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1
00:00:03,000 --> 00:00:04,333
Did Holly pick up Jill yet?
2
00:00:04,417 --> 00:00:06,375
Yeah. This is my baby.
3
00:00:06,458 --> 00:00:08,834
Why do you always freak out
whenever Holly comes over?
4
00:00:08,917 --> 00:00:10,000
She's not that bad.
5
00:00:11,125 --> 00:00:14,250
Am I allowed to say that about a woman
I accidentally had a baby with?
6
00:00:14,333 --> 00:00:15,250
I wouldn't.
7
00:00:15,750 --> 00:00:18,625
She always wants to hang
and connect with me over tequila shots.
8
00:00:18,709 --> 00:00:19,709
Just say no.
9
00:00:19,792 --> 00:00:22,000
I can't say no to tequila.
10
00:00:22,083 --> 00:00:23,625
That's why Travis exists.
11
00:00:23,709 --> 00:00:25,375
No way. Jill, too.
12
00:00:25,458 --> 00:00:27,291
What an adorable coincidence.
13
00:00:27,375 --> 00:00:30,834
{\an8}Look on the bright side.
She drives you crazy, which I enjoy.
14
00:00:33,166 --> 00:00:34,417
{\an8}She's here.
15
00:00:35,000 --> 00:00:36,125
{\an8}Come here.
16
00:00:36,208 --> 00:00:39,000
{\an8}If she pushes past us
with her super bimbo strength,
17
00:00:39,083 --> 00:00:41,291
{\an8}we say we can't hang tonight,
18
00:00:41,375 --> 00:00:44,166
{\an8}because we all have
some very important thing to go to.
19
00:00:44,250 --> 00:00:45,583
{\an8}Got it.
20
00:00:45,667 --> 00:00:48,166
{\an8}Hey, you guys! What's... Whoa.
21
00:00:48,250 --> 00:00:50,250
{\an8}Damn it, she back-doored us.
22
00:00:50,333 --> 00:00:53,792
{\an8}Jules, I have so much
I gotta talk to you about.
23
00:00:53,875 --> 00:00:55,333
{\an8}I'm sorry, we can't hang,
24
00:00:55,417 --> 00:00:59,834
{\an8}because we all have a very important
thing we have to go to. So...
25
00:00:59,917 --> 00:01:02,000
{\an8}That thing got cancelled.
26
00:01:02,083 --> 00:01:05,208
{\an8}I do have a different thing
that only I have to go to.
27
00:01:05,291 --> 00:01:07,041
{\an8}You know what? I'll drive you.
28
00:01:07,125 --> 00:01:08,166
{\an8}Have fun, Mom.
29
00:01:08,875 --> 00:01:10,750
{\an8}Should we connect?
30
00:01:12,667 --> 00:01:13,625
Yeah.
31
00:01:23,583 --> 00:01:24,667
Are you happy?
32
00:01:24,750 --> 00:01:27,333
I had to listen to Holly yap
for over an hour.
33
00:01:27,417 --> 00:01:30,667
{\an8}She's way too young to have
that many stories about losing teeth.
34
00:01:30,750 --> 00:01:33,542
{\an8}- Sorry.
- That's the least convincing sorry ever.
35
00:01:33,625 --> 00:01:34,583
{\an8}I'll work on it.
36
00:01:34,667 --> 00:01:38,208
{\an8}So Jules and I decided
we want to get married on the beach.
37
00:01:38,291 --> 00:01:40,291
{\an8}You're gonna have to go to City Hall
and get a permit for that.
38
00:01:40,875 --> 00:01:42,667
{\an8}That sounds like quite an imbroglio.
39
00:01:43,834 --> 00:01:46,709
{\an8}She bought herself
a little word-of-the-day calendar.
40
00:01:47,291 --> 00:01:50,041
{\an8}- Gotcha.
- Why would you bust me on that?
41
00:01:50,125 --> 00:01:52,250
{\an8}They would've just thought
I'd gotten all smart and stuff.
42
00:01:52,333 --> 00:01:53,625
{\an8}Sorry.
43
00:01:53,709 --> 00:01:55,834
{\an8}- Now, that one's better.
- Right? I'm getting it.
44
00:01:55,917 --> 00:01:57,542
{\an8}Getting a permit is easy.
45
00:01:57,625 --> 00:02:00,125
{\an8}I got one to put that new speed bump
in the cul-de-sac.
46
00:02:06,750 --> 00:02:08,792
That speed bump
is gonna protect our kids.
47
00:02:08,875 --> 00:02:09,917
Especially Stan.
48
00:02:10,000 --> 00:02:12,208
{\an8}He's obsessed with that manhole
in the middle of the street.
49
00:02:12,291 --> 00:02:13,917
{\an8}I don't know what he thinks
is down there,
50
00:02:14,000 --> 00:02:15,333
{\an8}but he leaves food for it.
51
00:02:15,417 --> 00:02:17,709
{\an8}Well, it's the manhole monster.
52
00:02:17,792 --> 00:02:20,041
{\an8}It eats little boys that don't listen.
53
00:02:20,125 --> 00:02:21,709
Solid parenting, as always.
54
00:02:21,792 --> 00:02:22,959
Thanks.
55
00:02:25,875 --> 00:02:26,750
Roger.
56
00:02:28,125 --> 00:02:30,208
{\an8}Roger, how are you?
57
00:02:30,291 --> 00:02:32,000
{\an8}Same as always.
