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1
00:00:07,524 --> 00:00:09,147
Here are the house rules:
2
00:00:09,181 --> 00:00:10,217
You can't reach for seconds
3
00:00:10,251 --> 00:00:11,804
until you're finished
with your first,
4
00:00:11,839 --> 00:00:13,013
but as soon
as anybody's fork
5
00:00:13,047 --> 00:00:14,462
leaves the perimeter
of their plate,
6
00:00:14,497 --> 00:00:15,843
all bets are off.
7
00:00:37,278 --> 00:00:39,039
It's mine!
8
00:00:39,763 --> 00:00:43,077
♪ Yes, no, maybe
9
00:00:43,112 --> 00:00:45,252
♪ I don't know
10
00:00:45,286 --> 00:00:48,565
♪ Can you repeat the question?
11
00:00:48,600 --> 00:00:50,740
♪ You're not the boss
of me now ♪
12
00:00:50,774 --> 00:00:53,087
♪ You're not
the boss of me now ♪
13
00:00:53,122 --> 00:00:54,606
♪ You're not the boss
of me now ♪
14
00:00:54,640 --> 00:00:57,712
♪ And you're not so big
15
00:00:57,747 --> 00:00:59,921
♪ You're not the boss
of me now ♪
16
00:00:59,956 --> 00:01:02,096
♪ You're not
the boss of me now ♪
17
00:01:02,131 --> 00:01:04,685
♪ You're not the boss
of me now ♪
18
00:01:04,718 --> 00:01:07,446
♪ And you're not so big
19
00:01:07,481 --> 00:01:11,071
♪ Life is unfair.
20
00:01:16,145 --> 00:01:17,629
You're all set,
Mrs. Gunderberg.
21
00:01:17,663 --> 00:01:19,631
Remember, this is the
one you take orally.
22
00:01:19,665 --> 00:01:21,115
REESE: I can do what I want,
because I'm older!
23
00:01:21,150 --> 00:01:22,703
DEWEY: Stop pushing me! Ow!MALCOLM: Shut up, Dewey!
24
00:01:22,737 --> 00:01:23,635
REESE: Stop touching me!MALCOLM: I was not!
25
00:01:23,669 --> 00:01:24,981
Yes, you were!Stop it!
26
00:01:25,015 --> 00:01:26,638
Hey, guys. My shift is over
in five minutes.
27
00:01:26,672 --> 00:01:28,122
Then we head over
to the barber college.
28
00:01:28,157 --> 00:01:29,917
Why can't we go
to a real barber?
29
00:01:29,951 --> 00:01:31,505
Because I like to
support education.
30
00:01:31,539 --> 00:01:32,989
Besides, it's free.
31
00:01:33,023 --> 00:01:36,061
Are they going to take
my hair and plant an evil Dewey?
32
00:01:36,096 --> 00:01:38,236
Honey, we've already
had this talk.
33
00:01:38,270 --> 00:01:41,239
Every word that comes out
of Reese's mouth
34
00:01:41,273 --> 00:01:42,999
is a lie, remember?
35
00:01:43,033 --> 00:01:45,001
Ah!Okay, go look
at some magazines.
36
00:01:45,035 --> 00:01:48,453
And anything you break
comes out of your allowance.
37
00:01:48,487 --> 00:01:49,833
REESE: We don't get
an allowance.
38
00:01:49,868 --> 00:01:50,972
Yeah, now you know why.
39
00:01:51,007 --> 00:01:52,629
I'm going to ask the barber
40
00:01:52,664 --> 00:01:54,666
to shave this side totally off
41
00:01:54,700 --> 00:01:56,599
and leave
the other side long.
42
00:01:56,633 --> 00:01:58,739
You know, a style
for each profile.
43
00:01:58,773 --> 00:02:01,190
A different look
for both my moods.
44
00:02:04,365 --> 00:02:05,849
How's it going?
Not bad.
45
00:02:05,884 --> 00:02:08,437
In five minutes I get my soul
back for the night. And you?
46
00:02:08,473 --> 00:02:09,473
Can't complain.
47
00:02:09,508 --> 00:02:12,304
That's $6.24.
48
00:02:12,339 --> 00:02:15,342
I-I'm... I'm sorry. What?
49
00:02:15,376 --> 00:02:18,138
Your total is $6.24.
50
00:02:19,691 --> 00:02:21,451
Uh, is there a problem?
51
00:02:21,486 --> 00:02:24,005
No, it's just
that, uh...
52
00:02:24,040 --> 00:02:25,835
your assistant
manager and I
53
00:02:25,869 --> 00:02:27,423
we have an
arrangement.
54
00:02:27,457 --> 00:02:30,184
I wouldn't know
anything about that.
55
00:02:31,461 --> 00:02:33,946
I've only got $3.00.
56
00:02:33,981 --> 00:02:35,983
Well, you can put back
the magazine.
57
00:02:36,017 --> 00:02:41,471
Lois, Lois... I give
Officer Stockton a discount.
58
00:02:41,506 --> 00:02:42,645
You know,
policeman's discount?
59
00:02:42,679 --> 00:02:43,784
[whispers]:
100% off?
60
00:02:43,818 --> 00:02:45,026
Craig, I can't do that.
61
00:02:45,061 --> 00:02:46,200
But, Lois...
62
00:02:46,235 --> 00:02:48,202
Don't worry about it.
It's okay, Greg.
63
00:02:48,237 --> 00:02:50,446
It's "Craig."
64
00:02:50,480 --> 00:02:51,619
What are you, crazy?
65
00:02:51,654 --> 00:02:53,069
Don't you know
how this works?
66
00:02:53,103 --> 00:02:55,830
We scratch his back,
he scratches ours?
67
00:02:55,865 --> 00:02:56,900
We give him
a few candy bars,
68
00:02:56,935 --> 00:02:57,970
he looks out for us.
69
00:02:58,005 --> 00:02:59,213
It's called protection.
