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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:26,360 --> 00:00:30,400 This programme contains discriminatory language 2 00:00:35,680 --> 00:00:39,560 MESSAGES PLAY BACK ON ANSWER MACHINE Hi, this is a dirty phone call. 3 00:00:39,560 --> 00:00:44,360 WOMAN: Larry and I will be in the country so we'll miss your birthday 4 00:00:44,360 --> 00:00:47,080 celebrations. But you're 35, kiddo. 5 00:00:47,080 --> 00:00:50,800 Who wants to celebrate being that old? 6 00:00:50,800 --> 00:00:55,120 I only hope I look as good as you when I'm your age. 7 00:00:55,120 --> 00:00:58,120 BEEP 8 00:00:55,120 --> 00:00:58,120 Hi, Bob, it's Peter. 9 00:00:58,120 --> 00:01:02,640 Get all those girls out of the bed and pick up the phone. 10 00:01:02,640 --> 00:01:07,560 Oh, God, I'm so envious I can't even talk. Call me back. 11 00:01:07,560 --> 00:01:10,400 BEEP 12 00:01:07,560 --> 00:01:10,400 Hi, it's April. 13 00:01:10,400 --> 00:01:13,000 ..Oh, I forgot what I was gonna say. 14 00:01:13,000 --> 00:01:16,280 BEEP 15 00:01:13,000 --> 00:01:16,280 Hi, Bobby, it's Amy. 16 00:01:16,280 --> 00:01:23,320 I just wanted you to know that if I'm late for the party tonight, just tell Paul that I'll be... 17 00:01:23,320 --> 00:01:28,320 ..Oh, wait a minute... You're not supposed to know that there's... 18 00:01:28,320 --> 00:01:32,640 Oh...Harriet? Harriet, is this your machine? 19 00:01:32,640 --> 00:01:37,400 Oh, goodness... I think I got a wrong number. 20 00:01:37,400 --> 00:01:40,520 Um... Just ignore this call. 21 00:01:40,520 --> 00:01:45,960 Oh, my God! Wait till you hear what I just did! 22 00:01:45,960 --> 00:01:50,200 BEEP Bob, it's Marta. Long time, no hear. 23 00:01:50,200 --> 00:01:54,400 Well, the doctor said false alarm. I'm not pregnant. 24 00:01:54,400 --> 00:01:58,920 So, hey, you can feel free to return my calls again, huh? 25 00:02:01,440 --> 00:02:05,800 HE CLEARS HIS THROAT 26 00:02:01,440 --> 00:02:05,800 Hi, this is Bob. 27 00:02:05,800 --> 00:02:08,440 Yes, it's my birthday. 28 00:02:08,440 --> 00:02:15,000 Yes, you may leave a message telling me how happy you are that I'm turning 35. 29 00:02:15,000 --> 00:02:19,360 In fact, whatever you're calling for, the answer is yes. 30 00:02:19,360 --> 00:02:22,320 HE SIGHS 31 00:02:36,960 --> 00:02:41,160 WOMAN'S VOICE: 32 00:02:36,960 --> 00:02:41,160 # Bobby, Bobby 33 00:02:41,160 --> 00:02:45,680 # Bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo 34 00:02:45,680 --> 00:02:48,040 # Bobby, Bobby 35 00:02:48,040 --> 00:02:50,920 # Bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo 36 00:02:50,920 --> 00:02:53,800 # Bobby 37 00:02:53,800 --> 00:02:56,640 # Bobby... 38 00:02:56,640 --> 00:03:00,040 ALL SING, HARMONISING 39 00:02:56,640 --> 00:03:00,040 # Bobby, Bobby 40 00:03:00,040 --> 00:03:04,200 # Bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo 41 00:03:04,200 --> 00:03:07,760 # Bobby, Bobby 42 00:03:07,760 --> 00:03:11,160 # Bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo 43 00:03:11,160 --> 00:03:14,520 # Bobby, Bobby 44 00:03:14,520 --> 00:03:18,040 # Bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo... # 45 00:03:18,040 --> 00:03:22,480 VOICES REACH CRESCENDO 46 00:03:22,480 --> 00:03:26,720 # Bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo. # 47 00:03:26,720 --> 00:03:33,760 SOFTLY: 48 00:03:26,720 --> 00:03:33,760 # Bo-bb-ee... # 49 00:03:37,880 --> 00:03:40,000 Surprise! 50 00:03:40,000 --> 00:03:42,680 My birthday. It's my birthday. 51 00:03:42,680 --> 00:03:45,240 You had me scared to death. 52 00:03:45,240 --> 00:03:47,760 I mean, I didn't know, you know. 53 00:03:47,760 --> 00:03:53,880 What kind of friends would surprise you on your 35th birthday? ..Mine. 54 00:03:53,880 --> 00:03:58,360 Then again, how many times do you get to be 35? Eleven? 55 00:03:58,360 --> 00:04:00,960 ALL: Happy birthday, Robert! 56 00:04:00,960 --> 00:04:06,320 Thank you for including me in your thoughts, your lives, your families. 57 00:04:06,320 --> 00:04:09,600 Hey, thank you for remembering. 58 00:04:09,600 --> 00:04:12,640 You don't LOOK it! Well, I feel it. 59 00:04:12,640 --> 00:04:19,240 It's the birthday boy! I'm touched. I love it when people are really surprised! 60 00:04:19,240 --> 00:04:21,680 Loves it when people are surprised. 61 00:04:21,680 --> 00:04:25,920 If you don't like it... Haven't seen it. ..take it back. 62 00:04:25,920 --> 00:04:32,880 Wait till the man looks at it. 63 00:04:25,920 --> 00:04:32,880 I'll like it. Just take it back. 64 00:04:25,920 --> 00:04:32,880 He SAID he likes it! 65 00:04:32,880 --> 00:04:39,160 Pretend not to notice Harry, 66 00:04:32,880 --> 00:04:39,160 Robert. I think I'll leave. 67 00:04:32,880 --> 00:04:39,160 I was just kidding, Sarah. 68 00:04:39,160 --> 00:04:41,360 Take ours back, too. 69 00:04:41,360 --> 00:04:43,920 Here's from Paul and me. 70 00:04:43,920 --> 00:04:48,760 Take it back and get the money. It cost so much I fainted. 71 00:04:48,760 --> 00:04:54,000 - It did not, Robert. It's a sweater. - You told him what it was! 72 00:04:54,000 --> 00:04:58,800 When I saw the price tag, I thought it was a house. Miss! 73 00:04:58,800 --> 00:05:03,920 YOU! Yeah, you! Tell him to take yours back and get the money. 74 00:05:03,920 --> 00:05:08,960 It's the cost that counts. Who is that? That is I, Miss. 75 00:05:08,960 --> 00:05:14,880 I am very rich, and married to him. I forget his name. Haven't you met? 76 00:05:14,880 --> 00:05:19,960 Pass, baby. Pass. There's no-one here I wanna meet. Except HER. 77 00:05:19,960 --> 00:05:22,560 She's crazy. Him, he's a looker. 78 00:05:22,560 --> 00:05:27,280 The rest are Lois and Larry Loser. Here's to you, winner. 79 00:05:27,280 --> 00:05:31,560 I find you quite fascinating, quite... You just blew it. 80 00:05:31,560 --> 00:05:34,040 ↑ Many happy returns of the day. 81 00:05:34,040 --> 00:05:36,640 David will deliver our greeting. 82 00:05:36,640 --> 00:05:39,480 Robert, a happy birthday from us. 83 00:05:39,480 --> 00:05:45,880 And may this year bring you fame, 84 00:05:39,480 --> 00:05:45,880 fortune and your first wife. 85 00:05:39,480 --> 00:05:45,880 ALL: Hear! Hear! 86 00:05:45,880 --> 00:05:48,400 Listen, I'm fine without the three. 87 00:05:48,400 --> 00:05:55,000 You bet your ass, baby. He could have meant it superciliously. What a darling! 88 00:05:55,000 --> 00:06:01,480 He could have been being funny. Now, don't cry or I'll push your chair over. 89 00:06:01,480 --> 00:06:03,800 She's kidding. She's a great kidder. 90 00:06:03,800 --> 00:06:08,000 Let's cut out the many happy returns. Enough about me. 91 00:06:08,000 --> 00:06:12,600 I am indeed lucky to have all of you. 92 00:06:12,600 --> 00:06:18,200 I mean, when you've got friends like mine... Our blessings, Robert. 93 00:06:18,200 --> 00:06:23,440 ALL, TUNELESSLY: 94 00:06:18,200 --> 00:06:23,440 # Happy birthday to you 95 00:06:18,200 --> 00:06:23,440 Happy birthday to you 96 00:06:23,440 --> 00:06:28,440 # Happy birthday, dear Robert Happy birthday to you. # 97 00:06:29,840 --> 00:06:34,680 Blow out your candles and get a wish. 98 00:06:29,840 --> 00:06:34,680 Don't tell or it won't come true. 99 00:06:34,680 --> 00:06:38,600 < Close your eyes... AW, shut up! < She's foolin'. 100 00:06:38,600 --> 00:06:43,040 Aww... See what I mean? 101 00:06:38,600 --> 00:06:43,040 Terrific sense of humour! 102 00:06:43,040 --> 00:06:45,600 Be sure you make it a good one. 103 00:07:05,720 --> 00:07:08,320 You still get your wish. 104 00:07:08,320 --> 00:07:14,000 He does? It must be a new rule! 105 00:07:08,320 --> 00:07:14,000 Sure, you do! Don't believe a word! 106 00:07:14,000 --> 00:07:16,760 You do! I didn't wish for anything. 107 00:07:16,760 --> 00:07:22,520 He's kidding. 108 00:07:16,760 --> 00:07:22,520 Don't tell it, anyway. 109 00:07:16,760 --> 00:07:22,520 You're not supposed to tell. 110 00:07:22,520 --> 00:07:27,240 Anyway, Robert, you're still in your prime. 111 00:07:27,240 --> 00:07:32,520 Thirty-five! 112 00:07:27,240 --> 00:07:32,520 Harry, shush! You don't tell 113 00:07:27,240 --> 00:07:32,520 a person's age at our ages. 114 00:07:32,520 --> 00:07:34,120 # Bobby. # 115 00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:35,680 # Bobby. # 116 00:07:35,680 --> 00:07:37,240 # Bobby, baby. # 117 00:07:37,240 --> 00:07:39,000 # Robbie! # 118 00:07:37,240 --> 00:07:39,000 # Robert! # 119 00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:41,600 # Bobby, been trying to call you. # 120 00:07:41,600 --> 00:07:44,000 # Angel, I got something to tell you 121 00:07:44,000 --> 00:07:48,400 # Bobby, we've been trying to reach you all day 122 00:07:48,400 --> 00:07:51,160 # We had something we wanted to say 123 00:07:51,160 --> 00:07:54,640 # Bobby! Bobby! How've you been? 124 00:07:54,640 --> 00:08:00,880 # Drop by on your way home Drop by any time 125 00:08:00,880 --> 00:08:05,760 # Bobby, there's a concert on Tuesday 126 00:08:05,760 --> 00:08:11,240 # Bubba, having people on Saturday night! 127 00:08:11,240 --> 00:08:15,520 # Time we got together Is Wednesday all ri-ight? 128 00:08:15,520 --> 00:08:18,320 # Bobby, come on over for dinner 129 00:08:18,320 --> 00:08:20,920 # We'll be so glad to see you 130 00:08:20,920 --> 00:08:23,400 # Bobby, come on over for dinner! 131 00:08:23,400 --> 00:08:27,640 # Just be the three of us Only the three of us 132 00:08:27,640 --> 00:08:34,520 # We lo-o-o-o-ove you! # 133 00:08:36,560 --> 00:08:42,360 # Phone rings, door chimes, in comes company... 134 00:08:42,360 --> 00:08:48,120 # No strings, good times, Room hums, company... 135 00:08:48,120 --> 00:08:55,000 # Late nights, quick bites Party games, deep talks Long walks, telephone ca-alls... 136 00:08:55,000 --> 00:09:01,600 # Thoughts shared, Souls bared, private names All those photos up on the walls... 137 00:09:01,600 --> 00:09:04,080 # With love... 138 00:09:04,080 --> 00:09:06,400 # With love... 139 00:09:06,400 --> 00:09:10,680 # Filling the days...with love 140 00:09:10,680 --> 00:09:14,920 # Seventy ways To Bobby with love 141 00:09:14,920 --> 00:09:20,120 # From all those good and crazy people, my friends 142 00:09:20,120 --> 00:09:24,160 # Those good and crazy people, my ma-arried friends 143 00:09:24,160 --> 00:09:26,880 # That's what it's all about, isn't it? 144 00:09:26,880 --> 00:09:29,520 # That's what it's really about 145 00:09:29,520 --> 00:09:32,080 # Really about... # 146 00:09:32,080 --> 00:09:33,640 # Bobby! # 147 00:09:32,080 --> 00:09:33,640 # Bobby! # 148 00:09:33,640 --> 00:09:35,160 # Bobby, baby! # 149 00:09:33,640 --> 00:09:35,160 # Bobby, bubi! # 150 00:09:35,160 --> 00:09:38,760 # Angel, will you do me a favour? 151 00:09:38,760 --> 00:09:42,600 # Name it Sarah. I'd like a favour. Try me, Peter. 152 00:09:42,600 --> 00:09:46,640 # Bobby, there's a problem... Amy, can I call tomorrow? 153 00:09:46,640 --> 00:09:52,240 # If you'd visit the kids... I could take them to the zoo, Friday 154 00:09:52,240 --> 00:09:54,760 # Susan, I'll make it at 7 if I can 155 00:09:54,760 --> 00:09:59,640 # Sorry, Paul, I made a date with Larry and Joa-nne 156 00:09:59,640 --> 00:10:04,560 # It's none of my business You know how I hate to... Fine... 157 00:10:04,560 --> 00:10:09,320 # Harry... David... Katherine, April Just listen, people! 158 00:10:09,320 --> 00:10:12,560 # Bobby, you sure you're all right? 159 00:10:12,560 --> 00:10:15,200 # Bobby, come on over for dinner! 160 00:10:15,200 --> 00:10:18,880 # We'll be so glad to see you! 161 00:10:18,880 --> 00:10:21,640 # Bobby come over for dinner! 162 00:10:21,640 --> 00:10:26,000 # Just be the three of us Only the three of us 163 00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:28,360 # We lo-ove 164 00:10:28,360 --> 00:10:34,960 # We lo-ove... We lo-ove... We lo-ove... 165 00:10:34,960 --> 00:10:42,320 # We lo-ove... We lo-ove... We lo-ove... 166 00:10:42,320 --> 00:10:46,320 # We lo-ove...YOU! # 167 00:10:46,320 --> 00:10:52,480 # Phone rings, door chimes, In comes company-y 168 00:10:52,480 --> 00:10:58,600 # No strings, good times, Just chums, company-y... 169 00:10:58,600 --> 00:11:01,400 # Late nights, quick bites, Party games! 170 00:11:01,400 --> 00:11:05,000 # Deep talks, long walks, Telephone calls 171 00:11:05,000 --> 00:11:11,760 # Thoughts shared, souls bared, Private names, All those photos up on the walls 172 00:11:11,760 --> 00:11:14,800 # With love 173 00:11:14,800 --> 00:11:19,040 # With love filling the days 174 00:11:19,040 --> 00:11:22,800 # With love seventy ways 175 00:11:22,800 --> 00:11:25,840 # To Bobby with love 176 00:11:25,840 --> 00:11:30,480 # From all these good and crazy people your friends 177 00:11:30,480 --> 00:11:33,960 # These good and crazy people Your married friends! 178 00:11:33,960 --> 00:11:37,000 # And that's what it's all about, isn't it? 179 00:11:37,000 --> 00:11:39,520 # That's what it's really about 180 00:11:39,520 --> 00:11:43,360 # Isn't it? That's what it's really about 181 00:11:43,360 --> 00:11:48,400 # Really abo-out 182 00:11:48,400 --> 00:11:51,360 # Company! 183 00:11:51,360 --> 00:11:54,760 # Company! 184 00:11:54,760 --> 00:11:58,640 # Company, lots of company! Life is company! 185 00:11:58,640 --> 00:12:00,920 # Love is company! 186 00:12:00,920 --> 00:12:05,480 # Company! # 187 00:12:05,480 --> 00:12:09,440 APPLAUSE 188 00:12:16,520 --> 00:12:22,080 CLOCK CHIMES 189 00:12:16,520 --> 00:12:22,080 What time was that? Five, Joanne. 190 00:12:16,520 --> 00:12:22,080 Thank God. Cocktail hour. 191 00:12:22,080 --> 00:12:26,400 Final departure call for NSEW Airlines flight 119. 192 00:12:26,400 --> 00:12:30,800 Will the passengers who have not yet boarded please do so? 193 00:12:30,800 --> 00:12:34,880 They're cleaning the building... 194 00:12:30,800 --> 00:12:34,880 Or tearing it down. 195 00:12:34,880 --> 00:12:39,960 - Taxi! Taxi! Oh, please, please! - Will you stop blowing that horn?! 196 00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:44,160 Oh, David, the phone! The kids! It'll wake the kids. 197 00:12:44,160 --> 00:12:51,040 There's cinnamon in the coffee, Robert... Sugar and cream? Both. May I have lots of both? Course. 198 00:12:51,040 --> 00:12:55,960 Want brandy in it? You having some? 199 00:12:51,040 --> 00:12:55,960 WE don't drink! 200 00:12:55,960 --> 00:13:01,400 But you have some. Or would you like a REAL drink? 201 00:13:01,400 --> 00:13:05,200 OLD MAN'S VOICE: 202 00:13:01,400 --> 00:13:05,200 Could I have some bourbon? 203 00:13:05,200 --> 00:13:08,120 Right. THEY SING: "Tequila" 204 00:13:08,120 --> 00:13:10,800 - Sweetheart! - ..Darling? 205 00:13:12,320 --> 00:13:18,480 What? Are you both on the wagon? Goodness, Robert, all the questions! 206 00:13:18,480 --> 00:13:26,080 - We spend half our lives with you. NOW you notice Harry's on the wagon? - A year and a half. 207 00:13:26,080 --> 00:13:30,720 - No, love. Just a year. - It's a year and a half now. 208 00:13:30,720 --> 00:13:34,360 - Next month it will be a year. - And a half. 209 00:13:34,360 --> 00:13:38,040 One year. Count it, one! 210 00:13:34,360 --> 00:13:38,040 One(!) 211 00:13:38,040 --> 00:13:42,440 Harry got arrested for being drunk, and quit out of humiliation. 212 00:13:42,440 --> 00:13:45,920 I quit to see if I could, actually! 213 00:13:45,920 --> 00:13:48,880 I must have told you about all that. 214 00:13:48,880 --> 00:13:54,280 You never mentioned it. How were you arrested? Another question! 215 00:13:54,280 --> 00:13:59,080 Have one of the brownies you brought. 216 00:13:54,280 --> 00:13:59,080 I was in California. 217 00:13:59,080 --> 00:14:03,720 On business. And I really got soused one night, 218 00:14:03,720 --> 00:14:06,080 and these guys drove me to my hotel, 219 00:14:06,080 --> 00:14:09,920 but I went to the corner to get food to sober up. 220 00:14:09,920 --> 00:14:13,040 - You said three blocks. - The corner. - Three. 221 00:14:13,040 --> 00:14:17,520 Anyway, this patrol car stopped me and said, "You're drunk". 222 00:14:17,520 --> 00:14:20,800 I said, "Drunk? I'm clobbered!" 223 00:14:20,800 --> 00:14:26,800 He said, "I'm taking you in". "Take me to my hotel, it's on the corner". 224 00:14:26,800 --> 00:14:30,080 Three blocks away! HARRY: Anyway... 225 00:14:30,080 --> 00:14:34,840 They mugged me and booked me for being drunk. Un-believable. 226 00:14:34,840 --> 00:14:40,520 Next time I was there, got arrested again - drunk-driving. Only had wine. 227 00:14:40,520 --> 00:14:42,720 Only three bottles(!) 228 00:14:42,720 --> 00:14:47,080 I insisted on taking the drunk test. ..Flunked it by one point. 229 00:14:47,080 --> 00:14:49,960 And THAT is when you quit, precious. 230 00:14:49,960 --> 00:14:54,440 He says it was the first arrest. Was the second. He never said? 231 00:14:54,440 --> 00:14:57,800 I thought Harry had told everybody. 