58
00:02:32,500 --> 00:02:36,375
{\an8}Actually, I was married
a few months ago, so slightly worse.
59
00:02:36,458 --> 00:02:37,542
{\an8}Oh, God.
60
00:02:37,625 --> 00:02:39,542
{\an8}- Next.
- Excuse me.
61
00:02:39,625 --> 00:02:42,083
{\an8}I want to get a permit for
a beach wedding.
62
00:02:42,166 --> 00:02:43,792
{\an8}We don't allow weddings on the beach.
63
00:02:43,875 --> 00:02:46,125
{\an8}But I see parties on the beach
all the time.
64
00:02:46,208 --> 00:02:47,542
{\an8}We allow parties.
65
00:02:47,625 --> 00:02:50,125
{\an8}Okay. Then I want a permit for a party.
66
00:02:50,208 --> 00:02:51,792
Will there be a priest at your party?
67
00:02:52,375 --> 00:02:53,959
Depends on how crazy it gets.
68
00:02:54,041 --> 00:02:55,375
No permit.
69
00:02:55,458 --> 00:02:57,000
If you have a problem,
talk to the mayor.
70
00:02:57,083 --> 00:02:59,250
This podunk town has a mayor?
71
00:02:59,333 --> 00:03:00,834
- Who?
- Me.
72
00:03:01,542 --> 00:03:03,333
Stop it.
73
00:03:03,917 --> 00:03:05,542
No, really, it's me.
74
00:03:07,458 --> 00:03:10,166
I love this cake shop/real estate office.
75
00:03:10,250 --> 00:03:11,750
You give me day-old
black and white cookies,
76
00:03:11,834 --> 00:03:13,709
{\an8}and Jules lets me
take coffee from her side.
77
00:03:13,792 --> 00:03:14,875
{\an8}The coffee's free?
78
00:03:14,959 --> 00:03:17,667
{\an8}I'm sorry, sir, you'll have
to buy a condo.
79
00:03:19,417 --> 00:03:21,500
Man, that camera cake looks real.
80
00:03:22,417 --> 00:03:25,291
I bet you wish you had that sucker
hanging around your neck.
81
00:03:25,917 --> 00:03:27,208
Why? Because I'm Asian?
82
00:03:27,291 --> 00:03:29,375
- No!
- Yeah.
83
00:03:29,458 --> 00:03:31,125
The long "no" means stop talking.
84
00:03:31,208 --> 00:03:34,750
Just another good ol' boy
throwing racist stereotypes around.
85
00:03:34,834 --> 00:03:36,250
Racist?
86
00:03:36,333 --> 00:03:37,417
Am I that bad?
87
00:03:37,500 --> 00:03:39,041
No, sweetie.
88
00:03:39,542 --> 00:03:42,083
Oh, my God.
Look at your black and white cookie.
89
00:03:42,166 --> 00:03:43,834
You've only eaten the white part.
90
00:03:44,417 --> 00:03:46,000
I'm a monster.
91
00:03:46,709 --> 00:03:49,250
Good, leave, I don't even care.
92
00:03:52,375 --> 00:03:54,709
- Hey.
- Hey.
93
00:03:55,333 --> 00:03:56,417
Everything okay?
94
00:03:56,500 --> 00:03:58,250
Stupid Internet date.
95
00:03:58,333 --> 00:04:02,667
I thought having a baby was gonna be,
like, a non-stop party. You know?
96
00:04:02,750 --> 00:04:05,875
Wrong. Turns out
they're a total crotch-block.
97
00:04:05,959 --> 00:04:07,208
That guy's a tool.
98
00:04:07,291 --> 00:04:09,917
He should've put "hates babies"
on his profile.
99
00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:11,875
He did, I just ignored it.
100
00:04:13,250 --> 00:04:15,709
Hey, we were gonna go get
some ice cream. Do you wanna come?
101
00:04:15,792 --> 00:04:17,208
Can babies have ice cream?
102
00:04:17,291 --> 00:04:20,208
Yeah. It's, like,
pretty much all she eats.
103
00:04:22,458 --> 00:04:24,333
There's got to be
something you can do.
104
00:04:24,417 --> 00:04:28,041
I mean, I've been dreaming of
having a beach wedding since...
105
00:04:28,125 --> 00:04:29,291
Well, yesterday.
106
00:04:29,375 --> 00:04:31,125
I know where this is going.
107
00:04:31,709 --> 00:04:37,166
Do you think it would be safe for us
to have a quick, but passionate, fling?
108
00:04:39,125 --> 00:04:40,417
I'm flattered.
109
00:04:41,000 --> 00:04:42,834
But it ain't gonna happen.
110
00:04:42,917 --> 00:04:44,250
I'll try to keep it in my pants.
111
00:04:44,333 --> 00:04:45,500
That's a good girl.
112
00:04:45,583 --> 00:04:47,125
So who did you marry anyway?
113
00:04:48,041 --> 00:04:49,583
Well, hello, Jules.
114
00:04:51,083 --> 00:04:54,834
What an adorable engagement ring.
115
00:04:55,417 --> 00:04:57,208
It's like my ring had a baby.
116
00:04:58,333 --> 00:04:59,917
Wow, Barb, you're married.
117
00:05:00,583 --> 00:05:01,917
I'm so...
118
00:05:03,041 --> 00:05:04,542
Something for you.
119
00:05:06,417 --> 00:05:07,834
You would've loved our wedding.
