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1
00:00:00,104 --> 00:00:02,106
[music]
2
00:00:06,763 --> 00:00:08,024
ARCHER: Lana.
3
00:00:08,025 --> 00:00:09,547
Lana.
4
00:00:09,548 --> 00:00:11,114
- [inhales deeply]
- Let me go ahead
5
00:00:11,115 --> 00:00:12,681
and save you the trouble
of shouting my name
6
00:00:12,682 --> 00:00:14,423
- like a shrill five-year-old...
- Shrill?
7
00:00:14,466 --> 00:00:16,119
...and point out
that I'm a little busy
8
00:00:16,120 --> 00:00:18,862
- doing both our jobs.
- Which I'd be helping you with
9
00:00:18,906 --> 00:00:20,558
if I could find
the goddamn cherries.
10
00:00:20,559 --> 00:00:23,780
- What cherries?
- The maraschino cherries, Lana. I...
11
00:00:23,824 --> 00:00:25,782
We are entering the atmosphere
of an uncharted planet
12
00:00:25,826 --> 00:00:28,567
at a couple thousand miles per hour
to check out a distress beacon,
13
00:00:28,611 --> 00:00:30,787
and you're talking to me
about cherries?
14
00:00:30,831 --> 00:00:32,789
She said. Dryly.
15
00:00:32,833 --> 00:00:35,705
Sorry. I didn't invent how
to make a whiskey sour, Lana.
16
00:00:35,748 --> 00:00:39,883
Here's an idea. Maybe try
inventing not doing that right now.
17
00:00:39,927 --> 00:00:41,667
God, lighten up.
It's a road trip.
18
00:00:41,711 --> 00:00:43,887
Who goes on a road trip
without a few cocktails?
19
00:00:43,931 --> 00:00:45,496
- Look...
- Trick question, Lana.
20
00:00:45,497 --> 00:00:46,933
- No one does.
- This isn't...
21
00:00:46,934 --> 00:00:49,458
The time to try new things.
Exactly.
22
00:00:49,501 --> 00:00:52,704
Especially when we're going
a thousand miles per... [thud]
23
00:00:52,739 --> 00:00:54,402
Goddamn it!
24
00:00:54,403 --> 00:00:54,941
- [alarm blaring]
- [crackling]
25
00:00:54,942 --> 00:00:57,745
FEMALE VOICE: System failure.
System failure.
26
00:00:57,928 --> 00:01:00,483
- Autopilot is out!
- [grunts] I got it.
27
00:01:02,790 --> 00:01:04,748
- [laughing] What is happening?
- KRIEGER: What are they doing?!
28
00:01:04,792 --> 00:01:06,968
- [whimpering]
- Goddamn it!
29
00:01:07,011 --> 00:01:09,840
- The hell's going on up there?
- Don't look at me!
30
00:01:09,884 --> 00:01:11,842
Talk to Captain Road Trip over here!
31
00:01:11,886 --> 00:01:15,128
What? Oh, how is this
suddenly my fault?
32
00:01:15,237 --> 00:01:18,893
We're coming in hot!
Everyone, hang on!
33
00:01:18,936 --> 00:01:20,502
Hey, if you happen to see
any cherries back there...
34
00:01:20,503 --> 00:01:23,941
- Oh, God, give it a rest!
- You give it a rest!
35
00:01:26,030 --> 00:01:29,425
[all shouting]
36
00:01:31,296 --> 00:01:34,584
- [crash]
- [grunting]
37
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[music]
[crackling]
38
00:01:45,049 --> 00:01:46,049
- [Cheryl laughing]
- [Cyril crying] - Ow!
39
00:01:46,050 --> 00:01:47,485
- Holy shitsnacks!
- [coughs]
40
00:01:47,486 --> 00:01:50,881
[bottle rolling]
41
00:01:50,925 --> 00:01:51,925
[bottle clinks]
42
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Never mind.
Found the cherries.
43
00:01:56,626 --> 00:01:58,846
[title theme]
44
00:02:27,373 --> 00:02:30,304
10x06 - Road Trip
45
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sync & correction by f1nc0
~ Addic7ed.com ~
46
00:02:38,545 --> 00:02:42,461
So, got some good news
and some bad news.
47
00:02:43,767 --> 00:02:45,726
Any chance you're gonna
tell us what it is?
48
00:02:45,769 --> 00:02:47,618
Oh. Right.
The bad news is,
49
00:02:47,619 --> 00:02:49,817
comms are dead
and the fuel cell's ruptured,
50
00:02:49,860 --> 00:02:52,471
so we're not going anywhere
anytime soon.
51
00:02:52,515 --> 00:02:54,473
Hang on. You mean
we're frickin' stranded?
