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[HIP HOP MUSIC]
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[INTENSE MUSIC]
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♪ It's been a while ♪
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Man, I feel good today, Silent Bob,
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it's time to get back
to work as New Jersey's
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number one unlicensed
gorilla weed merchants,
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before all those bullshit legalised
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dispensaries started opening.
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Man, how the fuck do they
expect a pair of hapless
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motherfuckers like us to make a living
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in this new enlightened world?
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The selling days are over
for low-level suburban
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weed rackers like us, Lunchbox,
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so you and me,
we're gonna have to figure out
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a new line of work for ourselves.
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But we gotta start
thinking about the future.
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[UPBEAT MUSIC]
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00:02:05,275 --> 00:02:06,512
But before we do that,
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how's about a little trip
to the past, fat ass?
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Yo, baby, ever have your asshole licked
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00:02:12,845 --> 00:02:15,178
by a fat man in an overcoat?
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[INTENSE MUSIC]
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[EXPLOSION BOOMING]
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Now what the fuck is this shit?
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Hold your fucking horses,
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you bossy fuck, we're getting there.
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I am the guardian of
this sector of the galaxy,
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00:02:48,271 --> 00:02:52,318
I am an extraterrestrial
and fatally wounded,
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battling to save your planet
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from those who would seek to enslave you.
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You must take this ring,
become the new guardians,
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take up where I left off.
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You must be, you must be--
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Be good, Elliot.
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Yo, that shit's from ET, son.
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[ALIEN GROANS]
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- Heroes, save the fucking--
[GROANS]
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Touch my penis.
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Please, you must blow into
my penis for me to live.
40
00:03:40,023 --> 00:03:44,190
I'm begging you,
blow into my penis or I will die.
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Put it in your mouth, just the tip,
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if you put my penis in your mouth,
I shall live,
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if not, you are doomed.
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[GROANS]
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[ALIEN FARTS]
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Oh my god, it's dead, Silent Bob,
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fuckin' ew, I touched
a dead thing, ew, dude,
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ew, get it off!
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Get if off of me,
get it off of me, I'm corroded!
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[SPITS]
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Ew, dude, fuck.
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I gotta wash this off, dude,
let's find a bathroom.
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Fuckin' weird dead guy
all touchin' me and shit.
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[UPBEAT MUSIC]
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Alright, there's a bathroom in here, yo,
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I just hope they let me
back in after last time,
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you know, when I wrote my name
in poop on the stall wall,
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remember that shit?
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00:04:48,319 --> 00:04:50,129
[WATER RUSHING]
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00:04:50,130 --> 00:04:52,752
Look, I swear, if that dead
guy gave me some disease,
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I'm gonna kill that fuck.
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Oh, look at little balls here,
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he's got public piss syndrome.
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Look, just go use the fuckin' stall toilet
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like a little bitch, alright?
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I wanna get outta here sometime this week,
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you big girl's blouse.
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I can see your baby junk,
you big fat fuck.
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00:05:25,947 --> 00:05:26,780
What, dude?
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I didn't write it.
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Look, man, it ain't my fault word's out
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that you give good blowjobs, alright?
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Bong-schnoogans.
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Yo, let's piss on the roll of toilet paper
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00:05:38,589 --> 00:05:41,426
so it blows up real fat like.
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[PEE SPLASHING]
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Oh man, sounds like something blew up, sir.
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00:05:58,507 --> 00:06:00,008
[GROANING]
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Whatever you did in here,
can you do it again?
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00:06:02,315 --> 00:06:03,700
We missed it.
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00:06:03,701 --> 00:06:06,168
I was just here taking pictures
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and there was an explosion.
83
00:06:09,007 --> 00:06:11,329
No shit, I was taking
a leak in the bathroom
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and the explosion made me miss the bowl
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and I hit the frickin' toilet paper roll.
86
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Are you a science guy like--
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My name's Peter--
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Whatever man, look,
if a dead guy touched me,
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can I catch somethin' from him?
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Oh, I'm not sure, I--
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00:06:25,629 --> 00:06:27,640
You fuckin' science guys are all alike, man.
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00:06:27,641 --> 00:06:29,408
No fuckin' answers for nothin'.
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Never workin' on something
for the betterment of mankind
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00:06:32,275 --> 00:06:35,164
like the flying fucking
car like on the Jetsons.
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00:06:35,165 --> 00:06:38,300
Better yet, make a Rosie man,
like the kind that cleans
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the house and would call me Mr. Jay.
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[CRUNCHING]
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Yo this place gots bugs, sir.
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Let's get the fuck outa here,
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and small fry the science guy,
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get to work on that sex Rosie, would ya?
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Make sure you give her big fat lips, too.
103
00:06:58,353 --> 00:07:01,100
And programme her to do anal.
104
00:07:01,101 --> 00:07:03,321
Look man, I'm getting a
weird feeling Silent Bob,
105
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like the universe is tryin'
to tell us something, sir.
106
00:07:06,053 --> 00:07:07,660
You know, like we're
supposed to do something.
107
00:07:07,661 --> 00:07:08,866
Something important.
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00:07:08,867 --> 00:07:10,180
Something heroic.
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00:07:10,181 --> 00:07:12,898
One fuckin' side, Methuselah.
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00:07:12,899 --> 00:07:14,209
Fuckin' old timers think they
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00:07:14,210 --> 00:07:15,921
own the streets and shit, right?
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[HORN BLOWING]
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[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
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You little Ben Affleck fuck.
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00:07:29,221 --> 00:07:31,888
Push me and Silent Bob, will ya?
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00:07:37,646 --> 00:07:40,585
Hey remember kids,
mutant turtles are from Earth,
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not from outer space, Michael Bay.
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[GROANING]
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Who do these punk kids
think they are, sir?
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Where's the respect for their elders,
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punk ass little bitch
tried to sucker punch us.
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00:07:57,069 --> 00:07:58,799
That's the problem with this city, sir,
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crime is everywhere.
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What this burg needs is a protector,
or two even.
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Someone you know,
someone who will take back
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00:08:05,463 --> 00:08:07,222
the night from the criminal element.
127
00:08:07,223 --> 00:08:10,596
You know, someone like,
hey look at this shit!
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00:08:10,597 --> 00:08:13,765
MAN: Voluntary Drug Testing, help out Uncle Sam
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00:08:13,766 --> 00:08:16,602
in his never ending battle
against the kaiser by signing up
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00:08:16,603 --> 00:08:19,085
for the testing of a new drug that may aid
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in the war against this nation's enemies.
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All volunteers get a free $5 bill.
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Holy shit, Silent Bob.
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00:08:28,026 --> 00:08:30,845
You know what this means, don't you?
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Free drugs.
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Yeah, boy.
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After our rigorous elimination trials,
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00:08:44,916 --> 00:08:48,763
these two patriotic gentlemen
have emerged as the prime
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00:08:48,764 --> 00:08:53,764
candidates for the testing of
our new super solider serum.
140
00:08:54,053 --> 00:08:57,832
Son, I cannot tell you how
proud we all are of you boys.
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You're doin' a great thing here today.
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A great thing.
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00:09:01,282 --> 00:09:04,501
If the Doc's serum works as
good as he's explain it will,
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00:09:04,502 --> 00:09:06,232
we'll suit you up in a costume,
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00:09:06,233 --> 00:09:09,784
give you an impenetrable shield
made of the toughest element
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known to man, and send you out
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00:09:11,833 --> 00:09:14,492
to fight this nation's enemies.
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00:09:14,493 --> 00:09:15,923
Did you hear that, Silent Bob?
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00:09:15,924 --> 00:09:17,883
We're getting shields.
150
00:09:17,884 --> 00:09:20,543
All right, gentlemen,
if you'll just lie down
151
00:09:20,544 --> 00:09:22,892
on the table we can
proceed with the injection
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00:09:22,893 --> 00:09:25,143
of the super soldier serum.
153
00:09:26,425 --> 00:09:28,721
Wait a minute, wait a minute, injection?
154
00:09:28,722 --> 00:09:30,681
Dude we don't skin pop sir.
155
00:09:30,682 --> 00:09:33,424
What do we look like,
some fuckin' junkies or something?
156
00:09:33,425 --> 00:09:35,404
But, how else did
you think we were going
157
00:09:35,405 --> 00:09:38,969
to get the serum into your blood streams.
158
00:09:38,970 --> 00:09:42,315
We thought we were gonna
smoke it like weed and shit.
159
00:09:42,316 --> 00:09:44,961
Oh, well the compound is too volatile
160
00:09:44,962 --> 00:09:47,252
for anything other than injection.
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00:09:47,253 --> 00:09:49,035
Igniting it would be lethal.
162
00:09:49,036 --> 00:09:52,045
I'm afraid it's the injection or nothing.
163
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Well look then,
it's fucking nothin' man.
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No needles or glass pipes, sir.
165
00:09:57,132 --> 00:10:01,088
Oh, but you're both
already severe drug abusers.
166
00:10:01,089 --> 00:10:02,488
Look, we're stoners man.
167
00:10:02,489 --> 00:10:04,360
We get lit, we don't shoot shit.
168
00:10:04,361 --> 00:10:06,694
There's a subtle difference.
169
00:10:09,413 --> 00:10:12,353
Losers are users and users are losers man.
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00:10:12,354 --> 00:10:13,912
We just sayin' no yo.
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00:10:13,913 --> 00:10:17,163
Later for you, you fuckin' dope fiends.
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00:10:19,513 --> 00:10:21,513
And where's our free $5?
173
00:10:25,158 --> 00:10:26,792
Look at you man,
I can't believe you wasted
174
00:10:26,793 --> 00:10:29,885
your free five bucks
on scratch off tickets.
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00:10:29,886 --> 00:10:33,194
Man, why didn't you buy something
useful you dumb fat fuck.
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00:10:33,195 --> 00:10:36,164
Like me, look, I bought smokes,
papers and a soda.
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00:10:36,165 --> 00:10:38,182
We coulda doubled that
order if you didn't waste
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00:10:38,183 --> 00:10:41,594
your green backs on that
pie in the sky bullshit.
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00:10:41,595 --> 00:10:43,782
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
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00:10:43,783 --> 00:10:46,033
[BELCHING]
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What now man?
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Fuck you if you think I'm gonna apologise
183
00:10:51,357 --> 00:10:53,214
for calling you a fat fuck.
184
00:10:53,215 --> 00:10:56,625
You've been bulging outa
that coat lately man.
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00:10:56,626 --> 00:10:57,922
What, this?
186
00:10:57,923 --> 00:11:00,506
Winner, winner, chicken dinner.
187
00:11:03,406 --> 00:11:05,785
Oh my God dude, we're rich.
188
00:11:05,786 --> 00:11:08,248
Woo hoo, we are rich.
189
00:11:08,249 --> 00:11:09,367
Hey!
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00:11:09,368 --> 00:11:11,156
Dude, I know just what we can do
191
00:11:11,157 --> 00:11:12,659
with all this fat cash, yo.
192
00:11:12,660 --> 00:11:14,634
A dream, we'd never been able to realise
193
00:11:14,635 --> 00:11:17,069
if we hadn't won't his cash just now.
194
00:11:17,070 --> 00:11:19,237
Let's become super heroes.
195
00:11:22,180 --> 00:11:23,789
First we'll need a secret base.
196
00:11:23,790 --> 00:11:26,136
You know, a big ass hole in
the ground where we can change
197
00:11:26,137 --> 00:11:28,548
into our outfits and plot
out various super heroics
198
00:11:28,549 --> 00:11:32,119
against a fucking criminal element.
199
00:11:32,120 --> 00:11:35,059
And once we've fashioned a
secret entrance we're gonna need
200
00:11:35,060 --> 00:11:39,399
a sweet ass, specially designed
mother fucker of a car with
201
00:11:39,400 --> 00:11:42,319
trick buttons, gadgets,
and a kickin' sound system.
202
00:11:42,320 --> 00:11:44,536
[EXPLOSION BOOMING]
203
00:11:44,537 --> 00:11:46,636
Then, you can cook up
some of those doohickeys
204
00:11:46,637 --> 00:11:50,358
we can use in our two man war on crime.
205
00:11:50,359 --> 00:11:52,609
Especially the blunt sabre.
206
00:11:54,259 --> 00:11:56,342
Turn it off, turn it off.
207
00:11:59,923 --> 00:12:03,771
I am not even supposed to be here today.
208
00:12:03,772 --> 00:12:07,355
We gotta work on the height problem, sir.
209
00:12:08,323 --> 00:12:12,102
Now that we're done with all that shit,
we just need a name.
210
00:12:12,103 --> 00:12:14,010
You know, somethin' we can
use to strike fear into
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00:12:14,011 --> 00:12:16,619
the criminal hearts of our enemies.
