All language subtitles for The Real Blonde (1997) by Tom DiCillo with Matthew Modine, Daryl Hannah.en

A REAL BLONDE

Come on, Buddy, be careful.

Be careful with those crystals.

What's wrong with people?

Don't you think people are getting stupider and stupider every day?

Why would they break the windows of others?

I see you now. Are you listening to me?

I know what you want.

You want to eat.

Well, let's go, I have to go to work.

Don't drop that ball.

What do you think you're going to have for breakfast today?

Eggs and bacon?

Hopefully!

What are you, a bunny or a mouse?

Kitten?

You're a bunny. A curly-haired bunny.

- You're stiff. - No sir.

- Yes. - Wouldn't I know?

So what is it?

A carrot to feed the bunny.

Joe, stop.

I don't have time. We'll do it tonight, okay?

If that's what you want, I'll stop.

Okay, quick, grab the rubber, Carrot Boy.

Let's do it without her.

No. I don't want to get pregnant.

- No! - Okay, calm down.

Help!

Aid!

Someone help me!

Help!

That man took my dog!

Joe, call the police.

- What's going on? - That woman's dog was stolen!

- Oh my God! - They rolled my dog!

I see you, asshole!

We're calling the police, ma'am.

He took my dog!

¡Buddy!

Where are you going?

Sorry, babe, I have to go.

Don't you eat breakfast?

I don't have time.

What's wrong with this?

You have to turn left.

Will I see you again?

Of course, of course, baby.

I'll call you one of these days.

Take care of yourself.

Do you like skating?

Shit!

Joe.

Is this blouse too daring?

Look at this.

Joe Schmo, talented actor.

Miss Quim, talented actress.

Joe. - Him standing, with a coat, on the street,

And she's on all fours, in her underwear, with her tits hanging out.

What do you mean by "and"?

25 years after women's liberation,

and are still reduced to selling themselves as sexual objects.

Maybe she doesn't feel reduced, but proud of her sexuality.

Okay, proud of her sexuality.

Why doesn't he crawl with his balls hanging down?

What do boobs and acting have to do with each other?

Nothing.

I will write a book.

Are you not working today?

Yes, I'm going to work for lunch, and then I have an audition at 3.

Okay. Good luck, honey.

I still need the check for the rent.

Again?

Yes, it works like that, once a month.

Remember we had dinner with Raina and Alex today.

And I think they're bringing the baby.

I'll see you after the audition.

Good luck.

Bye bye.

Here you go, Mr. Bob. Clean and ironed.

Beautiful.

It's bullshit, Chang.

No, it's a very nice tuxedo.

It's shit. And I'll tell you something.

The next day I come I'll give it to you.

No, Mr. Bob, keep the tuxedo.

No, for you.

A "memory" from my part.

Do you know what a "souvenir" is?

Yeah.

He's crazy.

Keep going to those classes.

You look so good today, titties!

Hello, Miss Taylor.

DeeDee, right?

Nice to meet you. Thanks for seeing me.

But how could you not see me, if I'm right in front of you?

I'm going to do a Happy monologue,

from "Death of a Salesman" by Arthur Miller.

"¿Sabes, Bitf?

Sometimes I feel like going into that warehouse,

and beat up that damn sales manager.

I could hit, smash and overcome

to anyone in that warehouse,

and I still have to submit to those petty sons of bitches,

until I can't take it anymore.

Everyone around me is so fake.

That I constantly lower my ideals."

Hello, Miss Taylor.

DeeDee, right?

Where are the bikers?

Come on, bikers, show me those abs.

Okay, tense, tense.

That's what I want.

Beautiful, tight and strong abs.

Yes, okay, dadies shine.

I want a boa or a python.

Good morning, girls, minutes.

Good morning.

I don't know, Mary.

I think I'm giving up on the human race.

Why, honey, what's going on?

Everyone is so superficial.

I'm fed up.

Fed up with so much superficial shit.

I am a very spiritual person.

Really?

Very spiritual.

Have you seen "The Little Mermaid"?

Cartoons?

It's not just cartoons.

You look a little,

you will find a spiritual message

in Walt Disney films

Can you change that fucking music?

Sure, baby, what do you want to hear?

¿Hole? ¿Snoopy Dogg Dogg?

Whatever.

Douche would be better than this shit.

Is douche good?

I can't work with this depressing shit.

It's ten o'clock and I'm already depressed.

You can see it on my face.

No no.

You look gorgeous.

Come here, little one!

What the fuck is wrong with you?

- What? - What do you mean, what? You already know.

What if it was your granddaughter, huh?

Fucking dirty old man.

Ignore me!

God!

Sorry.

I know you?

No, I don't think so.

Your smile made me feel like I've known you forever.

How cute.

Do you have a girlfriend?

Yeah.

You don't seem very happy.

I love my girlfriend very much.

But it's that...

...I think he doesn't understand me on an emotional or sexual level.

Yes, I feel that in you.

It's going to sound crazy to you,

but I also feel like I've known you all my life.

- Oh yeah? - Yes.

And I'd like to give you a blowjob right now.

Now?

Do you mind?

Did you get in?

No, I didn't. I'm in a relationship.

I'm not going to sniff at every bird that passes by me.

A real blonde?

Difficult to see from the street.

If I understand you.

I met a model yesterday.

I thought she was blonde until I got to her house,

and it turned out to be fake.

Bottle blonde.

What a shame. But it was sweet, at least.

Are you not going to see her again because she dyes her hair?

Attention everyone.

Quick, come here.

Gentlemen, front and center.

Pay attention. You will be divided into 8 groups of 2.

The first one serves the red wine.

The second serves the appetizers. They are called aperitivos,

precisely because they are taken as an aperitif.

No cutlery. Any questions?

I have a question. Do you wear a girdle?

Because those pants make you look good.

I don't wear a girdle,

But I assure you that if I catch some faggot looking at my ass,

I'm sending you all to the fucking street.

Ernst, not everyone here is gay.

That's your problem, dear straight friend.

To your stations!

What is your name?

Joe Finnagan.

Did I hire you?

Yes, Bob recommended me...

The neck of the bottle never touches the rim of the glass.

And smile, for God's sake, you're not at a fucking funeral.

These balls are killing me.

Because?

That model last night, she was like an animal.

19 years old.

One of those tight little asses that makes you want to bite.

God!

Where did you meet her?

In the TNA I'll take you one of these days.

There they are all beautiful top models.

Even the waitresses.

If they are models, why do they work as waitresses?

You do it too.

And you.

Not by much.

Guess who got a role in a soap opera.

come on!

"The Peak of Passion", starring Dirk Drake.

I'm not talking about soap operas. That's not acting.

$3,600 a week.

Here you go, starving waiter!

Feel those pants, feel them.

Yes, feel them.

Feel them.

Buscadio. You know where it is. Let's go.

Sahara, you're not with me. Come on.

Okay, turn off the fan.

Sahara, you know I love you.

- Yes. - And that you're my favorite.

Oh, yes.

That's why I want you to go deeper.

I want the pure essence of your sexuality.

That's what I was doing.

Yes, but this woman is more daring.

Like you.

He's bold. He could do wicked things.

Being sexually dirty and feeling good about it.

- Do you understand? - I think so.

GOOD.

You could photograph her fucking a poodle.

With a poodle?

I've always wanted a Jack Russell.

Don't you ever feel like doing crazy things?

Yes, I feel like it like everyone else.

But Mary and I are reasonably happy.

That's ok.

Yes, sex is going well.

It could be better.

Sometimes I wish Mary was a little more...

That?

That it was more...

...Wild, like the model you were talking about.

For her to go crazy with me. That's what I need.

Come on, look on the bright side.

You have stability. Some people need that.

I'm going this way.

When do you start the soap opera?

Tomorrow morning, friend.

So I don't see you anymore.

Oh, come on,...

we'll meet.

I'll call you one of these days.

So Dirk Drake, huh?

"Summit of Passion"

$3,600 a week!

What's wrong with people?

Every day it seems like everyone is getting older

more and more stupid.

You seem very agitated today, Mary.

Yes, I'm agitated, yes.

Every day I pass by a guy on the street,

and he always says something rude to me.

Why don't you change your route?

Because I don't want to change my route.

Why would a pig control my life?

I feel like grabbing him by the hair.

and slam his face into the sidewalk.

There is another, more productive outlet for your anger.

Another patient of mine

is going to self-defense classes

that are... unique.

I don't need self-defense.

- Listen to me, Mary. - Okay.

This monitor has developed a series of exercises

designed to help women

to combat rudeness

that they face on a daily basis.

I'll give you his phone number,

and you call him whenever you feel like it.

A physical activity like this could relieve

your hostility towards men.

Am I hostile to men?

We'll cover that next week.

OK.

Could I add that the blouse you are wearing

is especially flattering?

Gracias, Dr. Leuter.

¿Sabes, Bitf?

Sometimes I feel like going into that warehouse.

and beat up that damn sales manager.

I mean...

I'm sorry, I...

..has forgotten the text.

It's okay. Really.

Joe.

Joe, we have a problem with your credits.

Nada de TY,

no ads, no soap operas.

I'm not interested in soap operas.

Oh yeah?

Why's that?

That's not acting. Not what I like to do.

It's fake. It's stupid.

It's clear that you and I have nothing to talk about.

Bye bye.

Excuse me, Miss Taylor, did I say something wrong?

What all the nameless and uncredited people say

when they come in here.

Who do you think you are?

Tom Cruise? Nope!

Believe me,

You're a fool if you think I would hire someone who doesn't want to work.

You didn't understand me.

This is a business, if you don't understand that,

is that you don't belong to it. Goodbye!

You're right, Miss Taylor, this is business.

I understand.

I'm starting to get it.

I didn't mean I wouldn't work on a soap opera.

If you think there's something you could do, you would do it.

Really. I'd love to act in a soap opera.

How old are you?

Thirty-five.

Thirty-five.

No credits,

nor representative.

Let's face it, Joe.

Do you have a swimsuit?

- I can get one. - Fine.

We're going to shoot a Madonna video.

A beach theme. You could fit in.

Unless, of course, you don't make music videos.

Of course. I'd like that very much, Miss Taylor.

Or should I call her DeeDee?

Thanks, Joe, we'll be in touch.

Come and see Chavonne,

the hottest blonde in New York.

University student doing a PhD in sex.

Come see me...

This college student...

Is she a real blonde?

Oh, yes. Beautiful.

A very sexy aunt.

Like Madonna, but blonde, very blonde.

Give me a turkey in chips.

Thank you.

I want this puppy.

I love her, I love her, I love her.

Us too. Right, Cassiopeia?

Hello, little Casio.

We don't call her Cassius, Joe.

We have a strict rule, your full name or nothing.

Sorry. That's a good rule.

What a joy to see you again.

It's been a long time.

Since Alex's exhibition, it's been crazy.

Absolutely crazy.

I'm in 3 galleries.

The paintings sell so quickly

that I can't even frame them.

If you need a job, I'll put you to work tomorrow.

Thanks, I have work.

I don't think we've seen each other since "The Piano."

I loved that movie.

Didn't you think it was a great movie?

Amazing.

One of the best, really.

That movie was crap.

Are you kidding?

I'm not kidding.

It's just a ridiculous love story.

Spiritual and sentimental young woman

who leaves her strict husband for the man of her dreams.

A male native with earrings and tattoos.

Sorry, Joe,

But I don't think you understood what the movie was about.

What was it about?

Of many things.

Of courage, of freedom.

Of the unconditional and unrestricted

primary love.

You haven't understood anything, man.

It's funny. Have you seen "The Little Mermaid"?

Besides,

was on the list of the most viewed in the country.

What are those two going to do for the rest of their lives?

Look at each other with loving and unconditional love?

Will they ever argue like normal people?

Will he ever say to her: Hey, Kimba,

I love your masculine sensitivity,

you could lift one day

the toilet seat when you pee?

I agree with you.

My boyfriend liked it so much that I broke up with him.

- What movie? "The Piano."

What the hell was that movie about?

I liked it.

Yes, Harvey Keitel's ass.

- It's not true. - What else?

What are they talking about?

"The Piano".

Great photography.

The girl made me sick.

If I had a daughter like that, I'd beat her up.

You never wait for me to answer you.

I thought it was incredible.

I was crying the whole movie.

You cried and I was proud of you.

And you go on and on with the movie.

It was embarrassing.

I didn't feel like hearing him brag about his painting all night.

Did you hear the hint about work?

What hint?

That I could work with him

framing canvases.

But what am I, a fucking handyman?

Joe, why are you so angry?

Did your audition go badly? Is that it?

No, it was great for me.

I nailed the monologue.

And then he looked at my resume and said:

"You haven't done soap operas."

And I said, "No, you know why?

I don't consider that acting."

- Is that what you said? - Yes.

- And I might get something. - What?

A Madonna video.

Joe, that's fantastic.

That might lead to something. Paid, right?

Yes. I'm learning that this is a business.

Everything is a business.

I'm going to take self-defense classes.

Because?

Dr. Leuter thinks they'll help me with my hostility...

What about you?

Hey, with the assholes on the street.

Well, that's fine.

Is that what you're talking about?

Among other things.

Because?

Curiosity.

Bob got a role in a soap opera, skip the waiter thing.

Last night he hooked up with a model,

They went to his house and had hard sex all night.

Would you like that, hard sex with a model?

It doesn't have to be a model.

Am I not wicked?

I didn't say that.

- You implied it. - No.

I was telling you what happened to Bob.

Of course you're wicked. You're very wicked.

OK?

But we both know that sometimes I have to...

That?

- You know. - No.

Start the matter.

And what about this morning?

If you remember, I suggested we make love.

and your first answer was "no."

I thought our sex life was healthy,

And you're bored with me?

Do you want to listen?

I'm just suggesting

that we could be a little more spontaneous.

As?

For example, not having to use the rubber band all the time.

I'm sorry, Joe. I don't want to get pregnant.

Well, for someone so against pregnancy,

You seem very infatuated with children.

All night with that Tapioca!

Cassiopeia. So what?

I like children.

But I don't want one of my own.

This is great.

Why, do you want to have one?

No.

I won't have a child if I can't support him.

What does money have to do with it?

That you don't have it.

Others have children. How do they do it?

Either they hire someone, or one stays to take care of the child.

Are you going to do it?

If you think I'm going to quit my job, you're crazy.

Why are we talking about this?

- You brought it up. - No.

I was talking about something else.

What were you talking about then?

Let's just leave it, shall we?

And now you get angry.

How do you know?

TWO WEEKS LATER

I thought I'd never see you again.

I told you I'd call, didn't I?

Yes, but maybe you didn't like it.

Why wouldn't I like you?

Do you like my eyes?

Do you like my body?

Oh, yes.

Do you like my hair?

Do you like it?

What's happening?

Nothing.

Tell me, what's wrong with you?

- Sorry. - Bob, wait!

- What's going on? - Fuck, nothing!

There's a message. Have you heard it?

It will be for you.

Hi, I'm Madonna, it's 2:55.

Sorry to call so late.

I'd like to speak to Joe Finnagan.

Could you call me at 555...?

Don't fuck with me!

Do you think it's her?

Of course it's her!

He'll probably call me about the video.

...D55 02 70.

Madonna is a superstar.

I highly doubt he'll call you at home.

At the very least, he'll have someone making the calls for him.

Mary is personally involved in her projects.

Maybe he saw my picture on the wall and said, "Hey,

I'm going to feature Finnagan in my video."

Okay, okay, call her.

No, it's 9. He's probably sleeping.

Well then I'm leaving.

Call me if you talk to her.

- Don't doubt it. Goodbye. - Goodbye.

Baby, come sit on my face!

Grow up, you idiot!

Get mad, baby, I like it. It makes me hard. See?

Why do you say that shit? Why?

Stop! Please stop!

I'm not going to stop, you bastard, until you tell me why.

Do you think you're going to find a woman like this?

That some woman will turn around and say:

Is there a jerk I'd like to date?

No, I'm a coward, a fucking miserable coward.

Dirk, I'm so happy I could cry.

Don't even think about it, Diana.

I'd like to tell my mother about the wedding.

We'll do it as soon as he comes out of the coma.

But, Dirk, that could be forever.

Until then.

Cut! What's next, Sis?

Page 35. Living room.

Garth discovers that Sandy is his sister.

20 minutes for assembly.

A round of applause for Bob!

Forward.

Hello, Bob.

Damn, what abs!

- Thanks, Roy. - We should exercise together.

- Yes, we should. - You know, we've gone up 3 points.

I know.

Keep it up, buddy!

Have you signed those contracts yet?

One of these days, Roy.

Fucking Valentino!

"Bring me no more news.

You let me fly...

from the Birnan woods to Dunsiane.

"And the boy, Malcolm?"

Are you decent?

Yeah.

Too bad.

I see that your innocence is just part of your role.

You're a good actor, Bob.

Thank you. Thank you very much.

- You too. - I know.

We could have done that scene better.

What scene?

The kiss.

Are you kidding?

Those little tickles you gave me with your tongue...

If I wasn't wearing three pairs of underwear, I would have thrown away the light bulb.

Be quiet.

Damn, Kelly, you are a very pretty girl.

Too bad you're not a real blonde.

But what are you saying?

Don't try to fool me, Kelly.

I can spot a real blonde a mile away.

Well, you must be blind!

One moment.

Are you telling me you're a real blonde?

From head to toe. Do you want to see my driver's license?

No.

I don't want to see your driver's license.

Satisfied?

Close the door.

Sahara, where were you? I just called you.

Hello, Mary.

God, what happened?

Yesterday I went skating with a boy,

I got so close that he hit me with his elbow.

- It was my fault. How stupid! - Jesus!

Can you cover it up, please?

You don't know how much it costs to get those snakes.

My God!

- I'm sorry, it was an accident. - Is it authentic?

You'll have to hide it.

It's not the bruise. I can cover that up.

