All language subtitles for The.Absent.Minded.Professor.1961.720p.BluRay.x264-[YTS.AG].en

Energy takes on many forms.

Example. What do we know
of acoustical energy?

It was discovered by a famous
scientist, right? Wrong.

We must give credit
to an Italian

who one night was singing an
aria in a Milano pizza parlor.

You know the story.

How he hit a high note and the
sound waves shattered a glass

on the other side of the room?

Watch me, and I will show you
acoustical energy at work.

[Plays note]

[Plays higher note]

[Plays higher note]

[Plays higher note]

[Plays higher note]

AmericasCardroom.com brings poker back
Million Dollar Sunday Tournament every Sunday

Now, your next assignment
will be...

Oh, I forgot.

There'll be no assignment.

See you next week.

Here we are.

The beginning of the end.

Point of no return.

The last mile.

Now, Shelby.

All right.

"Of all sad words
of tongue and pen,

the saddest are these.
"It might have been."

Shelby, you promised.
Now stop.

Did I promise to
stop loving you?

Open the door and let me out.

Suppose he doesn't
show up this time.

Oh, Reverend,
how nice to see you.

You must be getting
tired of my wedding.

Third time's the charm,
they say.

But I am glad that this time

you brought the bridegroom
with you.

At last we meet,
Professor Brainard.

No, this is Professor Ashton.
He's Romance Languages.

Professor Brainard
is Physical Chemistry.

Oh, dear me, I seem
to have made a mistake.

Not you, sir.
It's Miss Carlisle's mistake.

I've just been trying to
talk her out of this blunder.

Shelby, you are speaking
of the man I love.

Love, darling, is a bouquet
of fragrant hyacinths.

Not a beaker of hydrogen.
Am I right, sir?

I merely perform the service.
I don't take sides.

WOMAN:
Betsy!

Well, well,
here comes the bride.

- Reverend.
- Good evening, sir.

Professor Ashton
from Rutland University.

Aren't you on the wrong campus?

Miss Carlisle invited me.

Yes, yes, I remember.

There was talk that you were
a contender for Betsy's hand.

Rutland can't win them all.

Oh, it was so sweet of you
to go to all this trouble.

And for the third time, too.

Well, you know,
third time's the charm.

That's exactly what I just said.

I'm sick of having
a spinster for a secretary.

I better change.
The guests will be coming soon.

The bridegroom, too, I hope.

I've alerted his housekeeper.

She'll see that he gets here.

[Humming Wagner's
"Bridal Chorus"]

# The ring is in
your right-side pocket #

Professor!

Professor Brainard!

[Humming Wagner's
"Bridal Chorus"]

# Square root of "E" minus "C,"
alpha "G" #

[Fluctuating tone]

No.

No, don't stop.

Don't stop.
Keep going.

Keep going.

Please don't stop.

Oh, not again.

Professor?

# Bum bum-bum-bum #

Time for you to get dressed.

Just five more minutes,
Mrs. Chatsworth.

Professor, well, heavens,
what are you doing?

I'm trying to solve
the secrets of the universe.

And failing.
Failing miserably.

You're stopping.
Do you know what time it is?

You've been working
all afternoon.

Mrs. Chatsworth, I've been
working for three months.

Pardon me.

I've been working on
something very important.

More important, I suppose,
than getting married?

Oh! Mrs. Chatsworth, I don't
know what I'd do without you.

Oh, you're getting
a wonderful girl.

If you ask me,
she's too good for you.

Thanks, Mrs. Chatsworth.
I love you, too.

Don't worry about a thing.

I'll be in
in the morning to feed the dog.

- What's the matter with me?
- Is anything wrong?

What a lunkhead. Instead
of minus, it should be plus.

So, the molecular
configuration of "A"...

...is almost the same
as that of "B."

Therefore, if I don't
worry about "A"

throwing off free hydrogen,

it could stand
a few degrees more centigrade.

Remember, I promised that sweet
girl I'd have you there on time.

Yes, Mrs. Chatsworth.

And, Professor,
may I say happy honeymoon?

You certainly may,
Mrs. Chatsworth.

And the same to you.

Miscalculation has been staring
me in the face for weeks.

Can't see the forest
for the trees.

Right, Charlie?

All right, Charlie.
Cross your fingers.

Now. Good.

Good.

Very good.

182. That's good.

Yes.

Yes.

Now we're cooking, Charlie!

We may be in business yet!

[Humming Wagner's
"Bridal Chorus"]

[Ringing]

WOMAN: It's just awful.
Poor darling.

What ails the man?

Missing his own wedding
three times.

He might still show up.

You know the old saying.
Third time's the charm.

I say three strikes
and you're out!

Thank you all for coming.

I'll return your presents.

I hope you can get
your money back.

I'm sorry.

After all the trouble
you've gone to.

I'll be at the office at
the usual time in the morning.

I want to go on as if
nothing has happened.

Shelby, I don't seem
to have an escort.

Would you mind waiting?

I'm yours to command.

Oh, Betsy.

Oh, hello, Charlie.

Go back to bed now.

Let's go back to sleep, hmm?

What happened?

What happened?

Well, that's the end of that.

[Hissing, burbling]

Get away, Charlie.
Get away, Charlie.

I'm not sure what
we've got here, Charlie,

but if we've got what I think
we've got, we've got something.

There's one way to find out.

Ready?

Yes!

Yes, Charlie!
We've got it!

Do you see?
It's not going lower and lower.

It's going higher and higher.

You know what that means?

It means just one thing.

It's generating its own energy.

You know what that means,
Charlie?

It means we've discovered
a new kind of energy!

A new kind of energy, Charlie.

It's a breakthrough!

A breakthrough, Charlie!

Discovered. Substance "X."

In appearance, subscribes
to classical requirements

of metastable compound,

but whose behavior
is distinctly nonclassical.

Hypothesis. The application
of an external force

triggers a molecular change,

liberating energy
of a type previously unknown.

I suppose you think
these are just rubber balls.

Or maybe a flying rubber ball.

But you know what
this really is?

Of course you don't.
We just discovered it.

We've got to give it a name.

Let's see.

Flying rubber.

Flying rubber.

Flubber?

All right.

Substance "X."

We dub thee "Flubber."

If Flubber's going
to be of any use,

we've got to control it, right?

