Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:09,270 --> 00:00:10,445
- ♪ I'm goin' down
to South Park ♪
2
00:00:10,488 --> 00:00:12,403
♪ Gonna have myself a time
3
00:00:12,447 --> 00:00:13,883
- ♪ Friendly faces
everywhere ♪
4
00:00:13,970 --> 00:00:15,754
♪ Humble folks
without temptation ♪
5
00:00:15,885 --> 00:00:16,973
- ♪ I'm goin' down
to South Park ♪
6
00:00:17,104 --> 00:00:18,888
♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪
7
00:00:18,931 --> 00:00:20,672
- ♪ Ample parking day
or night ♪
8
00:00:20,759 --> 00:00:22,457
♪ People spouting,
"Howdy, neighbor" ♪
9
00:00:22,544 --> 00:00:23,675
- ♪ I'm headin' on down
to South Park ♪
10
00:00:23,762 --> 00:00:25,808
♪ Gonna see
if I can't unwind ♪
11
00:00:29,116 --> 00:00:30,291
- ♪ Come on down
to South Park ♪
12
00:00:30,334 --> 00:00:32,119
♪ And meet some friends
of mine ♪
13
00:00:37,211 --> 00:00:38,821
The past few months
have just been...
14
00:00:38,908 --> 00:00:41,302
really awful.
15
00:00:41,432 --> 00:00:42,955
There were these ICE raids
16
00:00:43,086 --> 00:00:46,133
and my dad's company
went out of business.
17
00:00:46,176 --> 00:00:47,873
Then we lost our house
and had to move
18
00:00:47,917 --> 00:00:51,094
into the old folks home
with my grandpa.
19
00:00:51,225 --> 00:00:52,748
It's like
everything keeps changing
20
00:00:52,878 --> 00:00:55,446
and I really don't know
how to cope with it.
21
00:00:57,492 --> 00:00:59,102
- Uh-huh.
22
00:00:59,146 --> 00:01:00,886
And how exactly do you feel
like shit has changed, bro?
23
00:01:04,281 --> 00:01:07,023
- Well, Jesus,
It just seems like
24
00:01:07,154 --> 00:01:08,720
people aren't really
as kind and giving
25
00:01:08,807 --> 00:01:10,374
as they used to be, you know?
26
00:01:10,418 --> 00:01:12,115
Like, I just got some money
from Saudi Arabia
27
00:01:12,246 --> 00:01:13,595
and I'm thinking of sharing it.
28
00:01:13,725 --> 00:01:16,467
'Cause I feel like that's what
everyone needs right now.
29
00:01:16,511 --> 00:01:19,905
Like, a big Christmas miracle?
30
00:01:22,256 --> 00:01:24,388
- Sounds like some socialist
bullshit to me, bro.
31
00:01:25,911 --> 00:01:27,043
- Jesus, I don't wanna live
32
00:01:27,174 --> 00:01:28,697
in an old folks home anymore,
OK?
33
00:01:28,740 --> 00:01:30,220
Now, I don't know what's
made you change like this,
34
00:01:30,351 --> 00:01:33,484
but we need some
God damn Christmas magic!
35
00:01:33,527 --> 00:01:36,747
- Hey, baby, I brought us
some Pinot Grigio!
36
00:01:36,792 --> 00:01:38,620
What took you so long?
37
00:01:38,750 --> 00:01:41,536
- Don't be mad--I was out
doing my charity work!
38
00:01:41,622 --> 00:01:42,928
I'm a Christian,
39
00:01:42,972 --> 00:01:44,800
so I sing to people in need!
40
00:01:44,930 --> 00:01:47,281
- Just shut up
and pour me that shit.
41
00:01:47,411 --> 00:01:49,065
You wanna make
your life better, Stan?
42
00:01:49,109 --> 00:01:50,762
Join the frickin' club!
43
00:01:50,806 --> 00:01:53,200
This is the time of year we all
wish things were better.
44
00:01:53,330 --> 00:01:55,723
But trust me,
nothing miraculous
45
00:01:55,767 --> 00:01:58,640
is gonna happen to anyone.
46
00:02:04,602 --> 00:02:06,387
- ♪ The crib is decorated
47
00:02:06,430 --> 00:02:08,431
♪ And the nursery's
all planned ♪
48
00:02:08,476 --> 00:02:12,393
♪ I put holly on the diapers
With all the love I can ♪
49
00:02:12,523 --> 00:02:14,351
♪ Tiny dreams in tinsel glow ♪
50
00:02:14,438 --> 00:02:16,223
♪ What's more special than ♪
51
00:02:16,353 --> 00:02:20,662
♪ A new baby at Christmastime ♪
52
00:02:20,792 --> 00:02:23,360
- Only days remain
until America meets
53
00:02:23,447 --> 00:02:25,841
President Trump's demon spawn.
54
00:02:25,884 --> 00:02:29,279
How Satan will give birth to
the butt baby is still unclear,
55
00:02:29,410 --> 00:02:32,804
but everyone knows
the crap-out is coming.
