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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,155 --> 00:00:05,155 Subtitles by explosiveskull 2 00:07:44,066 --> 00:07:46,299 "The first meal..." 3 00:08:02,132 --> 00:08:04,530 No, no, no, Mr. Atkinson. 4 00:08:04,532 --> 00:08:07,264 I completely understand. I know it's late. 5 00:08:07,266 --> 00:08:09,063 The reason why I'm actually calling is beca... 6 00:08:09,065 --> 00:08:11,765 I'm literally just walking from the office now. 7 00:08:11,767 --> 00:08:15,366 Yeah, we got some news in today that I thought I'd run by you. 8 00:08:16,466 --> 00:08:18,164 Yeah, um... 9 00:08:18,166 --> 00:08:19,798 we got another offer 10 00:08:19,800 --> 00:08:21,600 on the house that you really like. 11 00:08:22,766 --> 00:08:25,166 Yeah, I know, these things happen all the time, sir. 12 00:08:26,199 --> 00:08:28,063 How are you? All right. Yeah. 13 00:08:28,065 --> 00:08:29,764 Can I get the usual please? 14 00:08:29,766 --> 00:08:32,831 Um, an Italian thin crust pizza. 15 00:08:32,833 --> 00:08:34,897 Pepperoni, obviously. 16 00:08:34,899 --> 00:08:39,366 Um, can you do me that... that sour cream dip that you guys do? 17 00:08:40,931 --> 00:08:45,066 Yeah, um, one strawberry cheesecake. 18 00:08:46,966 --> 00:08:48,531 Yeah, and, um... 19 00:08:48,533 --> 00:08:52,200 could you throw in like a cheeky bottle of coke? 20 00:08:53,198 --> 00:08:55,166 Yeah. You letch. 21 00:08:56,098 --> 00:08:57,997 You know my address, yeah? 22 00:08:57,999 --> 00:09:00,667 Okay. All right, then, how long would that be roughly? 23 00:09:01,500 --> 00:09:04,497 All right. Yeah, no worries. 24 00:09:04,499 --> 00:09:06,100 All right, take care. 25 00:09:28,233 --> 00:09:29,499 Hey. 26 00:09:30,198 --> 00:09:31,467 You all right? 27 00:09:33,099 --> 00:09:34,600 Yeah, how's it going? 28 00:09:36,799 --> 00:09:38,166 Nice. 29 00:09:39,500 --> 00:09:41,497 Yeah, when are you back? 30 00:09:41,499 --> 00:09:43,096 Yeah, no, that shouldn't be a problem. 31 00:09:43,098 --> 00:09:45,766 Let me... write it down. 32 00:09:46,998 --> 00:09:48,930 Yeah, go on. 33 00:09:48,932 --> 00:09:50,300 What was that? 34 00:09:51,965 --> 00:09:55,133 Terminal... 2. 35 00:09:55,832 --> 00:09:58,466 12:22. 36 00:09:59,165 --> 00:10:01,164 Yeah. Not a problem. 37 00:10:01,166 --> 00:10:02,466 I'll be there. 38 00:10:03,165 --> 00:10:04,863 Of course I will. 39 00:10:04,865 --> 00:10:06,165 For you, anything. 40 00:12:34,166 --> 00:12:35,231 What the fuck? 41 00:13:55,466 --> 00:13:57,000 Fuck. Fuck. 42 00:15:45,132 --> 00:15:46,230 No, no, no. 43 00:15:46,232 --> 00:15:47,529 The last thing I'm trying to do, sir, 44 00:15:47,531 --> 00:15:50,064 is to pressure anyone into making a decision 45 00:15:50,066 --> 00:15:52,797 that they don't want to go through. 46 00:15:52,799 --> 00:15:55,230 Yeah, and 15 percent is the preferable rate these days, 47 00:15:55,232 --> 00:15:57,463 but I know some vendors that are willing to offer 10 percent. 48 00:15:57,465 --> 00:15:59,796 And if I'm being completely honest with you, sir, 49 00:15:59,798 --> 00:16:02,063 I saw you. Your aura... 50 00:16:02,065 --> 00:16:05,330 and... the whole ambiance in the house... 51 00:16:05,332 --> 00:16:07,764 that just connected really well. 52 00:16:07,766 --> 00:16:08,797 So I'll let you sleep on it. 53 00:16:08,799 --> 00:16:09,663 Then you can let me know 54 00:16:09,665 --> 00:16:11,097 what you want to do in the morning. 55 00:16:11,099 --> 00:16:12,432 You have a good night. 56 00:16:37,399 --> 00:16:39,000 Oh, shit. 57 00:16:47,866 --> 00:16:50,963 So... yeah. Listen, man, I need to re-up. 58 00:16:52,031 --> 00:16:54,030 Yeah, quick one. 59 00:16:54,032 --> 00:16:55,999 It's been like two scores or something, yeah? 60 00:17:02,465 --> 00:17:06,064 That right-wing pussy telling me to black it up. 61 00:17:06,066 --> 00:17:07,462 Is he mental? 62 00:17:16,266 --> 00:17:20,796 So! So! So! 63 00:17:20,798 --> 00:17:22,130 Your lift stinks. 64 00:17:22,132 --> 00:17:24,265 Shut up, man. That's you that stinks, not my lift. 65 00:17:24,965 --> 00:17:27,232 Bruv, I mean, it's so quick. 66 00:17:36,232 --> 00:17:37,764 What are you wearing? 67 00:17:37,766 --> 00:17:38,996 What do you mean, what am I wearing? 68 00:17:38,998 --> 00:17:40,763 Why are you dressed like that? 69 00:17:40,765 --> 00:17:42,299 Went to a casting, innit? 70 00:17:42,999 --> 00:17:45,330 Oh, yeah. How did it go? 71 00:17:45,332 --> 00:17:47,529 Bruv, the director, walks up to me and goes, 72 00:17:47,531 --> 00:17:50,499 "Excuse me, mate, do you mind blacking it up?" 73 00:17:52,198 --> 00:17:53,364 - What? - Yeah. 74 00:17:53,366 --> 00:17:54,733 I looked at him and goes, 75 00:17:55,432 --> 00:17:57,897 "How much more black can I get?" 76 00:17:57,899 --> 00:17:59,996 - So, what did you do? - I had enough of that. 77 00:17:59,998 --> 00:18:02,299 Afterwards, he comes up to me and goes... 78 00:18:03,499 --> 00:18:04,997 "Do you mind adding a 'motherfucker'." 79 00:18:04,999 --> 00:18:07,429 Like, because I'm black 80 00:18:07,431 --> 00:18:09,165 I have to say "motherfucker." 81 00:18:09,998 --> 00:18:11,532 Just racist, innit? 82 00:18:12,432 --> 00:18:14,099 Now, imagine you're at the office... 83 00:18:15,232 --> 00:18:17,163 and someone comes up to you and says 84 00:18:17,165 --> 00:18:20,266 "Hussein, do you want this bacon sandwich?" 85 00:18:21,932 --> 00:18:23,433 Would you eat it? 86 00:18:24,865 --> 00:18:26,200 Yeah. 87 00:18:27,465 --> 00:18:29,396 'Cause I eat bacon. 88 00:18:29,398 --> 00:18:31,233 Isn't it against your laws? 89 00:18:31,932 --> 00:18:33,266 I mean, yeah... 90 00:18:34,066 --> 00:18:36,964 but I eat pepperoni as well, so... 91 00:18:36,966 --> 00:18:38,396 There's no much difference, innit? 92 00:18:38,398 --> 00:18:40,000 But is it halal, though? 93 00:18:40,831 --> 00:18:43,233 There's no such thing as halal pig. 94 00:18:45,232 --> 00:18:46,599 Halal that. 95 00:18:50,799 --> 00:18:52,200 All right, cool. 96 00:21:14,298 --> 00:21:16,032 Hey, you all right? 