Original subtitles

McKenzie, name your favorite dinosaur.

Codasaurus! Celebrity you really want to fuck. Dr. Phil!

I'm adopted.

Did we just become best friends?

Yep. Bye -bye!

It's him. And who is this sitting behind you?

Hey, uh, this lady.

I'm, uh, Aubrey. Why don't you speak yourself?

Him. Within.

The next hour.

Why you drinkin' sangria?

Knuckles and lemon heads in my dad's boat. You won't go down cause my dick

float. We sail around the world and report to port.

Every time I come, I produce support.

Put on your life vest, let's drop anchor.

There's a pretty lady and I'd like to thank her.

Boats and hoes, boats and hoes. Gotta have me my boats and hoes. Boats and

boats and hoes. Gotta have me my boats and hoes. Boats and hoes.

Boats and hoes. I gotta have me my boats and hoes.

Ta -da!

What do you think?

Okay, um... Um... Okay, what exactly

did I just watch?

Pretty sick, huh, Dad? It's, uh, boats and hoes. The next viral sensation?

Yeah. We're pretty cool now. We even have our own hashtag.

Okay, no, no, no. I understand. And kudos to you for doing something

here. But where did you get the money for all of this? I mean, the mansion,

models, the film crew, editing, studio time, the boats. Well, I mean,

boats, but nonetheless.

I mean, I think that must have cost a fortune.

Blaine.

We just took it out of that account you have labeled for family emergency.

There's actually so much more in there than I thought.

Yeah. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. What account?

The one for emergency savings.

Yeah. For emergencies.

Do you want this one?

Yeah.

Are you trying to

tell me?

That you tapped in to my retirement fund.

What the fuck is wrong with you two? Jesus Christ, you fucking spent my

nest egg on this. Oh my God, Jesus Christ, I'm never going to be able to

now. Holy shit, my God.

Hey, hey. This is good for your health. Take a breath. It was implacable, boys.

Like you said, implacable. And think of it like an investment. Yeah, once the

spiral goes big.

Oh my God, that's it.

That's it. I can't take it anymore.

This is too fucking easy. It's got to go.

Oh my God, you want to know why?

You want to know why I'm so fucking stressed out lately?

Okay, Nick, I'm going to tell them, okay? Look, family.

waiting. I've got to tell them. Family, your mother and I are getting a divorce.

Wait, this is fantastic.

Boats and hoes, divorce edition.

Genius. Unbelievable!

Oh my god, I'm never going to be able to fucking stop working now.

Surprise! The house was sold in a week.

You two losers are out.

What?

Yeah, time's up. You're fucked.

This is your fault. This is your fault. This is your fault.

You're the one that wanted all the extra money. You wanted the arrow shots, more

votes, more homes. So?

You know what? I don't even need you. I don't need you.

My bags are all packed up.

I got my ticket in my hands.

I say my last goodbye.

I'm headed off to another land.

Oh, no.

Gal, don't mess this up. It's a fucking Catalina wine mixer.

Oh, right.

just another day but I'm gonna wait oh and soon I'm

gonna say that I'm I'm coming home

hey

what's up Nancy hey Robert

Good to see you.

Good to see you.

You look good.

Thank you.

It's been a while.

You look pretty nice, too.

Hey.

Hey. Foster father.

Mom.

Foster mom. Stepdad. You both look really nice.

Look at you two.

Productive members of society now. I know. I'm trying. Wait, are you both

working?

Thank you for hiring me for catering. Wow, you're the best. I wouldn't want

anyone else.

I don't get back to work.

I know the cook needs some help, but yeah, enjoy yourself, guys.

Yeah.

Get back to work?

Do you know, is it me, or does it seem like they put this whole thing

together to get us back together?

I think it's way too much of a coincidence.

You know, I don't think there are any coincidences.

They're working so hard and they're getting along so well. They did all this

us.

You know what?

Cheers.

Cheers. It was good to see you.

Good to see you.

come right now.

Please hurry.

Come on. Let's go.

Okay.

Where is the person having a heart attack now? We can totally explain

here. Take it away.

Well, we know we haven't been in the baths recently and we just don't want

guys to grow apart.

Hon, look, it's...

It's exhausting.

It's not that simple. We've lost the connection.

You can always, like, don't you miss Mom's perfect breasts? I don't think

really appropriate. Sure it is. I mean, listen, it's not about starting from the

beginning. It's about starting over.

I mean, Dad, come on.

Don't you miss these?

Come on, Dad.

I know you miss them, Dad.

Yeah, of course I do.

No, we do. It doesn't feel terrible. Yeah, who wouldn't miss these? They're

incredible. It's been a while. But, I mean, come on. This is silly.

No, I mean, it's all about time.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Don't you miss Dad's cock?

Come on.

I know you guys miss each other.

He has a really pretty cock. He does. You guys have quite the passion, I mean.

We just share a wall.

You did?

Yeah. I mean, it's hard not to.

Here, Mom, let me help you take this dress off.

Okay. Here,

let me get this off of you.

This is hard to get off.

Nancy,

you've been working out. Well, I've been single.

Come on.

And then come here.

Here, look.

Dad, come sit down right here.

Oh, you missed me.

Dad, right here.

Come on. I know you missed this.

Aubrey. Dad, it's fine. No, it's not. Just shut up. I'm trying to help you.

anybody care about what I feel? What is happening right now?

What I feel?

Get in here. Don't be shy.

Aubrey, what are you?

What are you doing?

I'm just trying to help fix the mess we made. Yeah, we may have to make a mess.

Do you like it? Take it easy. You're going to make another mess.

Oh, Nancy.

Oh, my God. Are you okay?

Oh,

God, Nancy.

Well,

don't stop her.

What the hell are you two

doing? Jesus Christ.

Just like, well, not really like old times.

What? Jesus Christ, girls.

What's the big deal?

You guys clearly love and miss each other, so just enjoy. Go with the flow.

Don't worry about us. We're just, you know, yeah. It's fine.

I can't believe what we're doing.

They went to all this trouble.

Oh, no, no, keep going, hon. Keep going. It's been quite a while.

Oh, fuck.

Oh, my God. Does that feel good?

Of course it does. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Okay, I would stop looking over here.

Dad, you stop looking over here and worry about your wife.

What's going on over there?

Just enjoying the magic between you two.

You can tell you clearly love each other.

Well, you know what? We're one big happy family, so you come over here now.

Okay?

Okay.

Because I have the mom. I want the daughter.

The young fuck. Okay.

Okay,

let me help you.

Oh.

I'm so glad that this is going to be helpful. Oh, sweetie, you've always been

helpful.

Thank you. I do really like that I'm helping you out. Yeah, I can tell.

You know I'm always the right one.

But I mean, this is...

Do not tell Derek about this.

That's fucked up.

Yeah, exactly.

I can even do this in his room.

You're really good at that.

Have you been practicing?

Wait, I want to see. What are you doing?

Teach me.

Let me see.

Let me get in there.

Hold on a second.

Here you go. All right, go ahead. Come here. Okay, okay.

Come here. There you go. So supportive.

Here you go. You can be my little rainbow.

What

should

I say? Nighthawk.

Come here.

Come here.

I don't like watching this that much.

Thank you for doing it all right.

I mean, you know how he likes it.

I can tell she's enjoying it.

Wait a second. Is this what you guys were up to when I thought you were

all those wild dreams?

I mean... I mean...

You know what they say.

Family that fucks together stays together.

Is that what they say?

Heard that somewhere, I think.

See, aren't you glad you came in here for this emergency?

I think we really set this up very well.

You did such a good job.

You guys had no idea, huh?

You did so well.

I mean, Dad kind of knew when we first got here.

Oh, my

God.

Oh, my God.

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Come here, girl. Come here. Come here. Come

here. Oh,

okay. Yeah.

Oh,

my God.

I never thought these would work this well.

Nancy, do you mind if I yell?

No, no.

I mean, of course I mean it.

I mean, I think it would be a really nice way for everyone to get back

A little handshake you got there. Of course I'm going to share it with her.

Of course.

Family show.

Okay.

By all means, take over for everything she's got.

Oh, my

God.

Oh, my God.

Oh,

my God.

It's fine.

It's not getting along so well.

I'd

love

to see you two getting along so well.

It's a lot easier now that I know she's not a big douche.

Oh my god, yes.

Aubrey, when did you get that tattoo?

Sorry,

I know you don't like me speaking with my mouth.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Oh, my

God.

I was gone. Really?

Oh, fuck, Dad.

Yes. Just like that.

Oh, my God. You are such a good baby girl. Oh, fuck.

Yes.

Oh,

fuck. Yes,

Dad. Yes.

Yes. Yes.

Yes.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Yes.

You have that, I promise.

I'll let you get mad at it once, okay? Go ahead and smack it.

Go ahead. Do it again.

Do it again. There you go. Go ahead. It's okay. Do it again. Okay, fine.

Go ahead.

Go ahead.

Do you want to try? What's your mom show? Okay, okay, okay.

Oh, like that.

Gail, you want to get in on it? Yeah. I don't know. Just take your anger out one

time. Just do it. Okay, no elder abuse here, but go ahead. Sorry, Dad. Tap it.

There you go. You can do better than that. Yeah, come on, sweetie.

Yeah. Like that?

I mean, no.

Mom has a really good swing on that. Yeah. I guess she's had lots of fun.

he's fun to hit.

Yeah. I mean, do you remember he was yelling at you at the table? Oh, my God,

me?

Yeah. Channel that anger. Yeah. It's true.

Is that how you always get it out on God? Yeah.

Yeah.

Let's have a little girl

party. Yeah.

All three of us? Okay. Yeah.

You guys let mom be. Okay.

There you go.

Mom's always trying to make sure we're full.

I know.

Everybody's okay.

Go ahead. I'll guess who it is.

Who knew?

Look at her.

I know.

That's hard.

Well, I mean, like, moderately dark.

Genetic. Sharing's always been hard for me, being an only child.

I know that's my Nancy.

Until now.

Well, we appreciate you sharing it. Thank you.

Oh, my God, I'm so good at this. No, like, I'm mesmerized.

Mesmerized. Show her that trick that you go all the way down.

There you go.

Oh, yeah. That's a legend.

It took us six weeks on our honeymoon to figure that one out.

Down the hatch.

Do you guys want to try?

I'll try.

I don't know if I can do it like you do it. I know

you can do better than that. We practiced this too.

Do you want mom to help you? Yeah, please.

I want to be wonderful.

Here. There you go.

Oh.

Yeah.

Oh, wow.

I want to go. I want to go.

Oh.

Oh. Okay.

Okay. Okay.

She's kind of like, push my head all the way down.

There you go. Just like that. Just like that.

Wow. You're definitely a natural like your mom.

It's kind of nice, you know.

I know. So you guys finally getting all bonded.

Why don't you hop on top of me? I don't like this. There we go. Yeah.

Oh, wow.

Stop. Stop.

That looks so pretty.

Remember this one?

Oh, yeah.

This is one of our little honeymoon trips, too.

Cheers, cheers.

Oh, my God.

That is bouncy. That is really nice.

Really good.

Yeah. You like watching it? Yeah, I do like watching it.

Oh, that's good.

Oh, just keep going. Just like that. Just like that. Oh, my God. That's good.

Just like that.

Oh,

my God. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh,

my

God. Oh,

my God. Oh, my God.

You guys can help me.

Oh,

God, right there, right there,

right there.

Oh, my God.

Oh,

my God, I'm squeezing you outside. Oh, my God, let me go, you double woman.

Help your mom out.

I can't believe how good she is at that.

She must get it from you.

Apples don't fall far from the tree.

I'm proud to call you guys

my mom and sister.

I can't believe you guys did this to us. All that trouble and us not together

felt so awful.

The last thing we wanted to do is, you know, make up such a happy, happy, happy

couple. We were just being selfish, stuck in our ways.

You should share with your sister a little bit. I should.

May I? May I? Yeah.

I do love you so much.

I know. I didn't mean to. I'm learning to get better.

I don't know. You're not having a sister, right? I don't know.

Come on and hop on.

Well, Dad, don't you think I could have a turn, maybe? Do you want to hop on

short, baby girl? Do you think? Please? I know.

I know.

Oh.

Oh, fuck you.

Nuh -uh.

Blow it down, girl. I promise.

Do you want to feel good?

Yeah. Let mom know.

Yes.

Oh, wow.

Oh, yes.

Thank you, dad. Thank you.

Oh, my God.

Mom's so excited.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Oh, my goodness. Yes,

Aubrey. Oh, yes.

Oh, my goodness.

Oh. Oh, yes. Yes, yes, yes. Sit down. Come on.

Oh, my God.

I think Aubrey got amused by each of your people -pleasing skills.

Did you have any, seriously, moved off on her?

Did you see how long she had to carry you? Of course.

We'll hold it for you.

There you go.

I know, they're doing so good.

Girls, you, come here.

Come on, don't make me stop you.

They're doing so good now.

We need to take a good vacation is what we need to do. Family vacation. Yeah,

the family vacation. Some place tropical.

Some place private, very secluded.

That little place that we went to.

Oh, yeah.

Oh,

yeah, and the conch shells.

Just before that.

Oh, my God.

Okay, Gail, I want to be inside my number two daughter. Number two?

Aubrey was here first. I feel like you always play favorites with us. It's not

fair. No, it's not favorites.

I can see Aubrey.

It's okay. I'm very jealous of you.

Put your dad's cock inside your sister. Oh, yes, Dad.

Here you go.

How's that?

It feels so good.

Yeah, I'll hold you.

There we go.

I feel so good.

Here, I'll hold you up.

Is there anything Mom can do for you? Do you want me to hug at all?

No, it feels really good.

Thanks, Mom.

Oh, my God.

It looks so good. Oh, my God. It does feel so good. Does it?

You know, I just have to touch myself a little bit because I don't think I've

hugged in so long. Yeah.

I knew that once you guys see each other and touch each other just a little bit,

it would be like, you're so smart.

Can you tell me when?

Oh, my God. Oh,

my God, that looks terrible. He's throwing out all the new moves.

This is an old move. It's like a TV movie.

I'm referencing.

Oh, my God. Oh,

shit.

Over here.

Look at that.

Do you want me to help you over here? Sure. I know that won't help you. Okay.

Oh, I'll help you. Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

Oh, my God. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

Oh, my God. I'm going to come. Yeah?

Oh, yeah. Oh, she's going to come.

That's my girl. That's my girl. Big strokes. Big strokes.

Oh, that's it. Just like that. There you go.

Oh.

There you go. Come on.

Oh. Oh, fuck yeah.

Ooh, easy up, easy up, easy up. There you go.

Sorry,

Mom, I didn't mean to get in your eye.

It's okay, honey.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, my goodness.

Oh, my goodness, my good girl. Oh, there's some more. Look at that.

Oh, wait. Oh, wait a minute, Mom.

Oh, no, I can't. Oh, that's it, yeah.

Wow, it's really fun.

Nancy,

this could be only just one thing.

The Catalina wine mixer.

That's right. The fucking Catalina wine mixer.

Did we just become best friends again?

We're best friends.

Round two?

Yes, we are.