All language subtitles for South Park S28E05 hoetinkhof79

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian Download
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish Download
nl Dutch Download
en English Download
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish Download
fr French Download
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish Download
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil) Download
pt Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish Download
es-419 Spanish (Latin American) Download
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:37,210 --> 00:00:38,820 The past few months have just been... 2 00:00:38,900 --> 00:00:41,300 really awful. 3 00:00:41,430 --> 00:00:42,950 There were these ICE raids 4 00:00:43,080 --> 00:00:46,130 and my dad's company went out of business. 5 00:00:46,170 --> 00:00:47,870 Then we lost our house and had to move 6 00:00:47,910 --> 00:00:51,090 into the old folks home with my grandpa. 7 00:00:51,220 --> 00:00:52,740 It's like everything keeps changing 8 00:00:52,870 --> 00:00:55,440 and I really don't know how to cope with it. 9 00:00:57,490 --> 00:00:59,100 - Uh-huh. 10 00:00:59,140 --> 00:01:00,880 And how exactly do you feel like shit has changed, bro? 11 00:01:04,280 --> 00:01:07,020 - Well, Jesus, It just seems like 12 00:01:07,150 --> 00:01:08,720 people aren't really as kind and giving 13 00:01:08,800 --> 00:01:10,370 as they used to be, you know? 14 00:01:10,410 --> 00:01:12,110 Like, I just got some money from Saudi Arabia 15 00:01:12,240 --> 00:01:13,590 and I'm thinking of sharing it. 16 00:01:13,720 --> 00:01:16,460 'Cause I feel like that's what everyone needs right now. 17 00:01:16,510 --> 00:01:19,900 Like, a big Christmas miracle? 18 00:01:22,250 --> 00:01:24,380 - Sounds like some socialist bullshit to me, bro. 19 00:01:25,910 --> 00:01:27,040 - Jesus, I don't wanna live 20 00:01:27,170 --> 00:01:28,690 in an old folks home anymore, OK? 21 00:01:28,740 --> 00:01:30,220 Now, I don't know what's made you change like this, 22 00:01:30,350 --> 00:01:33,480 but we need some God damn Christmas magic! 23 00:01:33,520 --> 00:01:36,740 - Hey, baby, I brought us some Pinot Grigio! 24 00:01:36,790 --> 00:01:38,620 - What took you so long? 25 00:01:38,750 --> 00:01:41,530 - Don't be mad--I was out doing my charity work! 26 00:01:41,620 --> 00:01:42,920 I'm a Christian, 27 00:01:42,970 --> 00:01:44,800 so I sing to people in need! 28 00:01:44,930 --> 00:01:47,280 - Just shut up and pour me that shit. 29 00:01:47,410 --> 00:01:49,060 You wanna make your life better, Stan? 30 00:01:49,100 --> 00:01:50,760 Join the frickin' club! 31 00:01:50,800 --> 00:01:53,200 This is the time of year we all wish things were better. 32 00:01:53,330 --> 00:01:55,720 But trust me, nothing miraculous 33 00:01:55,760 --> 00:01:58,640 is gonna happen to anyone. 34 00:02:20,790 --> 00:02:23,360 - Only days remain until America meets 35 00:02:23,440 --> 00:02:25,840 President Trump's demon spawn. 36 00:02:25,880 --> 00:02:29,270 How Satan will give birth to the butt baby is still unclear, 37 00:02:29,410 --> 00:02:32,800 but everyone knows the crap-out is coming. 38 00:02:55,870 --> 00:02:58,000 Where the hell is he? 39 00:02:58,130 --> 00:02:59,480 Donald? 40 00:02:59,610 --> 00:03:01,610 Donald! 41 00:03:01,700 --> 00:03:03,180 Where is Donald? 42 00:03:03,270 --> 00:03:04,570 - Oh, sorry, Satan. 43 00:03:04,610 --> 00:03:05,960 The President had to fly to Colorado 44 00:03:06,010 --> 00:03:07,490 on an urgent matter. 