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1
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How did I get to this place?
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Draped across a man's lap.
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Being punished like a disobedient child.
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Willingly submitting myself to him.
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Surrendering control.
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How does anyone get to this place?
7
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Where every single fiber of who you thought you were suddenly vanishes.
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...someone new.
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...is born.
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This is my story.
11
00:00:51,220 --> 00:00:53,080
Normal.
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00:00:53,080 --> 00:00:56,600
Webster's dictionary defines normal as....
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...conforming to the standard or the common type.
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00:00:59,820 --> 00:01:08,000
...Usual...not abnormal...regular...standard.
15
00:01:08,000 --> 00:01:14,650
But ... how does anyone define that for themselves.
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00:01:15,540 --> 00:01:23,250
By society's standards it would be anything that doesn't challenge an expected idea or behavior.
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00:01:25,820 --> 00:01:31,200
Living the textbook perfect life in order for everyone else to accept you.
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Even if you don't accept you.
19
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Yes! Yes!
20
00:17:58,730 --> 00:18:02,800
Congratulations! It's over 2 karats.
21
00:18:02,800 --> 00:18:04,800
Impressive.
22
00:18:04,260 --> 00:18:09,200
Thank god it was a Tiffany cut. I would've shot myself if it was a marquis!
23
00:18:12,000 --> 00:18:14,600
Do you think I should update my Facebook status?
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00:18:14,600 --> 00:18:18,200
I don't want to seem to look like one of those girls that want everyone talking about their engagement.
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I'm just so excited!
26
00:18:20,200 --> 00:18:22,250
Aren't girls supposed to talk about their engagements?
27
00:18:22,250 --> 00:18:25,110
I mean...isn't that part of the point?
28
00:18:25,110 --> 00:18:27,110
What the hell is wrong with you?
29
00:18:27,110 --> 00:18:29,110
Nothing.
30
00:18:29,110 --> 00:18:31,110
You're gonna be my maid of honor Emma.
31
00:18:31,110 --> 00:18:34,340
The least you can do is pretend to be happy for me.
32
00:18:35,000 --> 00:18:36,340
What!?
33
00:18:36,340 --> 00:18:39,940
Well....wasn't he just threatening to break up with you last week?
34
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He was threatening to break up with me?
35
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Because I was pressuring him about getting married.
36
00:18:45,020 --> 00:18:48,170
Now that we're engaged...there's no more pressure.
37
00:18:48,170 --> 00:18:51,200
That's entirely logical.
38
00:18:51,200 --> 00:18:53,200
I'm sorry!...
39
00:18:53,200 --> 00:18:58,770
But I'm a little shocked that you feel entitled to give me advice about relationships!
40
00:18:58,770 --> 00:19:02,880
When have you ever been in a relationship?
41
00:19:02,880 --> 00:19:06,050
I didn't entirely blame her for being mad.
42
00:19:06,050 --> 00:19:07,570
She was right.
43
00:19:07,570 --> 00:19:09,570
What did I know about relationships?
44
00:19:09,570 --> 00:19:14,400
And just so you know...everyone including mom and dad think you're gay!
45
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I'd never even had one.
46
00:19:16,400 --> 00:19:19,340
I hated the phoniness of twenty-somethings dating.
47
00:19:19,340 --> 00:19:22,340
All those text-messages with emoticons....
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...liking of each other's Facebook's status"...
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...but the fact still remained.
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While the rest of the world seemed completely comfortable embracing each other's clichés...
51
00:19:31,200 --> 00:19:34,940
....when it came to love and romance I was hopelessly detached.
52
00:19:34,940 --> 00:19:40,220
Disinterested to the point that I wondered if there was something psychologically wrong with me.
53
00:19:40,220 --> 00:19:42,220
Until one February morning....
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...I met the man that changed...absolutely everything.
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00:19:48,600 --> 00:19:51,050
Mr. Frederick's ready for you.
56
00:19:51,050 --> 00:19:56,340
I met him while working on my master's thesis about gender equality in the workplace.
57
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I'd interviewed everyone from female executives to male nurses to transgender women battling the glass ceiling.
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William Frederick was of interest because 97% of his 2000 employees were female.
59
00:20:16,450 --> 00:20:18,770
You that girl doing the paper?
60
00:20:18,770 --> 00:20:21,880
Emma Marx. Yes.
61
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I have some interview questions that I'd like to ask you.
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Let's just get started.
63
00:20:40,820 --> 00:20:43,310
The interview lasted about 30 minutes...
64
00:20:43,310 --> 00:20:47,570
...covering topics ranging from his overly arrogant hiring process...
65
00:20:47,570 --> 00:20:50,220
There's no one who's better at hiring than I am.
66
00:20:51,170 --> 00:20:57,310
I can tell more about someone in the first 5 seconds than even their on parents can.
67
00:20:57,770 --> 00:21:00,820
...To his sexist reason for hiring predominantly women.
68
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Women are hormonally optimal for working at this company.
69
00:21:05,400 --> 00:21:08,820
I like women. I can read women.
70
00:21:08,820 --> 00:21:10,820
Even better than I can read men.
71
00:21:11,220 --> 00:21:14,400
Women are malleable and I like malleable.
72
00:21:14,400 --> 00:21:19,340
But it was one part of the conversation that stood out over all the rest.
73
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Something that resonated with me in ways that I couldn't even begin to understand.
74
00:21:23,600 --> 00:21:29,480
I like employees who enjoy submitting to authority rather than challenging it.
75
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They make the best employees.
76
00:21:32,110 --> 00:21:36,000
Why because that way you're always in control?
77
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I'm entitled to control. This is my company.
78
00:21:38,000 --> 00:21:42,280
You'd be surprised. People like being told what to do.
79
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You don't.
80
00:21:44,280 --> 00:21:45,710
No.
