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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,910 --> 00:00:08,570 Rub -a -dub, rub -a -dub, rub -a -dub. 2 00:00:37,780 --> 00:00:42,840 So, today is my birthday, and my gang's taking me to karaoke. I'm super excited. 3 00:00:43,280 --> 00:00:44,420 Hey, we're not coming, Ev. 4 00:00:45,800 --> 00:00:46,840 He's joking. 5 00:00:47,340 --> 00:00:49,740 Uh, y 'all, y 'all said you'd come. 6 00:00:50,120 --> 00:00:52,320 Yeah, no, we changed our minds to Karaoke Stupid. 7 00:00:52,700 --> 00:00:53,880 We're gonna do this puzzle instead. 8 00:00:54,480 --> 00:00:55,439 A puzzle? 9 00:00:55,440 --> 00:00:57,720 Hey, Ev, what song are you gonna do with karaoke? 10 00:00:58,160 --> 00:00:59,160 Well, I don't know, Kyle. 11 00:00:59,400 --> 00:01:02,980 Are you gonna do, uh, Karaoke Stupid, the song? 12 00:01:03,320 --> 00:01:05,040 That's not a song. By artist? 13 00:01:05,680 --> 00:01:06,680 What's wrong with karaoke? 14 00:01:06,900 --> 00:01:07,900 Nothing. It's fine. 15 00:01:08,140 --> 00:01:09,540 Right? It's you. 16 00:01:09,760 --> 00:01:11,580 You just have a few really annoying qualities. 17 00:01:12,300 --> 00:01:13,620 What? Like what? 18 00:01:13,900 --> 00:01:15,520 You're called Pepsi Brown Pop. 19 00:01:15,780 --> 00:01:16,820 It is Brown Pop. 20 00:01:17,060 --> 00:01:20,160 You're afraid of everything. I'm not afraid of everything. You're afraid of 21 00:01:20,160 --> 00:01:24,740 -flying planes, tree -sized test plants, bangs, your own bangs. I'm not afraid 22 00:01:24,740 --> 00:01:28,480 of my own... Test him. Go ahead. I don't want to touch him. 23 00:01:29,640 --> 00:01:31,920 It's mostly your accent. What? What? 24 00:01:32,200 --> 00:01:33,200 Here, there it is. 25 00:01:34,080 --> 00:01:35,080 Right there. 26 00:01:35,100 --> 00:01:36,100 What accent? There. 27 00:01:36,400 --> 00:01:38,460 There. Your accent. Yeah. 28 00:01:38,860 --> 00:01:41,820 People just find it kind of crazy. I don't have an accent. 29 00:01:42,100 --> 00:01:45,960 I don't have an accent. Exactly. I think your worst trait is the fact that you 30 00:01:45,960 --> 00:01:50,780 burp and say excuse me and blend the two things together. Like, excuse me. 31 00:01:50,800 --> 00:01:51,800 That's gross. 32 00:01:51,920 --> 00:01:53,280 I don't have a fat face! 33 00:01:53,640 --> 00:01:56,240 Nobody likes you. 34 00:01:58,760 --> 00:02:03,640 Well, I guess that's my birthday. 35 00:02:06,570 --> 00:02:07,710 I'll go to karaoke. 36 00:02:07,990 --> 00:02:08,709 You will? 37 00:02:08,710 --> 00:02:09,710 Yes. 38 00:02:10,870 --> 00:02:13,850 But only because your life just makes me really sad. 39 00:02:14,050 --> 00:02:14,929 I will take it. 40 00:02:14,930 --> 00:02:15,930 Thank you. 41 00:02:52,820 --> 00:02:59,640 My name is Scott, but I'm thinking about changing it from Scott to Scott, 42 00:02:59,820 --> 00:03:06,380 dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, exclamation mark, so that when I 43 00:03:06,380 --> 00:03:08,480 introduce myself, I'll say, hey, I'm Scott. 44 00:03:22,120 --> 00:03:23,440 Denver was just a nightmare. 45 00:03:23,720 --> 00:03:25,520 That airport they had there was just a pit. 46 00:03:25,780 --> 00:03:29,840 I spent like 90 minutes waiting for my bag. There was a delay on the flight 47 00:03:29,840 --> 00:03:35,840 between there and Houston, and it was just like... Are you all right? 48 00:03:36,360 --> 00:03:42,760 When I was in high school, I had a friend, Pete, and he and I made this 49 00:03:42,760 --> 00:03:48,080 little pact that if we both turned 30 and we weren't married, we would marry 50 00:03:48,080 --> 00:03:49,080 each other. 51 00:03:49,160 --> 00:03:50,160 Okay. 52 00:03:52,010 --> 00:03:54,070 I turned 30 while you were in Denver. 53 00:03:54,330 --> 00:03:56,370 I am here, Pete. 54 00:03:57,290 --> 00:03:58,630 You should meet him. 55 00:03:59,050 --> 00:04:00,050 Oh, hey, honey. 56 00:04:01,170 --> 00:04:02,650 Ooh, how are you doing? 57 00:04:02,870 --> 00:04:03,549 I'm good. 58 00:04:03,550 --> 00:04:04,489 How are you? 59 00:04:04,490 --> 00:04:06,330 How was your day? 60 00:04:06,670 --> 00:04:07,850 It was good. 61 00:04:08,810 --> 00:04:10,810 Pete, this is John. 62 00:04:12,290 --> 00:04:15,930 Sorry, John. I thought your mustache was an eyebrow and your mouth was your eye. 63 00:04:16,190 --> 00:04:18,570 Oh, honey. I found you something. 64 00:04:19,250 --> 00:04:20,750 You're going to love it. I can't wait. 65 00:04:21,120 --> 00:04:22,920 You married a homeless man, Diane? 66 00:04:23,140 --> 00:04:24,039 Maybe I did. 67 00:04:24,040 --> 00:04:26,940 It's not like you asked me to marry you. I didn't realize I was on the clock 68 00:04:26,940 --> 00:04:31,080 against a crazy hobo. He's not a crazy hobo. His life took some weird turns 69 00:04:31,080 --> 00:04:32,080 after high school. 70 00:04:32,540 --> 00:04:36,960 But I made a promise. Nobody keeps the promises they make in high school, 71 00:04:37,040 --> 00:04:40,640 If I did that, I'd be living in Amsterdam right now with Bodie and JJ. 72 00:04:40,640 --> 00:04:41,780 talking about Bodie and JJ? 73 00:04:42,040 --> 00:04:43,040 Yeah, you wouldn't know them. 74 00:04:43,320 --> 00:04:44,320 Are they birds? 75 00:04:46,840 --> 00:04:48,260 Bodie and JJ, I know are birds. 76 00:04:48,560 --> 00:04:49,980 You'd like Bodie, John. 77 00:04:51,000 --> 00:04:53,160 Oh, yeah. You guys would get along real well. 78 00:04:54,060 --> 00:04:55,800 Diane, here it is, honey. 79 00:04:56,160 --> 00:04:57,700 Is it half a shirt? 80 00:04:57,920 --> 00:04:58,599 Mm -hmm. 81 00:04:58,600 --> 00:04:59,539 Try it on. 82 00:04:59,540 --> 00:05:02,400 Yeah, a guy was running by me with it on today, so I found it off him. 83 00:05:03,840 --> 00:05:06,020 Give that a little try. 84 00:05:08,520 --> 00:05:09,820 Oh, no. 85 00:05:11,140 --> 00:05:13,080 Oh, I hope you don't mind. I strapped Thumpy on. 86 00:05:13,300 --> 00:05:14,300 No problem. 87 00:05:16,460 --> 00:05:17,980 You strapped your dog Thumpy. 88 00:05:18,580 --> 00:05:19,580 He was back. 89 00:05:20,120 --> 00:05:23,620 Somebody is Pierre's ghost alarm. Yeah, he's a good ghost alarm. He lets me know 90 00:05:23,620 --> 00:05:27,260 if ghosts are sneaking up on me. You married a crazy person. Oh, it's okay, 91 00:05:27,260 --> 00:05:29,300 okay. I've been called worse. Ask me by who. 92 00:05:30,480 --> 00:05:32,080 Who, who has called you worse? 93 00:05:33,080 --> 00:05:34,760 President Robert F. 94 00:05:35,360 --> 00:05:38,060 Kennedy. There's no way this man knows any of the Kennedys. 95 00:05:38,360 --> 00:05:39,660 Oh, I know all of the Kennedys. 96 00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:41,340 John. 97 00:05:41,740 --> 00:05:42,740 Bobby. 98 00:05:43,360 --> 00:05:44,360 O'Toole. 99 00:05:45,020 --> 00:05:46,020 Barry. 100 00:05:46,820 --> 00:05:47,820 Susan. 101 00:05:48,180 --> 00:05:49,180 Susan F. Kennedy. 102 00:05:49,640 --> 00:05:51,440 She was a queen. 103 00:05:51,760 --> 00:05:54,900 Hey, Pete. Oh, hey, Ralph. Diane. How are things? 104 00:05:55,260 --> 00:05:58,480 Oh, Diane, is it okay if Ralph and I watch the game here tonight? 105 00:05:59,740 --> 00:06:04,820 Sure. You know that TV doesn't work at all. Oh, that's okay. Figure something 106 00:06:04,820 --> 00:06:05,940 out. Okay. 107 00:06:08,460 --> 00:06:09,460 Okay. 108 00:06:12,100 --> 00:06:16,360 Okay, they line up at center ice and the referee drops the puck and we are... 109 00:06:16,680 --> 00:06:17,599 A Norway. 110 00:06:17,600 --> 00:06:18,820 See you for two minutes, please. 111 00:06:19,180 --> 00:06:22,180 Ooh, there they go. They're passing it through the neutral zone. 112 00:06:22,460 --> 00:06:26,400 He passes it. Man, I love you. If this is about marriage, let's just get 113 00:06:26,400 --> 00:06:29,040 married. Is this really the life you want? 114 00:06:29,720 --> 00:06:31,500 Oh, that's a nice save. 115 00:06:31,900 --> 00:06:32,980 Maybe it is. 116 00:06:34,220 --> 00:06:39,040 Maybe all I've ever wanted is to witness life through the filter of an oddly 117 00:06:39,040 --> 00:06:40,500 childlike hobo named Pete. 118 00:07:13,050 --> 00:07:14,550 The place is lame. 119 00:07:18,010 --> 00:07:19,370 Does everyone hate me? 120 00:07:20,950 --> 00:07:21,950 What? 121 00:07:22,550 --> 00:07:23,730 Why would you think that? 122 00:07:24,370 --> 00:07:26,850 Scott's headed, like, right into my face. 123 00:07:28,150 --> 00:07:29,150 Humanity? 124 00:07:29,370 --> 00:07:30,430 No, to cheer you up. 125 00:07:30,650 --> 00:07:31,650 What? 126 00:07:31,950 --> 00:07:34,510 A duet of your favorite public domain song. 127 00:07:34,890 --> 00:07:35,890 You did it? 128 00:07:36,090 --> 00:07:37,090 I did. 129 00:07:43,790 --> 00:07:47,170 Ebony and Cheryl, your time is gone. 130 00:07:48,530 --> 00:07:50,690 Your time for singing. 131 00:07:56,190 --> 00:07:59,670 I guess our time for singing has come. 132 00:08:06,810 --> 00:08:07,870 You're ready. 133 00:08:50,000 --> 00:08:51,000 Thank you. 134 00:10:03,080 --> 00:10:04,080 What the hell was that? 135 00:10:07,460 --> 00:10:08,500 Where's the other DJ? 136 00:10:09,440 --> 00:10:10,960 Ebony and Cheryl, everybody. 137 00:10:11,260 --> 00:10:12,260 Ebony and Cheryl. 138 00:10:13,600 --> 00:10:14,760 They're out of here. Okay. 139 00:10:15,600 --> 00:10:18,040 All right, coming up next is Jeff. 140 00:10:18,440 --> 00:10:20,020 Is Jeff anywhere? 141 00:10:20,920 --> 00:10:21,920 There you are. 142 00:11:20,810 --> 00:11:21,810 It's air flute. 143 00:11:22,530 --> 00:11:23,530 Air flute? 144 00:11:24,030 --> 00:11:26,890 Yeah. There's no air flute, man. It's air guitar. 145 00:11:27,890 --> 00:11:31,910 All right. 146 00:11:32,830 --> 00:11:34,030 But I play air flute. 147 00:11:52,460 --> 00:11:56,580 Hey, yo, I'm Manfest's friend, and I'm here to say, you're all invited to a D 148 00:11:56,580 --> 00:11:57,359 .G. party. 149 00:11:57,360 --> 00:12:01,400 It's a dog, P -A -R -T -Y, dog, P -A -R -T -Y. 150 00:12:01,960 --> 00:12:06,200 So bring your chips and bring your dip, dog, P -A -R -T -Y. 151 00:12:27,340 --> 00:12:29,740 Don't you break any hearts at that dance school of yours. 152 00:12:30,280 --> 00:12:31,280 Mom. 153 00:12:32,680 --> 00:12:34,180 It's the best we've ever seen. 154 00:12:34,460 --> 00:12:36,940 It's the best anyone's ever seen. 155 00:12:41,360 --> 00:12:42,920 I'm very sorry, Mrs. Newman. 156 00:12:43,720 --> 00:12:45,580 But your son has been in a car accident. 157 00:12:48,280 --> 00:12:49,280 He's paralyzed. 158 00:12:50,380 --> 00:12:51,660 From the waist up. 159 00:12:59,470 --> 00:13:00,470 He used to. 160 00:13:02,190 --> 00:13:04,170 Can you dance, cripple? 161 00:13:04,710 --> 00:13:06,990 He can't even move his upper body! 162 00:13:08,550 --> 00:13:14,070 What you got, reverse paraplegic? 163 00:13:34,830 --> 00:13:35,850 Here comes the clock, Dale. 164 00:13:36,130 --> 00:13:37,130 Yeah! 165 00:13:45,450 --> 00:13:46,810 Oh, it's a tilted swirl! 166 00:14:34,280 --> 00:14:35,280 Was it you? 167 00:14:37,760 --> 00:14:38,760 Did you? 168 00:14:42,720 --> 00:14:43,720 Yeah! 169 00:14:45,780 --> 00:14:49,760 How did you do this? 170 00:14:50,760 --> 00:14:51,900 Did you do this? 171 00:15:11,280 --> 00:15:14,440 If you have an infinite number of monkeys typing in an infinite number of 172 00:15:14,440 --> 00:15:17,860 typewriters, one of those monkeys will write the perfect novel. It's a 173 00:15:17,860 --> 00:15:18,860 mathematical fact. 174 00:15:18,920 --> 00:15:22,700 But if we accept that, then we must also accept that another one of those 175 00:15:22,700 --> 00:15:24,420 monkeys will write the perfect novel. 176 00:15:24,620 --> 00:15:29,100 But the last line will be Oprah and Albert Finney ring crotch bells 177 00:15:29,340 --> 00:15:31,120 IBM crotch crotch. 178 00:15:40,780 --> 00:15:45,460 You pull up to a red light in your minivan and sigh, the weight of the 179 00:15:45,460 --> 00:15:46,460 your shoulders. 180 00:15:46,540 --> 00:15:48,040 A minivan? 181 00:15:48,340 --> 00:15:50,400 How did you end up in a minivan? 182 00:15:50,880 --> 00:15:53,520 You glance over and see a guy in a new Porsche. 183 00:15:53,820 --> 00:15:55,420 He looks confident, cool. 184 00:15:55,660 --> 00:15:56,880 He's wearing sunglasses. 185 00:15:57,460 --> 00:16:01,420 You look down at what you're wearing. Little overalls, white knitted cap. 186 00:16:01,740 --> 00:16:05,340 Heck, you've got to sit on a stack of phone books just to see over the 187 00:16:05,340 --> 00:16:08,260 wheel. You catch a glimpse of your face in the mirror. 188 00:16:08,560 --> 00:16:10,560 Yep. That's the face of a baby. 189 00:16:10,780 --> 00:16:14,000 You start to think about all the decisions that led to this moment. 190 00:16:14,260 --> 00:16:19,240 Getting married early, moving to the suburbs, buying the minivan, running 191 00:16:19,240 --> 00:16:23,140 that gypsy's daughter, getting cursed to inhabit the body of a baby forever. 192 00:16:23,580 --> 00:16:27,760 You look up and see the Porsche driver staring at you, talking on his phone. 193 00:16:28,100 --> 00:16:31,820 He's probably calling the cops because he thinks a baby took off in his 194 00:16:31,960 --> 00:16:36,200 minivan. You picture the next four hours of your life spent explaining to the 195 00:16:36,200 --> 00:16:41,240 cops that yes, You're that baby, the one who was in all the newspapers, the one 196 00:16:41,240 --> 00:16:42,720 who was cursed by the gypsy. 197 00:16:43,080 --> 00:16:46,700 And as you think about this, the light turns green and you watch the Porsche 198 00:16:46,700 --> 00:16:47,700 drive away. 199 00:16:48,200 --> 00:16:51,140 Smooth, luxurious, Porsche. 200 00:16:56,460 --> 00:17:03,420 Thank you so much. The kids had 201 00:17:03,420 --> 00:17:04,420 a great time. 202 00:17:05,099 --> 00:17:07,240 Do you have a business card? No, I don't. 203 00:17:09,240 --> 00:17:11,900 Thanks. How did you do that? 204 00:17:12,700 --> 00:17:13,700 Help me. 205 00:17:13,900 --> 00:17:14,900 I'm sorry? 206 00:17:25,740 --> 00:17:26,740 Yes. 207 00:17:27,420 --> 00:17:28,840 Flip and pull. 208 00:17:54,220 --> 00:17:55,700 Ebony, it was probably just a prank video. 209 00:17:56,120 --> 00:17:59,500 A prank video? We were in it! Yeah, well, you can do anything with digital 210 00:17:59,500 --> 00:18:02,000 editing these days, you know? Was this all some ploy? 211 00:18:02,200 --> 00:18:04,880 What? Where you pretend to be my friend? 212 00:18:05,140 --> 00:18:06,860 What? And then you stab me? 213 00:18:07,940 --> 00:18:09,540 What? I don't know. 214 00:18:09,760 --> 00:18:14,460 Okay, Ebony, if I was going to stab you, which I'm not. Okay. Okay, so cool it. 215 00:18:15,240 --> 00:18:19,320 Hey, A, why would I tell you about it in a video that backed our karaoke duet? 216 00:18:19,620 --> 00:18:24,080 And B, why would you put all that weird shit in there? I mean, Brian was a bird 217 00:18:24,080 --> 00:18:26,540 and Andy was a... Chef? 218 00:18:26,840 --> 00:18:30,620 I don't... Yeah, you're right. I know. It's just been such a weird day. Yeah. 219 00:18:30,840 --> 00:18:31,840 Everyone's called me fat. 220 00:18:32,100 --> 00:18:36,160 Well, you're not fat. Thank you. It's your birthday, so just be happy. 221 00:18:36,500 --> 00:18:37,500 Can't wait. 222 00:18:38,180 --> 00:18:39,180 Whoopee. 223 00:18:39,320 --> 00:18:40,660 Just like nobody did anything. 224 00:18:47,180 --> 00:18:48,180 Come on! 225 00:19:37,930 --> 00:19:40,910 Ebony, I know what this looks like, but it's just a coincidence, okay? I'm not 226 00:19:40,910 --> 00:19:41,910 going to stab you. 227 00:20:25,130 --> 00:20:30,730 stabbed me okay you can't ask why no one likes you and then stab a person i'm 228 00:20:30,730 --> 00:20:37,410 sorry at the work nobody likes you doctor 229 00:20:37,410 --> 00:20:42,770 how's brian doing your friend seems to be stuck in slow motion 230 00:20:42,770 --> 00:20:49,930 this 231 00:20:49,930 --> 00:20:50,930 is awful 232 00:21:06,770 --> 00:21:08,910 Did you guys at least finish the puzzle? 233 00:21:09,210 --> 00:21:12,030 Almost. But we couldn't find the last piece. 234 00:21:23,930 --> 00:21:25,430 Cheryl, no! What's happening? 235 00:21:25,670 --> 00:21:26,670 Oh, my God! 16430