Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,792 --> 00:00:02,291
Hello? Hello?
2
00:00:02,375 --> 00:00:03,500
Not now, Tom.
3
00:00:03,583 --> 00:00:06,834
Can't really talk.
I've got a family dinner tonight.
4
00:00:06,917 --> 00:00:08,875
You'd understand if you had kids.
5
00:00:08,959 --> 00:00:11,583
My son Bryce is a marine,
and Haylee's in law school.
6
00:00:12,166 --> 00:00:14,417
We've been neighbours for 12 years.
Do you even know me?
7
00:00:14,667 --> 00:00:17,166
You know, this conversation
isn't really gonna go well for me,
8
00:00:17,250 --> 00:00:19,041
so I'm just gonna give you
a blanket sorry.
9
00:00:19,125 --> 00:00:21,458
But please thank Bryan
for his service to our country.
10
00:00:21,542 --> 00:00:22,959
- Bryce.
- Bryce.
11
00:00:27,458 --> 00:00:29,083
It's nice to see you two bonding.
12
00:00:30,625 --> 00:00:32,500
I wanted this to be
a nice family dinner.
13
00:00:32,583 --> 00:00:33,583
No one could set the table?
14
00:00:33,667 --> 00:00:36,166
We should just eat caveman style.
No dishes to clean.
15
00:00:36,250 --> 00:00:37,750
Get the shades.
16
00:00:43,625 --> 00:00:44,917
Give me some of that!
17
00:00:45,000 --> 00:00:47,333
Did you at least wash your hands?
18
00:00:48,333 --> 00:00:50,458
The Queen of England wants to know
if our hands are clean.
19
00:00:50,542 --> 00:00:52,291
- Shut your face.
- You shut your face.
20
00:00:52,458 --> 00:00:54,083
Now it's a family dinner.
21
00:01:00,709 --> 00:01:03,917
{\an8}Come on, dig in, prissy pants.
I'm on a tight schedule.
22
00:01:04,000 --> 00:01:06,709
{\an8}Ellie and Laurie are coming over to
work on our guest list for our wedding.
23
00:01:06,959 --> 00:01:08,875
{\an8}Well, I thought we were
going to hang out tonight.
24
00:01:08,959 --> 00:01:11,709
{\an8}Ever since we got engaged, you're
just so busy with wedding stuff.
25
00:01:11,792 --> 00:01:12,959
{\an8}You wanna help out a little?
26
00:01:13,458 --> 00:01:14,750
{\an8}Pass the potatoes.
27
00:01:15,709 --> 00:01:18,333
{\an8}Atta boy. Gravy chaser?
28
00:01:19,792 --> 00:01:22,750
{\an8}Oh, yeah.
Trav, honey, you look so tired.
29
00:01:23,125 --> 00:01:24,458
{\an8}If you're gonna
drive back to school tonight,
30
00:01:24,542 --> 00:01:26,500
{\an8}you're gonna have to drink
a lot of caffeine.
31
00:01:26,583 --> 00:01:28,208
{\an8}I'll give you some sleeping pills
to bring you down.
32
00:01:28,291 --> 00:01:31,417
{\an8}Yeah, well, as much as I appreciate
the incredibly unhealthy advice,
33
00:01:31,500 --> 00:01:34,250
{\an8}I'm almost 20.
Don't need to worry about me.
34
00:01:34,333 --> 00:01:35,709
{\an8}Okay, I'll stop.
35
00:01:35,834 --> 00:01:38,333
{\an8}I mean, you're the one
getting married to royalty.
36
00:01:38,417 --> 00:01:41,208
{\an8}You should just be
all wedding, all the time.
37
00:01:41,375 --> 00:01:44,625
{\an8}"All wedding, all the time."
I like it. Yeah!
38
00:01:52,375 --> 00:01:53,500
Don't look at me.
39
00:01:54,583 --> 00:01:56,709
{\an8}I would totally date
a guy with no feet.
40
00:01:56,792 --> 00:01:59,458
{\an8}It would just be one less
gross thing for me to deal with.
41
00:01:59,542 --> 00:02:01,250
{\an8}Are you trying to tell me
I shouldn't wear flip flops?
42
00:02:01,333 --> 00:02:02,333
{\an8}No!
43
00:02:02,542 --> 00:02:03,917
{\an8}Oh, God, yes!
44
00:02:04,667 --> 00:02:06,250
{\an8}They're all big toes.
45
00:02:08,542 --> 00:02:10,250
You got dominated, buddy!
46
00:02:13,417 --> 00:02:15,041
{\an8}This is just our new game, you know.
47
00:02:15,125 --> 00:02:17,250
{\an8}If someone's not looking,
you peg them with this ball,
48
00:02:17,333 --> 00:02:18,750
{\an8}thus establishing dominance.
