All language subtitles for Malcolm.In.The.Middle.S02E14.1080p.WEBRip.x265-RARBG

Mom, Dad, guess what.
The Tooth Fairy came.

He did?

Oh! So what'd he give
you-- a couple dollars?

I got a rock
and half a stick of gum.

Malcolm!

Reese!

* Yes, no, maybe

* I don't know

* Can you repeat the question?

* You're not the boss
of me now *

* You're not
the boss of me now *

* You're not the boss
of me now *

* And you're not so big

* You're not the boss
of me now *

* You're not
the boss of me now *

* You're not the boss
of me now *

* And you're not so big

* Life is unfair.

Watch this, Francis-- I can make
milk come out of either nostril.

He's gotten pretty good
at this.

It's sad, but I'm actually
kind of jealous.

Reese, anything coming out
of your nose

is going right back
in your mouth.

This corner of my waffle's
still frozen.

Oh, I'm sorry, honey.

I had to put Francis' waffle
on top,

and that toaster oven
just isn't big enough.

It's your fault my
waffle's frozen?

Sorry.

Francis, you'd better get
moving. You don't want

to be late for your
first day of inventory.

Oh, yeah, Mom. Thanks again
for getting me that job.

Some of the guys

are spending their spring break
river rafting.

You wouldn't believe how jealous
they were when they heard I was

going to be counting shampoo
bottles at the Lucky Aide.

Sorry, Francis,
but it's the perfect fit:

we needed people
and you have no choice.

Hey! Look at the
sexy professor!

Dad, you're bringing all
that junk to Dewey's class?

Yes, I am, Malcolm.

This is my first
Career Day.

I want to make sure
I dazzle 'em!

I want Dewey to be proud
of his old man.

One out of four
wouldn't be so bad.

Dad, they're six years old.

Which is why we have
to keep things moving.

We'll start
with the pie chart,

then move to
Earnings Index.

Do I have to do this?

Relax, Malcolm.
Your teacher
said it's fine.

You'll just make up what
you miss after school.

You know, I am really
looking forward to this.

I think this is going to be
a lot of fun.

Well, no, that's not, not
all I do.

I, uh, there are some,
you know, important

and, uh, very, uh,

interesting...

Could you repeat the question?

Your job sounds awful.

(laughs) Well, of course
it's awful; it's a job.

You know...

He's tanking.

He's way
past tanking.

See, you, you kids have to
realize that all jobs are awful

and there's nothing
that you can do about that.

I mean, they're, they're
tedious and boring.

Being a fireman
isn't boring.

True, but you have to take
into consideration

the high mortality rate.

It's real easy to get killed
in a fire.

My daddy's a fireman.

Pete's daddy's
going to die?

Oh, and I'm sure he's probably
going to be fine.

So the only reason
you like your job

is because you won't
get killed in a fire?

Yes.

Well, actually, you see...

you see, I-I work
on a very high floor,

so that's not necessarily true.

Any other questions?

If your job is so boring
and you don't like it

why do you do it?

You quit your job?

Lois, please,
give me

a little more
credit than that.

No, I asked for
a leave of absence

because of a
kidney malfunction.

Nice.

Drastic but vague
enough to discourage

any follow-up questions.

Way to go.

You're doing this because
of what a seven-year-old said?

It was horrible.
He made Dad cry.

This kid was ruthless...

but fair.

His dad did a puppet show.

I'll tell you boys,
life is crazy.

One day you're
in community college

driving a Camaro T-top,

cock of the walk,

and then you need some cash,
so you get a job.

You think it's only temporary,
but then you get a promotion

and then a raise,

and all these doors
open up for you,

except they're not really doors.
They're trapdoors.

And then all of a sudden--

bam! 20 years has zipped by,
and you're thinking,

"Is this all I have to my life?"

Not you kids.

I love you kids, but, come on--
the house-- it's crap.

Boys, I want to talk
to your father alone.

So, you've got a
bedroom. We're eating.

Just kidding, we're leaving.

Hal...

is this a midlife crisis?

I don't know what it is.

I-I-- it-- I just know
that I had to do something.

And what is it exactly
you plan on doing?

What I have always
talked about doing...

a thing that has been
in my head for years.

The painting?

Yes, I-I-I can see
it so clearly.

Every line, every streak,

every daub.

The blazing
crimson flushes,

the vivid blue tones.

The almost subliminal
tinges of tangerine.

Yes, Hal, I have heard
this before, but...

Lois, I got to get
this out of my head.

Do you know how crazy this is?
Yeah.

You were going to save
the painting until retirement,

when it's okay to be insane.

Hal, I was really
looking forward

to that old painter guy
puttering around the house

with a little old spot
of paint on his cheek.

I'm sorry, baby, I just,
I just can't wait anymore.

Maybe I can be the
old gardener guy.

Okay.

Yes? Really? Yes?

This is important to you,

and up until
about five minutes ago

you were a very good
husband and father.

You deserve this.

Oh, thank you.

You deserve something
really great.

I really wish I could
buy it for you,

but I'm going to be
digging pretty deep

into the savings
for art supplies.

Thank you.

Congratulations, people.

You have all passed
the rigorous Lucky Aide

inventory screening process.

You should be proud.
This is a great crew.

(speaks foreign language)

We've done a few trust
games, some stretches.

Now we're ready for battle.

As I already explained,

corporate has us pitted
against the downtown store.

First one to finish inventory
gets a plaque and a hundred...

a plaque.

Yes, a question.

Yes, which household product
will kill me fastest?

We're going to start you off
counting the cotton swabs.

Bleach...
or oven cleaner

or Rat Grenade.
Rat Grenade's good.

It's weird.

All my life, Dad's been getting
up every morning

and dragging himself to a job
that he despised

with every fiber of his being.

I can't believe I never noticed.

I guess I've been
pretty self-centered.

Oh, my God!

What if that happens to me?

Two quarts of
amber varnish.

A number two
camel hair brush.

Or maybe a
Kalinsky sable.

Camel hair brush,
Kalinsky sable.

How do you know
about all this stuff?

You never painted
anything in your life.

I have been painting
this for 15 years, Lois...

up here.

Oh, hi, honey.

Do you people
have any idea

what this kind of mindless
labor does to a person?

It kills your soul.

It turns your
mind into jelly

and it crushes
your spirit to dust.

Oh, Craig called. He
wants you there tomorrow
at 7:00 instead of 8:00.

Oh, and can you keep it down
when you get up in the morning?

I'm sleeping in.

So, Malcolm, word
on the street is

your father wigged
out at work.

What?

Did he really set
his desk on fire
and dance around it?

I heard it was
a lovers' quarrel

with the cleaning lady.

That's crazy.

Where are you guys hearing
all this stuff?

My dad's fine.

He's just taking
some time off from work

because he hates
his job.

You know, it's actually
kind of got me thinking.

What am I going to do
when I grow up?

(Krelboynes gasping)

You mean you don't
have a plan in place?

No.

That's okay, Malcolm.

I mean, it's not too...

Excuse me, allergies.

You guys already have
your careers planned?

You don't just luck into

running a particle
accelerator, you know.

With my intelligence...

and tokenism...

the sky's...

the limit.

(groans)

(groans)

Okay.

How many is that?

Oobin keitch.

Write it down.

That's a number?

Where are you from?

Red alert!
Everyone gather 'round.

People, my sources tell me
that downtown found

some Rain Man-type
human calculator

at a homeless shelter.

Now, I hear
he's prone to tantrums,

but we can't count on that.

So I'm going to need everyone
to work late tonight.

Oh, Francis?

The loose candy bin count looks
a bit hinky to me.

I want you to double-check
the malt balls.

Should I start with
the 40 in your belly?

I heard that

and I'm paying for those.

Things are starting to get
really strange around here.

It's Dad, he's so... happy.

Mmm, this meat loaf
is incredible.

New recipe?

Same as it's always been.

Oh, come on,
something's
different.

I can tell.

Oh, actually,
you know what?

I was out of tomato paste,
and I used

ketchup instead.
Uh-huh, see?
I could taste it.

It's good, isn't it, kiddo?