81
00:21:45,710 --> 00:21:47,710
I don't get off on it.
82
00:21:47,710 --> 00:21:49,710
I get off on control.
83
00:21:50,310 --> 00:21:53,800
I get off watching other people submit to it.
84
00:21:53,800 --> 00:21:58,250
People enjoy that rare sense of freedom when someone else is in the driver's seat.
85
00:21:58,250 --> 00:22:01,020
I don't think controlling someone liberates them.
86
00:22:01,020 --> 00:22:03,020
Do you think you're liberated?
87
00:22:04,510 --> 00:22:06,510
Yes I do actually.
88
00:22:06,510 --> 00:22:08,510
Well you're not.
89
00:22:08,200 --> 00:22:09,910
Excuse me but...
90
00:22:09,910 --> 00:22:14,000
....I don't think you're as good judging people as you think you are.
91
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I'm very liberated.
92
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I'd like to see your version of liberated and then show you mine.
93
00:22:24,250 --> 00:22:28,140
[announcer speaks]
94
00:22:29,450 --> 00:22:32,510
Have her hold.
95
00:22:33,110 --> 00:22:34,770
I've got to take this call.
96
00:22:35,510 --> 00:22:37,650
I hope I didn't offend you.
97
00:22:37,650 --> 00:22:40,540
I'm just not usually one for self-restraint.
98
00:22:41,880 --> 00:22:44,250
That's too bad.
99
00:22:50,800 --> 00:22:53,650
Thank you for your time. Uhh...
100
00:22:53,650 --> 00:22:55,650
...it was a pleasure.
101
00:22:55,650 --> 00:23:01,020
Has anyone ever told you that you are absolutely breathtaking!
102
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Everything about you.
103
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Breathtaking!
104
00:23:08,540 --> 00:23:11,970
In that moment my world turned upside down.
105
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William Frederick found me breathtaking?
106
00:23:15,740 --> 00:23:18,910
I wanted to laugh out loud I was so happy.
107
00:23:21,770 --> 00:23:23,820
This is what people always talked about.
108
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Those insane attractions to another person that leaves your head spinning.
109
00:23:29,480 --> 00:23:33,000
And no matter what I did I couldn't shake the thought of him.
110
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The intensity of his stare.
111
00:23:36,540 --> 00:23:40,600
The casual way insults rolled off his tongue.
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The sexual undertone of his conversation.
113
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I imagined it all.
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I couldn't shut off my brain from thoughts of him.
115
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I craved his scent.
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His taste.
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His touch against my body.
118
00:24:20,650 --> 00:24:23,820
You never sleep this late. What's wrong with you?
119
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Nothing.
120
00:24:28,540 --> 00:24:29,510
What's that?
121
00:24:29,510 --> 00:24:34,650
Well ... I stayed up all night arguing with Greg...
122
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...about where we're gonna have our engagement party.
123
00:24:37,200 --> 00:24:40,050
He wants to have it at some sports bar!
124
00:24:40,820 --> 00:24:45,970
Anyways by the time I got to sleep at 8 am this morning...
125
00:24:45,970 --> 00:24:50,450
...some asshole delivery guy comes knocking on the door!
126
00:24:50,450 --> 00:24:53,910
He says he has a telegram marked "urgent".
127
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I didn't even know people still sent telegrams!
128
00:24:58,820 --> 00:25:00,820
Who's it from?
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William Frederick.
130
00:25:02,480 --> 00:25:04,110
Who's that?
131
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No one.
132
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Emma!
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The pleasure of your company yesterday was worth any jab you took at my character.
134
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The day of your graduation...
135
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...you will receive information...
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...about an opportunity that will change your life.
137
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Do not contact me before that time or I take the offer off the table.
138
00:25:23,600 --> 00:25:25,600
William B. Frederick.
139
00:25:27,940 --> 00:25:30,140
Well what's it say?
140
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Nothing.
141
00:25:33,370 --> 00:25:39,310
So someone sent you a telegram...that says nothing?
142
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Whatever.
143
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Uhh.
144
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Graduation was nearly four months away! Four months!
145
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Four months of waiting in anticipation without even a hint of what William Frederick was offering.
146
00:26:00,850 --> 00:26:03,540
And my curiosity had become an obsession.
147
00:26:03,540 --> 00:26:06,770
My mind an endless barrage of unanswered questions.
148
00:26:07,310 --> 00:26:11,970
Why did I have to wait? What was this amazing opportunity?
149
00:26:12,940 --> 00:26:18,020
Was this even a legitimate offer or merely a mind game in an attempt to control me?
150
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Me...who always had to be in control.
151
00:26:20,710 --> 00:26:22,710
Who always had to have the answers.
152
00:26:25,710 --> 00:26:29,620
Who always had to have things neatly tied off and logically explained.
153
00:26:29,940 --> 00:26:34,310
And so I did the only thing I could do to make the time pass more quickly.
154
00:26:34,310 --> 00:26:37,170
I worked on my thesis tirelessly.
155
00:26:37,170 --> 00:26:40,420
And I got off on the fact that as much as I hated to admit it...
156
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This man had complete control over me.
157
00:26:43,420 --> 00:26:45,420
And I absolutely loved it.
158
00:26:45,420 --> 00:26:47,080
[phone rings] Hello.
159
00:26:47,080 --> 00:26:49,080
It's driving you crazy isn't it?
160
00:26:49,080 --> 00:26:51,080
Who is this?
161
00:26:51,080 --> 00:26:53,080
Do you really have to ask that?
162
00:26:53,600 --> 00:26:55,080
How'd you get my cell phone number?
163
00:26:55,080 --> 00:26:58,850
And more importantly how'd you get my address?
164
00:26:59,680 --> 00:27:04,710
Those sorts of things are not particularly challenging to someone with money and resources.