97 00:21:17,332 --> 00:21:18,996 What? 98 00:21:18,998 --> 00:21:20,266 Already? 99 00:21:20,966 --> 00:21:22,496 Now, wait a minute. 100 00:21:22,498 --> 00:21:25,296 I thought you said 3 p.m. 101 00:21:25,298 --> 00:21:27,598 That's what I've got written down. That's what you told me. 102 00:21:29,065 --> 00:21:31,266 Wha... So what are you gonna do? 103 00:21:32,866 --> 00:21:35,400 A-All right, all right, I'll come now then, won't I? 104 00:21:36,164 --> 00:21:37,462 W-Wha... 105 00:21:37,464 --> 00:21:39,196 Okay. Chill out. 106 00:21:39,198 --> 00:21:40,999 I'll pick you up from the station then. 107 00:21:42,331 --> 00:21:44,029 Yeah. 108 00:21:44,031 --> 00:21:45,864 Hello? 109 00:21:45,866 --> 00:21:47,399 Hello? 110 00:21:48,098 --> 00:21:50,295 For fuck's sake, man. 111 00:21:50,297 --> 00:21:52,366 You told me 3 p.m. 112 00:21:53,232 --> 00:21:54,497 So it's my fault, innit? 113 00:21:54,499 --> 00:21:55,829 I can never do anything right. 114 00:24:14,031 --> 00:24:16,195 - You got me a present? - No, I didn't get you one. 115 00:24:16,197 --> 00:24:18,797 Why would I get you a present? 116 00:24:18,799 --> 00:24:19,963 Look, I wrote it down on the wall. 117 00:24:19,965 --> 00:24:21,263 - Where? - On the fridge. 118 00:24:21,265 --> 00:24:22,964 I told you I did. There. 119 00:24:22,966 --> 00:24:25,163 Oh, my God. The hell are... 120 00:24:25,165 --> 00:24:26,329 Oh, my God! 121 00:24:26,331 --> 00:24:28,262 - Whoa, whoa, whoa! - Oh, my God! 122 00:24:28,264 --> 00:24:30,764 Oh, my God! W... Where did these come from? 123 00:24:30,766 --> 00:24:32,897 - Get rid of them! - I'm trying to get rid of them! 124 00:24:32,899 --> 00:24:34,530 - Can you give me a towel or something... - No! 125 00:24:35,866 --> 00:24:37,763 - Come on, man. - No, I'm scared. 126 00:24:37,765 --> 00:24:39,796 - Well, what am I trying to do? - Open the door! 127 00:24:39,798 --> 00:24:41,496 I need one. Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! 128 00:24:41,498 --> 00:24:43,062 Give me a towel, quick. 129 00:24:43,064 --> 00:24:44,896 No! Talk to them. 130 00:24:44,898 --> 00:24:47,864 Talk to them? I don't know how to talk to the pigeons. 131 00:24:47,866 --> 00:24:49,263 Hey, pigeon. 132 00:24:51,231 --> 00:24:52,496 No! 133 00:24:52,498 --> 00:24:53,830 Get off my chair, man. 134 00:24:53,832 --> 00:24:55,062 Get off! 135 00:24:55,064 --> 00:24:56,529 Go! Go! Go! 136 00:24:56,531 --> 00:24:58,962 Man! Oh, they've shit on my La-Z-Boy. 137 00:24:58,964 --> 00:25:00,398 Fuck, man. 138 00:25:09,931 --> 00:25:12,230 I swear I never left that window open. 139 00:25:12,232 --> 00:25:15,163 Well, you clearly did. Have you not got any food? 140 00:25:15,165 --> 00:25:16,430 There's loads of food in there. 141 00:25:16,432 --> 00:25:17,962 You haven't even got teabags? 142 00:25:17,964 --> 00:25:19,496 What're you talking about. I can see two teabags 143 00:25:19,498 --> 00:25:20,863 with my own eyes right there. 144 00:25:20,865 --> 00:25:22,262 - Where? - On the counter. 145 00:25:22,264 --> 00:25:23,430 They're used. 146 00:25:23,432 --> 00:25:25,363 It's called recycling. 147 00:25:25,365 --> 00:25:26,462 Wow. 148 00:25:26,464 --> 00:25:29,028 I'm not your fucking houseboy. 149 00:25:29,030 --> 00:25:31,263 I'm a professional salesman. 150 00:25:31,265 --> 00:25:33,864 I ain't got time to be fucking buying food for you. 151 00:25:33,866 --> 00:25:35,130 - So I'll go shop, yeah? - Yeah. 152 00:25:35,132 --> 00:25:36,962 I think that's a great idea. 153 00:25:36,964 --> 00:25:39,764 Okay, cool. I'll go shop, so we can eat some food tonight. 154 00:25:39,766 --> 00:25:42,230 - How 'bout that? - Can you get me some... 155 00:25:42,232 --> 00:25:43,296 chocolate chip cookies? 156 00:25:43,298 --> 00:25:44,599 No, I can't. 157 00:25:54,432 --> 00:25:55,699 Glass of red? 158 00:25:56,766 --> 00:25:58,100 Oh! 159 00:26:14,331 --> 00:26:16,264 Game over. 160 00:26:29,997 --> 00:26:31,466 This is nice. 161 00:26:32,232 --> 00:26:34,032 Came to 35 quid. 162 00:26:36,398 --> 00:26:38,066 What, you're asking for money now? 163 00:26:38,930 --> 00:26:40,431 We said half and half. 164 00:26:41,298 --> 00:26:43,099 Half the bills, half the rent. 165 00:26:46,132 --> 00:26:47,598 I'll pay you tomorrow. 166 00:26:49,098 --> 00:26:50,929 What do you want me to do? 167 00:26:50,931 --> 00:26:52,895 Run out of the house now, run to the bank or something? 168 00:26:52,897 --> 00:26:54,330 I'm just saying. 169 00:26:54,332 --> 00:26:57,029 And I'm just saying, what if your food was actually dead. 170 00:26:57,031 --> 00:26:59,230 Okay, cool. 171 00:26:59,232 --> 00:27:01,699 I'm going to bed, yeah? You can do the washing up. 172 00:28:22,164 --> 00:28:23,829 Breakfast is served. 173 00:28:23,831 --> 00:28:26,096 Morning. 174 00:28:26,098 --> 00:28:27,430 Morning. 175 00:28:27,432 --> 00:28:29,095 - Listen... - That's nice. 176 00:28:29,097 --> 00:28:30,162 I'm so sorry, yeah? 177 00:28:30,164 --> 00:28:33,196 Don't be sorry. Just be nicer. 178 00:28:33,198 --> 00:28:36,096 I didn't mean to write the wrong time down, did I? 179 00:28:36,098 --> 00:28:38,996 Yeah, I didn't mean to be a massive bitch, but fucking hell. 180 00:28:38,998 --> 00:28:41,263 I think I was feeling hemmed in or something. 181 00:28:41,265 --> 00:28:43,129 My head weren't in the right place. 182 00:28:43,131 --> 00:28:44,699 It's all right. Don't worry about it. 183 00:28:48,464 --> 00:28:50,331 Listen, I was thinking 184 00:28:51,030 --> 00:28:52,162 we should do something today. 185 00:28:52,164 --> 00:28:54,863 - What? - Like... 186 00:28:54,865 --> 00:28:57,733 - go to the cinema, watch a film. - Mm. 187 00:28:58,864 --> 00:29:00,130 Go and get some more food. 188 00:29:00,132 --> 00:29:01,496 What food? 189 00:29:01,498 --> 00:29:02,896 Go to the Chicken Shop. 190 00:29:02,898 --> 00:29:04,029 Okay. 191 00:29:04,031 --> 00:29:05,497 - You like the Chicken Shop? - Yeah. 192 00:29:05,499 --> 00:29:07,100 Then we can come back... 193 00:29:07,830 --> 00:29:09,429 and then I can... 194 00:29:09,431 --> 00:29:11,431 What's that? 195 00:29:12,265 --> 00:29:13,928 What's that? 196 00:29:13,930 --> 00:29:15,296 - It's the... - What? 197 00:29:15,298 --> 00:29:17,863 - The Slider. - The Slider. 