So, you take an ordinary
radioactive isotope.

Now a sliding shutter

to let the right amount
of gamma rays through

to bombard the Flubber.

Now, we put it under here

so that we can bombard
the Flubber with gamma rays

to trigger
the molecular change.

Which is more scientific

than kicking it
or bouncing it around the room.

All right.

Here we go.

Eureka!

It works.

Perfect control.

Now we ease off
on the gamma rays.

And back to Earth.

Light as a daisy.

[Burbling continues]

Just as I thought.

Just as I thought, Charlie.

Weight makes
absolutely no difference.

Just shoot up
a few extra gamma rays.

Isn't that wonderful,
Charlie?

Professor!

Are you still here?

What about the wedding?

I can still make it.
It's 5 minutes to 8:00.

Yes, 5 minutes to 8:00.

In the morning.

In the morning?

No.
No, I didn't do it again.

I got to go and see Betsy
and tell her what happened.

I know what you're thinking.
But don't you worry.

Everything's gonna be all right.

When I tell Betsy what I've
done, she's gonna be happy.

Oh. Mrs. Chatsworth.

Don't you tell a soul,
but I've discovered Flubber.

That poor, poor girl.

DAGGETT: Are you sure
it was wise to come in today?

I'm perfectly all right.

Mr. Alonzo Hawk, president of
the Auld Lang Syne loan company,

et cetera, et cetera.

My dear Mr. Hawk...

During the past few days,

I have been disturbed by rumors
that you plan to take our campus

and construct
a housing tract thereon.

Oh, surely he wouldn't.
Not even Mr. Hawk.

Let's hope not, my dear.

The situation requires
delicate handling.

But he's an alumnus.

My dear girl,
our esteemed alumnus

made an extremely large loan
to the college.

That loan is overdue,
and Mr. Hawk has us,

if you'll forgive a pertinent
expression, over a barrel.

However, my dear Mr. Hawk,
I am quite confident

that I can demonstrate
how an extension of your loan

would be in the best interest
to all of us.

I'd like to suggest a meeting
at the earliest opportunity

that would be convenient to you.

I shall make myself available.

BRAINARD:
Psst!

DAGGETT:
However, Mr. Hawk...

Don't be angry. I'm sorry
I missed the wedding again.

Look, I couldn't help it.

DAGGETT: Of your loan
is in all our best interests.

Go.
Get out of here.

Don't want to see you.

I was working in the laboratory
and had an explosion.

Go.
Get out of here.

I do not want to see you.

I hit my head.
I fell on the floor.

I was knocked out.
Knocked out.

DAGGETT:
I know your heart is with us.

Go. Get out.

Look, the most wonderful
thing happened.

Wait till you hear.
Look.

Flubber.

DAGGETT: I shall make myself
available at any time.

Flubber. Flubber.

DAGGETT:
...of the greatest importance.

No, make that "of the most
supreme importance."

BRAINARD:
Flubber.

Flubber. Flubber.

Flubber. Flubber.

Flubber. Watch.

Oh. Good morning, sir.

I'd like to speak to
Miss Carlisle, if I may.

Betsy, I... Oh, sir,
I just wanted to tell her

that I'm sorry
I missed the wedding.

I have the most wonderful thing
to tell you.

The most wonderful thing
you can tell me is "goodbye."

In which I heartily concur.
This way.

Just a minute.

If you'd give me a chance,
she'd forgive me.

Anything you say
would be superfluous.

Kindly take your ball and go.

Daggett!

Why, Mr. Hawk.
What a pleasant surprise.

I want a word with you.

I, too, have been wanting
to chat about our loan.

- That'll be all, Brainard.
- Brainard!

Is this the one
you call "Neddy the Nut"?

Yeah, that's right, Pop.

Do you know that this man
flunked my boy?

No, Mr. Hawk.

I welcome this opportunity.

If the teacher and the parent
of the backward student...

Backward?

May I remind you it was Hawk
brains that founded this town?

Hawk brains that built it?

And you have the gall
to say that my boy,

who proudly bears
the name of Hawk, is backward?

I'd just as soon forget...

Will you shut up when I talk?

I wish I could show you
his examination paper.

Not only did he miss
every answer,

he misspelled
the name of the college.

Do you mind?

I'd like to discuss the matter
alone with Mr. Hawk.

ALONZ O:
This means my boy can't play

in the big game tonight
against Rutland.

Where's your school spirit?
Flunking your star player.

I don't think this is a place to
lend a half a million dollars.

We have principles
here at Medfield.

I offered to help Biff.
A makeup exam.

But he couldn't be bothered.

So he's ineligible.

None of your vague promises
about lending money

is going to change that.

Mr. Hawk has already loaned the
money. The school is grateful.

Professor, I rejoice
in your sense of ethics.

But do you mind terribly
if I speak for myself?

- Mr. Hawk.
- Hold it.

I came to have my say,
and I've said it.

Mr. Hawk, a moment of your time.

I'd like to discuss our loan.

You'd like to discuss our loan?

Well, I have an office
downtown for that!

And you might bring some
of those principles of yours

and see how much they're
worth in cold cash!

Come on, Biffer.

Get me the file on wealthy
alumni marked "emergency."

- We have some letters to write.
- Yes, sir.

You've got to let me explain.

Then you'll understand
why I missed the wedding.

All right, go ahead.
I'd like that.

For once I would
really like to understand.

Like most things that
seem complicated,

it was actually quite simple.

I was thinking in terms
of magnetic energy,

when what I was after
was repulsive energy.

Silly. But you know how
you get carried away.

Yes. I know.

If not for this explosion,
I might never have found it.

The application
of thermal energy

to two incompatible
metastable compounds

brought about fusion,
the release of explosive gases,

and a residue.

Do you know what
that residue was?

No.

Flubber.

Flubber!

Well, it's been thrilling.

Now, if you'll excuse me.

Betsy,
never in my wildest dreams

did I hope to find a compound
whose configuration is such

that the delivery
of energy to its surface

would trigger a change
in the configuration.

This change liberates enormous
quantities of energy.

But they act
in a direction opposite

that of the force
which triggered the change.

We call it repulsive energy.

That's just the way I feel.

Yet strangely enough,
the total effect is transient.

Upon the shutting off
of the energy,

the elemental particles
return to pseudo-equilibrium.

