Original subtitles

- Hey, Ronnie! - _

Why was I forced to check my carry-on?

I made sure it fit this little bag prison.

Normally I would blame Jackpot, but this one's on me.

I needed the bin space.

I'm moving all my stuff to Bryan's apartment,

and this is the cheapest way to get it from L.A. to Vegas.

No, the cheapest way would have been

a pack of matches to light it on fire.

Oh. Bernard's just lashing out

because he's gonna miss me.

Yes. Who else would be there every morning

to wake me with the rhythmic hum of a mustache trimmer?

Oh. I'm gonna go

before he misses me into a shrink I can't afford.

Ronnie!

Oh, my God! Jill!

I haven't see you since you got that JFK route on Delta.

I know. I've been wanting to call you guys,

but I've been so busy.

And I'm about to be even busier because

I just got promoted to the New York to Paris!

Dreams come true!

Dreams come true!

Wow. You got promoted already.

And it's all because of you, Ronnie.

I didn't even know about that L.A. to JFK job

until I heard you talking about how much you wanted it.

I am so happy my dream worked out for you.

How are you? How's the L.A. to Vegas?

Amazing, too.

Every day is such a...

Heads up.

Blessing.

Dreams come true.

Dreams come true!

I can't feel my feet!

Jackpot Airlines.

Northeast-bound to Las Vegas.

Synced and corrected by louvette www.addic7ed.com

So you're really gonna propose to Patricia this weekend?

That's right. What a relief.

I was starting to worry I was doomed

to wander this earth alone like some lonely fish god,

forever searching for the right woman

to drag underwater and feed me eggs.

Oh, I love The Shape of Water.

What the hell is that? No, I'm just saying, after three

failed marriages, this one is different.

Patty is strong, decisive, insightful.

Yup, Captain Dave has finally found a co-pilot.

I have to go to the bathroom.

You just went.

I'm just so annoyed.

Jill's getting a promotion for a job that should have been mine.

How come she gets to go to Paris?

Paris is overrated. Hong Kong is where you want to go.

I've been there for several Taken- like auctions,

both as a sale item and a bidder.

I've never been anywhere.

I've never even been east of Des Moines.

You don't want to ask me

one follow-up question about that?

I just can't believe

stupid Jill is stealing my dream.

Forget about Jill.

She has to focus on work because she has nothing else.

And you're doing great.

You're moving to a great place with a great guy.

You're right. Bryan's the best.

You know he actually stops for ambulances,

instead of following them to cut through traffic?

Why are you looking at me like that?

Why don't you just kiss her already?

I know you want to.

Because she has a boyfriend she's moving in with.

Exactly. It's now or never.

Well, then it's never, because right now,

I am not in the head space to even consider it.

I mean, this unending divorce, Artem, is killing me.

I sent Meghan the divorce papers,

she sends them back, unsigned, with a list of more demands.

Colin, you need to end this.

You have to be strong, put your foot down and say "No more."

That's also an excellent way to get rid of poltergeists.

Oh, it's a shame. This was almost a normal interaction.

Maybe next time.

Uh, Dave, I got a text from my mom before,

asking me to meet her in Vegas at a Michael Bublé-themed

Cirque du Soleil. Do you know anything about that?

Yeah, Cirque du Bublé. They sell you the whole seat,

- but all you need is the edge. - No, she said she won

the tickets at a Jackpot Airlines raffle.

What the hell is going on?

Oh, I needed an excuse to get her on the Vegas to L.A. flight

on Sunday because that's where I'm going to propose.

I already bought her a gorgeous ring.

You wouldn't believe how many karats it has.

That is crazy. You broke up with her two weeks ago.

You can't propose to someone you're not even dating.

I know this is all happening fast,

fast.

Don't worry. You could be maid of honor.

You'll be walking down the aisle with my best man...

A rescue dog named Maverick, who's never been on a leash.

So, I'll come by the airport

AROUND 6:00 to pick up your stuff.

And then I'll officially be moved into our place.

I'm bringing a bottle of champagne

to break on the door to christen it.

- I think that's only for boats. - Oh.

Well, in that case, we'll just get drunk on champagne

and go to bed with headaches.

I'LL SEE YOU AT 6:00.

Ronnie, I need your help.

We cannot let Dave marry my mom.

I mean, I'm already a stripper.

Who knows how this issue will manifest?

Yeah, I can't believe he's actually doing this.

I will help you talk some sense into him.

Let's go to the Paris because I'm going to Paris!

Actually, I'm sorry. I have to go do something,

but good luck with Dave.