What's the matter, son?

A girl at school
called me "Ewey Dewey."

This is the same girl who puts

paste in your hair
all the time, isn't it?

Mm-hmm, well,
you know, she's just
doing this because

she likes you. It's her way
of getting your attention.

So she doesn't think I'm ewey?

No, of course not.

He's right.
Hmm.

Hey, Dad?
Hmm.

I have a little situation that
maybe you can help me out with.

There's this girl who's...
I suggest

that you leave her alone

before she calls
the police on you.

Okay, thanks.

What's wrong?

What do you mean?

Well, I noticed you
looking at me.

Nothing.

See? It's creepy.

You know, Hal,
I got to admit it.

Not working
has really been good for you.

You seem so much happier,

so much more attentive,
tuned in to the boys.

Hal...

My God, you're beautiful.

CRAIG:
Okay, team,
you did a great job yesterday.

Unfortunately,
I lost all the numbers.

I think I accidentally
mailed them to my mom.

(all groaning)

Yeah, so... whoops.

So why don't you guys
start recounting?

I'm going to head
to the downtown store

and play a little "defense,"
if you know what I'm saying.

Uh... Garkech,
you're in charge.

Whoa, whoa, whoa...
you're putting him in charge?

He doesn't speak English.

We don't even know
if Garkech is really his name.

We don't know that it's not.

Besides, he hasn't questioned
every decision I've made.

That's because he can't.

And what happened
to our lunch break?

CRAIG:
I can't hear you.

Thought you might be
ready for some aspirin.

I'm working for a moron.

Of course you are, honey.

Your boss is an idiot,

your coworkers
are incompetent,

and you are
underappreciated.

Welcome to the
working world.

How do people do it?

Well, let's see...

If you want to eat,
sleep indoors,

you know,
those kinds of luxuries,

you really don't have
much of a choice.

What about Dad?
He had a choice.

Every 20 years,
you're allowed a
two-week breakdown.

Oh, I can't wait.

(whispering)

He says, "Get back to work!"

I really appreciate

your letting me take
this vocational exam.

I know it's generally
for older kids.

I just felt like
I really needed some help.

I don't want to make
a wrong decision.

Well... did you get
the test results?

Oh, yes.

What did they say I should do?

Well... according to this...

absolutely anything you want.

What?

Yeah, you-you scored

equally excellent in all areas.

According
to this test,

there isn't a career
on the planet

you wouldn't be great at.

Congratulations.

Well, that... that doesn't
exactly clarify anything.

I-I was kind of hoping...

You know, kid,
there are a lot of people

who would kill to have
both "professional golfer"

and "neurosurgeon"
on their test results.

Yeah, but that doesn't help me.

I mean,
how am I supposed to decide

if I don't have
any parameters at all?

Well, boo-hoo for you,
Mr. Unlimited Potential.

Let me wipe my tears for you
on my plastic briefcase.

Does the test at least say
what I might like?

Aside from exposing
middle-aged underachievers

for the failures they are?

Nope.

Can I take the test again?

Uh... no.

Now, if you'll
excuse me,

I have to catch a bus

or I'll be late
for my night job...

unless, of course,
you'd like that, too.

*

*

Dad, what are you doing up?
It's, like, 5:30 in the morning.

Ooh, wow. Really? 5:30?

Yeah, I should be getting
to bed. What are you doing up?

I'm going to work.
Maybe you remember it.

Oh, hey, Francis,
can I borrow 20 bucks?

I need to buy
some more paint.

What? You just bought, like,
six cans of paint yesterday.

What happened to that?

I used it. Man, what are you
grilling me for?

How can you use
six cans of paint
in one day?

Francis, please,
I really need it.

I'm so close.

It's almost right.

Do you have any idea
how hard I have to
work to make $20?

All right. All right!

I didn't ask for a lecture.

Hey, Dad, can
we ask you for
some advice?

The girl who's
been bugging Dewey

still won't
leave him alone.

Now she's calling
me Dewey Dwarf.

I told him-- you've got
to fight fire with fire

and he should come up with some
really raunchy nickname for her

and spread it around school
and church and stuff.

You know,
really get it out there.

Uh, yeah, good
for you, boys.

So the name thing?

You're on board
with that?

All right,
let's get to work.

What's that
girl's name again?

Regina Tucker.

Don't worry.
We'll think
of something.

Another day of crap.

Damn catalogs.

Idiot foreman.

(bus pulls up)

Watch your step.

Whatever.

So tired.

(gasping and panting)

(anguished cry)

Hal, it's past midnight.

Are you coming to bed?

No! How can I go to bed?

It's nothing
what it should be.

Honey, this
is your dream.

It's supposed to be fun.

What are you talking about, fun?

This isn't fun.

This is driving me crazy!

I just... I-I-I
can't get it right.

Well, you don't have
to finish it.

Look at you!
You're killing yourself.

One more day. That's all.

I just need one more day!

(paint cans clattering)

Hal, there has got to be, like,
500 gallons of paint up there.

There isn't...

Yeah, that's about right.

Well... it's over.

I just got the word.

Downtown finished
their inventory.

We've lost.

Chelooz marak!

I think Garkech speaks
for all of us.

I'll be in the cookie aisle.

Well, I say we
just make up

the rest of the
numbers and go home.

Wait a minute, go home?

Weren't you listening? We lost.

I just spent
my entire spring break

counting flip-flops and Vagisil.

You're saying
that was all for nothing?

Yes.

Do you know how many parties
I missed this week?

How many spring break
debaucheries I could've been at?

How many drunken sorority girls
ripped their tops off

without me there
to yell encouragement?

You can't tell me
that was for nothing!

We can't quit!

Come on, guys.
We took on a challenge.

I'm staying until
this is done the right way.

Who's with me?

Why aren't you translating?

There's no point,
but please go on.

That's it.

Ah.

Okay, see you.

All right, now,
keep them closed.

Come on.

You've all been very patient.

I appreciate that.

You've been waiting
a long time, so...

Here it is.

It's...

Yeah.

You're finished?

Yeah. It's perfect!

I mean, it's exactly
how I imagined it.

Then... look at it.

What?

Look at your painting.

Oh, I can see it.

Hal, I want you
to look at that painting

and tell me
that you're satisfied with it.

(yells in frustration)

I knew it! You are not finished.

I can't do it, Lois.

It is driving me crazy.

I have been
slapping on paint

day after day
and I've got nothing!

And I'm never going
to get it right

so I might as well
just forget it.

Oh, you listen to me, Hal.

You are not going back to work

until you get this
out of your system.

No!

You don't
understand.

It is no use!

You are not giving up.

You are going to stay right here
until you are finished.

Oh-ho-ho-ho!

I'm not going to go through this
every five years

when you decide
that there's
a sculpture

or a fountain
or God knows what

it is you still
have to build.

You are going
to finish it!

Fine! You want them

to see me finish it,
I'll finish it.

I'll put a little bit here, huh?

How about there?
How about there?!

And...

Oh... oh...

And...

here...

And...

Awesome!

I don't believe it.

That's it.
That's what was in my head.

FRANCIS:
I've had it!

Everyone at that place are
a bunch of slacker, lazy...

Oh, wow...

Wow!

Hal, I am so proud of you.

I did it.

I really did it.

(ripping sound)

What's that sound?

I don't know.

It sounds like...

Look out! Paint-alanche!

LOIS: Hal!
(Hal yelling)

(muffled):
Mime mokay! Mime mokay!

Oh, honey,
I got to go. Bye.

Francis, come on, I'll drive you
to the bus station.

Hey, vacation's over, mister.

Time to get
back to the old
grindstone. Let's go.

(Francis groaning)

You know,
all this made me realize,

why plan for my future
when it's just going to end up

with a giant wall of paint
crashing down on me?

I'm just going to enjoy
being a kid for a while.

There's a lot
of good things
about being a kid.

Ow!

That's for stepping
on my side of the room.

No pressures,
no responsibilities.

Malcolm, how many times

do I have to tell you
to make up your bed?

You are going to
make up all of our
beds for a month

starting now.

I think I'm smart enough to know
when I got it good.