56
00:02:32,848 --> 00:02:34,589
- ♪ Don the wipes
and mistletoe ♪
57
00:02:34,676 --> 00:02:36,460
♪ There's so much to be done ♪
58
00:02:36,547 --> 00:02:40,464
♪ We'll drink eggnog and cocoa
when labor has begun ♪
59
00:02:40,551 --> 00:02:44,381
♪ So many reasons to be glad,
and I'll be having one ♪
60
00:02:44,468 --> 00:02:48,472
♪ A new baby at Christmastime ♪
61
00:02:48,516 --> 00:02:52,259
♪ I will love the baby
and so will its dad ♪
62
00:02:52,302 --> 00:02:55,827
♪ We will be so...
Wait a minute.
63
00:02:55,871 --> 00:02:58,003
Where the hell is he?
64
00:02:58,134 --> 00:02:59,483
Donald?
65
00:02:59,614 --> 00:03:01,616
Donald!
66
00:03:01,703 --> 00:03:03,183
Where is Donald?
67
00:03:03,270 --> 00:03:04,575
- Oh, sorry, Satan.
68
00:03:04,619 --> 00:03:05,968
The President had to fly
to Colorado
69
00:03:06,011 --> 00:03:07,491
on an urgent matter.
70
00:03:07,578 --> 00:03:11,060
- An urgent matter?
Are you serious right now?
71
00:03:11,191 --> 00:03:13,497
I told him this was the day
72
00:03:13,541 --> 00:03:16,283
we were going to sing songs
and decorate the nursery!
73
00:03:16,326 --> 00:03:18,459
What is he doing
that's more urgent than that?
74
00:03:18,502 --> 00:03:21,070
- Sorry, it's all high-level
classified stuff.
75
00:03:21,113 --> 00:03:23,028
Even we don't have clearance
to know what he's doing.
76
00:03:23,072 --> 00:03:26,858
- He is such a piece a shit!
77
00:03:26,902 --> 00:03:30,297
He does this to me
all the time!
78
00:03:30,340 --> 00:03:34,953
I'm about to have this baby,
and he's out fucking around!
79
00:03:37,608 --> 00:03:38,870
- Hormones, huh?
80
00:03:38,957 --> 00:03:41,090
- It is strange
that the President hasn't
81
00:03:41,177 --> 00:03:43,614
even informed me
why he's going to Colorado.
82
00:03:43,658 --> 00:03:45,573
- Well, the President said
it's top secret
83
00:03:45,703 --> 00:03:47,923
and only he and
the vice president can know.
84
00:03:48,053 --> 00:03:50,621
Whatever they're doing...
85
00:03:50,752 --> 00:03:55,235
must be part of an extremely
covert military operation.
86
00:03:59,543 --> 00:04:01,458
- Merry Christmas!
87
00:04:01,502 --> 00:04:04,156
Relax, guy!
88
00:04:04,287 --> 00:04:07,899
Hey-hey-hey!
Relax, guy!
89
00:04:07,986 --> 00:04:10,902
- OK, Boss, this is the place.
90
00:04:10,946 --> 00:04:13,296
That is the police station
over there.
91
00:04:13,340 --> 00:04:15,690
That's where they are keeping
Peter Thiel.
92
00:04:15,777 --> 00:04:17,995
- All right,
we just gotta keep it quiet.
93
00:04:18,127 --> 00:04:20,738
Nobody can know
I want to kill this baby--ope!
94
00:04:20,869 --> 00:04:23,263
Merry Christmas!
Hey-hey-hey!
95
00:04:23,350 --> 00:04:24,655
Relax!
96
00:04:27,528 --> 00:04:29,269
Are you sure this
Peter Thiel can do it?
97
00:04:29,312 --> 00:04:30,705
- Yes, Boss.
98
00:04:30,792 --> 00:04:32,924
But we must find a way
to break him out
99
00:04:32,968 --> 00:04:34,274
of that police-
- Shh, shh, shh, shh.
100
00:04:34,361 --> 00:04:36,276
Happy holidays!
101
00:04:36,363 --> 00:04:38,452
Hey-hey-hey!
102
00:04:38,582 --> 00:04:41,672
- Oh, I'm sorry, I don't have
any spare change, mkay?
103
00:04:41,716 --> 00:04:43,500
The government cut
school funding
104
00:04:43,587 --> 00:04:45,546
so I lost my job.
105
00:04:45,676 --> 00:04:47,199
Then, you know,
everything costs more
106
00:04:47,330 --> 00:04:50,377
with all the tariffs,
and my health care got cut,
107
00:04:50,464 --> 00:04:54,163
so I'm just struggling
like a lot of Americans are.
108
00:04:56,731 --> 00:04:59,081
- All right,
well, Merry Christmas!
109
00:05:01,823 --> 00:05:03,346
- We better hurry, Boss.
110
00:05:03,477 --> 00:05:04,826
The town might be onto us,
111
00:05:04,956 --> 00:05:07,002
and the crap-out could be
any minute now.
112
00:05:07,132 --> 00:05:08,786
- OK, let's synchronize
our watches.
113
00:05:08,917 --> 00:05:12,747
It's time to complete
Operation Kill My Own Baby!
114
00:05:12,790 --> 00:05:19,057
- ♪ I'll be home
for Christmas ♪
115
00:05:19,188 --> 00:05:25,499
♪ If only in my dreams,
my dreams, my holiday dreams ♪
116
00:05:25,629 --> 00:05:28,153
Hello, seniors,
I'm Peggy Rockbottom
117
00:05:28,197 --> 00:05:30,460
here to spread
a little holiday cheer.