45 00:03:07,570 --> 00:03:11,060 - An urgent matter? Are you serious right now? 46 00:03:11,190 --> 00:03:13,490 I told him this was the day 47 00:03:13,540 --> 00:03:16,280 we were going to sing songs and decorate the nursery! 48 00:03:16,320 --> 00:03:18,450 What is he doing that's more urgent than that? 49 00:03:18,500 --> 00:03:21,070 - Sorry, it's all high-level classified stuff. 50 00:03:21,110 --> 00:03:23,020 Even we don't have clearance to know what he's doing. 51 00:03:23,070 --> 00:03:26,850 - He is such a piece a shit! 52 00:03:26,900 --> 00:03:30,290 He does this to me all the time! 53 00:03:30,340 --> 00:03:34,950 I'm about to have this baby, and he's out fucking around! 54 00:03:37,600 --> 00:03:38,870 - Hormones, huh? 55 00:03:38,950 --> 00:03:41,090 - It is strange that the President hasn't 56 00:03:41,170 --> 00:03:43,610 even informed me why he's going to Colorado. 57 00:03:43,650 --> 00:03:45,570 - Well, the President said it's top secret 58 00:03:45,700 --> 00:03:47,920 and only he and the vice president can know. 59 00:03:48,050 --> 00:03:50,620 Whatever they're doing... 60 00:03:50,750 --> 00:03:55,230 must be part of an extremely covert military operation. 61 00:03:59,540 --> 00:04:01,450 - Merry Christmas! 62 00:04:01,500 --> 00:04:04,150 Relax, guy! 63 00:04:04,280 --> 00:04:07,890 Hey-hey-hey! Relax, guy! 64 00:04:07,980 --> 00:04:10,900 - OK, Boss, this is the place. 65 00:04:10,940 --> 00:04:13,290 That is the police station over there. 66 00:04:13,340 --> 00:04:15,690 That's where they are keeping Peter Thiel. 67 00:04:15,770 --> 00:04:17,990 - All right, we just gotta keep it quiet. 68 00:04:18,120 --> 00:04:20,730 Nobody can know I want to kill this baby--ope! 69 00:04:20,860 --> 00:04:23,260 Merry Christmas! Hey-hey-hey! 70 00:04:23,350 --> 00:04:24,650 Relax! 71 00:04:27,520 --> 00:04:29,260 Are you sure this Peter Thiel can do it? 72 00:04:29,310 --> 00:04:30,700 - Yes, Boss. 73 00:04:30,790 --> 00:04:32,920 But we must find a way to break him out 74 00:04:32,960 --> 00:04:34,270 of that police- - Shh, shh, shh, shh. 75 00:04:34,360 --> 00:04:36,270 Happy holidays! 76 00:04:36,360 --> 00:04:38,450 Hey-hey-hey! 77 00:04:38,580 --> 00:04:41,670 - Oh, I'm sorry, I don't have any spare change, mkay? 78 00:04:41,710 --> 00:04:43,500 The government cut school funding 79 00:04:43,580 --> 00:04:45,540 so I lost my job. 80 00:04:45,670 --> 00:04:47,190 Then, you know, everything costs more 81 00:04:47,330 --> 00:04:50,370 with all the tariffs, and my health care got cut, 82 00:04:50,460 --> 00:04:54,160 so I'm just struggling like a lot of Americans are. 83 00:04:56,730 --> 00:04:59,080 - All right, well, Merry Christmas! 84 00:05:01,820 --> 00:05:03,340 - We better hurry, Boss. 85 00:05:03,470 --> 00:05:04,820 The town might be onto us, 86 00:05:04,950 --> 00:05:07,000 and the crap-out could be any minute now. 87 00:05:07,130 --> 00:05:08,780 - OK, let's synchronize our watches. 88 00:05:08,910 --> 00:05:12,740 It's time to complete Operation Kill My Own Baby! 89 00:05:25,620 --> 00:05:28,150 Hello, seniors, I'm Peggy Rockbottom 90 00:05:28,190 --> 00:05:30,460 here to spread a little holiday cheer. 91 00:05:30,590 --> 00:05:33,810 You know, sometimes we forget the reason for the season. 92 00:05:33,940 --> 00:05:36,070 But there's only one man in my life, 93 00:05:36,200 --> 00:05:37,720 and that man is Jesus Christ. 94 00:05:37,770 --> 00:05:39,330 And I wrote this song for him. 95 00:06:00,660 --> 00:06:03,310 Come on, seniors, sing along! 