198 00:29:17,865 --> 00:29:19,396 Yeah, it's time for the Slider. 199 00:29:19,398 --> 00:29:21,429 You need to work on your moves. 200 00:29:21,431 --> 00:29:23,129 You know I can always use the Slider. 201 00:29:23,131 --> 00:29:24,762 You need to work on your Slider. 202 00:29:24,764 --> 00:29:26,095 Your Slider's dead. 203 00:29:26,097 --> 00:29:27,929 - You said the Slider was good. - Mmm. 204 00:29:27,931 --> 00:29:29,429 That's not what you were saying. 205 00:29:29,431 --> 00:29:31,295 I faked it. 206 00:29:31,297 --> 00:29:33,062 What? 207 00:29:33,064 --> 00:29:34,163 You faked it? 208 00:29:34,165 --> 00:29:35,996 I'm so sorry. 209 00:29:35,998 --> 00:29:38,028 Stop it. 210 00:29:38,030 --> 00:29:40,062 - Were you faking that now as well? - Yeah. 211 00:29:40,064 --> 00:29:42,230 Yeah, but that's different. That's tickling me. 212 00:29:42,232 --> 00:29:44,929 Oh! You're meant to be nice. 213 00:29:44,931 --> 00:29:46,497 - I'm being nice. - No, you're not. 214 00:29:46,499 --> 00:29:48,396 - I am. - No, you're not. You're being... 215 00:29:49,230 --> 00:29:51,230 - Do you wanna be any louder? - Yeah. 216 00:29:51,232 --> 00:29:53,329 I'll fucking scream the place down. 217 00:29:53,331 --> 00:29:55,028 You're meant to be nice to me. 218 00:29:57,898 --> 00:29:59,496 Stop it. I don't like it when you play. 219 00:30:00,831 --> 00:30:02,296 Mmm. 220 00:30:02,298 --> 00:30:04,095 You said my Slider was dead. 221 00:30:04,097 --> 00:30:06,996 - Dead. - No... 222 00:30:06,998 --> 00:30:08,795 Fine, I ain't gonna bring out the Slider. 223 00:30:08,797 --> 00:30:10,263 No, I'm joking. 224 00:30:10,265 --> 00:30:11,828 I'll give you The Brown Hammer. 225 00:30:11,830 --> 00:30:15,398 The Brown Hammer... 226 00:30:23,030 --> 00:30:26,095 ♪ I know you and you know me and I know you, yeah ♪ 227 00:30:26,097 --> 00:30:28,928 ♪ That's my other half, she stick to me like glue ♪ 228 00:30:28,930 --> 00:30:30,163 What are you doing? 229 00:30:30,165 --> 00:30:32,163 - I didn't do that on purpose. - Don't lie. 230 00:30:32,165 --> 00:30:33,130 Don't get ugly. 231 00:30:33,132 --> 00:30:34,962 What if my head was to crack into that door. 232 00:30:34,964 --> 00:30:36,295 Oh, you're so dramatic. 233 00:30:36,297 --> 00:30:38,062 You wouldn't be living in this amazing flat then. 234 00:30:38,064 --> 00:30:40,062 - You do know that, right? - Are you serious? 235 00:30:40,064 --> 00:30:41,565 This place ain't amazing? 236 00:30:42,464 --> 00:30:43,863 - Mmm, it's all right. - What? 237 00:30:43,865 --> 00:30:45,130 It'll do. 238 00:30:45,132 --> 00:30:46,463 So what would you change about it then? 239 00:30:46,465 --> 00:30:48,995 I'd get some plants in, I'd get some candles in, 240 00:30:48,997 --> 00:30:50,296 I'd get some quotes. 241 00:30:50,298 --> 00:30:52,028 Quotes, all right. Quotes I can work with. 242 00:30:52,030 --> 00:30:53,162 - Yeah? - Yeah. All right. 243 00:30:53,164 --> 00:30:54,497 We can do that. Can you, um... 244 00:30:54,499 --> 00:30:55,763 help me when you're done. 245 00:30:55,765 --> 00:30:57,330 Yeah, 246 00:30:57,332 --> 00:30:58,928 I can. 247 00:30:58,930 --> 00:31:00,996 What time are you home tonight? 248 00:31:00,998 --> 00:31:03,828 Um, probably later than usual 249 00:31:03,830 --> 00:31:05,130 - because... - What? 250 00:31:05,132 --> 00:31:07,199 I've got to impress my first day back. 251 00:31:08,031 --> 00:31:09,463 But you said tonight we're gonna... 252 00:31:09,465 --> 00:31:10,396 What? 253 00:31:10,398 --> 00:31:12,828 - Put you against the wall. - Yeah, we can, 254 00:31:12,830 --> 00:31:14,330 but I'm just gonna have to be later. 255 00:31:14,332 --> 00:31:15,162 All right. 256 00:31:15,164 --> 00:31:17,295 You better sell five houses today. 257 00:31:17,297 --> 00:31:18,762 - Five? - Yeah. 258 00:31:18,764 --> 00:31:20,096 I mean, I got twelve lined up already. 259 00:31:20,098 --> 00:31:21,363 Oh, you're so full of it. 260 00:32:56,331 --> 00:32:58,229 Take these off. 261 00:33:01,797 --> 00:33:03,829 Come, then. Show me what you've got. 262 00:33:03,831 --> 00:33:04,963 Show you what I've got? 263 00:33:04,965 --> 00:33:06,262 - Oh, it's like that now? - Yeah. 264 00:33:06,264 --> 00:33:07,962 - It's competition time? - Yeah. 265 00:33:07,964 --> 00:33:09,430 - Last time that happened... - Mmm. 266 00:33:09,432 --> 00:33:10,763 ...I'm sure I won. 267 00:33:10,765 --> 00:33:12,298 - Really? - Yeah. 268 00:33:23,965 --> 00:33:25,299 Mmm. 269 00:33:28,964 --> 00:33:31,164 - Hello. - Mmm. 270 00:33:31,864 --> 00:33:33,231 Hello. 271 00:33:39,265 --> 00:33:41,431 What's going on? Why is it not... 272 00:33:42,131 --> 00:33:43,998 Oh, for fuck's sake. 273 00:33:45,964 --> 00:33:47,631 It's all right. Don't worry about it. 274 00:33:48,364 --> 00:33:50,129 Why are you so ugly? 275 00:33:50,131 --> 00:33:52,532 It's all right. You ain't got to be Mr. Lova Lova all the time. 276 00:33:54,098 --> 00:33:55,496 - All the time? - Yeah. 277 00:33:55,498 --> 00:33:57,095 - It's fine. - Of course I have to. 278 00:33:57,097 --> 00:33:59,428 No, you don't, man. It happens. 279 00:33:59,430 --> 00:34:01,396 And when is the last time this happened to me? 280 00:34:01,398 --> 00:34:03,762 Before I went on a holiday. 281 00:34:03,764 --> 00:34:06,196 There's been so many times we're about to have sex and you can't get it up. 282 00:34:06,198 --> 00:34:07,461 So what? All this is my fault? 283 00:34:07,463 --> 00:34:09,464 No, I'm just saying it's probably the weed. 284 00:34:10,797 --> 00:34:12,129 Messes with your libido, innit? 285 00:34:12,131 --> 00:34:13,529 - It's not the weed. - It's not the weed, no? 286 00:34:13,531 --> 00:34:15,529 - Nah, it's not the weed. - What is it then? 287 00:34:15,531 --> 00:34:17,529 It's you. 288 00:34:17,531 --> 00:34:18,928 It's your fault. It's not my fault. 289 00:34:18,930 --> 00:34:20,298 Why would it be my fault? 