118
00:05:30,591 --> 00:05:33,811
You know, sometimes we forget
the reason for the season.
119
00:05:33,942 --> 00:05:36,074
But there's only one man
in my life,
120
00:05:36,205 --> 00:05:37,728
and that man is Jesus Christ.
121
00:05:37,772 --> 00:05:39,339
And I wrote this song for him.
122
00:05:41,645 --> 00:05:44,518
♪ A Christian woman knows
her place ♪
123
00:05:44,648 --> 00:05:47,433
♪ So go ahead
and punch me in the face ♪
124
00:05:47,477 --> 00:05:51,002
♪ 'Cause I deserve it,
I was wrong ♪
125
00:05:51,089 --> 00:05:53,875
♪ That's why I wrote
this holiday song ♪
126
00:05:54,005 --> 00:05:56,747
♪ With my big fake tits
and my Botox lips ♪
127
00:05:56,791 --> 00:06:00,577
♪ Saying merry Christmas,
Jesus Christ ♪
128
00:06:00,664 --> 00:06:03,319
Come on, seniors, sing along!
129
00:06:03,450 --> 00:06:06,540
♪ A Christian woman knows
her place ♪
130
00:06:06,670 --> 00:06:09,281
♪ So go ahead
and punch me in the face ♪
131
00:06:09,412 --> 00:06:12,459
♪ 'Cause I deserve it,
I was wrong ♪
132
00:06:12,589 --> 00:06:15,462
♪ That's why I wrote
this holiday song ♪
133
00:06:15,549 --> 00:06:18,682
♪ With my big fake tits
and my Botox lips ♪
134
00:06:18,769 --> 00:06:23,034
♪ To say merry Christmas,
Jesus Christ ♪
135
00:06:33,828 --> 00:06:36,570
- I don't know
if you can hear me,
136
00:06:36,700 --> 00:06:39,659
but I've been kind of wishing
for a Christmas miracle.
137
00:06:42,837 --> 00:06:45,622
If miracles can
still even happen,
138
00:06:45,709 --> 00:06:48,756
please, make it happen now.
139
00:07:04,511 --> 00:07:06,295
Yay!
140
00:07:06,426 --> 00:07:08,645
- Look, guys, it's Stanny!
141
00:07:08,689 --> 00:07:10,821
Stanny!
142
00:07:10,865 --> 00:07:12,301
- Oh, no!
143
00:07:12,344 --> 00:07:15,565
- Did you miss us, Stan?
- Oh, no!
144
00:07:20,135 --> 00:07:23,051
- That son of a bitch.
145
00:07:23,094 --> 00:07:27,316
I could give birth any minute.
146
00:07:27,403 --> 00:07:29,579
"Oh, hey, Satan,
you about to go into labor?
147
00:07:29,710 --> 00:07:31,320
"OK, how about
you go do everything,
148
00:07:31,451 --> 00:07:32,974
and I'll do nothing?"
149
00:07:33,061 --> 00:07:36,194
Oh, yeah, great idea, Donald!
Just like you always do.
150
00:07:36,325 --> 00:07:41,112
Ugh.
God, he is so disgusting.
151
00:07:41,156 --> 00:07:43,550
Ugh, he's such a pig!
152
00:07:48,076 --> 00:07:50,513
A blue jock strap?
153
00:07:50,557 --> 00:07:53,473
He doesn't wear
a blue jock strap.
154
00:07:53,516 --> 00:07:56,127
Who does this belong to?
155
00:07:56,258 --> 00:08:00,001
Vance.
156
00:08:00,044 --> 00:08:04,875
It's Vance.
157
00:08:04,919 --> 00:08:08,357
They're together.
158
00:08:08,444 --> 00:08:11,229
- What are you talking about?
159
00:08:11,360 --> 00:08:16,321
- They just wanna
kill the baby.
160
00:08:16,452 --> 00:08:17,758
- What?
161
00:08:17,888 --> 00:08:23,633
- The President...Vance...
so much sex.
162
00:08:23,764 --> 00:08:25,243
- I can't understand you
'cause you're covered
163
00:08:25,287 --> 00:08:26,506
in dried-up milk!
164
00:08:26,593 --> 00:08:29,291
- It's not milk.
165
00:08:29,378 --> 00:08:31,032
- Eww!
166
00:08:38,169 --> 00:08:41,563
Oh!
167
00:08:41,695 --> 00:08:44,785
Oh, thank God! Oh, thank God!
168
00:08:44,915 --> 00:08:47,439
- Tell me everything you know!
169
00:08:47,570 --> 00:08:50,834
- I will, but first...
please...
170
00:08:50,965 --> 00:08:55,622
I need to get...
just a little high.
171
00:08:58,842 --> 00:09:00,191
- Go away!
172
00:09:02,542 --> 00:09:03,586
- What do you guys want?
173
00:09:03,717 --> 00:09:05,588
- Well, didn't you hear, Stan?
174
00:09:05,632 --> 00:09:07,851
Satan's gonna give birth
to the antichrist!
175
00:09:07,982 --> 00:09:10,201
- Yeah,
he's gonna have a butt baby
176
00:09:10,245 --> 00:09:12,987
and there's gonna be
a big crap-out!
177
00:09:13,074 --> 00:09:15,163
- And nobody loves a crap-out
more than us!
