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1
00:00:01,869 --> 00:00:04,405
Okay, I think I fixed the leak.
2
00:00:04,438 --> 00:00:07,308
Let me just reattach this here.
3
00:00:07,341 --> 00:00:09,077
Try it now.
4
00:00:09,110 --> 00:00:11,845
Now there's hot water
coming out of both taps.
5
00:00:11,879 --> 00:00:13,647
What?
6
00:00:13,681 --> 00:00:15,216
Is that really so bad?
7
00:00:15,249 --> 00:00:16,750
You always complain
there's not enough hot water.
8
00:00:16,784 --> 00:00:18,552
It wouldn't kill you
to hire a professional
9
00:00:18,586 --> 00:00:20,020
every once in a while.
10
00:00:20,054 --> 00:00:22,022
It costs $70 just
to get them in the house.
11
00:00:22,056 --> 00:00:23,524
Look, I know my work
isn't perfect,
12
00:00:23,557 --> 00:00:25,159
but I am saving us
a ton of money,
13
00:00:25,193 --> 00:00:27,428
and at least
the job gets done.
14
00:00:29,197 --> 00:00:32,333
Now, if you'll excuse me,
there's someone at the door.
15
00:00:32,366 --> 00:00:35,903
* Yes, no, maybe
16
00:00:35,936 --> 00:00:38,439
* I don't know
17
00:00:38,472 --> 00:00:41,709
* Can you repeat the question?
18
00:00:41,742 --> 00:00:43,944
* You're not the boss
of me now *
19
00:00:43,977 --> 00:00:46,380
* You're not
the boss of me now *
20
00:00:46,414 --> 00:00:48,782
* You're not the boss
of me now *
21
00:00:48,816 --> 00:00:50,884
* And you're not so big
22
00:00:50,918 --> 00:00:53,287
* You're not the boss
of me now *
23
00:00:53,321 --> 00:00:55,389
* You're not
the boss of me now *
24
00:00:55,423 --> 00:00:57,925
* You're not the boss
of me now *
25
00:00:57,958 --> 00:01:00,728
* And you're not so big
26
00:01:00,761 --> 00:01:05,132
* Life is unfair.
27
00:01:09,470 --> 00:01:11,539
HAL: The tension is palpable
here at the 8,215th
28
00:01:11,572 --> 00:01:13,141
Daily Shaving Olympics.
29
00:01:13,174 --> 00:01:14,975
Hal has lost crucial seconds
in his lathering,
30
00:01:15,008 --> 00:01:17,611
but he hopes to make it up
with his blade work.
31
00:01:17,645 --> 00:01:18,979
This is for the gold.
32
00:01:19,012 --> 00:01:20,581
LOIS:
Hal, boys, breakfast!
33
00:01:20,614 --> 00:01:21,815
Bacon Day!
34
00:01:26,086 --> 00:01:27,521
(grunting)
35
00:01:36,164 --> 00:01:37,731
Dewey, don't be scared,
36
00:01:37,765 --> 00:01:39,467
but there's a big spider
next to you.
37
00:01:39,500 --> 00:01:43,304
Yeah, Dad. There's always
a spider on Bacon Day.
38
00:01:43,337 --> 00:01:45,105
You know, I'm not
feeling that good.
39
00:01:45,139 --> 00:01:46,807
I could give Dad
some of mine,
40
00:01:46,840 --> 00:01:49,310
but that's not really
in the true spirit of Bacon Day.
41
00:01:49,343 --> 00:01:50,444
Mom, my stomach hurts.
42
00:01:50,478 --> 00:01:51,645
So does mine.
43
00:01:51,679 --> 00:01:54,248
I'm not kidding,
it's really sore.
44
00:01:54,282 --> 00:01:55,616
Ow! It hurts!
45
00:01:55,649 --> 00:01:56,484
Shut up, Reese.
46
00:01:56,517 --> 00:01:57,985
Mom...
I see spots!
47
00:01:58,018 --> 00:01:59,653
Mommy!
48
00:01:59,687 --> 00:02:00,954
All right, that's enough.
49
00:02:00,988 --> 00:02:02,756
I don't care what test
you didn't study for
50
00:02:02,790 --> 00:02:04,325
or what assignment
you didn't do,
51
00:02:04,358 --> 00:02:05,593
you're going to school.
52
00:02:05,626 --> 00:02:06,694
You know, now that
you mention it...
53
00:02:06,727 --> 00:02:08,295
Everybody's going.
54
00:02:09,997 --> 00:02:12,032
Sir, what are you doing?
55
00:02:12,065 --> 00:02:13,667
Why are you taking
away our TV?
56
00:02:13,701 --> 00:02:15,669
It's for your
own good, cadet.
57
00:02:15,703 --> 00:02:18,105
But that is the only thing
that makes this place bearable.
58
00:02:18,138 --> 00:02:20,974
Television rots
the mind, cadet.
59
00:02:21,008 --> 00:02:22,810
How can you focus
on your studies
60
00:02:22,843 --> 00:02:24,545
and improve
your character
61
00:02:24,578 --> 00:02:28,482
if your brain is full of
your Morks and your Mindys?
62
00:02:28,516 --> 00:02:31,151
Now you'll have time for
more worthwhile endeavors.
63
00:02:31,185 --> 00:02:33,053
Write a letter. I'm sure
your parole officers
64
00:02:33,086 --> 00:02:35,689
will appreciate
the personal touch.
65
00:02:35,723 --> 00:02:38,559
Okay, that is ridiculous.
66
00:02:38,592 --> 00:02:39,660
I mean, we should do something.