49
00:02:18,834 --> 00:02:20,417
{\an8}We call it Dominance Ball.
50
00:02:20,500 --> 00:02:25,250
{\an8}If anyone hits me with a ball,
it will end up inside of them.
51
00:02:25,333 --> 00:02:27,750
{\an8}Don't worry.
D-Ball is just for dudes.
52
00:02:27,834 --> 00:02:29,000
{\an8}Nothing's just for dudes any more.
53
00:02:29,083 --> 00:02:32,583
{\an8}Not NASCAR, not cigars,
not even peeing standing up.
54
00:02:34,125 --> 00:02:35,250
{\an8}How did we lose that?
55
00:02:38,291 --> 00:02:40,083
{\an8}Why are you guys in my house?
56
00:02:40,208 --> 00:02:42,291
{\an8}Sorry, Jules is out of wine.
And pickles.
57
00:02:42,375 --> 00:02:45,709
{\an8}And D batteries for my boom box.
58
00:02:45,792 --> 00:02:49,000
{\an8}Ellie, I saw Andy's feet.
59
00:02:49,792 --> 00:02:51,000
I'm so sorry.
60
00:02:51,542 --> 00:02:52,667
No one understands.
61
00:02:52,750 --> 00:02:54,041
Oh, gosh!
62
00:02:54,625 --> 00:02:56,333
They're as wide as they are long.
63
00:02:56,417 --> 00:02:57,750
I know.
64
00:02:57,834 --> 00:02:59,166
- I know.
- It's...
65
00:03:01,208 --> 00:03:03,208
There's my girl. I need a kiss.
66
00:03:03,291 --> 00:03:04,166
You'll live.
67
00:03:05,333 --> 00:03:06,667
Love you.
68
00:03:07,250 --> 00:03:08,208
You just got iced, son.
69
00:03:08,291 --> 00:03:10,917
I worship Ellie,
even when she is a little distant.
70
00:03:11,000 --> 00:03:13,125
Besides, if I need affection,
71
00:03:13,208 --> 00:03:17,083
there are places to get my needs
met outside the marriage.
72
00:03:17,166 --> 00:03:18,291
Know what I mean?
73
00:03:20,583 --> 00:03:25,417
Dog Park, baby! I love you! Oh, yes!
74
00:03:25,500 --> 00:03:26,667
This is what I need.
75
00:03:26,792 --> 00:03:28,625
That tickles!
76
00:03:28,709 --> 00:03:30,959
I am married.
Don't you see this ring?
77
00:03:31,709 --> 00:03:33,375
You've been pretty quiet.
78
00:03:34,041 --> 00:03:36,542
I'm not really ready to talk yet.
79
00:03:38,291 --> 00:03:39,875
Are you ready to be dominated?
80
00:03:42,583 --> 00:03:44,375
Domination!
81
00:03:44,458 --> 00:03:45,834
I do love this game.
82
00:03:45,917 --> 00:03:49,709
Yeah, yeah.
Hey, son, how about a little D-Ball?
83
00:03:50,291 --> 00:03:51,583
Can't.
84
00:03:52,959 --> 00:03:53,792
Headed back to school.
85
00:03:53,875 --> 00:03:57,667
A bunch of hot, crunchy chicks
are having an eco rally on campus.
86
00:03:57,750 --> 00:04:01,375
Figured Dog Power here might help
get me into some hemp panties.
87
00:04:02,542 --> 00:04:03,542
To college!
88
00:04:08,375 --> 00:04:09,458
Seem safe?
89
00:04:10,041 --> 00:04:13,667
Yeah, he'll be fine.
I drew up the plans myself.
90
00:04:13,750 --> 00:04:15,208
Dog and a rope?
91
00:04:15,291 --> 00:04:16,458
Patent pending.
92
00:04:17,000 --> 00:04:18,875
You know,
since it's just you and me tonight,
93
00:04:18,959 --> 00:04:21,041
I figured we could just hang out
and watch a little TV.
94
00:04:21,125 --> 00:04:23,000
Down here, upstairs. Whatever.
95
00:04:23,083 --> 00:04:24,583
You're asking for sex, aren't you?
96
00:04:24,667 --> 00:04:26,667
- But in a cute way.
- I'm sorry.
97
00:04:26,750 --> 00:04:28,667
I gotta get this guest list
under 100.
98
00:04:29,709 --> 00:04:32,834
All right, look, I know this sucks,
but I promise it's gonna be worth it.
99
00:04:32,917 --> 00:04:36,417
Our wedding
is gonna be so fun and so sexy.
100
00:04:37,792 --> 00:04:40,417
We're gonna go crazy
on our wedding night, aren't we?
