Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,052 --> 00:00:01,439
*ARCHER*
Season 09 Episode 01
Episode Title: "Danger Island-Strange Pilot"
2
00:00:01,453 --> 00:00:06,750
No, you idiot!
I got married to my husband.
3
00:00:06,844 --> 00:00:10,232
- This is my honeymoon!
- Oh, thank God.
4
00:00:10,344 --> 00:00:12,906
- For a minute there, I...
- I remember drinking champagne
5
00:00:13,023 --> 00:00:15,495
in the bar, and then
Whitney went off
6
00:00:15,563 --> 00:00:17,291
to play roulette in
the back room...
7
00:00:17,359 --> 00:00:19,307
He just ditched you?
What a jerk.
8
00:00:19,375 --> 00:00:23,633
- Yeah. Plus, Whitney.
- But then it all goes a bit fuzzy.
9
00:00:24,719 --> 00:00:26,447
I think that patch is sexy
10
00:00:26,539 --> 00:00:29,422
and I kinda want to
put my tongue in there.
11
00:00:29,722 --> 00:00:30,883
Oh, okay.
12
00:00:31,039 --> 00:00:33,659
Oh, my God!
What have I done?!
13
00:00:33,727 --> 00:00:35,844
Well, hopefully not that.
14
00:00:36,133 --> 00:00:37,368
Charlotte?!
15
00:00:37,436 --> 00:00:38,539
That's him!
16
00:00:38,607 --> 00:00:40,202
- Who's him?
- My husband!
17
00:00:40,270 --> 00:00:41,890
- Duh.
- Right?
18
00:00:41,958 --> 00:00:43,070
Answer me this instant!
19
00:00:43,138 --> 00:00:45,539
- You have to hide me!
- Uh, actually, I do not.
20
00:00:45,607 --> 00:00:49,140
- Wh...? Are you...?
- Ooh! Here! Hide in here!
21
00:00:49,882 --> 00:00:51,749
What the hell are you doing?
22
00:00:51,851 --> 00:00:54,834
- Charlotte!
- Oh, come on, don't be a dick.
23
00:00:57,107 --> 00:00:59,092
- What?
- Yes, I'm looking for my wife,
24
00:00:59,160 --> 00:01:02,128
Mrs. Charlotte Stratton?
Nee Vandertunt?
25
00:01:02,196 --> 00:01:04,209
Redhead?
Kind of flibbertigibbity?
26
00:01:04,277 --> 00:01:06,724
Oh, why, yes, as a matter of fact.
27
00:01:07,577 --> 00:01:08,678
Closet.
28
00:01:08,746 --> 00:01:09,951
- What?!
- Archer!
29
00:01:10,076 --> 00:01:11,216
- C'mon, man...
- Charlotte!
30
00:01:11,284 --> 00:01:13,587
What are you doing?
You're ruining everything!
31
00:01:13,655 --> 00:01:15,248
Why the hell'd you do that?
32
00:01:15,316 --> 00:01:16,694
What'd you think,
we're going to run away
33
00:01:16,761 --> 00:01:18,061
and live happily ever after?
34
00:01:18,129 --> 00:01:19,596
I mean...
35
00:01:19,664 --> 00:01:21,818
How could I ever trust her?
36
00:01:22,185 --> 00:01:23,615
You know, plus she obviously
37
00:01:23,683 --> 00:01:26,005
- makes terrible decisions.
- I'll say.
38
00:01:26,073 --> 00:01:27,443
- You'll say what?
- What.
39
00:01:27,513 --> 00:01:30,084
- Goddamn it, Manu. If...
- Sterling!
40
00:01:31,838 --> 00:01:33,521
Mama wants you.
41
00:01:33,589 --> 00:01:35,357
Don't call her that!
42
00:01:36,935 --> 00:01:39,435
Oh, I would just murder that.
43
00:01:39,503 --> 00:01:41,403
- Me too.
- I meant sexually.
44
00:01:41,471 --> 00:01:44,240
- I meant murder-ly.
- Sterling!
45
00:01:45,451 --> 00:01:47,982
What, Mother? Jesus!
