All language subtitles for Picnicface s01e04 Affirmative Action
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1
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The Crown will now hear closing
statements from the defense.
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00:00:13,490 --> 00:00:19,470
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, before
you retire to determine my guilt,
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00:00:19,570 --> 00:00:23,450
I just want to ask you one question.
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00:00:25,750 --> 00:00:28,070
Do I look like a rapist?
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00:00:29,870 --> 00:00:31,210
I rest my case.
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00:01:02,800 --> 00:01:06,380
Hey, guys. Mark here. We're gearing up
to play some charades. We're going to do
7
00:01:06,380 --> 00:01:07,660
it right. We're going to do it now.
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Hooray! Oh, they're ready.
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This is traditional charades. I'm
talking timed rounds. Shut your mouth.
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out.
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Count the syllables.
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00:01:21,720 --> 00:01:23,320
Keep the pace, but keep your head.
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Uh, chest.
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Uh, me.
15
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Let's get it on!
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Uh, Brian. Uh, you're out.
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Uh, truth.
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Brian, you're out of this room!
19
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Ah, yes!
20
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Where are you, Cal?
21
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Where are you?
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Winner! Yeah!
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Charades. The producer said that we
should have a minority in the group, and
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we're replacing you. Who's my
replacement?
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Gord. The boom mic guy?
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Brian Gord's native.
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I'm Mi 'kmaq. Ah, congratulations.
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Good for you.
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00:01:59,060 --> 00:02:01,840
Frank. You're the whitest member of the
truth.
30
00:02:02,080 --> 00:02:04,080
That's not true. Scott is whiter than I
am.
31
00:02:04,300 --> 00:02:07,800
Actually, Scott is crazy tan from the
way it does. Yeah, check it out.
32
00:02:09,120 --> 00:02:10,680
Oh, nice.
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Built, muchacho.
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Yeah, yeah.
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That's how you replace a group member.
That's how you ruin someone's day.
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That's how you give someone an
opportunity that they don't think is an
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opportunity until they've gained a bit
of perspective.
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Good luck, Brian.
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That's right!
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00:02:35,560 --> 00:02:37,460
Meet the new picnic face.
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Andy, Kyle, Ebony, Mark, Cheryl, Bill,
Scott.
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And introducing... Gord.
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I'm of the Mi 'kmaq Nation.
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My name is Gord.
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Well, here's my honor, too.
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Now, get out of here. But, sir, you
can't just go out there. Get out of
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Ed, caught it.
48
00:03:12,820 --> 00:03:14,260
Being a celebrity is great.
49
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Money, fame, sex.
50
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Who do I tell you to get out of your
little heart here?
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00:03:21,140 --> 00:03:22,140
Recognize me now?
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00:03:22,340 --> 00:03:25,320
This is what I looked like before I
found celebrity varnish.
53
00:03:25,700 --> 00:03:28,820
But now... Hello, Hollywood, California.
54
00:03:30,100 --> 00:03:32,580
Just like that, I'm a celebrity.
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Water. Simply apply a thick coat of our
uniquely formulated varnish to your head
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three times daily.
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And hello, Hollywood, California.
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You're now a celebrity.
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00:03:47,790 --> 00:03:52,390
This woman had three auditions in her
first week using celebrity varnish.
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00:03:55,630 --> 00:03:56,970
Look at this guy.
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00:03:57,290 --> 00:03:58,290
Wow.
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00:03:59,510 --> 00:04:00,890
Just look at him.
63
00:04:02,330 --> 00:04:03,330
Hmm.
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00:04:08,460 --> 00:04:12,060
You'll go from this to this.
65
00:04:14,500 --> 00:04:18,399
Seems like this one will happen all the
time with celebrity varnish.
66
00:04:18,860 --> 00:04:19,860
Look at them.
67
00:04:20,540 --> 00:04:23,400
Wow. Just look at them all.
68
00:04:35,460 --> 00:04:40,640
Which speech defect afflicted Canada's
third governor general, Lord Dufferin?
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00:04:41,100 --> 00:04:42,820
Jason? I don't know, man.
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00:04:43,440 --> 00:04:47,000
Tell me something for real. Is that fern
behind me moving?
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00:04:47,340 --> 00:04:51,120
Jason, there's no one in the fern. You'd
tell me if there was a fucking dude in
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00:04:51,120 --> 00:04:53,420
that fern, wouldn't you? There's no one
in the fern, Jason.
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00:04:53,680 --> 00:04:55,880
We're just trying to have a nice game,
aren't we, Margaret?
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Could somebody pass me my wallet?
75
00:05:02,750 --> 00:05:06,210
Margaret, it's right there. I'm going to
put a gun in that fern and start
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firing. My wallet.
77
00:05:09,590 --> 00:05:11,070
Trivia -based board games.
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00:05:11,410 --> 00:05:15,490
Each year, thousands of families enjoy
playing them. But have you ever wondered
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how trivia -based board games are made?
80
00:05:17,350 --> 00:05:19,770
Where do they come from, and how are
they made?
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00:05:20,030 --> 00:05:22,870
Time to take another trip to find out.
Ready, Travel Crow?
82
00:05:23,810 --> 00:05:28,530
Here we are at the local mall, home of
the food court, the Everything for on
83
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Fire store, and the game store.
84
00:05:31,610 --> 00:05:35,730
We asked an employee where this game
store gets its trivia -based board
85
00:05:35,870 --> 00:05:39,550
Hey, my name's Josh. That's right, from
New York City.
86
00:05:40,690 --> 00:05:44,830
Here in New York is the company that
manufactures all of your favorite trivia
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-based board games, including Brainsies,
4Chin, 40 -something man and his horse
88
00:05:49,770 --> 00:05:50,770
friend's trivia.
89
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And Kornga trivia.
90
00:05:52,580 --> 00:05:56,240
All these games are made in this one
building. It's a good working
91
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wouldn't you say so, Stanley?
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00:05:57,860 --> 00:06:01,020
Man, you gotta help me, I'm being held
hostage. But how do they come up with
93
00:06:01,020 --> 00:06:02,780
questions that go on the trivia cards?
94
00:06:03,040 --> 00:06:06,360
To find out, let's travel all the way to
the English countryside.
95
00:06:07,300 --> 00:06:10,440
Here, we see an aristocrat busy
collecting trivia.
96
00:06:10,720 --> 00:06:14,700
He'll find the facts and relay them to
his manservant, who makes notes in his
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00:06:14,700 --> 00:06:19,060
tomes. Right now, the collector is
noticing that meadows are mostly green.
98
00:06:19,630 --> 00:06:22,130
This will become a question on one of
your trivia cards.
99
00:06:24,230 --> 00:06:28,630
These aristocrats can be found in all
corners of the world, from fields to
100
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record stores to outer space.
101
00:06:33,410 --> 00:06:38,530
All of this so that you can play a nice
trivia -based board game at home with
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00:06:38,530 --> 00:06:39,389
your family.
103
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Well, that was an interesting lesson,
wasn't it, Jason? Oh, my God, there he
104
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He's right in the front. He's watching
us.
105
00:07:01,060 --> 00:07:04,200
i had a really good time tonight me too
106
00:07:14,380 --> 00:07:20,260
hexagon is back we need you you're where
the last transformers left he doesn't
107
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look like a transformer that's because
he's an internal transformer all his
108
00:07:24,400 --> 00:07:25,480
organs are calm
109
00:08:12,810 --> 00:08:14,450
Previously on Picnic Face.
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I
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hope
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you enjoy the next sketch.
113
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I wrote it.
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00:08:49,580 --> 00:08:52,640
Wow, I can't believe she actually agreed
to go out with me.
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00:08:52,980 --> 00:08:53,980
She's so beautiful.
116
00:08:54,860 --> 00:08:57,680
Wow, I can't believe he actually asked
me out.
117
00:08:58,240 --> 00:08:59,280
He's such a babe.
118
00:08:59,600 --> 00:09:02,500
Hi, my name is Mike, and I'll be your
waiter this evening.
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00:09:03,020 --> 00:09:04,760
Would you like to try some of our house
wine?
120
00:09:05,320 --> 00:09:06,380
Sure, that'd be great.
121
00:09:06,700 --> 00:09:07,700
Yes, please.
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00:09:09,420 --> 00:09:10,440
What a nice couple.
123
00:09:11,100 --> 00:09:14,440
They remind me of my grandmothers, who
were part of the Mi 'kmaq nation.
124
00:09:15,240 --> 00:09:19,620
At the time of first contact with
European explorers in the 16th and 17th
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00:09:19,620 --> 00:09:23,580
centuries, the Mi 'kmaq lived in the
region now known as the Maritime
126
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and the Gat Bay Peninsula.
127
00:09:25,500 --> 00:09:28,460
Later, they also settled in New England
and Newfoundland.
128
00:09:30,100 --> 00:09:33,800
The Mi 'kmaq call themselves Ilmi,
meaning the people.
129
00:09:34,140 --> 00:09:38,560
The term Mi 'kmaq comes from the word
Nikmak, meaning my kin friends.
130
00:09:38,980 --> 00:09:41,200
The Mi 'kmaq language is rich and
descriptive.
131
00:09:41,880 --> 00:09:44,120
Their name for the month of May is
132
00:09:58,889 --> 00:10:00,870
Excuse me, but you're Mi 'kmaq, aren't
you?
133
00:10:01,310 --> 00:10:02,550
I was just going to ask that.
134
00:10:03,550 --> 00:10:04,790
You read my mind.
135
00:10:05,790 --> 00:10:07,190
Seems you were both reading mine.
136
00:10:20,430 --> 00:10:21,710
How could they kick me out of the group?
137
00:10:22,770 --> 00:10:24,310
Me? Brian?
138
00:10:26,230 --> 00:10:27,230
What do I do now?
139
00:10:28,590 --> 00:10:30,310
What am I if not a sketch comedian?
140
00:10:33,570 --> 00:10:34,710
I'm not going to cry.
141
00:10:36,010 --> 00:10:37,390
I'm going to stay strong.
142
00:10:40,370 --> 00:10:42,850
Don't you cry.
143
00:10:45,550 --> 00:10:47,290
Why me?
144
00:10:54,590 --> 00:10:58,230
Why does this hurt so much?
145
00:11:01,130 --> 00:11:05,050
All righty.
146
00:11:05,610 --> 00:11:07,570
So what is the plan tonight?
147
00:11:07,990 --> 00:11:10,510
Eric's coming over. Great. What movie
are we watching?
148
00:11:10,770 --> 00:11:12,990
Actually, we were just going to...
Pizza's here.
149
00:11:13,270 --> 00:11:14,310
Eric. Hey.
150
00:11:14,710 --> 00:11:17,690
Hey. It's so good to see you. Good to
see you.
151
00:11:18,030 --> 00:11:19,990
Did you bring the movie? Oh, what, this
movie?
152
00:11:20,310 --> 00:11:21,710
Yes, this movie.
153
00:11:22,130 --> 00:11:23,130
Eric.
154
00:11:26,410 --> 00:11:30,410
Do you mind if we... Let's do it. Ready?
155
00:11:31,770 --> 00:11:38,750
Okay. Well, you know how they say that
two accompany us, but three... More
156
00:11:38,750 --> 00:11:39,750
company.
157
00:11:41,130 --> 00:11:43,250
No. We're just going to go upstairs and
watch this movie.
158
00:11:44,090 --> 00:11:46,490
Don't leave me alone. You're being
weird. Don't leave me alone.
159
00:11:57,150 --> 00:11:58,330
I've got you alone.
160
00:11:58,770 --> 00:11:59,770
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
161
00:12:00,330 --> 00:12:04,190
Come on, sweetheart. Let's go to salsa
dancing at Gomer's. I don't want to go
162
00:12:04,190 --> 00:12:07,190
salsa dancing at Gomer's. Oh, we're
going to have so much fun at Gomer's.
163
00:12:07,190 --> 00:12:08,210
awesome. It's fun time tonight.
164
00:12:09,930 --> 00:12:11,570
You know what they say.
165
00:12:11,850 --> 00:12:15,170
It takes two to tango, though.
166
00:12:15,750 --> 00:12:19,050
Gomer's is a salsa club. The same rules
apply for all dancing.
167
00:12:19,750 --> 00:12:20,750
Don't leave me alone.
168
00:12:22,410 --> 00:12:23,410
Please don't go.
169
00:12:23,850 --> 00:12:24,990
No, don't go.
170
00:12:26,280 --> 00:12:27,280
Oh, no.
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00:12:27,340 --> 00:12:29,120
Oh, no.
172
00:13:17,390 --> 00:13:18,990
previously on Picnic Face.
173
00:14:43,340 --> 00:14:47,260
Hey guys, we were just talking about
what to do with Gord because he's not
174
00:14:47,260 --> 00:14:52,080
really funny and it's not a native
thing. It's just he's really boring.
175
00:14:52,760 --> 00:14:55,560
I don't know. I kind of like Gord.
176
00:14:55,980 --> 00:14:59,080
It's like I laugh and I learn.
177
00:15:00,720 --> 00:15:01,920
It's like a double thing.
178
00:15:02,720 --> 00:15:05,560
Scott, do you have to tan here?
179
00:15:05,820 --> 00:15:07,680
I don't see why we need Gord at all.
180
00:15:07,940 --> 00:15:09,480
We already have a minority in the group.
181
00:15:10,060 --> 00:15:11,240
Who? It's me.
182
00:15:12,240 --> 00:15:13,240
I'm Jewish.
183
00:15:14,200 --> 00:15:17,160
Well, don't call meetings in the
afternoon if you don't want me to show
184
00:15:17,160 --> 00:15:17,779
tan pants.
185
00:15:17,780 --> 00:15:20,380
Well, when would you like me to call
you? I need to tan on a regular
186
00:15:21,420 --> 00:15:24,740
Monday to Friday, three to four, tan
pants.
187
00:15:25,440 --> 00:15:26,440
I'm the minority.
188
00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:31,800
What minority are you, Bill? Oh, come
on, Andy. It's me, Gay Bill.
189
00:15:32,660 --> 00:15:33,660
You're married.
190
00:15:34,860 --> 00:15:37,520
Andy, gay people can get married.
191
00:15:38,060 --> 00:15:39,560
You're married to a woman, Bill.
192
00:15:48,560 --> 00:15:50,900
We have two minorities here. So there
you go.
193
00:15:51,140 --> 00:15:53,860
Jewish ebony. There it is. And gay bill.
194
00:15:54,080 --> 00:15:55,080
Perfect.
195
00:15:55,300 --> 00:15:56,300
Yeah.
196
00:15:56,800 --> 00:15:57,880
That's awesome.
197
00:15:58,340 --> 00:15:59,940
How high do these things go, Scott?
198
00:16:00,300 --> 00:16:03,380
One is Latino and ten is very Latino.
199
00:16:03,820 --> 00:16:06,060
I'm going to get that going for you. Oh,
my caramba.
200
00:16:08,320 --> 00:16:09,580
What are you doing?
201
00:16:10,420 --> 00:16:12,220
I'm Jewish now? Am I Jewish?
202
00:16:12,560 --> 00:16:14,160
Am I a Jew now?
203
00:16:19,150 --> 00:16:20,150
I'm a gay Jew.
204
00:16:20,230 --> 00:16:24,610
Oh, gay Jew Andy. Gay Jew Andy. That's
really racist, Andy.
205
00:16:25,510 --> 00:16:26,850
You forgot on the phone.
206
00:16:44,910 --> 00:16:45,910
Okay, gentlemen.
207
00:16:47,930 --> 00:16:49,390
What do we know about our trucks.
208
00:16:50,930 --> 00:16:51,930
They're huge.
209
00:16:55,090 --> 00:16:56,090
Here's one.
210
00:16:59,410 --> 00:17:00,790
Gotta have one of these trucks.
211
00:17:02,570 --> 00:17:03,570
No question.
212
00:17:07,250 --> 00:17:12,130
Maybe you... Maybe you say, I want you
to...
213
00:17:12,130 --> 00:17:16,790
Explain me?
214
00:17:19,819 --> 00:17:21,060
You're such a faggot.
215
00:17:23,040 --> 00:17:24,040
You don't get it.
216
00:17:24,339 --> 00:17:25,339
You're not.
217
00:17:27,220 --> 00:17:29,020
Who am I doing this trick?
218
00:17:30,220 --> 00:17:31,220
Zippy math.
219
00:17:31,960 --> 00:17:38,240
You just need to know that... You
want...
220
00:17:38,240 --> 00:17:44,100
This trick's for you.
221
00:17:55,820 --> 00:17:58,340
Any questions?
222
00:18:29,350 --> 00:18:30,990
Previously on Picnic Face.
223
00:18:33,410 --> 00:18:36,490
Maybe you're afraid to try to learn to
board.
224
00:18:37,630 --> 00:18:39,890
I don't have more, I'm just watching.
225
00:18:42,610 --> 00:18:45,590
Every person has the makings of a good
board.
226
00:18:48,070 --> 00:18:49,070
Too white?
227
00:18:49,870 --> 00:18:53,590
That doesn't even make any sense, too
white. How could someone be too white?
228
00:18:53,850 --> 00:18:55,910
You get a lot of nuts in here, how's
that feel?
229
00:18:56,770 --> 00:18:58,350
That's pretty good, Dusty, thanks.
230
00:18:58,830 --> 00:19:01,230
You know, you should go back and give
your friends a piece of your mind.
231
00:19:01,930 --> 00:19:05,670
Yeah. Yeah, let them know why you
deserve to be in that sketch troupe.
232
00:19:05,670 --> 00:19:07,030
you're right. Yeah, murder them.
233
00:19:07,290 --> 00:19:08,430
What? What?
234
00:19:09,010 --> 00:19:10,090
What did you just say?
235
00:19:10,450 --> 00:19:11,450
I don't know.
236
00:19:12,370 --> 00:19:13,370
All right.
237
00:19:13,430 --> 00:19:14,430
Get back there.
238
00:19:15,830 --> 00:19:17,590
And show them that you're the bigger
man.
239
00:19:18,330 --> 00:19:19,730
I am the biggest man.
240
00:19:20,030 --> 00:19:21,070
You're the biggest man.
241
00:19:21,390 --> 00:19:23,130
Yeah. Put your foot down.
242
00:19:23,370 --> 00:19:24,069
I will.
243
00:19:24,070 --> 00:19:27,010
Show them what you're made of. Yeah.
Murder them. No.
244
00:19:27,270 --> 00:19:28,270
Please.
245
00:19:31,400 --> 00:19:36,340
must be spilled on this day if not yours
then whose oh great lord oh lord if it
246
00:19:36,340 --> 00:19:42,720
must be mine then it shall oh great
creator of the finest in novelty linens
247
00:19:42,720 --> 00:19:48,300
with your chain stores and your fine one
-piece pajama oh creator of the queen
248
00:19:48,300 --> 00:19:55,040
-sized bed and the miniature ass oh and
then gorge would be right here do we
249
00:19:55,040 --> 00:20:00,110
have to give him lines yeah well yeah
hey Sure. It's about time that you start
250
00:20:00,110 --> 00:20:01,110
taking it.
251
00:20:01,610 --> 00:20:03,270
Oh, my God.
252
00:20:04,570 --> 00:20:06,170
Call an ambulance. Call an ambulance.
253
00:20:07,510 --> 00:20:08,590
Oh, my God.
254
00:20:09,210 --> 00:20:11,310
Why are you dialing so many numbers? I'm
texting.
255
00:20:11,530 --> 00:20:12,810
You're texting an ambulance?
256
00:20:13,010 --> 00:20:15,470
I don't want to get into a whole
conversation. Just call the fucking
257
00:20:16,510 --> 00:20:18,110
You can't text an ambulance.
258
00:20:18,410 --> 00:20:19,410
Give me the phone.
259
00:20:21,170 --> 00:20:24,090
Brian, are you okay? Where am I?
260
00:20:24,530 --> 00:20:25,530
You're in the hospital.
261
00:20:25,770 --> 00:20:28,590
The doctor said you're going to be in a
wheelchair for the rest of your life.
262
00:20:28,770 --> 00:20:29,770
Oh, Jesus.
263
00:20:29,870 --> 00:20:31,130
Oh, no, no, it's good.
264
00:20:31,570 --> 00:20:33,470
You'll be our token wheelchair guy now.
265
00:20:33,770 --> 00:20:34,950
You've filled the mandate.
266
00:20:36,350 --> 00:20:39,390
I heard about what happened with Brian.
267
00:20:39,790 --> 00:20:40,790
Are you okay?
268
00:20:41,130 --> 00:20:48,010
Gord, Brian's our token minority now, so
you're out of the group. Yeah,
269
00:20:48,050 --> 00:20:49,370
Gord, get off our land.
270
00:20:49,790 --> 00:20:51,430
Okay, that's not the...
271
00:20:51,740 --> 00:20:55,160
I don't want him to leave. Choice of
words for that. Does anyone smell burnt
272
00:20:55,160 --> 00:20:56,340
flesh? Kind of.
273
00:20:57,420 --> 00:20:58,420
Oh.
274
00:20:59,140 --> 00:21:00,140
Hey, guys.
275
00:21:00,620 --> 00:21:02,080
Fell asleep in my tan pants.
276
00:21:03,700 --> 00:21:05,660
Doctor said I got 10th degree tans.
277
00:21:06,300 --> 00:21:10,100
That is gross. Yeah, I'd never want to
look at that or be reminded of that
278
00:21:10,100 --> 00:21:12,100
again. Oh, guys.
279
00:21:13,020 --> 00:21:14,020
Look, it's an eagle.
280
00:21:15,340 --> 00:21:16,540
Wait a second, where's Gord?
281
00:21:20,280 --> 00:21:21,280
Oh, my God.
282
00:21:22,000 --> 00:21:23,600
I think Gord turned into an eagle.
283
00:21:24,480 --> 00:21:25,480
Cool.
284
00:21:25,640 --> 00:21:27,100
They can just do that?
285
00:21:27,400 --> 00:21:28,400
I'm right here.
286
00:21:32,860 --> 00:21:36,500
I genuinely thought you turned into an
eagle. I'm sorry, Gord. I am really
287
00:21:36,500 --> 00:21:38,960
sorry. I thought that you were...
20433
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