All language subtitles for Midsomer murders s10e02

Air Date - 1-2007

WOMAN ON RADIO:
When you've dropped off,

can you pick up a Mr. Lavender
at 15 Island Street?

MAN: No problem.

Wow.

MAN: So...

...he's worth a few bob, then,
your uncle.

FAITH:
Looks like he is.

Stunning.
Just beautiful.

- Well, best of luck anyway.
- Thank you.

- Oh, uh...
- Oh, that's all right.

Oh.
It's been a pleasure.

If ever you want
a taxi in a hurry [Chuckles]

Emergency dash to the airport...

escape the rellies...
just let us know.

All right.
But I think it's gonna be fine.

- John.
- See you, then.

- Bye.
- Bye.

Hello, there.
Can I help?

Oh, I hope so.
I'm looking for Rex Masters.

Oh. I don't think
he's surfaced yet.

FAITH:
Oh. Okay.

Rex isn't a great early riser.

Miles King.
I help out in Rex's garden.

Pleased to meet you.

I'm Faith Alexander...
Rex's niece.

From Philadelphia,
with two sons at college?

That's right.
Has he mentioned me?

Yes, he did.

You're supposed to be dead.

Rex!
What the hell's going on?!

[Pounds on door]

Rex!
Wake up, you bastard!

[Jingling]

[Door opens]

Rex!

I'm coming up!

Rex!

Rex!

I know you're in here.

Rex!

Rex?

[Singsong] Rex?

Come out, come out,
wherever you are.

Rex!

Rex!

Will you stop playing
silly beggars?!

Rex!

Where are you?

You arranged a time?

11:00.
We spoke just yesterday.

Excuse me.
When you said...

Rex!

[Taps on window]

Don't know about you.
I could do with a drink.

Can't be every day someone tells
you you're supposed to be dead.

No.

It was a plane crash,
in case you're wondering.

Entire family wiped out.

All of you.

You, your two sons, husband.

I take it they're alive as well,
are they?

They're fine.

Look, there must be
some kind of mistake.

Oh, no.

I think this has all been
very deliberate.

But why?

Who knows with Rex?

You obviously don't know
your uncle that well.

Janet. Yeah.

Got a bit
of surprising news for you.

Rex's dead niece has turned up.

[Gasps] I'm sorry?

MILES: He's excelled himself
this time.

Faith Alexander.

Rex's niece who died hideously
in a plane crash a year ago?

- JANET: Yeah?
- Yeah. She's alive.

And she's here in Rex's house,
asking where he is.

Oh, my God!

You haven't seen him?

No.

- You are sure it's her?
- MILES: Oh, yeah.

And why would
she lie to us anyway?

EILEEN:
What is he doing?!

Yeah.
Good question.

EILEEN: I'm going to
have to pop out for a little.

I'll be as quick as I can.

RICHARD:
What's happening?

WOMAN: Mrs. Petford,
you can see the doctor at 4:30.

EILEEN:
You know Rex told us

his niece and her family
died in a plane crash?

Well, she's just turned up on
his doorstep, alive and kicking.

What's that old rascal
up to now?

Do I look like
I'm finding this entertaining?

Any sign?

He's too embarrassed
to show his face.

This is more than a bad joke.

Gosh, you must be Faith.

This is Janet...
Rex's housekeeper.

Well, cleaner, really.

You look just like your picture.

Oh, this must be
so weird for you.

I mean, Rex has got
his mischievous side...

Excuse me.
My picture?

You said I look
just like my picture.

Well, yes.

It's always had pride of place.

No one in my family has been
in touch with Rex for 40 years.

How did he get this?

And who's this?

JANET: That?
Well, that's Rex.

Hello?

Where is he?

Still no sign.

This is Faith.

Faith, this is Eileen.

She helps Rex out
with the cooking.

We all do our bit.
Or try to.

- What's all this about?
- I have no idea.

But I really need
to telephone my husband.

Excuse me.

- It's definitely her.
- God, this is so weird.

Do you know something?

Why would I know anything?

He just doesn't want to face us.

So you think all that
was just for sympathy?

I can't believe it.

And I think
he would have left a note.

He wouldn't just not be here,
surely.

What's going on?
I saw your car.

Rex has disappeared, and his
dead niece has turned up.

FAITH:
Nobody knows where he is.

All right.

I'll call you
when I hear something.

Bye.

Maybe he had one too many
and nodded off somewhere.

It's a bit early.

Perhaps we should
call the police.

Oh, hi, Faith.
This is Jeremy, my fiancé.

You think
we should call the police?

We're just covering
all the options, Faith.

We're not saying
that something's happened.

He can be a bit unpredictable.
At times.

It's probably all for the sake
of a grand entrance.

JANET:
Perhaps I should call.

D.C.I. BARNAB Y:
Any mention of Alzheimer's?

They didn't say anything.

You think he's gone for a wander
in his dressing gown?

Well, it might explain
his confusion

over nieces and plane crashes,
mightn't it?

We've made all the usual checks.

And there are
a few coincidences.

And he's quite a wealthy man.

I don't know.
It seems a bit iffy.

- Do you want to check it out?
- Yeah. I do.

Okay. Off you go.
See what you can dig up.

Yes, sir.

Oh...

JANET: Her husband's in London
on business.

They flew over together,
apparently.

And what about Mr. Masters?

Is there any history
of mental problems, dementia?

- [Laughing] Absolutely not.
- He's as sharp as a knife.

He knows
exactly what he's doing.

And we've rung around
everyone that we know,

and there's no sign of him.

Any idea why he might have
come up with this story

about the plane crash?

He can be a bit of an oddball.

Look, I'm sorry.

I really have to be going.

I have to get back
to the surgery as well.

No problem.

You'll call me
if anything happens?

Yes, of course.

So, what else can you tell me
about Mr. Masters?

What's he like?

He's an old-fashioned charmer,
really.

Artistic.

He was quite a well-known
society photographer.

Wealthy.

Actually, I think the money's
been running a bit low.

At least
that's what he's saying.

FAITH:
We spoke yesterday,

and he said,
"See you tomorrow at 11:00."

But then there's
this plane-crash thing.

He couldn't have confused it

with another one involving
other members of the family?

There is no one else.

There was nothing he said when
you spoke to him on the phone?

Nothing unusual?

He didn't seem odd
or out of sorts?

I don't think so.

I don't know him that well,
really.

Just phone conversations.

I've only been in touch with him
for the last couple of months.

The only thing that seemed
a little odd thing

is he seemed
very interested in my health.

That is kind of strange.

I've always been lucky
as far as that goes,

but he seems very concerned.

