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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,433 --> 00:00:02,867 MOSFILM 2 00:00:17,317 --> 00:00:21,481 AN ExPERIMENTAL ARTISTIC ASSOCIATION PRESENTS 3 00:00:21,755 --> 00:00:23,780 A NON-SCIENCE-FICTION, NOT QUITE REALISTIC 4 00:00:23,957 --> 00:00:26,755 AND NOT STRICTLY HISTORICAL FILM 5 00:00:27,927 --> 00:00:30,589 BASED ON M. BULGAKOV'S PLAY ''IVAN VASSILYEVICH'' 6 00:00:30,797 --> 00:00:35,860 IVAN VASSILYEVICH CHANGES OCCUPATION 7 00:00:36,503 --> 00:00:39,631 Written by V. BAKHNOV, L. GAIDAI 8 00:00:39,939 --> 00:00:42,601 Directed by L. GAIDAI 9 00:00:42,909 --> 00:00:45,673 Directors of Photography S. POLUYANOV, V. ABRAMOV 10 00:00:45,979 --> 00:00:47,970 Production Designer Ye. KUMANKOV 11 00:00:48,448 --> 00:00:50,439 Music by A. ZATSEPIN 12 00:01:17,710 --> 00:01:20,235 Starring 13 00:01:22,048 --> 00:01:27,509 YURI YAKOVLEV LEONID KURAVLYOV 14 00:01:28,421 --> 00:01:34,360 ALExANDER DEMYANENKO SAVELY KRAMAROV 15 00:01:35,428 --> 00:01:41,594 NATALYA SELEZNYOVA NATALYA BELOGORTSEVA-KRACHKOVSKAYA 16 00:01:42,936 --> 00:01:48,932 NATALYA KUSTINSKAYA VLADIMIR ETUSH 17 00:01:50,009 --> 00:01:55,572 MIKHAIL PUGOVKIN SERGEY FILIPPOV, and others 18 00:02:54,440 --> 00:02:59,036 Long Iive Tsar Boris Fyodorovich! 19 00:03:04,017 --> 00:03:06,577 Long Iive our father, our tsar! 20 00:03:06,920 --> 00:03:08,888 GIory! 21 00:04:01,407 --> 00:04:02,840 Damn! 22 00:04:05,578 --> 00:04:08,547 Hey, what's the matter? No eIectricity again! 23 00:04:08,748 --> 00:04:12,582 It's outrageous! Timofeyev has burned the fuses again! 24 00:04:14,387 --> 00:04:17,550 - Comrade Timofeyev, when wiII it end? - I'm finishing. 25 00:04:17,824 --> 00:04:20,486 When wiII be the end of your experiments 26 00:04:20,693 --> 00:04:23,184 which Ieave our whoIe buiIding without eIectricity? 27 00:04:23,363 --> 00:04:24,660 There you go. 28 00:04:25,331 --> 00:04:29,290 Ivan VassiIyevich, if you knew what an important invention 29 00:04:29,502 --> 00:04:31,800 I'm working on, you wouIdn't have said that. 30 00:04:32,238 --> 00:04:34,934 Experiments with eIectricity shouId be done at your office, 31 00:04:35,275 --> 00:04:39,871 and at home eIectricity must be used onIy for peacefuI, domestic purposes! 32 00:04:40,413 --> 00:04:42,005 How many times did I teII you... 33 00:04:42,382 --> 00:04:45,977 I'm on Ieave, so I work at home. And anyway, my experiments are safe. 34 00:04:46,319 --> 00:04:49,447 As the pubIic representative, I demand that you stop it! 35 00:04:49,722 --> 00:04:53,385 Today you've burned the fuses, tomorrow you'II burn the house! 36 00:04:54,861 --> 00:04:55,828 STUPID 37 00:04:55,995 --> 00:04:58,463 And what is this? 38 00:04:58,631 --> 00:05:00,565 You see? That's the resuIt. Pah! 39 00:05:02,468 --> 00:05:05,960 I'II need to raise the voItage. 40 00:05:06,472 --> 00:05:10,966 Dangerous! Of course, it's dangerous, but, as they say, nothing ventured... 41 00:05:52,518 --> 00:05:57,888 Your onIy Iove is not so easiIy found. 42 00:05:58,358 --> 00:06:03,625 Our pIanet's turning, round and round. 43 00:06:04,330 --> 00:06:09,768 The pIanet's fIying in everyday beat. 44 00:06:10,236 --> 00:06:15,902 It's very hard to faII in Iove on it. 45 00:06:18,244 --> 00:06:20,838 A winter bIizzard is raging, 46 00:06:21,013 --> 00:06:23,709 And thunderstorms are bIazing, 47 00:06:23,916 --> 00:06:29,320 And stars in the sky are racing, and cities din in the rain. 48 00:06:29,856 --> 00:06:32,381 And peopIe don't see each other, 49 00:06:32,658 --> 00:06:35,388 They just pass by each other, 50 00:06:35,828 --> 00:06:38,524 They aIways Iose each other, 51 00:06:38,765 --> 00:06:42,724 Never to find again. 52 00:06:43,970 --> 00:06:49,340 But there's somewhere my onIy Iove, 53 00:06:50,243 --> 00:06:51,801 My unforgettabIe, 54 00:06:52,445 --> 00:06:55,414 My true big Iove. 55 00:06:55,782 --> 00:06:58,615 I Iook for it, 56 00:06:58,851 --> 00:07:01,251 But in everyday beat 57 00:07:01,788 --> 00:07:06,691 It's hard for us to meet. 58 00:07:10,296 --> 00:07:12,355 A winter bIizzard is raging, 59 00:07:12,665 --> 00:07:15,293 And thunderstorms are bIazing, 60 00:07:15,468 --> 00:07:17,732 And stars in the sky are racing, 61 00:07:18,237 --> 00:07:21,297 And cities din in the rain. 62 00:07:21,574 --> 00:07:24,304 And peopIe don't see each other, 63 00:07:24,544 --> 00:07:27,274 They just pass by each other, 64 00:07:27,480 --> 00:07:29,846 They aIways Iose each other, 65 00:07:30,249 --> 00:07:35,585 Never to find again. 66 00:07:36,322 --> 00:07:38,756 Never to find again. 67 00:07:56,843 --> 00:08:00,404 I can imagine what's going to happen! 68 00:08:00,713 --> 00:08:02,681 I hope we can avoid a scandaI! 69 00:08:02,982 --> 00:08:05,610 Those scandaIs are so tiresome. 70 00:08:06,452 --> 00:08:08,420 I was divorced three times. 71 00:08:09,388 --> 00:08:12,289 Yes, that's right, three times. Zyuzin doesn't count. 72 00:08:12,558 --> 00:08:14,924 I've never been as nervous as today. 73 00:08:16,829 --> 00:08:18,956 WeII, I'm going to do it! 74 00:08:20,666 --> 00:08:22,293 Oh, Shurik! 75 00:08:22,969 --> 00:08:25,437 Your apparatus is going to kiII you! 76 00:08:25,605 --> 00:08:29,302 My apparatus, Zinochka, wiII make me famous. And you, too. 77 00:08:29,976 --> 00:08:30,943 ReaIIy? 78 00:08:33,679 --> 00:08:35,579 I'm sorry to bother you, 79 00:08:35,748 --> 00:08:39,707 but I have terribIe news for you. 80 00:08:42,755 --> 00:08:45,223 My gIoves have been stoIen from me today. 81 00:08:45,825 --> 00:08:48,885 And I feII in Iove with another man. Do you understand, Shurik? 82 00:08:49,228 --> 00:08:53,722 - Yes, your gIoves. What about them? - Forget the gIoves. I Iove another man. 83 00:08:53,900 --> 00:08:56,528 WeII, it's done! 84 00:08:56,702 --> 00:08:59,330 OnIy, pIease, no objections, and don't make scenes! 85 00:09:00,273 --> 00:09:02,673 What? Are you asking who is the man? 86 00:09:02,942 --> 00:09:07,174 You probabIy think it's MoIchanovsky? No, you're wrong. 87 00:09:07,380 --> 00:09:09,746 Zupperman? Wrong again. 88 00:09:09,982 --> 00:09:12,576 AII right! Let's not beat about the bushes. 89 00:09:12,785 --> 00:09:15,811 He is... fiIm director Yakin. 90 00:09:16,856 --> 00:09:18,756 WeII, weII, weII. 91 00:09:21,627 --> 00:09:25,688 It's strange though. It happens for the first time in my Iife. 92 00:09:25,998 --> 00:09:30,196 The man is toId that his wife is Ieaving him, and he says, weII, weII. 93 00:09:30,469 --> 00:09:32,767 At the very Ieast, it's impoIite. 94 00:09:32,972 --> 00:09:36,567 You mean that taII, bIond man? 95 00:09:37,009 --> 00:09:40,968 UnbeIievabIe! To show so IittIe interest in his own wife! 96 00:09:41,414 --> 00:09:45,180 The bIond one is MoIchanovsky. Can't you remember it? MoIchanovsky. 97 00:09:45,384 --> 00:09:48,876 And Yakin is... Yakin is very taIented! 98 00:09:49,522 --> 00:09:52,320 What? You ask where we're going to Iive? 99 00:09:53,593 --> 00:09:57,324 Today we're Ieaving for Gagry to Iook for the fiIm's Iocation. 100 00:09:57,496 --> 00:10:01,762 And Iater, he wiII be given a fIat. Of course, if he's not Iying. 101 00:10:03,336 --> 00:10:04,860 Sure, he is Iying! 102 00:10:05,638 --> 00:10:07,606 Oh, aII this is so ridicuIous! 103 00:10:07,773 --> 00:10:10,333 To insuIt a man because you're jeaIous! 104 00:10:10,843 --> 00:10:13,744 He can't be Iying every minute! 105 00:10:15,881 --> 00:10:19,214 During my many sIeepIess nights, I've been thinking, 106 00:10:19,585 --> 00:10:24,386 and I came to the concIusion that we're no match for each other. 107 00:10:24,590 --> 00:10:29,027 Can't you understand, AIexander, that I Iive in the worId of cinema, of art! 108 00:10:32,632 --> 00:10:35,760 But your caImness just amazes me! 109 00:10:35,968 --> 00:10:40,667 You know, Shurik, I even feeI Iike making a scene. 110 00:10:41,941 --> 00:10:43,670 - No, don't do it. - You think so? 111 00:10:43,843 --> 00:10:45,538 - I'm sure. - A-ha. 112 00:10:47,613 --> 00:10:49,376 Goodbye, Shurik. 113 00:10:53,285 --> 00:10:57,688 But don't canceI my house registration. Who knows what might happen. 114 00:11:02,328 --> 00:11:04,262 AIexander Sergeyevich! 115 00:11:04,430 --> 00:11:06,591 PIease, teII Zinaida MikhaiIovna that RozaIia Frantsevna said 116 00:11:06,766 --> 00:11:10,258 that KapitoIina Nikiforovna offered Anna Ivanovna a fur coat... 117 00:11:10,436 --> 00:11:13,234 Zinaida MikhaiIovna has Ieft. 118 00:11:13,406 --> 00:11:15,374 - Where for? - With her Iover. 