- Isn't that wonderful?
- Yes!

Now that I clearly understand

what happened to my wedding,
will you excuse me?

President Daggett and I
have some important work.

Such as, I hope,
saving the college.

But, Betsy, don't you see?
This can save the college.

It could be worth millions.

Do me a personal favor.

Go bounce your ball
somewhere else.

We'll talk it out tonight.
I'll pick you up for the game.

Well, I guess we shook
them up a little.

Nobody's gonna push us around.

You're kidding, aren't you?

About closing the college

and turning the grounds
into a housing tract?

I'm gonna teach you
some facts of life.

Small college. Like the small
country store, little drugstore.

They're all in the same boat.

They're sinking.

Today is the day of the
supermarkets, the supercolleges.

The little man
is gonna get squashed.

But you graduated from Medfield.

It's your college.

So what do you want?

Some total stranger
to close it down?

Or some loyal, friendly alumnus
to take care of things?

Isn't there something
you could do?

Give them some more time
on the loan or something.

I'm sentimental about
Medfield just like you.

But it's like shooting a horse
that has a broken leg.

I want to do it
to put it out of its misery.

Now, if I happen to make
a few extra bucks,

well, that's just something

you're going to have to
learn to accept.

Yes, sir.

Oh, about the game.

Has word gotten around
that you're not playing?

Not that I know of.
Not yet.

Say, Lenny,
see what the point spread

is on the Medfield-Rutland
game tonight.

How much you want to go for?

Whatever the traffic will bear.
8,000 or 10,000 bucks.

You're not betting on Medfield.

Without me on the team,
we'll get murdered.

Who said I'm betting
on Medfield?

You're not betting against us?

Son, we have access to
some very valuable information

about that game tonight.

There's a saying.

"It's an ill wind that
doesn't blow a few bucks

into the coffers of the
Auld Lang Syne loan company."

Get the point?

When we pull down
the spark lever,

this shutter opens and
releases the gamma rays.

Up goes the Flubber
and the car.

We pull the gas lever, this
shutter opens, and the car goes.

We press on the brake,
this opens,

and the rays bring the car
to a stop.

If we open the shutter farther,
the car goes in reverse.

Charlie, suppose we get
a little tired

of just going straight ahead.

So we turn the wheel
to the right,

and we bank to the right.

Turn the wheel to the left,
and we bank to the left.

Well, that's about it,
Charlie.

The important thing
is nobody finds out.

Except Betsy, of course.

So people don't ask questions,

we'll put this under the hood
so it'll sound like a Model T.

That ought to do it, Charlie.

Now all they'll say is,
"Professor, see you finally got

that old collector's item
in running order."

All right, Charlie.
We're all set.

All clear, Charlie.

Now we'll get your safety belt.

Now this side.
Good dog.

Now... sound on.

[Rattling]

Lights on.

And gas lever down.

Hang onto your hat, Charlie.

It handles beautifully, Charlie.

We don't need these
up here, do we?

There. That's better.

Now watch this, Charlie.

Not bad, Charlie.

Let's open her up
and see what she'll really do.

Yoo-hoo!

Well, look what we got
down there.

[Horn blaring]

Look out, girls.
Here we come.

Look out, Charlie!

Gonna have to watch
where I'm going, huh?

Yeah.

Charlie, I've got an idea.

Why don't we fly over and drop
in on that certain someone?

# Do-do do-do #

# Do-do-do do-do #

# That lovely, adorable
Betsy of mine #

# Oh, won't she be happy,
sweet Betsy of mine #

# When we take her flying,
that Betsy of mine #

# She'll hug me and tell me
she's not really sore #

# That lovely, adorable
Betsy of mine #

Can you imagine what
she'll say when she sees this?

- Was there something you wanted?
- Yes.

I'd like to speak to
Miss Carlisle if you don't mind.

I'm afraid I do, old man.

Miss Carlisle and I
are leaving for the game.

- Ready, dear?
- Yes, Shelby.

- Before you go...
- Excuse us.

Betsy, please come here.
If you don't mind.

I have the most wonderful thing.

Ned, I am trying
not to be angry.

Please, don't make a scene.

Haven't you caused Miss Carlisle
enough embarrassment?

Betsy, it's a surprise.
It's a sort of wedding present.

Just what every girl
dreams about.

It's not the car, Betsy.
It's what's inside the car.

I can't show it with him around.
Now, would you excuse us?

Betsy!

Betsy, you know what
I was telling you about

this morning in the office
about my discovery?

I want to show you
what I've done with it.

I want you to take one ride
around the block.

Just one little ride, Betsy.

How'd it go?

All the loot's down.
But I had to give them 6 to 1.

Get back on the phone.

See if you can find any more
of that kind of money.

I'm afraid it isn't
Medfield's night.

My dear, victory
isn't everything.

"To love the game
beyond the prize,

to honor while
you strike him down,

the foe that comes
with fearless eyes."

- BRAINARD: Excuse me.
- Oh. Professor.

Pardon me, please.

Late as usual, I see.

Come on, Medfield!

Hate to see you betting
against our team.

This isn't betting.

This is like making it
in the cellar.

Oh, if Biff Hawk
were only playing tonight.

Yes, yes.
I heard he was ineligible.

Now, I wonder who could've
flunked your star player.

We're much more realistic about
things like that at Rutland.

I understand you pay
your players

more than you do your teachers.

That's ridiculous.
I get twice as much as...

I really don't care
to discuss it.

Our poor boys.

They try so hard!

I feel sorry for people who
don't know when they're beaten.

Don't you, Professor?

Now, Shelby, please
don't start anything!

Why doesn't he go down
and sit in the Rutland section?

I'm sorry.

It's not fair!

Our team can't even
reach the ball!

Yes, poor little chaps.

I'd say they need
some kind of a lift.

Why don't they try
elevator heels?

Very funny.

Elevator heels.

Pardon me.

Would you pardon me, please?

There's more than one way
to skin a cat.

She won't ride in my car
with me? Okay.

She won't listen to me.

Okay.

So we're gonna
surprise her, Charlie.

More than that,
we're gonna Flubberghast her.

Boys, what can I say?

I'm proud of you.

They're murdering us.
But I'm proud of you.

Remember, you're
like sons to me.

All of you.

How do you think I feel?

Do you think it's easy sitting,

watching you guys getting
your ears pinned back?

Well, let me tell you this.

I've coached a lot of teams
in my day,

but I've never seen
harder-fighting boys

than you boys right here.

You got heart.
I mean, real heart.

Coach, do we really have to
go back out there?

Look, I know how you feel, son.

But remember this.

A team that won't be beaten...

Well, Professor!

Oh, hello, Coach.

Something the matter?

Maybe something
on your conscience?

No. I just dropped by to see
if there's anything I can do.

I am sorry I had to flunk
Biff. If that's what you mean.

It's a little late for
apologies, don't you think?

One minute, Coach.

All right.
Get ready.

Starting lineup
same as the first half.

Too bad Biff didn't
keep his grades up.

That's one of those things.

Just remember,
one man doesn't make a team.

And I tell you, you can
go out and beat Rutland.

You can win this game.

Sure we can.

Yes, you can.

Because I know something
about you that you don't know.

They're twice as big, but that
doesn't make any difference now.

They could be 10 feet tall.
We could still beat them.

Yes. We could.

You can beat Rutland if
you give it all the drive

and the bounce you've got.

Remember that word "bounce."
Bounce.

And when you bounce,
remember this.

No matter how much you put in,

you're going to get
twice as much out of it.

Now, get out there, fellows,
and hop to it!

Say, what's going on out there?

- What got into 'em?
- I don't know!

Maybe it was that pep talk
Brainard gave them!

- What did he say?
- I wish I could remember!

Go, Medford! Go!

[Whistle blows]

Will you listen to me?

There's something fishy
going on!

All right. What?
You tell me!

Well, how do I know?
Something!

What am I supposed to do?

There's nothing that says

one team can't jump higher
than the other!

Time's up! Let's go!

Gosh, Pop. Look at them go!
Look-it!

I'm looking!

Come on, Medfield!
Come on, team!

Come on, Medfield!

Come on, team!

Look at them go!
Aren't they terrific?

Sorry, Pop.
I forgot.

Come on, team!

Hey, what do you know?

Lenny just laid off
5 G's against Medfield.

Against Medfield?

Oh, thank you so much!
You meathead!

Don't you know what's
going on out there?

Shoot, Harper! Shoot!

Go! Go!

We did it!

Sure, we did it!

I did it because
you wouldn't listen.

What do you mean you did it?

You saw the way the boys played.

The reason they could play
like that is my discovery.

Surely you're not taking credit
for Medfield winning?

In a way, yes.

Now I've heard everything.

To watch those boys
out there fighting,

playing their hearts out,

and to hear you taking
the bows for it.

I didn't mean it...

Pretty small, Brainard.
That's all I can say.

Pretty small.

- Come on. Let's go.
- Now, Betsy.

Betsy, wait a minute.

Shelby, please give me
time to think.

Of course, darling.

You can give me your answer
tomorrow night after the dance.

I think I know what it will be.

Good night, my love.

Good night, Shelby.

[Whistling Wagner's
"Bridal Chorus"]

You probably thought of me as a
kindly, level-headed professor.

Well, now you see what
a woman can do to you.

I'm a desperate man.

Desperate men
do desperate things.

Lights off.

Sound off.
And up we go.

[Horn honking]

Officer! Officer!

Officer, help me!
It's after me! Help me!

I do hope that you will
excuse my appearance.

But I was just having a cup
of boiling-hot coffee.

- But it's after me!
- What's after you?

I don't know.
Some kind of a thing!

A thing?

Can you describe it?

No, I didn't see it.
But it flies.

And it made a noise.

Like aaoooga! Aaooga!

Then it banged down
on the top of my car.

Voom! Voom!

And when I looked,
there wasn't anything!

Ohhhh.

That kind of a thing.

Suppose you blow
into this thing.

We'll see if we can
find where it came from.

Do something!

It's probably lurking in the
dark, ready to spring!

Go on!

Don't worry.
We won't let it get you.

Now, come on, blow, okay?

This is outrageous!

I happen to be Professor Ashton,

head of the English department
at Rutland!

And a very important
person there!

In that case, this ought to be
easy for an English teacher.

Can you say "Peter Piper picked
a peck of pickled peppers"?

Have you gone mad?

Or perhaps you'd prefer

"Round the rugged rock
the ragged rascal ran."

I'll say no such idiotic thing!

We are not being very
cooperative, now, are we?

Come on. Blow into this.
We'd appreciate it.

I'll do no such thing!

Blow.

Blow!

Having trouble, Officer Hanson?

No, just the usual.

We always have 502s
after the Rutland game.

Uh-huh. I didn't know
they were such bad losers.

Brainard, tell these idiots...

Professor, I see you finally got
the Model T in working order.

Yeah. It took a little fixing.
But here she is.

- [Burbles]
- Hey...

Sounds like it could use
a little valve job in there.

You know how it is
with Model T's.

Sometimes you swear they
could run without valves.

Or even without a motor!

- Well, so long, Officer.
- So long, Professor.

Brainard!
Tell them who I am!

Now, you told us who you are.

Suppose we all go
confide in the sergeant, hmm?

You boys are a big comfort.

I take a bath for $ 15,000, and
you can't find what happened!

Maybe they slipped them
some new vitamin pill.

If we can grab one of the boys,
we could give him a test.

ALONZO:
Forget it, will you?

Hi, Pop.

Did you find out anything?

- I sure did.
- What?

It was Neddy the Nut.

The professor?
Well, what did he do?

- He was in the locker room.
- And then?

Gave the boys a pep talk.

Well, what else?

He just talked to them.

Talked to them?

Is that the...
Will you give me that?

Is that the big news
you had for me?

Well, is it?

That's about the size of it.

Oh, three cheers for you, sonny.

That's an Earth-shattering bit
of information you got there.

Biff! Come here!

Come here!

You see anything?

Just Neddy the Nut
flying his old Model T.

Say that again.

Neddy the Nut
flying his old Model T!

ALONZO:
Yeah!

And that's the genius
you were calling a nut!

Oh, yeah. In class,
he's been beating our ears

about some new kind of energy.

Says he's looking
for a breakthrough.

Breakthrough?

Have you any idea what
that kind of jazz is worth?

Gentlemen to see you,
Professor.

I can't see anybody now.
What does he want?

Your kind indulgence,
Professor.

Can you find it to forgive
this hot-blooded businessman?

Hot-blooded businessman who
plans to tear down Medfield?

What do you want?

Wonderful things.

Wonderful things for all of us.

Visualize, if you will,
a whole new Medfield College.

10 new buildings
10 stories high.

One building devoted
entirely to science.

Two, if you will?

Three?

How does that sound?

It sounds great.

But just where is all this money
coming from, Mr. Hawk?

From a certain
revolutionary discovery.

What's revolutionary
about a Tin Lizzie?

Nothing.

Unless, of course,
it happens to fly.

Fly?

Like I happened
to see it do last night.

You saw it, huh?

Uh-huh.

Prof, I gotta hand it to you.

Hold it!

Why don't we trust each other?

You're a man of science.
Head in the clouds.

I'm a down-to-Earth,
dollar-and-cents man.

My pop always says
he can smell a buck...

I'll do the talking, son!

That's a good boy.

There's a million angles.

The government.
The space age!

What they wouldn't give
to get their hands

on this little Tin Lizzie.

That's where I come in.

When I get through talking
with them, they'll come crawling

with bags of money.

Barrels of money!

Mr. Hawk,
let me get this straight.

You want me to turn
my discovery over

so you can blackmail
our government?

All right,
look at it this way.

Medfield College
can grow and prosper.

Or it can wither
and die on the vine.

That's entirely up to you.

I see. Mr. Hawk, I want to
thank you for dropping by.

You've made up my mind.

Now you're talking!

I'm calling the President.

Daggett?
He don't cut any ice.

The President
of the United States.

Is that enough ice for you?

Oh, let's not go flying off
in all directions.

Just one direction. Out.

Oh, don't get me wrong.

I heartily endorse
our government.

All right. You're lowering
the boom on Medfield.

But don't you try
to come back afterwards.

The iron door is shut!

Well, there goes the ball game.

He'll telephone Washington.

By tomorrow, this place will be
swarming with sharpies.

Supposing you did get
the professor's discovery.

Did you mean
not closing Medfield?

They get that flying jalopy,
there's millions down the drain!

If you did, I've got an idea.

- Quiet. I'm trying to think.
- Switch cars.

That idiot Brainard.
If he could've...

What did you say, son?

Switch cars on him.

There are other
Model T's around.

Yeah, there are,
aren't there, Biffer?

Fellow in Appleton
who's got the same model.

Hold it.
I'm way ahead of you.

Lenny, take
the Appleton turnoff.

Hey, you know something?

You're all right, son.

Course, you got a little
of your mother in you.

Actually, well,
you're just me all over again!

Yes, sir!

You're all right!

I can assure you the President
is interested in any development

which might have to do
with our national welfare.

May I inquire as to
the nature of your discovery?

Flubber?

Yes, that does
sound significant.

Now, if I only knew which
branch of the government

might best be served
by your discovery?

Any branch.
You name it.

Transportation. Industry.
Agriculture.

Agriculture?

Good.

Oh, don't cut me off.

Agriculture Department.
Sam Wheeler speaking.

Splendid.

Mmm. I see.

How do you figure
this can help the farmer?

I don't want to help
the farmer.

I want to help everybody!
Don't you understand?

What possibilities do you think
this might have as a fertilizer?

Fertilizer?

Don't you people understand
how vital this thing is?

It's not only agriculture.

It's industry.
It's national defense.

Oh, national defense.

National defense.

Before we go further,
I just want you to know

that I am proud of the new
spirit of cooperation

between the Army, the Navy,
and the Air Force.

Even the newspapers
are talking about it.

There never was any
difference between us.

Just newspaper guff
in the first place.

There's a Professor Brainard
on the phone from Medfield.

I don't know any
Professor Brainard.

Tell him to write me.

He might have some connection
with Congressman Brainard.

Brainard swings a lot of lead.

He's always been
very friendly to us.

Very well.

Hello?

Well, how are you,
Professor?

What can we do for you?

Oh, you have, eh?

Why, that's amazing.

Sort of antigravity.

Well, well.

And you think
it's a breakthrough?

Looks like you don't need
all that appropriation money.

Got a fellow said he cracked
the antigravity problem

in his own garage.

Ridiculous.

MAN:
Another crackpot.

Army's been doing
antigravity research for years.

Hasn't come up with
anything significant.

Oh, yes.
Yes, Professor.

I'm listening.
Yes, Professor.

Yes, yes.
I realize it's urgent.

So many things are these days.

Oh? You want to come
down here to Washington?

Well, now, I don't
know about that.

We'd love to see you,
of course.

Alert my pilot to standby.

Yes, but we're all busy
as bird dogs around here.

I tell you what, Professor.

Why don't you write us
a nice, short letter?

Tell us all about it.

Right. And keep up
the good work, Professor.

Call us any time.

Oh, better still,
we'll call you.

Goodbye.

Goodbye.

They won't listen.

Betsy won't listen.

Hawk is the only one
that will believe me.

Professor?

Come in, Mrs. Chatsworth.

There you are. Sponged and
pressed for the dance tonight.

Thank you. But I won't
be going to the dance.

Oh, no. You're not letting that
sweet girl go with someone else?

That sweet girl has kicked me
out of her life.

What are you gonna do?
Stay home, talk to the dog?

Mrs. Chatsworth,
don't turn against me.

Professor, may I say something?

I'd rather you wouldn't.
Not just now.

All right.
Do as you please.

Go with your head
in the clouds

and your nose poked places
it doesn't belong.

Go ahead, like I said.

Unlock the secrets
of the universe.

But remember this.

The universe is millions
and millions of years old.

It can wait a little.
But girls can't wait.

Mrs. Chatsworth,
I'm not going...

One day, a girl simply says
to herself, "That's enough.

I'll just marry the next man
that comes along."

And she does.

- Mrs. Chatsworth...
- lf I were in your shoes,

I'd stop that smashing
or mashing the atom

or whatever it is you're doing,
and I'd go to that dance.

Why? Betsy won't
even look at me.

Don't they have those numbers

where you tap the dancers
on the shoulders?

Yes, I suppose.

Well, then,
you walk up to that Shelby,

tap him on the shoulder,
then when he turns.

I'll punch him.

Good.