67
00:02:39,693 --> 00:02:41,195
He's right.
68
00:02:41,229 --> 00:02:42,896
Spangler doesn't get
to make arbitrary decisions
69
00:02:42,930 --> 00:02:44,498
about our lives.
70
00:02:44,532 --> 00:02:47,335
He can't tell us
where to go and what to do.
71
00:02:47,368 --> 00:02:49,370
Oh, wait... he can.
72
00:02:49,403 --> 00:02:50,804
Face it, Francis,
73
00:02:50,838 --> 00:02:52,640
we're like prisoners
but without the rights.
74
00:02:52,673 --> 00:02:54,174
Okay, so we're helpless.
75
00:02:54,208 --> 00:02:57,378
But even helpless people
have options.
76
00:02:57,411 --> 00:02:59,847
History is full of supposedly
powerless people
77
00:02:59,880 --> 00:03:02,850
who found a way to stand up
to their oppressors.
78
00:03:02,883 --> 00:03:03,984
What are you talking about?
79
00:03:04,017 --> 00:03:05,719
Civil disobedience.
80
00:03:05,753 --> 00:03:07,521
You know, like a hunger strike.
81
00:03:07,555 --> 00:03:09,223
We could do that.
82
00:03:09,257 --> 00:03:12,025
I mean, he doesn't want a bunch
of starving kids on his hands.
83
00:03:12,059 --> 00:03:13,093
That would totally work.
84
00:03:13,126 --> 00:03:14,061
I don't know.
85
00:03:14,094 --> 00:03:15,263
Isn't that
a bit drastic?
86
00:03:15,296 --> 00:03:16,597
Can't we wait till
after lunch?
87
00:03:16,630 --> 00:03:18,232
What are we having?
Shepherd's pie.
88
00:03:18,266 --> 00:03:20,268
The strike starts now!
89
00:03:20,301 --> 00:03:21,602
(cheering)
90
00:03:22,703 --> 00:03:24,572
Malcolm, why are you
walking like that?
91
00:03:24,605 --> 00:03:26,340
My side still hurts.
92
00:03:26,374 --> 00:03:27,775
But it's the weekend.
93
00:03:32,780 --> 00:03:34,582
Okay, everybody get in the car.
94
00:03:34,615 --> 00:03:36,584
We're going to the hospital.
95
00:03:39,420 --> 00:03:42,189
Mom, why does that man
have a lightbulb stuck...
96
00:03:42,222 --> 00:03:44,892
Dewey, get away from there.
97
00:03:45,659 --> 00:03:46,894
Dad, you okay?
98
00:03:46,927 --> 00:03:47,928
I'm fine, son.
99
00:03:47,961 --> 00:03:49,930
Just not a big fan
of hospitals.
100
00:03:49,963 --> 00:03:52,266
Oh, they can dress it up
with plants and pictures,
101
00:03:52,300 --> 00:03:55,035
but let's face it, this
place is a slaughterhouse.
102
00:03:55,068 --> 00:03:56,304
Hal...
103
00:03:57,405 --> 00:03:58,472
Okay, we've run some tests.
104
00:03:58,506 --> 00:04:00,073
His white count is 12.2,
105
00:04:00,107 --> 00:04:01,809
and with these acute
abdominal pains,
106
00:04:01,842 --> 00:04:04,312
I'm pretty sure we're
looking at appendicitis.
107
00:04:04,345 --> 00:04:05,379
We'll hold him
108
00:04:05,413 --> 00:04:06,814
for observation tonight,
109
00:04:06,847 --> 00:04:08,949
and then tomorrow
he'll probably need surgery.
110
00:04:08,982 --> 00:04:10,318
I'm having surgery?
111
00:04:10,351 --> 00:04:12,052
There's nothing
to worry about, son.
112
00:04:12,085 --> 00:04:14,121
You'll barely even have
a scar.
113
00:04:14,154 --> 00:04:16,255
If you can just sign
these release forms,
114
00:04:16,290 --> 00:04:17,925
we'll check him in.
115
00:04:17,958 --> 00:04:19,627
They're going
to cut you open?
116
00:04:19,660 --> 00:04:20,994
Like a trout.
117
00:04:21,028 --> 00:04:22,330
Don't worry,
you won't feel a thing;
118
00:04:22,363 --> 00:04:23,397
you'll be unconscious.
119
00:04:23,431 --> 00:04:24,798
Not necessarily.
120
00:04:24,832 --> 00:04:26,934
I saw this thing on TV
where this guy woke up
121
00:04:26,967 --> 00:04:28,336
in the middle
of his operation
122
00:04:28,369 --> 00:04:30,338
and could feel everything
they were doing,
123
00:04:30,371 --> 00:04:34,141
but he was paralyzed
and couldn't even scream.
124
00:04:34,174 --> 00:04:36,410
Reese, for the love of God,
stop talking.
125
00:04:36,444 --> 00:04:37,911
Mom...
Honey, don't worry about it.
126
00:04:37,945 --> 00:04:39,447
You're going to have
your own TV,
127
00:04:39,480 --> 00:04:40,781
you're going to have
people to wait on you;
128
00:04:40,814 --> 00:04:42,015
it's going to be
a lot better
129
00:04:42,049 --> 00:04:43,317
than being at home.
130
00:04:45,886 --> 00:04:47,988
Why do I have to stay
in the kids' ward?
131
00:04:48,021 --> 00:04:49,790
I'm sorry, honey,
but you're six months too young
132
00:04:49,823 --> 00:04:50,824
to have an adult room.