70
00:02:59,248 --> 00:03:01,560
Craig, we have been
robbed five times
71
00:03:01,595 --> 00:03:03,010
in the last six months.
72
00:03:03,044 --> 00:03:06,358
Lois, think of all the places
he gets free stuff from.
73
00:03:06,393 --> 00:03:08,395
He can't be everywhere
at once.
74
00:03:14,573 --> 00:03:16,161
Mom, seriously,
I'm not letting that kid
75
00:03:16,196 --> 00:03:18,577
with two fingers
cut my hair again.
76
00:03:18,612 --> 00:03:20,648
That's all you need
to use scissors.
77
00:03:20,683 --> 00:03:21,925
And you be polite.
78
00:03:21,960 --> 00:03:24,721
Those people are
nervous enough as it is.
79
00:03:24,756 --> 00:03:27,276
[siren wails]Oh, what?
80
00:03:27,310 --> 00:03:28,725
I didn't do anything!
81
00:03:28,760 --> 00:03:29,692
Make a run for it, Mom.
82
00:03:29,726 --> 00:03:30,865
We can be on the news.
83
00:03:30,900 --> 00:03:32,384
All right, you boys, not
a word out of any of you.
84
00:03:32,419 --> 00:03:35,180
No one makes piggy sounds,
no one says they smell bacon,
85
00:03:35,215 --> 00:03:37,217
and no one claims
to be kidnapped.
86
00:03:39,219 --> 00:03:40,599
You?
87
00:03:40,634 --> 00:03:42,532
License and registration,
please.
88
00:03:42,567 --> 00:03:43,671
What's this all about?
89
00:03:43,706 --> 00:03:44,707
You impeded traffic.
90
00:03:44,741 --> 00:03:46,536
When you pulled out,
that Volkswagen
91
00:03:46,571 --> 00:03:47,503
had to slam on
its brakes.
92
00:03:47,537 --> 00:03:48,435
What Volkswagen?
93
00:03:48,469 --> 00:03:50,506
I looked over to my left
when I pulled out.
94
00:03:50,540 --> 00:03:51,438
There was no car.
95
00:03:51,472 --> 00:03:54,234
License and registration, ma'am.
96
00:03:54,268 --> 00:03:55,338
All right.
97
00:03:55,373 --> 00:03:57,409
Don't think I don't know
what this is all about.
98
00:03:57,444 --> 00:03:59,549
It's 'cause I made you
pay for that ice tea.
99
00:03:59,584 --> 00:04:01,482
Oh, was that you?
100
00:04:03,001 --> 00:04:05,072
Now, you just sit tight.
101
00:04:05,106 --> 00:04:07,454
I got to do some paperwork,
run a computer check.
102
00:04:07,488 --> 00:04:08,627
It may take a little while.
103
00:04:08,662 --> 00:04:09,904
The computer's kind of slow.
104
00:04:09,939 --> 00:04:11,285
Yeah, well,
knock yourself out.
105
00:04:11,320 --> 00:04:12,907
My record is clean.
106
00:04:12,942 --> 00:04:16,394
There is no way I have
16 unpaid parking tickets.
107
00:04:16,428 --> 00:04:17,947
The computer's wrong!
108
00:04:17,981 --> 00:04:20,880
You are not getting
away with this!
109
00:04:22,089 --> 00:04:23,987
Hey, Mom, is this
a bad time to tell you
110
00:04:24,022 --> 00:04:25,989
I got kicked out
out of shop class?
111
00:04:26,024 --> 00:04:27,784
I mean, it seems to pale
in comparison.
112
00:04:27,819 --> 00:04:28,889
CRAIG:
Chin up, Lois.
113
00:04:28,923 --> 00:04:30,856
I'll make sure
the boys get home.
114
00:04:30,891 --> 00:04:32,720
I'll wait for you.
115
00:04:32,755 --> 00:04:35,171
I want you boys
to behave for Craig.
116
00:04:35,205 --> 00:04:37,725
And, Dewey, don't be frightened.
117
00:04:37,760 --> 00:04:38,933
Mama's going to be okay.
118
00:04:38,968 --> 00:04:40,383
Can you turn on
your siren?
119
00:04:40,418 --> 00:04:41,971
Sure.
120
00:04:42,005 --> 00:04:43,490
Yay!
121
00:04:43,524 --> 00:04:45,146
[imitating siren]
122
00:04:48,978 --> 00:04:50,082
Come on, honey.
123
00:04:50,117 --> 00:04:52,982
You got to admit
it was kind of sexy--
124
00:04:53,016 --> 00:04:55,467
me having to bail
you out of jail.
125
00:04:56,606 --> 00:04:58,194
Well, it was sexy for me.
126
00:04:58,228 --> 00:04:59,920
Oh, yeah, Hal,
it was a real turn-on
127
00:04:59,954 --> 00:05:02,163
sitting there wondering
how my children were doing,
128
00:05:02,198 --> 00:05:04,407
what horrible things are going
through their heads
129
00:05:04,442 --> 00:05:06,651
knowing that their mother
is sitting in jail.
130
00:05:06,685 --> 00:05:09,101
Hey, Mom,
did you get tattooed?
131
00:05:09,136 --> 00:05:10,275
I don't understand.
132
00:05:10,310 --> 00:05:12,760
How could we get
16 parking tickets
133
00:05:12,795 --> 00:05:14,762
and not even know about it?
134
00:05:14,797 --> 00:05:16,764
Mom, just calm down!
135
00:05:16,799 --> 00:05:18,490
I was in jail, Francis!
Jail!
136
00:05:18,525 --> 00:05:21,838
All because you didn't pay
your parking tickets!
137
00:05:21,873 --> 00:05:25,117
How could you have gotten
16 parking tickets?!
138
00:05:25,152 --> 00:05:26,878
It's not my fault.
You keep me stuck here.
