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1
00:00:03,104 --> 00:00:05,406
And then there's a big
explosion and lots of bubbles.
2
00:00:05,439 --> 00:00:07,475
That's where
babies come from.
3
00:00:07,508 --> 00:00:09,810
(laughing)
4
00:00:09,843 --> 00:00:12,713
Oh, well, you know,
close enough.
5
00:00:12,746 --> 00:00:15,083
I did the math once.
6
00:00:15,116 --> 00:00:17,918
It turns out,
every 17.4 dinners,
7
00:00:17,951 --> 00:00:20,354
my family actually has
a pleasant meal together.
8
00:00:20,388 --> 00:00:21,322
Hey, look at this.
9
00:00:21,355 --> 00:00:23,424
I made a pea angel.
10
00:00:23,457 --> 00:00:25,493
Oh, you're a pea angel.
11
00:00:25,526 --> 00:00:27,027
Stop playing with your food.
12
00:00:28,262 --> 00:00:29,863
(laughter)
13
00:00:31,432 --> 00:00:33,834
Oh, Mom...
14
00:00:33,867 --> 00:00:35,203
Don't you dare.
15
00:00:35,236 --> 00:00:36,737
Relax, I wasn't
really going to.
16
00:00:36,770 --> 00:00:37,938
Then don't.
17
00:00:37,971 --> 00:00:39,073
I wasn't going to.
18
00:00:39,107 --> 00:00:40,908
Then don't.
19
00:00:40,941 --> 00:00:42,276
Well, don't accuse me
of something
20
00:00:42,310 --> 00:00:43,644
that I wasn't going to do.
21
00:00:46,080 --> 00:00:47,948
Interesting mood shift.
22
00:00:47,981 --> 00:00:50,851
It would take hours to explain
the psychology behind this.
23
00:00:50,884 --> 00:00:52,953
So let me just put it this way:
24
00:00:52,986 --> 00:00:54,288
dynamite...
25
00:00:54,322 --> 00:00:55,889
kid with matches.
26
00:00:55,923 --> 00:00:57,625
You're going to throw
that at Mom?
27
00:00:57,658 --> 00:00:59,427
I wasn't going to.
28
00:00:59,460 --> 00:01:00,861
Oh, geez Louise. Reese...
29
00:01:00,894 --> 00:01:02,062
Hal, I can handle this.
30
00:01:02,096 --> 00:01:04,632
Reese, I'm warning you.
31
00:01:04,665 --> 00:01:06,033
I wasn't going to.
32
00:01:06,066 --> 00:01:08,236
But if you think I would,
then maybe I should.
33
00:01:08,269 --> 00:01:10,271
Oh, good.
Now he's panicking.
34
00:01:10,304 --> 00:01:13,707
Just put the spoon down
and apologize.
35
00:01:13,741 --> 00:01:15,876
Okay, she gave
him an out.
36
00:01:15,909 --> 00:01:17,044
Apologize for what?
37
00:01:17,077 --> 00:01:18,279
I wasn't going
to do anything.
38
00:01:18,312 --> 00:01:19,480
Just stop talking!
39
00:01:19,513 --> 00:01:21,081
Just stop talking
and let me think!
40
00:01:21,115 --> 00:01:22,583
Dad, do something.
41
00:01:22,616 --> 00:01:24,752
I got it.
42
00:01:39,300 --> 00:01:42,303
What do you think you're doing?
43
00:01:43,971 --> 00:01:46,039
I'm being cute and spontaneous?
44
00:01:49,443 --> 00:01:51,712
(laughs)
45
00:01:53,614 --> 00:01:55,283
(laughing)
46
00:01:57,451 --> 00:01:59,019
Ker-splat!
47
00:02:02,156 --> 00:02:04,091
Don't do it.
48
00:02:04,124 --> 00:02:06,494
I wasn't going to.
49
00:02:06,527 --> 00:02:09,430
Yep, this is
a good dinner.
50
00:02:09,463 --> 00:02:13,000
* Yes, no, maybe
51
00:02:13,033 --> 00:02:15,503
* I don't know
52
00:02:15,536 --> 00:02:18,872
* Can you repeat the question?
53
00:02:18,906 --> 00:02:20,974
* You're not the boss
of me now *
54
00:02:21,008 --> 00:02:23,511
* You're not
the boss of me now *
55
00:02:23,544 --> 00:02:24,945
* You're not the boss
of me now *
56
00:02:24,978 --> 00:02:28,015
* And you're not so big
57
00:02:28,048 --> 00:02:30,284
* You're not the boss
of me now *
58
00:02:30,318 --> 00:02:32,520
* You're not
the boss of me now *
59
00:02:32,553 --> 00:02:35,022
* You're not the boss
of me now *
60
00:02:35,055 --> 00:02:37,825
* And you're not so big
61
00:02:37,858 --> 00:02:42,095
* Life is unfair.
62
00:02:55,042 --> 00:02:56,244
(bell rings)
Malcolm.
63
00:02:58,779 --> 00:03:00,080
Yeah?
64
00:03:00,113 --> 00:03:02,516
Can I see you for a minute,
please?
65
00:03:02,550 --> 00:03:04,418
STUDENTS:
Ooh!
66
00:03:04,452 --> 00:03:06,587
BOY:
Teacher's favorite.
67
00:03:06,620 --> 00:03:08,021
Teacher's pet.
68
00:03:09,357 --> 00:03:11,759
"Dear... Penthouse..."