178
00:09:17,252 --> 00:09:18,296
- Wait a minute,
wait, wait, wait.
179
00:09:18,427 --> 00:09:19,820
This doesn't make any sense!
180
00:09:19,863 --> 00:09:21,125
You guys are just something
that Cartman made up
181
00:09:21,212 --> 00:09:23,258
in his head!
182
00:09:23,388 --> 00:09:26,304
- Aww, are you really gonna
overanalyze a crap-out?
183
00:09:26,435 --> 00:09:28,568
- No way!
Crap-outs have no rules!
184
00:09:28,611 --> 00:09:30,221
Yay!
185
00:09:30,265 --> 00:09:32,702
- All right, y'all,
Stan wished us here
186
00:09:32,833 --> 00:09:35,575
to help the Prince of Darkness,
so we gotta do what he says.
187
00:09:35,662 --> 00:09:37,402
- I didn't wish for that!
188
00:09:37,446 --> 00:09:39,187
I didn't know anything
about Satan having a baby
189
00:09:39,317 --> 00:09:40,754
or crap-outs.
190
00:09:40,884 --> 00:09:42,886
- But you asked
for a Christmas miracle, Stan!
191
00:09:42,930 --> 00:09:45,628
And this crap-out's gonna
make everything better!
192
00:09:45,759 --> 00:09:48,892
- It is? Are you sure?
193
00:09:49,023 --> 00:09:51,460
- Of course!
Crap-outs are the best!
194
00:09:51,547 --> 00:09:53,549
- Come on!
Let's get to it!
195
00:09:53,593 --> 00:09:56,683
Yay!
196
00:09:59,381 --> 00:10:01,601
Oh, it's been so long.
197
00:10:03,341 --> 00:10:05,430
So then Vice President Vance,
198
00:10:05,474 --> 00:10:07,084
he doesn't want you
to have the baby, right?
199
00:10:07,215 --> 00:10:09,347
'Cause he thinks
your baby is gonna hurt
200
00:10:09,478 --> 00:10:12,133
his chances
of becoming president.
201
00:10:12,176 --> 00:10:15,789
So he convinces Trump to try
to get rid of the baby himself,
202
00:10:15,919 --> 00:10:20,358
but every time he tries,
he gets blocked by the FCC.
203
00:10:20,489 --> 00:10:24,101
- If he didn't want the baby,
why didn't he tell me?
204
00:10:24,145 --> 00:10:26,277
- They couldn't let anyone know
they wanted to get rid
205
00:10:26,364 --> 00:10:29,411
of the baby because, you know,
Republicans, abortions--
206
00:10:29,498 --> 00:10:30,891
it's a bad look.
207
00:10:32,501 --> 00:10:33,937
- So then Vance gets this guy
Peter Thiel
208
00:10:34,068 --> 00:10:36,374
to get rid of the baby,
and Thiel's about to come do it
209
00:10:36,505 --> 00:10:38,072
when Pam Bondi
suddenly finds out
210
00:10:38,159 --> 00:10:39,769
there's a plot
to kill the baby.
211
00:10:39,900 --> 00:10:43,947
So crazy, man.
You can't write this shit.
212
00:10:44,078 --> 00:10:45,819
- What did I ever see in him?
213
00:10:45,949 --> 00:10:47,995
- So then The President,
he's pissed off at Vance.
214
00:10:48,125 --> 00:10:50,475
He says, you've been
lying to me, but Vance says,
215
00:10:50,519 --> 00:10:51,738
I was just trying
to protect you,
216
00:10:51,868 --> 00:10:53,304
and then they start having sex
217
00:10:53,391 --> 00:10:54,654
over and over
and over and over---
218
00:10:54,697 --> 00:10:57,569
- Enough!
219
00:10:57,700 --> 00:11:01,182
The president hath deceived me.
220
00:11:01,312 --> 00:11:04,054
He hath deceived us all.
221
00:11:04,098 --> 00:11:07,188
And I shall make him pay.
222
00:11:09,756 --> 00:11:12,628
- Oh, hell yeah, man.
Let's go get that motherfucker.
223
00:11:16,632 --> 00:11:17,938
- ♪ What a special time,
it's a special day ♪
224
00:11:17,981 --> 00:11:19,330
♪ It's a Woodland Critter
Christmas ♪
225
00:11:19,461 --> 00:11:20,897
- Crap-out!
226
00:11:26,642 --> 00:11:28,775
- Hey! Merry Christmas!
227
00:11:28,818 --> 00:11:33,214
- Merry Christmas!
- Happy Holidays! Relax, guy!
228
00:11:33,344 --> 00:11:35,825
Hello, we're with
the Salvation Army!
229
00:11:35,956 --> 00:11:37,479
We brought some food
for your prisoners!
230
00:11:40,830 --> 00:11:44,181
- Food for the prisoners?
- Hey, relax, guy!
231
00:11:44,312 --> 00:11:46,444
This is the time of year
to give to the needy!
232
00:11:46,575 --> 00:11:49,099
We brought 'em this cake!
- We don't need your cake!
233
00:11:49,230 --> 00:11:51,885
The president's gonna come
for us, and he's gonna--oof!
234
00:11:51,928 --> 00:11:53,582
- Well, I guess
there's no harm.
235
00:11:53,713 --> 00:11:55,149
Mitch, let 'em in.