212
00:12:16,620 --> 00:12:21,120
Criminals are cowardly and super st,
they're super st,
213
00:12:22,131 --> 00:12:24,282
you know criminals are fuckin' pussies, man.
214
00:12:24,283 --> 00:12:26,230
We need costumes and a schtick
215
00:12:26,231 --> 00:12:28,942
that'll scare the fuck outa 'em, sir.
216
00:12:28,943 --> 00:12:29,943
But what?
217
00:12:32,391 --> 00:12:35,391
[WINDOW SHATTERING]
218
00:12:36,838 --> 00:12:39,088
[COUGHING]
219
00:12:43,997 --> 00:12:45,830
I've got it, lunchbox.
220
00:12:50,474 --> 00:12:54,224
Now we just need some
fuckin' super villains.
221
00:12:58,365 --> 00:12:59,448
Oh snap, son.
222
00:13:06,681 --> 00:13:09,672
Imagine if suddenly some pimped
out mother fuckers like me
223
00:13:09,673 --> 00:13:11,978
and you were to bust in
through the window and say,
224
00:13:11,979 --> 00:13:14,940
hi, I notice there's not
fat set of nuts around here,
225
00:13:14,941 --> 00:13:17,298
and at that point they're so horned up
226
00:13:17,299 --> 00:13:21,012
they can't refuse even a
portly fuck like yourself.
227
00:13:21,013 --> 00:13:24,209
That's why this super hero
gig is so fuckin' sweet sir.
228
00:13:24,210 --> 00:13:27,083
We can run around on rooftops
peepin' in on the women,
229
00:13:27,084 --> 00:13:30,200
nobody says dick 'cause
of these spiffy suits.
230
00:13:30,201 --> 00:13:33,803
I mean, everybody knows
that all any man hater needs
231
00:13:33,804 --> 00:13:38,209
is the right guy to remind her
how essential a steady diet
232
00:13:38,210 --> 00:13:41,149
of big-ass balls is to
a growing girl, right?
233
00:13:41,150 --> 00:13:43,080
[CHUCKLING]
234
00:13:43,081 --> 00:13:45,068
Kids, screen writing,
Kevin Smith to remind you
235
00:13:45,069 --> 00:13:47,714
that ain't me talkin' stupid shit.
236
00:13:47,715 --> 00:13:50,530
That's the character Jay
espousing his own dopey,
237
00:13:50,531 --> 00:13:52,652
unenlightened views and
that doesn't represent
238
00:13:52,653 --> 00:13:55,260
how I feel about lesbians at all.
239
00:13:55,261 --> 00:13:58,060
In fact, if anything,
I identify with lesbians.
240
00:13:58,061 --> 00:14:01,363
I too love the pussy, and like a lesbian,
241
00:14:01,364 --> 00:14:03,520
I have no dick to speak of.
242
00:14:03,521 --> 00:14:07,300
So in short, I'm here,
I'm queer, get used to it.
243
00:14:07,301 --> 00:14:10,634
And now back to the great space coaster.
244
00:14:11,553 --> 00:14:13,904
MAN: It's Jay and Silent Bill ya jerk.
245
00:14:13,905 --> 00:14:17,063
Sorry, back to Jay and
Silly Bob super loony,
246
00:14:17,064 --> 00:14:18,564
whatever the fuck.
247
00:14:19,901 --> 00:14:22,700
Well look at us, Lunchbox,
if we ain't the right guys,
248
00:14:22,701 --> 00:14:24,451
then who the fuck is?
249
00:14:27,359 --> 00:14:29,526
[MOANING]
250
00:14:30,597 --> 00:14:32,173
all right, the lines secure.
251
00:14:32,174 --> 00:14:34,464
When I get over there I'll
throw the shit back for you,
252
00:14:34,465 --> 00:14:37,460
Lunchbox, and you swing
your fat ass over too.
253
00:14:37,461 --> 00:14:42,044
Then we can get in there and
watch a little ass to ass.
254
00:14:43,266 --> 00:14:45,842
Between them you fuckin'
felture, not between us.
255
00:14:45,843 --> 00:14:47,013
Ew, dude.
256
00:14:47,014 --> 00:14:49,164
You thought I meant I
wanted to ride tandem
257
00:14:49,165 --> 00:14:51,442
with your blubbery ass on a double dong.
258
00:14:51,443 --> 00:14:54,831
All requiem for a dream and shit,
didn't you?
259
00:14:54,832 --> 00:14:56,374
I bet your shit even got a little hard
260
00:14:56,375 --> 00:14:58,334
thinkin' about it, didn't it?
261
00:14:58,335 --> 00:15:01,085
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
262
00:15:04,187 --> 00:15:05,794
♪ I'm gonna get some pussy ♪
263
00:15:05,795 --> 00:15:08,120
♪ I'm gonna get some pussy ♪
264
00:15:08,121 --> 00:15:11,726
♪ I'm gonna get some pu-- ♪
265
00:15:11,727 --> 00:15:13,977
[SHOUTING]
266
00:15:15,413 --> 00:15:17,438
[GUN BANGING]
267
00:15:17,439 --> 00:15:18,720
Everybody down.
268
00:15:18,721 --> 00:15:21,054
[SCREAMING]
269
00:15:22,253 --> 00:15:27,253
Will no one put an end to
this villains antisocial antics?
270
00:15:27,313 --> 00:15:29,813
Holy shit, talk about irony.
271
00:15:35,344 --> 00:15:37,318
Who are you guys?
272
00:15:37,319 --> 00:15:38,460
Who us?
273
00:15:38,461 --> 00:15:40,173
Look, well he's Bluntman and I'm--
274
00:15:40,174 --> 00:15:42,358
The Bluntman saved us
from that bank robber.
275
00:15:42,359 --> 00:15:45,192
Hail Bluntman, saviour of the city.
276
00:15:46,264 --> 00:15:47,872
Hey man, now wait a second.
277
00:15:47,873 --> 00:15:50,321
Bluntman didn't knock that
mother fucker out, all right?
278
00:15:50,322 --> 00:15:51,662
This thing did.
279
00:15:51,663 --> 00:15:53,342
The rope and dildo thingy.
280
00:15:53,343 --> 00:15:56,562
ALL: Hooray for Bluntman,
he fell down that mother fucker
281
00:15:56,563 --> 00:15:59,590
with the blunt rope and dildo thing.
282
00:15:59,591 --> 00:16:02,040
PHOTOGRAPHER: Okay little girl, say cheese.
283
00:16:02,041 --> 00:16:06,049
Sweet mother of Jesus,
why does he get all the credit.
284
00:16:06,050 --> 00:16:08,774
What about me, Chronic?
285
00:16:08,775 --> 00:16:12,858
You're obviously just his sidekick, little kid.
286
00:16:14,296 --> 00:16:17,178
Why the fuck do you
think I'm his sidekick?
287
00:16:17,179 --> 00:16:21,024
How do you know he's not my sidekick?
288
00:16:21,025 --> 00:16:23,418
Well, besides the hat?
289
00:16:23,419 --> 00:16:26,169
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
290
00:16:35,233 --> 00:16:37,418
♪ This town is full of savages ♪
291
00:16:37,419 --> 00:16:40,815
♪ With their fuckin' gun control ♪
292
00:16:40,816 --> 00:16:43,494
♪ I gotta rip their heads off ♪
293
00:16:43,495 --> 00:16:46,574
♪ And take their fuckin' soul ♪
294
00:16:46,575 --> 00:16:49,425
♪ Bluntman and Chronic,
like that one time at the mall ♪
295
00:16:49,426 --> 00:16:52,118
♪ Bluntman and Chronic,
faster than Walt Flanagan's dog ♪
296
00:16:52,119 --> 00:16:54,974
♪ Bluntman and Chronic,
got the gadgets and the puns ♪
297
00:16:54,975 --> 00:16:57,876
♪ Bluntman and Chronic,
in their hands they'll spark a blunt ♪
298
00:16:57,877 --> 00:17:00,658
♪ Bluntman and Chronic,
mother fuckers get get fuck out ♪
299
00:17:00,659 --> 00:17:03,738
♪ Bluntman and Chronic,
save the day now bring the jugs out ♪
300
00:17:03,739 --> 00:17:06,417
♪ Bluntman and Chronic,
in the shadows kickin' booty ♪
301
00:17:06,418 --> 00:17:09,534
♪ Bluntman and Chronic,
eating sausage, saving and cuties ♪
302
00:17:09,535 --> 00:17:12,385
♪ Bluntman and Chronic,
will these criminals never cease ♪
303
00:17:12,386 --> 00:17:16,093
♪ Bluntman and Chronic,
on the headset peice ♪
304
00:17:16,094 --> 00:17:17,006
♪ Ladies want the Blunt ♪
305
00:17:17,007 --> 00:17:18,162
♪ 'Cause they like they
like the stretchy cap ♪
306
00:17:18,163 --> 00:17:21,214
♪ Chronic, just you wanna,
wears a bonnet, gets a slap ♪
307
00:17:21,215 --> 00:17:24,411
♪ Whoa ♪
308
00:17:24,412 --> 00:17:26,931
♪ Whoa ♪
309
00:17:26,932 --> 00:17:29,797
♪ Whoa ♪
310
00:17:29,798 --> 00:17:32,531
♪ Whoa ♪
311
00:17:32,532 --> 00:17:35,238
♪ It was on the Jersey Shore
on a local loading dock ♪
312
00:17:35,239 --> 00:17:38,252
♪ When the duo was besieged
by robots holding cocks ♪
313
00:17:38,253 --> 00:17:39,881
♪ Waste the dollars what you spend ♪
314
00:17:39,882 --> 00:17:41,225
♪ On your army of angry androids ♪
315
00:17:41,226 --> 00:17:42,854
♪ They'll fuckin' kill all this fucks ♪
316
00:17:42,855 --> 00:17:44,132
♪ Like it's just at truck of fan boys ♪
317
00:17:44,133 --> 00:17:46,830
♪ Another battle overran,
another war is won ♪
318
00:17:46,831 --> 00:17:49,854
♪ If they start feelin' sober
just hand over all your blunts ♪
319
00:17:49,855 --> 00:17:52,812
♪ Bluntman and the Chronic like
to chill out after winnin' ♪
320
00:17:52,813 --> 00:17:54,161
♪ Let their fuckin' balls hang ♪
321
00:17:54,162 --> 00:17:55,734
♪ Smoke a spliff and get to grinnin' ♪
322
00:17:55,735 --> 00:17:57,852
♪ Villains think they're ill
and while we're chillin' ♪
323
00:17:57,853 --> 00:17:58,762
♪ So please fuck off ♪
324
00:17:58,763 --> 00:18:00,041
♪ You think your mask is badass ♪
325
00:18:00,042 --> 00:18:01,422
♪ Are you chokin' on a cough drop ♪
326
00:18:01,423 --> 00:18:04,050
♪ If you try to fuck us up we'll
just let you know you suck ♪
327
00:18:04,051 --> 00:18:05,762
♪ You talk just like a butt ♪
328
00:18:05,763 --> 00:18:07,601
♪ You're not scary, just say what ♪
329
00:18:07,602 --> 00:18:10,154
♪ Bluntman, Bluntman and Chronic ♪
330
00:18:10,155 --> 00:18:12,987
♪ Bluntman, Bluntman and Chronic ♪
331
00:18:12,988 --> 00:18:15,894
♪ Bluntman, Bluntman and Chronic ♪
332
00:18:15,895 --> 00:18:18,782
♪ Bluntman, Bluntman and Chronic ♪
333
00:18:18,783 --> 00:18:21,722
♪ Bluntman, Bluntman and Chronic ♪
334
00:18:21,723 --> 00:18:24,817
♪ Bluntman, Bluntman and Chronic ♪
335
00:18:24,818 --> 00:18:27,849
♪ Bluntman, Bluntman and Chronic ♪
336
00:18:27,850 --> 00:18:29,819
♪ Bluntman ♪
337
00:18:29,820 --> 00:18:31,570
To the blunt poles.
338
00:18:34,244 --> 00:18:36,494
[THUDDING]
339
00:18:48,488 --> 00:18:51,858
Masters Jay and Bob,
the blunt signals been ignited.
340
00:18:51,859 --> 00:18:53,542
No shit, Sherlock.
341
00:18:53,543 --> 00:18:56,463
Well, that means there's
trouble in Red Bank.
342
00:18:56,464 --> 00:18:58,531
Wait, why the fuck do
you think we're down here?
343
00:18:58,532 --> 00:19:00,191
We're hiding out, dumb ass.
344
00:19:00,192 --> 00:19:02,959
Look, we're too tired to
fight bad guys tonight.
345
00:19:02,960 --> 00:19:06,071
As the sworn protectors
of the Tri-Town area,
346
00:19:06,072 --> 00:19:10,151
I believe suiting up
would be in order, sirs.
