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1
00:00:01,500 --> 00:00:03,041
- Here you go, Mom.
- Thank you.
2
00:00:03,125 --> 00:00:05,125
Betsy, I can't wait to try
your homemade muffins.
3
00:00:05,750 --> 00:00:07,542
You snooze, you lose, dude.
4
00:00:07,625 --> 00:00:08,625
These are so good.
5
00:00:08,709 --> 00:00:09,875
So good.
6
00:00:10,000 --> 00:00:13,083
Man, Big Bubba need food.
7
00:00:13,166 --> 00:00:15,208
Come on, feed me.
8
00:00:16,333 --> 00:00:18,333
Sorry you had to meet
Mr Belly-face, ma'am.
9
00:00:18,917 --> 00:00:20,375
Well, I should go check on Stan.
10
00:00:20,458 --> 00:00:21,709
Thanks, Mom.
11
00:00:22,333 --> 00:00:25,000
Let's go. Get out.
Drop those muffins.
12
00:00:26,959 --> 00:00:28,417
{\an8}Did you hear her?
13
00:00:28,500 --> 00:00:31,542
{\an8}She has to go check on Stan,
'cause, what?
14
00:00:31,625 --> 00:00:33,250
I pay so little attention to him
15
00:00:33,333 --> 00:00:35,375
that he might just walk out
the front door,
16
00:00:35,458 --> 00:00:37,792
and knock down
some neighbour's mailbox?
17
00:00:37,875 --> 00:00:40,542
Well, that did happen. Yesterday.
To my mailbox.
18
00:00:40,625 --> 00:00:45,583
{\an8}You know what I mean!
Now is she or is she not the worst?
19
00:00:45,667 --> 00:00:47,667
{\an8}- God-awful!
- I can't stand her. Horrible.
20
00:00:48,250 --> 00:00:49,291
{\an8}I thought she seemed pretty cool.
21
00:00:49,375 --> 00:00:50,709
{\an8}Wow.
22
00:00:50,792 --> 00:00:54,834
{\an8}You've always been dead to me,
but now, you're even deader.
23
00:00:55,834 --> 00:00:57,208
Way to go, new guy.
24
00:00:57,291 --> 00:01:02,291
New guy? I'm a key member
of this group. I provide the sizzle.
25
00:01:02,375 --> 00:01:05,959
{\an8}And, yes, she's sweet.
And she makes muffins so good
26
00:01:06,041 --> 00:01:08,083
{\an8}that I'm smushing together
the crumbs for Bobby.
27
00:01:08,166 --> 00:01:10,333
{\an8}- You're making me a muffin ball?
- You're welcome.
28
00:01:11,917 --> 00:01:15,125
{\an8}Still, Ellie thinks she's horrible,
so we all agree with her.
29
00:01:18,250 --> 00:01:19,458
{\an8}I think I can fix this.
30
00:01:19,542 --> 00:01:21,458
{\an8}Half Pint, what's Betsy really like?
31
00:01:21,542 --> 00:01:23,166
{\an8}I'll always be grateful to Betsy,
32
00:01:23,250 --> 00:01:25,917
{\an8}because the only reason Ellie dated me
in the first place was to piss her off.
33
00:01:26,000 --> 00:01:28,542
{\an8}Wow, you're like
a big Cuban middle finger.
34
00:01:29,166 --> 00:01:30,709
- You know, mang.
- Yeah.
35
00:01:33,792 --> 00:01:37,208
Thank you. You're welcome, Bubba,
you're welcome.
36
00:01:46,458 --> 00:01:48,625
Jules, would you please
pass the salt?
37
00:01:49,917 --> 00:01:50,959
{\an8}Sure.
38
00:01:51,709 --> 00:01:53,208
{\an8}Well, you said something nice
about her mom,
39
00:01:53,291 --> 00:01:54,333
{\an8}and now she's not speaking to you.
40
00:01:54,417 --> 00:01:55,500
{\an8}That's great.
41
00:01:56,750 --> 00:01:59,542
{\an8}Okay. How about we all agree
not to talk about our moms.
42
00:01:59,625 --> 00:02:01,333
{\an8}I mean, it's easy for me,
because my mom's dead.
43
00:02:01,417 --> 00:02:03,417
{\an8}- Mine, too.
- Dead-mom-high-five!
44
00:02:04,417 --> 00:02:07,417
{\an8}People that I used to talk to
just don't get it.
45
00:02:08,000 --> 00:02:11,625
{\an8}I know my mom seems nice,
but she's like that cartoon frog
46
00:02:11,709 --> 00:02:13,750
{\an8}that sings and dances
when no one's looking.
47
00:02:13,834 --> 00:02:16,959
{\an8}Only instead of singing and dancing,
she tells me I have lesbian legs.
48
00:02:17,041 --> 00:02:19,667
{\an8}Everybody has issues
with their mom, okay?
49
00:02:19,750 --> 00:02:22,417
{\an8}I'm sure she's not as bad as you say.
Jules agrees with me.
50
00:02:24,375 --> 00:02:25,375
{\an8}Did you just try and kick me?
51
00:02:25,959 --> 00:02:27,083
{\an8}And I'm wearing sandals.
52
00:02:27,166 --> 00:02:29,959
{\an8}You don't believe that my mom
is a cold, heartless sociopath?
53
00:02:30,041 --> 00:02:31,500
She made me muffins.
54
00:02:32,083 --> 00:02:33,792
- Ellie...
- Nope.
55
00:02:33,875 --> 00:02:35,792
Great! Now she's not talking to me.
56
00:02:36,375 --> 00:02:37,417
- Sorry.
- No.
57
00:02:37,500 --> 00:02:38,750
Now I'm not talking to you.
58
00:02:39,375 --> 00:02:40,542
Best meal I ever had.
59
00:02:45,041 --> 00:02:45,875
Hey, new guy.
60
00:02:46,917 --> 00:02:48,667
{\an8}I know it sucks being new.
61
00:02:48,750 --> 00:02:52,041
{\an8}In college, I was hazed so badly
in my first year of Spirit Squad...
62
00:02:53,959 --> 00:02:55,500
{\an8}I just said I was a male cheerleader
63
00:02:55,583 --> 00:02:57,250
{\an8}and you don't have
a follow-up question?
64
00:02:57,333 --> 00:02:58,166
{\an8}I'm good.
65
00:02:58,250 --> 00:02:59,917
{\an8}You know, you'll always be "new guy"
66
00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:01,583
{\an8}until you dig deeper
with your friends.
67
00:03:01,667 --> 00:03:03,250
{\an8}- Hi, guys.
- Observe.
68
00:03:03,750 --> 00:03:05,750
{\an8}Hey, Laurie.
I was just telling Grayson here
69
00:03:05,834 --> 00:03:07,208
{\an8}about my first year in Spirit Squad.
70
00:03:08,208 --> 00:03:11,208
{\an8}OMG-spot, tell me everything.
71
00:03:11,291 --> 00:03:13,875
{\an8}Okay, wait. Where do you buy
those big, honking wristbands?
72
00:03:13,959 --> 00:03:15,583
{\an8}Did the girls let you
touch their junk
73
00:03:15,667 --> 00:03:16,917
'cause they thought you were gay?
74
00:03:17,000 --> 00:03:19,667
How high could you kick?
Could you kick this high?
75
00:03:23,041 --> 00:03:24,166
Put the jack...
76
00:03:25,083 --> 00:03:28,709
{\an8}It's Friday and you're watching Sig
play computer solitaire?
77
00:03:28,792 --> 00:03:30,667
{\an8}So lame!
78
00:03:31,792 --> 00:03:33,041
{\an8}Yo, drop a jack on that red bitch!
79
00:03:33,750 --> 00:03:35,500
{\an8}Come on, guys.
80
00:03:35,583 --> 00:03:39,875
{\an8}We have this awesome party house,
but chicks never come here.
81
00:03:39,959 --> 00:03:42,834
Okay, and maybe the helmet I wore
for the last six weeks
82
00:03:42,917 --> 00:03:43,917
was holding us back.
83
00:03:44,000 --> 00:03:45,500
I don't know.
84
00:03:45,583 --> 00:03:46,875
Could be, every time
a chick does show up,
85
00:03:46,959 --> 00:03:48,291
Sig shoots nose blood all over her.
86
00:03:48,375 --> 00:03:50,834
I get stress bleeds, okay?
I could die.
87
00:03:50,917 --> 00:03:51,917
You couldn't.
88
00:03:52,000 --> 00:03:56,500
Look, we need to do something to
let this campus know that we exist.
89
00:03:56,583 --> 00:03:59,417
Okay? And I have an idea,
but we're gonna need some help, so...
90
00:04:00,750 --> 00:04:03,458
- Who farted?
- Good, your dad's here.
91
00:04:03,542 --> 00:04:05,041
He was the only one
I knew with power tools,
92
00:04:05,125 --> 00:04:06,959
plus he's gonna take the heat
if we get caught.
93
00:04:07,041 --> 00:04:08,542
Yeah, you can't kick me out
of college twice.
94
00:04:08,667 --> 00:04:10,375
Now, what's the plan, boys?
95
00:04:10,458 --> 00:04:12,000
Well, I was thinking we steal the...
96
00:04:12,083 --> 00:04:16,041
I'm in. Now, what about you girls?
It's time to sack up or pack up.
97
00:04:19,083 --> 00:04:20,291
Here you go, Mom.
98
00:04:20,375 --> 00:04:21,625
Thank you.
99
00:04:22,166 --> 00:04:25,083
Did you have a nice lunch with
your little white trash sidekick?
100
00:04:26,041 --> 00:04:28,500
You know, she even smells cheap.
101
00:04:28,583 --> 00:04:30,250
Like moonshine and taco meat.
102
00:04:31,208 --> 00:04:33,041
Hey, there's my pretty girl!
103
00:04:33,667 --> 00:04:35,709
You know what?
I got you a little engagement gift.
104
00:04:39,333 --> 00:04:40,458
Are you still not talking to me?
105
00:04:42,667 --> 00:04:44,041
No, we're totally cool.
106
00:04:44,959 --> 00:04:46,291
Wow, I regret doing that.
107
00:04:48,500 --> 00:04:50,458
I need a nap.
108
00:04:50,542 --> 00:04:54,667
I have been pulling serious hooker
hours with my late-night baking.
109
00:04:54,750 --> 00:04:55,834
You know, whatever.
110
00:04:55,959 --> 00:04:58,250
It's a small price to pay for working
on your lifelong dream, huh?
111
00:04:59,750 --> 00:05:00,667
Say something.
112
00:05:02,041 --> 00:05:04,000
What's your lifelong dream, Laurie?
113
00:05:04,583 --> 00:05:07,166
Since I was a little girl,
114
00:05:07,250 --> 00:05:10,375
I have wanted to own a cake shop.
115
00:05:10,458 --> 00:05:11,917
I love baking cakes.
116
00:05:12,000 --> 00:05:13,041
Have I never showed you pictures?
117
00:05:13,125 --> 00:05:14,166
- Do you wanna see?
- No.
118
00:05:14,959 --> 00:05:16,083
Yes.
119
00:05:17,083 --> 00:05:19,709
Here's my bunny cake,
that's a Gayke, gays love cake.
120
00:05:20,208 --> 00:05:23,166
There's a mermaid cake, pregnant
mermaid for baby showers, pie cake...
121
00:05:23,250 --> 00:05:24,417
Pie cake!
122
00:05:24,500 --> 00:05:27,750
There's my puppy cake, my Bruce
Willis cake, Alan Rickman cake,
123
00:05:27,834 --> 00:05:28,917
I had just watched Die Hard.
124
00:05:29,000 --> 00:05:30,834
Unicorn cake, burrito cake,
125
00:05:30,917 --> 00:05:33,959
and these tiny ones,
they're boob-shaped cupcakes.
126
00:05:34,041 --> 00:05:35,375
I thought that they would sell
twice as fast,
127
00:05:35,458 --> 00:05:38,750
because it would be weird for someone
to come in and just buy one, right?
128
00:05:38,834 --> 00:05:41,750
I have more in my bag.
Pictures, hold on.
129
00:05:42,875 --> 00:05:44,041
All right, so...
130
00:05:44,125 --> 00:05:46,500
How could you not believe me
about my mom?
131
00:05:46,583 --> 00:05:48,333
You're my best friend.
132
00:05:48,417 --> 00:05:51,166
All I ask is that
you have blind faith in me,
133
00:05:51,250 --> 00:05:54,500
and that you hit me with a shovel
if I ever got a toe ring.
134
00:05:54,583 --> 00:05:56,834
Fine. If you say she's the devil,
then, all right, she's the devil.
135
00:05:56,917 --> 00:05:58,834
Sorry it's not wrapped.
136
00:05:58,917 --> 00:06:00,625
- All right, get down.
- What are you doing?
137
00:06:00,709 --> 00:06:01,667
Showing you hell.
138
00:06:03,166 --> 00:06:04,583
Jules had to leave.
139
00:06:04,667 --> 00:06:06,166
Ungrateful little bitch.
140
00:06:06,875 --> 00:06:09,583
She'd ruin this scarf anyway
with that tacky, black hair dye.
141
00:06:10,500 --> 00:06:13,291
With all that eyeliner,
God forbid she starts crying,
142
00:06:13,417 --> 00:06:15,458
she'd look like Alice Cooper.
143
00:06:16,625 --> 00:06:17,709
Probably.
144
00:06:20,250 --> 00:06:22,417
Who is Alice Cooper?
145
00:06:22,500 --> 00:06:23,542
Don't.
146
00:06:23,625 --> 00:06:25,458
Was she pretty?
147
00:06:27,500 --> 00:06:30,083
I don't remember a time
I ever felt good about myself
148
00:06:30,166 --> 00:06:31,959
after being around my mom.
149
00:06:32,041 --> 00:06:37,166
Sweetie, you're not only my soul
mate, you're my moral compass.
150
00:06:37,792 --> 00:06:41,625
Just tell me. Do I really need
to keep her in my life?
151
00:06:41,709 --> 00:06:43,291
It's a toughie, because...
152
00:06:43,375 --> 00:06:45,375
- I'm not talking to you.
- Seriously, dude?
153
00:06:45,458 --> 00:06:46,542
Sorry. My bad.
154
00:06:46,625 --> 00:06:49,792
Yes. She stays in your life.
That's how family works.
155
00:06:49,875 --> 00:06:52,125
But there's nothing good about her.
156
00:06:52,208 --> 00:06:55,959
Untrue. She's 66 and still hot.
That bodes well for me.
157
00:06:57,208 --> 00:06:58,291
Keep moving.
158
00:07:00,291 --> 00:07:04,125
I can't remember one nice thing
she's ever said to me.
159
00:07:04,208 --> 00:07:06,667
Maybe, she just can't say it
to your face.
160
00:07:06,750 --> 00:07:08,417
Whatever. I don't care.
161
00:07:08,500 --> 00:07:11,000
Well, see, now I know you care.
162
00:07:11,583 --> 00:07:14,083
That's your tell.
Hitting the people you love.
163
00:07:14,750 --> 00:07:17,750
I mean, most people use words,
but it's not important.
164
00:07:17,834 --> 00:07:20,333
Now, do you want me to get your mom
to say something nice about you?
165
00:07:20,417 --> 00:07:21,583
I don't care.
166
00:07:22,166 --> 00:07:23,000
Stop it.
167
00:07:24,417 --> 00:07:25,667
Yes, please.
168
00:07:29,333 --> 00:07:31,166
What? We're stealing
the cougar statue?
169
00:07:32,125 --> 00:07:34,583
We're just casing it for now, okay?
So act natural.
170
00:07:35,458 --> 00:07:36,542
Hey.
171
00:07:39,625 --> 00:07:41,750
Dad, what are you,
fake hacky sacking?
172
00:07:41,834 --> 00:07:43,542
Got a good volley going on right now.
173
00:07:43,625 --> 00:07:45,166
Why does this school
even have a cougar?
174
00:07:45,250 --> 00:07:46,792
Nothing here
has anything to do with cougars.
175
00:07:46,875 --> 00:07:48,166
Who cares?
176
00:07:48,291 --> 00:07:50,500
If we steal it our house
will finally be the party house
177
00:07:50,583 --> 00:07:53,375
and not just the house where that
dental student blew his head off.
178
00:07:53,458 --> 00:07:56,208
Your house is haunted
by a ghost dentist?
179
00:07:56,291 --> 00:07:58,125
And I'm scared
of both of those things.
180
00:07:58,709 --> 00:08:00,125
All right, that's a big ass cat,
181
00:08:00,208 --> 00:08:02,542
so I called in a man with a truck.
Come here.
182
00:08:02,625 --> 00:08:04,000
Howdy, Trav.
183
00:08:04,083 --> 00:08:05,792
Grandpa!
184
00:08:06,375 --> 00:08:08,458
Look, I appreciate you
wanting to help,
185
00:08:08,542 --> 00:08:11,125
but we're gonna do
some pretty shady stuff.
186
00:08:11,208 --> 00:08:12,458
I'm not quite sure
it's up your alley...
187
00:08:14,542 --> 00:08:15,875
- Are you kidding me?
- What the hell?
188
00:08:15,959 --> 00:08:18,792
- Hey!
- Be cool, boys! Be cool!
189
00:08:19,834 --> 00:08:22,000
- They went that way.
- Thanks.
190
00:08:23,458 --> 00:08:25,834
They never suspect the old guy.
191
00:08:26,917 --> 00:08:28,125
- Rolo?
- Yeah.
192
00:08:31,291 --> 00:08:35,291
Okay, since you recently
found out you're a dad,
193
00:08:35,375 --> 00:08:38,625
I baked you a "Congrats on your baby
that you had with a drunk girl
194
00:08:38,709 --> 00:08:39,834
"that you picked up at your bar
195
00:08:39,917 --> 00:08:42,083
"before you started dating Jules"
cake!
196
00:08:42,959 --> 00:08:47,208
And it's a ladybug.
Which is relevant in zero ways.
197
00:08:47,291 --> 00:08:49,667
I was gonna bake a red velvet baby,
198
00:08:49,750 --> 00:08:53,667
but then I thought it might be weird
to eat your own baby.
199
00:08:54,291 --> 00:08:56,458
I had a hamster that did that once.
200
00:08:56,542 --> 00:09:00,291
It was so super gross,
but I could not look away.
201
00:09:01,917 --> 00:09:03,125
Nature.
202
00:09:04,667 --> 00:09:06,542
I gotta go. I'm late for work.
203
00:09:10,542 --> 00:09:11,500
Work.
204
00:09:13,625 --> 00:09:14,542
Are you happy?
205
00:09:14,625 --> 00:09:16,041
Thanks to you I've been the target
206
00:09:16,125 --> 00:09:18,750
of Laurie's mouth cannon
for two days straight.
207
00:09:18,834 --> 00:09:23,000
"Hey, cake! Cake!" "Giant jewellery!"
"Hot black guys!" "Cake!"
208
00:09:23,083 --> 00:09:25,417
Poor Grayson.
Your life is just like a blues song.
209
00:09:30,375 --> 00:09:34,417
Good. You finally serve desserts
here. I'll have a piece.
210
00:09:34,500 --> 00:09:35,750
That's not for sale.
211
00:09:35,834 --> 00:09:37,792
Come on! Sell the cake.
212
00:09:37,875 --> 00:09:40,417
You'll be a dream maker
like Simon Cowell!
213
00:09:40,500 --> 00:09:41,583
I'm not gonna do that.
214
00:09:41,667 --> 00:09:43,125
I'll give you 10 bucks for a slice.
215
00:09:43,208 --> 00:09:45,667
Done.
Let's make some dreams happen.
216
00:09:48,458 --> 00:09:51,542
Mom, free wine over here. Come over.
217
00:09:51,625 --> 00:09:53,083
Great!
218
00:09:53,792 --> 00:09:55,583
If you want her to trust you
and open up,
219
00:09:55,667 --> 00:09:57,125
you're gonna have to be
as mean as she is.
220
00:09:57,208 --> 00:10:00,083
I can be junkyard nasty, bitch!
221
00:10:00,166 --> 00:10:02,792
- I'm sorry, you're so pretty.
- Fail.
222
00:10:02,875 --> 00:10:05,667
You're gonna have to crank
that mean dial way up.
223
00:10:05,750 --> 00:10:07,583
I can do this. Wine me.
224
00:10:08,166 --> 00:10:09,041
All right.
225
00:10:12,959 --> 00:10:14,458
Well, that's a waste.
226
00:10:14,542 --> 00:10:15,875
- Listen...
- Yeah?
227
00:10:15,959 --> 00:10:18,792
Once you enter her world,
it's hard to stop being mean.
228
00:10:18,875 --> 00:10:20,792
I mean, it's a miracle
I can control it.
229
00:10:20,875 --> 00:10:21,959
You think you control it?
230
00:10:22,041 --> 00:10:24,125
I'm controlling it now.
Here she comes.
231
00:10:26,834 --> 00:10:28,417
- Hey.
- Hi.
232
00:10:28,500 --> 00:10:29,709
Where'd Ellie go?
233
00:10:29,792 --> 00:10:31,667
To check on Stan.
234
00:10:32,333 --> 00:10:35,750
You know, I stole this bottle of wine
from Grayson's bar.
235
00:10:35,834 --> 00:10:39,625
Don't tell on me.
Grayson can be a bit of a cheapskate.
236
00:10:39,709 --> 00:10:40,917
Could be worse.
237
00:10:42,750 --> 00:10:44,208
Crank it up.
238
00:10:44,291 --> 00:10:47,917
Grayson is a self-centred,
pretty boy with a bastard child
239
00:10:48,000 --> 00:10:52,500
and eyes so tiny you could blindfold
him with a bead necklace.
240
00:10:53,083 --> 00:10:55,750
Jules, you're awful.
241
00:10:55,834 --> 00:10:56,709
I really am.
242
00:10:58,041 --> 00:10:59,250
Okay.
243
00:11:00,583 --> 00:11:03,291
She's in! High-five. Awesome!
244
00:11:04,125 --> 00:11:06,542
Hey. Nice horse trailer.
245
00:11:06,625 --> 00:11:08,917
I conceived your mom in there.
246
00:11:09,000 --> 00:11:11,458
There's the first scar of the night.
247
00:11:11,542 --> 00:11:14,125
Hey, it'll hold a statue.
248
00:11:14,208 --> 00:11:19,208
Now, listen, everybody stick to the
plan and nobody's gonna get pinched.
249
00:11:19,291 --> 00:11:20,750
You brought a gun?
250
00:11:20,834 --> 00:11:23,125
Well, you bring a gun
so you don't have to use a gun.
251
00:11:23,208 --> 00:11:26,375
- What?
- I'm just making sure it's not loaded.
252
00:11:29,542 --> 00:11:32,375
Hey! There's a horse in here.
253
00:11:32,458 --> 00:11:34,667
- You forgot to unload Annabelle?
- Yeah.
254
00:11:34,750 --> 00:11:36,917
I'm old. Could we just do this?
255
00:11:37,000 --> 00:11:39,834
- Sig's stressed.
- Let's go home.
256
00:11:39,917 --> 00:11:42,083
No, no, no, no, no.
This is our moment.
257
00:11:42,166 --> 00:11:44,166
We can't just run away
at the first sign of...
258
00:11:44,709 --> 00:11:46,166
Scatter! Scatter!
259
00:11:47,417 --> 00:11:48,625
Rookies.
260
00:11:51,166 --> 00:11:52,875
It's just a surprise,
no one's gonna hit you.
261
00:11:52,959 --> 00:11:54,125
Okay.
262
00:11:54,834 --> 00:11:57,959
Check out my new menu.
Krazy Kakes!
263
00:12:00,375 --> 00:12:02,125
Even bought a new oven.
264
00:12:03,375 --> 00:12:04,375
You'll make the cakes here,
265
00:12:04,458 --> 00:12:07,208
I'll sell them,
and we'll split the profits.
266
00:12:09,500 --> 00:12:10,542
Yeah, we...
267
00:12:11,125 --> 00:12:12,250
She's not doing it with me.
268
00:12:12,333 --> 00:12:16,792
Grayson, this is really sweet,
but I'm not interested. Sorry.
269
00:12:20,500 --> 00:12:23,792
How about you give me
a one second head start
270
00:12:23,875 --> 00:12:26,333
for every $100 that you spent on her.
271
00:12:26,417 --> 00:12:28,792
So that would be, what, like,
three, four seconds?
272
00:12:28,917 --> 00:12:29,959
Eleven.
273
00:12:30,041 --> 00:12:32,291
That's a lot of seconds.
274
00:12:36,709 --> 00:12:39,792
My first husband
was a rare triple threat.
275
00:12:39,875 --> 00:12:44,834
He combined alcoholism and
no personality with severe ugliness.
276
00:12:44,917 --> 00:12:46,834
Once the cash was gone, so was I.
277
00:12:46,917 --> 00:12:49,375
Those may be the darkest thoughts
I've ever heard strung together.
278
00:12:51,000 --> 00:12:52,333
He was Ellie's dad, you know?
279
00:12:52,917 --> 00:12:55,542
She definitely made it harder
to meet husband number two.
280
00:12:55,625 --> 00:12:59,792
Bets, you're talking
about your daughter.
281
00:12:59,875 --> 00:13:01,542
You know,
it's a funny thing about kids.
282
00:13:01,625 --> 00:13:03,625
You raise them, provide for them,
283
00:13:03,709 --> 00:13:05,959
you do your job as a parent
because you have to.
284
00:13:06,041 --> 00:13:10,041
There's no guarantee there'll
be any real connection, you know?
285
00:13:10,583 --> 00:13:14,250
If you had to say something nice
about Ellie, you could.
286
00:13:14,917 --> 00:13:17,834
Come on, gun to your head,
say something.
287
00:13:18,959 --> 00:13:20,542
I'm cocking it.
288
00:13:22,834 --> 00:13:23,917
Don't make me do it.
289
00:13:24,792 --> 00:13:26,250
Good night.
290
00:13:29,583 --> 00:13:31,500
Hey, Stan. Is that mine?
291
00:13:32,750 --> 00:13:33,750
As you were.
292
00:13:37,667 --> 00:13:41,667
Wow. Looks like someone's been
sucking down some salt today, huh?
293
00:13:41,750 --> 00:13:42,709
Bloat much?
294
00:13:43,333 --> 00:13:45,083
Mean, but good eye,
295
00:13:45,166 --> 00:13:48,250
'cause I scarfed down, like,
two monster soft pretzels
296
00:13:48,333 --> 00:13:49,458
on my way over here.
297
00:13:49,542 --> 00:13:52,834
I'm sorry. It's just when that
meanness gets a hold of you,
298
00:13:52,917 --> 00:13:54,792
it's like, it just feels so good.
299
00:13:55,375 --> 00:13:59,166
It's like a drug, but you don't see
fireworks or cartoon ponies.
300
00:13:59,250 --> 00:14:01,875
- Jules has never tried drugs.
- Clearly.
301
00:14:02,500 --> 00:14:05,542
So, did my mom say
anything nice about me?
302
00:14:05,625 --> 00:14:06,917
Not that I care.
303
00:14:07,959 --> 00:14:09,500
She did.
304
00:14:09,583 --> 00:14:12,917
She said that you're a great mom.
305
00:14:13,000 --> 00:14:14,208
Can I get a direct quote?
306
00:14:14,291 --> 00:14:15,417
"Ellie's a great mom."
307
00:14:15,500 --> 00:14:17,542
Wow, that's...
308
00:14:18,625 --> 00:14:21,125
Wow. Thanks, Jules.
309
00:14:24,250 --> 00:14:25,875
I am such a liar.
310
00:14:26,458 --> 00:14:27,583
Pretzel?
311
00:14:29,709 --> 00:14:30,709
Bye.
312
00:14:32,750 --> 00:14:35,291
I should have asked you
if you wanted to sell cakes, okay?
313
00:14:35,375 --> 00:14:38,667
But I've learned my lesson.
I will never listen to Andy again.
314
00:14:39,667 --> 00:14:40,750
And I learned two lessons,
315
00:14:40,834 --> 00:14:43,750
one, Grayson's a lot faster
than he looks.
316
00:14:43,834 --> 00:14:47,375
And two,
he still thinks wedgies are funny.
317
00:14:48,750 --> 00:14:50,041
'Cause they are.
318
00:14:50,125 --> 00:14:52,083
Honey, why don't you
just pull that thing down?
319
00:14:52,166 --> 00:14:53,667
They don't go down.
320
00:14:54,208 --> 00:14:55,166
They're in me.
321
00:14:56,083 --> 00:14:58,250
You're crazy not to sell your cakes.
322
00:14:58,333 --> 00:15:02,500
And I'm not just saying that because
I'm $1,100 in the hole.
323
00:15:02,583 --> 00:15:03,667
I don't care.
324
00:15:03,750 --> 00:15:07,333
Don't say, "I don't care," because
it makes me a little ragey.
325
00:15:07,417 --> 00:15:09,208
- I don't care.
- There it is again.
326
00:15:09,291 --> 00:15:10,208
I don't care.
327
00:15:10,291 --> 00:15:12,709
That's it. I am taking that cake,
and I'm gonna sell it.
328
00:15:12,792 --> 00:15:14,500
No, you're not. Don't touch it.
329
00:15:14,583 --> 00:15:15,667
I'll touch it.
330
00:15:15,750 --> 00:15:16,792
- No, you're not.
- All right, guys, guys...
331
00:15:16,875 --> 00:15:19,458
Grayson, put it down right now.
Get 1,100...
332
00:15:20,583 --> 00:15:22,959
I don't care! I don't...
333
00:15:28,041 --> 00:15:29,458
I'm still selling this.
334
00:15:31,417 --> 00:15:34,375
This is perfectly good.
I'm still selling this.
335
00:15:36,625 --> 00:15:37,917
You know, before the cougar statue,
336
00:15:38,000 --> 00:15:39,542
they used to have a series
of bronze sculptures
337
00:15:39,625 --> 00:15:41,834
depicting famous battle scenes
from the Civil War.
338
00:15:41,917 --> 00:15:43,500
That's a great story.
339
00:15:43,583 --> 00:15:44,917
All right. Don't be like
your scaredy-cat buddies.
340
00:15:45,000 --> 00:15:46,333
There's nothing to be afraid of.
341
00:15:46,417 --> 00:15:48,041
Ghost dentist!
342
00:15:48,125 --> 00:15:51,291
Dad, I need to talk to you. Wait,
what are you guys doing here anyway?
343
00:15:51,375 --> 00:15:53,458
- We're stealing...
- I'm in.
344
00:15:53,542 --> 00:15:55,333
I love it when
we do things as a family.
345
00:15:56,166 --> 00:15:57,333
Hey!
346
00:15:57,917 --> 00:15:59,250
Is that the fuzz?
347
00:15:59,333 --> 00:16:00,625
Everybody go Civil War statue!
348
00:16:07,083 --> 00:16:08,166
Seriously?
349
00:16:10,625 --> 00:16:12,166
And here is your mug cake.
350
00:16:13,875 --> 00:16:17,125
Is that why you called me here?
To rub that in my face? That's cool.
351
00:16:17,208 --> 00:16:20,500
Laurie, I know why you bailed on me.
You're scared.
352
00:16:20,583 --> 00:16:24,083
Laurie Keller
isn't scared of anything.
353
00:16:24,166 --> 00:16:26,333
Except for old people smiling at me.
354
00:16:26,417 --> 00:16:29,208
I swear,
it's like they wanna steal your soul.
355
00:16:29,291 --> 00:16:33,000
It's okay to be afraid.
Not of old people, that's insane.
356
00:16:33,083 --> 00:16:35,458
Do you know what I love most
about myself, Grayson?
357
00:16:35,542 --> 00:16:36,792
I mean, besides everything?
358
00:16:36,875 --> 00:16:38,917
It's that I know who I am.
359
00:16:39,000 --> 00:16:41,291
I'm a high school dropout
who works a boring job
360
00:16:41,375 --> 00:16:44,291
and gets paid just enough money
to buy really loud clothes.
361
00:16:44,875 --> 00:16:46,208
And I'm fine with that,
362
00:16:46,291 --> 00:16:50,208
because I know that one day
I'm gonna run Krazy Kakes.
363
00:16:50,875 --> 00:16:54,750
But you get that if I try and I fail,
364
00:16:54,834 --> 00:16:57,500
then there's no more one day, right?
365
00:16:58,083 --> 00:17:01,125
My biggest dream was to have a kid.
Now I do.
366
00:17:03,750 --> 00:17:06,041
Look, not everything with Jill's
how I imagined it'd be.
367
00:17:06,125 --> 00:17:07,583
Isn't her name Tampa?
368
00:17:07,667 --> 00:17:09,667
Her first name is Tampa,
369
00:17:09,750 --> 00:17:11,875
her middle name is Jill,
and I'm going with Jill.
370
00:17:11,959 --> 00:17:13,125
Why?
371
00:17:13,208 --> 00:17:16,709
The point is,
it's amazing having Jill in my life.
372
00:17:16,792 --> 00:17:18,750
The reality's better
than the dreams ever were.
373
00:17:18,834 --> 00:17:22,375
And you'll never know if that's true
for you unless you roll the dice.
374
00:17:22,458 --> 00:17:23,875
Grayson...
375
00:17:28,458 --> 00:17:30,792
Roy. Roy, go back to your table,
okay? I'll bring you a beer.
376
00:17:33,333 --> 00:17:34,875
Thanks, new guy.
377
00:17:36,709 --> 00:17:39,333
All right. Let's sell some cakes.
378
00:17:39,417 --> 00:17:40,667
Right!
379
00:17:42,333 --> 00:17:44,291
You should really work
on your nosebleeds.
380
00:17:44,375 --> 00:17:45,625
That's why you don't
have a girlfriend, man.
381
00:17:45,709 --> 00:17:47,208
Because you always
got the nosebleeds.
382
00:17:47,291 --> 00:17:49,083
- No way!
- You guys got it?
383
00:17:49,166 --> 00:17:52,667
Yep. Plus, I learned something
that's gonna help us in college,
384
00:17:52,750 --> 00:17:56,750
campus cops will forget anything
for 20 bucks.
385
00:17:56,834 --> 00:17:59,583
- They will.
- Boys, let's go celebrate.
386
00:17:59,667 --> 00:18:01,208
I'm gonna show you
how to score free pizza.
387
00:18:01,291 --> 00:18:03,250
Who wants to fake choke
on a sausage?
388
00:18:03,333 --> 00:18:04,542
I'm in!
389
00:18:04,625 --> 00:18:06,667
June Bug, didn't you wanna talk?
390
00:18:07,583 --> 00:18:09,250
Dad, you never let me do anything.
391
00:18:09,333 --> 00:18:11,750
I let you commit a felony tonight.
392
00:18:13,375 --> 00:18:14,667
Now what's on your mind?
393
00:18:15,291 --> 00:18:19,792
All right.
Ellie's mom is just so awful.
394
00:18:19,875 --> 00:18:22,250
I mean, I know you can't
close the door on family, but...
395
00:18:22,333 --> 00:18:23,291
Horse feathers.
396
00:18:23,375 --> 00:18:27,000
Do you think Bobby and I enjoyed
helping Travis steal that statue?
397
00:18:27,083 --> 00:18:29,083
- I do.
- You're right, it was awesome.
398
00:18:30,250 --> 00:18:33,625
But even if it had stunk,
we still would've been there.
399
00:18:33,709 --> 00:18:38,041
Because the people we love need to
know that we're always on their side.
400
00:18:38,125 --> 00:18:41,542
You don't get a free pass just
because you share the same blood.
401
00:18:42,500 --> 00:18:45,083
Being part of a family
is something you gotta earn.
402
00:18:46,041 --> 00:18:47,500
Otherwise, the hell with you.
403
00:18:48,375 --> 00:18:50,125
I'm so glad you're my dad.
404
00:18:52,500 --> 00:18:53,709
You guys wanna get high?
405
00:18:53,792 --> 00:18:56,125
- No!
- Get out!
406
00:18:58,500 --> 00:18:59,583
Where's your mom?
407
00:18:59,667 --> 00:19:03,083
Packing. Car's coming to take her
to the airport.
408
00:19:05,250 --> 00:19:06,959
I get Big Carl?
409
00:19:07,041 --> 00:19:09,750
What's going on? Are you dying?
410
00:19:11,375 --> 00:19:13,500
Ellie, I lied. And I never lie.
411
00:19:13,583 --> 00:19:14,667
- You always lie.
- I don't.
412
00:19:14,750 --> 00:19:16,750
- You do.
- Fine, but never about big stuff.
413
00:19:16,834 --> 00:19:19,125
- Usually about big stuff.
- I think we're getting side-tracked.
414
00:19:19,208 --> 00:19:23,208
Listen, your mom didn't
say anything nice about you.
415
00:19:23,875 --> 00:19:26,709
- I'm so sorry.
- I think deep down I knew.
416
00:19:26,792 --> 00:19:28,250
Although, I do have some good news.
417
00:19:28,834 --> 00:19:31,625
As your moral compass,
I'm freeing you.
418
00:19:31,709 --> 00:19:33,875
You don't have to see her any more
if you don't want to.
419
00:19:33,959 --> 00:19:35,041
Awesome!
420
00:19:36,417 --> 00:19:38,083
I didn't expect you
to be this excited.
421
00:19:38,166 --> 00:19:39,875
Can I get a dead-mom-high-five?
422
00:19:39,959 --> 00:19:42,083
Morbid, but all right,
if you really want one.
423
00:19:42,166 --> 00:19:45,709
I want one. I want two.
Dead-mom-five.
424
00:19:46,417 --> 00:19:47,959
Are you sure you're okay?
425
00:19:48,041 --> 00:19:49,458
Don't worry.
426
00:19:49,542 --> 00:19:53,333
I honestly don't care one way or the
other if I ever see my mom again.
427
00:19:56,041 --> 00:19:58,166
Well, maybe by cutting her out,
428
00:19:58,250 --> 00:20:00,875
she'll realise that
she needs to change.
429
00:20:00,959 --> 00:20:02,333
You think she will?
430
00:20:02,417 --> 00:20:03,583
I hope so.
431
00:20:03,667 --> 00:20:05,917
Ellie, the car's here.
432
00:20:06,000 --> 00:20:08,709
I'm gonna head out now so I have time
to buy magazines at the airport.
433
00:20:08,792 --> 00:20:10,625
Okay, Mom,
I'll come over and say goodbye.
434
00:20:10,709 --> 00:20:12,250
No, no, that's okay.
435
00:20:12,333 --> 00:20:15,250
Thanks for the visit.
I'm sure we'll talk soon.
436
00:20:17,750 --> 00:20:19,208
Bye, Mom.
437
00:20:20,959 --> 00:20:21,875
Want a hug?
438
00:20:26,917 --> 00:20:29,125
- I don't lie.
- You do.
439
00:20:30,208 --> 00:20:32,208
- So much.
- Never.
440
00:20:32,291 --> 00:20:34,166
- Yes, you lie all the time.
- I don't wanna lie.
441
00:20:35,291 --> 00:20:37,417
Never met someone
who lies as much as you.
442
00:20:39,291 --> 00:20:40,291
Okay.
443
00:20:42,166 --> 00:20:43,208
Wait.
444
00:20:43,792 --> 00:20:45,417
Since Ellie's mom couldn't do it,
445
00:20:45,500 --> 00:20:48,792
no one gets any wine until you say
something nice about Ellie.
446
00:20:49,583 --> 00:20:50,834
I'm going to a bar.
447
00:20:51,500 --> 00:20:55,959
{\an8}Okay. You are strong, you're smart
and you're an amazing friend.
448
00:20:56,041 --> 00:20:57,250
{\an8}And I get wine.
449
00:20:58,375 --> 00:20:59,959
{\an8}And you're also pretty
and you're funny.
450
00:21:00,083 --> 00:21:02,291
{\an8}And you're beautiful,
and you make me laugh.
451
00:21:02,375 --> 00:21:03,750
{\an8}Those are the same things I said.
452
00:21:03,834 --> 00:21:05,041
{\an8}You took all the good ones!
453
00:21:05,125 --> 00:21:06,667
{\an8}No wine for you!
454
00:21:07,166 --> 00:21:11,542
{\an8}- Grayson?
- Okay, you are a neighbour.
455
00:21:11,625 --> 00:21:12,583
{\an8}A good neighbour?
456
00:21:14,333 --> 00:21:17,041
{\an8}- No wine for you!
- Just more for us.
457
00:21:18,500 --> 00:21:20,375
{\an8}You own a truck.
458
00:21:20,458 --> 00:21:21,792
{\an8}Sad.
459
00:21:21,834 --> 00:21:23,417
{\an8}You still have all your fingers.
460
00:21:23,500 --> 00:21:24,667
{\an8}Wow.
35059
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