And then there's the photos.
There's more than one.

He... He's got recent pictures

of your whole family
in the study.

Well, as far as I know,

my Uncle Rex hasn't been
in touch

with anyone in my family
for over 40 years.

Not until I got in touch
with him a few months ago.

He and my mother fell out
before I was born.

There was a big family feud.

Have you spoken to your mother
about this?

No.
She died 10 years ago.

I don't understand any of it.

I was really looking forward
to meeting him.

Have you ever found out
what the feud was about?

It was something that happened

when my mother was living
in Midsomer Deverell

when she was a teenager.

Something between my Uncle Rex

and my mother's best friend
at the time.

- Who was...
- Who was the friend?

She became quite famous.

Uh, Lucinda Thacker.
Mama Lucy of Ethiopia?

Lucinda Thacker?

Yes, that's right.
The famous missionary.

I can't believe this.
She was Jeremy's mother.

Jeremy I met?

Yeah.
My fiancé.

He's the curator
of the Mama Lucy Museum.

[Cellphone rings]

Excuse me.

Sir?

- Are you with them now?
- Yes, sir.

I'm afraid your hunch was right.
They've found Rex Masters' body.

MAN: Leave your name and number.
I'll get back to you.

He's still on voice mail.

Can I get you anything?

No, thank you.

What are you gonna do?
You've come all this way.

I don't know.

Where are you gonna stay?

Well, I don't know.

Do you think it would be
all right if I stayed here?

Would you want to?

Oh, yes.

Yes, I would like to very much.

We'll need you to remain
in the area for the time being.

I'm sure it'll be fine
if you stay here.

Where was he found?

Uh, his body was found
in the river.

The river?

Below Crofter's Weir.

Are you all right?

It's nothing.

It's just...

The water.
How awful.

That's it.
That's it.

Lady from the lockkeeper's
cottage found him.

Or rather her dog did.

His body was caught up
in the branches over there.

Abrasions to the head.

Had a feeling it'd be
something like this.

Well, we don't know
whether someone hit him

and ended up in the water,

or he fell in,
hit his head on the way down.

I'm hoping that Bullard
will shed some light.

JONES:
It's a bit of a coincidence,

this all happening
as the long-lost niece turns up.

And there's this stuff
about the plane crash.

I don't know
what to make of her.

She seems genuine.

And the husband, he's up
in London on business, yes?

Yeah.
They flew over together.

She's still trying
to get hold of him.

D.C.I. BARNAB Y:
Afternoon, sir.

JACK: Afternoon.

[Door opens]

You knew Rex Masters, then,
Mr. Pearce?

That's right.
Known him for 50 years.

Longer.
We both have.

- This is Amie, my wife.
- Hello there.

I'm Tom Barnaby, and this is
Ben Jones from Causton C.I.D.

I understand that

you actually saw Rex Masters
yesterday, is that right?

When Janet phoned,
Jack wasn't here.

So I said we hadn't seen him
because I didn't know Jack had.

What time did you actually see
Rex Masters?

Oh, about 8:30.

We often saw him
on his evening stroll.

He loved it down here.

And he'd take
the same route, would he?

I would have said so.

Down past the weir,
across the bridge,

and back along Studland Lane.

What's this
about the niece turning up?

She's alive, and the rest
of her family as well?

D.C.I. BARNAB Y:
Yes. That's right.

I know this place.

Thought you'd never
been here before.

When I was young my parents put
me in boarding school over here.

My mother came and took me out
for the day.

She took me to a river.

It looked like this.

That's Crofter's Weir.
It's where Rex's body was found.

[Bell jingles]

JONES: Hello?

I'll go.

[Dialing]

JONES: This is Detective
Chief Inspector Barnaby.

This is Janet Bailey.

MAN: Sorry I can't take
your call right now.

D.C.I. BARNAB Y:
We don't know yet.

But until we find
a cause of death,

we have to treat it
as suspicious.

This is Faith...
Rex's niece from America.

Hello.

Well, we'll have to
talk to you both in due course.

But in the meantime
can you tell us...

Do you know anywhere where Rex
might have left a note?

Not suicide.

Well, we have to consider
all possibilities.

Um, I suppose he might have
left something in the study.

But I can't believe it.

Not Rex.

I was probably the only other
person who came in here.

FAITH:
They go back years.

As far as Mrs. Alexander knew,

none of her family had been
in touch with Rex for 40 years.

Not until a few months ago
when I first spoke to him.

Have you got any idea where
he got these pictures from?

He didn't say.
I didn't ask.

D.C.I. BARNAB Y: Now...

...I want this room left
exactly as it is, okay?

There's no other keys,
are there?

- No.
- Okay.

Who's his solicitor?

Uh, Jane Benbow, in Causton.

It's lver Street.

Right. You wouldn't happen to
know who inherits, would you?

Yes, I do, actually.

I was a witness.

He told me.

Well, would you mind telling us?

Um...

Um, well, there were a couple
of small bequests, I remember.

I think he left a case

of the Cristal champagne
to Jane Benbow...

to lighten the load
for being executor

and " for having
such very pretty legs."

That was very Rex.

And the chief beneficiary is?

Oh!

Faith Alexander, his niece.

I... I had no idea.
I never met him.

I swear I had no idea.

It's okay.
Fine, fine.

And when was the will signed?

Must've been
about four years ago.

All right.

Now, there is the matter

of the official identification
of the body.

I'll do it, if you like.

I'd like to be there.

Thank you.

So, what have we got?

The cause
is definitely drowning.

I'm not sure
about the abrasions,

whether they were caused before
or after he entered the water.

My instinct is before.

Oh, and he was hit with
a smooth, tubular-shaped object.

Could it have been an accident?

Suzanne.

I'm sure you realize,
as Rex's solicitor,

I can't divulge the contents...

...of his will.

Of course not.

But I spoke
to one of the witnesses,

and she told me
that Faith Alexander,

well, she was going to inherit
pretty well everything.

And I wondered if you could
just confirm that for us.

But you wouldn't deny it.

No.

The will was dated
four years ago.

Do you know of
any more recent will?

Well, up until today
I would have said no.

But Eileen Carnack
got in touch with me,

requesting an urgent meeting.

I don't know if you know her.

She used to cook for Rex.

I've met her.
A neighbor of his.

JANE:
Yes, that's right.

It's clearly regarding
a new version of Rex's will.

In fact, she's, um...

- She's due any...
- [Intercom buzzes]

...moment.

It would be very useful to us to
learn the contents of that will.

Yes?

WOMAN:
Your next appointment is here.

Send Mrs. Carnack in.

Oh. I'm sorry.
I didn't realize.