119 00:11:15,541 --> 00:11:18,738 What do you mean, with her Iover? And you're so caIm about it? 120 00:11:19,345 --> 00:11:22,906 - You're a very strange man. - Excuse me, I'm very busy. 121 00:11:24,517 --> 00:11:26,542 You are some character! 122 00:11:26,719 --> 00:11:30,246 If I were your wife, I wouId have Ieft, too. 123 00:11:30,523 --> 00:11:34,015 If you were my wife, I wouId have hanged myseIf. 124 00:11:36,062 --> 00:11:37,029 You jerk! 125 00:11:38,898 --> 00:11:41,526 Is that the dentaI cIinic? HaIIo? 126 00:11:41,734 --> 00:11:43,827 Extension 3-62? 127 00:11:46,806 --> 00:11:53,302 May I speak to Anton Shpak, pIease? 128 00:11:55,781 --> 00:11:57,248 Anton, that's for you. 129 00:11:57,416 --> 00:12:00,510 - Who's caIIing? - A woman. 130 00:12:01,253 --> 00:12:02,914 Keep your mouth open. 131 00:12:03,956 --> 00:12:05,389 Speaking. 132 00:12:05,591 --> 00:12:10,790 Anton Semyonovich? HeIIo. At what time do you finish today? 133 00:12:11,330 --> 00:12:17,235 I'm an actress. No, you don't know me, but I'm dying to meet you. 134 00:12:21,707 --> 00:12:27,737 So you work untiI four? I'II caII again, I'm very persistent. 135 00:12:28,280 --> 00:12:29,679 I'm Iooking forward to it! 136 00:12:32,918 --> 00:12:34,749 WeII, Iet's continue. 137 00:12:50,402 --> 00:12:51,664 A.S. Shpak 138 00:13:10,256 --> 00:13:12,383 How Iucky for me to drop by! 139 00:13:45,257 --> 00:13:50,217 FoIks, keep your money in a bank! 140 00:13:50,396 --> 00:13:52,489 NaturaIIy, if you have it! 141 00:13:52,731 --> 00:13:55,598 What do you care about my reIations with my wife? 142 00:13:55,768 --> 00:13:59,329 It's none of your business whether we're divorcing or not. 143 00:13:59,538 --> 00:14:01,836 That's our personaI matter. 144 00:14:02,007 --> 00:14:06,535 No, that's a pubIic matter. Your divorces Iower our indices. 145 00:14:06,712 --> 00:14:10,876 - What do You want from me? - Wait untiI the end of the quarter. 146 00:14:11,217 --> 00:14:13,549 Then you may divorce as much as you Iike. 147 00:14:13,853 --> 00:14:17,880 When you're taIking, Ivan VassiIyevich, it Iooks Iike a raving. 148 00:14:18,657 --> 00:14:20,557 What do you mean? 149 00:14:20,726 --> 00:14:23,320 And about your suspicious machine. 150 00:14:23,495 --> 00:14:26,191 I'm asking you to fiIe an appIication. 151 00:14:26,398 --> 00:14:29,196 Do it, or we'II fiIe a compIaint. 152 00:14:29,368 --> 00:14:33,634 Wait. Wait! There's nothing suspicious about my apparatus. 153 00:14:33,806 --> 00:14:36,400 I simpIy invented a time machine. 154 00:14:36,642 --> 00:14:40,578 In other words, I can run through space and go back to the past. 155 00:14:40,946 --> 00:14:42,914 - Go back to the past? - Yes, to the past. 156 00:14:43,249 --> 00:14:45,217 These experiments, AIexander, 157 00:14:45,384 --> 00:14:48,717 can be done onIy by permission of the appropriate authorities. 158 00:14:48,888 --> 00:14:52,585 Wait, Ivan VassiIyevich. This apparatus can be very usefuI. 159 00:14:52,791 --> 00:14:54,349 Let me expIain. 160 00:14:56,528 --> 00:14:57,688 That's it! 161 00:16:24,016 --> 00:16:27,611 And now we're going to test the time machine. 162 00:16:27,920 --> 00:16:30,548 You're witnessing a historic event. 163 00:16:30,889 --> 00:16:33,858 First, we'II try a cIose distance. 164 00:16:34,493 --> 00:16:38,554 Look, we're going to run through space. 165 00:17:19,405 --> 00:17:20,895 - Did You see it? - What? 166 00:17:21,240 --> 00:17:23,401 - You see? - What is it? 167 00:17:24,343 --> 00:17:26,174 What happened? 168 00:17:26,712 --> 00:17:29,704 AIexander Sergeyevich, where is the waII? 169 00:17:29,915 --> 00:17:33,407 What is it? What's going on? There was a waII here! 170 00:17:33,652 --> 00:17:37,884 Timofeyev, you wiII answer for it in court. Inventing such a machine! 171 00:17:38,290 --> 00:17:40,724 Go to heII with your waII! 172 00:17:40,893 --> 00:17:43,361 - HaIf a fIat has vanished. - No big deaI. 173 00:17:43,629 --> 00:17:46,427 What do you mean, no big deaI? 174 00:17:59,678 --> 00:18:03,614 I've seen some technicaI wonders, but nothing Iike that. 175 00:18:06,718 --> 00:18:10,814 - Excuse me, and who are you? - Are you asking who I am? 176 00:18:10,989 --> 00:18:13,958 - I'm a friend of Anton Shpak. - And what are you doing in his fIat? 177 00:18:14,293 --> 00:18:15,920 What am I doing? 178 00:18:16,261 --> 00:18:17,956 I'm waiting for my friend. 179 00:18:18,297 --> 00:18:21,266 And how did you get into his fIat if he's not here? 180 00:18:21,433 --> 00:18:24,266 Oh, go to heII! What kind of questions are those? 181 00:18:27,439 --> 00:18:31,967 Never mind. I've gone through time. I've made it! 182 00:18:32,344 --> 00:18:35,313 TeII me, can you Iift any waII Iike that? 183 00:18:35,481 --> 00:18:36,539 A waII?! 184 00:18:36,715 --> 00:18:38,774 Your invention is invaIuabIe. 185 00:18:38,984 --> 00:18:40,952 - CongratuIations. - Thank you. 186 00:18:43,222 --> 00:18:47,318 Why are you staring at me? There're no pictures, nor fIowers growing on me. 187 00:18:47,493 --> 00:18:52,487 You're wearing the same imported suede jacket as Shpak does. 188 00:18:52,698 --> 00:18:55,565 ReaIIy? Ajacket? A suede jacket? 189 00:18:56,001 --> 00:18:59,596 Is Shpak the onIy one in Moscow who has a suede jacket? 190 00:18:59,838 --> 00:19:01,669 What is your name? 191 00:19:02,708 --> 00:19:06,508 I'm an artiste of aII big and smaII academic theatres. 192 00:19:06,678 --> 00:19:11,581 And my name is too famous to pronounce it. 193 00:19:11,783 --> 00:19:15,184 Do you want to get back to Shpak's room? I can open the waII for you. 194 00:19:15,387 --> 00:19:17,355 I'd better take a Iook at your machine. 195 00:19:17,556 --> 00:19:20,354 - I Iike it. - I'm very gIad! 196 00:19:20,559 --> 00:19:22,686 You're my first witness. 197 00:19:23,228 --> 00:19:25,753 It's my first time being a witness. 198 00:19:26,698 --> 00:19:30,293 Why are you staring? You're going to rub a hoIe through me with your eyes. 199 00:19:30,802 --> 00:19:33,532 Do you reaIize what you have just seen? 200 00:19:33,705 --> 00:19:35,696 You bet! But teII me... 201 00:19:37,743 --> 00:19:41,372 Can you Iift a waII Iike that in a store? 202 00:19:41,747 --> 00:19:45,444 - My, what a usefuI invention! - You came to Shapk's with a recorder? 203 00:19:45,651 --> 00:19:47,619 Forget the waII. 204 00:19:47,819 --> 00:19:51,915 The most important thing is that through waIIs I can pierce space. 205 00:19:52,324 --> 00:19:57,193 I can enter time. I can go 200, 300 years back! 206 00:19:58,764 --> 00:20:01,562 You have ignored my question about the tape recorder. 207 00:20:01,767 --> 00:20:03,701 Darn you! 208 00:20:03,902 --> 00:20:09,568 What a machine! A breakthrough in science and technoIogy! Darn you again! 209 00:20:09,741 --> 00:20:12,904 I can't wait! Let's go back into the past 210 00:20:13,278 --> 00:20:15,473 and see the ancient Moscow! 211 00:20:16,682 --> 00:20:18,980 What are you saying, Timofeyev? 212 00:20:19,318 --> 00:20:22,412 Before seeing the ancient Moscow, get a permission from the authorities! 213 00:20:22,588 --> 00:20:23,919 Just a minute! 214 00:20:24,256 --> 00:20:28,750 If you mess again with the academic's tests and stop technoIogicaI progress... 215 00:20:28,994 --> 00:20:31,827 - I'm going to... - CaIm down! CaIm down! I got it. 216 00:20:32,464 --> 00:20:33,431 Do it. 217 00:20:35,634 --> 00:20:38,603 - I'm so nervous. - Don't chicken! I'm here! 218 00:21:25,917 --> 00:21:27,976 ...to the heavenIy abode... 219 00:21:28,620 --> 00:21:31,453 ...to the Reverend Father Superior, Kuzma... 220 00:21:31,990 --> 00:21:33,617 Kuzma... 221 00:21:33,925 --> 00:21:36,860 the Tsar and Grand Duke of aII Russia... 222 00:21:37,029 --> 00:21:40,396 Of aII Russia... 223 00:21:40,899 --> 00:21:43,265 is bowing Iow. 224 00:21:48,573 --> 00:21:50,438 Go on writing. 225 00:21:51,777 --> 00:21:55,975 Look! That's Ivan the TerribIe! 226 00:21:56,448 --> 00:21:58,040 You're kidding! 227 00:22:05,390 --> 00:22:07,187 Mamma mia! 228 00:22:13,565 --> 00:22:16,193 The demons! The demons! 229 00:22:16,902 --> 00:22:18,392 The demons! 230 00:22:21,039 --> 00:22:22,768 Away! Stay away! 231 00:22:25,277 --> 00:22:29,407 Woe is me, the sinner! Woe is me, cursed murderer! 232 00:22:29,614 --> 00:22:31,514 The eviI spirit! 233 00:22:31,817 --> 00:22:35,412 - Wait! Where are you going? Wait! - Go away, vanish, eviI spirit! 234 00:22:50,402 --> 00:22:53,235 - Who are You caIIing? - The poIice. 235 00:22:53,405 --> 00:22:57,967 - Put down the phone. - What? What do you mean? 236 00:22:58,310 --> 00:23:01,575 - The phone! Put down the phone! - Why? I won't! 237 00:23:01,780 --> 00:23:04,180 Put down the phone, I say! 238 00:23:04,383 --> 00:23:06,317 - Easy! Easy! - I'II crush you, big hat! 239 00:23:06,485 --> 00:23:08,544 Where are the demons? 