290 00:34:20,997 --> 00:34:22,462 'Cause you got a flat arse. 291 00:34:22,464 --> 00:34:23,996 That's why. 292 00:34:23,998 --> 00:34:25,432 How else can I not get it up? 293 00:34:26,164 --> 00:34:27,928 There's nothing even there, man. 294 00:34:27,930 --> 00:34:29,796 Cool. 295 00:34:29,798 --> 00:34:31,295 Prick. 296 00:35:09,798 --> 00:35:11,598 I feel like dog shit, man. 297 00:35:12,364 --> 00:35:14,099 Well, you look like dog shit. 298 00:35:17,797 --> 00:35:18,896 What? 299 00:35:18,898 --> 00:35:20,995 - That's funny? - Yeah. 300 00:35:20,997 --> 00:35:23,829 You're such a pussy. Man up. Grow some balls, man. 301 00:35:23,831 --> 00:35:25,231 Man-flu? 302 00:35:34,396 --> 00:35:36,428 - Have you seen my diamond tiepin? - No. 303 00:35:36,430 --> 00:35:38,063 - What do you mean no? - I mean no. 304 00:35:38,065 --> 00:35:39,732 We all great, innit? 305 00:35:41,998 --> 00:35:44,098 Shut up, man. 306 00:35:46,231 --> 00:35:48,064 So rude. 307 00:36:42,097 --> 00:36:43,998 Where is it? Oh. 308 00:37:26,164 --> 00:37:28,431 "Big monster dick." 309 00:37:29,230 --> 00:37:31,697 "Big monster dick." 310 00:37:32,930 --> 00:37:36,365 "Soldier in my Ass." 311 00:37:41,965 --> 00:37:46,564 "Suck My Nine Inch in a Gloryhole." 312 00:37:51,464 --> 00:37:53,530 "Monkeys in the Shower." 313 00:37:57,865 --> 00:37:59,998 "Cock-a-cock." 314 00:39:48,997 --> 00:39:51,061 - Oh, that's funny? - That's not me. 315 00:39:51,063 --> 00:39:52,763 So, what is this? Why is it cut? 316 00:39:52,765 --> 00:39:54,094 I don't know. 317 00:39:54,096 --> 00:39:55,029 I left this morning, Mel. 318 00:39:55,031 --> 00:39:56,762 I found out mid-day whilst I was at work 319 00:39:56,764 --> 00:39:58,262 walking around like a fucking dickhead. 320 00:39:58,264 --> 00:40:00,329 Oh, there's no change there. Is there, Hussein? 321 00:40:00,331 --> 00:40:01,895 Come on, Mel, man. I'm being serious. 322 00:40:01,897 --> 00:40:03,129 So am I, being serious. 323 00:40:03,131 --> 00:40:04,294 - No, you're not. - Yes, I am. 324 00:40:04,296 --> 00:40:05,929 - And what about my phone? - What's... What? 325 00:40:05,931 --> 00:40:07,429 - What did you do to it? - What do you mean? 326 00:40:07,431 --> 00:40:09,161 I put it on charge last night next to you. 327 00:40:09,163 --> 00:40:10,962 - Okay, cool. - That's not funny. 328 00:40:10,964 --> 00:40:13,762 I walked out this morning, and it was fucking zero percent. 329 00:40:13,764 --> 00:40:16,195 - Okay, what about my laptop? - What about your laptop? 330 00:40:16,197 --> 00:40:18,262 Why is there porn on my laptop? 331 00:40:18,264 --> 00:40:20,229 - I don't know. - You've been watching porn on my laptop? 332 00:40:20,231 --> 00:40:21,294 - No! - No? 333 00:40:21,296 --> 00:40:22,394 - No! - Okay. 334 00:40:22,396 --> 00:40:24,762 I don't watch porn on your laptop. 335 00:40:24,764 --> 00:40:28,261 Okay, so you're telling me, Hussein, that 336 00:40:28,263 --> 00:40:30,161 "Soldier in My Arse" isn't you? 337 00:40:30,163 --> 00:40:32,062 - What? - You've been watching gay porn on my laptop? 338 00:40:32,064 --> 00:40:33,461 - No, I haven't. - I took this to work today. 339 00:40:33,463 --> 00:40:35,062 You know my boss, he saw that today. 340 00:40:35,064 --> 00:40:37,095 It's disgusting. It's actually rank. 341 00:40:37,097 --> 00:40:38,896 - Mel. - What? 342 00:40:38,898 --> 00:40:40,429 I haven't been watching gay porn on your laptop. 343 00:40:40,431 --> 00:40:42,095 What else has been watching porn on my laptop? 344 00:40:42,097 --> 00:40:44,763 Why... Who else lives here? 345 00:40:44,765 --> 00:40:46,528 - Don't ask me dumb questions. - Who else lives here? 346 00:40:46,530 --> 00:40:48,462 - No one. - Okay, so just you and me live here, yeah? 347 00:40:48,464 --> 00:40:50,763 - Yeah. - So you're telling me that somehow 348 00:40:50,765 --> 00:40:52,995 a ghost is watching porn on my laptop? 349 00:40:52,997 --> 00:40:55,895 - I don't know what "Solider in My Arse" is. - Is that what turns you on? 350 00:40:55,897 --> 00:40:58,461 Is that what turns you on? You know, it actually makes sense. 351 00:40:58,463 --> 00:41:00,028 That's why you can't get it up, ain't it? 352 00:41:00,030 --> 00:41:01,429 'Cause you like dick. 353 00:41:01,431 --> 00:41:02,896 Mel. 354 00:41:02,898 --> 00:41:04,394 I haven't been watching gay porn on your laptop. 355 00:41:04,396 --> 00:41:05,664 And what the hell is this? 356 00:41:08,464 --> 00:41:10,395 - They're your knickers. - Yeah, what's that? 357 00:41:10,397 --> 00:41:11,994 - Ugh! I don't know. - It's your cum. 358 00:41:11,996 --> 00:41:13,928 - No, that's not. - Yes, it is your cum. 359 00:41:13,930 --> 00:41:15,763 Why're you wanking over my knickers for? 360 00:41:15,765 --> 00:41:17,928 - You've been trying... - That's nasty, Mel. I would not do that. 361 00:41:17,930 --> 00:41:19,529 I can't believe I actually let you touch me. 362 00:41:19,531 --> 00:41:21,995 - It wasn't me. I didn't do anything. - Whatever. 363 00:41:21,997 --> 00:41:23,496 - Why don't you ever understand? - You're sick! 364 00:41:23,498 --> 00:41:24,999 You never listen. 365 00:42:27,498 --> 00:42:29,262 Oh, my God! 366 00:42:29,264 --> 00:42:30,362 - Hussein. - Yeah. 367 00:42:30,364 --> 00:42:32,295 - Come flush the toilet. - What? 368 00:42:32,297 --> 00:42:33,395 Flush the toilet. 369 00:42:33,397 --> 00:42:34,429 Why? I never used it. 370 00:42:34,431 --> 00:42:36,128 - Yes, you did. - No, I didn't. 371 00:42:36,130 --> 00:42:37,795 You've done a shit, and you've not flushed it. 372 00:42:37,797 --> 00:42:39,094 It's disgusting. Flush it. 373 00:42:39,096 --> 00:42:40,528 - I haven't shit yet. - I'm not flushing that. 374 00:42:40,530 --> 00:42:42,062 What? Oh! 375 00:42:42,064 --> 00:42:44,361 - That's nasty. - Yeah, it's nasty. Flush it. 376 00:42:44,363 --> 00:42:46,131 - It's not mine. - It's not mine. 377 00:42:47,097 --> 00:42:49,528 - What do you want me to do? - What are you lying? 378 00:42:49,530 --> 00:42:51,961 - I'm not lying. - Yes, you are lying. 379 00:42:51,963 --> 00:42:55,228 - No, I'm not. - And I guess you never used this, no? 380 00:42:55,230 --> 00:42:57,496 - No. - This is my shampoo. You know that, right? 