46
00:01:48,615 --> 00:01:50,654
What the hell is wrong with you?
47
00:01:50,722 --> 00:01:53,466
Me? He's the one calling you Mama.
48
00:01:53,534 --> 00:01:56,341
What?
No, not Manu, you ass.
49
00:01:56,409 --> 00:02:00,271
- Shooting off a gun in my hotel!
- Oh. Oh, right, that.
50
00:02:00,339 --> 00:02:03,123
- Oh. No, there was a rat.
- Snake.
51
00:02:03,208 --> 00:02:04,218
- Rat-snake.
- Snake-rat.
52
00:02:04,286 --> 00:02:06,552
- Goddamn it.
- Are you finished?
53
00:02:06,620 --> 00:02:08,966
- Yes.
- Well, then, we are finished.
54
00:02:09,840 --> 00:02:13,029
And apparently so
are the Strattons.
55
00:02:14,262 --> 00:02:17,363
But then I don't suppose
you'd know anything about that.
56
00:02:17,522 --> 00:02:20,255
No, I was pretty busy with the...
57
00:02:20,323 --> 00:02:21,352
- rat-snake.
- Snake-rat.
58
00:02:21,420 --> 00:02:23,341
- Goddamn it!
- What?!
59
00:02:24,320 --> 00:02:26,297
- Right?
- I swear to God,
60
00:02:26,365 --> 00:02:27,638
if you can't learn to keep
61
00:02:27,706 --> 00:02:31,123
- that thing in your pants...
- It was actually in a drawer.
62
00:02:31,798 --> 00:02:34,693
Then you're going to have
to find a new place to live.
63
00:02:34,761 --> 00:02:37,301
Wha...?
Where else can I live for free?
64
00:02:38,704 --> 00:02:40,404
Oh, what, is that your point?
65
00:02:40,472 --> 00:02:44,802
My point is, as the majority
stakeholder in Archer Airways,
66
00:02:44,870 --> 00:02:47,646
I'd like to see
a return on my investment.
67
00:02:47,749 --> 00:02:49,930
Ah, well, yeah, we all would.
68
00:02:49,998 --> 00:02:51,794
- Sterling!
- And we got a charter.
69
00:02:51,862 --> 00:02:53,755
- A what?
- A boat, you fool.
70
00:02:53,823 --> 00:02:55,498
I want a boat.
71
00:02:55,584 --> 00:02:57,865
Why, Mr. Stratton,
you're down early.
72
00:02:57,933 --> 00:02:59,350
Would you care
for some breakfast?
73
00:02:59,417 --> 00:03:00,739
Porridge.
74
00:03:01,076 --> 00:03:02,248
Uh, I'm sorry?
75
00:03:02,316 --> 00:03:05,052
Save your breath
for cooling yours.
76
00:03:05,390 --> 00:03:07,142
I want a boat to take me out
to the Clipper,
77
00:03:07,210 --> 00:03:08,482
and I mean this instant.
78
00:03:08,550 --> 00:03:09,724
But I don't understand.
79
00:03:09,792 --> 00:03:11,169
- Are you...?
- And you!
80
00:03:11,237 --> 00:03:13,704
I have half a mind to give you
the worst beating of your life.
81
00:03:13,772 --> 00:03:16,099
All right, now.
You're obviously upset.
82
00:03:16,167 --> 00:03:18,067
Yeah, you're talking crazy.
83
00:03:18,180 --> 00:03:20,714
'Cause he's literally had
the shit beat out of him.
84
00:03:20,911 --> 00:03:22,125
- 'Member?
- You know...
85
00:03:22,193 --> 00:03:23,654
Well, then maybe
I'll just sue him
86
00:03:23,722 --> 00:03:27,123
for alienation of affection
and prosecute you for...
87
00:03:27,437 --> 00:03:28,770
- pandering.
- What?!
88
00:03:28,960 --> 00:03:30,943
Yeah, I don't think
any money changed hands.
89
00:03:31,011 --> 00:03:33,758
- But if it did, it would be mine.
- Well...
90
00:03:33,826 --> 00:03:36,029
Do you people think this
is some sort of joke?
91
00:03:36,134 --> 00:03:39,029
- I will ruin you!