232 00:14:57,800 --> 00:15:03,520 I quit to see 233 00:14:57,800 --> 00:15:03,520 if I'd a drinking problem. 234 00:14:57,800 --> 00:15:03,520 Got a problem drinking! Miss it? 235 00:15:03,520 --> 00:15:08,000 You talk in questions? Miss it? 236 00:15:03,520 --> 00:15:08,000 No, I really don't. 237 00:15:08,000 --> 00:15:10,000 Yes, he really does! 238 00:15:10,000 --> 00:15:14,640 Anyway, I stopped. Haven't had a drink since. 239 00:15:16,080 --> 00:15:19,200 - Whoops. - I haven't had a drink since. 240 00:15:19,200 --> 00:15:21,960 At Sheila and George's wedding. 241 00:15:21,960 --> 00:15:24,640 Oh, a toast, for God's sake. 242 00:15:24,640 --> 00:15:29,800 You must have noticed how drunk I got on one swallow of champagne(!) 243 00:15:29,800 --> 00:15:35,400 - I never said you got drunk, but you did have champagne. - One swallow. 244 00:15:35,400 --> 00:15:40,520 And it was gone. 245 00:15:35,400 --> 00:15:40,520 An elephant swallow. 246 00:15:35,400 --> 00:15:40,520 HE TRUMPETS 247 00:15:40,520 --> 00:15:47,840 I'd like to ask for another bourbon, but I'm terrified. Put a nipple on the bottle for all we care. 248 00:15:47,840 --> 00:15:54,160 Sure you don't want a brownie? God, no. I'll bust. You? You skinny thing. Look at you! 249 00:15:54,160 --> 00:15:59,160 You're just bones. Look at you, you're skin and bones. 250 00:15:59,160 --> 00:16:05,200 I bet when you get on a scale it goes to minus. Thanks, I'm touched. 251 00:16:05,200 --> 00:16:11,320 And insulted, I think. I'd prayed you'd have one so I could watch. 252 00:16:11,320 --> 00:16:16,640 Sarah! Is it possible you've become a food voyeur? 253 00:16:17,680 --> 00:16:22,600 Mexican food. What I crave without cease is Mexican food, 254 00:16:22,600 --> 00:16:26,640 with all the Tabasco sauce in the world. 255 00:16:27,680 --> 00:16:34,080 - Don't eat that brownie! 256 00:16:27,680 --> 00:16:34,080 - I'm not. I'm just...smelling it. 257 00:16:34,080 --> 00:16:37,240 Have one! Not with bourbon. Thanks. 258 00:16:37,240 --> 00:16:40,880 And chocolate. I would kill for chocolate. 259 00:16:40,880 --> 00:16:47,160 Or a baked potato with soured cream and chives. Doesn't that make you writhe? 260 00:16:47,160 --> 00:16:49,840 < Or hot sourdough bread 261 00:16:49,840 --> 00:16:52,600 with all the butter there is. 262 00:16:49,840 --> 00:16:52,600 Chilli. 263 00:16:52,600 --> 00:16:55,400 Oh, chilli! Dear God, yes, chilli! 264 00:16:55,400 --> 00:16:59,800 - Manicotti. - One teaspoon of manicotti! 265 00:16:59,800 --> 00:17:03,600 Sara Lee cake. 266 00:16:59,800 --> 00:17:03,600 Oh! Sara Lee... 267 00:17:03,600 --> 00:17:07,520 The most phenomenal woman since Mother Teresa. 268 00:17:07,520 --> 00:17:10,160 How about sweet 'n' sour shrimp? 269 00:17:10,160 --> 00:17:13,520 How about sweet and sour pork? 270 00:17:19,920 --> 00:17:25,080 I get the impression you guys are on diets. Not me. Sarah. 271 00:17:25,080 --> 00:17:30,480 Look. You can get your fist in there. That's how much weight I've lost. 272 00:17:30,480 --> 00:17:35,320 She always does that. Look. I can, too! She thinks I buy that. 273 00:17:35,320 --> 00:17:40,200 Darling, I have lost eight pounds already. 274 00:17:40,200 --> 00:17:44,400 It's the magazines. Seen those women's magazines? 275 00:17:44,400 --> 00:17:47,960 Pages and pages of cakes and pies... 276 00:17:47,960 --> 00:17:53,560 Sarah subscribes to forty magazines. We're up to our ass in 'em. 277 00:17:53,560 --> 00:17:57,960 I read them all. 278 00:17:53,560 --> 00:17:57,960 Don't! Look at this! Wrestling. 279 00:17:57,960 --> 00:18:01,680 She gets a wrestling magazine! 280 00:18:01,680 --> 00:18:04,680 It's karate, it's not wrestling. 281 00:18:04,680 --> 00:18:11,680 Wouldn't you love to see it? All those fat broads in her gym learning karate. 282 00:18:11,680 --> 00:18:16,200 PARODIES BRUCE LEE SQUEAL 283 00:18:18,480 --> 00:18:20,800 What wouldn't you give to see that? 284 00:18:20,800 --> 00:18:25,800 Strangely enough, darling, I'm terribly good at it. 285 00:18:25,800 --> 00:18:30,520 How long have you been studying it? Who asked that? Oh, Robert(!) 286 00:18:30,520 --> 00:18:34,360 Seven months. 287 00:18:30,520 --> 00:18:34,360 Show us some karate. 288 00:18:30,520 --> 00:18:34,360 No. 289 00:18:34,360 --> 00:18:40,400 Want more coffee Robert? Harry? 290 00:18:34,360 --> 00:18:40,400 No. I wanna see some karate. 291 00:18:34,360 --> 00:18:40,400 No. 292 00:18:40,400 --> 00:18:43,080 Do ONE thing. No. 293 00:18:43,080 --> 00:18:48,720 I'd give anything to see you do one. I bet you ARE excellent. Yeah(!) 294 00:18:48,720 --> 00:18:52,760 I'll be your partner. No. This is embarrassing. 295 00:18:52,760 --> 00:18:54,360 Please! 296 00:18:56,320 --> 00:18:59,000 BOTH: Aw-w, come on! 297 00:18:59,000 --> 00:19:01,960 WHINING PLAINTIVELY 298 00:19:01,960 --> 00:19:05,960 Oh, all right! One throw. Go on. One. 299 00:19:05,960 --> 00:19:08,480 Harry, d'you wanna stand there? 300 00:19:08,480 --> 00:19:10,880 Where? 301 00:19:08,480 --> 00:19:10,880 There. 302 00:19:10,880 --> 00:19:13,120 Oh... All right. 303 00:19:13,120 --> 00:19:16,520 I'm standing here. What now? 304 00:19:16,520 --> 00:19:18,520 OK. 305 00:19:18,520 --> 00:19:20,960 MEN GIGGLE 306 00:19:22,680 --> 00:19:26,160 SHE EXHALES NOISILY 307 00:19:27,160 --> 00:19:30,480 SHE MAKES A HIGH-PITCHED SOUND 308 00:19:34,800 --> 00:19:37,120 Hello(!) 309 00:19:38,960 --> 00:19:40,840 OK. 310 00:19:40,840 --> 00:19:43,560 Now, just come at me. 311 00:19:43,560 --> 00:19:45,280 OK. 312 00:19:45,280 --> 00:19:48,080 OOHH!! ..Hey, wait a minute! 313 00:19:48,080 --> 00:19:50,120 Wow! 314 00:19:54,320 --> 00:19:56,960 Fantastic. That's hysterical. 315 00:19:56,960 --> 00:20:02,360 Actually... 316 00:19:56,960 --> 00:20:02,360 I could have prevented that. 317 00:19:56,960 --> 00:20:02,360 Oh...(!) How? 318 00:20:02,360 --> 00:20:07,080 By blocking it. 319 00:20:02,360 --> 00:20:07,080 That can't be blocked. 320 00:20:02,360 --> 00:20:07,080 It can. 321 00:20:07,080 --> 00:20:10,880 Anyway, that can't be blocked. YES! 322 00:20:10,880 --> 00:20:13,840 Let's just do it again. 323 00:20:13,840 --> 00:20:16,480 All right, darling. 324 00:20:16,480 --> 00:20:19,240 I'll come at you again. 325 00:20:22,200 --> 00:20:24,440 OK, put me down. 326 00:20:24,440 --> 00:20:27,640 Harry. Harry. # Baby, baby, baby! # 327 00:20:27,640 --> 00:20:30,480 ALL RIGHT! Do it again. 328 00:20:38,400 --> 00:20:44,240 # It's the little things you do together, Do together, do together 329 00:20:44,240 --> 00:20:46,920 # That make perfect relationships 330 00:20:46,920 --> 00:20:50,480 # Hobbies you pursue together Savings you accrue together 331 00:20:50,480 --> 00:20:55,920 # Looks you misconstrue together That make a marriage a joy 332 00:20:55,920 --> 00:21:00,160 # Mm-hmmm. # 333 00:21:00,160 --> 00:21:03,400 That is very good. Once more. 334 00:21:03,400 --> 00:21:08,680 Do it once more. Harry, could I have another bourbon? 335 00:21:10,960 --> 00:21:13,120 No! 336 00:21:13,120 --> 00:21:16,720 SARAH: God! 337 00:21:13,120 --> 00:21:16,720 SHE STRAINS 338 00:21:16,720 --> 00:21:19,720 OK... Um... 339 00:21:19,720 --> 00:21:22,760 Give up? 340 00:21:19,720 --> 00:21:22,760 Do YOU? 341 00:21:22,760 --> 00:21:25,240 I've got you! 342 00:21:25,240 --> 00:21:31,000 Do you want to do it again? 343 00:21:25,240 --> 00:21:31,000 All right. You break first. 344 00:21:25,240 --> 00:21:31,000 No, you. 345 00:21:31,000 --> 00:21:34,200 You can just stay here. 346 00:21:31,000 --> 00:21:34,200 Fine by me. 347 00:21:34,200 --> 00:21:38,360 Look, you're both good. 348 00:21:34,200 --> 00:21:38,360 I could get out of this. 349 00:21:38,360 --> 00:21:41,040 Try it. ..OWW! 350 00:21:44,800 --> 00:21:47,320 OK. I tried it. 351 00:21:51,800 --> 00:21:54,880 Uncle? 352 00:21:51,800 --> 00:21:54,880 "Uncle," your ass! 353 00:21:56,040 --> 00:22:02,240 # It's the little things you share together Swear together, wear together, 354 00:22:02,240 --> 00:22:05,480 # That make perfect relationships, 355 00:22:05,480 --> 00:22:13,280 # Neighbours you annoy together Children you destroy together That keep marriage intact 356 00:22:13,280 --> 00:22:16,560 # It's not so hard to be married 357 00:22:16,560 --> 00:22:19,520 # When two manoeuvre as one 358 00:22:19,520 --> 00:22:22,400 # It's not so hard to be married 359 00:22:22,400 --> 00:22:25,600 # And, Jesus Christ, is it fun(!) 360 00:22:25,600 --> 00:22:28,320 # It's sharing little winks together 361 00:22:28,320 --> 00:22:31,080 # Drinks together, kinks together 362 00:22:31,080 --> 00:22:33,600 # That make marriage a joy, 363 00:22:33,600 --> 00:22:38,880 # Bargains that you shop together Cigarettes you stop together Clothing that you swap together 364 00:22:38,880 --> 00:22:42,840 # That make perfect relationships 365 00:22:42,840 --> 00:22:46,440 # Uh-huh... 366 00:22:46,440 --> 00:22:50,520 # Mmm...hmmm. # 367 00:22:52,160 --> 00:22:54,760 Could I have another bourbon? No! 368 00:22:54,760 --> 00:23:01,880 # It's not talk of God and the decade ahead that allows you to get through the worst, 369 00:23:01,880 --> 00:23:08,080 # It's "I do", "you don't", "nobody said that" and "who brought the subject up first?" 370 00:23:08,080 --> 00:23:14,440 # It's the little things, the little, little, little, little things! 371 00:23:14,440 --> 00:23:16,840 # Little ways you try together, 372 00:23:16,840 --> 00:23:19,800 # Cry together, lie together 373 00:23:19,800 --> 00:23:22,440 # That make perfect relationships 374 00:23:22,440 --> 00:23:27,440 # Becoming a cliche together Withering away together 375 00:23:27,440 --> 00:23:30,720 # That make marriage a joy 376 00:23:30,720 --> 00:23:33,520 # It's not so hard to be married 377 00:23:33,520 --> 00:23:36,840 # It's much the cleanest of crimes 378 00:23:36,840 --> 00:23:39,800 # It's not so hard to be married 379 00:23:39,800 --> 00:23:43,480 # I've done it three or four times 380 00:23:43,480 --> 00:23:51,160 # It's people that you hate together Bait together, date together That make marriage a joy 381 00:23:51,160 --> 00:23:56,520 # Things like using force together Getting a divorce together! 382 00:23:56,520 --> 00:24:00,160 # That make perfect relationships 383 00:24:00,160 --> 00:24:03,800 # Uh-huh... 384 00:24:03,800 --> 00:24:06,400 # Kiss, kiss... 385 00:24:06,400 --> 00:24:09,680 # Mmm-hm... # 386 00:24:13,560 --> 00:24:17,880 My! Wow! 387 00:24:13,560 --> 00:24:17,880 SARAH GIGGLES 388 00:24:17,880 --> 00:24:22,200 How about that, huh? I had you there... 389 00:24:22,200 --> 00:24:28,040 I had YOU there... Draw! And look at the time! I've gotta get going. OH? 390 00:24:28,040 --> 00:24:33,040 Oh, listen, I had a...great time. Oh...so did we. 391 00:24:33,040 --> 00:24:36,080 It was great to see you. 392 00:24:36,080 --> 00:24:39,480 A nightcap? Right. 393 00:24:36,080 --> 00:24:39,480 Uh-uh! 394 00:24:39,480 --> 00:24:43,640 I mean...no! Well, I mean...will I see you soon? 395 00:24:43,640 --> 00:24:48,840 Don't answer that, Harry. He gets no more questions, that sneaky Pete. 396 00:24:50,480 --> 00:24:52,560 Wow. 397 00:24:54,360 --> 00:24:56,520 Thanks again. 398 00:24:56,520 --> 00:25:00,160 - I'll turn out the light. - I will... 399 00:25:00,160 --> 00:25:03,800 - I always do. - No, you don't. 400 00:25:05,560 --> 00:25:08,320 Oh, Harry. 401 00:25:08,320 --> 00:25:11,160 I love you. 402 00:25:32,760 --> 00:25:34,800 Harry? 403 00:25:34,800 --> 00:25:37,800 You ever sorry you got married? 404 00:25:47,240 --> 00:25:51,400 # You're always sorry 405 00:25:51,400 --> 00:25:57,120 # You're always grateful 406 00:25:57,120 --> 00:26:03,360 # You're always wond'ring what might have been 407 00:26:03,360 --> 00:26:09,360 # Then she walks i-in 408 00:26:10,840 --> 00:26:14,200 # And still you're sorry 409 00:26:14,200 --> 00:26:17,040 # And still you're grateful 410 00:26:17,040 --> 00:26:20,360 # And still you wonder 411 00:26:20,360 --> 00:26:23,000 # And still you doubt 412 00:26:23,000 --> 00:26:27,240 # And she goes out 413 00:26:29,440 --> 00:26:32,320 # Everything's different 414 00:26:32,320 --> 00:26:35,600 # Nothing's changed 415 00:26:35,600 --> 00:26:41,200 # Only maybe slightly rearranged 416 00:26:41,200 --> 00:26:44,440 # You're sorry, grateful 417 00:26:44,440 --> 00:26:47,400 # Regretful, happy 418 00:26:47,400 --> 00:26:53,200 # Why look for answers where none occur? 419 00:26:53,200 --> 00:26:58,680 # You always are what you always were 420 00:26:58,680 --> 00:27:01,680 # Which has nothing to do with 421 00:27:01,680 --> 00:27:05,320 # All to do with her... # 422 00:27:05,320 --> 00:27:09,160 < Harry, darling, come to bed. 423 00:27:05,320 --> 00:27:09,160 Coming, darling. 424 00:27:09,160 --> 00:27:12,720 # You're always sorry 425 00:27:12,720 --> 00:27:15,640 # You're always grateful 426 00:27:15,640 --> 00:27:22,240 # You hold her, thinking, "I'm not alone" 427 00:27:22,240 --> 00:27:25,080 # You're still alone 428 00:27:28,040 --> 00:27:31,360 # You don't live for her 429 00:27:31,360 --> 00:27:34,640 # You DO live with her 430 00:27:34,640 --> 00:27:40,320 # You're scared she's starting to drift away 431 00:27:40,320 --> 00:27:43,560 # And scared she'll stay 432 00:27:46,760 --> 00:27:51,680 # Good things get better Bad get worse... 433 00:27:51,680 --> 00:27:59,120 # Wait, I think I meant that in reverse 434 00:27:59,120 --> 00:28:02,520 # You're sorry, grateful, 435 00:28:02,520 --> 00:28:05,120 # Regretful, happy 436 00:28:05,120 --> 00:28:11,280 TOGETHER: 437 00:28:05,120 --> 00:28:11,280 # Why look for answers 438 00:28:05,120 --> 00:28:11,280 where none occur? 439 00:28:11,280 --> 00:28:16,760 # You'll always be what you always were 440 00:28:16,760 --> 00:28:19,760 # Which has nothing to do with 441 00:28:19,760 --> 00:28:25,200 # All to do with her 442 00:28:27,000 --> 00:28:32,400 # You'll always be what you always were 443 00:28:32,400 --> 00:28:35,480 # Which has nothing to do with 444 00:28:35,480 --> 00:28:41,400 # All to do with her 445 00:28:43,480 --> 00:28:47,320 # Nothing to do with 446 00:28:47,320 --> 00:28:52,080 # All to do 447 00:28:56,640 --> 00:29:03,640 # With her. # 448 00:29:09,920 --> 00:29:13,000 APPLAUSE 449 00:29:22,880 --> 00:29:27,800 Bob! Hey Bob? Where the hell are you? Out here. 450 00:29:27,800 --> 00:29:32,960 Why are you out here? It's so great to have a terrace in this city. 451 00:29:32,960 --> 00:29:35,680 Wow! Really? We never use it. 452 00:29:35,680 --> 00:29:38,560 Hundreds of terraces in New York. 453 00:29:38,560 --> 00:29:42,080 Never have I seen a person on even one. 454 00:29:42,080 --> 00:29:46,480 SOUTHERN ACCENT: And with kids it's impossible. Tracking dirt, falling over. 455 00:29:46,480 --> 00:29:51,000 Plus everyone can hear everything you say. 456 00:29:51,000 --> 00:29:55,440 Are you listening? And look at all this bird do. 457 00:29:55,440 --> 00:30:00,640 Oh, so noisy! With that traffic you cannot even hear yourself think. 458 00:30:00,640 --> 00:30:04,440 All you can see is the building across the street. 459 00:30:04,440 --> 00:30:09,240 If you lean way out, you can see the East River. 460 00:30:09,240 --> 00:30:17,040 Except you can't. Peter almost met his Maker one night trying to see that ol' East River. You saved him? 461 00:30:17,040 --> 00:30:22,320 - Me? No. Well, in a way. - She fainted. So I got down. 462 00:30:22,320 --> 00:30:27,600 Peter is not afraid of anything. Unfortunately, I'm not made that way. 463 00:30:27,600 --> 00:30:32,720 One day Peter fell off a ladder when he was putting up my curio cabinet, 464 00:30:32,720 --> 00:30:35,320 and he split his head right open. 465 00:30:35,320 --> 00:30:40,720 Well, I fainted. I came to, I looked at his head and I fainted again. 466 00:30:40,720 --> 00:30:46,600 I fainted four times that night. Well, that is so sweet. Pe-ter! 467 00:30:46,600 --> 00:30:49,600 You are one lucky guy! 468 00:30:49,600 --> 00:30:55,760 That...that Southern graciousness, there ain't much of that around. 469 00:30:55,760 --> 00:31:01,600 You two are - he said with envy - just beautiful together. 470 00:31:01,600 --> 00:31:05,080 Really. Wow...! 471 00:31:05,080 --> 00:31:10,120 If you ever decide to leave her, I wanna be the first to know. Well... 472 00:31:11,360 --> 00:31:13,720 You're the first to know. 473 00:31:13,720 --> 00:31:16,840 We're getting divorced. 474 00:31:18,840 --> 00:31:21,480 We haven't told anyone yet. 475 00:31:21,480 --> 00:31:24,080 Oh. 476 00:31:24,080 --> 00:31:27,160 Well, maybe you'll work it out. 477 00:31:27,160 --> 00:31:30,040 ..Don't think so, huh? 478 00:31:30,040 --> 00:31:34,360 Well, I'm sure nobody can imagine how you feel. 479 00:31:34,360 --> 00:31:38,640 Or YOU feel. ..Or I feel... 480 00:31:40,640 --> 00:31:45,760 Feel? I just don't feel anything. Here, David. It's too small. 481 00:31:45,760 --> 00:31:49,480 Doesn't work on me. Do you feel anything? 