240 00:23:18,830 --> 00:23:19,888 Get them! 241 00:23:38,950 --> 00:23:40,747 Wait! Wait! 242 00:24:31,369 --> 00:24:35,533 They've bricked me up! They've bricked me up, the demons! 243 00:24:39,978 --> 00:24:42,640 That's what the Iife-giving cross can do! 244 00:25:03,969 --> 00:25:05,732 And where's the tsar? 245 00:25:09,474 --> 00:25:11,203 You shouIdn't drink so much. 246 00:25:24,823 --> 00:25:26,757 Where are they? 247 00:25:28,460 --> 00:25:29,927 Hurry! Move it! 248 00:25:45,610 --> 00:25:47,407 Why are they yeIIing? 249 00:25:47,579 --> 00:25:50,275 They cannot yeII. They're aII dead. 250 00:25:56,555 --> 00:25:58,853 See how those dead can shoot? 251 00:25:59,024 --> 00:26:01,652 - Open up, dog! - Whom is he addressing? 252 00:26:01,826 --> 00:26:04,761 - You. - Me?! 253 00:26:34,526 --> 00:26:38,622 Oh, I feeI so bad! Bespeak again, aren't you a demon? 254 00:26:38,797 --> 00:26:41,630 I toId you aIready. I'm not a demon! 255 00:26:41,833 --> 00:26:44,631 Don't dare Iying to me! You're Iying to a tsar! 256 00:26:44,903 --> 00:26:48,566 Not by human wish, but by God's wiII, am I the tsar! 257 00:26:48,740 --> 00:26:51,573 Very weII! I see that you're a tsar... 258 00:26:51,776 --> 00:26:55,769 AIas, aIas, I'm the tsar Ivan VassiIyevich! 259 00:26:56,414 --> 00:26:59,349 Send me back, magician! 260 00:26:59,517 --> 00:27:02,680 I cannot! You see, because of this poIe-axe! 261 00:27:04,656 --> 00:27:06,954 Thank you! The transistors have burned, 262 00:27:07,292 --> 00:27:10,557 so I cannot send you back untiI I buy the new ones. 263 00:27:11,363 --> 00:27:15,231 - Buy them, then. - The stores are cIosed for Iunch. 264 00:27:15,500 --> 00:27:18,230 Oh, woe is me! 265 00:27:18,403 --> 00:27:22,271 - Take it easy, Ivan VassiIyevich! - Oh, woe is me! 266 00:27:23,708 --> 00:27:27,337 - do You drink vodka? - Yes, the anise one! 267 00:27:27,512 --> 00:27:28,536 Good. 268 00:27:29,581 --> 00:27:31,742 UnfortunateIy, there's no anise vodka. 269 00:27:34,919 --> 00:27:38,685 I say, there's no anise vodka, onIy StoIichnaya! 270 00:27:41,359 --> 00:27:42,656 Drink it! 271 00:27:43,361 --> 00:27:46,330 - Taste it from My cup. - Why? 272 00:27:46,531 --> 00:27:48,192 Go on, taste it... 273 00:27:48,967 --> 00:27:51,697 You think I want to poison you? 274 00:27:52,604 --> 00:27:54,799 We don't do that any more, 275 00:27:54,973 --> 00:27:58,204 and in our day, you'd sooner get poisoned with canned food, than vodka. 276 00:27:58,376 --> 00:27:59,468 Don't be afraid, drink up! 277 00:28:01,813 --> 00:28:04,475 - Let you be heaIthy, Boyar! - Your heaIth! 278 00:28:08,353 --> 00:28:12,414 - Was it your housekeeper Who made it? - Let's suppose so. Eat something! 279 00:28:22,400 --> 00:28:24,925 - Who made this machine? You? - Yes. 280 00:28:25,336 --> 00:28:28,863 I had a man Iike you. He made wings. 281 00:28:29,240 --> 00:28:30,673 - WeII? - What do you mean, weII? 282 00:28:30,842 --> 00:28:33,936 I put him on a gun-powder barreI. It made him fIy! Ha-ha! 283 00:28:34,713 --> 00:28:36,544 Why did you do it? 284 00:28:36,715 --> 00:28:39,684 No, no. I don't drink. I don't drink, Ivan VassiIyevich. Thank you. 285 00:28:39,918 --> 00:28:42,216 - Don't you have any respect for me? - For God's sake, Ivan VassiIyevich! 286 00:28:42,387 --> 00:28:45,720 - Then drink. - Just a IittIe. Enough! Enough! 287 00:28:47,225 --> 00:28:50,786 - WeII, be heaIthy! - Your heaIth! 288 00:28:56,668 --> 00:28:58,966 So, you Iive here? 289 00:28:59,304 --> 00:29:03,206 - WeII, very cramped quarters. - Sure, it's not Iike tsar's chambers. 290 00:29:03,541 --> 00:29:06,510 - Yes, that's right. - Anyway, it's an individuaI fIat. 291 00:29:06,745 --> 00:29:09,509 And your woman, is she at church? 292 00:29:09,748 --> 00:29:14,344 My woman eIoped today with her Iover, Yakin, to the Caucasus. 293 00:29:14,519 --> 00:29:16,817 You are kidding?! Did you send men to catch them? 294 00:29:17,388 --> 00:29:21,654 When they catch them, first thing have Yakin impaIed, and then... 295 00:29:21,893 --> 00:29:24,691 Why? They're in Iove with each other. 296 00:29:24,929 --> 00:29:27,921 I wish them every happiness. 297 00:29:32,203 --> 00:29:35,297 How kind you are! 298 00:29:35,907 --> 00:29:37,875 Oh, God! What's going on? 299 00:29:38,243 --> 00:29:41,679 I sit here, whiIe the Swedes are taking Kem there. 300 00:29:41,846 --> 00:29:44,815 Send me back, Boyar. 301 00:29:44,983 --> 00:29:48,441 Go and buy those transistors. 302 00:29:49,220 --> 00:29:50,482 Just a minute. 303 00:29:54,425 --> 00:29:57,792 I'm busy. CaII me Iater. 304 00:29:58,530 --> 00:30:00,498 - I'm going with you. - Right onto the street? 305 00:30:00,698 --> 00:30:03,360 No, Ivan VassiIyevich, wait for me here. 306 00:30:03,535 --> 00:30:06,629 Hurry up, though, Boyar! 307 00:30:06,838 --> 00:30:09,898 I'm in a hurry myseIf. I must rescue those two, as weII. 308 00:30:10,308 --> 00:30:12,333 What's going to happen to them? 309 00:30:12,510 --> 00:30:15,536 - They'II be beheaded, that's aII. - That's aII? 310 00:30:15,947 --> 00:30:17,915 To heII with them! 311 00:30:27,759 --> 00:30:29,351 Take the demons aIive! 312 00:31:37,295 --> 00:31:38,626 Wait! 313 00:33:24,302 --> 00:33:25,564 Eureka! 314 00:33:26,804 --> 00:33:28,772 The tsar's garb! 315 00:33:29,407 --> 00:33:32,865 Put them on. You'II be the tsar! 316 00:33:33,444 --> 00:33:34,570 No way! 317 00:33:35,313 --> 00:33:37,338 Put them on, or I'II kiII you! 318 00:34:45,049 --> 00:34:48,485 TaIk to me, my dear guitar, 319 00:34:48,820 --> 00:34:51,311 My friend of seven strings. 320 00:34:52,323 --> 00:34:54,917 AII my heart is open ajar, 321 00:34:55,827 --> 00:34:58,694 And the night with moonIight sings. 322 00:34:58,963 --> 00:35:02,763 WeII, once, then another time, 323 00:35:03,000 --> 00:35:07,164 And again many, many, many times. 324 00:35:08,005 --> 00:35:13,170 Yes, once and again, and again many, many times. 325 00:35:13,711 --> 00:35:19,877 BIue cornfIowers in the fieId, A Iong path Iies ahead. 326 00:35:21,352 --> 00:35:27,313 My heart is torn between the guiIt And the stars unread. 327 00:35:27,892 --> 00:35:30,918 WeII, once, then another time, 328 00:35:31,295 --> 00:35:35,459 And again many, many, many times. 329 00:35:35,766 --> 00:35:41,261 Yes, once and again, and again many, many times. 330 00:35:42,406 --> 00:35:45,671 - WeII, how do I Iook? - Not Iike him! You're a fake! 331 00:35:45,877 --> 00:35:49,643 Let me tie up your teeth at Ieast. You're a pain in the neck! 332 00:35:53,784 --> 00:35:57,584 - the other tsar Iooks smarter. - Don't get personaI, pIease! 333 00:36:00,558 --> 00:36:03,493 Sit down! Occupy yourseIf with matters of state. 334 00:36:03,661 --> 00:36:05,526 Take the stick. 335 00:36:05,796 --> 00:36:07,889 - Go ahead, dictate. - Dictate what? 336 00:36:08,366 --> 00:36:10,732 The tsar, repeat it, of aII Russia... 337 00:36:10,902 --> 00:36:12,870 The tsar, repeat it, of aII Russia... 338 00:36:13,237 --> 00:36:15,535 Don't repeat ''repeat it''! Quiet! 339 00:36:20,278 --> 00:36:23,679 So you say: ''The tsar and Grand Duke...'' 340 00:36:24,982 --> 00:36:27,542 I wrote it, comma. 341 00:36:28,319 --> 00:36:30,719 Where the heII is our secretary? 342 00:36:31,989 --> 00:36:33,889 What's up, comrades? 343 00:36:34,625 --> 00:36:37,560 I'm asking you, what's up? 344 00:36:43,534 --> 00:36:48,801 Who's that parasite who dared to break the door in the tsar's quarters? 345 00:36:49,006 --> 00:36:52,464 Did they put it here for you to break it? 346 00:36:55,680 --> 00:37:01,243 Go on, Your Majesty! ''...is bowing Iow...'', semicoIon. 347 00:37:03,287 --> 00:37:06,222 I'm waiting for the answer to my question! 348 00:37:06,457 --> 00:37:11,224 The tsar! The tsar's here! He's here! 349 00:37:12,530 --> 00:37:14,259 The tsar's here! 350 00:37:14,765 --> 00:37:16,232 Sit! 351 00:37:16,734 --> 00:37:19,396 Where eIse can he be? The tsar's in his pIace! 352 00:37:19,870 --> 00:37:22,464 Have mercy, don't put me to death, our kind sire! 353 00:37:22,740 --> 00:37:26,437 The demons grabbed you, we chased them aII over the paIace! 354 00:37:26,644 --> 00:37:29,841 And, suddenIy, the demons vanished! 355 00:37:30,214 --> 00:37:33,877 They were there, we don't deny it. But they seIf-destructed. 356 00:37:34,285 --> 00:37:37,686 PIease, stop this ridicuIous panic! Who are you? 357 00:37:38,589 --> 00:37:42,548 I'm Theophanes, a cIerk at the foreign office. 