133
00:04:50,858 --> 00:04:52,192
I hear if you're
really good,
134
00:04:52,225 --> 00:04:54,862
they'll put apple juice
in your sippy cup.
135
00:04:54,895 --> 00:04:56,163
(Hal whimpering)
136
00:04:56,196 --> 00:04:58,265
Dad, do you want to
wait out in the car?
137
00:04:58,298 --> 00:04:59,667
(inhales deeply)
138
00:04:59,700 --> 00:05:01,335
No. I'm okay.
139
00:05:01,369 --> 00:05:03,003
I'm fine.
140
00:05:03,036 --> 00:05:04,805
I'm on a beach.
141
00:05:04,838 --> 00:05:07,140
There's the surf,
there's sand,
142
00:05:07,174 --> 00:05:09,142
there's... needles.
143
00:05:09,176 --> 00:05:13,313
There's the horrible choking
stench of hospital antiseptic.
144
00:05:13,347 --> 00:05:14,382
Hal!
145
00:05:14,415 --> 00:05:15,649
Coming.
146
00:05:15,683 --> 00:05:17,317
I think I better take
your father home.
147
00:05:17,351 --> 00:05:18,686
You'll be okay.
148
00:05:22,189 --> 00:05:24,392
Hey, feel better, sport.
149
00:05:25,593 --> 00:05:26,827
Reese, give
your brother a hug.
150
00:05:26,860 --> 00:05:27,861
Aw, Mom.
151
00:05:27,895 --> 00:05:29,597
Do it!
152
00:05:31,432 --> 00:05:32,833
If you tell anyone
I hugged you,
153
00:05:32,866 --> 00:05:34,402
I'll put you
right back in here.
154
00:05:35,436 --> 00:05:37,070
Bye.
155
00:05:38,338 --> 00:05:40,741
Why did she make him hug me?
156
00:05:42,410 --> 00:05:45,546
Wait.
Why did she make him hug me?
157
00:05:46,747 --> 00:05:49,316
Wow, it's sure quiet
without Malcolm here.
158
00:05:49,349 --> 00:05:50,584
Poor little guy.
159
00:05:50,618 --> 00:05:52,352
There's an extra pork chop.
Mine!
160
00:05:54,755 --> 00:05:56,056
Go ahead. I'm stuffed.
161
00:05:56,089 --> 00:05:56,924
Me, too.
162
00:05:56,957 --> 00:05:58,426
So am I.
163
00:05:58,459 --> 00:06:00,594
I was just hoping someone
would fight me for it.
164
00:06:02,396 --> 00:06:04,432
Hey, can we play
"March and Conquer"?
165
00:06:04,465 --> 00:06:05,899
That game's no fun.
166
00:06:05,933 --> 00:06:08,602
Malcolm always creams us
in, like, five minutes.
167
00:06:08,636 --> 00:06:09,937
Yeah, can we?
168
00:06:11,038 --> 00:06:12,673
I... don't know.
169
00:06:12,706 --> 00:06:14,174
Please?
170
00:06:14,207 --> 00:06:15,943
We need at least three people
or we can't play.
171
00:06:17,277 --> 00:06:18,879
Oh, all right.
172
00:06:18,912 --> 00:06:20,080
(laughter, cheering)
173
00:06:20,113 --> 00:06:21,281
Okay, Lois,
174
00:06:21,314 --> 00:06:23,216
let's see how well
you defend the Black Sea
175
00:06:23,250 --> 00:06:25,352
without Bosporus
and the Dardanelles.
176
00:06:25,385 --> 00:06:27,621
Yeah, yeah, just wait.
177
00:06:27,655 --> 00:06:29,790
Wow, it's been an hour
and I'm still in the game.
178
00:06:29,823 --> 00:06:32,526
I usually tip the board
over way before now.
179
00:06:32,560 --> 00:06:34,194
Guess what?
180
00:06:34,227 --> 00:06:36,263
We look just like
the family on the box.
181
00:06:36,296 --> 00:06:37,631
Oh, yeah.
182
00:06:37,665 --> 00:06:39,132
Can I be the little girl?
183
00:06:39,166 --> 00:06:41,001
Not on my watch, son.
184
00:06:47,307 --> 00:06:48,942
You want to play
"Go Fish"?
185
00:06:48,976 --> 00:06:52,980
No. I didn't want to
play five minutes ago.
186
00:06:53,013 --> 00:06:55,916
I didn't want to play
an hour ago.
187
00:06:55,949 --> 00:06:58,418
I don't want to play!
188
00:07:00,353 --> 00:07:01,922
You got any fives?
189
00:07:01,955 --> 00:07:03,223
(door opens)
190
00:07:03,256 --> 00:07:05,392
And this is our
inflamed appendix.
191
00:07:05,425 --> 00:07:07,828
The patient arrived today
complaining
192
00:07:07,861 --> 00:07:10,263
of abdominal pain
in the right lower quadrant.
193
00:07:10,297 --> 00:07:11,632
Ow!
194
00:07:11,665 --> 00:07:13,501
We're going to have
to start him on an I.V.
195
00:07:13,534 --> 00:07:14,935
Cathryn?
196
00:07:14,968 --> 00:07:15,803
Oh, God.
197
00:07:15,836 --> 00:07:17,004
Not me again.
198
00:07:17,037 --> 00:07:18,238
Please!
199
00:07:18,271 --> 00:07:20,073
It'll be fine
this time, Cathryn.
200
00:07:20,107 --> 00:07:21,675
Accidents happen.
