All language subtitles for Dream On (1990) S06E14.en

Eddy tells me you work
for a cosmetics company.

Yes, and I just adore it.

In my opinion,

the greatest invention
in history was makeup.

Change civilization.

Do you think that Cleopatra
ever would have been

Queen of the Nile
if it wasn't for eyeliner?

I guess I've never really
given it that much thought.

Not a chance.
She was a very plain girl.

What she had was a sense
of what worked for her face.

It's rare to meet someone so...

Cheap, gaudy and shallow.

...passionate about their work.

I just adore it.

You know, the one thing
I don't like is the way

they do all that experimenting
on those poor little animals.

Especially when they have
all those bums
out there on the street.

Why don't they
just experiment on them?

I don't know.

Maybe because they're people.

Well, that's just my point.

If it burns their eyes,
they can tell you.

Oh, and let's just face it.

Most of them could benefit
from a little make over.

Maybe you should write
your congressman.

Oh, uh.

- Can I have a Bordeaux glass?
- Hm?

Red wine.
White wine glass.

Can't breathe.

Neither can I.

I don't get it.

Why can't I meet one normal,
down-to-earth woman?

Somebody who's interested
in something other than
nail polish or wine glasses.

Ketchup. I want to Ketchup.

Ketchup? On a tuna melt?

Well, I can try
something new, can I?

Jude,

something bothering you
because you seem a little...

...stressed.

I am not stressed,
just because I gave up

/a private practice
in psychology to be there

for my fatherless son,

who's already
so damn self-sufficient,

and he only needs me
to change his diapers

and type up
his Grant proposals.

I am just so bored.

You see, that is exactly
what I'm talking about.

It's attitudes like that
that are ruining this country.

Excuse me?

Look around you.
Look around you.
What do you see?

I mean, there's a woman
picking through the trash.

I'm sure she'd be happy
to eat your sandwich
without the ketchup.

And there's a man with no legs.

He'd give his right arm
to have your problems.

You're bored?

Start complaining
and do something.

Help someone. He knows this.
Let's make a difference.

The Richard Stone Foundation
underwrites

any number of charities,
as you well know.

Let me tell you something.
Anybody can write
a check for $100,000.

It's something
else to get involved.

And that's what I would do
if I had your--

your free time, you know?

I'd-- I'd touch some lives.

You're right.

And have I ever told you
how much I hated you

when you lecture me?

Now, there are two parts
to the operation.

There's cooking and serving.

Most people prefer the cooking

because they're a little
scared of the clientele.

Well, actually,
I did flirt with the idea

of starting my own
catering business,

so cooking
would be fine with me.

We don't need any more cooks.

So you can do the serving.

Here you go.
Now, don't look so nervous.

They're people
just like you and me.

Hold it, Benny.

Now, you may have
three personalities,

but you only get one
pork chop in here, brother.

Lisbett? Lisbett Weeks?

- Yes.
- Judith Stone. Judith Van Boon.

I was friends with your sister
in high school.

I didn't know anyone was friends
with my sister in high school.

Well, not close friends.

She sat behind me in homeroom.
You know, Van Boon, Weeks.

Oh, right, you used to live
on Willow Drive.

Your mother used to give out
toothpaste on Halloween.

Yes, well,
everyone else gave out candy,

so she just figured, but anyway,
I am so glad to see you.

This is my first day here,
and I'm a little overwhelmed.

So you cook or serve?

Girls, girls, girls.

If we wanted you to be talking,

we would have brought
some hairdryers in here.

So you start serving,
and you start eating.

We've got
your favorite today, Liz.

Cream of mushroom.

I spent six months
designing this guy's

entire spring sportswear line.

Then I find out
his revolutionary approach

to manufacturing involves
stealing my designs

and moving to Malaysia.

And thanks to MasterCard,
I'd already spent

most of the money
I'd never been paid.

Well, can't you just sue someone
for something?

Well, I talked to a lawyer.

He told me I was out of luck,
sent me a bill for $500.

Then I maxed out my credit cards
while I was looking for work.

Six months later, I started

selling my stuff just
to pay my rent.

Pretty soon, I was out of stuff,
so, I was out of an apartment.

Anyway, enough about me.
How are you?

Oh, well, you know,
same old, same old.

I am unemployed, too.

You know, and I live here.

And it's noisy,
and there's a lot of crime,

but well, we call it home.

Funny.
That's what I call my car.

Look, if you need
a place to stay,

and of course you do, uh,

you're more than welcome
to stay here.

Thanks. I don't want to impose.

I'm sure I'll be back
on my feet real soon.

Well, you think about it,

and I'll just leave the keys
to the doorman for you.

- Martin.
- Jude, I want to apologize
about lunch yesterday.

I was way out of line.

No, no, no.
You were right, you know?

So, I went out,
and I volunteered
at a soup kitchen

on 10th Avenue,
and it was great.

And do you remember
Regina Weeks?

You met her
at my high school reunion.

You mean the one who was
so annoying that you wanted--

This is her sister, Lizbett.

0-I met her at the soup kitchen.
- Hi.

Every time you open your mouth,
you put your foot in it.

You know, when I said annoying,
I meant good annoying.

You know,
sort of like a busy bee.

Or a dentist drill,
or a really painful sunburn.

We shared a room till I was 13.

Oh.

Sit down.

Okay.

Hello?

Darling, you've got
to learn how to share.

Yes, yes, but it is
Professor Fleming's
spectrophotometer,

and I think
he should have a chance
to play with it too.

I think someone needs an app.

I'll be right up.

I-- Pre-toddlers.

Would you excuse me
just for a minute?

Move in, move in!

How often do you go
to the soup kitchen?

Um, just about every day.

Well,
that's an amazing commitment.

I really respect that.

Oh, you know, I don't even
like to talk about it.

You're an angel.

So good, so kind, so human.

Like a nurse.

Right, right.
It's all in the doing.

You know, I hate to seem
too forward, but--

- Will you marry me?
- Can I buy you some coffee?

Um...

Oh, Maybe we could try dinner,
although that might take me
a little longer.

You know, this isn't really
a good time for me.

I'm not really in a dating mode.

Oh.

So it won't be a date.
It'll just be food.

I mean,
you feed people all day long.

You deserve to be fed.

Think of it as a thank you
dinner on behalf of mankind.

Well, how can I turn down
all mankind?

Great. How about tomorrow night?

Seven o'clock? I'll pick you up.
Where do you live?

You know what?
I'm gonna be out running around.

Why don't I just meet you?

Okay.

Scampi was delicious.

I can't remember the last time
I had a home-cooked meal.

Well, there's no trouble at all.

Oh.

You accidentally threw away
some of your serving pieces.

Thank God you found that.

It's Judith's and my
China pattern.

This aluminum was
all the rage then.

Can I interest you
in an after-dishes drink?

Yeah. I'd love a beer.

That's a very good choice,

you know, 'cause
I happen to brew it myself.

Don't bother with the glass.

Somehow beer always tastes
better out of a bottle.

What a gal.

Martin, I want
to thank you for tonight.

I wasn't expecting
to have a good time.

That was supposed to be
a compliment.

Oh. [laughs] Okay.

Well, two, uh,

two more nights,
you know, together?

Oh, I'm telling you, Eddie,
she's incredible.

It's only been a week,
but this could turn into
something big.

Good. Good for you.

What?

- What's the matter?
- Nothing.

It's just that I kill myself
to set you off with women,

and then you go
find one of your own.

How selfish of me
to forget your feelings.

And I'm talking
quality women here.

Most of them have been
had by professional athletes,

but no, that's not
good enough for you.

Come on, Eddie.
They were just a little too...

Cheap, gaudy and shallow.

...materialistic
for me, you know,

but Elizabeth's down to earth,
you know, and caring.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Forget the crap.

So how does she look?

She's gorgeous. She's gorgeous.

She's about 5'8" and blonde,

and she looks sort of like
that woman over there.

Lisbett.

Hey.

Hi.

We were just talking about you.

This is my friend,
Eddie Charles.

- Hey, nice to meet you.
- What are you doing
with the sleeping bag?

- Are you going camping?
- No, actually, I just--

It's a mess in there, I know.

No kidding.

Looks like you have
everything you own in there.

You must be headed
to the soup kitchen.

Yeah,
and I'm running late, so...

Can you believe this woman?

Not only is she a volunteer,

but she's giving away
all this stuff.

Hey, you wore
that dress yesterday.

It looked great on you.

Elizabeth,
I noticed you haven't been

sleeping in your car
the last couple of nights.

And if you found another place,
I was just wondering
if I could crash from the back.

You see, Luther peed on my box.

You live in your car?

Of course,
she doesn't live in her car.

You don't live
in your car, do you?

Can I talk to you
in private for a minute?

Lisbett.

What's going on?

You told me
you lived on 68th Street.

Actually, I just parked there
Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.

How could this happen?

I mean,
how long have you been--

Martin, I wanted to tell you.
I really did, it's just...

it's kind of
a conversation stopper.

The longer I waited,
the harder it was
to bring it up.

Move it or lose it.
We start towing it, too.

Just two minutes.

Two minutes.

I'm really sorry
if you hate me or...

I gave you the heebie-jeebies.

I totally understand if you
never want to see me again.

Get me out of here!

Don't be ridiculous.

Of course
I want to see you again.

Really?

Are you sure?

Oh, no, I'm not.

Sure, I'm-- I'm sure.

Look, I'm telling you,
we're not related.

Maybe you saw me on TV.

Aha! That's right.

You're Eddie, huh?

Hey, everybody!
It's Eddie Murphy!

It's Eddie Murphy!
Come on! It's Eddie Murphy!

Let's get out of here.

You know, man,
my women may be materialistic,

but at least they have materials
like a wall, a roof, furniture.

What's wrong with you?
Have you no decency?

No, but I have a zip code.

Dream On will be right back.

At first I thought
it's just one night.

Then one night became two.

Two nights became a week.

Pretty soon
a week became a month, and...

here I am.

That could happen to anyone.

Is there anything else
you want to know?

- Are you in debt?
- No.

- Are you addicted to drugs?
- No.

- Drinking? Gambling?
- No.

Are you being
blackmailed by anybody?

No, that-- that--
pretty much covers it.

But if it makes you
uncomfortable to discuss it,

then we shouldn't.

Ever. Again.
I mean, you... really.

Thank you
for being so supportive.

It's the first time
in a long time

I've felt like a person again.

Let's not get physical.

Would you like
some more frozen yogurt?

It's not bad.

No. It's getting late.

Come on. Let's go to bed.

Why don't you go ahead and--

Go get ready,
and I'll-- I'll be right in.

Wait, is something wrong,
Martin?

No.

No, it's just that...

I tried to wait out
of this moment of difficulty.

...I wish there was
something I could do to...

to help.

Oh, you have no idea

how much you've done already.

Plus, you're a book editor.

It's not like
you're the Salvation Army.

I got it.

The Diary of a Homeless One.

The true story
of a woman who lives in her car,

sneaks showers in hotels,

can't get a job
till she has an address,

can't get an address
till she has a job.

Gibby, it's--
it's the Catch-22 of the '90s.

Hm. Only one question.

Is this the worst idea
you've ever pitched,

or is it the worst idea
anyone's ever pitched?

Gibby, come on. Come on.

We're in a win-win
situation here.

We help a woman
get back on her feet,

and she gives us
a certain bestseller.

Oh, yes.
I can see the adverts already.

You've smelled their stench.
Now read their story.

Perhaps we could
make it a scratch and sniff.

Maybe.

Maybe we can discuss
marketing strategies later.

Okay, but the important thing
is that Elizabeth Weeks is...

On line two, she wants to know
when you're coming home tonight.

You must mean
in Jeremy's on line two.

Why don't you
just tell him that...

Martin,
I think I know the difference

between your girlfriend
and your son.

Elizabeth Weeks
has long eyelashes.

Jeremy has a father
who dates homeless women.

Take a message.

My, my.

Marty, may I suggest
the ragamuffin

who hangs out
in front of the building
in barks of traffic?

Wouldn't have to
offer her a book deal.

I'm sure
you could lure her into bed
with a half-eaten chicken leg.

Gibby, this isn't about
Elizabeth Weeks being my friend.

This is a story
that has to be told.

Now, wait a minute.