52
00:02:54,517 --> 00:02:57,825
[scoffs] Not stranded, dummy.
He said "soon."
53
00:02:57,868 --> 00:03:01,262
- Though I technically meant "ever."
- Then what's the good news?
54
00:03:01,263 --> 00:03:03,744
Hmm. Guess it was
mostly just bad news.
55
00:03:03,787 --> 00:03:07,050
- Damn it, Krieger!
- God, relax. He said "mostly."
56
00:03:07,051 --> 00:03:10,315
So... completely inoperable.
57
00:03:10,359 --> 00:03:12,230
Um, what are you doing?
58
00:03:12,274 --> 00:03:15,016
Oh. Uh, since our insurance
claims keep getting denied,
59
00:03:15,059 --> 00:03:17,888
Ms. Archer has put me
in charge of the paperwork.
60
00:03:17,932 --> 00:03:22,110
Cause of accident:
barely functional alcoholism.
61
00:03:22,153 --> 00:03:23,284
- Hey!
- All right, listen up.
62
00:03:23,285 --> 00:03:24,807
Let's salvage what we can
from the shuttle
63
00:03:24,808 --> 00:03:26,069
and find the distress beacon.
64
00:03:26,070 --> 00:03:29,857
It's probably a downed ship, so
maybe there's a fuel cell we can use.
65
00:03:29,900 --> 00:03:30,900
ARCHER: Way ahead of you.
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00:03:30,901 --> 00:03:33,295
On the "salvage what you can" part.
67
00:03:33,338 --> 00:03:35,558
- Unbelievable.
- [snickers] Right?
68
00:03:35,602 --> 00:03:37,560
What are the chances
lemons would survive the...
69
00:03:37,604 --> 00:03:40,376
Can you please focus?!
70
00:03:40,411 --> 00:03:41,912
Why? Mother's
probably putting together
71
00:03:41,956 --> 00:03:44,236
a rescue plan as we speak.
72
00:03:44,271 --> 00:03:45,262
- [Muzak playing]
- [beeping]
73
00:03:45,263 --> 00:03:51,008
Mm. Should probably check
on why their comms are down.
74
00:03:51,052 --> 00:03:53,010
Meh.
Feels like it can wait.
75
00:03:53,054 --> 00:03:54,707
[sighs deeply]
76
00:03:54,708 --> 00:03:56,884
Everything can wait.
77
00:03:56,927 --> 00:03:59,538
[sipping]
78
00:03:59,582 --> 00:04:00,930
[smacks lips, sighs]
79
00:04:00,931 --> 00:04:02,803
Speaking of,
anybody want in on this?
80
00:04:02,846 --> 00:04:03,977
I'm about to make another batch.
81
00:04:03,978 --> 00:04:05,806
- Seriously?
- Road trip.
82
00:04:05,849 --> 00:04:08,025
Which we may be on forever
if we're stranded here.
83
00:04:08,069 --> 00:04:10,332
Oh, take it easy, Lana.
It'll be fine.
84
00:04:10,375 --> 00:04:13,335
And this blithe optimism
is based on what, exactly?
85
00:04:13,378 --> 00:04:15,903
Because this is me
we're talking about.
86
00:04:15,946 --> 00:04:18,208
- Wildly reassuring.
- Trust me on this.
87
00:04:18,209 --> 00:04:20,385
I have mastered the art
of blind luck.
88
00:04:20,429 --> 00:04:22,125
No offense to your blind luck,
89
00:04:22,126 --> 00:04:24,781
but it might be nice
to have a plan B.
90
00:04:24,825 --> 00:04:26,783
Why? Seriously,
do you have any idea
91
00:04:26,827 --> 00:04:29,917
how many times I should have
literally died in the last year?
92
00:04:29,960 --> 00:04:31,788
- Wow me.
- Krieger, tell her.
93
00:04:31,832 --> 00:04:33,528
Including that thing last week?
94
00:04:33,529 --> 00:04:35,705
Hey! This is totally safe, right?
95
00:04:35,749 --> 00:04:38,490
- Technically?
- As in "actually," Krieger!
96
00:04:38,534 --> 00:04:40,753
Kind of feels like probably.
To both of those.
97
00:04:40,754 --> 00:04:42,756
Whoa, whoa, wait!
What?!
98
00:04:42,799 --> 00:04:44,234
- Then nine.
- Boosh.
99
00:04:44,235 --> 00:04:47,020
- Please tell me there's a point.
- Point is, if you hit pause
100
00:04:47,021 --> 00:04:48,762
on your whole angry negativity thing...
101
00:04:48,805 --> 00:04:51,807
- Angry what?
