All language subtitles for Picnicface s01e03 Contest Winner

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:17,040 --> 00:00:19,260 Ladies and gentlemen, Jordan Talbot. 2 00:00:20,280 --> 00:00:22,780 No, you didn't... Just a little bit faster. 3 00:00:23,020 --> 00:00:25,700 Just a little bit faster. Ladies and gentlemen, Jordan Talbot. 4 00:00:27,000 --> 00:00:31,340 Ladies and gentlemen, Jordan... Ladies and gentlemen, Jordan Talbot. 5 00:00:31,580 --> 00:00:35,180 Faster, faster, faster. Ladies and gentlemen, Jordan Talbot. Let's, hold 6 00:00:35,180 --> 00:00:36,400 a little higher. No, just down. 7 00:00:36,720 --> 00:00:42,200 Ladies and gentlemen... Ladies and gentlemen, Jordan... Wait, just... 8 00:00:42,200 --> 00:00:43,420 gentlemen, Jordan Talbot. 9 00:00:44,940 --> 00:00:45,980 Hey, Jordan, what's up? 10 00:00:47,160 --> 00:00:48,160 Nothing. 11 00:01:09,720 --> 00:01:10,720 So, 12 00:01:12,380 --> 00:01:15,620 throughout the episode, you're gonna see Jordan in a bunch of sketches and 13 00:01:15,620 --> 00:01:18,940 some... bumpers, and he may even be featured in the sketch. 14 00:01:20,880 --> 00:01:27,720 This next sketch shows you why it's good 15 00:01:27,720 --> 00:01:29,660 to have friends that are real. 16 00:01:30,320 --> 00:01:32,100 Here's the imaginary friend. 17 00:01:32,440 --> 00:01:34,500 There. Our sandcastle's all done. 18 00:01:35,060 --> 00:01:38,920 Think you need the moat? I don't know, man. Building sandcastles sucks. And 19 00:01:38,920 --> 00:01:40,660 these imaginary battles are boring. 20 00:01:47,630 --> 00:01:52,470 It's my imaginary friend, Pickles. He's a... Hey, guys! You better build your 21 00:01:52,470 --> 00:01:53,229 moat fast! 22 00:01:53,230 --> 00:01:56,630 You're gonna have to defend yourself from all these... Wow! 23 00:01:59,730 --> 00:02:02,010 Hey! Let's play Tick -Tick -Tock! 24 00:02:02,910 --> 00:02:03,930 How do you play? 25 00:02:04,310 --> 00:02:05,009 What's easy! 26 00:02:05,010 --> 00:02:09,090 Tick -Tick -Tick -Tock! Tick -Tick -Tock! Tick -Tick -Tock! Tick -Tick 27 00:02:09,090 --> 00:02:10,229 Tick -Tick -Tock! Tick -Tick -Tock! 28 00:02:10,690 --> 00:02:11,690 Yay! 29 00:02:12,710 --> 00:02:15,270 This is... Wow, 30 00:02:16,170 --> 00:02:17,170 Pickles is awesome! 31 00:02:17,180 --> 00:02:18,180 I know, right? 32 00:02:18,360 --> 00:02:20,360 Hey, do you have any imaginary friends? 33 00:02:22,420 --> 00:02:23,440 Nope. Really? 34 00:02:23,940 --> 00:02:27,120 Come on, everyone has imaginary friends. Look, just don't say that word too 35 00:02:27,120 --> 00:02:27,679 loud, okay? 36 00:02:27,680 --> 00:02:29,700 Did somebody say imaginary? 37 00:02:30,300 --> 00:02:33,320 I could have sworn I heard somebody say that word. Who are they? 38 00:02:33,640 --> 00:02:35,380 My imaginary Jewish grandparents. 39 00:02:37,920 --> 00:02:39,320 Look at you, you're filthy. 40 00:02:39,580 --> 00:02:42,420 Look, you got all this schmutz in your child's beard. 41 00:02:46,280 --> 00:02:47,280 Who is this? 42 00:02:47,700 --> 00:02:49,200 Some sort of a gay cat? 43 00:02:49,640 --> 00:02:50,780 Well, I am a cat. 44 00:02:52,120 --> 00:02:54,620 Well, he's a cat. Yeah, it's a gay cat. 45 00:02:54,980 --> 00:02:56,960 Well, I respectfully disagree. 46 00:02:57,300 --> 00:02:58,420 Are you talking back to my wife? 47 00:02:58,620 --> 00:03:01,640 No, I was just respectfully disagreeing. Now I feel upset. 48 00:03:01,920 --> 00:03:05,820 You're always upset. You're always yelling. That's how you drove away 49 00:03:05,840 --> 00:03:09,780 our real imaginary son. I have no real imaginary son! 50 00:03:12,100 --> 00:03:14,360 We're just trying to have a good time. Please stop. 51 00:03:14,620 --> 00:03:15,620 Hey, check this out! 52 00:03:19,550 --> 00:03:22,030 Boots! Tiny boots! Who'd wear those? 53 00:03:22,710 --> 00:03:24,570 No one. Yeah, nobody. No one cares. 54 00:03:26,170 --> 00:03:27,790 Anyway, let's get you out of here. 55 00:03:28,050 --> 00:03:30,490 I don't want to go. Go. Okay. 56 00:03:31,790 --> 00:03:33,510 See you later, buddy! 57 00:03:34,590 --> 00:03:36,170 Bye. Oh, 58 00:03:37,470 --> 00:03:39,750 yeah? Oh, you're so dramatic. 59 00:03:40,310 --> 00:03:43,630 Drama is all I have. I'm an imaginary Jewish grandfather. 60 00:03:44,070 --> 00:03:45,090 Do you still have any... 61 00:03:51,870 --> 00:03:55,570 Hey, Pickle, where do you go when you're not with me? Hell. 62 00:03:55,910 --> 00:03:57,410 What? Want to see a half second of hell? 63 00:04:01,670 --> 00:04:02,670 Hey, 64 00:04:05,590 --> 00:04:06,590 Brett, how's it coming? 65 00:04:06,730 --> 00:04:07,730 Great. Settled in okay? 66 00:04:08,010 --> 00:04:09,010 Yeah, I'll settle in. 67 00:04:09,080 --> 00:04:12,580 Just had a couple of changes to the report you handed in there. Could you 68 00:04:12,580 --> 00:04:16,940 folder on your desktop there? Just some procedural things. I understand there's 69 00:04:16,940 --> 00:04:20,339 a learning curve and you're new here. We like to have all headings bolded and 70 00:04:20,339 --> 00:04:24,900 italicized. And we only use Helvetica font here. Keeps things light and 71 00:04:24,900 --> 00:04:27,040 informal. No serifs? No problem. 72 00:04:27,480 --> 00:04:28,740 Little saying we have. 73 00:04:29,000 --> 00:04:31,120 And could you actually sit up straight? 74 00:04:31,650 --> 00:04:32,650 in your chair. 75 00:04:32,850 --> 00:04:36,670 We have another saying here. Bad posture is generally considered to be inferior 76 00:04:36,670 --> 00:04:39,950 to good posture. B -P -I -G -C -T -B -I -T -G -P. 77 00:04:40,470 --> 00:04:42,670 Just remember the word, B -P -I -G -C -T -B -I -T -G -P. 78 00:04:43,890 --> 00:04:47,610 B -P -I -G -C -T -B -I -T -G -P. B -P -I -G -C -T -B -I -T -G -P. B -P -I -G -C 79 00:04:47,610 --> 00:04:49,270 -T -B -I -T -G -P. B -P -I -G -C -T -B -I -T -G -P. 80 00:04:49,470 --> 00:04:51,090 B -P -I -G -C -T -B -I -T -G -P. Good. 81 00:04:51,330 --> 00:04:54,910 One more thing I need to show you. Could you open the January spreadsheet there? 82 00:04:55,520 --> 00:04:59,560 Sure. When you answer in the affirmative, instead of saying sure, 83 00:04:59,560 --> 00:05:02,520 please say yeah with a sharp inward gasp? 84 00:05:03,000 --> 00:05:04,000 Yeah? Yeah. 85 00:05:04,060 --> 00:05:05,480 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Good. 86 00:05:05,860 --> 00:05:08,700 Keeps things consistent with everyone else. You don't want to stick out as the 87 00:05:08,700 --> 00:05:09,700 new guy, eh? 88 00:05:09,740 --> 00:05:10,740 No. No. 89 00:05:10,880 --> 00:05:11,880 No. No. 90 00:05:12,480 --> 00:05:13,480 No. No. 91 00:05:13,660 --> 00:05:18,340 Now, I do notice you have the top button of your shirt undone, so I'm just going 92 00:05:18,340 --> 00:05:19,620 to get this for you. 93 00:05:20,560 --> 00:05:22,560 Okay. Just going to tighten your tie. 94 00:05:23,280 --> 00:05:24,800 I'm just going to kind of keep tightening. 95 00:05:25,310 --> 00:05:27,150 You're going to lose consciousness temporarily. 96 00:05:27,750 --> 00:05:32,990 And I'm just going to take out some lipstick and just put it on your lips. 97 00:05:33,530 --> 00:05:34,770 Okay, here we go. 98 00:05:35,110 --> 00:05:36,110 Great. 99 00:05:36,790 --> 00:05:38,790 Yeah, it looks good. It looks pretty. 100 00:05:39,090 --> 00:05:42,510 Yeah, you like to be pretty, eh? I'm just going to touch your face a little 101 00:05:42,510 --> 00:05:44,090 now. That's a good face. 102 00:05:44,530 --> 00:05:45,930 That's a professional face. 103 00:06:13,470 --> 00:06:14,470 Hi, 104 00:06:18,830 --> 00:06:21,910 I'm Jordan Talbot. I'm the winner of the picnic face contest, and you're 105 00:06:21,910 --> 00:06:23,310 watching a very special episode. 106 00:06:29,390 --> 00:06:33,710 Hi there, we're Sandra and Judy, two -thirds of the famous singing Winslet 107 00:06:33,710 --> 00:06:36,490 triplets, and my stars do we have a treat for you. 108 00:06:36,890 --> 00:06:42,110 That's right, Sandra, we are back after a 10 -year hiatus, and we are so pleased 109 00:06:42,110 --> 00:06:46,330 to be able to offer you a greatest hits package, the likes of which you have 110 00:06:46,330 --> 00:06:47,330 never seen. 111 00:06:47,390 --> 00:06:52,590 So let's all put on our guitar shoes and take a strum down memory lane. 112 00:06:53,870 --> 00:06:57,650 On this three -disc compilation, you'll find some of your favorite Winslow 113 00:06:57,650 --> 00:07:02,630 Triplets songs, including our early hits like Sandra, Judy, and Bonnie. 114 00:07:02,770 --> 00:07:06,570 Unbreakable Tri -Bone. Triple Three. Three Cheers for Triplets. Tri -Fun -ta. 115 00:07:06,770 --> 00:07:10,950 We've even included some honky -tonk treasures from our sophomore album. 116 00:07:11,160 --> 00:07:14,700 Three girls, two guitars. That's not enough guitars. Bonnie needs an 117 00:07:14,700 --> 00:07:16,120 and an attitude adjustment. 118 00:07:16,420 --> 00:07:19,660 Three's a crowd. Two might be better. One of us is allergic to bees. Guess 119 00:07:19,660 --> 00:07:23,460 one of us is allergic to bees. Bonnie's allergic to bees. There's a bee in her 120 00:07:23,460 --> 00:07:26,860 bonnet. There are 20 bees in her bonnet. Her bonnet is taped to her head. Bee 121 00:07:26,860 --> 00:07:29,120 death. Sorry, Mom. Success twin. 122 00:07:29,640 --> 00:07:30,880 Unbreakable double bond. 123 00:07:31,460 --> 00:07:34,400 And if you order right now, we'll even throw in our brand new album. 124 00:07:35,020 --> 00:07:38,900 New albums? One for the money where you'll find these. Good time party jam. 125 00:07:39,160 --> 00:07:42,720 Breakable bombs. Unicycle dreams. Too many for a solo tango. Serious 126 00:07:42,800 --> 00:07:43,800 Now. 127 00:07:44,860 --> 00:07:51,180 And keep your eyes peeled for my upcoming album. 128 00:07:51,960 --> 00:07:52,980 Feeling kind of lonely. 129 00:07:54,260 --> 00:07:56,080 Including somebody sure to be featuring. 130 00:07:56,680 --> 00:07:58,280 What have I done? 131 00:07:58,600 --> 00:08:00,120 Sisters need sisters. 132 00:08:00,380 --> 00:08:02,780 Going to the bridge. Nice view from here. 133 00:08:03,210 --> 00:08:04,590 I wonder how high up it is. 134 00:08:04,950 --> 00:08:05,950 Sorry, Mom. 135 00:08:06,490 --> 00:08:07,610 Honky -tonk remake. 136 00:08:08,710 --> 00:08:14,050 For your copy of the Winslow Triplets discography, call 1 -000 -555 -WINS and 137 00:08:14,050 --> 00:08:15,430 have your credit card information ready. 138 00:08:20,130 --> 00:08:24,250 Okay, we've got the fan here in the north end of Halifax outside of a family 139 00:08:24,250 --> 00:08:26,510 residence. What are you cheering for today? 140 00:08:26,730 --> 00:08:28,090 I don't know! Help me! 141 00:08:30,010 --> 00:08:32,090 Okay, back to you, Trevon. 142 00:08:34,520 --> 00:08:36,919 Oh, hey, right on. You guys listen to Hawaiian pop music? 143 00:08:37,159 --> 00:08:39,659 Yeah, what of it? Oh, cool, man. You got any Don Ho? 144 00:08:40,179 --> 00:08:41,179 Tiny bubble. 145 00:08:41,559 --> 00:08:45,340 I love that stuff. Well, get the hell out of here with that watered -down Don 146 00:08:45,340 --> 00:08:48,860 bullshit. This is real Hawaiian pop music. Tell him, Jamie! 147 00:08:49,160 --> 00:08:50,400 This is a mixtape I made. 148 00:08:50,800 --> 00:08:51,860 Sonny Chillingworth. 149 00:08:52,520 --> 00:08:53,800 Lendward Ka 'apana. 150 00:08:54,060 --> 00:08:55,060 Give him hell, Jamie! 151 00:08:55,220 --> 00:08:58,400 Why don't you take Don Ho's dick out of your ear and come back when you're ready 152 00:08:58,400 --> 00:09:00,320 to listen to some real Hawaiian pop music. 153 00:09:00,600 --> 00:09:01,600 Boom, Jamie, boom! 154 00:09:01,640 --> 00:09:02,780 Let's murder this guy! 155 00:09:04,550 --> 00:09:05,710 Hawaiian pop music. 156 00:09:06,050 --> 00:09:10,890 Each year, thousands of teens fly off the handle in defense of real Hawaiian 157 00:09:10,890 --> 00:09:14,230 music. But have you ever wondered how Hawaiian pop music is made? 158 00:09:14,470 --> 00:09:16,850 Where does it come from? And how is it made? 159 00:09:17,150 --> 00:09:20,990 To find out, let's take a little trip to Hawaii on the Hawaiian Island Travel 160 00:09:20,990 --> 00:09:23,050 Toboggan. Ready, Travel Toboggan? 161 00:09:24,270 --> 00:09:28,000 Here. Aristocrats are busy picking Hawaiian pop music leaves. 162 00:09:28,400 --> 00:09:31,900 They'll listen to each leaf, and if it sounds fresh and interesting, they'll 163 00:09:31,900 --> 00:09:35,980 it in a basket marked, Real Hawaiian Pop Music. If it sounds watered down and 164 00:09:35,980 --> 00:09:38,860 boring, they'll put it in another basket marked, Don Ho. 165 00:09:39,800 --> 00:09:43,880 The leaves are delivered to chemists who boil them into a sweet liqueur, which 166 00:09:43,880 --> 00:09:48,800 then becomes CDs of all your favorite Hawaiian pop music bands, including 167 00:09:48,800 --> 00:09:53,980 Heavens, JoJo Snickers, The Happiest Man in the World, and The Bernhoff. 168 00:09:54,190 --> 00:09:59,250 We're the Bernhoff. We love that real Hawaiian pop music. Not that weak sauce 169 00:09:59,250 --> 00:10:00,590 downhill bullshit. 170 00:10:00,930 --> 00:10:02,470 We're the Bernhoff. 171 00:10:04,110 --> 00:10:08,630 But where do the Hawaiian pop music leaves come from? To find out, let's 172 00:10:08,630 --> 00:10:09,770 trip to heaven. 173 00:10:10,490 --> 00:10:12,310 Yes, God makes the leaves. 174 00:10:12,510 --> 00:10:16,530 Each morning, he makes ten Hawaiian pop music leaves by waving his heaven wand, 175 00:10:16,750 --> 00:10:20,670 which emerges from his beard, making God look like a bit of a beard unicorn. 176 00:10:21,170 --> 00:10:23,670 Why does he take the time out of his day to make the leaves? 177 00:10:23,930 --> 00:10:29,590 I love Hawaiian pop music, man. The real shit. Not that Don Ho weak sauce FM 178 00:10:29,590 --> 00:10:30,590 radio bullshit. 179 00:10:30,790 --> 00:10:35,250 Man, why'd I make Don Ho in the first place, man? That guy's weak sauce. 180 00:10:35,730 --> 00:10:36,730 Beard unicorn! 181 00:10:36,990 --> 00:10:38,550 But where does God come from? 182 00:10:39,210 --> 00:10:40,690 From a witch's fist. 183 00:10:40,990 --> 00:10:45,390 So you can thank the space witch for that classic Hawaiian pop music sound. 184 00:10:45,710 --> 00:10:46,569 You're welcome. 185 00:10:46,570 --> 00:10:47,570 Pretty cool, huh? 186 00:10:47,670 --> 00:10:50,130 Yo, you say we overreacted? Are you kidding me, Jamie? 187 00:10:50,350 --> 00:10:51,950 That guy had shit tape, Jamie! 188 00:10:52,210 --> 00:10:53,210 Boom, Jamie, boom! 189 00:10:56,200 --> 00:11:00,980 They call me Lenny, I'm from the kook. Everybody wants to say what a goof, but 190 00:11:00,980 --> 00:11:04,660 you know what they mean. They just can't be me, and that's why they're all so 191 00:11:04,660 --> 00:11:09,480 easy to pick on, make fun of, laugh at. If they want, I'll just call them all 192 00:11:09,480 --> 00:11:14,000 fat. How about I say something meaner? I got a father and you just got a beaner. 193 00:11:14,020 --> 00:11:16,120 I got a father and you just got a beaner. 194 00:11:16,410 --> 00:11:20,350 I got a father and you just got a veener. I'm the cool one and you're just 195 00:11:20,530 --> 00:11:24,570 I got a father and you just got a veener. I got a father and you just got 196 00:11:24,570 --> 00:11:27,190 veener. If they want, I'll just call them all fat. 197 00:11:27,850 --> 00:11:32,390 Call them all fat. I got a father and you just got a veener. That means I'm 198 00:11:32,390 --> 00:11:35,670 and you're just a loogie. Maybe you are and maybe you're not. 199 00:11:36,550 --> 00:11:37,550 Loogie. 200 00:11:38,070 --> 00:11:42,030 I got a father and you just got a veener. I got a father and you just got 201 00:11:42,030 --> 00:11:44,630 veener. If they want, I'll just call them all fat. 202 00:11:45,439 --> 00:11:46,439 I'll call them off. 203 00:11:46,840 --> 00:11:49,040 Big fight, big fight, big fight, Jordan. Big fight. 204 00:11:50,080 --> 00:11:51,200 Okay, go. Get out of there, Mark. 205 00:12:04,220 --> 00:12:06,760 Hey, what exactly happened to you? I don't know. 206 00:12:07,000 --> 00:12:08,840 It's like a puzzle I have to solve in reverse. 207 00:12:09,100 --> 00:12:10,620 I don't know where any of the clues are. 208 00:12:10,840 --> 00:12:14,850 Please. I was a family man. I've lost everything. I haven't stopped cheering 209 00:12:14,850 --> 00:12:15,850 eight years. 210 00:12:18,330 --> 00:12:19,330 Well, 211 00:12:20,930 --> 00:12:22,690 there you have it. Back to you, Tangerine. 212 00:12:24,150 --> 00:12:29,070 Next sketch, sure for all you friends of mine, is Big Brother. 213 00:12:30,310 --> 00:12:34,250 Mr. Leader, the Big Brother campaign was perfect for your government in 1984 214 00:12:34,250 --> 00:12:38,330 because you needed to strangle the populace with fear. But it's not 1984 215 00:12:38,330 --> 00:12:39,330 anymore. 216 00:12:40,120 --> 00:12:41,500 The campaign has lost its impact. 217 00:12:41,740 --> 00:12:43,580 People are tired of fear. 218 00:12:43,820 --> 00:12:44,759 They're depressed. 219 00:12:44,760 --> 00:12:49,640 Big Brother needs a fresh image, a new attitude. What about a softer Big 220 00:12:49,640 --> 00:12:50,800 Brother? Check this out. 221 00:12:51,420 --> 00:12:53,020 Oh, that's nice. 222 00:12:53,320 --> 00:12:58,320 And what says Big Brother better than... Oh, oh, a little sis. 223 00:12:58,560 --> 00:13:03,000 Now I know what you're thinking. Big Brother, little sis, where's the rest of 224 00:13:03,000 --> 00:13:04,000 the family? 225 00:13:04,090 --> 00:13:05,990 May I introduce Mama Brother. 226 00:13:06,190 --> 00:13:07,190 Mama. Cool Tony. 227 00:13:07,250 --> 00:13:07,889 My man. 228 00:13:07,890 --> 00:13:08,890 Uncle Akra. 229 00:13:09,050 --> 00:13:11,630 Catchphrase. And that wacky neighbor, Mr. 230 00:13:11,890 --> 00:13:13,170 Kim. Calm down, Mr. 231 00:13:13,370 --> 00:13:16,410 Kim. So, what do you think? 232 00:13:17,190 --> 00:13:19,950 Well, thank you, gentlemen, but I don't think we're going that direction. 233 00:13:22,790 --> 00:13:23,790 Oh, well, 234 00:13:24,710 --> 00:13:25,710 we understand. 235 00:13:25,880 --> 00:13:28,720 All right, if you could just exit through that door on the left, that 236 00:13:28,720 --> 00:13:30,700 fantastic. We actually came in through this door over here. 237 00:13:30,980 --> 00:13:33,160 Yeah, I know. I'm just going to need you to leave through the door on your left. 238 00:13:35,740 --> 00:13:38,840 I left my car running. Just go through the door marked Bears. Thank you. 239 00:14:29,639 --> 00:14:36,280 I take my leave of this world knowing I won't be missed. At least I know I won't 240 00:14:36,280 --> 00:14:37,860 have to wake up and ain't anymore. 241 00:14:38,960 --> 00:14:39,960 Sign, 242 00:14:40,680 --> 00:14:41,680 Sandy Booth. 243 00:15:03,880 --> 00:15:05,300 I am the genie of the gun. 244 00:15:05,840 --> 00:15:09,120 Since you've freed me, I shall grant you free wishes. 245 00:15:09,340 --> 00:15:11,260 I don't want any wishes. I just want to die. 246 00:15:11,540 --> 00:15:12,540 Come on, man. 247 00:15:13,380 --> 00:15:15,140 Wishes can turn your life around. 248 00:15:15,420 --> 00:15:16,319 You know what I mean? 249 00:15:16,320 --> 00:15:17,520 And you could have anything. 250 00:15:17,900 --> 00:15:18,900 Is it girl trouble? 251 00:15:19,060 --> 00:15:22,680 Throw a wish my way? Make someone fall in love with you, you know? Do some 252 00:15:22,680 --> 00:15:23,680 things? 253 00:15:24,520 --> 00:15:28,980 No. Won't be, like, weird if I wish her into liking it. You know what I mean? 254 00:15:29,040 --> 00:15:33,100 No, I don't want that. Wish for a nice pair of suede shoes. 255 00:15:33,630 --> 00:15:35,410 Or maybe a suede bowler hat. 256 00:15:35,650 --> 00:15:40,250 Who knows? Maybe a swath of raw, uncut suede. 257 00:15:40,650 --> 00:15:44,330 Yeah, no, I don't want any of those things. So, um, goodbye. 258 00:15:45,010 --> 00:15:46,010 Hey, wait! 259 00:15:47,490 --> 00:15:48,490 What the hell? 260 00:15:48,670 --> 00:15:51,790 I thought maybe you had low blood sugar. Have a nibble. Might pull you out of 261 00:15:51,790 --> 00:15:55,360 the dumpy dumps. I don't want to eat a chocolate bar. Man, you got low blood 262 00:15:55,360 --> 00:15:59,800 sugar written all over you. I don't want any chocolate. Have a bite. Trust me on 263 00:15:59,800 --> 00:16:01,360 this one. You'll feel better immediately. 264 00:16:01,640 --> 00:16:03,980 I really don't think me eating a chocolate bar is going to help me with 265 00:16:03,980 --> 00:16:08,320 this, okay? Sugar has a lot to do with how a human feels on a moment -to 266 00:16:08,320 --> 00:16:12,380 basis. I don't want your chocolate bar! Just eat the fucking chocolate bar and 267 00:16:12,380 --> 00:16:15,880 be cool, and then we'll chat. Why don't you eat the chocolate bar if you want it 268 00:16:15,880 --> 00:16:16,880 so much? I will. 269 00:16:17,340 --> 00:16:18,980 Faster than you can blink. 270 00:16:19,200 --> 00:16:20,200 Yeah, okay, how... 271 00:16:36,300 --> 00:16:37,139 Oh, goodness. 272 00:16:37,140 --> 00:16:38,200 What? What? 273 00:16:38,640 --> 00:16:39,640 What? 274 00:16:40,580 --> 00:16:46,860 Shit. Not worth the price of admission. 275 00:16:55,040 --> 00:16:56,040 Well, 276 00:16:56,960 --> 00:16:57,960 that was pretty fat. 277 00:16:58,440 --> 00:16:59,440 Was it? 278 00:17:00,740 --> 00:17:01,740 Okay, you know what? 279 00:17:02,920 --> 00:17:04,680 What are you doing? I'm going to slit my wrist. 280 00:17:04,940 --> 00:17:05,940 Hey, wait. 281 00:17:06,500 --> 00:17:07,500 Cool bracelet. 282 00:17:07,619 --> 00:17:11,020 Is this an anti -cancer bracelet? You got it, man. Yeah. I don't have cancer. 283 00:17:11,180 --> 00:17:11,899 You want it? 284 00:17:11,900 --> 00:17:12,900 No. 285 00:17:13,020 --> 00:17:14,599 Oh, help me. 286 00:17:16,579 --> 00:17:17,579 What? 287 00:17:18,700 --> 00:17:22,020 Why did you put me through chemo? I'm not God. I can't just cure cancer. 288 00:17:22,680 --> 00:17:23,880 What are you doing with that coaster? 289 00:17:24,380 --> 00:17:25,579 I'm going to electrocute myself. 290 00:17:25,839 --> 00:17:28,460 You'll have a hard time doing that with a psychologist. 291 00:17:29,180 --> 00:17:32,140 Now, why do you want to kill yourself, Sandy? 292 00:17:33,290 --> 00:17:35,410 Will you get rid of this guy? You got it. 293 00:17:38,330 --> 00:17:39,289 Stop it! 294 00:17:39,290 --> 00:17:40,370 Stop it! Stop! Stop! 295 00:17:40,570 --> 00:17:41,570 Stop! Okay. 296 00:17:41,830 --> 00:17:43,430 I didn't mean give him cancer. 297 00:17:43,650 --> 00:17:47,270 I didn't give him cancer. I just made him bald and then just riddled him 298 00:17:47,270 --> 00:17:49,050 AIDS. 299 00:17:52,650 --> 00:17:53,650 What are you doing? 300 00:17:55,230 --> 00:17:56,370 Suede! Suede! 301 00:17:57,530 --> 00:17:59,310 That's top quality suede, man. 302 00:18:00,310 --> 00:18:01,370 Nope. Don't. 303 00:18:01,990 --> 00:18:02,990 Suede juice. 304 00:18:04,650 --> 00:18:07,230 Why do you like suede so much? Why? Yes! 305 00:18:07,590 --> 00:18:08,590 Why? 306 00:18:09,770 --> 00:18:10,770 Why? 307 00:18:12,570 --> 00:18:15,870 Let me tell you why I do this. 308 00:18:16,170 --> 00:18:21,370 Help me. Please. No. 309 00:18:22,190 --> 00:18:25,970 When a genie dies, he goes to hell, man. You can't. 310 00:18:53,320 --> 00:18:57,380 Gun Genie, this five minutes ago on here, here, here. 311 00:19:19,720 --> 00:19:20,760 Here for the bear room. 312 00:19:21,140 --> 00:19:22,800 Here to apply for the bear room. 313 00:19:23,720 --> 00:19:27,140 Uh, you know you're actually, uh, there are real bears in there. 314 00:19:28,420 --> 00:19:31,520 Yeah, as you see on my resume, certified bear. 315 00:19:31,820 --> 00:19:36,300 It's quite clear that you're not an actual bear. I mean, I can, I can see 316 00:19:36,300 --> 00:19:39,800 hands underneath those claws there. That's, it's a, this is a fairly 317 00:19:39,800 --> 00:19:40,880 unconvincing costume. 318 00:19:43,740 --> 00:19:46,280 It's a real, uh, tough job market, so. 319 00:19:47,470 --> 00:19:49,190 You know what? All right, fine. You're hired. 320 00:19:50,470 --> 00:19:51,470 Right. 321 00:19:54,970 --> 00:19:55,970 Hey, Jeff. 322 00:19:56,190 --> 00:19:57,190 Working with you? 323 00:20:01,730 --> 00:20:02,730 Um, 324 00:20:04,590 --> 00:20:08,590 let's, uh, let's quickly do, we're gonna have you wrap up the show, okay? 325 00:20:08,910 --> 00:20:11,410 Sorry, we're just really pressed for time. No problem. We gotta go. 326 00:20:11,900 --> 00:20:14,940 What? We gotta go. I just gotta do one. We gotta do one more. We're just like 327 00:20:14,940 --> 00:20:18,320 five. Just give me five minutes. No, we gotta move on. Viv, can you just give me 328 00:20:18,320 --> 00:20:19,320 two minutes, please? 329 00:20:19,340 --> 00:20:22,560 No. No. Jordan, just stand. Don't listen to him. Just stand there. Just stand 330 00:20:22,560 --> 00:20:25,180 there. Just stand there. Okay? Jordan, you're doing great. Okay? 331 00:20:25,400 --> 00:20:28,300 Sorry. Just a second, for fuck's sakes. 332 00:20:28,540 --> 00:20:30,260 Shut up. Shut up. 333 00:20:30,520 --> 00:20:32,000 Sorry. Sorry, man. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. 334 00:20:32,260 --> 00:20:35,860 Jordan, it's awesome. Jordan, just stand in the camera. 335 00:20:37,380 --> 00:20:40,530 I'm not Viv. Just give us a second. If you would actually shut up for a second, 336 00:20:40,630 --> 00:20:41,930 he could say the line. 337 00:20:42,330 --> 00:20:44,370 If he could just, like, just actually do it. 338 00:20:44,570 --> 00:20:47,250 Please stand in the... I don't mean to... I'm not yelling at you, man. 339 00:20:47,250 --> 00:20:48,129 doing fantastic. 340 00:20:48,130 --> 00:20:49,270 Holy fuck. 341 00:20:49,870 --> 00:20:53,830 Just... Yeah, just... Okay, it's good. Just look right at the camera. And don't 342 00:20:53,830 --> 00:20:56,030 listen to this guy. Just don't listen to Viv. Just look right at the camera, 343 00:20:56,130 --> 00:20:57,850 okay? I want you to just hold the tiger, please. 344 00:20:58,050 --> 00:20:59,050 Just hold the tiger. 345 00:20:59,230 --> 00:21:03,770 Just hold the fucking tiger and just... Fuck! Guys, shut up! Everybody, just get 346 00:21:03,770 --> 00:21:04,770 the fuck... 347 00:21:09,570 --> 00:21:11,110 Jesus fucking Christ. You people. 348 00:21:11,750 --> 00:21:12,749 Don't listen to him. No. 349 00:21:12,750 --> 00:21:14,770 Just get the line. We have one minute on the card. Get the line. 350 00:21:14,990 --> 00:21:17,750 Go for it. Action. This was an awesome show, guys. Thanks a lot. 26975

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