139
00:05:26,912 --> 00:05:28,880
When I come home,
I have so much living to do,
140
00:05:28,914 --> 00:05:30,640
I don't have time to look
for legal parking.
141
00:05:30,675 --> 00:05:33,781
You listen, mister--
your irresponsible behavior
142
00:05:33,816 --> 00:05:35,265
has finally caught up with you,
143
00:05:35,300 --> 00:05:37,958
and you are going to suffer
the consequences!
144
00:05:37,992 --> 00:05:39,994
You are paying
those parking tickets!
145
00:05:40,029 --> 00:05:42,065
You know, Mom,
jail has really hardened you.
146
00:05:42,100 --> 00:05:44,274
I'm serious, Francis,
you are paying us back
147
00:05:44,309 --> 00:05:45,862
that money for
those tickets
148
00:05:45,897 --> 00:05:48,037
plus $145 to get the car
out of impound.
149
00:05:48,071 --> 00:05:51,661
That means you owe us $747.13.
150
00:05:51,696 --> 00:05:53,042
This is totally unfair!
151
00:05:53,076 --> 00:05:54,975
None of this would have happened
152
00:05:55,009 --> 00:05:56,977
if you weren't
such a reckless driver.
153
00:05:57,011 --> 00:05:58,323
Excuse me?
154
00:05:58,358 --> 00:06:00,049
When I parked too close
to a mailbox,
155
00:06:00,083 --> 00:06:01,671
I didn't endanger
anybody's life.
156
00:06:01,706 --> 00:06:02,983
I didn't endanger anyone.
157
00:06:03,017 --> 00:06:04,950
I was pulled over
by a corrupt cop
158
00:06:04,985 --> 00:06:07,470
for a traffic violation
that I didn't commit.
159
00:06:07,505 --> 00:06:10,231
Oh, but when I tell you
I've been framed by the police,
160
00:06:10,266 --> 00:06:11,750
you send me to military school.
161
00:06:11,785 --> 00:06:12,820
Ironic, isn't it?
162
00:06:12,855 --> 00:06:14,063
That cop was out to get me.
163
00:06:14,097 --> 00:06:15,029
Of course he was.
164
00:06:15,064 --> 00:06:16,134
Everyone's out to get you.
165
00:06:16,168 --> 00:06:17,825
And the neighbor's cat's
the ringleader.
166
00:06:17,860 --> 00:06:18,757
Didn't you know that?
167
00:06:18,792 --> 00:06:21,657
Ha-ha, you can laugh
all you want, Francis,
168
00:06:21,691 --> 00:06:24,004
but until you come
up with the money,
169
00:06:24,038 --> 00:06:25,108
you are not
coming home.
170
00:06:25,143 --> 00:06:27,214
Where am I supposed to get $700?
171
00:06:27,248 --> 00:06:30,493
You're just using this
as an excuse to keep me here.
172
00:06:30,528 --> 00:06:33,565
Yeah, that's right.
It was the cat's idea.
173
00:06:33,600 --> 00:06:34,532
Mom, there's no way
174
00:06:34,566 --> 00:06:36,741
Francis can come up
with that kind of money.
175
00:06:37,845 --> 00:06:40,779
Which is what
he should have thought of
176
00:06:40,814 --> 00:06:43,610
before he did
that bad, bad thing.
177
00:06:43,644 --> 00:06:45,025
Honey, don't worry
about a thing.
178
00:06:45,059 --> 00:06:47,096
Everything's going to be fine.
179
00:06:47,130 --> 00:06:48,546
Francis will think
of something.
180
00:06:48,580 --> 00:06:51,134
I hear they've made
traffic school really fun.
181
00:06:51,169 --> 00:06:52,929
They have cooking
traffic school,
182
00:06:52,964 --> 00:06:54,103
bowling traffic school.
183
00:06:54,137 --> 00:06:55,898
Remember when I took that
comedy traffic school?
184
00:06:55,932 --> 00:06:57,693
I mean, God, that
was hilarious.
185
00:06:57,727 --> 00:07:00,868
A rabbi, a priest
and a minister come
to a four-way stop...
186
00:07:00,903 --> 00:07:02,801
I am not taking
traffic school.
187
00:07:03,906 --> 00:07:05,079
Honey, if you don't
take traffic school,
188
00:07:05,114 --> 00:07:06,426
you'll get a point
on your license.
189
00:07:06,460 --> 00:07:08,117
I'm not getting
a point on my license
190
00:07:08,151 --> 00:07:09,498
because I'm taking this
to court.
191
00:07:09,532 --> 00:07:10,878
I did nothing wrong
192
00:07:10,913 --> 00:07:13,225
and I've got three
eyewitnesses to prove it.
193
00:07:13,260 --> 00:07:15,158
They saw exactly what happened.
194
00:07:17,091 --> 00:07:18,783
Blah, blah, blah.
195
00:07:18,817 --> 00:07:22,511
Blah, blah, blah,
blah, blah, blah.
196
00:07:24,167 --> 00:07:29,034
Quack, quack, quack,
quack, quack, quack.
197
00:07:29,069 --> 00:07:31,727
Quack, quack,
quack, quack, quack, quack.
198
00:07:33,211 --> 00:07:35,593
Dewey, Dewey, Dewey,
Dewey, Dewey, Dewey
199
00:07:35,627 --> 00:07:38,354
Dewey, Dewey, Dewey, Dewey,
Dewey, Dewey.
200
00:07:38,388 --> 00:07:39,700
Exactly
what you said, Mom.
201
00:07:39,735 --> 00:07:40,908
You're right, Mom.Right.
202
00:07:40,943 --> 00:07:43,152
See, Hal, it's a clear case
of entrapment.
203
00:07:43,186 --> 00:07:45,154
The cop doesn't get
his free ice tea
204
00:07:45,188 --> 00:07:47,087
so he trumps up
a cockamamy ticket.