Is that a new will?

Uh, yes.
Yes, it is.

Would you mind awfully
if I had a look at it?

I'm Detective
Chief Inspector Barnaby

from Causton C.I.D.

- Oh, of course.
- Thank you.

It's such a tragedy.

We've all been just so shocked.

This is dated six months ago.

With you as beneficiary
of the entire estate.

EILEEN:
I think he wanted to reward me

for the help I've given him
over the years.

Is it the... the most
recent version, do you know?

By any chance?

It appears to be.

I said it was too much.

But generous to a fault.

Dear Rex.

Well, I... I'll leave it
with you, then, shall I?

Don't think there's
anything more to discuss.

Oh. No. Mrs. Carnack?
Mrs. Carnack?

Mrs. Carnack, um,
I'd like to ask you, if I may...

Hello.

Oh, he...

I didn't realize
that you were busy.

We could come back later.

What's that?

It's, um, a letter from Rex,

to be opened
in the event of his death.

He gave it to me
for safekeeping.

Actually,
it's a bit embarrassing.

It's a new will.

D.C.I. BARNAB Y: Ah.

It all seems to be in order.

Dated just a couple
of months ago.

With who
as the main beneficiary?

Oh. [Clears throat]
It's me.

He left everything to me.

Interestingly, um,
both wills have been witnessed

by Mr. And Mrs. Pearce,
of Lockkeeper's Cottage.

But it is definitely valid?

Oh, yes.

Unless another one turns up.
And on current form...

Rex has been playing
a little game with us.

Irrespective of
which will is valid,

anyone who believed
that they were

the legitimate beneficiaries
of Rex Masters' will,

they would have had good motive
to kill him.

Need to ask both of you
where you were

between 8:30 and 9:00
yesterday evening.

Janet?

Um, I was at home with Jeremy.

That's right.
We had an evening in.

Eileen?

Actually,
I was at Miles's cottage.

Briefly.

I went round to pick up some
flower pots he'd promised me,

and I stayed for a quick drink.

- When did you get there?
- About 8:30.

And when did you leave?

About...

...9:00, actually.

[Bell jingles]

[Knock on door]

Mr. Barnaby, Mr. Jones.

Mrs. Alexander.

We've just come
from Rex's solicitor's.

And it turns out
that Rex made two more wills

since the one four years ago

which had you
as chief beneficiary.

And I'm afraid that
you're not mentioned in either.

In fact, the most recent one...

the one regarded
as the legitimate version...

that leaves the entire estate
to Janet Bailey.

Your uncle's cleaning lady,
housekeeper.

Yes, I know who she is.

I can't say
I'm not disappointed.

But it was
my Uncle Rex's decision.

And I like Janet.

She seems
a very deserving person.

I understand that you were
in London at the time.

Would you mind telling us where
exactly in London you were

between 8:30 and 9:00?

I was in my hotel room, asleep.
Jet lag.

We'd only arrived
a few hours earlier.

Can anyone confirm that?

My husband.

Anyone other than your husband?

Oh.

The people at the hotel.

The Burnham in Piccadilly.

Mrs. Alexander, why,
after all this time,

did you decide to get in touch
with your uncle?

I mean, just now.

I know it must seem
a bit of a coincidence.

All I can say is I don't know.

I was feeling a bit nest-empty.

My sons are away at college.

Somebody mentioned
the Lucinda Thacker biography.

Which got me thinking
about Midsomer.

Which got me thinking
about family.

Which got me thinking about Rex.

I knew that Rex was about 80.

I thought if I was ever going
to meet him, I'd better...

...hurry up.

You're going to be
quite a wealthy woman.

Do you still want to marry me?

Of course I do.
What a thing to say.

JACK: Oh, yes.
We witnessed his signature.

On several occasions.

But he didn't tell us
what the documents were.

They were all wills?

Seems he changed his mind
quite a lot.

AMIE:
That's one way of putting it.

Another might be that he was
fraudulently purchasing loyalty.

I loved Rex dearly.

But he could be
a complete and utter toe-rag.

Excuse me.

This is
the Lucinda Thacker biography.

That's right.

The famous Mama Lucy.

Yes, I know who she is.

Uh, can I have a word, sir?

D.C.I. BARNAB Y:
Would you excuse us, please?

Faith told me Lucinda Thacker
and her mum were good friends

when she lived
in Midsomer Deverell.

Before she moved to the States.

She reckoned the reason
her mum and Rex fell out

was because of something
that happened

between Rex and Lucinda.

- Did she say what?
- Doesn't know.

But odds on,
it's loin-instigated.

Got to be.

If it involved Rex.

I don't know if it's got
anything to do with anything.

"Loin-instigated."

Written by Jeremy Thacker.
The son.

He takes his mother
very seriously.

Well, she was a truly remarkable
woman in many ways.

But beatification?

Hmm!

Jeremy's trying to drum up
support from the local bishop.

AMIE: We're all very proud
of her, of course,

but it does feel a bit like
a veneration too far.

May I borrow this?

Thank you.

She's not quite the humorless
do-gooder the book suggests.

She'd have hooted
at the idea of sainthood.

Eileen?

Can you just stop tidying up?

Just... leave it.

They're saying at The Barge

that you turned up
at Rex's solicitor's today

with a will that had you
as beneficiary.

I told them it wasn't true.

Why shouldn't it be true?

Well, you'd have told me.

Why would I have told you?

You have to know everything,
do you?

Is that it?

I have to tell you everything
that's going on in my life?

You thought you were inheriting
all of Rex's money,

and you... and you never
mentioned it?

I gave up a career for you!

And the children.

Do you have any idea
what it's like

being beholden to someone else
all the time?

Surviving on handouts?!
Do you?!

Do you?!

[Scoffs]
Like hell you do!

I'm sorry.
I had no idea.

Is it true there was another
will that made it invalid?

Uh, yes, it is.
So you don't have to worry.

What are you doing
reading the biography

of our local female missionary?

I thought pulp thrillers
were more your kind of thing.

Well, since you ask,

it has to do with a suspicious
death we are investigating.

Chap by the name of Rex Masters.

Oh!

What do you mean, "Oh"?
Did you know him?

He's supposed to be
the mystery man

who had his wicked way
with Lucinda Thacker.

But, you know, some people think

she wasn't as innocent as
her son made out in the book.

Not in her teens, anyway.

Apparently she used to run
with quite a racy crowd.

Joyce, oh pretty lady,
how do you know all this?

Causton Book Club reading list.

Chapter Three.

[Knocks on door]

D.C.I. BARNAB Y: Mr. King.

I'm Detective
Chief Inspector Barnaby.