- ...for, like, one second,
102
00:04:51,808 --> 00:04:53,984
you'd notice we always end up fine.
103
00:04:54,028 --> 00:04:55,856
[gulps]
[creature snarling]
104
00:04:55,899 --> 00:04:58,380
[music]
105
00:05:00,034 --> 00:05:01,599
[gulping]
106
00:05:01,600 --> 00:05:04,603
Though we may be pushing
our luck at this point.
107
00:05:06,475 --> 00:05:09,130
[sighs]
Christ on a cracker.
108
00:05:09,173 --> 00:05:13,221
- Is this whole frickin' planet uphill?
- [gasps] Jesus, is that a thing?
109
00:05:13,264 --> 00:05:16,441
At least it means we're not
totally lost going in circles.
110
00:05:16,485 --> 00:05:19,009
KRIEGER: Though not
feeling entirely un-lost.
111
00:05:19,053 --> 00:05:20,183
We're not lost, idiots.
112
00:05:20,184 --> 00:05:22,447
I know how to work
the whatchamahickey.
113
00:05:22,491 --> 00:05:25,668
Really? Because "whatchamahickey"
doesn't inspire tons of confidence.
114
00:05:25,712 --> 00:05:29,977
- It's technically a whatchamacallit.
- Or am I being too negative?
115
00:05:30,020 --> 00:05:31,673
- When are you not?
- All the time, jackass!
116
00:05:31,674 --> 00:05:33,937
- Oh, and there's the angry part.
- Look...
117
00:05:33,981 --> 00:05:36,679
Face it, Lana. Angry's
basically your default setting.
118
00:05:36,723 --> 00:05:38,419
- Says who?
- Besides everybody?
119
00:05:38,420 --> 00:05:41,162
- Well, not everybody.
- Thank you!
120
00:05:41,205 --> 00:05:42,946
[chuckles] Just the people
who've actually met you.
121
00:05:42,990 --> 00:05:44,948
Yeah. Possibly a few others.
122
00:05:44,992 --> 00:05:47,821
Hey, assholes.
I'm not, like, perpetually angry.
123
00:05:47,864 --> 00:05:49,910
[laughing] Really?
124
00:05:49,953 --> 00:05:51,955
- Yes, really.
- Scale of one to ten, Lana,
125
00:05:51,999 --> 00:05:54,392
how happy would you
say you are, in general?
126
00:05:54,436 --> 00:05:57,613
- Oh, easily a six.
- A six? Then what's a seven,
127
00:05:57,656 --> 00:06:00,833
- "Yay, I've got tons of cancer"?
- Like you're any better.
128
00:06:00,834 --> 00:06:02,879
Seriously?
I'm always a total nine.
129
00:06:02,923 --> 00:06:05,098
- [scoffs] Please.
- I'm buoyant, Lana,
130
00:06:05,099 --> 00:06:07,622
bordering on bubbly.
Listen to how I talk.
131
00:06:07,623 --> 00:06:09,799
- There's a tone.
- A tone?
132
00:06:09,843 --> 00:06:13,498
Yes, Lana, a tone. Notice how
my sentences go up at the end?
133
00:06:13,542 --> 00:06:16,023
Oh, yeah.
You mean like, "Shut the hell up"?
134
00:06:16,066 --> 00:06:17,807
- [beeping]
- Exac... Damn it.
135
00:06:17,851 --> 00:06:21,724
- Ow!
- Ha. Now I'm a seven, by the way.
136
00:06:21,768 --> 00:06:24,738
[creature snarling]
[music]
137
00:06:25,641 --> 00:06:27,425
And now I'm a two.
138
00:06:27,469 --> 00:06:29,732
[footsteps stomping]
139
00:06:29,776 --> 00:06:31,952
So which part of the
blind luck plan is this?
140
00:06:31,995 --> 00:06:34,650
Um, I think this is the part
where you sh... [screams]
141
00:06:34,693 --> 00:06:37,043
- ...it!
- [chuckles] Finally!
142
00:06:37,044 --> 00:06:39,002
Some frickin' downhill.
143
00:06:39,046 --> 00:06:40,133
[thud]
144
00:06:40,134 --> 00:06:41,875
[beeping quickens]
145
00:06:41,918 --> 00:06:46,096
Blind luck,
you are my spirit animal.
146
00:06:48,111 --> 00:06:53,321
Holy spacesnacks.
What the hell happened?
147
00:06:53,364 --> 00:06:55,540
Hopefully nothing a fuel cell
couldn't survive.
148
00:06:55,584 --> 00:06:57,542
Yeah, otherwise,
we're pretty much screwed.
149
00:06:57,586 --> 00:06:58,891
Easy, Debbie Downer.