Where is she going?

She only walks that speed towards costly mistakes

and free meatballs.

- What are you doing here? - Ronnie took all the crew bins,

so I had to check my bag like some dirty ground-o.

Thank you for flying Jackpot.

Wait till you see this ring I got Patricia.

Cost a fortune. Most expensive thing I ever bought.

That's how you know it's a smart move.

My most expensive purchase was buying back my daughter

from a local crime lord.

No, it was pizza oven.

All right, that's the last of them.

Wait, wait, wait. That's it? Where's my bag?

I don't know, bro. That was the end of it.

Oh, sweet. I'm on break.

No, no, no, no, no!

What's wrong?

My engagement ring was in that bag.

That seems unwise.

Airlines lose luggage literally all the time.

They do?

Yes! Why do you think people hate air travel?

People hate air travel?

Oh, God. What am I gonna do?

Don't worry. It's okay.

Jackpot Airlines has lost my luggage plenty of times.

- And they always found it? - Nope. Not once. I'm sorry.

I don't know why I thought that would be reassuring.

How was your meeting?

Oh, uh, what meeting?

Don't bother lying.

I saw you sneaking around the Delta offices.

I followed you. What were you doing?

All right, I went to see Delta HR.

Since Jill got that promotion, I was just curious

to see if they needed someone for the JFK route.

I knew it.

You're still pining for New York,

like some high school theater beard.

I just needed to see if it was possible.

But don't worry. It's not.

They remembered me from last time,

and they're not interested.

Fine.

If this job is still something

you care so much about, I will help you get it.

You can't. The HR guy won't even see me.

The universe does not want me to ever get this job.

Then that's even more reason for us to get it.

You hear me, you dried up old bitch?

Bernard is coming for you.

This is a disaster.

I have a stunning proposal on Sunday and no engagement ring,

or money to buy another one.

Hey, I have a good idea.

Captain Dave needs a ring, and you, Colin,

you have a ring from the flaming

wreckage of your marriage.

- Just give him yours. - Perfect.

I'll buy it from you. Name your price,

and I'll write you an IOU right here.

I don't care what it looks like.

At this point, I'll settle for anything.

Oh, well, it is not anything.

It is a beautiful family heirloom

passed down from Nana Bear McCormack,

and I already told you, my ex-wife took everything.

She still has the ring.

If I ask her for something now, the divorce will just

- drag on forever. - Yeah, it will drag on forever

if you don't stand up to her!

And besides, our sad, pathetic Captain Dave...

He needs you, Colin.

Come on, Colin.

I've been there for you through your divorce

because I consider you a friend.

And as a friend, right now I need you there for me.

There he is.

There's the HR guy.

This is pointless, Bernard.

He already said he's not gonna meet with me.

Never give up.

Hey, Alan, can you help us with something?

Sure. As long as I don't have to lift anything, 'cause my back

has this...

No!

You killed our friend!

Oh, God, I'm so sorry. I'll call a medic.

They're on their way. And while we're waiting,

you have time to give my friend Ronnie a fair shot.

Look, I know that maybe I didn't make the best impression

last time I applied for this position.

But when I'm in the air, I work my ass off.

I have tendonitis in my shoulder from closing overhead bins.

Carpal tunnel from opening soda cans.

My voice used to be three octaves higher,

and my hair used to be three layers thicker.

But I still love this job more than anything I've ever done.

And I have coworkers

who are willing to throw someone in front of a cart

and get hit by a cart for me.

So come on, Mark.

I deserve that job.

All I'm asking is for a chance to prove it.

Can you just look again? It's black.

Cool handle that can go up and down.

Tag not filled out, because why would I?

Dave, Artem told me you were here. We have to talk.

Did you know that airlines can lose your bags?

How is it possible? It's a foolproof system.

You give your bag to a stranger, it goes on a belt into darkness,

and shows up a thousand miles away.

- How do you mess that up? - Okay.

Listen to me.

You cannot propose to my mother.

That would be a huge mistake.

And deep down, you know that.

Why else would you have broken it off and walked away?

I walked away thinking she'd chase after me,

yelling, "Dave, don't go."

- And then it would start raining. - No.

You did it because your relationship is dysfunctional,

and now you're trying to find an easy answer to fix it.

Every relationship is a little dysfunctional.

You lie to your mom about being a stripper.

Okay, that's... Don't...

No, this isn't about me.

Just admit, the only reason you're proposing to my mom

is because you're scared to be alone.

I know you don't understand, but I believe your mom and I

have a chance at something that could last.

I at least have to try,

or else I'll never know.

Any luck with that bag?

I really hate you.

Okay, the strategy is Good Cop-Artem.

I ask her nicely for the ring.

When she says no,

you say something weird to throw her off.

At home my wife and I play Good Cop-Artem in bed.

But I am good cop and she is Artem.

- Yeah, something like that would be fine. - Yeah.

Oh! Oh, my God.

I made you appear.

Colin, what are you doing here?

I'm here to discuss something very important.

Um, I would like my family engagement ring back.

What are you talking about?

The ring is in your pocket.

This is a crumpled-up eight of spades.

Ta-da!

That was impressive, although annoying.

Uh, listen, Meghan, I have been so accommodating

with every one of your unreasonable demands.

I-I'm just asking for such a small thing in return.

Sorry, baby, my lawyer told me the ring was a gift,

so I don't have to give it back.

I told you this was a waste of time.

Let's just go home.

No, if you walk out now, nothing will be changed.

Colin...

no more good cop.

You know what?

Keep the ring.

Consider it a parting gift.

'Cause from now on, things are gonna change.

These are the divorce papers.

You're gonna sign them, you're gonna return them,

and if not, you'll be hearing from my lawyer.

- And that's me. - No, I have an actual,

real, legitimate lawyer.

- Hey. - Hey. I was just game-planning

on how to fit all this stuff in my car,

and I was thinking, if I fold down the back seat,

none of it will fit.

Forget about that for a second.

Come sit down. I have very exciting news.

Okay.

I got a job for Delta.

Wow! That's incredible. I mean, that's an airline

that I'd actually feel safe flying.

I'm gonna be on the L.A. to JFK.

It's the job I've wanted forever.

Okay, that's... good.

But I'm just a little confused.

You're gonna be flying from Los Angeles to New York

- but living in Las Vegas? - Yeah, but it's okay.

I mean, a lot of flight attendants live

in a city that's different from their base.

I mean, Mernine lives here,

but she's based out of St. Louis.

And that works. Right, Mernine?

Howard Hughes wants to put me in a picture.

I really have to stop using her as my model for things.

But we can figure it out.

Look, I just thought we were moving forward.

I'm not sure how I feel about you being gone all the time.

Well, it's not...

I-I mean, this is...

We can make it work.

I know we can.

Yeah. Sure.

Hmm.

Uh...

I'm gonna get a cart to carry all this stuff.

There's something very wrong

when I'm the one doing all the work.

I'm sorry. I am just trying to figure out

all this Bryan and job stuff.

I figure eight flights,

three layovers a week... That leaves me...

20 hours a week in Vegas.

Some of them might even be awake.

Damn it, I was just so excited about this route,

I didn't think how it would affect me living in Vegas.

Well, this Delta job is your dream.

So staying in L.A. makes the most sense.

Yeah, I guess.

Hey, how come you suddenly decided to help me get this job?

You hate New York... You said it's

your least favorite character on Sex and the City.

I just wanted to help you achieve your dream.

Bernard.

And I don't want you to move out, okay?

And I knew if you got that job,

you'd have to stay in L.A. with me.

I can't believe this.

I-I thought you were helping me because we were friends,

but you somehow made an unselfish act selfish.

I don't want to lose you, Ronnie.

I'm telling you I want you to stay.

Do you know how devastated John Stamos was

that I could never say those words to him?

Oh, my God. This is not about you. Stop bragging.

I'm not! If I were bragging,

I'd tell you my Clooney story.

- Hey, fellas. - Captain Dave.

Sorry again I couldn't get the ring back.

He got something even better... Testicular manhood.

How does that help me? I can't propose with that.

No, but I have something you can propose with.

My bag.

Oh, thank God. Where did you find it?

Jackpot didn't lose it. I took it.

- You had it? - I know it was rash.

I was just trying to stall so you couldn't propose today.

But you were right... You and my mom deserve a chance

to figure it out for yourselves.

Thanks, Nichole. Though I wish I'd known sooner.

I got so many people fired for this.

Oh, well. The proposal's back on, boys.

- That Cirque du Bublé show was incredible, - _

- wasn't it? - Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Next year we should go back for Cirque du Sade.

- Mmm. - My treat.

I know how tight money can be on a student budget.

Yep. Very tight. Absolutely no traceable income.

Everything okay?

Oh, it should be.

I got the job I thought I always wanted.

The guy I thought I always wanted.

But now I have to choose.

Or I could just say screw it all and go to Hong Kong.