69
00:03:11,792 --> 00:03:13,994
"Yesterday I pushed
my friend Stevie
70
00:03:14,027 --> 00:03:15,162
down some stairs."
71
00:03:15,195 --> 00:03:18,366
Point... taken.
72
00:03:21,702 --> 00:03:22,936
What?
73
00:03:22,970 --> 00:03:25,172
Malcolm, I'm
a little concerned.
74
00:03:25,205 --> 00:03:27,040
You're doing very well
in your studies,
75
00:03:27,074 --> 00:03:30,210
but... I still sense
76
00:03:30,244 --> 00:03:32,346
an emotional distance
between us,
77
00:03:32,380 --> 00:03:34,615
and I hate it.
78
00:03:34,648 --> 00:03:38,218
I'd really like us
to try to connect
79
00:03:38,252 --> 00:03:39,387
on a deeper level.
80
00:03:39,420 --> 00:03:42,189
Whoa. She is coming on to me.
81
00:03:42,222 --> 00:03:44,191
I thought you were
dating the janitor.
82
00:03:44,224 --> 00:03:46,026
Who told you that?
83
00:03:46,059 --> 00:03:47,628
God. One drink and...
84
00:03:47,661 --> 00:03:48,762
Never mind.
85
00:03:48,796 --> 00:03:51,632
What I am trying to say is
86
00:03:51,665 --> 00:03:54,067
I know your parents.
87
00:03:54,101 --> 00:03:57,037
I know you have
a colorful home life.
88
00:03:57,070 --> 00:04:00,140
So, just remember, if you ever
need anything at all--
89
00:04:00,173 --> 00:04:02,643
a sympathetic ear,
a shoulder to cry on--
90
00:04:02,676 --> 00:04:05,813
I want you to come to me.
91
00:04:05,846 --> 00:04:09,750
Yeah. That's what
I need-- another mom.
92
00:04:09,783 --> 00:04:11,051
Okay. Great.
Okay.
93
00:04:11,084 --> 00:04:12,085
Thanks a lot.
94
00:04:12,119 --> 00:04:14,087
Well, I got to go
95
00:04:14,121 --> 00:04:15,756
do the... thing.
96
00:04:16,990 --> 00:04:18,959
And then I drew
a robot, Francis.
97
00:04:18,992 --> 00:04:20,293
But my crayon broke.
98
00:04:20,327 --> 00:04:21,928
And then I had
a popsicle.
99
00:04:21,962 --> 00:04:22,963
I mean,
100
00:04:22,996 --> 00:04:24,164
I had 12 popsicles.
101
00:04:24,197 --> 00:04:26,133
You like popsicles,
Francis?
102
00:04:26,166 --> 00:04:28,302
Shut up, Dewey.
Stop bugging Francis.
103
00:04:28,336 --> 00:04:29,803
I'm so glad you're home.
104
00:04:29,837 --> 00:04:31,505
You don't know
what it's like
105
00:04:31,539 --> 00:04:33,641
dealing with these
little kids all day.
106
00:04:33,674 --> 00:04:35,509
It's the coolest thing.
107
00:04:35,543 --> 00:04:38,479
It's the first time Francis
is home from military school.
108
00:04:38,512 --> 00:04:40,648
Mom and Dad are going off
to some wedding,
109
00:04:40,681 --> 00:04:43,484
and Francis is in charge of us
for the whole weekend.
110
00:04:43,517 --> 00:04:45,319
I can't believe how much
I missed him.
111
00:04:45,353 --> 00:04:46,487
Hey.
112
00:04:46,520 --> 00:04:47,655
Huh.
113
00:04:47,688 --> 00:04:49,657
He's so great.
114
00:04:49,690 --> 00:04:54,027
Boys! The number for the hotel
is on the counter.
115
00:04:54,061 --> 00:04:55,363
I left money for pizza,
116
00:04:55,396 --> 00:04:58,799
but I want a receipt
and exact change.
117
00:04:58,832 --> 00:05:02,269
Yep, that underwear
is going to wrinkle.
118
00:05:02,302 --> 00:05:05,172
You know, it's kind of
nice having Francis
119
00:05:05,205 --> 00:05:06,840
back in the house,
don't you think?
120
00:05:06,874 --> 00:05:07,841
(chuckling)
121
00:05:07,875 --> 00:05:08,842
What?
122
00:05:08,876 --> 00:05:11,011
Nothing. You're just cute
123
00:05:11,044 --> 00:05:12,713
when you think
you're being subtle.
124
00:05:12,746 --> 00:05:15,549
Really?
125
00:05:15,583 --> 00:05:17,985
Of course it's nice
having Francis home.
126
00:05:18,018 --> 00:05:19,720
Well, it's been
a few months now.
127
00:05:19,753 --> 00:05:22,189
Maybe it's time to, you know,
think about it.
128
00:05:22,222 --> 00:05:23,691
I don't know. Maybe.
129
00:05:23,724 --> 00:05:26,727
We'll see how he
does this weekend.
130
00:05:26,760 --> 00:05:29,663
God, I hate this hairdo.
131
00:05:29,697 --> 00:05:31,198
I don't even know
why I bother
132
00:05:31,231 --> 00:05:32,866
trying to impress
your family anymore.
133
00:05:32,900 --> 00:05:34,167
They've always hated me.
134
00:05:34,201 --> 00:05:35,803
Well, you are
the one who stole
135
00:05:35,836 --> 00:05:38,105
their little Hally
away from them.
136
00:05:39,840 --> 00:05:42,209
Better get moving.
137
00:05:42,242 --> 00:05:43,544
And then it got away.
138
00:05:43,577 --> 00:05:45,413
But I found another one,
but it died.
139
00:05:45,446 --> 00:05:46,847
And then...
140
00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:48,549
I said leave him alone,
you butt-munch.
141
00:05:48,582 --> 00:05:49,550
Let me go.
142
00:05:49,583 --> 00:05:50,584
Make me.
143
00:05:50,618 --> 00:05:52,920
(Dewey and Reese yelling)
144
00:05:54,555 --> 00:05:56,857
Guys, quit it.
145
00:05:56,890 --> 00:05:58,726
Listen for a second.
146
00:05:58,759 --> 00:06:00,227
I just heard Mom and Dad.
147
00:06:00,260 --> 00:06:02,530
They're thinking about
letting Francis come home.
148
00:06:03,964 --> 00:06:06,099
You serious?
149
00:06:06,133 --> 00:06:07,334
Yeah. They want to see
150
00:06:07,367 --> 00:06:09,002
how he does with us
this weekend.
151
00:06:09,036 --> 00:06:10,237
Okay? So we
can't screw up.
152
00:06:10,270 --> 00:06:11,238
Cool.
153
00:06:11,271 --> 00:06:12,873
Let's go tell him.
No.
154
00:06:12,906 --> 00:06:15,509
You know how Francis gets when
people tell him what to do.
155
00:06:15,543 --> 00:06:17,344
I am warning you.
156
00:06:17,377 --> 00:06:19,179
If you get your
nose pierced,
157
00:06:19,212 --> 00:06:20,681
you are going
to military school.
158
00:06:20,714 --> 00:06:23,083
And I mean it. Really.
159
00:06:23,116 --> 00:06:25,285
Do you hear me?
160
00:06:26,153 --> 00:06:27,888
Hey, Mom.
161
00:06:27,921 --> 00:06:30,558
What's for dinner?
162
00:06:30,591 --> 00:06:32,025
Right.
163
00:06:32,059 --> 00:06:33,393
What are we going to do?
164
00:06:33,427 --> 00:06:35,062
We're going to be good,
that's what.
165
00:06:35,095 --> 00:06:36,430
How do we be good?
166
00:06:36,464 --> 00:06:37,798
I don't know.
167
00:06:37,831 --> 00:06:40,033
Honestly, it's never
come up before.
168
00:06:40,067 --> 00:06:42,102
Look, we're just not
going to do anything.
169
00:06:42,135 --> 00:06:44,104
That way, we can't
get in any trouble.
170
00:06:44,137 --> 00:06:45,706
HAL:
Honey.
171
00:06:45,739 --> 00:06:48,241
We're late.
We better hit the road.
172
00:06:48,275 --> 00:06:50,978
Fine. I'll shave my
legs in the car.
173
00:06:51,011 --> 00:06:52,946
Okay. I've marked
all the liquor bottles,
174
00:06:52,980 --> 00:06:54,615
and we can taste when
they're watered down.
175
00:06:54,648 --> 00:06:56,450
I've locked out the
smut channel on the TV,
176
00:06:56,484 --> 00:06:57,951
counted your
father's cigars.
177
00:06:57,985 --> 00:06:59,319
I've checked the odometer
on the car.
178
00:06:59,352 --> 00:07:00,921
I know the exact balance
of all our credit cards.
179
00:07:00,954 --> 00:07:02,490
We love you.
Have a good time.
180
00:07:02,523 --> 00:07:04,291
And just remember,
Dewey will tell us
181
00:07:04,324 --> 00:07:06,059
everything you did
while we're gone.
182
00:07:06,093 --> 00:07:08,261
Uh, what your
mother said, boys.
183
00:07:08,295 --> 00:07:10,297
Minus one.
184
00:07:14,101 --> 00:07:17,971
Don't even think about it.
185
00:07:19,206 --> 00:07:20,608
Think about what?
186
00:07:20,641 --> 00:07:22,275
She's bluffing.
187
00:07:22,309 --> 00:07:24,311
Okay, I am going
to show you guys
188
00:07:24,344 --> 00:07:25,846
the coolest thing
you have ever seen.
189
00:07:25,879 --> 00:07:27,481
Get me some
lighter fluid,
190
00:07:27,515 --> 00:07:30,083
a waffle iron and one of
Dewey's stuffed animals.
191
00:07:30,117 --> 00:07:31,819
The furrier, the better.
192
00:07:31,852 --> 00:07:34,121
Actually, we're
kind of tired.
193
00:07:34,154 --> 00:07:35,589
Tired?
194
00:07:35,623 --> 00:07:37,758
Yeah. Tired.
195
00:07:37,791 --> 00:07:39,459
I'm not tired.
196
00:07:39,493 --> 00:07:42,329
Okay, yeah, I'm tired.
197
00:07:42,362 --> 00:07:44,164
Let's just go
watch TV.
198
00:07:44,197 --> 00:07:47,200
Whatever.
199
00:07:47,234 --> 00:07:49,202
ANNOUNCER (over TV):
...lines up his shot.
200
00:07:49,236 --> 00:07:52,773
I've never seen this kind
of excitement...
201
00:07:52,806 --> 00:07:54,341
This plan better work.
