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1
00:00:07,572 --> 00:00:09,487
[grunting]
2
00:00:17,278 --> 00:00:19,889
[grunting]
3
00:00:23,023 --> 00:00:25,155
[garbage disposal grinding][screams]
4
00:00:25,199 --> 00:00:27,723
[grinding continues]
5
00:00:30,813 --> 00:00:32,728
[disposal shuts off]
6
00:00:38,212 --> 00:00:40,257
[sighs]
7
00:00:40,301 --> 00:00:42,868
[grunting]
8
00:00:42,912 --> 00:00:46,307
♪ Yes, no, maybe
9
00:00:46,350 --> 00:00:48,265
♪ I don't know
10
00:00:48,309 --> 00:00:51,573
♪ Can you repeat the question?
11
00:00:51,616 --> 00:00:54,315
♪ You're not the boss
of me now ♪
12
00:00:54,358 --> 00:00:56,882
♪ You're not
the boss of me now ♪
13
00:00:56,926 --> 00:00:59,363
♪ You're not the boss
of me now ♪
14
00:00:59,407 --> 00:01:01,235
♪ And you're not so big
15
00:01:01,278 --> 00:01:03,889
♪ You're not the boss
of me now ♪
16
00:01:03,933 --> 00:01:05,891
♪ You're not
the boss of me now ♪
17
00:01:05,935 --> 00:01:08,285
♪ You're not the boss
of me now ♪
18
00:01:08,329 --> 00:01:11,332
♪ And you're not so big
19
00:01:11,375 --> 00:01:16,163
♪ Life is unfair.
20
00:01:24,997 --> 00:01:26,390
[door opening]REESE: This is stupid.
21
00:01:26,434 --> 00:01:28,566
We didn't do anything.
22
00:01:28,610 --> 00:01:30,002
MALCOLM: What do we need
a psychiatrist for?
23
00:01:30,046 --> 00:01:31,265
I don't want to hear it.
24
00:01:31,308 --> 00:01:32,483
We need professional help.
25
00:01:32,527 --> 00:01:33,615
Hello.
26
00:01:33,658 --> 00:01:34,964
Hi, thanks for
squeezing us in.
27
00:01:35,007 --> 00:01:36,226
Why do we all
have to be here?
28
00:01:36,270 --> 00:01:37,401
He's the one that's
afraid of being
29
00:01:37,445 --> 00:01:38,968
attacked by a shark
in the shower!
30
00:01:39,011 --> 00:01:40,274
At least he doesn't
walk in his sleep
31
00:01:40,317 --> 00:01:41,579
and pee on the TV!
32
00:01:41,623 --> 00:01:43,364
At-at-at-at-at!
33
00:01:43,407 --> 00:01:45,366
My wife told you about the car?
34
00:01:45,409 --> 00:01:47,237
Yes, the joyriding incident.
35
00:01:47,281 --> 00:01:49,283
$700 worth of damage!
36
00:01:49,326 --> 00:01:51,415
Look, we are at our wit's end
with these boys.
37
00:01:51,459 --> 00:01:53,374
I am authorizing you to do
whatever it takes.
38
00:01:53,417 --> 00:01:55,289
Drugs, brainwashing,
electroshock...
39
00:01:55,332 --> 00:01:57,987
Maybe I'll start with
talking to them.
40
00:01:58,030 --> 00:01:59,467
You're the expert.
41
00:02:00,642 --> 00:02:02,774
You do whatever the doctor says.
42
00:02:02,818 --> 00:02:05,603
You better be cured
when I get back.
43
00:02:07,039 --> 00:02:10,217
Well, looks like we have
some work to do, don't we?
44
00:02:10,259 --> 00:02:12,262
Take a seat.
45
00:02:16,832 --> 00:02:19,226
So, let's go over
the ground rules.
46
00:02:19,269 --> 00:02:20,575
This is a safe zone.
47
00:02:20,618 --> 00:02:23,186
What that means is
when one of you talks,
48
00:02:23,230 --> 00:02:25,406
everybody listens
49
00:02:25,449 --> 00:02:29,671
and listening does not include
interrupting, name-calling,
50
00:02:29,714 --> 00:02:32,239
or passing judgment on
what was just said.
51
00:02:32,282 --> 00:02:35,198
That way everybody can say
what they want
52
00:02:35,242 --> 00:02:37,244
and feel okay about it.
53
00:02:37,287 --> 00:02:38,593
Can I have a piece of candy?
54
00:02:38,636 --> 00:02:39,681
No.
55
00:02:40,508 --> 00:02:41,465
This is ridiculous.
56
00:02:41,509 --> 00:02:42,901
We didn't take their car out.
57
00:02:42,945 --> 00:02:44,425
We were watching TV all night.
58
00:02:44,468 --> 00:02:45,861
We were being good.
59
00:02:45,904 --> 00:02:48,037
I mean, I had some stuff
scheduled for later, but...
60
00:02:48,080 --> 00:02:49,386
There was a lot of damage done
to that car.
61
00:02:49,430 --> 00:02:50,474
Somebody else
must have
62
00:02:50,518 --> 00:02:52,302
driven it, 'cause it wasn't us.
63
00:02:52,346 --> 00:02:53,651
Okay, let's back up.
64
00:02:53,695 --> 00:02:55,610
Let's talk about the home.
65
00:02:55,653 --> 00:02:57,699
It's a dump.
There's a leak in the roof
66
00:02:57,742 --> 00:02:59,222
right over my bed.