150
00:06:58,892 --> 00:07:00,937
No one wants to go
to your dark place right now.
151
00:07:00,981 --> 00:07:03,112
- You know...
- Yeah, but she's right.
152
00:07:03,113 --> 00:07:05,072
We only have enough food
for a few days.
153
00:07:05,115 --> 00:07:07,857
Then what?
We sit around and starve?
154
00:07:07,901 --> 00:07:09,641
[scoffs] Please,
whoever survives the culling
155
00:07:09,685 --> 00:07:12,079
- will have plenty of food.
- The what?
156
00:07:12,122 --> 00:07:15,430
Uh, the culling? You know, where
people suffocate in their sleep
157
00:07:15,473 --> 00:07:18,454
with gross, sweaty socks
stuffed in their mouths or get
158
00:07:18,455 --> 00:07:21,436
accidentally stabbed in the
neck while they pee or whatever?
159
00:07:21,479 --> 00:07:23,742
- What?
- The details make it weird.
160
00:07:23,786 --> 00:07:25,134
Just the details?
161
00:07:25,135 --> 00:07:28,747
Section seven,
possible post-accident injuries.
162
00:07:28,791 --> 00:07:32,518
- Uh, that's "culling" with a "C," right?
- Look, idiots,
163
00:07:32,553 --> 00:07:34,057
there's got to be a fuel
cell around here somewhere.
164
00:07:34,101 --> 00:07:35,929
They're basically impossible
to destroy.
165
00:07:35,972 --> 00:07:37,931
Unless the pilot spills a cocktail
166
00:07:37,974 --> 00:07:39,933
- all over the flight controls.
- Yeah.
167
00:07:39,976 --> 00:07:42,152
But what are the odds
their pilot was that kick-ass?
168
00:07:42,196 --> 00:07:45,939
Perhaps better than you think.
169
00:07:45,982 --> 00:07:50,030
- LANA: Holy...
- PAM: Shitsnacks.
170
00:07:50,073 --> 00:07:53,033
- Ooh. Fascinating.
- Now I'm an eight.
171
00:07:53,076 --> 00:07:57,080
- LANA: How is this possible?
- CYRIL: It-it isn't.
172
00:07:57,124 --> 00:07:59,822
- This is insane.
- ARCHER: Obviously.
173
00:07:59,866 --> 00:08:02,390
I mean, who shaves off hair like this?
174
00:08:02,433 --> 00:08:03,999
[laughs]
175
00:08:04,000 --> 00:08:06,437
Idiot.
176
00:08:14,040 --> 00:08:17,914
LANA: Okay, there's got to
be a logical explanation.
177
00:08:17,957 --> 00:08:20,003
ARCHER: Lana, there's nothing
logical about shaving...
178
00:08:20,046 --> 00:08:24,007
- Not talking about your hair, dumbass.
- None of this makes any sense.
179
00:08:24,050 --> 00:08:26,879
Uh, ever consider the fact
we're obviously ghosts
180
00:08:26,923 --> 00:08:29,664
looking at our own
stupid dead bodies?
181
00:08:29,708 --> 00:08:31,971
We're not ghosts, dick nuts.
182
00:08:32,015 --> 00:08:33,058
How do you... Ow!
183
00:08:33,059 --> 00:08:37,062
Buy a girl a drink first.
Jesus.
184
00:08:37,063 --> 00:08:39,892
Is anyone here familiar
with multiverse theory?
185
00:08:39,936 --> 00:08:41,284
How 'bout pretend we're not?
186
00:08:41,285 --> 00:08:44,157
Long story short, this
may be a parallel universe,
187
00:08:44,201 --> 00:08:48,161
- making these our doppelgangers.
- Doppel-what?
188
00:08:48,205 --> 00:08:52,470
- Sort of like everyone's alter egos.
- [sighs] Not everyone's.
189
00:08:52,513 --> 00:08:54,472
Yeah.
Where's yours, Krieger?
190
00:08:54,515 --> 00:08:56,822
Huh.
Maybe doppel-Krieger survived.
191
00:08:56,866 --> 00:08:59,956
Yeah.
And maybe he killed everybody.
192
00:08:59,999 --> 00:09:02,828
[chuckles nervously] Please,
why would I ever finally do that?
193
00:09:02,872 --> 00:09:05,048
[static, trilling]
194
00:09:05,091 --> 00:09:07,485
What the hell?
195
00:09:07,528 --> 00:09:09,051
- [alarm blaring]
- Mayday, mayday.
196
00:09:09,052 --> 00:09:11,456
This is Sterling Archer
of the MV Seamus,
197
00:09:11,491 --> 00:09:14,100
and we are going down.
Repeat, we are going down.