I'll guarantee
the advance against my salary.

Marty, those are
my favorite words to hear.

And here,
drop this into a cup for me,
won't you?

Smart boy.

I don't know what to say.

God bless you.

You don't have to say anything.

And by the way,
that's just an advance.

Oh, Martin, thank you.

I can't do this.

What?

Why not?

It's not like
it's a handout or something.

You're gonna be earning it.

No, it's not that, it's just...

being homeless isn't
my proudest accomplishment.

I want to put
the whole thing behind me,
not put it in print.

No, no. Look.
Cashing this check will put
the whole thing behind you.

You know,
plus you'll be a role model.

You'll do for homelessness

what Betty Ford did
for drug addicts.

That's exactly
what I'm afraid of.

I don't want to be the poster
child for the homeless.

I'm sorry.

Can we just drop it?

Fine. Fine, that's okay.

No, I can't believe this.

I go way out on a limb
to find the perfect
solution to our problems.

- You don't even want to do it.
- What do you mean,
"our problem"?

I know what my problem is.
What's your problem?

We can't be seen together.

Let's not get
into semantics, okay?
You know what I'm talking about.

Yeah, I think I do.

Look,
I am offering you a way out.

Martin, just admit it.
This whole book thing
has nothing to do with me.

You're only doing this
so you'll feel more comfortable.

I'll feel more comfortable?
I'm already comfortable.

I've got an apartment
and a job and a bed.

You're the one who's living
in a Volkswagen Rabbit.

- I'm going now.
- Where?

Where? You have nowhere to go.

Just cash the check
and become a normal person.

Will you? I mean, come on.
What more can I do?

I didn't ask you to do anything.

I thought I had someone
that respected me

and made me feel
good about myself again.

Obviously I was wrong.

Pig head!

You made a mistake, kid.
A bad mistake.

Toby, buzz me
when Judith gets here.

Okay, buzz.

She's standing
right in front of me.

Toby.

Martin, could you hand me
the pencil sharpener?

Thank you.

Elizabeth asked me
to return this to you.

Thank you.
Do you know where she is?

I've been trying
to get in touch with her.

Oh, why?
Because she got away
before you had a chance

to brand her forehead
with a Scarlett H?

Just tell me
where she is, will you?

She's living
in Brooklyn Heights.

I loaned her the money
for first month's rent

and security deposit,
and tomorrow she's meeting

with a costume designer about
maybe doing some freelance work.

Great. It's great.
Do you have her phone number?

Martin, she doesn't want
to talk to you.

Would you stop that, please?

Sorry.

It's late and I've got
to serve dinners.

- No, Jude.
- Judy!

You're looking fit as a ferret.

Twirl around,
I'll guess your weight.

Hello, Gibby.

Eight stone seven.
Give or take a pound.

Gibby, guess my shoe size.

Marty, your office.

Got the marketing plan
for your homeless book.

We put Miss Weeks in a frock,

conveniently tattered
at the chest and rump.

Feminine, but feral.

Womanhood gone wild
in the streets.

It's funny if you mention that,
because I have great news.

Elizabeth's found a job
and an apartment.

- So?
- So, there's not
going to be a book.

And Whitestone saves
ten thousand dollars.

And everybody
lives happily ever after.

Everybody except
the noble ruler of the kingdom.

It seems that someone
at Good Morning New York

got wind of the project,
and they'd like to do

an entire show
about our little gutter snipe.

I've spent $20,000 on promos.

Well, Gibby,
I appreciate your support

as usual but uh...

...the deal is dead.

She's not homeless anymore.

No, but you well could be.

If you don't find me another
vagrant by five o'clock.

Now, chop, chop.
There, but for the grace of I,
go you.

Well, what are you waiting for?

So basically, you keep a diary
of your experiences.

The ins and outs
of life on the street,
and we give you $10,000.

What do you say?

I'll take that as a no.

Here, here.
Here's twenty bucks.

Why don't you buy
yourself some food?

Some kibble.

Give me your tired, your poor...

your huddled masses,
yearning to breathe free.

The wretched refuse
of your teeming shores

send these
homeless tempest-tossed to me.

Excuse me.

How you doin'?

Thank you.