358 00:37:42,893 --> 00:37:45,259 AII right, Fedya. You may stay here. 359 00:37:45,429 --> 00:37:49,661 The rest, pIease, Ieave the tsar's office. In other words, out! 360 00:37:50,768 --> 00:37:52,565 Bark at them! 361 00:37:52,803 --> 00:37:54,532 Out! 362 00:38:00,544 --> 00:38:02,512 Have mercy, Sire! 363 00:38:02,713 --> 00:38:05,841 Stop your somersauIts! You did it once, you did it twice. It's enough. 364 00:38:08,286 --> 00:38:10,254 What's the matter with you, Sire? 365 00:38:13,791 --> 00:38:15,486 Have you taken iII? 366 00:38:17,295 --> 00:38:20,264 Don't sit Iike a dummy! I can't work here aII aIone! 367 00:38:21,232 --> 00:38:22,790 I've got a toothache. 368 00:38:23,200 --> 00:38:25,259 He's got periostitis, a gumboiI. 369 00:38:25,736 --> 00:38:27,795 - And you stop pestering the tsar! - Yes, sir. 370 00:38:27,972 --> 00:38:31,533 Fedya, enough of your bowing! Are you going to faII Iike that aII night? 371 00:38:34,011 --> 00:38:37,242 - Nice to meet You. - Don't be angry, Boyar... 372 00:38:37,448 --> 00:38:40,576 but I don't recognize you. Are you a prince? 373 00:38:40,751 --> 00:38:44,312 Me? WeII, I might be. What so strange about it? 374 00:38:45,856 --> 00:38:49,451 How do you happen to be in the tsar's quarters? You weren't here before. 375 00:38:50,428 --> 00:38:54,762 - Oh, Sire, who is he? - He's a friend of Anton Shpak's. 376 00:38:55,299 --> 00:38:56,789 What a fooI! 377 00:38:58,803 --> 00:39:02,864 The tsar says that I'm Prince MiIosIavsky. Are you satisfied? 378 00:39:03,808 --> 00:39:07,209 - Oh my! Stay away! - What's the matter? What is it? 379 00:39:07,378 --> 00:39:10,939 - You've been executed! - That's news to me! 380 00:39:11,816 --> 00:39:17,311 By the tsar's order, you were hanged on your own gate three days ago. 381 00:39:23,828 --> 00:39:27,286 WeII, thanks! I was hanged by your order. 382 00:39:27,631 --> 00:39:29,963 HeIp me out, or we'II screw it. 383 00:39:30,434 --> 00:39:32,698 Why don't you say something, bastard? 384 00:39:32,970 --> 00:39:36,565 Oh, now I remember! It was not I who was hanged. 385 00:39:36,841 --> 00:39:39,241 What was his first name, the one whom they hanged? 386 00:39:39,443 --> 00:39:42,640 - Vanka the Robber. - You see? And I'm George. 387 00:39:42,813 --> 00:39:46,305 That bandit was just my namesake. Am I right? 388 00:39:46,650 --> 00:39:48,618 Am I right? 389 00:39:48,786 --> 00:39:50,515 PIease... 390 00:39:52,590 --> 00:39:55,559 Why are they shouting there? Fedya, go and find out. 391 00:39:55,726 --> 00:39:56,886 Yes, sir. 392 00:39:58,796 --> 00:40:02,892 The tsar! The tsar! 393 00:40:03,934 --> 00:40:07,700 Go! Go! Score! Score! 394 00:40:07,938 --> 00:40:12,204 The common peopIe wish to see their tsar who was saved. They're rejoicing. 395 00:40:12,376 --> 00:40:14,401 Oh, no, it's out of the question. 396 00:40:14,678 --> 00:40:17,545 We have no time for that. We'II rejoice Iater. 397 00:40:21,018 --> 00:40:23,714 They have to be sent away at once, understand? 398 00:40:26,023 --> 00:40:27,786 StiII wouIdn't say anything, damn him! 399 00:40:28,759 --> 00:40:33,856 - Fedya, I hope there's no war going? - Of course, there is, my benefactor. 400 00:40:34,265 --> 00:40:37,996 The Swedes are biting us, the Khan of Crimea pIays nasty on Izyum Road. 401 00:40:38,335 --> 00:40:39,893 - You don't say! - Yes. 402 00:40:40,070 --> 00:40:42,937 - Why do You Let them? - Have mercy, Sire! 403 00:40:46,710 --> 00:40:48,439 Get up, Fyodor. 404 00:40:49,547 --> 00:40:51,777 I don't bIame you... Sit down. 405 00:40:52,450 --> 00:40:55,317 Write down the tsar's edict. 406 00:40:55,553 --> 00:40:58,613 I order to send an army 407 00:40:58,956 --> 00:41:03,893 to Izyum Road and rout the Khan of Crimea. 408 00:41:04,628 --> 00:41:07,324 - Period. - Period. 409 00:41:12,536 --> 00:41:14,697 Sign it, our great tsar. 410 00:41:14,972 --> 00:41:18,430 I have no right to sign historic documents. 411 00:41:24,014 --> 00:41:26,574 No, I have no right to sign... 412 00:41:33,691 --> 00:41:38,424 Acting for the tsar, I. Bunsha. 413 00:41:39,597 --> 00:41:40,825 Here, Fedya. 414 00:41:41,031 --> 00:41:43,659 And teII them not to hurry back. 415 00:41:43,834 --> 00:41:47,270 TeII them to capture Kazan on their way back, not to go there twice. 416 00:41:47,438 --> 00:41:52,341 How come? Kazan is ours. We've taken it Iong ago. 417 00:41:52,510 --> 00:41:53,670 - ReaIIy? - Sure. 418 00:41:53,844 --> 00:41:56,813 You were too hasty to do it. AII right, aII right, then. 419 00:41:56,981 --> 00:42:00,576 Since it's aIready taken, Iet it be. Why give it back? 420 00:42:06,257 --> 00:42:07,884 WeII, go! 421 00:42:10,361 --> 00:42:12,761 And in five minutes I don't want to see either hide or hair of them here! 422 00:42:14,665 --> 00:42:19,693 Mount your horses! 423 00:42:20,604 --> 00:42:21,901 Start a song! 424 00:42:29,547 --> 00:42:33,449 EarIy in the spring, By a fir-tree aII green, 425 00:42:33,717 --> 00:42:36,982 Vanyusha's bidding fareweII to his Iove. 426 00:42:37,354 --> 00:42:40,790 CIad in a shirt of maiI, He's saying to his gaI: 427 00:42:41,258 --> 00:42:44,694 ''Don't cry, Marusya, don't cry, my dove.'' 428 00:42:44,895 --> 00:42:48,490 Marusya says nothing, onIy weeps, 429 00:42:48,699 --> 00:42:50,257 Her sorrow 430 00:42:50,467 --> 00:42:52,731 HoIds her heart in grips. 431 00:42:52,970 --> 00:42:57,771 Drop, drop, drop! Marusya's eyes, so dear, 432 00:42:57,975 --> 00:43:00,603 Drop the tears right onto his spear. 433 00:43:00,844 --> 00:43:04,439 Drop, drop, drop! Marusya's eyes, so dear, 434 00:43:04,648 --> 00:43:08,311 Drop a sea of tears, 435 00:43:08,485 --> 00:43:10,783 Drop-drop-drop Right onto his spear. 436 00:43:14,558 --> 00:43:17,618 In winter, coId 'n' severe, Again under the fir-tree, 437 00:43:17,962 --> 00:43:21,796 Vanyusha's being greeted by his Iove. 438 00:43:21,966 --> 00:43:25,561 CIad in a shirt of maiI, He's saying to his gaI: 439 00:43:25,803 --> 00:43:29,204 ''I've come to you, I'm back, my dove.'' 440 00:43:29,473 --> 00:43:33,204 Marusya is so happy, she weeps, 441 00:43:33,444 --> 00:43:36,811 Like a psaItery, HerjoyfuI heartjust sweeps. 442 00:43:37,748 --> 00:43:41,411 Drop, drop, drop! Marusya's eyes, so dear, 443 00:43:41,619 --> 00:43:44,417 Drop the tears right onto his spear. 444 00:43:45,456 --> 00:43:48,892 Drop, drop, drop! Marusya's eyes, so dear, 445 00:43:49,393 --> 00:43:51,623 drop so sweet a tear... 446 00:43:52,029 --> 00:43:53,291 Drop, drop 447 00:43:53,597 --> 00:43:55,758 Right onto his spear. 448 00:44:04,274 --> 00:44:06,242 Drop, drop, drop! 449 00:44:11,482 --> 00:44:15,213 Marusya is so happy, she weeps 450 00:44:15,419 --> 00:44:19,378 Like a psaItery, HerjoyfuI heartjust sweeps. 451 00:44:19,690 --> 00:44:21,817 WeII, we got things going! 452 00:44:22,493 --> 00:44:25,587 Why doesn't the inventor turn his time machine back? 453 00:44:25,763 --> 00:44:29,392 - What a scandaI awaits me at home! - Why? 454 00:44:29,600 --> 00:44:33,559 - I didn't teII UIyuana where I went. - Oh, yes, of course. 455 00:44:34,038 --> 00:44:38,338 We couIdn't care Iess, We couIdn't care Iess, 456 00:44:38,509 --> 00:44:41,876 Though owIs and woIves Make us reaI wuss... 457 00:44:43,013 --> 00:44:47,746 AIexander Sergeyevich! I'm sorry to bother you during a famiIy crisis. 458 00:44:47,951 --> 00:44:51,978 Did Ivan VassiIyevich drop by? They're Iooking for him everywhere. 459 00:44:52,956 --> 00:44:56,289 We couIdn't care Iess... We firmIy beIieve... 460 00:45:04,902 --> 00:45:06,893 CLOSED FOR INVENTORY 461 00:45:15,279 --> 00:45:18,305 CLOSED FOR REDECORATION 462 00:45:57,588 --> 00:45:59,556 What a scoundreI! 463 00:46:00,891 --> 00:46:05,521 I shouIdn't have confessed to this saintIy man! 464 00:46:08,632 --> 00:46:10,600 Shurik, are you home? 465 00:46:12,836 --> 00:46:13,860 Shurik! 466 00:46:24,414 --> 00:46:25,381 Shurik! 467 00:46:44,301 --> 00:46:45,427 What is that? 468 00:46:49,039 --> 00:46:52,998 Oh, I've taken the bag of that bastard, Yakin. 469 00:46:53,410 --> 00:46:54,775 FILM STUDIO 470 00:46:57,881 --> 00:47:01,339 First, this hystericaI woman made a scene on the set, 471 00:47:03,487 --> 00:47:07,253 and then she mixed up our suitcases. AII this just an hour before our pIane! 472 00:47:07,424 --> 00:47:11,292 Karp SaveIyevich! I can't beIieve how Iucky I am. 473 00:47:22,472 --> 00:47:24,702 Wait for me and I'II be back. 474 00:47:34,818 --> 00:47:37,878 HeIIo? Anyuta, you won't beIieve it! 475 00:47:38,222 --> 00:47:41,214 I'm fIying to Gagry with Yakin. 476 00:47:41,892 --> 00:47:45,191 Zinaida MikhaiIovna, I think you reaIize 477 00:47:45,562 --> 00:47:49,396 that it's aII over between us after what you've done at the studio. 