101
00:04:40,500 --> 00:04:43,083
Oh, yeah. Maybe.
102
00:04:43,166 --> 00:04:45,333
I get really tired at weddings.
Hold on.
103
00:04:48,750 --> 00:04:52,583
You mock me, yet my life
is your future, my friend.
104
00:04:52,667 --> 00:04:56,917
A solitary march to the grave.
A man ignored.
105
00:04:57,000 --> 00:05:02,000
She's just distracted with wedding stuff,
okay? No woman can ignore The Truth.
106
00:05:02,083 --> 00:05:03,750
Did you just call your body
"The Truth"?
107
00:05:03,834 --> 00:05:05,834
I did, and I did it un-ironically.
108
00:05:06,250 --> 00:05:08,834
Well, Grayson, "Truth,"
109
00:05:08,917 --> 00:05:11,166
you can't use the wedding
as an excuse.
110
00:05:11,250 --> 00:05:14,583
You think you come first?
I bet you're not even top five.
111
00:05:14,667 --> 00:05:16,083
The Truth is top five.
112
00:05:17,375 --> 00:05:20,125
Well, here's her cell.
113
00:05:20,208 --> 00:05:23,166
All right, now,
let's check her speed dial, shall we?
114
00:05:23,250 --> 00:05:25,834
Number one, Travis.
No surprises there.
115
00:05:25,917 --> 00:05:27,500
Number two...
116
00:05:27,583 --> 00:05:30,709
Hi, Ellie, it's me.
Yeah, just showing Grays... Hello?
117
00:05:31,458 --> 00:05:33,125
She hung up. Happens a lot.
118
00:05:33,834 --> 00:05:36,583
Three's her dad.
Four is Wayne's wine store.
119
00:05:36,667 --> 00:05:38,000
Thought that'd be higher.
120
00:05:38,875 --> 00:05:42,542
There you are, number five.
You're right, I was wrong.
121
00:05:42,625 --> 00:05:46,834
Well, you're the fifth most important
person to your future wife.
122
00:05:46,917 --> 00:05:47,917
Congrats.
123
00:05:50,083 --> 00:05:53,667
Honey, hand me my cell.
It could be the wine shop.
124
00:05:53,750 --> 00:05:55,375
Hello?
125
00:05:55,959 --> 00:05:57,125
What?
126
00:05:58,750 --> 00:06:00,250
Okay, I'll be right there.
127
00:06:01,208 --> 00:06:03,667
Travis had an accident.
He's in the hospital.
128
00:06:05,834 --> 00:06:07,792
Taste the dominance!
129
00:06:09,375 --> 00:06:10,333
What?
130
00:06:13,875 --> 00:06:14,875
Your son took a bad fall.
131
00:06:14,959 --> 00:06:17,291
He has a small skull fracture,
but he's conscious,
132
00:06:17,375 --> 00:06:19,959
and there's no brain swelling,
so he should be okay.
133
00:06:20,041 --> 00:06:23,083
He'll be back to his room in a few
minutes, and you can see him.
134
00:06:24,875 --> 00:06:27,917
Was there an "okay" in there? 'Cause
if there was, I can breathe again.
135
00:06:28,000 --> 00:06:30,000
- He said "okay."
- Good.
136
00:06:30,083 --> 00:06:33,458
Hey, Jules. Trav will still probably
need a follow-up CAT scan.
137
00:06:33,542 --> 00:06:35,500
Hey, Tom, it's sweet you came,
138
00:06:35,583 --> 00:06:38,000
but why don't you leave
the medical stuff to the doctors?
139
00:06:38,667 --> 00:06:42,208
I am a doctor.
I'm the head neurosurgeon here.
140
00:06:42,792 --> 00:06:44,834
Come on,
you didn't know I was a doctor?
141
00:06:44,917 --> 00:06:46,834
- Tom, please!
- Yeah. Of course.
142
00:06:46,917 --> 00:06:49,125
Dr Gazelian to the ER.
143
00:06:49,208 --> 00:06:51,250
Well, Tom, don't walk away angry.
144
00:06:51,417 --> 00:06:55,291
They just paged me. Do you people
not even know my last name?
145
00:06:55,375 --> 00:06:57,417
Of course we know your last name.
146
00:06:57,500 --> 00:07:00,875
Then say it. They just said it
on the intercom two seconds ago.
147
00:07:00,959 --> 00:07:02,291
- Who cares?
- Giddygalafanaka?
148
00:07:02,375 --> 00:07:03,333
Gabba-gabba-hey?
149
00:07:03,417 --> 00:07:04,667
- Gazoo?
- Gazoinks.
150
00:07:05,291 --> 00:07:07,417
You think my name is Tom "Gazoinks"?