236
00:11:55,192 --> 00:11:57,978
- Hey, thanks, buddy!
237
00:11:58,021 --> 00:11:59,719
♪ We're headin'
for a crap-out ♪
238
00:11:59,806 --> 00:12:01,416
♪ Crap-out, crap-out ♪
239
00:12:01,546 --> 00:12:04,767
♪ We smell a crap-out
comin' soon ♪
240
00:12:04,811 --> 00:12:07,683
♪ Don't take the hard route
- ♪ Just get to the crap-out
241
00:12:07,814 --> 00:12:10,730
♪ Satan's gonna crap out
his anal womb ♪
242
00:12:10,817 --> 00:12:12,688
- OK, hold on a second.
243
00:12:12,819 --> 00:12:14,603
You said that Satan
was in Washington, D.C.
244
00:12:14,646 --> 00:12:16,953
- Yeah, he was,
and now he's about to be here!
245
00:12:17,040 --> 00:12:18,607
- But how can you know that?
246
00:12:18,694 --> 00:12:20,609
- Oh, for Pete's sake, Stanny,
will you just get on board
247
00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:21,566
with the crap-out already?
248
00:12:21,697 --> 00:12:23,220
- Don't worry, Stanny.
249
00:12:23,264 --> 00:12:25,179
Everything has been foretold
and nothing can stop
250
00:12:25,266 --> 00:12:26,658
the antichrist from coming.
251
00:12:26,789 --> 00:12:27,964
- Except, of course,
for Peter Thiel!
252
00:12:29,400 --> 00:12:30,793
- P-P-P-Peter Thiel!
253
00:12:30,924 --> 00:12:32,621
- Wait, you mean
the six seven guy?
254
00:12:32,752 --> 00:12:34,928
- You know Peter Thiel?
255
00:12:35,058 --> 00:12:36,930
- Yeah, he did a big dumb
assembly at the school.
256
00:12:36,973 --> 00:12:38,496
- He's here?
257
00:12:38,627 --> 00:12:39,976
- What are you gonna do,
Stanny?
258
00:12:40,020 --> 00:12:41,978
- Are you gonna kill him
and eat him?
259
00:12:42,065 --> 00:12:43,240
- All right, look.
260
00:12:43,371 --> 00:12:44,633
If I'm gonna get
on board with something,
261
00:12:44,720 --> 00:12:46,722
I need it make at least
a little bit of sense.
262
00:12:46,853 --> 00:12:49,246
- Well, OK, Susan Sontag,
we'll make sure
263
00:12:49,377 --> 00:12:51,205
it all lines up perfectly
for ya.
264
00:12:51,335 --> 00:12:53,642
Yay!
265
00:12:56,645 --> 00:12:58,995
- Peter Thiel to Red Dragon.
266
00:12:59,039 --> 00:13:00,867
Come in, Red Dragon.
267
00:13:00,997 --> 00:13:03,260
- Go ahead, guy.
This is Red Dragon.
268
00:13:03,391 --> 00:13:05,175
- I got the walkie in the cake.
269
00:13:05,219 --> 00:13:07,177
Awaiting further instructions.
270
00:13:07,221 --> 00:13:08,483
- Excellent.
271
00:13:08,613 --> 00:13:10,311
Just stand by, and we'll
find a way to get you out
272
00:13:10,441 --> 00:13:11,834
so you can kill my baby.
273
00:13:11,965 --> 00:13:13,357
Let's synchronize our watches.
274
00:13:13,401 --> 00:13:15,577
Donald!
275
00:13:15,620 --> 00:13:17,100
- Uh-oh.
276
00:13:17,231 --> 00:13:21,496
- You have lied to me.
277
00:13:21,626 --> 00:13:25,195
- Satan! We were just doing
some charity work!
278
00:13:25,239 --> 00:13:27,284
- Yeah, I don't think so!
279
00:13:27,328 --> 00:13:32,550
I told Satan every detail
of your expertly-crafted plot.
280
00:13:32,681 --> 00:13:34,944
- Boss, it's your cum rag!
281
00:13:35,075 --> 00:13:37,991
- I stayed with you
while you two are fucking
282
00:13:38,034 --> 00:13:39,557
behind my back?
283
00:13:39,688 --> 00:13:42,604
Did Donald tell you
he has genital warts?
284
00:13:44,475 --> 00:13:47,130
Hey, relax there, guy.
285
00:13:47,261 --> 00:13:48,566
- Look, there he is!
286
00:13:48,610 --> 00:13:50,133
- It's Satan!
287
00:13:50,264 --> 00:13:53,006
Yay!
288
00:13:53,049 --> 00:13:55,095
- Just as
the prophecy foretold!
289
00:13:55,225 --> 00:13:57,140
- Towelie? What's going on?
290
00:13:57,184 --> 00:14:01,101
- What's going on is the most
exquisitely woven tapestry
291
00:14:01,231 --> 00:14:04,495
of ideas
that you've ever seen, man.
292
00:14:04,539 --> 00:14:09,283
- Your deception is over,
Donald, and so are we.
293
00:14:09,326 --> 00:14:12,025
This child will be born.
294
00:14:12,155 --> 00:14:15,115
And for once,
you are going to have to live
295
00:14:15,245 --> 00:14:18,205
with the consequences
of your actions.