And you've already met Detective
Sergeant Jones, haven't you?

Could we have a moment, please?

[Sighs] Very well.

Thank you.

We need to ask you
some questions

about the night
Rex Masters went missing.

We're trying to establish

what everyone's movements were
at the time.

What do you want to know?

You were just going out,
weren't you?

Yes, I was.

And you were going to see
Mrs. Benbow?

Why do you ask?

If that's a will of Rex Masters'
you have there,

and if that's dated any earlier
than two months ago,

you're wasting your time.

It is, isn't it?
May I?

- Wasting my time?
- Thank you. Yes.

Two other Rex Masters wills
have come to light recently...

neither, I'm afraid,
with you as a beneficiary.

One dated two months ago.

The other, six months ago.

Oh, and this one 12 months ago.

MILES: And the recent will
of two months ago... It's valid?

- Yes, it is.
- Who is it?

Who's the beneficiary?
Is it the niece?

No.
It's Janet Bailey.

Bastard!

Bastard!

You know she might not want
your help anymore.

Oh, I feel I have to offer.

She's on her own
in a foreign country.

Well, don't be too hurt if
she gives you the cold shoulder.

Perhaps you should think
of some kind of inventory.

Of the contents.

I'm just being practical.

I knew it.
I knew it.

What an absolute bloody fool
I've been.

My God!

Why did I ever believe him?

Mr. King, may I ask how long
had you known Rex Masters?

Oh, we went way back.

Supposed to be friends.

All that work I did for him.

For nothing.
Bloody nothing!

How did the will... the will
with you as beneficiary...

How did that come about?

Oh, he always said
he'd provide for me.

So you made him put it
in writing?

Why not?
He milked it hard enough.

Never had any money to pay me.

"House rich, cash poor.

Don't you worry, my boy!
You'll be provided for."

Who wouldn't be worried?

It's not as if you've got
any family to leave it to.

Not anymore.

Oh. I see.

I've relandscaped
the entire garden out there

virtually single-handed.

And what a wonderful job
you've done.

Oh, it's...
l-lt's a triumph.

Oh, why not?

Who else deserves it
more than you?

Organize it.

My signature
is at your disposal.

MILES:
I should've known.

And of course,
once the will was signed,

there were always
some other "little things"

he wanted doing..."my boy."

Like mowing the lawn
twice a week.

Rebuilding the pergola.

Endlessly weeding those
herbaceous bloody borders.

I can't believe I did all that.

Oh, Rex.

Rex.

Mr. King, we're asking
everyone this, of course...

Where were you
between 8:30 and 9:00

on the evening
that Rex Masters went missing?

I was here.

Anyone corroborate that?

Well, yes.
Eileen, actually.

She came over to collect
some flower pots at 8:30,

which is what we had arranged.

She had a drink
and then left about 9:00.

FAITH: Janet, thank you
for being so great.

Well, anyway, I just wanted you
to hear it from me.

Hello.

Hello there.

Hello.

FAITH:
I know that house.

I've been here before.

This is Amie Pearce.
She knew Rex as well as anyone.

Hi.

Amie, this is Faith Alexander.

Rex's niece.

Yes.

We've met before.

Many years ago.

Your mother brought you here.

Rex asked me to act
as an intermediary

to try and broker
some kind of peace.

But your mother flatly refused.

She wanted nothing
to do with him.

I don't remember that.

She told you
to go into the garden.

And I went to the weir.

That's right.
We couldn't find you.

There was a man.

REX:
Beautiful, isn't it?

Yes, it is.

But frightening too.

Well, they often go together.

For some of us, that is.

Mustn't let the fear win,
though.

Never let the fear win.

Hmm? [Laughs]

Mrs. Pearce, did you
stay in touch with my mother?

No.

I think she rather saw me
as being on Rex's side,

which I wasn't.

Do you know
what the feud was about?

I know something happened
between Lucinda and Rex.

It wasn't spoken of.

Wasn't there any gossip?

There's invariably gossip.

But I endeavor always to forget
the words of idle tongues.

EILEEN: He was always making out
he was hard up.

Always asking favors.

There was always another dinner
party he wanted me to cook for.

I never seemed to say no.

Don't know why.

I can't withdraw
the invitations.

Doesn't it ever occur to you
that I have other things to do?

You might even offer to pay me.

Well, I would.

Of course I would.

But you know how it is.

It's... It's the bloody
bank manager.

And yet you have
all these people to dinner?

Well, I know I have no right
to ask this of you.

Why don't you sell a painting?

Or a statue or something?

I know you don't mean that.

I know
you wouldn't want me to...

...sell my babies.

He said...
[Sighs]

He'd be dead soon...

And that he'd leave
everything to me.

So long as I let him taste
my pavlova one more time.

I told him I wanted it
in writing.

I want that in writing.

Of course.

Of course you do.

Oh...

And the lobster...

Now, they must taste
the bisque, hmm?

Oh, you know...

If I was just
a few years younger,
If I was just
a few years younger,

I could lose myself
in those dark, dark eyes.

We do the paperwork tomorrow.

REX: Of course.

Can you think of any reason why
someone might want to kill him?

Any enemies?

No.

There were a few people
who didn't approve of him.

His lifestyle.

But no enemies.

As far as I'm aware.

Uh, just one more thing,
Mrs. Carnack, if I may?

Close as you are
to Rex Masters' place,

did you notice anything unusual

round about the time
he disappeared?

EILEEN: No.

Oh, this is Richard, my husband.

Ah, Dr. Carnack.

I'm Detective
Chief Inspector Barnaby.

This is
Detective Sergeant Jones.

We were just asking your wife,
you know,

whether she'd seen
anything unusual

round about the time
that Rex Masters disappeared.

I've explained
there was nothing.

Well, actually,
I did see something.

On my way back from the pub.
I suppose it was about 9:00.

A man sitting in his car
outside Rex's house.

Why didn't
you mention it before?

Well, nobody asked me before.

And I hadn't really
thought about it, I suppose.

It was a hatchback.
Blue, I think.

Did you recognize him?

No. He wasn't
particularly distinctive.

In his 40s, I'd say.

D.C.I. BARNAB Y:
Would you recognize him again?

I doubt it.
I didn't get much of a look.

FAITH: It was here.

"Don't let the fear win."

That's what he said to me.

That's what Rex said to me.
30 years ago.

Right on this spot.

I know it was Rex.

Sounds like the kind of thing
Rex would say.

FAITH: Talking to him these last
couple of months on the phone,

getting to know him...

We just clicked, you know?

I don't think
I've ever clicked with anyone.

Of course, the house is...

