All language subtitles for The.Ugly.Dachshund.1966.WEB-DL.x264-RARBG

[ Rooster crowing ]

[ Muttering ]
Seven, eight, nine...

Fran, I'm calling the doctor.
Everything all right?

[ Woman ] Yes, dear,
but we'd better hurry.
All right. Just remain calm.

[ Man on phone ]
Hello?
He-hello.

Hello? Who's calling?
Yeah, doc.
Hang on just one second.

Hello? Hello?
Who is this?
Doc, it's mark Garrison.

Oh, mark.
I hate to wake you up
so early...

she feeling any pain?
Yeah, it's starting. She thinks
it'll be pretty soon now.

Well, I-I'd think you'd
better get over here.
Uh-huh. Okay, we're on our way.

Thanks.
Bye, mark.

Hey, honey, I got doc pruitt.
I'm gonna bring the car
around front.

All right, dear.

Morning, Mr. Garrison.
You're up pretty...

[ Tires squealing ] Early.

- Take it easy, now. Sit.
- [ Milkman ] I'll get the door
for you, Mr. Garrison.

No, I got it.
So, this is the morning,
eh, Mrs. Garrison?

Don't worry about a thing,
Mrs. Garrison.

Just let me know when
you want to hike your order.

[ Tires screeching ]

You're not worried,
are you, honey?

No, but I wish
we were there.
Hmm.

[ Engine revs ]

Only a couple of minutes
more now, honey.

[ Siren wailing ]

Oh, boy.
That's just great.

Mark, we can't stop now.
No.

The hospital.

[ Siren resumes ]

Well, now, that's what
I call service.

[ Brakes screech ]

Okay, on the ball.
We got a special delivery.

All right, let's get goin'.
Come on, go get a stretcher.

Well, how do you like that?

Be careful, sweetheart.

All right, what's the big I...

oh, officer,
I can't thank you enough.

- We never would have made it
in time without you.
- Yeah, thanks a lot, officer.

Oh, Dr. pruitt.
Now, now, everything's
going to be all right.

Ohh...
now, don't worry.
Don't... I-I-I'll take her.

[ Whistles ] A dog?

Well, yeah.
Yeah, I thought
you knew, officer.

You see, this is the first time
my wife's had pups... I mean,
the dog has had pups, and I...

she gets...
[ Laughing ]

[ Chuckles ]
Well, how do you
like that?

Yeah, yeah.

Boy, wait'll the boys
hear about this one.
Yeah.

A dog!

I certainly appreciate
everything you've done, officer.

My wife was pretty nervous.
You know how women get
at a time like this.

Yeah, don't
they always?
Yeah.
Couldn't see it myself.

Comin' to the hospital,
and all. Way I remember it,
dogs were, uh...

they had their puppies at home
in, in a basket or a closet.

Yeah, mine had hers
in a bureau drawer,
right in my shirts.

Is that a fact?
Ha ha!
Yeah.

How about that?
Thanks for your trouble,
officer.

No trouble at all.
Now, just a minute here, now.
Let's see what we got here.

We got 60 in a 35.
Oh, now wait
a minute, now.

Crossing a center line.
I followed it
right around, honest.

Running a boulevard stop.
I did stop.
I did, I did!

No, sir, you-you
only slowed down.

We got doin'
50 Miles an hour
in a hospital zone.

[ Stammering ]
Well, I'm sure I wasn't doing
any more than, uh, buh, 40.

Forty?
Yeah.

Okay.
Forty Miles per hour
in a 25 mile zone.

Do you have
a driver's license, sir?

[ Chuckles ]
Left it home.
Yeah.

That's understandable
in an emergency like this.
Mm-hmm.

By golly, a fella gets up
in the morning, puts the first
clothes on he can find,

never checks his pockets.
[ Chuckles ]
[ Groans ]

Happens every time.

No operator's license.

This your car, sir?
Well, of course it's my car!

What's your name, sir?
Mark Garrison.

Your address?
336 north bowling green drive.

Your business address?
The same.

I work at home.
I'm an artist.

Engine number?
Engine number?

Now, why in the world would
I know the engine number?
Okay, okay, it's your car.

I'll take your word for it.
[ Chuckling ]
Thanks!

Sign here, please.

[ Chuckling ]

You forget something, maybe?

No parking.

[ Chuckling ]
I'd move the car,
Mr. Garrison.

[ Fran ] Oh, wonderful, doctor.

Mark!
Mark, we made it just in time.
Danke had a puppy.

Oh, that's great honey.
That's just great.

[ Motorcycle revving ] Bye!

Oh, wasn't he sweet?

You know, mark,
policemen must have
a benevolent fund or something.

- Couldn't we give a donation?
- I'm giving, hon.
Believe me, I'm giving.

Mrs. Garrison. Two more.
I think that'll be all.

Mark, three puppies!
I can't wait to see them!

I'll be in as soon
as I move the car.

Uh, when can we take them home?
Tomorrow. That'll give the pups
a chance to get a good start.

[ Happy sigh ]
Hey, doc.
Hmm?

Those three puppies...
all females, right?

- Yeah, right.
- My luck's holding.

[ Car engine revs ]

Gertrude.

Gertrude Von dankelein.

[ Clicks tongue,
sighs disgustedly ]

Martha Von dankelein.

Did you call me, honey?
Huh? Oh, oh, no. I'm just
trying to think of names...

For the puppies.
What's the hurry?

They have to be registered
so they can get their papers.

You can't begin to
get them in shows
until you get their papers.

And you laughed when Jim
carstairs enrolled his son at
Yale the day after he was born.

Winifred Von dankelein.

Irma...

matilda.
[ Sighs ]

It's been a long day, honey.
I mean, a very long day.

[ Kissing ]
Hildegarde,
dagmar, ermitrude.

Good night, love.
Huh?
Oh, good night, honey.

Mark?
What do you think of these:

Frieda, esmeralda, Ludmilla?

Fran.

- Daphne, dora, Diana?
- Francis!

Yes, dear.

Isolde, alberta, brunnhilde?

Heide... clothilde...
Wilhelmina?

Don't question it, doc.
I want to get
some sleep tonight.

Huh? Get you...
[ Chuckles ] Oh, yeah.
I get it!

Are the pups ready?
Yeah, I'll get them
for you in a minute.

There's one thing
I've got to do first.
All right. No hurry.

[ Chuckling ]
Clothilde. Oh, my, my.

[ Dogs yipping ]

[ Dr. pruitt ]
Quiet, quiet.

- Eh, yeah. Okay, girl.
- Great Dane, huh?

Yeah-huh.

Easy, now.
Easy, now, fella.

E-easy, now.
Easy, now, little fella.

Easy, now.
I've got ya, I've got ya.

That's my idea of a real dog.

Ahh, the greatest.

And duchess there is
the best Dane I've ever owned.
She's yours, huh?

Ahh, she sure is.

Just between
the two of us, doc,

I'd give my back teeth
to have a dog like that.

Okay, all right.
[ Pup yips ]

All right, all right. Don't
get excited. I'm getting to it.

Okay, all right.
Take it easy, take it easy.

All right. Boy.

All right, come on now.
Come on, come on, come on.

What's the matter
with this one?
Oh, nothing yet, nothing yet.

Eh, heh.
Looks like he's not hungry.

Oh, he's hungry, all right.
He's just not taking
to the formula, that's all.

All right, come on now.
Why don't you put him back
with his mother?