296
00:14:34,003 --> 00:14:36,658
- Keep your hands off
my president, bro.
297
00:14:38,529 --> 00:14:41,097
- Whoa! It's Jesus Christ!
298
00:14:41,141 --> 00:14:42,707
Aww!
299
00:14:42,751 --> 00:14:44,535
- This happens to be
a great man
300
00:14:44,579 --> 00:14:47,060
who's protecting our country
from fags.
301
00:14:47,103 --> 00:14:49,105
- What the hell happened
to Jesus?
302
00:14:49,149 --> 00:14:51,151
- He's all Christian now.
303
00:14:51,194 --> 00:14:55,938
- This man is a con artist,
and I will deal with him!
304
00:14:56,069 --> 00:14:59,159
- Don't think so, bro!
305
00:14:59,289 --> 00:15:04,033
Yeah! America! Whoo!
306
00:15:08,037 --> 00:15:11,301
- Oh, my God, this just keeps
getting crazier.
307
00:15:17,438 --> 00:15:19,222
- What's wrong, Satan?
308
00:15:19,353 --> 00:15:23,574
- It's the baby.
I think it's coming.
309
00:15:23,661 --> 00:15:26,664
- Oh, wow, y'all, it's time!
- What do we do, Stan?
310
00:15:26,708 --> 00:15:27,970
- I don't know!
311
00:15:28,014 --> 00:15:29,929
You gotta get him
to a hospital!
312
00:15:35,021 --> 00:15:38,372
- Oh, boy! The big crap-out
is almost here!
313
00:15:38,459 --> 00:15:41,723
- I can hardly wait!
Can hardly wait!
314
00:15:41,766 --> 00:15:43,246
- Look, it's the doctor!
315
00:15:43,377 --> 00:15:44,987
Yay!
316
00:15:45,031 --> 00:15:46,815
- All right,
we're almost ready.
317
00:15:46,858 --> 00:15:48,382
We just wanna run
a quick ultrasound,
318
00:15:48,469 --> 00:15:50,253
and we'll get you into the OR.
319
00:15:50,297 --> 00:15:55,737
- Doctor, we must hurry.
There are evil forces at work.
320
00:16:02,178 --> 00:16:05,051
- All right!
This guy's incredible!
321
00:16:05,181 --> 00:16:08,184
OK, now set Peter Thiel free!
322
00:16:12,449 --> 00:16:15,061
- Mr. President! What happened?
- I don't know!
323
00:16:15,148 --> 00:16:17,411
I got another Christian dipshit
to help me get what I want!
324
00:16:17,498 --> 00:16:18,760
Let's go, Christianity!
325
00:16:20,980 --> 00:16:22,285
- Then we can proceed.
326
00:16:22,416 --> 00:16:23,852
We have very little time
to stop
327
00:16:23,983 --> 00:16:25,506
the antichrist from coming.
328
00:16:25,636 --> 00:16:27,508
- Boss, just so you know,
329
00:16:27,551 --> 00:16:30,467
I don't care if my asshole
is filled with genital warts.
330
00:16:30,598 --> 00:16:31,991
I still love you.
331
00:16:36,038 --> 00:16:38,258
- I can't believe
he turned out to be
332
00:16:38,388 --> 00:16:40,912
this big of a piece a shit.
333
00:16:41,043 --> 00:16:44,177
I seriously fall
for the worst guys.
334
00:16:44,307 --> 00:16:47,745
- Now, now, Satan, you need
to save your strength!
335
00:16:47,876 --> 00:16:50,487
- I mean,
I knew he sucked, OK?
336
00:16:50,531 --> 00:16:53,403
I knew it, but I didn't think
he would go this far.
337
00:16:53,447 --> 00:16:56,667
I am so stupid.
- No! You're not stupid!
338
00:16:56,754 --> 00:16:59,888
Stanny,
tell Satan he's not stupid.
339
00:16:59,931 --> 00:17:02,978
- You're not stupid.
- No, I'm stupid!
340
00:17:03,022 --> 00:17:04,980
I saw how he treated everyone,
341
00:17:05,111 --> 00:17:07,287
but I was willing to look
the other way.
342
00:17:07,329 --> 00:17:11,464
All because I just wanted
my Christmas miracle.
343
00:17:11,508 --> 00:17:13,510
- Your Christmas miracle?
344
00:17:13,641 --> 00:17:15,556
- My little baby.
345
00:17:15,685 --> 00:17:20,691
The only thing in my life
that could actually be good.
346
00:17:20,734 --> 00:17:23,912
But now Donald has Jesus
on his side,
347
00:17:24,042 --> 00:17:26,480
and we'll never be free.
348
00:17:27,829 --> 00:17:29,570
- Satan's right.
349
00:17:29,613 --> 00:17:33,008
If the President has Jesus
on his side, he's unstoppable!
350
00:17:33,052 --> 00:17:34,705
- It's only a matter of time
351
00:17:34,792 --> 00:17:37,230
before they come here
and ruin everything.
352
00:17:37,273 --> 00:17:38,883
Aww!
353
00:17:39,014 --> 00:17:40,537
- Now, don't be down, y'all.
354
00:17:40,668 --> 00:17:43,671
We have our own secret weapon.
- That's right!
355
00:17:43,714 --> 00:17:47,327
They might have Jesus,
but we've got Stan!