198
00:09:14,144 --> 00:09:16,015
Transmitting our location now.
199
00:09:16,059 --> 00:09:18,626
And, on a personal note,
whoever gets this,
200
00:09:18,670 --> 00:09:20,890
please know my only regret is...
201
00:09:20,933 --> 00:09:22,368
The hair, obviously.
202
00:09:22,369 --> 00:09:23,761
- Shut up. - Oh, come on.
- Shut up, man.
203
00:09:23,762 --> 00:09:25,938
...I wasn't able to save
my valiant crew.
204
00:09:25,982 --> 00:09:27,112
My dear friends, Cyril,
205
00:09:27,113 --> 00:09:30,073
Pam, Krieger,
Ray, Crystal...
206
00:09:30,116 --> 00:09:32,684
Oh, my God! Totally forgot
about the Crystal thing.
207
00:09:32,727 --> 00:09:34,163
...I love you all dearly.
208
00:09:34,164 --> 00:09:36,253
Truly the best friends
a guy could have.
209
00:09:36,296 --> 00:09:38,081
- Aw.
- Oh, my God, give me...
210
00:09:38,124 --> 00:09:39,124
OTHERS: Shut up!
211
00:09:39,125 --> 00:09:41,953
But, most of all,
I'll miss my wife, Lana.
212
00:09:41,954 --> 00:09:45,131
You're the greatest thing
that ever happened to me.
213
00:09:45,175 --> 00:09:47,046
I wrote you this poem
I want to read.
214
00:09:47,090 --> 00:09:51,007
It's called "I'll Never Stop..."
215
00:09:51,050 --> 00:09:52,398
"Totally Embarrassing Yourself"?
216
00:09:52,399 --> 00:09:54,140
- Come on!
- Oh, God!
217
00:09:54,184 --> 00:09:56,490
You realize, theoretically,
that was you, right?
218
00:09:56,534 --> 00:09:58,187
How?
He's nothing like me.
219
00:09:58,188 --> 00:10:01,147
Got a point. He did seem
entirely non-self-absorbed.
220
00:10:01,191 --> 00:10:04,541
- Exactly... Wait, what?
- And weirdly not a dick.
221
00:10:04,542 --> 00:10:06,370
You're weirdly not a dick.
222
00:10:06,413 --> 00:10:08,066
- Makes no sense.
- Yeah.
223
00:10:08,067 --> 00:10:11,505
That other Archer
was refreshingly friendly.
224
00:10:11,549 --> 00:10:15,073
- Yeah, like what you think matters, Cyril.
- And we're back.
225
00:10:15,074 --> 00:10:17,337
And is it just me,
or was that shaved head thing
226
00:10:17,381 --> 00:10:19,687
- super working?
- Totally.
227
00:10:19,731 --> 00:10:21,340
- Ka-sploosh!
- I was into it.
228
00:10:21,341 --> 00:10:23,604
Just sit there and be
into the non-hair-having,
229
00:10:23,648 --> 00:10:25,476
clearly castrated version of me
230
00:10:25,519 --> 00:10:29,088
while I go find a fuel cell to
get us all out of here, which,
231
00:10:29,132 --> 00:10:33,963
P.S., is pretty much
the opposite of self-absorbed!
232
00:10:37,009 --> 00:10:40,404
So, how's the bubbly thing going?
Still sporting that nine?
233
00:10:40,447 --> 00:10:42,013
[timidly] No.
234
00:10:42,014 --> 00:10:44,974
[creature snarling]
235
00:10:45,017 --> 00:10:47,541
[footsteps stomping]
236
00:10:53,983 --> 00:10:56,985
"Are you making any of the following
claims for emotional distress?"
237
00:10:56,986 --> 00:10:59,596
Yes, yes, yes.
Well, these are all yes.
238
00:10:59,597 --> 00:11:01,947
[screaming]
239
00:11:01,991 --> 00:11:03,949
[all shouting]
240
00:11:03,993 --> 00:11:06,386
[ship creaking]
241
00:11:06,430 --> 00:11:08,388
[heavy thud]
242
00:11:08,432 --> 00:11:11,435
Shit, I'm heavy.
243
00:11:11,478 --> 00:11:13,178
[creature snarls]
244
00:11:15,091 --> 00:11:16,221
[all screaming]
245
00:11:16,722 --> 00:11:18,974
ARCHER: Incoming!
246
00:11:19,009 --> 00:11:20,359
[thud]
247
00:11:24,056 --> 00:11:27,625
[roaring]
248
00:11:27,668 --> 00:11:32,586
[muffled] So, I officially quit.
249
00:11:32,630 --> 00:11:34,152
And speaking of good news,
250
00:11:34,153 --> 00:11:37,374
I assume finding this
crammed up my ass qualified?
