All language subtitles for Dream On (1990) S06E24.en

We start from the andante, please.

Bravo! Bravissimo!

That was great.

We should have a dinner party.

Excuse me?

The last few weekends,
we had dinner with the Lustmans

and the Muriyamas,
and the Ollins,

and we should reciprocate.

That's what you were thinking
about while we were just--

No, no, no, no,
you were wonderful.

God, I'm still tingling.

Uh, we'll do it on the 20th,

because the 13th
is a long weekend

and the 27th
is some Jewish holiday.

- Okay?
- I can hardly wait.

Fine, I'll see if Eddie's free.

Why?

Isn't Eddie invited? What?

I can't have anyone
from my team?

- It's all couples.
- He'll bring a date.

Yeah, like the one he brought
to the Arts Foundation dinner?

- Oh...
- Okay, so no date.

But, uh, we'll put him
at the kids' table.

Look, you can see Eddie anytime,
just not on the 20th.

Fine.

Or on the 10th,
we have plans with the Broders.

The 18th is the Gordons.

Uh, 25th and 26th are bad.

I will never see him again
in my life.

Hey, bud.

Can't you knock?

- I've got an open marker here.
- Sorry.

Guess what my new assistant
just gave me.

- Nice little crabs.
- I don't know, an apple?

No, this.

A 1970 NBA championship

on Laser Disc narrated
by Marv Albert.

Tonight, game one, my place,

big screen, pizza, beer.

Yes!

No, Eddie, I can't.

You know, I have plans.

Well, blow them off!

I would, I would,
but it's Judith.

- You know, she's got--
- A neck?

Right, right, and inside
the neck are inflamed tonsils.

- You know,
and she can't even talk.
- Oh.

Judith called,
she wants you to bring home
some wine for the party tonight.

If you want, my cousin
can get you a deal on a case.

Yeah, you know,
the labels are scraped off,

but you can still tell
the white from red.

You are so full of shit.
You're having
another one of those

little couple get-togethers,
aren't you?

Are you calling me a liar?

Judith called again.
She says she's gonna
sit everybody at the party

boy, girl, boy, girl,

not husbands on one side,
wives on the other.

Okay, okay, so I lied.

Truth is, Judith didn't
invite you because she didn't
want you to feel uncomfortable.

- It's one of those
couple get-togethers.
- That's okay. That's okay.

If you were the single guy

and I were
the fair-weathered friend,

I might do the same,
but probably not.

That's no way
to treat an old friend.

Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, Eddie.

Eddie, come on. Come on.

Eddie, I want you to come.
You know, we both do.

You know Judith,
and sometimes she just,

you know, she cares too much,

but please, please be calm.

No, no, I wouldn't
wanna be a seventh wheel.

Actually,
you'd be the ninth wheel,

but you wouldn't be because
you're Eddie Charles, right?

You'd be the hub of the wheel.
The rest of us would just be,
like, eight spokes.

Well, if it's not
too much trouble.

Of course not. Of course not.

I'll just call Judith
and we'll just, you know,
set another place.

What are you doing?

Uh, just setting
another place, you know,
in case somebody pops in.

- Pops in? Who pops in?
- People.

You know, a neighbor,
your sister,

I don't know, Eddie,
or an old colleague of yours.

- You invited Eddie.
- No. No.

But you know Eddie.

He's impulsive
and unpredictable and...

- Hey!
- ...he's here.

- Am I early?
- No, no, look.

He brought a cheese wheel.

Hub of the wheel, cheese wheel.

This is gonna be great.

It took me three months
to pick a pediatrician,

and then he goes
and retires on me.

I got a guy for you.
You are gonna love him.

- Better than Miller?
- Oh.

He's in there
without a whip or a gun.

Federer is
the pediatricians' pediatrician.

Eddie's got a great story
about a pediatrician.

Go ahead, tell them.

Well, actually,
it's about a podiatrist.

And his name was, get this,

Dr. Footlick.

Footlick?

Footlick. He was a foot doctor.

I mean, that's like having
a proctologist named Buttlick.

Wait.

Isn't Dr. Federer the guy
that they flew to Washington

to treat Chelsea Clinton's
prickly heat?

- Exactly.
- Oh, he is the best.

You know who makes great
bouillabaisse? Jamie Vane.

Of course, that's because
Chris bought her a Viking range.

Uh-oh, here it comes.

She wants me to spend $25,000
to remodel the kitchen

because, quote,
"Our ice tastes funny."

- Come on, honey.
It does.
- It doesn't.

Did anyone catch
my show yesterday?