67
00:02:59,266 --> 00:03:01,485
No, no, I mean I'd like to know
about your family life.
68
00:03:01,529 --> 00:03:04,271
Look, don't analyze us.
69
00:03:04,314 --> 00:03:06,577
You can poke and prod and delve
all you want,
70
00:03:06,621 --> 00:03:09,711
but you're not going to find
any psychological issues, okay?
71
00:03:09,754 --> 00:03:11,278
We're normal!
72
00:03:11,321 --> 00:03:12,888
[drill whirring]
73
00:03:12,931 --> 00:03:14,585
DEWEY [chanting]:
I hate my brothers.
74
00:03:14,629 --> 00:03:15,804
I only like me.
75
00:03:15,847 --> 00:03:17,719
I hate my brothers.
76
00:03:17,762 --> 00:03:20,025
I only like me.
77
00:03:20,069 --> 00:03:21,810
I hate my brothers...
78
00:03:21,853 --> 00:03:23,464
[yelling]
79
00:03:23,507 --> 00:03:27,294
Stop it right now!
I mean it!
80
00:03:27,337 --> 00:03:29,078
When are you going to be done?
81
00:03:29,121 --> 00:03:30,819
Soon as I can, honey.
82
00:03:30,862 --> 00:03:32,864
I said stop it!
83
00:03:32,908 --> 00:03:35,084
I hate my brothers.
84
00:03:35,127 --> 00:03:36,651
I only like me.
85
00:03:36,694 --> 00:03:38,609
I hate my brothers.
86
00:03:38,653 --> 00:03:40,481
I only like me.
87
00:03:40,524 --> 00:03:42,178
[drill whirring]
88
00:03:45,355 --> 00:03:50,447
Five Across:
"My Mother the... blank."
89
00:03:59,978 --> 00:04:01,502
What'd you do?
90
00:04:01,545 --> 00:04:02,329
What?
91
00:04:02,372 --> 00:04:04,200
Don't give me that.
What'd you do?
92
00:04:04,244 --> 00:04:05,419
Nothing.
93
00:04:05,462 --> 00:04:06,768
Mom, I'm trying to study.
94
00:04:06,811 --> 00:04:08,204
Oh.
95
00:04:08,248 --> 00:04:11,686
Then I'm sure
you don't mind if I, uh...
96
00:04:11,729 --> 00:04:13,209
took a look in here!
97
00:04:14,819 --> 00:04:15,777
Mom, I'm telling you,
98
00:04:15,820 --> 00:04:17,300
we didn't do anything.
99
00:04:17,344 --> 00:04:19,171
Oh, you boys
are up to something.
100
00:04:19,214 --> 00:04:21,435
I can smell it.
101
00:04:23,219 --> 00:04:25,308
If you've broken another window
102
00:04:25,352 --> 00:04:27,963
it is going to come
out of your...
103
00:04:28,006 --> 00:04:29,138
Are you done?
104
00:04:29,181 --> 00:04:30,313
You want to frisk me?
105
00:04:30,357 --> 00:04:35,449
You just consider
yourselves lucky.
106
00:04:35,492 --> 00:04:37,277
This time.
107
00:04:52,248 --> 00:04:53,815
That was close.
108
00:04:53,858 --> 00:04:55,338
Our only problem is
109
00:04:55,382 --> 00:04:57,384
our parents think we're
lying and we're not.
110
00:04:57,427 --> 00:04:59,342
Hey, a breakthrough.
111
00:04:59,386 --> 00:05:02,606
You're obviously
a very bright young man.
112
00:05:02,650 --> 00:05:04,826
Would you like to spend
the rest of the hour
113
00:05:04,869 --> 00:05:06,741
telling me how bright you are?
114
00:05:07,829 --> 00:05:09,613
Okay, let's talk about
your parents.
115
00:05:09,657 --> 00:05:12,268
Now, if you had to describe them
in a few words,
116
00:05:12,312 --> 00:05:14,401
how would you do that?
117
00:05:16,098 --> 00:05:17,839
I don't know.
118
00:05:17,882 --> 00:05:22,278
Mom is... Mom.
119
00:05:25,890 --> 00:05:27,196
Everybody up!
120
00:05:28,458 --> 00:05:31,505
[screaming]
121
00:05:31,548 --> 00:05:33,289
I have to do laundry
before work!
122
00:05:34,638 --> 00:05:35,813
[groans]
123
00:05:35,857 --> 00:05:38,860
I am taking breakfast off
the table in five minutes!
124
00:05:38,903 --> 00:05:41,384
And Dad's...
125
00:05:41,428 --> 00:05:44,953
What is Dad?
126
00:05:44,996 --> 00:05:47,434
Who wants to make
five bucks?
127
00:05:47,477 --> 00:05:49,653
How?I need someone to take the fall.
128
00:05:49,697 --> 00:05:51,002
LOIS:
Oh, my God.
129
00:05:51,046 --> 00:05:52,874
What did you do?
130
00:05:52,917 --> 00:05:53,875
I can't tell you.
131
00:05:53,918 --> 00:05:55,529
Yes or no, no questions asked.
132
00:05:55,572 --> 00:05:56,834
LOIS:
Oh, my God!!
133
00:05:56,878 --> 00:05:58,183
Make it ten.
134
00:05:58,227 --> 00:05:59,750
Done.
135
00:05:59,794 --> 00:06:01,273
LOIS:
Oh, my God!
136
00:06:01,317 --> 00:06:02,492
You're a good son.
137
00:06:02,536 --> 00:06:03,624
I got him, honey!