381 00:42:57,498 --> 00:42:59,094 - Yes. - Cost me 40 pounds. 382 00:42:59,096 --> 00:43:00,863 It's empty. 383 00:43:00,865 --> 00:43:02,028 I've got my own shampoo. 384 00:43:02,030 --> 00:43:03,528 So use your own in the future. 385 00:43:03,530 --> 00:43:05,229 - I do... - This is empty. 386 00:43:05,231 --> 00:43:08,362 This cost me 40 quid. You're so selfish. 387 00:43:08,364 --> 00:43:10,195 It's probably you overusing it. 388 00:43:10,197 --> 00:43:12,231 No, I haven't used it yet. 389 00:43:12,930 --> 00:43:14,431 All right. 390 00:43:16,363 --> 00:43:18,927 I can't even use that shampoo anyway. 391 00:43:18,929 --> 00:43:20,328 It don't even work in my head. 392 00:43:20,330 --> 00:43:21,762 I can't use that shampoo... 393 00:43:21,764 --> 00:43:23,461 I don't care whether you can't use it or not. 394 00:43:23,463 --> 00:43:25,428 - I didn't do it. - You're a compulsive liar, you know that? 395 00:43:25,430 --> 00:43:27,229 - I'm not lying. - Yes, you are. 396 00:43:27,231 --> 00:43:29,361 You don't know the difference between reality and a lie anymore. 397 00:43:29,363 --> 00:43:30,928 I didn't take a shit, and I didn't use your shampoo. 398 00:43:30,930 --> 00:43:34,028 When are you gonna take these fucking make-believe images out of your head? 399 00:43:34,030 --> 00:43:35,795 - It's not make-believe. - Yes, it is make-believe. 400 00:43:35,797 --> 00:43:36,895 - No, it's not. - It really is. 401 00:43:36,897 --> 00:43:38,763 - No, it's not. - I haven't done it! 402 00:43:38,765 --> 00:43:41,161 I'm worried. You got something wrong in your head. 403 00:43:41,163 --> 00:43:42,763 - Really? You think I'm mental? - Yeah. 404 00:43:42,765 --> 00:43:44,161 You got bipolar or something. 405 00:43:44,163 --> 00:43:45,564 - You think I got bipolar? - Yeah. 406 00:43:46,464 --> 00:43:48,228 You're a selfish asshole sometimes. 407 00:43:48,230 --> 00:43:49,428 - I'm selfish? - Yeah. 408 00:43:49,430 --> 00:43:50,528 - Me? - Yeah. 409 00:43:50,530 --> 00:43:51,927 When all I've done over these whole 410 00:43:51,929 --> 00:43:53,927 past few years is care for you. 411 00:43:53,929 --> 00:43:55,362 - Really? - Yeah. 412 00:43:55,364 --> 00:43:57,161 - I've never not cared for you? - And I've loved you. 413 00:43:57,163 --> 00:43:58,827 Yeah, have I loved you? 414 00:43:58,829 --> 00:44:00,961 - And I've allowed you to stay in this place. - Ah, cool. 415 00:44:00,963 --> 00:44:02,462 - You've allowed me to stay in here, yeah? - Yeah. 416 00:44:02,464 --> 00:44:05,095 Yeah, you've allowed me to stay in here like I'm a burden? 417 00:44:05,097 --> 00:44:06,795 - How dare you? - Is it not the truth? 418 00:44:06,797 --> 00:44:10,461 Whether it's the truth or not, Hussein, how dare you! 419 00:44:10,463 --> 00:44:13,928 I stayed here 'cause I wanted to stay here, not 'cause I needed to stay here. 420 00:44:13,930 --> 00:44:16,795 What, you think you're some amazing estate agent, yeah? You're not. 421 00:44:16,797 --> 00:44:18,361 You're a little pussy, all right? 422 00:44:18,363 --> 00:44:20,328 Know that. I'm done. 423 00:44:20,330 --> 00:44:23,428 - You do that all the time. - Do what? What do I do? What do I do? 424 00:44:23,430 --> 00:44:25,195 Just step away from the problem. 425 00:44:25,197 --> 00:44:27,431 You are the problem, Hussein. 426 00:44:31,196 --> 00:44:33,197 I think you should get ready for work. 427 00:44:35,896 --> 00:44:38,464 I won't be here when you get back. I'm done. 428 00:44:40,864 --> 00:44:42,398 Cool. 429 00:44:47,797 --> 00:44:49,795 Don't call me and don't come back knocking on my door. 430 00:44:49,797 --> 00:44:51,794 I ain't gonna call you. 431 00:44:51,796 --> 00:44:53,731 You fucking always do. 432 00:45:22,498 --> 00:45:25,031 Bon voyage. 433 00:47:16,064 --> 00:47:17,761 Oh, man! 434 00:47:17,763 --> 00:47:19,397 What the fuck is that? 435 00:47:21,497 --> 00:47:23,130 Ugh! 436 00:47:24,930 --> 00:47:26,962 So, what are you telling me? 437 00:47:26,964 --> 00:47:28,297 You've got a ghost? 438 00:47:29,763 --> 00:47:31,530 A ghost who shits. 439 00:47:32,464 --> 00:47:36,261 Well, how else do you explain it then, man? 440 00:47:36,263 --> 00:47:39,528 I don't know. I think your bra is too tight or something. 441 00:47:39,530 --> 00:47:41,194 I don't wear a bra. 442 00:47:41,196 --> 00:47:43,861 I'm telling you, it was all her. 443 00:47:43,863 --> 00:47:45,295 I hear you. 444 00:47:45,297 --> 00:47:47,198 But you didn't see the size of... 445 00:47:47,896 --> 00:47:49,295 what I saw. 446 00:47:49,297 --> 00:47:51,461 It was a man's work, you know. 447 00:47:51,463 --> 00:47:53,528 Like a builder's work. Know what I'm saying? 448 00:47:53,530 --> 00:47:55,361 Yeah, that's exactly what I said, bruv. 449 00:47:55,363 --> 00:47:57,461 You fucking dodged a bullet with that one, mate. 450 00:47:57,463 --> 00:48:00,761 I told her. I actually told her... 451 00:48:00,763 --> 00:48:02,429 I laid down the plan. 452 00:48:02,431 --> 00:48:05,529 She was crying. Tears running down her eyes. 453 00:48:05,531 --> 00:48:07,894 - Yeah? - You know... 454 00:48:07,896 --> 00:48:10,795 "No, what? No, Hussein, don't do this. 455 00:48:10,797 --> 00:48:12,994 We can still be together." 456 00:48:12,996 --> 00:48:15,162 - Hmm. - "Let's stay friends." 457 00:48:15,164 --> 00:48:16,261 Stay friends! 458 00:48:16,263 --> 00:48:18,861 - "I'll change." Fuck off! - Fuck that. 459 00:48:18,863 --> 00:48:20,429 I got my life back now, innit? 460 00:48:20,431 --> 00:48:22,195 I'm a free man. 461 00:48:22,197 --> 00:48:23,995 - With the girls. - Yeah, you're right. 462 00:48:23,997 --> 00:48:25,928 Yeah. You're right. 463 00:48:25,930 --> 00:48:30,098 And all you need to do now is to stop looking like shit. 464 00:51:21,497 --> 00:51:23,329 Hello, Gerry. 465 00:51:23,331 --> 00:51:25,995 Yeah, mate. Um... 466 00:51:25,997 --> 00:51:27,460 Yeah, no, I'm not good, man. 467 00:51:27,462 --> 00:51:29,994 Listen, I've been meaning to ring you, man. 468 00:51:29,996 --> 00:51:33,129 Yeah, I'm iller than a motherfucker right now, mate. 469 00:51:34,462 --> 00:51:37,128 Yeah, I can send you the schedule. 