- Oh, all right.
92
00:03:39,123 --> 00:03:41,451
- Manu, call the tender.
- Yes, Mama.
93
00:03:41,540 --> 00:03:43,357
And quit calling her that!
94
00:03:43,475 --> 00:03:46,732
- Why does it bother you so much?
- Seriously?!
95
00:03:46,878 --> 00:03:48,255
Now, while you're waiting,
96
00:03:48,326 --> 00:03:50,177
perhaps you'd like to
settle your account?
97
00:03:50,245 --> 00:03:52,345
I really do not get
your sense of humor.
98
00:03:52,459 --> 00:03:54,919
If you think I'm paying for
that so-called honeymoon suite...
99
00:03:55,087 --> 00:03:58,318
No no, I was referring to
your marker from last night
100
00:03:58,386 --> 00:04:00,130
at the roulette table.
101
00:04:00,198 --> 00:04:02,231
Oh, all right, now
that it is funny.
102
00:04:02,299 --> 00:04:04,701
You want me to pay you
for what I lost
103
00:04:04,796 --> 00:04:06,537
in your illegal gambling den?
104
00:04:08,405 --> 00:04:13,141
Everyone out! Zis hotel is
closed until furzer notice!
105
00:04:13,228 --> 00:04:15,728
How can you close me?
Upon what grounds?
106
00:04:15,801 --> 00:04:17,834
I am shocked, shocked to find
107
00:04:17,902 --> 00:04:19,557
- that gambling is going on
in here!
108
00:04:19,625 --> 00:04:20,901
- Oh, for...
- Ha ha!
109
00:04:20,969 --> 00:04:22,417
Not to mention adultery.
110
00:04:22,485 --> 00:04:24,388
He seduced my wife.
Arrest him.
111
00:04:24,516 --> 00:04:26,802
Monsieur,
this is French territory.
112
00:04:26,870 --> 00:04:28,958
Of course adultery is not illegal.
113
00:04:29,026 --> 00:04:31,396
What about consensual buggery?
114
00:04:31,650 --> 00:04:34,208
Uh, asking for a buddy.
115
00:04:37,975 --> 00:04:40,510
All right, Reynaud, cut the merde.
116
00:04:40,638 --> 00:04:41,778
What do you want?
117
00:04:41,846 --> 00:04:44,580
Well, we can start with my
winnings from last night.
118
00:04:44,685 --> 00:04:46,396
- Fair enough.
- I beg your...
119
00:04:46,464 --> 00:04:48,344
- Now, just a damn minute!
- Merci.
120
00:04:48,412 --> 00:04:49,656
What?!
121
00:04:49,724 --> 00:04:51,961
- The tender is waiting.
- No! I demand that
122
00:04:52,029 --> 00:04:53,922
- you arrest her!
- You demand it?
123
00:04:53,990 --> 00:04:57,393
- I most certainly...
- Doudou? Aide monsieur a bord.
124
00:04:57,513 --> 00:04:59,466
What...?
No, I... Ow!
125
00:04:59,568 --> 00:05:03,666
You people haven't heard the
last of Whitney Stratton IV!
126
00:05:03,849 --> 00:05:05,537
Oh, I bet we have...
127
00:05:05,636 --> 00:05:08,951
- Pastis?
- Mmm, un petit.
128
00:05:09,130 --> 00:05:10,930
And then you can explain to me
129
00:05:10,998 --> 00:05:13,594
why I hear gunshots
coming from your hotel.
130
00:05:13,662 --> 00:05:15,612
- Sterling?
- Yeah, sorry.
131
00:05:15,693 --> 00:05:17,162
- There was a rat-snake.
- Snake-rat.
132
00:05:17,240 --> 00:05:18,320
- Pam!
- What?!
133
00:05:18,388 --> 00:05:20,316
Whatever the reason.
Idiots!
134
00:05:20,384 --> 00:05:22,719
I can assure you, that
was the last time
135
00:05:22,794 --> 00:05:24,701
you're ever going to hear...
136
00:05:35,248 --> 00:05:36,763
Alors.
137
00:05:37,524 --> 00:05:39,367
What is wrong with you?