347
00:19:10,152 --> 00:19:11,583
Fuck you, you wanna save
348
00:19:11,584 --> 00:19:14,137
the town from some
fuckin' Halloween costume?
349
00:19:14,138 --> 00:19:15,871
You put on the tights,
350
00:19:15,872 --> 00:19:18,331
but get me a soda before
you leave, all right?
351
00:19:18,332 --> 00:19:21,499
And order us a pizza, you butler fuck.
352
00:19:22,470 --> 00:19:26,553
Put on your fucking
costumes and get out there.
353
00:19:28,738 --> 00:19:30,394
Fucking kids.
354
00:19:30,395 --> 00:19:33,145
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
355
00:19:34,594 --> 00:19:36,761
[FARTING]
356
00:19:41,333 --> 00:19:43,605
Oh what, it's for the ladies.
357
00:19:43,606 --> 00:19:46,356
You got your costume, I got mine.
358
00:19:47,353 --> 00:19:50,103
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
359
00:19:55,561 --> 00:19:56,561
Nooch!
360
00:20:06,341 --> 00:20:08,268
Welcome everyone to the Thursday
361
00:20:08,269 --> 00:20:10,765
night group therapy session.
362
00:20:10,766 --> 00:20:14,016
What would we like to talk about first?
363
00:20:14,933 --> 00:20:16,420
Bluntman and Chronic.
364
00:20:16,421 --> 00:20:18,208
Bluntman and Chronic, yeah.
365
00:20:18,209 --> 00:20:23,141
Bluntman and that bitch
ass mother fucker, Chronic.
366
00:20:23,142 --> 00:20:25,221
Hey kids, trustworthy Kev Smith here.
367
00:20:25,222 --> 00:20:26,953
Right about now I know
you're all expectin'
368
00:20:26,954 --> 00:20:29,841
to hear Mark Hamills voice
and that woulda been awesome.
369
00:20:29,842 --> 00:20:32,553
But this here is a Kevin Smith joint,
a cartoon from the guy
370
00:20:32,554 --> 00:20:36,021
who made Jersey Girl and Cop Out,
that means you gotta
371
00:20:36,022 --> 00:20:38,209
expect some kinda level of disappointment.
372
00:20:38,210 --> 00:20:40,061
Just like being in bed with me man,
373
00:20:40,062 --> 00:20:42,526
I start strong and I finish weak.
374
00:20:42,527 --> 00:20:44,789
End in tears, and sometimes I'm wearin'
375
00:20:44,790 --> 00:20:46,852
a dress and a butt plug.
376
00:20:46,853 --> 00:20:49,302
But I'd rather light a candle
than curse the darkness.
377
00:20:49,303 --> 00:20:51,701
So, as is the late motif
of my entire career,
378
00:20:51,702 --> 00:20:54,113
I'm turning disappointment
into opportunity,
379
00:20:54,114 --> 00:20:56,129
which means that an effort to reach out
380
00:20:56,130 --> 00:20:58,052
to the ever burgeoning Broney market,
381
00:20:58,053 --> 00:21:00,241
and Jay and Silent Bob
Super Groovy Cartoon Movie,
382
00:21:00,242 --> 00:21:04,001
the roll of Cocknocker will be
voiced by non other than that
383
00:21:04,002 --> 00:21:07,189
girl of 1,000 voices,
the little lady who'll put the sparkle
384
00:21:07,190 --> 00:21:12,107
into any twilight and the power
into any puff, Tara Strong.
385
00:21:14,503 --> 00:21:16,420
Bluntman and Chronic.
386
00:21:18,650 --> 00:21:20,190
Not again.
387
00:21:20,191 --> 00:21:21,535
Fine.
388
00:21:21,536 --> 00:21:24,442
We'll talk about Bluntman and Chronic.
389
00:21:24,443 --> 00:21:25,898
Who would like to start?
390
00:21:25,899 --> 00:21:27,749
Oh, oh, pick me, Doc.
391
00:21:27,750 --> 00:21:28,750
Pick me, ah.
392
00:21:30,010 --> 00:21:31,129
Richard.
393
00:21:31,130 --> 00:21:32,949
Nobody calls me that anymore, Doc.
394
00:21:32,950 --> 00:21:35,642
Not since Bluntman and
Chronic made the oversized
395
00:21:35,643 --> 00:21:38,669
circumcised scoundrel I am today.
396
00:21:38,670 --> 00:21:41,337
The name's Dick Head, Dick Head.
397
00:21:42,699 --> 00:21:44,994
Now look what you've done.
398
00:21:44,995 --> 00:21:46,426
Clean it up, Richard.
399
00:21:46,427 --> 00:21:47,407
Sorry, Doc.
400
00:21:47,408 --> 00:21:50,225
I guess old Dick Head blew his top, huh?
401
00:21:50,226 --> 00:21:52,694
What have I been telling
you for weeks now, Richard?
402
00:21:52,695 --> 00:21:55,685
If we think of ourselves as Dick Head,
403
00:21:55,686 --> 00:21:59,638
then the road to rehabilitation
is twice as treacherous.
404
00:21:59,639 --> 00:22:02,892
We must divorce ourselves
from our nod to crime
405
00:22:02,893 --> 00:22:05,639
and work toward a better tomorrow.
406
00:22:05,640 --> 00:22:08,775
Now, you were saying you blame Hempknight
407
00:22:08,776 --> 00:22:11,519
and his young ward for your life in crime.
408
00:22:11,520 --> 00:22:13,167
If it weren't for those two do-gooders,
409
00:22:13,168 --> 00:22:16,475
I wouldn't be the bulbous
boner you see before you today.
410
00:22:16,476 --> 00:22:18,659
Take us back then, Richard.
411
00:22:18,660 --> 00:22:21,160
Help us and you to understand.
412
00:22:23,456 --> 00:22:25,695
RICHARD: I guess it all started when I was born.
413
00:22:25,696 --> 00:22:27,613
Push Mrs. Head, push.
414
00:22:28,497 --> 00:22:30,632
Here we go, the baby's crowning.
415
00:22:30,633 --> 00:22:32,333
And it's out.
416
00:22:32,334 --> 00:22:34,064
Congratulations Mr. And Mrs. Head
417
00:22:34,065 --> 00:22:37,185
you've got yourselves a baby girl.
418
00:22:37,186 --> 00:22:39,635
RICHARD: But the doctor was off by a gender.
419
00:22:39,636 --> 00:22:41,679
If the doctor would've checked closer
420
00:22:41,680 --> 00:22:45,076
he would've noticed I was all man.
421
00:22:45,077 --> 00:22:47,895
I was able to keep my tiny
shame a secret for decades,
422
00:22:47,896 --> 00:22:49,435
but when I went to high school,
423
00:22:49,436 --> 00:22:51,148
the mean boys made shower time
424
00:22:51,149 --> 00:22:53,649
I burden I could barely carry.
425
00:22:54,808 --> 00:22:57,359
Look at him, cock's the size of a raisin.
426
00:22:57,360 --> 00:23:00,719
He's so puny, he looks like woman.
427
00:23:00,720 --> 00:23:04,308
Yeah, that ain't no dick,
that's a pussy.
428
00:23:04,309 --> 00:23:07,625
ALL: Plug it up, plug it up, plug it up.
429
00:23:07,626 --> 00:23:09,394
I was faced with that same
430
00:23:09,395 --> 00:23:12,614
type of cruelty after every gym class.
431
00:23:12,615 --> 00:23:14,593
When I couldn't stand
being the laughing stock
432
00:23:14,594 --> 00:23:18,513
of the school any longer, I dropped out.
433
00:23:18,514 --> 00:23:20,720
What followed was a series of menial jobs.
434
00:23:20,721 --> 00:23:23,500
You wan to bovine size those fries?
435
00:23:23,501 --> 00:23:24,986
It was spirit crushing work
436
00:23:24,987 --> 00:23:28,066
that reminded me that big
dicks get all the breaks.
437
00:23:28,067 --> 00:23:31,621
Yes, I am licking your balls, hard.
438
00:23:31,622 --> 00:23:33,880
I'd accepted the fact
that my life was destined
439
00:23:33,881 --> 00:23:36,344
to be as small as my wiener.
440
00:23:36,345 --> 00:23:38,584
[MOANING]
441
00:23:38,585 --> 00:23:39,547
Huh?
442
00:23:39,548 --> 00:23:44,380
And that's when I saw the ad
that would change me forever.
443
00:23:46,094 --> 00:23:48,116
WOMAN: Soups on.
444
00:23:48,117 --> 00:23:51,425
WOMAN: With a prick that huge,
he's gotta be smart.
445
00:23:51,426 --> 00:23:52,947
WOMAN: Marry me.
446
00:23:52,948 --> 00:23:54,874
MAN: Guys, do you want that massive manhood
447
00:23:54,875 --> 00:23:57,114
only seen in porno's and on gay webpages?
448
00:23:57,115 --> 00:23:59,545
Then take GIAGRA,
the chemically safe route
449
00:23:59,546 --> 00:24:01,818
to penis enlargement that
has the FDA so amazed they
450
00:24:01,819 --> 00:24:03,778
haven't scooped their jaws off the floor
451
00:24:03,779 --> 00:24:05,774
long enough to give it it's approval.
452
00:24:05,775 --> 00:24:08,192
Call now, 1-800-BIG-ASS-COCK.
453
00:24:09,048 --> 00:24:12,547
Final O, C, and K not necessary for dialling.
454
00:24:12,548 --> 00:24:14,873
Sexy operators are standing by.
455
00:24:14,874 --> 00:24:18,353
RICHARD: It seemed like the answers to all my prayers.
456
00:24:18,354 --> 00:24:21,245
The directions said to
drink a quarter ounce a day.
457
00:24:21,246 --> 00:24:25,846
But I figured in my case
the directions didn't apply.
458
00:24:25,847 --> 00:24:27,037
[SCREAMING]
459
00:24:27,038 --> 00:24:31,725
Suddenly, something happened
and that something was nothing.
460
00:24:31,726 --> 00:24:33,771
Even after downing the whole bottle,
461
00:24:33,772 --> 00:24:36,118
my little man had grown no taller.
462
00:24:36,119 --> 00:24:38,129
Sure, I was suffering
from heart palpitation
463
00:24:38,130 --> 00:24:41,998
and my vision was a bit blurry,
but aside from that, zip.
464
00:24:41,999 --> 00:24:44,131
No results what so ever.
465
00:24:44,132 --> 00:24:46,424
Then it hit me, I knew what was wrong.
466
00:24:46,425 --> 00:24:48,877
I didn't drink enough.
467
00:24:48,878 --> 00:24:50,785
I called the company to re-order
468
00:24:50,786 --> 00:24:53,637
but all I got was a message.
469
00:24:53,638 --> 00:24:55,796
MAN: Thank you for calling Dopeco,
home of GIAGRA.
470
00:24:55,797 --> 00:24:58,004
Unfortunately the FDA has
raised a number of issues about
471
00:24:58,005 --> 00:24:59,525
the questionable nature
of our wonder drug,
472
00:24:59,526 --> 00:25:01,572
so we're closed pending
further investigation.
473
00:25:01,573 --> 00:25:02,712
Good bye.
474
00:25:02,713 --> 00:25:03,776
RICHARD: I didn't know what to do.
475
00:25:03,777 --> 00:25:06,823
I'd found the cure for
my unfortunate condition,
476
00:25:06,824 --> 00:25:10,272
but the government was conspiring
against me and my teeny
477
00:25:10,273 --> 00:25:15,273
weeny peeny, so I decided to
take matters into my own hands.
478
00:25:17,026 --> 00:25:18,947
I would not be denied.
479
00:25:18,948 --> 00:25:22,256
I was like a modern day Ponce de Leon,
480
00:25:22,257 --> 00:25:24,864
and I'd found my fountain of youth.
481
00:25:24,865 --> 00:25:27,263
But just as I was preparing
to ingest as much GIAGRA
482
00:25:27,264 --> 00:25:31,847
as it would take to enlarge
my fortune, they showed up.
483
00:25:33,542 --> 00:25:38,542
Their arrival spelled the
end of my life as I know it.
484
00:25:38,581 --> 00:25:40,419
Do you hear something?
485
00:25:40,420 --> 00:25:41,903
Nah, me neither.
486
00:25:41,904 --> 00:25:45,492
Now let's find this
shit and get outa here.
487
00:25:45,493 --> 00:25:47,363
Oh what, just 'cause we're
fuckin' super heroes,
488
00:25:47,364 --> 00:25:51,040
now we're supposed to obey every law?
489
00:25:51,041 --> 00:25:56,011
Yo, this ad says that GIAGRA
shit makes your dick huge, sir.
490
00:25:56,012 --> 00:25:58,367
How am I supposed to pass that up?