I think I let the fear win.

My whole life.

Compromise. Safety.
Doing what was expected.

Look at me. Jeans and sneakers.
Hiding.

It's not me.

It's not.

I don't think it ever was.

Well, look,
I don't know too much

about the philosophical stuff,
but...

we can do something
about the clothes.

That suits you.

- Does it?
- Yeah.

He gave me a few dresses,
your uncle.

And then there was
the underwear.

Really?

He was very naughty.

In what way?

Um, he was never very fond
of Jeremy.

Mmh, you must promise me
not to wear it for him.

No, it's wasted on the godly.

Only for me.
Only when you're here.

It'll be enough to know
you've got it on underneath.

To hear it rustle.

[Chuckles]
Come here.

Is there no limit to
your depravity, Rex Masters?

Oh, there's a limit
to everything, my dear.

And the end of it all

is galloping towards me
at breakneck speed.

Gather ye rosebuds while ye may.

Try it on for me.

Go on.

And I'm afraid I did.

[Footsteps thudding]

[Door opens, closes]

[Footsteps]

[Door opens, closes]

[Door closes]

[Thudding, cracking]

FAITH: [Gasps]

[Metal clanks]

[Door closes]

She's a bit shaken,
but she seems okay.

Yeah.
When? When did it happen?

About 1:00 a.m.

Apparently she knocked
something over upstairs.

The intruder heard it
and did a runner.

Looks like they were trying
to get into the study.

It was on the floor just there.
It's one of the kitchen knives.

You can see the marks
where they tried to force it.

There's nothing
obviously missing

from the rest of the house.

If it was a burglary
for monetary gain,

there's plenty of valuable stuff

they could've stolen
more easily.

Chief Inspector.

- How are you feeling?
- Okay.

I'm sorry. It must've been
very frightening.

I was terrified, actually.

Fortunately,
I think he was as well.

He ran away as soon as he heard
me clattering around upstairs.

- So you didn't see anything?
- No, I'm sorry.

I was about to make some coffee.
Would you like some?

Yes, please.
Thank you.

Okay.

- D.C.I. BARNAB Y: Hmm.
- Sir?

Maybe whoever it was,
was after another will.

Seems to have been
pretty keen on them.

Better put an officer
on the front door

in case whoever it was
comes back for another try.

It's gonna take a long time
to look through all this.

You think it's connected
to Rex's death?

Well, if it isn't, Jones,
it's a very big coincidence.

I know something else
about Rex Masters.

In the Mama Lucy biography...
by the son, Jeremy Thacker...

he says that when his mother
was a young woman

back in the early 60s,

she was sexually assaulted
by an older man

who abused
his position of trust

and that she never really
recovered from that.

Apparently there was
much local speculation

as to the identity
of this Mr. X,

but it looks like it may well
have been Rex Masters.

So that's what the feud between
Rex and his sister was about.

- You don't think Jeremy...
- [Cellphone rings]

...was trying to avenge
his mother's honor?

Well, he was taking his time
about it if he was.

Hello?

Mr. Barnaby,
this is Jane Benbow.

Hi.

I've just been going through
some of Rex's finances,

and, um, well,
I've found something

that I thought
you should know about.

What is it?

You told me

that your family had had
no contact with your Uncle Rex

for over 40 years, yeah?

- Yes.
- Yes.

But we've just discovered
that your Uncle Rex

was making
large, regular payments,

amounting to many
tens of thousands of pounds,

into an account in Philadelphia,
in your husband, Alan's, name.

The first payment was made
some 10 years ago,

and the last, one year ago.

Oh, my God.

Were you not aware of this?

No. No.

As far as I know, my husband
has never met Uncle Rex,

he has never had
any contact with him at all.

We'll need to talk to him.

We'll both need to talk to him.

He arrives in an hour.

♪ But when
you're so close to me ♪

♪ As good as it seems ♪

♪ Something that I can't see,
whoa, no-o-o-o ♪

JEREMY:
It was Rex Masters.

That's absolutely definite.

So the man
who assaulted your mother

when she was 17 years old
was indeed Rex Masters?

Absolutely.

I couldn't name names
in the book, obviously.

The lawyers would have
had a fit.

But... oh, yes...
that's who it was.

He got her blind drunk
and forced himself on her.

They call it date rape now.

Back then the shame of it
was just too great.

Better for everyone to pretend
it hadn't happened.

Did your mother herself
tell you all this?

As good as.

She didn't like
to talk about it,

but she never denied it
when I asked her.

You know he tried me to get me
to withdraw the book from sale?

No, I didn't know that.

Said it was a thinly disguised
version of himself.

Which of course it was.

Claimed it was libelous,
which I knew it wasn't.

I got the lawyers to check
that out very thoroughly.

I said I'd see him in court.

So you can see

I won't be shedding many tears
for Rex Masters.

Mr. Thacker,
I have to ask you this...

Where were you
at 1:00 a.m. Last night?

At a party in London
given by my agent. Why?

There was a break-in
at Stonecroft House,

and we have to ask everyone.

I see.

We'll need your agent's details
for corroboration.

- Speak to her now if you like.
- [Beep]

You poor, poor thing.

Don't you worry, now.
Everything'll be all right now.

I'm here now.

Alan's here.

Blue hatchback.

This is Detective
Chief Inspector Barnaby

and Detective Sergeant Jones.

- Hi.
- How do you do?

[Sighs]
Terrible thing.

Terrible thing.

Something's different.
What, a new hairdo?

What... What is it?

Mr. Alexander, we'd very much
like to talk to you

about the large sums of money

you received from Rex Masters

over the nine years
until last June.

Ohhh!

Of course.

[Laughs] I think I know
what you're talking about.

Yeah, it's a little
misunderstanding.

Don't you worry.

We can sort it out, guys.

FAITH: I really want to know
what's going on as well.

D.C.I. BARNAB Y:
Money from the account

of Rex Masters over here...

to the account of Alan Alexander
in Philadelphia.

Several payments there, you see.

Amounting in total to £ 160,000

I don't know what that is
in dollars,

but it's certainly quite a lot.

So If you could start
at the beginning, please?

Okay.

This is not easy for me.

I suppose I first got in touch
with Rex, I guess, 10 years ago,

when Faith started to get her...
medical problems.

I know... I know we should
have had sufficient insurance,

and I blame myself.

I knew Rex was well-off.

So I phoned him on a long shot

in the hope that he could
ease the pain...

...for my dear Faith.

Should I have let her
continue to suffer?

I couldn't do that.

Didn't Rex want to talk
to her... to Faith?

Well, they were...

...women's issues.