Well, anyway, Shirley Jones
proceeds to make the scale model

of The Partridge Family bus
out of mashed potatoes.

We don't watch
actual TV programs,

just two-second snippets.

Dean has domain over the remote.

I call him Colonel Clicker.

I have to have domain
over something.
You annexed all the closets.

We put in three walk-in closets.
I get a hanger and a hook.

Well, anyway, Marty Eagle
starts to make this gravy--

At least you have a hanger.

I've got four Armani suits
stuffed in a gym bag.

Oh.

So, where's your wife tonight?

Did you see him play Saturday
night? Come on. He's awesome.

I never saw anybody
dominate the low post like that.

Hey, hey!
Are you talking about Ewing?
I was just at the game in Miami.

"Ewing in the paint!
Unstoppable!"

Actually, we're talking
about Dean's son.

He's tearing up
the Tom Thumb League.

Yeah, well,
he's scored two already.

He really should be in
the Jiminy Cricket division.

Oh, good for him.

You know, I'm just gonna--

Never mind.

Oh, no! You can't do that!

You can't give up, Eddie.
You just can't!

Hey! Where are you going?

Oh, somewhere where
I'm a little less out of place,

like a KKK rally.

What do you mean?
You fit in like a...

- Black sheep.
- ...a finger in a dike.

Look, I don't belong here.

I have way too much
closet space.

I-- I'll just talk to you,
you know, whenever.

Eddie!

Something's come between us.

I don't want that to happen.

Bud, we're old friends.

I think we're
gonna be all right.

Look at this dog.

- Hey! Hey!
- I forgot,

Maura Kramer called this morning
that they owe us a dinner.

Oh.
Can't we just take it in cash?

- No.
- Hey!

- Hi!
- I thought that was you.

Oh, Martin, look who it is!

Never seen her before
in my life.

Hey, hey, it's you.

You know, Martin,
I haven't seen you
since the Christmas party.

Right, the Christmas party,
yeah, I was...

Drunk as usual.

...there, and you were there.

- You look great.
- Thank you, so do you.

Are you still at the magazine?

Yes, actually, I just did
the greatest cover story.

- I hope you get
a chance to read it.
- I will, I promise. How's Roger?

Yeah, how is old Roger?
He's a great guy.

- I broke up with him.
- Good move. It was about time.

Yeah, actually, I have
sworn off investment bankers.

I decided that anyone
that can refer to sex

as a hostile takeover
is not for me.

Excuse me.

Ah, good for you, Rema.

I have just the man for you.

Hey, hey, Rema,
don't you wanna do a dinner?

In fact, how about our place,
eight o'clock on Friday?

- Oh, great.
- Sounds great.

I'll bring dessert.

Great,
I'll bring my friend Eddie.

And then we'll be four,
you know,
like Lou Gehrig's number.

- I'll see you then.
- I'll see you in there.

- I'll hold you a seat.
- Okay.

What? What?

- What, it's-- it's perfect.
- Next, please.

What could they possibly have
in common other than the fact
that they're both Black

and then they both
have seen you drunk?

Come on, Jude. What did we
have in common before we met?

Look, it's just one dinner.
I think Eddie's
really gonna like her.

She's 37?

- That's old enough to be--
- Appropriate?

Come on, Eddie,
she's very successful.

She writes for
Homebody Magazine.

Oh, great, great.
We can make tea cozies
out of old pajamas.

I did that on last week's show
with Lloyd Bridges.

See? See?
It's the perfect ice breaker.

Isn't it time you dated
someone of your own stature, or
at least of your own generation?

Look, I'm happy with my life.

I like going to clubs
that open at midnight.

I like the women I date,
especially, uh--

What the fuck is her name?

Come on, Eddie,
it's just one dinner.

- You know, I...
- I've ordered two daiquiris.

One for you and one for me.

I miss you.

...I'll serve
macaroni and cheese.

All right, fine, fine.
But the minute she starts
to have a hot flash,

I'm out the door.

Really?

You are clearly
the heart of that show.

- The blonde--
- Christy.

- Christy, Christy.
She has got to be--
- Dumber than a throw pillow?

Exactly.

You remember you did that--
The Civil War week.

That poor thing. She kept
referring to the north...

As General Lou Grant's army.

Can you believe it?

Yes, indeed, a lovely couple.

- Did you remember that?
- Yeah.

Eddie, isn't your daughter
a history major at Ithaca State?

- You have a daughter?
- Yeah, that, a Range Rover,
and a summer house.

Yeah, her name is Linda.
She's pre-med.

- You should see this house--
- It is the most amazing story.

They never even met until
she was, what, 20 years old?

Then I'll assume that you're not
still married to her mother.

No, never was.

He was married to someone else,
but it didn't work out either.

Yeah, my marriage
was a lot like the Civil War.

Bitter, costly, but in the end,
I was a free man.

Rema, why don't you go
in the kitchen and put
the finishing touches on

that beautiful dessert
that you brought?

And, Eddie, why don't you
help her finish touching?

Oh, yeah. Sure.

You know,
that is a gorgeous outfit.

- You look so good in green.
Always had.
- Yeah, we'll be right back.

Yeah, it's just those
three little words,
"fab-u-lous," right?

- What the hell are you doing?
- What?

I'm just trying to give Rema
the complete picture.

The only thing you left out
is that Eddie had chlamydia
freshman year.

Just sit down. Sit down.
Look, Rema's a big girl, okay?

She can take care of herself.

Besides,
they're getting along great.

Well, I don't know.
Sure, they're being
real polite to each other,

but so were the Von Bülows,
and look what happened to Sunny.

You're right. You're right.

Look at them,
like oil and water.

Martin, this isn't
a competition.

Good, good,
because you would have lost.

Um, I really
should be getting home.

I've got to rewrite an article
on buttons.

Yeah, I should go, too.

I got an early morning show
to do on Monday.

- Uh, you need a ride?
- If it's not too much trouble.

Well, thanks for coming.

I had a great time. Thank you.

- Let's do it again real soon.
- Thanks a lot.

- Okay. Night.
- Okay.

Be careful out there, okay?

It worked. It worked.

Can you put some more
anti-shine on my forehead?

I look like
I'm wearing a miner's hat.

- Hey!
- Hey!

Hey, Bud. Good to see you.

- What's up?
- Not much. Where you been?

I left you, like,
five messages last week.

- Three minutes.
- Yeah, Rema and I have been

doing some gardening
at our place in Connecticut.

We've been working
mostly on the snap peas.

- That sounds serious.
- Oh, man, she is great.

We haven't spent
a night apart since we met.

Great, well,
welcome to the world of couples.

It's this whole thing
about owing dinners, right?

- And you owe us one,
so how about the 23rd?
- The 23rd.

Would you sit still? Unless
you wanna look like a road map.

No, man. The 23rd is no good.

- We're going antiquing.
- Okay.

Uh, well, how about the 24th?

24th, we're taking
Rema's parents to the Opera.

Hey, what about me?

All right, look. Let's--

Okay, the 30th is open, okay?
I'll make the reservations,
you pay the charge.

No, no, man.
The 30th is no good.

Uh, it's our one-month
anniversary.

I'm taking her to the Bahamas.

What Bahamas, all it says here

is "Respect
for the aged day, Japan."

Ah, well...

now it's official.

Besides, I already got
the tickets, and they're
non-refundable, so...

Okay.
Okay, when you get next year's
refill pages, let me know, okay?

Maybe I can see you
for five minutes.

- Ready, Mr. Charles.
- Look, man, I got to go.
I'll tell you what.

When I get back from
the Bahamas, we'll all go out.

The four of us, I promise.

You and your big ideas,
they never work.

- Hey.
- Hey.

Enjoy yourself?

As much as one can
when one pees.

Well, good.

Because I want you
to be happy tonight.

And every night. And day.

Excuse me.

Your waiter
will be right with you.

Thank you.

Hello, Tupper,
eight o'clock for two, please.

Do you have a reservation?

I'm just guessing,
but it's probably under Tupper,
eight o'clock for two.

Ah, yes. Here it is.

My mistake.
I put it under snide.

Follow me, please.

- Oh, sh...
- Honey, are you all right?

You seem a little fidgety.

No, it's just that, you know,

I was thinking
about how great my life

has been with you so far.

Oh, gosh.

Well, you know
what I'm in the mood for?

Swordfish.

I don't fucking believe it.

Well, I don't have
to have swordfish.

Oh, no. No, it's Rema and Eddie.

He's-- He's--

Like a snake
or a lizard or something.

He's here. And he told me
they were going to the Bahamas.

No, no, no. Don't go over there.

They look like
they wanna be alone.

Well, they can be alone with us.

It's just that ever since
I met you, it's been like,

I don't know,
a whole new person in my life.

- Martin, hi.
- Hi.

I'm surprised to see you guys.
The food here is great,

but it's kind of a hike
from the Caribbean.

By this, I'm guessing you mean
why don't we join you?

- Okay. Jude?
- It's okay with me.

But we're gonna
have to turn you down

because there's not
enough chairs here.

No problem.
You can join us, shall we?

Can I talk to you for a minute?

Sweetheart, we'll be right back.

Okay.

Look, man.

Look, you are being
a real asshole.

I'm being an asshole?
I'm not the one who lied.

I'm not the one
who's been avoiding me.

- Hey. Can I speak for a second?
- Go. Go.

I don't know what you could
possibly say to de-asshole
yourself.

- Go ahead.
- It's just that--

Look, I was about to ask Rema
to marry me, asshole.

- You're kidding.
- Does this look like
I'm kidding?

Fuck.

Does this look like I'm kidding?

Eddie, you met this woman,
like, Tuesday.

I know I've only known her
for a month, but I feel like
I've known her my whole life.

That'd be true if you were
a month old, but you're not.

You're not.
You're hundreds of months old.

Excuse me, but I'm going
to have to ask you gentlemen

either to step aside
or to start folding napkins.

Come on.

Look, look, all I'm saying is it
might not be such a good idea.

You rushed into
marrying Jeanette, right?

- Look what happened there.
- Who the hell are you
to give advice?

You've been in and out of
the same fucked-up relationship
the last 20 years.

- We're not talking about me.
- Oh.

You think you know
yourself, right?

Believe me, I know you better.
And I'm concerned.

I'm concerned, Eddie.
I'm concerned that maybe
Rema's not your-- your type.

What the hell is
that supposed to mean?

- You set me up with her.
- That was so we could hang out.

Oh, really? I thought you may
have wanted to see me happy.

Yeah, yeah, that too.
Oh, Eddie, Rema's terrific.

I'm telling you,
pretty soon you're gonna
rediscover your taste for...

- Ranky-tanky.
- ...women not Rema's type.

When you got engaged to Judith,
did I tell you that she was
a stuck up flat-chested bitch?

No. It wasn't my place.

Okay. You know what I think?
This is all a reaction to me
getting back with Judith.

And who the hell asked you?

Eddie, I know what it's like
to be 40 and alone.

I know, but you shouldn't panic.

You know what I think?
I think you should
go fuck yourself, asshole.

That's gratitude.

Martin.

We really have to get Eddie
and Rema an engagement present.

We've got a year, okay?
It can wait.

I know you're upset, but
sometimes, a person's feelings,

however valid they may seem,
can prevent them from
perceiving an objective reality.

Hold on, I'm just gonna grab
my shrink-to-English dictionary.

- Okay?
- All right, I guess what
I'm saying is Eddie's right.

You're being an asshole.

They both speak with
the tongue of the snake.

What are you
taking his side for?

He's the one that called you
a stuck up flat-chested bitch.

Well, I'm sure
that he was just upset.

Anyway, you know,
things are changing.

He's in a new relationship.
You're in a new relationship.

Sort of.

But if you want
the friendship to last,

you're gonna have to learn to
adjust and accept those changes.

No, no thanks.

- Talk to him.
- I don't think so, no.

Martin, just talk to him.

All right.

Okay.

And when you do,
tell him I think he's shallow

and dresses like a pimp.

Hey.

It was a great show.

I didn't even know Bert Young
had an exercise video.

I got you this
engagement present, you know.

I think you're gonna love it.

- Okay.
- Well, what is it?

Uh, well, it makes jam.

Or bread, or...

I don't know. Judith got it.

You know,
but it's the best, you know.

It's got these digital numbers
and all this and...

Eddie.

I'm sorry.

Well, you should be.

I-- I just didn't want you
to rush into anything.

Yeah, me?

Remember what you said to me
the night you met Judith?

Uh...

No, no, but it probably
had something to do with
you owing me pot.

You said,
"I'm gonna marry this woman."

And I thought that
would never happen to me,
that I would never be that sure.

And then I met Rema.

And I figured if anyone
would understand, you would.

He's got more brains
and a bigger heart
than anyone I know.

And I should have
listened to him.

He's the best friend I ever had.

You're right.

You're right, and I'm very,
very happy for you.

How long are you gonna
stay mad at me, anyway?

Until I'm not mad
at you anymore.

I'm still gonna be
your best man, right?

I mean, I better.
I mean, you don't have
any brothers, you know.

- And I'm your only friend.
- Oh, really?
What about Sheldon Gollin?

- He would've never
yelled at me at the restaurant.
- No, no, no, no.

Big Balls Sheldon
was not your friend.

You used to call him
Big Balls all the time.

Well, they were huge.

Real friends are
hard to find nowadays.

You two wanna hang together.