120
00:05:07,917 --> 00:05:10,709
We had the most spectacular ceremony
on the beach.
121
00:05:11,875 --> 00:05:14,166
- It was more like a party.
- Yeah.
122
00:05:14,667 --> 00:05:17,291
You know how I'm always
talking about politics?
123
00:05:17,375 --> 00:05:18,250
- Not once.
- Not ever.
124
00:05:18,333 --> 00:05:20,041
This town needs a new mayor.
125
00:05:20,125 --> 00:05:22,917
And not one
that's in bed with Big Business.
126
00:05:23,000 --> 00:05:24,750
That's what Barb
calls her private parts.
127
00:05:24,834 --> 00:05:27,166
You know who'd be great?
128
00:05:27,250 --> 00:05:28,625
John Mayer.
129
00:05:29,208 --> 00:05:30,166
Mayor Mayer!
130
00:05:30,250 --> 00:05:31,417
It sounds really funny.
131
00:05:31,500 --> 00:05:34,375
Plus, he could totally shake things up.
132
00:05:34,458 --> 00:05:35,792
In my pants.
133
00:05:35,875 --> 00:05:38,375
- I think it should be you, Andy.
- Me?
134
00:05:38,458 --> 00:05:39,834
You love getting involved.
135
00:05:39,917 --> 00:05:41,625
You petitioned against the new mall.
136
00:05:41,709 --> 00:05:43,417
You put in that new speed bump
we all hate.
137
00:05:43,500 --> 00:05:46,375
Plus you would look so great
kissing a baby,
138
00:05:46,959 --> 00:05:48,667
'cause you kind of look like a baby.
139
00:05:48,750 --> 00:05:51,667
And everyone knows there's nothing
cuter than a baby kissing a baby.
140
00:05:51,750 --> 00:05:52,875
Truth.
141
00:05:52,959 --> 00:05:54,709
I actually think
I would be a great mayor.
142
00:05:54,792 --> 00:05:56,000
I love helping people.
143
00:05:56,083 --> 00:05:59,375
And at parades, you get to wear
a top hat like the Monopoly guy.
144
00:06:00,291 --> 00:06:03,250
Stan, you better not be
taking that to the manhole monster.
145
00:06:03,333 --> 00:06:05,041
But he's my best friend!
146
00:06:05,125 --> 00:06:06,625
Your kid is weird.
147
00:06:07,542 --> 00:06:09,583
Why would you tell Andy
to run for mayor?
148
00:06:09,667 --> 00:06:11,375
Because I want my beach wedding.
149
00:06:11,458 --> 00:06:14,834
Plus, as a human being,
he's superlative.
150
00:06:14,917 --> 00:06:17,000
Are you trying to say "superlative"?
151
00:06:17,625 --> 00:06:20,125
How can I not remember words
from two days ago?
152
00:06:20,208 --> 00:06:21,417
I mean... This thing doesn't work.
153
00:06:21,500 --> 00:06:23,667
Do you realise what you've done?
154
00:06:23,750 --> 00:06:24,750
Well, if you're going to yell at me,
155
00:06:24,834 --> 00:06:26,625
you're gonna have to do it in the car.
156
00:06:26,709 --> 00:06:27,959
I gotta take back Travis' phone.
157
00:06:28,041 --> 00:06:30,000
I stole it to change my caller ID photo.
158
00:06:30,709 --> 00:06:33,458
See? New photo, cute smile.
159
00:06:33,542 --> 00:06:35,750
Old photo, sneeze face.
160
00:06:35,834 --> 00:06:39,375
I can't be married
to someone in public office.
161
00:06:39,458 --> 00:06:43,125
Jules, I'd have to interact with people.
162
00:06:43,625 --> 00:06:45,375
You know I hate the people.
163
00:06:45,458 --> 00:06:48,041
That's what you get for telling Holly
our thing was cancelled.
164
00:06:48,125 --> 00:06:50,959
You know what I hope?
That the karma gods get you.
165
00:06:51,041 --> 00:06:52,500
Karma gods?
166
00:06:53,333 --> 00:06:54,542
Scary!
167
00:07:00,500 --> 00:07:01,917
No.
168
00:07:02,834 --> 00:07:04,208
Thank you.
169
00:07:08,417 --> 00:07:09,875
- Holly, get out.
- Mom...
170
00:07:09,959 --> 00:07:11,375
No, it's okay, Trav.
171
00:07:11,458 --> 00:07:13,125
Thanks for the ice cream.
172
00:07:14,083 --> 00:07:15,750
And the tongue party.
173
00:07:17,917 --> 00:07:20,291
Okay, I want to start by saying
I understand why you're upset...
174
00:07:20,375 --> 00:07:21,792
Not ready to talk. Okay.
175
00:07:22,709 --> 00:07:24,333
I love the tension in this room.
176
00:07:24,417 --> 00:07:28,542
I just want to bake it into
a big, puffy thing and eat it all up.
177
00:07:28,625 --> 00:07:31,333
- Seriously?
- I'm helping.
178
00:07:31,417 --> 00:07:34,291
So is Holly going to seduce
every man in my life?
179
00:07:34,375 --> 00:07:36,125
Okay, first of all,
Holly didn't seduce me. We just...
180
00:07:36,208 --> 00:07:38,000
You know what? Tell me everything.
181
00:07:38,083 --> 00:07:39,875
Did she pull your hair?
182
00:07:39,959 --> 00:07:41,083
Is she a biter?