The problem is swelling.

No, I have to take the photos today.

I booked those snakes a month ago.

Then you'll have to deal with the bruise.

Are you crazy?

Darker, more.

The wound is the truth. There's no need to hide it.

Yes. Bring the snakes.

Yes. Wrap them around her legs.

Oh my God.

Oh my God. That's it. Out.

Everybody out! Photos!

Rose petals, now!

Further!

Yeah!

Powerful!

No fault, Sahara.

No fault, Kiki.

Sideways.

Stay there.

Where is...?

Jim, hello.

No. Joe Finnagan.

Joe, sorry.

Missy, one from the back. Will you turn around?

Okay. Joe, could you...

..get sexy. A pose.

- ¿Sexy? - Sí, sexy, sexy

Be confident.

OK.

That's fine. Thank you.

Sorry, DeeDee, has Madonna told you about me?

About you? No. Why?

It's funny, but yesterday they left me a message,

and I call, but no one answers on the number they left.

What do you think it was about?

I guess something related to the video.

Maybe he wanted to give me a lead role or something.

Joe, there are no special roles in this video.

I'll put you in the front row.

You have the address and the swimsuit.

Get ready to spend the whole day.

I'm nervous, DeeDee.

Are there any auditions for a soap opera?

- Not now. - Plays, movies?

Not at the moment.

Joe. Joe.

Do you think you could play a rapist?

Yes, I think so.

And what about a serial killer?

Yes. I think I could.

Yes, I think so too.

You're young, modern, sexy. You'd be perfect for it.

I'll keep you in mind for that kind of role,

and as soon as I find something I'll let you know.

Thanks, DeeDee.

It is a small town near Buffalo.

I've never been to Buffalo.

I would like to go to Tahiti or France.

Still, you'd have to go by plane.

If you went by bus...

¡Joe!

Alex, look, it's Joe!

You're right, it is Joe.

Hello, colleague!

What are you doing here?

The Metropolitan bought six of my paintings and they invited me.

You've been able to frame them now, right?

That's funny, Joe. You're working.

Yes, bills need to be paid.

Nice tuxedo, man.

Yes, it's secondhand. I'm going to shoot a video with Madonna.

I love Madonna, we know her.

He called me yesterday, he wants me to play a special role.

Very typical of her.

- Say hello to her for me. - I will.

Tell Mary we have to meet.

Excuse me, sir.

Would you like anything else? Whipped cream?

No, thank you, captain.

I have to watch out for these doves.

What are you doing?

He asked me why strawberries are so big.

Never touch a customer. Never!

I'm sorry. No one told me.

Okay, go, go.

Damn assholes!

Let's start today by reviewing a few facts.

Men are physically stronger than women.

This isn't a criticism of your gender. It's a fact.

Fact: As women you are vulnerable.

Vulnerable, but not defenseless.

This class will provide you with

simple and effective means of self-defense.

in case of physical aggression.

Fact: There are different types of aggression.

Verbal aggression in the street,

harassment and groping in public places,

and behavioral tics

that make men so irresistible.

These attacks can be equally harmful,

If the anger and frustration they provoke

is not released.

And to that end, I have designed a series of exercises

to develop your CLR

All.

- Anger Release Quotient. - Good.

Sheila, why don't you come up here, please?

Thank you.

Let's see.

Remember, answer however you want, okay?

If you feel like screaming, scream.

If you want to hit me,

Go ahead, do it. Understood?

I think so.

Let's get started.

You look good, meatloaf!

Meat pie.

Did you hear me?

Yeah.

Do you like being called "meatloaf"?

Does it make you angry?

How much anger?

So much anger.

Well, how are you feeling?

Better.

GOOD.

¡Mary!

Come forward, please.

What a nice ass you have, sweetie!

Shut up, big mouth!

Let me take a bite of that ass, sweetie.

- Are you okay? - Yes.

You've been very good.

He put me in front of the class and said to me

to do whatever I wanted.

It was amazing.

I started punching him.

I never imagined hitting someone would feel so good.

I'm glad you enjoyed it.

I did it. This teacher is fantastic.

He said he had a high CLR

¿C.L.R.?

Rage Release Quotient!

I have the tallest in the class.

99.3

I should sign up for those classes.

Alex and Raina were at dinner.

He made a comment about my tuxedo and I almost killed him.

I felt ridiculous when they saw me as a waiter.

It's your job.

It's not my job.

Okay, it's not your job, but it's how we pay the rent.

And there's nothing wrong with that. Everyone has to work.

I'm sick of this shit. My life isn't going anywhere.

Joe, your life is going somewhere.

You did very well in the audition with DeeDee.

And he gave you a paying job.

Did you get to talk to Madonna?

No. I've been calling all day. It's my destiny, no one answers.

Come on, Joe.

You have to get used to it.

You are a great actor.

I know you'll make it.

Do you really think so?

I have no doubt.

Mary, I don't know what I would do without you.

Me neither, Joe.

Do you feel like playing a little?

I don't know. I'm not in the mood.

Come on, let's do it.

Tomorrow will be a tough day. I don't want to look tired.

We are not going to build the pyramids.

I won't tire you out, I promise.

Come on, I'm serious.

Stop it!

Well, don't be angry.

I'm not angry. It's just...

I'm not in the mood.

Okay, fine.

We are not machines that are turned on with a switch.

I get it now, Joe.

Are you getting angry now?

I'm not angry.

But when I'm not in the mood, don't give me bullshit.

ONE DAY LATER

More champagne, Dirk?

I'm leaving, Diana.

Please don't leave me.

I love you, Dirk. I love you.

That doesn't mean anything to me anymore.

But you said you loved me.

I don't love you anymore, Diana.

You are weak and defenseless.

Frankly, you bore me.

Please, Dirk. What do you want me to do?

I want you out of my life.

Cut.

- What's next, Sis? - Scene 11-A.

Diana tries to commit suicide again.

Ten minutes.

Excuse me, Father.

Bob. Wait, handsome.

- What's up, Roy? - The indexes have gone up 5 points.

You should give me another raise.