138
00:06:03,667 --> 00:06:05,974
I got him, don't worry!
139
00:06:06,017 --> 00:06:08,759
And you have another brother,
Francis?
140
00:06:08,803 --> 00:06:10,674
Yeah. Did they tell you
what they did to him?
141
00:06:10,718 --> 00:06:12,459
It's a classic firstborn
scenario.
142
00:06:12,502 --> 00:06:14,417
A free and easy couple
suddenly has a kid
143
00:06:14,461 --> 00:06:16,680
and their whole world's
turned upside down,
144
00:06:16,724 --> 00:06:18,116
and even after
there's other kids,
145
00:06:18,160 --> 00:06:19,553
the oldest one
becomes a symbol
146
00:06:19,596 --> 00:06:20,597
for everything that's
wrong in their lives
147
00:06:20,641 --> 00:06:22,773
through no fault
of his own.
148
00:06:22,817 --> 00:06:25,428
Dad, I know what
you're going to say,
149
00:06:25,472 --> 00:06:27,299
and believe me,
I totally agree with you.
150
00:06:27,343 --> 00:06:29,214
There is no excuse
for what I did.
151
00:06:29,258 --> 00:06:32,217
It was idiotic, immature,
totally reckless
152
00:06:32,261 --> 00:06:33,654
and I'm really sorry.
153
00:06:33,697 --> 00:06:35,917
I'm just...
I'm hoping against hope
154
00:06:35,960 --> 00:06:38,528
that you will give me
another chance, which I admit
155
00:06:38,572 --> 00:06:40,051
I don't deserve,
156
00:06:40,095 --> 00:06:42,880
but if you could just find it
in your heart to forgive me,
157
00:06:42,924 --> 00:06:45,361
I know I could
earn your trust back.
158
00:06:45,405 --> 00:06:47,102
[popping, hissing]
159
00:06:47,145 --> 00:06:49,452
They had it out for him
from the start.
160
00:06:49,496 --> 00:06:51,933
Boy, you guys really have a lot
of issues with your parents.
161
00:06:51,976 --> 00:06:54,109
Do you ever discuss any of this
with them?
162
00:06:56,328 --> 00:06:58,940
You never tell your parents
your feelings?
163
00:06:58,983 --> 00:07:00,332
We try. Two weeks ago,
164
00:07:00,376 --> 00:07:02,944
I put some newspapers in
the blender and set it on fire.
165
00:07:02,987 --> 00:07:04,728
That was totally a cry for help.
166
00:07:04,772 --> 00:07:06,295
I mean talk, with words.
167
00:07:06,338 --> 00:07:08,515
You know,
talk about the subject at hand?
168
00:07:09,907 --> 00:07:13,694
You know, a lot of families
do that around the dinner table.
169
00:07:13,737 --> 00:07:16,305
That can be a really good
environment
170
00:07:16,348 --> 00:07:18,525
for sharing your feelings.
171
00:07:30,537 --> 00:07:32,364
Great pancakes, Dad.
172
00:07:32,408 --> 00:07:34,062
Oh, thanks.
173
00:07:34,105 --> 00:07:35,759
Hey, who's ready for seconds?
174
00:07:35,803 --> 00:07:37,065
[hacking]
175
00:07:37,108 --> 00:07:38,806
I am.
176
00:07:42,244 --> 00:07:43,724
Here are the house rules:
177
00:07:43,767 --> 00:07:44,986
You can't reach for seconds
178
00:07:45,029 --> 00:07:46,901
until you're finished with
your firsts
179
00:07:46,944 --> 00:07:48,337
but as soon as anybody's fork
180
00:07:48,380 --> 00:07:49,991
leaves the perimeter of
their plate,
181
00:07:50,034 --> 00:07:51,471
all bets are off.
182
00:07:58,565 --> 00:08:01,611
[metal clanging]
183
00:08:13,797 --> 00:08:15,016
It's mine!
184
00:08:15,059 --> 00:08:16,583
And then there's
a big explosion
185
00:08:16,626 --> 00:08:17,584
and lots of bubbles.
186
00:08:17,627 --> 00:08:19,673
That's where
babies come from.
187
00:08:19,716 --> 00:08:21,588
[laughter]
188
00:08:21,631 --> 00:08:24,678
Oh, well, you know,
close enough.
189
00:08:24,721 --> 00:08:25,809
Look at this.
190
00:08:25,853 --> 00:08:27,419
I made a pea angel.
191
00:08:27,463 --> 00:08:29,117
Oh, you're a pea angel.
192
00:08:29,160 --> 00:08:31,162
Stop playing
with your food.
193
00:08:32,033 --> 00:08:33,774
[laughter]
194
00:08:35,515 --> 00:08:37,604
Oh, Mom...
195
00:08:37,647 --> 00:08:39,039
Don't you dare.
196
00:08:39,082 --> 00:08:40,780
Relax. I wasn't
really going to.
197
00:08:40,823 --> 00:08:41,695
Then don't.
198
00:08:41,738 --> 00:08:42,913
I wasn't going to.
199
00:08:42,957 --> 00:08:44,698
Then don't.
200
00:08:44,741 --> 00:08:46,351
Well, don't accuse me
of something
201
00:08:46,395 --> 00:08:47,570
that I wasn't going to do!
202
00:08:49,964 --> 00:08:51,705
Interesting mood shift.
203
00:08:51,748 --> 00:08:54,708
It would take hours to explain
the psychology behind this
204
00:08:54,751 --> 00:08:56,840
so let me just
put it this way:
205
00:08:56,884 --> 00:08:58,363
Dynamite.