183
00:07:42,125 --> 00:07:43,750
What do her lips taste like?
184
00:07:44,917 --> 00:07:46,500
Cinnamon.
185
00:07:46,583 --> 00:07:47,834
Well, I'm done with cinnamon.
186
00:07:48,417 --> 00:07:50,875
There goes French toast.
Are you proud of yourself?
187
00:07:50,959 --> 00:07:53,792
Holly really isn't that bad if you...
188
00:07:53,875 --> 00:07:56,333
Sorry, I forgot something.
189
00:07:58,041 --> 00:07:59,792
You are too quiet.
190
00:08:01,709 --> 00:08:04,375
She's a great mom, I'll give you that.
191
00:08:05,500 --> 00:08:07,333
- Hey.
- Hey.
192
00:08:07,417 --> 00:08:10,041
I just wanted to make sure
you're coming by Krazy Kakes today.
193
00:08:10,959 --> 00:08:14,417
I just invented this new line
of talking threat cakes.
194
00:08:14,500 --> 00:08:17,208
Okay.
Say a chick steals your boyfriend.
195
00:08:17,291 --> 00:08:20,542
You send her a cake.
But then, when she opens up the lid,
196
00:08:20,625 --> 00:08:23,500
it yells, "I'm coming for you, bitch."
197
00:08:23,583 --> 00:08:25,041
That's cute, right?
198
00:08:25,125 --> 00:08:27,542
I don't really like it
when my food talks to me.
199
00:08:27,625 --> 00:08:28,875
That's why I don't eat monkeys.
200
00:08:30,000 --> 00:08:32,875
Plus, after that racial incident,
I can't show my face back there.
201
00:08:32,959 --> 00:08:36,041
So you accidentally
said the wrong thing.
202
00:08:36,625 --> 00:08:40,083
One time, I asked this blind lady
when her baby was due.
203
00:08:40,166 --> 00:08:42,417
Turns out she wasn't pregnant.
204
00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:45,375
And she wasn't even a lady.
205
00:08:45,458 --> 00:08:47,417
But he really was blind,
which was good,
206
00:08:47,500 --> 00:08:49,291
because when he went to go
throw his coffee at me,
207
00:08:49,375 --> 00:08:51,125
he totally missed
and he hit a real pregnant lady.
208
00:08:51,208 --> 00:08:53,959
And I was like,
"Dude, you're such a jerk!
209
00:08:54,083 --> 00:08:56,625
"You just hit a real pregnant lady!"
210
00:08:56,709 --> 00:08:59,125
And then it turns out,
she wasn't pregnant either, so...
211
00:08:59,208 --> 00:09:00,917
There's a lot of fatties in this town.
212
00:09:01,000 --> 00:09:02,583
I know, right?
213
00:09:03,542 --> 00:09:06,834
Well, I am craving
one of your cupcakes.
214
00:09:06,917 --> 00:09:09,083
They are so addictive.
215
00:09:09,166 --> 00:09:11,834
You wanna know a company secret?
216
00:09:11,917 --> 00:09:14,041
I slip a little nicotine
into the frosting.
217
00:09:17,500 --> 00:09:20,125
Andy, I know
you're just around the corner
218
00:09:20,208 --> 00:09:23,625
building the confidence to
come ask me if you can be the mayor.
219
00:09:24,875 --> 00:09:27,792
Point A,
it's something I'd be really good at.
220
00:09:27,875 --> 00:09:31,458
B, I want to turn Gulfhaven
into Gulf Heaven.
221
00:09:32,208 --> 00:09:33,667
Possible campaign slogan?
222
00:09:34,875 --> 00:09:38,125
Look, whatever you decide,
I won't be mad.
223
00:09:38,709 --> 00:09:43,041
But will you please just do me
a favour and really think about it?
224
00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:45,083
For me?
225
00:09:46,083 --> 00:09:48,792
Okay, sweetie. For you.
226
00:09:49,917 --> 00:09:51,041
Thanks a lot.
227
00:09:51,125 --> 00:09:54,959
Now I have to pretend to think about
this dumb mayor thing all day.
228
00:09:55,041 --> 00:09:56,625
I got my own crap to deal with.
229
00:09:56,709 --> 00:09:59,583
Do you know that
if Travis and Holly had a kid,
230
00:09:59,667 --> 00:10:02,417
my granddaughter and my
step-daughter would be sisters.
231
00:10:02,500 --> 00:10:04,417
That puts me
in the Hillbilly Hall of Fame,
232
00:10:04,500 --> 00:10:07,834
right next to my cousin, Chestnut,
who was murdered by his own pigs.
233
00:10:07,917 --> 00:10:10,917
The pigs might have killed him,
but he wasn't murdered.
234
00:10:11,000 --> 00:10:12,959
Murder implies forethought.
235
00:10:13,041 --> 00:10:14,250
They murdered him.
236
00:10:14,333 --> 00:10:15,917
- There might be a trial.
- Where?
237
00:10:16,000 --> 00:10:18,208
Okay, this seems like
a good stopping point.
238
00:10:18,291 --> 00:10:20,458
Why are you two even upset?
239
00:10:20,542 --> 00:10:23,500
I mean, Ellie, I assume you're just
going to wait a little while,
240
00:10:23,583 --> 00:10:25,417
then crush your husband's spirits
like usual?
241
00:10:25,500 --> 00:10:26,667
Correct.