470 00:51:37,130 --> 00:51:38,431 Hm... 471 00:51:39,430 --> 00:51:42,264 Mmh, mmh... 472 00:51:56,231 --> 00:51:59,061 But I never even ordered one of these, man. 473 00:51:59,063 --> 00:52:01,828 Yeah, well, I dunno. Must be a gift or something, innit? 474 00:52:01,830 --> 00:52:03,795 - A gift? - Yeah. 475 00:52:03,797 --> 00:52:05,527 Who gets a freezer as a gift, mate? 476 00:52:05,529 --> 00:52:07,129 That's not our problem, is it? 477 00:52:07,131 --> 00:52:08,928 Look, if you don't want it, fair enough. 478 00:52:08,930 --> 00:52:10,393 But if you want to have it taken back, 479 00:52:10,395 --> 00:52:12,328 you're gonna have to contact the depot yourself. 480 00:52:12,330 --> 00:52:15,998 - What? - Yeah, you shouldn't have signed for it if you didn't want it. 481 00:52:26,896 --> 00:52:28,597 So immature, Mel. 482 00:52:31,896 --> 00:52:34,230 Oh, for fuck's sake, man. 483 00:52:34,964 --> 00:52:36,962 Hold on, what? 484 00:52:36,964 --> 00:52:39,530 What the fuck are you talking about? Quilted for softness. 485 00:52:40,463 --> 00:52:42,198 Quilted for softness? 486 00:52:43,231 --> 00:52:45,762 You asked me for tissue, and I gave you tissue. 487 00:52:45,764 --> 00:52:47,565 You're lucky I didn't give you fucking sandpaper. 488 00:52:49,131 --> 00:52:51,027 No, man, I know. I'm grateful. 489 00:52:51,029 --> 00:52:52,895 Don't be grateful. 490 00:52:52,897 --> 00:52:54,393 Be embarrassed. 491 00:52:54,395 --> 00:52:55,696 Be ashamed. 492 00:52:58,463 --> 00:53:00,630 Listen, you staying for a puff or what? 493 00:53:01,797 --> 00:53:03,427 You what? What, share your joint? 494 00:53:03,429 --> 00:53:05,198 Yeah. 495 00:53:05,929 --> 00:53:08,460 And catch your herpes. 496 00:53:08,462 --> 00:53:10,928 Bruv, I rather eat onions. 497 00:53:10,930 --> 00:53:13,161 Look, I'm not doing this bullshit again, man. 498 00:53:13,163 --> 00:53:15,197 I'm a busy man, you know? 499 00:53:16,097 --> 00:53:17,393 Yeah, I know you are but like I said, 500 00:53:17,395 --> 00:53:18,827 it was an emergency, wasn't it? 501 00:53:18,829 --> 00:53:20,528 - That why I needed you, bruv. - Yeah. 502 00:53:20,530 --> 00:53:23,328 But, you know, when you get yourself back on your feet, yeah, 503 00:53:23,330 --> 00:53:25,063 you owe me. 504 00:53:25,896 --> 00:53:28,794 Yeah. I'm starting to get better anyway. 505 00:53:28,796 --> 00:53:30,393 Look, I'm going to give you some advice, yeah? 506 00:53:30,395 --> 00:53:32,030 You're gonna listen? 507 00:53:32,797 --> 00:53:34,431 Look up at the stars... 508 00:53:35,130 --> 00:53:36,564 and not at your feet. 509 00:53:37,830 --> 00:53:39,862 And try to make sense 510 00:53:39,864 --> 00:53:41,198 of what you see... 511 00:53:41,929 --> 00:53:43,927 and wonder... 512 00:53:43,929 --> 00:53:47,163 what really makes this universe exist. 513 00:53:50,030 --> 00:53:51,564 Be curious. 514 00:53:52,263 --> 00:53:55,097 Yeah, yeah. You're right, man. 515 00:53:55,997 --> 00:53:57,460 I need to be more. 516 00:53:57,462 --> 00:53:59,397 What the fuck is that, anyway? 517 00:54:02,029 --> 00:54:03,330 That. 518 00:54:05,496 --> 00:54:07,163 That's a freezer. 519 00:54:23,764 --> 00:54:26,227 ♪ Strangers in the night ♪ 520 00:54:26,229 --> 00:54:29,294 ♪ Exchanging glances ♪ 521 00:54:29,296 --> 00:54:32,028 ♪ Wondering in the night ♪ 522 00:54:32,030 --> 00:54:34,731 ♪ What were the chances ♪ 523 00:54:35,430 --> 00:54:37,527 ♪ La-la-la da-da ♪ 524 00:54:37,529 --> 00:54:39,460 ♪ La-la da-da ♪ 525 00:54:39,462 --> 00:54:41,764 ♪ La-da ♪ 526 00:54:45,195 --> 00:54:48,328 ♪ Something in your eyes ♪ 527 00:54:48,330 --> 00:54:51,298 ♪ Was so exciting ♪ 528 00:54:51,997 --> 00:54:54,795 ♪ Something in your smile ♪ 529 00:54:54,797 --> 00:54:58,094 ♪ Was so inviting ♪ 530 00:54:58,096 --> 00:55:00,430 ♪ La da-da-da-da ♪ 531 00:55:01,529 --> 00:55:04,761 Come on, Mel. Just answer your phone, man. 532 00:55:04,763 --> 00:55:06,161 Please. 533 00:55:06,163 --> 00:55:07,461 I just wanna talk to you. 534 00:55:07,463 --> 00:55:11,294 ♪ La-la-la da-da ♪ 535 00:55:11,296 --> 00:55:13,361 ♪ La-la-da-da ♪ 536 00:55:13,363 --> 00:55:15,397 Ring me back when you can, yeah? 537 00:55:16,096 --> 00:55:17,360 I miss you. 538 00:56:53,395 --> 00:56:55,463 What the fuck? 539 00:56:56,396 --> 00:56:58,464 I need one as soon as possible. 540 00:56:59,396 --> 00:57:02,927 Yeah, um, preferably today. 541 00:57:02,929 --> 00:57:05,529 Yeah. No, sorry, it's an emergency, you see? 542 00:57:06,964 --> 00:57:08,464 One second. 543 00:57:10,864 --> 00:57:12,260 All right, Gerry, mate. 544 00:57:12,262 --> 00:57:13,795 Look, I can't really talk right now, man. 545 00:57:13,797 --> 00:57:15,064 I'm a bit busy. 546 00:57:19,063 --> 00:57:20,495 What? 547 00:57:20,497 --> 00:57:22,060 Hold on a minute. 548 00:57:22,062 --> 00:57:23,461 What are you talking about? 549 00:57:23,463 --> 00:57:25,464 I sent you the full schedule yesterday. 550 00:57:27,897 --> 00:57:30,998 Warning? You're gonna give me a warning? 551 00:57:32,063 --> 00:57:33,895 No, cool. No, it's fine, Gerry. 552 00:57:33,897 --> 00:57:35,862 It's all right. Go on, give me a warning, innit? 553 00:57:35,864 --> 00:57:37,327 'Cause I let you know, yeah? 554 00:57:37,329 --> 00:57:40,194 That warning ain't gonna be as bad as chemotherapy, is it? 555 00:57:40,196 --> 00:57:42,194 No, and just in case you wondered 556 00:57:42,196 --> 00:57:44,862 it's terminal as well. 557 00:57:44,864 --> 00:57:47,761 So, sorry if I got some other things on my mind, mate, yeah? 558 00:57:47,763 --> 00:57:49,164 Fucking prick. 559 00:58:01,162 --> 00:58:03,260 A million and 50. 560 00:58:03,262 --> 00:58:04,795 A million and 10. 561 00:58:04,797 --> 00:58:06,063 A million and 20. 562 00:58:07,462 --> 00:58:08,794 Gerry. 563 00:58:08,796 --> 00:58:10,397 What are you doing here? 564 00:58:12,497 --> 00:58:14,764 What is that? 565 00:58:17,229 --> 00:58:18,764 It's a cock. 566 00:58:20,062 --> 00:58:22,762 - It is disgusting. - Yeah, I know. 567 00:58:22,764 --> 00:58:25,460 - Are you sure it's not yours? - It's not mine. 568 00:58:25,462 --> 00:58:27,194 But why are you looking at me like that? 569 00:58:27,196 --> 00:58:29,094 It certainly ain't mine. 570 00:58:29,096 --> 00:58:30,464 Have you seen it? 571 00:58:31,163 --> 00:58:32,861 It's white. 