482 00:31:49,480 --> 00:31:55,280 Do you, honey? Cos I don't. You will. When? I mean, we've had two! 483 00:31:55,280 --> 00:31:58,880 May depend on your constitution. 484 00:31:58,880 --> 00:32:01,520 It's good to try things once. Wait. 485 00:32:01,520 --> 00:32:06,320 I'm not GOING anywhere. Maybe I'm too square, I feel nothing. 486 00:32:06,320 --> 00:32:11,840 Do you, David? Because I don't. I mean, I wish I did. I just don't. 487 00:32:11,840 --> 00:32:15,160 Maybe they gave you grass off the lawn. 488 00:32:15,160 --> 00:32:20,600 Knew I wouldn't feel it. Don't have... Why am I talking so much? 489 00:32:20,600 --> 00:32:23,160 You're stoned. ..Am I? 490 00:32:24,640 --> 00:32:27,360 Am I? I am not. I am. 491 00:32:27,360 --> 00:32:29,560 Are you? You are not! 492 00:32:30,480 --> 00:32:33,040 I'm so dry! You're stoned. 493 00:32:33,040 --> 00:32:37,960 Is that part of it? You may get hungry. I should? You don't have to. 494 00:32:37,960 --> 00:32:42,480 Are you hungry, Dave? No. I'd like water, though. Me, too. 495 00:32:42,480 --> 00:32:46,920 Do you want some, Robert? Oh, no. What? I don't want any. 496 00:32:46,920 --> 00:32:51,520 Any what, Robert? YOU asked him, honey. Water! 497 00:32:51,520 --> 00:32:59,120 Oh, water! I couldn't remember what we were talking about. You see? You forget when you're high. Oh, God... 498 00:32:59,120 --> 00:33:04,320 Are you high, David? I'm potted. Oh, that's beautiful! 499 00:33:04,320 --> 00:33:08,680 Jesus! See? You're really high now. Jesus! Hey! 500 00:33:08,680 --> 00:33:15,280 That's twice you've said, "Jesus". You're kidding! No. She never swears. 501 00:33:15,280 --> 00:33:19,840 Didn't even know I said it once. Say..."sonofabitch!" 502 00:33:19,840 --> 00:33:22,160 Sonofabitch. 503 00:33:25,360 --> 00:33:29,240 Say "kiss my ass". Kiss my ass! 504 00:33:29,240 --> 00:33:32,600 Kiss my ass, you sonofabitch. 505 00:33:35,200 --> 00:33:38,680 Oh, Jesus. Three! Three! 506 00:33:38,680 --> 00:33:40,880 You'll wake the kids. 507 00:33:42,360 --> 00:33:46,080 Bobby, stop it! We'll get evicted. 508 00:33:46,080 --> 00:33:51,200 Jenny, you are terrific. You're the girl I should have married. 509 00:33:54,320 --> 00:34:01,000 Listen! LISTEN! I know a darling girl in this building you'll just love. 510 00:34:01,000 --> 00:34:04,840 What? When are you gonna get married? 511 00:34:04,840 --> 00:34:10,360 What? You're not complete unless you marry. He's complete enough. 512 00:34:10,360 --> 00:34:15,880 You are better off the way you are. That's what I hear. D'you mean it? 513 00:34:15,880 --> 00:34:18,360 No! 514 00:34:18,360 --> 00:34:21,680 Well, sometimes... 515 00:34:23,080 --> 00:34:26,040 I'd like to be single. 516 00:34:26,040 --> 00:34:31,280 Oh. That's not even funny. It has nothing to do with you. 517 00:34:31,280 --> 00:34:36,360 I'm your wife. Yes, and that's the way I want it. 518 00:34:36,360 --> 00:34:42,560 But didn't YOU ever wish you could be single? For an hour, even? No! 519 00:34:42,560 --> 00:34:45,600 Could you make it two hours? 520 00:34:47,360 --> 00:34:50,160 Bobby, you get yourself married. 521 00:34:50,160 --> 00:34:55,440 D'you see the ideas you're giving Dave? I'm not avoiding marriage. 522 00:34:55,440 --> 00:34:57,960 It's avoiding me, if anything. 523 00:34:57,960 --> 00:35:03,520 I'm ready. Actually, you're not. But not everybody should be married. 524 00:35:03,520 --> 00:35:08,880 Well, I don't know actually. See, to me, a man SHOULD be married. 525 00:35:08,880 --> 00:35:11,360 Your life has a... 526 00:35:15,160 --> 00:35:17,320 What? 527 00:35:17,320 --> 00:35:20,840 What am I trying to say? 528 00:35:20,840 --> 00:35:25,080 Your life...has a point to it. 529 00:35:25,080 --> 00:35:27,880 A bottom. You know what I'm saying? 530 00:35:27,880 --> 00:35:30,560 See, I have everything... 531 00:35:32,360 --> 00:35:34,960 Except freedom... 532 00:35:34,960 --> 00:35:37,520 which IS everything. 533 00:35:37,520 --> 00:35:42,200 No. No, no... THIS is everything. 534 00:35:42,200 --> 00:35:48,960 I got my wife, my kids, my home, and, well, you gotta give up to get. 535 00:35:48,960 --> 00:35:51,760 You know what I'm saying? Listen. 536 00:35:51,760 --> 00:35:55,400 I agree, but... Here. 537 00:35:55,400 --> 00:35:58,240 You know, what bothers me is, 538 00:35:58,240 --> 00:36:03,200 if you marry, you've got another person there all the time. 539 00:36:03,200 --> 00:36:09,160 Plus, you can't get out of it whenever you wanna. You're caught. 540 00:36:09,160 --> 00:36:12,760 And even if you DO get out of it, 541 00:36:12,760 --> 00:36:15,320 what have you got to show for it? 542 00:36:15,320 --> 00:36:20,000 Not to mention the fact that then you've always been married. 543 00:36:23,560 --> 00:36:28,200 I mean, you can never NOT have been married...again. 544 00:36:31,680 --> 00:36:37,360 Do you think, subconsciously, you might be resisting it? No. Negative. 545 00:36:39,600 --> 00:36:45,680 I have no problems. I'm ready to be married. Why aren't you? 546 00:36:45,680 --> 00:36:50,520 I've always had things to accomplish. I had to finish school. 547 00:36:50,520 --> 00:36:55,560 Then I wanted to get started, get myself some kind of security. 548 00:36:55,560 --> 00:36:59,600 And, um, there's things. Things I had to do. 549 00:36:59,600 --> 00:37:05,880 You know, before I could even begin to think in terms of marriage. 550 00:37:05,880 --> 00:37:10,400 That can sound like its a rationalisation, but it's not. 551 00:37:10,400 --> 00:37:16,320 Frankly, I just wanted to have some fun before I settled down. 552 00:37:16,320 --> 00:37:20,960 Right. Right. And now you've done all those things. Right. 553 00:37:22,880 --> 00:37:25,960 "So why aren't you married, huh?" 554 00:37:27,480 --> 00:37:30,080 ..You're putting me on a bummer. 555 00:37:30,080 --> 00:37:35,640 Just, um... Yeah. Just wait, though. You... You wait. 556 00:37:35,640 --> 00:37:42,680 You're gonna see a lot of changes in my life. I've met some pretty special girls recently. 557 00:37:42,680 --> 00:37:50,240 Hey, living in New York you meet a girl a minute. Right? Right now, I date a stewardess. Cute, original. 558 00:37:50,240 --> 00:37:55,680 Odd. And Kathy, you never met Kathy, did you? Well, she is the best! 559 00:37:55,680 --> 00:37:58,280 Just...the...best! 560 00:37:58,280 --> 00:38:01,360 Hey, and there's Marta. 561 00:38:01,360 --> 00:38:03,760 God, she is...fun! 562 00:38:03,760 --> 00:38:06,360 I am not resisting marriage! 563 00:38:06,360 --> 00:38:12,960 My life is prepared for a change. I am ready to marry. Why haven't you? Right! 564 00:38:12,960 --> 00:38:19,120 Right! # Doo, doo, doo-doo! Doo, doo, doo-doo, doo, doo! # 565 00:38:19,120 --> 00:38:21,680 # You could drive a person crazy 566 00:38:21,680 --> 00:38:24,000 # You could drive a person mad 567 00:38:24,000 --> 00:38:28,760 # First you make a person hazy So a person could be had 568 00:38:28,760 --> 00:38:32,800 # Then you leave a person dangling, sadly, outside your door 569 00:38:32,800 --> 00:38:37,360 # Which it only makes a person gladly want you even more 570 00:38:37,360 --> 00:38:42,120 # I can understand a person If it's not a person's bag 571 00:38:42,120 --> 00:38:46,800 # I could understand a person If a person was a fag 572 00:38:46,800 --> 00:38:53,280 # But worse than that A person that titillates a person And then leaves her flat is crazy 573 00:38:53,280 --> 00:38:56,080 # He's a troubled person 574 00:38:56,080 --> 00:38:59,680 # He's a truly crazy person himself. # 575 00:38:59,680 --> 00:39:03,400 You're an asshole. 576 00:38:59,680 --> 00:39:03,400 Sonofabitch 577 00:38:59,680 --> 00:39:03,400 You crummy bastard! 578 00:39:03,400 --> 00:39:08,840 # When a person's personality is personable He shouldn't oughta sit like a lump 579 00:39:08,840 --> 00:39:13,200 # It's harder than a matador coercin' a bull To try to get you off of your rump 580 00:39:13,200 --> 00:39:17,800 # So single and attentive and attractive a man Is everything a person could wish 581 00:39:17,800 --> 00:39:22,360 # Turning off a person Is the act of a man Who likes to pull hooks out of fish 582 00:39:22,360 --> 00:39:26,200 # Knock, knock! Is anybody there? 583 00:39:26,200 --> 00:39:30,480 # Knock, knock, It really isn't fair 584 00:39:30,480 --> 00:39:35,840 # Knock, knock! I'm working all my charms 585 00:39:35,840 --> 00:39:40,480 # Knock, knock, A zombie's in my arms 586 00:39:40,480 --> 00:39:44,920 # All that sweet affection What is wrong? 587 00:39:44,920 --> 00:39:49,560 # Where's the loose connection? How long? Oh, Lord, how long? 588 00:39:49,560 --> 00:39:55,720 # Bobby, baby, You could drive a person buggy You could blow a person's cool 589 00:39:55,720 --> 00:40:00,320 # First you make a person feel all huggy while you make her feel a fool 590 00:40:00,320 --> 00:40:04,840 # When a person says that you've upset her, that's when you're good 591 00:40:04,840 --> 00:40:09,640 # You impersonate a person Better than a zombie should 592 00:40:09,640 --> 00:40:13,920 # I could understand a person If he wasn't good in bed 593 00:40:13,920 --> 00:40:18,920 # I could understand a person If he actually was dead 594 00:40:18,920 --> 00:40:22,080 # Exclusive you, elusive you 595 00:40:22,080 --> 00:40:26,200 # Will any person ever get the juice of you? You're crazy 596 00:40:26,200 --> 00:40:29,040 # You're a lovely person 597 00:40:29,040 --> 00:40:35,240 # A moving, deeply maladjusted Never to be trusted Crazy person yourse-elf 598 00:40:35,240 --> 00:40:39,680 # Bobby is my hobby and I'm giving it up! # 599 00:40:39,680 --> 00:40:42,760 APPLAUSE 600 00:40:43,800 --> 00:40:47,000 I'm starving! 601 00:40:47,000 --> 00:40:49,520 I'll go get some food. 602 00:40:49,520 --> 00:40:53,720 Do one of you sons of bitches want to help? 603 00:40:53,720 --> 00:40:56,080 Then kiss my ass. 604 00:40:56,080 --> 00:41:00,560 Oh, boy! Did you light another one? Just a cigarette. 605 00:41:00,560 --> 00:41:05,320 Shall I roll another one? Maybe one. No. It just takes a second. No! 606 00:41:05,320 --> 00:41:09,960 No more?! ..I don't think so. 607 00:41:09,960 --> 00:41:12,400 I don't think so either. 608 00:41:12,400 --> 00:41:16,920 Hey, come on, it'll just take me a second to roll another one. 609 00:41:16,920 --> 00:41:22,240 Listen, you two have one. I don't want one. Have one if you want one! 610 00:41:22,240 --> 00:41:24,520 But I don't. 611 00:41:24,520 --> 00:41:28,840 I'll go get some food. Isn't he a marvellous man? 612 00:41:32,960 --> 00:41:35,960 Oh, I married a square. 613 00:41:35,960 --> 00:41:38,880 A confessed square. 614 00:41:38,880 --> 00:41:41,480 Oh, Bobby, we're just too old! 615 00:41:41,480 --> 00:41:45,360 We've been there before. Who wants to go back? 616 00:41:45,360 --> 00:41:52,280 Anyway, what do I know? Hey, screwball, I am starving. I love you so much. Food! 617 00:41:52,280 --> 00:41:55,560 Bob, could you put that stuff away? 618 00:41:55,560 --> 00:42:00,400 Come on, put it in your pocket. Take it home. Come on. 619 00:42:04,320 --> 00:42:06,760 Thank you. 620 00:42:06,760 --> 00:42:10,080 I don't know. Maybe you're right. 621 00:42:10,080 --> 00:42:13,200 Who ever knows? 622 00:42:19,960 --> 00:42:25,520 What was all that? Oh. Aww, she didn't go for it. 623 00:42:25,520 --> 00:42:32,120 I thought she wouldn't go for it. She was stoned. She doesn't get things like that. 624 00:42:32,120 --> 00:42:37,160 She'll go along with it, but that's it. She didn't like it? I know her! 625 00:42:37,160 --> 00:42:39,920 She... She didn't. 626 00:42:41,720 --> 00:42:45,240 You... You want me to get YOU some? 627 00:42:47,880 --> 00:42:53,720 She'd have a fit. I am really surprised she did it tonight. 628 00:42:53,720 --> 00:42:58,920 She loved it. For me. She loved it for me. She didn't really love it. 629 00:42:58,920 --> 00:43:03,480 I know her. She's what she said. Square...dumb... Like a fox. 630 00:43:06,320 --> 00:43:10,320 Well, I gotta go see if I can give her a hand. 631 00:43:13,040 --> 00:43:16,120 What do you say? 632 00:43:17,960 --> 00:43:20,480 Oh, boy! 633 00:43:22,360 --> 00:43:24,440 # Bobby! # 634 00:43:24,440 --> 00:43:25,920 # Bobby, baby! # 635 00:43:25,920 --> 00:43:27,400 # Bobby, bubi! # 636 00:43:27,400 --> 00:43:30,040 # We've been trying to reach you 637 00:43:30,040 --> 00:43:32,400 # Angel, I got something to tell you 638 00:43:32,400 --> 00:43:37,600 # Bobby, it's important or I wouldn't call 639 00:43:37,600 --> 00:43:41,520 # Bobby, look, I know how you hate it alone 640 00:43:41,520 --> 00:43:44,480 # Bobby, come on over for dinner 641 00:43:44,480 --> 00:43:47,160 # We've someone we want you to meet 642 00:43:47,160 --> 00:43:50,920 # Bobby, come on over for dinner 643 00:43:50,920 --> 00:43:54,800 # Go from the office It'll just be the four of us 644 00:43:54,800 --> 00:44:01,160 # You'll li-ike he-er... # 645 00:44:03,840 --> 00:44:07,200 # Have I got a girl for you? Wait till you meet her! 646 00:44:07,200 --> 00:44:10,320 # Have I got a girl for you, boy? 647 00:44:10,320 --> 00:44:15,920 # Dumb and with a weakness For sazerac slings Give her even the fruit, she swings 648 00:44:15,920 --> 00:44:19,640 # The kind of girl You can't send thru' the mail 649 00:44:19,640 --> 00:44:23,400 # Call me tomorrow with the details 650 00:44:23,400 --> 00:44:29,800 # Have I got a chick for you! Wait till you meet her For you, boy! 651 00:44:29,800 --> 00:44:35,440 # She's into all exotic mystiques The Kamasutra and Chinese techniques 652 00:44:35,440 --> 00:44:38,800 # I hear she knows more than 75! 653 00:44:38,800 --> 00:44:43,120 # Call me tomorrow If you're still alive! 654 00:44:43,120 --> 00:44:49,280 # Have I got a girl for you? Wait till you meet her! For you, boy! 655 00:44:49,280 --> 00:44:52,600 # Boy, to be in your shoes What I wouldn't give 656 00:44:52,600 --> 00:44:58,600 # I mean the freedom to go out and live... As for settling down and all that 657 00:44:58,600 --> 00:45:03,680 # Marriage may be where it's been But it's not where it's at! 658 00:45:05,440 --> 00:45:11,720 # What d'you like, You like coming home to a kiss? Somebody with a smile at the door? 659 00:45:11,720 --> 00:45:17,960 # What d'you like, You like indescribable bliss? What d'you wanna get married for? 660 00:45:17,960 --> 00:45:24,600 # What d'you like, You like an excursion to Rome? Suddenly taking off to explore? 661 00:45:24,600 --> 00:45:31,120 # What d'you like, Like having meals cooked at home? What d'you wanna get married for? 662 00:45:31,120 --> 00:45:34,240 # What d'you wanna get married for? 663 00:45:34,240 --> 00:45:37,600 # What d'you wanna get married for? 664 00:45:37,600 --> 00:45:44,640 SOFTLY: 665 00:45:37,600 --> 00:45:44,640 # What d'you wanna 666 00:45:37,600 --> 00:45:44,640 get married fo-or? # 667 00:45:53,320 --> 00:45:56,880 # Someone is waiting 668 00:45:56,880 --> 00:45:59,920 # Cool as Sarah 669 00:45:59,920 --> 00:46:06,480 # Easy and loving as Susan 670 00:46:06,480 --> 00:46:09,840 # Jenny 671 00:46:09,840 --> 00:46:12,760 # Someone is waiting 672 00:46:12,760 --> 00:46:16,120 # Warm as Susan 673 00:46:16,120 --> 00:46:21,960 # Frantic and touching as Amy 674 00:46:21,960 --> 00:46:25,960 # Joa-anne 675 00:46:25,960 --> 00:46:32,400 # Would I know her even if I met her? 676 00:46:32,400 --> 00:46:38,320 # Have I missed her? Did I let her go? 677 00:46:38,320 --> 00:46:41,680 # A Susan sort of Sarah 678 00:46:41,680 --> 00:46:44,920 # A Jenny-ish Joanne 679 00:46:44,920 --> 00:46:47,880 # Wait for me, I'm ready now 680 00:46:47,880 --> 00:46:54,920 # I'll find you if I ca-an! 681 00:46:57,040 --> 00:47:00,040 # Someone will hold me, 682 00:47:00,040 --> 00:47:03,400 # Soft as Jenny 683 00:47:03,400 --> 00:47:09,720 # Skinny and blue-eyed as Amy 684 00:47:09,720 --> 00:47:13,440 # Susa-an... 685 00:47:13,440 --> 00:47:16,400 # Someone will wake me 686 00:47:16,400 --> 00:47:19,560 # Sweet as Amy 687 00:47:19,560 --> 00:47:25,680 # Tender and foolish as Sarah 688 00:47:25,680 --> 00:47:29,320 # Joa-anne 689 00:47:29,320 --> 00:47:31,840 # Did I know her? 690 00:47:31,840 --> 00:47:35,760 # Have I waited too long? 691 00:47:35,760 --> 00:47:42,240 # Maybe so, but maybe so has she 692 00:47:42,240 --> 00:47:46,600 # My blue-eyed Sarah 693 00:47:46,600 --> 00:47:49,600 # Warm Joanne 694 00:47:49,600 --> 00:47:52,600 # Sweet Jenny 695 00:47:52,600 --> 00:47:55,200 # Loving Susan 696 00:47:55,200 --> 00:47:59,160 # Crazy Amy 697 00:47:59,160 --> 00:48:02,720 # Wait for me 698 00:48:02,720 --> 00:48:06,600 # I'll hurry 699 00:48:06,600 --> 00:48:09,240 # Wait for me 700 00:48:09,240 --> 00:48:12,520 # Hurry! Wait for me! 701 00:48:12,520 --> 00:48:16,600 # Hurry 702 00:48:16,600 --> 00:48:23,640 # Wa-a-a-ait. # 703 00:48:31,720 --> 00:48:35,000 APPLAUSE 704 00:48:42,680 --> 00:48:47,800 # Another hundred people got off of the train, came up thru' the ground 705 00:48:47,800 --> 00:48:51,120 # Another hundred people got off of the bus and are looking around 706 00:48:51,120 --> 00:48:53,800 # At another hundred people who got off of the plane, 707 00:48:53,800 --> 00:48:58,520 # And are looking at us who got off of the train, the plane and the bus Maybe yesterday 708 00:48:58,520 --> 00:49:05,600 # It's a city of strangers Some come to work, some to play A city of strangers 709 00:49:05,600 --> 00:49:09,920 # Some come to stare, some to stay Every day 710 00:49:09,920 --> 00:49:12,760 # The ones who stay 711 00:49:12,760 --> 00:49:17,160 # Find each other in crowded streets and the guarded parks 712 00:49:17,160 --> 00:49:21,760 # By the rusty fountains And dusty trees with battered barks 713 00:49:21,760 --> 00:49:28,840 # And they walk together Past the postered walls With the crude rema-arks 714 00:49:28,840 --> 00:49:33,840 # They meet at parties thru' friends of friends who they never know 715 00:49:33,840 --> 00:49:38,480 # Will you pick me up or do I meet you there or shall we let it go? 716 00:49:38,480 --> 00:49:41,000 # Did you get my message cos I looked in vain? 717 00:49:41,000 --> 00:49:44,080 # Can we see each other Tuesday if it doesn't rain? 718 00:49:44,080 --> 00:49:49,000 # Look, I'll call you in the morning Or my service will expla-ain 719 00:49:49,000 --> 00:49:56,480 # And another hundred people just got off of the tra-ain. # 720 00:49:58,160 --> 00:50:00,640 Oh, I didn't come right to New York. 721 00:50:00,640 --> 00:50:07,360 I went to Northwestern University for two years but it was a mistake. I was on probation the two years. 722 00:50:07,360 --> 00:50:10,440 I was preparing to go back to Shaker Heights 723 00:50:10,440 --> 00:50:16,840 but I decided where I really wanted to live was Radio City! 724 00:50:16,840 --> 00:50:22,280 Well, I thought it was this wonderful little city near New York. 725 00:50:22,280 --> 00:50:25,000 So I came here. 726 00:50:25,000 --> 00:50:27,240 I'm very dumb. 727 00:50:27,240 --> 00:50:31,320 Hey, you're not dumb, April. To me, I am. 728 00:50:31,320 --> 00:50:35,440 I find you very interesting. Well, I'm just not. 729 00:50:35,440 --> 00:50:39,360 I used to think that I was so odd... 730 00:50:39,360 --> 00:50:41,960 But my roommate is the same way. 731 00:50:41,960 --> 00:50:44,920 Well, he's also very dumb. Oh... 732 00:50:44,920 --> 00:50:50,000 Oh, you never mentioned him. Is he...your lover? Oh, no. 733 00:50:50,000 --> 00:50:57,000 We just share this big apartment on West End Avenue. We have our own rooms and everything. 734 00:50:57,000 --> 00:51:02,720 I'd show it to you, but we've never had company. He's the sweetest thing. 735 00:51:02,720 --> 00:51:07,280 He was born in New York, so nothing really interests him. 736 00:51:10,800 --> 00:51:16,360 Oh, um... I don't have anything more to say. Oh. Um... 737 00:51:16,360 --> 00:51:21,680 What would you do if either of you ever got married? 738 00:51:21,680 --> 00:51:24,520 Get a bigger place, I guess. 739 00:51:25,560 --> 00:51:31,400 # They find each other in crowded streets and the guarded parks, 740 00:51:31,400 --> 00:51:36,520 # By the rusty fountains and the dusty trees with the battered barks 741 00:51:36,520 --> 00:51:42,920 # They walk together past postered walls with the crude rema-arks 742 00:51:42,920 --> 00:51:48,080 # They meet at parties thru' friends of friends who they never know 743 00:51:48,080 --> 00:51:52,120 # Will you pick me up, do I meet you there, or let it go? 744 00:51:52,120 --> 00:51:54,840 # Get my message? I looked in vain 745 00:51:54,840 --> 00:52:01,920 # See ya Tuesday if it doesn't rain? I'll call you in the morning Or my service will expla-ain 746 00:52:03,760 --> 00:52:09,760 # ..And another hundred people just got off of the tra-ain. # 747 00:52:11,880 --> 00:52:16,160 This is really exciting, Kathy. It's fascinating. 748 00:52:16,160 --> 00:52:22,680 Robert, you're awful. You come here a lot, huh? Mm... Thrilling(!) 749 00:52:22,680 --> 00:52:25,360 Maybe we could go watch a haircut. 750 00:52:25,360 --> 00:52:32,800 You can't stand that there's a party going on and you're stuck here with me. What part...? Oh, THAT party. 751 00:52:32,800 --> 00:52:38,720 I'd completely forgotten it. We can still make it. Robert! Enjoy this. 752 00:52:38,720 --> 00:52:44,000 We're in a park. A little, tiny park, in the middle of the East Fifties. 753 00:52:44,000 --> 00:52:46,760 It's simple and pretty. 754 00:52:46,760 --> 00:52:53,520 There's a waterfall that makes me yearn to be back at the Cape. You are some lady, Kathy. 755 00:52:53,520 --> 00:52:55,840 Thank you. 756 00:52:55,840 --> 00:53:02,800 There's no place for a lady in New York. I can't even shout. If you knew the cabs I missed. 757 00:53:03,800 --> 00:53:08,480 I don't belong here. I'm like this park - out of place. 758 00:53:08,480 --> 00:53:11,280 You ARE like this park. 759 00:53:12,640 --> 00:53:15,200 Yeah. You're very lovely. 760 00:53:15,200 --> 00:53:17,640 Very. 761 00:53:24,600 --> 00:53:27,160 Why didn't we ever get married? 762 00:53:27,160 --> 00:53:32,600 Why didn't you ever ask me? Wanna marry me? 763 00:53:32,600 --> 00:53:39,080 I honestly did in the beginning. But...I dunno. I never thought you ever would. 764 00:53:39,080 --> 00:53:45,880 I would. I never understood why you never asked me. Well, how did we end up such good friends? 765 00:53:48,840 --> 00:53:51,280 Robert, I... 766 00:53:51,280 --> 00:53:55,320 I'm moving back to the Cape. 767 00:53:55,320 --> 00:53:57,960 I just don't fit in here. 768 00:53:57,960 --> 00:54:05,800 I want real things - a husband, a family, not just running round this city like I'm having a life. I'm 30. 769 00:54:05,800 --> 00:54:11,120 The clock's ticking away. I wanna get married. I wanted to tell you. 770 00:54:11,120 --> 00:54:15,920 Listen, I know somebody who may be interested in your apartment. 771 00:54:15,920 --> 00:54:20,720 Robert! No! Don't hurt me, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. 772 00:54:20,720 --> 00:54:25,840 Don't you think you could find all of that here, Kathy? 773 00:54:25,840 --> 00:54:28,200 No. 774 00:54:31,800 --> 00:54:35,640 The problem is, you want too little. 775 00:54:37,960 --> 00:54:42,960 It's, um... It's the hardest thing in the world to get. 776 00:54:42,960 --> 00:54:45,560 Well, thank you for your park. 777 00:54:45,560 --> 00:54:48,440 That's all right, Robert. 778 00:54:48,440 --> 00:54:55,760 I suppose some people have to know when to come to New York, and some people have to know when to leave. 779 00:54:55,760 --> 00:55:00,960 # Another hundred people got off the train and came up thru' the ground 780 00:55:00,960 --> 00:55:07,640 # Another 100 people got off the bus are looking at another 100 people who got off of the plane 781 00:55:07,640 --> 00:55:11,560 # Looking at us, who got off of the train...maybe yesterda-ay 782 00:55:11,560 --> 00:55:16,440 # It's a city of strangers - Some come to work, some to play 783 00:55:16,440 --> 00:55:20,760 # A city of strangers, Some come to stare, some to stay 784 00:55:20,760 --> 00:55:26,280 # And every day some go away 785 00:55:26,280 --> 00:55:30,720 # Or they find each other in crowded streets and the guarded parks 786 00:55:30,720 --> 00:55:35,760 # By the rusty fountains and the dusty trees with the battered barks 787 00:55:35,760 --> 00:55:42,640 # They walk together past postered walls with the crude rema-arks 788 00:55:42,640 --> 00:55:47,040 # They meet at the parties thru' friends of friends they never know 789 00:55:47,040 --> 00:55:52,080 # Will you pick me up, do I meet you there or shall we let it go? 790 00:55:52,080 --> 00:55:56,880 # Get my message? I looked in vain? See you Tuesday, if it doesn't rain? 791 00:55:56,880 --> 00:56:01,680 # I'll call you in the morning or my service will expla-ain 792 00:56:03,720 --> 00:56:08,480 # And another hundred people just got off of the tra-ain 793 00:56:08,480 --> 00:56:13,160 # And another hundred people just got off of the train 794 00:56:13,160 --> 00:56:15,640 # Another hundred people just got off of the train 795 00:56:15,640 --> 00:56:22,560 # Another hundred people just got off of the tra-ain. # 796 00:56:26,160 --> 00:56:30,680 APPLAUSE 797 00:56:34,560 --> 00:56:41,960 When I came to Manhattan from Brooklyn, I came because Manhattan is the centre of the world. 798 00:56:41,960 --> 00:56:44,480 And that is where I want to be. 799 00:56:44,480 --> 00:56:51,360 Know what the pulse of this city is? The busy signal? Yeah(!) The pulse of this city, kiddo, is me. 800 00:56:51,360 --> 00:56:58,040 This city is for the me's of this world. People who wanna be in the heart of it. 801 00:56:58,040 --> 00:57:01,920 I am the soul of New York. How about that! 802 00:57:01,920 --> 00:57:04,440 This city - I kiss the ground of it. 803 00:57:04,440 --> 00:57:09,680 Some day, you know what I wanna do? I wanna get all dressed up in black. 804 00:57:09,680 --> 00:57:13,800 Black dress, black shoes, hat, everything black, 805 00:57:13,800 --> 00:57:20,600 and go sit in some bar, at the end of the counter, and drink and cry. 806 00:57:20,600 --> 00:57:27,840 See, that is my idea of honest-to-God sophistication. I mean, THAT is New York! 807 00:57:31,120 --> 00:57:36,280 You always make me feel like I got the next line. What is it with you? 808 00:57:36,280 --> 00:57:41,720 I just never met anybody like you. Me neither. Know what this city is? 809 00:57:41,720 --> 00:57:46,640 Where a person can feel it? It's in a person's ass. 810 00:57:46,640 --> 00:57:51,280 If you're really part of this city - relaxed, cool, in the flow, 811 00:57:51,280 --> 00:57:54,000 your ass is like this. 812 00:57:54,000 --> 00:57:59,360 If you're living here, runnin' round uptight, not part of this city, 813 00:57:59,360 --> 00:58:01,640 your ass is like this. 814 00:58:02,880 --> 00:58:05,040 So... I... 815 00:58:05,040 --> 00:58:07,600 Well, I hesitate to ask, but... 816 00:58:10,840 --> 00:58:13,440 That's a fascinating theory. Indeed. 817 00:58:13,440 --> 00:58:17,560 And at this moment, it's extraordinarily accurate. 818 00:58:17,560 --> 00:58:21,440 ORGAN PLAYS 819 00:58:23,480 --> 00:58:27,120 # Bless this day! 820 00:58:27,120 --> 00:58:29,840 # Pinnacle of life 821 00:58:29,840 --> 00:58:32,440 # Husband joined to wife 822 00:58:32,440 --> 00:58:39,680 # The heart leaps up to beho-old 823 00:58:39,680 --> 00:58:47,360 # Thi-is golden day. # 824 00:58:47,360 --> 00:58:49,880 Amy, I can't find my other shoe. 825 00:58:55,720 --> 00:59:01,720 # Today is for Amy 826 00:59:01,720 --> 00:59:07,360 # Amy, I give you the rest of my life 827 00:59:07,360 --> 00:59:11,120 # To cherish and to keep you 828 00:59:11,120 --> 00:59:15,920 # To honour you for ever 829 00:59:15,920 --> 00:59:19,840 # Today is for Amy 830 00:59:19,840 --> 00:59:22,640 # My happily 831 00:59:22,640 --> 00:59:25,840 # soon-to-be 832 00:59:25,840 --> 00:59:27,600 # wife... # 833 00:59:27,600 --> 00:59:29,000 Amy, 834 00:59:30,880 --> 00:59:34,480 we're finally getting married! 835 00:59:41,920 --> 00:59:49,000 # Pardon me, is everybody here? Cos if everybody's here, I want to thank you all for coming to the wedding 836 00:59:49,000 --> 00:59:56,680 # I'd appreciate your going even more, you must have lots of better things to do, not a word to Paul! 837 00:59:56,680 --> 01:00:01,840 # Don't tell Paul, But I'm not getting married today. # 838 01:00:03,520 --> 01:00:06,960 ORGAN BOOMS OUT 839 01:00:03,520 --> 01:00:06,960 # Bless this day 840 01:00:06,960 --> 01:00:10,000 # Tragedy of life 841 01:00:10,000 --> 01:00:12,600 # Husband yoked to wife 842 01:00:12,600 --> 01:00:15,920 # The heart sinks down 843 01:00:15,920 --> 01:00:19,280 # And feels dead 844 01:00:19,280 --> 01:00:26,120 # Thi-is dreadful day. # 845 01:00:29,920 --> 01:00:33,840 Paul can't find his good cuff links anywhere. 846 01:00:33,840 --> 01:00:38,440 Um, on... On... On-on-on the dresser... 847 01:00:38,440 --> 01:00:41,560 Dresser... Right. OK. 848 01:00:41,560 --> 01:00:45,000 Right next to my suicide note. 849 01:00:49,800 --> 01:00:56,960 # Listen, everybody! Look, I don't know what you're waiting for - a wedding? A prehistoric ritual... 850 01:00:56,960 --> 01:01:04,120 # Followed by a honeymoon where he'll see he's saddled with a nut and wanna kill me which he should 851 01:01:04,120 --> 01:01:07,400 # You've been grand, but I'm not getting married! 852 01:01:07,400 --> 01:01:14,480 # Don't just stand there, I'm not getting married! Don't tell Paul, I'm not getting married today! Go! 853 01:01:14,480 --> 01:01:17,480 # Why is nobody listening? Goodbye! 854 01:01:17,480 --> 01:01:20,240 # Go cry at another person's wake 855 01:01:20,240 --> 01:01:26,680 # If you're quick, for a kick, you could pick up a christening. Please, on my knees, there's a life at stake. 856 01:01:28,360 --> 01:01:36,040 # Listen, everybody, I'm afraid you didn't hear, d'you wanna see a crazy lady fall apart in front of you? 857 01:01:36,040 --> 01:01:40,080 # Analyst said "See you Monday" By Monday I'll be in the Hudson 858 01:01:40,080 --> 01:01:47,760 # I'm unwell and not getting married Clear the hall I'm not getting married 859 01:01:47,760 --> 01:01:52,360 # Don't tell Paul, Cos I'm not getting married today. # 860 01:01:53,480 --> 01:01:57,240 ORGAN PLAYS 861 01:01:53,480 --> 01:01:57,240 # Bless this bride 862 01:01:57,240 --> 01:02:02,520 # Totally insane Slipping down the drain 863 01:02:02,520 --> 01:02:09,760 # And bless this day in our hearts... # 864 01:02:09,760 --> 01:02:16,800 THUNDER RUMBLES 865 01:02:09,760 --> 01:02:16,800 # As it starts to rain. # 866 01:02:18,520 --> 01:02:22,240 # Today is for Amy... # 867 01:02:22,240 --> 01:02:25,960 # Go, can't you? Go! You know I adore you all, 868 01:02:25,960 --> 01:02:29,560 # But why watch me die, Like Eliza on the ice? 869 01:02:29,560 --> 01:02:33,840 # Look, perhaps I'll collapse In the apse right before you all 870 01:02:33,840 --> 01:02:38,360 # So take back the cake Burn the shoes and boil the rice 871 01:02:38,360 --> 01:02:42,960 # I didn't wanna tell you, 872 01:02:38,360 --> 01:02:42,960 I may be coming down with hepatitis 873 01:02:42,960 --> 01:02:48,960 # Wouldn't it be funnier to go watch a funeral? So thank you for the 27 dinner plates... 874 01:02:48,960 --> 01:02:51,360 # I am not getting married. Amen! 875 01:02:51,360 --> 01:02:56,760 # See, I'm not getting married. Amen! Still I'm not getting married 876 01:02:56,760 --> 01:03:00,520 # Let us pray that we're not getting married 877 01:03:00,520 --> 01:03:05,680 # A-a-me-en. # 878 01:03:05,680 --> 01:03:09,560 APPLAUSE 879 01:03:17,040 --> 01:03:21,160 Um, Amy, I think... 880 01:03:17,040 --> 01:03:21,160 You're starting. Don't talk. 881 01:03:21,160 --> 01:03:26,280 Why don't the two of you sit down and talk to each other? 882 01:03:26,280 --> 01:03:29,920 I can't think with you following me around 883 01:03:29,920 --> 01:03:37,200 from the bedroom to the bathroom to the kitchen. I feel like I'm leading a parade. 884 01:03:37,200 --> 01:03:42,680 Paul, will you stop staring? I feel it like bullets through my back. 885 01:03:42,680 --> 01:03:46,720 Amy... 886 01:03:42,680 --> 01:03:46,720 No, Paul, please! I am so crazy! 887 01:03:46,720 --> 01:03:51,880 I left the refrigerator door open last night. The orange juice is hot. 888 01:03:51,880 --> 01:03:58,080 Here, and if you say "thank you" I will go running right out of this apartment 889 01:03:58,080 --> 01:04:01,520 and move into the "hopeless cases" section at Bellevue 890 01:04:01,520 --> 01:04:04,000 where they will understand me. 891 01:04:04,000 --> 01:04:08,120 Amy, I was just... 892 01:04:04,000 --> 01:04:08,120 Don't talk, please. 893 01:04:08,120 --> 01:04:10,760 Oh, Paul. I apologise. 894 01:04:10,760 --> 01:04:15,720 Oh, Paul, you say whatever you wanna say. Whatever you like. 895 01:04:15,720 --> 01:04:20,560 Oh, God, who am I, telling you what to do? Oh, Paul. 896 01:04:20,560 --> 01:04:23,040 The orange juice is hot. But, thanks. 897 01:04:23,040 --> 01:04:25,960 Paul! See? 898 01:04:25,960 --> 01:04:30,600 You do not thank a person for hot orange juice! 899 01:04:30,600 --> 01:04:33,320 You slug 'em. ..Oh, the toast! 900 01:04:33,320 --> 01:04:36,920 Now I blew the toast. 901 01:04:33,320 --> 01:04:36,920 It's OK. 902 01:04:39,200 --> 01:04:42,040 It is not OK, Paul. 903 01:04:43,280 --> 01:04:49,760 Nothing about it even remotely resembles OK. 904 01:04:49,760 --> 01:04:53,240 It is the opposite of OK! 905 01:04:53,240 --> 01:04:55,720 This is the real me. Crazed! 906 01:04:55,720 --> 01:05:01,280 This is probably a more interesting wedding breakfast than most. 907 01:05:01,280 --> 01:05:06,440 The bride has a lot of energy! The groom is abnormally quiet. 908 01:05:06,440 --> 01:05:10,200 Yet a festive atmosphere pervades the room. 909 01:05:10,200 --> 01:05:15,640 It's the best man, smiling, as he dies from drinking boiled orange juice. 910 01:05:15,640 --> 01:05:20,520 I'd laugh, Robert, if it weren't all so tragic! 911 01:05:20,520 --> 01:05:24,000 How do I look? Funny? 912 01:05:26,600 --> 01:05:29,280 Yeah. It's a funny dress. 913 01:05:29,280 --> 01:05:34,280 That hairdresser straightened my hair like he was on withdrawal. 914 01:05:34,280 --> 01:05:38,600 Paul, what are you so happy about all the time? 915 01:05:38,600 --> 01:05:40,760 You. 916 01:05:40,760 --> 01:05:43,320 Oh, God... 917 01:05:43,320 --> 01:05:47,920 This is the most neurotic, insane... I mean... 918 01:05:47,920 --> 01:05:53,040 Oh, God, it's crazy having this enormous wedding, and everything, 919 01:05:53,040 --> 01:05:58,160 after we've been living together all these years! It's embarrassing, Paul. 920 01:05:58,160 --> 01:06:00,680 People will think I'm pregnant. 921 01:06:00,680 --> 01:06:03,400 No, that's next year. 922 01:06:03,400 --> 01:06:08,560 Look, if we hurry, we're late. 923 01:06:03,400 --> 01:06:08,560 Oh, God, what am I doing? 924 01:06:08,560 --> 01:06:11,120 I'm thirty-one. 925 01:06:11,120 --> 01:06:13,400 And perfect. 926 01:06:13,400 --> 01:06:15,560 Oh? 927 01:06:15,560 --> 01:06:18,640 An oldie, but a goody, huh? 928 01:06:21,360 --> 01:06:23,800 It's incredible. 929 01:06:23,800 --> 01:06:29,600 Two years with a psychiatrist - and look where it leads. 930 01:06:29,600 --> 01:06:35,200 Oh, God. I am just so glad that we're not having... 931 01:06:35,200 --> 01:06:37,680 a Catholic wedding 932 01:06:37,680 --> 01:06:42,640 because next year, when I get the divorce, I won't be a sinner. 933 01:06:42,640 --> 01:06:49,360 Whoever would have thought that I'd marry someone Jewish? 934 01:06:51,400 --> 01:06:53,640 Jewish? 935 01:06:53,640 --> 01:06:58,720 I mean, I didn't even KNOW anybody who was Jewish! 936 01:06:58,720 --> 01:07:01,000 See, Robert? 937 01:07:01,000 --> 01:07:04,880 That was probably my main attraction. 938 01:07:04,880 --> 01:07:10,200 Look what a little Catholic rebellion will lead to. 939 01:07:14,040 --> 01:07:16,600 The very first moment I met Paul, 940 01:07:16,600 --> 01:07:20,880 I thought, "That is what I really like - 941 01:07:20,880 --> 01:07:24,080 "that Jew!" 942 01:07:25,760 --> 01:07:30,240 Oh, he was so beautiful - inside and out beautiful. 943 01:07:30,240 --> 01:07:37,720 Paul would kiss me and I would think, "Oh, I got my very own...Jew". 944 01:07:37,720 --> 01:07:45,160 What is all this about me being Jewish today? About three-quarters of your friends are Jewish. Hurry. 945 01:07:45,160 --> 01:07:47,800 Did I ever say I LIKED my friends? 946 01:07:47,800 --> 01:07:50,640 I do not. 947 01:07:50,640 --> 01:07:54,520 I much prefer my Gentile enemies. 948 01:07:54,520 --> 01:07:57,080 At least they leave you alone! 949 01:07:57,080 --> 01:08:00,040 And I NEED to be left alone! 950 01:08:01,400 --> 01:08:04,960 I am just like Robert. 951 01:08:04,960 --> 01:08:11,400 Whoa. I am not like that. What the hell are you talking about? 952 01:08:11,400 --> 01:08:17,680 No, don't answer that. We do not have the time. Amy. After all these years, don't you know that we fit? 953 01:08:19,480 --> 01:08:22,400 The higher you go, 954 01:08:22,400 --> 01:08:27,960 the harder you hurt when you fall. 955 01:08:30,360 --> 01:08:33,800 I never dropped you yet. 956 01:08:35,800 --> 01:08:38,200 Oh, Paul... 957 01:08:49,680 --> 01:08:52,960 "Whoever reads this - I love you". 958 01:08:52,960 --> 01:08:57,720 Well, thank you, I love you. Thank him. The phantom. 959 01:08:57,720 --> 01:09:02,760 He leaves notes like that all over the place. 960 01:09:02,760 --> 01:09:08,040 A person can't stand all that sweetness, Paul. 961 01:09:08,040 --> 01:09:10,920 No human being 962 01:09:10,920 --> 01:09:16,280 can stand all that everlasting affection. 963 01:09:19,800 --> 01:09:24,040 Amy. Amy, don't you think we should go? 964 01:09:34,080 --> 01:09:36,640 I can't. 965 01:09:36,640 --> 01:09:41,640 Amy, if anybody should be married, it's you. Tell her, Robert. 966 01:09:41,640 --> 01:09:44,160 Oh, Robert, tell me. 967 01:09:44,160 --> 01:09:47,240 Who's gonna tell Robert? 968 01:09:47,240 --> 01:09:49,360 Um... 969 01:09:49,360 --> 01:09:53,960 Paul, I, um, I can't tell anybody anything like that. 970 01:09:53,960 --> 01:09:58,440 I guess whatever is right will happen. Yeah, I see. 971 01:09:58,440 --> 01:10:05,560 I'm gonna call and say that we'll be late. A little late. The people will be getting there. 972 01:10:05,560 --> 01:10:09,760 Amy, do you see what you're doing to yourself here? 973 01:10:09,760 --> 01:10:15,080 If others did to you what you do to yourself, they could land in jail. 974 01:10:15,080 --> 01:10:18,360 Come on. 975 01:10:15,080 --> 01:10:18,360 THUNDER RUMBLES 976 01:10:18,360 --> 01:10:22,440 Oh, Paul, look... Oh, look, it's starting to rain. 977 01:10:22,440 --> 01:10:26,080 Oh, look, it's starting to rain. 978 01:10:26,080 --> 01:10:28,760 And the line's engaged. 979 01:10:29,960 --> 01:10:35,000 Hey, you'll never guess who I ran into, coming over here today. 980 01:10:35,000 --> 01:10:38,480 Helen Kincaid. 981 01:10:38,480 --> 01:10:44,480 Remember Helen? I brought her round a few times. She's married now. 982 01:10:44,480 --> 01:10:50,960 I almost didn't recognise her. She's all fat and blousey and completely... 983 01:10:55,200 --> 01:10:59,320 Amy... Amy, come on. We're late. 984 01:11:01,200 --> 01:11:03,720 I can't do it, Paul. 985 01:11:03,720 --> 01:11:07,760 I don't understand how I ever let it get this far. 986 01:11:07,760 --> 01:11:15,480 THUNDER CRASHES Oh, look, will you look at that! Now it's really starting to rain. 987 01:11:15,480 --> 01:11:19,360 It's a flood. It's a sign. 988 01:11:19,360 --> 01:11:25,120 Oh... Thank you, God! NOW explain it to him. 989 01:11:28,600 --> 01:11:31,200 Amy, let's go. 990 01:11:31,200 --> 01:11:35,840 All our friends are waiting. 991 01:11:31,200 --> 01:11:35,840 That's no reason, Paul. 992 01:11:35,840 --> 01:11:38,920 I can't do it. 993 01:11:38,920 --> 01:11:45,160 I'm so afraid. 994 01:11:38,920 --> 01:11:45,160 Of what? > 995 01:11:38,920 --> 01:11:45,160 I don't know. I don't know! 996 01:11:45,160 --> 01:11:47,720 I-I just think you're not for me. 997 01:11:47,720 --> 01:11:52,760 I just think that maybe nobody's for me. I never saw one good marriage. 998 01:11:52,760 --> 01:11:57,720 Not in my entire life. 999 01:11:52,760 --> 01:11:57,720 You just see what you look for. 1000 01:11:57,720 --> 01:12:04,400 Listen, Amy, married people are no more marriage than... musicians are music. 1001 01:12:04,400 --> 01:12:11,600 Just because some of the people might be wrong, that doesn't matter. IT is still right. 1002 01:12:11,600 --> 01:12:17,680 Yes, well, I'll put that on a sampler, Paul. 1003 01:12:17,680 --> 01:12:23,720 I'm sorry, I'm not being emotional. I am as sane as can be, Paul. 1004 01:12:23,720 --> 01:12:26,080 I'm...sorry. 1005 01:12:28,480 --> 01:12:33,480 I don't...love you enough. 1006 01:12:51,520 --> 01:12:54,960 Robert...could...? 1007 01:12:54,960 --> 01:12:57,600 C-Could you call and explain? 1008 01:13:18,560 --> 01:13:22,080 SHE SOBS 1009 01:13:28,720 --> 01:13:31,680 What...? What did I just do? 1010 01:13:36,960 --> 01:13:42,520 You did, um, what you had to do... I guess. 1011 01:13:42,520 --> 01:13:47,520 Well, if it had been right, you would have gone through with it. 1012 01:13:50,920 --> 01:13:53,480 That's what I think, anyway. 1013 01:13:56,960 --> 01:13:58,960 Amy, 1014 01:13:58,960 --> 01:14:01,200 marry me. 1015 01:14:04,920 --> 01:14:07,280 What? 1016 01:14:07,280 --> 01:14:10,640 Marry...ME. 1017 01:14:15,440 --> 01:14:17,480 Huh...? 1018 01:14:17,480 --> 01:14:21,720 You said it before. We ARE just alike. 1019 01:14:21,720 --> 01:14:24,840 Hey, why don't we, Amy? 1020 01:14:28,240 --> 01:14:30,920 Why don't we, Robert? 1021 01:14:30,920 --> 01:14:36,760 CHORUS: 1022 01:14:30,920 --> 01:14:36,760 # Bobby! Bobby! 1023 01:14:30,920 --> 01:14:36,760 Bobby, baby! Bobby, bubi! Bobby! # 1024 01:14:36,760 --> 01:14:41,840 Marry me and everybody will leave us alone. 1025 01:14:41,840 --> 01:14:46,760 # Bobby! Bobby! How have you been? Stop by on your way home. 1026 01:14:46,760 --> 01:14:49,600 # Bobby, we've been thinking of you. # 1027 01:14:49,600 --> 01:14:52,120 Isn't this some world? 1028 01:14:52,120 --> 01:14:56,200 I'm afraid to get married. You're afraid NOT to. 1029 01:14:58,040 --> 01:15:00,760 Oh, Robert, thank you. 1030 01:15:00,760 --> 01:15:03,320 I'm really... 1031 01:15:03,320 --> 01:15:06,000 It's just that... 1032 01:15:08,000 --> 01:15:11,080 ..you have to want to marry somebody, 1033 01:15:11,080 --> 01:15:15,520 not just some body. 1034 01:15:11,080 --> 01:15:15,520 CRASH OF THUNDER 1035 01:15:15,520 --> 01:15:18,480 Oh! Will you look at that! 1036 01:15:18,480 --> 01:15:23,280 He went out without an umbrella. I gotta catch him. 1037 01:15:23,280 --> 01:15:28,680 I'm getting married. Oh, and he's... he's so good, isn't he? 1038 01:15:28,680 --> 01:15:31,560 He is so good. Hey! Amy! 1039 01:15:31,560 --> 01:15:33,360 Um... 1040 01:15:34,280 --> 01:15:37,600 I'm the next bride. 1041 01:15:37,600 --> 01:15:40,280 # Bobby, come on over for dinner 1042 01:15:40,280 --> 01:15:44,720 # Just be the three of us! Only the three of us! 1043 01:15:44,720 --> 01:15:47,760 # We lo-ove... # 1044 01:15:56,240 --> 01:16:01,600 # Marry me a little Love me just enough 1045 01:16:01,600 --> 01:16:06,320 # Cry but not too often Play but not too rough 1046 01:16:06,320 --> 01:16:08,960 # Keep a tender distance 1047 01:16:08,960 --> 01:16:11,480 # So we'll both be free 1048 01:16:11,480 --> 01:16:16,920 # That's the way it ought to be-e 1049 01:16:16,920 --> 01:16:19,200 # I'm ready! 1050 01:16:19,200 --> 01:16:23,440 # Marry me a little Do it with a will 1051 01:16:23,440 --> 01:16:28,440 # Make a few demands I'm able to fulfil 1052 01:16:28,440 --> 01:16:32,840 # Want me more than others Not exclusively 1053 01:16:32,840 --> 01:16:38,160 # That's the way it ought to be-e 1054 01:16:38,160 --> 01:16:40,560 # I'm ready! 1055 01:16:40,560 --> 01:16:48,200 # I'm ready no-ow 1056 01:16:48,200 --> 01:16:52,680 # You can be my best friend 1057 01:16:52,680 --> 01:16:56,880 # I can be your right arm 1058 01:16:56,880 --> 01:17:00,880 # We'll go through a fight or two 1059 01:17:00,880 --> 01:17:05,160 # No harm, no harm 1060 01:17:05,160 --> 01:17:09,200 # We'll look not too deep 1061 01:17:09,200 --> 01:17:13,480 # We'll go not too far 1062 01:17:13,480 --> 01:17:18,280 # We won't have to give up a thing 1063 01:17:18,280 --> 01:17:22,160 # We'll stay who we a-are 1064 01:17:22,160 --> 01:17:25,640 # Right... OK, then 1065 01:17:25,640 --> 01:17:28,120 # I'm ready! 1066 01:17:28,120 --> 01:17:31,360 # I'm ready now! 1067 01:17:31,360 --> 01:17:33,600 # Someone 1068 01:17:33,600 --> 01:17:38,400 # Marry me a little Love me just enough 1069 01:17:38,400 --> 01:17:43,560 # Warm and sweet and easy Just the simple stuff 1070 01:17:43,560 --> 01:17:48,240 # Keep a tender distance So we'll both be free 1071 01:17:48,240 --> 01:17:53,320 # That's the way it ought to be-e 1072 01:17:53,320 --> 01:17:55,560 # I'm ready! 1073 01:17:55,560 --> 01:18:00,200 # Marry me a little Body, heart and soul 1074 01:18:00,200 --> 01:18:04,600 # Passionate as hell But always in control 1075 01:18:04,600 --> 01:18:09,040 # Want me first and foremost Keep me company 1076 01:18:09,040 --> 01:18:14,520 # That's the way it ought to be-e 1077 01:18:14,520 --> 01:18:16,880 # I'm ready! 1078 01:18:16,880 --> 01:18:23,480 # I'm ready no-ow! 1079 01:18:25,160 --> 01:18:29,040 # Oh, how gently we'll talk 1080 01:18:29,040 --> 01:18:33,520 # Oh, how softly we'll tread 1081 01:18:33,520 --> 01:18:37,600 # All the stings, the ugly things 1082 01:18:37,600 --> 01:18:41,760 # We'll keep unsaid 1083 01:18:41,760 --> 01:18:45,720 # We'll build a cocoon 1084 01:18:45,720 --> 01:18:49,960 # Of love and respect 1085 01:18:49,960 --> 01:18:54,560 # You promise whatever you like 1086 01:18:54,560 --> 01:18:58,560 # I'll never collect 1087 01:18:58,560 --> 01:19:00,600 # Right 1088 01:19:00,600 --> 01:19:03,040 # OK, then 1089 01:19:03,040 --> 01:19:07,480 # I'm ready! I'm ready now! 1090 01:19:07,480 --> 01:19:09,800 # Someone 1091 01:19:09,800 --> 01:19:16,320 # I'm ready 1092 01:19:18,600 --> 01:19:23,440 # I'm ready 1093 01:19:23,440 --> 01:19:29,480 # I'm ready... # 1094 01:19:33,000 --> 01:19:35,880 God, I'm... 1095 01:19:37,720 --> 01:19:41,240 HE SOBS SOFTLY 1096 01:19:37,720 --> 01:19:41,240 I'm, um... 1097 01:19:41,240 --> 01:19:47,400 MUSICAL INTRO BLASTS OUT 1098 01:19:41,240 --> 01:19:47,400 # Bobby! Bobby! Bobby, baby, 1099 01:19:41,240 --> 01:19:47,400 Bobby, bubi! Robbie! 1100 01:19:47,400 --> 01:19:52,800 # Bobby! Bobby! Bobby, baby! Bobby, bubi! Robbie! # 1101 01:20:06,920 --> 01:20:10,400 APPLAUSE 1102 01:20:17,560 --> 01:20:21,760 We're in the dressing room in the interval of Company. 1103 01:20:21,760 --> 01:20:24,320 I wanted to ask how it all began. 1104 01:20:24,320 --> 01:20:28,200 I'd known George for a number of years. 1105 01:20:28,200 --> 01:20:35,360 I was called in to write songs for a show called Hot Spot - Judy Holliday's last musical. 1106 01:20:35,360 --> 01:20:42,440 George was in the show. He lived in California. We corresponded when the show closed. 1107 01:20:42,440 --> 01:20:45,280 He sent me some one-act plays... 1108 01:20:45,280 --> 01:20:50,360 Each play dealt with three people, although not the same three people, 1109 01:20:50,360 --> 01:20:54,600 usually a married couple and an outsider. 1110 01:20:54,600 --> 01:21:01,920 The production fell through, so he, in desperate straits, asked me what he should do with them. 1111 01:21:01,920 --> 01:21:06,280 I sent them to my friend Hal Prince to advise us 1112 01:21:06,280 --> 01:21:11,400 whether to persist or to take them to television or to forget it, 1113 01:21:11,400 --> 01:21:18,360 cos a brace, even, of one-act plays are seldom done, much less seven of them. 1114 01:21:18,360 --> 01:21:23,400 So Hal said, "Let's make a musical out of them", so he sent for George. 1115 01:21:23,400 --> 01:21:28,480 We spent a few weeks talking about how to make a musical out of them. 1116 01:21:28,480 --> 01:21:33,520 It seemed impossible to make a musical from seven disparate pieces. 1117 01:21:33,520 --> 01:21:41,120 Over a period of time, we realised what the plays had in common was this couple and this outside person 1118 01:21:41,120 --> 01:21:48,440 and that maybe if we could make the outsider the central character we'd have a reason to amalgamate. 1119 01:21:48,440 --> 01:21:55,640 And we ended up with five couples and the outsider, named Bobby. And thus it was born. 1120 01:21:55,640 --> 01:21:59,400 The first non-linear commercial piece. 1121 01:21:59,400 --> 01:22:06,480 At that time, musicals were very narrative-based. Your work had been narrative-based up to that point. 1122 01:22:06,480 --> 01:22:10,840 It was all narrative, every show had been narrative. 1123 01:22:10,840 --> 01:22:13,320 It also was a product of its time. 1124 01:22:13,320 --> 01:22:18,160 This was 1969 when we wrote this, and it was produced in 1970. 1125 01:22:18,160 --> 01:22:26,040 It was the end of the era where things like the traditional notion of marriage was breaking down. 1126 01:22:26,040 --> 01:22:28,640 The sexual freedom of the '60s. 1127 01:22:28,640 --> 01:22:34,280 All of that was coming together and informing this piece 1128 01:22:34,280 --> 01:22:36,920 and George reflected that, I think. 1129 01:22:36,920 --> 01:22:41,960 So the idea of a piece about commitment and non-commitment 1130 01:22:41,960 --> 01:22:47,040 and fear of commitment, emotional commitment, seemed appropriate. 1131 01:22:47,040 --> 01:22:54,600 How autobiographical is Company? Every show I've written, people think I'm the central character. 1132 01:22:54,600 --> 01:23:02,240 In fact, they ignore the fact that all these characters are created by the playwrights, not by me. 1133 01:23:02,240 --> 01:23:07,320 Obviously, there's something that attracts me, that I can relate to, 1134 01:23:07,320 --> 01:23:12,320 but I didn't think of Bobby as me. I don't think Hal did either. 1135 01:23:12,320 --> 01:23:18,000 If there's any of George in it, it would be more likely as he wrote it, 1136 01:23:18,000 --> 01:23:22,360 although there's a model for every single person in Company. 1137 01:23:22,360 --> 01:23:29,880 It's always very flattering to say it's Stephen Sondheim's musical, but they're George's characters. 1138 01:23:29,880 --> 01:23:33,480 Um... And I'm a very good imitator 1139 01:23:33,480 --> 01:23:37,040 and I mimic what a writer writes. 1140 01:23:37,040 --> 01:23:44,320 I like collaboration because I think it's a substitute family for me, and most revivals of musicals 1141 01:23:44,320 --> 01:23:47,120 are carbon copies of the original. 1142 01:23:47,120 --> 01:23:54,080 It's very rare that musicals are done in a different way. Very rare. 1143 01:23:54,080 --> 01:24:01,320 What you've made clear as director is that it's something that takes place inside the hero's head. 1144 01:24:01,320 --> 01:24:06,360 By doing that you reverse the polarity of the show's reputation. 1145 01:24:06,360 --> 01:24:13,200 It's always been known as the show with lots of fascinating characters and a cipher in the centre. 1146 01:24:13,200 --> 01:24:17,640 Here, the most interesting character is the one at the centre. 1147 01:24:17,640 --> 01:24:22,800 This piece takes place inside his head. Let's see what happens. 1148 01:24:27,560 --> 01:24:31,800 # Bobby! Bobby! Bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo 1149 01:24:31,800 --> 01:24:39,040 WITH HARMONIES, REACHING CRESCENDO: # Bobby! Bobby! Bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo 1150 01:24:39,040 --> 01:24:46,000 # Bo-obby! # 1151 01:24:49,600 --> 01:24:53,680 Our blessings, Robert. 1152 01:24:49,600 --> 01:24:53,680 Tell your wish, it won't come true. 1153 01:24:53,680 --> 01:24:56,800 HE BLOWS SOFTLY 1154 01:24:56,800 --> 01:25:01,560 You just blew it. Probably a wish you wouldn't have got! 1155 01:25:01,560 --> 01:25:05,920 - You wish for a wife, Robert? - Don't. Hang in there. 1156 01:25:05,920 --> 01:25:10,680 Stay the same - you may be the one constant in this world of variables. 1157 01:25:10,680 --> 01:25:16,360 You can't stay in your thirties for ever. You'll still get your wish. No. 1158 01:25:16,360 --> 01:25:19,840 Joanne, come on. When she and Robert get together... 1159 01:25:19,840 --> 01:25:24,520 If you do not blow out all the candles on your cake, 1160 01:25:24,520 --> 01:25:27,120 you do not get your wish. 1161 01:25:27,120 --> 01:25:33,880 I know the rules for birthday candle blowing out, I've had enough for a wax museum. 1162 01:25:33,880 --> 01:25:39,120 All right, all right. Actually, I didn't wish for anything. 1163 01:25:39,120 --> 01:25:43,440 What do you mean, you didn't? 1164 01:25:39,120 --> 01:25:43,440 Tell, everybody's curious. 1165 01:25:43,440 --> 01:25:48,720 Thanks for including me in your thoughts... Stay exactly as you are. 1166 01:25:48,720 --> 01:25:51,880 That's right, you sweet thing. 1167 01:25:51,880 --> 01:25:56,120 Everyone adores you. What an awful thing. 1168 01:25:56,120 --> 01:26:01,040 I'd kiss you goodnight, Robbie, but Larry gets so jealous. 1169 01:26:01,040 --> 01:26:04,720 Everything works out for the best. 1170 01:26:04,720 --> 01:26:07,320 ..I don't even believe that myself. 1171 01:26:08,880 --> 01:26:12,360 When you've got friends like mine... 1172 01:26:14,680 --> 01:26:19,640 I mean, when you've got... friends like mine... 1173 01:26:21,400 --> 01:26:24,320 # Isn't it warm 1174 01:26:24,320 --> 01:26:26,880 # Isn't it rosy, 1175 01:26:26,880 --> 01:26:31,800 # Side by side? # He's such a cutie! # By side. # Isn't he a cutie? 1176 01:26:31,800 --> 01:26:34,320 # Ports in a storm 1177 01:26:34,320 --> 01:26:38,440 # Comfy and cosy, side by side. # 1178 01:26:38,440 --> 01:26:41,720 He never loses his cool. 1179 01:26:38,440 --> 01:26:41,720 I envy that. 1180 01:26:41,720 --> 01:26:46,080 # Everything shines How sweet 1181 01:26:46,080 --> 01:26:51,240 # Side by side. # We're just so fond of him! 1182 01:26:51,240 --> 01:26:54,440 # Parallel lines 1183 01:26:54,440 --> 01:26:57,040 # Who meet 1184 01:26:57,040 --> 01:27:01,960 # Love him, Can't get enough of him 1185 01:27:01,960 --> 01:27:06,240 # Everyone winks, nobody's nosy 1186 01:27:06,240 --> 01:27:11,600 # Side by side... # He's crazy about me. A very tender guy. 1187 01:27:11,600 --> 01:27:16,400 # You bring the drinks And I'll bring the posy 1188 01:27:16,400 --> 01:27:21,120 # Side by si-de. # Always there when you need him. 1189 01:27:21,120 --> 01:27:26,160 # One is lonely and two is boring 1190 01:27:26,160 --> 01:27:32,000 # Think what you can keeping ignoring, side... # 1191 01:27:32,000 --> 01:27:34,920 He's my best friend. # ..by side. # 1192 01:27:34,920 --> 01:27:37,920 Second-best. # By side. # 1193 01:27:37,920 --> 01:27:42,440 ALL: 1194 01:27:37,920 --> 01:27:42,440 # Never a bother, 1195 01:27:37,920 --> 01:27:42,440 Seven times a godfather 1196 01:27:42,440 --> 01:27:46,800 # Year after year, older and older... # 1197 01:27:46,800 --> 01:27:51,720 It's amazing! We get older and he seems to stay exactly the same. 1198 01:27:51,720 --> 01:27:53,880 # Sharing a tear 1199 01:27:53,880 --> 01:27:56,440 # Lending a shoulder... # 1200 01:27:56,440 --> 01:28:01,080 What comes to mind when I see him? The Seagram's building. Funny. 1201 01:28:01,080 --> 01:28:06,040 # Ain't we got fun? No strain... # 1202 01:28:06,040 --> 01:28:10,800 Sometimes I catch him looking and looking. I just look right back. 1203 01:28:10,800 --> 01:28:13,520 # Permanent sun 1204 01:28:13,520 --> 01:28:16,160 # No rain 1205 01:28:16,160 --> 01:28:19,560 # We're so crazy He's so sane 1206 01:28:19,560 --> 01:28:25,080 # Friendship forbids anything bitter... # 1207 01:28:25,080 --> 01:28:31,520 A person like Robert doesn't have the good things, doesn't have the bad things. 1208 01:28:31,520 --> 01:28:37,120 # Being the kids as well as the sitter... # Let me make him a drink. 1209 01:28:37,120 --> 01:28:44,680 He's the only guy I know I feel should drink more. # One's impossible, two is dreary 1210 01:28:44,680 --> 01:28:49,520 # Three is company Safe and cheery... # 1211 01:28:49,520 --> 01:28:53,880 Always looks like he's keeping score. 1212 01:28:49,520 --> 01:28:53,880 Who's winning Robert? 1213 01:28:53,880 --> 01:28:56,480 # Here is the church 1214 01:28:56,480 --> 01:28:59,280 # Here is the steeple 1215 01:28:59,280 --> 01:29:06,600 # Open the doors and see all the crazy, married people. # 1216 01:29:06,600 --> 01:29:09,400 # What would we do without you? 1217 01:29:09,400 --> 01:29:12,760 # How would we ever get through? 1218 01:29:12,760 --> 01:29:15,440 # Who would I complain to for hours? 1219 01:29:15,440 --> 01:29:19,080 # Who'd bring me flowers When I had the flu? 1220 01:29:19,080 --> 01:29:22,120 # Who'd finish yesterday's stew? 1221 01:29:22,120 --> 01:29:25,720 # Who'd take the kids to the zoo? 1222 01:29:25,720 --> 01:29:28,320 # Who is so dear? Who is so deep? 1223 01:29:28,320 --> 01:29:34,680 # Who'd keep him occupied when I want to sleep? How would we ever get through? 1224 01:29:34,680 --> 01:29:37,760 # What would we do without you? # 1225 01:29:53,720 --> 01:29:58,560 RHYTHMIC PANTING 1226 01:29:53,720 --> 01:29:58,560 # What would we do without you? 1227 01:29:58,560 --> 01:30:01,480 # How would we ever get through? 1228 01:30:01,480 --> 01:30:04,400 # Should there be a marital squabble 1229 01:30:04,400 --> 01:30:08,240 # Available Bob'll be there with the glue 1230 01:30:08,240 --> 01:30:10,880 # Who could we open up to? 1231 01:30:10,880 --> 01:30:13,600 # Secrets we keep from guess who? 1232 01:30:13,600 --> 01:30:16,560 # Who is so safe? Who is so sound? 1233 01:30:16,560 --> 01:30:19,800 # You'll never need an analyst with Bobby around 1234 01:30:19,800 --> 01:30:22,720 # How would we ever get through? 1235 01:30:22,720 --> 01:30:25,960 # What would we do without you? 1236 01:30:25,960 --> 01:30:29,080 DRUM PLAYS MARCH BEAT 1237 01:30:31,960 --> 01:30:35,880 INSTRUMENTAL BREAK 1238 01:30:51,400 --> 01:30:54,480 # What would we do without you-oo? 1239 01:30:54,480 --> 01:30:57,200 # How would we ever get through-oo? 1240 01:30:57,200 --> 01:31:00,560 # Who sends anniversary wishes? 1241 01:31:00,560 --> 01:31:04,200 # Who helps with the dishes And never says boo? 1242 01:31:04,200 --> 01:31:09,640 # Who changes subjects on cue? Who cheers us up when we're blue? 1243 01:31:09,640 --> 01:31:13,000 # Who is a flirt But never a threat? 1244 01:31:13,000 --> 01:31:19,440 # Reminds us of our birthdays Which we always forget How would we ever get through? 1245 01:31:19,440 --> 01:31:22,520 # What would we do without you? 1246 01:31:22,520 --> 01:31:25,720 # Bobby! Bobby! Bobby, baby...! # 1247 01:31:25,720 --> 01:31:28,560 Come on, Bob! 1248 01:31:30,040 --> 01:31:31,760 Stop! 1249 01:31:31,760 --> 01:31:36,200 RHYTHMIC PANTING # What would we do without you? 1250 01:31:36,200 --> 01:31:39,120 # How would we ever get...? How would we ever get...? 1251 01:31:39,120 --> 01:31:43,480 # How would we ever get...? How would we ever get...THROUGH? 1252 01:31:43,480 --> 01:31:47,040 # What would we do without yo-ou? 1253 01:31:47,040 --> 01:31:50,680 # Just what you usually do! Right! 1254 01:31:50,680 --> 01:31:54,480 # You who sit with us You who share with us 1255 01:31:54,480 --> 01:31:59,280 # You who bitch with us You who bear with us... # 1256 01:31:59,280 --> 01:32:06,520 WHOOPING 1257 01:31:59,280 --> 01:32:06,520 # OK, now, everybody! 1258 01:32:06,520 --> 01:32:09,680 # Isn't it warm? 1259 01:32:09,680 --> 01:32:12,680 # Isn't it rosy, Side by side? 1260 01:32:19,840 --> 01:32:23,400 # Ports in a storm 1261 01:32:23,400 --> 01:32:29,360 # Comfy and cosy side by side 1262 01:32:32,560 --> 01:32:36,520 # Everything shines 1263 01:32:36,520 --> 01:32:39,240 # How sweet! 1264 01:32:39,240 --> 01:32:42,360 # Side by side 1265 01:32:45,600 --> 01:32:49,200 # Parallel lines 1266 01:32:49,200 --> 01:32:51,600 # Who meet 1267 01:32:51,600 --> 01:32:54,880 # Side by side 1268 01:32:57,960 --> 01:33:04,160 # Year after year, older and older Side by side 1269 01:33:04,160 --> 01:33:10,280 # Sharing a tear and lending a shoulder, side by side 1270 01:33:10,280 --> 01:33:13,320 # Two's impossible, two is gloomy 1271 01:33:13,320 --> 01:33:16,440 # Give another number to me 1272 01:33:16,440 --> 01:33:19,120 # Si-ide 1273 01:33:19,120 --> 01:33:22,280 # by si-ide 1274 01:33:22,280 --> 01:33:25,160 # by si-ide 1275 01:33:25,160 --> 01:33:28,160 # by side, by side, by side, by side 1276 01:33:28,160 --> 01:33:30,680 # by side, by side, by side, by side 1277 01:33:30,680 --> 01:33:37,720 # by side, by side By...si-i-ide! # 1278 01:33:41,080 --> 01:33:44,280 WHOOPS AND APPLAUSE 1279 01:33:51,640 --> 01:33:55,200 Hi. Hi. Come on in. 1280 01:33:55,200 --> 01:33:58,040 There we go. 1281 01:33:58,040 --> 01:34:00,880 Oh! It's a darling apartment. 1282 01:34:00,880 --> 01:34:04,200 Oh. Thank you. It's just darling. 1283 01:34:04,200 --> 01:34:06,560 Did you do it yourself? 1284 01:34:06,560 --> 01:34:10,080 Me? Um... Well, yes, I did, yeah. 1285 01:34:10,080 --> 01:34:12,920 Yourself? ..Yeah. 1286 01:34:12,920 --> 01:34:16,920 Really? Yeah. Well, it's darling. 1287 01:34:16,920 --> 01:34:23,360 Did you REALLY do it all yourself? Yes. Why? Did you hear I didn't? Oh... No. 1288 01:34:23,360 --> 01:34:26,880 But, look. What? This! 1289 01:34:26,880 --> 01:34:31,080 This is just precious. Yeah, it is, isn't it? 1290 01:34:31,080 --> 01:34:36,560 I never really look at it. I just... live here. It's terribly clever. 1291 01:34:36,560 --> 01:34:43,520 See how nicely all the furniture is placed in areas to make it so warm, sweet and tucked in? 1292 01:34:43,520 --> 01:34:44,800 How about that? 1293 01:34:44,800 --> 01:34:51,320 And the choice of colours is so simple and masculine. MACHO VOICE: Hey, see that? 1294 01:34:51,320 --> 01:34:56,120 Isn't that tasteful and interesting? Yes. I'll take it. 1295 01:34:56,120 --> 01:34:57,720 Oh... 1296 01:34:57,720 --> 01:35:02,800 Here. I mean, I've always liked my apartment. I'm just... 1297 01:35:02,800 --> 01:35:05,360 I'm just never really in it. 1298 01:35:05,360 --> 01:35:12,040 I seem to pass through on my way to the bathroom, so I can pass through here on my way out. 1299 01:35:12,040 --> 01:35:15,120 You never spend time in here? Uh-uh. 1300 01:35:15,120 --> 01:35:18,080 And it's so dear. Oh. Oh... 1301 01:35:18,080 --> 01:35:21,120 Maybe that's why you like it so much. 1302 01:35:21,120 --> 01:35:26,720 Why? If you don't spend much time in it, it keeps it special and important. 1303 01:35:26,720 --> 01:35:29,400 Yeah... Yeah! 1304 01:35:33,400 --> 01:35:36,240 And this is the bed. 1305 01:35:40,520 --> 01:35:42,800 You love it, I can tell. 1306 01:35:42,800 --> 01:35:47,920 Oh, well, I guess I could always look for another place. 1307 01:35:53,600 --> 01:35:55,920 Darling. 1308 01:35:53,600 --> 01:35:55,920 Yeah? 1309 01:35:55,920 --> 01:35:58,400 # Robert. # What! 1310 01:35:58,400 --> 01:36:00,960 # I worry. # 1311 01:35:58,400 --> 01:36:00,960 Why? 1312 01:36:00,960 --> 01:36:03,840 # He's all alone. There's no-one. # 1313 01:36:03,840 --> 01:36:10,600 Where? 1314 01:36:03,840 --> 01:36:10,600 # In his life. 1315 01:36:03,840 --> 01:36:10,600 Robert ought to have a woma-an 1316 01:36:13,120 --> 01:36:15,800 # Poor baby 1317 01:36:15,800 --> 01:36:18,440 # All alone 1318 01:36:18,440 --> 01:36:23,160 # Evening after evening By the telephone 1319 01:36:23,160 --> 01:36:28,880 # We're the only tenderness he's ever known 1320 01:36:28,880 --> 01:36:34,440 # Poo-oor baby 1321 01:36:37,640 --> 01:36:42,240 # David? # Yeah? # Bobby... # What? 1322 01:36:42,240 --> 01:36:45,080 # I worry... # Why? 1323 01:36:45,080 --> 01:36:48,840 # It's such a waste There's no-one. # 1324 01:36:48,840 --> 01:36:55,560 Where? # In his life. Bobby ought to have a woma-an. # 1325 01:36:58,360 --> 01:37:03,280 # Poor baby, sitting there 1326 01:37:03,280 --> 01:37:08,880 # Staring at the walls and playing solitaire 1327 01:37:08,880 --> 01:37:14,200 # Making conversation With the empty air 1328 01:37:14,200 --> 01:37:21,840 # Poo-oor baby. # 1329 01:37:26,480 --> 01:37:29,040 After I became an airline stewardess, 1330 01:37:29,040 --> 01:37:35,840 a friend of mine who had a garden apartment gave me a cocoon for my bedroom. 1331 01:37:35,840 --> 01:37:38,520 Well, he collects things like that - 1332 01:37:38,520 --> 01:37:42,360 insects and caterpillars, and all that. 1333 01:37:42,360 --> 01:37:44,960 It was attached to a twig, 1334 01:37:44,960 --> 01:37:46,960 and... 1335 01:37:46,960 --> 01:37:52,560 he said one morning I'd wake up to a beautiful butterfly in my bedroom. 1336 01:37:52,560 --> 01:37:55,160 When it hatched. 1337 01:37:55,160 --> 01:38:00,080 He told me that when they come out they're soaking wet 1338 01:38:00,080 --> 01:38:04,400 and there's a drop of blood there. Isn't that fascinating? 1339 01:38:04,400 --> 01:38:10,600 But within an hour they dry off and then they begin to fly. 1340 01:38:10,600 --> 01:38:13,000 Well, I told him I had a cat. 1341 01:38:13,000 --> 01:38:15,680 I had a cat then. 1342 01:38:15,680 --> 01:38:22,480 He said to put the cocoon somewhere where the cat couldn't get at it, which is impossible. 1343 01:38:22,480 --> 01:38:27,400 So I put it up high on a ledge where the cat never went. 1344 01:38:27,400 --> 01:38:32,440 Next morning it was still there, so it seemed safe to leave it. 1345 01:38:32,440 --> 01:38:37,520 Well, anyway, almost a week later, very, very early this one morning, 1346 01:38:37,520 --> 01:38:42,320 he calls and says, "April, do you have a butterfly this morning?" 1347 01:38:42,320 --> 01:38:49,320 So I told him to hold on and I managed to get up and look, and there on that ledge 1348 01:38:49,320 --> 01:38:53,840 I saw this wet spot and a little speck of blood... 1349 01:38:55,040 --> 01:39:01,280 But no butterfly! I thought, "Oh, dear God in heaven, the cat got it". 1350 01:39:01,280 --> 01:39:08,320 So I picked up the phone to tell the guy and just then suddenly I spotted it under the dressing table. 1351 01:39:08,320 --> 01:39:11,000 It was moving one wing. 1352 01:39:11,000 --> 01:39:16,720 Oh, the cat HAD got at it, but it was still alive. 1353 01:39:16,720 --> 01:39:22,200 So I told the guy and he got so upset 1354 01:39:22,200 --> 01:39:25,360 and he said, "Oh, no. 1355 01:39:25,360 --> 01:39:29,800 "Dear God, no! Don't you see that's a life - a living thing?" 1356 01:39:29,800 --> 01:39:33,880 Well, I got dressed and I took it to the park 1357 01:39:33,880 --> 01:39:37,920 and I put it on a rose - it was summer then. 1358 01:39:37,920 --> 01:39:42,360 And it looked like it was going to be all right. 1359 01:39:42,360 --> 01:39:44,960 Well, I think, anyway. 1360 01:39:44,960 --> 01:39:50,320 But that man - I really felt damaged by him. 1361 01:39:50,320 --> 01:39:53,280 Awful. That was just cruel. 1362 01:39:53,280 --> 01:40:00,320 Well, I got home and I called him back and I said, "Listen, I'm a living thing, too... 1363 01:40:01,880 --> 01:40:04,760 "you shithead!" 1364 01:40:07,040 --> 01:40:09,440 I never saw him again. 1365 01:40:09,440 --> 01:40:15,200 You know, that reminds me of something I did to someone once. 1366 01:40:15,200 --> 01:40:18,400 In Miami. ..No. 1367 01:40:18,400 --> 01:40:23,480 Well, it's not exactly the same, but it's... Well, kinda, in a way... 1368 01:40:23,480 --> 01:40:25,720 Hey, look, you'll see. 1369 01:40:25,720 --> 01:40:29,520 Um... OK. I met a girl. 1370 01:40:29,520 --> 01:40:33,360 A lovely girl. At a party, one night, 1371 01:40:33,360 --> 01:40:39,040 and, well, it was just like you and me, April. 1372 01:40:39,040 --> 01:40:41,680 We just connected. 1373 01:40:41,680 --> 01:40:45,480 You don't mind my telling this? No. 1374 01:40:45,480 --> 01:40:48,200 Oh, it just...came to my mind. 1375 01:40:48,200 --> 01:40:53,240 Anyway, we connected in such a beautiful way, exactly like tonight. 1376 01:40:53,240 --> 01:40:58,320 Except we couldn't even contain ourselves. It was incredible. 1377 01:40:58,320 --> 01:41:05,640 See, we were talking and suddenly we realised that we just couldn't talk any more. 1378 01:41:05,640 --> 01:41:08,280 No sounds came. 1379 01:41:08,280 --> 01:41:12,520 We stood staring at each other 1380 01:41:12,520 --> 01:41:14,920 bathed in perspiration. 1381 01:41:14,920 --> 01:41:21,840 Our legs were trembling and our breathing was so short, and we just left. 1382 01:41:23,280 --> 01:41:28,360 We drove to one of those strips where they have all those motels, 1383 01:41:28,360 --> 01:41:31,000 and we didn't even say anything. 1384 01:41:31,000 --> 01:41:33,800 She just sat so close to me. 1385 01:41:33,800 --> 01:41:36,320 So close. 1386 01:41:36,320 --> 01:41:40,400 We got inside that room... 1387 01:41:40,400 --> 01:41:43,680 and we started kissing and touching 1388 01:41:43,680 --> 01:41:47,840 and laughing and giggling and holding... And, suddenly, 1389 01:41:47,840 --> 01:41:53,280 she said I should go get lots of champagne and some baby oil 1390 01:41:53,280 --> 01:41:55,760 and we should get beautifully high 1391 01:41:55,760 --> 01:41:58,800 and then rub, um... Well, you know. 1392 01:41:58,800 --> 01:42:02,960 She said she'd be in bed waiting for me. 1393 01:42:02,960 --> 01:42:06,800 Well, I rushed out of that motel room 1394 01:42:06,800 --> 01:42:11,960 and drove around until I could find a drugstore and a liquor store open 1395 01:42:11,960 --> 01:42:19,440 and I got all this champagne and the baby oil and finally I started back to the motel 1396 01:42:19,440 --> 01:42:23,840 and I could not...find it. 1397 01:42:26,080 --> 01:42:28,640 I looked for over three hours. 1398 01:42:28,640 --> 01:42:31,320 I never found it. 1399 01:42:31,320 --> 01:42:33,880 I never saw the girl again either. 1400 01:42:33,880 --> 01:42:39,760 That...is the most...extraordinary story I have ever heard. 1401 01:42:39,760 --> 01:42:44,680 That poor girl! A-And you drove around for three hours? More! 1402 01:42:44,680 --> 01:42:50,480 All night, I tried to find that motel, with the champagne and oil. 1403 01:42:50,480 --> 01:42:56,040 And my hands trembling and sweat, lots of sweat, running down my face. 1404 01:42:56,040 --> 01:42:59,920 That poor girl. She never knew? Uh-uh. 1405 01:42:59,920 --> 01:43:05,280 I-I just don't know what to say or do. That is so sad! Yeah. I know. 1406 01:43:05,280 --> 01:43:12,040 It is. Very. But... Those stories don't really follow. I don't see the connection. 1407 01:43:12,040 --> 01:43:14,160 U-Unless... 1408 01:43:16,200 --> 01:43:22,040 You must've thought of the poor girl as a wounded butterfly... That's it! 1409 01:43:22,040 --> 01:43:23,960 # Robert! # 1410 01:43:23,960 --> 01:43:26,000 # Bobby! # 1411 01:43:26,000 --> 01:43:27,480 # Bobby, honey! # 1412 01:43:27,480 --> 01:43:29,880 # You know no-one 1413 01:43:29,880 --> 01:43:35,320 # Wants you to be happy more than I do, no-one, 1414 01:43:35,320 --> 01:43:38,680 # But isn't she a little bit...? 1415 01:43:38,680 --> 01:43:45,200 # Well, you know? You know. Face it. No-one wants you to be happy More than 1416 01:43:45,200 --> 01:43:47,840 # I do. Better. No-one. 1417 01:43:47,840 --> 01:43:53,880 # But isn't she a little bit...? Well, you know, face it 1418 01:43:53,880 --> 01:43:59,920 # No-one wants you... # 1419 01:43:53,880 --> 01:43:59,920 OTHER VOICES HARMONISE 1420 01:43:59,920 --> 01:44:05,200 # But isn't she...? # 1421 01:43:59,920 --> 01:44:05,200 # ..Happy more than me... # 1422 01:44:05,200 --> 01:44:08,360 # You know... # 1423 01:44:05,200 --> 01:44:08,360 # Face it... # 1424 01:44:08,360 --> 01:44:12,200 # Isn't she a little bit, well...? 1425 01:44:12,200 --> 01:44:17,760 # Dumb. # 1426 01:44:12,200 --> 01:44:17,760 # Tacky. # 1427 01:44:12,200 --> 01:44:17,760 # No good. Old! 1428 01:44:17,760 --> 01:44:22,840 # She's tall enough to be your mother! 1429 01:44:22,840 --> 01:44:26,080 # She's very weird. Goliath! 1430 01:44:26,080 --> 01:44:29,720 # Poor baby! 1431 01:44:29,720 --> 01:44:32,040 # All alone 1432 01:44:32,040 --> 01:44:35,160 # Throw a lonely dog a bone 1433 01:44:35,160 --> 01:44:37,720 # It's still a bone 1434 01:44:37,720 --> 01:44:43,520 # We're the only tenderness he's ever known 1435 01:44:43,520 --> 01:44:49,120 # Poo-oor baby! # 1436 01:44:49,120 --> 01:44:52,920 MOODY SAX PLAYS 1437 01:45:02,360 --> 01:45:05,280 ALARM CLOCK RINGS 1438 01:45:05,280 --> 01:45:09,200 HE SWITCHES IT OFF AND SIGHS 1439 01:45:28,040 --> 01:45:32,440 # Where you going? Barcelona 1440 01:45:32,440 --> 01:45:36,120 # Oh. Don't get up 1441 01:45:36,120 --> 01:45:41,080 # Do you have to? Yes, I have to 1442 01:45:41,080 --> 01:45:44,720 # Oh. Don't get up 1443 01:45:44,720 --> 01:45:48,280 # Now you're angry. No, I'm not 1444 01:45:48,280 --> 01:45:51,000 # Yes, you are. No, I'm not 1445 01:45:51,000 --> 01:45:55,040 # Put your things down See, you're angry 1446 01:45:55,040 --> 01:45:59,160 # No, I'm not. Yes, you are No, I'm NOT! 1447 01:45:59,160 --> 01:46:03,400 # Put your wings down and stay I'm leaving 1448 01:46:03,400 --> 01:46:09,120 # Why? To go to... Stay... I have to... Fly, I know 1449 01:46:09,120 --> 01:46:11,480 # To Barcelona. # 1450 01:46:18,760 --> 01:46:24,240 # Look, you're a very special girl 1451 01:46:24,240 --> 01:46:28,440 # Not just overnight 1452 01:46:28,440 --> 01:46:32,520 # No, you're a very special girl 1453 01:46:32,520 --> 01:46:36,240 # And not because you're bright 1454 01:46:36,240 --> 01:46:40,280 # ..Not JUST because you're bright 1455 01:46:40,280 --> 01:46:44,560 # You're just a very special girl... 1456 01:46:44,560 --> 01:46:46,760 # Ju-une 1457 01:46:46,760 --> 01:46:49,600 # April! 1458 01:46:49,600 --> 01:46:52,160 # April 1459 01:46:52,160 --> 01:46:56,880 # Thank yo-ou. # 1460 01:47:05,800 --> 01:47:08,280 # What you thinking? 1461 01:47:08,280 --> 01:47:10,520 # Barcelona 1462 01:47:10,520 --> 01:47:13,760 # Oh. Flight eighteen 1463 01:47:13,760 --> 01:47:16,280 # Stay a minute 1464 01:47:16,280 --> 01:47:18,880 # I would like to 1465 01:47:18,880 --> 01:47:21,800 # So... Don't be mean 1466 01:47:21,800 --> 01:47:24,480 # Oh, stay a minute 1467 01:47:24,480 --> 01:47:27,240 # No, I can't. 'Yes, you can!' 1468 01:47:27,240 --> 01:47:30,360 # No, I can't. Where you going? 1469 01:47:30,360 --> 01:47:32,840 # Barcelona 1470 01:47:32,840 --> 01:47:35,400 # So you said. And Madrid 1471 01:47:35,400 --> 01:47:39,040 # Bon voyage. On a Boeing! Good night 1472 01:47:39,040 --> 01:47:41,400 # You're angry. No 1473 01:47:41,400 --> 01:47:45,240 # I've got to... Right. ..report to... Go. 1474 01:47:45,240 --> 01:47:48,600 # That's not to say 1475 01:47:48,600 --> 01:47:53,560 # That if I had my way 1476 01:47:53,560 --> 01:47:57,440 # Oh, well, I guess... 1477 01:47:59,200 --> 01:48:01,280 # OK... 1478 01:48:03,320 --> 01:48:05,920 # What? I'll stay 1479 01:48:07,880 --> 01:48:15,360 # But...oh, Go-d! # 1480 01:48:16,400 --> 01:48:20,440 APPLAUSE 1481 01:48:20,440 --> 01:48:26,520 HE COUGHS DELIBERATELY What a nice surprise! Peter, look! 1482 01:48:26,520 --> 01:48:29,120 Hi, Bob. 1483 01:48:26,520 --> 01:48:29,120 You must be Kathy. 1484 01:48:29,120 --> 01:48:31,400 Wrong. 1485 01:48:29,120 --> 01:48:31,400 April? Shelly? 1486 01:48:31,400 --> 01:48:33,560 Whoa. 1487 01:48:33,560 --> 01:48:36,560 See, they're great kidders. 1488 01:48:36,560 --> 01:48:42,000 No, this is Marta. Oh, of course, and everything Robert said you were. 1489 01:48:42,000 --> 01:48:44,720 You're so pretty and so...original. 1490 01:48:44,720 --> 01:48:49,360 Oh, my God, will you look? You can see the East River. Look!! 1491 01:48:49,360 --> 01:48:55,040 Later. I'm surprised to find you on the terrace. I decided to fix it up. 1492 01:48:55,040 --> 01:48:59,480 Is our Robert not a thing of beauty and a boy for ever? 1493 01:48:59,480 --> 01:49:04,400 PETER: So, how you been, Bob? Well, you know me. Always happy. 1494 01:49:04,400 --> 01:49:07,520 ALL SPEAK AT ONCE 1495 01:49:07,520 --> 01:49:14,040 Did Susan show you the pictures from Mexico when I went to get the divorce? 1496 01:49:14,040 --> 01:49:17,080 You're not married? 1497 01:49:14,040 --> 01:49:17,080 Not since the divorce. 1498 01:49:17,080 --> 01:49:23,800 It was sensational down there. 1499 01:49:17,080 --> 01:49:23,800 I phoned Susan to come join me. 1500 01:49:17,080 --> 01:49:23,800 We put on five pounds. 1501 01:49:23,800 --> 01:49:29,280 So where are you living now, Peter? Here. I have responsibilities. 1502 01:49:29,280 --> 01:49:36,440 Wouldn't leave Susan and the kids. 1503 01:49:29,280 --> 01:49:36,440 Whenever Robert's here d'you feel 1504 01:49:29,280 --> 01:49:36,440 like we're auditioning for him? 1505 01:49:36,440 --> 01:49:44,320 Well, "The unexamined life's not worth living". The unlived life is not worth examining! 1506 01:49:44,320 --> 01:49:48,000 Come inside and I'll fix us something to eat. 1507 01:49:48,000 --> 01:49:50,800 Look, we're all four of us single. 1508 01:49:50,800 --> 01:49:53,360 It's nicer, I think. 1509 01:49:53,360 --> 01:49:55,920 Especially if you have somebody. 1510 01:49:57,320 --> 01:50:02,680 Bob, did you...? Yeah, I know. This is why you love New York. Yes! 1511 01:50:04,600 --> 01:50:09,560 She's terrific! D'you ever get excited by the younger generation? 1512 01:50:09,560 --> 01:50:11,960 At moments. 1513 01:50:11,960 --> 01:50:17,000 Jesus, Robert, this is when I should be being born. This is my age. 1514 01:50:17,000 --> 01:50:24,240 Wild-ass kids with probing minds rebelling against all that crap. I identify with 'em. You shouldn't. 1515 01:50:24,240 --> 01:50:29,400 We're the enemy. No, sir. Not I. To these kids, you and I are square. 1516 01:50:30,720 --> 01:50:37,120 Robert. Yeah? Did you ever have a homosexual experience? 1517 01:50:37,120 --> 01:50:39,840 What do you mean? Oh, no, no, no. 1518 01:50:39,840 --> 01:50:44,920 I don't mean as a kid. I mean since you've been an adult. Did you? 1519 01:50:44,920 --> 01:50:48,080 Well, yes. Actually, yeah, I have. 1520 01:50:48,080 --> 01:50:50,840 Yeah, so did I. 1521 01:50:50,840 --> 01:50:55,280 You're not gay, are you? No, no! Are you? No. No. 1522 01:50:55,280 --> 01:50:57,840 No, for Christ's sake. No, no, no. 1523 01:50:57,840 --> 01:51:04,120 I think sometimes you meet somebody and you love the crap out of them. Yeah. 1524 01:51:04,120 --> 01:51:09,840 Sometimes you just wanna manifest that love, that's all. That's true. 1525 01:51:09,840 --> 01:51:16,280 You can even know someone for a long time and then suddenly you just wanna have them. 1526 01:51:17,600 --> 01:51:21,080 Even an old friend. 1527 01:51:21,080 --> 01:51:24,440 You just desire that closeness. Probably. 1528 01:51:24,440 --> 01:51:27,000 I mean, you know... 1529 01:51:27,000 --> 01:51:29,520 two men really would, 1530 01:51:29,520 --> 01:51:34,680 if it wasn't for society and the conventions and all that crap. 1531 01:51:34,680 --> 01:51:40,400 Every so often... you'd just go off and ball 1532 01:51:40,400 --> 01:51:43,160 and be richer... 1533 01:51:44,360 --> 01:51:47,400 closer...better off for it, 1534 01:51:47,400 --> 01:51:50,080 don't you think? 1535 01:51:50,080 --> 01:51:52,880 Um... I don't know. 1536 01:51:54,480 --> 01:51:57,080 I mean... I... 1537 01:51:57,080 --> 01:52:00,800 Like us, for example. I mean... 1538 01:52:02,080 --> 01:52:06,720 Do you think that you and I... could ever have anything like that? 1539 01:52:06,720 --> 01:52:10,040 You know what I think? 1540 01:52:10,040 --> 01:52:13,920 I think we'd better go inside, Peter. 1541 01:52:29,320 --> 01:52:36,440 I think they're gonna hurt themselves. What if their mothers came in and saw them doing that? 1542 01:52:36,440 --> 01:52:39,080 Think of their poor mothers. 1543 01:52:39,080 --> 01:52:43,160 He's embarrassing. Hey, hey, hey-hey! > 1544 01:52:43,160 --> 01:52:50,320 Anyway, people who laugh and dance and carry on like that - they're not happy. No. 1545 01:52:50,320 --> 01:52:53,040 Think of your poor mother! 1546 01:52:54,560 --> 01:52:58,720 He's not what you'd call self-conscious. 1547 01:52:58,720 --> 01:53:01,440 He's not what you'd CALL! 1548 01:53:01,440 --> 01:53:09,120 WHOOPS AND SCREAMS 1549 01:53:01,440 --> 01:53:09,120 It shocks me to see a grown man 1550 01:53:01,440 --> 01:53:09,120 dance like that. I'm shocked. 1551 01:53:09,120 --> 01:53:11,760 Where was I? 1552 01:53:11,760 --> 01:53:14,600 Oh, my first husband. 1553 01:53:14,600 --> 01:53:17,240 He is so difficult to remember. 1554 01:53:18,240 --> 01:53:20,760 Even when you're with him. 1555 01:53:22,920 --> 01:53:25,400 We got married here in New York. 1556 01:53:25,400 --> 01:53:30,520 He was here on business, had a big meat-packing company in Chicago. 1557 01:53:30,520 --> 01:53:32,800 Attractive? 1558 01:53:32,800 --> 01:53:40,280 We lived in New York for almost a year and then one day he suddenly decided to go back to Chicago. 1559 01:53:40,280 --> 01:53:46,240 He was actually surprised when I told him I'd just wait here for him. 1560 01:53:46,240 --> 01:53:50,200 I still don't know quite where Chicago is. 1561 01:53:50,200 --> 01:53:52,880 It's over there, somewhere. 1562 01:53:52,880 --> 01:54:00,200 He said he wasn't actually coming back, so I knew we were in a tiny dilemma - or at least HE was. 1563 01:54:00,200 --> 01:54:05,240 I was still too young, but old enough to know where I was living, 1564 01:54:05,240 --> 01:54:10,280 and I had no intention of leaving New York. Never have, never will. 1565 01:54:10,280 --> 01:54:17,440 And I'd never wanna go to a place where they feel honoured being called "hog butchers of the world". 1566 01:54:17,440 --> 01:54:20,760 I said, "Kiss off, Rodney"... 1567 01:54:20,760 --> 01:54:23,200 but I said it nicer. 1568 01:54:24,560 --> 01:54:27,120 Well, we got a divorce. 1569 01:54:27,120 --> 01:54:30,120 A divorce. 1570 01:54:31,560 --> 01:54:35,040 One word means all of that. 1571 01:54:35,040 --> 01:54:38,520 Another drink, guy... Sir. Oh, sir! 1572 01:54:39,640 --> 01:54:42,320 We already gave. 1573 01:54:45,520 --> 01:54:50,680 You had a few while I was dancing. What was all that carrying on? 1574 01:54:50,680 --> 01:54:53,360 What was all that? Shocking. Awww... 1575 01:54:53,360 --> 01:54:58,680 Sir!! Trois encore, s'il vous plait. I asked you to dance. 1576 01:54:58,680 --> 01:55:01,960 I only dance when you can touch. 1577 01:55:01,960 --> 01:55:07,960 I don't think standing bumping around, making an ass of oneself is a dance. 1578 01:55:07,960 --> 01:55:15,200 I find it unbelievably humiliating watching my own husband flouncing around the dance floor, 1579 01:55:15,200 --> 01:55:22,040 jerking and sashaying all over the place, like Ann Miller. Take off the red shoes. Off! 1580 01:55:22,040 --> 01:55:24,400 Was I that good? 1581 01:55:24,400 --> 01:55:27,480 Very excellent. Amazingly good. 1582 01:55:27,480 --> 01:55:33,840 Joanne, I love you when you're jealous. Kiss me. I hated dinner. I hated the opera, 1583 01:55:33,840 --> 01:55:36,480 AND I hate it here! 1584 01:55:36,480 --> 01:55:39,080 What I need is more to drink! 1585 01:55:39,080 --> 01:55:44,280 And look at Bobby, how desperately he needs another drink. 1586 01:55:44,280 --> 01:55:47,160 Ah, here he comes again! 1587 01:55:47,160 --> 01:55:50,040 Sir! Drinks! Here! 1588 01:55:50,040 --> 01:55:54,200 Two more bourbons and a vodka stinger! 1589 01:55:56,800 --> 01:56:02,120 Do you know that we are suddenly at an age 1590 01:56:02,120 --> 01:56:06,680 where we find ourselves too young for the old people 1591 01:56:06,680 --> 01:56:09,320 and too old for the young ones? 1592 01:56:09,320 --> 01:56:12,520 We're nowhere. 1593 01:56:12,520 --> 01:56:15,040 I think we'd better drink to us. 1594 01:56:15,040 --> 01:56:18,480 Huh? To us - the generation gap. 1595 01:56:19,800 --> 01:56:22,920 We are the generation gap! 1596 01:56:24,680 --> 01:56:27,400 Are they staring at me! Who? 1597 01:56:27,400 --> 01:56:33,160 Hmm? Yeah. Well, let 'em. Let 'em stare, those BROADS! 1598 01:56:33,160 --> 01:56:40,320 What else have they got to do? All dressed up with no place to go. What time is it? In real life? 1599 01:56:40,320 --> 01:56:43,040 Somebody bring us another drink! 1600 01:56:45,360 --> 01:56:47,480 Oh. You did(!) 