All language subtitles for You.Me.Her.S03E08.The.Insidious.Lure.Of.Pumpkin.Spice.720p.DTV.WEB-DL.DD2.0.x264-BTW

Previously on "You Me Her"...

I see you, Nina Martone.

Andy is relentlessly posting
photos of him and his dad

having a smile-off
somewhere in the woods.

Say, has anyone ever written
a thesis about

excessive cyber stalking
of ex-boyfriends?

-Iz.
-What?

I'm pregnant.
This just feels right.

And I don't wanna fuck it up.
I cannot fuck this up again.

[ Laughing ]

-Oh!
-Oh, no.

I was gonna sneak out
and catch "Pillow Talk"
at the Paramount.

And you're welcome to
tag along if you want.

Are you seriously asking me
on a date right now?

Absolutely not.

I already work insane hours
at Pinnacle.

And if I make partner,
it's gonna be even worse, so...

I was assuming you were coming
home, not coming to get us.

And as long as
we're being honest,

I miss Hawthorne Heights.

I'd rather sleep under
a fucking bridge.

Hannah: They want in. Offices,
staff, the whole nine.

Oh, my God. [ Chuckles ]
I guess shit just got real, huh?

It's okay.
We'll figure it out.

What if you really are
Mr. Right There in Front of Me?

-Well, how do we find out?
-Hey.

♪♪

♪♪

Whoa, fuck, hold up.

Were you guys just
about to kiss?

Hey.

Andy's back.

[ Chuckles ] He was...

And now he's standing there

right in front of us
looking like...

Looking like he could use
a cold beer.

Would you -- would you like
a cold beer, Andy?

Yeah, I'm gonna take that
as a yes.

No disrespect, uh...

Oh, it's still Shaun.

Yeah, no disrespect, Shaun,
[ Bottle cap pops ]

but, uh, can I talk to you
privately, Nina?

♪♪

[ Slurps ]

Okay.

Good on ya.

Very mature, Nina.

Super adult.

For a second there,
Uhh!
I thought you were gonna --

Do that. That -- that's
what I expected.

♪♪

[ Indistinct conversations ]

Lemon water
instead of beer.

What brought this on?

Don't get all smug.

It's just my regularly scheduled
liver cleanse.

[ Laughs ] Okay.

It's on my iCal.

-Uh-huh. Can I see that?
-No.

♪♪

On the phone, you said
you had a revelation.

You first, I guess.

Yeah.

I didn't take this project
just so you could see me

all cleaned up.

And I didn't really call you
all those times

just to brag
about my latest chip.

Okay, well, maybe a little.

But mostly, um, I came here
because I wanted to make sure

that all those things I was
doing back then didn't...

Ruin me?

Yeah, something like that.

And if you were hurting,

I wanted to do anything
and everything I could

to make it better.

What's wrong?

Well, Emma's back.

And she's pregnant.

And we're together again,
the three of us.

-Jack's wife?
-Ex-wife.

-She's pregnant?
-Mm-hmm.

And --
and Jack's the father?

Yeah. She's keeping it.

[ Scoffs ]

So what does that make you?

We were together
when it happened.

So the baby is ours,
not just theirs.

Jesus, Isabelle.

-Excuse me?
-Please just listen to me.

It is only a matter of time
before those two gravitate

back to the world
that they know,

to the way things were.

How long are you gonna
live their life

instead of your own?
-Are those boots?

What?

Are those...boots?

Yeah.
Yeah, these are the boots

that I didn't get you
for your 17th birthday.

Only, um, a lot better.

What?

[ Scoffs ]

-Wow.
-Goddamnit, Izzy.

How many times am I gonna have
to run after you?

-I'm just trying to --
-Save me?

Is that what you think
I need?

What did I do?

You didn't miss
my 17th birthday, Ben.

What are you talking about?

Oh, God.

You were drunk already
when we met for lunch

at a skank ass bar.