96 00:06:33,820 --> 00:06:36,570 - I don't know if you can hear me, 97 00:06:36,700 --> 00:06:39,650 but I've been kind of wishing for a Christmas miracle. 98 00:06:42,830 --> 00:06:45,620 If miracles can still even happen, 99 00:06:45,700 --> 00:06:48,750 please, make it happen now. 100 00:07:04,510 --> 00:07:06,290 Yay! 101 00:07:06,420 --> 00:07:08,640 - Look, guys, it's Stanny! 102 00:07:08,680 --> 00:07:10,820 Stanny! 103 00:07:10,860 --> 00:07:12,300 - Oh, no! 104 00:07:12,340 --> 00:07:15,560 - Did you miss us, Stan? - Oh, no! 105 00:07:20,130 --> 00:07:23,050 - That son of a bitch. 106 00:07:23,090 --> 00:07:27,310 I could give birth any minute. 107 00:07:27,400 --> 00:07:29,570 "Oh, hey, Satan, you about to go into labor? 108 00:07:29,710 --> 00:07:31,320 "OK, how about you go do everything, 109 00:07:31,450 --> 00:07:32,970 and I'll do nothing?" 110 00:07:33,060 --> 00:07:36,190 Oh, yeah, great idea, Donald! Just like you always do. 111 00:07:36,320 --> 00:07:41,110 Ugh. God, he is so disgusting. 112 00:07:41,150 --> 00:07:43,550 Ugh, he's such a pig! 113 00:07:48,070 --> 00:07:50,510 A blue jock strap? 114 00:07:50,550 --> 00:07:53,470 He doesn't wear a blue jock strap. 115 00:07:53,510 --> 00:07:56,120 Who does this belong to? 116 00:07:56,250 --> 00:08:00,000 Vance. 117 00:08:00,040 --> 00:08:04,870 It's Vance. 118 00:08:04,910 --> 00:08:08,350 They're together. 119 00:08:08,440 --> 00:08:11,220 - What are you talking about? 120 00:08:11,360 --> 00:08:16,320 - They just wanna kill the baby. 121 00:08:16,450 --> 00:08:17,750 - What? 122 00:08:17,880 --> 00:08:23,630 - The President...Vance... so much sex. 123 00:08:23,760 --> 00:08:25,240 - I can't understand you 'cause you're covered 124 00:08:25,280 --> 00:08:26,500 in dried-up milk! 125 00:08:26,590 --> 00:08:29,290 - It's not milk. 126 00:08:29,370 --> 00:08:31,030 - Eww! 127 00:08:38,160 --> 00:08:41,560 - Oh! 128 00:08:41,690 --> 00:08:44,780 Oh, thank God! Oh, thank God! 129 00:08:44,910 --> 00:08:47,430 - Tell me everything you know! 130 00:08:47,570 --> 00:08:50,830 - I will, but first... please... 131 00:08:50,960 --> 00:08:55,620 I need to get... just a little high. 132 00:08:58,840 --> 00:09:00,190 - Go away! 133 00:09:02,540 --> 00:09:03,580 - What do you guys want? 134 00:09:03,710 --> 00:09:05,580 - Well, didn't you hear, Stan? 135 00:09:05,630 --> 00:09:07,850 Satan's gonna give birth to the antichrist! 136 00:09:07,980 --> 00:09:10,200 - Yeah, he's gonna have a butt baby 137 00:09:10,240 --> 00:09:12,980 and there's gonna be a big crap-out! 138 00:09:13,070 --> 00:09:15,160 - And nobody loves a crap-out more than us! 139 00:09:17,250 --> 00:09:18,290 - Wait a minute, wait, wait, wait. 140 00:09:18,420 --> 00:09:19,820 This doesn't make any sense! 141 00:09:19,860 --> 00:09:21,120 You guys are just something that Cartman made up 142 00:09:21,210 --> 00:09:23,250 in his head! 143 00:09:23,380 --> 00:09:26,300 - Aww, are you really gonna overanalyze a crap-out? 144 00:09:26,430 --> 00:09:28,560 - No way! Crap-outs have no rules! 145 00:09:28,610 --> 00:09:30,220 Yay! 146 00:09:30,260 --> 00:09:32,700 - All right, y'all, Stan wished us here 147 00:09:32,830 --> 00:09:35,570 to help the Prince of Darkness, so we gotta do what he says. 148 00:09:35,660 --> 00:09:37,400 - I didn't wish for that! 149 00:09:37,440 --> 00:09:39,180 I didn't know anything about Satan having a baby 150 00:09:39,310 --> 00:09:40,750 or crap-outs. 151 00:09:40,880 --> 00:09:42,880 - But you asked for a Christmas miracle, Stan! 152 00:09:42,930 --> 00:09:45,620 And this crap-out's gonna make everything better! 153 00:09:45,750 --> 00:09:48,890 - It is? Are you sure? 154 00:09:49,020 --> 00:09:51,460 - Of course! Crap-outs are the best! 155 00:09:51,540 --> 00:09:53,540 - Come on! Let's get to it! 156 00:09:53,590 --> 00:09:56,680 Yay! 157 00:09:59,380 --> 00:10:01,600 Oh, it's been so long. 158 00:10:03,340 --> 00:10:05,430 So then Vice President Vance, 159 00:10:05,470 --> 00:10:07,080 he doesn't want you to have the baby, right? 160 00:10:07,210 --> 00:10:09,340 'Cause he thinks your baby is gonna hurt 161 00:10:09,470 --> 00:10:12,130 his chances of becoming president. 162 00:10:12,170 --> 00:10:15,780 So he convinces Trump to try to get rid of the baby himself, 163 00:10:15,910 --> 00:10:20,350 but every time he tries, he gets blocked by the FCC. 164 00:10:20,480 --> 00:10:24,100 - If he didn't want the baby, why didn't he tell me? 165 00:10:24,140 --> 00:10:26,270 - They couldn't let anyone know they wanted to get rid 166 00:10:26,360 --> 00:10:29,410 of the baby because, you know, Republicans, abortions-- 167 00:10:29,490 --> 00:10:30,890 it's a bad look. 168 00:10:32,500 --> 00:10:33,930 - So then Vance gets this guy Peter Thiel 169 00:10:34,060 --> 00:10:36,370 to get rid of the baby, and Thiel's about to come do it 170 00:10:36,500 --> 00:10:38,070 when Pam Bondi suddenly finds out 171 00:10:38,150 --> 00:10:39,760 there's a plot to kill the baby. 172 00:10:39,900 --> 00:10:43,940 So crazy, man. You can't write this shit. 173 00:10:44,070 --> 00:10:45,810 - What did I ever see in him? 174 00:10:45,940 --> 00:10:47,990 - So then The President, he's pissed off at Vance. 175 00:10:48,120 --> 00:10:50,470 He says, you've been lying to me, but Vance says, 176 00:10:50,510 --> 00:10:51,730 I was just trying to protect you, 177 00:10:51,860 --> 00:10:53,300 and then they start having sex 178 00:10:53,390 --> 00:10:54,650 over and over and over and over--- 179 00:10:54,690 --> 00:10:57,560 - Enough! 180 00:10:57,700 --> 00:11:01,180 The president hath deceived me. 181 00:11:01,310 --> 00:11:04,050 He hath deceived us all. 182 00:11:04,090 --> 00:11:07,180 And I shall make him pay. 183 00:11:09,750 --> 00:11:12,620 - Oh, hell yeah, man. Let's go get that motherfucker. 184 00:11:19,460 --> 00:11:20,890 - Crap-out! 185 00:11:26,640 --> 00:11:28,770 - Hey! Merry Christmas! 186 00:11:28,810 --> 00:11:33,210 - Merry Christmas! - Happy Holidays! Relax, guy! 187 00:11:33,340 --> 00:11:35,820 Hello, we're with the Salvation Army! 188 00:11:35,950 --> 00:11:37,470 We brought some food for your prisoners! 189 00:11:40,830 --> 00:11:44,180 - Food for the prisoners? - Hey, relax, guy! 190 00:11:44,310 --> 00:11:46,440 This is the time of year to give to the needy! 191 00:11:46,570 --> 00:11:49,090 We brought 'em this cake! - We don't need your cake! 192 00:11:49,230 --> 00:11:51,880 The president's gonna come for us, and he's gonna--oof! 193 00:11:51,920 --> 00:11:53,580 - Well, I guess there's no harm. 194 00:11:53,710 --> 00:11:55,140 Mitch, let 'em in. 195 00:11:55,190 --> 00:11:57,970 - Hey, thanks, buddy! 196 00:12:10,810 --> 00:12:12,680 - OK, hold on a second. 197 00:12:12,810 --> 00:12:14,600 You said that Satan was in Washington, D.C. 198 00:12:14,640 --> 00:12:16,950 - Yeah, he was, and now he's about to be here! 199 00:12:17,040 --> 00:12:18,600 - But how can you know that? 200 00:12:18,690 --> 00:12:20,600 - Oh, for Pete's sake, Stanny, will you just get on board 201 00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:21,560 with the crap-out already? 202 00:12:21,690 --> 00:12:23,220 - Don't worry, Stanny. 203 00:12:23,260 --> 00:12:25,170 Everything has been foretold and nothing can stop 204 00:12:25,260 --> 00:12:26,650 the antichrist from coming. 205 00:12:26,780 --> 00:12:27,960 - Except, of course, for Peter Thiel! 206 00:12:29,400 --> 00:12:30,790 - P-P-P-Peter Thiel! 207 00:12:30,920 --> 00:12:32,620 - Wait, you mean the six seven guy? 208 00:12:32,750 --> 00:12:34,920 - You know Peter Thiel? 209 00:12:35,050 --> 00:12:36,930 - Yeah, he did a big dumb assembly at the school. 210 00:12:36,970 --> 00:12:38,490 - He's here? 211 00:12:38,620 --> 00:12:39,970 - What are you gonna do, Stanny? 212 00:12:40,020 --> 00:12:41,970 - Are you gonna kill him and eat him? 213 00:12:42,060 --> 00:12:43,240 - All right, look. 214 00:12:43,370 --> 00:12:44,630 If I'm gonna get on board with something, 215 00:12:44,720 --> 00:12:46,720 I need it make at least a little bit of sense. 216 00:12:46,850 --> 00:12:49,240 - Well, OK, Susan Sontag, we'll make sure 217 00:12:49,370 --> 00:12:51,200 it all lines up perfectly for ya. 218 00:12:51,330 --> 00:12:53,640 Yay! 219 00:12:56,640 --> 00:12:58,990 - Peter Thiel to Red Dragon. 220 00:12:59,030 --> 00:13:00,860 Come in, Red Dragon. 221 00:13:00,990 --> 00:13:03,260 - Go ahead, guy. This is Red Dragon. 222 00:13:03,390 --> 00:13:05,170 - I got the walkie in the cake. 223 00:13:05,210 --> 00:13:07,170 Awaiting further instructions. 224 00:13:07,220 --> 00:13:08,480 - Excellent. 225 00:13:08,610 --> 00:13:10,310 Just stand by, and we'll find a way to get you out 226 00:13:10,440 --> 00:13:11,830 so you can kill my baby. 227 00:13:11,960 --> 00:13:13,350 Let's synchronize our watches. 228 00:13:13,400 --> 00:13:15,570 Donald! 229 00:13:15,620 --> 00:13:17,100 - Uh-oh. 230 00:13:17,230 --> 00:13:21,490 - You have lied to me. 231 00:13:21,620 --> 00:13:25,190 - Satan! We were just doing some charity work! 232 00:13:25,230 --> 00:13:27,280 - Yeah, I don't think so! 233 00:13:27,320 --> 00:13:32,550 I told Satan every detail of your expertly-crafted plot. 234 00:13:32,680 --> 00:13:34,940 - Boss, it's your cum rag! 235 00:13:35,070 --> 00:13:37,990 - I stayed with you while you two are fucking 236 00:13:38,030 --> 00:13:39,550 behind my back? 237 00:13:39,680 --> 00:13:42,600 Did Donald tell you he has genital warts? 238 00:13:44,470 --> 00:13:47,130 Hey, relax there, guy. 239 00:13:47,260 --> 00:13:48,560 - Look, there he is! 240 00:13:48,610 --> 00:13:50,130 - It's Satan! 241 00:13:50,260 --> 00:13:53,000 Yay! 242 00:13:53,040 --> 00:13:55,090 - Just as the prophecy foretold! 243 00:13:55,220 --> 00:13:57,140 - Towelie? What's going on? 244 00:13:57,180 --> 00:14:01,100 - What's going on is the most exquisitely woven tapestry 245 00:14:01,230 --> 00:14:04,490 of ideas that you've ever seen, man. 246 00:14:04,530 --> 00:14:09,280 - Your deception is over, Donald, and so are we. 247 00:14:09,320 --> 00:14:12,020 This child will be born. 248 00:14:12,150 --> 00:14:15,110 And for once, you are going to have to live 249 00:14:15,240 --> 00:14:18,200 with the consequences of your actions. 250 00:14:34,000 --> 00:14:36,650 - Keep your hands off my president, bro. 251 00:14:38,520 --> 00:14:41,090 - Whoa! It's Jesus Christ! 252 00:14:41,140 --> 00:14:42,700 Aww! 253 00:14:42,750 --> 00:14:44,530 - This happens to be a great man 254 00:14:44,570 --> 00:14:47,060 who's protecting our country from fags. 255 00:14:47,100 --> 00:14:49,100 - What the hell happened to Jesus? 256 00:14:49,140 --> 00:14:51,150 - He's all Christian now. 257 00:14:51,190 --> 00:14:55,930 - This man is a con artist, and I will deal with him! 258 00:14:56,060 --> 00:14:59,150 - Don't think so, bro! 259 00:14:59,280 --> 00:15:04,030 Yeah! America! Whoo! 260 00:15:08,030 --> 00:15:11,300 - Oh, my God, this just keeps getting crazier. 261 00:15:17,430 --> 00:15:19,220 - What's wrong, Satan? 262 00:15:19,350 --> 00:15:23,570 - It's the baby. I think it's coming. 263 00:15:23,660 --> 00:15:26,660 - Oh, wow, y'all, it's time! - What do we do, Stan? 264 00:15:26,700 --> 00:15:27,970 - I don't know! 265 00:15:28,010 --> 00:15:29,920 You gotta get him to a hospital! 266 00:15:35,020 --> 00:15:38,370 - Oh, boy! The big crap-out is almost here! 267 00:15:38,450 --> 00:15:41,720 - I can hardly wait! Can hardly wait! 268 00:15:41,760 --> 00:15:43,240 - Look, it's the doctor! 269 00:15:43,370 --> 00:15:44,980 Yay! 270 00:15:45,030 --> 00:15:46,810 - All right, we're almost ready. 271 00:15:46,850 --> 00:15:48,380 We just wanna run a quick ultrasound, 272 00:15:48,460 --> 00:15:50,250 and we'll get you into the OR. 273 00:15:50,290 --> 00:15:55,730 - Doctor, we must hurry. There are evil forces at work. 274 00:16:02,170 --> 00:16:05,050 - All right! This guy's incredible! 275 00:16:05,180 --> 00:16:08,180 OK, now set Peter Thiel free! 276 00:16:12,440 --> 00:16:15,060 - Mr. President! What happened? - I don't know! 277 00:16:15,140 --> 00:16:17,410 I got another Christian dipshit to help me get what I want! 278 00:16:17,490 --> 00:16:18,760 Let's go, Christianity! 279 00:16:20,980 --> 00:16:22,280 - Then we can proceed. 280 00:16:22,410 --> 00:16:23,850 We have very little time to stop 281 00:16:23,980 --> 00:16:25,500 the antichrist from coming. 282 00:16:25,630 --> 00:16:27,500 - Boss, just so you know, 283 00:16:27,550 --> 00:16:30,460 I don't care if my asshole is filled with genital warts. 284 00:16:30,590 --> 00:16:31,990 I still love you. 285 00:16:36,030 --> 00:16:38,250 - I can't believe he turned out to be 286 00:16:38,380 --> 00:16:40,910 this big of a piece a shit. 287 00:16:41,040 --> 00:16:44,170 I seriously fall for the worst guys. 288 00:16:44,300 --> 00:16:47,740 - Now, now, Satan, you need to save your strength! 289 00:16:47,870 --> 00:16:50,480 - I mean, I knew he sucked, OK? 290 00:16:50,530 --> 00:16:53,400 I knew it, but I didn't think he would go this far. 291 00:16:53,440 --> 00:16:56,660 I am so stupid. - No! You're not stupid! 292 00:16:56,750 --> 00:16:59,880 Stanny, tell Satan he's not stupid. 293 00:16:59,930 --> 00:17:02,970 - You're not stupid. - No, I'm stupid! 294 00:17:03,020 --> 00:17:04,980 I saw how he treated everyone, 295 00:17:05,110 --> 00:17:07,280 but I was willing to look the other way. 296 00:17:07,320 --> 00:17:11,460 All because I just wanted my Christmas miracle. 297 00:17:11,500 --> 00:17:13,510 - Your Christmas miracle? 298 00:17:13,640 --> 00:17:15,550 - My little baby. 299 00:17:15,680 --> 00:17:20,690 The only thing in my life that could actually be good. 300 00:17:20,730 --> 00:17:23,910 But now Donald has Jesus on his side, 301 00:17:24,040 --> 00:17:26,480 and we'll never be free. 302 00:17:27,820 --> 00:17:29,570 - Satan's right. 303 00:17:29,610 --> 00:17:33,000 If the President has Jesus on his side, he's unstoppable! 304 00:17:33,050 --> 00:17:34,700 - It's only a matter of time 305 00:17:34,790 --> 00:17:37,230 before they come here and ruin everything. 306 00:17:37,270 --> 00:17:38,880 Aww! 307 00:17:39,010 --> 00:17:40,530 - Now, don't be down, y'all. 308 00:17:40,660 --> 00:17:43,670 We have our own secret weapon. - That's right! 309 00:17:43,710 --> 00:17:47,320 They might have Jesus, but we've got Stan! 310 00:17:47,450 --> 00:17:48,930 Yay! 311 00:17:56,590 --> 00:17:58,940 - Crap-out! Yeah! Let's go! 312 00:18:07,260 --> 00:18:09,170 - Let's do this! 313 00:18:09,300 --> 00:18:11,390 - Oh, no, here they c-c-c-come! 314 00:18:13,520 --> 00:18:15,830 - What are we gonna do? 315 00:18:18,350 --> 00:18:20,660 - Where is room 6-7? 316 00:18:22,360 --> 00:18:23,310 Thank you! 317 00:18:46,420 --> 00:18:49,210 - Hey, kid! Get out of the way! - No. 318 00:18:49,250 --> 00:18:52,000 If you wanna get to Satan, you'll have to go through us. 319 00:18:52,040 --> 00:18:53,910 I am fully embracing this crap-out. 320 00:18:54,000 --> 00:18:55,830 Yay! 321 00:18:55,870 --> 00:18:59,310 - Do not listen to these foul creatures of darkness, child! 322 00:18:59,440 --> 00:19:01,570 - I don't know who to listen to anymore. 323 00:19:01,660 --> 00:19:03,570 All I know is, I might as well help someone 324 00:19:03,620 --> 00:19:05,100 get their Christmas miracle. 325 00:19:05,230 --> 00:19:07,880 'Cause nobody's helping me with mine. 326 00:19:08,010 --> 00:19:10,010 At least that's what Christmas used to mean. 327 00:19:10,060 --> 00:19:11,450 Trying to make things a little easier 328 00:19:11,580 --> 00:19:13,020 for someone else who needed it. 329 00:19:13,150 --> 00:19:14,320 I don't know what happened 330 00:19:14,450 --> 00:19:16,020 to your Spirit of Christmas, Jesus. 331 00:19:16,110 --> 00:19:19,940 Let's face it, you gave up, and now you've hit rock bottom. 332 00:19:21,420 --> 00:19:24,070 - Hey, I didn't hit her, OK? 333 00:19:24,200 --> 00:19:27,030 I mean, all right, maybe I did! 334 00:19:27,120 --> 00:19:28,900 But Peggy was asking' for it! 335 00:19:29,030 --> 00:19:31,820 - That's actually not at all what I was talking about. 336 00:19:31,860 --> 00:19:34,560 - No. You're right. 337 00:19:34,600 --> 00:19:36,430 You're right, my child. 338 00:19:36,560 --> 00:19:38,960 I gave up and I lost faith. 339 00:19:39,000 --> 00:19:40,570 I don't want to do this. 340 00:19:40,610 --> 00:19:43,570 - Hey! Don't forget I can sue you! 341 00:19:46,010 --> 00:19:48,620 - Then go ahead and sue me. 342 00:19:48,700 --> 00:19:52,580 I'm not going to be afraid anymore. 343 00:19:52,620 --> 00:19:54,010 - Excuse me, everyone. 344 00:19:54,140 --> 00:19:55,800 Sorry--sorry to interrupt, 345 00:19:55,840 --> 00:20:00,020 but I'm afraid we have some really bad news. 346 00:20:00,060 --> 00:20:03,370 - What? - What? What happened? 347 00:20:03,500 --> 00:20:05,500 - We've looked at the ultrasound, and... 348 00:20:05,590 --> 00:20:08,510 it appears that at some point when nobody was watching, 349 00:20:08,550 --> 00:20:10,860 the baby hung itself and took its own life. 350 00:20:12,820 --> 00:20:15,250 - What? - What are you talking about? 351 00:20:15,300 --> 00:20:17,470 - I'm afraid you can see it all in the video. 352 00:20:17,600 --> 00:20:19,690 The baby got ahold of some bedsheets. 353 00:20:19,820 --> 00:20:21,220 There's a couple minutes missing from the ultrasound, 354 00:20:21,260 --> 00:20:23,170 but it's definitely a suicide. 355 00:20:23,220 --> 00:20:24,960 - You gotta be kidding me! 356 00:20:25,000 --> 00:20:26,830 The baby hung itself? 357 00:20:26,870 --> 00:20:30,310 - Boss! Boss! It's a miracle! 358 00:20:30,440 --> 00:20:31,920 - But does that mean 359 00:20:32,050 --> 00:20:35,320 there's not gonna be a crap-out? 360 00:20:35,360 --> 00:20:38,540 This is a Fox News special alert. 361 00:20:38,670 --> 00:20:41,320 - Fox News has just received confirmation 362 00:20:41,410 --> 00:20:44,330 that the unborn child of Satan and President Trump 363 00:20:44,370 --> 00:20:46,680 has decided to take the easy way out 364 00:20:46,720 --> 00:20:48,370 and end its own life. 365 00:20:48,500 --> 00:20:50,550 - Definitely an unfortunate turn of events. 366 00:20:50,680 --> 00:20:53,070 Fox News has analyzed the ultrasound. 367 00:20:53,120 --> 00:20:56,120 You can see the baby probably considering suicide right here 368 00:20:56,160 --> 00:20:57,690 and then-- a little bit missing-- 369 00:20:57,730 --> 00:20:59,120 and it killed itself. 370 00:20:59,170 --> 00:21:00,990 Obvious confirmation of suicide. 371 00:21:01,120 --> 00:21:02,780 You can see a little chair there. 372 00:21:02,910 --> 00:21:05,130 Just what babies do sometimes. 373 00:21:05,220 --> 00:21:08,130 - That's right, and if you or someone you know 374 00:21:08,220 --> 00:21:10,790 is a fetus contemplating suicide, 375 00:21:10,830 --> 00:21:14,360 we urge you to call Fox News as much as you possibly can. 376 00:21:14,440 --> 00:21:16,490 - In the meantime, all our thoughts and prayers 377 00:21:16,570 --> 00:21:18,360 are with the president tonight, 378 00:21:18,450 --> 00:21:20,750 Who will be holding a funeral for his unborn child 379 00:21:20,880 --> 00:21:22,800 at the White House. 380 00:21:34,810 --> 00:21:36,380 - Hey, Merry Christmas! 381 00:21:36,420 --> 00:21:38,730 Did you hear the news? The baby's dead! 382 00:21:38,810 --> 00:21:41,340 - Yes, Mr. President, we are so sorry. 383 00:21:41,470 --> 00:21:43,510 - Happy holidays! The baby's dead! 384 00:21:43,600 --> 00:21:45,730 - Are you OK, sir? 385 00:21:45,780 --> 00:21:50,480 - Yeah, it's really hard! Here, have a cigar! 386 00:21:50,610 --> 00:21:52,570 Hey, Pam! Merry Christmas! The baby's dead! 387 00:21:52,700 --> 00:21:54,960 You're so strong, Mr. President. 388 00:21:55,050 --> 00:21:57,090 And you're taking it really well. 389 00:21:57,140 --> 00:21:59,750 - Hey! Thanks, Pam! 390 00:22:50,450 --> 00:22:55,110 I win! I win! I win again! 391 00:23:09,820 --> 00:23:12,690 - Christmas letters from home. Here you go. 392 00:23:12,820 --> 00:23:14,690 Some Christmas joy from your loved ones. 393 00:23:14,820 --> 00:23:16,560 There you go. 394 00:23:16,610 --> 00:23:18,350 Hey, there's one for you today. 395 00:23:27,920 --> 00:23:30,400 Dear Stan, I'm writing this 396 00:23:30,450 --> 00:23:32,930 because I owe you an apology 397 00:23:33,060 --> 00:23:35,540 and a thank you. 398 00:23:35,670 --> 00:23:38,280 You asked for a Christmas miracle, 399 00:23:38,410 --> 00:23:40,460 and I didn't listen. 400 00:23:40,590 --> 00:23:42,720 So now, go to this address. 401 00:23:42,850 --> 00:23:44,030 - No way. 402 00:24:16,840 --> 00:24:19,060 Thank you. Thank you! 403 00:24:21,280 --> 00:24:24,980 - I'll be here, Stan, watching over everybody. 404 00:24:25,020 --> 00:24:26,500 Be good. 405 00:24:26,550 --> 00:24:28,850 And remember, never give up on the things 406 00:24:28,900 --> 00:24:30,330 that you commit to. 407 00:24:30,460 --> 00:24:32,340 - He's so great, isn't he? 408 00:24:32,470 --> 00:24:34,600 Merry Christmas, everyone! 409 00:24:34,730 --> 00:24:37,510 Let's all have the happiest holidays! 410 00:24:56,750 --> 00:24:59,190 Come on, seniors, sing along! 29683

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.