1601 01:56:49,560 --> 01:56:52,000 So aggressive. 1602 01:56:53,480 --> 01:56:56,600 Stop staring! 1603 01:56:56,600 --> 01:57:00,480 SHE BEGINS TO LAUGH 1604 01:57:00,480 --> 01:57:03,080 I'd like to propose a toast. 1605 01:57:05,160 --> 01:57:09,040 # Here's to the ladies who lunch 1606 01:57:09,040 --> 01:57:12,840 # Everybody laugh 1607 01:57:14,160 --> 01:57:19,640 # Lounging in their kaftans and planning a brunch 1608 01:57:20,680 --> 01:57:23,760 # On their own behalf 1609 01:57:26,880 --> 01:57:29,400 # Off to the gym 1610 01:57:29,400 --> 01:57:34,280 # Then to a fitting Claiming they're fat 1611 01:57:36,040 --> 01:57:38,800 # And looking grim 1612 01:57:38,800 --> 01:57:44,680 # Cos they've been sitting choosing a hat 1613 01:57:44,680 --> 01:57:50,240 # Does anyone still wear a hat? 1614 01:57:53,760 --> 01:57:56,200 # I'll drink to tha-at 1615 01:57:58,160 --> 01:58:01,080 # Here's to the girls who stay smart 1616 01:58:01,080 --> 01:58:04,480 # Aren't they a ga-as? 1617 01:58:04,480 --> 01:58:08,880 # Rushing to their classes in optical art 1618 01:58:08,880 --> 01:58:12,280 # Wishing it would pass 1619 01:58:14,200 --> 01:58:17,800 # Another long, exhausting day 1620 01:58:17,800 --> 01:58:21,360 # Another thousand dollars 1621 01:58:21,360 --> 01:58:25,520 # A matinee, a Pinter play 1622 01:58:25,520 --> 01:58:28,720 # Perhaps a piece of Mahler's 1623 01:58:28,720 --> 01:58:31,600 # I'll drink to that 1624 01:58:32,520 --> 01:58:34,680 # And one for Mahler! 1625 01:58:37,160 --> 01:58:40,040 # Here's to the girls who play wife 1626 01:58:40,040 --> 01:58:44,360 # Aren't they too mu-uch? 1627 01:58:44,360 --> 01:58:51,360 # Keeping house, but clutching a copy of Life Just to keep in touch 1628 01:58:52,880 --> 01:58:56,320 # The ones who follow the rules 1629 01:58:56,320 --> 01:58:59,960 # And meet themselves at the schools 1630 01:58:59,960 --> 01:59:03,320 # Too busy to know that they're fools 1631 01:59:03,320 --> 01:59:07,560 # Aren't they a ge-em? 1632 01:59:07,560 --> 01:59:10,800 # I'll drink to the-em 1633 01:59:10,800 --> 01:59:15,320 # Let's all drink to the-em! 1634 01:59:23,000 --> 01:59:26,400 # And here's to the girls who just watch 1635 01:59:26,400 --> 01:59:29,720 # Aren't they the best? 1636 01:59:29,720 --> 01:59:34,080 # When they get depressed It's a bottle of Scotch 1637 01:59:34,080 --> 01:59:36,840 # Plus a little jest 1638 01:59:39,680 --> 01:59:42,800 # Another chance to disapprove 1639 01:59:42,800 --> 01:59:46,120 # Another brilliant singer 1640 01:59:46,120 --> 01:59:51,240 # Another reason not to move 1641 01:59:51,240 --> 01:59:54,600 # Another vodka stinger 1642 01:59:54,600 --> 01:59:57,880 # I-I-I-I-I'll... 1643 01:59:57,880 --> 02:00:00,560 # drink to that 1644 02:00:02,640 --> 02:00:05,720 # So here's to the girls on the go 1645 02:00:05,720 --> 02:00:09,360 # Everybody tries 1646 02:00:09,360 --> 02:00:14,000 # Look into their eyes and you'll see what they know 1647 02:00:14,000 --> 02:00:18,040 # Everybody di-ies! 1648 02:00:18,040 --> 02:00:20,800 # A toast to that invincible bunch, 1649 02:00:21,840 --> 02:00:24,760 # The dinosaurs surviving the crunch 1650 02:00:24,760 --> 02:00:29,080 # Let's hear it for the ladies who lunch 1651 02:00:29,080 --> 02:00:32,720 # Everybody ri-ise! 1652 02:00:33,680 --> 02:00:36,200 # Ri-ise! 1653 02:00:37,600 --> 02:00:40,520 # Rise! ..Rise! 1654 02:00:40,520 --> 02:00:43,080 # Rise! 1655 02:00:43,080 --> 02:00:46,080 # Rise! Rise! 1656 02:00:46,080 --> 02:00:48,560 # Rise! 1657 02:00:48,560 --> 02:00:53,160 # Ri-i-ise! # 1658 02:00:53,160 --> 02:00:57,600 WARM APPLAUSE 1659 02:01:09,040 --> 02:01:11,600 Larry, I would like a cigarette. 1660 02:01:11,600 --> 02:01:18,240 Remember when everybody used to smoke? How it was more festive... 1661 02:01:20,400 --> 02:01:23,000 I don't know, happier, or something. 1662 02:01:23,000 --> 02:01:28,200 Now every place is not unlike an operating room, for Christ's sake! 1663 02:01:28,200 --> 02:01:32,800 No... Well, I never smoked. Why? 1664 02:01:34,880 --> 02:01:38,200 I-I dunno. I meant to. Meant to! 1665 02:01:38,200 --> 02:01:45,480 Does that count? The story of your life! You were lifted right out of a Krafft-Ebing case history. 1666 02:01:45,480 --> 02:01:47,400 Meant to! 1667 02:01:47,400 --> 02:01:55,240 You were always outside the window looking in, while everybody was inside dancing at the party. 1668 02:01:55,240 --> 02:01:57,920 Now... 1669 02:01:57,920 --> 02:02:00,720 I insist you smoke. 1670 02:02:00,720 --> 02:02:03,840 Your first compromise. 1671 02:02:03,840 --> 02:02:07,960 Oh, sir! Sir! More cigarettes, please. 1672 02:02:07,960 --> 02:02:10,800 These are fine. Lethal. 1673 02:02:10,800 --> 02:02:13,760 Here, Rob! Smoke! 1674 02:02:15,520 --> 02:02:21,920 No, thank you, Joanne. Honey, come on - he doesn't. Hey, you smoke. I'll watch. 1675 02:02:21,920 --> 02:02:24,880 Watch... Watch... 1676 02:02:24,880 --> 02:02:30,120 Did you hear yourself? Did you hear what you just said, kiddo? WATCH?! 1677 02:02:30,120 --> 02:02:33,200 I am offering you... Yeah! AND I... 1678 02:02:34,760 --> 02:02:37,600 Yeah, and I don't want one. 1679 02:02:37,600 --> 02:02:41,440 Because you're weak. 1680 02:02:41,440 --> 02:02:45,120 I hate people who are weak! 1681 02:02:51,440 --> 02:02:54,040 That's the best. 1682 02:02:54,040 --> 02:02:56,360 Better than Prozac. 1683 02:02:56,360 --> 02:03:01,720 Smoking may be the only thing that separates us from the lower forms. 1684 02:03:02,840 --> 02:03:05,880 D'you wanna split? Of what? 1685 02:03:05,880 --> 02:03:12,840 See, every day, my wife here tests me to see if I'll go away. 1686 02:03:14,280 --> 02:03:19,200 And twice a year she packs up to leave so I'll ask her to stay. 1687 02:03:19,200 --> 02:03:23,240 My mother was a very difficult woman. 1688 02:03:23,240 --> 02:03:28,080 And my old man left her, and regretted it till the day he died. 1689 02:03:28,080 --> 02:03:35,240 Now, me, true, I'm married to this wildly conceited broad with no self-esteem. 1690 02:03:35,240 --> 02:03:38,800 But she fascinates me. 1691 02:03:40,520 --> 02:03:45,560 I got a wife who has a hard time believing that she found a guy 1692 02:03:45,560 --> 02:03:49,600 she daily...fascinates. 1693 02:03:52,360 --> 02:03:56,720 And, unlike my father, I'm a very happy man. 1694 02:03:59,960 --> 02:04:06,440 I'm going to the john, and when I come back, the holiday is ending. OK? 1695 02:04:10,760 --> 02:04:13,200 Whoa, Larr... 1696 02:04:13,200 --> 02:04:16,080 Larry, I got the check. I GOT THE... 1697 02:04:19,800 --> 02:04:24,320 Well, um, see, I know he's off to pay the check. 1698 02:04:24,320 --> 02:04:27,640 Or maybe buy the place. 1699 02:04:31,160 --> 02:04:36,160 You know, it is a comfort to have rich friends, but... 1700 02:04:36,160 --> 02:04:39,360 I DO like to pay some of the time. 1701 02:04:40,880 --> 02:04:43,560 Oh, well, you talked me into it. 1702 02:04:57,520 --> 02:05:02,920 You, um... You have a good third husband, Joanne. He's a good man. 1703 02:05:04,320 --> 02:05:06,920 Anyway, thank you for the evening. 1704 02:05:06,920 --> 02:05:12,400 I'm glad I joined you. I felt really low... Really depressed. 1705 02:05:14,480 --> 02:05:17,280 Hey, I drank, but you... 1706 02:05:17,280 --> 02:05:20,840 Wow! You really PUT IT AWAY tonight. 1707 02:05:20,840 --> 02:05:25,200 The last several times you and I have gotten together, 1708 02:05:25,200 --> 02:05:28,000 I have had shameful hangovers. 1709 02:05:28,000 --> 02:05:31,440 Ah-h, just...abominable. 1710 02:05:33,000 --> 02:05:37,400 We may be doing permanent damage. Think of that. 1711 02:05:37,400 --> 02:05:41,960 I dunno what to think of the fact that you only drink with me. 1712 02:05:41,960 --> 02:05:46,560 Well, I guess that is not unflattering. 1713 02:05:46,560 --> 02:05:48,880 ..Uh-oh! 1714 02:05:48,880 --> 02:05:51,760 I hope I don't depress you. 1715 02:05:51,760 --> 02:05:56,400 Hey, we have good...times and it's a hoot, yeah? 1716 02:05:58,480 --> 02:06:00,960 Whatever you say, Joanne. 1717 02:06:06,000 --> 02:06:10,840 Um... No. I do not want a cigarette, 1718 02:06:10,840 --> 02:06:15,800 if THAT is what you're trying to stare me into. 1719 02:06:15,800 --> 02:06:21,200 Although I am a product of my generation, I still do not smoke. 1720 02:06:21,200 --> 02:06:27,040 See, my age group is a very uptight age group... 1721 02:06:27,040 --> 02:06:31,800 See, middle age is breaking up that old gang of mine. We... 1722 02:06:34,200 --> 02:06:36,240 Oops. 1723 02:06:36,240 --> 02:06:40,840 It's very... It's very drunk out tonight. 1724 02:06:46,840 --> 02:06:49,440 What are you looking at, Joanne? 1725 02:06:49,440 --> 02:06:51,480 Huh? 1726 02:06:51,480 --> 02:06:53,480 What? 1727 02:06:53,480 --> 02:06:55,880 Is it my charisma? 1728 02:06:55,880 --> 02:07:01,640 Hmm? Hey, well, stop looking at my charisma. 1729 02:07:03,720 --> 02:07:06,720 When are we gonna make it? 1730 02:07:06,720 --> 02:07:09,840 LOUD GULP 1731 02:07:09,840 --> 02:07:12,760 ..I beg your pardon? 1732 02:07:12,760 --> 02:07:15,000 When...are we... 1733 02:07:15,000 --> 02:07:17,400 gonna make it? 1734 02:07:19,440 --> 02:07:26,320 Well, hey, what's wrong with now? There's my place. It's free tomorrow at two. 1735 02:07:26,320 --> 02:07:29,960 Larry goes to his gym, then the office. Wait... 1736 02:07:29,960 --> 02:07:34,120 No, don't talk. Don't do your folksy Harold Teen with me. 1737 02:07:34,120 --> 02:07:37,360 You're a terribly attractive man. 1738 02:07:37,360 --> 02:07:42,160 The kind of man most women want and never seem to get. 1739 02:07:43,280 --> 02:07:45,560 I'll take care of you. 1740 02:07:45,560 --> 02:07:48,720 But who will I take care of? 1741 02:07:51,240 --> 02:07:57,320 Did you hear what you just said, kiddo? I... I didn't mean that. 1742 02:07:57,320 --> 02:08:01,560 I just heard a door open that's been stuck a long time. 1743 02:08:01,560 --> 02:08:04,080 Like I haven't looked at all that? 1744 02:08:04,080 --> 02:08:10,760 At marriages and all that? And what do you get for it? What do you get? 1745 02:08:10,760 --> 02:08:16,440 You see what you look for. It can never be what couples pretend it is. 1746 02:08:16,440 --> 02:08:23,800 I don't wanna have to end up disappointed every day for the rest of my life. Like you are now(?) 1747 02:08:23,800 --> 02:08:26,640 What gives you...? The check's paid. 1748 02:08:26,640 --> 02:08:30,240 If... What's wrong? Shit! 1749 02:08:30,240 --> 02:08:32,760 Just what the hell do you get?! 1750 02:08:32,760 --> 02:08:35,000 And... 1751 02:08:36,600 --> 02:08:39,040 Oh... 1752 02:08:39,040 --> 02:08:41,200 Um... 1753 02:08:41,200 --> 02:08:44,080 Say... 1754 02:08:47,000 --> 02:08:49,880 What was all THAT? 1755 02:08:52,320 --> 02:08:55,680 I just did someone a big favour. 1756 02:08:55,680 --> 02:08:59,920 Come on, Larry. Let's go home. 1757 02:09:05,120 --> 02:09:08,840 What do you get? 1758 02:09:08,840 --> 02:09:10,360 # Bobby! # 1759 02:09:10,360 --> 02:09:12,280 # Bobby, baby! # 1760 02:09:12,280 --> 02:09:14,680 # Bobby, bubi! # 1761 02:09:12,280 --> 02:09:14,680 # Robbie! # 1762 02:09:14,680 --> 02:09:17,360 # Bobby, we've been trying to call you! # 1763 02:09:17,360 --> 02:09:20,440 # Angel, I have something to tell you! # 1764 02:09:20,440 --> 02:09:24,280 # Been trying to reach you all day! # 1765 02:09:24,280 --> 02:09:27,680 # There was something we wanted to say! # 1766 02:09:27,680 --> 02:09:30,480 STO-OP! 1767 02:09:30,480 --> 02:09:32,800 Shhh! 1768 02:09:32,800 --> 02:09:36,320 VOICE WAVERS 1769 02:09:32,800 --> 02:09:36,320 Look... 1770 02:09:36,320 --> 02:09:39,520 WHAT do you get? 1771 02:09:45,600 --> 02:09:48,400 # Someone to hold you too close, 1772 02:09:48,400 --> 02:09:53,520 # Someone to hurt you too deep 1773 02:09:53,520 --> 02:09:57,000 # Someone to sit in your chair, 1774 02:09:57,000 --> 02:09:59,560 # To ruin your sleep. # 1775 02:09:59,560 --> 02:10:04,120 - We're getting divorced Bobby. - We haven't told anyone yet. 1776 02:10:04,120 --> 02:10:10,520 Listen, not everybody should be married, I guess. To me, a man should be married. 1777 02:10:10,520 --> 02:10:13,320 # Someone to need you too much, 1778 02:10:14,440 --> 02:10:18,320 # Someone to know you too well 1779 02:10:18,320 --> 02:10:21,320 # Someone to pull you up short 1780 02:10:21,320 --> 02:10:23,880 # To put you through hell. # 1781 02:10:23,880 --> 02:10:26,680 You just see what you look for... 1782 02:10:26,680 --> 02:10:31,760 - Well, you gotta give up to get. You know what I'm saying? 1783 02:10:31,760 --> 02:10:39,000 - Unlike my father, I'm a very happy man. I just heard a door open that's been stuck a long time. 1784 02:10:39,000 --> 02:10:41,600 # Someone you have to let in 1785 02:10:42,760 --> 02:10:46,520 # Someone whose feelings you spare 1786 02:10:46,520 --> 02:10:49,560 # Someone who, like it or not, 1787 02:10:49,560 --> 02:10:53,560 # Will you want you to share a little, a lot. # 1788 02:10:53,560 --> 02:10:59,080 You've so many reasons for not being with someone, but you haven't got 1789 02:10:59,080 --> 02:11:01,680 one good reason for being alone. 1790 02:11:01,680 --> 02:11:05,440 # Someone to crowd you with love 1791 02:11:05,440 --> 02:11:10,320 # Someone to force you to care 1792 02:11:10,320 --> 02:11:13,440 # Someone to make you come through 1793 02:11:13,440 --> 02:11:20,080 # Who'll always be there As frightened as you of being alive 1794 02:11:21,600 --> 02:11:25,560 # Being ali-ive 1795 02:11:25,560 --> 02:11:29,440 # Being ali-ive 1796 02:11:29,440 --> 02:11:35,600 # Being ali-i-ive. # 1797 02:11:35,600 --> 02:11:39,720 Blow out your candles, Robert, and make a wish. 1798 02:11:39,720 --> 02:11:43,120 Want something. 1799 02:11:44,440 --> 02:11:47,520 WANT...SOMETHING! 1800 02:11:56,480 --> 02:11:59,360 # Somebody hold me too close 1801 02:12:00,840 --> 02:12:04,240 # Somebody hurt me too deep 1802 02:12:05,200 --> 02:12:08,240 # Somebody sit in my chair 1803 02:12:08,240 --> 02:12:15,240 # And ruin my sleep And make me aware of being ali-ive 1804 02:12:16,760 --> 02:12:22,000 # Being ali-ive 1805 02:12:22,000 --> 02:12:24,880 # Somebody need me too much 1806 02:12:26,240 --> 02:12:30,080 # Somebody know me too well 1807 02:12:30,080 --> 02:12:33,120 # Somebody pull me up short 1808 02:12:33,120 --> 02:12:35,680 # And put me through hell 1809 02:12:35,680 --> 02:12:41,720 # And give me support For being ali-ive 1810 02:12:41,720 --> 02:12:45,840 # Make me ali-ive 1811 02:12:45,840 --> 02:12:49,560 # Make me ali-ive 1812 02:12:49,560 --> 02:12:53,960 # Make me confu-used 1813 02:12:53,960 --> 02:12:57,840 # Mock me with pra-aise 1814 02:12:57,840 --> 02:13:01,680 # Let me be u-sed 1815 02:13:01,680 --> 02:13:04,920 # Vary my days 1816 02:13:04,920 --> 02:13:09,760 # But alone 1817 02:13:09,760 --> 02:13:13,680 # Is alo-one 1818 02:13:13,680 --> 02:13:21,120 # Not ali-ive 1819 02:13:22,960 --> 02:13:25,560 # Somebody crowd me with love 1820 02:13:26,920 --> 02:13:30,400 # Somebody force me to care 1821 02:13:30,400 --> 02:13:33,720 # Somebody make me come through 1822 02:13:33,720 --> 02:13:38,040 # I'll always be there As frightened as you 1823 02:13:38,040 --> 02:13:41,680 # To help us survi-ive 1824 02:13:41,680 --> 02:13:45,920 # Being ali-ive 1825 02:13:45,920 --> 02:13:49,480 # Being ali-ive 1826 02:13:49,480 --> 02:13:56,400 # Being ali-ive! # 1827 02:14:01,760 --> 02:14:05,920 APPLAUSE 1828 02:14:12,280 --> 02:14:19,880 # Bobby! Bobby! Bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo 1829 02:14:19,880 --> 02:14:23,640 # Bobby! Bobby! 1830 02:14:23,640 --> 02:14:27,800 REACHING CRESCENDO: 1831 02:14:23,640 --> 02:14:27,800 # Bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo! 1832 02:14:27,800 --> 02:14:34,280 SOFTLY: # Bo-bb-ee... # 1833 02:14:39,400 --> 02:14:43,840 APPROACHING FOOTSTEPS 1834 02:14:39,400 --> 02:14:43,840 Shhh! 1835 02:14:46,480 --> 02:14:49,800 KEYS RATTLE IN LOCK 1836 02:14:49,800 --> 02:14:52,680 DOOR CLOSES 1837 02:14:52,680 --> 02:14:56,680 Must have been the apartment across the hall. 1838 02:15:06,800 --> 02:15:10,040 This is the craziest thing, huh? 1839 02:15:10,040 --> 02:15:16,400 Think anything's wrong? No. Neither do I. I do. 1840 02:15:16,400 --> 02:15:21,160 It has been over two hours now. Maybe he forgot. 1841 02:15:21,160 --> 02:15:25,280 How can anyone forget a surprise birthday? 1842 02:15:25,280 --> 02:15:28,160 Or maybe the surprise is on us. 1843 02:15:28,160 --> 02:15:31,600 I think I got the message. 1844 02:15:33,320 --> 02:15:36,480 OK. Altogether! 1845 02:15:36,480 --> 02:15:38,600 Everybody. 1846 02:15:38,600 --> 02:15:41,880 Happy birthday, Robert. 1847 02:15:43,440 --> 02:15:46,800 PIANO TINKLES SOFTLY 1848 02:16:19,840 --> 02:16:22,800 HE SIGHS HEAVILY 1849 02:17:07,600 --> 02:17:11,920 APPLAUSE 240073

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