No, no, no.
That wouldn't work,
that wouldn't work.

Why not?
Well, it's a case of too much
litter and too little milk.

Duchess just picked him out
and pushed him away.

Pushed him away?
Her own pup?

Well, they do that sometimes.
It's funny the tricks
nature plays, huh?

[ Chuckles ] Hmm.

Now you take that dachsie
of yours, danke.
She's got too much milk.

Yeah.
Why, should could feed
her three pups and...

say...

[ chuckles ]
Ah, no. No, no, no, doc.

Now, just so the dachsie
could wet-nurse him?
Mm-mm. Not interested. Sorry.

Oh, no. Wait,
don't get me wrong, now.

I'm not trying to sell him.
I'd be glad to give him away
just to keep him alive.

No, no. Absolutely not, doc.
Mm-mm.

Well, I guess you're right.

No place for a great Dane
with a family that likes
dachsies anyway, huh?

Here, see what
you can do with him.
Well, uh...

I'll go get your pups.
Oh.

'Kay. Hmm!

One drop at a time.
Oh, yeah. Okay.

Well, now, wa-wait.
Ho-hold on, there.

Hold on, there.
Come here, come here.

He... hey, come on,
take some of this, now.

Come on, now.
Get it down.

That's one.

[ Horn honking ]

Oh, mark, I thought
you'd never get here.

Fran, wait just a minute.
Oh, danke, I bet you're glad
to be home again, huh?

Look, Fran, there's something
I have to tell ya.
Oh, my three little darlings...

danke! Mark,
she had another puppy!

[ Chuckles ]
Yeah, well, sort of.

Why didn't doc pruitt call us?
Uh, well, he fig...
honey, this dog here...

oh, isn't she funny looking?

She's a he.
What do you mean,
funny looking?

Well, different.
Well,
it is different.

Well, I guess it's because
he was born later, huh?

Uh, well, uh...
mark it's getting too chilly
for the puppies out here.

Why don't you bring them in?
I'll warm some milk for danke.
Fran, I have to tell you this...

you know, mark, you really ought
to be nicer to danke now.
Why?

For having a boy puppy.
He's what you always
wanted, isn't he?

Yeah. He sure is.

Come on in, fella.
Dinner's ready.

Rover.

Prince.

- Butch. Come here, butch.
Come here, fella.
- [ Pups whimpering ]

- Hi. How're things
in the nursery?
- Fine.

Good, good.

[ Clicks tongue ] Mark...

Do you think
that puppy's all right?
Which one?

- The male.
Something seems wrong to me.
- What's the matter with him.

Well, haven't you noticed?
His head and his feet
are all out of proportion.

Mark, he is positively ugly.

Well, I wouldn't say
that he was ugly.

Well, I suppose he'll change
when he grows up.

Oh, yeah, yeah.
He... he'll change dear.
He certainly will.

Hey, what do you think
it should be?

- What do I think
what should be?
- His name.

- We gotta have a name for him.
- Oh, I don't know.
You pick it. I've run dry.

Yeah, okay.
How 'bout, uh...

but, mark, nothing like,
uh, sport or butch or rover.

I mean, that dog
has champion bloodlines.

Well, it should be a name
with some kind of... dignity.

How about brutus?

[ Chuckling ] Brutus?

Yeah, that has dignity
and nobility to it. Brutus.

I mean it has a-a-a solidity
and a strength about it.

It's, uh... brutus.

You know... I like that.

Well, it's up to you dear.
But frankly, it doesn't sound
much like a dachshund to me.

[ Muttering ]
Oh, no, no, it doesn't
sound like a, uh...

it sounds like
a champion, though.

[ Phone ringing ]

Hello.
[ Dr. pruitt ]
Hello, mark.

Oh, hello, doc.
How are the dachsies?

They're just fine, doc.
And the Dane?

Yeah, yeah. No, he's great too.
No feeding problems at all.

[ Dr. pruitt continues,
indistinct ]
No, no objections.

Is Mrs. Garrison
changing her mind?
As a matter of fact,

I haven't
told her yet, doc.
She's not blind.

Well, I know she's not blind.
Well, he must be getting
pretty big by now.

Well, I figure I've still got
a couple of days. They're not
even out of the basket yet, doc,

and, and, I want to give her
a chance to like it, you know.

[ Dr. pruitt continues,
indistinct ]
[ Fran ] Mark!

Uh, the preliminary sketches...
I'm working on right now,
Mr. Dayton.

I should have them by the
end of the week. Thank you.
I'll see you then. Bye.

Am I interrupting you?
Uh, no, no dear.
Nothing important.

Harry Dayton is a little nervous
about that cover I'm doing
for his magazine.

Oh, is this it?
Uh, well, that's one
of my ideas, yeah.

Why, those are
the dachsies, eh?
Uh-huh.

That-that's sweet. But, uh,
what is that big thing they're
staring at so adoringly?

Well, uh,
tha-that's a, uh...

I haven't decided yet, actually.
It's a larger animal
of some kind.

You know, eh, for contrast.
Oh, yeah, that's,
that's a good idea.

You know, a great Dane
might be effective.

You really think so?
Mm-hmm.
But you should be using...

Danke and the puppies
for models.
[ Chuckles ]

They're a little too small
for that yet, dear.
[ Chuckles ]

Well, you haven't noticed
how fast they're growing.

Come on, girls.

[ Yipping ]

Well, how about that!
They're out of the basket.

- [ Whining ]
- And brutus.

Well, will you
look at him, huh?

Hey, look at
the way he's...
he-he's growing.

[ Forced chuckle ]
Kind of like a weed, huh?

Or like a great Dane?

Now, just hang on a minute.

Just hold on there now
for a minute, Fran.
I can explain everything.

Like you've been explaining
everything for the last
couple of weeks?

There's nothing wrong
with brutus.
He's not different,

it's just that he was
born later.
I didn't say that. You did.

What do you say now?
You still going to tell me
that's a dachshund?

I didn't say that, Fran.
Not once did I say that
that was a dachshund.
No, no!

You were sneaky about it.
You took advantage of me,
mark.

I, I never thought you could be
that deceitful and sneaky.

Oh, now, come on, Fran.
Sneaky! I mean, you-you
could've come out like a man...

And told me you were going
to bring that dog home
instead of hiding it;

smuggling it in
with the puppies, mark.

Sneaky, sneaky, sneaky!
Okay, okay. I'm sneaky.

Mark, I-I really never thought
that you could do something...

That sneaky!
Well, if you give me just
a minute, I'll tell you.

I don't believe you.
You haven't
heard me yet!

Well, I'm never gonna
believe you again.
Oh, I'm sorry.

Well, for
goodness' sakes.
I'll fix it.

Fran.
Fran, if I hadn't...
[ Yipping ]

Come here, little fella.

If I hadn't brought this
poor little puppy home,
he would've starved.

- Starved?
- That's right.

Came from a big litter,
he couldn't get enough
to eat and, and, and,

Fran, his own mother
pushed him away.
No!

That's right.
Oh, poor brutus.
Ohh.

When danke had her pups,
well, she had too much milk,

so, uh, Dr. pruitt asked
if she couldn't wet-nurse him
till he was weened, that's all.

I tell you, I-I just didn't
have the heart to refuse.
I really didn't.

I'm sure you
wouldn't have either.
Oh, of course not.

Oh, poor brutus.
I'm sorry for all
the nasty things I said.

Then you agree I did
the right thing, hmm?

Oh, mark! Don't you think
I have any heart at all?

I'm sorry, darling.
I should've known.

Then we can keep him, huh?

Certainly not.
He's been weened.

He and doc pruitt'll
get along just fine now,
sweet baby.

Come on, danke.
[ Claps hands ]

Come on, girls.
[ Barking ]

He's a fine little fella, doc.
Hope you find a good home
for him, hmm?

Hey, doc?
Hmm?

- His name's brutus.
- Brutus.

Yeah.

[ Starts engine ]

[ Approaching footsteps ]

Mark?
Huh?

Here's your lunch.
Oh. Okay, just, uh,
sit 'er down there.

How's it going?
Terrible, terrible.

I haven't had a decent idea
all morning. Working, working
away. Nothing happening.

Four weeks
and you're still angry.

Angry about what?
Brutus.

That is ridiculous.
You see? You see,
you are angry.

Fran, I'm not a child,
you know. I mean, when I say
I'm not angry, I'm not angry.

You forgot the cream.

Do you know how you have been
acting lately? Hmm?

So cold and distant.

You hardly ever talk to me.
You never smile.

[ Sighs ] That bad, huh?

[ Chuckles ] Worse.

I am a heel.
Hmm.

I apologize.

And I don't have any more
problems about dogs.
Mm.

Okay?
Okay.

[ Low whine ]

To make it official,
we're gonna spruce up tonight.

We're gonna go out on the town,
we're gonna see a show, we're
gonna have dinner. [ Kissing ]

Put our glad rags on.
Well, I, uh,
I have a class tonight.

Mm?
Class in what?
In grooming.

Are you kidding?
You look beautiful.
Uh, for dachshunds.

Dachshunds?

Well, we could celebrate
tomorrow. You know,
tomorrow is your birthday.

That's really something
to cele... you're angry again,
right?
Heh?

No. No, I'm not angry.

See? I'm smiling.

Okay. Tomorrow it is.

But right now, why don't you
get out of here,
let me eat my lunch...

And let me get
some work done, hmm?
Mm-hmm.

[ Pup yipping ]

[ Barks ]

Fran, I brought the car
around front.

¶¶ [ Humming "Happy Birthday" ]

Hey, what's goin' on?
It's darn near 6:15.

A birthday calls for champagne.

Well, that's very nice of you,
dear, but we don't have time.

They won't hold our table
past 7:00.
Oh, we have plenty of time...

all evening,
because we're staying home.

We're what?
Well, I thought we'd have
a private party of our own.

Yeah, but, honey, what about
the reservations? And I got
tickets for the philharmonic.

Mark, it'll be
so much nicer here...
just us.

So cozy.
Ohh.

[ Both chuckle ]

On second thought,
that's not a very bad idea.
I thought you might say that.

To you, my dear.

Besides, we couldn't
possibly celebrate
without the dachsies.

[ Coughing, gagging ]
Oh, mark! Mark,
are you all right?

Without the what?
Why, danke
and the girls.

Why, after all, mark,
it is a family affair
and they are family.

They... they're dogs, honey.
Oh, mark,
you know what I mean.

No, I don't. Now, look,
it's my birthday, right?
Right.

That makes me king
for the day, right?
Right.

Means I can do whatever
I want to do, right?
Right.

All right.
I don't want to do anything
with the dachsies.

Oh, mark, now, I planned
such a wonderful evening.
Don't spoil it.

You come over here, mark, and
you sit down. You just relax
and you drink your champagne.

I'll be right back.

Come on, girls.

Hurry, now.

[ Whimpers ]

Come on.

Hurry.

That's it.

[ Pups yipping ]

Come on, danke.
You're holding up the party.

¶ Happy Birthday to you ¶

¶ Happy Birthday to you ¶

¶ Happy Birthday, dear mark ¶

¶ Happy Birthday to you ¶ mm.

All right, girls.
Come on, now, line up.
Go on.

Will you blow out
your candle?
Mm!

There, now your wish'll
come true.

Now you can open your presents.

Here. This one's
from wilhelmina.

From wilhelmina.
Well.

I wonder what could be
in this necktie box.
[ Chuckles ]

Well, imagine that.
A necktie.
She picked it out herself.

Well, ah, my favorite colors.
Goes with anything, doesn't it?

I... and this
is from Heidi.
From Heidi.

[ Whimpers ]

- A soup spoon?
- That's a pipe.

Oh. There we go.

- It's the latest kind.
- You should've told Heidi.

I stopped smoking
two months ago.
Oh, I forgot.

Well, uh, this is from Chloe.

From Chloe. Mm-hmm.

Let's see what we have here.

Just what I always wanted:
A box.

Well, open it!

¶¶ [ Music box: "Where has
my little dog gone" ]

Oh... that's the wrong tune.

The one in the store played
"the blue danube."

Uh, well, this is from danke.

From danke. Well.

You like it?

I have no idea.
Well, don't you know
what that is?

Should I?

Danke didn't know what to buy
you, so she took her favorite
bone and had it bronzed.

Well, mark, you could use it
for a paperweight.

A bronzed bone?

Well, don't you think
that's a cute idea?

Fran, there comes a time in
every man's life when he has
got to stand up and be counted,

- and my time is right now.
- Mark, if you are going
to count, count to ten.

I'm only going to say
this once, Fran.

I have had it with those
walking wieners!

I have had it!
I was willing to put up with
danke. Danke this, danke that.

Danke wins a two-cent piece
of ribbon. Look at it. You'd
think it was a nobel prize.

But I refuse to go
through the same routine
with those pups.

I refuse to... I refuse
to let them run my life.

I will not
have it anymore, Fran.
Keep 'em out of my way,

or they're really gonna
wind up sausages.

- [ Whimpering ]
- And thank you for
a very Happy Birthday.

Now, just one minute!
Just one minute, mark Garrison!

- [ Barks ]
- You are the most selfish,

thoughtless, inconsiderate,
ungrateful man I have ever met!
I'm selfish?

That is the most
ridiculous accusation that...

will you get your
whatever-it-is off my bed?
I want to relax.

That just happens to be my
birthday present to you, and
you can just move it yourself.

Well, thank you very much
for... for...

what in...

brutus! Fella!

Well! Hey!

Look at your hands!
Man, have you grown.

Good...

oh, boy.

I, um...

[ Whimpering ]
Don't know how
you put up with me.

I'm so blind.
And selfish!

That's right, yes.

And nasty!
Mm-hmm.

And mean.

And I just know
I'm gonna hate myself.

[ Whining ]

Come on, danke,
we'll try on your sweater.

Oh, brutus,
now you know better than that.
Go back where you belong.

- Go on. Go on.
- [ Growling, yipping ]

Danke, come. Come on.

That's my girl.
Try on your sweater, yes,
and see if it fits.

- You'll be the prettiest girl
on the whole block.
- [ Mark ] Fran?

Hmm?
Burp a baby for me,
will ya?

What?
Burp a baby.
I need it for a sketch.

Are the hands this way
or that way?
I don't know, I...

here, show me
with danke.
Oh, mark!

It'll just take
a minute. Stand up.
Oh!

Stand up. Pat her.
There.
That's the way.

[ Burps ]
Gesundheit.
[ Laughs ]

Yes. That's, uh...
hey, come out and pose
for me, would ya?

- Oh, mark, come on!
- It'll just take
a second, honey.

[ Both chattering ]

[ Barking ]

¶¶ [ Plunks keys ]

¶¶ [ Plunks keys ]

¶¶ [ Jazz ]

[ Snarling ]

[ Muffled barking ]

[ Slamming ]

Oh, brutus!
Mark, look what he's done.

Well, now, wait a minute.
How do you know he did it?

Well, you're not going to blame
those little angels, mark.
Just look at them.

You can tell they had nothing
to do with it.

Fran, one dog couldn't possibly
have done all of this.
No, not normally one dog.

Besides, there's no real harm
done, honey. It's just
a little yarn, that's all.

Just relax, now.
I can pick it all up...

- if I can find where it begins.
- Mark!

L-look out!

Mark, don't move!

- Aah!
- Mark! [ Screams ]

[ Sighs ]

Just a little yarn. Heh.

[ Barking ]
[ Fran talking, indistinct ]

Hold still.
Hold still, brutus.

Ready? One, two...

what happened?
You silly...
[ Brutus barking ]

Watch out. Watch out.

Come on, danke,
you look silly.
All right, all right.

Chloe, stay, stay.
You're gonna slip. Watch it.
Everybody smile. Ready?

Good boy, there. Take a break,
huh? Wait a minute. Okay.
One, two...

take it easy.
Oh, brutus!

Mark, will you look what he's
done?
Well, he just wants
to play with them.

He always wants to play
with them. He won't
leave 'em alone for a minute.

- Yeah.
- [ Yipping ]

- Do you think he really
believes he's their brother?
- Well, I hope not.

[ Doorbell rings ]
Would you get that, honey?
I want to finish this roll.

Hmm? Yeah, yeah.

Come on, girls, come on.

[ Kissing sounds ] Come on.

Morning.

Well, good morning,
Mr. Garrison.

You remember me.

Uh... oh, oh, yeah.

Hundred and ten dollars worth,
in fact.

Yeah, you sure piled 'em up
that morning, didn't ya?
Yeah, I certainly did.

Hey, you know somethin'?
What?

So far, nobody in the department
yet has written that many
violations in one day.

Is that a fact?
I hold a record.

I'm certainly happy
I could help you out there.
[ Chuckles ]

Is there something I could
do for you officer, uh...
carmody.

Carmody.
But it's, uh,
sergeant now.

Sergeant.
I'm not just on
highway patrol anymore.

No?
I'm on special detail.

Uh-huh.
Now, have you noticed any
suspicious-looking characters...

Around here lately?

Have you had
any problems at night?
No, no. Why?

Well, there's been a lot
of petty theft going on
in this neighborhood.

It looks like
it's the work of one man.
We call him "the cat burglar."

[ Chuckles ]

You're supposed to say,
"who in the world'd
want to steal a cat?"

I am?
Well, everybody does.

Oh! Oh, well, I guess
my sense of humor's
not what it should be.

[ Chuckles ]
But anyway,
this fella sneaks in,

grabs the first thing
he can lay his hands on
and sneaks right out again.

So you keep your eyes wide open.
Oh, I certainly will.
Yes, yes.

Uh, thank you
for the warning,
offic... uh, sergeant.

And it's been nice
talkin' to ya.
Yes, been nice, uh...

it's good to see you.

Give my regards to the missus.

Yes, yes.

And the family. Arf!
[ Laughs ]

And the family!
[ Barking ]

Come on, Chloe, up you go.
Come on. That's my girl.

Yes. Everybody
look at me, now.

Don't move, brutus,
or you'll distract them.

Who was that, dear?

It was the police.
They're looking for
a cat burglar.

[ Laughing ]
Isn't that silly?
Who'd steal a cat?

Eh...

you know who that was
out there?

You remember the, uh,
cop on the motorcycle that
escorted us to the hospital?

Oh, that nice patrolman,
finnegan.
No, no.

Carmody.
And he's a sergeant now.

He made sergeant
on my money.
[ Rueful chuckle ]

Every time I think about
that morning, I...

- brutus, no! Oh, no-o-o!
- [ Barking ]

Hey, what're you
hitting me for?

It took me 15 minutes
to get them in that pose.
Now look what he's done.

Honey, it's just
an old wheelbarrow.
Then you clean it up.

Come on, danke,
we'll go make lunch.

Come on baby. Whoa.
That's my girl.

- [ Barks ]
- [ Mark ] Hey, Fran.

Look at this.
He's learned to,
learned to fetch already.

Oh, marvelous, just marvelous.

Good boy.
Let me have it now.

- Let go, brutus, let go.
- [ Snarling ]

Let go of the wheel.

Brutus...
[ Muttering ]

Aah! Aah! Aah!

[ Whining ]

Well, now, maybe you could stand
a few improvements.

What happened?
Nothing. I just sat down
in the lily pond, that's all.

I'm gonna change clothes.

Honestly, mark,
you're getting to be
as clumsy as brutus.

[ Yipping ]

[ Brutus barking ]

[ Squeaking ]

[ Yipping continues ]

[ Barking continues ]

[ Wind gusting ]

- [ Barking continues ]
- [ Fran ] Mark!

[ Gasps ]

Oh!

[ Fran ]
Well! Now are you
satisfied? Hmm?

Mark, are you satisfied?
Or are you gonna try and blame
this on the dachsies too?

Why not?
We always do.
Fran...

of course, the fact that
the little, innocent things
are nowhere in sight...

Shouldn't make any difference;
They must be responsible.

They always are.

And poor, poor persecuted brutus
is blameless.

Of course, the fact that he has
paint all over him...

And paintings stuck
on his feet is merely
circumstantial evidence.

That doesn't prove anything.
Fran, will you shut up!

Oh... I'm sorry,
Fran, I...

I'm very sorry.

That's all right, mark.

I excuse your rudeness
on the grounds that you are
justifiably overwrought.

You needn't apologize.

But if you ever say
"shut up" to me again,
mark Garrison,

neither I nor the girls
will ever speak to you again.

- Oh, boy.
- [ Barking ]

Oh-h-h boy.

Twenty dollars
to scrape studio floor,

$23 to replace
two broken windows,

[ barking ]
$12 to repair easel.

What should I put down
for one month's work ruined?

Fran, it was my work
and it was my studio.

All right, mark.
Last week it cost me
$18 to repair...

My couch slipcovers, and $92...

To replace my mother's
broken vase.

Fran, brutus is still
a puppy at heart.

I know that, mark.
That is what worries me.

His career is just beginning.

Now, mark, that dog
is too destructive.
He has got to go.

[ Barking continues ]
No, he isn't, for...
shut up!

The puppy, shut up...
uh, brutus. Uh...

eh... look, Fran.

Brutus will you be quiet?

[ Sighs ]

Do you hear me, brutus?
Be quiet!

Oh, don't waste
your breath, mark.
He's as stubborn as you are.

Well, I'll... put him out
in the garage. What did I do
with that flashlight?

[ Fran, clapping hands ]
Come on.

Come on!
Come on! Yes!

Oh, here's my girls.
[ Muttering ]

All right, everybody on the
end of the bed, now. Come on,
it's time to go to sleep.

Go on. Go on, at the end
of the bed. Oh, now,
don't be silly. Come on.

There you are.
Oh, stop it, girls.

- No, girls, don't do that.
- Just calm down, now.

- [ Barking ]
- [ Mark ] Brutus, no!
- Aah!

Oh, boy.

[ Groaning ]
Come here, brutus.
Come here! Come here, now.

Honey, are you okay?

One new bed: $200.

All right, I... I give up.
He goes back to doc
first thing in the morning.

Come on, brutus

oh.
[ Crashing ]

Oh-ho!
[ Yipping ]

Oh-h-h!

Wait a minute.
Hold it, brutus.

Why couldn't you have been
good for something... anything?

Now, go on in there, fella.
Lie down.

[ Whines ]

This'll give you
plenty of air.
[ Whining ]

Be quiet.
[ Barking ]

Hush!

[ Whimpering ]

Hush up, brutus!

[ Jostling doorknob ]
Oh, great.
Beautiful, beautiful.

[ Inhales, exhales deeply ]

[ Grunting ]

The end of a perfect day.

[ Transmission clicks ]

[ Brakes squeak ]

[ Parking brake clicking ]

[ Slams ]

[ Steps creaking ]

- [ Low growl ]
- [ Creaking continues ]

[ Thudding ]

[ Low growl ]

[ Growling, barking ]

[ Whispering ]
Now, easy, boy, easy. Shh.

Lie down. Nice doggie.

[ Barking ]
Nice doggie, nice doggie.

You've got the wrong man.
Wrong man. I'm a policeman.
Shh-hh-hh!

Aa-aa-ah!

[ Muttering breathlessly ]

Puppy, puppy, puppy.
Puppy, puppy, puppy?

- [ Loud barking ]
- Oo-oo-ooh!

Nice doggie.

[ Fearful moaning, panting ]

[ Barking ] [ Moaning ]

[ Grunting ]

Waah! Get away!

[ Barking continues ]

Mark, don't fight it.

Ahh.
[ Carmody yelling ]
Mr. Garrison!

Mr. Garrison!

Get away! Go on!
Mr. Garrison!

Mr. Garrison!

Wake up!

It's me, sgt. Carmody!
Go on! Get away.

Go on! Get away.

Mr. garriso-o-on!

[ Man over radio ]
Calling sgt. Carmody, car 23.

Calling sgt. Carmody,
car 23.

Signal 15.

Investigate disturbance
on bowling green drive...
dog barking.

Repeat: Investigate disturbance
on bowling green drive...
dog barking.

That is all.

[ Door opening ]

Wish that paper'd show up...

[ Shouting ] Just once on time!

- [ Barking ]
- Brutus!

[ Hoarsely ]
Mr. garr... Mr. Garrison!

Mr. Garrison. Up here!

Sgt. Carmody!

What are you doin' up there?

[ Barking continues ]
Your dog chased me.

Hush. Come here. What?

Dog won't let me down.
I can't understand you.

- I-I, I can't talk.
- Hey, you haven't been up there
all night, have you?

Yeah.
What in the world for?

Your dog chased me!

Oh, you mean brutus chased...

how 'bout that?

Now, look,
will you take him away
and let me down?

Hey, you know, I bet he...

I bet he thought
you were the cat burglar.

- Fran!
- No, no, no, wait!
Would you please...

no, no, just a minute, sergeant.
I want to prove something
to my wife first. Fran!

Mark, what's wrong?
Hey, come here a minute.

- I want to show you something.
- Will you just let me down?

Fran, you remember sgt. Carmody.
He escorted to the hospital.

Lady, will you talk to him?
Will you please talk to him?

- Well, I don't know
what this is all about.
- Well, it's brutus.

I wanted you to see brutus. He
chased him up that tree there.
What do you think of that?

What do you think
I think, mark?
That's a police officer.

Now, how would brutus
know the difference?
Just a prowler to him.

In fact, he could've been
that burglar they're chasing
around town. He defended us!

He protected our property!
All right, mark,

but still, you...
honey, don't you see how
important he is to us?

How valuable?
If we keep him around here, why,
no burglar'd come within Miles!

- [ Mark giggles ]
- Mark, you've made your point.
We can discuss it later.

In the meantime, will you
please let the officer down
from the tree. [ Chuckles ]

Yeah. Okay. Just wanted
you to see, that's all.

Oh, uh, come on down, sergeant.

Dog. The dog.

Oh. Good boy, brutus.
Good boy.

Go on back to the house now.
Go on. Go on!

Okay, sergeant.
It's safe now.

Here, let me help.
Whoa!

[ Huffing ]
I don't need any help.
Oh.

Well, let me give you
a hand to the car.

No, no, no. Don't-don't
bother, Mr. Garrison.
Would you like some breakfast?

I'm not hungry.
How 'bout a cup
of coffee?

I'm not thirsty.
Want an aspirin?
Glass of water?

Look, look, look.
All I wanna do is
get outta here.
Oh. Okay.

Yeah.

Uh, drop in again
any time, sergeant.

Yeah.
[ Panting ]
So long, now.

Hoo!

[ Door slams ]

[ Clicking noise ]

This is sgt. Carmody in...
[ Clicking ]

This is sgt....
Sgt. Carmody in car...

[ engine churning ]

[ Barking ]

- [ Horn honks weakly ]
- [ Whines ]

[ Crying ] Oh, no!

[ Whines ]

[ Conversing Japanese ]

[ Rings ]

Oh, Mr. toyama.
Good morning,
Mrs. Garrison.

Well, you're early.
I wasn't expecting you
until later.

There is much
to be done.
Oh.

I bring kenjo,
newly imported
number one nephew.

Oh, would you mind starting
in the back? We haven't
finished breakfast yet.

As you wish.

- [ Yipping ]
- Dogs?

Uh, they're very friendly.
They won't bother you.

[ Dogs growl, yip ]

Quiet, girls!

Who was that?
Toyama.

So early?
Ah, there is
much to be done.

Oh, he's got to get
the decorations and the food
and the tables set up by 6:00.

What is this oriental bacchanal
costing us, anyway?

Mark, we haven't
entertained in six months.
We owe everybody.

Yes, I did make my hair
appointment. Yes, I did pick
my dress up at the cleaners.

That evasive answer means
it's costing a bundle, right?

Wrong. We're getting
a package deal:
Food, decorations,

everything for one
reasonable price.

Yes, I ordered the guest towels
for the bathroom.

No, I did not speak to mark
first thing this morning.
Sure, you did.

I said, "did you sleep well?"
You said, "make your own
breakfast."

About brutus.

Mark, you've got to
get rid of that dog.
Now, wait just a minute, Fran.

Now, let's not start that
again. Brutus is my dog,
and I am...

I mean for today, mark,
so he won't be underfoot.

I mean, it's difficult enough
to prepare a lawn party
for 60 people...

Without that four-legged
demolition squad running around
in the middle of it.

Demolition squad!
What about that, uh,
wrecking crew of yours? Huh?

Mark Garrison!
How can you compare those
dear, sweet little angels...

With that big clumsy ox?

Okay. All right, Fran.
I'll, uh...

Take him for a walk, all right?

You'll do no such thing.
I need you here to help me.

Just tie him up.

What am I gonna do, Fran?
I thought toyama's taking care
of everything.

Well, mark, you know
something always goes wrong
at the last minute.

I want you here just in case.

In case of what, for example?
[ Kenjo ]
"Rion"! "Rion"!

In case of that,
for example!
[ Shouting in Japanese ]

"Rion," "rion"!
"Rion"?

Mark, look!
Brutus! Brutus! Oh.

Brutus, come here, fella.
Come here!

Mr. toyama,
are you all right?
Take away "rion"!

That's not a lion.
That's a dog!

You call that dog?
[ Brutus barks ]

Mr. toy... Mr. toyama!

Well, you can't just lie there.

Only way to fool wild beast.

- [ Barks ]
- [ Mr. toyama moans ]

Oh, mark. Will you take him
away and tie him up somewhere?

Oh, for Pete's sake.
He wasn't gonna hurt anybody.
"Rook" out, "rion"!

[ Muttering in Japanese ]

¶¶ [ Accordion ]

[ Party chatter ]

[ Complaining in Japanese ]

Well, how is everything,
Mr. toyama?

Nobody eat kombu.
Kombu?

Stuffed seaweed.
Oh, well...

I'm sure everybody will.

Well, good evening,
Mrs. Garrison.
Oh, hello, Dr. pruitt.

Well, I've been waiting
for a chance to pay my respects
to the hostess.

Nice of you to ask me.
Oh, you don't think we'd forget
the family vet, do you?

Well, I'd hope not.
How are the dogs?

Oh, just adorable. Especially
Chloe. You know, I think she's
got the makings of a champion.

Well, there's the man
who could tell you for sure.

And so I said to her,
"madam, I am judging
your dogs, not you."

Uh, Mel chadwick?
He's an expert on dachsies.
Or didn't you know?

Well, I did know that
he was judging the Fairview
dog show next month.

Ah. Chloe is entered,
I suppose?

Oh, Dr. pruitt,
you don't think that I
arranged this whole party...

Just to get on
his good side, do you?

Oh, no, no, no.
Never entered my mind.

[ Chuckles ]
Well, I did.
It's wicked of me, huh?

No, no, not a bit.
Why don't you bring Chloe
out here and show her to him?

Oh, no, I couldn't.
But you will.

Of course I will.
Will you excuse me?

Yeah, I will.
And good luck.

Oh, my.

Kombu?
Eh? Kombu?

Well, I don't think...
uh. Hmm.

Come on, Chloe.
Come on.

You girls stay.
Stay.
[ Chadwick chattering nearby ]

All right, Chloe.
You go. Go on.

Of course so few of us have
the ability to recognize...

Excuse me.
Excuse me.

Quality...
[ Fran ]
Chloe.

Girl. You.
Excuse me.

Hey, I thought we agreed
to keep the animal life
out of here.

Oh, well, it was an accident,
dear. She just kind of got out.

Oh, uh, would you put
those chairs over there,
and could you get me...

Two more for the
hors d'oeuvres table?

Oh, that's a cute dog.

Well, well, well.
What have we here?

Your dog,
Mrs. Garrison?
Yes, this is Chloe.

A fine-looking animal.

Uh, may I?
Oh, of course.

Better sit down, Harry.
Remember new year's Eve.

[ Slurred ]
Nobody'll let me forget.

Good back line.
Ears set good.
Fine head.

You intend to show her?
Well, I was thinking about it,
if you think she's good enough.

There's one way to find out.
Why don't you put her in the
Fairview show next month?

Chloe. Chloe!
No, no, Mrs. Garrison.
Let her go.

Dachsies love
to be around people.
Oh, but I know some people...

Who don't love to be
around dachsies.
Oh, nonsense.

- [ Whines ]
- [ Scolding in Japanese ]

Uh, my sentiments exactly,
Mr. toyama.

Dog not belong here.
That's right.
You hear that, Chloe?

Now, go on.
Beat it.
[ Scolding in Japanese ]

Hi, mark.
Well, hello, doc.
How are you?

Hey, it looks like
your wife has her wish.
A real champion.

Ah. A real pain sometimes,
I'll tell you that.

Go on, Chloe.
Beat it. Go on.

Of course I can see
where your sympathies lie.

How is brutus?
He's getting along
just great, doc.

Would you like to see him?
I sure would.

Brutus deserves something
out of this party. Come on.
All right.

[ Chuckling ]
Yes, sir, mark.
He is beautiful.

- Of course, I could see that
when he was a pup.
- There you go, boy.

The best Dane
I ever bred, I think.
Yeah.

And is your wife getting used to
having him around now?

Doc, let's say
she's adjusted to it.
The dachshunds are her pets.

Especially that little,
uh, Chloe.

She's really got the bug.
She's not gonna be happy
till she wins a blue ribbon.

What about you?
Did you ever think
of trying for one yourself?

Uh... you mean
with brutus?

He's a fine dog.
Doc, that's what he's gonna
stay too. Just plain dog.

He... I don't want any spoiled
and pampered show horse
on my hands.

Chloe? Chloe?

Mark, what are you doing here?

Just showing brutus
to Dr. pruitt. Is Chloe
still wandering around?

I thought you were gonna
put the little wiener
back in the house.

But she's not doing any
harm here. She probably
found some place to hide...

Where she could watch the fun.

You know, we should be getting
back to the guests, hmm?
Okay. Let's go, doc.

See you later, boy.

[ Mark ] So long, brutus.

- [ Chloe barks ]
- [ Brutus growls ]

[ Both barking ]

[ Brutus barking ] Excuse me.

Mark, where are you going?
What? I was just wondering
what was bothering brutus.

There's nothing wrong
with brutus. Now, he's
perfectly all right.

And will you please pay
attention to our guests?

Mr. chadwick, I don't believe
you've met my husband.

Hello.
Oh, Chloe's father!
How do you do, Mr. Garrison.

Eat something, Harry.

"Eat something, Harry."
Nobody ever says,
"drink something, Harry."

Ah, you cute little rascal.

Mavis, mavis, come here.
I want to show you something.

Come on. I want to show you
the cutest thing.

There's a tiny little dog
in there eating a bone.

Harry.
No, honest.
You can see for yourself.

Just look in the pagoda.

- [ Barks ]
- [ Screams ]

What's that?

- "Rion"! "Rion"!
- "Rion"!

Lion?
Oh, it can't be!
He's tied up!

"Rion"!
"Rion," "rion"!

Where is he?
Where is he?
[ Japanese ]

[ Woman screaming ]

Brutus! Come here!

Brutus! Oh!

Oh! Mark!
Mark!

Oh, don't stand there.
Do something!

Stop him!
Brutus!

Come here, brutus!
Come here!

Brutus!

Excuse me.

Brutus!

Excuse me.

[ Guests screaming ]

[ Fran ]
Oh! Mark!

Whoa, boy!
Whoa, boy!

Brutus! Stop!
Oh, stop him!

What a dog.

What's the matter with you,
Garrison? Can't you control
your dog?

Brutus! Hold it!

Stop! Brutus, come here!

I'm trying!

Brutus?
Here, boy.
Here, boy.

Mr. chadwick!
Mr. chadwick,
just grab my hand.

[ All screaming ]

¶¶ [ Discord ]

Fran!

Are you okay, honey?

Now, here we go.

Mark!
Fran, I really am sorry
about this. I...

mark! Mark.
I really am, honey.

Fran?
Mark!

What are you doing?

I wish you hadn't
done that, brutus.

[ Phone ringing ]

Oh, brutus.
Knock it off, will ya?

Stay!

Knock it off.

That goes for all of you.

[ Barking ]

[ Whimpering ]

Who was that?

Where?

On the telephone.
Toyama.

Oh.

When is he coming to clean up?

He isn't.

Oh.
Neither is kenjo.

In fact, the entire
Japanese-American
community...

Has declared our house
a disaster area.

[ Chuckles ]

Well, when is he coming
for his junk?

It is now our junk.
What?

Three hundred and 25 dollars
worth of Japanese lanterns,

broken hibachis
and papier-mache pagodas.

That in addition to what
we'll undoubtedly have to pay...

For ruined clothes, medication
and the shattered nerves of all
our ex-friends and neighbors.

Okay. All right.
The telephone
has not stopped ringing.

Mel chadwick is
on the verge of pneumonia,

Jane felton had
a nervous breakdown...

And the drugstore
has run out of vaporizers.
Okay! All right.

Mark!

Mark, I think you should know
that I called Dr. pruitt
this morning.

To tell him what?
To tell him that you will be
returning brutus this afternoon.

Returning brutus!

My mind is made up.
That dog turned vicious.

He goes, or else.
Or else what?
Listen here.

He was absolutely blameless for
what happened last night, Fran.

Oh, blameless!

Brutus is a kind, lovable,
intelligent animal!

Aw, shut up, you idiot.

Now, listen, Fran!
Let's sit down and calmly
and coolly discuss this thing!

Good morning, brutus.
Up kinda early, ain't ya?

Oh, now, did you
make this mess?

You ought to be ashamed
of yourself.

You shouldn't eat this stuff.
It ain't good for ya.

Looks like
it was quite a party.

[ Barking ]

Hey, what'd you do, lose a bone
in there or something?

Come on. Get down.
There's nothing for you
in there.

Attaboy.
[ Chuckles ]

[ Barking ]

Sorry, pal. Whatever it is
you wanted is gone now.

[ Snarling, barking ]

Come on!
This is no time for games.

Hey. What's...
what's the matter
with you? It's me!

Eddie.

Say, what's the matter?
You sick or something?

Knock it off.
Mr. Garrison!

Take it easy, now, will ya?
Mr. Garrison!

Eddie,
what's wrong?
Call off your dog!

He's gone crazy or something!
Please, ma'am, do something!
Brutus, get back! Mark, mark!

All I did was empty
the trash, and...
what's the matter?

Brutus attacked Eddie.
Attacked Eddie!
Come here, brutus!

Brutus, what's the matter
with you, huh?
What's the matter?

What is it, mark?
Look, Mr. Garrison.

You're nice people, but I
don't have to take this.
That's enough!

I'm very sorry, Eddie.
I mean, I'm sure there
must be some reason for it.

Brutus, come here!
[ Chloe yipping ]

Mark! Do you hear something?
Come here, fella.
What's the matter, boy?

Where's Chloe?
Eddie, did you see Chloe?

No, ma'am.
I didn't.
Chloe? Chloe?

Hey, you don't suppose...
hold brutus, Eddie.
Hold him.

Mark, be careful.

- Mark!
- [ Yelps ]

Mark, be careful!

M-m-mark?
Is she in there, mark?

I don't know.

Oh, poor Chloe!
[ Eddie ]
look at her.

- She's okay.
- [ Laughs ]

She's all right, Fran.
Oh, look at her!

Oh, my poor baby.

Hey, you know something?
I'll betcha that's why brutus
wouldn't let me in the truck.

He knew that little pooch
was in there.
It kinda looks that way.

Doesn't it?
Poor brutus.

Bet your silly father
forgot to give you breakfast.

Come on. I'll give you
a couple of eggs.

Oh, boy.

Oh, excuse me.
Okay.
Take five.

Come on, girls.
Come on.

Come on.
Come on.

Oh, oh, there's
my beautiful Chloe.

Yes. Yes.
What's the matter?

You want your picture
painted too, huh?
Is that what it is?

Oh, will you get off?
You big...

Fran, he just
wants his share.
Come here, brutus.

Come, boy.
Come here. Whoa.

Mark, he has got to learn
that he is not a lap dog.

Now, we're not gonna have
any peace in this house till he
realizes he is not a dachshund.

Well, I don't think
that he thinks that...

you know, Fran,
you could be right.

Go on, girls.
Go on. Go on.

Scatter. Scatter.
What have you got there?

It's the dog book.

I'm gonna show brutus
who he is.

Oh, mark.
Well, it's our fault.
We never told him.

You pay attention to this,
brutus. This is important.

Brutus, now, you look here.

Look.
This is a dachshund.

You see that?
They are dachshunds.

You're not a dachshund,
and you never will be.
No, no, no.

Dachshund, phooey!
Oh, really. Now, let's
not get so carried away.

Play along with this
a minute, will you?
Now, stick with me, brutus.

Stay with me boy, huh?
Now.

Ah. Now, here's
what you are, brutus.

A great Dane.
A great Dane.

Dachshunds, no.
Danes, yes.

You are a great Dane.

Look at that.
You see that?

That's all there was to it.
He just had to be shown!

How about that? You know, he
took one look at that picture;

one look,
and I could tell that...
uh, mark.

That he still thinks
he's a dachshund.

[ Laughs ] Oh.

"Dachshund, phooey.
Great Dane, yes."

Yeah.
Poor mark.

Heel, boy.
Brutus, heel.

Now, look, fellow.
When I tell you to heel,
you heel!

Heel.

Well. Who's leading who?

Hi, doc. All right.
Heel, brutus. Heel.

Hey, what's the diagnosis
on Chloe?

Chloe has a rash.
A rash.
Well, well, well.

Your wife was sure it was
Scarlet fever, but it's
just a minor skin irritation.

No problem.
Yeah. That dog show's
got her tied up in knots.

I hope she's gonna make it
through the next six days.

Hope I do.
All right, brutus.

Stay.

How about that, huh?
Want a drink, doc?

No thank you. No thank you.
Brutus, let me have
a look at you.

I tell you, you're
absolutely marvelous.

You've kept him
in fine shape, mark.

Yeah, well, trying to teach
him obedience is keeping me
in shape, I'll tell you that.

Fine lines, nice square head.

He's grown up
just the way I figured.

- Make a fine show dog.
- Oh, come on, doc.

No, no, I mean it.
I'd like to work with him,
if you'll let me.

- No, no, no.
- Teach him ring manners,
stance. Huh?

No, no. One in the family's
enough, doc. In fact,
it's too much.

All I want him to do
is learn how to walk
around on this leash...

Without jerking my arm
out of the socket.

Hey, stick around a minute,
will you? I want you to see if
I'm doing anything wrong, okay?

All right, brutus.
Heel.

How about that, huh?

[ Chuckles ]
Doc? Doc pruitt?

Oh. Doc pruitt,
do you think I could
take Chloe for a walk?

Why, of course.
Well, you know
that irritation...

I was wondering... I mean,
it could be an allergy. Maybe
it's something around here.

I assure you, Mrs. Garrison,
it's nothing serious.
Heel now. Heel.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Sit down.

Come on, brutus.
Sit.
Mark.

What in the world
are you doing?

Well, I'm training him.
Sit down. Sit down.

- Oh, really!
- What do you mean,
"oh, really"?

Well, it's just
that brutus is...

well, really!

Fran, you know, when you say
"really" in that tone of voice,

you usually really
mean something by it.

Oh, mark.
Don't be so sensitive.

It's just that brutus
is a sweet, clumsy ox,

and I don't think you should
expect too much from him,
that's all.

Come on, Chloe.

Heel.

I'll be seeing you.

Doc.

You've got a deal.
Get him ready
for that show.

Oh, hold on, mark.
Now, that show is
only six days away.

Now, wait a minute.
It was your idea, you know.

You said
he was good enough.
Yeah, I know, but I...

what about that blue ribbon
you've been talkin' about, huh?

No, no, no.
It's impossible. Impossible.

Then you'll do it?
Of course I will.

All right.
Now, one thing, doc.

Don't tell my wife, hmm?

Mark, under these conditions,
I wouldn't tell anybody.

I wouldn't even tell my mother.

Have a good night's sleep,
brutus.

Brutus. All right.
Brutus, you understand...

wait... wait a minute.
All right, now...

now, remember. You hold
the leash in one hand.
Yeah.

And the important thing is that
you are in control of the dog.
Right.

Now, let's try it now.
Nice and easy, huh?
Okay.

Brutus, heel.

Hold him, hold him, hold him.

Hold him, now.
Nice and easy, huh?

Mark, if you...
keep control of the dog.

That's right.
At all times.

You can do it.

[ No audible dialogue ]

Stay.

Well, what do you think, doc?

[ Sighs ]
I don't know.
I don't know.

He's not consistent.

There should be a proud
look to him, a Dane look.

Sometimes he's fine, and then
he seems to lose his character.

Well, that's the old dachsie
influence. He still thinks
he's one of them.

Oh? And so all
we've gotta do now...

Is to figure out
a way to persuade him
that he's a great Dane.

That's right, doc.
That's right.
By tomorrow.

[ People chattering,
dogs barking ]

Keep him still,
will you, mark?
Yeah, okay, doc.

Hey, are you sure
Fran's not gonna come in here?

No. The dachsies are benched
clear over to the other side
of the building.

The other side.
Okay.

Come on, boy. Come on.
Hold still, will ya?
Doggone it.

Now just relax, boy.
They're dogs, just like you are.

Well, now, let's see.
Let's see.

Yeah. You're as ready
as you ever will be, brutus.

- Doc, down! Quick.
- Huh? What?

Down!
What's the matter?

It's Fran.
Well, what's
she doing over here?

I don't know!
She belongs
with the hounds.

- Oh, thank you.
- [ Chloe, brutus bark ]

Boy, that was close.
Well, you won't be able
to duck her for long.

Just long enough to win
that blue ribbon, doc.
That's all I want.

[ Announcer over loudspeaker ]
Great danes to the ring, please.

Great danes
to the ring.
Well, here's your chance.

Yeah.
Thanks, doc.
Good luck, mark.

Thank you.
Head up, boy.

Oh!
Here they come.

[ Woman ] Beautiful.

Any last words of advice, doc?
Nope. You're on your own.
Good luck.

That's what I was afraid of.

Hi.

- [ Whispers ] Mark.
- All right, doc.

- Walk your dogs, please.
- Heel.

Oh, excuse me.
Nice dog.

Oh.

Look, sweetiekins.

Those are great danes.

[ Whispering ]
Up, up, up, up,
up, up, up.

[ Whispering ]
Up, brutus, up.
Stand up. Come on.

Come on, fella.
Stand up.
[ Crowd laughing ]

Just a minute.
Hold everything.

Is that dog sick
or just tired?
Oh, no, no, no, no.

It's, uh...
it's stage fright.

Stage fright.
Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

What happened to him?
I don't know.

He must have got the idea
he was a dachsie again.

[ Judge ]
Stack your dogs,
please.

- Head up, boy. Head up.
- [ Whispering ] Mark. Mark.

Doc, there's no sense
hanging around here.
I might as well go home now.

No, no.
You've got to stick it out.

Hey, look at him.
Doc?

Well, now that's
what I call a great Dane.

Make a deal with you.
What's that?

Won't have you thrown out
if you tell me how
you managed it.

Managed what?
Switching dogs.

Switching...
well, I didn't!

Expect me to believe
that's the same dog?

Well, I-it's a little hard
for me to believe myself.

Now, don't worry, mark.
You're doing fine.

Hey, doc. This is
making me a nervous wreck.
What got into brutus anyway?

Well, he just got a look
at that other Dane over there,
that female.

She's waiting to be judged
for best of breed.

[ Mark ]
You mean just because
he saw her...

mm. Dogs are
just like people.

Takes a female to make a fellow
want to show off.

Yeah. Well, he's sure
showing off now, isn't he, doc?
Yeah.

[ Judge ]
All right.
That's it.

You.

And you.
What?

Walk your dogs again.
Both of you.

Oh. Yes, sir.

Heel, brutus.

Bring it up.

Well, of all the...
really, I...

I'm so sorry.
It slipped.

That's enough.

That's enough!
Yes, sir.

You sure had me fooled
the first time around.

Congratulations.
Fine dog.
Thank you.

Just wait over there.
Okay.

Congratulations.
Thank you very much.
Thank you.

That's my boy! I knew it.
It was yours all the way.
Thank you, doc. He did it.

Good dog.
Brutus, I'm proud of you.
How about that!

Hey, listen. Take over
for me, will you?
Hang onto brutus for me.

Why? Where are you going?
I'm gonna find Fran and wave
this under her cute little nose.

That's where I'm going.
Oh, no, no, no.
You can't leave now.

Why not?
I won, didn't I?
Only for male danes.

Now he's got to be judged
against this female
for the best of breed.

Look, doc. I've got what
I want. Here, take over for me.

You have a...
but, mark! I...

hold that, will you, please?
Thank you very much.

Hey, Fran.

Mark. You did come.

You bet your life I...
oh!

I wouldn't miss this
for anything.
Oh, don't rub it in.

What?
Well, you saw. Second place,
after all I went through.

After all I put you through.

Hey, I... I really am sorry,
Fran. I really am.

No, mark. I am.
About everything.

Why don't we go home?
I don't like public
confessions.

Huh?
Yeah.

Let's go home.

What's that?
What's what?

Mark, are you hiding something?

It's a, uh...
I picked it up in there.

Mark, that's a blue ribbon!
They're very valuable.

You can't just go around
picking up blue ribbons.

Now, you put it back.
Fran...

[ announcer over loudspeaker ]
Working class. Best of winners
to the ring, please.

Best of winners.
Hey, you don't suppose...

come on!
No, come on...
mark!

Mark, mark.
What are you...
mark!

Brutus?

Surprised?
Oh!

- Best of breed.
- Onward and upward, doc.

Mark, you never told me!
I'm sorry, honey.
It was childish of me.

But then when you didn't win,
I didn't have the heart
to tell you.

- Oh, you sweet, wonderful boob.
I love you.
- [ Barks ]

Will you be quiet
and watch your brother?

Tah-dah!

You know, mark,
it's too bad brutus didn't
do better in the working group.

Look, third place was just fine.
We've got a matched set.

From the bottom rank to the top.
How does it look, eh?

Ah, it's perfect. Mark,
where's the other blue ribbon?

Oh, I gave it to doc pruitt.

Boy, did he deserve it.

Hey, honey, I'm sorry
it was such a disappointing
day for you.

Oh, don't be silly, mark.

At least it's ending
better than it began, huh?

I'll make a deal
with you.
You will? What?

No more dog shows.
No more dog shows.

Okay. No more
blue ribbons.
No more blue ribbons.

I'll work.
You keep house.
Mm.

Okay. All we'll raise are
ordinary, everyday dogs.

Among other things.
Hmm?

[ Whining ]

Brutus.
Be quiet, will you?

Mark, he's dreaming.

Yeah. About that bewitching
female in the spotted coat,
I'll bet you.

Do you think that's why
he really won, mark? Huh?

You think the female
made the difference?

Honey, females always
make the difference.

[ Barks ]