202
00:07:54,374 --> 00:07:56,644
The only thing worse than no TV
203
00:07:56,677 --> 00:07:58,779
is golf on TV.
204
00:07:58,812 --> 00:08:01,148
Oh, come on, guys.
Let's go outside.
205
00:08:01,181 --> 00:08:02,482
Let's go do something.
206
00:08:02,516 --> 00:08:04,317
No. They're only
on the sixth hole.
207
00:08:04,351 --> 00:08:07,721
They're only on the sixth hole.
208
00:08:07,755 --> 00:08:09,389
(telephone rings)
209
00:08:09,422 --> 00:08:10,858
Hello.
210
00:08:10,891 --> 00:08:13,193
Francis, bud, I heard you
were in town.
211
00:08:13,226 --> 00:08:14,662
You da man, Francis!
212
00:08:14,695 --> 00:08:17,464
Hey, guys, what's going on?
213
00:08:17,497 --> 00:08:19,800
Same old,
same old, man.
214
00:08:19,833 --> 00:08:21,134
(grunting)
215
00:08:21,168 --> 00:08:23,370
Oh, Circus says hi.
216
00:08:23,403 --> 00:08:25,739
Dude, you're not
going to believe it.
217
00:08:25,773 --> 00:08:27,340
I finally moved out.
218
00:08:27,374 --> 00:08:28,909
I'm living in the
basement now.
219
00:08:28,942 --> 00:08:30,410
Total freedom, dude.
220
00:08:30,443 --> 00:08:31,979
You da man, Francis!
221
00:08:32,011 --> 00:08:35,716
Mom, you're
supposed to knock.
222
00:08:35,749 --> 00:08:37,183
Dude, we're coming over.
223
00:08:37,217 --> 00:08:39,352
Okay. Hey, Richie and the guys
are coming over.
224
00:08:39,385 --> 00:08:40,988
Maybe they shouldn't.
225
00:08:41,020 --> 00:08:43,323
You know, Mom and Dad
are gone.
226
00:08:43,356 --> 00:08:45,492
Okay, got it.
Hey, Richie, listen to me.
227
00:08:45,525 --> 00:08:47,861
I'm watching my brothers,
so we got to hang here.
228
00:08:47,895 --> 00:08:49,429
And no parties, okay?
229
00:08:49,462 --> 00:08:50,898
I'm serious.
230
00:08:50,931 --> 00:08:52,600
It's got to be
just the three of you.
231
00:08:55,402 --> 00:08:57,437
Huh. You wouldn't think
only three guys
232
00:08:57,470 --> 00:08:59,072
could do so much damage.
233
00:08:59,106 --> 00:09:01,074
Call us next time
you're in town.
234
00:09:01,108 --> 00:09:03,010
You da man, Francis!
235
00:09:03,043 --> 00:09:06,079
(neighbors chatting
indistinctly)
236
00:09:08,281 --> 00:09:11,051
* Skyrockets in flight
237
00:09:11,084 --> 00:09:13,286
* Afternoon delight...
238
00:09:13,320 --> 00:09:14,755
Are you trying
to seduce me?
239
00:09:14,788 --> 00:09:16,256
(scoffs)
240
00:09:16,289 --> 00:09:18,091
I can't believe we're
going to this wedding.
241
00:09:18,125 --> 00:09:19,559
What a waste of time.
242
00:09:19,593 --> 00:09:21,461
Oh, come on, I promise
it'll be fun.
243
00:09:21,494 --> 00:09:23,030
Hal, I'm not Dewey.
244
00:09:23,063 --> 00:09:25,065
Sorry. But still,
we're alone,
245
00:09:25,098 --> 00:09:27,100
we're away from the kids.
246
00:09:27,134 --> 00:09:30,771
Right now, we're just two
unencumbered consenting adults.
247
00:09:30,804 --> 00:09:33,406
I say we enjoy it.
248
00:09:33,440 --> 00:09:34,942
Yeah, you're right.
249
00:09:34,975 --> 00:09:38,311
It will be nice to have some
time for just the two of us.
250
00:09:38,345 --> 00:09:39,947
And I'm going to love
not having
251
00:09:39,980 --> 00:09:43,116
to yell at somebody
every 20 seconds.
252
00:09:43,150 --> 00:09:47,554
Either speed up or get
off the road, jackass!
253
00:09:47,587 --> 00:09:50,023
Absolutely deserved it.
254
00:09:52,793 --> 00:09:55,495
(spits)
I hate those guys.
255
00:09:55,528 --> 00:09:57,931
Did you see Circus break
that cinder block with his head?
256
00:09:57,965 --> 00:09:59,499
That's a good lesson
for you guys.
257
00:09:59,532 --> 00:10:01,134
It didn't break
the first six times.
258
00:10:01,168 --> 00:10:03,370
But did he quit trying?
No, sir.
259
00:10:04,504 --> 00:10:06,173
Francis, we have
to clean this up.
260
00:10:06,206 --> 00:10:07,340
Yeah.
261
00:10:07,374 --> 00:10:08,642
No. I mean now.
262
00:10:08,676 --> 00:10:10,610
If Mom and Dad see this,
they'll freak.
263
00:10:10,644 --> 00:10:12,846
So what else is new?
They always freak.
264
00:10:12,880 --> 00:10:14,181
I'm used to it.
No!
265
00:10:14,214 --> 00:10:16,016
This is different.
We have to clean up.
266
00:10:16,049 --> 00:10:18,018
Okay, what's with you guys?
I'm in charge here.
