All language subtitles for Plebs.S02E03.The.Baby.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP.2.0.H.264-ViSiON_track3_[eng]

WASTE MAN: The bin on yourleft is kitchen waste.

That's old fruit,
veg, bones, et cetera.

GRUMIO: Kitchen waste?

The bin in the middle,that's your everyday household

products.
- Oh, aye.

That's your pottery
shards, you sack

cloth, papyrus, and whatnot.

Household products, yeah.

Bin on your right,
that's miscellaneous.

Miscellaneous, what's that?

Well, any other bollocks.

Got it?

Yeah, sorted.

Fruit on the right,
bones in the middle,

bollocks on the left.

Hang on.

Bones on the right, pots inthe middle, whatnot on the--

fuck it.

[baby cooing]

Miscellaneous?

[THEME - OLI JULIAN, "WHEN IN ROME"]

OLI JULIAN: When in Rome,do as the Romans do.

Far from home, all I got is you.

Come see my show!

I'm in a show.

Come to my show.

Hey, guys!

Want to come to my show?

It's my Roman debut.

Oh, wow.

That's brilliant.

It's a one-woman play
about the Siege of Troy,

told from the perspectiveof the Trojan horse.

Yeah, yeah.

That's brilliant.

How long is it, please?

Two hours, no interval.

Plus, a Q&A afterwards.

You'll come, right?

Uh-- of course.

That sounds amazing.

I really can't wait.

OK.

How about you?

While I'd love tosupport you in your debut,

I'm actually too
stupid for theater.

I'm more into sport and sex.

Of course.

It is quite a challenging piece.

You are a very bad
liar, by the way.

I think I got away
with it, though.

Yeah, just.

But what happens once you'veactually seen the show?

What do you say to her then?

Just say, loved
the play, Cynth.

That was powerful stuff.

[SCOFFING] See,
you sound sarcastic.

That's just my normal voice.

Try again.

Oh, uh--

OK, don't cough.

You were sensational.

And don't go too far.

She'll smell a rat.

So, um-- what a great play!

[CHUCKLING] Yeah you can't go.

It's too risky.

Spoon.

Ah!

Spoon.

Ah!

Spoon.

Ah!

[door opening]

Spoon.

Ah!

[baby cooing]

Spoon.
Ah!

What have you got there?

A spoon.

Yeah, under the spoon.

A baby.

And what's it
doing in our flat?

It's just sort of gurgling.

Aww, it's well cute.

I know.

I found it in the bins.

Oh, I finally took therubbish out like you said.

Fantastic.

That task also involved notcoming back with a baby.

Well, I couldn't just
leave it there, could I?

Right.

Did anyone see you take it?

I don't think so, why?

I want you to put it back.

Oh, no chance.

Oh, no you can't put itback once you've touched it.

That's basically a rule.

For canap s, yeah.

Not for babies.

It's not going
back to the bins.

So take it to a shelter, then.

Why?

I can look after it.

Grumio, you barely
look after yourself.

Look what happened
to your basil plant.

That plant was to thirsty.

I couldn't keep up.

Hence why you
cannot keep a baby.

Your parents kept me.

That's different.

They were grown
ups, and 50% woman.

Oh, so if it were youwho found me on that hill,

you'd just put me back, then?

No, I just
wouldn't have picked

you up in the first place.

Tell him.

Maybe we should keep it.

Mhm, uh, nice one.

What are we going
to do with a baby?

Uh, take it for
walks to cafes?

Oh, no, no, no.

You want some sort ofpulling device, don't you?

Uh, already got shit
hot pulling device

right here, mate.

[baby cooing]

But another one can't hurt.

I say we vote on it.

No, no, no, no.

This is not a voting situation.

All those in favor ofputting it back in the bin?

All those in favor
of keeping it?

Boom.

OK, fine.

You'll get bored of this
in a few days, anyway.

And while it is here, I'mhaving nothing to do with it.

It is your
responsibility, Grumio.

And you can start
by changing it.

It fucking reeks.

Don't swear in
front of me baby.

[upbeat music]

Tear me off a leaf.

Are you sure a
cabbage is going work?

Of course.

It's nature's nappy.

Oh.

I know.

That's quite a pong
for a little girl.

What are we going to call her?

Binny.

Binny, really?

Because I found
her in the bins.

Are you sure that's her name?

You can call a kid
anything these days.

Plus, I don't want her toforget where she came from.

Binny it is.

You can take it
from here, right?

[baby cooing]
- Yeah.

[baby crying]

[SINGING] Binny, found
you in the rubbish,

but you are not rubbish.

In fact, you're really ace.

Oh, Binny.

You've got to go to sleep now.

I need to go to sleep now.

Please just shut your face.

MARCUS: That is the
last time I let you

take the rubbish out, Grumio.

Suits me.

Ayo, I think she
wants some brekkie.

Where serves a nice
drop in milk round here?

Just slide her
under the chassis,

then wait for her to clamp on.

Will do.

Here goes.

PHILLIPA: She kept
me up half the night

with her non-stop caterwauling.

Sorry, she won't
be with us long.

This is a big week for me.

I'm making my debut
as an actress.

And she's making
a debut as a person.

You're still coming, right?

Yeah, of course.

Wouldn't miss it for the world.

Oh.

And she's on!

Oh, look at her go.
Lovely.

Hungry little
bugger, isn't she, hey?

[HESITANTLY] Yeah.

Haha!

Bit weird, this.

No, it's all part
of a noble tradition.

The founders of our city
used to suck on a wolf.

Never did them any harm.

Yeah, it's cheaper
than a wet nurse.

Did you just say wet nurse?

Yeah, wet nurse.

They hang out at
the spice market.

Why are they wet?

What's wet about them?

I guess they um, the milks.

We should get a
wet nurse, Grumio.

Let's go and get a
wet nurse right now.

[upbeat music]

This is amazing.

You should have got
a baby ages ago.

So which one do you fancy?

Any ones of them motheryones sitting down over there.

Blonde, exactly.
Right?

No.

Someone with experience.

A safe pair of boobs.

Except they'll be
old boobs, Grumio.

Our baby doesn't want oldmilk oozing out like yoghurt.

She wants milk that'sfresh, and creamy, and fit.

[baby cooing]

Hello.

Hey, and who's this cutie?

I'm Stylax, hi.

But this is Binny.

Oh, unusual name.

I found her in the bins.

The bins?

That is horrific.

It's fine.

We gave her a rinse.

Well, here's some informationon your legal rights

as new parents.

Oh, we're not a couple.

I'm straight.

And even if I was
gay, I mean, come on.

I could do better than that.

He could, yeah.

And now baby needs a nurse?

A wet one, yes.

Well, breast is best.

Yeah.

As well as providing
all the key nutrients,

it helps protect
against illness, and--

Hey, hey.

You had me at breast.

Oh.

[upbeat music]

All employers are
legally obliged

to offer new fathers twoweeks' paid paternity leave.

And that's not me
saying that, sweetheart.

That is city hall.

So that creature's
yours is it?

Big time.

Because it's rather
pale, shredder,

whereas you're somewhat darker.

Yeah, she looks
more like her mother.

And who is the mother?

Uh, we don't know.

It could be one of
a number of women.

Right.

No, no, no.

Make that stop.

Uh, yeah.

Juju.

Juju.

I don't know how.

Could you?

I might have something
knocking about, in fact.

Here you are.

Is that a dummy?

Could be, unless it's a bummy.

A what, sorry?

A bummy.

A bum dummy.

Uh, do you mean
about buttplug?

It's either a baby'sdummy, or an adult's bummy.

How can I tell which it is?

Maybe suck it and see?

I think I'll leave it.

[baby crying]

So see you in two weeks then?

Very well, shredder.

You may have your leave.

I've been wanting to shakethings up in your department

for some time.

You've just given me
the perfect excuse.

[upbeat music]

Right.

For the next two weeks,shredder's document disposal

will be performed by your
new colleague, Burner.

We're working with a barbecue.

It's a state of the
art office appliance.

We need to modernize
to economize.

It is quite hot, though.

Well, that's the thing
about fires, copier.

Hot is how they come.

Well, I think it's
a huge improvement.

We'll finally get some
work done around here.

I know!

Look how efficient it is.- No, no no.

Aw.
Ah.

Oh, wow!

That's really impressive.

I was actually
working on those.

Oh, it's his first day.

He's bound to make mistakes.

Now, play nicely.

[upbeat music]

You're sure
you're comfortable?

If baby's comfortable,
then I'm comfortable.

Can I get you anotherpillow, or open a window?

I'm perfect, thank you.

Yeah, then I'll just
sit and watch the baby.

Salve, dickheads.

Hey, man.

Grab a seat.

It's feeding time.

What's going on?

Marcus, this is
Phillipa, our wet nurse.

Phillipa, this is Marcus,daddy number three.

I'm not a daddy.

I just live here.

How much is this costing?- Dude, nevermind now.

- 20 denarii a feed.
- What?

That's double what
the goat charged.

Goat's milk is absolutelyfine if your child is a goat.

But it's fattier
than breastmilk,

and stray hairs can
stick in baby's throat.

There you go.

When it comes to nursing, youreally get what you pay for.

Nursing, so spurting up bodilyfluids counts as nursing now,

does it?

Whoa, steady on, man.

It's a branch of nursing, yes.

So maybe I'll go to thebogs and nurse out some piss?

Is that a branch of nursing?

No, it's not.

What got up your ass, then?

This has, Grumio, this bollocks.

I'm stuck at work betweenAurelius and a cauldron,

while you too fart
around looking at boobs.

Uh, firstly, we are
not farting around.

We are nurturing
an innocent child.

Secondly, we are notlooking at boobs, plural,

because Phillipa here only
gets one out at a time.

Look, I know you are
tired and stressed,

but please don't take
it out on this highly

talented woman who is performingnature's greatest miracle.

Oh.

Thank you for valuing my work.

Hey, thank you for
doing what you do.

[upbeat music]

[baby crying]

MARCUS: Go and get her, then.

You go.

I went last time.

No, she's your baby.

Stylax!

[baby crying]

STYLAX: No, thanks.

Why not?

STYLAX: Don't want to.

Please, Marcus.

I'm so cozy.

If I get her, Grumio, I'mtaking her to the shelter.

Oh, chuffing Nora.

All right, then.

Binny, found you in the rubbish.

C'mon, Binny.

You're doing me head in, love.

[upbeat music]

I can't stay awake.

It's not healthy to live witha baby and work with a fire.

It is warm.

I'll give you that.

She's literally turnedthis place into a sweatshop.

I hate to say this,
but I think I prefer

Stylax to that hot prick.

Morning, morning.

How are you all getting on?

Like a house on fire.

Good, good.

As in, it's unbearably hot.

Well, you know what they say.

If you can't stand
the heat, fuck off.

Right.

May I apologize for the highsalt content of the water.

Some perspiration
might have infused.

That is thoroughly
vile, waterboy.

Sorry, waterman.

It's just the conditions inhere are a smidgen inhuman.

Are they, now?

Well, what a human
can't handle, we

can always leave to appliances.

I doubt you'll findanything that can do my job.

What about a table?

That would do, wouldn't it?

[upbeat music]

This is my kind of office.

Is there any way
I could do this?

Do you get male wet nurses?

And how might
that work, exactly?

I don't know.

As a sort of middleman
to get the milk going?

Lactation is usuallytriggered by feeding, or crying,

or occasionally sexual arousal.

And what could trigger that?

Did you come to book me again,or just ask me daft questions?

I have one more daft question.

Go on.

Do you fancy a drink?

I mean I figure you're
always serving them,

so maybe you'd
want one yourself?

[upbeat music]

[groaning]

Ah, yeah!

Yeah?

Awhoo!

- Yeah!
- Yeah?

- Yeah!
- Yeah?

Yeah.

[straining]

[baby crying]

[groaning]

I don't like it!

I don't like it!
[baby crying]

I don't like it.

Aah.

Aa--

It's harder than
it looks, you know.

I don't know how
my parents did it.

I thought your parents
decided not to do it,

and left you on top of a hill.

And I'm beginning to see why.

They were very wise, my parents.

Just wish she'd startsleeping and stop crying.

Maybe it's a phase.

Yeah, she'll
soon be out of it.

I hope so.

And into something worse.

Worse?

What you mean?

Well, next stop is thetearing about and smashing

things up phase,
and then coughing

off with greasy toe rags phase.

Not under my roof, she won't.

And then finally,sticking you in the ground

and selling all
your stuff phase.

I'd enjoy this
bit if I were you.

[upbeat music]

MARCUS: What, she
hosed you down?

STYLAX: She hosed me down good.

It got everywhere, man.

In my hair, up my
nose, and my mouth.

And did you spit or--

I swallowed.

- Oh.
- What?

I didn't want to be rude, did I?

Can't see her again, though.

Not after the hosing.

I feel humiliated.

So the goat's
back in business?

Uh, no.

Actually, we've decided toknock the whole paternity

thing on the head.

Grumio is taking
Binny to the shelter.

The shelter?
Yes.

And I'm going to
get my job back.

I wouldn't rely on it, mate.

What's up with him?

He's being
replaced by a table.

Oh, are you serious?

The machines are taking over.

None of us are safe.

Oh, as if.

Flavia would never let you go.

You're part of the furniture.

I don't think so.

Not compared to
actual furniture.

I mean, look at that.

Upright, sturdy, mahogany.

It's everything
I could never be.

[upbeat music]

Oh, goodbye.

Oh, thank you.

Goodbye fans.

Thank you.

Do come back and visit.

Oh, bless you.

Oh, hold on you.

You-- you-- you can stay.

I'll find something
else for you.

[GASPING] Shredder, darling!

Where are the fans going?

I'm letting them go.

I've decided to replace
them with windows.

Oh, but the fans are great.

I'm a fan of the fans.

As am I, but we mustn'tstand in the way of progress,

must we?

Like you, they've
become obsolete.

Well, what do
you mean like me?

Burner has been
a roaring success.

He's cheap, he's efficient, andhe probably won't have babies.

Oh, no, no.

That was my last baby, promise.

Yeah, that's
what they all say.

What is that rancid smell?

It's breast milk.

I got milked on.

Yeah, I've tried to ring itout, but I think that's still

a fair bit in my hair.

Right.

I don't claim to know muchabout parenting, shredder,

but I suspect you're
doing it wrong.

[upbeat music]

Now, what shall we do with you?

Maybe we could use you as anaccountant, or a paperweight.

GRUMIO: So she likes singing,but she doesn't like tickling.

And she likes being
rocked when she's burpy,

and she loves it if
you blow on her tummy.

Yeah, cool.
Got it.

Tickle the tummy.
Yeah, kids love that.

What?
No.

Uh, just a sec.

Oi, is that a mace?

Why has that kid
got a mace in here?

Yeah, we're a bit
stretched at that mo.

Uh, yeah just bung her
on any free surface.

I'll find her a bunk later.

Why is he still got that mace?

Hey, that is a weapon of war.

Sorry.

Can I just ask?

Shoot.

Where do these
kids like, end up?

Uh, well, wherever
they want in theory.

Could be the Senate.
- Oh.

The arena.

Oh.

I mean, most of them do endup down a mine or in a brothel,

but--
- What?

You know, we do what we can.

Look, there you go.

Stick her in there, look.

Her name's Binny, by the way.

Yeah, uh-- you too, mate.

Uh-- you, take that
out of your mouth now.

[upbeat music]

Bloody hell.

Marcus?

Hey, you two!

How's it going?

So-so.

Yeah, we've just
picked up the reviews.

Oh yeah?

Anything about your debut?

There's one vile
hack who says that I'm

perfect casting
for a wooden horse

because well, you can guess.

Mhm, because you horsey?

Because I'm wooden.

Wooden, yes.

What do you mean, I'm horsey?

How about the others?

Are they any better?

This one just says horseshit.

Oh, ah, I'm outraged.

That is so unfair.

How would you know?

You haven't seen it.
- No, I know.

I'm sorry.

I've had a lot on, and
I've not been sleeping,

and there's a fire in my office.

If you don't want to seeit, Marcus, you can just say.

No, I'm desperate to come.

I adore challenging,
and long theater.

Right, well then you can havemy ticket for tomorrow night,

then.

Because I've already
seen it three times.

Honestly, don't--

As you're desperate.

Well, thank you, Metella.

Super.

We'll grab a drink
afterwards, and you

can give me a nicer review.

OK, great.

[upbeat music]

MARCUS: Oh, it's
so nice to finally

have some silence around here.

Shhh!

Binny's asleep.

Why is she still here?

Shhh.

Why is she still here?

You were meant to take
her to the shelter.

I couldn't, though.

It was dirty.

So?

This flat's dirty.

You're dirty.

And if she stayed there,she'd end up as a prozzie,

or a miner, or maybe both.

But what's the alternative?

You're looking at it.

Oh, no.

Come on, no way.We're not seriously keeping her.

That's crazy.

Tell him.

I don't know, man.

She'll ruin our lives.

This isn't about us, though.

It's about her.

Binny needs an home, justlike I needed an home when

your parents took me in,
and grew me up, and gave

me tons of free food and that.

And maybe it will ruin ourlives if we keep her, who knows?

All I know is if
we abandon her now,

it'll definitely ruin hers.

Ahh, pissing buggernuts.

Oh, is that pissing buggernutsyes, or pissing buggernuts no?

It's pissing buggernuts fine.

If we really have to
do this, then fine.

Nice one.

Well, it's not
exactly what I'd

hoped being single in the cityin my early 20s would be like,

but there you go.

I guess this is us now.

This is our weird
little family, forever.

Forever.

[knocking]

Shhh!

Salve, Grumio.

All right, Davus.

Shit, we don't
owe rent, do we?

No, no, no.

It's not that.

It's something
personal, actually.

It's a bit delicate.

OK, cool.

Go ahead.

You see, me and
my wife have been

enjoying regularintercourse for years now.

Well, thanks
for coming around.

Do come again soon.
- There's more.

Is there?
Oh, good.

Now, though I can makemost people do most things,

I can't seem to get
more missus up the duff,

no matter how hard I do her.

And nothing will
make us happier

than starting a little
family of our own, so--

You can take her.

She is yours.

What?

He's not having me baby.
- Fair dues.

I'll respect that.
- Wait a minute.

Let's think about this, Grumio.

We just decided to keep her.

You all said this
was our weird family.

I know, but he
wants a weird family.

Why can't he have a
weird family instead?

He's a bloody great thug.

I once I saw him bite
a man's nose off.

Really?
Clean off?

Yeah, it was a work thing.

Yeah, it was a work thing.

I'll be the kindest dad in theworld, we'd love her to bits,

we would.

Well, my wife's baked
you some biscuits.

What flavor?

I think they're
walnut and raisin.

I like walnut.

And raisin.

[baby crying]

She's crying again.

Would you still
call her Binny?

Of course.

It's a wicked name.

[upbeat music]

Now, when I look back
on the last six years,

I think I can say withpride that while I was here,

thirst was not.

But I want to wish the
table all the best,

and I hope to remain
in touch with you all.

I remember my first
day entering--

What are you still doing here?

I asked you not
to come in today.

He's just making
a farewell speech.

Is it finished?

Uh, more or less.

Well, then.

Oh.

Goodbye, waterboy.

Goodbye.

Burner, see to that.

Now, copier,
I've finished three

reports for a departmentalmeeting this morning.

- You're on fire.
- I know.

The new windows have donewonders for my concentration.

No, no, no.
You're really on fire.

What?

I'm on fire.

Aah.

I'm fucking well on fire!

[upbeat music]

FLAVIA: [MUFFLED] I'm on fire!

[screaming]

I'm fucking on fire!

Help me!

Waterman.

Thank you, waterman.

[upbeat music]

So Aurelius is more
useful than a table.

Who knew?

Yeah, the table's been burned,and the fire has been fired.

You can come back in on Monday.

Oh, sweet!

Let's go out and celebrate.

Oh, I'm afraid
Marcus is busy tonight.

Enjoy the play.

[baby cooing]

My hooves tremble as the Greekwarriors clamber up inside me.

Ulysses, Menelaus, Ajax, Marcus.

Marcus!

Marcus!

Huh?

Mhm.

[THEME - OLI JULIAN, "I CAME, I

SAW"]

OLI JULIAN: Hey!

I came, I saw, I conquered.

I came, I saw, I conquered.

I came, I saw, I conquered.

Can I conquer you?

Gotta believe.

I came, I saw, I conquered.

I came, I saw, I conquered,I came, I saw, I conquered.

Can I conquer you?

Oh, yeah.

Can I conquer--