No, that wouldn't be civilized.

Well, for goodness sake,
grab the girl in your arms,

hold her tight, and dance
her off into the night.

Show him up.

Show up Shelby Ashton?
"The Ballroom Beast"?

He's the best dancer
around here.

I dance like
a sleepwalking chimpanzee.

But even a chimpanzee
will fight for its mate.

I told you he'd turn up
here tonight.

# And sink the Army,
sink the Army gray #

Taxi!

You boys get right in.

I'm the only taxi.
I'm pulling right out.

Where to?

TOGETHER:
Professor Brainard's house.

What are you doing?

Even a chimpanzee
fights for his mate.

Aah!

Let me go.
People are looking!

Good.
Let's not disappoint them.

Must have given
himself a pep talk.

Maybe you can learn something.

Go, Prof! Go!

We ought to do this more often.

Oh, Ned!

# He flies through the air
with the greatest of ease #

# The daring young man
on the flying trapeze #

I wonder what's going on.
Let's go see.

We've had enough fun
for one night.

On second thought,

maybe the fun's just beginning!

I beg your pardon.

- Are you from Washington?
- We are.

Are you looking for Professor...

TOGETHER:
Brainard?

Oh, I'm afraid that's not me.

There's your man.

This is a surprise, your coming
all the way from Washington.

Here we are.

Get right in, gentlemen.

Get right in the car, please.
Admiral? General?

Now, I realize that military
technology has progressed

far beyond the Model T.

- Of course.
- I want you to understand.

I'm using it
as a security measure.

What better place to hide my
discovery than in a Model T?

I want you to keep in mind

that this is only a primitive
application of my discovery.

We use this spark lever here
to levitate,

the gas lever to move forward,

and the brake to stop
or to go in reverse.

Absolute control at all times,
as you will see.

All right, get a good,
tight grip on your emotions

and prepare for takeoff.

Cool head.

A steady hand.

And up we go!

Well, if at first
you don't succeed.

Then what?

Try again.

Well, surely you gentlemen
understand this sort of thing.

The first time you tried to
launch a rocket, it didn't...

...go up.

It's probably just a short
in the control mechanism.

I'm sorry about this delay.

We'll have this
in the air in a minute.

This is some kind of a joke.

- I want to see what's in there.
- Just a minute.

Somebody's just playing
a practical joke!

I'm not laughing.

Just a minute, gentlemen!

Look, gentlemen, wait.
Please.

Nice going.

That was rich
about the squirrel.

A real Hawk touch.

Kind of a mean trick to play.

We're doing him a favor.
You'll see.

Well, I think we've cleared
the air on one point.

What's that?

With what's happened,
I'm sure there's no doubt

about you and Ned Brainard.

No.

None whatsoever.

As the Bard says,
"That he is mad, 'tis true;

'tis true 'tis pity;
and pity 'tis 'tis true."

Oh, shut up!

If that's what she
thinks of Shakespeare...

Ned?

If you've come out to gloat,
I can do without that.

I'm not gloating.

I know what you're thinking.

That I'm a fraud. That I'm
really losing my marbles.

Are you sure you're all right?

I solemnly swear to you,
I have flown this car.

Oh, don't, darling.

I'll take you home.

- You get a good night's rest.
- Betsy...

Wait a minute.

Why didn't I think
to show this to them?

I got so upset when the car
wouldn't fly. Here.

Take this.

Now hold it out.

Now drop it.

Flubber!

That's how I was able
to bounce around.

That's how we won the game.

This is what makes the car fly.

Are you sure you actually
made that car fly?

This very car.

No.

No. I take that back.

Well, did you or didn't you?

This isn't my car, Betsy.
My car had a radio in it.

Somebody switched cars on me.

- Hawk.
- Hawk?

Alonzo Hawk.

He saw me flying the car.
He came to make a deal.

I turned him down.
He stole my car.

Are you sure?

Will you stop saying that?
I'm sure.

Please believe me.

We've got to get that car.
In the hands of Hawk...

I believe you.

If we could figure out
some way to...

You what?

I believe you.

You do?

Mm-hmm.

Oh, Betsy.

I'm glad to see you came
around to my way of thinking.

I'm with you 100%, Mr. Hawk.

I know. But we were discussing
the Model T.

What's with these shoes?

Flubber, Mr. Hawk.

When you wear these shoes,

you'll have a spring
in your step.

You live life to the fullest.

When the time comes to
shuffle off this mortal coil,

you won't shuffle.

You'll go out with a hop, a
skip, and a song in your heart.

I still don't get it.
What about the Model T?

BETSY: Well, Mr. Hawk,
surely you can see the point.

Why, shoes are 10 times
more valuable than a flying car.

- How come?
- Well, figure it out.

Only 8% of the world's
population buy cars.

Practically everybody
buys shoes.

She's right.

Sure, she's right.

Now, take it easy, Mr. Hawk.

I'll show you how
the Flubber works.

Just tap your heel on the floor.

You see?

- Yeah.
- All right.

I don't know if
I can hold my balance.

It just takes a little
getting used to.

Why, Ned's crazy about his.
Aren't you, dear?

Yes, I certainly am.

I can't tell you
the lift I've gotten.

Now, just jump up
and down, Mr. Hawk.

- Up and down?
- Uh-huh.

There we go!

There we go!

Mr. Hawk, I think that's
high enough for right now.

Oh, Betsy.
Hold him down!

ALONZO:
That's fantastic!

Hold him down, Betsy.

There we are.
Wasn't that wonderful?

- Wonderful. Why did you stop?
- To talk.

We know you're interested
in more than money.

- Surely you are.
- I am? What?

Humanity, Mr. Hawk.

You can save lives
with these shoes.

Of course you can.

Now, suppose.
Just suppose.

There's a fire.
A raging fire.

The stairs are an inferno.
The smoke is billowing.

We're trapped!
Help! Help! Help!

The flames are creeping
closer and closer.

Oh, no, no, no!

I can't stand it any longer!

Geronimo!

My boy!

Nothing to it, Mr. Hawk.

Why, that's amazing!

Your turn, Mr. Hawk.

Oh, now, just a minute.

Oh, it's fun, Mr. Hawk.
Go ahead!

You'll land light as a thistle.
I promise you.

Well, I don't know.

Let me put it this way.

I wouldn't want a partner

who doesn't have faith
in his product.

You better do it.

He's very fussy
about things like that.

Nobody's been able
to call me a coward.

I should say not, Mr. Hawk.

Come on down, Mr. Hawk!

One, two...

- I changed my mind.
- Three!

Help!

Whee!

Hey, look!

Look!
I'm doing it!

Sure you are, Mr. Hawk.

Put a little more spring
into it.

See how simple it is?

Flex your knees.

That's right.

Look at Mr. Hawk, dear.
Isn't he doing well?

ALONZO:
This is marvelous!

Brainard,
we've got something here.

Sure we have, Mr. Hawk.

Okay, I'm sold!
Now, how do I stop?

What did he say?

- I can't quite catch it.
- I can't either!

I said, tell me how to stop!

You can tell me something.
What have you done with my car?

You tricked me!

That's right, Mr. Hawk.

Now, where is it?
Where did you hide it?

In my warehouse!

- In his warehouse!
- Thanks, Mr. Hawk!

Hey, how do I stop?

Happy landing, Mr. Hawk!

Wait! Don't go!

Professor Brainard!
Come back!

Don't leave me! Wait!

Don't go! Biff!

Biff, where are you?
It's your father calling!

Huh?

Biff! Son!

Wake up! Get out of bed!
Help your father!

Hey, that's pretty neat, Pop.

How do you do that?

Well, don't just lie there,
you nitwit!

Get some somebody!
Get the fire department!

Don't blow a gasket.

Stop me!

Help!

I don't get it.

Why we got to sit around
watching that crummy car?

'Cause Hawk says so, that's why.

You figure he knows
what he's doing?

Fisheye didn't pile up
that loot by being stupid,

you know what I mean?

Here I go.

Up we go.

No. I got to go up higher.
No.

There we are.

Looks like people
got behind in their payments.

Dear sweet Mr. Hawk.

Shh.

Lenny?

Yeah, what?

Do you hear noises?

Like what kind of noises?

Sort of like a...

...a harp.

Now, let's see.
No, no, no, no!

Betsy, put it down.
Down.

Down?

Easy. Easy.

There.

No, no.

No.

You'd better take my shoe off.

I can't get the knot undone.

Oh! My nail!

Shh.

Maybe I can help you.

[Note plays]

There it goes again.

You remember Feisty McKenna?

Only with him,
it wasn't harp noises.

He kept hearing birdcalls.

Easy, easy, easy.

Now, easy.

Okay.

Well.
Oh! Oh! Oh!

Mr. Hawk!

This is the
fire chief speaking!

We'll have everything under
control in just a moment.

Now, Mr. Hawk, try to relax.

Relax?
How can I relax, you fathead?

Mary Lou,
I wish you'd come over.

Pop's putting on a great show.

They're bringing in a net.

Make way. Come on.

Come down sitting.
Not feet first!

The net didn't work
so well, Mary Lou.

I told you we needed a new one.

You told me?

What do you think I've
been telling the council?

How am I supposed to buy a net
without an appropriation?

Don't get hot.
I only mentioned it.

You just keep the kinks
out of the fire hose.

That's all I want from you.

I'm the chief.

Sure! Come on over, Millie!

You should see it.

Don't worry, Mr. Hawk.
We'll take care of you.

No, don't do it!
No!

Ow!

Personally,
I'm a dry-fly man, myself.

Royal Coachman.

- Take it easy.
- Yeah, I got him.

Biff! Help me!

Do something
before they kill me!

Coach, I know you're
in spring practice.

But it's a matter
of life and death!

[Squeaking]

That ain't no birdcall.

Well, look who's here.
It's the professor.

It wasn't smart
breaking in like that.

Well, I didn't exactly break in.

Of course, as you can see,
I'm trying to break out.

Careful, boys.

Look!

What happened, boys?
You missed me?

Here I am!

Now, take it easy, boys.
Take it easy.

Don't crowd me!

Don't want to get tough
with you again.

Barrel-fresh hot doggies!
They're a foot long!

Get your hot doggies!
Right this way!

Here we are, folks.
Hot dogs.

And you called the police?

Certainly. I was getting
ready to take a bath.

I saw this face
flashing past the window.

How did I know
the poor man was in trouble?

Back!

Well, sir, I calculate he
gains about 18 inches to bounce.

And your opinion is?

About 7:00 tonight, he's gonna
be in serious trouble.

Gosh. My father never
does anything like that.

For a parent, he's way out!

Excuse me, excuse me.

This way, fellas.

Son! What are you
going to do to me?

One, two...

Biff! I'm your father!
Please!

Hike!

Pop!
Are you all right, Pop?

And why wouldn't I be?

The warehouse!

Oh, no. Once more,
and we'd have had it open.

You're not gonna
give up this easily.

It's just a bump on the head.

That's it. Come on.
What would Mr. Hawk say?

Come on, let's get on our feet.
On with the fight. Come on.

Here. Try this.

Oh. Thank you, dear.

That did it. Better get
back in the car, Betsy.

All right, come on,
you cut-rate gorillas!

- Hit him high this time.
- Got you.

Okay, Mr. Jumping Jack.

Look out!

Ned!

Corners beautifully,
doesn't it?

Ned, look!

Here they come!

Come on, you guys!
Get in the car! Hurry up!

To think I always thought of you

as a nice, easygoing
college professor.

- Betsy?
- Mm-hmm?

No. This is hardly the time
to say what I was going to say.

Never mind.
Go ahead. Say it.

- Well...
- [Gunshot]

What do you know?
They want to play rough.

Here. Give me that thing!

You can't do that, Pop!

We gotta show this nut
we mean business!

Well, looky there.

A police car.

Well, well, well.

They've been asking for it.

Asking for what?

The Shelby Stomp.

It's Brainard!

- Faster, son!
- I've got it down to the floor!

- Hold it!
- All right!

All right, you birds!

Get your hands
on the top of that car.

Now, this is ridiculous!

Do you realize who I am?

Yeah. You're the guy that had
this hot pistol in his mitt.

I'm Alonzo P. Hawk,

president of the Auld Lang Syne
finance company!

Isn't it a small world?

Why, of course I remember you.

Well, that's better.

Sure, you're the outfit
that repossessed

my electric icebox last year.

Well, Officer Hanson!

Sorry, but can you tell me

the shortest way
to Washington, D.C.?

Sure, Professor.

Down the block to the
intersection, left, Highway 9.

No, I mean as the crow flies.

Oh! That way.
Due East.

Thanks.

Officer, stop that man!

He's flying off with millions
of dollars that belong to me!

Mr. Hawk, surely you're not
accusing dear, old Professor...

I have an unknown approaching
Washington prohibited zone.

Heading 0-6-8.
Angels 1.5.

Speed 45 knots.

45 knots?
Are you sure?

Yes, sir.

Hello, Bird Farm?
This is Flag Down.

Scramble the 5-minute birds.

[Alarm blaring]

MAN ON P. A:
Attention, attention.

Scramble Bird Dog flight.

Scramble Bird Dog flight.

Vector 2-7-0.

Vector 2-7-0.

Go gate to angels 1.5.
Angels 1.5.

It's so lovely
and peaceful up here.

As though we're the only
people in the world.

Well, aren't we?

Ned.

Ned!

Did you see what I saw?

- I hope not!
- Let's run that again.

Roger.

Here they come again!

Let's get out of here!

Hello, Flag Down.
This is Bird Dog Leader.

I have a visual on that bogey.

Well, speak up, man.
What is it?

I don't think you're
going to like this, sir.

What's the matter?
Give me that bogey report!

It's a Model T, sir.

A what?

A Model T Touring Car.
Only it's flying!

Bird Dog Leader,
I suggest for your own sake

that you take another look.

I can't, sir.
It's gone into a cloud.

And it won't come out!

What's the procedure, sir?

I think I'll let
the colonel handle this one.

Yes, Flag Down?

Well, go on, Captain.
Go on.

A flying what?

Cut the clowning Flag Down.
The C.O.'s here.

- What's going on, Colonel?
- Nothing.

What do you mean, nothing?

It's Flag Down.
Just a question of procedure.

Give me that.

What's all this?
Don't you know your job, man?

Don't interrupt me.

It might interest you to know

the general staff has worked out
exact procedure

for every possible situation.

There's nothing could happen...

A flying what?

- Looks like they've gone.
- Good.

Can we get out of here now?
This is ruining my hairset.

Darling, you never looked
more beautiful.

Gentlemen.
It's quite simple, really.

Obviously, a Model T cannot fly.

It must be something
disguised as a Model T.

I am declaring
a Condition Yellow.

Let's move, Colonel.

How lovely it is.

Makes you feel proud,
doesn't it?

Washington's a great city.

There's something for everyone.

Look at all those people
down there!

I think they're staring at us.

BRAINARD:
I wouldn't be a bit surprised.

I can't hear what
they're yelling.

Hi, down there!

Oh, Ned!
Look out!

Kind of hits you between
the eyes, doesn't it?

Look!
There's Grant's Tomb.

I think Grant's Tomb
is in New York, dear.

I believe that's
the Jefferson Memorial.

You mean Monticello?

Betsy, I think there's
a map in the side pocket.

Will you see if you
can find the Pentagon?

It has five sides
and a big parking lot.

I doubt if it's on here, dear.

This map is from the year 1917.

Hmm? Oh!

Well.

Oh, there's the Capitol!
Won't that do?

The Capitol.

When you think of all
the history made there.

Now, don't forget, you're
making history right now.

Oh, you think so?
I hope they don't make a fuss.

MAN ON RADIO: We interrupt to
bring you an emergency bulletin.

This is the commanding officer,
Sector Air Defense,

speaking on all commercial
and military wavelengths.

Attention!

An unidentified flying object
is over the city.

I don't see anything.

No. Nothing up here but us.

COMMANDING OFFICER:
Every defensive missile

- in the area
- Us!

Is trained on the flying object.

If it does not identify itself,

it will be shot down
immediately.

They wouldn't dare!

Oh, yes.
Yes, they'd dare.

COMMANDING OFFICER:
This is your last warning.

Identify yourself
or we will open fire.

Ready at Fort Mead?

Missile batteries
locked on target, sir.

Repeat!

Are you listening,
unidentified flying object?

We are waiting
for your response!

I am responding!
I'm Professor Brainard!

At the count of 10,
we open fire.

Don't bother to count, general!
I'm an American!

See? My credit cards!

Three...

Four...

Wait!

You're not gonna
stand for that, are you?

Five...

Yes.

Six...

Seven...

Sir, Fort Mead reports he's
gone behind the Capitol dome.

- Eight...
- Congress is in session.

If you fire, we might lose every
senator and congressman.

Nine...

And they've just put
a new front on the building.

Hold your fire.

Well, why try
to pass the buck to me?

Just because it looks like a...

What?

Well, I don't care
if it is a Model T!

Shoot it down!

Right, right.

And if you happen to see
a Stutz Bearcat

or a Pope-Toledo
flying over the Capitol,

shoot them down, too.

As a personal favor,

won't you please
identify yourself?

Professor, this is the admiral.

Proceed to Anacostia
Naval Air Station.

This is General Singer.

You fly to Bolling
Air Force Base.

This is the Army.
Report to Fort Myer.

- Anacostia Naval Air Station!
- Bolling Air Force Base!

- Bolling Air Force Base!
- Fort Myer!

Now hear this!

Anacostia.

They had their chance.
I'm not gonna fool around.

What are you doing?

We're going to land.
On that big patch of green lawn.

- Oh, Ned. Not there, please!
- Why not?

Well, my hair is a mess!

And I haven't a thing to wear!

Anybody home?

Ned!

Professor, what did
the president have to say?

Well...

The president, devoted
to the advance of science,

has embraced the discovery
of Flubber with enthusiasm.

Professor, what branch
of the services

will be given control
of your new discovery?

Well...

All will share alike.

In our opinion,
Flubber will only cement

the great traditional ties
of interservice cooperation.

Professor, with this great
breakthrough in science,

do you feel you still have
other worlds to conquer?

I do.

Just so there's
no doubt about it,

would you mind repeating that?

I do.

With pleasure, and a deep
sense of accomplishment,

I now pronounce you
man and wife.

TOGETHER: Firecracker!
Firecracker! Sis-boom-bah!

Medfield! Medfield!
Rah, rah, rah!

Goodbye, Betsy!
Good luck!

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