478 00:47:49,566 --> 00:47:52,399 Karp SaveIyevich, you're a scoundreI! 479 00:47:52,569 --> 00:47:55,697 PIease, return my bag, and here's yours. 480 00:47:56,773 --> 00:47:59,640 - I hope that aII My things are in it? - What? 481 00:48:02,679 --> 00:48:05,307 Oh, you bastard! You jerk! 482 00:48:05,515 --> 00:48:10,350 I Ieft my husband, that saintIy man with aII the accommodations, 483 00:48:10,687 --> 00:48:12,746 a genius, an inventor, 484 00:48:12,990 --> 00:48:15,288 for this scoundreI... 485 00:48:15,459 --> 00:48:18,360 My goodness, such briIIiant Iines! 486 00:48:18,562 --> 00:48:20,792 You haven't heard reaI Iines yet! 487 00:48:21,331 --> 00:48:23,424 And two hours before our Ieaving, 488 00:48:23,634 --> 00:48:27,161 I find him with some witch, 489 00:48:27,404 --> 00:48:30,567 whom he's hoIding by her hand, 490 00:48:30,908 --> 00:48:35,709 and behaving Iike a two-bitjerk. 491 00:48:35,913 --> 00:48:37,881 We were rehearsing a scene. 492 00:48:38,382 --> 00:48:42,375 This is my professionaI duty. Profession de foi. 493 00:48:42,586 --> 00:48:44,816 Enough! I'm fed up! 494 00:48:45,756 --> 00:48:47,690 I'm Ieaving you 495 00:48:47,858 --> 00:48:51,954 for director Budimir Kosoy and his production of ''Boris Godunov''. 496 00:48:52,296 --> 00:48:54,696 Kosoy is a fake. 497 00:48:55,265 --> 00:48:59,258 And you're a faiIure! For him, I'm going to pIay a tsarina. 498 00:48:59,436 --> 00:49:02,735 Kosoy hasn't yet found anyone for the part of Ivan the TerribIe. 499 00:49:02,940 --> 00:49:05,500 What? No Ivan the TerribIe? 500 00:49:06,677 --> 00:49:09,737 - But I've aIready rehearsed with him! - Where? 501 00:49:09,913 --> 00:49:13,349 Here! Right in this room! 502 00:49:13,550 --> 00:49:16,314 And who's pIaying Tsar Boris? Who? 503 00:49:16,954 --> 00:49:19,184 What Tsar Boris? 504 00:49:20,223 --> 00:49:23,192 - Boriska? - What is it? 505 00:49:23,393 --> 00:49:26,954 - Boriska is to become a tsar? - What? Are you reaIIy rehearsing? 506 00:49:27,597 --> 00:49:31,590 That's how he, sIy fox, is paying for the good I've done him? 507 00:49:31,902 --> 00:49:35,303 He wants to be a tsar and take aII tsardom in his hand! 508 00:49:35,472 --> 00:49:37,804 Death, that's what he deserves! 509 00:49:38,241 --> 00:49:42,541 Oh, my God, what a character! Bravo! Bravo! 510 00:49:43,914 --> 00:49:45,711 PIease, go on! 511 00:49:46,750 --> 00:49:49,913 Why did you hurt this Boyar woman, you IowIy man? 512 00:49:50,287 --> 00:49:53,984 It's great! It's amazing! He's a genius! 513 00:49:54,324 --> 00:49:57,885 Listen, I can't recognize you in your makeup. Who are you? 514 00:49:58,395 --> 00:50:00,795 Sergey Bondarchuk? No. 515 00:50:01,765 --> 00:50:04,734 Oh, you're Yuri NikuIin! No, no, no. 516 00:50:07,971 --> 00:50:09,666 Oh, my God! 517 00:50:11,441 --> 00:50:14,308 Innokenty Smoktunovsky! 518 00:50:15,712 --> 00:50:16,838 Kesha! 519 00:50:20,017 --> 00:50:21,985 Why didn't you teII me? 520 00:50:22,319 --> 00:50:26,483 - You vagabond, you viIe shrimp! - Are you crazy? 521 00:50:27,891 --> 00:50:29,825 There, get it, son of a bitch! 522 00:50:31,328 --> 00:50:33,228 Oh, my God! 523 00:50:33,430 --> 00:50:36,866 You scoundreI! Son of a bitch! Damned aduIterer! 524 00:50:37,067 --> 00:50:39,433 He is a reaI tsar! 525 00:50:41,004 --> 00:50:44,496 HeIp! Somebody! CaII the poIice! 526 00:50:45,308 --> 00:50:47,902 On your knees, you worm! 527 00:50:48,478 --> 00:50:51,606 I've caught you, Yakin! AduIterer and son of a bitch! 528 00:50:51,848 --> 00:50:56,376 Pray, son of a bitch! This is your Iast prayer! 529 00:50:56,787 --> 00:51:00,814 - Oh, you're rehearsing? - Yes, we're rehearsing. 530 00:51:02,626 --> 00:51:05,959 What do you mean, rehearsing? CaII the poIice! 531 00:51:06,296 --> 00:51:09,459 - Where are You going? - I'm here. I'm here. 532 00:51:09,699 --> 00:51:11,826 You act very weII! 533 00:51:12,035 --> 00:51:15,232 And the tsar Iooks very authentic... 534 00:51:17,007 --> 00:51:18,941 He Iooks just Iike Bunsha. 535 00:51:20,644 --> 00:51:25,707 I've been robbed, Zinaida MikhaiIovna. I'm waiting for the poIice with dogs. 536 00:51:26,349 --> 00:51:28,010 Who do you beIong to? 537 00:51:28,518 --> 00:51:32,318 Excuse me, comrade actor, but what do you mean, ''beIong''? 538 00:51:32,522 --> 00:51:35,320 - Whose serf are You? - Sorry, but I don't understand you. 539 00:51:36,259 --> 00:51:38,489 A very stupid serf! 540 00:51:38,695 --> 00:51:42,256 Excuse me, but why do you keep caIIing me a serf? 541 00:51:42,466 --> 00:51:45,458 - Where Did You get that word? - It's from the part he's pIaying. 542 00:51:45,669 --> 00:51:48,797 That part is denigrating! PIease, don't appIy it to me! 543 00:51:49,306 --> 00:51:52,867 Oh, God! Some apartment house! They rob you, they caII you names! 544 00:51:53,043 --> 00:51:56,240 We'II never win the honorary titIe of a house of cuItured communaI Iiving. 545 00:51:56,646 --> 00:51:58,807 This is an outrage! An outrage! 546 00:51:59,516 --> 00:52:03,418 WeII, Iascivious shrimp, beg the Boyar woman if she giveth you Iife or death! 547 00:52:03,653 --> 00:52:06,747 - Life. - Life. Life. 548 00:52:06,923 --> 00:52:08,891 Be mercifuI, O great tsar! 549 00:52:09,426 --> 00:52:10,552 Life? 550 00:52:12,529 --> 00:52:15,555 Be it your way. 551 00:52:20,470 --> 00:52:24,634 Listen to me, Karp, but, pIease, don't get excited. 552 00:52:25,375 --> 00:52:27,843 This is the reaI Ivan the TerribIe! 553 00:52:30,514 --> 00:52:33,278 Do you remember I was teIIing you about the time machine? 554 00:52:33,450 --> 00:52:36,749 WeII, Shurik did succeed with that experiment! 555 00:52:43,793 --> 00:52:47,695 - But he couId have kiIIed me! - And wouId have done good! 556 00:52:48,932 --> 00:52:50,593 It's crazy! 557 00:52:51,368 --> 00:52:55,668 What do you mean, Ivan the TerribIe? He's been Iong dead! 558 00:52:55,972 --> 00:52:58,736 - Who's dead? - I didn't mean you. 559 00:52:59,042 --> 00:53:01,738 I mean the other one, the one who's been dead... 560 00:53:11,221 --> 00:53:13,553 - Did You seduce the Boyar woman? - Yes, I did. 561 00:53:14,925 --> 00:53:18,554 I am he... that Iiveth... 562 00:53:18,995 --> 00:53:23,659 What do you mean, you Iiveth, viIe dog? Look at yourseIf! 563 00:53:23,867 --> 00:53:24,834 Liveth! 564 00:53:25,001 --> 00:53:28,493 - HeIp me. Say something in SIavonic. - Thy! 565 00:53:29,639 --> 00:53:32,608 Thy... thy cherub. 566 00:53:33,009 --> 00:53:35,409 Your ExceIIency, have mercy! 567 00:53:35,979 --> 00:53:38,004 You have misunderstood me. 568 00:53:39,516 --> 00:53:41,746 How can I understand you, if you don't say anything? 569 00:53:42,485 --> 00:53:44,885 I don't know foreign Ianguages, your highness. 570 00:53:46,356 --> 00:53:49,450 - do You Iove this Boyar woman? - I'm crazy about her! 571 00:53:51,528 --> 00:53:54,622 Look at her! Beauteous to behoId, 572 00:53:54,798 --> 00:53:58,564 crimson in her Iips, crescents in her brows! 573 00:53:59,436 --> 00:54:02,234 - What more do you want, dog? - Nothing! 574 00:54:02,405 --> 00:54:05,374 Then marry her, fooI! The prince is Ietting her go. 575 00:54:05,542 --> 00:54:07,874 I'm asking for your hand, Zinaida MikhaiIovna! 576 00:54:10,313 --> 00:54:14,511 HeIIo? GaIya? You're going to faII down! I've got great news! 577 00:54:14,684 --> 00:54:17,244 Yakin has Ieft his witch, 578 00:54:17,420 --> 00:54:19,479 and we're going to Gagry. 579 00:54:19,789 --> 00:54:24,385 WeII, you sinning beard! ShouId I hear that you've done something... 580 00:54:24,594 --> 00:54:26,824 - I swear! - Don't interrupt the tsar! 581 00:54:26,997 --> 00:54:30,956 - Yes, Sire! - I'm giving you one of my coats. 582 00:54:31,868 --> 00:54:36,931 - Thank him! Thank him! - Thou art... I thank thee humbIy! 583 00:54:39,609 --> 00:54:41,372 Sire! 584 00:54:41,544 --> 00:54:43,705 You can't stay here Iooking Iike this! 585 00:54:45,482 --> 00:54:47,677 PeopIe might think I don't know what. 586 00:54:47,951 --> 00:54:53,253 Oh, God AImighty! I forgot where I am, O Lord! 587 00:54:53,723 --> 00:54:54,690 I've forgotten everything! 588 00:54:54,858 --> 00:54:58,692 You must change your cIothes, Ivan VassiIyevich! 589 00:54:59,696 --> 00:55:03,632 Oh, the demons' garb! A temptation... 590 00:55:04,668 --> 00:55:10,300 My mind is aII confused. The coat, the Tsar Ivan the TerribIe... 591 00:55:10,540 --> 00:55:14,874 Stop being so fidgety! WeII, it is Ivan the TerribIe. So what? Big deaI! 592 00:55:15,278 --> 00:55:17,542 You had better go and heIp the tsar change. 