You've been AWOL for about,
I don't know, a month.

You looked so sick,
it scared the hell out of me.

You bought me boots.

Wrong ones, wrong size.

Downed about 4 double vodkas
in 20 minutes

and then promptly dropped off
the edge of the earth

until about this time
last year.

Maybe my life isn't what
you expected

'cause it sure as hell
is not what I expected.

But I'm not broken.

Not like you were.

So if you came here
to save me,

you shouldn't have
fucking come at all.

♪♪

[ Door closes ]

♪♪

[ Indistinct conversations,
laughter ]

♪♪

-Jack: Here it comes. Yes.
-Aw.

What am I looking at here?
Is this, uh...

UFO footage? Come on.

-Oh.
-I'm kidding.

You guys did good.

Guys, congratulations.
[ Glasses clink ]

Are you kidding me?
You've been through it
three different times but...

[ Laughs ] Hey!
How many kids do you have?
I forget.

Hey.

Hey. How long have you
been there?

Sorry, I just had a really
weird meeting with my dad,

so I'm just still a little,
like, ah. [ Laughs ]

-Are you okay?
-What happened?

She had a meeting
with her dad?

We can talk about it later.
Just sit down.
I'll get you a glass.

Okay.
Iz, this wasn't
a planned thing.

No, we were downtown and hadn't
seen the sonogram yet.

Huh?

Should I be mad? I caught you
guys having wine and cheese,

[ Laughter ]
not an orgy.

-It's amazing, right?
-I'm -- I'm good.

Okay.
Okay.

Mm-hmm.

[ Dish clatters ]

Kind of looks like a gnocchi.

[ Laughs ]
Six weeks.
It's pretty accurate.

Yeah.

♪♪

Hey, so Izzy, will you be
joining us as we celebrate

our hard-fought
independence tomorrow?

What?

Isn't -- isn't that
the 4th of July?

Did you guys move it
when I wasn't looking?

Ah.
No, this is when
Hawthorne Heights

was incorporated,
when we escaped

the brutal tyranny
of Raleigh Hills.

Yes, my liege.
[ Laughter ]

See, Izzy?
We still day drink

even after selling our souls
for better schools

and lower crime.
Yes, we just make up ludicrous
holidays as an excuse.

Love you, babe.
[ Glasses clink ]

-You have to come.
-Mm.

Unfortunately, I have
a shift at Directions.

Oh.

And then probably a...
Feels like a...

[ Clears throat ]
...bad cold?

You don't have to come.
It's okay.

-I know it's not your thing.
-Unless you actually wanna go?

Hmm? Did you say something?

Uh-oh. It means the cold's
barreling through.

Hey, you know,
for future reference,

if you really wanna sell it,

you gotta -- you gotta almost,
like, abrade your esophagus.

-[ Clears throat ]
-Yeah. Uh-huh.

[ Both clearing throats ]

That, I buy.

♪♪

You have a Master's degree?
Excellent.

That's actually something
we insist upon for our nanny.

Our toddler and pre-toddler
crave elevated discourse.

I will bring my "A" game.
Maybe we'll start a book club.

[ Laughter ]

Wow. Great crowd.

You know, if you hire me,
I'm literally here all week.

Oh. We have seen a lot
of clunkers.

Yeah, it's pretty grim
out there, right?

-Hear it all the time.
-So French Lit.

My employment possibilities
are infinite.

My parents were thrilled.

-Why don't you teach?
-I like to think I do.

So obviously, you speak --

Francais? Oui.

Je parle couramment et aimerais
aider vos enfants à apprendre.

Okay, I don't know what
you just said,

but your very existence
makes me wish
we had 11 more kids.

[ Laughs ] I said, yes,
I am fluent.

And I would be thrilled
to teach your children,

if you're okay with that.
-[ Exhales deeply ]

I'm only semi-fluent, though,
in Spanish. Sorry.

-That is so disappointing.
-So when can you start?

-Tomorrow?
-Okay, what's the catch?

You're either a slaver
or a cannibal.

Does it have to be just one?

Okay. This is officially one of
the three best days of my life.

Are you saying this is better
than our wedding day?
Honey, we have two kids.

You got shitfaced,
grinded on my great-aunt,
when she was 80, so yes.

It's one of the three
best days of her life,
I'll tell you that right now.

[ Laughs ]

She's laughing at my jokes,
honey.

She laughs at my jokes.
You see that?
I heard that, sweetie, yes.

Anyway,
on to the tawdry details,

my rate is $40 an hour,

minimum five hours per day,
five days per week.

Time and a half after 6.

Hello? Are you guys
still with me?

Guess we know why
you don't teach.

I tell you what, why don't you
write ads for skin tag cream

and I'll do your job?
Better pay, shorter commute.

[ Laughs ]

[ Laughs ]
It's funny 'cause it's true.

Au Revoir.

♪♪

[ Exhales sharply ]

Okay, so what about
the law student?

Um...Josh or Jake.

The kid that showed up drunk

and eye fucked you
the entire time?

Yeah, yeah, that...
that one.

[ Exhales sharply ]

♪♪

We can start
looking at daycares.

[ Kisses ]

[ Sighs ]

Thank you.

Mm.

Hey. [ Kissing ]

-Why are you dressed?
-Breakfast. Wanna come?

What time is it?

It's almost 9.

Oh, this is ridiculous.
Come back to bed.

Everybody knows breakfast
doesn't start till noon.

It's, like, the place
in Hawthorne Heights.
We're going to Trough.

We used to eat there
every Sunday.

Oh, if it's called Trough,
how can it not be super cool?

[ Chuckles ] It is. The wait
staff looks down on everybody

barely tolerate you.
It's awesome.
like they can just

Well, there's, um, there's
an open thesis workshop at 10.

I should go, too.

Four pages of the menu are
devoted just to pancakes.

-Mm.
-Four.

It's hard to resist.

[ Whispers ] Four.

Damnit.

What?

I'm intrigued.

-Oh, she's coming.
-Nice.

♪♪

Morning.

[ Siren wailing in distance ]

You look like shit,
and I mean that literally.

Uh-huh.

You know, it started with
this chick that I'm in love with

gut punched me.

Then there was
a lot of, uh,

I wanna say rum.

I'm pretty sure the pirate part
was a dream, though.

You know, woke up -- woke up
here roughly 10 seconds ago.

That's, uh,
that's a great story.

Bye-bye.

Whoa, whoa. Wait, wait,
wait, wait. Please.

I appreciate it, okay?
Thank you.

For what?
Showing up so I can
double you over.

The terror in your eyes
before you caught your breath

was so fulfilling.
-Well, it's not exactly --

Look, I have a thesis workshop,
like, one minute ago.

So this is where we part
ways forever, okay?

I'm gonna wish you the best,

while secretly hoping that
you stumble off a curb

into the path
of a speeding bus.

Wait.

I'm depressed.

Yeah, a speeding bus
should clear that right up.

I stopped the meds, like,
four years ago,

which is
around the time that

the serial monogamy thing
started.

You know,
tap into the romance rush

and then cut and run
as soon as it wears off.

Where did you go?

Salem.

My parents' house.

Fine. Outside Dennis Hall
in an hour.

Thank you.

And for fuck's sake,
take a shower.

Will do.

♪♪

I'm gonna sit back...

I'm gonna sit back down
for a minute.

♪♪

Did we step back in time
or what?

Mm. It's exactly how
I remember it.

-[ Chuckles ]
-How old is this place again?

Uh, two, three years?

Oh, wow. It's like
I'm bathing in history.

[ Indistinct conversations ]

Hey, there she is.

You're back. Awesome.

This place is lit today.
Am I right?

-Off the hizook.
-What is he doing?

No, it's just...

These people next to us
are, like, super extra, too.

I don't know
if you've seen 'em.

Hey, so can we not?
Because I'm super hungover.

She's playing a role.

Would you like to
take our order?

Am I standing by your table
with a pen and a notepad?

-Well, fuck me, then.
-[ Laughs ]

Oh, you're so good at that.

I will have the uzhe.

Stands for the "usual."

We will both have
the chocolate chip
blueberry pancakes

Thank you.
and a side of bacon.
That's right.

And I will have the same.

[ Sighs ] We have such a good
thing going on, she and I.

We have this, like,
dry banter back and forth.

I don't know
if you guys noticed.

-Oh, yeah?
-Yeah.

I'm sure she sees it
the same way, too, babe.

Hey, I'm really glad you came.

I'm making an effort.

And also, I'm gonna come by
Hawthorne Day.

I'm bringing Nina
for moral support,

but I'll be there.

-Oh, cool.
-All right.

All right.

Right. I don't know why
I expected otherwise.

What are you talking about?

Mm. Just the first time
the three of us

have been out together here.
-No, that -- that's not true.

Yep, just look at anybody,
anybody in this room.

[ Murmuring ]

You know this wouldn't
happen downtown.

We can take a vote now.
I vote for downtown.

I'm gonna say something.
No, we should say it together,
you know?

-Like a solidarity thing.
-No, you guys, please.

-Do not -- do not do that.
-I'm with unicorn here.

-Don't make it weird.
-Thank you.

[ Indistinct conversations ]

She is awesome.
Yeah, she's...on fleek.

Oh, God.

Did you go on Urban Dictionary
before we got here?

Because I, like...

Do you even know
what that is?

Yeah, it's when if somebody
comes into a room.
No.

-No.
-You give them like a salute.

What?

♪♪

Hope you're happy.

Your stupid abs
broke my hand.

Seriously?

Probably not, but it hurts.

I'm sorry.

Why didn't you tell me?

That I've been doing
a lot of crunches?

About your weird
self-treatment program.

I...didn't figure it out
until I lost you.

[ Scoffs ] Okay, you didn't
lose me, Andrew.

You choreographed a series
of bullshit arguments

ramping to a breakup.

Usual pattern?

More or less, yeah.

The difference is
what happened after.

I, uh, I got drunk.

Did that sound more likely

to inspire sympathy
in your head?

For five days.

Woke up in the hospital,

and my parents had to come
and take me home.

Then what?

Got up one morning, my Pops
already had my backpack filled.

Meds included.

Spent a couple weeks
camping.

Well, that explains
the weird woodsy selfies.

Yeah.

So...so wait, you're telling me
that -- that women stopped

working as your anti-depressants
because...

Because I fell in love
for real.

Fucking it up with you,
it ran me off the rails,

over the cliff, and I, uh...

So what? I take you back
or you off yourself?

Really? You're gonna
drop all your shit
on top of my shit?

I just want you to know what
I said that night, I, um...

It's not me, it's you?

Yeah, there's nothing
wrong with you.

You are absolutely perfectly
Nina Martone.

That's pretty fucking
amazing.

Uh, I am super late
for work.

And for the sake of my exit,
let's just both pretend

I care about that.

Okay.
I'm gonna need a beat
to process this, okay?

Yeah, definitely,
definitely.

Nice ass.

-Too soon.
-Okay.

♪♪

♪♪

Hey!

How's that hand, Rocky?

It's fine.

It hurts. I, uh, I can't even
make a decent fist.

Yeah, well, that's --
that's probably for the best.

Here, let's see.

[ Ice rattles ]

[ Chuckles ]

♪♪

You're being weird.

How am I being weird?
I'm icing your hand.

No. Say something.

[ Whispers ] About what?

About the fact that
we were roughly an inch
from kissing again

when Andy Cutler strolled
back into the movie.

Oh, that. [ Laughs ]

Yeah, I know, I totally
blocked that out.

I mean, that seems like
ages ago now, right?

Well, apparently losing me
put him in a straitjacket.

♪♪

Does that make you
feel better?

A little.

A lot.

Is it just me
or did he get smaller?

Do you know? He looked anemic.
He looked ill.
[ Laughs ]

I mean, he just curdled,
I mean, he --

Okay, okay, on a scale
from 1 to 10

with the options being
9 or 10,

how jealous are you
right now?

-Me?
-Yeah.

-Jealous?
-Yeah.

Of that little sad waif
you bitch beat yesterday?

-Mm-hmm.
-Come on.

You beat up a waif? Why?
Actually, don't tell me.

You can tell me on the way
to Hawthorne Heights.

-Hi, Shaun.
-Oh, shit. Sorry, Iz.

What?
I-I can't go. I didn't have
time to formulate an excuse,

but I just remember that
I hate it there.

You wanna go to
a super fun party.

-I do.
-He doesn't.

-I don't?
-He does.

-Now?
-Yes.

You got this, right, bud?

Can we at least
make fun of them?

-Why wouldn't we?
-Fine.

[ March playing ]

♪♪

[ Indistinct conversations ]

It was like a war movie.

There was just explosions
in the air

as far as the eye can see.

We were taking heavy fire.
It was total chaos.

People hiding behind trees
and shielding their children.

In my memory, everything was
in slow motion.

There was a kind of
a dramatic soundtrack

playing in the background.

And I dropped to my knees
like Willam Dafoe

at the end of "Platoon"
with the silent scream.

Yeah, but that actually
happened.

I mean, you really did that.

-I did?
-Yep.

And that, Hannah, is why we no
longer incorporate fireworks

into Hawthorne Day.

[ Laughs ]

-I'm talking about Jack.
-Yeah, we get it, man. Thanks.

Man, I'm feeling a little bit on
the outside looking in here.

Oh, no, no, just -- just laugh
when everybody else laughs.

And then eventually we'll all
assume you were here.

No, I mean, it must be
intimidating

with all this history,
but you'll find your place.

Or not. No, you will.
I mean time will tell.

Yeah, yeah, no, yeah, yeah.

I mean, it's kind of like
leaving a paper trail

on your way north and burning
all your numbers,

and then just trying to drop
back in like it never happened.

No, but like you said,
time will tell so...

Uh, is this over me?
Like a friendship triangle?

Because I will milk
the shit out of it.

-Okay.
-I miss this.

I miss...this place.
I miss you guys.

I miss...pretty much all of it.

You know your unabashed
sincerity is kind of

making me uncomfortable.

Not as uncomfortable as that
Castro beard is making me.

Castro beard?
There's my guy.

How long have you had that
in the hopper?

-Tip of the hat.
-Tip of the -- just...

Sorry I got the bigger hat, too.
[ Laughter ]

It's okay.
I got the bigger penis.

Hey, the Wilbergs are putting
their place up on the market.

So if you ever decide that
a third story loft

with no elevator is not

the ideal way
to raise a child...

I bet I could get you guys in
for an advanced screening.

Hey, speaking of screening,

you know, we could probably
finally figure out

if the legends are true
and they really have

a 4K stereo surround sound
Dolby digital theater system

in their basement! My God!

Wow. Do you guys need
some alone time or...

-It's fine.
-Just really love technology.

Oh, I get excited.

So what do you say, Trakarskys,
do you wanna check it out?

Izzy said she'd rather sleep
under a bridge.

I don't think a home theater
system's gonna sway her.

I mean, we can check it out,
right? What's the harm in that?

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[ Clears throat ]

You look lost...

Are you looking for the party?

I'm looking
for my girlfriend.

Or maybe my ex-girlfriend.
I'm not really sure anymore.

Kylie.

Izzy.

-Jack: God, I love that house.
-Dave: What's not to love?

I'd live there.

♪♪

Well, fuck.

Forever" playing ]
[ Sousa's "Stars and Stripes

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