138
00:05:39,458 --> 00:05:41,671
- Me?
- She's crazy.
139
00:05:42,123 --> 00:05:43,595
I'm just trying
to calm her down, you know,
140
00:05:43,662 --> 00:05:45,240
doing my thing,
and then out of nowhere,
141
00:05:45,310 --> 00:05:48,341
the crazy broad grabs the gun
and tries to shoot me.
142
00:05:48,482 --> 00:05:51,771
- Me, Crackers!
- Because why are you talking?!
143
00:05:51,844 --> 00:05:55,258
How can a bird be talking?!
144
00:05:56,396 --> 00:05:57,935
He is parrot.
145
00:05:58,810 --> 00:06:00,555
Actually, technically, I'm a macaw,
146
00:06:00,623 --> 00:06:02,062
which is actually a type of parrot,
147
00:06:02,130 --> 00:06:04,367
so I-I'm technically
a parrot, actually.
148
00:06:04,438 --> 00:06:05,646
But I mean, technically,
149
00:06:05,706 --> 00:06:07,270
- I'm, you know...
- Rambling?
150
00:06:07,338 --> 00:06:08,601
I almost died, woman!
151
00:06:08,669 --> 00:06:11,474
I know.
Here, get some of this down ya.
152
00:06:11,557 --> 00:06:15,201
- I mean...
- But... But how?
153
00:06:15,333 --> 00:06:17,874
- How can he do that?
- He's a parrot!
154
00:06:18,037 --> 00:06:19,732
- Well...
- Shut up, bird.
155
00:06:19,802 --> 00:06:21,648
He talks.
That's just how it is.
156
00:06:21,716 --> 00:06:23,375
Don't make a big thing out of it.
157
00:06:23,583 --> 00:06:26,297
- Don't make a big thing out of it?!
- See! She just flips!
158
00:06:26,365 --> 00:06:30,099
- You destroyed my marriage.
- Hey, it takes two to tango.
159
00:06:30,193 --> 00:06:32,748
And obviously, you guys
already had some problems, so...
160
00:06:32,836 --> 00:06:34,912
You want to talk problems?!
161
00:06:37,529 --> 00:06:38,662
Zut alors...
162
00:06:38,818 --> 00:06:40,365
My marriage is ruined.
163
00:06:40,451 --> 00:06:43,810
When my family finds out why,
they will disown me.
164
00:06:43,896 --> 00:06:45,998
As will all of New York society.
165
00:06:46,091 --> 00:06:49,021
I have no money,
no job, no skills,
166
00:06:49,099 --> 00:06:51,693
and no prospects,
and it's all your fault!
167
00:06:51,787 --> 00:06:54,031
And so right now, the
only thing I want
168
00:06:54,099 --> 00:06:56,078
in this world, besides
for you to die
169
00:06:56,146 --> 00:06:59,044
of some heretofore unknown
form of eyehole cancer,
170
00:06:59,146 --> 00:07:02,623
is to get off this
godforsaken island!
171
00:07:13,466 --> 00:07:18,044
- And... when does it come back?
- Ahem. Two weeks?
172
00:07:18,333 --> 00:07:21,029
- And Whitney's on it?
- Mm-hmm.
173
00:07:22,540 --> 00:07:25,458
Oh, come on now,
it's not that bad...
174
00:07:25,526 --> 00:07:27,990
He has my passport!
175
00:07:29,271 --> 00:07:30,888
What do you mean?!
176
00:07:30,956 --> 00:07:33,123
I mean just that,
it is impossible.
177
00:07:33,191 --> 00:07:35,611
To get a passport,
you have to go to the consulate
178
00:07:35,681 --> 00:07:37,140
in Papeete, on Tahiti.
179
00:07:37,208 --> 00:07:39,797
- Well, how far is that?
- As the crow flies?
180
00:07:39,865 --> 00:07:40,969
Ugh, crows.
181
00:07:41,037 --> 00:07:43,412
On the supply ship,
it takes about a week.
182
00:07:43,490 --> 00:07:45,494
- A week?!
- It makes other stops.
183
00:07:45,599 --> 00:07:50,154
And it will be here in...
one month.
184
00:07:58,753 --> 00:08:01,526
Of course, it's only
three hours by plane.
185
00:08:01,643 --> 00:08:04,620
Well, news flash, lady,
the plane just left!
186
00:08:04,722 --> 00:08:07,581
Yeah, so, air travel's not
really an option here, Mother.
187
00:08:07,784 --> 00:08:09,784
Well, now, wait a minute...
188
00:08:09,854 --> 00:08:11,599
- Mother...
- Sterling, dear,
189
00:08:11,667 --> 00:08:13,776
couldn't you just take
her in your plane?
190
00:08:14,511 --> 00:08:16,450
- Your what?
- Hey, yeah!
191
00:08:16,518 --> 00:08:19,996
- No, actually, Mother, I can't.
- Well, why ever not?
192
00:08:20,064 --> 00:08:25,065
- Because! Uh, because...
- Presumably...
193
00:08:25,253 --> 00:08:28,537
because you can't tell time.
194
00:08:28,886 --> 00:08:32,122
Her royal highness,
Princess Lanaluakalani.
195
00:08:32,190 --> 00:08:35,378
- Latou te iloa.
- Votre Altesse.
196
00:08:35,581 --> 00:08:40,341
Ah, Capitaine Reynaud. Et pourquoi
me parles-tu en français?
197
00:08:40,409 --> 00:08:44,154
Parce que la langue officielle
de Mitimotu est français.
198
00:08:44,222 --> 00:08:46,388
Oui, en ce moment.
199
00:08:46,487 --> 00:08:50,761
Now, can someone please explain
to me why Mr. Fuchs and I
200
00:08:50,893 --> 00:08:53,940
aren't sipping champagne
in the plane I chartered?
201
00:08:54,073 --> 00:08:56,560
- Uh, well...
- For one thing, we don't do that.
202
00:08:56,628 --> 00:08:59,128
- And secondly, Fuchs?
- Yeah?
203
00:08:59,229 --> 00:09:01,253
Well, we could, and we're
happy to, Your Highness.
204
00:09:01,425 --> 00:09:05,763
Or even... I bet we could
even mix you up some Bellinis.
205
00:09:05,831 --> 00:09:07,042
- We have fresh peaches?
- No.
206
00:09:07,110 --> 00:09:09,661
Then shut up!
The point is, Your Highness,
207
00:09:09,729 --> 00:09:12,315
- my plane is your plane.
- Well, then...
208
00:09:12,487 --> 00:09:16,386
What?! I don't care who you are,
lady, I've got dibs on that plane.
209
00:09:17,680 --> 00:09:19,151
Reynaud?
210
00:09:19,780 --> 00:09:21,599
I'm very sorry, madame,
211
00:09:21,667 --> 00:09:26,104
but we have strict law against
vagrancy, and you have no money.
212
00:09:27,464 --> 00:09:30,566
Alors, for your dinner,
one turnip.
213
00:09:30,831 --> 00:09:33,331
You must be kidding.
214
00:09:35,726 --> 00:09:37,755
Are you sure this thing can fly?
215
00:09:37,823 --> 00:09:39,870
Oh, don't worry about
ol' Lucy Goosey.
216
00:09:39,987 --> 00:09:43,058
She may not look like much,
but that's...
217
00:09:44,339 --> 00:09:47,177
- mainly cosmetic. Flaps!
- Well, except for the fue...
218
00:09:47,245 --> 00:09:49,154
- I just...
- Flaps, goddamn it, flaps!
219
00:09:49,222 --> 00:09:51,083
Okay, Your Highness,
as you requested,
220
00:09:51,151 --> 00:09:53,628
we'll be making a big
loop around the island,
221
00:09:53,722 --> 00:09:55,942
so just sit back and relax.
222
00:09:56,793 --> 00:09:59,097
That is physically impossible.
223
00:09:59,182 --> 00:10:01,763
Uh. Ja, zis is
not a good airplane.
224
00:10:02,089 --> 00:10:04,299
I hope it at least has parachutes.
225
00:10:04,471 --> 00:10:06,471
There's actually only three, so...
226
00:10:06,539 --> 00:10:07,604
Gott im Himmel!
227
00:10:07,672 --> 00:10:10,746
Oh, yes, I talk. Get over it.
228
00:10:23,831 --> 00:10:25,745
No, Your Highness, I just meant
229
00:10:25,886 --> 00:10:27,761
it's kinda weird though,
right?
230
00:10:27,829 --> 00:10:29,915
I think he's just
reacting to the music.
231
00:10:30,141 --> 00:10:33,744
- Thanks, you just defined dancing.
- Shut up, bird!
232
00:10:33,909 --> 00:10:36,544
No, I mean, it's not a big
island, so the fact that
233
00:10:36,636 --> 00:10:39,300
we've never run into each
other, kinda weird, right?
234
00:10:39,393 --> 00:10:42,850
No.
And should you... be drinking?
235
00:10:44,496 --> 00:10:45,526
- Yes.
- I...
236
00:10:45,594 --> 00:10:46,971
So what's your story, Fuchs?
237
00:10:47,039 --> 00:10:48,737
What brings you out here
to Mitimotu?
238
00:10:48,844 --> 00:10:51,880
- Er, uh, well, er...
- Breadfruit.
239
00:10:51,948 --> 00:10:54,411
Oh, ja! I will make a plantation.
240
00:10:54,479 --> 00:10:57,495
- A plantation? Where?
- Down there. On the island.
241
00:10:57,563 --> 00:10:59,638
Creating many jobs for our people.
242
00:10:59,706 --> 00:11:02,536
As what,
artisanal coffin builders?
243
00:11:02,604 --> 00:11:04,034
- Was?
- Nothing.
244
00:11:04,206 --> 00:11:05,354
Nothing but danger.
245
00:11:05,479 --> 00:11:08,141
That jungle's stuffed
to the tits with quicksand,
246
00:11:08,268 --> 00:11:11,005
ferocious baboons,
poisonous snakes...
247
00:11:11,073 --> 00:11:13,893
- Poisonous frogs.
- The frogs are poisonous?
248
00:11:13,961 --> 00:11:16,222
- Mildly.
- Insanely. I mean,
249
00:11:16,308 --> 00:11:18,831
you get hit by a dart
slathered with frog poison...?
250
00:11:18,899 --> 00:11:20,613
- Will you...?
- A dart? From where?
251
00:11:20,681 --> 00:11:21,889
- The cannibals.
- Please!
252
00:11:21,965 --> 00:11:23,532
- What cannibals?!
- The...
253
00:11:23,651 --> 00:11:27,292
- The Mua Mua! Man, they are...
- Simply a small native tribe
254
00:11:27,360 --> 00:11:29,206
that has had very
limited experience
255
00:11:29,273 --> 00:11:31,581
with people from the outside world.
256
00:11:34,001 --> 00:11:35,505
- Except as food.
- If you...
257
00:11:35,573 --> 00:11:37,292
Although compared to the dragons...
258
00:11:37,360 --> 00:11:38,513
What dragons?!
259
00:11:38,581 --> 00:11:40,208
Oh. They're just
extremely big lizards.
260
00:11:40,276 --> 00:11:42,065
You told me
none of these dangers!
261
00:11:42,133 --> 00:11:44,033
Because the dangers...
262
00:11:44,151 --> 00:11:47,026
aren't that dangerous.
And if Mister...
263
00:11:47,094 --> 00:11:48,158
- Archer!
- Thank you.
264
00:11:48,226 --> 00:11:50,940
- If Mister...
- No, Archer, come here! Like now!
265
00:11:51,268 --> 00:11:53,389
- What's happening?
- Is there a problem?
266
00:11:53,531 --> 00:11:54,815
No.
267
00:11:57,358 --> 00:11:59,827
- What is your problem?
- It's not my problem, it's Lucy's!
268
00:11:59,895 --> 00:12:02,972
- Her fuel pressure's dropping!
- Son of a...
269
00:12:03,118 --> 00:12:04,612
Why do you always do this?
270
00:12:04,680 --> 00:12:06,615
I mean, I finally meet
someone I might like,
271
00:12:06,683 --> 00:12:08,768
we're having fun,
getting to know each other,
272
00:12:08,925 --> 00:12:11,714
I'm being super charming, but no,
273
00:12:11,807 --> 00:12:15,792
I'm not allowed to be happy
because you're a big, jealous baby!
274
00:12:16,652 --> 00:12:18,386
Oh. You're talking to me?
275
00:12:18,513 --> 00:12:20,675
- Who else is there?!
- The fuel pump.
276
00:12:20,743 --> 00:12:23,092
Oh, right.
Okay, I've got a plan.
277
00:12:25,953 --> 00:12:27,159
I'm all ears.
278
00:12:27,689 --> 00:12:29,380
- What is wrong?
- Was ist los?!
279
00:12:29,448 --> 00:12:31,157
Nothing, all good.
Have some bubbles.
280
00:12:31,247 --> 00:12:32,393
Feather props!
281
00:12:32,461 --> 00:12:33,927
Feather one!
Feather two!
282
00:12:33,995 --> 00:12:35,435
Nein! Let me go!
283
00:12:35,503 --> 00:12:36,608
Okay, now let me see if we...
284
00:12:36,675 --> 00:12:39,607
- We are going to die up here!
- No, we're not!
285
00:12:39,675 --> 00:12:41,458
Yeah, it's the ground
that kills ya.
286
00:12:41,526 --> 00:12:42,697
- Thanks.
- Eh.
287
00:12:42,794 --> 00:12:44,802
But how can we fly
with no engines?!
288
00:12:44,870 --> 00:12:46,357
The same way a bird does...
289
00:12:46,425 --> 00:12:48,154
Flapping around
with hollow bones?
290
00:12:48,222 --> 00:12:49,384
Shut up, bird!
291
00:12:49,452 --> 00:12:51,974
We're gonna glide
right into a smooth landing.
292
00:12:52,042 --> 00:12:54,348
Where?!
The island has no runway!
293
00:12:54,416 --> 00:12:57,573
- The ocean is the runway.
- But...
294
00:12:57,676 --> 00:13:00,081
Wh...?
No, no, no, no, no, no!
295
00:13:00,167 --> 00:13:03,566
- Well, it was.
- Goddamn it, Fuchs!
296
00:13:03,683 --> 00:13:06,815
Ach! Why would someone put
the landing gear control there?!
297
00:13:06,883 --> 00:13:08,729
Because they didn't
know you're an asshole?
298
00:13:08,910 --> 00:13:10,714
- Get 'em up!
- Love to...
299
00:13:10,910 --> 00:13:12,832
- But...
- Goddamn it!
300
00:13:12,941 --> 00:13:15,201
- What?!
- We can't land on the water
301
00:13:15,269 --> 00:13:19,277
- if the frickin' wheels are down!
- And if there is no runway...
302
00:13:19,345 --> 00:13:21,300
Oof! What are you doing?
303
00:13:21,409 --> 00:13:22,893
Parachutes!
304
00:13:24,166 --> 00:13:25,526
Where are the parachutes?!
305
00:13:25,636 --> 00:13:28,229
- Oh, for the... You pussy!
- No, he's right!
306
00:13:28,308 --> 00:13:29,698
- What?
- Ah-ha!
307
00:13:29,823 --> 00:13:32,051
- You all gotta bail out!
- Oka atua!
308
00:13:32,151 --> 00:13:35,189
Go on! I'll get us over land,
you get the princess in a chute,
309
00:13:35,292 --> 00:13:37,409
get her down safe,
and get her home safe!
310
00:13:37,487 --> 00:13:39,526
- What about you?!
- I'll try to bring Lucy down
311
00:13:39,659 --> 00:13:41,995
easy in the water.
Go on, I'll be fine!
312
00:13:42,063 --> 00:13:45,753
- No you won't!
- Just go, you big dumb ox!
313
00:13:47,081 --> 00:13:51,565
Wow.
Okay, let's go, Your Fanciness.
314
00:13:51,787 --> 00:13:54,908
Vater Unser im Himmel,
geheiligt werde dein Name...
315
00:13:54,976 --> 00:13:56,440
Better pray I don't
kick your ass...