242
00:10:26,750 --> 00:10:28,125
And Jules,
even though I'd love to know why
243
00:10:28,208 --> 00:10:29,417
there's no more
cinnamon in the house...
244
00:10:29,500 --> 00:10:32,834
Because I don't want my oatmeal
to taste like a whore's mouth.
245
00:10:33,417 --> 00:10:34,417
Fair enough.
246
00:10:34,500 --> 00:10:37,917
You made it very clear to Travis that
you don't want him seeing Holly.
247
00:10:38,000 --> 00:10:39,417
So it's over.
248
00:10:40,208 --> 00:10:41,291
Hey, Mom.
249
00:10:42,333 --> 00:10:44,291
I think I'm falling for Holly.
250
00:10:45,542 --> 00:10:46,542
Delish!
251
00:10:46,625 --> 00:10:48,583
No, no, no, Ellie, you go.
252
00:10:48,667 --> 00:10:50,208
Grayson, stay.
253
00:10:50,792 --> 00:10:52,208
Oh, man.
254
00:10:59,208 --> 00:11:02,458
- Oh, man.
- It's okay, I called him. Hi, Mr Koh!
255
00:11:02,542 --> 00:11:04,834
Your cake is ready,
256
00:11:04,917 --> 00:11:08,417
and Bobby here actually paid for it.
257
00:11:08,500 --> 00:11:09,583
- I did?
- You did,
258
00:11:10,083 --> 00:11:12,083
because you felt so bad
for offending him.
259
00:11:12,166 --> 00:11:14,208
Yup. What she says.
260
00:11:14,959 --> 00:11:16,083
I'm sorry.
261
00:11:16,667 --> 00:11:17,792
I accept your apology.
262
00:11:20,834 --> 00:11:22,291
Forgiven!
263
00:11:22,375 --> 00:11:23,792
See, buddy,
264
00:11:24,333 --> 00:11:26,875
you faced it, and it's over.
265
00:11:26,959 --> 00:11:27,959
It's not.
266
00:11:28,041 --> 00:11:31,125
I mean, I didn't say anything,
but my mind kept thinking bad things.
267
00:11:31,208 --> 00:11:33,917
Like, that dude over there,
I'm wondering if he can dunk.
268
00:11:34,709 --> 00:11:37,250
You're being too hard on yourself.
269
00:11:37,917 --> 00:11:39,000
Bobby?
270
00:11:39,083 --> 00:11:41,333
- Can you dunk?
- I can.
271
00:11:41,417 --> 00:11:43,375
Yeah! That's so awesome!
272
00:11:49,208 --> 00:11:50,500
Andy, look.
273
00:11:51,250 --> 00:11:53,500
I've thought about this mayor thing
all day.
274
00:11:53,583 --> 00:11:57,417
And I'm sorry, it's just not
something I feel comfortable with.
275
00:11:58,250 --> 00:11:59,417
Are you okay?
276
00:11:59,500 --> 00:12:01,333
Hey, I said I wouldn't be mad.
277
00:12:01,417 --> 00:12:03,083
Thanks, boo.
278
00:12:03,166 --> 00:12:05,000
Are you speeding up?
279
00:12:08,792 --> 00:12:10,792
Forgot that speed bump was there.
280
00:12:11,709 --> 00:12:12,959
Really?
281
00:12:14,625 --> 00:12:16,709
There's just something
so innocent about Holly.
282
00:12:16,792 --> 00:12:19,750
I just want to protect her.
283
00:12:20,542 --> 00:12:22,083
Plus, Jill could really use a father.
284
00:12:22,166 --> 00:12:24,083
- She has a father.
- I meant a good one.
285
00:12:24,166 --> 00:12:27,500
It's like my life
is flashing before my eyes.
286
00:12:27,583 --> 00:12:29,375
I should have drank more wine.
287
00:12:29,458 --> 00:12:31,041
Luckily my place has room for a crib.
288
00:12:31,125 --> 00:12:33,500
Bed's tiny, but Holly likes to
sleep right on top of you,
289
00:12:33,583 --> 00:12:35,458
staring into your eyes.
290
00:12:35,542 --> 00:12:37,792
Don't worry, Mom,
she says she's on the pill...
291
00:12:37,875 --> 00:12:38,959
Yeah.
292
00:12:39,041 --> 00:12:41,083
And I'm totally messing with you.
293
00:12:41,750 --> 00:12:42,834
Why?
294
00:12:42,917 --> 00:12:46,041
Because you treat Holly like crap.
We all do.
295
00:12:46,125 --> 00:12:47,500
She didn't seduce me.
296
00:12:47,583 --> 00:12:50,875
I just saw a hot, vulnerable girl
and I took advantage of her.
297
00:12:50,959 --> 00:12:52,500
I thought you were better than that.
298
00:12:52,583 --> 00:12:53,583
No.
299
00:12:54,166 --> 00:12:56,083
Player's gotta play.
300
00:12:57,083 --> 00:12:58,709
That was a habit.
301
00:12:58,792 --> 00:13:00,667
I'm gonna take that high-five back.
302
00:13:02,500 --> 00:13:04,041
I know you don't want to deal with Holly,
303
00:13:04,125 --> 00:13:05,917
but you can't box her out of your life.
304
00:13:08,208 --> 00:13:11,333
That's for bringing this girl
into our life.
305
00:13:11,417 --> 00:13:13,000
It's okay. I'm still gonna wear it.