165
00:27:04,710 --> 00:27:06,710
Of course they're not.
166
00:27:06,710 --> 00:27:08,000
So...
167
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...is it driving you crazy?
168
00:27:10,000 --> 00:27:12,000
You're the expert at reading people.
169
00:27:12,000 --> 00:27:14,000
Why don't you tell me.
170
00:27:14,000 --> 00:27:16,910
It excites the living hell out of you.
171
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Not particularly.
172
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You're a bad liar.
173
00:27:21,710 --> 00:27:24,540
You've thought of nothing else.
174
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I like knowing you're frustrated.
175
00:27:28,650 --> 00:27:29,800
Ohh!
176
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Do you realize how pathological that sounds?
177
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I'll see you soon.
178
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If you know how to follow instructions.
179
00:27:41,680 --> 00:27:44,110
Hello.
180
00:27:46,200 --> 00:27:48,680
Four months passed like four decades.
181
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But the day was finally upon me.
182
00:28:05,800 --> 00:28:07,820
Dear Emma...
183
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Meet me at 6 pm at 2134 Olympia Drive tonight.
184
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Shower first.
185
00:28:19,170 --> 00:28:24,510
Put on a cocktail dress with thigh-high stockings and heels...
186
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The door will be unlocked. Let yourself in.
187
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Go immediately to the dining room and wait for me.
188
00:28:33,880 --> 00:28:36,680
Bring the signed paperwork with you.
189
00:28:52,340 --> 00:28:56,510
Looking back it seems almost unbelievable how relaxed I was.
190
00:28:56,510 --> 00:29:00,250
I had no clue why he invited me here or what to expect.
191
00:29:00,250 --> 00:29:03,080
The paperwork ended up being a non-disclosure agreement.
192
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Asking that I keep my conversations with him confidential...
193
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...in order to protect his privacy from the media.
194
00:29:08,560 --> 00:29:10,560
It seemed reasonable enough.
195
00:29:19,860 --> 00:29:21,780
Sit.
196
00:29:33,660 --> 00:29:37,640
Well with a place this big I half expected you to have a butler.
197
00:29:38,920 --> 00:29:39,640
No.
198
00:29:39,640 --> 00:29:41,640
No butler.
199
00:29:43,200 --> 00:29:47,220
I don't really like inviting people into my world.
200
00:29:54,660 --> 00:29:58,100
Thank you for agreeing to meet with me.
201
00:30:02,480 --> 00:30:08,520
Well the...the curiosity is killing me. I'm sure you already know that.
202
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Eat.
203
00:30:42,020 --> 00:30:45,320
You are going to tell me why I'm here right?
204
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I've been waiting for nearly 4 months.
205
00:30:49,240 --> 00:30:51,240
It's a date.
206
00:30:51,240 --> 00:30:53,240
A date?
207
00:30:53,520 --> 00:30:58,120
When was two people getting dressed up for dinner not a date?
208
00:31:01,460 --> 00:31:03,780
Okay it's not a date.
209
00:31:03,780 --> 00:31:05,780
Here.
210
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Read that. Tell me what you think.
211
00:31:13,980 --> 00:31:15,440
Up until this moment...
212
00:31:15,440 --> 00:31:18,600
...nearly everything about William had been a mystery to me.
213
00:31:18,600 --> 00:31:22,520
Who he was what he was about what made him tick.
214
00:31:23,840 --> 00:31:27,340
But now....mapped out in the finest print on watermarked paper...
215
00:31:27,340 --> 00:31:33,720
...were his innermost secrets so perverse...so shocking I never could've dreamt them up.
216
00:31:33,880 --> 00:31:40,140
This document that he casually slid across the dining room table was not so casual at all.
217
00:31:40,140 --> 00:31:43,300
Words like fisting flogging and nipple clips stood out.
218
00:31:43,300 --> 00:31:49,100
Words like dom and sub and master and slave were thrown around with no consequence.
219
00:31:55,800 --> 00:31:59,420
Is this a contract soliciting me...
220
00:31:59,420 --> 00:32:02,620
...for a BDSM relationship?
221
00:32:02,620 --> 00:32:04,620
What if it was?
222
00:32:08,120 --> 00:32:11,660
Is it?
223
00:32:22,480 --> 00:32:24,820
Wow! [hmmm]
224
00:32:24,820 --> 00:32:29,040
Thank you for the ... life-changing opportunity Mr. Frederick.
225
00:32:29,040 --> 00:32:31,040
But...
226
00:32:31,460 --> 00:32:33,820
...I'll have to pass.
227
00:32:38,280 --> 00:32:40,820
I prefer being the one in control.
228
00:32:40,820 --> 00:32:43,660
Not the one being told what to do.
229
00:32:45,420 --> 00:32:49,380
That's where you're wrong!
230
00:32:49,380 --> 00:32:52,440
Because if it was true then why show up tonight?
231
00:32:52,440 --> 00:32:54,220
Shear curiosity!
232
00:32:54,220 --> 00:32:56,220
I told you that.
233
00:32:57,960 --> 00:32:59,460
Fair enough...
234
00:32:59,460 --> 00:33:00,960
But...
235
00:33:00,960 --> 00:33:06,000
...that's not why you're wearing the thigh-high stockings I told you to wear is it?
236
00:33:10,360 --> 00:33:14,040
You are wearing them aren't you?
237
00:33:33,260 --> 00:33:38,340
I like.... being in control.
238
00:33:39,260 --> 00:33:41,660
Is that a fact?
239
00:34:41,560 --> 00:34:44,900
No I want you to get undressed.
240
00:34:48,460 --> 00:34:50,740
It was out of character for me.
241
00:34:50,740 --> 00:34:54,600
Following orders but for whatever reason....
242
00:34:54,600 --> 00:34:58,280
...I wanted to obey him.