572 00:58:32,863 --> 00:58:33,995 Whose cock is it then? 573 00:58:33,997 --> 00:58:35,960 How the fuck am I meant to know whose cock that is? 574 00:58:35,962 --> 00:58:37,861 It was sent from your phone. They all were. 575 00:58:37,863 --> 00:58:39,763 Well, my phone must have got nicked then. 576 00:58:40,462 --> 00:58:42,193 I spoke to you this morning. 577 00:58:42,195 --> 00:58:44,061 Yeah, and it must have been in the afternoon. 578 00:58:44,063 --> 00:58:46,160 After I came out of the doctor's. 579 00:58:46,162 --> 00:58:48,495 That's it. My phone got nicked in the afternoon, 580 00:58:48,497 --> 00:58:50,093 and they got sent. 581 00:58:50,095 --> 00:58:51,764 Why? When... when were they sent to you? 582 00:58:52,530 --> 00:58:54,861 - This afternoon. - Hah! There we go. 583 00:58:54,863 --> 00:58:56,393 Makes sense, don't it? 584 00:59:01,829 --> 00:59:03,495 Oh dear. What is that? 585 00:59:06,829 --> 00:59:08,394 Look, Gerry, man... 586 00:59:08,396 --> 00:59:11,263 - I swear, I didn't mean to lie. - Save it. 587 00:59:12,129 --> 00:59:13,494 You're fired. 588 00:59:13,496 --> 00:59:14,961 Effective immediately. 589 00:59:14,963 --> 00:59:16,994 - No, you can't do that. - I just did. 590 01:01:08,763 --> 01:01:10,261 You better not be lying this time, 591 01:01:10,263 --> 01:01:12,460 or I swear to God. 592 01:01:12,462 --> 01:01:13,994 Yeah, well, of course I'm gonna ask you. 593 01:01:13,996 --> 01:01:16,097 You're the only person who had access to my wallet. 594 01:01:16,796 --> 01:01:17,860 So it wasn't you 595 01:01:17,862 --> 01:01:19,227 who ordered this massive freezer 596 01:01:19,229 --> 01:01:21,196 that just sitting in my living room right now? 597 01:01:22,229 --> 01:01:24,026 So, Mr. Hussein, 598 01:01:24,028 --> 01:01:26,394 new lock, bolts, and chain. 599 01:01:26,396 --> 01:01:28,529 You can't really do much more than that. 600 01:01:29,796 --> 01:01:32,229 Safe as houses, as they say. 601 01:02:41,529 --> 01:02:43,960 Go on, then. 602 01:02:43,962 --> 01:02:45,464 Sh-show your face. 603 01:02:47,262 --> 01:02:49,329 Fucking prick. 604 01:03:01,330 --> 01:03:03,430 What the fuck? 605 01:03:57,330 --> 01:03:59,993 "According to the law in London, 606 01:03:59,995 --> 01:04:02,160 you may sit down for the night, 607 01:04:02,162 --> 01:04:04,794 but the police must move you on 608 01:04:04,796 --> 01:04:06,497 if they see you asleep." 609 01:04:19,230 --> 01:04:21,363 Hey, how's it going? 610 01:04:22,062 --> 01:04:23,529 My friends. 611 01:05:04,129 --> 01:05:06,396 Yes, Mum, I've eaten. 612 01:05:07,430 --> 01:05:10,097 I had, like, a pepperoni pizza before. 613 01:05:11,829 --> 01:05:13,261 No. 614 01:05:13,263 --> 01:05:15,030 I don't know whose it is. 615 01:05:15,863 --> 01:05:18,261 I'm being serious. 616 01:05:18,263 --> 01:05:22,097 Wh... Why are you asking me anyway? Like you haven't seen my willy before. 617 01:05:24,395 --> 01:05:25,927 No. 618 01:05:25,929 --> 01:05:29,230 Th-That's not me trying to show you that I'm gay. 619 01:05:30,863 --> 01:05:32,129 Mum. 620 01:05:32,828 --> 01:05:33,926 It... 621 01:05:33,928 --> 01:05:36,096 The willy was not even circumcised. 622 01:05:38,129 --> 01:05:42,261 So why... I don't understand why you would even think it's mine. 623 01:05:42,263 --> 01:05:43,730 Have you seen the color of it? 624 01:05:45,795 --> 01:05:47,696 It looks like a fucking fish finger. 625 01:06:19,763 --> 01:06:21,596 I guess it's just us guys now, innit? 626 01:06:24,063 --> 01:06:26,129 Guess we gotta look after each other. 627 01:08:08,129 --> 01:08:10,529 You fucking idiot. 628 01:08:26,462 --> 01:08:28,997 Never a lender or borrower be! 629 01:08:29,895 --> 01:08:31,530 You used to say it all the time. 630 01:08:33,429 --> 01:08:35,596 Look, I know we're a working family, 631 01:08:36,329 --> 01:08:38,227 and... 632 01:08:38,229 --> 01:08:40,127 this isn't me trying to get you and Dad 633 01:08:40,129 --> 01:08:41,193 to pay for my mortgage. 634 01:08:41,195 --> 01:08:42,497 That's not what I'm asking. 635 01:08:43,394 --> 01:08:46,960 I just wanted to see if he was able 636 01:08:46,962 --> 01:08:49,597 to lend me a couple hundred quid until the end of... 637 01:08:53,829 --> 01:08:55,893 No, I know. 638 01:08:55,895 --> 01:08:58,097 There is not a lot out there, Mum, but... 639 01:08:59,096 --> 01:09:00,526 I'm gonna try it. 640 01:09:00,528 --> 01:09:02,127 I hope to find one. 641 01:09:02,129 --> 01:09:03,662 Pretty confident I can. 642 01:09:06,928 --> 01:09:09,927 Just gotta look up at the stars and not down at my feet, 643 01:09:09,929 --> 01:09:11,263 I guess. 644 01:09:13,828 --> 01:09:16,030 What's the matter with you? Can't say hello? 645 01:09:22,763 --> 01:09:24,662 What the bumboclaat? 646 01:09:26,496 --> 01:09:28,529 Holy shit! 647 01:09:34,428 --> 01:09:36,564 Bruv, what's going on? What's the matter? 648 01:09:44,029 --> 01:09:45,860 Are you all right, bruv? 649 01:09:45,862 --> 01:09:47,628 Looks like a fucking crack den in here. 650 01:09:49,163 --> 01:09:50,459 Bruv... 651 01:09:50,461 --> 01:09:53,297 just give me my weed and fuck off, innit? 652 01:09:55,829 --> 01:09:57,330 Oh, so, it's like that, yeah? 653 01:10:02,895 --> 01:10:05,030 You know what, take your fucking weed, yeah? 654 01:10:36,529 --> 01:10:37,826 Hola! 655 01:10:37,828 --> 01:10:39,793 Holy fuck! 656 01:10:39,795 --> 01:10:41,893 What the fuck? What are you doing in my house? 657 01:10:41,895 --> 01:10:43,160 Fuck you! 658 01:10:43,162 --> 01:10:44,926 You didn't give me anywhere else to go. 659 01:10:44,928 --> 01:10:45,961 Who the fuck are you? 660 01:10:45,963 --> 01:10:47,994 Mister Flash Bastard! 661 01:10:47,996 --> 01:10:49,793 Mister Wheeler Dealer! 662 01:10:49,795 --> 01:10:51,427 Fucking crazy-boy! 663 01:10:51,429 --> 01:10:52,997 Get out of my fucking house! 