I'd settle for anywhere

no one speaks English so there's no one I can disappoint.

Well, if you're looking for somewhere

they don't speak English, you should join me

in my family home in Manchester.

They communicate only using

long, judgmental sighs.

Sounds like you're my best option right now, McCormack.

You just kissed me.

Yes, I did.

I-I know this is terrible timing,

but I can't keep lying down

and waiting for things to happen,

and I wish these words were as good as that kiss.

That kiss was good, right?

Y-You just kissed me.

Dave's starting.

I have to go.

Attention, passengers.

There seems to be a problem with the lighting.

If you could please reach into your seat back pocket,

pull out your signal lights,

and guide the path to love.

Patricia...

The seat belt sign has been turned off.

You may now move freely about the cabin.

So, is this part of the proposal?

No. I got out there,

and my adrenaline was pumping,

and I realized... I don't have to do this.

You were right, Nichole.

I thought marriage was the answer

so I wouldn't keep feeling alone.

Then I looked around and saw the faces of my friends,

and I realized I'm not alone.

Of course you're not.

And you're making the right decision.

Just... with the worst possible timing.

Yeah. That was a little humiliating.

I got to be honest. I'll let this plane crash

before I walk past your mom again.

Come on. I'll go out there with you.

And how do I explain all this?

Maybe it's time to just start being honest.

Nah, I'll think of something.

Dave, this clearly isn't

just some normal flight.

I think someone needs to explain to me what is going on here.

Okay, Patricia.

Um, no, Mom.

Here's what's going on.

I'm a stripper.

I take my clothes off for money,

and I've been lying to you about it for a really long time.

We have to be honest. Our relationship is dysfunctional,

and there aren't any easy answers to fix that.

No. That's...

I need that.

Cards on the table,

I was going to propose.

I'm glad I didn't.

It's a real emotional growth moment for me.

Weird day, huh?

Who the hell knows anymore?

So, what are you gonna do with that?

No point in keeping it.

Got to find a pawn shop to sell it off.

Unless you're interested.

In buying it. Not marrying me.

Like you could handle all this.

No, I'm good on both.

Heard you got that JFK route.

It's a good job.

It would also probably be the end of me and Bryan.

He's a good guy.

Never actually talked to him, but I respect

the courage it takes to have that ponytail.

- He cut the ponytail. - Coward.

So, if I stay with Bryan,

I miss out on an opportunity that could change my life.

But if I take the job,

I end the best relationship I've ever been in.

Which maybe I should do anyway if I have feelings for Colin.

I just don't know.

Sounds to me like you could either do

what's right for your career,

or you could do what's right for your relationships.

So what do I do?

You do what's right for you.

But just for my sake, hypothetically,

if I had been asking you to marry me...

Like you could handle all this.

Nichole, how did your mom take the news?

Well, she's still processing it.

And she kicked me out of the house.

But I learned a valuable lesson:

- never be honest again. - Hmm.

Oh, Bernard, Bernard.

Uh, is Ronnie here yet?

Do you have any idea what she decided to do?

No, I haven't seen her

ever since my true motives were exposed.

It's taght me a valuable lesson:

never be honest again.

Captain Dave.

How you doing?

We know it was hard, but we're all really proud

of what you did the other day.

You made the right decision in not proposing.

You're damn right I did.

Because right after that, I met someone even better.

- What? - You heard me.

Captain Dave is in love again.

I went to a Vegas pawn shop to sell off the ring,

and there she was, like an angel from heaven,

selling her old ring. Can you believe it?

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. You...

- you met a woman? - That's right.

She came back to L.A.,

and we had two heart-pounding nights together.

Hey, babycakes.

Come out here and meet my amigos.

Oh! Hi.

Everyone, this is Meghan.

Oh.

- Hi. Colin. - Meghan.

How do you two know each other?

Hey, there, passengers.

As we start our descent into Sin City,

here's a little captain's wisdom for you.

If you think you know what's gonna happen this weekend,

guess what? You don't.

So if I were you, I'd ditch those best-laid plans

and follow your heart.

Gamble on yourself.

Or on the Pacers minus six.

Take a risk.

Maybe it works out.

Maybe it doesn't.

But that's why you have your friends.

Because this town can chew you up,

and that's when you'll need 'em the most.

So, from all of us at Jackpot, good luck,

wherever your adventures may take you.

You're hitching a ride with us?

Is this your first time going to Hong Kong?

It's my first time going anywhere.

How long are you going for?

I haven't decided.

About a lot of things.

Synced and corrected by louvette www.addic7ed.com