,878 --> 00:29:43,247 Answer it! 796 00:29:43,247 --> 00:29:44,882 What if it's The Man trying to get at me? 797 00:29:44,882 --> 00:29:46,584 No, it's the universe trying to talk to you. 798 00:29:46,584 --> 00:29:47,852 Really? 799 00:29:47,852 --> 00:29:49,852 Gang. 800 00:29:47,852 --> 00:29:49,319 Gang. 801 00:29:49,319 --> 00:29:51,087 Do that shit, man. Fred, don't fuck with me. 802 00:29:51,087 --> 00:29:52,623 All right. Hello. Gang. 803 00:29:52,623 --> 00:29:54,623 Mr. Flarsky? 804 00:29:52,623 --> 00:29:54,458 What? 805 00:29:54,458 --> 00:29:55,992 Wait, slow down. What? 806 00:29:55,992 --> 00:29:57,992 You're unknown. Pardon? 807 00:29:55,992 --> 00:29:57,894 Oh, my God. Mr. Flarsky. 808 00:29:57,894 --> 00:29:59,894 Hello? 809 00:29:57,894 --> 00:29:59,997 Go on. 810 00:29:59,997 --> 00:30:03,601 This is Maggie Millikin from Secretary Field's office. 811 00:30:03,601 --> 00:30:05,903 Hello, Maggie, who works for Secretary Field. 812 00:30:05,903 --> 00:30:07,903 Whoo! 813 00:30:05,903 --> 00:30:07,570 Hello? 814 00:30:07,570 --> 00:30:08,873 That's good! Talk to her. 815 00:30:08,873 --> 00:30:11,873 Hello? 816 00:30:08,873 --> 00:30:11,541 How can I help you? 817 00:30:11,541 --> 00:30:13,509 The secretary would like to meet with you immediately. 818 00:30:13,509 --> 00:30:14,878 We will send a car over. 819 00:30:14,878 --> 00:30:16,579 Can you give me the most convenient address? 820 00:30:16,579 --> 00:30:18,579 What is she saying? 821 00:30:16,579 --> 00:30:18,414 Secretary would like 822 00:30:18,414 --> 00:30:19,516 to meet with me immediately 823 00:30:19,516 --> 00:30:20,952 and they're going to send a car? 824 00:30:22,952 --> 00:30:25,623 Mr. Lou's Deli in Brooklyn. 825 00:30:25,623 --> 00:30:28,623 I'm sure you can find it. 826 00:30:25,623 --> 00:30:28,057 I will google it. 827 00:30:28,057 --> 00:30:30,094 Mr. Lou's in Brooklyn. Stay right there. 828 00:30:30,094 --> 00:30:31,161 Okay. 829 00:30:31,161 --> 00:30:33,329 Uh, I'll see you soon. 830 00:30:33,329 --> 00:30:35,400 Oh, I feel so scared. 831 00:30:36,400 --> 00:30:37,534 Do I look okay? 832 00:30:37,534 --> 00:30:38,002 Do I look funny? 833 00:30:39,002 --> 00:30:40,002 Why are these pockets here? 834 00:30:39,002 --> 00:30:40,237 It's okay. 835 00:30:40,237 --> 00:30:41,505 God fucking damn it! 836 00:30:41,505 --> 00:30:43,374 Why am I wearing these fucking stupid pants? 837 00:30:43,374 --> 00:30:44,608 They're too tapered! 838 00:30:44,608 --> 00:30:47,044 Who wears these silly-looking, fucking tapered cargo pants 839 00:30:47,044 --> 00:30:49,179 and see the fucking secretary of state? 840 00:30:49,179 --> 00:30:50,681 You can't think like this. You have to be positive. 841 00:30:50,681 --> 00:30:52,681 Mr. Flarsky? 842 00:30:50,681 --> 00:30:52,182 Oh, shit. 843 00:30:52,182 --> 00:30:53,920 Mr. Flarsky. 844 00:30:55,920 --> 00:30:56,020 Wish me luck, man. 845 00:30:57,020 --> 00:30:58,555 Yeah, you don't need luck, man. She said it was okay. 846 00:30:58,555 --> 00:30:59,623 Luck is for losers. 847 00:30:59,623 --> 00:31:01,625 You've got destiny on your side. 848 00:31:01,625 --> 00:31:04,428 You're good. Fred. 849 00:31:04,428 --> 00:31:05,596 You buy the body. 850 00:31:06,596 --> 00:31:07,499 That doesn't mean anything. 851 00:31:10,300 --> 00:31:11,969 Fred, put your seat belt on. 852 00:31:11,969 --> 00:31:14,506 Take care of my friend. All right? 853 00:31:15,506 --> 00:31:17,506 I look normal? 854 00:31:15,506 --> 00:31:17,708 You look cool. 855 00:31:17,708 --> 00:31:19,676 I love you, Fred! 856 00:31:19,676 --> 00:31:21,627 Nut boys for life! 857 00:31:37,627 --> 00:31:40,596 Empty your pockets and take off your backpack. 858 00:31:40,596 --> 00:31:41,101 Empty my pockets? 859 00:31:44,101 --> 00:31:45,603 All right. That's... 860 00:31:46,603 --> 00:31:48,141 Let's see how this goes. 861 00:31:51,141 --> 00:31:53,176 Not a regular cop, I assume. 862 00:31:53,176 --> 00:31:56,547 Got bigger fish to fry than just normal cop shit, right? 863 00:31:56,547 --> 00:31:58,182 So, uh, okay. Let's do it. 864 00:32:00,351 --> 00:32:04,087 That's prescription. For anxiety. Uh... 865 00:32:04,087 --> 00:32:07,657 This is if you can't dance for a long time and you want to. 866 00:32:07,657 --> 00:32:10,327 That's prescription as well, for, uh, lack of energy. 867 00:32:10,327 --> 00:32:11,595 That's energy powder. 868 00:32:11,595 --> 00:32:15,066 These are to wrap the anxiety medication in 869 00:32:16,066 --> 00:32:19,135 when inhaling it medicinally. 870 00:32:19,135 --> 00:32:21,605 That's if you want to vaporize the anxiety medicine, 871 00:32:21,605 --> 00:32:23,273 which I have a prescription for. 872 00:32:24,273 --> 00:32:25,045 And that's a blunt. 873 00:32:31,647 --> 00:32:32,651 Ooh. 874 00:32:34,651 --> 00:32:35,690 Hi. 875 00:32:41,392 --> 00:32:42,627 Wow. 876 00:32:44,627 --> 00:32:46,096 Will you sign this, please? 877 00:32:46,096 --> 00:32:48,096 What is it? 878 00:32:46,096 --> 00:32:48,298 It's an NDA. 879 00:32:48,298 --> 00:32:49,365 A non-disclosure agreement? 880 00:32:49,365 --> 00:32:51,365 That's right. 881 00:32:49,365 --> 00:32:51,667 Okay. 882 00:32:51,667 --> 00:32:53,667 Oh, my God. 883 00:32:51,667 --> 00:32:53,336 Fred. 884 00:32:53,336 --> 00:32:55,336 Yeah. 885 00:32:53,336 --> 00:32:55,138 Hey, nice to see you again. 886 00:32:55,138 --> 00:32:56,138 Hi, you too. 887 00:32:55,138 --> 00:32:56,472 Come on in. 888 00:32:56,472 --> 00:32:57,473 Take a seat. 889 00:32:57,473 --> 00:32:59,675 Good to see you were not injured from that fall. 890 00:32:59,675 --> 00:33:01,511 Oh, yeah, you know what? 891 00:33:01,511 --> 00:33:03,113 I actually think the brim of my hat 892 00:33:03,113 --> 00:33:04,681 kind of protected my face ultimately. 893 00:33:04,681 --> 00:33:07,084 So, thank God I was underdressed in the end, right? 894 00:33:07,084 --> 00:33:09,053 Well, as long as you're good. 895 00:33:09,053 --> 00:33:10,053 I'm okay. 896 00:33:09,053 --> 00:33:10,453 Yeah. Great. 897 00:33:10,453 --> 00:33:11,323 Uh... 898 00:33:13,323 --> 00:33:14,758 Why am I here? 899 00:33:14,758 --> 00:33:16,359 What I'm about to share with you 900 00:33:16,359 --> 00:33:18,494 is, obviously, highly confidential. 901 00:33:18,494 --> 00:33:19,596 Oh, yeah. 902 00:33:19,596 --> 00:33:21,532 Keep it on the down low. 903 00:33:22,532 --> 00:33:25,501 President Chambers will not be seeking reelection. 904 00:33:25,501 --> 00:33:26,569 Really? 905 00:33:26,569 --> 00:33:28,238 Yes. 906 00:33:28,238 --> 00:33:32,241 That's fucking sick! That's awesome. 907 00:33:32,241 --> 00:33:35,345 Are you telling each American individually the good news? 908 00:33:35,345 --> 00:33:36,413 I mean, but seriously. 909 00:33:36,413 --> 00:33:37,580 Did he just realize he sucks at it 910 00:33:37,580 --> 00:33:39,316 and decide not to do it anymore? 911 00:33:39,316 --> 00:33:43,252 He just wants to move into film and make movies. 912 00:33:43,252 --> 00:33:44,252 Really? 913 00:33:43,252 --> 00:33:44,721 Yeah. 914 00:33:44,721 --> 00:33:46,623 That's cool. That's a tough transition to make. 915 00:33:46,623 --> 00:33:49,460 Not many actors have made the leap from TV to film. 916 00:33:49,460 --> 00:33:51,194 You got George Clooney, you got Woody Harrelson... 917 00:33:51,194 --> 00:33:52,261 Jennifer Aniston. 918 00:33:52,261 --> 00:33:53,864 Mmm, did she though? 919 00:33:53,864 --> 00:33:55,566 You don't think Jennifer Aniston's a movie star? 920 00:33:55,566 --> 00:33:56,633 Just 'cause you star in movies 921 00:33:56,633 --> 00:33:57,701 doesn't mean you're a movie star. 922 00:33:57,701 --> 00:33:59,836 The point is... 923 00:33:59,836 --> 00:34:02,140 He's going to endorse me for president in 2020. 924 00:34:03,140 --> 00:34:04,208 Wow. 925 00:34:04,208 --> 00:34:05,208 I know. 926 00:34:04,208 --> 00:34:05,541 Mazel tov. 927 00:34:05,541 --> 00:34:06,676 So. 928 00:34:06,676 --> 00:34:08,744 We're headed to an environmental summit 929 00:34:08,744 --> 00:34:10,179 hosted by King Gustav 930 00:34:10,179 --> 00:34:11,815 and the Swedish Royal Family. 931 00:34:11,815 --> 00:34:14,117 At the summit, I'll be announcing 932 00:34:14,117 --> 00:34:16,219 that the world's three largest polluters 933 00:34:16,219 --> 00:34:17,588 have signed on to the most comprehensive 934 00:34:17,588 --> 00:34:19,590 and exciting environmental deal ever. 935 00:34:19,590 --> 00:34:20,858 You know, after I have some dairy, 936 00:34:20,858 --> 00:34:22,726 I'm one of the world's three largest polluters. 937 00:34:22,726 --> 00:34:23,893 Excuse me? 938 00:34:23,893 --> 00:34:26,295 We'll address rising sea levels, 939 00:34:26,295 --> 00:34:27,898 combat deforestation 940 00:34:27,898 --> 00:34:30,233 and protect the world's pollinators. 941 00:34:30,233 --> 00:34:33,336 I'm calling it the Global Rehabilitation Initiative. 942 00:34:33,336 --> 00:34:34,605 Internally, we're referring to it 943 00:34:34,605 --> 00:34:35,905 as "Bees, Trees and the Seas." 944 00:34:35,905 --> 00:34:37,440 Soon after that, 945 00:34:37,440 --> 00:34:39,775 I hope to announce that 100 countries have signed on. 946 00:34:39,775 --> 00:34:42,775 Wow. 947 00:34:39,775 --> 00:34:42,279 At which point... 948 00:34:42,279 --> 00:34:44,648 I will resign as secretary of state. 949 00:34:44,648 --> 00:34:47,650 Using this initiative as a springboard, 950 00:34:47,650 --> 00:34:49,853 I will announce my presidential run in 2020. 951 00:34:49,853 --> 00:34:51,853 Cool. 952 00:34:49,853 --> 00:34:51,356 So... 953 00:34:53,356 --> 00:34:55,925 I need some writers to punch up my speeches. 954 00:34:55,925 --> 00:34:58,262 I read your work and I really like it. 955 00:34:58,262 --> 00:34:59,463 That's... Wow. 956 00:34:59,463 --> 00:35:01,164 You mentioned you were between jobs. 957 00:35:01,164 --> 00:35:02,132 So it's a really good fit. 958 00:35:02,132 --> 00:35:04,701 It's so nice of you to think of me at all, 959 00:35:04,701 --> 00:35:07,204 honestly, with everything going on in your head. 960 00:35:07,204 --> 00:35:08,505 I look forward to working with you. 961 00:35:08,505 --> 00:35:09,641 Thank you. 962 00:35:11,641 --> 00:35:14,779 Um... So, uh, when do you need to know by? 963 00:35:15,779 --> 00:35:17,914 What? I don't understand. 964 00:35:17,914 --> 00:35:19,949 When do you need to know if I'm going to take your, uh, 965 00:35:19,949 --> 00:35:21,920 your punch-up job? 966 00:35:22,920 --> 00:35:24,387 Right now. 967 00:35:24,387 --> 00:35:26,956 Oh. Uh... Then I guess, 968 00:35:26,956 --> 00:35:29,659 maybe... Maybe, uh, no? 969 00:35:29,659 --> 00:35:31,929 Maybe no, I don't know. I don't know! 970 00:35:31,929 --> 00:35:32,030 You know what, Madam Secretary, 971 00:35:33,030 --> 00:35:34,965 he's not interested. We tried, it didn't work out. 972 00:35:34,965 --> 00:35:37,739 So I can give you some writing samples... 973 00:35:42,739 --> 00:35:44,740 What don't you know? 974 00:35:44,740 --> 00:35:47,277 This whole Seas, Bees and Trees thing. 975 00:35:47,277 --> 00:35:48,911 Is it actually going to do something? 976 00:35:48,911 --> 00:35:50,581 Or is it going to be one of those things 977 00:35:50,581 --> 00:35:52,615 that maybe only sounds like it's gonna do something, 978 00:35:52,615 --> 00:35:54,351 but doesn't actually do something? 979 00:35:54,351 --> 00:35:56,887 I only wanna come work for you 980 00:35:56,887 --> 00:35:58,454 if it's actually gonna do something. 981 00:35:58,454 --> 00:35:59,755 It will do something. 982 00:35:59,755 --> 00:36:01,625 This is a perfect document. 983 00:36:01,625 --> 00:36:03,927 They all start out that way and then they get watered down. 984 00:36:03,927 --> 00:36:04,862 Fred. 985 00:36:04,862 --> 00:36:07,331 Not only does this initiative sound good, 986 00:36:07,331 --> 00:36:08,199 it's going to do good. 987 00:36:08,199 --> 00:36:10,567 It's gonna save the fucking planet. 988 00:36:10,567 --> 00:36:12,735 Not to mention, pay your rent. 989 00:36:12,735 --> 00:36:13,003 So, are you in? 990 00:36:14,003 --> 00:36:16,641 Or do you have something more important to do? 991 00:36:17,641 --> 00:36:19,010 Than save the planet with you? 992 00:36:21,010 --> 00:36:23,646 No, I don't. I'm in. 993 00:36:23,646 --> 00:36:25,481 Phew! 994 00:36:25,481 --> 00:36:26,416 Let's save the planet. 995 00:36:27,416 --> 00:36:28,351 That was... 996 00:36:28,351 --> 00:36:30,978 What just happened? She's good. 997 00:36:56,045 --> 00:36:57,949 Uh, hey. 998 00:36:58,949 --> 00:37:00,951 I had some jokes, uh, I was gonna run by you, 999 00:37:00,951 --> 00:37:02,688 maybe, if you have a second. 1000 00:37:05,688 --> 00:37:08,494 What are you... What are you looking at? 1001 00:37:12,695 --> 00:37:13,695 Jesus! 1002 00:37:12,695 --> 00:37:13,764 Oh, my God! 1003 00:37:13,764 --> 00:37:15,998 Why would you just barge in here while I'm sleeping? 1004 00:37:15,998 --> 00:37:17,998 You were sleeping? 1005 00:37:15,998 --> 00:37:17,534 Yes! 1006 00:37:17,534 --> 00:37:19,302 I was micro napping. 1007 00:37:19,302 --> 00:37:21,302 That's what you call that? 1008 00:37:19,302 --> 00:37:21,070 Yes. 1009 00:37:21,070 --> 00:37:22,739 Sorry, I didn't realize you were sleeping. 1010 00:37:22,739 --> 00:37:24,307 You were standing and your eyes were open. 1011 00:37:24,307 --> 00:37:25,375 Do you need something? 1012 00:37:25,375 --> 00:37:26,476 I have some jokes that I wrote 1013 00:37:26,476 --> 00:37:28,478 that I was gonna run by you if you have a second. 1014 00:37:28,478 --> 00:37:29,945 Yeah, that was actually a really good nap. 1015 00:37:29,945 --> 00:37:31,981 Great. Seemed very restful. 1016 00:37:31,981 --> 00:37:32,885 Okay. 1017 00:37:35,885 --> 00:37:36,820 Whoa. 1018 00:37:36,820 --> 00:37:40,423 I feel like these jokes are a little angry. 1019 00:37:40,423 --> 00:37:42,726 Oh. I thought maybe they were, like, emphatic? 1020 00:37:42,726 --> 00:37:44,628 "With every fracking drill thrust, 1021 00:37:44,628 --> 00:37:47,463 "we are literally butt-fucking Mother Earth"? 1022 00:37:47,463 --> 00:37:48,632 It can be normal fucking. 1023 00:37:48,632 --> 00:37:49,000 It doesn't have to be in the butt. 1024 00:37:50,000 --> 00:37:51,068 I can take that part out. 1025 00:37:51,068 --> 00:37:52,635 Yeah, listen, Fred. 1026 00:37:52,635 --> 00:37:54,036 If I'm angry, I'm hysterical. 1027 00:37:54,036 --> 00:37:55,639 If I'm emotional, I'm weak. 1028 00:37:55,639 --> 00:37:57,373 If I so much as raise my voice, I'm a bitch. 1029 00:37:57,373 --> 00:37:58,641 My job's hard. 1030 00:37:58,641 --> 00:38:00,610 Not as hard as mine. 1031 00:38:00,610 --> 00:38:02,411 I think maybe, like, part of the problem 1032 00:38:02,411 --> 00:38:04,681 is that, like, a lot of humor is based on, 1033 00:38:04,681 --> 00:38:06,817 like, personal experiences. 1034 00:38:06,817 --> 00:38:07,717 I was thinking, you know, 1035 00:38:07,717 --> 00:38:09,686 you cared a lot about the environment 1036 00:38:09,686 --> 00:38:10,686 since high school. 1037 00:38:09,686 --> 00:38:10,853 Mmm-hmm. 1038 00:38:10,853 --> 00:38:14,590 So maybe include some stories about that. 1039 00:38:14,590 --> 00:38:15,590 High school? 1040 00:38:14,590 --> 00:38:15,527 Yeah. 1041 00:38:17,527 --> 00:38:18,795 You think that's funny? 1042 00:38:18,795 --> 00:38:19,896 I think it's a good area. 1043 00:38:19,896 --> 00:38:21,965 Nostalgia, pop culture references. 1044 00:38:21,965 --> 00:38:23,065 People love that. 1045 00:38:23,065 --> 00:38:24,900 Jimmy Fallon's made an entire career off of that. 1046 00:38:24,900 --> 00:38:27,070 When I think about school, I just think about studying. 1047 00:38:27,070 --> 00:38:28,672 No, you did so much more than that. 1048 00:38:28,672 --> 00:38:31,375 I think your whole 1991 platform was pretty on-point 1049 00:38:31,375 --> 00:38:32,708 when you were running for Student Council. 1050 00:38:32,708 --> 00:38:35,545 I remember you said, "Everyone at this school 1051 00:38:35,545 --> 00:38:37,748 "pretends to care about the underdog, 1052 00:38:37,748 --> 00:38:38,914 "but the planet Earth is 1053 00:38:38,914 --> 00:38:40,117 "the biggest underdog of them all." 1054 00:38:40,117 --> 00:38:41,418 Something like that. 1055 00:38:41,418 --> 00:38:42,518 I said that? 1056 00:38:42,518 --> 00:38:43,920 Yeah, you did say that. 1057 00:38:43,920 --> 00:38:45,822 You were in the kitchen, making pizza. 1058 00:38:45,822 --> 00:38:48,625 We were making signs for your election. 1059 00:38:48,625 --> 00:38:50,860 And you were wearing that shirt. 1060 00:38:50,860 --> 00:38:52,829 I don't know if it was a strawberry or a flower, 1061 00:38:52,829 --> 00:38:54,597 it always confused me. 1062 00:38:54,597 --> 00:38:55,664 It was both. 1063 00:38:55,664 --> 00:38:57,601 Oh, there you go. 1064 00:38:57,601 --> 00:38:59,436 That's all I remember about that night, though. 1065 00:38:59,436 --> 00:39:00,971 Uh, that's where my memories 1066 00:39:00,971 --> 00:39:04,474 concerning that evening expire. 1067 00:39:04,474 --> 00:39:06,943 I learned a lot from that election. 1068 00:39:06,943 --> 00:39:08,512 Yeah, that kids are probably more likely 1069 00:39:08,512 --> 00:39:09,913 to vote for two proms 1070 00:39:09,913 --> 00:39:12,416 than a very elaborate recycling program. 1071 00:39:12,416 --> 00:39:13,016 Not only kids. 1072 00:39:14,016 --> 00:39:16,952 Yeah, that's true. 1073 00:39:16,952 --> 00:39:20,791 Did you know he asked me out to one of those proms? 1074 00:39:20,791 --> 00:39:21,791 Bill Sterling? 1075 00:39:20,791 --> 00:39:21,958 Yeah. 1076 00:39:21,958 --> 00:39:23,126 After he beat you? 1077 00:39:23,126 --> 00:39:25,126 Yup. 1078 00:39:23,126 --> 00:39:25,797 Prom one or prom two? 1079 00:39:26,797 --> 00:39:27,797 Oh! 1080 00:39:27,797 --> 00:39:30,634 What a fuckhead! You're way better than prom two. 1081 00:39:31,735 --> 00:39:34,438 I went to zero proms, by the way, for the record. 1082 00:39:34,438 --> 00:39:36,539 I think you're the smart one in this situation. 1083 00:39:36,539 --> 00:39:38,641 Yes, that's why I didn't go to prom. 1084 00:39:38,641 --> 00:39:41,014 'Cause I was too smart. Uh... 1085 00:39:44,014 --> 00:39:46,949 Cool. I'll get to work on that speech stuff. 1086 00:39:46,949 --> 00:39:47,485 Great. 1087 00:39:48,485 --> 00:39:49,552 Hey, Fred. 1088 00:39:49,552 --> 00:39:51,521 Yeah. 1089 00:39:51,521 --> 00:39:53,824 You know, if you want to try some non-joke stuff, 1090 00:39:53,824 --> 00:39:54,759 just go ahead. 1091 00:39:54,759 --> 00:39:57,760 Really? Like the main part of the speech? 1092 00:39:57,760 --> 00:39:59,996 Yeah. Just write. 1093 00:40:00,996 --> 00:40:02,233 Cool. Awesome. Thanks. 1094 00:40:03,233 --> 00:40:04,400 If you take another nap, 1095 00:40:04,400 --> 00:40:06,802 you should put on, like, a bicycle helmet or something. 1096 00:40:06,802 --> 00:40:08,704 'Cause you're gonna tip over, there's turbulence. 1097 00:40:08,704 --> 00:40:10,474 That's actually a really good idea. 1098 00:40:10,474 --> 00:40:11,608 It is. I want you to be careful. 1099 00:40:11,608 --> 00:40:12,608 Yeah. 1100 00:40:11,608 --> 00:40:12,742 We need you. 1101 00:40:29,092 --> 00:40:30,092 Ambassador. 1102 00:40:29,092 --> 00:40:30,659 Welcome to Sweden. 1103 00:40:30,659 --> 00:40:31,961 Nice to see you again. 1104 00:40:31,961 --> 00:40:32,097 Yeah, you too. 1105 00:40:35,097 --> 00:40:36,666 I look forward to seeing you tonight at dinner. 1106 00:40:36,666 --> 00:40:37,766 Yes. 1107 00:40:37,766 --> 00:40:39,135 Uh, Madam Secretary, 1108 00:40:39,135 --> 00:40:40,503 I have some ideas I wanna throw by you. 1109 00:40:40,503 --> 00:40:41,704 Yeah, soon, Fred. 1110 00:40:41,704 --> 00:40:42,938 Tom, do you have the schedule? 1111 00:40:42,938 --> 00:40:44,938 Yes, of course, ma'am. 1112 00:40:42,938 --> 00:40:44,710 All right. 1113 00:40:47,710 --> 00:40:48,579 In the back, Flarsky! 1114 00:40:50,579 --> 00:40:51,981 Then at 8:15, you have a fitting for tonight's gala. 1115 00:40:51,981 --> 00:40:54,918 Then at 8:45, a call with Iraqi Prime Minister Masum, 1116 00:40:54,918 --> 00:40:56,987 9:15, a call to Brazilian President Temer 1117 00:40:56,987 --> 00:40:58,155 about deforestation issues. 1118 00:40:58,155 --> 00:41:01,557 2:15, you have a call with U.K. Foreign Secretary Green 1119 00:41:01,557 --> 00:41:03,760 to discuss your tour of Scotland in a few weeks. 1120 00:41:03,760 --> 00:41:05,929 2:25, then you have a call with New York Times 1121 00:41:05,929 --> 00:41:08,164 to comment on POTUS' latest Instagram attack 1122 00:41:08,164 --> 00:41:10,534 on Prime Minister Bharath of Kashtar. 1123 00:41:10,534 --> 00:41:11,601 At 5:45, we're meeting with the head 1124 00:41:11,601 --> 00:41:12,668 of Sweden's Diplomatic Protocol, 1125 00:41:12,668 --> 00:41:15,605 Ingrid Minervudottir, to discuss tonight's schedule. 1126 00:41:15,605 --> 00:41:16,907 Okay. And then after that? 1127 00:41:16,907 --> 00:41:18,208 Also, Parker Wembley keeps trying to get 1128 00:41:18,208 --> 00:41:19,208 some face time with you. 1129 00:41:18,208 --> 00:41:19,708 Oh, God. 1130 00:41:19,708 --> 00:41:21,945 Parker can wait. Okay, Fred. Go. 1131 00:41:21,945 --> 00:41:23,914 Yeah, sure. Um... 1132 00:41:23,914 --> 00:41:26,048 So, uh, you know, 1133 00:41:26,048 --> 00:41:27,884 based on what we were talking about last night, 1134 00:41:27,884 --> 00:41:30,753 I just took a stab at the whole speech, basically. 1135 00:41:30,753 --> 00:41:32,688 That's good. 1136 00:41:32,688 --> 00:41:35,688 Thank you. 1137 00:41:32,688 --> 00:41:35,257 This part isn't. 1138 00:41:35,257 --> 00:41:37,827 Okay, well, you said you didn't want to sound too angry. 1139 00:41:37,827 --> 00:41:40,262 I also don't want to sound like I have a head injury. 1140 00:41:40,262 --> 00:41:41,965 Okay. Uh, I'll go change it. 1141 00:41:41,965 --> 00:41:43,333 Great. Thanks. 1142 00:41:43,333 --> 00:41:45,568 Okay, here we go. 1143 00:41:45,568 --> 00:41:46,969 So... 1144 00:41:46,969 --> 00:41:48,639 All right. 1145 00:41:49,639 --> 00:41:50,739 Fred. 1146 00:41:50,739 --> 00:41:52,175 Yeah? 1147 00:41:52,175 --> 00:41:54,815 Do you have any grown-up clothes to wear tonight? 1148 00:41:58,815 --> 00:41:59,815 I was gonna... I was thinking 1149 00:41:59,815 --> 00:42:02,085 of zipping this up all the way, like to here. 1150 00:42:02,085 --> 00:42:02,085 That's kind of a little more... 1151 00:42:02,985 --> 00:42:04,654 It's, like, slightly more buttoned up. 1152 00:42:04,654 --> 00:42:05,688 You know what, Madam Secretary, 1153 00:42:05,688 --> 00:42:09,726 I would be delighted to dress Fred for tonight. 1154 00:42:09,726 --> 00:42:10,994 Thank you, Maggie. I'd be thrilled 1155 00:42:10,994 --> 00:42:13,228 to have you dress me for tonight's event. 1156 00:42:13,228 --> 00:42:14,329 What a fun adventure. 1157 00:42:14,329 --> 00:42:16,666 Get a little makeover. All right, have a good one. 1158 00:42:16,666 --> 00:42:17,867 Thank you, Fred. 1159 00:42:17,867 --> 00:42:18,768 Why, thank you. 1160 00:42:18,768 --> 00:42:20,070 ...and then it's saying hello, 1161 00:42:20,070 --> 00:42:21,204 you'll sit down, we'll have dinner, 1162 00:42:21,204 --> 00:42:22,204 I'll pull you up... 1163 00:42:21,204 --> 00:42:22,606 Where's Flarsky? 1164 00:42:22,606 --> 00:42:23,706 Why are we waiting? 1165 00:42:23,706 --> 00:42:25,307 What, is he doing his hair? 1166 00:42:25,307 --> 00:42:26,309 Um... 1167 00:42:27,309 --> 00:42:29,079 Oh. 1168 00:42:29,079 --> 00:42:31,079 What the... 1169 00:42:35,885 --> 00:42:37,186 What the fuck are you wearing? 1170 00:42:37,186 --> 00:42:39,222 She bought me this shit. Okay? 1171 00:42:39,222 --> 00:42:40,023 It's a traditional Swedish suit. 1172 00:42:41,023 --> 00:42:43,827 I don't see another fucking Swede up in here 1173 00:42:43,827 --> 00:42:45,128 dressed like this. 1174 00:42:45,128 --> 00:42:47,329 It's all I could do on such short notice. 1175 00:42:47,329 --> 00:42:49,000 You just take the jacket off, it's going to make it better. 1176 00:42:50,000 --> 00:42:53,172 It's just... Make it look... Oh, my God. 1177 00:42:56,172 --> 00:42:57,007 Better with the jacket on? Great. 1178 00:42:58,007 --> 00:42:59,010 Razzing the new guy, I get it. Fuck you, Maggie. 1179 00:43:00,010 --> 00:43:01,143 Calm the Smurf down. 1180 00:43:01,143 --> 00:43:02,983 Bring a fucking suit next time. 1181 00:43:08,217 --> 00:43:09,284 Do you like the speech? 1182 00:43:09,284 --> 00:43:10,452 Yes, the speech is good. 1183 00:43:10,452 --> 00:43:12,956 Oh, you're going to have to stay way back there, Fred. 1184 00:43:12,956 --> 00:43:14,724 Just stay back, Flarsky. Okay? She's got to focus. 1185 00:43:14,724 --> 00:43:15,791 On what? 1186 00:43:15,791 --> 00:43:16,992 Getting India and China to agree 1187 00:43:16,992 --> 00:43:18,061 to be a part of this initiative. 1188 00:43:18,061 --> 00:43:20,396 They haven't even agreed to be a part of it yet? 1189 00:43:20,396 --> 00:43:22,831 They will, we just have to sort out a few details. 1190 00:43:22,831 --> 00:43:23,932 We just wrote a whole speech 1191 00:43:23,932 --> 00:43:25,101 about how they're on-board already. 1192 00:43:25,101 --> 00:43:26,302 Don't worry, Fred. 1193 00:43:27,302 --> 00:43:29,072 You just stay here and make sure 1194 00:43:29,072 --> 00:43:32,275 nobody from Candy Land needs their car parked, okay? 1195 00:43:32,275 --> 00:43:33,677 I don't know why you needed a writer. 1196 00:43:33,677 --> 00:43:34,844 Those are sick burns. 1197 00:43:36,246 --> 00:43:38,748 Secretary of State Charlotte Field 1198 00:43:38,748 --> 00:43:40,152 of the United States of America. 1199 00:43:43,152 --> 00:43:44,021 Your Majesty. Your Highness. 1200 00:43:45,021 --> 00:43:46,021 Your Highness. 1201 00:43:45,021 --> 00:43:46,327 Pleasure. 1202 00:43:52,327 --> 00:43:53,032 Oh. 1203 00:43:56,032 --> 00:43:58,400 No, thank you. I'm working right now. 1204 00:43:58,400 --> 00:44:00,438 And you know you are, too. 1205 00:44:01,438 --> 00:44:02,572 I do know that. 1206 00:44:02,572 --> 00:44:04,974 But you dressed me like Cap'n Crunch's Grindr date, 1207 00:44:04,974 --> 00:44:07,277 so I'm going to drink to make you uncomfortable. 1208 00:44:07,277 --> 00:44:09,313 Honestly, Fred, your entire life makes me uncomfortable. 1209 00:44:12,882 --> 00:44:14,317 Oh no, fuck me. 1210 00:44:16,820 --> 00:44:18,820 Yes. 1211 00:44:18,454 --> 00:44:22,057 We both shop in the same mystical village, I see. 1212 00:44:22,057 --> 00:44:24,460 Yes, you look great. 1213 00:44:24,460 --> 00:44:25,460 Congratulations. 1214 00:44:24,460 --> 00:44:25,829 Skal. 1215 00:44:25,829 --> 00:44:27,396 Skal. Skal to you, too. 1216 00:44:27,396 --> 00:44:30,402 Yes. 1217 00:44:32,402 --> 00:44:33,005 Jesus. 1218 00:44:36,005 --> 00:44:38,007 Hey, we're making a few revisions to the speech. 1219 00:44:39,007 --> 00:44:39,009 What? 1220 00:44:40,009 --> 00:44:42,177 So we're losing the "Seas" part, so go cut that, 1221 00:44:42,177 --> 00:44:44,146 and then brainstorm a couple of other funny lines 1222 00:44:44,146 --> 00:44:45,248 for the "Trees" section, okay? 1223 00:44:45,248 --> 00:44:46,483 Wait, wait, wait, wait. 1224 00:44:46,483 --> 00:44:49,152 Losing the Seas part, why? 1225 00:44:49,152 --> 00:44:50,519 Because India wouldn't go for it. So we had to pivot. 1226 00:44:50,519 --> 00:44:53,322 That's not a pivot, that's a third of the whole fucking shit. 1227 00:44:53,322 --> 00:44:55,791 Are you kidding me? That's it, it's just gone? 1228 00:44:55,791 --> 00:44:56,893 Yeah, it's gone. 1229 00:44:56,893 --> 00:44:57,860 And there's nothing we can do? 1230 00:44:57,860 --> 00:44:58,961 No. And you don't have to worry about it. 1231 00:44:58,961 --> 00:45:02,998 Just go over to the computer. Start typey-typing. 1232 00:45:02,998 --> 00:45:04,001 Well, no. 1233 00:45:05,001 --> 00:45:06,503 I'm not gonna do that. 1234 00:45:06,503 --> 00:45:08,404 So you quit, resignation accepted. 1235 00:45:08,404 --> 00:45:09,972 I will rewrite the speech. 1236 00:45:09,972 --> 00:45:11,074 Oh, the fuck you will! 1237 00:45:11,074 --> 00:45:12,275 What the fuck? 1238 00:45:21,985 --> 00:45:23,985 You don't... 1239 00:45:21,985 --> 00:45:23,157 Let go! 1240 00:45:31,494 --> 00:45:32,594 Look out. Excuse me! 1241 00:45:32,594 --> 00:45:34,297 Stop running! Stop running! Stop running! 1242 00:45:34,297 --> 00:45:35,398 Fred, stop running! 1243 00:45:38,067 --> 00:45:39,902 Fred... 1244 00:45:44,139 --> 00:45:45,208 Why did you do that? 1245 00:45:45,208 --> 00:45:47,143 Because I will not have you damage 1246 00:45:47,143 --> 00:45:48,478 the integrity of my writing! 1247 00:45:48,478 --> 00:45:50,480 The integrity of your writing? 1248 00:45:50,480 --> 00:45:52,016 You're a punch-up writer, you're not Maya Angelou! 1249 00:45:53,016 --> 00:45:54,516 What is going on? 1250 00:45:54,516 --> 00:45:56,219 What's going on with you, bruh? 1251 00:45:56,219 --> 00:45:57,253 Did you just call me "bruh"? 1252 00:45:57,253 --> 00:45:59,253 She's the secretary of state. 1253 00:45:57,253 --> 00:45:59,023 Is he high? 1254 00:46:00,023 --> 00:46:02,224 He is wasted, but he's also just stupid. 1255 00:46:02,224 --> 00:46:03,596 Meet me in the conference room, I'll handle this. 1256 00:46:06,596 --> 00:46:08,130 What's the deal, Fred? 1257 00:46:08,130 --> 00:46:10,934 What's the deal? What's the deal? What are... 1258 00:46:10,934 --> 00:46:12,902 The only reason I'm here is 'cause you told me 1259 00:46:12,902 --> 00:46:14,204 you cared about this shit, 1260 00:46:14,204 --> 00:46:16,472 and in the time I come out here to have a smoke, 1261 00:46:16,472 --> 00:46:19,309 you fucking got rid of a massive element of the whole thing. 1262 00:46:19,309 --> 00:46:22,612 I got two out of three. I only lost one. 1263 00:46:22,612 --> 00:46:25,849 That one was the seas. 1264 00:46:25,849 --> 00:46:28,284 It covers 75% of the planet! 1265 00:46:28,284 --> 00:46:30,284 It's a pretty big one! 1266 00:46:28,284 --> 00:46:30,219 Bring down your voice. 1267 00:46:30,219 --> 00:46:31,320 You know why I'm upset? 1268 00:46:31,320 --> 00:46:33,422 This is exactly what I thought was going to happen. 1269 00:46:33,422 --> 00:46:35,557 And I even said it. I said it in your office. 1270 00:46:35,557 --> 00:46:38,327 I don't want to write for some bullshit politician. 1271 00:46:38,327 --> 00:46:39,596 I wanted to write for you. 1272 00:46:39,596 --> 00:46:41,331 Because I thought you cared about this shit. 1273 00:46:41,331 --> 00:46:44,132 Until you're running the game, you have to play the game. 1274 00:46:44,132 --> 00:46:46,068 Well, then, by the time you win the game, 1275 00:46:46,068 --> 00:46:49,204 you don't know who's scoring touchdowns on whose nets, 1276 00:46:49,204 --> 00:46:51,074 and you don't know who's hitting home runs 1277 00:46:51,074 --> 00:46:52,541 in whose fucking end zones! 1278 00:46:52,541 --> 00:46:54,541 What are you talking about? 1279 00:46:52,541 --> 00:46:54,110 I don't know sports. 1280 00:46:54,110 --> 00:46:55,344 Let me try it with food. 1281 00:46:55,344 --> 00:46:57,614 You wanna open a restaurant. But all you got is chopsticks. 1282 00:46:57,614 --> 00:47:00,315 No! I don't have time for this, okay? 1283 00:47:00,315 --> 00:47:02,018 If you want to quit, then just fucking quit. 1284 00:47:03,018 --> 00:47:04,018 I don't give a shit. 1285 00:47:03,018 --> 00:47:04,887 Yeah, you don't give a shit. 1286 00:47:04,887 --> 00:47:05,887 No, I don't. 1287 00:47:04,887 --> 00:47:05,922 You used to fucking give a shit, 1288 00:47:05,922 --> 00:47:08,157 but now you don't give a shit about anything. 1289 00:47:08,157 --> 00:47:09,893 You cared more about recycling in high school 1290 00:47:09,893 --> 00:47:11,195 than you do this shit and it's very disappointing to me. 1291 00:47:13,195 --> 00:47:15,498 Fuck this. I've got a speech to give. 1292 00:47:15,498 --> 00:47:16,666 Oh, yeah, good luck giving it, 1293 00:47:16,666 --> 00:47:17,001 it's on my computer in the snow. 1294 00:47:18,001 --> 00:47:19,501 I have copies, you idiot. 1295 00:47:19,501 --> 00:47:21,972 You just threw your computer in the snow, that's it. 1296 00:47:22,972 --> 00:47:25,409 Oh, no! Shit! 1297 00:47:26,409 --> 00:47:28,478 Oh, God damn it! 1298 00:47:28,478 --> 00:47:31,213 It's soaked! I need a bowl of rice! 1299 00:47:31,213 --> 00:47:32,284 I need a big bowl of rice! 1300 00:47:34,284 --> 00:47:37,519 God damn it! Why didn't I back this thing up? 1301 00:47:37,519 --> 00:47:39,431 All my shit's on here. 1302 00:47:49,431 --> 00:47:50,637 Fred. Look. 1303 00:47:54,637 --> 00:47:55,708 Wow. 1304 00:47:59,708 --> 00:48:01,246 I've never seen anything like that. 1305 00:48:04,246 --> 00:48:05,182 No, I... 1306 00:48:06,182 --> 00:48:08,418 I've seen pictures of it, but I never... 1307 00:48:09,418 --> 00:48:10,355 ...actually... 1308 00:48:12,355 --> 00:48:14,425 I never saw it. 1309 00:48:15,425 --> 00:48:17,994 Are you crying right now? 1310 00:48:17,994 --> 00:48:18,498 It's pretty. 1311 00:48:23,498 --> 00:48:24,070 Yeah. 1312 00:48:27,070 --> 00:48:28,503 Fred? 1313 00:48:28,503 --> 00:48:29,007 Yeah? 1314 00:48:31,007 --> 00:48:33,242 If you ever pull some shit like that again, 1315 00:48:33,242 --> 00:48:34,079 I'll have you thrown in Gitmo. 1316 00:48:37,079 --> 00:48:38,682 Yes, Madam Secretary. I'm sorry. 1317 00:48:40,682 --> 00:48:43,989 You better hope this fucking speech goes over well. 1318 00:48:45,989 --> 00:48:50,193 I've often gravitated toward the underdog. 1319 00:48:50,193 --> 00:48:54,630 The band of misfits who fight back against the bullies. 1320 00:48:54,630 --> 00:48:57,235 In high school, I would talk about the underdog a lot. 1321 00:48:59,235 --> 00:49:02,038 And I would often find myself on a soapbox, 1322 00:49:02,038 --> 00:49:05,510 rambling on and on about the injustices of the world. 1323 00:49:08,510 --> 00:49:11,079 Which makes you extremely popular, 1324 00:49:11,079 --> 00:49:13,583 especially when everybody would rather be watching 1325 00:49:13,583 --> 00:49:15,650 Beverly Hills, 90210. 1326 00:49:19,688 --> 00:49:22,358 But that is why I am happy to announce 1327 00:49:22,358 --> 00:49:25,628 an initiative that would make my 16-year-old self proud. 1328 00:49:25,628 --> 00:49:28,130 In what is now being dubbed "The Underdog Speech," 1329 00:49:28,130 --> 00:49:30,400 the secretary of state opened up about her childhood 1330 00:49:30,400 --> 00:49:31,701 and passion for the environment 1331 00:49:31,701 --> 00:49:34,302 by announcing a bold new initiative... 1332 00:49:34,302 --> 00:49:37,407 ...turns out she has always been an Andrea Zuckerman 1333 00:49:37,407 --> 00:49:39,443 in the body of a Kelly Taylor. 1334 00:49:41,443 --> 00:49:43,443 Hey. 1335 00:49:41,443 --> 00:49:43,414 Hi. 1336 00:49:44,414 --> 00:49:46,114 Oh, wow, you shaved your neck. 1337 00:49:46,114 --> 00:49:47,382 I did. I cleaned it up. 1338 00:49:47,382 --> 00:49:49,585 Got my whole back. Went all the way down. 1339 00:49:49,585 --> 00:49:50,719 Looks good. 1340 00:49:50,719 --> 00:49:52,588 Trying to make a good impression, I guess, anyway... 1341 00:49:52,588 --> 00:49:54,657 I, uh... 1342 00:49:54,657 --> 00:49:58,161 I just wanted to apologize to you, again, 1343 00:49:58,161 --> 00:50:01,496 for acting a little crazy, you know. 1344 00:50:01,496 --> 00:50:03,166 I'm gonna... 1345 00:50:03,166 --> 00:50:04,400 I'm going to really try to tone it down 1346 00:50:04,400 --> 00:50:08,438 and not, you know, make you risk global, uh, humiliation. 1347 00:50:08,438 --> 00:50:09,172 Good. Great. 1348 00:50:10,172 --> 00:50:11,306 Also. 1349 00:50:11,306 --> 00:50:12,842 I googled speech writing 1350 00:50:12,842 --> 00:50:14,643 and it was actually very informative. 1351 00:50:14,643 --> 00:50:15,612 What I learned 1352 00:50:15,612 --> 00:50:16,913 was that in order to write better for you, 1353 00:50:16,913 --> 00:50:20,349 I should kinda get to know you better and get in your head, 1354 00:50:20,349 --> 00:50:21,483 and everything I already know about you, 1355 00:50:21,483 --> 00:50:22,684 I kinda used on the first speech. 1356 00:50:22,684 --> 00:50:24,152 So, what I did 1357 00:50:24,152 --> 00:50:25,554 was I wrote a ton of questions 1358 00:50:25,554 --> 00:50:27,322 that will maybe help me capture your voice, 1359 00:50:27,322 --> 00:50:28,623 if you have a minute. 1360 00:50:28,623 --> 00:50:30,492 I actually have seven. 1361 00:50:30,492 --> 00:50:32,661 Seven. Okay, great. Yeah. I'll take it. 1362 00:50:32,661 --> 00:50:34,661 All right. 1363 00:50:32,661 --> 00:50:34,163 Seven minutes in heaven. 1364 00:50:34,163 --> 00:50:35,498 Um... 1365 00:50:35,498 --> 00:50:37,498 Okay. 1366 00:50:35,498 --> 00:50:37,467 So. Ah... I guess... 1367 00:50:37,467 --> 00:50:38,634 Just like... What are you into? 1368 00:50:38,634 --> 00:50:39,835 What kind of shit you into? 1369 00:50:39,835 --> 00:50:41,704 Well, this is pretty much it. 1370 00:50:41,704 --> 00:50:43,505 I mean, secretary of state stuff. 1371 00:50:43,505 --> 00:50:45,807 Do you have any hobbies? Anything? Do you watch TV? 1372 00:50:45,807 --> 00:50:47,443 Do you watch Game of Thrones or anything like that? 1373 00:50:47,443 --> 00:50:49,144 Oh, I'm fully aware of what happened 1374 00:50:49,144 --> 00:50:50,646 in every season of Game of Thrones. 1375 00:50:50,646 --> 00:50:52,481 Because you watch it? 1376 00:50:52,481 --> 00:50:54,617 Because I read synopses on every episode. 1377 00:50:54,617 --> 00:50:56,284 That can't actually work. 1378 00:50:56,284 --> 00:50:58,186 I couldn't believe when Khaleesi's dragon 1379 00:50:58,186 --> 00:50:59,222 came back as a White Walker. 1380 00:51:00,222 --> 00:51:01,523 Whoa! 1381 00:51:01,523 --> 00:51:02,523 See? 1382 00:51:01,523 --> 00:51:02,625 What about movies? 1383 00:51:02,625 --> 00:51:03,893 Do you watch movies? 1384 00:51:03,893 --> 00:51:06,161 Synopses of all the award contenders. 1385 00:51:06,161 --> 00:51:07,496 You used to love movies! 1386 00:51:07,496 --> 00:51:09,599 You made me watch Encino Man 30 times. 1387 00:51:09,599 --> 00:51:12,235 "Wheeze a little juice!" 1388 00:51:12,235 --> 00:51:14,302 You still do the worst Pauly Shore impression 1389 00:51:14,302 --> 00:51:16,139 in the history of mankind. 1390 00:51:16,139 --> 00:51:18,574 I can't believe you're still doing "The Weasel" 1391 00:51:18,574 --> 00:51:20,208 and you haven't seen any of the Marvel Universe. 1392 00:51:20,208 --> 00:51:23,746 Those movies are sick. You're like frozen in time. 1393 00:51:23,746 --> 00:51:25,414 I am Encino Man. 1394 00:51:26,414 --> 00:51:29,251 All right, what is your favorite book as a kid? 1395 00:51:29,251 --> 00:51:31,286 The Velveteen Rabbit. You? 1396 00:51:31,286 --> 00:51:32,621 Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. 1397 00:51:32,621 --> 00:51:34,621 Oh, that explains a lot. 1398 00:51:32,621 --> 00:51:34,789 Yeah. 1399 00:51:36,692 --> 00:51:39,195 I'm so sorry for what we've done to you. 1400 00:51:39,195 --> 00:51:40,762 Best drug experience? 1401 00:51:40,762 --> 00:51:42,697 I could get summoned at any moment 1402 00:51:42,697 --> 00:51:44,199 to deal with an international crisis, 1403 00:51:44,199 --> 00:51:45,534 I can't do that on acid. 1404 00:51:45,534 --> 00:51:46,802 What about Molly? 1405 00:51:46,802 --> 00:51:47,936 Who's Molly? 1406 00:51:49,539 --> 00:51:51,239 Secretary of State Charlotte Field 1407 00:51:51,239 --> 00:51:54,342 continues on her impressive 20-country world tour 1408 00:51:54,342 --> 00:51:55,744 to garner more support 1409 00:51:55,744 --> 00:51:57,480 for her ambitious environmental initiative. 1410 00:51:57,480 --> 00:51:59,315 And all in a private jet, no less. 1411 00:51:59,315 --> 00:52:00,815 You know what would save the environment? 1412 00:52:00,815 --> 00:52:02,617 Charlotte Field grounding her ass. 1413 00:52:02,617 --> 00:52:04,219 I know where I'd like to ground her ass. 1414 00:52:04,219 --> 00:52:06,556 Oh, I walked right into that one. 1415 00:52:06,556 --> 00:52:08,757 Must Have Been Love by Roxette. 1416 00:52:08,757 --> 00:52:11,757 Oh! That's just fucking hot. 1417 00:52:08,757 --> 00:52:11,293 Right? 1418 00:52:11,293 --> 00:52:12,293 I got a new one. 1419 00:52:11,293 --> 00:52:12,762 What? 1420 00:52:12,762 --> 00:52:14,197 I got to change my favorite song. 1421 00:52:14,197 --> 00:52:15,197 You have too many. 1422 00:52:14,197 --> 00:52:15,831 I've done it a few times. 1423 00:52:15,831 --> 00:52:18,867 Broccoli by DRAM, featuring Lil Yachty. 1424 00:52:18,867 --> 00:52:20,436 All those words 1425 00:52:20,436 --> 00:52:22,436 are the name of a song? 1426 00:52:20,436 --> 00:52:22,338 Yeah. 1427 00:52:22,338 --> 00:52:23,338 I don't really think I have one. 1428 00:52:23,338 --> 00:52:25,608 You gotta have one. Everyone has one. 1429 00:52:25,608 --> 00:52:27,577 Well, I don't embarrass that easily. 1430 00:52:27,577 --> 00:52:29,478 Yeah, I hear that. I don't either, really. 1431 00:52:29,478 --> 00:52:31,478 Yes, you do. 1432 00:52:29,478 --> 00:52:31,581 No, I don't! 1433 00:52:31,581 --> 00:52:34,516 Oh, my God. Okay. 1434 00:52:34,516 --> 00:52:36,420 What's your favorite sexual position? 1435 00:52:38,420 --> 00:52:40,590 I mean, you know, front. 1436 00:52:40,590 --> 00:52:42,590 Normal. Front facing normal. 1437 00:52:40,590 --> 00:52:42,291 Oh, my God. 1438 00:52:42,291 --> 00:52:43,291 What kinda question is that? 1439 00:52:42,291 --> 00:52:43,858 That's all it took. 1440 00:52:43,858 --> 00:52:44,827 Look at you. 1441 00:52:44,827 --> 00:52:46,929 Well, what's your favorite sexual position? 1442 00:52:46,929 --> 00:52:48,929 Don't be gross, Fred. Hi. 1443 00:52:46,929 --> 00:52:48,965 Yeah, see? 1444 00:52:48,965 --> 00:52:51,867 What's your favorite sexual position? 1445 00:52:51,867 --> 00:52:53,836 It's too complicated to explain. 1446 00:52:54,836 --> 00:52:56,836 Really? 1447 00:52:54,836 --> 00:52:56,306 I told you mine. 1448 00:52:57,306 --> 00:52:59,307 Oh, God, okay. 1449 00:52:59,307 --> 00:53:01,777 I just got back from a trip to New Delhi. 1450 00:53:01,777 --> 00:53:03,777 Yeah? 1451 00:53:01,777 --> 00:53:03,746 I got called into a meeting 1452 00:53:03,746 --> 00:53:06,349 with the Joint Chiefs, and I was a little nervous. 1453 00:53:06,349 --> 00:53:08,349 Yeah. 1454 00:53:06,349 --> 00:53:08,483 Yeah. 1455 00:53:08,483 --> 00:53:12,521 And my stomach was a little weird from all the curry. 1456 00:53:12,521 --> 00:53:13,289 Oh, no. 1457 00:53:14,289 --> 00:53:15,525 Delhi belly. 1458 00:53:17,525 --> 00:53:21,496 Well, we were in a motorcade and we couldn't stop. 1459 00:53:21,496 --> 00:53:22,496 Oh, no. 1460 00:53:21,496 --> 00:53:22,632 Mmm-hmm. 1461 00:53:23,632 --> 00:53:24,900 God... 1462 00:53:24,900 --> 00:53:28,904 I ruined a really nice Dolce & Gabbana bag. 1463 00:53:28,904 --> 00:53:31,904 You puked in it? 1464 00:53:28,904 --> 00:53:31,340 Nope. 1465 00:53:31,340 --> 00:53:34,543 Oh, no! In a moving vehicle? 1466 00:53:37,380 --> 00:53:39,614 Do you actually understand what's happening right now? 1467 00:53:39,614 --> 00:53:41,018 Yes, I speak Russian. 1468 00:53:42,018 --> 00:53:44,487 The Russian Samuel L. Jackson guy is dope. 1469 00:53:44,487 --> 00:53:46,690 Do svidanya, motherfuckers! 1470 00:53:51,360 --> 00:53:53,695 Oh, my God, they just shot the pirate guy! 1471 00:53:53,695 --> 00:53:54,929 But he's keeping the team together. 1472 00:53:54,929 --> 00:53:55,998 I know. 1473 00:53:55,998 --> 00:53:57,400 I don't think I can handle that. 1474 00:53:57,400 --> 00:53:58,400 Oh, it's okay. 1475 00:53:57,400 --> 00:53:58,467 No, 1476 00:53:58,467 --> 00:54:00,603 I really liked him in the movie. 1477 00:54:00,603 --> 00:54:01,871 Don't worry, just keep watching. 1478 00:54:01,871 --> 00:54:04,606 You know, the Philippines gets a bad rap. 1479 00:54:04,606 --> 00:54:06,442 Because it's pretty nice here. 1480 00:54:06,442 --> 00:54:08,844 You'd never know civil war was about to break out. 1481 00:54:08,844 --> 00:54:10,313 This is good. 1482 00:54:10,313 --> 00:54:11,313 Oh, yeah? 1483 00:54:10,313 --> 00:54:11,480 Yeah. 1484 00:54:11,480 --> 00:54:16,518 Hey. What if we use this line to start with? 1485 00:54:16,518 --> 00:54:17,786 Yeah, "I'm going to start this speech 1486 00:54:17,786 --> 00:54:19,387 "by saying the same thing I said to my boss 1487 00:54:19,387 --> 00:54:21,856 "at Blockbuster Video when I was 16. 1488 00:54:21,856 --> 00:54:23,856 "I quit." 1489 00:54:23,059 --> 00:54:25,059 That's not bad. 1490 00:54:23,059 --> 00:54:25,494 I love that. 1491 00:54:25,494 --> 00:54:27,463 This is really fucking good. 1492 00:54:27,463 --> 00:54:29,632 Look at you, you get me, Fred. 1493 00:54:29,632 --> 00:54:31,833 I totally get you. 1494 00:54:31,833 --> 00:54:33,668 ♪ All I want for my birthday 1495 00:54:33,668 --> 00:54:35,503 ♪ Is a big booty ho 1496 00:54:35,503 --> 00:54:36,972 ♪ All I want for my birthday... ♪ 1497 00:54:36,972 --> 00:54:38,708 I couldn't be happier that out of all the shit 1498 00:54:38,708 --> 00:54:40,509 I played you from the last decade, 1499 00:54:40,509 --> 00:54:42,077 that what you've liked the most is 2 Chainz. 1500 00:54:42,077 --> 00:54:44,077 It's catchy. 1501 00:54:42,077 --> 00:54:44,480 It's awesome. 1502 00:54:49,085 --> 00:54:51,456 So, are you, like, dating the prime minister of Canada? 1503 00:54:54,456 --> 00:54:55,456 No. No. 1504 00:54:54,456 --> 00:54:55,990 No. 1505 00:54:55,990 --> 00:54:57,793 I feel like I read... Did I read that 1506 00:54:57,793 --> 00:54:59,762 in some shitty tabloid that you guys were dating? 1507 00:54:59,762 --> 00:55:02,762 Maybe it's not true. 1508 00:54:59,762 --> 00:55:02,597 No, I'm sure you did. It's... 1509 00:55:02,597 --> 00:55:05,434 They like to write about it, but no. I... 1510 00:55:05,434 --> 00:55:08,436 We're not, we... We flirt. 1511 00:55:08,436 --> 00:55:09,436 Yeah. Okay. 1512 00:55:08,436 --> 00:55:09,838 Kind of. 1513 00:55:09,838 --> 00:55:12,409 It's weird. We made out once. 1514 00:55:13,409 --> 00:55:14,809 Dope. 1515 00:55:14,809 --> 00:55:15,010 You asked. 1516 00:55:16,010 --> 00:55:18,079 No, hey! I've hooked up with 1517 00:55:18,079 --> 00:55:20,516 my fair share of world leaders, too. 1518 00:55:20,516 --> 00:55:22,518 I 69'd Fidel Castro once. 1519 00:55:23,518 --> 00:55:24,521 You thought his beard was big. 1520 00:55:25,521 --> 00:55:26,588 Um... 1521 00:55:26,588 --> 00:55:29,625 But how does that work with you? Do you, like... 1522 00:55:29,625 --> 00:55:31,559 Do you, like, date? 1523 00:55:31,559 --> 00:55:35,065 Uh... Yeah. I date. 1524 00:55:36,065 --> 00:55:37,000 Generally, you know, 1525 00:55:38,000 --> 00:55:40,536 with people who have similar lifestyles to me. 1526 00:55:40,536 --> 00:55:42,972 People who travel a lot. 1527 00:55:43,972 --> 00:55:47,978 It's hard to keep those things alive. I... 1528 00:55:48,978 --> 00:55:51,414 I mean, who wants to follow me around the world 1529 00:55:51,414 --> 00:55:53,650 and hope I have five minutes to be affectionate? 1530 00:55:54,650 --> 00:55:55,650 Yeah. 1531 00:55:54,650 --> 00:55:55,018 And honestly, 1532 00:55:56,018 --> 00:55:57,786 guys don't really want to date women 1533 00:55:57,786 --> 00:55:59,088 who are more powerful than them. 1534 00:55:59,088 --> 00:56:00,956 They think they do, but... 1535 00:56:01,956 --> 00:56:03,793 It's a dick shriveller. 1536 00:56:03,793 --> 00:56:05,793 Uff. 1537 00:56:03,793 --> 00:56:05,894 Mmm-hmm. 1538 00:56:05,894 --> 00:56:08,130 Dick Shriveller is my favorite Batman villain though. 1539 00:56:08,130 --> 00:56:09,130 So... 1540 00:56:11,534 --> 00:56:13,469 You gonna ask why I'm still single? 1541 00:56:13,469 --> 00:56:15,469 No, I get it. 1542 00:56:15,971 --> 00:56:18,971 It makes sense. 1543 00:56:15,971 --> 00:56:18,945 Yeah. It adds up. 1544 00:56:27,817 --> 00:56:28,951 We're right in front of the window. 1545 00:56:30,952 --> 00:56:32,554 What the fuck is happening? 1546 00:56:32,554 --> 00:56:34,190 Insurgents are fighting the army. 1547 00:56:34,190 --> 00:56:36,190 Are we in danger? 1548 00:56:34,190 --> 00:56:36,090 Yes! Yes! 1549 00:56:36,090 --> 00:56:37,760 Madam Secretary, we need to leave now! 1550 00:56:37,760 --> 00:56:39,094 Fuck! 1551 00:56:39,094 --> 00:56:40,831 This way! 1552 00:56:41,831 --> 00:56:43,833 All right, guys, come with me. 1553 00:56:43,833 --> 00:56:45,833 Come on. 1554 00:57:09,791 --> 00:57:10,925 Secretary Field, this way! 1555 00:57:10,925 --> 00:57:12,925 I got her, secure them! 1556 00:57:13,896 --> 00:57:14,501 This way. 1557 00:57:18,501 --> 00:57:19,969 You'll be safe in here. 1558 00:57:20,969 --> 00:57:22,005 Oh, fuck! Are you okay? 1559 00:57:23,005 --> 00:57:23,005 Yeah, I'm okay. Are you okay? 1560 00:57:24,005 --> 00:57:25,007 I'm okay. Yeah. We're okay. Okay. 1561 00:57:26,007 --> 00:57:29,007 Okay. 1562 00:57:26,007 --> 00:57:29,012 Okay. Okay. Holy shit! 1563 00:57:30,012 --> 00:57:33,248 Oh, we could have just died. 1564 00:57:33,248 --> 00:57:36,050 Oh, my God, I'm freaking out a bit right now. 1565 00:57:36,050 --> 00:57:37,119 I'm having a hard time 1566 00:57:37,119 --> 00:57:38,219 catching my breath a little bit. 1567 00:57:38,219 --> 00:57:39,288 You don't seem like you're freaking out very much. 1568 00:57:39,288 --> 00:57:42,657 I am! I'm employing a Navy SEAL breathing technique, 1569 00:57:42,657 --> 00:57:43,925 for dealing with panicking. 1570 00:57:43,925 --> 00:57:46,161 It's just gonna take about 90 seconds to work. 1571 00:57:46,161 --> 00:57:49,130 90 seconds? I need more than fucking 90 seconds! 1572 00:57:49,130 --> 00:57:50,865 I need 90 fucking years! 1573 00:57:50,865 --> 00:57:53,568 I'm fucked up for life from this shit, yo! 1574 00:57:53,568 --> 00:57:56,304 I have so many regrets, did so many terrible things! 1575 00:57:56,304 --> 00:57:59,742 When I was 12, I peed on a dog to impress an older kid. 1576 00:57:59,742 --> 00:58:02,911 The dog didn't like it. The older kid didn't either! 1577 00:58:02,911 --> 00:58:03,978 It was just pointless. 1578 00:58:03,978 --> 00:58:05,748 What the fuck? 1579 00:58:05,748 --> 00:58:07,918 Holy shit! Fuck! 1580 00:58:08,918 --> 00:58:11,119 Is there more? Is there gonna be more? 1581 00:58:11,119 --> 00:58:12,119 Fred. 1582 00:58:11,119 --> 00:58:12,320 Is there more? 1583 00:58:12,320 --> 00:58:13,722 You're gonna have to calm down. 1584 00:58:13,722 --> 00:58:14,956 I don't think I can. 1585 00:58:14,956 --> 00:58:16,759 Sit down with me. 1586 00:58:16,759 --> 00:58:17,893 And breathe. 1587 00:58:17,893 --> 00:58:20,893 Four seconds in. 1588 00:58:20,262 --> 00:58:21,329 Four seconds out. 1589 00:58:21,329 --> 00:58:23,164 Four seconds in. 1590 00:58:23,164 --> 00:58:24,833 One, two, three, four... 1591 00:58:24,833 --> 00:58:27,833 Four seconds out. 1592 00:58:24,833 --> 00:58:27,702 One, two... 1593 00:58:27,702 --> 00:58:30,702 Four seconds in. 1594 00:58:27,702 --> 00:58:30,572 One, two, three, four... 1595 00:58:30,572 --> 00:58:32,074 You don't have to count while you're doing this. 1596 00:58:32,074 --> 00:58:33,208 ...four. It helps me. 1597 00:58:33,208 --> 00:58:36,208 One, two, three, four... 1598 00:58:33,208 --> 00:58:36,911 There you go. 1599 00:58:36,911 --> 00:58:39,248 One, two, three, four. 1600 00:58:39,248 --> 00:58:41,248 One, two, three, four. 1601 00:58:42,016 --> 00:58:43,019 One, two, three, four. 1602 00:58:45,019 --> 00:58:47,019 You got it. 1603 00:58:45,019 --> 00:58:47,090 That actually works. 1604 00:58:48,090 --> 00:58:49,327 Those guys are good. 1605 00:58:54,195 --> 00:58:55,898 We did almost just die, though. 1606 00:58:55,898 --> 00:58:56,965 We actually did almost die. 1607 00:58:56,965 --> 00:58:58,965 Yeah. 1608 00:58:56,965 --> 00:58:58,634 Oh, thank God. 1609 00:58:58,634 --> 00:58:59,768 That actually makes me feel better. 1610 00:58:59,768 --> 00:59:00,902 Means I didn't overreact. 1611 00:59:00,902 --> 00:59:03,706 Oh, God, no, you completely overreacted. 1612 00:59:04,706 --> 00:59:05,376 Yeah, maybe. 1613 00:59:08,376 --> 00:59:10,246 I can think of worse ways to go 1614 00:59:11,246 --> 00:59:12,248 than here with you. 1615 00:59:14,248 --> 00:59:16,150 Honestly, this has been like, 1616 00:59:16,150 --> 00:59:18,324 the best few weeks of my entire life. 1617 00:59:22,324 --> 00:59:23,659 You don't have to say it back to me. 1618 00:59:23,659 --> 00:59:24,927 I know it's not true for you. 1619 00:59:24,927 --> 00:59:26,961 I saw you sing with Bruce Springsteen last year, 1620 00:59:26,961 --> 00:59:28,329 at that benefit concert. That was probably 1621 00:59:28,329 --> 00:59:29,797 a way better week. 1622 00:59:29,797 --> 00:59:32,635 Just as an example. 1623 00:59:32,635 --> 00:59:35,070 Well, this is a pretty close second. 1624 00:59:35,070 --> 00:59:37,172 Really? To The Boss? 1625 00:59:37,172 --> 00:59:38,239 Yeah. 1626 00:59:38,239 --> 00:59:40,215 Wow. That's nice. 1627 00:59:47,215 --> 00:59:48,255 Uh... 1628 00:59:54,255 --> 00:59:57,326 I feel like maybe you want me to kiss you right now, 1629 00:59:57,326 --> 00:59:59,293 but I don't want to make the same stupid mistake 1630 00:59:59,293 --> 00:00:00,728 I made 25 years ago. 1631 01:00:00,728 --> 01:00:02,297 Wouldn't be a stupid mistake. 1632 01:00:03,297 --> 01:00:04,440 Wait... Really? 1633 01:00:11,440 --> 01:00:13,041 We've secured the location. 1634 01:00:13,041 --> 01:00:15,012 But we need to move you. The helicopter is standing by. 1635 01:00:17,012 --> 01:00:18,284 Thank you, Agent M. 1636 01:00:23,284 --> 01:00:24,686 Holy shit. 1637 01:00:24,686 --> 01:00:25,753 That helicopter was way louder 1638 01:00:25,753 --> 01:00:27,155 than I thought it was gonna be. 1639 01:00:27,155 --> 01:00:29,155 Fred, enough. Enough. 1640 01:00:27,155 --> 01:00:29,992 I'm sorry! I'm sorry! 1641 01:00:29,992 --> 01:00:31,092 We're safe here though? 1642 01:00:31,092 --> 01:00:32,092 Yes! 1643 01:00:31,092 --> 01:00:32,760 Oh, my God, Fred! 1644 01:00:32,760 --> 01:00:33,829 This way. 1645 01:00:33,829 --> 01:00:35,001 This place looks really nice. 1646 01:00:39,001 --> 01:00:40,469 Fred, I need you to come work 1647 01:00:40,469 --> 01:00:42,304 on that speech with me, right now. 1648 01:00:42,304 --> 01:00:44,304 Right now? 1649 01:00:42,304 --> 01:00:44,239 Yeah. Right now. 1650 01:00:45,239 --> 01:00:46,445 Okay. 1651 01:00:52,715 --> 01:00:53,882 Hang on, get my pants off. 1652 01:00:53,882 --> 01:00:55,719 Okay, I gotta, too. Shit. 1653 01:00:56,719 --> 01:00:58,719 We're doing it? 1654 01:00:56,719 --> 01:00:58,119 Yeah! 1655 01:00:58,119 --> 01:00:59,119 Do it faster. 1656 01:00:58,119 --> 01:00:59,188 Let's do it. 1657 01:00:59,188 --> 01:01:00,157 They're coming off! 1658 01:01:02,157 --> 01:01:04,494 Fucking tapered pants. Shit! 1659 01:01:05,494 --> 01:01:06,197 Fuck! 1660 01:01:08,197 --> 01:01:09,864 Okay, just leave it! Just leave it! Leave it! 1661 01:01:09,864 --> 01:01:11,864 Okay. 1662 01:01:09,864 --> 01:01:11,333 Okay. Yeah. 1663 01:01:11,333 --> 01:01:12,400 Should I go in, then? 1664 01:01:12,400 --> 01:01:14,068 Yeah, enter. 1665 01:01:14,068 --> 01:01:17,338 Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, no! 1666 01:01:17,338 --> 01:01:19,338 I'm gonna come really soon. 1667 01:01:17,338 --> 01:01:19,474 Me too. 1668 01:01:19,474 --> 01:01:20,474 Really? 1669 01:01:19,474 --> 01:01:20,943 Yeah! 1670 01:01:20,943 --> 01:01:21,943 Oh, God! 1671 01:01:20,943 --> 01:01:21,010 Oh! 1672 01:01:22,010 --> 01:01:23,411 Oh, boy! 1673 01:01:26,248 --> 01:01:29,248 Oh, God! Okay. 1674 01:01:26,248 --> 01:01:29,184 Oh, my God! 1675 01:01:29,184 --> 01:01:31,184 I'm coming out. 1676 01:01:29,184 --> 01:01:31,085 Okay, come on. 1677 01:01:31,085 --> 01:01:36,891 Oh, God. Oh! Oh! Oh, fuck! 1678 01:01:36,891 --> 01:01:40,028 Wow. Oh, my God, I'm sorry. 1679 01:01:41,028 --> 01:01:42,231 I don't know what happened. 1680 01:01:42,231 --> 01:01:44,432 I usually last way longer than that. 1681 01:01:44,432 --> 01:01:45,432 You know? 1682 01:01:44,432 --> 01:01:45,869 Not me. 1683 01:01:46,869 --> 01:01:47,804 That was weird. 1684 01:01:47,804 --> 01:01:48,005 We both said, "Oh, boy" when we came... 1685 01:01:49,005 --> 01:01:50,005 Yeah, that's what I was thinking. 1686 01:01:49,005 --> 01:01:50,972 ...at the same time. 1687 01:01:50,972 --> 01:01:52,972 That's never happened before. 1688 01:01:50,972 --> 01:01:52,507 I've never said that. 1689 01:01:52,507 --> 01:01:55,507 Yeah. 1690 01:01:52,507 --> 01:01:55,777 Super strange. 1691 01:01:55,777 --> 01:01:57,777 Oh! 1692 01:01:55,777 --> 01:01:57,478 Should we do that again? 1693 01:01:57,478 --> 01:01:59,148 Yeah, my hands are shaking, I need a minute. 1694 01:02:03,851 --> 01:02:05,487 Hmm. 1695 01:02:05,487 --> 01:02:08,487 Who's this little guy? 1696 01:02:08,422 --> 01:02:10,324 I was a writing an article about neo-Nazis 1697 01:02:10,324 --> 01:02:12,059 and I had to get a bottom half 1698 01:02:12,059 --> 01:02:13,494 of a swastika tattooed on me... 1699 01:02:13,494 --> 01:02:15,494 Oh, my God. 1700 01:02:13,494 --> 01:02:15,329 ...so they wouldn't kill me 1701 01:02:15,329 --> 01:02:17,331 and I didn't want that, 1702 01:02:17,331 --> 01:02:20,469 so I added little shoes and I made him a little stick man 1703 01:02:20,469 --> 01:02:23,938 and I named him Adolf Stickler. 1704 01:02:23,938 --> 01:02:25,007 You'd never know he had little swastika legs. 1705 01:02:26,007 --> 01:02:27,007 No. 1706 01:02:26,007 --> 01:02:27,476 He's so happy about it. 1707 01:02:27,476 --> 01:02:28,543 I know, they just look like pants. 1708 01:02:28,543 --> 01:02:31,179 You'd never know he was born in the fires of hatred. 1709 01:02:34,583 --> 01:02:36,021 Man, I am hungry. 1710 01:02:39,021 --> 01:02:40,521 What time is it? 1711 01:02:40,521 --> 01:02:43,326 I couldn't tell you what fucking day it is. 1712 01:02:44,326 --> 01:02:47,295 And where... Where are we right now? 1713 01:02:47,295 --> 01:02:48,597 I don't have a clue. 1714 01:02:48,597 --> 01:02:49,864 You don't know? 1715 01:02:49,864 --> 01:02:51,065 No. They just dropped us here. 1716 01:02:51,065 --> 01:02:53,423 They just took us here on the helicopter. 1717 01:03:15,423 --> 01:03:16,490 Good morning, Mr. Flarsky. 1718 01:03:16,490 --> 01:03:17,927 Jesus! 1719 01:03:19,927 --> 01:03:21,001 You scared me, man. 1720 01:03:27,001 --> 01:03:29,605 Could you maybe not tell anybody about this? 1721 01:03:29,605 --> 01:03:31,041 They wouldn't believe me anyway. 1722 01:03:33,041 --> 01:03:34,177 Fair enough. 1723 01:03:35,177 --> 01:03:36,480 Good luck, man. 1724 01:03:38,480 --> 01:03:39,556 Thank you. 1725 01:03:48,556 --> 01:03:50,958 These helicopters are scary. 1726 01:03:50,958 --> 01:03:54,963 It's gonna be fine, Fred. Just breathe. 1727 01:03:57,099 --> 01:03:59,568 One, two, three, four. 1728 01:03:59,568 --> 01:04:01,681 One, two, three, four. 1729 01:04:13,681 --> 01:04:15,583 I feel so happy right now! 1730 01:04:15,583 --> 01:04:17,318 Like, I'm beginning to realize, 1731 01:04:17,318 --> 01:04:19,054 I may have never been happy. 1732 01:04:19,054 --> 01:04:21,556 This might be the first time I ever felt happy. 1733 01:04:21,556 --> 01:04:22,025 And it feels good. 1734 01:04:23,025 --> 01:04:25,027 This is like, the best shit that's ever happened. 1735 01:04:26,027 --> 01:04:27,963 There's like this crazy big banquet thing tonight, 1736 01:04:27,963 --> 01:04:29,563 and she gave me like a tuxedo to wear. 1737 01:04:29,563 --> 01:04:30,632 And it's not like a date, 1738 01:04:30,632 --> 01:04:32,233 but it kinda feels like a date. 1739 01:04:32,233 --> 01:04:34,936 How do I not fuck this up? Seems impossible. 1740 01:04:34,936 --> 01:04:37,172 Dude, you just need to give yourself affirmation, man. 1741 01:04:37,172 --> 01:04:38,974 You need to... 1742 01:04:38,974 --> 01:04:41,010 You need to say that you're worthy of love, man. 1743 01:04:42,010 --> 01:04:43,311 I am worthy of love. 1744 01:04:43,311 --> 01:04:44,980 All right, now you gotta say it 10,000 1745 01:04:44,980 --> 01:04:46,481 more times, until you believe it. 1746 01:04:46,481 --> 01:04:47,949 Okay, look, I gotta go. 1747 01:04:47,949 --> 01:04:50,284 I have no fucking clue how to tie a bow tie. 1748 01:04:50,284 --> 01:04:51,954 All right, man. Hey! 1749 01:04:51,954 --> 01:04:52,161 Be bold! 1750 01:05:09,371 --> 01:05:10,706 Hi. 1751 01:05:10,706 --> 01:05:13,375 You look really pretty. 1752 01:05:13,375 --> 01:05:14,510 Thank you. 1753 01:05:15,510 --> 01:05:18,579 You look really pretty, too. 1754 01:05:18,579 --> 01:05:19,648 Thank you. 1755 01:05:19,648 --> 01:05:21,083 Thanks for the suit. 1756 01:05:21,083 --> 01:05:22,217 We should probably head in. 1757 01:05:22,217 --> 01:05:23,217 Shall we? 1758 01:05:22,217 --> 01:05:23,755 Yeah. 1759 01:05:26,755 --> 01:05:29,523 Wow. This is awesome. 1760 01:05:29,523 --> 01:05:31,193 It's cool being in Argentina. 1761 01:05:31,193 --> 01:05:32,594 I think the guys who killed my grandparents 1762 01:05:32,594 --> 01:05:34,130 are hiding here somewhere. 1763 01:05:35,130 --> 01:05:36,233 Shit, they got a band. 1764 01:05:38,233 --> 01:05:41,670 Do you wanna, uh, dance maybe? Or grab a drink? 1765 01:05:41,670 --> 01:05:43,204 So there are representatives 1766 01:05:43,204 --> 01:05:45,072 from over 75 countries here tonight. 1767 01:05:45,072 --> 01:05:46,608 She has three hours to get out there, 1768 01:05:46,608 --> 01:05:47,608 shake her money maker... 1769 01:05:46,608 --> 01:05:47,643 Yeah. 1770 01:05:47,643 --> 01:05:49,378 ...and get as many commitments as possible. 1771 01:05:49,378 --> 01:05:51,378 This is a work event. 1772 01:05:49,378 --> 01:05:51,045 Of course, yeah. I get it. 1773 01:05:51,045 --> 01:05:54,315 We could, uh, maybe at the end of the night, have a drink. 1774 01:05:54,315 --> 01:05:56,451 Yeah, if you have time. Cool. 1775 01:05:56,451 --> 01:05:58,451 We'll see. 1776 01:05:56,451 --> 01:05:58,519 Yeah. 1777 01:05:58,519 --> 01:06:00,326 All right. Okay. 1778 01:06:04,326 --> 01:06:05,030 I know what's going on. 1779 01:06:09,030 --> 01:06:11,030 What do you mean? 1780 01:06:09,030 --> 01:06:11,465 You know what I mean. 1781 01:06:11,465 --> 01:06:12,534 There's nothing going on. 1782 01:06:12,534 --> 01:06:14,702 Don't fucking bullshit me, Fred. 1783 01:06:14,702 --> 01:06:17,405 'Cause my EQ is through the goddamn roof. 1784 01:06:17,405 --> 01:06:20,474 And I understand and intuit the nuances of social dynamics 1785 01:06:20,474 --> 01:06:21,443 like you wouldn't believe. 1786 01:06:21,443 --> 01:06:24,378 The two of you are having sex with each other. 1787 01:06:24,378 --> 01:06:26,213 There's no way you could discern something like that. 1788 01:06:26,213 --> 01:06:27,215 Charlotte told me. 1789 01:06:28,215 --> 01:06:29,150 Really? 1790 01:06:29,150 --> 01:06:31,219 No, but you just did, you fucking idiot. 1791 01:06:31,219 --> 01:06:34,222 Fuck! Shit! That was fucking very clever. 1792 01:06:34,222 --> 01:06:35,389 Jesus, well, you know what, yes. 1793 01:06:35,389 --> 01:06:37,425 Okay. We're sexing one another down. 1794 01:06:37,425 --> 01:06:38,425 So? 1795 01:06:37,425 --> 01:06:38,327 Ew. 1796 01:06:38,327 --> 01:06:39,693 Honestly, it's probably weirder to me 1797 01:06:39,693 --> 01:06:40,693 than it is to you. 1798 01:06:39,693 --> 01:06:40,829 Look, 1799 01:06:40,829 --> 01:06:41,996 I can't believe I have to say this, 1800 01:06:41,996 --> 01:06:45,434 but just so you know, there's no way the two of you work. 1801 01:06:46,434 --> 01:06:48,170 Why would you say that? You don't know that. 1802 01:06:48,170 --> 01:06:50,237 The public will never accept the two of you together, 1803 01:06:50,237 --> 01:06:51,606 so neither will she. 1804 01:06:51,606 --> 01:06:53,208 Honestly, Fred, it doesn't matter 1805 01:06:53,208 --> 01:06:54,175 if you get it or you don't, 1806 01:06:54,175 --> 01:06:55,844 'cause the truth is, she is going to realize it 1807 01:06:55,844 --> 01:06:57,112 for the both of you, 1808 01:06:57,112 --> 01:06:59,213 then you'll have your heart broken. 1809 01:06:59,213 --> 01:07:00,548 And that could be kinda fun to watch. 1810 01:07:00,548 --> 01:07:02,400 Ambassador Plenipotentiary... 1811 01:07:19,400 --> 01:07:20,735 Madam Secretary! 1812 01:07:21,735 --> 01:07:23,271 Excuse me. 1813 01:07:23,271 --> 01:07:24,271 Ah! 1814 01:07:23,271 --> 01:07:24,405 Parker. 1815 01:07:24,405 --> 01:07:26,405 Nope. Nope. Uh... 1816 01:07:28,342 --> 01:07:31,713 You know, we still have not found time to sit down. 1817 01:07:31,713 --> 01:07:32,880 You know, it's not gonna happen. 1818 01:07:32,880 --> 01:07:34,516 I'm not gonna find time. 1819 01:07:34,516 --> 01:07:37,119 I will get my way on this. 1820 01:07:37,119 --> 01:07:38,452 I don't even know what you mean by "this," 1821 01:07:38,452 --> 01:07:40,889 but please have at it. It's all yours. 1822 01:07:40,889 --> 01:07:42,889 May I have a word? 1823 01:07:40,889 --> 01:07:42,324 Can you excuse me? 1824 01:07:42,324 --> 01:07:43,557 We're in the middle of a conversation here. 1825 01:07:43,557 --> 01:07:46,557 Of course. Yes. 1826 01:07:43,557 --> 01:07:46,228 Oh, my God. You are a... 1827 01:07:46,228 --> 01:07:48,730 You look absolutely wonderful. 1828 01:07:48,730 --> 01:07:50,730 Oh. 1829 01:07:51,867 --> 01:07:53,367 I have to say, I have been 1830 01:07:53,367 --> 01:07:55,603 so impressed by your initiative. 1831 01:07:55,603 --> 01:07:57,371 Does this mean I can add Canada 1832 01:07:57,371 --> 01:07:59,373 to the list of countries taking part? 1833 01:07:59,373 --> 01:08:01,543 On one condition. 1834 01:08:01,543 --> 01:08:02,443 Let me guess. 1835 01:08:02,443 --> 01:08:05,179 You want fewer restrictions on lumber. 1836 01:08:05,179 --> 01:08:06,815 I don't care about lumber. 1837 01:08:07,815 --> 01:08:09,619 I just want to dance. 1838 01:08:12,786 --> 01:08:13,855 Sure. 1839 01:08:37,511 --> 01:08:38,780 Whoa! 1840 01:08:39,780 --> 01:08:41,650 Wow. 1841 01:08:42,650 --> 01:08:43,885 You know when you see something, 1842 01:08:43,885 --> 01:08:47,221 and it just looks right. 1843 01:08:47,221 --> 01:08:49,291 Like a Kangol hat on Samuel L. Jackson. 1844 01:08:49,291 --> 01:08:50,659 Mmm-hmm. 1845 01:08:59,935 --> 01:09:01,337 I'm worthy of love. 1846 01:09:03,337 --> 01:09:04,309 I'm worthy of love. 1847 01:09:07,309 --> 01:09:08,511 What the fuck are you saying? 1848 01:09:09,511 --> 01:09:10,819 Nothing. 1849 01:09:43,712 --> 01:09:44,532 Bonjour, ma'am. 1850 01:10:17,746 --> 01:10:18,814 Excuse me. 1851 01:10:20,814 --> 01:10:22,931 Agent E, look alive. 1852 01:10:37,931 --> 01:10:39,931 Hi. 1853 01:10:37,931 --> 01:10:39,068 Hey. 1854 01:10:40,068 --> 01:10:41,070 I hear you have a crush on me. 1855 01:10:43,070 --> 01:10:44,006 I do. 1856 01:10:46,006 --> 01:10:47,511 Kinda have a crush on you, too. 1857 01:10:49,511 --> 01:10:50,948 Well, that's cool. 1858 01:10:53,948 --> 01:10:56,051 Hey, I know I asked earlier. 1859 01:10:56,051 --> 01:10:57,618 But, uh... 1860 01:11:01,323 --> 01:11:02,493 Do you want to dance with me? 1861 01:11:05,493 --> 01:11:06,662 It's a dope song. 1862 01:11:07,662 --> 01:11:08,896 Really fucking good song. 1863 01:11:08,896 --> 01:11:09,030 Maybe the best song ever written. 1864 01:11:10,030 --> 01:11:11,541 Yeah. 1865 01:12:59,173 --> 01:13:00,809 I want you to fuck me from behind 1866 01:13:00,809 --> 01:13:01,645 and slap my ass really hard. 1867 01:13:04,645 --> 01:13:05,846 What? 1868 01:13:05,846 --> 01:13:07,181 What? 1869 01:13:07,181 --> 01:13:09,451 Nothing. What, did I say "what"? 1870 01:13:09,451 --> 01:13:10,752 Am I being too bossy? 1871 01:13:10,752 --> 01:13:13,520 No. No. No. No. Not at all. No. No. 1872 01:13:13,520 --> 01:13:15,055 I am. I am. I'm your boss all day, 1873 01:13:15,055 --> 01:13:15,055 and now I'm bossing you in bed. 1874 01:13:15,923 --> 01:13:17,458 I'm sorry. I didn't mean it that way. 1875 01:13:17,458 --> 01:13:18,659 No. Not at all. 1876 01:13:18,659 --> 01:13:20,528 My brain, honestly, just went into shock a little bit... 1877 01:13:20,528 --> 01:13:21,662 Yeah, but you hesitated. 1878 01:13:21,662 --> 01:13:24,698 No, it's just not how I imagined you liking things. 1879 01:13:24,698 --> 01:13:27,801 You know what? We'll do exactly what you were imagining. 1880 01:13:27,801 --> 01:13:29,804 And then you turn me around and slap me on my ass 1881 01:13:29,804 --> 01:13:31,805 and then choke me a little bit. 1882 01:13:31,805 --> 01:13:32,479 Oh, my God. 1883 01:13:40,547 --> 01:13:41,626 Whoa. 1884 01:13:51,626 --> 01:13:52,228 Frederick. 1885 01:13:53,228 --> 01:13:54,234 Margaret. 1886 01:13:59,234 --> 01:14:01,034 Hey, you forgot this... Oh, fuck! 1887 01:14:01,034 --> 01:14:02,034 Gross! 1888 01:14:01,034 --> 01:14:02,804 Um... 1889 01:14:02,804 --> 01:14:04,137 I thought you guys hated each other. 1890 01:14:04,137 --> 01:14:06,137 We do hate each other. 1891 01:14:04,137 --> 01:14:06,240 We do. Big time. 1892 01:14:06,240 --> 01:14:08,240 We are also fucking. 1893 01:14:06,240 --> 01:14:08,176 Ugh. 1894 01:14:08,176 --> 01:14:09,277 How long have you been fucking? 1895 01:14:09,277 --> 01:14:10,612 That was probably 20 minutes. 1896 01:14:10,612 --> 01:14:11,679 Not right now! 1897 01:14:11,679 --> 01:14:13,679 Oh. 1898 01:14:11,679 --> 01:14:13,881 A lot of questions. Um, I... 1899 01:14:13,881 --> 01:14:15,048 I would say anywhere between 1900 01:14:15,048 --> 01:14:16,917 two and five... Three and a half times. 1901 01:14:16,917 --> 01:14:18,752 I would say on my end, five. 1902 01:14:18,752 --> 01:14:20,220 Three and a half sounds right. 1903 01:14:20,220 --> 01:14:22,590 I don't know how you're tallying that shit. That's sick. 1904 01:14:22,590 --> 01:14:24,025 Okay, first of all, there's a woman present. 1905 01:14:25,025 --> 01:14:26,661 There's a woman in there, too? 1906 01:14:26,661 --> 01:14:28,661 Excuse me. 1907 01:14:26,661 --> 01:14:28,563 Easy. 1908 01:14:28,563 --> 01:14:29,563 And I got it. 1909 01:14:28,563 --> 01:14:29,764 Sorry. 1910 01:14:29,764 --> 01:14:31,764 Again. 1911 01:14:29,764 --> 01:14:31,131 Sorry, I'm... 1912 01:14:31,131 --> 01:14:32,001 A woman is present and that woman is me. 1913 01:14:33,001 --> 01:14:34,001 You? 1914 01:14:33,001 --> 01:14:34,601 We're talking about her. 1915 01:14:34,601 --> 01:14:36,537 Trust me, I know, Fred. 1916 01:14:36,537 --> 01:14:37,604 Tom, I got this. 1917 01:14:37,604 --> 01:14:39,604 Ugh! 1918 01:14:37,604 --> 01:14:39,039 I'm gonna say goodnight. 1919 01:14:39,039 --> 01:14:40,240 You tuck that in. Goodnight to you. 1920 01:14:40,240 --> 01:14:41,109 And I will take my leave. 1921 01:14:41,109 --> 01:14:44,145 No. No way. I'm not touching that shit. 1922 01:14:44,145 --> 01:14:46,145 It's not the worst instinct. 1923 01:14:44,145 --> 01:14:46,613 Guys, just... 1924 01:14:46,613 --> 01:14:47,681 Those hands have been places. 1925 01:14:47,681 --> 01:14:49,182 Goodnight. 1926 01:14:49,182 --> 01:14:51,685 With France's commitment, U.S. Secretary of State 1927 01:14:51,685 --> 01:14:55,055 Charlotte Field's noble Rehabilitation Initiative 1928 01:14:55,055 --> 01:14:57,091 has secured the support of 100 countries. 1929 01:14:59,193 --> 01:15:00,461 The president wants to talk to you. 1930 01:15:00,461 --> 01:15:03,597 We've set up the tent in the next room, Madam Secretary. 1931 01:15:03,597 --> 01:15:04,304 Tell him hi. 1932 01:15:09,304 --> 01:15:11,939 Mr. President. Bonjour. 1933 01:15:11,939 --> 01:15:13,140 Charlie, bonjour. 1934 01:15:13,140 --> 01:15:16,778 Hey, what's this I hear about an environmental treaty thing? 1935 01:15:16,778 --> 01:15:18,579 Oh, it's the Global 1936 01:15:18,579 --> 01:15:20,681 Rehabilitation Initiative, sir. 1937 01:15:20,681 --> 01:15:23,184 It's been on your desk for the last three weeks. 1938 01:15:23,184 --> 01:15:25,286 Yeah, well, we ran it up the flagpole 1939 01:15:25,286 --> 01:15:27,721 and it's ruffling some feathers. 1940 01:15:27,721 --> 01:15:29,856 Sir, you are the flagpole. 1941 01:15:29,856 --> 01:15:33,293 There are actually quite a few flagpoles in this joint. 1942 01:15:33,293 --> 01:15:35,063 We need you to revise it. 1943 01:15:35,063 --> 01:15:36,965 Sir? 1944 01:15:36,965 --> 01:15:39,070 We need you to kill the trees. 1945 01:15:43,070 --> 01:15:44,305 Why would he do that? 1946 01:15:44,305 --> 01:15:47,341 Because he's funded by a bunch of fucking rich assholes 1947 01:15:47,341 --> 01:15:48,976 and I probably pissed one of them off. 1948 01:15:48,976 --> 01:15:50,677 Can I just say the optics of this 1949 01:15:50,677 --> 01:15:52,380 are actually not that different? 1950 01:15:52,380 --> 01:15:54,181 The initiative still has the same name. 1951 01:15:54,181 --> 01:15:55,949 It sounds very impressive, 1952 01:15:55,949 --> 01:15:58,086 which is ultimately all that matters. 1953 01:15:58,086 --> 01:16:00,787 I actually cared about this. 1954 01:16:00,787 --> 01:16:02,356 Now what am I fucking left with? Bees? 1955 01:16:02,356 --> 01:16:03,690 I don't even like bees. 1956 01:16:03,690 --> 01:16:04,958 Do you have to listen to him? 1957 01:16:04,958 --> 01:16:08,128 Yes. I have to listen to him. 1958 01:16:08,128 --> 01:16:10,965 Because unless he endorses me, I won't win. 1959 01:16:10,965 --> 01:16:13,900 And this whole fucking show would have been for nothing. 1960 01:16:13,900 --> 01:16:15,970 Well, maybe you don't need his endorsement to win. 1961 01:16:15,970 --> 01:16:17,337 You know? People are digging your shit. 1962 01:16:17,337 --> 01:16:18,006 And your numbers are good. 1963 01:16:19,006 --> 01:16:21,208 You know what, Fred? She needs a little alone time. 1964 01:16:21,208 --> 01:16:22,743 Right, she probably just needs a friend right now. 1965 01:16:22,743 --> 01:16:23,810 Time to go, buddy. 1966 01:16:23,810 --> 01:16:25,680 Oh, my God. 1967 01:16:25,680 --> 01:16:28,055 Maggie, just give me a second alone with Fred, please. 1968 01:16:43,765 --> 01:16:46,167 I don't wanna do this job anymore. 1969 01:16:46,167 --> 01:16:47,136 I fuckin' hate it. 1970 01:16:48,136 --> 01:16:50,304 I mean, what's the point? 1971 01:16:50,304 --> 01:16:53,175 Every time I do something, it just gets undone. 1972 01:16:54,175 --> 01:16:55,409 I'm sorry. 1973 01:16:55,409 --> 01:16:57,211 I just wanna be a normal person 1974 01:16:57,211 --> 01:16:58,979 and not give a fuck about anything 1975 01:16:58,979 --> 01:17:00,015 just like the rest of the world. 1976 01:17:01,015 --> 01:17:03,083 Yeah, most people don't give a shit about anything. 1977 01:17:03,083 --> 01:17:04,953 I bet it's really nice. 1978 01:17:05,953 --> 01:17:07,788 That's what I want. 1979 01:17:07,788 --> 01:17:09,327 I don't know how to give that to you. 1980 01:17:13,327 --> 01:17:14,296 Let's get fucked up. 1981 01:17:15,296 --> 01:17:16,363 Fucked up? 1982 01:17:16,363 --> 01:17:18,363 Yeah. 1983 01:17:16,363 --> 01:17:18,832 Like a few beers fucked up 1984 01:17:18,832 --> 01:17:21,101 or more than that fucked up? 1985 01:17:21,101 --> 01:17:23,909 Like super fucked up. 1986 01:17:28,909 --> 01:17:31,378 I want to smoke a Molly with you. 1987 01:17:32,814 --> 01:17:33,748 What? 1988 01:17:34,748 --> 01:17:36,484 That's not, um... 1989 01:17:36,484 --> 01:17:38,152 That's not how you take it, but... 1990 01:17:38,152 --> 01:17:39,052 How do you take it? 1991 01:17:39,052 --> 01:17:40,921 It's a pill. You take it in your mouth. 1992 01:17:40,921 --> 01:17:42,457 But I don't know if you wanna do it. 1993 01:17:42,457 --> 01:17:43,791 Why not? 1994 01:17:43,791 --> 01:17:45,726 I just don't know if it's a good idea. 1995 01:17:45,726 --> 01:17:49,030 As your boss, I'm ordering you to get me a Molly. 1996 01:17:50,030 --> 01:17:51,229 Oh, man. 1997 01:18:21,229 --> 01:18:22,395 You good? 1998 01:18:22,395 --> 01:18:24,364 I don't feel anything. 1999 01:18:24,364 --> 01:18:26,367 You don't feel it? 2000 01:18:26,367 --> 01:18:28,168 No, I don't feel a fucking thing. 2001 01:18:28,168 --> 01:18:30,439 Ooh! Wow. 2002 01:18:31,439 --> 01:18:33,975 ... Was right. 2003 01:18:33,975 --> 01:18:37,878 Holy fuck... 2004 01:18:37,878 --> 01:18:39,212 No! 2005 01:18:39,212 --> 01:18:41,548 My jaw feels really weird. 2006 01:18:41,548 --> 01:18:42,884 Yeah, that's the drugs. 2007 01:18:42,884 --> 01:18:44,484 Drugs love a jaw. 2008 01:18:44,484 --> 01:18:46,484 I want more. 2009 01:18:44,484 --> 01:18:46,921 No, no, no, no. 2010 01:18:46,921 --> 01:18:48,322 Maybe in like an hour. 2011 01:18:48,322 --> 01:18:50,961 We should do it now. 2012 01:19:18,886 --> 01:19:21,087 Yes, motherfuckers! 2013 01:19:21,087 --> 01:19:22,024 I could do this forever! 2014 01:19:23,024 --> 01:19:24,425 We're gonna. 2015 01:19:24,425 --> 01:19:26,927 I know I've been like... 2016 01:19:26,927 --> 01:19:29,162 I've been, like, playing it pretty cool. 2017 01:19:29,162 --> 01:19:31,164 Like I've probably been a little hard to read, 2018 01:19:31,164 --> 01:19:32,833 and I've been acting kinda, like, aloof, 2019 01:19:32,833 --> 01:19:34,502 maybe like I don't care that much. 2020 01:19:34,502 --> 01:19:37,939 But I don't wanna do that anymore. I really like you. 2021 01:19:37,939 --> 01:19:40,240 You haven't been playing it cool at all. 2022 01:19:40,240 --> 01:19:42,909 You just followed me into the bathroom. 2023 01:19:42,909 --> 01:19:44,145 Yeah, to talk. 2024 01:19:44,145 --> 01:19:46,145 I really like you, too! 2025 01:19:44,145 --> 01:19:46,279 Really? 2026 01:19:46,279 --> 01:19:47,279 Yeah! 2027 01:19:46,279 --> 01:19:47,914 Yeah! 2028 01:19:49,884 --> 01:19:52,884 Madam Secretary! 2029 01:19:49,884 --> 01:19:52,552 Yeah! Whoa! 2030 01:19:52,552 --> 01:19:54,387 Madam Secretary! Listen to me! 2031 01:19:54,387 --> 01:19:56,524 Dance with me, Steven! Dance! 2032 01:19:56,524 --> 01:19:57,625 We have a situation. 2033 01:19:57,625 --> 01:19:58,625 Huh? 2034 01:20:07,335 --> 01:20:09,203 Yo. 2035 01:20:09,203 --> 01:20:12,239 How much longer is this Molly stuff gonna last? 2036 01:20:12,239 --> 01:20:13,007 We just re-upped. 2037 01:20:14,007 --> 01:20:16,210 You kept saying you wanted to take more, so we did. 2038 01:20:16,210 --> 01:20:19,448 So we have another maybe four or five hours. 2039 01:20:20,448 --> 01:20:22,582 Yeah. Why? 2040 01:20:22,582 --> 01:20:24,417 I'm in so much trouble. 2041 01:20:24,417 --> 01:20:25,485 What's happening? 2042 01:20:25,485 --> 01:20:27,087 I'm gonna be in so much trouble. 2043 01:20:27,087 --> 01:20:29,157 What's happening? Are they outta water? 2044 01:20:30,157 --> 01:20:31,324 One of our U2s went down 2045 01:20:31,324 --> 01:20:34,228 while performing a standard fly-over in Kashtari airspace. 2046 01:20:34,228 --> 01:20:35,328 The pilot was able to eject, 2047 01:20:35,328 --> 01:20:38,332 but it appears he was taken by the Kashtari military. 2048 01:20:38,332 --> 01:20:40,033 Thank you, General. 2049 01:20:40,033 --> 01:20:41,534 Prime Minister Bharath is refusing 2050 01:20:41,534 --> 01:20:44,037 to return the pilot to United States custody. 2051 01:20:44,037 --> 01:20:45,006 He's personally hurt by the many insults 2052 01:20:46,006 --> 01:20:47,507 hurled at him by POTUS. 2053 01:20:47,507 --> 01:20:49,409 Good job. All right. 2054 01:20:52,179 --> 01:20:53,448 It's gonna be okay in there, right? 2055 01:20:54,448 --> 01:20:55,118 That's up to you, ma'am. 2056 01:20:57,118 --> 01:20:59,667 Oh, God. You got this. 2057 01:21:16,604 --> 01:21:19,140 I can hold onto your sunglasses for you, if you'd like. 2058 01:21:19,140 --> 01:21:24,279 Oh, no. I have alopecia. In both eyes. 2059 01:21:30,551 --> 01:21:31,019 Hello. 2060 01:21:32,019 --> 01:21:32,019 Secretary Field! 2061 01:21:32,987 --> 01:21:34,087 Oh, my God! 2062 01:21:34,087 --> 01:21:36,957 Hello, Bharath? Hey. 2063 01:21:36,957 --> 01:21:40,328 I hear we have a situation here? 2064 01:21:40,328 --> 01:21:43,265 One that we both probably want resolved. 2065 01:21:45,265 --> 01:21:47,702 Very quickly... 2066 01:21:47,702 --> 01:21:50,304 You're not going to bully me this time, Madam Secretary. 2067 01:21:50,304 --> 01:21:51,006 Your man will stay here 2068 01:21:52,006 --> 01:21:54,975 until your president personally apologizes to me. 2069 01:21:54,975 --> 01:21:55,177 Over Instagram. 2070 01:21:57,177 --> 01:22:00,177 He won't do that. 2071 01:21:57,177 --> 01:22:00,247 Yeah, no. Yes... 2072 01:22:01,247 --> 01:22:03,247 Yo. 2073 01:22:01,247 --> 01:22:03,451 Yes? 2074 01:22:03,451 --> 01:22:04,019 Can I level with you? 2075 01:22:05,019 --> 01:22:06,554 Can I fill you in on something? 2076 01:22:06,554 --> 01:22:07,555 Go ahead. 2077 01:22:07,555 --> 01:22:09,256 Me and Charlotte, we're fucked up right now. 2078 01:22:09,256 --> 01:22:10,190 We're on drugs. 2079 01:22:10,190 --> 01:22:11,725 First of all, I don't wanna talk about that. 2080 01:22:11,725 --> 01:22:13,426 Why? We can't talk about the drugs. 2081 01:22:13,426 --> 01:22:14,761 Do you know we're on drugs? 2082 01:22:14,761 --> 01:22:17,498 I don't wanna talk about that in this room. 2083 01:22:18,498 --> 01:22:19,498 What's happening? 2084 01:22:21,135 --> 01:22:22,203 We're on drugs right now. 2085 01:22:24,270 --> 01:22:26,039 That's funny. That's a funny joke! 2086 01:22:26,039 --> 01:22:27,009 What's a joke? We're on fucking drugs... 2087 01:22:29,243 --> 01:22:30,377 Are we going somewhere? 2088 01:22:32,212 --> 01:22:34,114 What is that? 2089 01:22:34,114 --> 01:22:36,384 What is happening? We're on drugs right now. 2090 01:22:36,384 --> 01:22:39,086 So you're admitting that the United States government 2091 01:22:39,086 --> 01:22:41,322 ordered these planes to spy on my country? 2092 01:22:41,322 --> 01:22:42,390 No. 2093 01:22:43,556 --> 01:22:46,659 No! No! Of course not! 2094 01:22:46,659 --> 01:22:48,762 That's what it sounded like. Face it. 2095 01:22:48,762 --> 01:22:49,997 You have no leverage here. 2096 01:22:49,997 --> 01:22:53,266 Match his aggression, Madam. It's the only way out of this. 2097 01:22:53,266 --> 01:22:55,735 I don't know, he seems really fucking pissed off. 2098 01:22:55,735 --> 01:22:57,238 Get more fucking pissed. 2099 01:22:57,238 --> 01:22:58,440 Let him know who's really in charge. 2100 01:23:03,543 --> 01:23:05,479 Oh, my God, that really hurt. 2101 01:23:06,479 --> 01:23:08,248 I gotta be honest, I'm not... 2102 01:23:08,248 --> 01:23:11,452 I'm not feeling all this aggression stuff. 2103 01:23:11,452 --> 01:23:15,122 I'm into more of, like, a chilled vibe. 2104 01:23:15,122 --> 01:23:17,692 You know, just feeling... 2105 01:23:18,692 --> 01:23:20,628 God, are those Gauloises? 2106 01:23:21,628 --> 01:23:23,532 Just, I'm so... 2107 01:23:24,532 --> 01:23:27,103 I'm just gonna bum one. 2108 01:23:29,103 --> 01:23:30,404 Just give me one sec. 2109 01:23:30,404 --> 01:23:31,646 Don't worry. 2110 01:23:39,646 --> 01:23:40,713 Bharath. 2111 01:23:40,713 --> 01:23:42,713 Hello? 2112 01:23:40,713 --> 01:23:42,716 Listen. 2113 01:23:43,716 --> 01:23:45,354 Mmm. Mmm. 2114 01:23:47,354 --> 01:23:52,725 You and I are in the same boat, my friend. 2115 01:23:52,725 --> 01:23:54,395 How is that the case? 2116 01:23:54,395 --> 01:23:55,796 We both have to deal with my boss 2117 01:23:55,796 --> 01:23:59,199 and we both think he is an asshole. 2118 01:23:59,199 --> 01:24:01,268 You also think he's an asshole? 2119 01:24:01,268 --> 01:24:02,770 Oh, my God, he's such an asshole. 2120 01:24:02,770 --> 01:24:04,637 His stupid fucking TV show 2121 01:24:04,637 --> 01:24:06,573 was like, good for three episodes 2122 01:24:06,573 --> 01:24:08,442 and then it just didn't make any sense. 2123 01:24:08,442 --> 01:24:10,613 Fuck, it feels good to say that. 2124 01:24:13,613 --> 01:24:14,783 Listen. 2125 01:24:16,783 --> 01:24:20,854 You need to keep this on the real DL. 2126 01:24:20,854 --> 01:24:24,291 We both know that the U.S. does not 2127 01:24:24,291 --> 01:24:27,427 negotiate with terrorists. 2128 01:24:27,427 --> 01:24:32,832 But, we do negotiate with homies. 2129 01:24:32,832 --> 01:24:35,469 So if you give us our guy back, 2130 01:24:35,469 --> 01:24:39,606 I'm gonna hook you up with a sweet aid package. 2131 01:24:39,606 --> 01:24:42,643 So not only do you not have to keep a guy hostage, 2132 01:24:42,643 --> 01:24:46,412 which is a pretty shitty thing to do. 2133 01:24:46,412 --> 01:24:48,215 I mean, I've done it myself. 2134 01:24:48,215 --> 01:24:50,284 Don't tell anybody, super classified. 2135 01:24:51,284 --> 01:24:52,886 It sucks, I hate it. 2136 01:24:52,886 --> 01:24:58,192 Yeah. So, why don't we instead 2137 01:24:58,192 --> 01:25:01,862 save a ton of lives? 2138 01:25:01,862 --> 01:25:05,265 I mean, that's pretty fucking awesome, right? 2139 01:25:05,265 --> 01:25:06,337 I think this is a really good idea. 2140 01:25:10,337 --> 01:25:11,240 What do you say? 2141 01:25:14,240 --> 01:25:15,547 Ma'am. 2142 01:25:20,547 --> 01:25:22,750 Hostage saved, motherfuckers! 2143 01:25:22,750 --> 01:25:25,750 Yeah, yeah! 2144 01:25:25,485 --> 01:25:28,485 She did it! She did it! 2145 01:25:25,485 --> 01:25:28,454 She did it! 2146 01:25:28,454 --> 01:25:31,192 I'm here with Secretary of State Charlotte Field. 2147 01:25:31,192 --> 01:25:33,627 Who, after a tense and complicated negotiation 2148 01:25:33,627 --> 01:25:35,563 with Kashtar, has secured the release 2149 01:25:35,563 --> 01:25:38,599 of the pilot of the U.S. spy plane that went down 2150 01:25:38,599 --> 01:25:40,734 over Kashtari airspace. 2151 01:25:40,734 --> 01:25:42,802 - I know, right. - Crazy. 2152 01:25:42,802 --> 01:25:43,871 And this is all in the midst 2153 01:25:43,871 --> 01:25:46,472 of the success of your environmental initiative, 2154 01:25:46,472 --> 01:25:49,909 which I understand has secured the support of 100 countries. 2155 01:25:49,909 --> 01:25:51,909 Yes, um... 2156 01:25:49,909 --> 01:25:51,478 Ooh, sore subject. 2157 01:25:51,478 --> 01:25:53,213 I'm very happy to announce that 2158 01:25:53,213 --> 01:25:55,949 not only do I have the support of those 100 countries, 2159 01:25:55,949 --> 01:25:58,652 but the president himself called me personally 2160 01:25:58,652 --> 01:26:00,753 just to tell me how psyched he is about this initiative... 2161 01:26:00,753 --> 01:26:03,753 Did he call? Did he call? 2162 01:26:00,753 --> 01:26:03,724 That didn't happen. 2163 01:26:03,724 --> 01:26:04,958 ...don't change a word, 2164 01:26:04,958 --> 01:26:07,895 especially the part, uh, with the trees. 2165 01:26:07,895 --> 01:26:09,895 That's a lie. 2166 01:26:07,895 --> 01:26:09,529 So, all in all, 2167 01:26:09,529 --> 01:26:10,631 I'm just... Well, 2168 01:26:10,631 --> 01:26:13,567 I kinda feel like I'm just kinda crushing it right now. 2169 01:26:13,567 --> 01:26:15,567 Thank you so much. So... 2170 01:26:13,567 --> 01:26:15,569 Thank you. 2171 01:26:16,569 --> 01:26:17,637 Thank you. 2172 01:26:17,637 --> 01:26:19,974 The incredible Charlotte Field. 2173 01:26:19,974 --> 01:26:22,309 Who clearly still feels the effects 2174 01:26:22,309 --> 01:26:25,613 of the intense all-night hostage situation. 2175 01:26:37,925 --> 01:26:40,793 After negotiating the release of Lieutenant Gary Smith... 2176 01:26:40,793 --> 01:26:42,729 Charlotte Field's popularity continues to skyrocket... 2177 01:26:42,729 --> 01:26:44,465 In the newest Gallup poll, 68%... 2178 01:26:44,465 --> 01:26:47,768 ...are women mentally unfit to hold the presidency? 2179 01:26:47,768 --> 01:26:49,603 Here to chat about it is Chris Brown, 2180 01:26:49,603 --> 01:26:51,971 Jeremy Piven, and Brett Ratner. 2181 01:26:51,971 --> 01:26:54,774 In the wake of her successful hostage negotiation, 2182 01:26:54,774 --> 01:26:56,976 Charlotte Field's poll numbers keep going up. 2183 01:26:56,976 --> 01:26:58,345 I'd like to apologize 2184 01:26:58,345 --> 01:26:59,512 to Charlotte, and anyone out there 2185 01:26:59,512 --> 01:27:02,618 who was upset yesterday when I called her Booby-McBoobson. 2186 01:27:04,618 --> 01:27:05,686 Give me the president's office. 2187 01:27:06,686 --> 01:27:08,756 Yep? 2188 01:27:08,756 --> 01:27:10,390 Can I talk to you for a second? 2189 01:27:10,390 --> 01:27:11,891 Of course. 2190 01:27:11,891 --> 01:27:13,860 We got some new polling that I thought I'd share with you. 2191 01:27:13,860 --> 01:27:14,994 All right. 2192 01:27:14,994 --> 01:27:16,563 It feels like everything 2193 01:27:16,563 --> 01:27:17,797 is kinda falling into place for us. 2194 01:27:17,797 --> 01:27:19,432 So we thought we'd dig a little deeper 2195 01:27:19,432 --> 01:27:20,833 and make sure there are no surprises. 2196 01:27:20,833 --> 01:27:22,833 Why are you acting so weird? 2197 01:27:20,833 --> 01:27:22,569 It's good. 2198 01:27:22,569 --> 01:27:24,706 We got some really helpful feedback. 2199 01:27:25,706 --> 01:27:27,440 From the public. 2200 01:27:27,440 --> 01:27:30,711 So we asked a thousand constituents 2201 01:27:30,711 --> 01:27:32,445 how they would feel 2202 01:27:32,445 --> 01:27:35,445 if, say, Princess Di... 2203 01:27:32,445 --> 01:27:35,515 Hmm. 2204 01:27:35,515 --> 01:27:36,784 ...if she were to start dating 2205 01:27:37,784 --> 01:27:38,487 Guy Fieri. 2206 01:27:40,487 --> 01:27:42,389 I don't even know who that is. 2207 01:27:42,389 --> 01:27:43,890 They don't like that. 2208 01:27:43,890 --> 01:27:46,890 Yeah. 2209 01:27:43,890 --> 01:27:46,493 Or Kate Middleton 2210 01:27:46,493 --> 01:27:48,695 were to start dating Danny DeVito. 2211 01:27:48,695 --> 01:27:49,796 I see where you're going with this. 2212 01:27:49,796 --> 01:27:51,097 Pretty negative reaction. 2213 01:27:51,097 --> 01:27:53,766 Or if Jennifer Lawrence 2214 01:27:53,766 --> 01:27:56,005 were to start dating this potato in a teal windbreaker. 2215 01:27:58,005 --> 01:27:59,907 They would be very upset. 2216 01:27:59,907 --> 01:28:01,408 You did a lot of work, 2217 01:28:01,408 --> 01:28:03,408 and I... 2218 01:28:01,408 --> 01:28:03,377 Well, but, can I just finish? 2219 01:28:03,377 --> 01:28:05,612 No, that's, like, a lot of... I get it. 2220 01:28:05,612 --> 01:28:07,514 Madam Secretary. I have no desire 2221 01:28:07,514 --> 01:28:09,514 to limit your romantic life. 2222 01:28:07,514 --> 01:28:09,550 Good. 2223 01:28:09,550 --> 01:28:12,386 But the optics of you and Fred 2224 01:28:12,386 --> 01:28:14,854 will make a presidential run very challenging. 2225 01:28:14,854 --> 01:28:16,090 Fred is a journalist. 2226 01:28:16,090 --> 01:28:18,425 Who's written some extremely fucked-up stuff. 2227 01:28:18,425 --> 01:28:21,563 No. That's exposed some really fucked-up stuff. 2228 01:28:22,563 --> 01:28:24,797 And I just want to know for myself, 2229 01:28:24,797 --> 01:28:27,801 you're comfortable with putting everything on the line for a hookup? 2230 01:28:27,801 --> 01:28:29,536 Oh, my God. 2231 01:28:29,536 --> 01:28:30,703 Why are we having this conversation? 2232 01:28:30,703 --> 01:28:32,038 This is insane. 2233 01:28:32,038 --> 01:28:34,942 I don't have to explain myself to you. 2234 01:28:34,942 --> 01:28:36,676 I'm sorry. I really don't understand this. 2235 01:28:36,676 --> 01:28:38,078 And I fucking love you, Charlotte. 2236 01:28:38,078 --> 01:28:39,078 I want you to be happy. 2237 01:28:39,078 --> 01:28:40,680 But more than that, I want you to be in charge. 2238 01:28:40,680 --> 01:28:42,615 And I want you to be president. 2239 01:28:42,615 --> 01:28:44,756 For the sake of the future of our country. 2240 01:28:48,756 --> 01:28:50,792 Look, there's another option. 2241 01:28:51,792 --> 01:28:53,092 There's a guy who works for the Secret Service 2242 01:28:53,092 --> 01:28:57,163 whose job it is to handle the mistresses... 2243 01:28:57,163 --> 01:28:58,731 Maggie. You're gonna have to stop. 2244 01:28:58,731 --> 01:29:00,967 And there are a series of tunnels in the White House 2245 01:29:00,967 --> 01:29:02,967 that Woodrow Wilson... 2246 01:29:00,967 --> 01:29:02,837 That's enough. 2247 01:29:04,837 --> 01:29:06,573 Fred is not an idea 2248 01:29:06,573 --> 01:29:08,009 that I'm floating by you for your approval. 2249 01:29:09,009 --> 01:29:11,783 And you're getting very close to crossing a line. 2250 01:29:16,783 --> 01:29:18,085 Okay. Got it. 2251 01:29:18,085 --> 01:29:19,988 Goodnight, Madam Secretary. 2252 01:29:25,458 --> 01:29:27,560 When I grow up, I want to be Charlotte Field. 2253 01:29:27,560 --> 01:29:28,929 Because she's smart and pretty 2254 01:29:28,929 --> 01:29:30,564 and she's going to be president. 2255 01:29:38,805 --> 01:29:41,641 I will be that little girl's president. 2256 01:29:41,641 --> 01:29:44,877 Thank you, and God bless America. 2257 01:29:44,877 --> 01:29:48,047 Massive applause. Massive cheering. 2258 01:29:48,047 --> 01:29:50,184 At that point, I think the stage would descend, 2259 01:29:50,184 --> 01:29:53,987 right, and then Lil Uzi Vert or Charli XCX 2260 01:29:53,987 --> 01:29:56,457 would join hands with the Harlem Boys Choir... 2261 01:29:56,457 --> 01:29:58,125 Well, I said we'll figure that out later. 2262 01:30:00,027 --> 01:30:01,561 Uh, Madam Secretary, 2263 01:30:01,561 --> 01:30:02,663 the president would like to see you right now. 2264 01:30:03,663 --> 01:30:04,832 Shit. 2265 01:30:05,832 --> 01:30:06,899 Damn it! 2266 01:30:06,899 --> 01:30:08,069 The nation is at war! 2267 01:30:09,069 --> 01:30:10,270 I find myself torn. 2268 01:30:10,270 --> 01:30:14,875 Torn between my personal love and my love of country... 2269 01:30:14,875 --> 01:30:16,542 Sir, is this a good time? 2270 01:30:16,542 --> 01:30:19,579 Oh, hi, Charlotte. No, I'm just running lines. 2271 01:30:19,579 --> 01:30:20,579 Oh. 2272 01:30:19,579 --> 01:30:20,614 All right. 2273 01:30:20,614 --> 01:30:22,817 Clear the room. Everybody, just Charlotte, please. 2274 01:30:25,853 --> 01:30:26,720 Thanks. 2275 01:30:30,157 --> 01:30:31,859 Is everything okay, sir? 2276 01:30:32,859 --> 01:30:35,796 Oh, look who it is. 2277 01:30:35,796 --> 01:30:38,599 She's here at last. 2278 01:30:38,599 --> 01:30:41,033 You gotta love that secret door. Sit down. 2279 01:30:45,506 --> 01:30:46,006 This feels like an ambush. 2280 01:30:47,006 --> 01:30:49,042 Well, in the entertainment world, 2281 01:30:49,042 --> 01:30:51,211 we call this a surprise walk-on. 2282 01:30:51,211 --> 01:30:52,645 You see, Charlotte, 2283 01:30:52,645 --> 01:30:55,215 we have a number of business interests 2284 01:30:55,215 --> 01:30:58,085 and that, you know, may be gravely affected 2285 01:30:58,085 --> 01:31:00,052 by this agreement of yours. 2286 01:31:00,052 --> 01:31:02,555 Yeah. Uh, aside from getting into film, 2287 01:31:02,555 --> 01:31:05,192 I'm looking to use my connections as president 2288 01:31:05,192 --> 01:31:07,226 to expand my investment portfolio. 2289 01:31:07,226 --> 01:31:09,896 Sort of like an Ashton Kutcher type thing, you know. 2290 01:31:09,896 --> 01:31:12,832 I mean, that guy is killing with acting and investing... 2291 01:31:12,832 --> 01:31:15,668 I think what the president is trying to say, 2292 01:31:15,668 --> 01:31:18,572 is that the server farm we want to build in Alaska 2293 01:31:18,572 --> 01:31:21,009 is sitting on 10 miles of land which will now be 2294 01:31:22,009 --> 01:31:23,711 protected by your initiative. 2295 01:31:24,711 --> 01:31:25,979 Move your server farm. 2296 01:31:25,979 --> 01:31:27,847 We want to build it in Alaska. 2297 01:31:27,847 --> 01:31:29,615 There's plenty of room for expansion. 2298 01:31:29,615 --> 01:31:32,586 Charlotte. I'm surprised that it's come to this. 2299 01:31:32,586 --> 01:31:34,287 You're usually so agreeable. 2300 01:31:34,287 --> 01:31:36,722 But I watched you undermine me 2301 01:31:36,722 --> 01:31:38,759 on TV the other day. 2302 01:31:38,759 --> 01:31:40,827 TV of all places. 2303 01:31:40,827 --> 01:31:42,863 That's my medium. All right? 2304 01:31:42,863 --> 01:31:46,567 You used TV against me! 2305 01:31:46,567 --> 01:31:49,036 That was your first mistake. 2306 01:31:49,036 --> 01:31:51,971 Look, I'm about to give you the easiest ultimatum 2307 01:31:51,971 --> 01:31:54,841 that you're ever, ever gonna receive. 2308 01:31:55,841 --> 01:31:57,578 Drop the tree thing. 2309 01:31:57,578 --> 01:31:59,578 Or? 2310 01:31:57,578 --> 01:31:59,012 Or... 2311 01:32:00,012 --> 01:32:05,019 We will release the content of your friend's hard drive. 2312 01:32:06,019 --> 01:32:08,755 We found a lot of interesting stuff 2313 01:32:08,755 --> 01:32:10,356 when we hacked into his webcam. 2314 01:32:10,356 --> 01:32:12,828 Now here is a little taster. 2315 01:32:15,828 --> 01:32:18,931 Yo, Charlotte, it's Fred. 2316 01:32:18,931 --> 01:32:20,766 Uh, you want to come to my room 2317 01:32:20,766 --> 01:32:22,935 and have sex with me really fast? 2318 01:32:22,935 --> 01:32:26,038 Oh no, don't worry. I'll find ways to kill time today. 2319 01:32:26,038 --> 01:32:27,841 It's cool. Just let me know when you're back. 2320 01:32:27,841 --> 01:32:28,042 Great. 2321 01:32:33,313 --> 01:32:35,082 ...important to me. 2322 01:32:35,082 --> 01:32:37,717 That's a good speech. 2323 01:32:37,717 --> 01:32:39,720 The band of misfits fight back... 2324 01:32:39,720 --> 01:32:41,720 Nice dress. 2325 01:32:39,720 --> 01:32:41,956 ...against the bullies. 2326 01:32:42,956 --> 01:32:44,157 Never giving up. 2327 01:32:44,157 --> 01:32:45,292 Never laying down. 2328 01:32:48,362 --> 01:32:49,863 In high school, 2329 01:32:49,863 --> 01:32:51,399 I would talk about the underdog a lot. 2330 01:32:53,399 --> 01:32:56,136 And I would often find myself on a soapbox 2331 01:32:56,136 --> 01:32:58,872 rambling on and on about the injustices 2332 01:32:58,872 --> 01:33:00,208 of the world. 2333 01:33:02,208 --> 01:33:03,944 Which makes you extremely popular... 2334 01:33:05,679 --> 01:33:07,247 ...especially when everybody would rather be watching 2335 01:33:07,247 --> 01:33:08,015 Beverly Hills, 90210. 2336 01:33:16,856 --> 01:33:18,859 Oh, wow. 2337 01:33:23,863 --> 01:33:25,702 Oh, boy! 2338 01:33:28,702 --> 01:33:31,304 Oh, no... 2339 01:33:31,304 --> 01:33:32,773 Yucky. 2340 01:33:35,074 --> 01:33:36,143 Oh, boy! 2341 01:33:36,143 --> 01:33:37,179 What the fuck? 2342 01:33:39,179 --> 01:33:44,150 Oh, my God! I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry this happened. 2343 01:33:44,150 --> 01:33:45,150 You don't have to be sorry. 2344 01:33:44,150 --> 01:33:45,886 What do we do? 2345 01:33:45,886 --> 01:33:47,887 This is what everyone was afraid was gonna happen, 2346 01:33:47,887 --> 01:33:48,954 because of me. 2347 01:33:48,954 --> 01:33:50,390 And now it's happening because of me. 2348 01:33:50,390 --> 01:33:51,390 Do I get a publicist? 2349 01:33:50,390 --> 01:33:51,692 No. 2350 01:33:51,692 --> 01:33:52,692 Do I do a publicity tour? 2351 01:33:51,692 --> 01:33:52,926 Stop. 2352 01:33:52,926 --> 01:33:54,094 Do we have a press conference? 2353 01:33:54,094 --> 01:33:57,698 Fred, listen to me. I took the deal. 2354 01:33:58,698 --> 01:33:59,765 What? 2355 01:33:59,765 --> 01:34:01,100 We scratched the tree thing 2356 01:34:01,100 --> 01:34:03,703 and I have a real shot at becoming president. 2357 01:34:03,703 --> 01:34:08,809 And some billionaire motherfucker 2358 01:34:08,809 --> 01:34:12,746 gets to blackmail you? Using me? 2359 01:34:12,746 --> 01:34:14,015 Doing something that everybody does? 2360 01:34:15,015 --> 01:34:16,016 Out of a policy that you cared about, 2361 01:34:17,016 --> 01:34:18,484 since you were in middle school. 2362 01:34:18,484 --> 01:34:20,220 Since I've known you, you've cared about this. 2363 01:34:20,220 --> 01:34:21,822 And now you're just gonna get rid of it? 2364 01:34:21,822 --> 01:34:25,025 I'm trying to compromise here for a bigger goal. 2365 01:34:26,025 --> 01:34:27,159 Well, I don't think you should right now. 2366 01:34:27,159 --> 01:34:28,261 Oh, my God! 2367 01:34:28,261 --> 01:34:29,863 Of course you don't think I should. 2368 01:34:29,863 --> 01:34:31,864 You never compromise for anything in your life, 2369 01:34:31,864 --> 01:34:33,500 which gives you the perfect excuse to fail. 2370 01:34:33,500 --> 01:34:36,403 Well, it's better than maybe bending over backwards 2371 01:34:36,403 --> 01:34:37,871 for anyone who asked, 2372 01:34:37,871 --> 01:34:39,305 to the point that you don't even know 2373 01:34:39,305 --> 01:34:40,907 why the fuck you're doing this shit anymore! 2374 01:34:40,907 --> 01:34:42,509 In my world, in order to achieve 2375 01:34:42,509 --> 01:34:44,444 what I'm trying to achieve, I have to compromise. 2376 01:34:44,444 --> 01:34:45,511 Oh, why, because you're a woman? 2377 01:34:45,511 --> 01:34:46,912 Yeah, motherfucker. 2378 01:34:46,912 --> 01:34:48,148 Okay, that makes sense. 2379 01:34:48,148 --> 01:34:50,751 And because I'm not giving up everything I've ever wanted 2380 01:34:50,751 --> 01:34:53,052 just because it doesn't live up to your moral code. 2381 01:34:53,052 --> 01:34:55,322 I don't care if this tape comes out. I really don't. 2382 01:34:55,322 --> 01:34:57,322 Oh, my God, Fred. 2383 01:34:55,322 --> 01:34:57,356 I'll be okay. 2384 01:34:57,356 --> 01:34:59,261 You don't have to do this for me. 2385 01:35:01,261 --> 01:35:03,331 You're not doing this for me. 2386 01:35:04,331 --> 01:35:05,865 Obviously. 2387 01:35:05,865 --> 01:35:09,802 Look, you and I both know 2388 01:35:09,802 --> 01:35:11,771 the woman who stands beside the guy 2389 01:35:11,771 --> 01:35:14,106 that's coming on his face gets way more scrutiny 2390 01:35:14,106 --> 01:35:17,109 than the guy who's actually coming on his face. 2391 01:35:17,109 --> 01:35:18,878 Don't know if that's happened enough 2392 01:35:18,878 --> 01:35:20,447 for there to be, like, a precedent for it. 2393 01:35:20,447 --> 01:35:23,149 So, who knows? Maybe that won't be the case this time. 2394 01:35:23,149 --> 01:35:24,951 Who knows? Maybe people will think it's romantic. 2395 01:35:24,951 --> 01:35:26,485 I'm jerking... I'm jerking off to you. 2396 01:35:26,485 --> 01:35:28,121 You don't know how people are gonna react. 2397 01:35:28,121 --> 01:35:30,291 I'm not taking that risk. 2398 01:35:34,094 --> 01:35:35,563 I can't do it. 2399 01:35:36,563 --> 01:35:38,104 Okay. 2400 01:35:44,104 --> 01:35:47,313 So the video doesn't come out, what happens to us? 2401 01:35:53,313 --> 01:35:57,484 I was talking to Maggie, and she knows 2402 01:35:57,484 --> 01:35:59,953 this consultant who could scrub your history. 2403 01:35:59,953 --> 01:36:01,488 We could make sure nothing else like this 2404 01:36:01,488 --> 01:36:03,390 pops up and surprises us. 2405 01:36:04,390 --> 01:36:05,559 And then we just... 2406 01:36:05,559 --> 01:36:06,993 We work on your image, 2407 01:36:06,993 --> 01:36:08,929 and we figure out how we want to 2408 01:36:08,929 --> 01:36:11,398 present ourselves as a couple to the public. 2409 01:36:11,398 --> 01:36:12,837 That's all. 2410 01:36:17,837 --> 01:36:19,837 Okay. 2411 01:36:17,837 --> 01:36:19,972 Okay. 2412 01:36:19,972 --> 01:36:21,140 How long... How long will it take, 2413 01:36:21,140 --> 01:36:24,109 do you think, to create 2414 01:36:24,109 --> 01:36:26,012 an image of me that we can present to the public? 2415 01:36:27,012 --> 01:36:30,583 Just through the first couple months of the campaign. 2416 01:36:30,583 --> 01:36:33,153 You think? But you don't know that, right? 2417 01:36:33,153 --> 01:36:34,454 It could take longer than that. 2418 01:36:34,454 --> 01:36:36,856 In a couple of months, you could find that it's not a good moment 2419 01:36:36,856 --> 01:36:39,391 to introduce a new boyfriend, right? 2420 01:36:39,391 --> 01:36:41,595 And then we'd have to wait a couple more months. 2421 01:36:41,595 --> 01:36:44,064 I don't know how long it's gonna take, Fred. 2422 01:36:45,064 --> 01:36:47,333 And then meanwhile, 2423 01:36:47,333 --> 01:36:49,403 you're pretending not to date me. 2424 01:36:50,403 --> 01:36:53,273 And you're scrubbing my Internet history? 2425 01:36:53,273 --> 01:36:55,041 So my articles are gone. 2426 01:36:55,041 --> 01:36:56,976 And you, like, sneak me around 2427 01:36:56,976 --> 01:36:58,944 like I'm Marilyn Monroe and you're JFK? 2428 01:36:58,944 --> 01:37:00,113 Is that what we're talking about? 2429 01:37:00,113 --> 01:37:03,250 I just want to be clear, that's what we're talking about. 2430 01:37:03,250 --> 01:37:05,119 And we have to do that because I'm... 2431 01:37:07,119 --> 01:37:08,122 ...not right. 2432 01:37:10,122 --> 01:37:12,893 And then once we present us to the world, 2433 01:37:12,893 --> 01:37:17,134 we present a version of me that isn't...actually me? 2434 01:37:21,134 --> 01:37:22,537 Yeah. 2435 01:37:31,578 --> 01:37:33,148 I can't do it. 2436 01:37:35,148 --> 01:37:37,250 I wish 2437 01:37:37,250 --> 01:37:40,529 that I was the type of person that could, but I can't. 2438 01:37:49,529 --> 01:37:51,252 You don't have to do it. 2439 01:38:12,252 --> 01:38:14,253 Don't know what the fuck I was thinking. 2440 01:38:14,253 --> 01:38:18,190 Why the fuck I thought someone like her 2441 01:38:18,190 --> 01:38:19,025 and someone like me could work? 2442 01:38:20,025 --> 01:38:23,162 She's a fucking politician. Like, I don't even know her. 2443 01:38:23,162 --> 01:38:25,731 Like, I don't know who she is. 2444 01:38:25,731 --> 01:38:28,702 She has no moral compass. 2445 01:38:28,702 --> 01:38:31,371 She's working with fucking Democrats one day, 2446 01:38:31,371 --> 01:38:32,006 Republicans the next fucking day. 2447 01:38:33,006 --> 01:38:34,073 I mean, what's wrong with working 2448 01:38:34,073 --> 01:38:35,442 with Democrats and Republicans? 2449 01:38:35,442 --> 01:38:37,176 That's... That's the whole country. 2450 01:38:37,176 --> 01:38:40,380 Uh, yeah, except fuck Republicans, 2451 01:38:40,380 --> 01:38:42,047 I guess is the problem with that. 2452 01:38:42,047 --> 01:38:45,452 Speaking as an American, shouldn't you see both sides? 2453 01:38:45,452 --> 01:38:48,253 Yeah. I see one side's fucking wrong. 2454 01:38:48,253 --> 01:38:50,756 What's the problem here? 2455 01:38:50,756 --> 01:38:52,425 I'm a Republican. 2456 01:38:52,425 --> 01:38:54,194 You're fucking joking right now. 2457 01:38:54,194 --> 01:38:57,396 Member of the GOP! Yeah, you know me. 2458 01:38:57,396 --> 01:38:58,731 You're a Republican. 2459 01:38:58,731 --> 01:38:59,632 Yeah, I'm a Republican! 2460 01:38:59,632 --> 01:39:02,101 The shit has worked out so far for me. 2461 01:39:02,101 --> 01:39:03,670 What the fuck, man? 2462 01:39:03,670 --> 01:39:05,204 All that shit you're always saying to me! 2463 01:39:05,204 --> 01:39:06,204 Yeah. 2464 01:39:05,204 --> 01:39:06,405 Pull yourself up 2465 01:39:06,405 --> 01:39:09,074 by your bootstraps. And being in charge of your own destiny. 2466 01:39:09,074 --> 01:39:11,074 Republican shit. 2467 01:39:09,074 --> 01:39:11,310 Oh, and it worked on me. 2468 01:39:11,310 --> 01:39:13,046 And it works on a lot of people. 2469 01:39:13,046 --> 01:39:14,213 Oh, that's fucking sick. 2470 01:39:14,213 --> 01:39:15,314 That's right. 2471 01:39:15,314 --> 01:39:16,682 Ugh! That's gross! 2472 01:39:16,682 --> 01:39:18,618 That Republican shit, you put it in my brain 2473 01:39:18,618 --> 01:39:20,720 and it made me feel good. That's fucked up, man! 2474 01:39:20,720 --> 01:39:22,188 Come on. See, this is what I'm talking about, 2475 01:39:22,188 --> 01:39:23,288 your negative way of thinking. 2476 01:39:23,288 --> 01:39:24,556 I don't even know you! 2477 01:39:24,556 --> 01:39:25,556 What do you mean? 2478 01:39:24,556 --> 01:39:25,425 Ugh! 2479 01:39:25,425 --> 01:39:26,027 I'm the same dude from two minutes ago. 2480 01:39:27,027 --> 01:39:28,094 Your best friend. 2481 01:39:28,094 --> 01:39:29,328 Why'd you never tell me this? 2482 01:39:29,328 --> 01:39:31,463 'Cause I knew you'd act exactly how you're acting right now. 2483 01:39:31,463 --> 01:39:33,132 Wait a minute. 2484 01:39:33,132 --> 01:39:35,635 You're always talking about how, like, the universe has a plan for all of us... 2485 01:39:35,635 --> 01:39:36,603 Take it easy. 2486 01:39:36,603 --> 01:39:38,537 There's someone watching over us at all times. 2487 01:39:38,537 --> 01:39:40,537 Yeah. 2488 01:39:38,537 --> 01:39:40,506 Does that mean... 2489 01:39:40,506 --> 01:39:41,242 I'm a man of Christian faith. 2490 01:39:42,242 --> 01:39:44,277 What the fuck! 2491 01:39:44,277 --> 01:39:45,779 Now, come on now! We pray for you! 2492 01:39:45,779 --> 01:39:47,279 Don't pray for me! Keep it! 2493 01:39:47,279 --> 01:39:49,279 Lord. 2494 01:39:47,279 --> 01:39:49,349 Oh, stop it. Ignore him, God! 2495 01:39:49,349 --> 01:39:51,349 He doesn't mean that. 2496 01:39:49,349 --> 01:39:51,317 Don't pray for me! 2497 01:39:51,317 --> 01:39:52,484 You are trippin' right now. 2498 01:39:52,484 --> 01:39:53,552 I'm not fucking trippin'! How could you be Christian? 2499 01:39:53,552 --> 01:39:58,257 I wear this cross, every day, since you've known me! 2500 01:39:58,257 --> 01:39:59,426 What did you think it was for? 2501 01:39:59,426 --> 01:40:01,828 I thought it was... 2502 01:40:01,828 --> 01:40:03,395 ...a cultural thing. 2503 01:40:03,395 --> 01:40:05,466 You mean like, 'cause I'm black? 2504 01:40:06,466 --> 01:40:07,268 That's what I thought, yeah. 2505 01:40:08,268 --> 01:40:09,336 That might be. 2506 01:40:09,336 --> 01:40:11,570 But that don't mean what you said ain't racist. 2507 01:40:11,570 --> 01:40:13,570 You're right. 2508 01:40:11,570 --> 01:40:13,640 Yeah, I know I'm right! 2509 01:40:13,640 --> 01:40:15,640 Fuck. 2510 01:40:13,640 --> 01:40:15,307 That's racist as shit! 2511 01:40:15,307 --> 01:40:16,542 All right, dude... 2512 01:40:16,542 --> 01:40:18,411 I love you, man. 2513 01:40:18,411 --> 01:40:21,413 But you're very judgmental. They don't want politics 2514 01:40:21,413 --> 01:40:23,550 to get into this, because you've never really 2515 01:40:23,550 --> 01:40:25,350 been good at looking at shit 2516 01:40:25,350 --> 01:40:27,220 from other people's perspective, Fred. 2517 01:40:27,220 --> 01:40:28,220 I know. 2518 01:40:27,220 --> 01:40:28,654 It might explain 2519 01:40:28,654 --> 01:40:31,390 why you haven't been able to look at this through Charlotte's eyes. 2520 01:40:31,390 --> 01:40:32,458 I'm sorry. 2521 01:40:32,458 --> 01:40:34,394 I'm sorry you couldn't be who you are around me, 2522 01:40:34,394 --> 01:40:36,796 and you had to hide your true self. 2523 01:40:36,796 --> 01:40:38,131 That's really fucked up. 2524 01:40:38,131 --> 01:40:39,198 That's all right, man. 2525 01:40:39,198 --> 01:40:43,136 But my love for the GOP and the G-O-D 2526 01:40:43,136 --> 01:40:44,871 has nothing to do with us. 2527 01:40:44,871 --> 01:40:46,805 I'm racist. You're a Republican. 2528 01:40:46,805 --> 01:40:49,242 I don't know what the fuck's going on. 2529 01:40:50,609 --> 01:40:52,779 Polls suggested I should get into yoga, 2530 01:40:52,779 --> 01:40:54,480 which I did and it turns out, 2531 01:40:54,480 --> 01:40:55,782 I don't really like yoga. 2532 01:40:55,782 --> 01:40:59,252 Don't you sometimes just wish you could say, 2533 01:40:59,252 --> 01:41:00,453 "Fuck the polls"? 2534 01:41:00,453 --> 01:41:05,757 Well, polls say that people find my laugh unattractive. 2535 01:41:05,757 --> 01:41:07,560 So I shouldn't laugh in public. 2536 01:41:07,560 --> 01:41:08,694 That was a bit of a bummer, 2537 01:41:08,694 --> 01:41:11,197 because I really, I like to laugh. 2538 01:41:11,197 --> 01:41:12,197 A lot. 2539 01:41:11,197 --> 01:41:12,631 Hmm. 2540 01:41:12,631 --> 01:41:14,766 Um, but we came up with another laugh 2541 01:41:14,766 --> 01:41:16,502 that was better. That's more, uh... 2542 01:41:16,502 --> 01:41:18,502 Presidential, I guess. 2543 01:41:16,502 --> 01:41:18,337 Hmm. 2544 01:41:19,872 --> 01:41:20,873 That's good. 2545 01:41:20,873 --> 01:41:22,509 It's a lot of teeth and not too much sound. 2546 01:41:22,509 --> 01:41:25,509 Yeah. 2547 01:41:22,509 --> 01:41:25,177 Mmm. 2548 01:41:25,177 --> 01:41:27,346 So, um, after dinner, 2549 01:41:27,346 --> 01:41:28,914 how about we go for a drink somewhere? 2550 01:41:28,914 --> 01:41:30,182 Ooh. 2551 01:41:30,182 --> 01:41:33,353 I know this great little place that's not too far from here. 2552 01:41:33,353 --> 01:41:35,688 It's called Mini Bar. 2553 01:41:35,688 --> 01:41:39,893 It's quite exclusive, you need a little key to access it. 2554 01:41:39,893 --> 01:41:44,197 And you get charged as you remove the bottle. 2555 01:41:44,197 --> 01:41:45,197 Hmm. 2556 01:41:44,197 --> 01:41:45,797 It's actually more of 2557 01:41:45,797 --> 01:41:47,533 a small fridge than a bar. 2558 01:41:47,533 --> 01:41:49,533 And it's in my room... 2559 01:41:47,533 --> 01:41:49,402 No, I get it. 2560 01:41:49,402 --> 01:41:50,837 I'm inviting you back to my room. 2561 01:41:50,837 --> 01:41:53,837 I... 2562 01:41:55,507 --> 01:41:57,507 That was my real laugh. 2563 01:41:55,507 --> 01:41:57,577 Mmm! 2564 01:41:57,577 --> 01:41:58,711 I don't know why 2565 01:41:58,711 --> 01:42:01,515 they told you not to use that laugh. 2566 01:42:02,515 --> 01:42:03,515 It's... 2567 01:42:10,456 --> 01:42:12,358 Big day tomorrow, Madam Secretary. 2568 01:42:14,726 --> 01:42:16,381 Yeah. Big day. 2569 01:42:36,615 --> 01:42:38,926 Okay. "Hey, it's Fred." 2570 01:43:02,341 --> 01:43:03,011 Hello? 2571 01:43:05,011 --> 01:43:06,613 Beep. 2572 01:43:06,613 --> 01:43:08,782 Oh, uh, guess I got your voicemail. Um, hi. 2573 01:43:09,782 --> 01:43:11,018 It's Fred. 2574 01:43:12,018 --> 01:43:15,488 I guess I wanna start by saying I'm really sorry. 2575 01:43:15,488 --> 01:43:17,590 You were right about everything 2576 01:43:17,590 --> 01:43:19,394 and I was wrong about everything. 2577 01:43:21,394 --> 01:43:25,765 And we should go along with the plan. 2578 01:43:25,765 --> 01:43:29,369 I can be Marilyn. I can be your Marilyn. 2579 01:43:30,369 --> 01:43:31,871 I'd rather be your Lady Bird, 2580 01:43:31,871 --> 01:43:35,975 because, you know, LBJ put a ring on that finger. 2581 01:43:37,409 --> 01:43:40,813 But I would do anything to continue, 2582 01:43:40,813 --> 01:43:42,351 to be able to be with you. 2583 01:43:46,351 --> 01:43:47,399 Okay, bye. 2584 01:44:01,868 --> 01:44:03,603 So, we're losing the trees, huh? 2585 01:44:03,603 --> 01:44:06,538 Yeah. POTUS talked me out of it. 2586 01:44:06,538 --> 01:44:08,807 I know that meant a lot to you. I'm so sorry. 2587 01:44:08,807 --> 01:44:10,676 Hmm, nothing we can do about it. 2588 01:44:10,676 --> 01:44:12,078 We need his endorsement. 2589 01:44:12,078 --> 01:44:14,078 Yep. 2590 01:44:12,078 --> 01:44:14,082 Yep. 2591 01:44:17,082 --> 01:44:19,654 And I am sorry about you and Fred. 2592 01:44:22,654 --> 01:44:25,824 You know, he called last night. 2593 01:44:25,824 --> 01:44:27,960 He said he'd do it, he'd go along with the plan. 2594 01:44:27,960 --> 01:44:31,363 Really? Wow. 2595 01:44:31,363 --> 01:44:33,900 That's a shock. 2596 01:44:34,900 --> 01:44:38,637 Um... Okay. 2597 01:44:38,637 --> 01:44:40,038 I'll... I'll start to make arrangements. 2598 01:44:40,038 --> 01:44:41,908 No, Maggie. 2599 01:44:41,908 --> 01:44:43,509 There's nothing to do. 2600 01:44:43,509 --> 01:44:45,381 At the end of the day, it was never gonna work. 2601 01:44:48,381 --> 01:44:51,551 Well, today is such a good day, 2602 01:44:51,551 --> 01:44:53,519 and I am so excited. 2603 01:44:53,519 --> 01:44:54,987 We should be psyched. 2604 01:44:54,987 --> 01:44:57,590 So psyched. 2605 01:44:57,590 --> 01:44:59,725 All right, I will see you out there. 2606 01:44:59,725 --> 01:45:00,979 All right. 2607 01:45:19,979 --> 01:45:21,014 Hey, man. 2608 01:45:22,014 --> 01:45:23,684 Can I get a beer? 2609 01:45:24,684 --> 01:45:27,684 Thanks for coming. 2610 01:45:24,684 --> 01:45:27,854 No problem, bro. 2611 01:45:27,854 --> 01:45:30,489 How you feelin' though? 2612 01:45:30,489 --> 01:45:32,524 Okay, you know, you were right. 2613 01:45:32,524 --> 01:45:33,725 I called her. 2614 01:45:33,725 --> 01:45:35,560 I left a message. She didn't call me back. 2615 01:45:35,560 --> 01:45:37,596 So... Whatever. 2616 01:45:37,596 --> 01:45:38,899 Sure you wanna watch this? 2617 01:45:39,899 --> 01:45:41,603 Yeah, I have to. 2618 01:45:43,603 --> 01:45:46,171 Madam Secretary, I'd like to introduce you 2619 01:45:46,171 --> 01:45:47,106 to Lil Yachty. 2620 01:45:47,106 --> 01:45:48,007 He's going to be performing after the speech. 2621 01:45:49,007 --> 01:45:50,542 Pleasure to meet you, Mr. Yachty. 2622 01:45:50,542 --> 01:45:52,878 I'm a big-ass fan. I'm so excited to vote for you. 2623 01:45:52,878 --> 01:45:54,878 I'm sorry, it's game time. 2624 01:45:52,878 --> 01:45:54,417 Okay. 2625 01:46:12,998 --> 01:46:14,699 Good morning! 2626 01:46:14,699 --> 01:46:17,938 Thank you, everyone, for being here with me today. 2627 01:46:18,938 --> 01:46:20,539 Let me start by saying something 2628 01:46:20,539 --> 01:46:22,908 I haven't said since I was 16 2629 01:46:22,908 --> 01:46:24,976 and worked at Blockbuster Video. 2630 01:46:27,212 --> 01:46:28,514 I quit... 2631 01:46:28,514 --> 01:46:30,649 I helped write that joke. 2632 01:46:30,649 --> 01:46:31,850 Oh, yeah? That's a good joke. 2633 01:46:31,850 --> 01:46:33,953 ...as secretary of state, 2634 01:46:33,953 --> 01:46:35,587 in order to run 2635 01:46:35,587 --> 01:46:38,757 for president of the United States of America. 2636 01:46:41,961 --> 01:46:43,731 God bless. 2637 01:46:46,731 --> 01:46:49,234 And I'm honored 2638 01:46:49,234 --> 01:46:52,971 to have the full support of President Chambers, 2639 01:46:52,971 --> 01:46:55,675 a man I greatly admire. 2640 01:46:55,675 --> 01:46:59,045 A man who is an extraordinary leader. 2641 01:46:59,045 --> 01:47:00,113 Man, you know who you should date? 2642 01:47:02,113 --> 01:47:03,817 Taylor Swift. 2643 01:47:04,817 --> 01:47:06,819 Hell, yeah. I could see that. 2644 01:47:06,819 --> 01:47:10,756 Why... Why do you think I could date Taylor Swift? 2645 01:47:10,756 --> 01:47:12,557 Fred, you were dating Charlotte Field. 2646 01:47:12,557 --> 01:47:14,060 That's the most powerful woman on Earth! 2647 01:47:14,060 --> 01:47:15,595 Oh, I get it. 2648 01:47:15,595 --> 01:47:17,930 I don't know what me and Taylor Swift have in common. 2649 01:47:18,930 --> 01:47:22,868 Y'all white. Ya ain't got a care in the world. 2650 01:47:22,868 --> 01:47:24,103 That's true. 2651 01:47:24,103 --> 01:47:26,771 But this campaign is not about me. 2652 01:47:26,771 --> 01:47:28,608 It's about you. 2653 01:47:28,608 --> 01:47:29,841 It's about us. 2654 01:47:31,042 --> 01:47:32,645 It's about how together, 2655 01:47:32,645 --> 01:47:36,716 we can build the future our fellow Americans deserve. 2656 01:47:39,819 --> 01:47:42,787 I have dreamt about this moment 2657 01:47:42,787 --> 01:47:44,024 ever since I was a little girl 2658 01:47:45,024 --> 01:47:47,761 growing up in the nation's capital. 2659 01:47:49,761 --> 01:47:53,298 And I know that if that young girl 2660 01:47:53,298 --> 01:47:56,604 could see me standing up here right now... 2661 01:48:02,073 --> 01:48:04,845 She would be so... 2662 01:48:07,979 --> 01:48:09,122 She would be... 2663 01:48:16,122 --> 01:48:17,858 What's happening? 2664 01:48:18,858 --> 01:48:22,195 She... She would be so disappointed in me, actually. 2665 01:48:24,195 --> 01:48:27,733 Yeah, the truth is, that girl 2666 01:48:27,733 --> 01:48:28,935 would want me to be honest 2667 01:48:28,935 --> 01:48:31,604 and have integrity and not be 2668 01:48:31,604 --> 01:48:35,243 blackmailed by evil people with evil agendas. 2669 01:48:37,243 --> 01:48:39,078 So instead, I'm just gonna... 2670 01:48:39,078 --> 01:48:42,213 I'm just gonna tell the truth, and whatever happens, happens. 2671 01:48:42,213 --> 01:48:44,213 So here we go. 2672 01:48:44,182 --> 01:48:47,853 Parker Wembley and our dumb-fuck president... 2673 01:48:47,853 --> 01:48:49,154 Whoo! 2674 01:48:49,154 --> 01:48:50,355 ...are doing some evil shit together. 2675 01:48:50,355 --> 01:48:52,091 And because I just told you now, 2676 01:48:52,091 --> 01:48:55,694 they're going to release a video of a guy I dated 2677 01:48:55,694 --> 01:48:57,029 jerking off all over himself. 2678 01:48:58,029 --> 01:48:58,030 Release the video. 2679 01:48:59,030 --> 01:49:01,100 Get the fucking thing online. Get it online! 2680 01:49:01,100 --> 01:49:03,904 But don't slut shame me. I... 2681 01:49:04,904 --> 01:49:05,706 I like him. 2682 01:49:06,706 --> 01:49:08,274 I like him a lot. 2683 01:49:08,274 --> 01:49:10,377 Fred, you gotta go to her. 2684 01:49:12,377 --> 01:49:14,646 Go get her ass, man. 2685 01:49:14,646 --> 01:49:15,317 And he jerks off. 2686 01:49:18,317 --> 01:49:20,386 And so do all of you. 2687 01:49:20,386 --> 01:49:21,654 Hell, yeah! 2688 01:49:21,654 --> 01:49:23,855 So deal with it. 2689 01:49:23,855 --> 01:49:25,029 Deal with it, America. 2690 01:49:34,265 --> 01:49:36,301 Hey! I'm Fred! 2691 01:49:36,301 --> 01:49:37,970 Is that an XL? 2692 01:49:37,970 --> 01:49:39,238 I've got five stars in it, 2693 01:49:39,238 --> 01:49:40,739 if you could speed this shit up, man! 2694 01:49:40,739 --> 01:49:42,073 We'll give you extra tip, real tip. 2695 01:49:42,073 --> 01:49:43,408 Not Uber tip! Cash tip! 2696 01:49:43,408 --> 01:49:45,847 Get back! Get back! 2697 01:49:48,847 --> 01:49:50,847 Where are we going? 2698 01:49:48,847 --> 01:49:50,150 I don't know. 2699 01:49:54,886 --> 01:49:56,154 She's leaving? Where is she going? 2700 01:49:56,154 --> 01:49:57,957 Shit, I don't know. This isn't on the itinerary. 2701 01:49:57,957 --> 01:50:00,126 Tom, you have to think past the itinerary! 2702 01:50:00,126 --> 01:50:01,060 I can't. 2703 01:50:01,060 --> 01:50:02,895 Fred, I just got a Wembley news alert 2704 01:50:02,895 --> 01:50:05,895 with your name on it. 2705 01:50:02,895 --> 01:50:05,096 Don't open it! 2706 01:50:05,096 --> 01:50:07,800 Oh, yeah! Oh, boy! 2707 01:50:07,800 --> 01:50:09,201 Oh, Fred! 2708 01:50:09,201 --> 01:50:12,203 Oh, no. Oh, no. 2709 01:50:12,203 --> 01:50:13,405 Hey, it's all right, man. 2710 01:50:13,405 --> 01:50:15,073 You know, we all got our things. 2711 01:50:15,073 --> 01:50:16,775 I don't bust a nut on my face. 2712 01:50:16,775 --> 01:50:18,775 But, like... 2713 01:50:16,775 --> 01:50:18,978 It's not like a thing I do! 2714 01:50:20,145 --> 01:50:21,980 Do you think that'll, like, go viral? 2715 01:50:21,980 --> 01:50:24,417 This is the news! 2716 01:50:25,417 --> 01:50:27,027 Oh, shit. 2717 01:50:35,027 --> 01:50:38,264 Excuse me. Move, damn it! This man is in love. 2718 01:50:38,264 --> 01:50:40,131 Secretary Field just drove away, 2719 01:50:40,131 --> 01:50:42,201 no comment as to her destination. 2720 01:50:42,201 --> 01:50:44,336 We're gonna keep tracking this story for you... 2721 01:50:44,336 --> 01:50:46,171 Yo, check it out. It's the come-guy! 2722 01:50:46,171 --> 01:50:47,171 Yeah, that's him! 2723 01:50:46,171 --> 01:50:47,872 Oh, sir, 2724 01:50:47,872 --> 01:50:49,074 just a couple of questions. We're live right now. 2725 01:50:49,074 --> 01:50:52,211 No! I'm come-guy? 2726 01:50:52,211 --> 01:50:53,912 No comments at this time, thank you! Thank you! 2727 01:50:53,912 --> 01:50:55,046 Thank you! 2728 01:50:55,046 --> 01:50:57,896 Do not touch him! Do not touch him! 2729 01:51:11,896 --> 01:51:12,966 Hi. 2730 01:51:13,966 --> 01:51:15,235 Holy shit. 2731 01:51:17,235 --> 01:51:18,005 Did you see my speech? 2732 01:51:20,005 --> 01:51:22,208 Yeah. I think everyone saw it. 2733 01:51:23,208 --> 01:51:24,011 Yeah. 2734 01:51:27,011 --> 01:51:28,849 You know, your video's out there. 2735 01:51:29,849 --> 01:51:31,356 Yeah, I caught that. 2736 01:51:38,356 --> 01:51:40,094 Here's the deal. I love you. 2737 01:51:42,094 --> 01:51:44,195 I know I do. 2738 01:51:44,195 --> 01:51:47,136 Because I've never been so scared in my entire life. 2739 01:51:50,136 --> 01:51:54,175 And I once shared an elevator with Saddam Hussein. 2740 01:51:56,175 --> 01:51:58,412 Just me and Saddam. 2741 01:52:01,412 --> 01:52:03,217 And this is way scarier. 2742 01:52:06,217 --> 01:52:07,890 I love you. 2743 01:52:10,890 --> 01:52:13,359 Okay, you're really gonna have to say something right now. 2744 01:52:13,359 --> 01:52:14,829 'Cause I'm freaking out. 2745 01:52:17,829 --> 01:52:20,568 I've been in love with you since I was 12 years old. 2746 01:52:41,220 --> 01:52:42,922 Oh. 2747 01:52:43,922 --> 01:52:44,990 Hello? 2748 01:52:44,990 --> 01:52:48,060 Hey, Fred, uh, there's a million people out here 2749 01:52:48,060 --> 01:52:50,462 and they want to talk to the candidate and the come-guy. 2750 01:52:50,462 --> 01:52:52,009 So, I figured they'd hit you. 2751 01:53:13,185 --> 01:53:14,487 Fred! 2752 01:53:15,487 --> 01:53:17,328 Fred! 2753 01:53:22,328 --> 01:53:25,264 A crazy day. 2754 01:53:25,264 --> 01:53:27,498 But I'm really glad you're all here. 2755 01:53:27,498 --> 01:53:29,935 I'd like to introduce you to someone. 2756 01:53:30,935 --> 01:53:32,637 This is Fred. 2757 01:53:32,637 --> 01:53:33,506 Hi, there. 2758 01:53:35,506 --> 01:53:37,506 My boyfriend. 2759 01:53:37,509 --> 01:53:38,180 Whoo! 2760 01:53:42,180 --> 01:53:44,115 You kind of know him already, 2761 01:53:44,115 --> 01:53:46,217 but you'll get to know him a lot more 2762 01:53:46,217 --> 01:53:47,720 in the next few months... 2763 01:53:48,720 --> 01:53:51,356 'Cause he's gonna be right by my side on my campaign trail. 2764 01:54:02,001 --> 01:54:03,077 Wakanda Forever! 2765 01:54:12,077 --> 01:54:14,345 Charlotte! Charlotte! 2766 01:54:14,345 --> 01:54:16,117 Charlotte! Charlotte! 2767 01:54:18,117 --> 01:54:19,585 I started the chant! 2768 01:54:19,585 --> 01:54:21,256 I started that chant! 2769 01:54:25,256 --> 01:54:26,958 ...that I will faithfully execute 2770 01:54:26,958 --> 01:54:30,194 the office of the president of the United States. 2771 01:54:30,194 --> 01:54:31,563 What a momentous day, 2772 01:54:31,563 --> 01:54:33,064 our first female president. 2773 01:54:33,064 --> 01:54:34,000 I never thought I'd see it. 2774 01:54:35,000 --> 01:54:36,702 Well, I mean, a lot of people are gonna say 2775 01:54:36,702 --> 01:54:38,703 this is a historic moment for women everywhere, 2776 01:54:38,703 --> 01:54:40,972 but do we really want her finger on the button 2777 01:54:40,972 --> 01:54:42,307 when it's that time of the month? 2778 01:54:42,307 --> 01:54:44,176 I wouldn't want my wife making any decision 2779 01:54:44,176 --> 01:54:45,511 during that time of the month. 2780 01:54:45,511 --> 01:54:47,345 You know what? Fuck you guys. I quit. 2781 01:54:47,345 --> 01:54:48,948 Looks like it's someone's time of the month. 2782 01:54:48,948 --> 01:54:50,481 Oh! Looks like Aunt Flow 2783 01:54:50,481 --> 01:54:52,350 is going to work down at the Red River Casino... Oh! 2784 01:54:52,350 --> 01:54:53,586 Jesus Christ! Quick, quick, cut! 2785 01:54:53,586 --> 01:54:57,957 Hi! I'm the First Mister of the United States of America. 2786 01:54:57,957 --> 01:54:59,425 My name is Fred Field. 2787 01:54:59,425 --> 01:55:00,592 I took my wife's last name. 2788 01:55:00,592 --> 01:55:04,662 And, uh, I'm gonna give you a tour of the White House. 2789 01:55:04,662 --> 01:55:07,632 We're starting with the portraits of the first spouses. 2790 01:55:07,632 --> 01:55:09,501 Here we have Mamie Eisenhower. 2791 01:55:09,501 --> 01:55:10,569 Jackie Kennedy. 2792 01:55:10,569 --> 01:55:13,404 We have the beautiful Lady Bird Johnson's portrait. 2793 01:55:13,404 --> 01:55:16,140 And that leads us into my portrait. 2794 01:55:16,140 --> 01:55:18,409 It was painted by Todd McFarlane, 2795 01:55:18,409 --> 01:55:20,979 who created the Spawn comics, of course. 2796 01:55:20,979 --> 01:55:22,382 The first versions were a little over the top. 2797 01:55:24,382 --> 01:55:26,452 Hi, guys. 2798 01:55:26,452 --> 01:55:28,319 I used to think the best way for me to change the world, 2799 01:55:28,319 --> 01:55:30,221 to make it a better place was through journalism. 2800 01:55:30,221 --> 01:55:31,689 Then I realized that's not at all the case. 2801 01:55:31,689 --> 01:55:35,293 Really, the best thing I could be doing for the world 2802 01:55:35,293 --> 01:55:38,296 is just supporting this amazing person 2803 01:55:38,296 --> 01:55:40,099 and just trying to learn from her 2804 01:55:40,099 --> 01:55:41,632 and kinda just trying to be 2805 01:55:41,632 --> 01:55:44,168 the best first mister I can be. 2806 01:55:44,168 --> 01:55:46,738 I actually got a tattoo of the first mister insignia. 2807 01:55:46,738 --> 01:55:49,738 He did. 2808 01:55:46,738 --> 01:55:49,541 There we are. 2809 01:55:49,541 --> 01:55:50,708 You're wearing mittens. 2810 01:55:50,708 --> 01:55:52,110 Got little mittens on. 2811 01:55:52,110 --> 01:55:54,613 If you think of where this tattoo started to where it ended up. 2812 01:55:54,613 --> 01:55:56,547 It really has an amazing arc to it. 2813 01:55:56,547 --> 01:55:59,484 What are some of the perks of your new roles? 2814 01:55:59,484 --> 01:56:02,787 Well, I finally get to enact my vision for America. 2815 01:56:02,787 --> 01:56:04,024 I finally got to find out who killed Kennedy. 2816 01:56:05,024 --> 01:56:06,024 Oh, my God. Don't you dare. 2817 01:56:05,024 --> 01:56:06,257 I won't say. 2818 01:56:06,257 --> 01:56:07,257 Don't. 2819 01:56:06,257 --> 01:56:07,426 I won't say. 2820 01:56:07,426 --> 01:56:08,527 Fred, I'm not kidding around. 2821 01:56:08,527 --> 01:56:09,595 It's not who you think! 2822 01:56:09,595 --> 01:56:11,130 Don't do it. 2823 01:56:11,130 --> 01:56:12,131 It's pretty surprising. 2824 01:56:13,131 --> 01:56:14,632 He's my Mister. 2825 01:56:14,632 --> 01:56:17,000 I'm her Mister. And she's my president. 2826 01:56:50,000 --> 01:57:00,000 Sub By Black Hawk 196174