- And I explained that to Rex.
- And Rex accepted it?

Actually, he insisted that I
didn't tell her he was helping.

All he wanted in return

was for me to keep him informed
about the family.

That was all.

The photos.

Oh, you know about them?

Yeah, I sent him photos
from time to time.

Funny.

Faith told me she's always been
very lucky with her health.

Janet Bailey, isn't it?

Yes.
What's happened?

Is Faith all right?

She's fine.

We've been in touch with the
local police in your hometown,

and you've got
quite a reputation there.

Several failed businesses.
Gambling problem.

Why did Rex stop making
payments, Mr. Alexander?

The truth, please, this time.

Okay.

Right.

Well...

I was over here on a business
trip about a year ago,

and I came down to see Rex.

- You met him here in Midsomer?
- Right.

He wanted me to tell Faith
that he'd like to talk to her,

and I said I would ask her
if that would be okay.

And you told him that Faith
didn't want to talk to him.

Which was a lie, wasn't it?

Because you hadn't
mentioned it to her, had you?

For obvious reasons.

What happened when you told him?

Well, he turned a bit frosty.

So the family are still adopting

the moral high ground,
is that it?

Well, you no longer
exist for me anymore.

- Rex...
- No, no, no, no!

As far as I'm concerned,
you're all dead.

I never want to see
hide nor hair

of any single one of you
ever again.

Now get out!
Go on! Get out!

Out! Out!
Get out!

Pest!

I guess he must have
kind of embroidered it

with the plane-crash story.

So when Faith decided
off her own bat

a couple of months ago
to make contact,

that must have been
very awkward for you.

JONES:
Is that why you killed him?

To stop Faith finding out

what you were up to
all those years?

I didn't kill anyone.

Okay, Mr. Alexander.

Now...

I want you
to think very carefully

before you answer
this next question, okay?

Someone saw a man
of about your age

sitting in a blue hatchback

which was parked outside
Rex's house

on the evening
that he disappeared.

Now, there's a very good chance
that this witness may be able

to recognize that person
and give us a positive I.D.

So...

Where were you on the evening
you arrived in this country?

I was down here.

I'd already spoken to him

and persuaded him
not to mention the money.

I just wanted to make
double sure.

D.C.I. BARNAB Y:
"Double sure."

As in knocking him over the head
and pushing him in the river?

I did not kill him!

I... I went to his house,
and he wasn't there.

What time was that?

Around 8:30.

I-I guess I waited until 10:00.
I had to get back to London.

What?

The estimated time of death
is some time after 8:30.

[Chuckles]

Oh...

All right.

I can see I'm gonna
have to tell you.

I think I saw the murderer.

It's true.

And we're supposed
to believe you?

I am serious.
I saw the murderer.

I'd been sitting,
waiting in the car.

It was dark, and I was just
thinking about giving up

when I saw a figure appear
by the front door.

Couldn't work out
where it came from.

And before I could
get out of the car,

whoever it was
had let themselves in.

I thought it was kind of weird

because they didn't
turn on the lights.

They must have heard me,

'cause suddenly a flashlight
was in my eyes.

Whoever it was ran off,
out the back door.

[Glass breaking]

And I could hear someone in the
backyard knocking stuff over.

What did you do then?

What could I do?
I had to get back to London.

I just had to hope that Rex

wouldn't mention anything
to Faith when she came down.

I guess he was already dead.

JONES: Do you think
our American friend

really did see an intruder, sir?

Well, we'll need to talk
to the wife, won't we?

But if he did see someone,

it means there's something
in that study

that someone wants to get
his hands on very badly.

JEREMY:
The exhibition is on the left

and my mother's house
is on the right.

Let's go through.

Well?

I'm thinking about it.

Don't take too long.

[Car door opens, closes]

She's gone for a walk, sir.
With her friend Janet Bailey.

Has she?
Thanks. Thanks very much.

FAITH: Everybody says
you have to work at marriage.

You have to tough it out.

Maybe there really is
a reasonable explanation.

FAITH: No.

I'd been hiding the truth
from myself for years.

I was just too scared
to admit it.

MAN ON RADIO: Remember,
it's your last chance

to enter our
competition of the week.

And what a great prize it is.

Whoever wins... along with
a guest of their choice...

They'll be flown first class
to Paris

for a weekend
of five-star luxury.

And how about that?

No wonder so many of you
have already entered.

And for those of you
who haven't,

then we just
give you the chance...

We're gonna give you
just one more time...

[Bolt turning]

Remember, it's your
last chance to enter.

Remember, now, that the only
way of entering is,

is if you actually do it
by e-mail now

because it's too late by post.

Basically, these days,
you can enter competitions

any way you like.

Do it by e-mail, by phone,
or by post.

In the old days, it was
always on a postcard, please.

But these days, it's whatever
way you can manage.

[Instrumental plays]

Black-and-white.

I suppose that makes it erotica
rather than porn.

Very tasteful.

A bit of
extracurricular photography.

I never realized they had such
adventurous sex in those days.

That's when it was invented,
Jones... in the 60s.

Do you know nothing?

JONES: Aha.

Looks like the erotic-photo
career spanned several decades.

Can see what he meant
about the legs.

Don't think the Law Society
would be too impressed, though.

Still, they're quite mild,
aren't they?

Well, there's always
the possibility that those

are just the warm-up shots.

What do you mean?

Well, if there were other
more explicit pictures,

she wouldn't want anyone
getting hold of them.

Mr. Barnaby?

Uh...
[Clears throat]

Where's my husband?

Well, we're keeping him at
the station for the time being.

Mrs. Alexander, did you mention

to your husband at all
what happened last night...

I mean about the intruder
trying to break into the study?

No, I didn't.

What did my husband say
about the money?

Well, it seems
that your Uncle Rex

was sending those large amounts
of money to your husband

to pay for what he believed
were your medical bills.

Quarter of a million dollars
over nine years.

Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.

It's official.

My husband is a con man.

Miss Bailey, we have to ask
everyone where they were

at 1:00 last night.

So I'm asking you.
Where were you?

I was at home in bed.

Jeremy was in London.
At a party given by his agent.

Oh, yes, we know that.
We've spoken to him.

Confirmed by
several other people.

There's just one thing.

On the night
of Rex's disappearance...

when you were at home
with Jeremy...

Are you sure about
the timings on that?

I mean,
you definitely were there

between 8:30 and 9:00, were you?

Yes.

Why are you asking?

I just want to make things
absolutely clear.

I was just thinking, sir...

What if Mrs. Alexander
made up the whole thing

about someone trying to break
into the study last night?

Why would she do that?

Maybe she wanted
to get in there herself.

She made a mess
of the doorframe.

That's her explanation for it.

And why is she trying to get
into the study?

Another will?

Well, look, Jones,
if there is a more recent will

and she is a beneficiary,

it's still a perfectly legal
document, isn't it?

Why not wait for us to find it?

Uh... looks more convincing?

She thought it would get us

to look through the study
more quickly?

I'm digging a bit of a hole
for myself.

The simplest explanation
is often the right one.

MAN ON RADIO: Today's weather
in the Midsomer area...

Today's temperature high is
going to be about 77 degrees.

And a low this evening
of about 62.

Right.

He's in the middle
of unloading his shopping

and got a phone call.

D.C.I. BARNAB Y:
Then again...

Traffic and travel
coming up here...

Mr. King?

Hello?
Anyone home?

Oh, my God.

Eileen and Miles.

You must be so proud.

- Well...
- [Sirens wailing]

And good luck
with the beatification.

Thank you.

DR. BULLARD: Seems like it was
pretty quick for both of them.

And recent.
Very recent.

The male died first.

And the female shortly after.

JONES: Surely you'd need a lot
of strength to stab two people.

Could a woman have done it?

Oh, yeah.

Whoever it was
could have gained access

via the gate to the back lane
and left the same way.

No one saw him.
Or her.

Ah, it's two suspects less,
anyway.

What?

I suppose
she'll be at peace now.

As they say.

Not the happiest of people.

Not recently.

Well, not with me, anyway.

JONES:
She did seem a bit...

What was that?
Depression? Emotional problems?

Oh, time-of-life stuff, I think.

I suggested HRT once.

And she came at me with a knife.

I put that particular suggestion
on the old back burner.

Dr. Carnack,
have you any idea...

any idea at all... why Eileen
went to Miles King's house?

Yes, I think I do, actually.

Miles rang Eileen
yesterday evening

and told her he thought he knew

how Rex's will favoring Janet
might be contested.

I think he wanted
to get something out of it.

I told her not to get involved.

Rather looks as though
she ignored my advice.

[Sighs]

Eileen Carnack.

- And Miles King.
- JANET: I know.

FAITH:
Who would do such a thing?

Have you heard the news?

- It's terrible.
- It's awful.

Very glad you're here.

There's something...
something I want to ask you.

There's something I wanted
to see you about as well.

I had a visit yesterday
from Miles King.

At your offices?

It was all in confidence.

But in the light
of what's happened,

I... I thought
I'd better tell you.

He seemed to be
in a bit of a hurry.

Is there some kind
of legal principle

that bars people from profiting
from their crimes?

There is, yes.

And it applies to wills?

Are you suggesting
what I think you're suggesting?

Does the same principle apply
to wills and inheritance?

JANE: I don't know if it has
any bearing on what's happened,

but I thought you should know.

What was it you wanted to see
me about, Mr. Barnaby?

Um...

I wanted to ask you if you've
ever posed for Rex Masters?

Ah. Right.

You did pose for him?

He kept copies of the photos.

And you're asking me questions
you already know the answer to.

Which means you're establishing
whether I'm a liar,

and if I am,
whether I'm any good at it.

Does that make me a suspect?

What sort of pictures were they?

That's fair enough, I suppose.

We're all suspects.

They were a little bit risqué.

And there they are.

What a surprise.

Excuse me.

Rex suggested they might make

a good birthday present
for my husband.

He had the habit of, um, well,

bringing out the naughtiness
in people.

Where are the others?

What others?

Well, he wouldn't have taken
just three.

Um...

It's a while ago now, but I...
I don't think he took any more.

Certainly nothing
more indiscreet.

If we believe
what Mrs. Benbow was saying

and what Dr. Carnack told us,

then it looks like Miles thought
he could prove that the murderer

was the beneficiary
of that latest will.

Which means I'll have to
reassess my take on Janet.

JONES:
She's been convincing.

Yes, she has.
And so has her husband-to-be.

Do you think he provided her
with a false alibi?

I suppose he'll do all right
out of it when he marries her.

But he's the son
of a missionary.

Would he really do that?

[Chuckles] Hang on.

[Telephone ringing]

Hello, Joyce.
It's me.

Listen, remember we were
talking about

Lucinda Thacker's biography,
and you said people were saying

she used to hang out
with a racy crowd.

Well, it's only what I heard.

Yeah. Can you remember
who she hung out with?

Well, not really.

I think there might have been
a mention of a...

landscape gardener, was it?

Landscape gardener.

JO YCE:
Was that it?

Yes. Yes, it is.
Thank you, Joyce. Bye.

Endlessly weeding those
herbaceous bloody borders.

Could a woman have done it?

Oh, yes.

MILES: Who is it?
Who's the beneficiary?

Oh. [Clears throat]
It's me.

He left everything to me.

FAITH: He ran away
as soon as he heard me

clattering around upstairs.

MILES: Is there some kind
of legal principle

that bars people from profiting
from their crimes?

RICHARD:
Miles rang Eileen.

He told her he thought he knew
how Rex's will favoring Janet

might be contested.

There's something
I've got to check.

What is it, sir?

There's someone I need to see.

You keep an eye on things here.

Mr. Barnaby.
I heard about Miles and Eileen.

Yes. Yes.
It's terrible.

Janet is through there.
She's quite shaken up.

Uh, Mr. Thacker.

I wonder, could I ask you
to stay here till I get back?

I've got to pop out
for a minute.

Yes, of course.

That's kind.
Thank you.

- Lock that door.
- Sir.

AMIE: Interesting to note
that of all these positions,

none of them is missionary.

You absolutely sure
that is Lucinda Thacker?

Absolutely.
And Miles King.

I'm not sure who the others are.

Here. That's not your bottom,
is it, Jack?

No!

Suddenly, everything is
much clearer.

How do you mean, "clearer"?

Lucinda never talked about
what actually happened.

All she said was
she'd drunk too much,

and Rex took advantage of her.

We all assumed
that he'd forced himself on her.

And she did nothing to deny it.

Oh, it's obviously Rex
taking the pictures.

Oh, it's Stonecroft House.

That's the kitchen table.
I recognize the pepper grinder.

[Laughs]

You can't say she was drunk
and incapable, can you?

Yeah.

You know they made up
towards the end?

She knew she was dying.

They met one day
on the towpath...

a bit accidentally on purpose

from Lucinda's point of view,
I think.

Amie.

She must have felt guilty
about it all.

Anyway, we watched them,
didn't we, Jack?

We did, yeah.

AMIE:
I think they buried the hatchet.

He never talked about it.