267
00:10:18,051 --> 00:10:20,153
I'm the only one who's going to
get in trouble. Just relax.
268
00:10:20,187 --> 00:10:21,789
But we want you to come home.
269
00:10:21,822 --> 00:10:23,657
What?
270
00:10:23,691 --> 00:10:25,425
I heard Mom and Dad talking.
271
00:10:25,458 --> 00:10:27,861
This weekend is like
a test for you. Or a trap.
272
00:10:27,895 --> 00:10:29,629
If you do good,
they may let you come home.
273
00:10:29,663 --> 00:10:30,698
And if you don't,
274
00:10:30,731 --> 00:10:31,832
they're going to toss your butt
275
00:10:31,865 --> 00:10:32,833
back into military school.
276
00:10:32,866 --> 00:10:34,201
Okay, look...
Francis,
277
00:10:34,234 --> 00:10:35,803
it sucks around
here without you.
278
00:10:35,836 --> 00:10:38,338
Can't you just
try for our sake?
279
00:10:38,371 --> 00:10:41,141
Look, guys, I appreciate
your sentiment.
280
00:10:41,174 --> 00:10:43,210
But they're not going
to decide my whole future
281
00:10:43,243 --> 00:10:45,045
based on how I behave
over one weekend
282
00:10:45,078 --> 00:10:46,814
without even telling me
about it.
283
00:10:46,847 --> 00:10:49,216
It's too arbitrary.
It's unreasonable.
284
00:10:49,249 --> 00:10:50,517
It's Mom.
285
00:10:50,550 --> 00:10:52,385
Okay, let's clean up.
286
00:11:02,362 --> 00:11:06,399
* I'm not done
287
00:11:06,433 --> 00:11:08,802
* And I won't be
288
00:11:08,836 --> 00:11:14,507
* Till my head falls off.
289
00:11:16,109 --> 00:11:17,577
It's perfect.
290
00:11:17,610 --> 00:11:19,412
The house has never
been this clean.
291
00:11:19,446 --> 00:11:20,680
Uh-oh.
292
00:11:20,714 --> 00:11:21,648
What?
293
00:11:21,681 --> 00:11:23,683
It's too clean.
294
00:11:23,717 --> 00:11:25,418
You're right.
295
00:11:25,452 --> 00:11:26,887
They'll never buy it.
296
00:11:26,920 --> 00:11:31,158
* I'm not done
297
00:11:31,191 --> 00:11:33,861
* And I won't be
298
00:11:33,894 --> 00:11:36,897
* Till my head falls off
299
00:11:36,930 --> 00:11:39,532
* Though it may not be
300
00:11:39,566 --> 00:11:41,568
* A long way off
301
00:11:41,601 --> 00:11:46,439
* I won't be done
until my head *
302
00:11:46,473 --> 00:11:52,579
* Falls off.
303
00:11:56,449 --> 00:11:59,052
Ah. Looks like
we're the only ones
304
00:11:59,086 --> 00:12:01,221
who gave them pot holders.
305
00:12:02,255 --> 00:12:03,456
Oh.
306
00:12:03,490 --> 00:12:04,958
Hi.
Hi.
307
00:12:04,992 --> 00:12:06,526
It's great
to see you.
308
00:12:06,559 --> 00:12:08,361
You, too.
You look terrific.
309
00:12:08,395 --> 00:12:10,898
How long do you
think it's been?
310
00:12:10,931 --> 00:12:12,265
I don't know.
311
00:12:12,299 --> 00:12:14,401
Will you excuse me?
312
00:12:22,475 --> 00:12:25,112
Oh, that was worth
driving 600 miles for.
313
00:12:25,145 --> 00:12:27,147
Who was that guy?
314
00:12:27,180 --> 00:12:29,049
It's the groom, Hal.
315
00:12:29,082 --> 00:12:30,583
Huh.
316
00:12:30,617 --> 00:12:33,353
I wish people would wear
name tags at these things.
317
00:12:34,587 --> 00:12:36,389
Oh, perfect.
318
00:12:36,423 --> 00:12:38,625
Nice touch with the
bread crumbs, Dewey.
319
00:12:38,658 --> 00:12:40,060
Huh?
320
00:12:40,093 --> 00:12:41,228
I clipped my toenails
321
00:12:41,261 --> 00:12:42,462
on the coffee table.
322
00:12:42,495 --> 00:12:44,764
Attaboy. She will
never know a thing.
323
00:12:44,798 --> 00:12:46,166
Wait.
324
00:12:50,838 --> 00:12:52,239
Ta-da!
325
00:12:52,272 --> 00:12:54,174
Ow! (groans)
326
00:13:00,613 --> 00:13:01,581
Ow! Ow! Ow!
327
00:13:01,614 --> 00:13:02,615
Malcolm.
Ow! Ow.
328
00:13:02,649 --> 00:13:04,317
Malcolm, are you okay?
329
00:13:04,351 --> 00:13:05,953
I think so.
330
00:13:05,986 --> 00:13:06,987
Ow!
331
00:13:07,020 --> 00:13:07,955
Hold still.
332
00:13:07,988 --> 00:13:09,189
Come here,
let me see it.
333
00:13:09,222 --> 00:13:10,257
Let me see it.
334
00:13:10,290 --> 00:13:11,424
How does it look?
335
00:13:11,458 --> 00:13:13,093
Not... too bad.
336
00:13:13,126 --> 00:13:15,162
Put his face back on!
What?
337
00:13:15,195 --> 00:13:17,664
Oh, man, what's that
white stuff? Is that bone?
338
00:13:17,697 --> 00:13:19,366
What?!
Reese, get ice
and some paper towels.
339
00:13:19,399 --> 00:13:21,368
Ow! Ow! Ow!
Sit down. We have to
put pressure on it.
340
00:13:21,401 --> 00:13:22,369
Ow! Ow!
I'm sorry.
341
00:13:22,402 --> 00:13:24,204
I have to put
pressure on it.
342
00:13:24,237 --> 00:13:25,672
Reese, give me the ice!
Come on.
343
00:13:25,705 --> 00:13:27,340
We don't have any ice.
We got this.
344
00:13:27,374 --> 00:13:29,176
Fine. Give me some antiseptic.
345
00:13:29,209 --> 00:13:31,378
(phone ringing)
Don't answer that.
Let the machine...
346
00:13:31,411 --> 00:13:32,545
DEWEY:
Hello.
347
00:13:32,579 --> 00:13:34,681
LOIS:
Hi, Dewey.
Hi, Mom.
348
00:13:34,714 --> 00:13:36,116
Hi. We're just calling
to check in.
349
00:13:36,149 --> 00:13:37,284
Let me speak with Francis.
350
00:13:37,317 --> 00:13:38,418
He's...
351
00:13:39,652 --> 00:13:41,121
...in the bathroom.
352
00:13:41,154 --> 00:13:42,489
Oh. Well, let me talk
to Malcolm.
353
00:13:42,522 --> 00:13:44,624
He's in the bathroom.
354
00:13:44,657 --> 00:13:45,993
They're both in the bathroom?
355
00:13:46,026 --> 00:13:47,460
What are they doing in there?
356
00:13:47,494 --> 00:13:49,329
I have to go to the bathroom.
357
00:13:52,399 --> 00:13:54,634
We have to get you stitches.
Let's go to the hospital.
358
00:13:54,667 --> 00:13:56,904
No! You can't. Mom and
Dad will find out.
359
00:13:56,937 --> 00:13:58,571
Malcolm,
this is a head injury.
360
00:13:58,605 --> 00:14:00,540
You could have a concussion.
361
00:14:00,573 --> 00:14:03,176
Concussion? I think
he's making too much of this.
362
00:14:03,210 --> 00:14:06,179
I'm not as figgled
as he hoogers.
363
00:14:06,213 --> 00:14:08,581
No! I don't care.
I'm not going to the hospital.
364
00:14:08,615 --> 00:14:09,682
Do you hear me?
365
00:14:09,716 --> 00:14:11,518
There is no way that I...
366
00:14:11,551 --> 00:14:13,453
Get the car.
367
00:14:16,423 --> 00:14:17,690
I can't see anything.
368
00:14:17,724 --> 00:14:19,993
Do you want to get blood
all over the car?
369
00:14:20,027 --> 00:14:22,395
Wait! We can't take the car.
They'll know.
370
00:14:22,429 --> 00:14:24,364
Mom checked the odometer,
remember?
371
00:14:24,397 --> 00:14:25,698
I'm on top of it.
372
00:14:28,568 --> 00:14:30,037
Whee! Hi, school!
373
00:14:30,070 --> 00:14:32,505
Oh, Malcolm, you
should see this!
374
00:14:32,539 --> 00:14:34,041
Francis is
kicking ass!
375
00:14:34,074 --> 00:14:35,943
(radio blasting)
I hate this '80s crap.
376
00:14:35,976 --> 00:14:38,178
One good thing
about a head injury:
377
00:14:38,211 --> 00:14:40,847
There's a good chance
I won't remember any of this.
378
00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:42,549
Oh, great.
A one-way street.
379
00:14:42,582 --> 00:14:45,185
How does that work if
I'm going backwards?
380
00:14:45,218 --> 00:14:47,354
And on this joyous day,
381
00:14:47,387 --> 00:14:50,290
as we celebrate the occasion
of two souls
382
00:14:50,323 --> 00:14:53,193
joining into one...
383
00:14:53,226 --> 00:14:55,095
Do you think this
is going to be
384
00:14:55,128 --> 00:14:56,796
one of those long services?
385
00:14:58,831 --> 00:15:02,602
What's wrong?
386
00:15:02,635 --> 00:15:04,437
Did you know
that your family
387
00:15:04,471 --> 00:15:06,073
has given me a nickname?
388
00:15:06,106 --> 00:15:07,140
Really?
389
00:15:07,174 --> 00:15:08,308
That's nice.
390
00:15:08,341 --> 00:15:09,609
What is it?
391
00:15:11,478 --> 00:15:15,648
Lois... Common... Denominator.
392
00:15:18,251 --> 00:15:20,620
Hey, come on.
393
00:15:20,653 --> 00:15:22,789
It's just that they've
never seen anyone like you.
394
00:15:22,822 --> 00:15:26,393
I mean, you're, you're
honest, and, uh...
395
00:15:26,426 --> 00:15:28,261
unpretentious.
396
00:15:28,295 --> 00:15:29,896
Direct.
397
00:15:29,929 --> 00:15:33,300
They're baffled by that.
398
00:15:33,333 --> 00:15:36,069
I'm the only one
that gets you, Lois,
399
00:15:36,103 --> 00:15:37,837
and, frankly, I...
400
00:15:37,870 --> 00:15:40,407
I like that.
401
00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:43,643
Kind of makes you
my secret treasure.
402
00:15:48,381 --> 00:15:51,051
Oh, Hal.
403
00:15:52,852 --> 00:15:55,955
...between the Lord and us,
his servants,
404
00:15:55,989 --> 00:15:59,759
two people
brought together in love...
405
00:15:59,792 --> 00:16:03,630
(moaning softly)
406
00:16:14,041 --> 00:16:15,942
Oh, for God's sake.
407
00:16:15,975 --> 00:16:17,444
You kids again?
408
00:16:17,477 --> 00:16:19,179
And a head injury.
409
00:16:19,212 --> 00:16:22,115
You boys like to keep it
interesting, don't you?
410
00:16:22,149 --> 00:16:24,784
We kind of have a history here.
411
00:16:24,817 --> 00:16:26,486
* I was in the right place
412
00:16:26,519 --> 00:16:28,888
* But it must have been
the wrong time *
413
00:16:28,921 --> 00:16:31,124
* I was saying the right thing
414
00:16:31,158 --> 00:16:33,626
* But I must have used
the wrong line *
415
00:16:33,660 --> 00:16:35,662
* I was in the right world
(loud pop)
416
00:16:35,695 --> 00:16:39,332
* But it seem like it's wrong,
wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong. *
417
00:16:44,771 --> 00:16:47,207
Look, Doc, uh,
about the bill...
418
00:16:47,240 --> 00:16:49,176
Oh, don't worry.
We'll send it to your parents.
419
00:16:49,209 --> 00:16:50,677
Yeah, well...
420
00:16:50,710 --> 00:16:52,912
we were kind of thinking
we'd pay for it now.
421
00:16:52,945 --> 00:16:55,915
Okeydokey, but it's probably
going to be about $400.
422
00:16:55,948 --> 00:16:57,217
What?!
$400?
423
00:16:57,250 --> 00:16:58,918
MALCOLM:
Don't you have some kind
424
00:16:58,951 --> 00:17:01,254
of frequent customer discount
like at the car wash?
425
00:17:01,288 --> 00:17:03,022
Or maybe we could work it off.
426
00:17:03,056 --> 00:17:05,325
We could empty bedpans,
or wash cadavers.
427
00:17:05,358 --> 00:17:07,859
It's probably not nearly as cool
as it sounds.
428
00:17:07,894 --> 00:17:09,929
Sorry.
429
00:17:12,398 --> 00:17:15,602
Well, we're screwed.
430
00:17:15,635 --> 00:17:17,704
Come on, there's
got to be something
431
00:17:17,737 --> 00:17:20,207
we can do, someone
we can call.
432
00:17:20,240 --> 00:17:21,540
There's no one, Malcolm.
433
00:17:21,574 --> 00:17:23,576
Actually, there might be,
434
00:17:23,609 --> 00:17:25,678
but I'm not sure
if it's worth it.
435
00:17:25,712 --> 00:17:27,579
(gasping):
Oh, Malcolm!
436
00:17:27,614 --> 00:17:28,915
Are you all right?
437
00:17:28,948 --> 00:17:30,717
Sorry it took
me so long.
438
00:17:30,750 --> 00:17:32,452
I was having a little
Chardonnay when you called,
439
00:17:32,485 --> 00:17:34,020
and I had to take a cab.
440
00:17:34,053 --> 00:17:36,189
Oh, God, I knew we made
a deeper connection.
441
00:17:36,223 --> 00:17:37,624
I just knew it.
442
00:17:37,657 --> 00:17:39,526
Now, I know it's
going to be hard
443
00:17:39,559 --> 00:17:41,761
to turn against your parents,
but in time, you'll see...
444
00:17:41,794 --> 00:17:42,962
No! You don't understand.
445
00:17:42,995 --> 00:17:44,364
My parents didn't do this.
446
00:17:44,397 --> 00:17:45,598
It was just an accident,
447
00:17:45,632 --> 00:17:47,267
and they can't find out
about it.
448
00:17:47,300 --> 00:17:48,268
What?
449
00:17:48,301 --> 00:17:50,303
It's kind of complicated.
450
00:17:50,337 --> 00:17:52,439
See, my parents are away
at a wedding,
451
00:17:52,472 --> 00:17:53,940
and my brother is home
452
00:17:53,973 --> 00:17:55,608
from military school
to take care of us.
453
00:17:55,642 --> 00:17:57,410
And, you know,
I don't think people
454
00:17:57,444 --> 00:17:59,479
should be punished just 'cause
their dad uses cheap nails.
455
00:17:59,512 --> 00:18:01,581
And we need...
We need $400, lady.
456
00:18:01,614 --> 00:18:04,217
Will you let me talk?!
457
00:18:04,251 --> 00:18:05,985
We need the money
for the doctor bill
458
00:18:06,018 --> 00:18:08,121
because if my parents find out
that I got hurt,
459
00:18:08,155 --> 00:18:10,123
then they'll send Francis away,
and we'll never
460
00:18:10,157 --> 00:18:14,361
see him again, and, you know,
we love him.
461
00:18:15,495 --> 00:18:18,131
Malcolm, I can't do that.
462
00:18:18,165 --> 00:18:20,767
But you said,
if I ever needed anything...
463
00:18:20,800 --> 00:18:23,503
Yes, I was talking
about emotional stuff.
464
00:18:23,536 --> 00:18:27,840
I... Do you have any idea
what a teacher earns?
465
00:18:27,874 --> 00:18:30,810
I have $62 in my
checking account.
466
00:18:30,843 --> 00:18:32,145
They take credit cards.
467
00:18:32,179 --> 00:18:34,414
I'm sorry.
468
00:18:34,447 --> 00:18:38,318
I'm... I'm-I'm just sorry.
469
00:18:42,455 --> 00:18:44,657
We can break her.
Guilt. Go for guilt.
470
00:18:44,691 --> 00:18:45,992
I got it.
471
00:18:46,025 --> 00:18:47,294
That's okay.
472
00:18:47,327 --> 00:18:49,829
Thanks, anyway.
473
00:18:51,063 --> 00:18:52,799
Well, squirt,
looks like I'm
474
00:18:52,832 --> 00:18:54,801
going to be going
back to military school
475
00:18:54,834 --> 00:18:56,836
and I'm not going
to see you for a really,
476
00:18:56,869 --> 00:18:58,471
really long time.
477
00:18:59,972 --> 00:19:01,140
But I need you to be brave.
478
00:19:01,174 --> 00:19:02,442
Can you do that for me,
huh, squirt?
479
00:19:02,475 --> 00:19:04,611
Stop, Francis!
480
00:19:04,644 --> 00:19:06,012
I wish I
could, kiddo,
481
00:19:06,045 --> 00:19:07,647
but I can't.
482
00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:11,117
(Dewey crying)
483
00:19:11,150 --> 00:19:12,685
Why are you doing this?
484
00:19:12,719 --> 00:19:14,221
I'm not doing this, Dewey.
485
00:19:14,254 --> 00:19:16,489
It's just the way life is
sometimes.
486
00:19:16,523 --> 00:19:18,124
(Dewey crying)
487
00:19:18,157 --> 00:19:20,059
Please stop crying.
488
00:19:20,092 --> 00:19:21,861
It hurts!
I know it does.
489
00:19:21,894 --> 00:19:23,330
It hurts me, too.
490
00:19:23,363 --> 00:19:25,965
Wait! I'll, I'll do it.
491
00:19:25,998 --> 00:19:28,601
I guess Jamaica
isn't going anywhere.
492
00:19:29,736 --> 00:19:31,338
Where is my credit card?
493
00:19:31,371 --> 00:19:32,905
It fell out
of your wallet.
494
00:19:32,939 --> 00:19:34,307
How did that happen? It...
495
00:19:34,341 --> 00:19:35,542
Let's go.
496
00:19:35,575 --> 00:19:37,009
Processing is
right over there.
497
00:19:37,043 --> 00:19:38,478
It's right near the
vending machines.
498
00:19:38,511 --> 00:19:39,646
Do you have any change?
499
00:19:39,679 --> 00:19:41,047
Thank you.
500
00:19:41,080 --> 00:19:43,049
Way to take one
for the team, buddy.
501
00:19:43,082 --> 00:19:44,251
When we get home,
502
00:19:44,284 --> 00:19:46,319
you can eat ice cream
until you puke.
503
00:19:46,353 --> 00:19:49,656
(still sobbing):
Yay.
504
00:19:49,689 --> 00:19:53,760
(whooping and laughing)
505
00:19:59,532 --> 00:20:03,803
(groaning and exclaiming)
506
00:20:08,207 --> 00:20:10,610
Huh. Well...
507
00:20:10,643 --> 00:20:12,111
I don't see any holes
508
00:20:12,144 --> 00:20:14,614
or crappy attempts
to plaster them up.
509
00:20:14,647 --> 00:20:16,383
But I'm sure there's something.
510
00:20:16,416 --> 00:20:18,885
There's always something.
511
00:20:20,653 --> 00:20:22,889
What are you hiding
underneath that hat?
512
00:20:22,922 --> 00:20:24,591
Nothing. I was just wearing...
513
00:20:29,429 --> 00:20:32,932
You boys.
514
00:20:32,965 --> 00:20:35,302
That's it?!
515
00:20:35,335 --> 00:20:37,203
So, you guys think
Francis did a good job
516
00:20:37,236 --> 00:20:38,305
taking care of us, then?
517
00:20:38,338 --> 00:20:39,439
Oh, a great job.
518
00:20:39,472 --> 00:20:40,773
Yeah?
LOIS:
Absolutely.
519
00:20:40,807 --> 00:20:42,375
You know, Francis,
we were having our doubts
520
00:20:42,409 --> 00:20:45,044
about that school, but
it's really matured you.
521
00:20:45,077 --> 00:20:48,080
In fact, I think it's the
best decision we ever made.
522
00:20:48,114 --> 00:20:49,282
(chuckling)
523
00:20:50,983 --> 00:20:54,153
Mom: 62,437.
524
00:20:54,186 --> 00:20:56,155
Kids: zero.
525
00:20:58,925 --> 00:21:01,761
So, we get to see Francis again
in a month or two.
526
00:21:01,794 --> 00:21:04,397
I know. It sucks,
but we gave it a shot.
527
00:21:04,431 --> 00:21:06,966
And school's easier now
because Caroline won't even
528
00:21:06,999 --> 00:21:08,901
make eye contact
with me anymore,
529
00:21:08,935 --> 00:21:11,771
so it wasn't a complete waste,
and Mom always says
530
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it's not a wasted experience
if you learn something from it,
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and I definitely think I did.
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00:21:16,976 --> 00:21:19,812
Okay! Ready!
33693
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