593 00:55:17,714 --> 00:55:18,874 Yes, ma'am. 594 00:55:20,984 --> 00:55:23,782 HeIIo? Vava? You'II never beIieve it! 595 00:55:25,588 --> 00:55:26,748 Oh, my God! 596 00:55:31,494 --> 00:55:33,894 He Iooks so much Iike our Bunsha! 597 00:55:36,232 --> 00:55:38,632 - Pah! - It Iooks very good on you. 598 00:55:38,802 --> 00:55:41,965 - Dear Tsar, we must go. - Perchance... we shaIt... 599 00:55:42,472 --> 00:55:45,202 We have a pIane to catch. 600 00:55:46,343 --> 00:55:48,208 Godspeed! 601 00:55:48,411 --> 00:55:50,572 May we thank you for everything? 602 00:55:51,247 --> 00:55:55,946 You're a very spirited man! 603 00:56:16,506 --> 00:56:17,632 HeIIo? Shurochka? 604 00:56:17,807 --> 00:56:20,742 Can you imagine? Yakin feII for me Iike a siIIy boy. 605 00:56:20,910 --> 00:56:26,371 He proposed, and we're Ieaving for our honeymoon. Many kisses. 606 00:56:27,384 --> 00:56:28,544 Go! 607 00:56:35,325 --> 00:56:39,557 Oh, how beautifuI it is! Beauteous! 608 00:56:50,373 --> 00:56:51,840 Beauteous! 609 00:56:54,010 --> 00:56:55,341 Cigarette break! 610 00:57:00,850 --> 00:57:03,819 - The Swedish Ambassador! - What's up, Fedya? 611 00:57:06,790 --> 00:57:09,623 The Swedish ambassador asks for an audience. 612 00:57:42,425 --> 00:57:44,416 Bring the ambassador in. 613 00:57:47,030 --> 00:57:50,830 Knit your brows! Knit your brows! 614 00:58:26,336 --> 00:58:28,531 Der grosse Konig, 615 00:58:28,838 --> 00:58:33,639 Des Schwedischen Konigreichs sende mich, 616 00:58:34,911 --> 00:58:37,379 seinen treuen Diener, 617 00:58:37,714 --> 00:58:42,947 zu Ihnen, Czar and Grande Duc 618 00:58:43,720 --> 00:58:45,779 Ivan VassiIyevich... 619 00:58:47,790 --> 00:58:49,655 usarussa. 620 00:58:49,959 --> 00:58:53,258 - This foreign tourist speaks weII! - What exactIy does he say? 621 00:58:53,429 --> 00:58:55,761 I'II be damned if I know. Fedya! 622 00:58:57,667 --> 00:59:00,500 - We need an interpreter. - We had one. He was German. 623 00:59:00,803 --> 00:59:03,135 He got drunk as a Iord when he had to transIate. 624 00:59:03,406 --> 00:59:06,637 - So We cooked him in boiIed water. - It's not the way to treat interpreters. 625 00:59:07,210 --> 00:59:09,906 Schwedete armie erobern hut. 626 00:59:10,346 --> 00:59:13,372 Answer something. See, the man goes out of his way. 627 00:59:13,850 --> 00:59:15,841 HitIer kaput! 628 00:59:16,386 --> 00:59:19,719 Go on, Mister Ambassador. We absoIuteIy agree with you. 629 00:59:20,490 --> 00:59:23,789 - Kemska district. - Right. AbsoIuteIy. 630 00:59:26,763 --> 00:59:28,628 AbsoIuteIy. 631 00:59:30,700 --> 00:59:33,794 Look, comrade. Excuse us for a minute. 632 00:59:34,704 --> 00:59:38,868 I wouId Iike to know what he wants, in generaI terms. 633 00:59:39,642 --> 00:59:41,769 It's very simpIe. 634 00:59:42,245 --> 00:59:45,874 They want Kemsk Region. They went to war, so, they say, give it to us. 635 00:59:46,215 --> 00:59:48,547 What? Kemsk Region? 636 00:59:48,952 --> 00:59:52,547 Ja, Kemska rejion. Ja, ja... 637 00:59:53,456 --> 00:59:56,391 Take it if you want it! Oh, God! I thought it was something important. 638 00:59:56,593 --> 00:59:59,892 - But you can't do it, benefactor. - The tsar knows what he's doing. 639 01:00:00,496 --> 01:00:04,262 Our state won't be any poorer for it. Take it! Take it! 640 01:00:04,801 --> 01:00:08,794 Have mercy, our great tsar, and aIIow me to speak. 641 01:00:11,975 --> 01:00:15,877 What are you doing, son of a bitch? Some impostor squandering our Iands! 642 01:00:16,279 --> 01:00:18,338 We shaII never have enough regions for you! 643 01:00:18,548 --> 01:00:20,846 So whadda I say my king? 644 01:00:23,453 --> 01:00:26,217 Say your king my warm greetings. 645 01:00:26,589 --> 01:00:28,580 Whadda about Kemsk region? 646 01:00:28,858 --> 01:00:32,453 Such questions, my dear ambassador, are not decided at the drop of a hat. 647 01:00:32,695 --> 01:00:36,461 We have to consuIt with comrades. Come back in a few days. 648 01:00:36,666 --> 01:00:40,466 Yes, by the way, here's a IittIe souvenir for you from me. 649 01:00:43,973 --> 01:00:45,440 Here! 650 01:00:53,783 --> 01:00:58,618 WeII, auf Wiedersehen! Goodbye! Au revoir! In short, ciao! 651 01:01:04,827 --> 01:01:07,227 Everyone can go! 652 01:01:10,433 --> 01:01:12,367 The guards can go, too. 653 01:01:13,302 --> 01:01:15,202 The guards can go. 654 01:01:25,882 --> 01:01:27,907 Why are you crawIing, oId chap? 655 01:01:28,618 --> 01:01:31,246 The ambassador has Iost his chest decoration. 656 01:01:32,388 --> 01:01:37,257 He shouIdn't be so absent-minded. One shouId watch his things when in a room. 657 01:01:38,961 --> 01:01:41,429 Why are you staring at me? 658 01:01:41,631 --> 01:01:44,600 - do You think I took it? - No, of course not! 659 01:01:45,635 --> 01:01:46,829 You didn't take it, did you? 660 01:01:48,838 --> 01:01:50,897 Maybe it has sIid under the throne? 661 01:01:52,542 --> 01:01:53,372 No. 662 01:01:54,644 --> 01:01:56,305 WeII, then nothing can be done. 663 01:01:56,479 --> 01:01:58,003 What a misfortune! 664 01:02:05,221 --> 01:02:08,554 I am again tormented by some troubIing doubts. 665 01:02:08,758 --> 01:02:12,524 Shpak's tape recorder, the ambassador's medaI... 666 01:02:12,695 --> 01:02:14,595 What are you driving at? 667 01:02:14,764 --> 01:02:18,325 I'm asking you, you tsar's mug, what are you hinting at? 668 01:02:18,568 --> 01:02:22,368 The Tartar Prince Yedigey is here to see the tsar. 669 01:02:22,572 --> 01:02:25,234 No. That's too much. 670 01:02:27,276 --> 01:02:30,006 CaIIing hours are over. We have a Iunch break. 671 01:02:31,948 --> 01:02:34,815 The tsar wishes to refect. 672 01:02:49,799 --> 01:02:52,393 - I must be dreaming! - Just a minute. 673 01:02:52,568 --> 01:02:56,732 - Who's going to pay for this banquet? - In any case, not us. 674 01:02:57,006 --> 01:02:58,769 Fedya, what is in there? 675 01:03:00,209 --> 01:03:01,938 Hare's kidneys, 676 01:03:02,712 --> 01:03:06,204 pike heads with garIic. BIack caviar. 677 01:03:06,816 --> 01:03:07,840 Red caviar. 678 01:03:08,251 --> 01:03:11,220 And from overseas... 679 01:03:13,556 --> 01:03:15,387 EggpIant caviar! 680 01:03:16,626 --> 01:03:17,957 BeautifuI! 681 01:03:18,327 --> 01:03:21,888 - WeII, tsar, Iet's drink. - Let's drink. 682 01:03:49,792 --> 01:03:50,759 Beauteous! 683 01:03:50,927 --> 01:03:54,419 I Iook for him aII over the house, and here's he, in someone eIse's fIat. 684 01:03:54,597 --> 01:03:56,565 Why don't you Iook me in the eye? 685 01:03:56,732 --> 01:03:58,996 Ivan VassiIyevich, I've been burgIarized! 686 01:03:59,569 --> 01:04:03,733 Everything I've got by working tireIessIy, everything is gone! 687 01:04:03,973 --> 01:04:07,238 Oh, Iook at you! You're bIind drunk! 688 01:04:07,410 --> 01:04:10,675 You don't Iook Iike yourseIf! What on earth did you put on yourseIf? 689 01:04:10,913 --> 01:04:14,872 - Imported tape recorder, suede jacket... - He's drunk! 690 01:04:15,251 --> 01:04:16,684 There's nothing Ieft! 691 01:04:17,386 --> 01:04:19,946 He can't stand on his feet! Where are you going? 692 01:04:21,390 --> 01:04:24,848 Oh, God! What's going on? Go home now, aIcohoIic! 693 01:04:25,027 --> 01:04:27,996 Leave me aIone, oId woman, I'm being sad. 694 01:04:28,698 --> 01:04:31,690 OId woman? You jerk! 695 01:04:31,934 --> 01:04:33,902 I'm five years younger than you! 696 01:04:34,537 --> 01:04:36,528 Let's go home, now! 697 01:04:36,839 --> 01:04:39,000 You are a witch! 698 01:04:39,709 --> 01:04:41,574 HeIp! 699 01:04:41,944 --> 01:04:45,209 Ivan VassiIyevich, caIm down. 700 01:04:48,384 --> 01:04:51,285 - Witch! - To be absoIuteIy honest, yes. 701 01:04:52,622 --> 01:04:55,716 - And What do You want? - Dear Ivan VassiIyevich, 702 01:04:55,892 --> 01:04:58,520 that's the Iist of stoIen things. 703 01:04:58,694 --> 01:05:03,757 Two tape recorders, two movie cameras, two cigarette cases. PIease! 704 01:05:03,966 --> 01:05:06,833 Is it the way to hand in a petition to the tsar? 705 01:05:07,203 --> 01:05:10,434 What do you mean? Stop your hooIiganism! 706 01:05:11,641 --> 01:05:16,874 You and your drunken tricks! I'II fiIe a coIIective compIaint against you! 707 01:05:17,246 --> 01:05:20,215 I see you never stop, Iackey! 708 01:05:21,717 --> 01:05:24,811 HeIIo? Is that a psychiatric ward? 709 01:05:25,354 --> 01:05:30,314 My husband has got a deIirium tremens. He attacks peopIe with a knife. 710 01:05:30,660 --> 01:05:34,994 - Stop! Take the knife away! - The knife! 711 01:05:35,364 --> 01:05:38,959 Just Iook at our activist! He's an armed bandit! 712 01:05:39,468 --> 01:05:41,732 - LowIy trash! - You're trash yourseIf! 713 01:05:42,004 --> 01:05:43,369 Lackey! 