491
00:25:58,368 --> 00:26:00,327
Yeah, not like I need this stuff.
492
00:26:00,328 --> 00:26:02,255
I mean, I've got a babies arm holding
493
00:26:02,256 --> 00:26:04,281
an apple between my legs.
494
00:26:04,282 --> 00:26:05,563
You know what I'm sayin'?
495
00:26:05,564 --> 00:26:09,058
It's just that it can
never be too big, you know?
496
00:26:09,059 --> 00:26:11,059
For the ladies and shit.
497
00:26:13,150 --> 00:26:15,218
And why the hell should
I pay for it like some
498
00:26:15,219 --> 00:26:19,101
no dick weenie when I can
bust in here vigilante style
499
00:26:19,102 --> 00:26:21,621
and grab a little taste for myself.
500
00:26:21,622 --> 00:26:23,269
Besides, it's not like anyone
501
00:26:23,270 --> 00:26:25,858
is gonna ever know we were here.
502
00:26:25,859 --> 00:26:28,839
[EXPLOSION BOOMING]
503
00:26:28,840 --> 00:26:30,007
What the fuck!
504
00:26:30,938 --> 00:26:32,306
Holy shit.
505
00:26:32,307 --> 00:26:35,224
[GROANING]
506
00:26:35,225 --> 00:26:37,486
See, I told you that stuff works.
507
00:26:37,487 --> 00:26:38,798
You did this to me.
508
00:26:38,799 --> 00:26:42,135
You made me the monstrosity
that now stand before you.
509
00:26:42,136 --> 00:26:45,709
As God as my witness,
I will have my revenge,
510
00:26:45,710 --> 00:26:48,627
as your new sworn enemy, Dick Head.
511
00:26:50,413 --> 00:26:52,596
You think he was talkin' to us?
512
00:26:52,597 --> 00:26:55,205
And ever since then,
I've spent every waking hour
513
00:26:55,206 --> 00:26:58,215
trying to destroy Bluntman and Chronic.
514
00:26:58,216 --> 00:27:00,264
Uh, if I received that story
in a humorous blind copied
515
00:27:00,265 --> 00:27:03,251
email I still wouldn't believe it.
516
00:27:03,252 --> 00:27:04,655
It's ridiculous.
517
00:27:04,656 --> 00:27:06,004
Oh yeah, nerd turd?
518
00:27:06,005 --> 00:27:08,155
Let's hear your sorry story.
519
00:27:08,156 --> 00:27:11,076
Fine, get outa my face,
I'll consider it.
520
00:27:11,077 --> 00:27:16,077
But I guarantee this one thing,
it will put a on your faces.
521
00:27:16,256 --> 00:27:18,215
Now newsgroup, what have I told you
522
00:27:18,216 --> 00:27:20,316
about speaking in emoticons?
523
00:27:20,317 --> 00:27:22,276
Is that how we rehabilitate ourselves?
524
00:27:22,277 --> 00:27:23,308
Sorry, Doc, relax.
525
00:27:23,309 --> 00:27:25,355
Old habits are hard to break,
it's just a emoticon,
526
00:27:25,356 --> 00:27:27,648
it's not a crack habit, okay?
527
00:27:27,649 --> 00:27:29,136
See, I've always loved comics.
528
00:27:29,137 --> 00:27:31,656
Back in the day the adventures
of heroes and villains
529
00:27:31,657 --> 00:27:34,401
dressed in gaudy costumes,
they were my only relief
530
00:27:34,402 --> 00:27:35,994
from the tensions and pressures
531
00:27:35,995 --> 00:27:39,386
of the so-called real world as it were.
532
00:27:39,387 --> 00:27:40,675
[THUDDING]
533
00:27:40,676 --> 00:27:42,299
Did you see that baby?
534
00:27:42,300 --> 00:27:44,366
Did you see me give it
to that comics nerd?
535
00:27:44,367 --> 00:27:46,606
Who does he think he is
all readin' and shit.
536
00:27:46,607 --> 00:27:48,846
The way you mistreat
people who don't have
537
00:27:48,847 --> 00:27:53,764
the same myopic views of the world,
so turns me on, Travis.
538
00:27:57,648 --> 00:28:00,166
Then let's go home and bone, baby.
539
00:28:00,167 --> 00:28:02,834
You own my maidenhood, Travis.
540
00:28:04,840 --> 00:28:08,026
My latest issue of Not-You Man, ruined.
541
00:28:08,027 --> 00:28:09,110
Oh the agony.
542
00:28:09,987 --> 00:28:11,442
Such was the way it was.
543
00:28:11,443 --> 00:28:12,679
I didn't always fit in.
544
00:28:12,680 --> 00:28:13,660
Socially I might have been
545
00:28:13,661 --> 00:28:15,232
a little awkward if you can believe it.
546
00:28:15,233 --> 00:28:17,472
A misfit of sorts, but that all changed
547
00:28:17,473 --> 00:28:20,486
once I discovered the internet.
548
00:28:20,487 --> 00:28:23,437
Wow, this comic really spoke to me.
549
00:28:23,438 --> 00:28:26,399
I feel the characters
is alienated as I am.
550
00:28:26,400 --> 00:28:28,305
He and I both are truth seers
551
00:28:28,306 --> 00:28:30,739
in a world full of filthy liars.
552
00:28:30,740 --> 00:28:34,155
On the letters page I found
there was an internet address
553
00:28:34,156 --> 00:28:36,396
where I could contact the author.
554
00:28:36,397 --> 00:28:40,764
So I went to an internet cafe
and logged on to the website.
555
00:28:40,765 --> 00:28:43,355
Are you gonna order anything or not?
556
00:28:43,356 --> 00:28:46,788
Madam please, I'm surfing the web here.
557
00:28:46,789 --> 00:28:48,557
A little space.
558
00:28:48,558 --> 00:28:49,558
Thanks.
559
00:28:50,849 --> 00:28:55,349
God, this internet cafe,
it's not a cafe, cafe, bitch.
560
00:28:56,818 --> 00:29:00,629
I found a message board to
post on and went to work.
561
00:29:00,630 --> 00:29:05,630
Hi, anyone here love comics,
live with their parents still,
562
00:29:05,950 --> 00:29:07,126
and think everything sucks?
563
00:29:07,127 --> 00:29:09,294
[BEEPING]
564
00:29:13,198 --> 00:29:17,026
And for the first time
in my god forsaken life
565
00:29:17,027 --> 00:29:19,833
I felt like I belonged somewhere.
566
00:29:19,834 --> 00:29:21,144
I'd come home.
567
00:29:21,145 --> 00:29:22,544
I'd convinced my fool-hearted parents
568
00:29:22,545 --> 00:29:25,153
I needed a computer, so I got one.
569
00:29:25,154 --> 00:29:26,582
And you promise you're gonna
570
00:29:26,583 --> 00:29:29,264
use this to get a job and move out, right?
571
00:29:29,265 --> 00:29:31,556
I mean, you are 28.
572
00:29:31,557 --> 00:29:33,553
Out mother, out.
573
00:29:33,554 --> 00:29:36,856
I need to hurl my POV into the cyber void.
574
00:29:36,857 --> 00:29:39,293
Christ, and I thought
you were a lost cause
575
00:29:39,294 --> 00:29:43,773
when you were just reading
those funny books, dick.
576
00:29:43,774 --> 00:29:46,853
They're graphic novels, mother.
577
00:29:46,854 --> 00:29:48,141
Does anyone else have a mother who refers
578
00:29:48,142 --> 00:29:50,913
to their comics as funny books?
579
00:29:50,914 --> 00:29:53,484
Imbecilic woman from who's whom I burst.
580
00:29:53,485 --> 00:29:56,653
There's nothing funny about
tales of costumed avengers.
581
00:29:56,654 --> 00:29:59,622
But one day, my fragile new world
582
00:29:59,623 --> 00:30:02,897
was threatened by my own idiocy.
583
00:30:02,898 --> 00:30:05,174
LLOYD: Whoa, Newsgroup.
584
00:30:05,175 --> 00:30:07,797
Did you just admit to
reading a superhero comic?
585
00:30:07,798 --> 00:30:10,494
Nobody here reads those
silly screeds anymore.
586
00:30:10,495 --> 00:30:12,734
It's all about anime now.
587
00:30:12,735 --> 00:30:13,683
What had I done?
588
00:30:13,684 --> 00:30:15,006
I'd shoved my foot in
my mouth in the midst
589
00:30:15,007 --> 00:30:18,386
of my new found friends
simply by being myself.
590
00:30:18,387 --> 00:30:19,977
That's what I'd done.
591
00:30:19,978 --> 00:30:21,746
There was only one thing I
could do to make them appreciate
592
00:30:21,747 --> 00:30:25,926
me for who I really was:
change completely.
593
00:30:25,927 --> 00:30:27,486
I was merely joking.
594
00:30:27,487 --> 00:30:30,654
I never read superhero comics, please.
595
00:30:31,517 --> 00:30:34,595
LLOYD: Oh, I don't know, Newsgroup.
596
00:30:34,596 --> 00:30:36,996
You sure had sounded serious.
597
00:30:36,997 --> 00:30:40,616
I'm not so sure this is the
message board for your kind.
598
00:30:40,617 --> 00:30:42,435
[SCREAMING]
599
00:30:42,436 --> 00:30:44,033
NEWSGROUP: I felt my brave new world
600
00:30:44,034 --> 00:30:45,936
slipping away from me.
601
00:30:45,937 --> 00:30:49,213
What can I do to prove my worthiness?
602
00:30:49,214 --> 00:30:52,047
Please, tell me, I'll do anything.
603
00:30:53,358 --> 00:30:55,388
LLOYD: Anything?
604
00:30:55,389 --> 00:30:58,136
The quest I was charged
with was not a simple one.
605
00:30:58,137 --> 00:31:00,917
They wanted me to break
into Dense Continuity Comics
606
00:31:00,918 --> 00:31:03,932
and pulp all copies of their latest issues
607
00:31:03,933 --> 00:31:08,024
as a statement against
all superhero comics.
608
00:31:08,025 --> 00:31:11,502
But just as I was about to
simultaneously pulp a pile
609
00:31:11,503 --> 00:31:13,587
of superhero comics and post about
610
00:31:13,588 --> 00:31:17,003
it right there while It happened,
they showed up.
611
00:31:17,004 --> 00:31:20,011
[GLASS SHATTERING]
612
00:31:20,012 --> 00:31:20,845
No!
613
00:31:20,846 --> 00:31:24,870
Their arrival was that
most sour of emoticons.
614
00:31:24,871 --> 00:31:26,671
You hear something?
615
00:31:26,672 --> 00:31:28,072
Nah, me neither.
616
00:31:28,073 --> 00:31:31,852
Now let's pick up our
comics and get outa here.
617
00:31:31,853 --> 00:31:32,744
Oh what man?
618
00:31:32,745 --> 00:31:35,034
What's the use of being
superheros if we can't use our
619
00:31:35,035 --> 00:31:40,035
powers and abilities to get
our books early and for free?
620
00:31:40,113 --> 00:31:43,113
[EXPLOSION BOOMING]
621
00:31:44,010 --> 00:31:45,903
Deja fuckin' vu, right?
622
00:31:45,904 --> 00:31:48,404
Look what you've done to me.
623
00:31:49,301 --> 00:31:50,995
Look at the freak I've become.
624
00:31:50,996 --> 00:31:54,983
That acid permanently
embedded this into my chest.
625
00:31:54,984 --> 00:31:57,714
Yo, why to state the obvious, jackass.
626
00:31:57,715 --> 00:32:01,547
You made me the
monstrosity that now stands
627
00:32:01,548 --> 00:32:04,840
before you, and as God as my witness,
628
00:32:04,841 --> 00:32:09,424
I will have revenge as your
new sworn enemy, Newsgroup.
629
00:32:13,763 --> 00:32:16,600
You know, I bet if I tripped a guy like that
630
00:32:16,601 --> 00:32:20,601
in front some chick,
I could get some mad pussy.
631
00:32:21,552 --> 00:32:24,141
From that day forward
I've made the demise
632
00:32:24,142 --> 00:32:28,990
of Bluntman and Chronic
the whole focus of my life.
633
00:32:28,991 --> 00:32:30,235
Send.
634
00:32:30,236 --> 00:32:33,124
Sad face, winky face, happy face.
635
00:32:33,125 --> 00:32:38,125
Yes, well, does anyone have
a story about their hate for
636
00:32:38,267 --> 00:32:42,934
Bluntman and Chronic that
doesn't involve a vat of acid?
637
00:32:45,967 --> 00:32:48,884
[GLASS SHATTERING]
638
00:33:09,595 --> 00:33:10,595
Well, I do.
639
00:33:12,007 --> 00:33:13,462
You baby, ever have your asshole licked
640
00:33:13,463 --> 00:33:15,796
by a fat man in an overcoat?
641
00:33:17,774 --> 00:33:19,613
[GROANING]
642
00:33:19,614 --> 00:33:24,114
And ever since that day,
I've vowed to destroy them.
643
00:33:25,280 --> 00:33:26,842
Wait a second.
644
00:33:26,843 --> 00:33:28,330
You're not a doctor?
645
00:33:28,331 --> 00:33:29,693
Are you saying--
646
00:33:29,694 --> 00:33:30,944
That you're--
647
00:33:33,064 --> 00:33:35,218
A super villainess.
648
00:33:35,219 --> 00:33:37,302
Call me Lipstick Lesbian,
649
00:33:39,578 --> 00:33:43,995
scourge of all men particularly
Bluntman and Chronic.
650
00:33:46,085 --> 00:33:51,006
Come my brothers,
join me and together we will destroy
651
00:33:51,007 --> 00:33:54,340
our common enemies Bluntman and Chronic.
652
00:34:05,125 --> 00:34:06,828
OFFICER: Scumbags, freeze.
653
00:34:06,829 --> 00:34:09,079
[THUDDING]
654
00:34:12,480 --> 00:34:14,647
[GAGGING]
655
00:34:17,012 --> 00:34:19,368
[SPLASHING]
656
00:34:19,369 --> 00:34:21,719
[THUDDING]
657
00:34:21,720 --> 00:34:23,782
[FARTING]
658
00:34:23,783 --> 00:34:26,368
We're coming for ya Bluntman and Chronic.
659
00:34:26,369 --> 00:34:30,952
Wherever you are, The League
of Shitters will find you.
660
00:34:31,883 --> 00:34:33,883
[URINE]
661
00:34:35,147 --> 00:34:36,787
Yo look at that shit blow up.
662
00:34:36,788 --> 00:34:38,288
Keep pissin', boy.
663
00:34:40,942 --> 00:34:42,621
[CLEARS THROAT]
664
00:34:42,622 --> 00:34:45,052
Yo, you wanna get in on
some of this action, Albert?
665
00:34:45,053 --> 00:34:47,469
Cross the streams with me and Silent Bob?
666
00:34:47,470 --> 00:34:48,533
Hardly, sir.
667
00:34:48,534 --> 00:34:51,963
This arrived for you gentleman, bung.
668
00:34:51,964 --> 00:34:54,692
What the fuck's this?
669
00:34:54,693 --> 00:34:56,621
Fan mail from some flounder?
670
00:34:56,622 --> 00:34:59,732
Apparently Red Bank aims to
honour master Bluntman with
671
00:34:59,733 --> 00:35:01,432
the key to the city as a thanks
672
00:35:01,433 --> 00:35:05,212
for your tireless efforts
in crime fighting.
673
00:35:05,213 --> 00:35:07,349
What if they could see you now.
674
00:35:07,350 --> 00:35:08,749
Fuck that boring ass shit.
675
00:35:08,750 --> 00:35:11,843
Tell 'em to shove the key up their asses.
676
00:35:11,844 --> 00:35:15,208
Yo let's piss on this
and see if it blows up.
677
00:35:15,209 --> 00:35:18,045
Need I point out that
there will be admirers
678
00:35:18,046 --> 00:35:21,463
of the distaff order in attendance, sirs.
679
00:35:26,185 --> 00:35:29,352
In the preferred parlance then, pussy.
680
00:35:34,356 --> 00:35:36,698
Why Albert you dirty old tea bagger.
681
00:35:36,699 --> 00:35:40,267
You lookin' to get some of
our sloppy seconds, ain't ya?
682
00:35:40,268 --> 00:35:42,601
I take it I can RSVP then.
683
00:35:43,545 --> 00:35:44,715
Look, if we bring home some bitches
684
00:35:44,716 --> 00:35:47,049
you can RSVP 'em and DP 'em.
685
00:35:48,268 --> 00:35:49,615
bung.
686
00:35:49,616 --> 00:35:50,949
Yes sir, bung.
687
00:35:59,182 --> 00:36:01,932
[CROWD CHEERING]
688
00:36:04,231 --> 00:36:07,491
And so as a thanks for the
never ending battle against
689
00:36:07,492 --> 00:36:10,571
an array of super villains
who never seem to exist prior
690
00:36:10,572 --> 00:36:14,838
to their emersions,
Red Bank offers Bluntman.
691
00:36:14,839 --> 00:36:17,151
[CLEARS THROAT]
692
00:36:17,152 --> 00:36:19,819
Sorry, Red Banks offers Bluntman
693
00:36:20,719 --> 00:36:24,802
and his sidekick this
ceremonial key to the city.
694
00:36:28,320 --> 00:36:29,941
Yo, any ladies out there wanna
695
00:36:29,942 --> 00:36:32,239
get butt fucked by a super hero?
696
00:36:32,240 --> 00:36:34,990
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
697
00:36:43,580 --> 00:36:48,478
Yeah, well, this ends the
dedication ceremony proper,
698
00:36:48,479 --> 00:36:50,562
but one and all are welcome to enjoy
699
00:36:50,563 --> 00:36:52,750
our day long Bluntman Day festivities,
700
00:36:52,751 --> 00:36:55,209
culminating at tonight's big parade.
701
00:36:55,210 --> 00:36:57,206
MAN: You guys are big, fat dicks.
702
00:36:57,207 --> 00:36:58,136
What?
703
00:36:58,137 --> 00:36:59,498
It was an honest question.
704
00:36:59,499 --> 00:37:02,769
- And I have an honest answer.
705
00:37:02,770 --> 00:37:06,603
I'm aching to get butt
fucked by a super hero.
706
00:37:12,165 --> 00:37:13,866
Easy tiger.
707
00:37:13,867 --> 00:37:16,335
Let's build toward it first.
708
00:37:16,336 --> 00:37:20,656
- Holy shit, you mean you
wanna go steady before we fuck?
709
00:37:20,657 --> 00:37:22,094
All right.
710
00:37:22,095 --> 00:37:25,677
Will you be my girlfriend
oh anal inclined vixen?
711
00:37:25,678 --> 00:37:28,496
- Not that kinda building, stud.
712
00:37:28,497 --> 00:37:30,247
I'm talking foreplay.
713
00:37:33,369 --> 00:37:37,634
Like a little show for my
big strong caped crusaders.
714
00:37:37,635 --> 00:37:39,817
[THUDDING]
715
00:37:39,818 --> 00:37:43,485
Holy shit Bluntman
you've been dick smacked.
716
00:37:44,597 --> 00:37:45,996
What's up?
717
00:37:45,997 --> 00:37:48,885
- Remember me, boy blunter?
718
00:37:48,886 --> 00:37:52,553
No, and I think I'd remember
a guy with a giant fist, sir.
719
00:37:52,554 --> 00:37:55,045
Who the fuck are you?
720
00:37:55,046 --> 00:37:56,463
- I'm Cocknocker.
721
00:37:58,037 --> 00:38:01,625
- Why do they call you Cocknocker?
722
00:38:01,626 --> 00:38:03,876
[THUDDING]
723
00:38:05,266 --> 00:38:07,748
- Load 'em up boys and let's spring
724
00:38:07,749 --> 00:38:11,082
our deathtrap back at their secret lair.
725
00:38:13,997 --> 00:38:16,376
- Tell my sinister siren of sappo,
726
00:38:16,377 --> 00:38:18,112
how will our little League of Shitters
727
00:38:18,113 --> 00:38:20,768
locate the lair of the Kushed Crusaders.
728
00:38:20,769 --> 00:38:24,494
Nobody's ever been able to
find their inferno fortress,
729
00:38:24,495 --> 00:38:27,034
their beloved Blunt Cave.
730
00:38:27,035 --> 00:38:29,918
Do you have some kind of
high-tech geographically correct
731
00:38:29,919 --> 00:38:32,914
golly whiz gizmo in your
scrutility belt that can
732
00:38:32,915 --> 00:38:36,415
positively pinpoint the fucker's fortress?
733
00:38:38,319 --> 00:38:40,245
- MAN: Return to Blunt Cave.
734
00:38:40,246 --> 00:38:43,079
Go west on Broad Street .05 miles.
735
00:38:44,479 --> 00:38:47,614
Remember kids, always clear your GPS settings
736
00:38:47,615 --> 00:38:49,414
and previous addresses.
737
00:38:49,415 --> 00:38:54,332
You don't want any criminals
showin' up at your front door.
738
00:38:55,352 --> 00:38:58,269
[TYRES SCREECHING]
739
00:39:00,985 --> 00:39:04,344
MAN: You have arrived at your destination.
740
00:39:04,345 --> 00:39:07,314
- This is their secret layer?
741
00:39:07,315 --> 00:39:09,150
This is where they hangout
when they're in their
742
00:39:09,151 --> 00:39:12,930
secret identities,
so it must be somewhere around here.
743
00:39:12,931 --> 00:39:15,590
Diddler, Newsgroup,
search the front of the store
744
00:39:15,591 --> 00:39:18,301
for a hidden lever or something.
745
00:39:18,302 --> 00:39:22,137
Man, I can't even believe
this shit right now.
746
00:39:22,138 --> 00:39:25,128
I'm a straight up too legit to
quit costumed super villain,
747
00:39:25,129 --> 00:39:27,943
but oh shit, I still got some giant
748
00:39:27,944 --> 00:39:30,710
dickhead bossing me around on the job.
749
00:39:30,711 --> 00:39:33,197
The way this bitch keeps
tellin' my black ass what to do,
750
00:39:33,198 --> 00:39:37,698
I might as well kept on
working at Southwest Airlines.
751
00:39:38,778 --> 00:39:40,177
- What is that?
752
00:39:40,178 --> 00:39:41,821
- Click it and see.
753
00:39:41,822 --> 00:39:43,989
[BEEPING]
754
00:39:45,363 --> 00:39:46,898
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
755
00:39:46,899 --> 00:39:48,150
- Mother fucker.
756
00:39:48,151 --> 00:39:50,901
- Click it again, click it again!
757
00:39:53,891 --> 00:39:56,339
- Holy shit, you killed Newsgroup.
758
00:39:56,340 --> 00:39:59,578
Big deal, that's just one
less loser posting hate screams
759
00:39:59,579 --> 00:40:02,147
about movies at Ain't It Cool News.
760
00:40:02,148 --> 00:40:03,093
Good point.
761
00:40:03,093 --> 00:40:03,971
True that.
762
00:40:03,972 --> 00:40:06,767
But we got a real problem on our hands:
763
00:40:06,768 --> 00:40:08,940
you killed Diddler.
764
00:40:08,941 --> 00:40:11,388
He was our only black character.
765
00:40:11,389 --> 00:40:12,639
- Jesus Christ.
766
00:40:14,433 --> 00:40:15,433
- Dammit.
767
00:40:18,335 --> 00:40:21,252
[TYRES SCREECHING]
768
00:40:26,964 --> 00:40:28,697
- What, what, what, what happened?
769
00:40:28,698 --> 00:40:29,698
Where am I?
770
00:40:31,882 --> 00:40:33,108
Ew, dude.
771
00:40:33,109 --> 00:40:36,602
- RICHARD: Time to wake and bake.
772
00:40:36,603 --> 00:40:39,590
Marvelling marry menage
of masked marauders
773
00:40:39,591 --> 00:40:43,490
as me massacre the marijuana
marinated men of mystery
774
00:40:43,491 --> 00:40:47,990
with my machine manufactured
to murder their mellow.
775
00:40:47,991 --> 00:40:50,001
That's some awful alliteration, ain't it?
776
00:40:50,002 --> 00:40:53,305
Awful, best belies the
criminally conceived eerily ironic
777
00:40:53,306 --> 00:40:55,494
and diabolically drolled deathtrap
778
00:40:55,495 --> 00:40:58,550
you're now anchored inside of.
779
00:40:58,551 --> 00:41:00,006
- Yeah, the League of Shitters
780
00:41:00,007 --> 00:41:04,398
has imprisoned and your
young ward in a giant bong.
781
00:41:04,399 --> 00:41:06,759
[LAUGHING]
782
00:41:06,760 --> 00:41:10,086
Aw, isn't this a most absolutely original
783
00:41:10,087 --> 00:41:15,087
and herbally ironic end for
the clobbering cannabinoids.
784
00:41:15,248 --> 00:41:17,278
- Hey, this ain't original.
785
00:41:17,279 --> 00:41:18,657
You stole this idea from the Bob
786
00:41:18,658 --> 00:41:21,790
and Doug McKenzie movie Strange Brew.
787
00:41:21,791 --> 00:41:23,366
- Yes.
788
00:41:23,367 --> 00:41:25,626
- The irony still stands.
789
00:41:25,627 --> 00:41:26,500
- Oh yeah?
790
00:41:26,501 --> 00:41:28,706
Well I bet there was one thing
you fucks didn't plan on,
791
00:41:28,707 --> 00:41:31,870
our faithful Bluntcave man servant.
792
00:41:31,871 --> 00:41:33,121
Get 'em Albert.
793
00:41:34,307 --> 00:41:36,640
[VIBRATING]
794
00:41:38,494 --> 00:41:40,726
Yo, look at this useless old fool, man.
795
00:41:40,727 --> 00:41:43,545
I knew we shoulda gotten
a robot maid instead.
796
00:41:43,546 --> 00:41:45,844
At least she woulda blown us.
797
00:41:45,845 --> 00:41:49,957
When we last met,
you asked if I'd ever had my asshole
798
00:41:49,958 --> 00:41:52,875
licked by a fat man in an overcoat.
799
00:41:53,997 --> 00:41:55,116
[THUDDING]
800
00:41:55,117 --> 00:41:59,617
Now, you two assholes are
gonna be licked permanently.
801
00:42:00,804 --> 00:42:02,137
No wait, so you're not gonna really
802
00:42:02,138 --> 00:42:04,181
butt fuck me and Silent Bob?
803
00:42:04,182 --> 00:42:06,701
I mean, I mean me and Bluntman.
804
00:42:06,702 --> 00:42:08,696
Sorry, sirs, she was sweatin' me.
805
00:42:08,697 --> 00:42:12,196
On the contrary my foul
mouthed little friend.
806
00:42:12,197 --> 00:42:13,947
I'm fucking you hard.
807
00:42:22,748 --> 00:42:25,415
- Looking for these, Hempknight?
808
00:42:26,403 --> 00:42:28,067
Try getting out of this terrifying
809
00:42:28,068 --> 00:42:31,356
trap without your legendary utility belts.
810
00:42:31,357 --> 00:42:32,911
I'd bring them with us,
811
00:42:32,912 --> 00:42:36,167
but they wreak of sperm caked with kief.
812
00:42:36,168 --> 00:42:39,351
Yo, sperm caked with kief
was my nickname in third grade.
813
00:42:39,352 --> 00:42:40,928
- We'd stay to watch you drown,
814
00:42:40,929 --> 00:42:42,469
but there's a city to pillage.
815
00:42:42,470 --> 00:42:44,720
So long, caped cocknockers.
816
00:42:45,932 --> 00:42:46,932
- Excuse me?
817
00:42:47,860 --> 00:42:48,909
- Sorry.
818
00:42:48,910 --> 00:42:50,993
Goodbye, dick headed duo.
819
00:42:52,129 --> 00:42:53,160
- Hey.
820
00:42:53,161 --> 00:42:54,227
- Jesus.
821
00:42:54,228 --> 00:42:55,311
Let's just go.
822
00:42:55,312 --> 00:42:57,308
- What the fuck, man?
823
00:42:57,309 --> 00:42:58,867
Aren't you at least
gonna throw some weed up
824
00:42:58,868 --> 00:43:00,440
into this mother fucker?
825
00:43:00,441 --> 00:43:01,441
- Ha.
826
00:43:05,532 --> 00:43:07,115
- So, is that a no?
827
00:43:08,332 --> 00:43:11,323
Man, ain't this some fucked up shit?
828
00:43:11,324 --> 00:43:13,703
Drowning in a giant water bong.
829
00:43:13,704 --> 00:43:16,954
Did you ever think you'd die like this?
830
00:43:21,819 --> 00:43:23,725
You know, seeing how
we're about to die an all,
831
00:43:23,726 --> 00:43:25,738
and nobody's around,
maybe it wouldn't be gay
832
00:43:25,739 --> 00:43:28,239
if we gave each other handies.
833
00:43:33,304 --> 00:43:35,907
Look, I'm gonna think about
fuckin' the lady from Castle.
834
00:43:35,908 --> 00:43:40,908
You're probably gonna think
about fuckin' Castle, nooch.
835
00:43:41,036 --> 00:43:43,869
Uh, this ain't what it looks like.
836
00:43:47,641 --> 00:43:50,685
[GROANING]
837
00:43:50,686 --> 00:43:53,019
[SCREAMING]
838
00:43:55,282 --> 00:43:57,181
Albert, you saved us.
839
00:43:57,182 --> 00:43:59,432
[GROANING]
840
00:44:00,467 --> 00:44:04,467
It's the duty of a
gentleman's gentleman, sir.
841
00:44:09,288 --> 00:44:10,538
- He said duty.
842
00:44:11,602 --> 00:44:13,645
We've gotta get you to a hospital Albert.
843
00:44:13,646 --> 00:44:17,739
I'm afraid it's too late for me,
masters Bluntman
844
00:44:17,740 --> 00:44:20,573
and Chronic, but it's not too late
845
00:44:21,748 --> 00:44:25,299
for you to save your beloved city.
846
00:44:25,300 --> 00:44:27,733
You're right, if we don't
act fast the League of Shitters
847
00:44:27,734 --> 00:44:29,605
will fuck up hundreds of innocent
848
00:44:29,606 --> 00:44:31,856
chicks we could be fuckin'.
849
00:44:32,912 --> 00:44:37,318
Before you leave,
might I make one small request?
850
00:44:37,319 --> 00:44:39,171
Anything for you, Albert.
851
00:44:39,172 --> 00:44:42,722
Since I'm going to expire,
and nobody's around,
852
00:44:42,723 --> 00:44:45,390
will one of you give me a handy?
853
00:44:46,485 --> 00:44:47,884
- Ew, dude.
854
00:44:47,885 --> 00:44:49,718
- It was worth a shot.
855
00:44:51,580 --> 00:44:56,080
[GROANING][BELCHING]
856
00:44:57,738 --> 00:44:58,738
- He's gone.
857
00:44:59,663 --> 00:45:01,885
Don't you worry my dead gay friend,
858
00:45:01,886 --> 00:45:04,386
we will avenge your gay death.
859
00:45:09,379 --> 00:45:11,046
To the Blunt mobile.
860
00:45:21,018 --> 00:45:23,185
That's fuckin' funny, sir.
861
00:45:24,270 --> 00:45:25,551
To the Blunt mobile.
862
00:45:25,552 --> 00:45:28,302
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
863
00:45:31,162 --> 00:45:33,713
Can you believe the attitude
on the ass clown in there?
864
00:45:33,714 --> 00:45:34,801
Gah!
865
00:45:34,802 --> 00:45:36,513
- Condescension on the counter
866
00:45:36,514 --> 00:45:39,173
is what killed the video store.
867
00:45:39,174 --> 00:45:40,993
- Yeah, fuck local businesses.
868
00:45:40,994 --> 00:45:43,635
I'm joinin' Netflix up in here.
869
00:45:43,636 --> 00:45:44,634
Aha!
870
00:45:44,635 --> 00:45:48,051
- Yeah, hope you're not crushed about it.
871
00:45:50,183 --> 00:45:52,878
Can't this piece of shit
go any faster, fat ass?
872
00:45:52,879 --> 00:45:56,151
Man, we are never gonna get
to the parade in time, sir.
873
00:45:56,152 --> 00:45:58,671
So we better get high instead.
874
00:45:58,672 --> 00:46:00,922
[WHIRRING]
875
00:46:11,165 --> 00:46:14,122
You ever dance with the
devil in the pale moonlight?
876
00:46:14,123 --> 00:46:15,123
Snooch.
877
00:46:21,770 --> 00:46:24,402
Holy shit, Bluntman,
the League of Shitters
878
00:46:24,403 --> 00:46:27,673
are using those giant parade
balloons to gas the city.
879
00:46:27,674 --> 00:46:29,302
Everyone watching the
parade will be killed
880
00:46:29,303 --> 00:46:31,386
if we don't do something.
881
00:46:32,557 --> 00:46:35,215
Aw man, and now the
auto-pilot's not workin'.
882
00:46:35,216 --> 00:46:37,982
What do we do man, what do we do?
883
00:46:37,983 --> 00:46:40,233
[WHIRRING]
884
00:46:47,983 --> 00:46:50,729
Puff, puff, pass mother fuckers.
885
00:46:50,730 --> 00:46:53,991
[GUN BANGING]
886
00:46:53,992 --> 00:46:56,460
- The government's trying to kill us all.
887
00:46:56,461 --> 00:46:58,294
- Tell 'em Steve Dave.
888
00:47:03,741 --> 00:47:04,688
- What are we gonna do now, man?
889
00:47:04,689 --> 00:47:05,891
I don't know if you heard me say it,
890
00:47:05,892 --> 00:47:08,809
but the fuckin' auto-pilot's broke.
891
00:47:23,392 --> 00:47:26,227
Bow to your masters, dirty criminal scum.
892
00:47:26,228 --> 00:47:27,895
Bow to your masters.
893
00:47:28,768 --> 00:47:31,518
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
894
00:47:33,771 --> 00:47:34,751
Ut oh.
895
00:47:34,752 --> 00:47:37,418
Uh, excuse me, is this Red Bank?
896
00:47:41,331 --> 00:47:43,164
- This is Asbury Park.
897
00:47:44,411 --> 00:47:46,477
The south side.
898
00:47:46,478 --> 00:47:48,717
- JAY: Start the car, start the car
899
00:47:48,718 --> 00:47:51,551
[ENGINE RUMBLING]
900
00:47:55,191 --> 00:47:57,941
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
901
00:48:01,688 --> 00:48:04,688
[EXPLOSION BOOMING]
902
00:48:05,766 --> 00:48:08,016
[THUDDING]
903
00:48:12,766 --> 00:48:16,209
- That's right, fear the righteous wrath
904
00:48:16,210 --> 00:48:18,645
of the rug munchers.
905
00:48:18,646 --> 00:48:21,338
- You won't get away with this.
906
00:48:21,339 --> 00:48:23,965
Bluntman and Chronic will save us.
907
00:48:23,966 --> 00:48:26,518
- Bluntman and Chronic are dead.
908
00:48:26,519 --> 00:48:30,825
This city belongs to
the League of Shitters.
909
00:48:30,826 --> 00:48:34,432
Yo, Ellen Degenerate this city's protected
910
00:48:34,433 --> 00:48:38,124
by a real man of steel,
and he's got a pocket full of
911
00:48:38,125 --> 00:48:41,871
kryptonite he wants to stick
up your Fortress of Solitude.
912
00:48:41,872 --> 00:48:42,872
Snooch.
913
00:48:44,285 --> 00:48:46,244
- They're alive.
914
00:48:46,245 --> 00:48:48,675
- And making pop culture references.
915
00:48:48,676 --> 00:48:51,251
And the little one has
kryptonite is his pants.
916
00:48:51,252 --> 00:48:53,542
- That's just a figure of speech.
917
00:48:53,543 --> 00:48:54,543
- Oh yeah?
918
00:48:57,305 --> 00:48:59,555
[GROANING]
919
00:49:03,427 --> 00:49:05,726
I told you we shoulda
stayed to watch them die.
920
00:49:05,727 --> 00:49:08,980
But oh, no, the bad
guys never stick around
921
00:49:08,981 --> 00:49:11,886
to watch the good guys die, you said.
922
00:49:11,887 --> 00:49:15,755
I'll never understand why I'm
not in charge of this gang.
923
00:49:15,756 --> 00:49:18,434
I'm the one with the giant fist.
924
00:49:18,435 --> 00:49:19,866
- Then use it.
925
00:49:19,867 --> 00:49:21,200
Kill the heroes.
926
00:49:34,511 --> 00:49:35,910
- Yo, maybe we should make
927
00:49:35,911 --> 00:49:37,766
that guy our new Bluntcave butler.
928
00:49:37,767 --> 00:49:39,952
He gives a mean fuckin' handy.
929
00:49:39,953 --> 00:49:41,453
Snoochie boochies.
930
00:49:46,310 --> 00:49:49,477
Yo man, circumcise that unruly wiener.
931
00:49:51,707 --> 00:49:53,874
[ZAPPING]
932
00:50:04,340 --> 00:50:06,826
That shit never happened in Star Wars,
933
00:50:06,827 --> 00:50:08,066
but it sure as fuck would've made
934
00:50:08,067 --> 00:50:11,734
a Phantom Menace more interesting, snoogins.
935
00:50:12,880 --> 00:50:14,475
Yo man, let's tweet that.
936
00:50:14,476 --> 00:50:17,393
Hashtag hit Jar Jar with a car car.
937
00:50:21,680 --> 00:50:22,680
Puss out!
938
00:50:23,660 --> 00:50:26,410
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
939
00:50:27,964 --> 00:50:32,964
I'll take the ritalin kid,
you go after the fat one,
940
00:50:33,040 --> 00:50:34,790
and don't cock it up.
941
00:50:36,647 --> 00:50:39,199
Hear me now and believe me later, Bluntman.
942
00:50:39,200 --> 00:50:42,335
Dick Head is coming,
and soon he'll be coming
943
00:50:42,336 --> 00:50:45,253
all over your face, neck and chest.
944
00:50:49,910 --> 00:50:52,077
[GUSHING]
945
00:51:06,626 --> 00:51:08,876
[GROANING]
946
00:51:26,382 --> 00:51:29,215
[MUFFLED CHATTER]
947
00:51:46,702 --> 00:51:47,829
- Do you have a gun?
948
00:51:47,830 --> 00:51:49,021
Do yous guys have a gun?
949
00:51:49,022 --> 00:51:50,546
Anyone have a gun, guns?
950
00:51:50,547 --> 00:51:51,718
Guns, do you have any guns?
951
00:51:51,719 --> 00:51:53,958
Guns, does anybody have a gun I can borrow.
952
00:51:53,959 --> 00:51:55,810
Man, give me a hand here.
953
00:51:55,811 --> 00:51:58,061
[CRASHING]
954
00:51:59,419 --> 00:52:02,086
[EVIL LAUGHING]
955
00:52:03,950 --> 00:52:06,138
- There's no where left to run, son.
956
00:52:06,139 --> 00:52:09,582
Pucker up, buttercup because boy blunter,
957
00:52:09,583 --> 00:52:12,629
Cocknocker's coming to wreck your rectum.
958
00:52:12,630 --> 00:52:14,297
- My virgin asshole.
959
00:52:19,261 --> 00:52:21,536
- Death by fisting.
960
00:52:21,537 --> 00:52:23,232
- Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
961
00:52:23,233 --> 00:52:26,312
How about you let me
go if I suck your dick.
962
00:52:26,313 --> 00:52:28,589
- What in blue blazes?
963
00:52:28,590 --> 00:52:29,760
- Hear me out, sir.
964
00:52:29,761 --> 00:52:30,916
I ain't never done it before,
965
00:52:30,917 --> 00:52:32,929
but I bet I could suck a mean dick.
966
00:52:32,930 --> 00:52:34,852
It only takes a three
licks to get to the centre
967
00:52:34,853 --> 00:52:37,320
of a tootsie pop, an owl taught me.
968
00:52:37,321 --> 00:52:40,452
Look, just don't tell anybody, all right?
969
00:52:40,453 --> 00:52:42,500
- I don't want you to blow me.
970
00:52:42,501 --> 00:52:44,129
Did you ever think of that?
971
00:52:44,130 --> 00:52:45,529
- What are you gay or something?
972
00:52:45,530 --> 00:52:48,556
Your desperate deliberations are done, masked man.
973
00:52:48,557 --> 00:52:52,058
Prepare to parish and the heavy hand
974
00:52:52,059 --> 00:52:54,726
and gargantuan grasp Cocknocker.
975
00:52:56,256 --> 00:52:58,008
- Oh, I get it.
976
00:52:58,009 --> 00:53:00,536
You got a little dick.
977
00:53:00,537 --> 00:53:01,675
- What's this now?
978
00:53:01,676 --> 00:53:04,088
Yeah, I bet you got a little dick,
and that's why you
979
00:53:04,089 --> 00:53:06,888
don't wanna whip it out for
the suckin' of the century.
980
00:53:06,889 --> 00:53:08,096
- Yeah, right.
981
00:53:08,097 --> 00:53:09,739
I'm hung like the jury.
982
00:53:09,740 --> 00:53:12,296
I'm hung like the Mona Lisa in the Louvre.
983
00:53:12,297 --> 00:53:15,288
Which is to say, expertly.
984
00:53:15,289 --> 00:53:16,496
- Well they do say that a guy's got
985
00:53:16,497 --> 00:53:19,119
a big dick if his hand
is bigger than his face.
986
00:53:19,120 --> 00:53:21,520
- Oh, is that right.
987
00:53:21,521 --> 00:53:23,271
Well, let's just see.
988
00:53:26,085 --> 00:53:27,085
Hinatugen.
989
00:53:29,604 --> 00:53:33,194
Holy shit I did it,
I took down the bad guy all by myself.
990
00:53:33,195 --> 00:53:34,488
[THUDDING]
991
00:53:34,489 --> 00:53:37,068
You know what,
I was born to lead this team.
992
00:53:37,069 --> 00:53:39,028
Fuckin' Bluntman can eat a dick.
993
00:53:39,029 --> 00:53:40,745
Eat a whole bag of dicks,
994
00:53:40,746 --> 00:53:44,829
'cause I'm the Tony
Starkprano of this bitch now.
995
00:53:46,080 --> 00:53:47,706
But wait, who's to say
this big fisted fucked
996
00:53:47,707 --> 00:53:51,290
won't come after me
again when he wakes up?
997
00:53:58,990 --> 00:54:01,157
[GUSHING]
998
00:54:09,003 --> 00:54:12,920
See, that's how Batman
should handle the Joker.
999
00:54:14,659 --> 00:54:17,188
[THUDDING]
1000
00:54:17,189 --> 00:54:18,839
Plug it up, Lipstick Lesbian.
1001
00:54:18,840 --> 00:54:22,670
We're puttin' prison
panties on your pussy party.
1002
00:54:22,671 --> 00:54:23,790
That was good, right?
1003
00:54:23,791 --> 00:54:27,271
I just thought that
shit up right now, sir.
1004
00:54:27,272 --> 00:54:29,530
[CLICKING]
1005
00:54:29,531 --> 00:54:32,363
Mother fucker man, why don't
we just carry guns, too?
1006
00:54:32,364 --> 00:54:35,447
Or at least some broken beer bottles.
1007
00:54:37,720 --> 00:54:40,679
Lord, I'm sorry for all
the bad shit I'd done man,
1008
00:54:40,680 --> 00:54:43,708
and I'm even sorrier for most
of the good shit I'd done too,
1009
00:54:43,709 --> 00:54:46,376
because what's good to me,
Lord, might not be good to you.
1010
00:54:46,377 --> 00:54:47,250
You know what I'm sayin'?
1011
00:54:47,251 --> 00:54:49,715
The way that we used to
say bad to mean good back
1012
00:54:49,716 --> 00:54:51,048
in the 80s, you know what I'm sayin'?
1013
00:54:51,049 --> 00:54:54,216
So here's my confession:
one time, I stuck a toothbrush in
1014
00:54:54,217 --> 00:54:59,217
my ass when I jerked off and
it was Silent Bob's toothbrush.
1015
00:54:59,257 --> 00:55:01,424
[GAGGING]
1016
00:55:03,229 --> 00:55:05,028
Goodbye forever, Silent Bob.
1017
00:55:05,029 --> 00:55:08,518
It's been an honour serving
with your tubby butt.
1018
00:55:08,519 --> 00:55:10,769
[THUDDING]
1019
00:55:13,736 --> 00:55:15,062
- Why don't you pick on someone
1020
00:55:15,063 --> 00:55:18,063
your own cup size, Lipstick Lesbian.
1021
00:55:19,005 --> 00:55:22,922
Holy boner bringers Bluntman,
it's Bluntgirl.
1022
00:55:24,549 --> 00:55:27,678
You're a disgrace to the distaff.
1023
00:55:27,679 --> 00:55:29,411
God, that voice is so stupid,
1024
00:55:29,412 --> 00:55:32,071
I'm gonna do it in my own
voice from here on out.
1025
00:55:32,072 --> 00:55:36,359
You are a disgrace to the distaff,
Lipstick Lesbian,
1026
00:55:36,360 --> 00:55:38,319
and I'm bringing you
back to Bookem Asylum,
1027
00:55:38,320 --> 00:55:40,237
this time as an inmate.
1028
00:55:41,872 --> 00:55:43,493
Animal!
1029
00:55:43,494 --> 00:55:46,244
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
1030
00:55:55,534 --> 00:55:57,784
[THUDDING]
1031
00:56:00,056 --> 00:56:02,223
[MOANING]
1032
00:56:14,476 --> 00:56:16,995
Who are you sweet mystery lady?
1033
00:56:16,996 --> 00:56:20,742
Just a concerned citizen
with a dream of justice,
1034
00:56:20,743 --> 00:56:23,682
who's also a huge fan of the Bluntman.
1035
00:56:23,683 --> 00:56:24,782
[SLAPPING]
1036
00:56:24,783 --> 00:56:25,783
Hi.
1037
00:56:26,516 --> 00:56:27,934
- What the fuck?
1038
00:56:27,935 --> 00:56:28,825
Him?
1039
00:56:28,826 --> 00:56:30,734
You could titty fuck
the man for shit's sake,
1040
00:56:30,735 --> 00:56:32,031
and I oughta know.
1041
00:56:32,032 --> 00:56:34,302
- You're turning me on.
1042
00:56:34,303 --> 00:56:36,735
Yo, why the fuck are you
settling for his pudgy fuckin'
1043
00:56:36,736 --> 00:56:39,222
penis when you could smoke some Chronic?
1044
00:56:39,223 --> 00:56:41,793
- Well, to be honest this Bluntgirl
1045
00:56:41,794 --> 00:56:43,791
persona's a bit new for me.
1046
00:56:43,792 --> 00:56:46,171
Before that I battled criminal scum under
1047
00:56:46,172 --> 00:56:48,742
a different alias all together.
1048
00:56:48,743 --> 00:56:50,243
The Chubby Chaser.
1049
00:56:56,648 --> 00:56:59,923
Oh, my God, I can't believe that
1050
00:56:59,924 --> 00:57:04,091
I'm really here in the
legendary Balls of Justice.
1051
00:57:05,263 --> 00:57:06,854
What the fuck did you
have to bring her back
1052
00:57:06,855 --> 00:57:08,431
to our secret base for, man?
1053
00:57:08,432 --> 00:57:11,427
This whack job only fucks fat guys.
1054
00:57:11,428 --> 00:57:14,227
Now that we've taken out the trash,
when the mayor
1055
00:57:14,228 --> 00:57:15,799
gave you key to the city
1056
00:57:15,800 --> 00:57:19,631
I seem to recall an
invitation to butt fuck.
1057
00:57:19,632 --> 00:57:20,978
- Holy shit, Silent Bob,
1058
00:57:20,979 --> 00:57:23,865
this crazy bitch wants a
touchdown in brown town.
1059
00:57:23,866 --> 00:57:25,287
Me first, me first.
1060
00:57:25,288 --> 00:57:27,998
- Really, are you sure?
1061
00:57:27,999 --> 00:57:31,337
I wanna be Neil Armstrong up in that moon.
1062
00:57:31,338 --> 00:57:35,346
One small schtup for man is
one giant schtup in the can.
1063
00:57:35,347 --> 00:57:36,347
Nooch.
1064
00:57:37,308 --> 00:57:42,308
Hey Bluntman, you mind if
your sidekick here goes first?
1065
00:57:42,839 --> 00:57:45,589
Then let's get started, shall we?
1066
00:57:47,408 --> 00:57:50,627
I think you misunderstood, ow!
1067
00:57:50,628 --> 00:57:52,395
What I was saying.
1068
00:57:52,396 --> 00:57:54,947
Hey baby, you ever got
your fat asshole licked
1069
00:57:54,948 --> 00:57:57,538
by a thin girl wearin' a unitard?
1070
00:57:57,539 --> 00:57:58,539
Woo!
1071
00:57:59,728 --> 00:58:03,735
- Yup, when Ben Affleck played Dare Devil.
1072
00:58:03,736 --> 00:58:05,236
Snoochie boochies.
1073
00:58:07,365 --> 00:58:10,283
- Does anybody have lube on 'em?
1074
00:58:10,284 --> 00:58:11,596
- BLUNTGIRL: Come here mother fucker.
1075
00:58:11,597 --> 00:58:12,877
[GROANING]
1076
00:58:12,878 --> 00:58:15,545
- JAY: Holy shit I just cummed.
1077
00:58:18,286 --> 00:58:20,536
[CHEERING]
1078
00:58:21,937 --> 00:58:25,605
Party people, your dreams
are all about to come true,
1079
00:58:25,606 --> 00:58:29,576
all thanks to Jay the
mother fuckin' snooch.
1080
00:58:29,577 --> 00:58:32,376
Ain't sharin' no credit
with tubby Silent Bob,
1081
00:58:32,377 --> 00:58:34,075
'cause I'm the smart mother fucker
1082
00:58:34,076 --> 00:58:36,994
that gave this guy the end credits job.
1083
00:58:36,995 --> 00:58:38,989
So without further do-do,
1084
00:58:38,990 --> 00:58:42,157
here's my boy with the Star Wars toys.
1085
00:58:43,678 --> 00:58:47,595
M mother fuckin' C like
a clit commander Chris.
1086
00:58:50,128 --> 00:58:52,526
Fuck 'em in the mouth, Chris.
1087
00:58:52,527 --> 00:58:54,435
♪ I ran ahead like hammer head
'cause head is what I'm after ♪
1088
00:58:54,436 --> 00:58:55,952
♪ I sag the boobs like snaggletooth ♪
1089
00:58:55,953 --> 00:58:57,006
♪ You bet the poopy bastard ♪
1090
00:58:57,007 --> 00:58:58,107
♪ Are two fingers that I'm after ♪
1091
00:58:58,108 --> 00:58:59,298
♪ So your questions are persistent ♪
1092
00:58:59,299 --> 00:59:00,418
♪ I had no idea you mattered ♪
1093
00:59:00,419 --> 00:59:01,606
♪ Didn't know that you existed ♪
1094
00:59:01,607 --> 00:59:02,695
♪ Fuck a critic in the mouth ♪
1095
00:59:02,696 --> 00:59:03,847
♪ Please tickle my testicles ♪
1096
00:59:03,848 --> 00:59:06,506
♪ You only write about bands
that are featured in festivals ♪
1097
00:59:06,507 --> 00:59:07,595
♪ You hate what you ain't ♪
1098
00:59:07,596 --> 00:59:08,886
♪ 'Cause that it sounds like pet sounds ♪
1099
00:59:08,887 --> 00:59:11,515
♪ Wanna shut that shit down,
fuck a critic in the mouth ♪
1100
00:59:11,516 --> 00:59:13,615
♪ You only rap about hoes,
at the fingers I throw ♪
1101
00:59:13,616 --> 00:59:16,135
♪ You don't condone my clothes
or the t-shirt I chose ♪
1102
00:59:16,136 --> 00:59:18,426
♪ Just wanna sack these
hoes like a maxi-ball ♪
1103
00:59:18,427 --> 00:59:21,044
♪ Don't attack me bro,
look at my acne bro ♪
1104
00:59:21,045 --> 00:59:23,648
♪ Above two long snoots take
a drag on this cannabis ♪
1105
00:59:23,649 --> 00:59:26,028
♪ Can't handle this hetero son,
a little bit fabulous ♪
1106
00:59:26,029 --> 00:59:27,515
♪ Feel like my vengeance's high pitch ♪
1107
00:59:27,516 --> 00:59:28,635
♪ I can't listen to this ♪
1108
00:59:28,636 --> 00:59:30,335
♪ Piss in the wind if you
can't listen to Chris ♪
1109
00:59:30,336 --> 00:59:31,209
- JAY: Sing it boy.
1110
00:59:31,210 --> 00:59:32,275
♪ Fuck a critic in the mouth ♪
1111
00:59:32,276 --> 00:59:33,291
♪ Bitch, what you say ♪
1112
00:59:33,292 --> 00:59:34,344
♪ Fuck a critic in the mouth ♪
1113
00:59:34,345 --> 00:59:35,655
♪ You consider it Jay ♪
1114
00:59:35,656 --> 00:59:36,915
♪ Fuck a critic in the mouth ♪
1115
00:59:36,916 --> 00:59:38,315
♪ Go south mother fucker, suck a dick ♪
1116
00:59:38,316 --> 00:59:42,517
♪ Like a trick, like a trucker ♪
1117
00:59:42,518 --> 00:59:43,395
- JAY: Fuck 'em in the mouth
1118
00:59:43,396 --> 00:59:44,529
♪ I said the moo moo titty ♪
1119
00:59:44,530 --> 00:59:45,649
♪ I fuck a boo boo kitty ♪
1120
00:59:45,650 --> 00:59:48,137
♪ My name is Chris don't miss,
this kid's up on the clitty ♪
1121
00:59:48,138 --> 00:59:49,397
♪ The faster rap is spinning ♪
1122
00:59:49,398 --> 00:59:50,568
♪ The pussy's what I'm hitting ♪
1123
00:59:50,569 --> 00:59:53,037
♪ I punch it like a clock,
my cock is barely fitting ♪
1124
00:59:53,038 --> 00:59:54,437
♪ Assholes are for shitting ♪
1125
00:59:54,438 --> 00:59:55,505
♪ They think they're all that ♪
1126
00:59:55,506 --> 00:59:57,969
♪ Let me see your breast pass,
here's my ball sack ♪
1127
00:59:57,970 --> 01:00:00,261
♪ Lick the testicles to shaft
and drain my cock of jizzum ♪
1128
01:00:00,262 --> 01:00:01,521
♪ Just pretend your trapped ♪
1129
01:00:01,522 --> 01:00:02,921
♪ Like it's your first night in prison ♪
1130
01:00:02,922 --> 01:00:05,161
♪ I like to smoke weed
and I like to drink beer ♪
1131
01:00:05,162 --> 01:00:07,821
♪ Stop being mean then
ask 'em to get clear ♪
1132
01:00:07,822 --> 01:00:10,009
♪ I hope you like chuggin'
cock it's about to appear ♪
1133
01:00:10,010 --> 01:00:12,688
♪ Hope you like giant blasts
that come shootin' our your ear ♪
1134
01:00:12,689 --> 01:00:13,981
♪ Fuck a critic in the mouth ♪
1135
01:00:13,982 --> 01:00:15,240
♪ You cock then is empty ♪
1136
01:00:15,241 --> 01:00:16,222
♪ Fuck a critic in the mouth ♪
1137
01:00:16,223 --> 01:00:17,505
♪ Care to head the MC ♪
1138
01:00:17,506 --> 01:00:18,708
♪ Fuck a critic in the mouth ♪
1139
01:00:18,709 --> 01:00:19,917
♪ Spend a day in my shoes ♪
1140
01:00:19,918 --> 01:00:21,877
♪ You don't know what
I'm about, you lose ♪
1141
01:00:21,878 --> 01:00:22,750
- JAY: Sing it boy.
1142
01:00:22,750 --> 01:00:23,628
♪ Fuck a critic in the mouth ♪
1143
01:00:23,628 --> 01:00:24,622
♪ Your cock is then empty ♪
1144
01:00:24,623 --> 01:00:25,937
♪ Fuck a critic in the mouth ♪
1145
01:00:25,938 --> 01:00:27,108
♪ Care to head the MC ♪
1146
01:00:27,109 --> 01:00:28,368
♪ Fuck a critic in the mouth ♪
1147
01:00:28,369 --> 01:00:29,628
♪ Spend a day in my shoes ♪
1148
01:00:29,629 --> 01:00:32,881
♪ You don't know what
I'm about, you lose ♪
1149
01:00:32,882 --> 01:00:34,089
CHRIS: What's that mother fucker?
1150
01:00:34,090 --> 01:00:35,038
What?
1151
01:00:35,039 --> 01:00:36,328
You try and talk trash?
1152
01:00:36,329 --> 01:00:37,208
JAY: Fuck 'em in the mouth
1153
01:00:37,209 --> 01:00:40,968
CHRIS: Oh well yeah,
where's your cartoon movie, bitch?
1154
01:00:40,969 --> 01:00:42,488
JAY: Fuck 'em in the mouth, Chris
1155
01:00:42,489 --> 01:00:45,225
CHRIS: Oh, what's that,
you don't have a cartoon movie?
1156
01:00:45,226 --> 01:00:47,548
Oh maybe 'cause you
ain't got no initiative.
1157
01:00:47,549 --> 01:00:49,177
You need to get some initiative
1158
01:00:49,178 --> 01:00:51,137
and take an animation class, bitch.
1159
01:00:51,138 --> 01:00:51,971
JAY: Fuck 'em in the mouth.
1160
01:00:51,971 --> 01:00:52,934
♪ Fuck a critic in the mouth ♪
1161
01:00:52,935 --> 01:00:53,979
♪ Your cock then is empty ♪
1162
01:00:53,980 --> 01:00:55,154
♪ Fuck a critic in the mouth ♪
1163
01:00:55,155 --> 01:00:56,662
♪ Care to head the MC ♪
1164
01:00:56,663 --> 01:00:57,953
♪ Fuck a critic in the mouth ♪
1165
01:00:57,954 --> 01:00:59,145
♪ Spend a day in my shoes ♪
1166
01:00:59,146 --> 01:01:01,767
♪ You don't know what
I'm about, you lose ♪
1167
01:01:01,768 --> 01:01:02,645
♪ Fuck a critic in the mouth ♪
1168
01:01:02,646 --> 01:01:03,886
♪ Your cock then is empty ♪
1169
01:01:03,887 --> 01:01:05,095
♪ Fuck a critic in the mouth ♪
1170
01:01:05,096 --> 01:01:06,355
♪ Care to head the MC ♪
1171
01:01:06,356 --> 01:01:07,559
♪ Fuck a critic in the mouth ♪
1172
01:01:07,560 --> 01:01:08,875
♪ Spend a day in my shoes ♪
1173
01:01:08,876 --> 01:01:13,709
♪ You don't know what
I'm about, you lose ♪
1174
01:01:15,557 --> 01:01:17,890
[WHISTLING]
1175
01:01:18,917 --> 01:01:21,000
- Yo, do you got any ice?
1176
01:01:23,244 --> 01:01:25,866
[GROANING]
1177
01:01:25,867 --> 01:01:30,467
With great power comes a massive
pain in the asshole, sir.
1178
01:01:30,468 --> 01:01:32,093
This shit makes me wanna turn my back
1179
01:01:32,094 --> 01:01:34,863
on even being a super hero anymore
1180
01:01:34,864 --> 01:01:36,576
STAN: Never turn your back when
1181
01:01:36,577 --> 01:01:39,623
you can face front, true believer.
1182
01:01:39,624 --> 01:01:44,624
Oh, my God, Silent Bob,
it's the sensational Stan Lee.
1183
01:01:44,660 --> 01:01:46,933
Well what kind of comic
book movie could this be
1184
01:01:46,934 --> 01:01:50,595
without a quick cameo from Stan the Man?
1185
01:01:50,596 --> 01:01:52,046
- Marvellous.
1186
01:01:52,047 --> 01:01:53,047
Snooch.
1187
01:01:53,764 --> 01:01:55,355
- Listen, you two think you're
1188
01:01:55,356 --> 01:01:57,651
the only super heroes in the world?
1189
01:01:57,652 --> 01:02:01,407
Hey, you've become part
of a bigger universe, now.
1190
01:02:01,408 --> 01:02:04,377
- You mean the DC universe?
1191
01:02:04,378 --> 01:02:06,135
- No, not that emo crap.
1192
01:02:06,136 --> 01:02:08,706
Hey, I'm here to talk to you both about
1193
01:02:08,707 --> 01:02:11,790
joining the Stan Avengers Initiative.
1194
01:02:15,175 --> 01:02:16,322
- Great Scott, Stan.
1195
01:02:16,323 --> 01:02:18,193
You gotta come back with me.
1196
01:02:18,194 --> 01:02:19,174
- Where?
1197
01:02:19,175 --> 01:02:20,507
- To the future.
1198
01:02:21,783 --> 01:02:23,322
- Okay, spider friend.
1199
01:02:23,323 --> 01:02:26,073
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
1200
01:02:41,188 --> 01:02:44,429
Dude, you didn't bust out
your phone and shoot that shit?
1201
01:02:44,430 --> 01:02:45,773
You dumb ass, man.
1202
01:02:45,774 --> 01:02:49,521
We would've got like a
million hits on YouTube, man.
1203
01:02:49,522 --> 01:02:51,481
You never were any good with a camera,
1204
01:02:51,482 --> 01:02:54,509
you non-directing fat fuck.
1205
01:02:54,510 --> 01:02:57,761
[TYRES SCREECHING]
1206
01:02:57,762 --> 01:03:02,121
Harold, Kumar, we're gonna
need your help in the future.
1207
01:03:02,122 --> 01:03:03,122
- Excelsior.
1208
01:03:05,010 --> 01:03:06,010
- Shotgun.
1209
01:03:09,313 --> 01:03:11,501
Yo, are you a real doctor?
1210
01:03:11,502 --> 01:03:13,129
- Great Scott, yes.
1211
01:03:13,130 --> 01:03:15,841
Can you get us a card
for medical marijuana?
1212
01:03:15,842 --> 01:03:17,259
- Great pot, yes.
1213
01:03:18,988 --> 01:03:21,422
- JAY: And papers, no pipes man.
1214
01:03:21,423 --> 01:03:23,401
I like my shit rolled.
1215
01:03:23,402 --> 01:03:24,693
- DOC: Rolled?
1216
01:03:24,694 --> 01:03:28,669
Where we're going,
we don't need any shit rolled.
1217
01:03:28,670 --> 01:03:29,837
- JAY: Nooch.
1218
01:03:33,127 --> 01:03:36,044
Ah, the fuckin' auto-pilot's broke.
96721
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