243
00:35:41,580 --> 00:35:44,220
And your underwear.
244
00:36:02,300 --> 00:36:04,960
Now I want you to touch yourself.
245
00:36:53,300 --> 00:36:55,720
Look at me while you do it.
246
00:37:09,080 --> 00:37:11,880
Yeah.
247
00:37:22,060 --> 00:37:25,740
Come on. Get yourself off.
248
00:38:05,580 --> 00:38:07,680
Good.
249
00:38:34,940 --> 00:38:38,860
Now sit on the table.
250
00:43:10,440 --> 00:43:13,340
Now take my clothes off.
251
00:43:22,060 --> 00:43:24,640
Look at me.
252
00:44:33,320 --> 00:44:35,920
Now the zipper.
253
00:44:53,920 --> 00:44:56,720
Give me your hand.
254
00:45:10,980 --> 00:45:13,660
Look at me.
255
00:48:01,280 --> 00:48:07,770
Hands behind your back.
256
00:56:01,170 --> 00:56:09,290
When I woke the next day as much as I wanted to convince myself that this was a dream it wasn't.
257
00:56:09,760 --> 00:56:11,450
And last night's sex marathon....
258
00:56:11,450 --> 00:56:15,730
...had ended in a series of negotiations that I'm still fuzzy about.
259
00:56:15,730 --> 00:56:17,240
Come or go or stay.
260
00:56:17,240 --> 00:56:18,650
Is yours of course.
261
00:56:18,650 --> 00:56:20,650
You can leave anytime you want.
262
00:56:21,170 --> 00:56:23,800
And...I won't chase you.
263
00:56:23,800 --> 00:56:25,910
Although I'll probably want to....
264
00:56:31,170 --> 00:56:33,060
I don't ... nipple clips...
265
00:56:33,060 --> 00:56:35,550
....and absolutely nothing involving suffocation.
266
00:56:35,550 --> 00:56:37,550
...choking...
267
00:56:39,300 --> 00:56:42,660
I can't believe I'm having this conversation!
268
00:56:42,660 --> 00:56:44,660
Go on.
269
00:56:44,980 --> 00:56:47,980
I'm also not a fan of gynecological devices.
270
00:56:47,980 --> 00:56:49,330
And...
271
00:56:49,330 --> 00:56:52,120
...I'm definitely nervous about the punishment part.
272
00:56:52,120 --> 00:56:54,120
And I'm on the fence with anal.
273
00:56:54,850 --> 00:56:56,850
Pain is the pleasure.
274
00:56:56,850 --> 00:56:58,850
We'll see.
275
00:56:58,850 --> 00:57:00,850
As for the other things they can go.
276
00:57:01,110 --> 00:57:04,770
But anal stays and we'll revisit that when the time comes.
277
00:57:05,430 --> 00:57:08,470
So...do we have a deal?
278
00:57:08,470 --> 00:57:10,250
Not yet.
279
00:57:10,250 --> 00:57:12,250
what?
280
00:57:12,860 --> 00:57:15,400
Give me a job at your company.
281
00:57:15,400 --> 00:57:19,100
And in a position that I can...control my own life.
282
00:57:21,360 --> 00:57:24,480
Huh! You drive a hard bargain.
283
00:57:24,980 --> 00:57:24,990
Well...
284
00:57:24,990 --> 00:57:26,360
Well...
285
00:57:26,360 --> 00:57:30,080
I might look submissive but I can assure you I'm not.
286
00:57:30,450 --> 00:57:32,080
Huh....
287
00:57:35,200 --> 00:57:37,490
I'll give you a position at my company...
288
00:57:37,490 --> 00:57:38,810
But...
289
00:57:39,060 --> 00:57:42,310
I'd like to extend our little arrangement...
290
00:57:42,310 --> 00:57:43,580
...to the workplace.
291
00:57:43,580 --> 00:57:45,580
It could be fun.
292
00:57:46,180 --> 00:57:47,970
Only from the hours 8 to 5...
293
00:57:47,970 --> 00:57:51,540
...and once the work day is over so is your obligation to me.
294
00:57:52,180 --> 00:57:53,540
...until the weekend.
295
00:58:00,990 --> 00:58:05,160
Give me a salary of $75000 and we have a deal.
296
00:58:12,080 --> 00:58:15,330
I'm not sure why this arrangement initially appealed to me.
297
00:58:15,330 --> 00:58:17,840
I think it had more to do with my attraction to him.
298
00:58:17,840 --> 00:58:21,430
...and any genuine interest in pursuing this lifestyle.
299
00:58:21,430 --> 00:58:24,750
Patience and submission had never been my forte.
300
00:58:43,530 --> 00:58:44,160
Yes...
301
00:58:44,900 --> 00:58:47,380
We have to stop this. People are starting to stare at me.
302
00:58:47,940 --> 00:58:50,000
Come to my office immediately.
303
00:59:14,800 --> 00:59:20,420
Now...
304
00:59:20,420 --> 00:59:22,100
Lift up your skirt.
305
00:59:22,100 --> 00:59:24,100
Right here.
306
00:59:24,100 --> 00:59:32,220
Don't ask questions. Just do as your told.
307
00:59:36,220 --> 00:59:38,050
Now bend over the desk.
308
00:59:38,050 --> 00:59:41,470
I don't want you to hurt me.
309
00:59:41,470 --> 00:59:43,470
You don't follow instructions...
310
00:59:43,470 --> 00:59:44,870
...you'll be punished.
311
00:59:44,870 --> 00:59:46,870
You know this.
312
00:59:54,350 --> 00:59:59,470
There are no gray areas with me Emma.
313
00:59:59,470 --> 01:00:01,470
[smack...uhh!]
314
01:00:01,470 --> 01:00:04,070
What am I even being punished for?!
315
01:00:04,500 --> 01:00:09,100
Our level of discretion is my decision not yours.
316
01:00:09,100 --> 01:00:14,170
Your job is to follow instructions given to you by me.
317
01:00:14,170 --> 01:00:16,170
[smack] Uhh!
318
01:00:16,850 --> 01:00:20,850
From the hours of 8 am to 5 pm...
319
01:00:20,850 --> 01:00:24,170
...I control what you do...
320
01:00:24,170 --> 01:00:26,170
...how you act...
321
01:00:26,170 --> 01:00:28,170
...what you say...
322
01:00:28,170 --> 01:00:29,950
...what you think...
323
01:00:29,950 --> 01:00:35,000
For this relationship to work...you need to surrender completely.
324
01:00:35,000 --> 01:00:37,000
[smack]
325
01:00:37,000 --> 01:00:40,750
So surrender. Do as your told.
326
01:00:40,750 --> 01:00:42,750
[smack]
327
01:00:44,470 --> 01:00:48,820
Now get back to work.
328
01:00:58,070 --> 01:01:02,050
The sting of the paddle permeated every fiber of my body.
329
01:01:02,050 --> 01:01:07,850
...A throbbing pain that was so real so raw that I was still recovering from the shock of it all.
330
01:01:07,850 --> 01:01:13,000
That and the fact that deep down in my demented mind...
331
01:01:13,000 --> 01:01:15,000
...I liked it.
332
01:01:15,270 --> 01:01:19,170
...Oh my god!
333
01:01:19,170 --> 01:01:21,970
What happened to you?! Nothing.
334
01:01:21,970 --> 01:01:23,970
That is not nothing!
335
01:01:23,970 --> 01:01:27,470
It really is nothing. I fell on the way into work yesterday.
336
01:01:27,350 --> 01:01:32,100
Oh my god! You fell smack on your ass?
337
01:01:32,520 --> 01:01:36,750
Oh that was so embarrassing!
338
01:01:36,750 --> 01:01:40,120
Oh my god I would've shot myself.
339
01:01:40,850 --> 01:01:44,900
Well... I was just going to tell you dinner was ready.
340
01:01:44,900 --> 01:01:46,900
Yes.
341
01:01:54,320 --> 01:01:58,950
I felt like a deviant. Here I was headed down a strange new path....
342
01:01:58,950 --> 01:02:04,020
...strange new life that nobody would have suspected from looking in....
343
01:02:04,270 --> 01:02:07,950
It was my own little Pandora's box of pleasure....
344
01:02:47,470 --> 01:02:50,050
And it was a secret that only William and I shared....
345
01:02:47,370 --> 01:02:50,350
It was the start of my first weekend with William...
346
01:02:50,350 --> 01:02:57,550
...and I'd be lying if I said I didn't get off on not knowing what awaited me.
347
01:02:57,550 --> 01:03:04,720
...the anticipation was like foreplay without any touching or human contact.
348
01:03:04,720 --> 01:03:08,650
The ultimate mind-fuck.
349
01:03:59,020 --> 01:04:02,200
Hi. Hi.
350
01:04:10,800 --> 01:04:12,970
I got lost in his touch.
351
01:04:13,270 --> 01:04:17,550
His gentle nature masked such intense power.
352
01:04:17,550 --> 01:04:22,520
I felt instantly safe wrapped in his arms.
353
01:04:26,370 --> 01:04:29,220
I spoke of the gift he left for me at work.
354
01:04:29,220 --> 01:04:34,120
My concern over his presumptive nature that I would one day succumb to anal sex!
355
01:04:34,120 --> 01:04:36,120
What do you want me to do with them?
356
01:04:36,970 --> 01:04:38,500
They'll prepare you...
357
01:04:38,470 --> 01:04:40,420
for...
358
01:04:41,050 --> 01:04:42,670
...anal
359
01:04:42,670 --> 01:04:45,720
he derived great pleasure from my honesty.
360
01:04:45,720 --> 01:04:47,200
assure me that...
361
01:04:51,950 --> 01:04:58,370
Look nothing in this relationship happens without you being okay with it. You know that.
362
01:04:58,370 --> 01:05:02,800
But what if I'm never okay with it?
363
01:05:02,800 --> 01:05:07,650
Don't worry. You'll be begging me for anal before you know it.
364
01:05:07,650 --> 01:05:12,750
It didn't seem to compute. The possibility of my begging for something I never wanted.
365
01:05:12,750 --> 01:05:14,750
But I wasn't going to over think things.
366
01:05:14,750 --> 01:05:17,500
I wanted to relish in this moment.
367
01:05:17,500 --> 01:05:19,350
Him spoiling me.
368
01:05:19,350 --> 01:05:20,920
Him worshiping me.
369
01:05:20,920 --> 01:05:24,050
He was the perfect balance of pleasure and pain.
370
01:05:24,050 --> 01:05:26,050
And it was intoxicating!
371
01:06:30,620 --> 01:06:33,670
The first few weeks served as a mini-boot camp for sexual deviance ....
372
01:06:33,670 --> 01:06:37,420
...as we both solidified the rules of our relationship.
373
01:06:38,770 --> 01:06:41,250
My bedroom is off-limits.
374
01:06:41,250 --> 01:06:44,620
When you're here you sleep in one of the guest bedrooms.
375
01:06:45,700 --> 01:06:49,420
You wear what I tell you to when I tell you to.
376
01:06:49,420 --> 01:06:51,420
No resistance.
377
01:06:53,270 --> 01:06:55,800
Our weekends begin at noon every other Saturday.
378
01:06:55,800 --> 01:06:58,050
Enter the house and kneel at the front door.
379
01:06:58,050 --> 01:07:01,000
Until you are instructed to do otherwise.
380
01:07:01,000 --> 01:07:02,100
Do not get up no matter how long you're forced to wait.
381
01:07:02,100 --> 01:07:05,800
No matter how long you're forced to wait.
382
01:07:06,920 --> 01:07:09,050
I control your orgasm.
383
01:07:09,050 --> 01:07:13,070
Which means absolutely NO masturbation.
384
01:07:17,900 --> 01:07:21,470
Absolutely no touching my face ever!
385
01:07:22,750 --> 01:07:24,450
You call me Mr. Frederick.
386
01:07:24,450 --> 01:07:28,570
And nothing else. Your coffee Mr. Frederick.
387
01:07:29,770 --> 01:07:31,970
You make me happy.
388
01:07:34,070 --> 01:07:37,320
[keys snap]
389
01:07:37,320 --> 01:07:39,050
And as each week progressed....
390
01:07:39,050 --> 01:07:41,950
So did our individual commitment.
391
01:07:47,000 --> 01:07:52,800
Discovering the pleasure of pain....
392
01:07:52,800 --> 01:07:56,920
...and the sweetness of reward.
393
01:08:01,400 --> 01:08:05,250
He continued to test my limits.
394
01:08:09,670 --> 01:08:12,500
You beg me to.
395
01:08:12,970 --> 01:08:16,000
And my personal boundaries.
396
01:08:22,000 --> 01:08:24,910
I enjoyed the deviance.
397
01:08:27,650 --> 01:08:31,110
And relished in the tenderness!
398
01:08:34,510 --> 01:08:40,200
And before I knew it... I wanted nothing more than to give him everything he desired.
399
01:08:40,200 --> 01:08:41,710
He was right.
400
01:08:41,710 --> 01:08:43,710
I don't believe....I was begging for it!\
401
01:08:43,710 --> 01:08:45,710
Uhhh!
402
01:08:46,250 --> 01:08:50,110
And slowly...my walls began to crumble.
403
01:08:50,110 --> 01:08:53,280
The closer and more connected we became.
404
01:08:55,880 --> 01:08:59,740
And eventually everything came easy.
405
01:09:00,510 --> 01:09:04,000
Like we were free falling.
406
01:09:06,200 --> 01:09:10,850
[foot steps]
407
01:09:12,400 --> 01:09:16,480
I'm ready.
408
01:10:46,970 --> 01:10:49,080
Woo.
409
01:10:54,140 --> 01:10:56,910
[breath catches] Ohh.
410
01:13:47,040 --> 01:13:52,880
Please give it to me!
411
01:13:52,880 --> 01:14:00,880
Please you've been so good.
412
01:14:22,160 --> 01:14:31,840
Do you want it now? Yes please.
413
01:15:15,040 --> 01:15:18,720
I want it! I want it please!
414
01:15:27,360 --> 01:15:33,760
Go ahead and give it to me now please!
415
01:18:12,800 --> 01:18:17,600
Go slow!
416
01:18:17,600 --> 01:18:23,360
Oh please!
417
01:18:23,360 --> 01:18:29,920
Oh thank you.
418
01:26:45,200 --> 01:26:48,080
But like they say...
419
01:26:48,080 --> 01:26:50,080
...nothing worth having...
420
01:26:50,080 --> 01:26:51,420
...ever comes easy.
421
01:26:51,420 --> 01:26:56,500
I really can't decide. I really like teal but Sidney hates teal. Though it really shouldn't matter to anyone but me.
422
01:26:56,500 --> 01:26:57,480
Hey guys.
423
01:26:57,320 --> 01:26:59,260
Teal or no teal for the bridesmaid's dresses?
424
01:26:59,260 --> 01:27:01,260
I thought you weren't trying to make a big deal out of your wedding?
425
01:27:01,260 --> 01:27:04,640
I'm trying not to but everyone else seems to.
426
01:27:04,640 --> 01:27:09,300
Well everyone looks good in teal so just go with teal.
427
01:27:10,680 --> 01:27:13,960
How 'bout magenta?!
428
01:27:13,960 --> 01:27:15,680
Did you see her arms?
429
01:27:15,680 --> 01:27:16,800
No.
430
01:27:16,800 --> 01:27:19,880
She had rope burns all over her wrists!
431
01:27:20,240 --> 01:27:21,200
Rope burns?
432
01:27:21,200 --> 01:27:23,200
Like restraint marks.
433
01:27:23,380 --> 01:27:24,980
I read about it in GQ.
434
01:27:24,980 --> 01:27:28,120
Something about BDSM relationships.
435
01:27:28,120 --> 01:27:30,500
It's where they like tie people up.
436
01:27:30,500 --> 01:27:31,940
...beat them! What?!
437
01:27:31,940 --> 01:27:36,020
Yeah it's this whole underground world of freaky bizarro sex!
438
01:27:36,020 --> 01:27:37,480
Oh my god!
439
01:27:37,480 --> 01:27:39,960
You know the other day when she came home from work...
440
01:27:39,960 --> 01:27:41,600
...she had a big bruise on her ass.
441
01:27:41,600 --> 01:27:44,040
She tried to pretend like it was no big deal!
442
01:27:44,040 --> 01:27:47,720
Huh she's a closet freak!
443
01:27:48,580 --> 01:27:50,680
Should I say something to her?
444
01:27:50,680 --> 01:27:52,440
To be honest I wouldn't worry about it.
445
01:27:52,440 --> 01:27:54,440
You can't reason with freaks.
446
01:27:59,340 --> 01:28:02,380
Judgment had reared its ugly head.
447
01:28:02,380 --> 01:28:05,280
And right when my guard was fully down...
448
01:28:05,280 --> 01:28:07,280
...it suddenly had popped back up.
449
01:28:08,960 --> 01:28:11,540
The only solace I had ever known...
450
01:28:11,540 --> 01:28:13,540
...was with Mr. Frederick.
451
01:28:14,140 --> 01:28:17,200
And as he had always done before....
452
01:28:17,580 --> 01:28:22,760
I hoped that this time he could provide me with some much needed clarity.
453
01:28:23,560 --> 01:28:27,340
I think I'm falling in love with you.
454
01:28:29,200 --> 01:28:31,280
What makes you say that?
455
01:28:31,280 --> 01:28:35,180
I just get this feeling whenever I am with you.
456
01:28:35,180 --> 01:28:37,180
Like I'm finally at peace.
457
01:28:37,680 --> 01:28:39,180
Safe.
458
01:28:42,400 --> 01:28:44,940
I'm glad to hear that.
459
01:28:45,040 --> 01:28:47,960
That's a ... rare thing to feel.
460
01:28:49,200 --> 01:28:53,180
It's just the times I'm not with you that have me worried.
461
01:28:53,560 --> 01:28:55,180
What do you mean?
462
01:28:56,120 --> 01:29:00,000
I mean we're not like normal people!
463
01:29:00,320 --> 01:29:04,760
You know like people that go out on dates and hold hands.
464
01:29:04,760 --> 01:29:07,080
....Fall asleep together.
465
01:29:07,720 --> 01:29:11,800
Do you think people would really accept us with ball gags and duct tape?
466
01:29:11,800 --> 01:29:14,320
Do you really care what other people think?
467
01:29:14,320 --> 01:29:15,880
I'm just trying to understand.
468
01:29:15,880 --> 01:29:18,080
I have no real reference point.
469
01:29:18,080 --> 01:29:19,780
And it's just like...
470
01:29:19,780 --> 01:29:22,740
They don't have relationship experts for people like us!
471
01:29:22,740 --> 01:29:24,740
What are you doing?!
472
01:29:25,360 --> 01:29:26,960
I'd hit a nerve with him.
473
01:29:26,960 --> 01:29:28,680
One that would prove beyond repair.
474
01:29:28,680 --> 01:29:30,720
I want you out of this house!
475
01:29:30,720 --> 01:29:31,720
What?!
476
01:29:31,720 --> 01:29:34,480
Please Mr. Frederick! Wait! Why are you doing this?!
477
01:29:34,480 --> 01:29:36,480
You are not cut out for this!
478
01:29:36,480 --> 01:29:40,520
I don't want you to hate yourself because you are incapable of ending this!
479
01:29:40,520 --> 01:29:42,520
No! I am cut out for this Mr. Frederick!
480
01:29:42,520 --> 01:29:44,520
No! Please!
481
01:29:45,080 --> 01:29:46,520
Everything's just new for me!
482
01:29:46,520 --> 01:29:48,140
Can't I question it?! Can't I wonder?!
483
01:29:48,140 --> 01:29:50,700
Questioning seldom leads anywhere good Emma.
484
01:29:50,700 --> 01:29:53,300
I've been down this road. Let me tell you where it ends!
485
01:29:53,300 --> 01:29:56,860
You will lie awake at night comparing what we have to what other people have.
486
01:29:56,860 --> 01:29:59,220
And you'll convince yourself that there's something wrong with us.
487
01:29:59,220 --> 01:30:00,250
Because we're different.
488
01:30:00,250 --> 01:30:01,470
You can't handle that!
489
01:30:01,470 --> 01:30:02,640
No! No!
490
01:30:02,640 --> 01:30:04,640
I'm doing this for your own benefit not mine!
491
01:30:04,640 --> 01:30:07,100
No! Mr. Frederick please!
492
01:30:07,100 --> 01:30:07,720
Oh!
493
01:30:07,720 --> 01:30:09,720
I'm sorry!
494
01:30:11,230 --> 01:30:13,170
You are not normal Emma!
495
01:30:13,880 --> 01:30:16,140
You're gonna have to figure out a way to deal with that.
496
01:30:16,860 --> 01:30:20,100
I felt guilty for making him doubt my commitment.
497
01:30:20,600 --> 01:30:22,040
And so I did the only thing I could...
498
01:30:22,040 --> 01:30:24,940
...in hopes of salvaging what I feared I had already lost.
499
01:30:24,940 --> 01:30:26,030
No.
500
01:30:26,250 --> 01:30:28,030
I asked him to punish me.
501
01:30:30,880 --> 01:30:34,080
I want you to count out loud!
502
01:30:34,660 --> 01:30:35,610
[Smack]
503
01:30:35,610 --> 01:30:36,460
Count!
504
01:30:36,680 --> 01:30:37,260
One.
505
01:30:37,260 --> 01:30:38,800
[Smack] Two!
506
01:30:38,800 --> 01:30:40,140
[Smack] Three!
507
01:30:40,140 --> 01:30:42,140
[Smack] [Screams]
508
01:30:46,130 --> 01:30:47,760
Red...
509
01:30:47,760 --> 01:30:49,760
The safe word.
510
01:30:50,340 --> 01:30:51,960
Never before uttered.
511
01:30:51,960 --> 01:30:54,420
Now echoed through the entire house.
512
01:31:15,140 --> 01:31:17,100
I was broken.
513
01:31:18,690 --> 01:31:22,590
And trying to come to grips with it all was crippling.
514
01:31:26,730 --> 01:31:29,290
I didn't run from Mr. Frederick that night.
515
01:31:29,290 --> 01:31:30,520
I ran from myself.
516
01:31:30,520 --> 01:31:35,630
I ran from all the fears and judgments that had plagued me my entire life.
517
01:31:41,080 --> 01:31:46,910
I wanted to accept our relationship but my fear of the outside world had paralyzed me.
518
01:31:50,240 --> 01:31:55,280
Emma are you okay?
519
01:31:56,240 --> 01:31:59,080
I couldn't tell Nadia the truth.
520
01:31:59,080 --> 01:32:01,840
She would never understand it anyways.
521
01:32:01,840 --> 01:32:03,840
Nobody could.
522
01:32:03,840 --> 01:32:05,840
I couldn't.
523
01:32:09,440 --> 01:32:15,360
Two days later I resigned from my job.
524
01:32:15,960 --> 01:32:23,560
I knew there was no way I could ever make heads or tails of the situation without any distance.
525
01:32:28,560 --> 01:32:31,680
And just as he'd promised...
526
01:32:33,050 --> 01:32:35,200
He didn't try to stop me.
527
01:32:38,250 --> 01:32:40,370
Good luck to you Emma.
528
01:32:41,750 --> 01:32:44,400
Goodbye Mr. Frederick.
529
01:32:47,670 --> 01:32:49,350
It took a while but...
530
01:32:49,350 --> 01:32:55,200
...Finally I found a new job working for one of the female executives I'd interviewed for my thesis.
531
01:32:57,770 --> 01:33:00,900
And in my free time I helped my sister with her wedding.
532
01:33:00,900 --> 01:33:03,720
Trying to keep my mind off the heartache.
533
01:33:03,720 --> 01:33:08,750
Spending a ridiculous amount of time working on her seating chart.
534
01:33:11,550 --> 01:33:16,970
And watching her wedding plans turn from reasonable to full-blown addictions.
535
01:33:23,650 --> 01:33:26,770
The thoughts of Mr. Frederick were always there.
536
01:33:26,770 --> 01:33:30,350
Lingering beneath the surface.
537
01:33:36,950 --> 01:33:41,220
It was an empty feeling that I couldn't escape from.
538
01:33:41,520 --> 01:33:44,820
Whether in the company of others...
539
01:33:44,820 --> 01:33:48,370
...or completely alone.
540
01:33:50,170 --> 01:33:53,420
Would happiness always elude me?
541
01:33:58,120 --> 01:34:00,700
You're glowing.
542
01:34:00,700 --> 01:34:03,020
Am I?
543
01:34:03,020 --> 01:34:05,020
Yeah.
544
01:34:06,570 --> 01:34:10,220
This is the best day in my life.
545
01:34:14,170 --> 01:34:16,620
Sorry that I...
546
01:34:16,620 --> 01:34:19,700
...wasn't more supportive earlier on.
547
01:34:20,650 --> 01:34:22,470
It's okay.
548
01:34:22,470 --> 01:34:24,470
A lot of people weren't.
549
01:34:24,850 --> 01:34:27,300
Life's about being happy.
550
01:34:27,300 --> 01:34:31,770
Nobody can define that happiness for me but me.
551
01:34:32,670 --> 01:34:34,920
You're absolutely right.
552
01:34:34,920 --> 01:34:39,450
After spending months anguishing over everything that had come to pass...
553
01:34:39,450 --> 01:34:42,300
...clarity somehow found me.
554
01:34:42,670 --> 01:34:46,620
Nadia had found the person she wanted to share her life with...
555
01:34:46,900 --> 01:34:49,070
...why should I deny myself the same thing.
556
01:34:49,070 --> 01:34:52,020
Even if what I wanted was different from everyone else.
557
01:34:52,250 --> 01:34:55,200
Did I need the rest of the world's validation?
558
01:34:55,200 --> 01:34:57,200
Or did I need mine?
559
01:35:00,200 --> 01:35:03,670
Did I make a beautiful bride?
560
01:35:06,950 --> 01:35:09,500
Huh...
561
01:35:13,320 --> 01:35:17,550
I knew there was no guarantee we could repair what had been broken.
562
01:35:17,550 --> 01:35:20,070
But I had to at least try.
563
01:35:22,770 --> 01:35:24,400
I loved him.
564
01:35:24,400 --> 01:35:26,400
And I was safe here at his home.
565
01:35:26,400 --> 01:35:30,250
Safe inside a world in which the power came from simply letting go.
566
01:35:56,050 --> 01:35:58,350
He didn't give in easily.
567
01:35:58,350 --> 01:36:00,650
I didn't expect him to.
568
01:36:01,120 --> 01:36:03,000
But I wasn't going to back down.
569
01:36:03,000 --> 01:36:04,320
I knew what I wanted.
570
01:36:04,320 --> 01:36:09,280
And had he made me wait for an entire year just to prove it I would have.
571
01:36:09,710 --> 01:36:13,130
There was no where in the entire world where I belonged.
572
01:36:13,130 --> 01:36:15,130
Other than his home.
573
01:36:16,170 --> 01:36:20,170
Fully surrendering to the only world that had ever made sense to me.
574
01:37:14,880 --> 01:37:18,680
You've earned this.
575
01:39:13,130 --> 01:39:16,170
I'm gonna play some music for you now.
576
01:39:16,400 --> 01:39:19,930
If at any point you feel uncomfortable and want me to stop....
577
01:39:19,930 --> 01:39:21,170
Safe word.
578
01:39:21,170 --> 01:39:23,170
Good girl.
579
01:54:04,080 --> 01:54:09,120
Some people think of romance as bouquets of flowers on special occasions.
580
01:54:09,120 --> 01:54:13,440
Or champagne and strawberries in the wee hours of the night.
581
01:54:13,440 --> 01:54:14,840
But for me...
582
01:54:15,160 --> 01:54:17,360
Romance is the inner peace I get...
583
01:54:17,360 --> 01:54:22,020
...when I completely surrendered my control to the person that I loved.
584
01:54:23,920 --> 01:54:26,740
Everybody has their own version of normal.
585
01:54:26,740 --> 01:54:29,720
And I had finally come to accept that this was mine.
586
01:54:29,720 --> 01:54:33,580
The beauty of finding someone who shared my same perversions.
587
01:54:33,580 --> 01:54:37,420
And created...a different kind of normal.
44436
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