205
00:07:47,121 --> 00:07:48,329
Well, we're going to fight this.
206
00:07:48,364 --> 00:07:50,159
Well, honey, let's think
about this a second.
207
00:07:50,193 --> 00:07:52,299
You know it's going to be
your word against his,
208
00:07:52,333 --> 00:07:54,266
and judges usually side
with the police.
209
00:07:54,301 --> 00:07:55,509
Yeah, that's what
he's counting on.
210
00:07:55,544 --> 00:07:57,787
That's why he thinks he
can get away with lying.
211
00:07:57,822 --> 00:07:59,030
Well, I'm not
going to let him
212
00:07:59,064 --> 00:08:00,100
'cause I know I'm right.
213
00:08:00,134 --> 00:08:00,997
I know that, honey,
214
00:08:01,032 --> 00:08:02,723
but what if something
does go wrong?
215
00:08:02,758 --> 00:08:03,931
I mean, I'm not sure
216
00:08:03,966 --> 00:08:06,037
we can afford the bump
in the insurance.
217
00:08:06,071 --> 00:08:07,176
I am not going to lose.
218
00:08:07,210 --> 00:08:09,696
I'm in the right
and I'll find a way to prove it.
219
00:08:09,730 --> 00:08:13,285
Okay, okay,
if that's what
you want to do.
220
00:08:13,320 --> 00:08:15,633
You have our total support.
221
00:08:15,667 --> 00:08:18,636
Just remember, Mom,
in a world of lies,
222
00:08:18,670 --> 00:08:20,707
truth is your only weapon.
223
00:08:22,778 --> 00:08:24,711
What? It's not?
224
00:08:24,745 --> 00:08:26,575
Thank you.
225
00:08:29,992 --> 00:08:31,062
Howdy, ma'am.
226
00:08:31,096 --> 00:08:31,994
How was jail?
227
00:08:32,028 --> 00:08:33,167
Fine, thank you.
228
00:08:33,202 --> 00:08:36,895
Shouldn't you be out
planting drugs on someone?
229
00:08:36,929 --> 00:08:39,139
Yes, I was planning
to go do that
230
00:08:39,173 --> 00:08:42,280
right after I pay full
price for my ice tea.
231
00:08:42,313 --> 00:08:44,593
I'm fighting the ticket,
you know.
232
00:08:44,627 --> 00:08:47,561
Well, then, I look forward
to seeing you in court.
233
00:08:47,596 --> 00:08:48,976
Drive safely...
234
00:08:49,011 --> 00:08:51,703
whenever you get
your car back.
235
00:08:55,500 --> 00:08:59,090
There is no way that cop
could have seen me pull out.
236
00:08:59,124 --> 00:09:00,436
[phone rings]
237
00:09:00,470 --> 00:09:01,748
Yeah?
238
00:09:01,782 --> 00:09:03,163
Mom, great news.
239
00:09:03,197 --> 00:09:04,544
Francis, I'm a little busy here.
240
00:09:04,578 --> 00:09:05,648
Okay, here it is.
241
00:09:05,683 --> 00:09:08,444
I just sent you $20
good-faith money...
242
00:09:08,478 --> 00:09:11,654
Great. Only $727 more
before you can come home.
243
00:09:11,689 --> 00:09:12,690
What?
244
00:09:12,724 --> 00:09:14,174
Francis, I am not going
to let you weasel out
245
00:09:14,208 --> 00:09:15,382
of your responsibility.
246
00:09:15,416 --> 00:09:16,866
Because of you,
we are down to one car
247
00:09:16,901 --> 00:09:18,109
until your father's
next paycheck.
248
00:09:18,143 --> 00:09:19,351
Now, you either come up
with the money
249
00:09:19,386 --> 00:09:20,456
or you don't come home.
250
00:09:20,490 --> 00:09:22,423
Mom, it's impossible.
I'm in school.
251
00:09:22,458 --> 00:09:24,391
When I'm not in school,
I have homework.
252
00:09:24,425 --> 00:09:26,669
When I'm not doing homework,
I'm in detention.
253
00:09:26,704 --> 00:09:29,189
If I'm lucky, I have six hours
free a week.
254
00:09:29,223 --> 00:09:30,673
At minimum wage
255
00:09:30,708 --> 00:09:33,849
I wouldn't be able to make it
home until Thanksgiving 2010.
256
00:09:33,883 --> 00:09:34,884
You bring the yams.
257
00:09:41,166 --> 00:09:43,375
He'll find the money.
258
00:09:43,410 --> 00:09:46,378
Hey, do you know
where Craig is?
259
00:09:46,413 --> 00:09:47,897
Your assistant manager?
260
00:09:47,932 --> 00:09:49,727
Big guy, smells like cabbage?
261
00:09:49,761 --> 00:09:51,591
Thanks.
262
00:09:53,006 --> 00:09:54,870
Uh-uh, it's not there.
263
00:09:54,904 --> 00:09:56,526
Keep looking...
264
00:09:56,561 --> 00:09:57,666
Lower...
265
00:09:57,700 --> 00:09:58,839
[chuckles]
266
00:09:58,874 --> 00:10:01,635
Craig, Mom said
you can give me a
ride to study group.
267
00:10:01,670 --> 00:10:03,810
Sure, sure.
268
00:10:03,844 --> 00:10:05,466
What are you doing?
269
00:10:05,501 --> 00:10:08,228
I was, uh, uh, reviewing
some old security tapes.
270
00:10:08,262 --> 00:10:10,092
You know, looking
for a pattern.
271
00:10:10,126 --> 00:10:12,094
See if anyone
was casing the joint.
272
00:10:12,128 --> 00:10:13,440
You can't be too careful.
273
00:10:13,474 --> 00:10:15,649
Hey, that girl's
stealing something.
274
00:10:17,478 --> 00:10:19,101
Oh, I, I didn't notice that.