We have a completely new contract for you.

Five years exclusively,

with a special script for Dirk Drake,

and 20 minutes

guaranteed camera rates per episode.

Script approval?

That's a tall order, Bob.

When you're on your knees, Roy, everything seems high up.

Don't forget it.

Dirk Drake.

What a shitty script!

I spent 3 years at the Royal Academy

to vomit this shit!

I'm busy. Do you mind?

What are you doing?

Working on my next scene.

I see,

you use the famous Stanislavski horoscope method.

What are you laughing at?

From you.

Come on, honey, take off your robe.

No.

That?

Do you challenge me, Diana?

I'll see you tonight, honey.

But I'm ready, you see?

Yeah.

Hold that little monster.

Not too much. Remember what happened last time.

That happens once in a lifetime.

I know, darling.

Come on, everyone on stage, okay?

The Beach Boys are ready whenever you are.

Okay, guys, get settled.

Silence on the set, please.

Come on, Beach Boys, get high and listen.

I'm going to explain the scene.

Madonna's going to walk up the aisle, okay?

When he passes by you, you make a gesture of surprise.

Like: Oh, Madonna!

¡Oh, Madonna!

Don't say it, but act like it.

First, those on this side turn over there, understood?

Look over there, guys.

And those from here, over there.

You guys over there.

Thank you.

She walks past you and you're all very surprised, okay?

Shout essay!

Rehearsal!

Ready. Action!

Row one.

Row two and three and four.

And five and up.

Those above, it has been excellent.

Brothers, very well.

Fine, thanks.

That's how we'll do it, exactly like that.

Dude, get a map out of my ass!

I've worked hard on it.

You are right,

May everyone in the front row have a good...

That?

A nice ass. You understand me? You take care of that?

All right, Beach Boys, turn around.

Less light. I want it very romantic.

Sahara, where are you?

Where is?

I don't know Blair.

Have you called?

Can anyone hear me? Did you call?

No.

It's over.

I'm angry,

very, very angry.

¡Kiki!

¡Kiki!

Yes, yes!

Dear,

Are you afraid of dogs?

No.

Excellent.

Bring on the poodle!

It's Bob. Leave your message.

Hello, it's me.

I've been thinking about our discussion,

and I know you feel bad, and so do I.

I was calling just to let you know we can fix this.

If I said anything to upset you, I'm sorry.

I truly apologize.

As the crab princess says in The Little Mermaid: "I love you."

I want to see you soon. Please call me.

I'm not waiting another fucking minute. Zee, help me.

How are you doing? I'm ready.

Very good.

This isn't a game. I want silence!

Let Madonna in.

¡Madonna!

Dude, get in the back.

You, in the back. Come on, man. Here.

Why do you put me behind?

- Just because.

Your ass looks like a back with a line down the middle.

Either you get behind the stage or you get off the stage.

Come on, man.

Let's go for it.

Don't forget, go big.

Real and big. Go ahead, Zee.

Let's go there.

Playback! Music!

Higher, higher!

More, more, come on!

Action!

¡Corten, corten, corten!

What the fuck happened, huh?

What is it...?

Is that alo big?

You only care about your ass. Worry about acting.

Tell the asshole in the blue speedo to get in the back.

Bob, it's Joe.

I know you're fucking a model in her underwear,

But if you fancy a beer, give me a shout.

Hello, it's me.

I've thought about our discussion

and I know that you feel bad,

and me too.

Are we going to do this or not?

There is no doubt about it.

Are you sure, or do you want to read your email first?

Diana, beware the wrath of Dirk Drake.

Here I go!

¿Sabes, Bitf?

Sometimes I feel like going in

on that set,

and give that asshole of an assistant a couple of slaps.

I could turn his ass inside out,

and I still have to obey this bunch of sons of bitches.

I can't take it anymore.

Pussy!

Excuse me, Madonna?

Joe Finnagan.

You called me. I called you back.

but nobody took it.

You thought it was her, huh?

You're just like her.

I know.

I've been his double in his last two videos.

Really?

I want to get a contract to do all your videos,

and maybe his films. And even more so now, after the child.

Where is she?

He shot the close-ups yesterday.

Now he will be in LA or Miami.

She spends a lot of time there. You know her, don't you?

Kick, kick!

Punch, eye, kick!

Now I'm going to show you what to do.

in case of being attacked from behind. Very important.

Any volunteers?

¿Mary?

Okay, get behind me.

I want you to put your arms around me

as if you were attacking me from behind.

OK?

My hands are free, but it will be hard to let go of these arms.

What is the closest weapon?

Teeth. Okay?

Bite.

At the same time, I lift my right leg,

and I click my heel on the instep.

The heel will make him move away like this

creating a space here

in which I will throw an elbow towards the stomach.

I'll teach you something from that position.

I'm going to grab you here.

Give me a bite.

Now the heel.

I open up a little and you give me the...

Very good.

Again.

It's fun.

Yes, it's great.

- Sorry. - It was great.

Okay, I'll talk to you later.

Yes, but what about AIDS?

It was created in a laboratory by white Jewish scientists.

A conspiracy with the FBI,

to annihilate the power of the Black Nation.

I knew I was going to knock you out.

The Holocaust?

It never existed.

Oh, man.

And all those stories and photos?

Shit, it's all fake.

As authentic as your hair.

Look at this shit. I've read this book.

Page after page demonstrates

that the Jews invented the Holocaust.

That shit didn't exist.

I think I've read the same book. Remember the part about slavery?

Which part?

Where it shows

that all African Americans who arrived in 1600

they came by themselves.

Most of them paid for their own trip.

What the fuck are you talking about, man?

They heard there was work picking cotton

and who could later become thieves and crack addicts,

and they came at full speed.

Can you believe it? Slavery never existed.

That's not fucking funny.

It's as funny as the Holocaust, don't you think?

Let's see how funny this is for you.

Why don't you grab your bucket and spade and go?

You're fired.

Attention everyone, we're starting.

I want silence! This is not a game!

Give me a minute, will you? It was the rubber.

Goodbye to rubber.

Damn, goodbye to rubber.

Well...

What do you think I am, a machine?

What are you doing?

Come on, Kelly. Come back here.

Go back to bed.

Look, I know these things happen sometimes,

but I have to know, can you do it or not?

Because if you can't, I have to find someone who can.

What's up, honey, did I hurt your feelings?

Well yes, Kelly, you've hurt my feelings.

I like you, okay!

But you make me feel like a tough piece of meat.

Not so hard, don't you think?

Get out of here!

Do you think I'm going to do it after what you said?

You can't do it.

Come to bed.

¡No!

Let me go!

I'll see you on the set, Dirk.

- Is anyone going downtown? - No, thanks.

- Where are you going, Mary? - Downtown.

Genial.

Is anyone else going downtown?

OK.

The car is big, girls.

Nobody's up for it?

- Come on in. - Thanks.

Damn!

¡Mary!

¡Mary!

Where will it be?

You know, Mary, I have to say

that of all the women who have passed through my classes,

You are by far the bravest and most dedicated.

Thanks, Doug. You're a great teacher.

They all say it.

Oh, well...

Yes and no. Come on...

Just the teacher is not enough.

What does your boyfriend do?

God!

But what...?

Good heavens!

I'm leaving, Diana.

Please don't leave me. I love you, Dirk.

I love you, Dirk. I love you.

That doesn't mean anything to me anymore.

You said you loved me.

I don't love you anymore, Diana. You're weak and defenseless.

Frankly, you bore me.

Tell me, Dirk, what do you want me to do?

Get out of my life.

And now what are you going to do?

Try to commit suicide again?

Is that Bob on TV?

Yes, it's Bob!

Look at that.

How long have you been together?

Six years.

You don't say!

A happy marriage.

I don't think either of them

is very interested in marriage.

Did you know?

Your boy is a very lucky man.

Thank you.

¡Mary!

What's wrong, honey?

Can I come in?

Of course, of course.

What's going on?

What is it?

I've been thinking.

It's important that I tell you.

That?

Tell me what?

I have been a...

No, Bob, you haven't been.

Yes I have been, okay?

Yeah.

I feel...

What? What do you feel?

What, honey?

No problem.

Did they pay you?

No.

But it was worth it.

Genial, Joe.

The first paid acting job of your life

and you kill him for saying something stupid.

It's not for nothing,

but a chat is the last thing I need.

¡Joe!

Will you ever remember to lift the toilet seat?

when you pee?

What's this "someday" thing? I always raise it.

You never do.

Look, there's pee all over the seat.

There isn't one.

Come and see.

I'm not going to go and see a drop of pee on the toilet seat.

- You admit it. - No.

Will you leave me alone? What's wrong with you?

I won't leave you alone.

You're in a bad mood because you did something stupid.

Are you going to bed already?

It seems so. Why? Is something on your mind?

I'm surprised we haven't made love for a month.

It's not my fault.

It's not my fault either.

Joe, you've been very depressed lately.

No way.

Just yesterday you said your life wasn't going anywhere.

So? I can feel that and not be depressed.

Well, I find it difficult to depend on your mood.

And I have to depend on the rubber band all the time.

It's not all the time.

Well, it seems so to me.

Okay, we're not using it. I'm going to get pregnant. Is that what you want?

Why is it that every time I tell you I don't want to use a condom

Are you accusing me of wanting you to get pregnant?

You said you wanted a boy.

Not now.

When?

Let's leave this discussion.

I'm in a bad mood.

You're in a bad mood. Enough.

Earn money and we'll talk about having children.

Why do you always tell me about the money?

Because you don't have it, and let's face it,

I know you want to be an actor, but you work as a waiter.

You don't even have a representative.

I know I don't have it! Do you think I don't know?

No me grites.

Well, don't talk to me like I'm an idiot.

Do you think I like being broke?

And wear a cheap tuxedo

and serve salmon in a greasy sauce?

Do you think I like kissing DeeDee's ass?

to make me work while walking around in a swimsuit

what did you buy?

How do you think that makes me feel?

Joe, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to.

OK?

Come here.

No.

I know it's hard for you, Joe.

But it is for me too.

I feel like I'm carrying all the weight.

It's like I'm alone.

I know.

I have to ask Ernst for more work. That's all there is to it.

I have to find a way to make more money.

Joe, come here.

Joe, I love you with or without money.

I don't want to argue with you.

When I got home I was really looking forward to seeing you.

Did you go for a drink after class?

No, the class ran late and I took a taxi home.

You took a taxi.

Yes, I wanted to get home.

That explains everything.

ONE WEEK LATER

Mary, look at that underwear.

Look at that lace.

Enhance every part of your body

and presents it as a delicious sweet.

What's the matter?

Nothing, I'm listening.

You make a very strange face.

I await your conclusion.

Compare that with the man's,

white, cotton, no style, i.e. a diaper.

- What does that tell you? - Are men babies?

I'm serious, Mary.

I think it is important for the man-woman relationship.

You should write a book about it,

and you could give lectures in lingerie stores.

Thanks, Mary, very funny.

I still need the rent.

I'm picking up Ernst's check today.

Maybe I'm late because I have an audition.

So that?

A movie.

DeeDee Taylor called me.

Good luck.

We're still fighting, aren't we?

I'm not fighting.

No goodbye kiss?

I had an abortion.

And?

How can you be so cruel?

I'm not cruel, Diana, I'm sincere.

I know exactly what you look like.

- I want to leave. - No.

- I want... - You want me. That's what you want.

Cut!

¡Corten, corten!

Bob, it's all about energy.

When you grab it, I want to see energy.

What the fuck do you mean?

Sis, please be so kind as to explain to him what the fuck I want.

Louder, Carl? Is that what you mean?

Damn it! I'm coming right now!

This is what I'm talking about!

You grab it like this.

Strong!

She feels it. You feel it.

He gets excited. He's like a cornered animal.

Suddenly you pull towards you, like this.

Oh, I like that.

Rip her blouse.

Let him know that now it's about sex,

whether you like it or not.

¿Vale, Shakespeare?

Go crazy.

AND...

...Action!

I had an erection.

Sorry... abortion.

Abortion.

Okay, okay... Come on, Bob. I said action.

Action.

What the fuck is wrong with him now?

Damn!

Bob, Bob!

I'll leave it, okay?

No contracts or anything. The party's over.

Bob, don't take it so seriously, man.

You're just a bit stuck, that's all.

It happens to all of us.

We have a big problem here,

and I'll tell you exactly which one.

It's Carl, right? Do you want another director?

It's not Dirk and Diana.

His story is at a standstill.

They go in circles.

They say the same thing over and over again.

It's not real.

There is no movement, they do not evolve.

Want evolution? No problem.

Okay, let's see.

Now... they're getting married.

OK?

We do the whole ceremony,

and the wedding night...

Hot bath, body oil.

Are you following me? You wanted evolution, there you have it.

I would go in exactly the other direction.

Let's see what you think.

The next time Diana tries to commit suicide,

he gets it.

It would be fun.

He's always talking about it.

In each episode.

Is he committing suicide?

He commits suicide.

He commits suicide.

God, I can't believe how simple it was.

Good idea, Roy.

Thanks for thinking about it.

Oh really.

Kelly.

What does the photometer say?

It's eleven.

And the, uh...

I know, I can feel it.

- Yes? - Yes.

He said to let me go.

and to dedicate time to myself.

- Your favorite? - Yes.

Myself, yes.

I told you I was very spiritual.

Today's horoscope said:

"Look within yourself and what was lost,

will be recovered."

I've got something back, Mary.

To someone.

Oh really?

The guy you went skating with?

- What? - The one who elbowed you?

Oh, that was an accident.

Besides, love isn't perfect, Mary.

I have learned that and I am a happier person.

Sahara, darling, I need you now.

Can you all be quiet for a bit?

Can I have a little silence in this room?

This isn't a game. No playing here.

I'm sorry to yell, but I'm really angry.

Not with you, my dears.

You're both magnificent. Come on, those photos.

Yes, yes, love.

Sensual.

Okay, Rubio, we're almost done.

Stomach.

I want to see those strong, tight abs.

That's it. Eternity.

Eternal love.

Go on.

Give me more.

Give me abs. Tight abs.

More tense, more, more.

What happened?

What has it been?

He is very embarrassed.

He's never farted in front of a woman before.

Rubio, it's okay, calm down.

I don't mind.

Come here, darling.

I don't mind.

Oh, Rubio, I love you.

Rubio, don't worry.

Don't worry, honey.

Leave them.

Mr. Bob.

Washing, ironing, hanging, not boxing.

- You're the best, Chang. I know it.

Here, I have something for you.

- Oh, no. - My tuxedo.

Mr. Bob.

I told you I was going to give it to you.

Keep it, will you?

Will he sign?

That?

Sign your name here.

Chang, I'm not signing a fucking tuxedo.

Oh, Mr. Bob, yes he will sign.

"Souvenir", remember?

Hey, Bob!

But look! How much money!

How are you, uncle?

Okay. Did you hear my message? Why didn't you call me?

I was going to call you, but I was really busy with the fucking soap opera.

So, you're doing very well.

I'm not complaining.

I just signed for five years.

- Great, five years! - And how about you?

Are you still a waiter?

Yes, I came to pick up the tuxedo.

Pay attention to this.

What's that?

I shot a video with Madonna.

He called me at home.

I've called but I can't get through to her.

What? You don't believe me?

Come to my house right now.

Let's go to my house. I'll play you the tape.

I saved it. Come on, I'll put it on for you.

It was that girl I told you about.

She imitates Madonna very well.

I said, "Call my buddy Joe.

Tell her you're Madonna and leave a fake number."

I didn't think he would do it.

Was it you?

Yeah!

Man, I'm sorry.

I thought you'd find it funny. I'm so sorry.

We have to meet one of these days.

Yes, yes. Definitely. We'll meet.

Well, I'll call you.

You look good.

I'm wondering the same.

Hey, maybe I'll get married.

- You haven't been back since then? - Yes.

But I hardly even look at him.

I'm still furious.

Mary, I wonder if...

that enormous anger you feel towards Doug

is not in any way undeserved.

What does it mean?

Should he be so harshly condemned,

just because I find you sexually desirable?

Should I be grateful to him for trying to kiss me?

Is that what you mean?

Mary, I know this is a delicate matter for you,

but don't forget that I'm on your side.

I sincerely believe that you are having difficulties

to accept yourself as a beautiful woman

and sexually desirable.

Mr. Leuter, would you mind stopping talking like that?

Because?

Well, honestly?

I find this strange to hear from my own therapist.

Yes, I'm your therapist, Mary,

but I am also a man.

And I would be lying to you if I said

that I don't have impulses like both of them.

Do you think lying would be beneficial to you?

No.

Actually,

I have harbored sexual fantasies during our encounters.

- Dr. Leuter... - Let me finish.

Alright.

Just a moment ago, when you were talking,

and while being totally and professionally attentive

to what you were saying,

Part of me wondered what it would be like to feel

your naked breasts in my hands.

- I'd better go. - Mary, please sit down.

It is imperative that you address this problem.

Mary.

I'm not your fucking dog.

I won't repeat it to you.

Quiet!

- Don't hit him. - Shut your fucking mouth!

You're an asshole, dude.

Do you think I'm an idiot?

Do you want me to shoot you, you bastard?

- Should I shoot you? - Go ahead!

I'm going to blow your brains out!

- Go ahead! - I'll shoot!

Go ahead, shoot, I don't care.

Forward.

Lisa, come on, baby!

- Excuse me, Ernst? - What's up?

You're probably going to fire me,

but I don't know how I lost my bow tie.

Jesus!

Mary, Joseph and Moses.

I've looked everywhere. It must have fallen out of my bag.

I know you're short tonight...

I feel terrible.

Come here, Joe.

This is called having resources.

Do you know how to tie a knot?

No, sir. Mine has a clasp.

Are you at lunch tomorrow?

No, they haven't told me.

Put it on your calendar.

Thank you, Ernst.

I'll try to bring my bow tie.

Keep this one.

Atite looks better.

And hit.

And hit.

GOOD.

We still have one minute left.

Chantal, will you come for a moment?

Doug, could it be another one? I'm not feeling well today.

Chantal, your CLR is the lowest in the class.

If we try it today

Could you raise it by 25 points? What do you say? Come on.

Okay, relax.

Look, it's done.

I have something here for you, mommy.

All for you, mamaita.

Okay. It's okay. Are you okay?

- Yes. - Calm down.

Girls!

Remember, tears are an entirely appropriate response.

GOOD.

Mary, why don't you come here?

How did it go?

GOOD.

You seem a little upset about something. Are you okay?

Never better.

Why don't you turn around and show me that little ass?

Let's go.

Knee... to the groin.

I had an abortion.

And?

Dirk, how can you be so cruel?

I'm not cruel, Diana. I'm sincere.

Here. I brought you something.

I love you, Dirk.

Oh my God!

In the end he did it.

SILENCE PLEASE AUDITIONS

Joe Finnagan. I'm coming in at 7:45.

The one from 8 just came in.

- Sorry. - It'll have to wait.

Joe.

Joe.

¿Joe?

Hi Mary, I'm Sahara.

You won't believe this, but I think I'm getting married.

I know it's crazy, but I'm in love. Call me. Bye.

Joe and Mary, very different.

They could be considered adversaries.

However, I must confess

that she is the one I love the most.

See you tonight.

Great script. Good night, DeeDee.

A big kiss.

- Goodbye, Larry. - See you later.

Nice to see you, Lawrence.

- Next, please. - Finnagan.

- There's one more. - Who is it? I don't recognize him.

It's Joe Finnagan.

The one I told you about.

For me a wine and a Bloody Mary.

Frankly, for me too.

Joe, why are you wearing a tuxedo?

Excuse me, Miss Taylor. I just got off work.

Joe, almost all the roles are assigned,

but since you are the last

We want you to read the Nick and Shelly scene.

That's Tina. She's going to read with you.

I know you, from Madonna's video.

Remember? You thought it was Madonna.

God, you look so different.

You have changed your hair.

I'm back to my natural color.

Let's see, it's very simple.

You are a serial killer.

A very sexy serial killer.

She thinks you like killing more than she does,

so grab the gun you just used

to kill his father, mother,

sister and brother.

Not to my brother. It's too much.

It's necessary. It's symbolic.

Would you mind saving me from this?

I'll make that decision, okay?

Whenever you want.

I love you, Shelly.

Give me the gun.

No. You don't love me.

Yeah.

Tell me something you like about me.

Dime.

I love your hair.

Your breathing, your skin, your eyes.

I love your smile, your touch.

I love the way you fall asleep at night,

holding my finger.

Please.

Please.

Give me that gun.

You've changed some phrases, Joe.

Sorry, I got distracted. Thanks.

No, wait.

And something else?

Should I ask him?

¡Joe!

We would like to see something else.

Something of a different tone.

- Now? - Whatever you want, Joe.

We want to get an idea of your record.

Do you have anything like that, Joe?

¿Sabes, Bitf?

Sometimes I feel like going into that warehouse.

and beat up that damn sales manager.

I could hit,

smash and outperform anyone in that warehouse.

And I still have to obey

to those vulgar, mean sons of bitches.

Until I can't take it anymore.

What, Bitf?

Everyone around me

They are so fake.

that I constantly lower my ideals.

You see? My instinct never fails me.

That was very good, Joe. Very, very good.

Bravo.

I have a role in a movie.

I can't believe it. My first role.

Everyone liked you, Joe. You did well.

Was I okay? No, you were okay.

Why don't you act too?

I'm not an actress, Joe. I know that now.

And what is it like to be a Madonna lookalike?

Blonde, brunette, blonde again.

My hair couldn't take it anymore.

I think it's fine like this.

Yes, that's very good.

I've been wanting to do it all night.

They gave me a role in a movie.

Incredible.

A friend told me about this place.

Do you see these waitresses?

They are models. Top models.

You're so sexy, Joe. I want you right now.

Tina, I want you too.

When you told me those things,

it was like you meant it,

as if you were talking to me.

This is crazy.

Let's go to my house.

No. I'd like to, but...

I like you too, Joe.

No, seriously, I'm leaving.

- Are you leaving? - I'm sorry, Tina...

Will you be okay?

Yeah.

Yes, don't worry.

Nice to see you again, Joe.

Me too, Tina.

I got the role.

- Yes? - In the movie.

And paid.

Joe, that's fantastic.

Joe, Joe...

¡Joe!

Do I have sexual problems?

Are you crazy?

The doctor told me so

because I didn't want to hear his sexual fantasies about me.

What fantasies?

He said he was a man and wondered what it would be like to feel

my naked breasts in his hands.

Let's see how my bare fists feel on his face.

Joe, you don't think I have sexual problems?

God, no.

You tell me I'm not spontaneous.

But Mary...

Come on, Mary, I was talking about both of them.

Are you still attracted to me?

Of course.

We haven't made love for two months.

I know. Are you kidding?

I have it very clear.

Maybe you're not attracted to me.

How can you say that?

Maybe you're attracted to guys like that teacher.

and his luxurious BMW.

Joe.

I'm very attracted to you.

And I'm very attracted to you,

a lot, Mary.

I'm really, really, really attracted to you, Joe.

- God. - Holy.

Joe, you've been amazing.

Me? And you?

Bunny? Little sex bunny.

Carrot boy.

How did you know my teacher had a BMW?

Do you have it?

Yeah.

Luck.

Sorry about the rubber. Do you think anything will happen?

I don't know.

I hope so.

Good morning. How do you like your eggs?

Not very well done.

Well, not very well done it will be.

Everything will be easy from now on.

Do you know what I've decided for the wedding?

I'm going back to my natural color.

Brunette again. I haven't been brunette for years.

I don't even remember anymore.

But that's just the way I am after all.

And what more do you want than my authentic self?

Hey, Bobby? Absolutely me and nothing else.

¡Buddy!