201
00:07:21,709 --> 00:07:23,844
Can maybe someone else...
Helmut will hold him still.
202
00:07:30,283 --> 00:07:32,252
(muffled scream)
203
00:07:32,285 --> 00:07:33,954
If you feel pain,
204
00:07:33,987 --> 00:07:37,625
you can bite down on his hand
just as hard as you want.
205
00:07:37,658 --> 00:07:39,359
Helmut won't mind.
206
00:07:45,032 --> 00:07:47,167
How long has it been
since we ate?
207
00:07:47,200 --> 00:07:50,103
33 hours, 12 minutes.
208
00:07:50,137 --> 00:07:52,673
Oh, man, they're serving
dinner right now.
209
00:07:52,706 --> 00:07:54,041
(sniffs)
Ten-hut!
210
00:07:57,477 --> 00:08:02,349
I found myself eating
the last several meals alone.
211
00:08:02,382 --> 00:08:03,884
Are we dieting?
212
00:08:03,917 --> 00:08:06,520
Don't tell me
it's prom season already.
213
00:08:06,554 --> 00:08:08,188
We're on a hunger strike, sir.
214
00:08:08,221 --> 00:08:10,658
We're not eating until
you return the television.
215
00:08:10,691 --> 00:08:14,795
Ah... passive resistance.
216
00:08:14,828 --> 00:08:18,198
The last resort
of slackers and sissies.
217
00:08:18,231 --> 00:08:19,499
What about Gandhi?
218
00:08:19,533 --> 00:08:21,068
Sissy.
219
00:08:21,101 --> 00:08:23,336
We're making a stand here, sir.
220
00:08:23,370 --> 00:08:25,806
We will not back down
until we get justice.
221
00:08:25,839 --> 00:08:27,575
Now let me see
if I've got this straight.
222
00:08:27,608 --> 00:08:32,078
I get to continue to eat,
but you don't.
223
00:08:32,111 --> 00:08:34,948
Ooh, I feel
the pressure already.
224
00:08:36,183 --> 00:08:39,919
Ow, make it stop.
225
00:08:41,221 --> 00:08:43,456
*
226
00:09:10,618 --> 00:09:12,352
Go, Mom! Nice!
227
00:09:12,385 --> 00:09:13,553
Go, Mom!
228
00:09:13,587 --> 00:09:15,422
Okay, you can do this
the easy way
229
00:09:15,455 --> 00:09:16,890
and surrender with dignity,
230
00:09:16,924 --> 00:09:18,191
or I can destroy you.
231
00:09:18,225 --> 00:09:20,894
You forget,
I still have Antarctica,
232
00:09:20,928 --> 00:09:22,129
gateway to New Zealand.
233
00:09:22,162 --> 00:09:23,263
You got nothing.
234
00:09:23,296 --> 00:09:24,431
Any roll
other than three,
235
00:09:24,464 --> 00:09:26,466
and the world is mine.
236
00:09:26,499 --> 00:09:28,301
Three, three, three.
237
00:09:28,335 --> 00:09:29,302
Three.
238
00:09:29,336 --> 00:09:31,071
Yeah!
Yay!
Yes!
239
00:09:31,104 --> 00:09:32,773
Oh, sorry, honey,
you tried really hard.
240
00:09:32,806 --> 00:09:34,541
And for a while there, I thought
you might actually be...
241
00:09:34,574 --> 00:09:35,976
Rematch.
242
00:09:36,009 --> 00:09:37,277
All right.
243
00:09:37,310 --> 00:09:39,446
Hal, it's after
midnight.
Rematch.
244
00:09:39,479 --> 00:09:42,282
Set up the board.
245
00:09:42,315 --> 00:09:43,684
I'll do it.
246
00:09:45,018 --> 00:09:47,154
Here he is.
247
00:09:48,021 --> 00:09:49,389
What?
248
00:09:49,422 --> 00:09:52,693
You just keep quiet.
You're in good hands.
249
00:09:53,794 --> 00:09:55,128
This is to keep
your head still
250
00:09:55,162 --> 00:09:57,164
so Mr. Laser
can do his job.
251
00:09:57,197 --> 00:09:59,066
Huh?
252
00:09:59,099 --> 00:10:00,467
Psst.
253
00:10:12,212 --> 00:10:14,114
Shh.
254
00:10:24,057 --> 00:10:25,859
Oh, I'm sure it wasn't that bad.
They made me use a bedpan
255
00:10:25,893 --> 00:10:27,661
even though I could walk.
256
00:10:27,695 --> 00:10:29,629
They turned off the lights at
6:30 so I couldn't even read.
257
00:10:29,663 --> 00:10:32,866
And last night, some man
put a metal cage on my head.
258
00:10:32,900 --> 00:10:34,702
They were going to operate
on my brain.
259
00:10:34,735 --> 00:10:36,136
(snickers):
Bedpan.
260
00:10:36,169 --> 00:10:37,604
Sweetie, I'm sure
261
00:10:37,637 --> 00:10:38,972
it was just a bad dream.
262
00:10:39,006 --> 00:10:40,774
Besides, I'm feeling
a lot better now.
263
00:10:40,808 --> 00:10:42,342
I don't even think
I need surgery.
264
00:10:42,375 --> 00:10:44,177
It's okay. Surgery makes
everybody a little scared.
265
00:10:44,211 --> 00:10:46,680
Trust me, this is going
to be over before you know it.
266
00:10:46,714 --> 00:10:49,049
HAL: (groans) Between
the stench of disease
267
00:10:49,082 --> 00:10:52,452
and all those waffles,
I don't feel very well.