356
00:17:47,457 --> 00:17:48,937
Yay!
357
00:17:53,768 --> 00:17:55,030
- ♪ What a special time,
it's a special day ♪
358
00:17:55,161 --> 00:17:56,510
♪ It's a Woodland Critter
Christmas ♪
359
00:17:56,597 --> 00:17:58,947
- Crap-out! Yeah! Let's go!
360
00:18:07,260 --> 00:18:09,175
- Let's do this!
361
00:18:09,305 --> 00:18:11,394
- Oh, no, here they c-c-c-come!
362
00:18:13,527 --> 00:18:15,833
- What are we gonna do?
363
00:18:18,358 --> 00:18:20,664
- Where is room 6-7?
364
00:18:22,362 --> 00:18:23,319
Thank you!
365
00:18:46,429 --> 00:18:49,215
- Hey, kid! Get out of the way!
- No.
366
00:18:49,258 --> 00:18:52,000
If you wanna get to Satan,
you'll have to go through us.
367
00:18:52,043 --> 00:18:53,915
I am fully embracing
this crap-out.
368
00:18:54,002 --> 00:18:55,830
Yay!
369
00:18:55,873 --> 00:18:59,312
- Do not listen to these foul
creatures of darkness, child!
370
00:18:59,442 --> 00:19:01,575
- I don't know
who to listen to anymore.
371
00:19:01,662 --> 00:19:03,577
All I know is,
I might as well help someone
372
00:19:03,620 --> 00:19:05,100
get their Christmas miracle.
373
00:19:05,231 --> 00:19:07,885
'Cause nobody's helping me
with mine.
374
00:19:08,016 --> 00:19:10,018
At least that's what
Christmas used to mean.
375
00:19:10,061 --> 00:19:11,454
Trying to make things
a little easier
376
00:19:11,585 --> 00:19:13,021
for someone else who needed it.
377
00:19:13,152 --> 00:19:14,327
I don't know what happened
378
00:19:14,457 --> 00:19:16,024
to your Spirit of Christmas,
Jesus.
379
00:19:16,111 --> 00:19:19,941
Let's face it, you gave up,
and now you've hit rock bottom.
380
00:19:21,421 --> 00:19:24,075
- Hey, I didn't hit her, OK?
381
00:19:24,206 --> 00:19:27,035
I mean, all right, maybe I did!
382
00:19:27,122 --> 00:19:28,906
But Peggy was asking' for it!
383
00:19:29,037 --> 00:19:31,822
- That's actually not at all
what I was talking about.
384
00:19:31,866 --> 00:19:34,564
- No. You're right.
385
00:19:34,608 --> 00:19:36,436
You're right, my child.
386
00:19:36,566 --> 00:19:38,960
I gave up and I lost faith.
387
00:19:39,003 --> 00:19:40,570
I don't want to do this.
388
00:19:40,614 --> 00:19:43,573
- Hey!
Don't forget I can sue you!
389
00:19:46,010 --> 00:19:48,622
- Then go ahead and sue me.
390
00:19:48,709 --> 00:19:52,582
I'm not going
to be afraid anymore.
391
00:19:52,626 --> 00:19:54,018
- Excuse me, everyone.
392
00:19:54,149 --> 00:19:55,803
Sorry--sorry to interrupt,
393
00:19:55,846 --> 00:20:00,024
but I'm afraid we have
some really bad news.
394
00:20:00,068 --> 00:20:03,376
- What?
- What? What happened?
395
00:20:03,506 --> 00:20:05,508
- We've looked
at the ultrasound, and...
396
00:20:05,595 --> 00:20:08,511
it appears that at some point
when nobody was watching,
397
00:20:08,555 --> 00:20:10,861
the baby hung itself
and took its own life.
398
00:20:12,820 --> 00:20:15,257
- What?
- What are you talking about?
399
00:20:15,301 --> 00:20:17,477
- I'm afraid you can
see it all in the video.
400
00:20:17,607 --> 00:20:19,696
The baby got ahold
of some bedsheets.
401
00:20:19,827 --> 00:20:21,220
There's a couple minutes
missing from the ultrasound,
402
00:20:21,263 --> 00:20:23,178
but it's definitely a suicide.
403
00:20:23,222 --> 00:20:24,962
- You gotta be kidding me!
404
00:20:25,006 --> 00:20:26,834
The baby hung itself?
405
00:20:26,877 --> 00:20:30,316
- Boss! Boss! It's a miracle!
406
00:20:30,446 --> 00:20:31,926
- But does that mean
407
00:20:32,056 --> 00:20:35,321
there's not gonna be
a crap-out?
408
00:20:35,364 --> 00:20:38,541
This is a Fox News
special alert.
409
00:20:38,672 --> 00:20:41,327
- Fox News has just
received confirmation
410
00:20:41,414 --> 00:20:44,330
that the unborn child
of Satan and President Trump
411
00:20:44,373 --> 00:20:46,680
has decided to take
the easy way out
412
00:20:46,723 --> 00:20:48,377
and end its own life.
413
00:20:48,508 --> 00:20:50,553
- Definitely an unfortunate
turn of events.
414
00:20:50,684 --> 00:20:53,077
Fox News has
analyzed the ultrasound.