306
00:13:13,083 --> 00:13:15,166
Besides, Trav has a point.
307
00:13:15,250 --> 00:13:16,709
You really want to go there?
308
00:13:19,166 --> 00:13:22,917
He's always backed down when it
comes to defending his baby mama,
309
00:13:23,000 --> 00:13:25,166
but now, he just might take a stand.
310
00:13:27,166 --> 00:13:29,166
High-five reinstated.
311
00:13:29,250 --> 00:13:32,417
Yeah. You won't even give Holly
a chance, and that is not like you.
312
00:13:32,500 --> 00:13:36,250
If you need us,
Team Holly will be at my place.
313
00:13:36,333 --> 00:13:37,959
I don't care, leave.
314
00:13:38,041 --> 00:13:39,458
You're both being totally
315
00:13:40,041 --> 00:13:41,291
magnanimous!
316
00:13:41,375 --> 00:13:43,166
Not a bad thing.
It means we're awesome.
317
00:13:43,250 --> 00:13:44,417
Stupid calendar.
318
00:13:48,709 --> 00:13:49,834
You know when you're kissing Holly
319
00:13:49,917 --> 00:13:51,458
and she pushes her gum
into your mouth
320
00:13:51,542 --> 00:13:53,709
and then sucks it back out into hers?
321
00:13:54,417 --> 00:13:56,125
Why is that so hot?
322
00:13:56,208 --> 00:13:58,333
Probably her big boobs.
323
00:13:58,417 --> 00:13:59,750
Probably.
324
00:14:01,333 --> 00:14:05,709
In case you two are wondering,
this is my personal nightmare.
325
00:14:05,792 --> 00:14:08,166
Here you go, little guy.
326
00:14:08,250 --> 00:14:09,500
Great.
327
00:14:09,583 --> 00:14:13,000
As mayor, I dub this pothole filled.
328
00:14:13,625 --> 00:14:15,041
Thank you, thank you.
329
00:14:15,125 --> 00:14:18,417
Of course you may have
my autograph, Ms Latifah.
330
00:14:20,000 --> 00:14:21,208
His honour...
331
00:14:21,291 --> 00:14:23,333
Queen Latifah comes to visit?
332
00:14:23,959 --> 00:14:27,458
No, she's my trusted advisor.
She helps me keep it real.
333
00:14:28,333 --> 00:14:30,625
I'm really sorry
about all of this mayor stuff.
334
00:14:31,208 --> 00:14:32,583
It's stupid.
335
00:14:33,166 --> 00:14:34,917
I'll clean this up.
336
00:14:40,875 --> 00:14:43,000
Well, that's much worse.
337
00:14:43,625 --> 00:14:44,792
I'll get a towel.
338
00:14:47,458 --> 00:14:50,166
I have put together
a panel of our minority friends
339
00:14:50,250 --> 00:14:51,542
to get you through this.
340
00:14:51,625 --> 00:14:55,458
Today, we're gonna fix racism,
hopefully before our burgers come.
341
00:14:55,959 --> 00:14:58,375
I can't stay long. I have
an engineering paper due tomorrow.
342
00:14:58,458 --> 00:15:00,750
Way to fight the stereotype there, dude.
343
00:15:00,834 --> 00:15:04,834
And, everyone say hi to Wade,
my Twitter boyfriend.
344
00:15:04,917 --> 00:15:07,583
Coming to us live from Afghanistan.
345
00:15:07,667 --> 00:15:09,125
Hey, girl.
346
00:15:10,041 --> 00:15:11,208
Why aren't you naked?
347
00:15:12,750 --> 00:15:15,208
We kind of have Skype sex all the time.
348
00:15:15,875 --> 00:15:17,792
I've actually sat on that screen.
349
00:15:17,875 --> 00:15:19,291
It's really strong.
350
00:15:19,875 --> 00:15:23,250
Sorry. Instead, I need you
to help convince a total stranger
351
00:15:23,333 --> 00:15:25,166
that he's not prejudiced.
352
00:15:25,250 --> 00:15:26,834
Yeah, that's fantastic.
353
00:15:26,917 --> 00:15:29,000
Why is Andy on the minority council?
354
00:15:29,083 --> 00:15:30,959
I'm Latino.
355
00:15:32,125 --> 00:15:35,542
I'm sorry. No, it's just
always funny when you say it.
356
00:15:35,625 --> 00:15:38,333
Well, you shouldn't be laughing
at other people's heritage.
357
00:15:38,417 --> 00:15:39,792
I mean, listen to me.
358
00:15:39,875 --> 00:15:43,375
It's like the pot calling the kettle...
359
00:15:43,458 --> 00:15:44,875
African-American?
360
00:15:44,959 --> 00:15:46,792
Seriously?
361
00:15:47,375 --> 00:15:50,041
I get that you two feel guilty.
You should.
362
00:15:50,125 --> 00:15:51,959
You both think with your danglies.
363
00:15:52,041 --> 00:15:53,333
- Yeah.
- Guilty.
364
00:15:54,166 --> 00:15:56,375
Feel free to just let yourself in
and drink my wine.
365
00:15:57,417 --> 00:15:58,792
My second bottle.
366
00:15:58,875 --> 00:16:00,250
How are you still speaking clearly?
367
00:16:00,333 --> 00:16:01,500
It's only white.
368
00:16:01,583 --> 00:16:03,542
Look, Holly just wants to be your friend.
369
00:16:03,625 --> 00:16:05,750
She's the mother of your child.
370
00:16:05,834 --> 00:16:06,959
You should bond with her.
371
00:16:08,125 --> 00:16:09,875
You know what I learned from
my friendship with Ellie?
372
00:16:09,959 --> 00:16:11,542
There's no such thing as too mean?
373
00:16:11,625 --> 00:16:13,333
Never let your friends know for sure
if you like them?
374
00:16:13,417 --> 00:16:15,250
- Always hold a grudge?
- Really?
375
00:16:15,333 --> 00:16:16,917
Sorry, I wanted to do one, too.
376
00:16:17,667 --> 00:16:21,000
Sometimes it's okay to
occasionally put yourself first.
377
00:16:21,083 --> 00:16:22,834
It's like that thing
with Andy being mayor.
378
00:16:23,417 --> 00:16:26,166
She knows it would make her
miserable, so she said no.
379
00:16:26,750 --> 00:16:29,000
I mean,
sometimes it's okay to be selfish.
380
00:16:29,083 --> 00:16:30,208
Right, Ellie?
381
00:16:30,291 --> 00:16:31,917
It's not.
382
00:16:32,875 --> 00:16:34,083
Seriously?
383
00:16:34,166 --> 00:16:36,166
Now's the time
you decide to be human?
384
00:16:37,875 --> 00:16:39,291
Come on,
I want to show you something.
385
00:16:43,000 --> 00:16:46,917
Look, you have this crazy blind spot
for all our faults.
386
00:16:47,000 --> 00:16:51,458
Like, you know, Grayson's vanity
and Dad's childishness.
387
00:16:51,542 --> 00:16:52,792
Your greasy hair.
388
00:16:52,875 --> 00:16:54,208
I said blind spot.
389
00:16:54,291 --> 00:16:56,333
Means you don't see it.
390
00:16:57,000 --> 00:17:00,792
I just wish you could
stop seeing Holly for her faults,
391
00:17:00,875 --> 00:17:03,458
and see her for what she really is.
392
00:17:04,667 --> 00:17:08,959
A young mom who feels like
she's in way over her head.
393
00:17:09,625 --> 00:17:11,375
I mean, that was you once.
394
00:17:13,458 --> 00:17:15,500
That was really hard.
395
00:17:16,375 --> 00:17:18,000
Yeah, well, now you know.
396
00:17:18,875 --> 00:17:20,917
And you are really smug.
397
00:17:21,417 --> 00:17:22,792
I'm not blind to that either.
398
00:17:22,875 --> 00:17:24,041
Don't hate.
399
00:17:25,125 --> 00:17:29,041
And every time I open my mouth, I'm
afraid I'm just gonna offend someone.
400
00:17:29,125 --> 00:17:31,041
Now, sometimes I think
it'd just be easier
401
00:17:31,125 --> 00:17:33,750
if we all separated
into our own groups, you know?
402
00:17:33,834 --> 00:17:35,959
Like blacks with blacks,
whites with whites.
403
00:17:36,041 --> 00:17:37,333
They tried that in South Africa.
404
00:17:37,417 --> 00:17:39,542
Yeah, and thank God Bono fixed it.
405
00:17:39,625 --> 00:17:42,542
All right. Let's just say we're
picking teams to play basketball.
406
00:17:42,625 --> 00:17:44,709
Now, Wade, would you be offended
if I picked you first,
407
00:17:44,792 --> 00:17:47,125
even though all I know about you
is that you're black?
408
00:17:47,208 --> 00:17:48,792
Hell, yeah, man, that's messed up.
409
00:17:48,875 --> 00:17:50,041
So I shouldn't pick you.
410
00:17:50,125 --> 00:17:51,750
Of course you should, man. I can dunk.
411
00:17:51,834 --> 00:17:52,875
I knew it!
412
00:17:52,959 --> 00:17:55,083
And as a Latino...
413
00:17:56,250 --> 00:17:57,750
Really? Now we're all laughing?
414
00:17:57,834 --> 00:17:59,500
Why is it okay to laugh at him?
415
00:17:59,583 --> 00:18:01,959
I mean,
this is all such a moving target, man,
416
00:18:02,041 --> 00:18:02,959
and I can't handle it.
417
00:18:03,041 --> 00:18:05,750
Look, buddy, the fact that
you're agonising so much over this
418
00:18:05,834 --> 00:18:07,875
means you're a better man than most.
419
00:18:08,834 --> 00:18:10,375
Thanks, man.
420
00:18:11,417 --> 00:18:15,458
Oh, my God, my race panel worked.
421
00:18:16,041 --> 00:18:17,542
If there's one thing that we've learned
422
00:18:17,625 --> 00:18:20,083
from Michelle Pfeiffer
in Dangerous Minds,
423
00:18:20,166 --> 00:18:21,959
or Sandy Bullock in The Blind Side,
424
00:18:22,041 --> 00:18:24,125
or Hilary Swank in that movie
no one ever saw,
425
00:18:24,709 --> 00:18:27,959
is that all you need
to fix minority problems
426
00:18:28,041 --> 00:18:29,667
is a really pretty, white woman.
427
00:18:36,125 --> 00:18:37,417
So you want to be mayor?
428
00:18:38,625 --> 00:18:40,041
Go for it.
429
00:18:44,667 --> 00:18:46,125
This is so awesome.
430
00:18:48,083 --> 00:18:49,166
You know why you're great?
431
00:18:49,750 --> 00:18:52,125
Yes, but tell me anyway.
432
00:18:52,709 --> 00:18:57,208
You try to hide it, but you really do
care about what makes me happy.
433
00:18:58,250 --> 00:18:59,417
Okay.
434
00:19:03,250 --> 00:19:05,208
Here's what I want as First Lady.
435
00:19:05,291 --> 00:19:07,709
I get to park wherever I want.
436
00:19:07,792 --> 00:19:10,834
Our town should be less dog friendly.
No car alarms.
437
00:19:10,917 --> 00:19:13,333
No rollerbladers. No street performers.
438
00:19:13,417 --> 00:19:17,000
No more wooden lawn birds
that do this.
439
00:19:17,083 --> 00:19:20,875
No carnivals. No 5Ks, no 10Ks, no Ks.
440
00:19:21,458 --> 00:19:23,792
No hair salons
with names that are puns.
441
00:19:23,875 --> 00:19:26,583
"The Hairport." We get it.
It's near the airport.
442
00:19:26,667 --> 00:19:28,875
No public coughing. No circumcisions.
443
00:19:28,959 --> 00:19:31,291
No pierced ears on babies.
444
00:19:31,375 --> 00:19:32,834
No adults who skateboard.
445
00:19:32,917 --> 00:19:37,083
No tank tops, no tube tops, no
short-shorts, and no stupid people.
446
00:19:37,166 --> 00:19:38,250
Then my pen ran out.
447
00:19:38,834 --> 00:19:39,792
Yeah, and don't forget,
448
00:19:39,875 --> 00:19:41,750
you want me to let Jules have
her wedding on the beach.
449
00:19:41,834 --> 00:19:43,959
I don't care about that.
450
00:19:44,834 --> 00:19:48,458
Jules, I let Grayson
take Tampa for ice cream.
451
00:19:48,542 --> 00:19:50,500
And I said I'd meet him here after.
452
00:19:50,583 --> 00:19:53,709
So I'll just wait out here
till they get back.
453
00:19:55,041 --> 00:19:57,333
It's okay, Holly. Come in.
454
00:20:00,083 --> 00:20:03,458
- Push.
- Whoa. Thanks.
455
00:20:04,083 --> 00:20:05,333
Weird door.
456
00:20:05,417 --> 00:20:06,458
Not really.
457
00:20:06,542 --> 00:20:09,333
So how about some tequila
and girl talk?
458
00:20:09,959 --> 00:20:11,041
No.
459
00:20:13,417 --> 00:20:16,250
You know, if you're gonna be
a part of this family,
460
00:20:16,333 --> 00:20:17,834
you're gonna have to learn to love wine.
461
00:20:19,000 --> 00:20:20,291
Family?
462
00:20:20,375 --> 00:20:23,583
Oh, my God. I totally feel like
hugging you right now.
463
00:20:23,667 --> 00:20:25,542
All right, bring it.
464
00:20:28,291 --> 00:20:30,083
You hug just like your son.
465
00:20:30,166 --> 00:20:31,709
All right. Don't ruin it.
466
00:20:37,709 --> 00:20:39,542
This tastes like spicy red vodka.
467
00:20:39,625 --> 00:20:41,500
You're gonna love this stuff.
468
00:20:41,583 --> 00:20:42,750
Oh, my God.
469
00:20:43,375 --> 00:20:48,041
Now, let's pop a little wine and
talk about the supposed pig trial.
470
00:20:48,625 --> 00:20:51,500
I got 9,000 questions.
Do they use handcuffs?
471
00:20:51,583 --> 00:20:53,458
- They use rope.
- Jury of their peers?
472
00:20:53,542 --> 00:20:54,834
{\an8}Maybe.
473
00:20:54,917 --> 00:20:56,291
{\an8}- Lawyers?
- Humans.
474
00:20:56,375 --> 00:20:57,792
{\an8}- Bailiffs?
- Horses.
475
00:20:57,875 --> 00:20:59,625
{\an8}How do they get the pig
on the witness stand?
476
00:20:59,709 --> 00:21:01,000
{\an8}Pig ramp.
477
00:21:01,083 --> 00:21:02,291
{\an8}Do they understand what people are saying?
478
00:21:02,375 --> 00:21:03,500
{\an8}They have interpreters.
479
00:21:03,583 --> 00:21:04,959
{\an8}Is the jury ever fed ham?
480
00:21:05,041 --> 00:21:06,500
{\an8}Not if they're kosher.
481
00:21:06,583 --> 00:21:08,417
{\an8}What's the maximum sentence?
482
00:21:08,500 --> 00:21:09,500
{\an8}Bacon.
483
00:21:09,583 --> 00:21:10,750
{\an8}Is there a pig traffic court?
484
00:21:10,834 --> 00:21:12,250
{\an8}Well, I've heard of it,
I've never seen it.
485
00:21:12,333 --> 00:21:14,041
{\an8}How do they get the pig
to stop squealing?
486
00:21:14,125 --> 00:21:15,333
{\an8}Gavel.
487
00:21:15,417 --> 00:21:16,834
{\an8}What if a pig calls a cop a pig?
488
00:21:16,917 --> 00:21:18,875
{\an8}That's funny. That's funny.
People laugh.
489
00:21:18,959 --> 00:21:20,667
{\an8}Do the pigs wear prison jumpsuits?
490
00:21:20,750 --> 00:21:23,166
{\an8}No, bowties. It's really adorable.
36348
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