268
00:10:52,485 --> 00:10:53,486
What waffles?
269
00:10:53,520 --> 00:10:54,521
Oh, man, you missed it.
270
00:10:54,554 --> 00:10:55,823
We went to Pancake Pete's.
271
00:10:55,856 --> 00:10:57,624
We never go out to breakfast.
272
00:10:57,657 --> 00:10:59,893
Well, we stayed up late
playing March and Conquer,
273
00:10:59,927 --> 00:11:01,394
and your mother was
too tired to cook.
274
00:11:01,428 --> 00:11:04,064
You guys played
March and Conquer without me?
275
00:11:04,097 --> 00:11:05,866
Oh, Malcolm, you didn't
miss anything last night.
276
00:11:05,899 --> 00:11:07,334
These guys
are a bunch of pushovers.
277
00:11:07,367 --> 00:11:11,138
Pushovers? I held
Kamchatka for three hours.
278
00:11:11,171 --> 00:11:12,472
Look, we're going to take
the boys home,
279
00:11:12,505 --> 00:11:14,007
and then your dad and I
will be back
280
00:11:14,041 --> 00:11:15,675
in time for your operation,
okay?
281
00:11:19,046 --> 00:11:21,815
Dewey, you're
wearing my shirt.
282
00:11:21,849 --> 00:11:23,917
Am I?
283
00:11:25,218 --> 00:11:27,454
(stomachs grumbling)
284
00:11:30,557 --> 00:11:32,492
I'm so hungry.
285
00:11:32,525 --> 00:11:35,095
I think
we proved our point.
286
00:11:35,128 --> 00:11:40,533
Guys, this hunger strike will
only work if we stick together.
287
00:11:40,567 --> 00:11:42,435
Now, we can do this.
288
00:11:42,469 --> 00:11:44,004
Our stomachs have shrunk.
289
00:11:44,037 --> 00:11:45,405
The hardest part is over.
290
00:11:45,438 --> 00:11:48,275
SPANGLER:
Good morning, cadets.
291
00:11:48,308 --> 00:11:51,845
I must say, it is inspiring
292
00:11:51,879 --> 00:11:53,847
to see young men
with the courage
293
00:11:53,881 --> 00:11:56,784
to stand up for
the things they believe in.
294
00:11:56,817 --> 00:11:58,786
Two whole days.
295
00:11:58,819 --> 00:12:02,055
What an impressive show
of civil disobedience.
296
00:12:02,089 --> 00:12:04,224
That's the kind of
intestinal fortitude
297
00:12:04,257 --> 00:12:07,795
that can only be properly
honored by an omelet bar.
298
00:12:07,828 --> 00:12:10,063
(sizzling)
299
00:12:12,065 --> 00:12:14,201
Tempting us with food
isn't going to work, sir.
300
00:12:14,234 --> 00:12:15,402
Of course not.
301
00:12:15,435 --> 00:12:16,804
These delicious eggs
302
00:12:16,837 --> 00:12:19,106
and choice of scrumptious
fillings are for me.
303
00:12:19,139 --> 00:12:20,740
Now, here's my dilemma.
304
00:12:20,774 --> 00:12:23,210
What shall I put
in my omelet?
305
00:12:23,243 --> 00:12:25,112
Black forest ham?
306
00:12:25,145 --> 00:12:26,746
Imported cheese?
307
00:12:26,780 --> 00:12:28,782
Porcini mushrooms?
308
00:12:28,816 --> 00:12:30,784
Porcini?
309
00:12:30,818 --> 00:12:31,985
Oh, what the heck!
310
00:12:32,019 --> 00:12:33,286
Give me the works.
311
00:12:33,320 --> 00:12:35,488
Mmm.
312
00:12:35,522 --> 00:12:38,058
DABNEY: There's our
fallen comrade.
313
00:12:38,091 --> 00:12:39,927
I love Room 124.
314
00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:42,062
STEVE:
When's the...
315
00:12:42,095 --> 00:12:43,931
appendix...
316
00:12:43,964 --> 00:12:45,765
coming out?
317
00:12:45,799 --> 00:12:47,801
Tonight, but-- I don't know--
I'm feeling better.
318
00:12:47,835 --> 00:12:49,669
Maybe I don't need
the operation.
319
00:12:50,770 --> 00:12:51,805
What are you talking about?!
320
00:12:51,839 --> 00:12:53,340
Of course
you need the operation!
321
00:12:53,373 --> 00:12:55,008
But what if...
Don't you understand?
322
00:12:55,042 --> 00:12:56,776
You're sitting on a gold mine.
323
00:12:56,810 --> 00:12:59,847
Ride the guilt train, baby,
as far as it'll take you.
324
00:12:59,880 --> 00:13:01,514
My adenoids got
me this watch.
325
00:13:01,548 --> 00:13:05,218
My strangulated testicle
got me a week at Disneyland.
326
00:13:06,053 --> 00:13:09,756
I'm one.... procedure...
327
00:13:09,789 --> 00:13:11,691
from a...
328
00:13:11,724 --> 00:13:13,827
Range Rover.
329
00:13:15,062 --> 00:13:16,529
Well, we got two hours
till we have to
330
00:13:16,563 --> 00:13:17,831
go back to the hospital.
331
00:13:17,865 --> 00:13:19,499
You want to order in
or eat leftovers?
332
00:13:19,532 --> 00:13:20,868
Well, I'd say "you decide,"
333
00:13:20,901 --> 00:13:22,802
but then I'd be a
pushover, wouldn't I?
334
00:13:22,836 --> 00:13:23,937
What are you talking about?
335
00:13:23,971 --> 00:13:25,272
March and Conquer.
336
00:13:25,305 --> 00:13:26,606
You called me a pushover.
337
00:13:26,639 --> 00:13:27,841
Don't deny it.
338
00:13:27,875 --> 00:13:29,542
Come on, honey, I trounced you.
339
00:13:29,576 --> 00:13:31,544
Just because you got
all the good dice rolls
340
00:13:31,578 --> 00:13:33,646
and you weren't saddled
with Brazil to protect.
341
00:13:33,680 --> 00:13:35,215
A-And I wouldn't
call it "trounced."
342
00:13:35,248 --> 00:13:36,483
What would you say?
343
00:13:36,516 --> 00:13:37,717
Demolished?
344
00:13:38,685 --> 00:13:41,321
Creamed?
345
00:13:41,354 --> 00:13:44,191
Annihilated?
346
00:13:44,224 --> 00:13:46,726
Get the board.
347
00:13:48,929 --> 00:13:50,330
How are you, Tiger?
348
00:13:50,363 --> 00:13:53,066
I want you to note
the bedside manner.
349
00:13:53,100 --> 00:13:54,301
Dr. Harrison,
I'm glad you're here.
350
00:13:54,334 --> 00:13:56,336
I wanted to talk to you.
351
00:13:56,369 --> 00:13:58,205
I feeling a lot better now,
352
00:13:58,238 --> 00:13:59,739
and my temperature's been down
for six hours,
353
00:13:59,772 --> 00:14:02,075
and I'm thinking
that maybe my first blood test
354
00:14:02,109 --> 00:14:03,676
wasn't accurate.
355
00:14:03,710 --> 00:14:06,079
Now, this is what we call
a hysterical patient.
356
00:14:06,113 --> 00:14:07,647
I'm not hysterical.
357
00:14:07,680 --> 00:14:09,682
I just think it'd be smart
to run another blood test
358
00:14:09,716 --> 00:14:11,418
before you commit
to cutting me open.
359
00:14:11,451 --> 00:14:13,586
Why, that's a terrific idea.
360
00:14:13,620 --> 00:14:15,555
Really terrific. (chuckles)
361
00:14:15,588 --> 00:14:17,290
We'll see you later.
362
00:14:18,458 --> 00:14:20,760
What's wrong with you people?!
363
00:14:20,793 --> 00:14:22,495
Labs make mistakes!
364
00:14:22,529 --> 00:14:24,531
Listen to me!
365
00:14:24,564 --> 00:14:27,767
I declare war
on that blue country!
366
00:14:27,800 --> 00:14:29,236
Reese, why
are you attacking me?
367
00:14:29,269 --> 00:14:30,270
Your dad's wide open.
368
00:14:30,303 --> 00:14:32,072
What are you
saying, Lois,
369
00:14:32,105 --> 00:14:34,574
that the boys and I have formed
a secret alliance against you?
370
00:14:34,607 --> 00:14:36,209
(chuckles)
371
00:14:36,243 --> 00:14:39,646
Hal, that's my foot
you're tapping Morse code onto.
372
00:14:40,948 --> 00:14:43,750
(stomachs grumbling)
373
00:14:43,783 --> 00:14:45,785
I can't take this anymore.
374
00:14:45,818 --> 00:14:49,389
If I don't eat soon,
I'm going to pass out.
375
00:14:49,422 --> 00:14:51,058
This isn't worth it.
376
00:14:51,091 --> 00:14:52,725
I agree with Finley.
377
00:14:52,759 --> 00:14:54,594
Who are you?
378
00:14:54,627 --> 00:14:56,363
Your roommate.
379
00:14:56,396 --> 00:14:58,365
Oh. Yeah.
380
00:14:58,398 --> 00:15:00,900
Hey, after the luau,
you want to go parasailing?
381
00:15:00,934 --> 00:15:01,935
What?
382
00:15:01,969 --> 00:15:03,536
Snap out of it.
383
00:15:03,570 --> 00:15:05,738
You're talking crazy.
384
00:15:05,772 --> 00:15:07,240
Why would we have a luau
385
00:15:07,274 --> 00:15:09,242
when we're trapped in
a disabled submarine?
386
00:15:09,276 --> 00:15:10,477
Wait.
387
00:15:10,510 --> 00:15:11,711
I hear tapping.
388
00:15:11,744 --> 00:15:13,746
Come on, guys,
we're doing good.
389
00:15:13,780 --> 00:15:16,149
I think we're on
the right track here.
390
00:15:16,183 --> 00:15:19,886
If we keep this up,
Commandant...
391
00:15:19,919 --> 00:15:21,254
Uh...
392
00:15:21,288 --> 00:15:21,888
Spangler?
393
00:15:21,921 --> 00:15:24,157
Yes. Spangler.
394
00:15:24,191 --> 00:15:26,093
Commandant Spangler
will have no choice
395
00:15:26,126 --> 00:15:27,961
but to meet our demands.
396
00:15:27,995 --> 00:15:30,130
Francis?
397
00:15:33,833 --> 00:15:35,402
It's time we talked.
398
00:15:35,435 --> 00:15:38,305
Will you gentlemen
excuse us, please?
399
00:15:53,786 --> 00:15:55,989
Take your time.
400
00:15:57,991 --> 00:15:59,592
Yes! Madagascar is mine!
401
00:15:59,626 --> 00:16:01,294
Let me see those dice.
402
00:16:01,328 --> 00:16:03,630
Are you accusing me
of cheating?!
403
00:16:03,663 --> 00:16:05,365
Don't be ridiculous.
404
00:16:07,367 --> 00:16:09,369
(knocking)
405
00:16:10,903 --> 00:16:12,672
That's the pizza
delivery man.
406
00:16:12,705 --> 00:16:13,873
Why don't you get it?
407
00:16:13,906 --> 00:16:15,708
(chuckles)
408
00:16:15,742 --> 00:16:18,278
So my artillery can
mysteriously disappear
409
00:16:18,311 --> 00:16:20,847
like it did when I went
to get a glass of water.
410
00:16:20,880 --> 00:16:22,382
Or when I went to the bathroom
411
00:16:22,415 --> 00:16:24,884
and your tanks just materialized
on my border.
412
00:16:24,917 --> 00:16:26,519
I'm not getting it.
413
00:16:26,553 --> 00:16:28,821
(knocking)
414
00:16:31,524 --> 00:16:33,360
Come in!
415
00:16:33,393 --> 00:16:35,495
WOMAN:
It's locked!
416
00:16:37,097 --> 00:16:38,498
Try the window!
417
00:16:38,531 --> 00:16:39,966
What?!
418
00:16:39,999 --> 00:16:41,701
Haven't you ever delivered
pizza before?!
419
00:16:41,734 --> 00:16:43,470
Come in through the window!
420
00:16:43,503 --> 00:16:46,073
It's locked, too!
421
00:16:51,711 --> 00:16:54,447
Okay, thanks anyway!
422
00:17:00,553 --> 00:17:03,490
Here. Take this.
423
00:17:03,523 --> 00:17:04,723
What's this for?
424
00:17:04,757 --> 00:17:06,159
Sedatives.
425
00:17:06,193 --> 00:17:08,194
Your surgery has
been moved up.
426
00:17:08,228 --> 00:17:09,362
What do you mean, moved up?
427
00:17:09,396 --> 00:17:10,696
My parents aren't even here.
428
00:17:10,730 --> 00:17:13,566
I'm sure they've
been notified.
429
00:17:13,599 --> 00:17:15,001
Look, I'm not taking these
430
00:17:15,034 --> 00:17:16,836
until after I get
another blood test.
431
00:17:16,868 --> 00:17:19,005
Take the pills.
432
00:17:19,038 --> 00:17:20,339
No! I'm not going to!
433
00:17:20,373 --> 00:17:22,608
You can't force...
434
00:17:24,111 --> 00:17:25,578
I know you are frightened,
435
00:17:25,612 --> 00:17:27,914
and that is normal
for a little boy.
436
00:17:27,946 --> 00:17:31,050
But now you must let
the grown-ups handle things.
437
00:17:31,084 --> 00:17:35,122
All you have to do is relax
and let the pills take effect.
438
00:17:37,824 --> 00:17:39,058
That's a good boy.
439
00:17:39,092 --> 00:17:40,827
(spits)
(groans)
440
00:17:59,312 --> 00:18:01,148
It's your move, Reese.
441
00:18:01,181 --> 00:18:02,882
What are you going to do?
442
00:18:02,915 --> 00:18:04,151
I don't know!
443
00:18:04,184 --> 00:18:05,418
I'm hungry.
444
00:18:05,452 --> 00:18:07,154
Reese, if you attack me,
you're grounded.
445
00:18:07,187 --> 00:18:09,122
If you don't attack
her, you're grounded!
446
00:18:09,156 --> 00:18:10,257
Stop it!
447
00:18:10,290 --> 00:18:11,824
I don't want
to play anymore!
448
00:18:11,858 --> 00:18:12,925
I hate this game.
449
00:18:12,959 --> 00:18:14,294
It's never been this horrible,
450
00:18:14,327 --> 00:18:16,763
even when Malcolm
was kicking our butts.
451
00:18:18,765 --> 00:18:20,333
He's right.
452
00:18:20,367 --> 00:18:22,101
Look what we've become.
453
00:18:22,135 --> 00:18:23,936
Without Malcolm
humiliating us,
454
00:18:23,970 --> 00:18:26,105
our worst competitive
instincts took over.
455
00:18:26,139 --> 00:18:29,842
I'm ashamed for all of us.
456
00:18:29,876 --> 00:18:32,345
So, you're quitting?
457
00:18:32,379 --> 00:18:34,080
Let it go, Lois.
458
00:18:34,113 --> 00:18:35,948
Ah, you're right.
459
00:18:35,982 --> 00:18:37,850
Reese, do the honors.
460
00:18:39,486 --> 00:18:41,654
Good. Now, who
wants to go outside
461
00:18:41,688 --> 00:18:43,956
and watch me burn
the evil game?
462
00:18:43,990 --> 00:18:45,258
(cheering)
463
00:18:45,292 --> 00:18:46,793
I have to admit, cadet,
464
00:18:46,826 --> 00:18:49,329
I thought you boys would
have surrendered by now,
465
00:18:49,362 --> 00:18:51,464
but instead,
you have shown
466
00:18:51,498 --> 00:18:53,533
(distorted):
strength of will, teamwork,
467
00:18:53,566 --> 00:18:55,134
and a willingness to sacrifice.
468
00:18:55,168 --> 00:18:56,669
Well done.
469
00:18:56,703 --> 00:18:58,371
With what?
470
00:18:58,405 --> 00:18:59,539
The strike.
471
00:18:59,572 --> 00:19:01,441
Right, right, the strike.
472
00:19:01,474 --> 00:19:03,810
Well, that's good, 'cause...
473
00:19:03,843 --> 00:19:05,778
we weren't going to do...
474
00:19:05,812 --> 00:19:09,516
the thing...
until we got back...
475
00:19:10,683 --> 00:19:11,851
Well, you know.
476
00:19:13,586 --> 00:19:16,189
Yes, I believe I do.
477
00:19:17,324 --> 00:19:20,026
(distorted):
Shall we discuss terms?
478
00:19:20,059 --> 00:19:21,294
We did it.
479
00:19:21,328 --> 00:19:22,529
The strike's over.
480
00:19:22,562 --> 00:19:23,530
We won!
481
00:19:23,563 --> 00:19:25,632
(cheering)
482
00:19:25,665 --> 00:19:28,568
We got his magic hat!
483
00:19:29,536 --> 00:19:31,204
What about
the television?
484
00:19:31,238 --> 00:19:33,506
Huh?
485
00:19:37,444 --> 00:19:39,011
Here's your
blood test, man.
486
00:19:39,045 --> 00:19:40,480
Thanks. Here's my urine.
487
00:19:40,513 --> 00:19:42,349
Good luck on the drug test,
488
00:19:42,382 --> 00:19:44,684
but I really think
you should get some help.
489
00:19:46,586 --> 00:19:48,187
I knew it!
490
00:19:50,089 --> 00:19:51,324
Oh, good-- Helmut.
491
00:19:51,358 --> 00:19:53,025
I've been looking all over
for you.
492
00:19:53,059 --> 00:19:54,494
I have great news.
493
00:19:54,527 --> 00:19:56,195
You see, I just had
another blood test,
494
00:19:56,229 --> 00:19:58,765
and it shows that I really
don't need surgery, because...
495
00:19:58,798 --> 00:20:00,433
If the blood count
goes down to normal,
496
00:20:00,467 --> 00:20:02,034
that means
it isn't appendicitis.
497
00:20:02,068 --> 00:20:03,403
It was probably
just a transient infection
498
00:20:03,436 --> 00:20:05,104
or maybe even a cold sore.
499
00:20:05,137 --> 00:20:07,139
Yes, little boy.
500
00:20:10,042 --> 00:20:13,713
I need...
to talk to Dr. Harrison.
501
00:20:13,746 --> 00:20:15,615
Count backwards from a hundred.
502
00:20:15,648 --> 00:20:17,884
HARRISON:
Hi there, sport.
503
00:20:17,917 --> 00:20:19,919
We'll have that
appendix out in no time.
504
00:20:19,952 --> 00:20:21,454
(weak mumbling)
505
00:20:23,122 --> 00:20:25,392
HARRISON:
Okay, scalpel.
506
00:20:25,425 --> 00:20:27,960
Huh? Hold on a second.
507
00:20:30,162 --> 00:20:31,864
"Do not operate.
508
00:20:31,898 --> 00:20:35,568
'H' and 'H': 16 and 47,
platelets: 310..."
509
00:20:35,602 --> 00:20:38,237
These are blood
test results.
510
00:20:38,271 --> 00:20:39,406
"White count: 8.4"?
511
00:20:39,439 --> 00:20:41,073
Is that right?
512
00:20:41,107 --> 00:20:43,142
"I will sue your ass
for malpract..."
513
00:20:43,175 --> 00:20:46,813
Uh, maybe we should
run another blood test.
514
00:20:46,846 --> 00:20:48,214
Spangler was right.
515
00:20:48,247 --> 00:20:49,916
Who needs television?
516
00:20:49,949 --> 00:20:51,384
This is nice.
517
00:20:51,418 --> 00:20:55,388
Get some fresh air,
some exercise.
518
00:20:55,422 --> 00:20:57,089
Nice drive.
519
00:20:57,123 --> 00:20:58,157
Thanks.
520
00:20:58,190 --> 00:21:00,393
I think this
hat is magic.
521
00:21:00,427 --> 00:21:02,228
(chuckling)
522
00:21:02,261 --> 00:21:04,096
Right, Francis?
523
00:21:04,130 --> 00:21:05,298
Uh-huh.
524
00:21:05,332 --> 00:21:08,034
Oh, remember
to replace your divots.
525
00:21:10,169 --> 00:21:11,638
There's nothing
like two days at the hospital
526
00:21:11,671 --> 00:21:13,506
to make you appreciate
your own home.
527
00:21:13,540 --> 00:21:14,574
Give me that!
528
00:21:14,607 --> 00:21:15,642
Oh, my God!
529
00:21:15,675 --> 00:21:17,143
Look at Malcolm's
hospital bill.
530
00:21:17,176 --> 00:21:18,745
I'd hate to think
what it'd cost
531
00:21:18,778 --> 00:21:20,246
if he'd actually
had the operation.
532
00:21:20,279 --> 00:21:22,081
There goes
our summer vacation.
533
00:21:22,114 --> 00:21:25,652
So we have to pay even
though he was faking?
534
00:21:25,685 --> 00:21:27,286
I wasn't faking.
535
00:21:27,320 --> 00:21:28,955
I'm the one who figured out
they were wrong, remember?
536
00:21:28,988 --> 00:21:30,823
Well, if you're
such a genius,
537
00:21:30,857 --> 00:21:32,959
why didn't you
figure it out sooner?
538
00:21:32,992 --> 00:21:36,496
Well, son, you want
to answer that for us all?
539
00:21:36,529 --> 00:21:38,297
Nothing like ten seconds at home
540
00:21:38,331 --> 00:21:40,467
to make you appreciate
the hospital.
34383
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