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1
00:00:05,406 --> 00:00:07,508
LOIS:
Malcolm! Reese!
2
00:00:07,541 --> 00:00:09,677
No playing ball
in the house!
3
00:00:13,081 --> 00:00:16,584
LOIS:
No playing ball on the house!
4
00:00:20,020 --> 00:00:22,690
LOIS: No playing ball
through the house!
5
00:00:25,393 --> 00:00:26,760
This isn't even fun.
6
00:00:26,794 --> 00:00:29,863
That stopped being the point
a long time ago.
7
00:00:30,564 --> 00:00:33,234
* Yes, no, maybe
8
00:00:33,267 --> 00:00:35,769
* I don't know
9
00:00:35,803 --> 00:00:39,039
* Can you repeat the question?
10
00:00:39,073 --> 00:00:41,275
* You're not the boss
of me now *
11
00:00:41,309 --> 00:00:43,711
* You're not
the boss of me now *
12
00:00:43,744 --> 00:00:46,114
* You're not the boss
of me now *
13
00:00:46,147 --> 00:00:48,216
* And you're not so big
14
00:00:48,249 --> 00:00:50,718
* You're not the boss
of me now *
15
00:00:50,751 --> 00:00:52,720
* You're not
the boss of me now *
16
00:00:52,753 --> 00:00:55,256
* You're not the boss
of me now *
17
00:00:55,289 --> 00:00:58,058
* And you're not so big
18
00:00:58,092 --> 00:01:01,629
* Life is unfair.
19
00:01:09,170 --> 00:01:11,272
Oh, for God's sake, Malcolm.
20
00:01:11,305 --> 00:01:14,575
This is the last time
I'm going to tell you.
21
00:01:14,608 --> 00:01:16,144
Get up right now!
22
00:01:16,177 --> 00:01:18,979
I'll get up when the world stops
being a cruel joke,
23
00:01:19,012 --> 00:01:21,115
which is never!
24
00:01:21,149 --> 00:01:22,283
Malcolm,
25
00:01:22,316 --> 00:01:23,717
you smell like a locker room.
26
00:01:23,751 --> 00:01:25,219
This has got to stop.
27
00:01:25,253 --> 00:01:26,620
You've wasted your entire summer
28
00:01:26,654 --> 00:01:28,389
lying in bed feeling
sorry for yourself.
29
00:01:28,422 --> 00:01:30,291
Your father thinks
we sent you away to camp.
30
00:01:30,324 --> 00:01:32,160
You're right.
I'm a pathetic loser.
31
00:01:32,193 --> 00:01:34,228
(sighs):
Honey...
32
00:01:34,262 --> 00:01:36,664
this is just a phase.
33
00:01:36,697 --> 00:01:38,599
Every teenager goes through it.
34
00:01:38,632 --> 00:01:40,234
I did, your father did.
35
00:01:40,268 --> 00:01:42,470
Francis cried in the shower
every day for six months.
36
00:01:42,503 --> 00:01:44,572
Reese wouldn't get
out of the dryer.
37
00:01:44,605 --> 00:01:46,274
It's awkward and it's painful
38
00:01:46,307 --> 00:01:48,476
and you think
it's never going to end.
39
00:01:48,509 --> 00:01:50,511
Now get out of bed!
We're going to the zoo.
40
00:01:50,544 --> 00:01:51,912
Why are we going to go stare
41
00:01:51,945 --> 00:01:53,681
at a bunch
of pathetic, caged animals
42
00:01:53,714 --> 00:01:56,417
and fat, suburban yahoos
pointing and laughing at them?
43
00:01:56,450 --> 00:01:59,253
Because I have a coupon.
44
00:01:59,287 --> 00:02:01,855
Is the zoo one of the places
where you have
45
00:02:01,889 --> 00:02:03,491
to be this tall
to do the good stuff?
46
00:02:03,524 --> 00:02:04,825
I don't know.
47
00:02:04,858 --> 00:02:06,527
I've never been there
when it's open.
48
00:02:06,560 --> 00:02:08,429
This is going
to be so much fun.
49
00:02:08,461 --> 00:02:10,030
I'm so glad I ran
into Matt.
50
00:02:10,062 --> 00:02:12,032
Yeah, that was quite
a lucky break.
51
00:02:12,065 --> 00:02:13,801
Good old,
good old Matt.
52
00:02:13,834 --> 00:02:16,504
It has been 20 years since
I was dating the both of you.
53
00:02:16,537 --> 00:02:18,439
I can't believe
you're still jealous.
54
00:02:18,472 --> 00:02:20,441
I am not jealous.
55
00:02:20,474 --> 00:02:22,210
I'm not even the jealous type.
56
00:02:22,243 --> 00:02:24,445
I was just trying
to read the meter!
57
00:02:24,478 --> 00:02:26,214
Not in those shorts,
Tarzan!
58
00:02:26,247 --> 00:02:30,117
Why don't you
just marry Tom Cruise?!
59
00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:33,487
Okay, that's enough.
Break it up.
60
00:02:34,087 --> 00:02:35,823
(phone ringing)
61
00:02:35,856 --> 00:02:36,890
Hello.
62
00:02:36,924 --> 00:02:37,958
FRANCIS:
Hi, Dad.
63
00:02:37,991 --> 00:02:38,992
Francis!
64
00:02:39,026 --> 00:02:40,060
How's it going?
65
00:02:40,093 --> 00:02:41,729
Couldn't be going better, Dad.
66
00:02:41,762 --> 00:02:44,632
We're seeing the country,
meeting great people.
67
00:02:44,665 --> 00:02:46,934
This is the best time
of our lives.
68
00:02:49,337 --> 00:02:50,638
Well...
69
00:02:50,671 --> 00:02:52,706
I guess your mom and I
were really wrong
70
00:02:52,740 --> 00:02:54,408
about your cross-country plan.
71
00:02:54,442 --> 00:02:56,244
We thought
it would be a disaster.
72
00:02:56,277 --> 00:02:58,078
I'm not going to rub
your face in it, Dad.
73
00:02:58,111 --> 00:02:59,380
We're having too much fun!
74
00:02:59,413 --> 00:03:00,581
No, thanks, Joe,
75
00:03:00,614 --> 00:03:01,782
I couldn't take
another bite of pie.
76
00:03:03,083 --> 00:03:04,918
This trip has been
so good for us.
77
00:03:04,952 --> 00:03:06,487
We have seen so many things.
78
00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:09,223
Majestic mountains,
quiet little towns,
79
00:03:09,257 --> 00:03:12,593
emergency opportunities
for charitable giving...
80
00:03:12,626 --> 00:03:14,194
That's great.
81
00:03:14,228 --> 00:03:15,829
It sounds like you are
really making it out there.
82
00:03:15,863 --> 00:03:18,098
Yeah, so, about these
charitable...
83
00:03:18,131 --> 00:03:19,867
Listen, we're on our way
to the zoo right now,
84
00:03:19,900 --> 00:03:21,335
but you call us back
next week, okay?
85
00:03:21,369 --> 00:03:22,636
Love to Piama.
86
00:03:24,071 --> 00:03:26,274
Oh, look how nice this is.
87
00:03:26,307 --> 00:03:29,009
And it's such a beautiful day.
88
00:03:29,042 --> 00:03:30,911
(sighs)
89
00:03:30,944 --> 00:03:33,514
You have to stop making
that noise.
90
00:03:33,547 --> 00:03:34,948
Fine, Mom, I won't breathe.
91
00:03:34,982 --> 00:03:36,850
You know, son, I hate
to see you like this.
92
00:03:36,884 --> 00:03:39,353
I tell you what. Why don't
we get you a wax crocodile?
93
00:03:39,387 --> 00:03:40,521
DEWEY:
Can we see the tigers?
94
00:03:40,554 --> 00:03:42,290
I'm going to go
hit the monkeys.
95
00:03:42,323 --> 00:03:44,292
I mean, go see
the monkeys.
96
00:03:44,325 --> 00:03:46,460
Look, Matt's Animals
of the Rain Forest show
97
00:03:46,494 --> 00:03:47,595
starts in 20 minutes.
98
00:03:47,628 --> 00:03:48,762
Gee, don't want
to miss that.
99
00:03:48,796 --> 00:03:50,531
Can I just go wait in the car?
100
00:03:50,564 --> 00:03:52,533
I mean, it's technically
at the zoo.
101
00:03:52,566 --> 00:03:54,968
No. And since you're so
committed to being miserable,
102
00:03:55,002 --> 00:03:56,637
you can be in charge of your
little brother for the day.
103
00:03:56,670 --> 00:03:58,105
No.
Great.
Let's look
104
00:03:58,138 --> 00:03:59,573
at every animal first,
105
00:03:59,607 --> 00:04:02,075
then decide which ones
we want to go back to.
106
00:04:02,109 --> 00:04:03,644
Meet back here at 5:00!
107
00:04:03,677 --> 00:04:05,813
Let go of me. I don't want to be
your baby-sitter.
108
00:04:05,846 --> 00:04:07,114
I just want to be by myself.
109
00:04:07,147 --> 00:04:08,115
Are you mad?
110
00:04:08,148 --> 00:04:09,082
I'm not mad.
111
00:04:09,116 --> 00:04:10,150
You sound mad.
112
00:04:10,183 --> 00:04:11,319
Fine, I'm mad!
113
00:04:11,352 --> 00:04:12,820
Who are you mad at?
114
00:04:12,853 --> 00:04:13,921
I'm not mad!
115
00:04:13,954 --> 00:04:16,255
Look, you wouldn't understand.
116
00:04:16,290 --> 00:04:17,991
Yes, I would.
No, you wouldn't.
117
00:04:18,024 --> 00:04:20,728
You're still living
in your kiddie dream world.
118
00:04:20,761 --> 00:04:21,995
You don't realize
you're nothing
119
00:04:22,029 --> 00:04:23,831
but an insignificant
speck of dust
120
00:04:23,864 --> 00:04:26,500
lost in an uncaring universe
full of random tragedy.
121
00:04:26,534 --> 00:04:28,936
What's a lemur?
122
00:04:31,805 --> 00:04:33,774
Oh, look, there's Matt.
Hi, Matt!
123
00:04:33,807 --> 00:04:35,309
Lo-lo!
124
00:04:35,343 --> 00:04:37,345
Hi!
125
00:04:39,680 --> 00:04:42,516
Hey, Matt.
126
00:04:42,550 --> 00:04:43,984
Quite a zoo you got here.
127
00:04:44,017 --> 00:04:45,285
I got to tell you,
128
00:04:45,319 --> 00:04:46,987
this is an exciting day
for us.
129
00:04:47,020 --> 00:04:48,956
We don't often get a chance
to spend time with the family.
130
00:04:48,989 --> 00:04:50,591
You know how it is--
work, work, work!
131
00:04:50,624 --> 00:04:52,626
But to tell you the truth,
it's mostly my boss.
132
00:04:52,660 --> 00:04:53,927
He gets off
on cracking the whip.
133
00:04:53,961 --> 00:04:55,329
You know,
he's a real bastard.
134
00:04:55,363 --> 00:04:56,597
But I got a feeling
135
00:04:56,630 --> 00:04:57,931
that he's about to get the axe.
136
00:04:57,965 --> 00:05:00,568
At least that's what
Jimbo in marketing says.
137
00:05:02,970 --> 00:05:04,872
So good to see
you, Matt.
Yeah.
138
00:05:04,905 --> 00:05:06,540
I knew you'd end up
doing something like this.
139
00:05:06,574 --> 00:05:08,509
You always had all
those cute animals.
140
00:05:08,542 --> 00:05:10,611
Well, you didn't think
Monty was so cute.
141
00:05:10,644 --> 00:05:11,979
I hated that snake!
142
00:05:12,012 --> 00:05:13,681
Remember the time I
found him in the shower?
143
00:05:13,714 --> 00:05:15,849
(both laugh)
144
00:05:15,883 --> 00:05:18,452
(forced laugh)
145
00:05:18,486 --> 00:05:19,653
Hey, are your kids here?
146
00:05:19,687 --> 00:05:20,821
I'd love to meet them.
147
00:05:20,854 --> 00:05:22,055
Oh, yeah, yeah, they're around.
148
00:05:22,089 --> 00:05:23,290
You'll recognize them.
149
00:05:23,323 --> 00:05:24,758
They all look like me.
150
00:05:25,726 --> 00:05:27,795
So, who's this little guy, huh?
151
00:05:27,828 --> 00:05:29,597
(shrieks)
152
00:05:35,102 --> 00:05:36,370
Do you want this?
153
00:05:37,270 --> 00:05:39,707
Too slow.
154
00:05:42,242 --> 00:05:44,044
Hey, watch where you're going.
155
00:05:51,118 --> 00:05:52,853
Big mistake, pal!
156
00:05:52,886 --> 00:05:55,222
You want to go? We'll go.
157
00:05:55,255 --> 00:05:57,357
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
What are you doing?
158
00:05:57,391 --> 00:05:58,592
He started it.
159
00:05:58,626 --> 00:06:00,694
Goats don't start it.
160
00:06:00,728 --> 00:06:01,962
Get out.
161
00:06:04,364 --> 00:06:05,633
Guess what I get to do.
162
00:06:06,366 --> 00:06:08,536
Leave.
163
00:06:08,569 --> 00:06:11,505
If we push the car
till we find a mechanic,
164
00:06:11,539 --> 00:06:13,206
we can pay
with aluminum cans...
165
00:06:13,240 --> 00:06:16,109
Francis, we've been pushing
the car for two days.
166
00:06:16,143 --> 00:06:17,778
I'm tired and I'm hungry.
167
00:06:17,811 --> 00:06:19,880
I'm going to buy
something to eat.
168
00:06:19,913 --> 00:06:21,515
No, no, no!
Get lottery tickets.
169
00:06:21,549 --> 00:06:23,183
This is exactly
the kind of time
170
00:06:23,216 --> 00:06:24,718
when these things pay off.
171
00:06:24,752 --> 00:06:26,787
Honey, we're not spending
our last five dollars
172
00:06:26,820 --> 00:06:28,722
on lottery tickets.
That's crazy.
173
00:06:28,756 --> 00:06:33,026
Now I'm going in there
and I'm buying food. Food.
174
00:06:33,060 --> 00:06:34,227
Like adults eat.
175
00:06:37,998 --> 00:06:41,134
No wonder you were $3,000
under blue book.
176
00:06:41,168 --> 00:06:45,372
(German accent):
Cadillac? Yeah. 1974?
177
00:06:45,405 --> 00:06:46,874
If you say so.
178
00:06:46,907 --> 00:06:49,577
She is a beauty!
179
00:06:49,610 --> 00:06:50,811
I love your American cars.
180
00:06:50,844 --> 00:06:53,614
BMW could learn
a thing or two
181
00:06:53,647 --> 00:06:57,918
but no, everything has to be
about perfect engineering.
182
00:06:59,119 --> 00:07:00,888
Otto, what are you doing?
183
00:07:00,921 --> 00:07:03,156
Who is this handsome boy?
184
00:07:03,190 --> 00:07:04,558
Hi, I'm Francis.
185
00:07:04,592 --> 00:07:07,394
I am talking cars
with my new American friend.
186
00:07:07,427 --> 00:07:09,329
And yes,
he is very handsome.
187
00:07:09,362 --> 00:07:11,965
So, Francis, you also come
to the Circle K
188
00:07:11,999 --> 00:07:13,467
for the wonderful hot dogs?
189
00:07:13,501 --> 00:07:15,736
Actually, we were
just sort of passing through
190
00:07:15,769 --> 00:07:16,804
and our car broke down.
191
00:07:16,837 --> 00:07:18,839
This is so lucky for you.
192
00:07:18,872 --> 00:07:21,108
This is a wonderful place.
193
00:07:21,141 --> 00:07:22,643
We own a dude ranch
just nearby
194
00:07:22,676 --> 00:07:27,247
with cows and horses
and people.
195
00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:29,016
We don't own the people.
196
00:07:29,049 --> 00:07:30,250
We call it
"The Grotto."
197
00:07:30,283 --> 00:07:32,319
She is Gretchen,
I am Otto-- Grotto.
198
00:07:32,352 --> 00:07:34,254
You should come
and visit, eh?
199
00:07:34,287 --> 00:07:35,756
Oh, thanks, but
200
00:07:35,789 --> 00:07:38,225
I'm out of work and we're
kind of broke right now.
201
00:07:39,326 --> 00:07:40,861
Wait!
202
00:07:40,894 --> 00:07:43,731
I am having a thought!
203
00:07:46,133 --> 00:07:47,535
Eh, it's gone.
204
00:07:47,568 --> 00:07:49,870
He could work for us
at the ranch.
205
00:07:49,903 --> 00:07:52,205
That was my thought!
206
00:07:52,239 --> 00:07:54,341
We need a ranch foreman.
207
00:07:54,374 --> 00:07:56,810
Wait. I don't know
the first thing about ranching.
208
00:07:56,844 --> 00:07:57,845
Ah, you will learn.
209
00:07:57,878 --> 00:07:59,446
I can tell you are clever.
210
00:07:59,479 --> 00:08:00,313
Really, I've never...
211
00:08:00,347 --> 00:08:02,716
Look me in the eye.
212
00:08:04,084 --> 00:08:07,120
Yeah, I can tell.
It is the job for you.
213
00:08:07,154 --> 00:08:10,524
Pays $200 a week
plus free room and board.
214
00:08:10,558 --> 00:08:12,125
Done.
215
00:08:12,159 --> 00:08:13,193
I have one question.
216
00:08:13,226 --> 00:08:14,127
Yeah?
217
00:08:14,161 --> 00:08:15,328
This isn't going to end up
218
00:08:15,362 --> 00:08:16,697
with me cut up
into little pieces
219
00:08:16,730 --> 00:08:18,298
and buried in a secret basement,
is it?
220
00:08:18,331 --> 00:08:19,232
Nope.
221
00:08:19,266 --> 00:08:20,333
You got a deal.
222
00:08:21,234 --> 00:08:23,236
Okay, I got
lottery tickets.
223
00:08:23,270 --> 00:08:25,505
We don't need 'em.
224
00:08:25,539 --> 00:08:29,242
(hooves clip-clopping)
225
00:08:29,276 --> 00:08:30,944
(clip-clopping stops)
226
00:08:31,945 --> 00:08:33,847
(clip-clopping resumes)
227
00:08:39,251 --> 00:08:40,587
Go away!
228
00:08:42,022 --> 00:08:43,756
Get out of here!
229
00:08:45,358 --> 00:08:46,694
I'm warning you.
230
00:08:46,727 --> 00:08:49,262
I'm not falling
for your goat mind games.
231
00:08:54,401 --> 00:08:55,535
(screams)
232
00:08:57,204 --> 00:08:58,939
If nothing I do
ever has any meaning,
233
00:08:58,972 --> 00:09:00,540
then I can't care
about anything,
234
00:09:00,574 --> 00:09:02,175
which makes me feel
even worse.
235
00:09:02,209 --> 00:09:04,878
How am I supposed
to ever feel happy?
236
00:09:04,912 --> 00:09:06,346
Kid, I'm a zoo clown.
237
00:09:06,379 --> 00:09:08,616
Now buy a giraffe
or go to hell.
238
00:09:08,649 --> 00:09:11,451
See, Dewey, there's a guy
who understands.
239
00:09:11,484 --> 00:09:13,220
Malcolm,
you're at the zoo.
240
00:09:13,253 --> 00:09:14,521
You have a Popsicle.
241
00:09:14,554 --> 00:09:16,757
How can you be unhappy?
242
00:09:16,790 --> 00:09:19,326
I wanted grape.
243
00:09:20,393 --> 00:09:21,561
Tigers!
244
00:09:23,631 --> 00:09:25,699
Where are they?
They're not here.
245
00:09:25,733 --> 00:09:26,600
What a gyp!
246
00:09:26,634 --> 00:09:28,101
See, that's
what I mean.
247
00:09:28,135 --> 00:09:30,804
The one thing you were
excited about, closed.
248
00:09:30,838 --> 00:09:32,272
Maybe they're down here.
249
00:09:32,305 --> 00:09:33,641
Or maybe there never were
any tigers
250
00:09:33,674 --> 00:09:34,908
and they just put up the signs
251
00:09:34,942 --> 00:09:36,209
to build a sense
of disappointment...
252
00:09:36,243 --> 00:09:37,611
(shrieks)
253
00:09:37,645 --> 00:09:38,812
Dewey!
254
00:09:42,415 --> 00:09:43,316
I'm okay.
255
00:09:43,350 --> 00:09:44,451
You idiot,
256
00:09:44,484 --> 00:09:46,519
what the hell's wrong with you?
257
00:09:49,122 --> 00:09:50,490
Come on.
258
00:09:53,093 --> 00:09:55,495
Let's get out of here
before we get caught.
259
00:09:55,528 --> 00:09:57,665
(snarling)
260
00:10:10,210 --> 00:10:12,746
Okay, Cookie, it's payday.
261
00:10:12,780 --> 00:10:14,047
(applause)
262
00:10:15,348 --> 00:10:17,951
Oh, that must happen a lot
in the rain forest.
263
00:10:17,985 --> 00:10:20,353
Okay, if I could have
another volunteer.
264
00:10:20,387 --> 00:10:22,923
He was pointing at me.
265
00:10:22,956 --> 00:10:25,125
Oh, uh... okay.
266
00:10:25,158 --> 00:10:26,493
Uh...
267
00:10:26,526 --> 00:10:28,328
Could you tell everyone
your name, sir?
268
00:10:28,361 --> 00:10:30,597
I'm Hal. Lois's husband.
269
00:10:30,630 --> 00:10:32,432
Well, Hal, are you
feeling adventurous?
270
00:10:32,465 --> 00:10:35,202
Would you like to meet another
friend from the rain forest?
271
00:10:35,235 --> 00:10:36,469
HAL:
Ooh, I don't know.
272
00:10:36,503 --> 00:10:38,772
Animals that can
withstand rain...
273
00:10:38,806 --> 00:10:41,541
Well, we better hurry,
because the needless destruction
274
00:10:41,574 --> 00:10:44,211
of the rain forest is going on
at an alarming rate.
275
00:10:44,244 --> 00:10:47,547
It's threatening thousands
of helpless species each year
276
00:10:47,580 --> 00:10:50,650
like... the beautiful and gentle
277
00:10:50,684 --> 00:10:52,452
bird-eating tarantula.
278
00:10:52,485 --> 00:10:54,221
(audience oohs and ahhs)
279
00:10:54,254 --> 00:10:57,357
Now I know Victor
looks dangerous,
280
00:10:57,390 --> 00:11:00,227
but the tarantula
is actually a very gentle
281
00:11:00,260 --> 00:11:01,729
and timid creature.
282
00:11:05,098 --> 00:11:07,300
I am so sorry.
283
00:11:07,334 --> 00:11:09,970
Victor's never done
anything like that before.
284
00:11:10,003 --> 00:11:13,440
Once the swelling goes down,
the fangs should fall out.
285
00:11:22,282 --> 00:11:23,250
(gasps)
286
00:11:27,687 --> 00:11:30,724
(screams)
287
00:11:32,425 --> 00:11:34,061
(screams)
288
00:11:39,432 --> 00:11:41,334
This is where you will stay.
289
00:11:41,368 --> 00:11:42,903
It's a guest cabin,
290
00:11:42,936 --> 00:11:46,239
but you can do whatever you want
to make it feel homey.
291
00:11:46,273 --> 00:11:47,407
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
292
00:11:47,440 --> 00:11:49,743
Move your furniture,
put up pictures.
293
00:11:49,777 --> 00:11:52,212
If you want to hammer
a sandwich to the wall,
294
00:11:52,245 --> 00:11:53,280
you can do it.
295
00:11:53,313 --> 00:11:54,948
So, Francis, tell me,
296
00:11:54,982 --> 00:11:56,683
you like horses?
297
00:11:56,716 --> 00:11:58,351
I honestly have no idea.
298
00:11:58,385 --> 00:11:59,953
I love horses.
299
00:11:59,987 --> 00:12:02,589
Their bodies are so big
and their feet are so tiny,
300
00:12:02,622 --> 00:12:03,791
they make me laugh.
301
00:12:03,824 --> 00:12:05,425
This is just
302
00:12:05,458 --> 00:12:06,593
so generous and nice of you.
303
00:12:06,626 --> 00:12:07,928
This place
is so beautiful.
304
00:12:07,961 --> 00:12:10,297
I never want to leave.
305
00:12:10,330 --> 00:12:12,465
Oh, this is what happened
to Otto.
306
00:12:12,499 --> 00:12:15,035
We were on vacation
and Otto was so happy
307
00:12:15,068 --> 00:12:16,603
to be away from
308
00:12:16,636 --> 00:12:18,705
the stress of running
the factory.
309
00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:19,807
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
310
00:12:19,840 --> 00:12:23,076
25 heart-lung machines
per day,
311
00:12:23,110 --> 00:12:25,745
and if you make one
teeny little mistake,
312
00:12:25,779 --> 00:12:28,481
boy, do you
hear about it.
313
00:12:29,682 --> 00:12:31,251
Don't move, don't
move, don't move...
314
00:12:31,284 --> 00:12:33,486
You've been saying
that for 20 minutes.
315
00:12:33,520 --> 00:12:34,487
I still mean it.
316
00:12:34,521 --> 00:12:35,956
Do you think he's mad?
317
00:12:35,989 --> 00:12:36,990
I don't know.
318
00:12:37,024 --> 00:12:38,425
I don't think it matters.
319
00:12:38,458 --> 00:12:41,128
Just stay quiet
and try not to look like meat.
320
00:12:41,161 --> 00:12:42,629
Hey, I don't
think you kids
321
00:12:42,662 --> 00:12:44,164
are supposed to be
messing around down there.
322
00:12:44,197 --> 00:12:45,398
Yeah, thank you.
323
00:12:45,432 --> 00:12:47,134
Would you mind going
to tell somebody
324
00:12:47,167 --> 00:12:48,635
that we're down here, please?
325
00:12:48,668 --> 00:12:50,237
Oh, for the love of God.
326
00:12:50,270 --> 00:12:53,073
I don't think those kids are
supposed to be down there.
327
00:12:53,106 --> 00:12:54,407
Get us out of here!
328
00:12:54,441 --> 00:12:55,575
Okay, okay...
329
00:12:55,608 --> 00:12:56,776
calm down.
330
00:12:56,810 --> 00:12:58,245
We train
for situations like this,
331
00:12:58,278 --> 00:13:01,181
and there are standard
procedures we follow.
332
00:13:01,214 --> 00:13:02,850
What's the limit
on our liability?
333
00:13:02,883 --> 00:13:05,685
No, the press release has to
sound sympathetic to the boys.
334
00:13:05,718 --> 00:13:07,254
But make it clear
it's their fault.
335
00:13:07,287 --> 00:13:10,190
No, I gave you back the key
to the rifle closet.
336
00:13:10,223 --> 00:13:12,225
Oh, yes I did!
337
00:13:14,127 --> 00:13:17,130
Hey, you folks see the koalas?
338
00:13:17,164 --> 00:13:18,665
Okay, let's take a look.
339
00:13:18,698 --> 00:13:21,201
How is it?
340
00:13:21,234 --> 00:13:23,837
It's much better.
341
00:13:23,871 --> 00:13:25,372
It stopped weeping.
342
00:13:25,405 --> 00:13:27,107
Someone wants to say
he's sorry.
343
00:13:27,140 --> 00:13:28,041
(gasps)
344
00:13:28,075 --> 00:13:29,642
Apology accepted.
345
00:13:29,676 --> 00:13:31,611
Okay, I'm going to go take
another look for the boys.
346
00:13:31,644 --> 00:13:33,013
Why don't you
just rest?
347
00:13:35,182 --> 00:13:36,483
Hal, I don't know
what to say.
348
00:13:36,516 --> 00:13:38,518
I just feel awful
about what happened.
349
00:13:38,551 --> 00:13:39,552
Do you really?
350
00:13:39,586 --> 00:13:40,787
Of course I do.
351
00:13:40,820 --> 00:13:42,189
Come on, man,
I think we both know
352
00:13:42,222 --> 00:13:43,957
that you've been
holding a grudge
353
00:13:43,991 --> 00:13:45,558
because Lois chose me over you.
354
00:13:45,592 --> 00:13:46,693
Lois chose...
355
00:13:46,726 --> 00:13:47,727
Wait a minute.
356
00:13:47,760 --> 00:13:49,162
Is that what you think?
357
00:13:49,196 --> 00:13:50,864
I just hope this makes us even,
358
00:13:50,898 --> 00:13:53,300
because I can't feel my feet
and you're kind of upside-down.
359
00:13:53,333 --> 00:13:54,801
Hal, you've got it all wrong.
360
00:13:54,834 --> 00:13:56,336
I wasn't angry at you.
361
00:13:56,369 --> 00:13:58,371
The whole situation was
just too much for me,
362
00:13:58,405 --> 00:13:59,572
so I backed off.
363
00:13:59,606 --> 00:14:00,807
What?
364
00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:02,309
I mean, Lois is great,
365
00:14:02,342 --> 00:14:03,911
but I wanted to be
exclusive and she didn't.
366
00:14:03,944 --> 00:14:05,512
On any given weekend,
367
00:14:05,545 --> 00:14:08,148
I didn't know if she was
with you or me or Dennis...
368
00:14:08,181 --> 00:14:10,517
Dennis? Who's Dennis?
369
00:14:12,452 --> 00:14:14,021
No one.
370
00:14:15,388 --> 00:14:17,757
I got to go.
371
00:14:22,062 --> 00:14:24,697
20 minutes ago, I was worried
about which one of us
372
00:14:24,731 --> 00:14:26,433
was going to be eaten
by a tiger.
373
00:14:26,466 --> 00:14:27,968
Now I can relax.
374
00:14:34,274 --> 00:14:37,610
Okay, kids, the tigers didn't go
for the steaks we threw down.
375
00:14:37,644 --> 00:14:39,112
The problem is
376
00:14:39,146 --> 00:14:42,015
they're attracted to you
because you're alive,
377
00:14:42,049 --> 00:14:43,616
like their natural prey.
378
00:14:43,650 --> 00:14:45,685
There's a "but" coming, right?
379
00:14:45,718 --> 00:14:47,554
Well, no.
380
00:14:47,587 --> 00:14:50,057
But we have things
under control.
381
00:14:50,090 --> 00:14:53,961
We're going to fire tranquilizer
darts at the tigers.
382
00:14:53,994 --> 00:14:55,362
How long do they take to work?
383
00:14:55,395 --> 00:14:56,696
Less than two minutes.
384
00:14:56,729 --> 00:14:57,931
So, the plan is
385
00:14:57,965 --> 00:14:59,366
to piss them off
and keep them awake
386
00:14:59,399 --> 00:15:01,134
just long enough so they can
take it out on us?
387
00:15:02,936 --> 00:15:04,637
Hold on a sec.
388
00:15:05,605 --> 00:15:07,474
Okay, these people
are idiots.
389
00:15:07,507 --> 00:15:08,775
Malcolm, it'll be okay.
390
00:15:08,808 --> 00:15:10,743
Yeah, Dewey, I hope so, too,
but...
391
00:15:10,777 --> 00:15:11,744
I'm not hoping.
392
00:15:11,778 --> 00:15:13,080
I know it'll be fine.
393
00:15:13,113 --> 00:15:14,047
You can't know that.
394
00:15:14,081 --> 00:15:15,148
Yes, I can.
395
00:15:15,182 --> 00:15:16,616
No, you can't.
396
00:15:16,649 --> 00:15:17,717
Yes, I can.
397
00:15:17,750 --> 00:15:20,453
I do. I know
we'll be fine.
398
00:15:20,487 --> 00:15:22,489
Okay, just sit tight
a few more minutes.
399
00:15:22,522 --> 00:15:25,258
Apparently they had a
similar situation in D.C.,
400
00:15:25,292 --> 00:15:27,961
and we're trying to find out
exactly what went wrong there.
401
00:15:27,995 --> 00:15:31,498
But the main thing is
everything's going to be okay.
402
00:15:31,531 --> 00:15:33,833
See?
403
00:15:33,866 --> 00:15:35,102
Sorry. Excuse me.
404
00:15:35,135 --> 00:15:36,469
Excuse me, I need
to get through.
405
00:15:36,503 --> 00:15:37,670
I'm looking for my kids.
406
00:15:37,704 --> 00:15:40,140
There's no kids here,
that's for sure.
407
00:15:40,173 --> 00:15:41,841
Lois?
Hal?
408
00:15:41,874 --> 00:15:43,676
What are you doing here?
You should be lying down.
409
00:15:43,710 --> 00:15:46,613
Yes, I should, but then I
had a conversation with Matt
410
00:15:46,646 --> 00:15:49,282
who informed me that there was
another guy you were dating
411
00:15:49,316 --> 00:15:50,517
while you were dating us.
412
00:15:50,550 --> 00:15:52,852
Oh, my God.
413
00:15:52,885 --> 00:15:55,255
Oh, my God... Hal...
414
00:15:55,288 --> 00:15:56,323
Hal, I'm sorry.
415
00:15:56,356 --> 00:15:57,590
I... I meant to tell you.
416
00:15:57,624 --> 00:15:58,958
I-I should have told you.
417
00:15:58,992 --> 00:16:01,094
I just-- I could never find
the right time,
418
00:16:01,128 --> 00:16:03,496
and I was never that serious
about Larry anyway.
419
00:16:03,530 --> 00:16:04,764
Who the hell is Larry?
420
00:16:04,797 --> 00:16:06,199
I'm talking about Dennis!
421
00:16:06,233 --> 00:16:09,602
Dennis, right,
that's who I meant.
422
00:16:09,636 --> 00:16:11,838
Oh, my God, who are you?
423
00:16:11,871 --> 00:16:13,706
Hal, please...
can we discuss this tonight?
424
00:16:13,740 --> 00:16:15,108
Well, I don't know, Lois.
425
00:16:15,142 --> 00:16:16,843
Maybe you have a date.
426
00:16:16,876 --> 00:16:18,945
Okay, in the first place,
this was all over 20 years ago.
427
00:16:18,978 --> 00:16:22,282
And second, it doesn't matter
because I love you.
428
00:16:22,315 --> 00:16:26,019
And third, you were the one
dating that slut manicurist!
429
00:16:26,053 --> 00:16:30,690
Here is where we put the houses
for the horses.
430
00:16:30,723 --> 00:16:32,725
And here will be
your office.
431
00:16:32,759 --> 00:16:36,329
You have pens in one drawer
and paper in the other.
432
00:16:36,363 --> 00:16:38,565
First, I put them
in the same drawer together,
433
00:16:38,598 --> 00:16:41,168
but no, that did not work.
434
00:16:41,201 --> 00:16:45,238
But if you want to try it
that way, you're the boss, huh?
435
00:16:45,272 --> 00:16:46,406
Ah, here is Zeke.
436
00:16:46,439 --> 00:16:47,874
Zeke, meet Francis.
437
00:16:47,907 --> 00:16:49,142
Howdy. How y'all doing?
438
00:16:49,176 --> 00:16:51,211
He is the new ranch foreman.
439
00:16:51,244 --> 00:16:53,146
He will be in charge
of the livestock,
440
00:16:53,180 --> 00:16:54,914
of the feeding schedules,
441
00:16:54,947 --> 00:16:56,649
of the equipment rental...
442
00:16:56,683 --> 00:16:58,485
well, everything.
443
00:16:58,518 --> 00:17:00,987
I must go and set up the buffet.
444
00:17:01,020 --> 00:17:05,925
I'm sure you have lots of cowboy
things to talk about, huh?
445
00:17:08,761 --> 00:17:10,597
All right, look, I might
as well tell you now,
446
00:17:10,630 --> 00:17:13,165
'cause you're going to find out
in about 30 seconds anyway.
447
00:17:13,200 --> 00:17:14,434
I'm not a real cowboy.
448
00:17:14,467 --> 00:17:16,536
My name isn't even
Zeke, it's Murray,
449
00:17:16,569 --> 00:17:20,006
and I have no idea what in the
hell I'm doing around here.
450
00:17:20,039 --> 00:17:21,241
You have no idea?
451
00:17:21,273 --> 00:17:22,942
I've never worked on a ranch
in my life.
452
00:17:22,974 --> 00:17:24,577
Really?
Yeah. I've never even been
453
00:17:24,611 --> 00:17:26,213
near a horse
you don't put quarters in.
454
00:17:26,246 --> 00:17:28,115
Oh, that's great.
455
00:17:28,147 --> 00:17:30,417
Listen, you know, you stepped
into a gold mine here.
456
00:17:30,450 --> 00:17:32,852
I mean, the people who run
this place are absolute idiots.
457
00:17:32,885 --> 00:17:34,621
Oh, I don't know.
They seem really nice.
458
00:17:34,654 --> 00:17:35,955
"Nice" isn't the word for it.
459
00:17:35,988 --> 00:17:37,357
I mean, you don't have
to do a lick of work
460
00:17:37,390 --> 00:17:38,458
and they'll still pay you.
461
00:17:38,491 --> 00:17:40,293
You're kidding?
I'm telling you,
462
00:17:40,327 --> 00:17:41,928
all we got to do
is watch each other's backs
463
00:17:41,961 --> 00:17:44,063
and we can milk these people
for all they're worth.
464
00:17:44,097 --> 00:17:45,132
What do you think?
465
00:17:45,165 --> 00:17:48,935
I think you're fired.
466
00:17:50,237 --> 00:17:51,804
Now, if you'll excuse me,
467
00:17:51,838 --> 00:17:55,475
I'm going to find out
if this is for me or the horse.
468
00:17:56,476 --> 00:17:57,877
HAL:
You broke our agreement!
469
00:17:57,910 --> 00:17:58,911
What agreement?!
470
00:17:58,945 --> 00:18:00,046
We never had an agreement!
471
00:18:00,079 --> 00:18:02,282
It was a mutual
understanding!
472
00:18:02,315 --> 00:18:03,716
At least on my end!
473
00:18:03,750 --> 00:18:04,984
You are overreacting.
474
00:18:05,017 --> 00:18:06,753
So, I was dating a few guys
when we met--
475
00:18:06,786 --> 00:18:08,221
what difference
does it make?
476
00:18:08,255 --> 00:18:09,956
A few? Well, how many
were there, Lois?
477
00:18:09,989 --> 00:18:12,459
Don't you get it?
It doesn't matter.
478
00:18:12,492 --> 00:18:14,727
You won!
It's history. It's over.
479
00:18:14,761 --> 00:18:18,231
Your engagement ring is
not a family heirloom.
480
00:18:18,265 --> 00:18:19,166
What?
481
00:18:19,199 --> 00:18:20,767
I lied to you.
I bought it.
482
00:18:20,800 --> 00:18:22,435
So you bought it.
483
00:18:22,469 --> 00:18:24,737
For someone else.
484
00:18:24,771 --> 00:18:27,006
Someone else?
485
00:18:27,039 --> 00:18:28,408
I'm sorry.
486
00:18:28,441 --> 00:18:30,009
I have kept that secret
for so many years.
487
00:18:30,042 --> 00:18:31,010
It's haunted me.
488
00:18:31,043 --> 00:18:32,579
Look, I always knew
489
00:18:32,612 --> 00:18:35,014
that I had to tell you,
but I didn't know how.
490
00:18:35,047 --> 00:18:36,749
Who was it?
491
00:18:36,783 --> 00:18:39,586
Farrah Fawcett.
492
00:18:39,619 --> 00:18:41,454
I was 15.
493
00:18:41,488 --> 00:18:43,356
I knew there were
a lot of guys after her,
494
00:18:43,390 --> 00:18:45,692
but I thought that if I had
an actual ring to give her
495
00:18:45,725 --> 00:18:48,461
that I would stand apart
from those other idiots.
496
00:18:48,495 --> 00:18:52,265
I'm sorry I didn't tell
you this before now.
497
00:18:52,299 --> 00:18:56,403
Well, why don't we
just call it even.
498
00:18:58,305 --> 00:19:00,307
(over walkie-talkie):
Hey, Randy, it's Bill.
499
00:19:00,340 --> 00:19:02,309
Are those two kids still trapped
in the tiger den?
500
00:19:02,342 --> 00:19:03,676
Okay, everybody, calm down.
501
00:19:03,710 --> 00:19:05,144
Calm down.
502
00:19:05,178 --> 00:19:07,347
I'm obviously just picking up
a transmission
503
00:19:07,380 --> 00:19:09,849
from the zoo down the road.
504
00:19:09,882 --> 00:19:10,983
Reese and Malcolm?
505
00:19:11,017 --> 00:19:12,118
Malcolm and Dewey.
506
00:19:12,151 --> 00:19:14,221
Reese wouldn't last 30 seconds.
507
00:19:15,888 --> 00:19:18,558
I think Stanley's
getting angry.
508
00:19:18,591 --> 00:19:19,959
You named them?
509
00:19:19,992 --> 00:19:21,060
That's Stanley.
510
00:19:21,093 --> 00:19:22,495
That's French Fry.
511
00:19:22,529 --> 00:19:25,632
Dewey, I want to tell you
something.
512
00:19:25,665 --> 00:19:26,499
I love you.
513
00:19:26,533 --> 00:19:27,967
Don't say that!
514
00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:29,001
It's true.
515
00:19:29,035 --> 00:19:29,902
I love you so much.
516
00:19:29,936 --> 00:19:31,170
You're just saying that
517
00:19:31,204 --> 00:19:32,672
'cause you think
we're going to die.
518
00:19:32,705 --> 00:19:34,341
This is all part of
your hating life thing.
519
00:19:34,374 --> 00:19:36,142
You're wrong.
I love life.
520
00:19:36,175 --> 00:19:37,344
I realize that now.
521
00:19:37,377 --> 00:19:39,379
It's imperfect,
but I love that, too.
522
00:19:39,412 --> 00:19:41,348
And I love Mom and Dad
and Francis
523
00:19:41,381 --> 00:19:42,882
and even Reese.
I love you all.
524
00:19:42,915 --> 00:19:44,851
Stop it. We're
going to be fine.
525
00:19:44,884 --> 00:19:46,219
Why don't you stop it, Dewey?
526
00:19:46,253 --> 00:19:47,887
Why don't you stop pretending
everything's great
527
00:19:47,920 --> 00:19:49,088
and tell me
you love me, okay?
528
00:19:49,121 --> 00:19:50,757
We're not going to die!
529
00:19:50,790 --> 00:19:52,359
Yes, we are!
We're going to die!
530
00:19:52,392 --> 00:19:54,761
This is the ultimate proof
that I was right all along!
531
00:19:54,794 --> 00:19:56,663
And I don't need
some stupid little kid
532
00:19:56,696 --> 00:19:57,930
giving me fake reassurances!
533
00:19:57,964 --> 00:20:00,267
Well, I don't need
some crybaby brother
534
00:20:00,300 --> 00:20:03,270
taking all the fun out
of being at the zoo!
535
00:20:03,303 --> 00:20:05,037
Oh, my God!
536
00:20:05,071 --> 00:20:06,105
(growling)
537
00:20:06,138 --> 00:20:07,106
You're just
in a bad mood.
538
00:20:07,139 --> 00:20:08,241
We'll get out of this.
539
00:20:08,275 --> 00:20:09,942
No, we won't.
Give it up, Dewey.
540
00:20:09,976 --> 00:20:12,245
Superman isn't going
to fly in here and save us.
541
00:20:12,279 --> 00:20:13,913
(Reese yells)
542
00:20:16,249 --> 00:20:19,686
In your face, goat!
Who's laughing...
543
00:20:19,719 --> 00:20:20,920
(screams)
544
00:20:25,725 --> 00:20:26,959
Open up, open up!
545
00:20:29,762 --> 00:20:32,131
Ever since the zoo,
I've had a new lease on life.
546
00:20:32,164 --> 00:20:33,933
It's amazing
how something as simple
547
00:20:33,966 --> 00:20:36,936
as almost being eaten by tigers
can put things in perspective.
548
00:20:36,969 --> 00:20:39,272
It just feels so good
to be happy again.
549
00:20:41,007 --> 00:20:42,809
Of course, why do I
550
00:20:42,842 --> 00:20:44,977
always have to learn my lessons
the hard way?
551
00:20:45,011 --> 00:20:46,746
No one else does.
552
00:20:46,779 --> 00:20:49,048
I mean, why does the universe
think it has to almost kill me
553
00:20:49,081 --> 00:20:50,617
to get a point across?
554
00:20:50,650 --> 00:20:52,385
My life sucks.
555
00:20:52,419 --> 00:20:53,886
I'm going to bed.
556
00:20:53,920 --> 00:20:55,555
No, Francis,
everything turned out fine.
557
00:20:55,588 --> 00:20:56,989
We agreed not to sue them,
558
00:20:57,023 --> 00:20:58,958
and they agreed
not to throw Reese in jail.
559
00:20:58,991 --> 00:21:01,294
Enough about that.
Tell me about your new job.
560
00:21:01,328 --> 00:21:02,395
Oh, it's great.
561
00:21:02,429 --> 00:21:03,630
I've learned so much already.
562
00:21:03,663 --> 00:21:05,398
Say, while you were at the zoo,
563
00:21:05,432 --> 00:21:08,234
you didn't happen to see any
animals giving birth, did you?
564
00:21:08,267 --> 00:21:09,235
No. Why?
565
00:21:09,268 --> 00:21:10,269
Just curious.
566
00:21:10,303 --> 00:21:11,438
Never mind.
567
00:21:12,539 --> 00:21:13,940
(groans)
568
00:21:13,973 --> 00:21:16,343
Almost there, sweetie.
Just one more push.
37172
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