415
00:20:53,121 --> 00:20:56,124
You can see the baby probably
considering suicide right here
416
00:20:56,167 --> 00:20:57,691
and then--
a little bit missing--
417
00:20:57,734 --> 00:20:59,127
and it killed itself.
418
00:20:59,170 --> 00:21:00,998
Obvious confirmation
of suicide.
419
00:21:01,129 --> 00:21:02,783
You can see
a little chair there.
420
00:21:02,913 --> 00:21:05,133
Just what babies do sometimes.
421
00:21:05,220 --> 00:21:08,136
- That's right, and if you
or someone you know
422
00:21:08,223 --> 00:21:10,791
is a fetus
contemplating suicide,
423
00:21:10,834 --> 00:21:14,360
we urge you to call Fox News
as much as you possibly can.
424
00:21:14,447 --> 00:21:16,492
- In the meantime,
all our thoughts and prayers
425
00:21:16,579 --> 00:21:18,364
are with the president tonight,
426
00:21:18,451 --> 00:21:20,757
Who will be holding a funeral
for his unborn child
427
00:21:20,888 --> 00:21:22,803
at the White House.
428
00:21:34,815 --> 00:21:36,382
- Hey, Merry Christmas!
429
00:21:36,425 --> 00:21:38,732
Did you hear the news?
The baby's dead!
430
00:21:38,819 --> 00:21:41,343
- Yes, Mr. President,
we are so sorry.
431
00:21:41,474 --> 00:21:43,519
- Happy holidays!
The baby's dead!
432
00:21:43,606 --> 00:21:45,739
- Are you OK, sir?
433
00:21:45,782 --> 00:21:50,483
- Yeah, it's really hard!
Here, have a cigar!
434
00:21:50,613 --> 00:21:52,572
Hey, Pam! Merry Christmas!
The baby's dead!
435
00:21:52,702 --> 00:21:54,965
You're so strong,
Mr. President.
436
00:21:55,052 --> 00:21:57,098
And you're taking it
really well.
437
00:21:57,141 --> 00:21:59,753
- Hey! Thanks, Pam!
438
00:22:50,456 --> 00:22:55,112
I win! I win! I win again!
439
00:23:09,823 --> 00:23:12,695
- Christmas letters from home.
Here you go.
440
00:23:12,826 --> 00:23:14,697
Some Christmas joy
from your loved ones.
441
00:23:14,828 --> 00:23:16,569
There you go.
442
00:23:16,612 --> 00:23:18,353
Hey, there's one for you today.
443
00:23:27,928 --> 00:23:30,409
Dear Stan,
I'm writing this
444
00:23:30,452 --> 00:23:32,933
because I owe you an apology
445
00:23:33,063 --> 00:23:35,544
and a thank you.
446
00:23:35,675 --> 00:23:38,286
You asked
for a Christmas miracle,
447
00:23:38,417 --> 00:23:40,462
and I didn't listen.
448
00:23:40,593 --> 00:23:42,725
So now, go to this address.
449
00:23:42,856 --> 00:23:44,031
- No way.
450
00:24:16,846 --> 00:24:19,066
Thank you.
Thank you!
451
00:24:21,285 --> 00:24:24,985
- I'll be here, Stan,
watching over everybody.
452
00:24:25,028 --> 00:24:26,508
Be good.
453
00:24:26,552 --> 00:24:28,858
And remember,
never give up on the things
454
00:24:28,902 --> 00:24:30,338
that you commit to.
455
00:24:30,469 --> 00:24:32,340
- He's so great, isn't he?
456
00:24:32,471 --> 00:24:34,603
Merry Christmas, everyone!
457
00:24:34,734 --> 00:24:37,519
Let's all have
the happiest holidays!
458
00:24:37,563 --> 00:24:40,609
♪ A Christian Woman knows
her place ♪
459
00:24:40,740 --> 00:24:43,569
♪ So go ahead
and punch me in the face ♪
460
00:24:43,612 --> 00:24:46,920
♪ 'Cause I deserve it,
I was wrong ♪
461
00:24:46,963 --> 00:24:49,749
♪ That's why I wrote
this holiday song ♪
462
00:24:49,792 --> 00:24:52,795
♪ With my big fake tits
and my Botox lips ♪
463
00:24:52,882 --> 00:24:56,625
♪ Saying Merry Christmas,
Jesus Christ ♪
464
00:24:56,756 --> 00:24:59,193
Come on, seniors,
sing along!
465
00:24:59,323 --> 00:25:02,413
♪ A Christian woman knows
her place ♪
466
00:25:02,544 --> 00:25:05,155
♪ So go ahead
and punch me in the face ♪
467
00:25:05,242 --> 00:25:08,637
♪ 'Cause I deserve it,
I was wrong ♪
468
00:25:08,768 --> 00:25:11,379
♪ That's why I wrote
this holiday song ♪
469
00:25:11,422 --> 00:25:14,817
♪ With my big fake tits
and my Botox lips ♪
470
00:25:14,861 --> 00:25:18,212
♪ To say merry Christmas,
Jesus Christ ♪
471
00:25:18,342 --> 00:25:20,910
♪ A Christian woman
knows her place ♪
472
00:25:20,954 --> 00:25:24,174
♪ So go ahead
and punch me in the face ♪
473
00:25:24,261 --> 00:25:25,959
♪ 'Cause I deserve it ♪
35082
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbo-Croatian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof