All language subtitles for Dream On (1990) S06E17.en

- Hi.
- Hi. Mm.

Um, as your lawyer,

I strongly advise you
against wearing those pants.

Thank you.
Thank you, I appreciate that.

And if Judith and I
were taking Jeremy--

If Judith
and I were taking Jeremy
to visit a real university,

I'd change, okay?
But for Ithaca State,
this is just the part.

Nothing, it's just my dad
being a human penis.

Oh, apparently there's
more than one interpretation

of the phrase, "10:15,
in front of the building."

Oh, you know Martin,
when he rants,
he loses all track of time.

Now, come on, have I said
anything that isn't true?

You know who goes
to Ithaca State?

People who aren't smart enough
to get into Cornell,

but still want the thrill
of living in Ithaca.

Yeah, I believe that's
on the front of their brochure.

Martin, I'm sure
it's a perfectly fine school.

- Eddie's daughter goes there.
- Yeah, and it's all her fault.

If Linda didn't go there, Jeremy
never would've heard of this--

Gulag with a gym?

- You're a great help.
- Oh, God.

What I'm saying is, you can
get into any school he wants,

what is this sudden
fascination with Ithaca State?

I am gonna get so laid.

By Linda.

Yes, way.

I was at my Uncle Eddie's party,
and she asked me to dance,

and she kept bumping
into me and stuff, and--

Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait,
I'm not finished.

Then she said,
"Why don't you come visit me
next weekend?

My roommate's gonna be away."

- Huh?
- Here.

- Thank you.
- Goodbye.

Bye.

Oh, man, I cannot wait
to see her naked.

She has the most unbelievable
communications program.

I gotta go.

Uh, come on, buddy.
We're going to Ithaca.

World-renowned
Ithaca State University

is nestled in the foothills
of upstate New York,

not far
from spectacular Cayuga Lake,

largest
of the Five Finger Lakes.

This modern educational facility
is home

to over 9,000 eager
and talented students

who pursue such fields
as chemical engineering,

abnormal psychology,
drama,

and animal husbandry.

And that brings us back
to beautiful Carmichael Hall,

which will be your home
for the next 24 hours.

I hope you've enjoyed our tour,
and don't forget

the big fireworks display
tonight at midnight.

For you Ithaca State students,

that's when the big hand
and the little hand
are both on the 12.

Oh, lighten up, this'll be fun.

It'll be like being
in college again.

Now, which one of you
is Judy Stone?

Well, the smart money
is on her.

Ah, goodie,
we are gonna be roomies.

I am Mary Pat Wyatt Jones

from Madison, Wisconsin.

Isn't this the most beautiful
place you have ever seen?

Our daughter, Alexis,
hoping to come here in the fall

if she can just get
her grades up a smidge.

Oh, I hope you like cribbage.
I am just a whiz.

Oh, this is gonna be
so much fun.

- I need a drink.
- Let's get out of here.

- Hi guys.
- Oh, oh, there you are.

Dad, did you know the first
drummer from Whitesnake
went here?

No.

- And it was Reagan's
backup school.
- Really?

Even if Bonzo gave
a lecture on Darwin,

it wouldn't do me
any good now.

That's fascinating.

Look, I promised your dad
I'd feed you

so you're gonna have dinner
with us, okay?

Actually, I've got special plans
for Jeremy tonight.

You, uh--you have?

I got us tickets
to the Livingston Taylor concert
in the Quad.

Wow.

Wow? Livingston Taylor is a wow?

Oh, don't you ever get tired
of doing that.

- Okay, so,
we'll see you guys tomorrow.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

- I thought you were rooming
with me tonight.
- Uh, no, I'm staying at Linda's.

Oh, no, you are not staying
with a 20-year-old woman.

What? You think
we're gonna like... do it?

Family treat.

Gross, dad,
she's Uncle Eddie's daughter.

I mean,
that'd be like... incest.

No.

Now that he's old enough
to be going steady,
he's an absolute metal case.

Brings back fun memories.

Hello.

Fuck, fuck.

What is going on
in there?

Nothing, nothing,

I-- I just stubbed my head.

Hold on a minute.

Is this a bad time?

Actually, I was just about to...

...catch up on some work.

- Are you, uh, are you okay?
- I just went to pee.

And when I came back,

Mary Pat
had put a hanger on the door.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

Uh...

So there we were,

me and Mary Pat and Hector,

you know the linen salesman
from Tampa.

- The bald guy, big lip,
the kid with the skin problem.
- That's the one.

- Right.
- We're having a perfectly nice
game of cribbage.

I was winning, by the way,
even though I still have
absolutely no idea

how this stupid game is played.

And I go out for two seconds.

And when I come back,
I am locked out.

And they're in there doing it.

I mean, what is that about?

- Bad sportsmanship?
- This is not about cribbage.

This is about fucking.

This tastes like
my chemistry set.

- Where was I?
- Fucking.

It's just so easy
for people like Mary Pat,

you know, just jumping into bed
with any old linen salesman
who comes along.

- How does she do that?
- Well, she's a nympho.

What are you saying, Jude?
You wanna be a nympho?

I'm sure you can
if you put your mind to it.

No, I just want it all
to be easier.

You know, like it is for you.

I mean, when you're like a bee,
just flitting about,

sticking your little beak
into every flower that you pass.

Two things.

Two things, number one,
bees do not have beaks.

Number two,
it's not that easy for me.

I mean, okay, okay, I've had
a number of relationships.

There is the understatement
of the year.

That doesn't mean
I'm just pollinating.

You know,
I'm looking for something.

I-- I'm looking for...

Either you or a reasonably
plastered facsimile.

...what everybody's looking for,
you know,

love and closeness and intimacy.

Yeah. I think I'm gonna
get my boobs done.

Wait, what--

- Where'd that come from?
- I don't know.

I just assumed
that it was yours,
but what did you think of these?

Holy Moses.

Well, they're like duffel bags.

You're not gonna get
your breasts done,
what are you, nuts?

Well, it's just that,
now that I'm dating

and then I have to get naked
in front of all these
strange men--

No, you don't have to get naked.
The naked part is optional now.

What are you worried about?
Look at you, you're a knockout.

Oh, I'm okay.
I have good posture

and I finally have a haircut
that works, but...

I have '70s boobs.

- What?
- Oh, Martin, you know that I do.

No, no, no, you don't.

I mean, they're elegant
and sophisticated.

You ha-- you have
timeless breasts.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Yeah, they're
like a Tiffany watch.

Only bigger. And with nipples.

Thank you.

Ah, I'm, uh-- I'm a poet.

So I hope it's okay that
we didn't go to that concert,

but I just didn't feel like
I could tell your parents

what we were really gonna
do tonight.

- Right, good thinking.
- So do you like IS?

I don't think
I've ever done that.

Ithaca State?
Do you like the school?

Oh, yeah, thanks, it's great.

Uh, I'm gonna come here
because it's so, uh... great.

Cool. Listen, Jeremy,
if you're getting tired,
I can get rid of these.

No, I'm not tired.

I think it's time
that we went to bed.

Oh, you know,
come to think of it,

- I am a little beat.
- Okay.

Okay, everybody, party's over.

- You guys are good,
right?
- Yeah, my room.

Yeah, come on,
we'll go.

Here, let me help you clean up.

All right.

I'm fine,
everything's great.

That's funny.

Yeah. Well, thank you.

Mm-hmm, yeah.

Hmm, so, when was the last time
you were drunk in the dorm?

Uh...

about two years ago when
I was seeing Kate's daughter.

I suppose
what I meant was,

when was the last time
I was drunk in a dorm?

Shut up, shut up.

That would have been
last day of school,
sophomore year,

right before
you broke up with me
because you thought

you were gonna join
the Peace Corps.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

The Peace Corps
was junior year,

and sophomore year
is when you broke up with me

'cause you wanted to
spend the summer in Florida

with that drama girl
who gave you crabs.

No, no, no, they weren't crabs.

No, they were some kind
of harmless parasite

that was just, you know,
living in my-- my groin area.

Crabs.

But I-- I didn't break up
with you so I could be with her.

I just couldn't stand
to be around you

after you read
The Feminine Mystique.

Oh, yeah, well, what about,
remember when you dumped me,

so that you could do that
ridiculous zen celibacy thing?

You remember?

Oh, God, how long did that last,
like a week?

Well, it's just
because you tormented me.

Oh, yeah, well,
if you call torment
wearing a purple miniskirt.

No, no, no, it had nothing to do
with a miniskirt

it was because you tried to undo
my zipper with your teeth
on the library roof.

You remember that?

Oh, my God, I forgot I did that.

I am yours.

I do love you and will love you
no matter where I am forever.

Oh, my God,
so glad it's over.

I guess we make
better friends than lovers.

It's hopeless.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's exactly
what I was thinking.

Oh.

I'm gonna go wash up.

Why don't you get ready
for bed?

Great, good idea.

I'll be right back.

Anyway, I-- I should, um,

probably go back and see
if I can get into my room.

Oh.

Okay.

What's up?

Oh, my God. Oh, my God, Jeremy.

What are you doing?

Well, I thought
I should wear one to be safe.

No, I mean,
what the hell are you doing?

Oh.

Oh, uh...

nothing.

I'm, uh...

You know, I think I forgot
something in the bathroom

and I'm just gonna go
back in there and-- and get it.

And maybe when I come out,
you can be--

- Gone?
- That'll work.

All right.

Hey, um...

thanks for talking to me.

It really helped.

Anytime.

- Good night, Martin.
- Goodnight.

There's something
rushing around inside of me.

I...

I feel like giving presents
to everyone.

- Judith.
- Shh.

♪ When I fall in love ♪

♪ It will be forever ♪

♪ Or I'll never fall ♪

♪ In love ♪

♪ When I give my heart ♪

♪ It will be completely ♪

♪ Or I'll never give ♪

♪ My heart ♪

♪ And the moment ♪

♪ I can feel that ♪

♪ You feel that way too ♪

♪ Is when I fall in love ♪

♪ With you ♪

♪ And the moment
I can feel that ♪

♪ You feel that way too ♪

♪ Is when I fall in love ♪

♪ With you ♪

Yeah, you know, Ithaca State
has a terrific
communications program.

And did you know
that the student teacher ratio
is 13 to one?

Yeah, they were voted best buy
by the US News and World Report.

Guys, I'm not going
to Ithaca State.
The school totally sucks.

Why are you so excited
about it all of a sudden?

Well, because last night,
your mother and I finally had...

- Sex.
- ...a chance
to read the catalog.

- Yeah.
- I'm gonna spend the night
at Bobby's.

- Great, great, okay, bye-bye.
- Good idea.

- Bye, honey.
- Have fun now.

- Love you.
- Yeah, be careful.

You wanna come in?

Martin, uh, you know, I-- I had
a wonderful time in Ithaca.

You know,
it was romantic and special.

But that was Ithaca and--
and this is New York, so, um...

You gotta slow down.

You're right.
You're right, you're right.

Okay, I'll see you soon.

Or later, or sooner or later,
or whatever.

Great.

Sorry, I don't know
what got into me.

I think you broke my zipper.

I'm so embarrassed.
We can't let this happen again.

Oh, my God, I'm double parked.

I-- I gotta go.

I have to meet Eddie
at the game...

two hours ago,
and I have the tickets.

What are we doing?
We can't do this.

Well, yes, we can.

Yes, we can.
I mean, what--
what's stopping us?

Oh, have you forgotten
about Rachel?

Oh.

- Sort of.
- Yeah, well, I-- I haven't.

Look, uh, I have to go,

I-- I have to answer
Little Richard's email
from computer camp.

Jude, can't we talk about this?

You're seeing someone else.
There is nothing to talk about.

I-- I gotta go.

No, Jude!

There's only one intelligent
decision to be made.

All right,
I wash my hands of this.

If you dump Rachel for Judith,
you are just beyond help.

Rachel's great,
I know she's great.

You don't have to tell me
she's great,

but this is something I really,
really have to do, Eddie.

And it's not gonna
be any easier with you here

washing your hands,
so please, please.

- Fine, fine.
- Thank you. Thank you.

I can't let you do this.

There are a million reasons
why you shouldn't get back
with Judith...

...and I'm sure nothing I say
is gonna make a bit of
difference.

You're right, you're right.
So stop talking.

Come on, Rachel's gonna be
here any minute.

Wait, there's something you
should know.

I... am in love with Judith.

I've always loved her.

Yeah, all the other women,
just a cover up.

She's the only woman for me.

So please, just...
don't stand in our way.

- You are not in love
with Judith!
- No, I'm not.

In fact,
I don't particularly like her.

It's just that, man,
I'll say anything,
I'll do anything.

I just don't wanna
see you hurt again.

Great, I really appreciate
your concern.
Now let's go.

I'm not concerned about you.
I'm concerned about me.
I can't go through that again.

All your crying
and your whining.

I-- I just don't have the
strength.

Don't you think about
anybody but yourself?

Let-- let me explain this to you
one more time.

Judith and I are in love
and we're gonna
give this a shot.

And as hard
as this may be on you,

I'm guessing you're probably
gonna make it through alive.

Okay? Now come on.

It's lunchtime.

- Hey, Eddie.
- Hey.

Uh, Rachel, what's, uh--
what's all that?

Well, now I know you wanted to
go out to lunch,

but I figured
why embarrass ourselves

with public displays
of affection

when we can have them right here
in the privacy
of your own office.

Oh, that's-- that's so sweet.

That's really, really sweet.

Really.

Aw. Is that a wonderful woman
or what?

I mean, any guy would be
lucky to have her.

Any guy.

In fact, Rachel,
are you busy this weekend?

I have plans with Martin,
my boyfriend.

I'll call you later.

Goodbye, Eddie. Take care now.

I hope you like vichyssoise.

I don't, but
it's just so much fun to say.

Hi, baby.

Uh, Rachel,

can I talk to you for just a--
for just a minute?

- What, is something wrong?
- No, no, no, no.

Nothing we can't work out
like mature adults.

Hey, Rach, love that message.

Listen, I know
you're hurting right now, so--

But if you need somebody
to talk to, I'm right here.

And hey, you can do
much better than Martin.

In fact,
if you're free tonight,

I know this great
little Thai place that--

Gotta go.

- It's done.
- What's done?

I broke up with Rachel.

- I take you for a wife.
- You did?

Why? Why would you do
a thing like that?

You two seemed
so great together.

Pardon me, my mistake.
I think we got the wrong room.

Jude...

I did it for us, you know,
so we could be together.

Oh, I don't know about that.

What am I supposed to think
if this is the way
you treat women?

What?

First you cheated on her,
and then you broke up
with her

to run off with the first thing
that comes along.

How can I trust you after that?

Well, you wanted me to do this.

Oh, fine, just put it on me.

How can you expect me
to just jump into this
relationship

where you're gonna blame me
for every little thing
that goes wrong?

You're talking like a lunatic.

Excuse me, I'm just gonna
go home and bang my head
against the sink.

Oh, don't leave.

Jude, what's with you?

You're on, you're off,
you're kissing me,

you're not kissing me, you
want me to break up with Rachel?

You don't want me
to break up with Rachel.
What do you want from me?

- I wanna be with you.
- I'm right here.

I'm right here, and there's
nothing standing in the way,
so what's the problem?

Well, the problem
is that...

- I love you.
- I love you too!

Ah, then
why are you yelling at me?

Jude, Jude.

Remember
what it was like, Martin?

You know, towards the end?

- I guess I blocked it out.
- What if it's worse this time?

I mean, what if we think
of new and more horrible things
to do to each other?

But, Jude, I know it's scary,
but I'm willing to try.

I just have to know
if you are, okay?

If you're in, that's great.
If you're out, now,
that's great too.

We'll still be friends,
we'll still go to lunch.
I just have to know.

Are you in... or out?

I...

I think I'm out.

Oh.

Okay.

Great.

Oh, good.

So, um, you wanna go
get some lunch?

Forget it, we are never going to
lunch again.

I mean, if you're out,
then lunch is out.

- But I thought you said--
- I lied.

I lied, I thought,
"Sure you're gonna say in."

I can't believe you said out.

Can I just please
say one thing?

What's that one thing gonna be?
Is it in?

'Cause if it's not in, there's
really nothing to talk about.

If you'll excuse me,
I'm gonna go home,
I'm gonna unpack,

pay some bills,
and get over you forever.

In.

Oh, what a beautiful word.

♪ When I fall in love ♪

♪ It will be forever ♪

God's in his heaven
and all's right with the world.