664 01:10:54,062 --> 01:10:56,563 Come on. Make your fucking move! 665 01:10:59,029 --> 01:11:01,128 I'll snap your fucking neck. 666 01:11:01,130 --> 01:11:02,460 Oh, please, man, please. 667 01:11:02,462 --> 01:11:04,762 We can sort something out. We don't have to do this. 668 01:11:05,862 --> 01:11:07,762 I got some cash. I can give you some money. 669 01:11:08,796 --> 01:11:10,894 Money. Of course. 670 01:11:10,896 --> 01:11:13,163 Money? Fuck you! 671 01:11:13,863 --> 01:11:15,130 Sit down! 672 01:11:26,129 --> 01:11:29,197 Probably don't remember my girlfriend. 673 01:11:31,962 --> 01:11:33,793 Well... 674 01:11:33,795 --> 01:11:35,230 she lost her baby. 675 01:11:37,929 --> 01:11:39,596 She lost the baby, anyway. 676 01:11:42,495 --> 01:11:44,528 And I lost her. 677 01:11:45,528 --> 01:11:47,129 Court. 678 01:11:50,461 --> 01:11:53,462 I lost both, both of them. 679 01:11:58,328 --> 01:12:00,528 They do say it's stressful... 680 01:12:02,229 --> 01:12:04,462 losing your home. 681 01:12:10,462 --> 01:12:13,230 Man, I was just doing my job. 682 01:12:14,462 --> 01:12:16,526 They tell us to do that stuff. 683 01:12:16,528 --> 01:12:19,227 Wait it out for the highest offer. 684 01:12:19,229 --> 01:12:21,496 'Cause I'm a victim of it just as much as you are. 685 01:12:30,328 --> 01:12:32,760 H-Hey now, come on. 686 01:12:32,762 --> 01:12:34,662 Hey, now, you ain't gonna do this, man! 687 01:14:04,461 --> 01:14:05,926 Goodbye, my friends. 688 01:15:04,962 --> 01:15:06,959 Hello, Mum. 689 01:15:06,961 --> 01:15:08,992 Yeah, listen to me, yeah? Listen to me carefully. 690 01:15:08,994 --> 01:15:10,192 I need your help. 691 01:15:10,194 --> 01:15:11,860 Can you get Imran please? 692 01:15:11,862 --> 01:15:14,528 Tell him to come to my house... ASAP. 693 01:15:15,295 --> 01:15:17,696 Yeah. No, it's an emergency. 694 01:15:19,763 --> 01:15:21,426 I-I'm... 695 01:15:21,428 --> 01:15:24,092 Basically, some old, crazy man 696 01:15:24,094 --> 01:15:25,996 has stuck me in a freezer. 697 01:15:27,529 --> 01:15:30,030 It's in the hallway. Why does that even matter? 698 01:15:30,994 --> 01:15:33,196 Yeah, can you just tell him to come quick. 699 01:15:35,229 --> 01:15:37,526 Yeah, I'll explain more la... 700 01:15:37,528 --> 01:15:39,228 No. 701 01:15:40,261 --> 01:15:42,729 This has not got nothing to do with sex. 702 01:15:44,195 --> 01:15:45,529 Yes, Mum. 703 01:15:46,429 --> 01:15:48,527 Hello? Hello? 704 01:15:48,529 --> 01:15:51,062 Mum? Mum? 705 01:15:51,895 --> 01:15:53,262 Mum? 706 01:16:47,961 --> 01:16:49,761 As far back as I can remember, 707 01:16:49,763 --> 01:16:51,730 I always wanted to be an estate agent. 708 01:16:53,862 --> 01:16:55,493 All right, calm down. 709 01:16:55,495 --> 01:16:57,026 That was a little lie. 710 01:16:57,028 --> 01:16:58,926 A fake statement. 711 01:16:58,928 --> 01:17:01,227 I got no qualifications, no experience, 712 01:17:01,229 --> 01:17:03,960 no license, nor training. 713 01:17:03,962 --> 01:17:06,126 I answered an ad in a job site saying 714 01:17:06,128 --> 01:17:09,860 "Spineless and love negotiating?" 715 01:17:09,862 --> 01:17:10,959 At least I'm not like them 716 01:17:10,961 --> 01:17:12,925 "Home Under the Hammer" spanners. 717 01:17:12,927 --> 01:17:15,192 Once the property is completed, I advise 718 01:17:15,194 --> 01:17:18,925 shut the fuck up, you bunch of wankers. 719 01:17:18,927 --> 01:17:22,493 I spray a can of Brut over my 60 percent polyester suit. 720 01:17:22,495 --> 01:17:24,127 I spit shine my shoes. 721 01:17:24,129 --> 01:17:28,192 "Yes, Mrs. Brown. I'll meet you outside at noon." 722 01:17:28,194 --> 01:17:30,092 See, to my face, people call me Hussein. 723 01:17:30,094 --> 01:17:33,526 Behind my back, "Saddam, pak rat, Taliban." 724 01:17:33,528 --> 01:17:35,762 Some even think Gandhi's my name. 725 01:17:36,495 --> 01:17:38,427 I know I'm not Indian. 726 01:17:38,429 --> 01:17:39,694 But we're still all the same. 727 01:17:39,696 --> 01:17:44,061 This race-based hate can raise the strain and take the piss. 728 01:17:44,062 --> 01:17:46,227 You think I'm a cabbie? 729 01:17:46,229 --> 01:17:48,493 A corner shop Ali, serving curry? 730 01:17:50,328 --> 01:17:53,793 As if. I'm an estate agent. A great agent. 731 01:17:53,794 --> 01:17:57,392 I make payments. And if there's a new space vacant, I'm chain breaking. 732 01:17:57,395 --> 01:18:01,893 I could give a fuck if I sold you a lame, stained basement. 733 01:18:01,895 --> 01:18:04,426 I mean, you viewed it, right? 734 01:18:06,294 --> 01:18:09,695 I remember this one story about this one don. 735 01:18:10,461 --> 01:18:12,493 I think his name was John. 736 01:18:12,495 --> 01:18:15,327 He put a house on the offer, for a mansion. 737 01:18:15,329 --> 01:18:17,959 Oh! I thought the lot was on. 738 01:18:17,961 --> 01:18:19,960 But my commission was rotten. 739 01:18:19,962 --> 01:18:22,293 He wanted this place so bad. 740 01:18:22,295 --> 01:18:24,493 I decided to bend and break. 741 01:18:24,495 --> 01:18:27,293 "Yeah, mate, I'll ring the vendor, and I'll negotiate." 742 01:18:27,295 --> 01:18:29,792 That's how I fucked him over. 743 01:18:29,794 --> 01:18:31,993 And that's the money that paid for my holiday. 744 01:18:31,995 --> 01:18:35,427 So what if a client outbid himself in the end? 745 01:18:35,429 --> 01:18:37,960 We're not relatives, acquaintances, 746 01:18:37,962 --> 01:18:39,495 or personal friends. 747 01:18:40,194 --> 01:18:42,025 The more you zoom in... 748 01:18:42,027 --> 01:18:43,359 the less we all count. 749 01:18:43,361 --> 01:18:46,292 It's like we're all rats, ants, and parasites. 750 01:18:46,294 --> 01:18:47,759 All crawling around. 751 01:18:47,761 --> 01:18:49,860 It's a vicious cycle. 752 01:18:49,862 --> 01:18:51,960 We signed our lives to a trap. 753 01:18:51,962 --> 01:18:54,029 They say, karma can't harm ya... 754 01:18:54,762 --> 01:18:56,291 if it can't catch up. 755 01:18:56,294 --> 01:18:59,129 So run fast towards the darkness 756 01:18:59,861 --> 01:19:03,129 in hope... not trust. 757 01:19:03,459 --> 01:19:08,459 Subtitles by explosiveskull 52673

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