151
00:07:07,500 --> 00:07:10,333
Tom, I've had a rough day.
You think I could get a pass?
152
00:07:12,792 --> 00:07:14,083
Can I still be mad at them?
153
00:07:14,166 --> 00:07:15,375
Go nuts.
154
00:07:15,959 --> 00:07:17,750
You! You! You!
155
00:07:17,834 --> 00:07:19,250
You.
156
00:07:20,166 --> 00:07:21,208
You can see your son now.
157
00:07:21,291 --> 00:07:23,000
Thank you.
158
00:07:23,083 --> 00:07:24,208
Okay, wait.
159
00:07:24,291 --> 00:07:25,625
I'm gonna get Travis through this,
160
00:07:25,709 --> 00:07:27,417
but I'm really gonna need
all of your help.
161
00:07:27,500 --> 00:07:30,125
I mean, we all know
he can spiral pretty easily.
162
00:07:30,208 --> 00:07:33,834
He dropped out of school over a girl
who, I think we all can agree,
163
00:07:33,917 --> 00:07:35,333
was not very special.
164
00:07:35,417 --> 00:07:36,458
- Nope.
- Not very.
165
00:07:36,542 --> 00:07:37,625
She was no you.
166
00:07:37,709 --> 00:07:39,250
They never are.
167
00:07:40,041 --> 00:07:43,667
Anyway, when we see him, can we just
all be super positive, you know?
168
00:07:43,750 --> 00:07:46,458
Just happy faces and happy thoughts.
169
00:07:53,250 --> 00:07:57,250
Happy faces, happy thoughts! Okay.
170
00:07:59,750 --> 00:08:01,625
I'm so glad you're okay.
171
00:08:01,709 --> 00:08:05,500
I fractured my skull. I mean,
things were going great at college,
172
00:08:05,583 --> 00:08:10,083
and now I am stuck in a hospital.
This totally sucks.
173
00:08:10,166 --> 00:08:13,375
Yeah, it does. Hospitals are scary.
174
00:08:13,458 --> 00:08:14,417
Happy thoughts.
175
00:08:14,500 --> 00:08:15,875
But not this room.
176
00:08:16,458 --> 00:08:19,875
There's all these buttons
and there's tubes!
177
00:08:19,959 --> 00:08:22,000
I bet no one ever died in here.
178
00:08:22,083 --> 00:08:23,542
Maybe only I talk.
179
00:08:24,208 --> 00:08:27,750
Right now, it does suck,
but I'm gonna get you through it.
180
00:08:27,834 --> 00:08:31,834
I mean, plus, you have an awesome
story. You have a fractured skull!
181
00:08:31,917 --> 00:08:34,000
Girls are gonna think
you're a total badass.
182
00:08:34,083 --> 00:08:37,792
That's true. Back in college,
I was a sucker for injuries.
183
00:08:37,875 --> 00:08:42,792
If a guy had a scar or
a missing finger, we just did stuff.
184
00:08:42,875 --> 00:08:44,625
I miss being a ho.
185
00:08:44,709 --> 00:08:47,750
You want back in?
'Cause we'll take you back.
186
00:08:47,834 --> 00:08:50,417
Yeah, I'm sure panties will drop
when girls find out
187
00:08:50,500 --> 00:08:53,709
I was being pulled by my dog
on a skateboard,
188
00:08:53,792 --> 00:08:55,750
saw a Monarch butterfly and said,
189
00:08:55,834 --> 00:08:58,834
"Hey, you're not native to Florida."
Crash.
190
00:08:58,917 --> 00:09:02,083
So, change the story.
Grayson has a scar.
191
00:09:02,166 --> 00:09:05,208
He told me
it was from a motorcycle accident.
192
00:09:05,291 --> 00:09:06,667
Why don't you tell them
what really happened?
193
00:09:06,750 --> 00:09:08,291
- I don't want to.
- Tell it!
194
00:09:08,375 --> 00:09:11,417
I burned it on my curling iron.
195
00:09:11,500 --> 00:09:12,709
It was the '90s, shut up.
196
00:09:12,792 --> 00:09:14,709
Damn, pretty boy had a perm.
197
00:09:14,792 --> 00:09:16,875
There's my happy boy.
198
00:09:16,959 --> 00:09:19,542
Oh, man! This is all my fault!
199
00:09:19,625 --> 00:09:21,375
I never should have
invented dog boarding.
200
00:09:21,458 --> 00:09:23,625
Now his life is falling apart.
201
00:09:23,709 --> 00:09:24,750
Get him out of here.
202
00:09:24,834 --> 00:09:28,000
I'm sorry, it's just so sad.
203
00:09:28,083 --> 00:09:29,583
I know what will help.
204
00:09:29,667 --> 00:09:30,750
I'm sorry.
205
00:09:33,458 --> 00:09:36,792
Look, Grayson.
They sense your loneliness.
206
00:09:38,250 --> 00:09:40,458
Let them fix it.
207
00:09:45,291 --> 00:09:47,375
Oh, hey! You're still here.
208
00:09:47,458 --> 00:09:50,667
Yeah, I just wanted
to watch him sleep.
209
00:09:50,750 --> 00:09:51,875
I'll stay with you.
210
00:09:55,792 --> 00:10:00,166
Okay, honey,
there's a chair right back there.
211
00:10:04,917 --> 00:10:06,000
What's wrong?
212
00:10:06,083 --> 00:10:09,375
Well, it doesn't seem like you've been
paying a lot of attention to me lately.
213
00:10:09,959 --> 00:10:12,667
Sweetie, let me turn down the volume
214
00:10:12,750 --> 00:10:15,917
of my son's heart monitor
so I can focus on you better.
215
00:10:16,000 --> 00:10:19,041
When I imagined this conversation
on the way over, it went much better.
216
00:10:19,125 --> 00:10:20,667
No, you're doing great.
217
00:10:21,250 --> 00:10:22,917
Great, you're awake.
218
00:10:26,500 --> 00:10:27,542
What?
219
00:10:27,625 --> 00:10:30,709
Sometimes when I need to think, I'll go
blading at the beach with my boom box.
220
00:10:34,542 --> 00:10:36,291
- Dominated!
- Dominated!
221
00:10:48,333 --> 00:10:52,250
Which one of you tool bags said that
girls can't play this stupid game?
222
00:10:52,333 --> 00:10:53,792
You're on her team?
223
00:10:53,875 --> 00:10:57,917
We bonded over your monster feet,
and justice for women.
224
00:11:00,250 --> 00:11:02,792
All right, first of all,
girls throw like chicks.
225
00:11:02,875 --> 00:11:04,625
- What?
- Sometimes y'all ruin our games.
226
00:11:04,709 --> 00:11:07,458
You know, you gals take everything
so personally and get all emotional.
227
00:11:07,542 --> 00:11:11,792
That's just a stereotype, it's like
saying all blondes are dumb.
228
00:11:11,875 --> 00:11:12,917
But that is...
229
00:11:13,000 --> 00:11:14,041
Same team.
230
00:11:14,125 --> 00:11:18,834
Fine, you're in, but the second
someone cries, game over.
231
00:11:18,917 --> 00:11:22,458
Yeah! Chicks versus sticks, y'all.
232
00:11:22,542 --> 00:11:24,458
Wait a minute. Where did Andy go?
233
00:11:27,125 --> 00:11:29,458
Dominated!
234
00:11:30,875 --> 00:11:35,500
Oh, my God, that was scary
and humiliating at the same time.
235
00:11:35,583 --> 00:11:37,375
The two things that make me cry.
236
00:11:37,458 --> 00:11:38,458
Fight it!
237
00:11:40,542 --> 00:11:43,417
I'm okay. Game on.
238
00:11:49,041 --> 00:11:50,291
I got your computer.
239
00:11:50,375 --> 00:11:53,291
I spoke to your teachers
and I got all your assignments.
240
00:11:53,375 --> 00:11:55,291
Joy. Homework in the hospital.
241
00:11:55,375 --> 00:11:58,750
By the way,
your bio professor, Mr Dawkins?
242
00:11:58,834 --> 00:12:00,917
Way into me.
243
00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:03,250
I could get you an A
just by making out with him.
244
00:12:03,333 --> 00:12:06,709
Well, I hate to burst your bubble,
but I could get that A myself,
245
00:12:06,792 --> 00:12:08,125
also by making out with him.
246
00:12:08,208 --> 00:12:10,000
Really? Him?
247
00:12:10,917 --> 00:12:13,625
- That was a wasted lip bite.
- A what?
248
00:12:16,083 --> 00:12:19,792
Okay, you realise
I can't un-see that, right?
249
00:12:19,875 --> 00:12:22,333
I'm sorry you're having to wait on me
hand and foot in the hospital.
250
00:12:22,417 --> 00:12:24,667
I know it was supposed to be
"All wedding, all the time."
251
00:12:24,750 --> 00:12:25,959
AWATT.
252
00:12:26,041 --> 00:12:27,500
Is that "All wedding, all the time"?
253
00:12:34,667 --> 00:12:36,333
- Okay, we gotta stop.
- I know.
254
00:12:36,917 --> 00:12:39,458
How have you held it together
with this whole Travis thing?
255
00:12:39,542 --> 00:12:42,500
I mean, if Stan even scrapes
his knee, I totally freak out.
256
00:12:42,583 --> 00:12:45,083
Yeah, I agree,
and I don't even have kids.
257
00:12:45,166 --> 00:12:46,041
You probably do.
258
00:12:46,875 --> 00:12:49,166
One could have dropped out
while you were skanking around town.
259
00:12:49,250 --> 00:12:51,375
- Teammates.
- Right, right. Forgot.
260
00:12:51,458 --> 00:12:53,166
Look, you both could handle this.
261
00:12:53,250 --> 00:12:55,834
This is what moms do in crisis.
You get your family through it.
262
00:12:56,333 --> 00:12:58,542
And then, when everything
is all better, you fall apart.
263
00:12:58,625 --> 00:13:01,709
I can't wait to become
a crying, snotty mess.
264
00:13:02,959 --> 00:13:04,417
To total meltdowns.
265
00:13:05,083 --> 00:13:08,500
Yeah, it's ready.
266
00:13:08,583 --> 00:13:09,834
What is?
267
00:13:11,166 --> 00:13:12,917
Revenge.
268
00:13:18,417 --> 00:13:19,417
Dominated.
269
00:13:26,917 --> 00:13:30,083
Hey, sweetie. There you are.
270
00:13:30,709 --> 00:13:32,667
Are you okay? You need a kiss?
271
00:13:32,750 --> 00:13:35,375
Yeah! Maybe.
I don't know, I don't care.
272
00:13:35,458 --> 00:13:37,834
Well, here it comes.
273
00:13:42,500 --> 00:13:43,709
Uncool.
274
00:13:46,000 --> 00:13:47,083
You psyched to get out of here?
275
00:13:47,166 --> 00:13:48,583
Totally.
276
00:13:48,667 --> 00:13:50,125
We cannot thank you enough,
277
00:13:50,750 --> 00:13:52,333
{\an8}Dr Gazelian.
278
00:13:52,417 --> 00:13:53,500
You remembered.
279
00:13:53,583 --> 00:13:54,959
Of course! I'll never forget.
280
00:13:56,375 --> 00:13:58,834
- Would you like to say it again?
- I would not.
281
00:13:59,834 --> 00:14:02,125
So, Travis,
you get to head back to college
282
00:14:02,208 --> 00:14:04,333
and jump into life
like nothing ever happened.
283
00:14:04,417 --> 00:14:05,583
And here's your helmet.
284
00:14:05,667 --> 00:14:06,667
My what?
285
00:14:06,750 --> 00:14:09,041
It's pretty standard
in injuries like this.
286
00:14:09,625 --> 00:14:12,000
And we don't wanna risk
further trauma to the area.
287
00:14:12,083 --> 00:14:13,875
It's only for a couple of months.
288
00:14:14,458 --> 00:14:16,333
Look at my handsome boy.
289
00:14:20,000 --> 00:14:23,125
I look so stupid.
290
00:14:23,208 --> 00:14:24,875
Not if you're going
to a helmet party.
291
00:14:24,959 --> 00:14:26,333
- What-what!
- Tada!
292
00:14:28,542 --> 00:14:30,500
Bobby, raise your visor.
293
00:14:32,166 --> 00:14:33,500
I love you, son.
294
00:14:34,125 --> 00:14:35,875
You guys are such dorks.
295
00:14:35,959 --> 00:14:39,709
This is an exact replica
of the helmet Amelia Earhart wore
296
00:14:39,792 --> 00:14:41,333
when she invented aeroplanes.
297
00:14:42,375 --> 00:14:43,834
When her baby got stolen.
298
00:14:43,917 --> 00:14:44,792
Nope.
299
00:14:44,875 --> 00:14:49,041
Plus, I look super hot
in my riding helmet. Check it.
300
00:14:51,458 --> 00:14:53,709
Why do older women
keep doing that to me?
301
00:14:53,792 --> 00:14:56,667
We just wanna send you back
to college with a smile, sweetheart.
302
00:14:56,750 --> 00:14:59,041
Well, I was gonna wait
till your eulogy to say this,
303
00:14:59,125 --> 00:15:01,083
but, well, here goes.
304
00:15:01,375 --> 00:15:06,333
Jules Kikki Cobb,
you were a great mom.
305
00:15:07,291 --> 00:15:08,458
Rest in peace.
306
00:15:11,166 --> 00:15:13,083
I'm so excited to die.
307
00:15:15,333 --> 00:15:18,291
Thank you, friend. And you know what?
I wanna take this time
308
00:15:18,375 --> 00:15:19,959
to thank you for your patronage
309
00:15:20,041 --> 00:15:22,250
and to tell you
that I hope to see you around here
310
00:15:23,125 --> 00:15:24,625
real, real soon.
311
00:15:27,333 --> 00:15:30,875
Wow. Did I just see you steal some
human contact from a total stranger?
312
00:15:30,959 --> 00:15:33,542
Stop it, you big kook. Bam!
313
00:15:38,583 --> 00:15:39,834
Oh, my God, what's happening to me?
314
00:15:39,917 --> 00:15:43,291
Well... Who cares?
Yeah, work the neck.
315
00:15:43,875 --> 00:15:45,709
Get off me, Andy. You weirdo!
316
00:15:45,792 --> 00:15:48,917
All right, the gals are over at J-Bird's,
but they're all wearing helmets,
317
00:15:49,000 --> 00:15:51,667
so if you wanna cause some damage,
you gotta hit them in the knockers.
318
00:15:51,750 --> 00:15:54,041
I'm out. The girls are too mean.
It's scary.
319
00:15:54,125 --> 00:15:55,500
What? No, it's not.
320
00:15:55,583 --> 00:15:57,375
Really? Lift up your shirt.
321
00:16:00,667 --> 00:16:02,125
We're not quitting.
322
00:16:02,208 --> 00:16:05,834
I'm out, too, man.
And I really hate to disappoint you.
323
00:16:05,917 --> 00:16:08,959
Come here. I'm so, so, so sorry.
324
00:16:09,041 --> 00:16:11,291
- Dude.
- No words.
325
00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:14,750
Well, it's over, he's heading back.
326
00:16:15,417 --> 00:16:17,166
Way to go, Super Mom.
327
00:16:18,208 --> 00:16:19,166
And now that it's all better,
328
00:16:19,250 --> 00:16:22,583
you get to fall apart and have your
meltdown like you promised.
329
00:16:22,667 --> 00:16:25,083
You could throw some dishes,
maybe shave your head?
330
00:16:25,166 --> 00:16:28,917
I could never shave my head.
Not with these ears.
331
00:16:29,583 --> 00:16:31,959
I would look like one of those
monkeys holding the cymbals.
332
00:16:36,166 --> 00:16:39,750
You know? I don't know
whether it's Travis is getting older
333
00:16:39,834 --> 00:16:41,125
or I'm getting wiser,
334
00:16:41,208 --> 00:16:43,792
but I don't think I'm gonna need
to fall apart this time.
335
00:16:44,000 --> 00:16:45,875
What a rip off. I was so excited.
336
00:16:45,959 --> 00:16:50,375
No, no, Big Carl can stay.
He's there for good times and bad.
337
00:16:50,959 --> 00:16:51,834
I'm heading out.
338
00:16:51,917 --> 00:16:54,917
Hey, buster, I think the helmet
works better on your head.
339
00:16:55,000 --> 00:16:58,250
Yeah, but it's college.
And it looks a little ridiculous.
340
00:16:58,333 --> 00:17:01,667
So, I can't wear it all the time.
But don't worry, I'll be careful.
341
00:17:01,750 --> 00:17:02,667
Peace.
342
00:17:06,625 --> 00:17:10,125
Here it comes.
343
00:17:11,000 --> 00:17:12,625
I don't understand you.
344
00:17:13,750 --> 00:17:16,667
I hate myself.
I mean, I used to be a man.
345
00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:19,542
You must love seeing me like this.
346
00:17:19,625 --> 00:17:20,709
I really do.
347
00:17:21,291 --> 00:17:24,542
As soon as you give your heart
to someone, they just pull away.
348
00:17:24,625 --> 00:17:27,125
It's like I learned nothing
from Katherine Heigl movies.
349
00:17:27,709 --> 00:17:30,375
Can't go back to being
an emotionally walled-off cyborg.
350
00:17:31,208 --> 00:17:33,417
That's how you messed up
your first marriage.
351
00:17:33,500 --> 00:17:35,375
Stopped sharing your feelings,
352
00:17:35,458 --> 00:17:38,333
spent hours fixing a bread maker
that wasn't broken,
353
00:17:38,417 --> 00:17:40,417
just to avoid another silent dinner.
354
00:17:40,500 --> 00:17:43,208
How?
I didn't even know you back then.
355
00:17:43,291 --> 00:17:47,083
When I got bored, I'd get a chair
and sit outside your window.
356
00:17:47,166 --> 00:17:48,500
I really liked your hair back then.
357
00:17:48,583 --> 00:17:51,625
Thanks, so did I.
But Jules likes it like this.
358
00:17:52,750 --> 00:17:53,875
I'm the lamest.
359
00:17:53,959 --> 00:17:57,041
Please, I roll around
with strange dogs.
360
00:17:57,125 --> 00:18:01,125
You know, as men, I feel like
we're not asking for that much.
361
00:18:01,208 --> 00:18:03,333
I just want her to give me attention
when I want it,
362
00:18:03,417 --> 00:18:05,125
and to leave me alone
when I don't want it.
363
00:18:05,208 --> 00:18:06,208
Yeah, like a baby.
364
00:18:06,291 --> 00:18:09,125
Exactly! Just treat me like a baby!
365
00:18:09,208 --> 00:18:11,625
When we want affection,
they don't give it to us.
366
00:18:11,709 --> 00:18:13,291
But if we don't want it,
they come running.
367
00:18:13,375 --> 00:18:15,291
The key is to never look desperate.
368
00:18:15,875 --> 00:18:16,959
But you always look desperate.
369
00:18:17,542 --> 00:18:18,834
Didn't say I was good at it.
370
00:18:18,917 --> 00:18:20,834
You know, you should really
let people see those paintings
371
00:18:20,917 --> 00:18:22,333
you've been working on in your room.
372
00:18:22,417 --> 00:18:23,417
Stop spying on me.
373
00:18:23,500 --> 00:18:25,166
Stop being so talented.
374
00:18:27,166 --> 00:18:29,500
So you were worried about me.
375
00:18:29,583 --> 00:18:31,875
I was freaking out!
376
00:18:31,959 --> 00:18:34,959
You know, I almost died once
at an amusement park.
377
00:18:35,041 --> 00:18:37,709
I got strangled
by an animatronic bear.
378
00:18:37,792 --> 00:18:41,166
Turns out when you throw a whole cup
of soda on them, those things go crazy.
379
00:18:41,375 --> 00:18:45,875
It doesn't make a whole lot of sense,
but they actually had to shoot it.
380
00:18:47,208 --> 00:18:49,625
Laurie's about to taste
some dominance.
381
00:18:59,041 --> 00:19:00,417
This could've split your head open!
382
00:19:00,500 --> 00:19:02,834
Mom, it's just a squishy ball.
383
00:19:02,917 --> 00:19:04,542
Buckle up, here we go.
384
00:19:04,625 --> 00:19:06,750
This squishy ball represents
385
00:19:06,834 --> 00:19:09,625
everything bad in the world
that can happen to you.
386
00:19:09,709 --> 00:19:14,709
So, because of one freak accident,
you're just melting down?
387
00:19:14,792 --> 00:19:18,291
I'm almost 20, remember?
You can stop worrying about me.
388
00:19:18,625 --> 00:19:20,500
No, I can't, you idiot.
389
00:19:20,583 --> 00:19:22,875
I will never stop worrying about you.
390
00:19:22,959 --> 00:19:24,375
You know, when you're 80
391
00:19:24,458 --> 00:19:28,000
and I'm telling everyone that I'm 90
and getting away with it, by the way,
392
00:19:28,583 --> 00:19:31,875
I will still lay awake at night
in the nursing home,
393
00:19:31,959 --> 00:19:35,542
where we live together,
waiting for you to get home.
394
00:19:36,125 --> 00:19:38,750
She's crying.
That means we win Dominance Ball.
395
00:19:38,834 --> 00:19:40,709
True, but not the time.
396
00:19:41,000 --> 00:19:45,166
Travis, now that you're older,
nothing's changed.
397
00:19:45,250 --> 00:19:48,166
Except I can no longer
tell you what to do.
398
00:19:49,000 --> 00:19:50,834
I can only ask.
399
00:19:52,709 --> 00:19:54,000
So, please.
400
00:19:55,417 --> 00:19:59,041
Please wear that stupid helmet,
so I can sleep.
401
00:20:10,959 --> 00:20:12,709
I know you guys are all parents,
402
00:20:12,792 --> 00:20:16,208
but you know
what scares me most about kids?
403
00:20:16,291 --> 00:20:18,792
I mean, Stan may promise
not to cross the street
404
00:20:18,875 --> 00:20:20,792
and Trav may say
he's gonna wear that helmet,
405
00:20:20,875 --> 00:20:26,083
but once they're out of your sight,
you never really know, do you?
406
00:20:33,709 --> 00:20:35,250
Why isn't this working?
407
00:20:41,250 --> 00:20:43,125
Hey, whatcha up to?
408
00:20:43,208 --> 00:20:45,875
Back to "All wedding, all the time."
409
00:20:45,959 --> 00:20:48,291
Someone added a name
to the guest list.
410
00:20:48,375 --> 00:20:51,333
"T. Gazelian"? Who the hell is that?
411
00:20:54,000 --> 00:20:55,750
{\an8}Be cool. Sit back down.
412
00:20:55,834 --> 00:20:57,125
{\an8}Stop spying on me.
413
00:20:57,208 --> 00:20:59,417
{\an8}Don't be desperate.
Let her come to you.
414
00:21:13,000 --> 00:21:14,125
{\an8}Scoot over.
31865
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof