All language subtitles for Dream On (1990) S06E10.en

How would you feel
about skipping dinner?

I don't know. I'm pretty hungry.

What are you
in the mood for?

Oh, you're in luck.
I've got one left.

Come on in. Whoa! You're here.

This will just take a second.

Make yourselves home.

Irwin Bader, Esquire,
Hunter Owens' management.

I know who you are.

What the hell
are you doing here?

As you were notified
by third-class bulk rate mail,

your building's going co-op.

The foxes
are interested in your unit.

It's a bit
on the snug side, isn't it?

Just try to imagine it
without all this crap in here.

You can't do this.

As a tenant in this building,
I have certain rights.

I've got a right to be upset.

I've got the right
to my last wish.

My man's got a right to toad
his liquor wherever it fits him.

And-- and this is wrong.

Well, pursuant
to lease Paragraph 19-C,

you do have 30 days
to make a nonrefundable deposit

indicating
your intention to buy.

But I've seen
your financial statement,

and let's just say
it's on our bulletin board

next to the You
Want It When? cartoon.

Actually,
I'm looking for a place.

- Um, what are you asking?
- Penny.

It's a steal at 250.

$250,000?

- We'll take it.
- I'll give you 260.

Well, I've got 260 on the side.
Who'll give me 270?

- 270?
- 270.

- I've got 270. Can I get 271?
- 271.

71? 72? 72.

Who'll give me 75?
Five? Five? Five?

Okay. That's it!
Out! Out! Out! Out!

Everybody out!
Now get out of here!

Move it! Move it!
Move it! Go on!

Wait, wait.
I'll give you 275 and 30% down.

You, too. You, too, go! Go! Go!
Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Now go!

No need to get off, Tupper.

I'm sure we can help you
find a nice rental

in your price range
over in Fort Lee.

No, no, no, no, no.
I'm gonna buy this place.

I have a secret bank account

I've been saving
for just this occasion.

Voila.

Okay. Thanks, Rudy.

Look, this one
doesn't look so bad.

Two-bedroom, bath,
charming, SoBro walk-up.

So brother. That must mean Soho.

SoBro, South Bronx.

You'll be near,
uh, Yankee Stadium.

Can I park at your place?

- Hey, Rudy.
- Yes?

Do you have that magazine

where the women
are completely shaved?

Heads Or Pussies?

Uh, do you have one with both?

Yes, Smoothies.
We have 'em in back.

Would you stop?

We're here to find an apartment,
not the future Mrs. Charles.

- Now, come on.
- You know, I just don't get it.

If they're gonna offer you
the inside price on your place,

then why don't you just buy it?

Well, because...

I ain't got no money.

...I just don't want the assets,

you know, the mortgage,
the wallpaper.

I'm hurt.

I mean,
if it's a question of money,

you should have just told me.

Eddie, I didn't want
to impose...

- Look, if you can lend me--
- Lend?

Oh, no, no, no, no.

I'm hurt
you weren't honest with me.

Uh, loan's out
of the question.

I just got that place
in the Hamptons.

I mean, who wants to live
in Manhattan during the summer?

Well, don't worry. I won't be.

I'll be in fucking SoBro,
frying Bologna on a hot plate.

Martin, if you need money,

why don't you
just ask for a raise?

I mean, how long has it been
since you had one?

- Ten years.
- It's been a while.

You're almost 40. Own something.

I mean, you're
probably the only person

in our high school class
who's still renting.

Believe me, there is no way that
Gibby is gonna give me a raise.

Not if you don't ask.

You just gotta
march yourself right in there

and demand more money.

I mean, what is the worst
that could happen?

Gibby, I want a raise.

20% and not a penny less.

- Marty--
- Now, wait a minute, Gibby.

Just sit back down
and hear me out.

Thank you.

Now, look, I have given you
12 years of my life

and some of the best books
this firm has ever published.

I deserve this raise, Gibby,

and I will not take no
for an answer.

Gibby.

Uh, I can come back later.

No, no, no, no. Come in, Marty.

Just give me
a little bikini wax.

Don't want to be too shaggy
when they take out the catheter.

Of course.

Gibby.

Gibby.

I'm sorry if our little chat
had anything to do with this.

No, no, you mustn't
blame yourself, Marty.

Nothing you say or do
ever affects me that much.

Oh, well, that's just--
it's nice to hear.

Yeah,
it's just a mild heart attack.

Stress-related.

Ergo I shall be
reducing my work schedule

from five half days
a week to three.

Great idea.

Of course, without you
being there every day,

it's gonna be...

Devine.

...tough,
but we'll muddle through.

Yeah, you know,
I'm looking for a head muddler.

- Sort of my vice president.
- Really?

Would you have anyone in mind?

Yeah, well,
before my aorta seized up

like a Scotsman's fist
on a holiday,

I-- I recall
you whining about a raise.

Hallelujah!
My prayers are granted.

Gibby, thank you.

- Give me your arm.
- Ow.

Sorry. I'm shocked.

I mean, not that I should be,

you know,
you've always been generous.

More than generous, I mean,
very, very, very generous.

Yeah, careful scrambling
up my coal chute, Marty.

You might bump
your head on the bedpan.

Besides, I haven't
offered you the job yet.

You gotta prove to me
that you got what it takes.

Whatever you need.

I'll work weekends, I can
redo the production schedule.

Anyone can do that.

What I've got in mind
is much more important.

I need you

to go out

with my sister.

- Your sister?
- My sister.

She's in town for a visit.

She'd like to do
some sightseeing, so chop, chop.

Why don't you do
your own dirty work?

I'm really not sure

that I'm the one
to do this kind of thing.

Yes, I understand.

You feel unworthy of anyone

who's slipped through
the same labia as yours truly.

But even though she was born
with a silver teat in her mouth,

she doesn't mind slumming it.

Which is where you come in.

Oh, dear. I'm hard now.

The wax, Marty.

Gibby.

Gibby.

I'd love to do this, you know,

but like a lot of New Yorkers,

I just don't know
that much about New York.

I mean,
the Statue of Liberty is where?

- Queens?
- I'm sorry. I misunderstood.

I was under the impression

that you actually
wanted this promotion.

Well, I'm sure
that one of your colleagues,

Fred or Carter, for example,

did locate
a 150-foot copper woman.

Of course,
I could get a guidebook.

In fact,
we-- we publish one, don't we?

That's the spirit.

I can hardly wait
to introduce you.

Marty, meet my sister, Lucinda.

G'day, Marty. Call me Lu.

I'm gonna be a guide.

Oh, Marty,
this place is charming.

Comfy is an old pair of knickers
and twice as roomy.

Thanks.
I'm in the process of buying it.

So, now,
what did you call these again?

Snowdomes, that's right.

See, back home,
they're frosty balls.

Right, what have you got here?

Staten Island Ferry,
Empire State Building,

St. Patty's Cathedral.

Actually, that looks like
St. John the Divine.

Don't touch it.
You'll get them out of order.

Right, now, I seem to have
missed the World Trade Center.

Oh, what a lovely bowl.

You know,
I gave ceramics a go once

after my little labelling
mix-up at the blood bank.

I made those big roosters
you keep your napkins in.

Ah, the charm soon wore off.

Yakkity-Yakkity-Yak...

So, when the bus stewardess
job came along,

I grabbed it.

The uniform
was quite flattering, I suppose,

but, you know, you can only
make the Perth to Adelaide run

so many times
before you have to say

"I have handed out
my last pork pie."

And so then you came to America.
The end.

- Anyway, how about a drink?
- Oh, yummy.

After that,
I was a cable TV installer.

Then I did a little bit
of foot modelling.

I've got bunions,
so I make a great before photo.

Anyway, it all stops
along the journey

to finding myself, I suppose.

Huh?

Oh, how long have you been
a-- a professional bikini waxer?

Oh, I'm not, no.

Gibby and I have been doing that
since we were this big.

Daddy taught us
on Mum's moustache.

Sounds like
your family's very...

- Sick.
- ...close.

Oh, yeah, yeah, we are,
especially me and Gibby.

We talk about everything.

Oh.

Well, if today's
little outing comes up,

I hope you'll put in a kind word
for the old tour guide.

Oh, Marty, you don't
have to worry about that.

Well, I-- I hope
you like Zinfandel.

And it's open.

What do you say
we work up a bit of a thirst?

- What are you doing?
- Oh, I see.

Prefer the servant's
entrance, do we?

And it's open.

No, no, no.

What then? Blowjob?

Tug of the flesh candle?
It's up to you, Marty.

After all,
you did lug me round all day.

But you did pay
for that pretzel, so we're even.

Lu.

Lu, I--

Look, it's not that
I don't find you attractive.

You know, it's just I don't
believe

in sleeping with someone
on the first date.

Oh, that's a good one.

No!

Lu, I--

Lu, you know,

maybe-- look--

maybe you shouldn't
mention this to Gibby.

Lu, uh...

you forgot your frosty balls.

I've just said goodbye
to the vice presidency.

What's going on here?

Don't be coy with me,

Mr. Soon-to-be Vice President.

The word around the Pringles can

is we're moving up
to the executive suite.

Toby.

By the way, now that
I'm working for an executive,

I'm gonna need my own secretary.

You know, handle the phones,
the typing and the filing.

And a new desk.

I think
I'd look great behind mahogany.

Toby, I hate to disappoint you,
but you're staying right here.

Oh, I get it.
You're not taking me with you.

You just use me like
a footstool to get ahead.

And then you just toss me aside

like a footstool
you don't need anymore.

No, Toby,
you're not going anywhere

because I'm not going anywhere.

Neither of us
is going anywhere, ever.

Marty, when you're finished

with your little
positive thinking seminar,

I'd like to see you
in the conference room, please.

Apparently, my sister
had quite a remarkable evening

at your hovel the other night.

Well, sometimes
these things work out,

you know,
and sometimes they don't.

Well, lucky for you,
this time they did.

She can hardly wait
until your next little jaunt.

Really?

Because when she left,
I got the impression she was...

- Nuts.
- ...a little ambivalent.

Oh, contraire, Marty.

Lu was greatly moved
by your gentlemanly behavior.

But keep in mind, she spent
her summers in the outback

where rope burns
are a poor girl's bracelets.

Well, I said straight away that
she deserves special handling.

Or actually,
no handling at all.

Well, whatever
it is you're not doing,

keep on not doing it.

Soon you'll be shaking
the dew drops off your tulip

in the executive wash room.

I know he's going
to hand me my promotion.

We're sitting
on top of the world.

- Uh-uh.
- Oh.

I lost key.

Oh, you got locked out
and need the key.

Martin, I'm taking off.

But before I go,
here's a little something

to go along with your promotion.

Hell, it's a little
premature, but...

- You earned it.
- Thank you, Toby.

- You didn't have to.
- Yes, I did.

It's my resignation.

I'm not getting caught up

in your swirling vortex
of shame and chicanery.

Uh-huh, well, you're making
less sense than usual.

- Goodbye.
- Oh, come on, Martin.

You'd have to be blind
not to know what's going on

between you and Gibby's sister.

In fact, Ned,
the blind elevator guy,

even he knows about it.

Look, the only reason
I'm getting that promotion

is because Gibby knows that
I'm the most qualified person.

Oh, right, and Tom Arnold
got his own TV show

because he's so funny.

It's hot in here.
I have to get some air.

Okay. Okay.

So I'm doing him a favor.
So what?

It's like staying after school
to dust the erasers,

you know, for extra credit.

Oh, Martin, you're pathetic.
I'm going to go work for Fred.

He's a psycho,
but at least he's got ethics.

Watch the hose,
my little hedgehog.

Gibby, you're out
of your wheelchair.

It's the age of miracles, Marty.

I am walking

and you are the new
vice president of Whitestone.

Come along.

Welcome aboard.

Just a few formalities, Marty.

Call Bernice
and let her know whether you
prefer

Visa or MasterCard
for your expense account.

Either is fine.

Go down to the garage,
pick out a company car.

A car? A car. A car is good.

Just one other thing.
It's about my sister.

- Okay.
- You've got to fuck him, Marty.

Oh, he didn't say that.
Or did he?

I-- I thought
she wasn't interested

in a sexual relationship.

Apparently
she's changed her mind.

She was so frustrated after
you saw her home last night,

she had to finish herself off
with a tuning fork.

I'm so happy now.

I need some time
to-- to think about this.

All right.
Take all the time you need.

Oops. Time's up.

Hello, Marty. Pot sticker?

Now? You want me to do it now?

Well, tick-tock, Marty.

A cleaning crew
comes through in half an hour.

Could you excuse us
for just a second?

Watch the hose.

Gibby, with all due respect,

I really don't think
this is such a good idea.

For her, I mean.

Hmm. Perhaps.

But it's what she wants.

And it's the least I can do

after cheating her out
of her inheritance.

- But Gibby--
- Uh-uh, uh-uh.

Don't let me down, Marty.

Otherwise you'll find
yourself back in the tank

with Fred and Carter and
all those other bottom feeders.

Okay.

Okay, Gibby, but not here.

You know, it's not my style.

Never associate you
with style, Marty.

But suit yourself.
Choose your own field.

Just be sure and do the plowing.

I'll be out
in a minute, darling.