275
00:10:19,135 --> 00:10:22,449
I'd better review
her other tapes, then.
276
00:10:29,076 --> 00:10:32,010
Wait. Are there cameras
all over this place?
277
00:10:32,045 --> 00:10:33,805
Oh, yeah,
they're everywhere:
278
00:10:33,840 --> 00:10:35,738
pharmacy, ATM, the bath...
279
00:10:35,773 --> 00:10:37,602
Uh, yep, lot of cameras.
280
00:10:37,637 --> 00:10:39,535
Is there one
in the parking lot?
281
00:10:41,502 --> 00:10:42,296
Whoa!
282
00:10:42,331 --> 00:10:43,435
What is it?
283
00:10:43,470 --> 00:10:46,024
That girl dropped a can
under her car.
284
00:10:46,059 --> 00:10:47,577
Sorry.
285
00:10:48,993 --> 00:10:49,959
Wait! Stop!
286
00:10:49,994 --> 00:10:52,341
There's our van.
287
00:10:58,968 --> 00:11:01,730
She did it.
288
00:11:01,764 --> 00:11:03,801
She's guilty.
289
00:11:03,835 --> 00:11:07,494
Mom's... wrong.
290
00:11:13,051 --> 00:11:15,053
Oh, my God.
291
00:11:15,088 --> 00:11:16,572
Mom's wrong.
292
00:11:16,606 --> 00:11:18,470
My whole worldview is shaken.
293
00:11:18,505 --> 00:11:20,127
I know. This is amazing.
294
00:11:20,162 --> 00:11:21,853
We have to go
show it to her.
295
00:11:21,888 --> 00:11:23,372
Wait, maybe we
should save it
296
00:11:23,406 --> 00:11:25,236
for the next time
Mom yells at us,
297
00:11:25,270 --> 00:11:26,478
then spring it on her.
298
00:11:26,513 --> 00:11:27,790
No, I think
it's better fresh.
299
00:11:27,825 --> 00:11:31,035
Okay, let's go.Wait, we need
to keep a straight face.
300
00:11:31,069 --> 00:11:32,139
Okay, okay.
301
00:11:32,174 --> 00:11:33,209
[breathing deep]
302
00:11:33,244 --> 00:11:34,452
I'm ready.
303
00:11:34,486 --> 00:11:36,212
[giggling]:
No, I'm not.
304
00:11:36,247 --> 00:11:37,179
Stop smiling.
305
00:11:37,213 --> 00:11:38,249
[giggling]
306
00:11:38,283 --> 00:11:39,699
Come on...
307
00:11:39,733 --> 00:11:41,114
Hey, honey.
308
00:11:41,148 --> 00:11:42,840
God, it's been
a great day.
309
00:11:42,874 --> 00:11:44,980
The fire alarm went off
during the morning meeting,
310
00:11:45,014 --> 00:11:47,845
and I got the last Snickers
out of the vending machine.
311
00:11:49,363 --> 00:11:50,744
I did not think
it was going to fall,
312
00:11:50,779 --> 00:11:53,126
but then I gave it
a little hip check-- boom!
313
00:11:53,160 --> 00:11:54,748
Who is Susan King?
314
00:11:56,646 --> 00:11:57,924
Hmm?
315
00:11:59,270 --> 00:12:00,754
Susan King.
316
00:12:00,789 --> 00:12:02,342
Hmm, Susan King.
317
00:12:02,376 --> 00:12:03,895
Give me a moment.
318
00:12:03,930 --> 00:12:05,483
Susan...
319
00:12:05,517 --> 00:12:06,760
All right, before
I say anything,
320
00:12:06,795 --> 00:12:09,211
do you know already or
are you really asking?
321
00:12:09,245 --> 00:12:10,695
She called today
with some insurance quotes
322
00:12:10,730 --> 00:12:12,283
in case I get
a point on my license.
323
00:12:12,317 --> 00:12:13,353
Why would she do that?
324
00:12:13,387 --> 00:12:14,319
It was nothing.
325
00:12:14,354 --> 00:12:15,976
I just gave her
a little phone call.
326
00:12:16,011 --> 00:12:17,012
Curious about a few things.
327
00:12:17,046 --> 00:12:18,565
Like what will happen if I lose?
328
00:12:18,599 --> 00:12:21,188
Well, yes, yes, I just
wanted to find out
329
00:12:21,223 --> 00:12:23,432
what the worst-case
scenario might be.
330
00:12:23,466 --> 00:12:24,674
I mean, what if...
331
00:12:24,709 --> 00:12:26,331
There are no "what ifs," Hal!
332
00:12:26,366 --> 00:12:27,367
You're right.
333
00:12:27,401 --> 00:12:28,782
You are right.
334
00:12:28,817 --> 00:12:29,783
Right, okay.
335
00:12:29,818 --> 00:12:31,474
So, I mean, even if our
insurance does go up
336
00:12:31,509 --> 00:12:33,614
and we can't afford two
cars, we'll just sell one.
337
00:12:33,649 --> 00:12:36,238
I mean, you know,
what did they do before cars?
338
00:12:36,272 --> 00:12:37,895
They, uh, they walked,
so we'll walk.
339
00:12:37,929 --> 00:12:39,551
You're expecting me to lose.
340
00:12:39,586 --> 00:12:41,243
Is this how you support me?
341
00:12:41,277 --> 00:12:42,762
I do support you.
342
00:12:42,796 --> 00:12:44,108
I'm just--
I think we need
343
00:12:44,142 --> 00:12:46,213
to know what we're
getting into here.
344
00:12:46,248 --> 00:12:47,283
I mean, I don't know.
345
00:12:47,318 --> 00:12:49,389
Is, is it actually worth
all the trouble?
346
00:12:49,423 --> 00:12:50,562
Yes, Hal.
347
00:12:50,597 --> 00:12:52,772
I think standing up for myself
is worth the trouble!
348
00:12:52,806 --> 00:12:55,947
I think refusing to be
railroaded is worth the trouble!
349
00:12:55,982 --> 00:12:58,847
I know I can win this
because I know I'm right!
350
00:12:58,881 --> 00:13:02,057
I can't believe you have
so little faith in me!
351
00:13:02,091 --> 00:13:03,575
I have complete faith in you.
352
00:13:03,610 --> 00:13:06,061
It's the rest of the world
that I don't have faith in.
353
00:13:06,889 --> 00:13:08,235
Things could look different
354
00:13:08,270 --> 00:13:09,305
to different people.
355
00:13:09,340 --> 00:13:10,790
The system can be corrupt.
356
00:13:10,824 --> 00:13:13,758
We wouldn't be in
this situation if
that weren't true.
357
00:13:13,793 --> 00:13:16,312
And sometimes, Lois,
being right isn't enough.
358
00:13:16,347 --> 00:13:19,315
Being right is everything.
359
00:13:19,350 --> 00:13:20,800
I didn't do
anything wrong, Hal,
360
00:13:20,834 --> 00:13:22,594
and I'm willing to fight
to prove it.
361
00:13:22,629 --> 00:13:23,906
I know it's going to be hard.
362
00:13:23,941 --> 00:13:25,701
But that's why
the last thing I need
363
00:13:25,735 --> 00:13:27,289
is my own family
undermining me.
364
00:13:27,323 --> 00:13:29,222
How many times
do I have to tell you?
365
00:13:29,256 --> 00:13:30,257
I'm right, I'm right.
366
00:13:30,292 --> 00:13:33,882
I swear on my children's lives,
I am right!
367
00:13:36,125 --> 00:13:38,093
What do you want?
368
00:13:40,889 --> 00:13:42,338
Nothing.
369
00:13:42,373 --> 00:13:44,340
I can't believe
you chickened out.
370
00:13:44,375 --> 00:13:46,446
Me? You're the one
who disappeared.
371
00:13:46,480 --> 00:13:47,827
Oh, so now we're
playing the blame game.
372
00:13:47,861 --> 00:13:49,518
Look, we know Mom
is going to freak out
373
00:13:49,552 --> 00:13:51,175
on whoever shows her the tape...
374
00:13:51,209 --> 00:13:52,659
Not it.Maybe someone could
375
00:13:52,693 --> 00:13:55,386
mail it to her anonymously...
376
00:13:55,420 --> 00:13:57,767
Not it.Okay, fine,
but I'm going to need...
377
00:13:57,802 --> 00:13:58,285
Not it.
378
00:13:58,320 --> 00:13:59,286
Look...
379
00:13:59,321 --> 00:14:00,840
someone has to be the person...
380
00:14:00,874 --> 00:14:02,255
Not it.Who doesn't give it to her.
381
00:14:02,289 --> 00:14:02,945
I'm it.
382
00:14:02,980 --> 00:14:04,119
Ha!
383
00:14:04,153 --> 00:14:06,293
Oh.
384
00:14:06,328 --> 00:14:07,398
Let me get this straight:
385
00:14:07,432 --> 00:14:09,607
We each pay you $50
and you're going to jump
386
00:14:09,641 --> 00:14:12,196
from the roof of the dorm
to the roof of the gym
387
00:14:12,230 --> 00:14:13,956
on the school's
riding lawnmower.
388
00:14:13,991 --> 00:14:14,957
Who's in?
389
00:14:14,992 --> 00:14:17,753
Are we talking
with the bagger attachment?
390
00:14:17,787 --> 00:14:18,892
Are you crazy?
391
00:14:18,927 --> 00:14:20,929
You know what kind of drag
that would create?
392
00:14:20,963 --> 00:14:21,895
I don't know.
393
00:14:21,930 --> 00:14:23,276
It just sounds too easy.
394
00:14:23,310 --> 00:14:25,036
Okay, okay, how about this:
395
00:14:25,071 --> 00:14:28,971
For five extra dollars,
I'll do it blindfolded.
396
00:14:29,006 --> 00:14:30,559
Francis, phone.
397
00:14:30,593 --> 00:14:32,181
Give it some thought.
398
00:14:33,217 --> 00:14:34,321
Hello?
399
00:14:34,356 --> 00:14:35,391
Hey, Francis.
400
00:14:35,426 --> 00:14:37,014
You know Mom's traffic ticket?
401
00:14:37,048 --> 00:14:38,153
Well, I have a videotape,
402
00:14:38,187 --> 00:14:40,500
and it shows that Mom
really was at fault, and...
403
00:14:40,534 --> 00:14:42,398
She was wrong?
404
00:14:42,433 --> 00:14:43,744
Yeah, and now
I'm trying to figure...
405
00:14:43,779 --> 00:14:45,125
What are you talking to me for?
406
00:14:45,160 --> 00:14:47,541
You have incontrovertible proof
that Mom was wrong.
407
00:14:47,576 --> 00:14:49,060
Shove it in her face.
408
00:14:49,095 --> 00:14:52,132
Francis, I don't think
that's a good idea.
409
00:14:52,167 --> 00:14:53,754
Are you kidding?
It's brilliant.
410
00:14:53,789 --> 00:14:55,653
From now on, whenever she gets
all high-and-mighty with us,
411
00:14:55,687 --> 00:14:57,206
we can just
throw this back at her.
412
00:14:57,241 --> 00:14:58,518
Francis, I can't.
413
00:14:58,552 --> 00:15:00,727
If I show Mom this tape,
she'll go crazy
414
00:15:00,761 --> 00:15:03,764
and then she'll kill
the messenger, which is me.
415
00:15:03,799 --> 00:15:05,974
You're asking me
to commit suicide.
416
00:15:06,008 --> 00:15:08,735
And think of
the look on her face!
417
00:15:14,396 --> 00:15:17,951
We thought it would be best
if we showed it to you first.
418
00:15:17,986 --> 00:15:19,953
Well, I can't say
that I'm glad you did,
419
00:15:19,988 --> 00:15:22,335
but I-I guess you did
the right thing.
420
00:15:22,369 --> 00:15:23,370
Someone should
show it to her.
421
00:15:23,405 --> 00:15:24,958
Not it.Dad!
422
00:15:24,993 --> 00:15:28,272
Okay, but we need
to ease her into this.
423
00:15:28,306 --> 00:15:30,136
Pick the right moment.
424
00:15:30,170 --> 00:15:33,346
This is a very delicate matter.
425
00:15:33,380 --> 00:15:34,623
LOIS:
Hal!
426
00:15:34,657 --> 00:15:36,901
Come on, come on, come on,
come on...
427
00:15:38,454 --> 00:15:40,146
[door closes]
428
00:15:40,180 --> 00:15:41,630
LOIS:
I swear, that cop
429
00:15:41,664 --> 00:15:43,908
was following me
on the way home.
430
00:15:43,943 --> 00:15:44,805
Oh, come on, Lois.
431
00:15:44,840 --> 00:15:46,738
I don't think
he'd follow you.
432
00:15:46,773 --> 00:15:49,327
I'm sure he's got
better things to do.
433
00:15:49,362 --> 00:15:50,950
[doorbell rings]
434
00:15:52,641 --> 00:15:55,126
What do you think
you're doing here?
435
00:15:55,161 --> 00:15:56,369
My commander informed me
436
00:15:56,403 --> 00:15:58,302
that you made a request
for my records,
437
00:15:58,336 --> 00:16:00,442
which, of course,
is your right,
438
00:16:00,476 --> 00:16:02,168
so I thought
I'd take a drive over
439
00:16:02,202 --> 00:16:04,239
and deliver them
to you myself.
440
00:16:04,273 --> 00:16:05,412
Nice house.
441
00:16:05,447 --> 00:16:07,759
Don't you try to intimidate me.
442
00:16:07,794 --> 00:16:10,003
All I said was
you have a nice house.
443
00:16:10,038 --> 00:16:12,454
First you follow me home and
now you're making vague threats?
444
00:16:12,488 --> 00:16:13,938
Well, it's not going to work.
445
00:16:13,973 --> 00:16:16,147
You are going to be so sorry
you messed with me.
446
00:16:17,286 --> 00:16:18,391
Have a nice evening, ma'am.
447
00:16:18,425 --> 00:16:20,496
You are going down, mister.
448
00:16:20,531 --> 00:16:21,808
You hear me?!
449
00:16:21,842 --> 00:16:23,258
You are going down!
450
00:16:23,292 --> 00:16:26,399
I don't care how long it takes
or how much money it costs!
451
00:16:26,433 --> 00:16:30,023
I'm going to win
because I am right!
452
00:16:34,579 --> 00:16:38,031
There's something
you have to see.
453
00:16:43,692 --> 00:16:46,971
Honey, I'm sorry
you had to see that,
454
00:16:47,006 --> 00:16:50,216
but it's best you found out now
before it's too late.
455
00:16:53,046 --> 00:16:55,290
It's wrong.
456
00:16:55,324 --> 00:16:56,256
What?
457
00:16:56,291 --> 00:16:58,017
The tape is wrong.
458
00:17:00,088 --> 00:17:01,296
Dad...
459
00:17:01,330 --> 00:17:03,298
You heard your mother.
460
00:17:03,332 --> 00:17:07,819
The tape... is...
461
00:17:10,166 --> 00:17:11,202
Oh, man!
462
00:17:15,448 --> 00:17:16,518
Honey...
463
00:17:16,551 --> 00:17:18,623
Look, I'm not stupid.
464
00:17:18,657 --> 00:17:20,453
I saw the tape.
465
00:17:20,487 --> 00:17:21,730
But it's wrong.
466
00:17:21,763 --> 00:17:24,595
I don't know how
to explain it, but I know.
467
00:17:24,628 --> 00:17:27,563
I know that tape is wrong.
468
00:17:27,598 --> 00:17:30,290
I believe you.
No, you don't.
469
00:17:30,325 --> 00:17:31,291
Well, what do you expect?
470
00:17:31,326 --> 00:17:33,707
I expect you to believe me.
471
00:17:33,742 --> 00:17:34,915
Lois, in the past 20 years
472
00:17:34,950 --> 00:17:36,952
you have never admitted
that you were wrong.
473
00:17:36,986 --> 00:17:39,196
And as far as I know,
you've never needed to.
474
00:17:39,230 --> 00:17:42,164
But the facts are right there
in front of your eyes,
475
00:17:42,199 --> 00:17:43,579
and this time you are wrong.
476
00:17:43,614 --> 00:17:45,616
And if you can't see that,
477
00:17:45,650 --> 00:17:47,514
well, that's just plain crazy.
478
00:17:47,549 --> 00:17:48,584
I am not crazy.
479
00:17:48,619 --> 00:17:51,000
The tape is wrong.
It has to be.
480
00:17:51,035 --> 00:17:53,417
Well, wha-what are you saying,
that someone doctored it?
481
00:17:53,451 --> 00:17:54,763
No, I...
482
00:17:55,936 --> 00:17:57,973
I, I-I know... I know
it wasn't doctored.
483
00:17:58,007 --> 00:17:59,768
I'm just saying
that it's wrong.
484
00:17:59,802 --> 00:18:02,564
I know what happened,
and I know that I'm right.
485
00:18:02,598 --> 00:18:04,083
Okay, honey, that may be,
486
00:18:04,117 --> 00:18:06,982
but me and the rest
of the world tend to
believe what we see,
487
00:18:07,016 --> 00:18:10,158
and everything is pointing
to you being wrong.
488
00:18:10,192 --> 00:18:13,713
The universe
is telling you
to give up.
489
00:18:13,747 --> 00:18:15,715
It's time to let it go.
490
00:18:19,477 --> 00:18:23,102
Well, that's not fair.
491
00:18:26,657 --> 00:18:28,762
You know what's
not fair, Lois?
492
00:18:28,797 --> 00:18:30,868
Having to be right
all the time.
493
00:18:30,902 --> 00:18:32,732
That's a terrible burden.
494
00:18:32,766 --> 00:18:35,459
Wouldn't it be a relief
495
00:18:35,493 --> 00:18:37,116
just to let go?
496
00:18:39,118 --> 00:18:41,361
You want me to say
that I'm wrong
497
00:18:41,396 --> 00:18:42,983
even when I know I'm right?
498
00:18:43,018 --> 00:18:45,469
Yes, yes, that's
exactly what I want.
499
00:18:45,503 --> 00:18:46,608
I know
500
00:18:46,642 --> 00:18:48,057
it doesn't happen
very often, Lois,
501
00:18:48,092 --> 00:18:52,234
but you have been beaten.
502
00:18:52,269 --> 00:18:53,477
Let go.
503
00:18:53,511 --> 00:18:55,410
But I am right.
504
00:18:55,444 --> 00:18:56,583
Let go, honey.
But I...
505
00:18:56,618 --> 00:18:58,309
Just once.
506
00:18:58,344 --> 00:18:59,483
Can you do that?
507
00:18:59,517 --> 00:19:01,450
Let go.
508
00:19:07,111 --> 00:19:08,181
That's it.
509
00:19:08,216 --> 00:19:09,631
Aw, see?
510
00:19:09,665 --> 00:19:11,253
Okay...
511
00:19:11,288 --> 00:19:14,222
Okay, can you say it?
512
00:19:14,256 --> 00:19:16,776
[sighs]
513
00:19:18,502 --> 00:19:22,195
I was...
514
00:19:22,230 --> 00:19:23,645
wrong.
515
00:19:23,679 --> 00:19:25,509
That's right.
516
00:19:25,543 --> 00:19:27,614
You see, it's not so bad.
517
00:19:27,649 --> 00:19:29,098
Hmm?
518
00:19:29,133 --> 00:19:31,722
You'll go to traffic school
519
00:19:31,756 --> 00:19:33,827
and meet some nice people,
520
00:19:33,862 --> 00:19:35,622
maybe hear a couple
good car jokes.
521
00:19:35,657 --> 00:19:37,210
[laughs]
Huh?
522
00:19:37,245 --> 00:19:38,660
Everything is...
523
00:19:38,694 --> 00:19:40,972
Everything's going to be
all right, okay?
524
00:19:41,007 --> 00:19:43,078
Everything's going
to be all right.
525
00:19:43,112 --> 00:19:45,529
Oh, I am so proud of you.
526
00:19:47,255 --> 00:19:49,809
You are so great.
527
00:19:49,843 --> 00:19:52,570
You are so beautiful.
528
00:19:52,605 --> 00:19:56,056
You are so wrong.
529
00:19:57,817 --> 00:19:59,853
How many times
have I told you people
530
00:19:59,888 --> 00:20:01,821
don't leave
the refrigerator open!
531
00:20:01,855 --> 00:20:03,236
You did it.
532
00:20:03,271 --> 00:20:05,514
Maybe I did.
533
00:20:05,549 --> 00:20:08,068
She's been like
this all week.
534
00:20:08,103 --> 00:20:10,381
It's like her spirit's
been broken.
535
00:20:10,416 --> 00:20:12,003
It's nice.
536
00:20:12,038 --> 00:20:13,867
Hi, Francis-- about the money...
537
00:20:13,902 --> 00:20:16,663
Okay, look, I've raised
192 bucks, and if I can only...
538
00:20:16,698 --> 00:20:18,251
Look, Francis,
I'm sorry I got so angry.
539
00:20:18,286 --> 00:20:21,254
Why don't you just use that
money to come home next weekend?
540
00:20:21,289 --> 00:20:22,359
But...
541
00:20:22,393 --> 00:20:24,982
I've got to go to traffic
school. Love you. Bye.
542
00:20:29,297 --> 00:20:31,299
Bye.
543
00:20:31,333 --> 00:20:32,990
[banging]
544
00:20:33,024 --> 00:20:34,336
Where's Lois,
did I miss her?
545
00:20:34,371 --> 00:20:35,855
Craig.
546
00:20:35,889 --> 00:20:38,064
You guys are not going
to believe what I have.
547
00:20:38,098 --> 00:20:39,099
I have a surveillance
548
00:20:39,134 --> 00:20:40,273
arrangement with the manager
549
00:20:40,308 --> 00:20:41,930
of the mini-mart
across the street.
550
00:20:41,964 --> 00:20:44,001
We exchange tapes
in order to better understand
551
00:20:44,035 --> 00:20:45,692
the security needs
of our customers.
552
00:20:45,727 --> 00:20:47,694
"Short skirt, windy day"?
553
00:20:47,729 --> 00:20:49,075
That's code.
554
00:20:49,109 --> 00:20:50,766
Anyhoo, one of
their cameras
555
00:20:50,801 --> 00:20:52,561
caught Lois
from a different angle
556
00:20:52,596 --> 00:20:54,356
right before she got her ticket.
557
00:21:05,540 --> 00:21:06,920
See?
558
00:21:06,955 --> 00:21:09,129
Lois was right
all along!
559
00:21:09,164 --> 00:21:10,614
This completely exonerates her.
560
00:21:10,648 --> 00:21:11,994
Isn't this great?
561
00:21:20,624 --> 00:21:22,591
What are you doing?
562
00:21:27,769 --> 00:21:31,117
You will never, ever
tell her of this.
563
00:21:31,151 --> 00:21:31,704
But...
564
00:21:31,738 --> 00:21:33,430
Ah! Ever.
565
00:21:36,260 --> 00:21:38,504
Got it?
37022
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