251
00:11:37,417 --> 00:11:39,463
Is that a fuel cell?
Oh, thank God.
252
00:11:39,506 --> 00:11:41,682
Shut up, Cyril.
You still don't matter.
253
00:11:41,726 --> 00:11:43,118
[Cheryl laughs]
254
00:11:43,119 --> 00:11:46,209
It's funny 'cause it's true.
255
00:11:46,452 --> 00:11:49,603
KRIEGER: Okay, got some
good news and bad news.
256
00:11:49,647 --> 00:11:51,169
[snarls]
257
00:11:51,170 --> 00:11:54,173
Bad news is, that thing's
not going anywhere.
258
00:11:54,217 --> 00:11:56,088
And the good news?
259
00:11:56,132 --> 00:11:58,487
Mm. I swear
I had something for this.
260
00:11:58,522 --> 00:11:59,657
- Krieger!
- Great.
261
00:11:59,700 --> 00:12:02,007
Making us pretty much screwed.
262
00:12:02,051 --> 00:12:03,791
- Easily a six.
- Shut it.
263
00:12:03,835 --> 00:12:07,272
- And let the culling begin!
- Okay.
264
00:12:07,273 --> 00:12:08,926
[thud]
265
00:12:08,927 --> 00:12:10,798
Maybe instead of culling each other,
266
00:12:10,842 --> 00:12:13,018
we should come up
with an actual plan.
267
00:12:13,062 --> 00:12:15,107
Like, obviously, someone
needs to go out there
268
00:12:15,151 --> 00:12:17,240
and distract that thing
while everyone else gets away.
269
00:12:17,283 --> 00:12:20,025
- And I vote Pam.
- What? Screw you, dick nuts.
270
00:12:20,069 --> 00:12:21,634
- What?
- Why me?
271
00:12:21,635 --> 00:12:23,071
Because look at you, Pam.
272
00:12:23,072 --> 00:12:25,248
That thing's not gonna want
to eat... that.
273
00:12:25,291 --> 00:12:28,512
Well, you either! 'Cause who'd
want to eat a complete dick?
274
00:12:28,555 --> 00:12:32,733
- Just gonna softball it in like that?
- Sorry I didn't invent appetizing, Pam.
275
00:12:32,777 --> 00:12:35,301
Yeah, well,
I'm sorry we ended up
276
00:12:35,345 --> 00:12:37,521
with the complete
asshole version of you.
277
00:12:37,564 --> 00:12:40,959
Oh, what? You'd rather have
touchy-feely bald guy?
278
00:12:41,003 --> 00:12:42,412
- Yep, yep, yep.
- 100%.
279
00:12:42,447 --> 00:12:44,745
- No contest.
- Fine. Know what?
280
00:12:44,789 --> 00:12:47,139
[grunts]
You want him?
281
00:12:47,183 --> 00:12:49,141
[grunts]
282
00:12:49,185 --> 00:12:51,883
Then come and get him!
283
00:12:51,926 --> 00:12:53,144
Boom! Wordplay!
284
00:12:53,145 --> 00:12:55,626
- [snarling]
- Now run, idiots!
285
00:12:55,669 --> 00:12:59,293
[music]
286
00:12:59,499 --> 00:13:01,022
[leaves rustling]
287
00:13:01,023 --> 00:13:04,069
- LANA: So, was it weird?
- Probably.
288
00:13:04,113 --> 00:13:06,071
Wait, what are we talking about?
289
00:13:06,115 --> 00:13:08,639
You know, watching your alter ego
get eaten by a giant lizard.
290
00:13:08,682 --> 00:13:11,163
Please, if that guy
was really my alter ego, Lana,
291
00:13:11,207 --> 00:13:12,903
he would have been something
really cool,
292
00:13:12,904 --> 00:13:15,211
like a secret agent
or a private detective or a...
293
00:13:15,254 --> 00:13:16,954
[rustling]
294
00:13:19,704 --> 00:13:22,348
[music]
295
00:13:22,392 --> 00:13:25,394
Oh, my God!
You guys are alive!
296
00:13:25,395 --> 00:13:28,267
- Archer!
- Oh, God. Get it off.
297
00:13:28,311 --> 00:13:29,833
And your hair!
298
00:13:29,834 --> 00:13:32,141
- Right?
- It's glorious!
299
00:13:32,184 --> 00:13:35,578
Aw. Wait a minute.
Doppelganger multiverse theory?
300
00:13:35,579 --> 00:13:39,713
- [chuckles] Exactly.
- And the rest of my crew's... dead?
301
00:13:39,757 --> 00:13:42,455
- Exactly.
- Oh, like you didn't kill them.