316
00:13:56,578 --> 00:13:58,917
- What do we do? What do we do?
- Well, the first thing
317
00:13:58,987 --> 00:14:00,548
you want to do, is
take some deep breaths.
318
00:14:00,615 --> 00:14:02,348
While you help her put that on!
319
00:14:02,479 --> 00:14:05,718
You help her!
I'm getting... owwww!
320
00:14:05,839 --> 00:14:09,356
Your fists are like...
Dosenschinken!
321
00:14:09,424 --> 00:14:10,698
Yeah, I get that a lot.
322
00:14:10,766 --> 00:14:12,558
Hey! We don't have all day here!
323
00:14:12,651 --> 00:14:14,716
Once we get below a thousand feet,
324
00:14:14,784 --> 00:14:16,629
those chutes are
basically just laundry!
325
00:14:16,697 --> 00:14:18,964
Hang on, we're almost ready!
326
00:14:19,081 --> 00:14:22,002
- Will you hurry up?!
- Will you shut up?!
327
00:14:22,073 --> 00:14:23,703
- There! Happy?
- Not really!
328
00:14:23,705 --> 00:14:28,041
Okay, you two! Jesus!
You can bitch on the way down.
329
00:14:28,143 --> 00:14:30,917
- What is all that for?!
- Protection.
330
00:14:31,046 --> 00:14:32,447
We weren't kidding
about that jungle.
331
00:14:32,514 --> 00:14:34,341
Come on, Pam,
it's now or never!
332
00:14:34,409 --> 00:14:36,983
Let's go, people!
Move! Move! Move!
333
00:14:47,429 --> 00:14:49,964
Ow, my twat!
334
00:14:50,284 --> 00:14:53,167
Good luck.
Except for you, Fuchs.
335
00:14:53,268 --> 00:14:55,101
I hope you wind up as an entree.
336
00:14:55,276 --> 00:14:58,097
Hey, Crackers?
Crackers, come here, buddy!
337
00:14:58,980 --> 00:15:01,591
- Okay, so listen...
- Yeah, not great, huh?
338
00:15:01,659 --> 00:15:04,308
No, no, not great.
I'm gonna do the best I can,
339
00:15:04,412 --> 00:15:05,526
but we're gonna hit the water
340
00:15:05,594 --> 00:15:07,385
pretty hard,
probably even flip over.
341
00:15:07,453 --> 00:15:08,231
Mm-hmm.
342
00:15:08,299 --> 00:15:10,385
But there's a bunch of
life jackets in the storage locker,
343
00:15:10,452 --> 00:15:13,823
so I want you to get in there
and hunker down, okay, buddy?
344
00:15:13,891 --> 00:15:16,258
Hopefully that'll
cushion the impact.
345
00:15:18,417 --> 00:15:20,493
Oh. You're talking to me.
346
00:15:20,688 --> 00:15:22,062
Wh...? Who else would I be...?
347
00:15:22,345 --> 00:15:23,790
- Oh.
- Yeah.
348
00:15:23,932 --> 00:15:25,832
- You can fly.
- Yeah.
349
00:15:25,954 --> 00:15:27,934
So you're outta here.
350
00:15:28,087 --> 00:15:29,902
- Is that weird?
- I mean...
351
00:15:29,970 --> 00:15:32,509
Well, yeah, obviously it's
weird if you make it weird.
352
00:15:32,579 --> 00:15:34,384
Okay, you know what?!
353
00:15:36,314 --> 00:15:39,704
Aaaassshoooole!
354
00:15:41,181 --> 00:15:43,082
Yeah, I'm the asshole.
355
00:15:43,235 --> 00:15:46,568
Okay, Lucy!
Here we go!
356
00:15:54,185 --> 00:15:57,930
Next time on
Archer: Danger Island:
357
00:16:02,136 --> 00:16:05,145
Fuel pump piece of shit!
358
00:16:08,365 --> 00:16:09,771
Oh.
359
00:16:09,998 --> 00:16:12,473
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
360
00:16:12,753 --> 00:16:16,828
Now who's the asshole?
Stupid bird.
27200
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof