All language subtitles for Dream On (1990) S06E09.en

♪ Why does love have to be
So dangerous ♪

♪ I wanna know ♪

♪ I wanna know ♪

♪ Why does love have to be
So dangerous ♪

Last time
on Dream On.

Thank you very, very much.

And now I have
a real treat for you.

This is the weekend
Richard's being inducted

into the Rock and Roll
Hall of Fame.

Hey, you're Warren Zevon.

I'm a huge fan of yours.

You're probably the idiot
who yells "Werewolves of London"
at every concert.

You know, Jude,
I had this insane notion

of maybe spending five minutes
with my family.

Is this guy
bothering you, honey?
You want me to get rid of him?

Now, ladies and gentlemen,
a very beautiful
and talented young lady.

Listen, I'm filling
your name here.

- Martin.
- Katrina.

You want to get out of here?

I love the way
they do that number,

but they use too much energy.

- The Katrina Banks from Crevice?
- What's Crevice?

They're on MTV
and VH1 every two seconds.

I've never dated a rock star.

Just think of me like any
other woman you've ever dated.

Only prettier, more talented,
and much, much richer.

Can you believe he fucked her?

I thought
you might like some company.

I'll be through in a second.

That's some kind of
anti-fungal injection.

It's heroin.

But the person
I really want you to meet

is a quiet, demure little girl.

I have this
totally under control.

If you keep doing that stuff,
then I can't keep seeing you.

But if I check in to detox

and you run off
with some other rock star--

That's the spirit.

Katrina! Katrina!
How are you feeling?

How long have you been
a heroin addict?

What made you kick the habit?

He did.

Martin Tupper saved my life.

Thank you. Now it's show time.

The music world is still rocking
from the news

that Katrina Banks, lead singer
of the band Crevice,

has checked out of detox
for heroin addiction.

Miss Katrina has credited her
full recovery to her new beau,

39-year-old New York
book editor, Martin Tupper.

If he's going through
a midlife crisis,

why doesn't he just buy a Miata?

Sources say
that two have been inseparable

since they met at the Rock
and Roll Hall of Fame dinner,

and everyone seems
to be asking the same question.

Can you believe
he's fucking her?

What's next for
the superstar singer songwriter?

Well, there's only speculation,
no real answers,

and the couple continues
to ward off inquiries

from the press.

Look, stop calling here.

Doesn't privacy mean
anything to you people?

I'll give you his home number.
Harass him there.

Earlier today,
the other members of Crevice

released this
statement of support.

"The album can wait.

All we care about
is Katrina's health,

mental, physical,
and spiritual."

I'll tell you one thing, man.

If we go over budget
because of this,

it's coming out of her cut.

In the meantime,
the record buying public

awaits the next musical gems

from the fertile
and now drug free mind

of Ms. Katrina Banks.

Okay, I can't fucking do this.

I can't write a thing.

What about
what you were just playing?

That sounded great.

I was tuning my guitar.

And quite beautifully,
I might add.

It's gonna be okay.

Can I-- can I
get you anything else?

Yeah, do you have
any songs in your head

that I could borrow?

I love you truly.

Nothing that comes to mind.

I just--

Hey, why don't you
just write what you know?

You know, for instance,
what did you do today?

I drank
a gallon of hot chocolate

and I didn't write ten songs.

Okay, okay,
there might be a song in that.

You know, like...

♪ I've gotta writer's block ♪

♪ But I love to rock ♪

You know, I'm just--
like a general area.

I just-- it's hopeless.
I mean, I have nothing to say.

Why don't you write
the instrumental part?

That way
you'll be halfway finished.

I don't work like that.

I write the poetry first
and then the music comes.

- You might wanna wash that.
- Okay.

I just need a little something,

just to get
the creative juices flowing.

Okay. Okay.

We've got some pretzels here,
you know,

and there's
some cookies and stuff.

No, no, no,
you do not need heroin.

I sure as shit needs something.

A poem would be nice.

You know any poems?

No, I wrote them
while I was in college.

I just...

- I thought maybe
they'd give you some ideas.
- Shh.

Or not, whatever.

Martin, these are beautiful.

They're passionate,
they're truthful.

Really?

Well, I did get
an A minus in the course--

Shh.

Tune's coming to me.

♪ Darkness ♪

♪ It's darkness
Sitting on a park bench ♪

♪ My lover is a monster ♪

♪ Frankenstein, Loch Ness ♪

♪ I feel it in my crotch ♪

♪ Yes, my lover is a monster ♪

I got talent,
ask any of these guys.

♪ This is the winter
of discontent ♪

♪ Frozen snow covers ♪

♪ My emotional continent ♪

♪ I searched
From Europe to Africa ♪

♪ For my love drug trafficker ♪

♪ But I'm lost ♪

I write songs.

Maybe you heard the one I wrote.

It made the Hit Parade.

♪ As the snow ♪

♪ Turns slowly into streams ♪

♪ So go our dreams ♪

♪ Life is so much harder ♪

♪ Than it seems ♪

♪ When you're in your teens ♪

♪ In your teens ♪

You're joking, right?

That was a joke.

You-- you didn't like that?

Maybe you're missing
the symbolism.

You see, the melting snow is
a metaphor for the erosion of--

Yeah, I get it.

A fucking
five-year-old would get it.

It just sucks.

- Perhaps you could be
a little more specific.
- Excuse me.

I have a master's
in English Lit from Yale.

So maybe I can elaborate

on what my partner
is trying to say.

The song

makes me wanna puke

in a bad way.

Yeah,
that pretty much sums it up.

In fact,
they all make me wanna puke.

You haven't even
heard them all yet.

I don't have to hear them.

"Nothing but nothingness
is in my heart.

You make me feel
like Jean-Paul Sartre."

Okay, admittedly, this is
difficult material, okay?

It's dense and multi-layered,
so maybe you should all...

Go to hell.

...live with the songs
for a while,

make your notes,
and then we'll fine tune them.

- We?
- Yeah.

I'm sorry,
when did the name of this band

become Crevice
and Book Editor Guy?

Was I absent that day?

Martin is my collaborator,
my muse.

Jesus, Katrina,

you couldn't start fucking
someone good like Neil Young?

Or even Neil Sedaka.

- Okay, that's it.
- Greetings, greetings.

How are my multi-million
dollar misanthropes

doing with
the album [indistinct]?

- It's great.
- It's going great.
It's going great.

Katrina, ballerina,
why the tears?

Um, Martin, why the tears?

Onions,
that'll make your eyes water.

Well, she just finished
playing a very emotional song.

Yeah, it's an erosion
of innocence.

- Weepy.
- Well, good. Tears are good.

Because to quote my dear friend
and bridge partner Elton John,

sad songs sell so much.

By the way, Trina,

the PR department tells me
that you are getting camera shy.

The press loves you,

love them back.

Katrina, you could
have any guy in the world.

Why him?

He's got no looks,

no money, no power, no talent.

He must have one huge penis.

No, no, no,
that's not it at all.

Oh, then his penis
is the size of a candy corn.

Martin is the most beautiful
person I have ever met.

He saved my life,

and I think that that is
reason enough to love him.

And if I may add,
for the record, my penis is...

- This big.
- Oh, no. This big.

...perfectly normal size.

Katrina, can you tell us
anything about the new album?

Yeah, the songs are based
on poems written by Martin.

And the first single
is called "Hurricane Judith."

Really? We never discussed that.

I didn't even know
you read that.

Well, I read this last night.
It's brilliant.

This is okay with you, isn't it?

-"Hurricane Judith"?
- Yeah, yeah, what's it about?

Well, it's not so much
a song as an open wound.

It's based on one
of Martin's past relationships.

Loosely based,
I mean, if at all.

It's about an ice princess
who manipulates this decent man

into falling in love with her,

only to leave him
in emotional ruin.

Don't you worry, sweetheart.

I would never do that to you.

How could you?

What?

This song isn't about you.

It's a composite of many
different women from my life.

All of whom are named Judith.

Mom, you're missing
the big picture.

Crevice is doing
your life story.

So what if everybody thinks
you're a bitch?

Wonderful how
your little boy takes after you.

Okay, okay, so it's about you,
but let me tell you something.

If artists
have to stop creating art
just because someone's feelings

are going to get hurt, then
we're talking about just--
just anarchy.

Well, couldn't you
just change the name?

I mean, a woman is singing it,

so why didn't you
make it Hurricane Pete?

Katrina and I
feel that changing anything,

even one word,
it's emotionally dishonest.

Oh, please.

If she's so concerned
about honesty,

then why did she get
those fake boobs?

They're not fake.

Oh, just throw it in my face,
why don't you?

What's the next title
going to be, hmm?

"Flat-chested Judith"?

Wait a minute.
Wait a minute, wait a minute.

I see what's going on here.

You're jealous.

Now, I'm the one who's
going out with someone famous,

and that--
and that threatens you.

Just tell me another one.

This may be
an inappropriate question,

but can you take
some topless photos of Katrina?

- I could sell it to her for $50.
- Why don't you go
to the movies?

And you better hurry up,
because you're going to
miss the trailers. Bye-bye.

Hello. Jeremy.

Is your mommy home?

She's in there.
How do you know my name?

It's not important.

Paul,
what are you doing here?

Judith, I heard about
that blasphemous song.

And I felt the need
to comfort you.

Well, you know,
this really isn't a good time.

So in response, I've written
a song that is worthy of you.

♪ Judith,
I see your eyes in my mind ♪

♪ Judith,
It's such perfect behind ♪

♪ Judith, I see it's time
We unwind and get naked ♪

Listen, pal, why don't you
just leave her alone?

You.

You're the rat bastard

who wrote that garbage
about the woman I love.

You've got no class,
you turd munching
maggot cocksucker.

Oh, my God.
Paul, get down, Paul.

Get him off me. Get him off me.

Charges were dropped today

in the alleged attack
by Paul Williams

on the Katrina Banks'
hanger-on Martin Tupper.

Williams had no comment.

In related news,

Crevice is scheduled
to begin recording tomorrow

on their long-awaited new album.

The band is keeping
a very low profile,

but there are reports
of a widening chasm

within Crevice.

Cut. Cut.
That's-- that's pretty good.

I can't hear
a thing they're saying.

Oh, microphone.

No, this isn't--
this one right here.

Thanks, Al.

That's-- that's nice work.

That's nice work.
I-- I just have a few thoughts.

Why don't I
just come out there, okay?

You.

You sounded perfect.

You know, it's achingly,
achingly beautiful.

We just have to make some
adjustments in the arrangement.

- Oh, is that so?
- Yeah, just some minor stuff.

Why don't we start
with you, Nils?

Now, in general,
your guitar playing is...

Pee-yoo.

...working-like, okay?

But it needs to have
more emotion, all right?

Try playing the guitar
like it's gently weeping.

Okay? All right?

And Marco,
what if the drums pound?

You know, like shutters
slamming in a howling wind.

I have a better idea.

What if the drums get shoved up
your ass like a butt plug?

Can we please not argue here?

Katrina, what's the deal?

I mean, it's bad enough
we have to play this crap.

Now we have to listen
to his bullshit.

Who the hell
does he think he is?

Well, he's actually
producing the record.

I thought I mentioned that.

Well, that's it.
I've had enough.

Either he goes or I go.

Yeah, I'm with Nils.

And so is The Spark.
Right, Spark?

I really don't think you guys
should be giving any ultimatums.

Katrina is Crevice.

Without her, you guys are like--

like Dawn without Tony Orlando.

Blow me, okay?

Katrina, it's up to you.

Him or crevice?

The music world
was rocked today

by a major quake.

Alternative rock's
reigning champ, Crevice,

has split apart.

And at the epicenter
of this quake

is Katrina Banks' Svengali,
Martin Tupper.

All right, let's go live
to Downtown Julie Brown

at the Sound Factory
with an exclusive interview

of Katrina Banks
and Martin Tupper.

Katrina, sources say that Martin
has become your puppeteer,

that he just controls
every thought, every action.

What's your response to that?

Um...

Martin?

That is completely untrue.

Okay, look, Katrina
is flying this plane, okay?

I'm just a...

- Guardian angel.
- ...stewardess.

Martin, before you met Katrina,
you were an obscure book editor.

How has all this
changed your life?

Don't you see what it means?

Power to rule,

to make the world
grovel at my feet.

Actually, it's had
surprisingly little effect.

Okay, but I'm a very,
very grounded person.

Martin, are you telling me

that none of this
has gone to your head?

Not even a little?

Drink to me!

Drink to my invincible power,

to a new era,
with me as its guiding genius!

I'm sorry,
could you repeat the question?

♪ The lover is a monster ♪

Ooh, look who decided
to grace us with his presence.

Mr. Katrina Banks,
ladies and gentlemen!

- Is anybody looking for me?
- Well, let's see.

Gibby called five times,
asking for the cookbook galleys.

So I sent him some pages
from the Silver Palette

as a stall tactic.

Fine, fine, whatever.

A guy named Jim called

with some kind of death threat.

He sounded nice.

I'm going out
with him tomorrow night.

Well, I'm very happy for you.

- Now, is that all?
- No.

The National Enquirer called,

and they're paying top dollar
for newsworthy photos of you.

So would you mind
giving me the finger?

Nothing could make me happier.

Maybe after lunch.

Are you going to let them
print this about you?

They're all jealous of me
because I'm famous.

Ah, that stuff
doesn't bother me.

Well, it pisses me off.

You know, I just wish there was
something I could do to help.

Hey, how about you and Katrina
coming on my show?

- Your show?
- Yeah, yeah.

You could use it as a form
for your anti-drug message.

You know, maybe even do
some rehab recipes.

- I'll set it up.
- Eddie.

Eddie, with all due respect,
your audience is...

A bunch
of empty-headed mitt-wits.

...not exactly
our demographic.

Which is exactly
why you should do it.

Why preach to the converted?

Housewives and retirees,
they buy albums, too?

Lots of them.

I think Eddie Fisher
had a drinking problem.

Why don't you just have him on?

All right, all right.

Well, if you're not
going to do it for you,

do it for me, man, please.

If we don't raise our numbers
with the 18 to 34s,

my second set of bonuses,
it's not going to kick in.

And I have two houses
and four cars to pay for.

Please, please, please.

Eddie, I feel for you.

Katrina and I
are working on a new video,

and we thought
we'd premiere it on MTV.

A video on MTV?

Total cliché.

But put a video
on a morning show?

Hey, hey, hey.
Now, there's news.

Like John Lennon

when he co-hosted
The Mike Douglas Show.

You're going to like it

when you get
less frightened of it.

- Uh-huh.
- Plus, our show is network.

We have millions of viewers.

MTV, that's cable.

Nobody watches cable.

Now, let's hear
another Home Sweet Home-y

round of applause
for Joey Lawrence

and his amazing
yo-yo demonstration.

Whoa!

"Whoa" is right.

Now, our next guest
was Katrina Banks

with some special rehab recipes,

but we had to cancel that.

Instead, she's here

with the world debut
of "Hurricane Judith,"

her first single
as a solo artist.

Dudes and dudettes,

give it up for Katrina Banks!

♪ It was calm and it was quiet ♪

♪ Peaceful as a prairie
It was only temporary ♪

♪ Then began the holy riot ♪

♪ She blew down the door,
It was a prairie no more ♪

♪ Hurricane Judith blew in ♪

♪ Beauty and grace,
World school and etiquette ♪

♪ Hurricane Judith blew in ♪

♪ The eye of the storm comes
From Greenwich, Connecticut ♪

♪ She tore up my heart,
Gotta get me a tourniquet ♪

♪ [indistinct] lies ♪

♪ In the eye
Of Hurricane Judith ♪

♪ Wind from the south ♪

♪ Judith's mouth
Like a cold tsunami ♪

♪ Wind from the north ♪

♪ Judith's force
Makes me want my mommy ♪

♪ Wind from the east ♪

♪ She's a beast,
She's possessed ♪

♪ But nothing compares
To the wicked air ♪

♪ Wind Judith blows in
From the west ♪

♪ Cold winds blow,
Cold as snow, cold wind ♪

♪ And your heart
Is blowing me apart ♪

♪ Hurricane Judith blew in ♪

♪ She tore down my heart,
Turned it into a hollow ♪

♪ Hurricane Judith blew in ♪

♪ Judith ♪

♪ There's a cold, cold wind
Blowing in your heart ♪

Fuck you! Fuck you!

Katrina, [indistinct],

a word with you
in private, s'il vous plaît?

Fuck you!

You--

You know, they booed
Dylen off the stage

the first time
he played "Electric,"
and look how he wound up.

Yeah, but he was good.

Jeremy, why don't you wait
for me in the Green Room.

They have those donuts
with the sprinkles you like.

- Hi.
- Hi.

So, uh, what did Spencer say?

He was nice and supportive.

Great, great. And?

And he said that
if I don't reunite with Crevice

by the end of the business day,

he'll cancel
my $15 million record deal.

He's fluffing, come on.
What did you say?

I said "no."

I don't remember my exact words,

but the gist of it was,
"Yes, sir."

Well, I really don't think

I can work
with those guys again.

Well, Spencer thought of that,

so he got a court order
to keep you 100 miles

from the recording studio,

which will be in London,
so you won't be inconvenienced.

- You're out!
- Yeah, you're out!

Katrina,
you don't need those guys.

All they can offer you
is fame and money,

but me, me, I can offer you

emotional honesty.

Mm, Martin.

I'm sorry,
but if I'm not a rock star,

I don't know who else to be.

Well, you can be
Mrs. Martin Tupper.

Eventually, you know,
theoretically speaking.

I will never forget
what you did for me.

And when the album's done

and-- and I finish
my 18-month world tour,

we'll get together.

You know, I'm beginning
to understand why ghosts moan.

- Hello.
- Hi. Hey, it's me.

You want to go
to a movie or something?

Actually, I was
just gonna go to bed.

At eight o'clock?

Okay, what are you--
Are you still mad at me?

No, no, no, no.

I'm just a little,
you know, tired.

You want me to have
Jeremy stay here tonight?

Well, he's sleeping at Bobby's,

so I'll just
call you tomorrow, okay?

Good night.

Who was that?

Oh, no one.

Anyway, uh, where were we?

You know, you really
are beginning to grow on me.

You just--

With our bank at 1800--

It's a deep drive
into left center--

Crevice's new album has been
greeted with great reviews

and record-breaking sales
in its first week.

The band will be commencing
its world tour

Buddakan next month.

In other news,
sources close to the band

speculate that Banks'
return to form

may be connected with a return
to her heroin habit.

Now stay tuned
for the world premiere

of Crevice's new video,
"Crystal Hindsight."

I told you not to disturb me.

Hi, I'm Warren Zevon.

We met at the Rock and Roll
Hall of Fame dinner.

Yeah, yeah, I remember.

I-- I really loved the work
you did with Katrina Banks.

- It was years ahead of its time.
- Yeah?

Well, that's what
we were going for.

Anyway, I've been thinking about

what you said
about my chord progressions,

and I was wondering if maybe
you'd like to help me out

with a couple of songs
I've been struggling with.

Warren. Warren.

This may sound
a little radical, you know,

but why don't you follow that G

with an A minor?

Of course. It's so obvious now.

Yeah, I think you're getting it.

Yeah.