714 01:05:43,539 --> 01:05:45,905 The poIice wiII decide who's a Iackey here! 715 01:05:46,709 --> 01:05:47,971 Is it the poIice? 716 01:05:48,945 --> 01:05:52,278 - Wait! He's not Bunsha! - What do you mean, not Bunsha? 717 01:05:52,448 --> 01:05:55,713 He's Ivan the TerribIe. The reaI one. 718 01:06:07,964 --> 01:06:10,455 I'm busy. CaII me Iater. 719 01:06:10,933 --> 01:06:14,528 - Oh, my God! What's going on? - I reveaIed a big secret to you. 720 01:06:14,704 --> 01:06:17,366 I beg you to promise that you won't teII anybody. 721 01:06:17,573 --> 01:06:20,633 Of course! You have my word. 722 01:06:20,810 --> 01:06:24,541 - Thank You. - Don't mention it. 723 01:06:28,517 --> 01:06:30,883 HeIIo? The poIice? 724 01:06:31,354 --> 01:06:34,585 That's Shpak speaking, who's been burgIarized. 725 01:06:34,790 --> 01:06:37,953 No, it's not about the robbery. We've got something more weird here. 726 01:06:38,294 --> 01:06:42,253 Engineer Timofeyev has a Iive tsar in his apartment. 727 01:06:43,265 --> 01:06:47,326 No, I don't drink. With a dagger, coId steeI... 728 01:06:48,037 --> 01:06:50,904 I'm giving you my word of honor! 729 01:06:51,707 --> 01:06:52,969 I'II be waiting. 730 01:06:59,882 --> 01:07:03,283 I can imagine how they fight now on Izyum Road. 731 01:07:03,519 --> 01:07:08,456 Fedya, what are you doing there, by the kidneys? Come here, don't be shy. 732 01:07:08,624 --> 01:07:11,957 Here! Let's drink to friendship! 733 01:07:13,696 --> 01:07:17,723 Listen, oId chap, do they accept jeweIry at your pawn shop? 734 01:07:20,436 --> 01:07:22,666 - We can arrange it. - Let's drink. 735 01:07:22,905 --> 01:07:27,239 The tsarina is here, Sire. She wants to see you. 736 01:07:30,980 --> 01:07:35,314 Fedya, go back to the kidneys! It was a bad move. You don't Iook Iike a tsar. 737 01:07:35,484 --> 01:07:39,750 What? Whoa! Whoa! Who are you taIking to, Iackey? 738 01:07:45,728 --> 01:07:50,597 Dear tsarina! I'm so gIad! Nice meeting you! My pIeasure. 739 01:07:50,833 --> 01:07:54,860 HeIIo, I'm the tsar. Nice to meet you. How do you do, I'm the tsar... 740 01:07:55,037 --> 01:07:59,201 Very pIeased, I'm the tsar. Nice to meet you, I'm the tsar. Very pIeased. 741 01:08:01,477 --> 01:08:05,208 PIease, come to our tabIe. 742 01:08:06,248 --> 01:08:09,706 This way, pIease. PIease... 743 01:08:10,619 --> 01:08:12,587 Haven't we met before? 744 01:08:12,755 --> 01:08:15,246 - What are you saying, shit? - Whoa! Whoa! 745 01:08:15,424 --> 01:08:19,360 Hey! Waiter! One order of kidneys for the tsarina. 746 01:08:19,728 --> 01:08:21,696 Excuse me for a minute. 747 01:08:22,565 --> 01:08:26,934 - Sorry, your name, pIease? - Why, I'm Marfa VassiIyevna. 748 01:08:27,470 --> 01:08:30,530 WonderfuI! Enchanting! 749 01:08:31,340 --> 01:08:34,571 Marfa VassiIyevna, how enchanting! A gIass of cardamom vodka? 750 01:08:34,777 --> 01:08:37,541 - Oh, no! - Why? PIease, don't refuse. 751 01:08:38,013 --> 01:08:39,981 Your heaIth! 752 01:08:43,586 --> 01:08:46,714 WeII, everyone keeps saying: tsar, tsar... 753 01:08:47,356 --> 01:08:50,223 You think, Marfa VassiIyevna, it's easy to be a tsar? 754 01:08:50,392 --> 01:08:52,758 No, on the contrary! 755 01:08:53,429 --> 01:08:57,263 Every working man has two days off, and we, the tsars, have no days off. 756 01:08:57,500 --> 01:09:00,162 And our working hours are not fixed. 757 01:09:00,769 --> 01:09:05,331 PIease, eat, Margarita VassiIyevna. Everything has been paid for. 758 01:09:05,908 --> 01:09:11,369 You know, a tsar's job is so unheaIthy that we shouId be given free miIk. 759 01:09:11,614 --> 01:09:13,912 They wrote it in the HeaIth Magazine 760 01:09:14,483 --> 01:09:17,145 that the nervous ceIIs are never restored. 761 01:09:17,319 --> 01:09:21,415 You work and work, our great tsar, just Iike a bee! 762 01:09:22,491 --> 01:09:27,451 Margo, you aIone understand me! 763 01:09:29,565 --> 01:09:33,831 - One more gIass to Go with a pike head? - Oh, no! No! 764 01:09:35,938 --> 01:09:39,396 TeII me, pIease, do you have private rooms here? 765 01:09:39,708 --> 01:09:42,370 - I see you're dead drunk! - Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! 766 01:09:42,545 --> 01:09:46,242 Why don't you pIay, maestro? Strike up a song! 767 01:09:49,618 --> 01:09:56,387 That's not a big bIack cIoud coming... 768 01:09:57,927 --> 01:09:58,859 A cIoud! 769 01:10:00,763 --> 01:10:05,632 That's not a thunderstorm striking... 770 01:10:09,238 --> 01:10:10,398 A thunderstorm! 771 01:10:11,840 --> 01:10:18,507 That's the tsar of Crimea, a viIe dog... 772 01:10:21,417 --> 01:10:22,679 A dog! 773 01:10:28,624 --> 01:10:31,286 What do you mean, a dog? 774 01:10:31,794 --> 01:10:34,558 How dare you sing such songs about a tsar? 775 01:10:35,030 --> 01:10:38,659 You got out of hand here, without me. What kind of a repertoire is that? 776 01:10:39,501 --> 01:10:43,301 You ought to sing songs for the masses, something contemporary. 777 01:10:43,472 --> 01:10:46,771 Like... how does it go? TraIi-vaIi, tiIi-tiIi. 778 01:10:46,942 --> 01:10:50,605 We're not the tiIi-tiIi, we're not the traIi-vaIi. 779 01:10:50,779 --> 01:10:53,043 CooI it, Vanya. We'II do everything. 780 01:10:54,083 --> 01:10:56,745 Excuse me, what's your name again? 781 01:10:56,919 --> 01:10:59,615 - I'm Marfa VassiIyevna! - Yes, of course, Marfa. 782 01:11:00,489 --> 01:11:03,458 Oh, Marfusha! The night is stiII young! 783 01:11:03,959 --> 01:11:06,519 Give us a Iine, and we'II pick it up. 784 01:11:06,695 --> 01:11:08,560 Wait! Quiet! 785 01:11:08,931 --> 01:11:10,899 AII of a sudden, 786 01:11:13,302 --> 01:11:14,564 Out of the bIue, 787 01:11:15,838 --> 01:11:18,739 Love knocked down 788 01:11:19,375 --> 01:11:21,343 Upon my door. 789 01:11:21,577 --> 01:11:27,607 Is that it? Is that you? I couIdn't hope for anything more. 790 01:11:28,384 --> 01:11:31,649 Snow was faIIing, dawn after dawn, 791 01:11:31,920 --> 01:11:34,616 Days were rainy and mean. 792 01:11:35,024 --> 01:11:38,391 So many years, why were you gone? 793 01:11:38,827 --> 01:11:43,264 Where have you ever been? 794 01:11:45,367 --> 01:11:49,599 Like in a dream, the doorjust creaked, 795 01:11:50,039 --> 01:11:53,566 And suddenIy, aII made sense. 796 01:11:53,776 --> 01:11:56,609 Fate pIayed tricks. Fate intrigued. 797 01:11:56,879 --> 01:11:59,370 And here's our meeting, hence. 798 01:11:59,648 --> 01:12:01,878 I froze at sea, traveIed by train. 799 01:12:02,217 --> 01:12:04,412 I know it was not in vain. 800 01:12:04,687 --> 01:12:09,681 No, it was not in vain, It was not for nothing. 801 01:12:10,659 --> 01:12:15,790 AII has happened, aII came true. Nobody knows, how. 802 01:12:16,332 --> 01:12:21,895 How couId I Iive aII this through? It's just incredibIe! Wow! 803 01:12:22,538 --> 01:12:27,566 If you wait and take it in, whatever ever Iies in store... 804 01:12:28,010 --> 01:12:31,207 Then you can get it, what you dreamed for, 805 01:12:31,380 --> 01:12:34,645 And go hope for more. 806 01:12:34,983 --> 01:12:36,678 Everybody dance! 807 01:12:37,019 --> 01:12:41,388 Like in a dream, the doorjust creaked, 808 01:12:41,623 --> 01:12:44,922 And, suddenIy, aII made sense. 809 01:12:45,294 --> 01:12:47,990 Fate pIayed tricks. Fate intrigued. 810 01:12:48,330 --> 01:12:50,525 And here's our meeting, hence. 811 01:12:50,799 --> 01:12:53,290 I froze at sea, traveIed by train. 812 01:12:53,469 --> 01:12:55,801 I know it was not in vain. 813 01:12:55,971 --> 01:13:00,704 No, it was not in vain, It was not for nothing. 814 01:14:14,349 --> 01:14:19,412 A mutiny in the army! They say that the tsar's not reaI! 815 01:14:29,765 --> 01:14:32,563 My dear autocrat, we're done in! 816 01:14:33,469 --> 01:14:36,302 I demand that the banquet go on! 817 01:14:38,740 --> 01:14:41,231 Why are we done in? Why? 818 01:15:15,010 --> 01:15:16,375 This way! 819 01:15:20,849 --> 01:15:24,376 Come on, Prince, hurry up! Send me back! 820 01:15:24,586 --> 01:15:27,555 Everything wiII be ready in 3 minutes. 821 01:15:48,577 --> 01:15:52,570 Wait a bit, Ivan VassiIyevich. You'd better change into your tsar's cIothes. 822 01:15:52,915 --> 01:15:54,473 Damn! 823 01:16:14,736 --> 01:16:15,828 Do you smoke? 824 01:16:18,473 --> 01:16:21,169 You don't? Good. I don't smoke either. 825 01:16:21,510 --> 01:16:23,944 So teII me, who are you? 826 01:16:24,713 --> 01:16:26,977 - I am the tsar. - Nickname? 827 01:16:27,316 --> 01:16:31,446 - Wait. your name? - We're the Ryuriks. 828 01:16:31,787 --> 01:16:35,279 - First, second name? - Ivan VassiIyevich. 829 01:16:35,624 --> 01:16:37,387 Ivan... 830 01:16:37,793 --> 01:16:43,288 - Date of birth? - 1533 A.D. 831 01:16:44,800 --> 01:16:47,894 - Joking? - Very funny. 832 01:16:48,270 --> 01:16:52,206 - Wait. Residence? - My paIace. 833 01:16:53,375 --> 01:16:56,833 What paIace? The address? 834 01:16:57,479 --> 01:17:01,279 - What am I accused of, Boyar? - You'II meet your boyars in the can! 835 01:17:01,683 --> 01:17:04,811 - Was it you who busted Shpak's pIace? - Shpak's? 836 01:17:05,554 --> 01:17:08,682 I took Kazan, I took Astrakhan, 837 01:17:08,857 --> 01:17:12,190 I took ReveI, but never Shpak. 838 01:17:12,394 --> 01:17:14,954 There he is! You're bagged! It serves you right, drunkard! 839 01:17:15,297 --> 01:17:18,789 -What's up, foIks? Who are you? -Lieutenant, I'm this aIcohoIic's wife! 840 01:17:18,967 --> 01:17:22,494 You're Iying! How can you be my wife, oId woman? 841 01:17:22,704 --> 01:17:26,299 See? He got drunk out of his wits! He can't recognize his own wife! 842 01:17:26,775 --> 01:17:29,744 I had to caII the psychiatric ward. 843 01:17:30,012 --> 01:17:34,210 Oh, that's what it's aII about! That's why aII these ravings. 844 01:17:34,416 --> 01:17:38,375 He took Kazan. He took Astrakhan. He caIIs himseIf Ivan the TerribIe. 845 01:17:38,587 --> 01:17:40,817 It's deIirium tremens. A typicaI case. 846 01:17:40,989 --> 01:17:44,288 What's the patient's reaI name? 847 01:17:44,660 --> 01:17:48,221 - Bunsha, Ivan VassiIyevich. - You're Iying, witch! 848 01:17:48,497 --> 01:17:50,397 I hate him! 849 01:17:51,433 --> 01:17:52,559 Attention! 850 01:17:53,268 --> 01:17:54,860 Get ready! 851 01:18:04,312 --> 01:18:06,405 Take the impostors aIive! 852 01:18:16,792 --> 01:18:19,158 BIack caviar! 853 01:18:20,829 --> 01:18:22,319 Red caviar! 854 01:18:24,399 --> 01:18:26,731 And from overseas, eggpIant caviar! 855 01:19:16,752 --> 01:19:20,210 Comrade Timofeyev! AIexander Sergeyevich! HeIp me! 856 01:19:21,323 --> 01:19:24,292 Ivan VassiIyevich, hurry up! Goodbye! 857 01:19:37,572 --> 01:19:40,905 - are You aII right? - AII right. You'II never beIieve it! 858 01:19:41,376 --> 01:19:46,905 The poIice wiII beIieve it! You wiII answer for your anti-sociaI experiments! 859 01:19:48,884 --> 01:19:50,909 Sire! Just a minute! 860 01:20:00,762 --> 01:20:05,392 Why do you have poIice at your door, comrade scientist? 861 01:20:05,600 --> 01:20:08,000 There was a burgIary at your friend Shpak's today. 862 01:20:08,436 --> 01:20:10,461 ReaIIy? 863 01:20:14,776 --> 01:20:19,543 - We detained One more. - No, not detained! 864 01:20:19,981 --> 01:20:24,247 Not detained. I was on my way to make a voIuntary confession. 865 01:20:24,419 --> 01:20:28,822 I'm deIighted to hand myseIf in to my dear poIice. I set on it aII my hopes. 866 01:20:28,990 --> 01:20:32,585 - Who are you? - Bunsha, Ivan VassiIyevich. 867 01:20:34,396 --> 01:20:37,456 So you insist that you're Ivan VassiIyevich Bunsha? 868 01:20:37,666 --> 01:20:39,600 Your ID, pIease. 869 01:20:40,635 --> 01:20:44,332 - I forgot it at home. - Who can corroborate your statement? 870 01:20:45,774 --> 01:20:50,438 WeII, anybody! You may ask my wife, UIyana. She wiII confirm it. 871 01:20:50,645 --> 01:20:52,806 WeII, weII, weII. 872 01:20:53,648 --> 01:20:56,344 What did you want to make a voIuntary confession about? 873 01:20:56,785 --> 01:21:00,881 I confess that against my wiII, under the compuIsion of Prince MiIosIavsky, 874 01:21:01,289 --> 01:21:03,587 I acted temporariIy as a tsar. 875 01:21:03,992 --> 01:21:06,256 A tsar? You are a tsar, too? 876 01:21:06,461 --> 01:21:08,952 Yes, a tsar. Ivan VassiIyevich the TerribIe. 877 01:21:09,397 --> 01:21:13,197 You're Iying, dog! I am the tsar! 878 01:21:14,836 --> 01:21:16,394 HooIigan! 879 01:21:17,505 --> 01:21:21,305 Everything I've got by working tireIessIy, everything is gone! 880 01:21:21,776 --> 01:21:24,904 Three tape recorders, three imported movie cameras, 881 01:21:25,247 --> 01:21:31,914 three home-made cigarette cases, a suede jacket... Three jackets! 882 01:21:32,888 --> 01:21:37,791 And they want to be awarded the titIe of a house of cuItured communaI Iiving! 883 01:21:39,561 --> 01:21:43,657 UIyana Andreyevna, teII us again who he is. 884 01:21:45,700 --> 01:21:47,759 I've aIready toId you! 885 01:21:47,969 --> 01:21:50,597 My husband, Ivan VassiIyevich Bunsha. 886 01:21:50,772 --> 01:21:54,469 - They'II cure you, aIcohoIic. - Fine! Then who is this? 887 01:21:58,747 --> 01:22:02,376 - Impostor! - You're an impostor yourseIf! Got it? 888 01:22:02,584 --> 01:22:05,382 - So, who is he? -My husband! Ivan VassiIyevich Bunsha. 889 01:22:06,321 --> 01:22:11,657 They wiII cure you, too. 890 01:22:13,728 --> 01:22:19,394 - It turns out you've got 2 husbands? - So it turns out. 891 01:22:19,601 --> 01:22:21,466 And they're both Bunshas? 892 01:22:24,606 --> 01:22:25,937 Yes, both of them. 893 01:22:29,311 --> 01:22:31,575 You'II be cured. 894 01:22:32,380 --> 01:22:34,644 And you'II be cured. 895 01:22:37,953 --> 01:22:40,421 And I'II be cured, too. 896 01:22:41,356 --> 01:22:45,486 What you toId me is grandiose! You're such a vaIuabIe eyewitness! 897 01:22:45,927 --> 01:22:48,919 If I were you, I'd put a dissertation in the can. 898 01:22:49,998 --> 01:22:52,796 I ain't in no hurry. I can end up in the can any time. 899 01:23:02,644 --> 01:23:06,603 Is that it? Is that you? I couIdn't hope for anything more. 900 01:23:08,249 --> 01:23:10,615 UIyana Andreyevna, I was faithfuI to you. 901 01:23:10,785 --> 01:23:14,619 The tsarina tried to seduce me, but I didn't give in. I swear! 902 01:23:21,463 --> 01:23:25,194 - MiIosIavsky was aImost in our hands! - George MiIosIavsky? 903 01:23:25,367 --> 01:23:27,699 - Yes! Arrest him! - Right. 904 01:23:29,537 --> 01:23:30,561 Wait! 905 01:23:31,339 --> 01:23:35,002 HoId on! Get him! Catch MiIosIavsky! 906 01:24:07,976 --> 01:24:11,207 I was absoIuteIy sure that I had sent you back. 907 01:24:11,780 --> 01:24:15,307 Hurry up, Prince. Get your machine working. 908 01:24:15,583 --> 01:24:19,451 - Where have You been aII this time? -The poIice bagged me. Framing me up. 909 01:24:25,760 --> 01:24:28,558 They're after me, Prince! Hurry up! Hurry! Oh, my God! 910 01:24:30,832 --> 01:24:33,426 Run, Ivan VassiIyevich! 911 01:24:36,371 --> 01:24:39,306 - Hurry, Ivan VassiIyevich! - Yes, I'm coming! 912 01:24:39,474 --> 01:24:41,567 Oh, God, forgive me my sins! 913 01:24:42,844 --> 01:24:44,675 EviI spirit! 914 01:24:45,580 --> 01:24:51,280 - FareweII, Prince! - Good Iuck! Don't think iII of me. 915 01:25:18,012 --> 01:25:20,742 - It's outrageous! - You put out eIectricity again! 916 01:25:20,915 --> 01:25:23,850 - He's taunting us! - We're going to compIain! 917 01:25:24,686 --> 01:25:27,519 Oh, you're aIready out of the asyIum? 918 01:25:27,755 --> 01:25:30,622 - Stop your hooIiganism! - What's the matter? 919 01:25:30,825 --> 01:25:32,588 That's scandaIous! 920 01:25:32,827 --> 01:25:38,288 He's wearing gIasses just for nothing! You'II be brought to court for that! 921 01:25:40,969 --> 01:25:44,496 We send them to coIIege, and in return we're going baId! 922 01:25:46,941 --> 01:25:48,465 What was it? 923 01:25:49,043 --> 01:25:53,377 Was itjust a dream, or was it reaI? 924 01:25:54,816 --> 01:25:58,343 Ivan the TerribIe... MiIosIavsky... 925 01:26:00,054 --> 01:26:02,147 Oh, I forgot. Zina has Ieft me. 926 01:26:07,428 --> 01:26:09,794 No, it's aII nonsense! 927 01:26:10,765 --> 01:26:13,256 I was just knocked out! 928 01:26:14,903 --> 01:26:16,837 And what if it's not nonsense? 929 01:26:17,639 --> 01:26:20,335 My goodness! What is going on here? 930 01:26:20,642 --> 01:26:22,610 You smoked again! 931 01:26:23,611 --> 01:26:25,602 And, of course, you didn't eat your Iunch. 932 01:26:34,689 --> 01:26:37,749 - You haven't Ieft for Gagry? - What do you mean, Gagry? 933 01:26:38,593 --> 01:26:41,562 You're going crazy with your machine! 934 01:26:47,502 --> 01:26:49,697 Oh, how did you get yourseIf such a bump? 935 01:26:52,707 --> 01:26:56,199 Zina, teII me the truth. 936 01:26:57,011 --> 01:27:00,208 - Where have You been? - At a rehearsaI. 937 01:27:00,415 --> 01:27:01,507 AII right... 938 01:27:01,749 --> 01:27:06,243 Give me a straight answer. Are you in Iove with Yakin? 939 01:27:07,789 --> 01:27:12,522 - What Yakin? What is it with You? - Don't Iie to me. He's your director. 940 01:27:14,295 --> 01:27:16,889 We have no director by that name. 941 01:27:19,300 --> 01:27:21,768 - is it true? - I swear. 942 01:27:22,837 --> 01:27:23,826 Hurray! 943 01:27:46,227 --> 01:27:47,854 Ciao! 944 01:27:48,363 --> 01:27:50,888 Thank you for your attention! 945 01:27:51,232 --> 01:27:52,961 The End 74134

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