302
00:13:42,499 --> 00:13:43,499
[chuckles nervously]
What?
303
00:13:43,500 --> 00:13:45,284
Why would I ever do that, finally?
304
00:13:45,328 --> 00:13:46,328
- Right?
- Besides...
305
00:13:46,329 --> 00:13:49,680
You know what? What do you say
we take this half-assed reunionon
306
00:13:49,681 --> 00:13:53,031
the road before that tyrannosaurus
whatever shows up for seconds?
307
00:13:53,075 --> 00:13:54,336
- Fascinating.
- What?
308
00:13:54,337 --> 00:13:56,513
Our Lana had a lot of angry energy, too.
309
00:13:56,556 --> 00:13:59,342
- Ha! Hilarious.
- Oh, is it?
310
00:13:59,385 --> 00:14:01,344
And that was no
Tyrannosaurus rex you saw.
311
00:14:01,387 --> 00:14:05,086
I mean, unless a T. rexis
capable of camouflaging itself
312
00:14:05,087 --> 00:14:08,786
perfectly in any surroundings
with chameleon-like...
313
00:14:11,267 --> 00:14:14,139
Oh, shit.
It's right behind me, isn't it?
314
00:14:14,183 --> 00:14:16,402
[low snarling]
315
00:14:21,769 --> 00:14:24,424
[snarling]
316
00:14:24,467 --> 00:14:29,124
So, how's that whole
blind luck thing working out?
317
00:14:30,169 --> 00:14:31,386
[all shouting]
318
00:14:31,387 --> 00:14:33,433
No! Me!
319
00:14:37,263 --> 00:14:39,004
[Archer laughs]
320
00:14:39,047 --> 00:14:40,265
You tell me.
321
00:14:40,266 --> 00:14:42,833
[snarling]
322
00:14:46,446 --> 00:14:49,449
[roaring]
323
00:14:49,492 --> 00:14:51,233
Uh, I mean, seriously, Lana,
324
00:14:51,277 --> 00:14:53,801
at some point, you really got
to ask yourself...
325
00:14:53,844 --> 00:14:56,928
- It's not the time.
- ...if maybe the luckiest spot
326
00:14:57,032 --> 00:15:00,199
in the galaxy
is standing right next to me.
327
00:15:00,242 --> 00:15:02,201
Got a whole bunch of wedding
photos that say otherwise.
328
00:15:02,244 --> 00:15:04,203
Wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait.
329
00:15:04,246 --> 00:15:05,681
[panting]
330
00:15:05,682 --> 00:15:07,379
We have wedding photos?
331
00:15:07,380 --> 00:15:09,991
Oh, yeah. Big box of 'em
labeled "Cautionary Tale,"
332
00:15:10,035 --> 00:15:12,080
which is what this whole
thing's gonna turn into
333
00:15:12,124 --> 00:15:15,579
if we can't find our way
back to the ship.
334
00:15:15,823 --> 00:15:19,087
- How the hell?
- I've learned not to ask.
335
00:15:19,131 --> 00:15:21,046
Now, let's get the hell out of here.
336
00:15:21,089 --> 00:15:22,524
Wait, what are you talking
about? We can't just fly off.
337
00:15:22,525 --> 00:15:23,787
What? Then why have I been
338
00:15:23,788 --> 00:15:26,267
lugging this thing around
all this time?
339
00:15:26,268 --> 00:15:28,357
No. I mean
we can't just leave everyone.
340
00:15:28,401 --> 00:15:30,142
Of course we're not, Lana.
341
00:15:30,185 --> 00:15:32,927
- [creature snarls]
- Assuming they get here on time.
342
00:15:32,971 --> 00:15:35,146
- Wow. Such an asshole.
- What?
343
00:15:35,147 --> 00:15:38,150
Could you try not being
completely consumed with yourself
344
00:15:38,193 --> 00:15:42,458
- for once in your life?
- Why?
345
00:15:44,112 --> 00:15:46,288
Wait, I don't want
to go wandering around
346
00:15:46,332 --> 00:15:49,161
a man-eating jungle
and suddenly I'm the asshole?
347
00:15:49,204 --> 00:15:51,990
How does that even work?
348
00:15:54,731 --> 00:15:56,690
Oh, I know.
349
00:15:56,733 --> 00:15:59,040
Maybe I should shave my head
and take up poetry
350
00:15:59,084 --> 00:16:03,175
and see how many things I can
rhyme with "soul-sucking" and...
351
00:16:03,218 --> 00:16:05,699
CYRIL: Lana!
352
00:16:05,742 --> 00:16:08,658
Psst! Lana!
353
00:16:08,702 --> 00:16:10,443
What are you guys doing?