But I think that must have been
one of the reasons

why he tried to get in touch
with his niece

after Lucinda died.

And then that son of hers

dragged it all up again
with that book.

- You... with me.
- Sir.

D.C.I. BARNAB Y:
Miss Janet Bailey,

I am arresting you
for the murder of Rex Masters.

FAITH: Oh, no.

You do not have to say anything.

But it may harm your defense

if you do not mention
when questioned

something which you later
rely on in court.

Anything you do say
may be given in evidence.

- What are you talking about?
- Do you understand?

I didn't kill Rex!

She can't have done.
She was with me.

And I should be very careful
what you say, too, sir,

if I were you.

False alibi...

We're talking about
a possible conspiracy here,

perverting the course
of justice.

Because it was a lie, wasn't it,
your alibi?

Don't say anything.
We'll get a solicitor.

- Wasn't it?
- Janet!

I'm sorry.

But I didn't kill Rex.

- Didn't you?
- I was scared.

When I realized that I was the
only beneficiary of Rex's will,

I started worrying that
I would be the main suspect.

Especially as
I didn't have an alibi.

I was alone at home.
How could I prove that?

But I did not kill Rex.

Hmm.

Yes, you thought Jeremy was
doing you a favor, didn't you,

giving you an alibi?

It didn't occur to you

that he was getting himself one
at the same time, did it?

I was at home with Jeremy.

That's right.
We had an evening in.

It was Jeremy who suggested that
you needed an alibi, wasn't it?

You're not accusing Jeremy
of murdering Rex?

You said that the person

who broke into Rex's study
that night was the murderer.

Jeremy was in London,
so it couldn't have been him!

Well, I was wrong.

The person who was trying
to break into the study

the night Rex died
was indeed the murderer.

But I believe the person
who broke in

the night Faith was here,
that was Miles King.

And he was trying to find
the same thing

that Jeremy
was trying to find...

a set of
very interesting photographs.

See, Miles believed
that Jeremy had killed Rex.

And he thought if he could prove

that you had given him
a false alibi,

he could make that will...

the one which had you
as the chief beneficiary...

null and void.

See, there's a convention
in English law...

not allowed to profit
from your crimes.

Now, either he was doing that...

...or he was trying to blackmail
Jeremy with the photographs.

I'm not sure
about his exact plans.

What were your exact plans,
Mr. Thacker?

What photographs?!

You keep talking
about photographs!

Don't!

No!

You know what these photos are,
don't you, Mr. Thacker?

Well, of course you do.

Because Rex showed them to you,
didn't he?

And you were so appalled
at their contents,

so afraid
of how they would destroy

your mother's reputation,

that you were quite prepared
to murder

to keep them away from
the press, from the tabloids.

'Cause that's what Rex
threatened to do, wasn't it?

Unless you withdrew
the biography from sale.

Janet.

See.

See that very naked lady there?

That is
the teenage Lucinda Thacker.

Jeremy's mother.

And the young man
on top of her...

enjoying her...
that's Miles King.

He drugged her.

She would never have done
such things.

You killed Rex?

You killed him?

He was vermin!

Decadent, debauched vermin!

Why could you never see that?

He was nothing
compared to Mother.

Of course I killed him.

God!

He called it a "light orgy."

You are pathetic!

Mr. Thacker?

Mr. Thacker?

Mr. Thacker?

What did Rex say
about your mother?

Oh, i-it was lies.

All lies.
All of it.

REX: My dear boy.

All I did was encourage
your mother

to enjoy
her full sensual potential.

Shut up.

We'd... We'd had
a wonderful, carefree evening

and a small group of us
ended up in bed together.

- Stop it!
- Well, what's wrong with that?

So naturally I took
a few happy snaps for posterity.

When she woke up
the next morning,

she simply couldn't accept
what she'd been capable of.

I suppose I'd released
the animal within.

She couldn't bear the freedom.

So she spread
some terrible lies about me.

But I'm not going to
put up with this any longer.

I'm not prepared to be
the pariah

just to keep the hypocrites
feeling happily self-righteous.

So you can take your dreary book
off the shelves.

- Oh...
- I want those negatives.

Are you trying
to frighten me off?

It won't stop
the truth coming out.

Think of all the other people
in the piccies?

[Laughs]

And Miles King.

He had to die as well

because you couldn't risk him
revealing the secret.

They were of no value
to humanity.

They were nothing.

Eileen?

MAN ON RADIO:
...by phone, or by post.

In the old days, it was
always on a postcard, please.

...whatever way you can manage.

Collateral damage?

EILEEN: Miles?

Aah!

At least you didn't marry him.

I married Alan.

What are you gonna do?

Victimhood is a state of mind.

I think
a whole new future beckons.

What do you think?

ALAN: Mr. Barnaby?

Chief Inspector, is that you?

- Mr. Alexander.
- Yes.

Your wife would like to see you.

Before she sets off.

The one thing I don't understand

is how Uncle Rex
was going to explain

my turning up alive and well
after everything he'd said.

[Laughs] I don't think
he'd have been too bothered.

He'd have denied
he'd ever said anything.

Or claimed it had been
a huge misunderstanding.

And if anyone persisted,

he'd have made them feel
very small and boring.

Rex never believed
that the truth

should get in the way
of a good story.

He wanted life to be
entertaining and dramatic.

Even if it wasn't,
he'd make it that way.

FAITH:
Where's Mr. Barnaby?

How's it been?

Eventful.

This is my new friend, Janet.

Pleased to meet you.

Hello.

And you look great.

It obviously agrees with you
over here.

Well, yes and no.

Here he is.

What's happened?
Where are you going?

We don't know yet.

I've decided to share the
proceeds of the will with Faith.

The first thing that we're gonna
do is go on a long holiday.

While we're away,
I'll have my lawyers instigate

divorce proceedings.

Your lawyer?

I don't want to have anything
to do with you ever again.

It's over.

- Heathrow Airport, John.
- Absolutely.

FAITH:
We'll take it from there.

No problem.

Can we just talk about this?

I think you're
being impulsive, Faith.

You know you do that.

Come on, now.

Let's... Let's just
think this through, huh?

This worked out really well.

Because if I had inherited, you
probably would've gotten half.

Now, while we're out
meeting guys

and generally living
the high life,

I'll have the pleasure
of knowing

that you won't get a red cent.

- Let's go, John.
- Yes, ma'am.

Bye, Mr. Barnaby.

JANET: Bye!

We'll be going now as well.

I think Miss Bailey
and Mrs. Alexander

are gonna have
a pretty good time.

What, in a "loin-instigated"
sort of a way?

I hope so.

[Chuckles]
It's certainly on the cards.

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