Don't start without me.

I've got a job to do.

Perfect.

Oh, Marty.
I'm so glad we waited.

For once I feel like
a heroine in a romance novel.

And not like a fold-out cot
on a rugby team bus.

Well, cheers.

Take me now, Marty.
I'm your personal cat toy.

Just tell me what you want.

I want...

- That job.
- ...I want some more champagne.

Milling about in the lobby.

Time to come into the theater.

No, no, you can't do
this horrible thing.

Wait a minute.

I just remembered.

I don't have any more condoms.
I'm sorry.

I guess we'll just have to wait

till next time
you're in America.

Oh, not to worry, Marty.

You forget I come
from the land of sheepskins.

They give these away
in boxes of detergent.

Okay, okay, let's get out
and move into dirty work.

Well, that's handy.

I'm a pile of oily rags.
Marty, set me a fire.

What I do for money?

Just a [indistinct].

You're a cheap prostitute.
That's what you are.

Oh, now what?

I can't do this.

Well, I don't know
what you're used to, Marty,

but that's enough club for me.

Look, I think you're
very attractive and charming.

But the truth is...

the truth is,
Gibby offered me an opportunity,

but only if I would--
if-- if I would...

Fuck me?

Well, not in so many words.

Actually, it wasn't
exactly those words.

I thought it would be easy,
you know,

because you are
so attractive and charming,

but it-- it wouldn't be right.

It wouldn't be right
for either of us, so I...

I'd like to put my pants on.

Oh, I see.

Well, thanks for your honesty.

No. Lu. Lu.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Marty, you never need
to apologize.

You know,
perhaps I should just leave

while I still have some dignity.

- Goodbye!
- Whoa! No! No, no, no!

If a guy doesn't love you,
that's one thing.

But if he won't
even screw you to get ahead,

then what's the fucking point?

Don't! Don't do this!

There's nothing wrong with you.
You're...

- Nuts.
- ...a wonderful woman.

You're attractive and charming.

- I-- I am?
- Of course you are.

Of course you are.

You don't want
some jerk like me.

You know, I'm a sleazeball.

You deserve someone
who really, really loves you.

- I do?
- Of course you do.

Of course you do.

Now stay calm
and I'll just get you

some nice ice water.

At last I breathe again.

There's no ice,
but it's very, very cold.

Thanks. I'm sure it's fine.

You know, I'm just gonna use it

to wash down
these ripped-fam winkles.

No! No! No! No! No!

Let go. Let go.

What a night.

- Gibby.
- Marty.

Seems like you've
laid up more of my family

than the clap epidemic of '72.

The doctors say she'll be fine.

They've bumped her stomach,
but a nurse tells me

we should all have that done
from time to time.

Whether we need it
or not.

You didn't close
the deal, did you?

You know, it's-- it's funny.

I was just about to
and she took some sleeping pills

and it sort of
killed the moment.

Well, I wasn't imagining
you had fucked her into a coma.

Gibby, I'm sorry about all this.

Nah, don't worry about it.

She's always trying
to off herself.

Bit of a loon,
aren't you, old gal?

What?

You've managed to elude

the reaper's grasp
once more, haven't you?

You behave yourself and
I'll bring you a little present

when I get back from a trip.

A trip? Where are you going?

Well, the doctors tell me

I might need a heart transplant
down the line,

so I'm off to Honduras
to scout potential donors.

Senor, my name is Pancho.
I would like to help you.

Gibby.

Gibby, I know
this is a very awkward time,

but I hope this little
incident hasn't affected

your decision
about the vice presidency.

Oh, thanks for reminding me.

Yes, we must move forward
on that tout suite.

Welcome aboard.

Lu.

How would you like to be
vice president of Whitestone?

- Okay.
- Okay.

What? You can't do that.

She doesn't know
anything about publishing.

Oh, he's got a point.

Well, Marty can
show you the ropes.

He's been around longer
than the doorknobs.

Te-ra, luv.

This is completely unfair!

Uh, yes, it is.

But I have to do something
to lift her spirits.

We'll do something else.

I mean, buy her some flowers

or bring her back
a fucking sombrero.

I-- I deserve this job.

Marty, I couldn't count on you

to fit a round peg
into a round hole.

How can I expect you
to run my company?

They're not exactly
translatable skills, Gibby.

Hasta-la-bye-bye.

All that time
I spent with a dummy.

Marty?

What, Lu? What is it?

This could be you.

Uh, maybe we can
find an easier way

for you to make a living.