354
00:16:10,486 --> 00:16:13,663
[quietly] Well,we were hiding from
that stupid, giant lizard thingy.
355
00:16:13,707 --> 00:16:16,318
But now, thanks
to your loud-as-shit ass...
356
00:16:16,362 --> 00:16:18,668
Not so much.
357
00:16:18,712 --> 00:16:20,540
[roaring]
358
00:16:20,583 --> 00:16:24,422
- Holy...
- Shit. Oh, wait.
359
00:16:26,111 --> 00:16:28,504
KRIEGER: Ow!
What are you doing, woman?!
360
00:16:28,548 --> 00:16:33,640
Besides pissing it off even more!
And totally killing our earballs!
361
00:16:33,683 --> 00:16:35,946
- What?
- See?!
362
00:16:35,990 --> 00:16:37,121
[snarling]
363
00:16:37,122 --> 00:16:39,167
- [Pam screaming]
- KRIEGER: Goddamn it!
364
00:16:45,347 --> 00:16:48,220
[snarls]
365
00:16:48,263 --> 00:16:50,309
Good God.
What the hell's it doing now?
366
00:16:50,352 --> 00:16:52,224
I don't know, moving on to plan B?
367
00:16:52,267 --> 00:16:55,575
Yeah, "B," as in "burying us alive!"
368
00:16:58,143 --> 00:17:00,014
[roaring]
369
00:17:02,408 --> 00:17:04,279
[roaring]
370
00:17:04,323 --> 00:17:06,976
Okay.
Who brought the dog?
371
00:17:06,977 --> 00:17:09,241
[snarls]
372
00:17:12,070 --> 00:17:13,200
[Archer grunts]
373
00:17:13,201 --> 00:17:15,160
[shouting]
374
00:17:15,203 --> 00:17:16,769
Damn it!
375
00:17:16,770 --> 00:17:19,947
[all shouting]
376
00:17:19,990 --> 00:17:22,384
[snarls]
377
00:17:22,428 --> 00:17:23,950
No!
378
00:17:23,951 --> 00:17:26,127
[groans]
379
00:17:38,618 --> 00:17:42,143
[whirring]
380
00:17:42,187 --> 00:17:44,232
[creature screeching]
381
00:17:50,325 --> 00:17:52,588
[engines power down]
382
00:17:52,632 --> 00:17:56,505
Well, look who decided
not to be a total dick.
383
00:17:56,549 --> 00:17:59,160
Just couldn't leave
my buddy Cyril behind.
384
00:17:59,204 --> 00:18:01,683
- Wait, really?
- Of course not, idiot.
385
00:18:01,684 --> 00:18:05,166
And yet you had the time
to stop and make a cocktail.
386
00:18:05,210 --> 00:18:08,169
God, you are
just so glass half-empty.
387
00:18:08,213 --> 00:18:12,253
Ooh, actually, me, too.
So just gonna freshen this up.
388
00:18:14,431 --> 00:18:17,687
[music]
389
00:18:22,792 --> 00:18:25,404
MALORY: Item one.
390
00:18:25,447 --> 00:18:27,406
- Item what?
- Yeah, what are we even doing?
391
00:18:27,449 --> 00:18:29,408
It's called an agenda.
392
00:18:29,451 --> 00:18:31,192
- For what?
- So confused right now.
393
00:18:31,236 --> 00:18:35,065
I swear, you people!
[inhales] Item one.
394
00:18:35,109 --> 00:18:37,285
The insurance company
has officially deemed
395
00:18:37,329 --> 00:18:39,331
the Seamus II a total loss,
396
00:18:39,374 --> 00:18:43,770
so this little enterprise may
actually turn a profit this year.
397
00:18:43,813 --> 00:18:46,076
What are you talking about?
398
00:18:46,120 --> 00:18:48,340
- The other crew.
- Hang on. I thought those were
399
00:18:48,383 --> 00:18:50,342
our parallel universe doppel-bangers.
400
00:18:50,385 --> 00:18:53,867
Oh, for the love of...
Those were clones, you idiots.
401
00:18:53,910 --> 00:18:56,870
I had you people cloned
in your sleep.
402
00:18:56,913 --> 00:18:59,307
- Why?
- To double productivity, dear.
403
00:18:59,351 --> 00:19:04,486
- It was Krieger's idea.
- Oh, did I obviously forget
404
00:19:04,530 --> 00:19:06,488
- to mention that?
- Yep.
405
00:19:06,532 --> 00:19:10,013
So wait till you see
what we do to you in your sleep.
406
00:19:10,057 --> 00:19:13,147
[quietly] Now I'm a nine.
407
00:19:14,071 --> 00:19:18,853
sync & correction by f1nc0
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