206
00:08:58,407 --> 00:08:59,713
Kid with matches.
207
00:08:59,756 --> 00:09:01,453
You're going to throw that
at Mom?
208
00:09:01,497 --> 00:09:03,064
I wasn't going to!
209
00:09:03,107 --> 00:09:04,805
Geez Louise-- Reese...
210
00:09:04,848 --> 00:09:05,806
Hal, I can handle this.
211
00:09:05,849 --> 00:09:08,504
Reese, I'm warning you.
212
00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:10,767
I wasn't going to,
but if you think I would
213
00:09:10,811 --> 00:09:11,812
then maybe I should.
214
00:09:11,855 --> 00:09:13,944
Oh, good,
now he's panicking.
215
00:09:13,988 --> 00:09:17,208
Just put the spoon down
and apologize.
216
00:09:17,252 --> 00:09:19,863
Okay, she gave him an out.
217
00:09:19,907 --> 00:09:20,734
Apologize for what?
218
00:09:20,777 --> 00:09:21,996
I wasn't going
to do anything!
219
00:09:22,039 --> 00:09:23,388
Just stop talking!
220
00:09:23,432 --> 00:09:24,955
Just stop talking
and let me think!
221
00:09:24,999 --> 00:09:26,522
Dad, do something.
222
00:09:26,566 --> 00:09:28,437
I got it.
223
00:09:42,669 --> 00:09:45,672
What do you think you're doing?
224
00:09:45,715 --> 00:09:48,588
I'm being cute and spontaneous?
225
00:09:53,941 --> 00:09:56,073
[laughing]
226
00:09:58,902 --> 00:10:01,557
[laughter]
227
00:10:04,516 --> 00:10:06,475
Don't do it.
228
00:10:06,518 --> 00:10:08,825
I wasn't going to!
229
00:10:08,869 --> 00:10:11,306
Who cares if they don't
believe me about the car?
230
00:10:11,349 --> 00:10:12,655
I've gotten this far in my life
231
00:10:12,699 --> 00:10:14,004
without anyone giving me
any credit
232
00:10:14,048 --> 00:10:16,006
so why should I expect anything
different now?
233
00:10:16,050 --> 00:10:17,660
Yeah, the guy who
leaves thumbtacks
234
00:10:17,704 --> 00:10:19,880
on the toilet seat
is so misunderstood.
235
00:10:19,923 --> 00:10:22,317
Please remember the
ground rules: there's no...
236
00:10:22,360 --> 00:10:23,710
You're the one who taught
me my name in French
was "latrine."
237
00:10:23,753 --> 00:10:25,059
Don't interrupt.You're the one
238
00:10:25,102 --> 00:10:26,147
who sold my bike
for three bucks
239
00:10:26,190 --> 00:10:27,888
to Billy Watson the day
he moved to Canada!
240
00:10:27,931 --> 00:10:30,455
We don't...I'm the one who spit in Dewey's
cereal this morning.
241
00:10:30,499 --> 00:10:31,761
I mean...
242
00:10:31,805 --> 00:10:33,284
I drank that milk!
243
00:10:33,328 --> 00:10:34,808
I licked the bowl!
244
00:10:34,851 --> 00:10:35,809
I hate you!
245
00:10:35,852 --> 00:10:36,723
Oh, shut up, pit stain.
246
00:10:36,766 --> 00:10:37,941
Leave him alone.
You started it.
247
00:10:37,985 --> 00:10:39,726
Shut up! Shut up!You shut up!
248
00:10:39,769 --> 00:10:41,162
Stop it!
249
00:10:43,817 --> 00:10:45,688
This is not
how therapy works.
250
00:10:45,732 --> 00:10:47,559
You are going to respect
each other
251
00:10:47,603 --> 00:10:49,736
and damn it,
you are going to respect me.
252
00:10:49,779 --> 00:10:50,737
You're going to behave
253
00:10:50,780 --> 00:10:53,740
and we are going to continue
with this session!
254
00:10:53,783 --> 00:10:55,002
Understood?
255
00:10:56,307 --> 00:10:57,918
[grunting]
256
00:10:57,961 --> 00:10:59,833
Stop it!
257
00:10:59,876 --> 00:11:01,530
This is a safe zone!Get off me.
258
00:11:01,573 --> 00:11:02,705
[Dewey screaming]
259
00:11:02,749 --> 00:11:04,359
A safe zone!
260
00:11:04,402 --> 00:11:06,622
Stupid...[Reese screaming]
261
00:11:11,888 --> 00:11:14,761
Here is what you boys
need to know.
262
00:11:14,804 --> 00:11:16,719
You cannot break me.
263
00:11:16,763 --> 00:11:18,808
I've worked in prisons.
264
00:11:18,852 --> 00:11:22,856
I had a 17-year-old
serial killer hugging my knees
265
00:11:22,899 --> 00:11:24,988
and crying like a little girl.
266
00:11:25,032 --> 00:11:27,512
Those aren't Fisher-Price
diplomas on the wall.
267
00:11:27,556 --> 00:11:28,862
I went to Harvard.
268
00:11:28,905 --> 00:11:31,734
I had a starring role
in The Mikado!
269
00:11:31,778 --> 00:11:33,127
[low]:
My arms are tired.
270
00:11:33,170 --> 00:11:35,651
Don't give him
the satisfaction, Dewey.
271
00:11:35,695 --> 00:11:36,913
This is nothing.
272
00:11:36,957 --> 00:11:39,524
Mom makes us do this
out in the rain.
273
00:11:39,568 --> 00:11:41,265
Okay, you can relax.
274
00:11:47,010 --> 00:11:48,446
[sighs]
275
00:11:48,490 --> 00:11:50,100
All right, let's try this.
276
00:11:50,144 --> 00:11:51,188
If you could pick one thing,
277
00:11:51,232 --> 00:11:52,886
about the way
your parents treat you
278
00:11:52,929 --> 00:11:54,191
what would you change?
279
00:11:54,235 --> 00:11:56,977
The biggest problem
is that they don't trust us.
280
00:11:57,020 --> 00:11:58,805
They just assume that if
they leave us alone
281
00:11:58,848 --> 00:12:00,763
for two seconds,
we'll get in trouble.
282
00:12:00,807 --> 00:12:03,287
Nine days past expiration.
283
00:12:06,856 --> 00:12:08,205
Ugh.
284
00:12:10,077 --> 00:12:11,600
Expired two months ago.
285
00:12:11,643 --> 00:12:14,081
You don't have the guts.
286
00:12:19,739 --> 00:12:21,479
[coughs]
287
00:12:21,523 --> 00:12:25,266
When was the
last Christmas
we had eggnog?
288
00:12:25,309 --> 00:12:27,442
I think before Dewey.
289
00:12:29,923 --> 00:12:31,315
[air hissing]
290
00:12:32,186 --> 00:12:33,796
It's all you, man.
291
00:12:34,841 --> 00:12:36,059
[coughs]
292
00:12:36,103 --> 00:12:37,452
Bottom of the ninth...
293
00:12:37,495 --> 00:12:39,846
two outs... man on first.
294
00:12:39,889 --> 00:12:41,064
The windup...
295
00:12:41,978 --> 00:12:43,023
...the pitch...
296
00:12:46,417 --> 00:12:47,810
Uh-oh.
297
00:12:47,854 --> 00:12:49,464
Oh, man, we're so dead.
298
00:12:49,507 --> 00:12:50,900
That's it, game over.
299
00:12:50,944 --> 00:12:51,901
Yeah.
300
00:12:51,945 --> 00:12:53,947
So I win.
What?
301
00:12:53,990 --> 00:12:55,513
Past the lamp is a home run.
302
00:12:55,557 --> 00:12:56,645
Two men scored.
303
00:12:56,688 --> 00:12:57,602
That was a foul ball.
304
00:12:57,646 --> 00:12:58,603
Are you crazy?
305
00:12:58,647 --> 00:12:59,909
It went right down the line.
306
00:12:59,953 --> 00:13:01,084
It was foul.
Shut up!
307
00:13:01,128 --> 00:13:02,869
You're home plate,
you don't get a vote.
308
00:13:02,912 --> 00:13:04,653
Do over.
Fine by me.
309
00:13:09,005 --> 00:13:11,225
Oh, crap!
310
00:13:11,268 --> 00:13:12,182
Now we really have to quit.
311
00:13:12,226 --> 00:13:14,402
Yeah.
But that was a triple.
312
00:13:14,445 --> 00:13:16,143
Get back up there.
313
00:13:17,971 --> 00:13:19,711
Let me ask you...
314
00:13:19,755 --> 00:13:21,670
how do you see yourselves?
315
00:13:21,713 --> 00:13:25,543
Reese, what do you think
your role in the family is?
316
00:13:25,587 --> 00:13:27,676
I guess I'm the bad boy.
317
00:13:27,719 --> 00:13:29,286
The one that ruins everything.
318
00:13:29,330 --> 00:13:30,984
Every family has that guy.
319
00:13:31,027 --> 00:13:32,420
The one that makes you cry,
320
00:13:32,463 --> 00:13:34,552
makes you hate coming home
at the end of the day
321
00:13:34,596 --> 00:13:36,250
just knowing
I'm going to be there.
322
00:13:36,293 --> 00:13:40,950
It's a lot of work, but...
I guess it's pretty satisfying.
323
00:13:50,133 --> 00:13:51,961
What are you looking at,
monkey boy?
324
00:13:52,005 --> 00:13:53,223
Ow!
325
00:13:53,267 --> 00:13:54,268
Ow! Ow!
326
00:13:54,311 --> 00:13:55,965
Reese!
What are you doing?
327
00:13:56,009 --> 00:13:57,314
Help! Ow! Help!
328
00:13:57,358 --> 00:13:58,663
Mom!
329
00:13:58,707 --> 00:14:00,274
Help! Ow! Ow!Come on, cut it out,
cut it out.
330
00:14:00,317 --> 00:14:02,145
Help! It hurts! Ow!
331
00:14:02,189 --> 00:14:04,017
Knock it off,
you little...
LOIS:
Reese!
332
00:14:04,060 --> 00:14:05,714
What the heck
are you doing?
333
00:14:05,757 --> 00:14:08,325
Honest to God,
you can't leave that kid
alone for five minutes
334
00:14:08,369 --> 00:14:10,110
without picking on him!I didn't do anything though.
335
00:14:10,153 --> 00:14:11,546
Go!He's lying.
336
00:14:11,589 --> 00:14:13,026
LOIS:
Whatcha looking at?
337
00:14:13,069 --> 00:14:14,288
Reese's report card.
338
00:14:14,331 --> 00:14:16,072
It is much better
than last time.
339
00:14:16,116 --> 00:14:17,900
Really?
Yeah.
340
00:14:17,944 --> 00:14:20,816
This time he used
the exact same brand
of pen as the teacher
341
00:14:20,860 --> 00:14:22,035
to change his grade.
342
00:14:22,078 --> 00:14:23,340
Look at that.
343
00:14:23,384 --> 00:14:25,081
He gave himself a C in
math instead of an A+.
344
00:14:25,125 --> 00:14:27,301
Yeah, subtle.
Nice attention to detail.
345
00:14:27,344 --> 00:14:28,998
He's really learning.
346
00:14:29,042 --> 00:14:29,956
Two months grounded?
347
00:14:29,999 --> 00:14:31,914
Three months,
scrubbing toilets.
348
00:14:31,958 --> 00:14:35,178
And how do you see
your place in this family?
349
00:14:35,222 --> 00:14:36,919
Well, I'm the favorite.
350
00:14:36,963 --> 00:14:39,835
You know, the one
everybody loves the most.
351
00:14:39,879 --> 00:14:41,184
The cute one.
352
00:14:41,228 --> 00:14:44,144
The one everybody looks out for
and gives presents to.
353
00:14:44,187 --> 00:14:48,061
And sometimes they even
make the birds sing to me
354
00:14:48,104 --> 00:14:50,585
or the clouds spell out my name.
355
00:14:50,628 --> 00:14:52,413
[grunts]
356
00:14:52,456 --> 00:14:53,849
Come on!
357
00:14:53,893 --> 00:14:56,765
You said I could play.
358
00:15:02,118 --> 00:15:03,293
You have to go
down there again.
359
00:15:03,337 --> 00:15:04,512
No.
360
00:15:04,555 --> 00:15:06,557
Come on, you're the only one
that'll fit.
361
00:15:06,601 --> 00:15:08,211
No, I always
go get it
362
00:15:08,255 --> 00:15:10,213
and you never
let me play.
363
00:15:10,257 --> 00:15:11,388
We'll let
you play.
364
00:15:11,432 --> 00:15:12,955
We promise.
365
00:15:12,999 --> 00:15:15,218
[grunting]
366
00:15:15,262 --> 00:15:16,741
[grunts]
367
00:15:16,785 --> 00:15:19,222
Come on!
Throw it here.
368
00:15:19,266 --> 00:15:20,571
You promised.
369
00:15:20,615 --> 00:15:21,964
No way.
370
00:15:22,008 --> 00:15:24,793
[sighs]
371
00:15:24,836 --> 00:15:26,142
What? Can't sleep?
372
00:15:26,186 --> 00:15:28,188
No, I have this
terrible feeling
373
00:15:28,231 --> 00:15:29,885
we've forgotten something.
374
00:15:29,929 --> 00:15:33,062
Trash, locks, lights...
375
00:15:36,283 --> 00:15:37,414
Oh, well.
376
00:15:37,458 --> 00:15:40,461
Whatever it is, I'm sure
it can wait till morning.
377
00:15:45,031 --> 00:15:46,423
Oh, boy.
378
00:15:46,467 --> 00:15:48,904
[snoring]
379
00:15:50,166 --> 00:15:51,124
All right, son.
380
00:15:51,167 --> 00:15:54,127
Son, I think you've
learned your lesson.
381
00:15:54,170 --> 00:15:56,259
Okay.
382
00:15:56,303 --> 00:15:58,044
Thanks, Dad.
383
00:16:00,872 --> 00:16:02,874
We've got to stop
doing this.
384
00:16:05,051 --> 00:16:06,400
Hup!
385
00:16:06,443 --> 00:16:08,010
[Dewey yelling]
386
00:16:08,054 --> 00:16:09,838
[grunts]
387
00:16:09,881 --> 00:16:11,013
[crash, popping]
388
00:16:11,057 --> 00:16:13,363
I try not to throw it
in their faces,
389
00:16:13,407 --> 00:16:14,930
but sometimes, you know,
390
00:16:14,974 --> 00:16:17,237
I just can't help it.
391
00:16:17,280 --> 00:16:19,717
What about you, Malcolm?
392
00:16:19,761 --> 00:16:21,371
What's your place
in the family?
393
00:16:21,415 --> 00:16:23,112
I don't know,
I'm the middle one.
394
00:16:23,156 --> 00:16:24,374
Well, really think about it.
395
00:16:24,418 --> 00:16:27,029
How do you fit in
with this family?
396
00:16:27,073 --> 00:16:32,034
Well... I...
397
00:16:32,078 --> 00:16:33,253
Go ahead.
398
00:16:33,296 --> 00:16:36,169
Well, I guess I...
399
00:16:36,212 --> 00:16:37,822
don't.
400
00:16:37,866 --> 00:16:39,259
I don't fit in.
401
00:16:39,302 --> 00:16:41,130
I mean, honestly,
402
00:16:41,174 --> 00:16:42,088
sometimes I feel like
403
00:16:42,131 --> 00:16:43,915
I've just been dropped
into this family
404
00:16:43,959 --> 00:16:45,830
from outer space.
405
00:16:45,874 --> 00:16:47,397
Well, that's interesting.
Now, how...
406
00:16:47,441 --> 00:16:49,312
Well, he's the one
that fixes everything.
407
00:16:49,356 --> 00:16:51,053
What?
Yeah, you know,
408
00:16:51,097 --> 00:16:52,620
he's the one that figures
everything out
409
00:16:52,663 --> 00:16:54,187
and solves
a lot of our problems.
410
00:16:54,230 --> 00:16:57,146
Yeah, kind of like that gay kid
with the scarf on Scooby-Doo.
411
00:16:57,190 --> 00:16:58,626
The leader.
412
00:16:58,669 --> 00:17:01,107
You guys think that?
413
00:17:02,238 --> 00:17:03,196
Well, sure they do.
414
00:17:03,239 --> 00:17:04,719
I mean, it's pretty obvious
415
00:17:04,762 --> 00:17:06,415
that you're the ring leader.
416
00:17:06,460 --> 00:17:07,416
What?
417
00:17:07,461 --> 00:17:08,853
It happens all the time.
418
00:17:08,896 --> 00:17:12,335
An intelligent, sensitive kid
with poor impulse control.
419
00:17:12,378 --> 00:17:13,641
I mean,
you're surrounded by people
420
00:17:13,684 --> 00:17:15,772
who don't challenge you
mentally.
421
00:17:15,817 --> 00:17:19,646
So you start to get bored and
you start looking for trouble.
422
00:17:19,690 --> 00:17:20,691
No, I don't.
423
00:17:20,734 --> 00:17:22,301
Isn't that what happened
the other night?
424
00:17:22,345 --> 00:17:24,086
You're sitting on the
couch with your brothers,
425
00:17:24,130 --> 00:17:25,740
nothing to do
but watch TV,
426
00:17:25,782 --> 00:17:28,699
thinking the only way to
end the crushing boredom
427
00:17:28,743 --> 00:17:31,137
is to stir up
a little excitement?
428
00:17:31,180 --> 00:17:32,486
He didn't do it.None of us did.
429
00:17:32,529 --> 00:17:35,315
You know, there's a lot of
options for a boy like you.
430
00:17:35,358 --> 00:17:37,752
I mean, there's
placement programs, camps,
431
00:17:37,795 --> 00:17:38,970
special schools...
432
00:17:39,014 --> 00:17:40,494
Wait. You want to send me away?
433
00:17:40,537 --> 00:17:42,452
You can't do that.He's our brother.
434
00:17:42,496 --> 00:17:44,541
Calm down.
I merely sug...
I'm not going.
435
00:17:44,585 --> 00:17:45,890
REESE:
You can't make him do this.
436
00:17:45,934 --> 00:17:48,067
We're good kids.
437
00:17:55,378 --> 00:17:57,772
[alarm buzzing]
438
00:17:57,815 --> 00:18:00,166
[alarm stops]
439
00:18:00,209 --> 00:18:01,776
[gasps loudly]
440
00:18:03,821 --> 00:18:05,258
Oh!
441
00:18:06,302 --> 00:18:08,652
Oh! [hawks]
442
00:18:14,310 --> 00:18:16,007
[screams]
443
00:18:16,791 --> 00:18:18,401
Hal?
444
00:18:18,445 --> 00:18:20,316
I'm late for work.
445
00:18:27,323 --> 00:18:28,498
Aah!
446
00:18:28,542 --> 00:18:29,760
Don't do this.
447
00:18:29,804 --> 00:18:31,632
You can't leave me
alone with Reese.
448
00:18:31,675 --> 00:18:33,851
I'm sorry,
but we're out of time.
449
00:18:39,205 --> 00:18:40,858
What is the deal with this door?
450
00:18:40,902 --> 00:18:42,991
Is there some kind
of baffling built into it?
451
00:18:43,034 --> 00:18:45,820
You have three very
special boys here.
452
00:18:45,863 --> 00:18:48,953
I'd like to sit down
with you and your wife
so that we can...
453
00:18:48,997 --> 00:18:50,085
Dad, do you know
454
00:18:50,129 --> 00:18:51,217
what this idiot
wants to do?!
455
00:18:51,260 --> 00:18:53,393
Malcolm, let me talk
to the doctor, huh?
456
00:18:53,436 --> 00:18:55,395
Maybe we ought
to speak privately.
457
00:18:55,438 --> 00:18:56,831
Sure. Boys, [whistles],
go wait in the car.
458
00:18:56,874 --> 00:18:59,529
[loud crashing]
459
00:18:59,573 --> 00:19:01,052
MAN:
Where'd that come from?
460
00:19:01,096 --> 00:19:02,271
MAN 2:
Hey, everyone all right?
461
00:19:02,315 --> 00:19:03,316
What?!
462
00:19:03,359 --> 00:19:05,622
That's my car!
463
00:19:05,666 --> 00:19:06,971
I know I set the brake.
464
00:19:07,015 --> 00:19:07,972
See?
465
00:19:08,016 --> 00:19:09,278
Just like the other night.
466
00:19:09,322 --> 00:19:10,236
We didn't take it out.
467
00:19:10,279 --> 00:19:11,672
It just rolled out by itself.
468
00:19:11,715 --> 00:19:15,241
Then you boys
were actually telling us...
469
00:19:15,284 --> 00:19:16,764
the truth?
470
00:19:16,807 --> 00:19:19,201
You're a genius.
471
00:19:19,245 --> 00:19:23,074
Boys, let's go get you
some ice cream, huh?
472
00:19:23,118 --> 00:19:24,598
Listen, there's
a lot we have to...
473
00:19:24,641 --> 00:19:26,469
Oh, absolutely.
474
00:19:26,513 --> 00:19:28,993
You know, Doc, I have
no idea how you did it.
475
00:19:29,037 --> 00:19:30,212
And in just an hour.
476
00:19:30,256 --> 00:19:33,433
I'm putting in a
little extra for you.
477
00:19:33,476 --> 00:19:35,435
But...
478
00:19:35,478 --> 00:19:36,392
Thanks.
479
00:19:37,741 --> 00:19:41,702
Isn't it great to feel
like a family again?
480
00:19:41,745 --> 00:19:43,094
Genius.
481
00:19:43,138 --> 00:19:44,270
Move!Shut up!
482
00:19:44,313 --> 00:19:45,488
Stop touching me.
483
00:19:45,532 --> 00:19:47,360
I'm not touching you.
I was clipping on my tie.
484
00:19:47,403 --> 00:19:48,578
Whileyou were
touching me.
485
00:19:48,622 --> 00:19:50,276
Stop it.
Why do we
have to do this?
486
00:19:50,319 --> 00:19:52,930
Because we don't have a single
picture of us all together.
487
00:19:52,974 --> 00:19:54,105
That's ridiculous.
488
00:19:54,149 --> 00:19:56,238
We're a family, we should
have a family portrait.
489
00:19:56,282 --> 00:19:57,283
Well, Francis
isn't here.
490
00:19:57,326 --> 00:19:59,720
I'm not going to cough up
200 bucks to fly him in
491
00:19:59,763 --> 00:20:00,938
for one silly picture.
492
00:20:00,982 --> 00:20:02,723
Where's Dewey?
493
00:20:02,766 --> 00:20:04,159
Dewey,
494
00:20:04,203 --> 00:20:05,247
get out of there.
495
00:20:05,291 --> 00:20:06,727
That's not your family.
496
00:20:06,770 --> 00:20:08,468
You sure you want
"Autumn Leaves"
as a backdrop?
497
00:20:08,511 --> 00:20:11,471
Yes.
You didn't even
looked at "Happy
Windmills."
498
00:20:11,514 --> 00:20:14,038
It's more colorful.
499
00:20:14,082 --> 00:20:16,171
Ooh, "Space Shuttle."MAN:
Next.
500
00:20:16,215 --> 00:20:18,826
I have a coupon here
for one 8X10 and two
wallet-size for $9.99
501
00:20:18,869 --> 00:20:20,088
and that's what I want.
502
00:20:20,131 --> 00:20:21,263
I don't want the Golden
Moments Collection
503
00:20:21,307 --> 00:20:23,265
I don't want the
Family and Friends
Collection;
504
00:20:23,309 --> 00:20:25,528
I don't want
the Lifetime of Love.
505
00:20:25,572 --> 00:20:29,402
I want one 8X10
and two wallet-size
for $9.99.
506
00:20:29,445 --> 00:20:30,620
Fine.
507
00:20:30,664 --> 00:20:33,057
We have an installment plan
if that would help.
508
00:20:33,101 --> 00:20:34,320
I brought a picture
of Francis.
509
00:20:34,363 --> 00:20:36,191
He's going to be
in the portrait.
510
00:20:36,235 --> 00:20:37,279
Cool, I'll hold it.
511
00:20:37,323 --> 00:20:38,411
No, I'm going
to hold it.
512
00:20:38,454 --> 00:20:39,281
Let go. I'm going to hold it.Come on.
513
00:20:39,325 --> 00:20:42,458
Dewey. Dewey, pants on, mister.
514
00:20:42,502 --> 00:20:43,677
I'm sorry,
515
00:20:43,720 --> 00:20:45,287
but this coupon's
expired.
What?
516
00:20:45,331 --> 00:20:46,114
It's expired.
517
00:20:46,157 --> 00:20:47,898
What you want will
run you $39.50.
518
00:20:47,942 --> 00:20:48,943
Ooh... "Lonely Beach."
519
00:20:48,986 --> 00:20:50,945
We're kind of
the lonely beach
family, right?
520
00:20:50,988 --> 00:20:51,859
Hal.
521
00:20:51,902 --> 00:20:52,903
But for another
five dollars,
522
00:20:52,947 --> 00:20:54,514
you can have the
"Instant Memories" set.
523
00:20:54,557 --> 00:20:56,385
That comes with double-
exposure silhouettes
524
00:20:56,429 --> 00:20:57,430
for the grandparents.
525
00:20:57,473 --> 00:21:00,433
Look, could you please just do
what I'm asking you to...
526
00:21:00,476 --> 00:21:02,565
I'm older!It was my idea!
527
00:21:02,609 --> 00:21:04,480
[screaming]
528
00:21:06,047 --> 00:21:08,005
That is it!
529
00:21:08,049 --> 00:21:09,355
Get up!
530
00:21:09,398 --> 00:21:10,530
Get back!
531
00:21:10,573 --> 00:21:11,574
Come here!
532
00:21:11,618 --> 00:21:12,532
Go there!
533
00:21:12,575 --> 00:21:14,403
We are going to take
534
00:21:14,447 --> 00:21:15,926
this picture,
and it is going
535
00:21:15,970 --> 00:21:16,971
to be good.
536
00:21:17,014 --> 00:21:19,669
And that means no faces,
no tongues,
537
00:21:19,713 --> 00:21:20,670
no crossed eyes,
538
00:21:20,714 --> 00:21:22,063
no bunny ears.
539
00:21:22,106 --> 00:21:24,544
We are going to smile,
we are going to look good,
540
00:21:24,587 --> 00:21:25,936
it is going
to cost us $9.99
541
00:21:25,980 --> 00:21:27,590
and all of this
is going to happen
542
00:21:27,634 --> 00:21:28,722
by the time
I count to three.
543
00:21:28,765 --> 00:21:33,422
[boys arguing]One, two, three.
544
00:21:33,466 --> 00:21:35,816
[boys arguing]
34121
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