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1
00:00:15,992 --> 00:00:17,131
Help me.
2
00:00:18,306 --> 00:00:19,306
Help me!
3
00:00:19,307 --> 00:00:20,411
What's she saying?
4
00:00:20,446 --> 00:00:22,438
Well, if it's the B.J. from last night,
5
00:00:22,439 --> 00:00:24,588
she's probably saying, "Hump
me, hump me." Right, Dump?
6
00:00:27,022 --> 00:00:28,844
I am not B.J., idiots!
7
00:00:28,845 --> 00:00:30,820
So I suppose you're
the missing girl, then?
8
00:00:30,821 --> 00:00:33,899
- No. I'm her mother.
- You're B.J.'s mom?
9
00:00:33,939 --> 00:00:35,700
Oh my God, no. I'm her sister.
10
00:00:35,728 --> 00:00:37,823
I'm gonna say something
that I don't say a lot.
11
00:00:38,386 --> 00:00:39,629
I'm confused.
12
00:00:39,663 --> 00:00:41,906
All right, when I was...
I was trying to get B.J. off the stage,
13
00:00:41,907 --> 00:00:44,910
and I guess she tripped me,
and I fell and I hit my head.
14
00:00:44,944 --> 00:00:47,119
And the next thing I know, I'm here.
15
00:00:47,153 --> 00:00:48,431
Mm, nice try.
16
00:00:48,465 --> 00:00:49,915
I hear that's how she met Claude.
17
00:00:49,949 --> 00:00:51,047
- Mm-hmm.
- Yep.
18
00:00:52,573 --> 00:00:54,057
Shh, shh, shh, shh.
19
00:00:54,091 --> 00:00:55,092
Listen.
20
00:01:06,552 --> 00:01:08,347
What then?
21
00:01:12,075 --> 00:01:14,353
- What?
- Do it again.
22
00:01:24,570 --> 00:01:25,709
What is happening?!
23
00:01:28,586 --> 00:01:30,058
Aaaah!
24
00:01:32,190 --> 00:01:33,190
Oof.
25
00:01:37,859 --> 00:01:39,654
Did they hurt you?
26
00:01:39,689 --> 00:01:40,931
What?
27
00:01:40,966 --> 00:01:42,795
Did they hurt you?
28
00:01:43,465 --> 00:01:45,591
No. Did you kill them?
29
00:01:45,626 --> 00:01:49,837
No, no. Th-This is a
bean-bag gun. They're fine.
30
00:01:49,871 --> 00:01:51,770
Which is better'n me.
31
00:01:51,804 --> 00:01:55,450
I'm pretty sure I broken
all the bones in my feet.
32
00:01:55,664 --> 00:01:56,706
Oh.
33
00:01:56,707 --> 00:01:59,131
This is why I shouldn't be a hero.
34
00:01:59,132 --> 00:02:00,356
Ow.
35
00:02:00,357 --> 00:02:01,981
Can you help me, please?
36
00:02:02,016 --> 00:02:04,019
Hey, you know I'm Robin
and not B.J., right?
37
00:02:04,020 --> 00:02:06,434
Yeah, no shit, Sherlock.
38
00:02:06,468 --> 00:02:09,300
What kind of man doesn't
recognize his own wife?
39
00:02:12,992 --> 00:02:14,235
I don't know what's gotten into you,
40
00:02:14,269 --> 00:02:15,546
but I love it.
41
00:02:15,581 --> 00:02:17,963
You've got some strong bones.
Especially this one.
42
00:02:17,997 --> 00:02:19,412
What?
43
00:02:38,734 --> 00:02:40,734
_
44
00:02:44,023 --> 00:02:46,267
I can't believe you convinced me
to stop in Cortland.
45
00:02:46,301 --> 00:02:47,958
It's only a half hour to Syracuse.
46
00:02:47,993 --> 00:02:49,579
Let's just go back to my mom's
and wait for Delilah.
47
00:02:49,580 --> 00:02:51,134
The boy just texted.
He's on the lookout, okay?
48
00:02:51,168 --> 00:02:52,895
- Don't worry about that.
- Did I leave my phone in the car?
49
00:02:52,896 --> 00:02:54,263
- Hey, forget it. Forget it.
- Wh... What?
50
00:02:54,264 --> 00:02:55,901
Forget about that.
I want fun Nate tonight.
51
00:02:55,902 --> 00:02:57,450
Okay, it's 11:00 in the morning.
52
00:02:57,485 --> 00:02:59,521
I know, but I want the Nate
I was promised.
53
00:02:59,589 --> 00:03:01,327
I want the Nate who is into me.
Ya heard?
54
00:03:01,328 --> 00:03:03,054
I can't hear anything with
your tongue in my ear.
55
00:03:03,056 --> 00:03:05,389
Free sangria?
56
00:03:05,424 --> 00:03:06,755
Yeah. I'm not drinking.
57
00:03:06,756 --> 00:03:08,188
Clearly you are. Are you still drunk?
58
00:03:08,190 --> 00:03:09,256
Mm-hmm.
59
00:03:09,290 --> 00:03:11,490
Oh, hey, let's do something fun
we've never done before, like coke.
60
00:03:11,491 --> 00:03:13,854
- You've done coke.
- Yeah, but we haven't done coke.
61
00:03:13,855 --> 00:03:15,902
What are you talking about?
We did coke the day we met.
62
00:03:15,903 --> 00:03:17,111
Okay, well, sometimes it's fun
63
00:03:17,145 --> 00:03:19,458
to do something we've already
done, in a different context.
64
00:03:19,493 --> 00:03:21,702
Yeah, okay, but I'm too old
65
00:03:21,736 --> 00:03:23,151
to develop a cocaine habit, all right?
66
00:03:23,186 --> 00:03:25,050
I've already got
post-nasal drip without it.
67
00:03:25,277 --> 00:03:26,674
Let's go check in.
68
00:03:28,743 --> 00:03:30,262
Hey. How are you? Uh...
69
00:03:30,296 --> 00:03:32,126
Welcome the Sweet Suites by Swift Stay.
70
00:03:32,160 --> 00:03:33,714
Okay.
71
00:03:33,748 --> 00:03:36,130
Uh, we just made a
reservation for Parker-jer.
72
00:03:36,164 --> 00:03:37,338
Remember that? Nope.
73
00:03:37,379 --> 00:03:39,727
Okay, I have a Parker Jr. Is that it?
74
00:03:39,761 --> 00:03:41,253
Yeah. And we're gonna need a room
75
00:03:41,255 --> 00:03:42,665
with thick walls and a sturdy bed.
76
00:03:42,666 --> 00:03:44,656
And I don't care
how clean the comforter is.
77
00:03:44,690 --> 00:03:46,589
Because I like it dirty.
78
00:03:46,623 --> 00:03:48,024
I'm sorry, ma'am,
but all of our comforters
79
00:03:48,025 --> 00:03:49,868
are eyeballed for freshness
on a biannual basis.
80
00:03:49,902 --> 00:03:50,950
- Cool.
- Ew.
81
00:03:50,951 --> 00:03:52,499
Okay. Unfortunately, it looks like
82
00:03:52,500 --> 00:03:53,837
your room isn't quite ready yet.
83
00:03:53,872 --> 00:03:55,598
Boo! You suck. Shh!
84
00:03:55,632 --> 00:03:58,324
But if you're looking
for a little "wayward" fun,
85
00:03:58,359 --> 00:04:01,051
just head outside, and just
across the way, there's a...
86
00:04:01,086 --> 00:04:02,639
- Back alley we can [bleep] in?
- What?
87
00:04:02,674 --> 00:04:03,882
I was gonna say gentleman's club.
88
00:04:03,916 --> 00:04:05,222
- Ohh!
- Exotic dancers.
89
00:04:05,329 --> 00:04:07,331
Yeah, let's do that.
We've never done that before.
90
00:04:07,365 --> 00:04:08,711
We have done that.
91
00:04:08,746 --> 00:04:09,749
That's...
92
00:04:09,750 --> 00:04:11,004
She's...
93
00:04:11,991 --> 00:04:13,440
Guaranteed check-in by noon.
94
00:04:13,682 --> 00:04:14,717
I'm a bronze member.
95
00:04:17,756 --> 00:04:19,370
Ohh, God!
96
00:04:19,371 --> 00:04:22,514
I bet that smell is making you so wet.
97
00:04:22,515 --> 00:04:25,383
What? The smell of Pine-Sol
and broken dreams? Not really.
98
00:04:25,384 --> 00:04:27,144
Whoo! Turn it up!
99
00:04:27,178 --> 00:04:29,090
The Constitution
is a living, breathing document.
100
00:04:29,091 --> 00:04:30,157
It has fluidity.
101
00:04:30,158 --> 00:04:32,014
Just like gender...
it can and should change.
102
00:04:32,015 --> 00:04:33,112
Change is a good thing.
103
00:04:33,165 --> 00:04:35,255
I was laying in bed
with my dog Partisan Hack
104
00:04:35,290 --> 00:04:37,582
and thinking, "Zie changed.
Why can't the Constitution?"
105
00:04:37,583 --> 00:04:39,294
It's called document privilege.
106
00:04:39,328 --> 00:04:40,883
It's a privileged white paper
107
00:04:40,884 --> 00:04:43,160
written on by privileged white men...
108
00:04:43,194 --> 00:04:44,713
You guys like this podcast, too, huh?
109
00:04:44,747 --> 00:04:46,858
They used to be cater waiters
in the Obama administration,
110
00:04:46,859 --> 00:04:48,393
so they really know
what they're talking about.
111
00:04:48,394 --> 00:04:50,075
- You closed?
- Nope.
112
00:04:52,901 --> 00:04:54,532
Okay, this is sad. Let's go.
113
00:04:54,533 --> 00:04:56,225
Hey, you know what's sad?
114
00:04:56,259 --> 00:04:59,228
You got a tight broad and you
force her to come to this dump.
115
00:04:59,262 --> 00:05:00,574
Okay.
116
00:05:00,608 --> 00:05:02,438
Yeah, I just want to be
at home waiting for Delilah.
117
00:05:02,472 --> 00:05:03,853
All right, hey, man, why don't we put
118
00:05:03,888 --> 00:05:05,455
this whole "my daughter's
missing thing" on hold
119
00:05:05,489 --> 00:05:07,581
for just, like, a day and loosen up?
Just a day!
120
00:05:07,615 --> 00:05:09,963
Why don't you line us up some
whas-up whas-up shots, girl?
121
00:05:09,997 --> 00:05:11,896
- Yeah! That's what I'm talkin' about!
- You know it!
122
00:05:11,930 --> 00:05:15,106
Mm! Mm! Mm! Mm!
123
00:05:15,140 --> 00:05:16,486
Whatever.
124
00:05:16,521 --> 00:05:18,617
God, I haven't had a
drink in over a year.
125
00:05:18,661 --> 00:05:20,027
- Oh, my God.
- I just feel like... Wha...
126
00:05:21,388 --> 00:05:22,522
I didn't say I wasn't gonna drink.
127
00:05:22,527 --> 00:05:25,495
Let's get some titties
up on that stage!
128
00:05:25,530 --> 00:05:27,221
Where them girls at?
129
00:05:27,256 --> 00:05:28,636
Most of the dancers are on lunch.
130
00:05:29,191 --> 00:05:30,984
Oh. Well, I guess I
have to do it myself.
131
00:05:31,331 --> 00:05:32,486
What? What are you doing?
132
00:05:32,528 --> 00:05:34,219
Oh, my God, I love her.
133
00:05:34,401 --> 00:05:36,506
Yeah, I don't really know her.
134
00:05:38,129 --> 00:05:40,045
Please welcome to the stage...
135
00:05:40,046 --> 00:05:41,511
Give it up for...
136
00:05:41,546 --> 00:05:43,237
- What's your name?
- B.J.
137
00:05:43,272 --> 00:05:45,895
B.J.!
138
00:05:45,930 --> 00:05:47,966
Why would you call yourself
your sister's name?
139
00:05:48,001 --> 00:05:50,106
Nobody uses their real name.
You gotta use a handle.
140
00:05:51,418 --> 00:05:52,902
Use Destiny.
141
00:05:54,317 --> 00:05:56,285
Ooh, mountain climbers. There ya go.
142
00:05:56,319 --> 00:05:57,527
Yeah, girl.
143
00:05:57,562 --> 00:05:59,391
Yeah. All right.
144
00:06:00,979 --> 00:06:02,118
Make it rain.
145
00:06:02,153 --> 00:06:04,224
- I've only got change.
- Do it!
146
00:06:08,435 --> 00:06:09,574
It's more like hail.
147
00:06:17,791 --> 00:06:18,795
No. Pull up.
148
00:06:18,835 --> 00:06:20,516
You're gonna rip your taint wide open.
149
00:06:20,550 --> 00:06:22,725
Mn! Mn! Mn! Mn!
150
00:06:22,759 --> 00:06:23,968
Yeah! Twerk it, girl!
151
00:06:24,002 --> 00:06:25,245
Good choice.
152
00:06:25,279 --> 00:06:27,510
Here... Ohh! Jesus!
153
00:06:27,550 --> 00:06:28,558
Ohh!
154
00:06:28,593 --> 00:06:30,146
Sparks are flyin'.
155
00:06:30,181 --> 00:06:32,114
Geez. I've got glass all over me.
156
00:06:32,148 --> 00:06:33,667
Jealous? Of what?
157
00:06:33,701 --> 00:06:35,117
These bitches.
158
00:06:35,151 --> 00:06:37,464
Don't call them that.
That's so reductive.
159
00:06:37,498 --> 00:06:38,983
- They like it.
- No, they don't.
160
00:06:39,017 --> 00:06:40,363
We do.
161
00:06:43,539 --> 00:06:44,643
Careful. What are you...
162
00:06:46,576 --> 00:06:48,371
Eugh. You all right?
163
00:06:51,908 --> 00:06:52,931
Ohh.
164
00:06:52,946 --> 00:06:55,466
Babe, just sit down and take it off.
165
00:06:55,627 --> 00:06:57,007
Oh! Jesus Christ!
166
00:06:57,042 --> 00:06:58,595
Yeah. God.
167
00:06:58,630 --> 00:07:00,695
- Put your shoe back on.
- Nah! I'm taking clothes off,
168
00:07:00,696 --> 00:07:03,807
not putting them on. That's how
strippin' works, ya dumbshit.
169
00:07:03,842 --> 00:07:04,877
Whoo!
170
00:07:04,912 --> 00:07:06,154
Baby, seriously.
171
00:07:06,189 --> 00:07:07,811
Oh!
172
00:07:07,846 --> 00:07:09,468
Holy shit! You okay?
173
00:07:09,503 --> 00:07:10,504
Was it sexy?
174
00:07:10,538 --> 00:07:12,805
- Up until the fall, yeah, sure.
- Ah, good.
175
00:07:12,806 --> 00:07:14,694
I think we might need
to get you to a hospital.
176
00:07:16,648 --> 00:07:17,648
Whoo!
177
00:07:34,558 --> 00:07:36,388
B.J.'s not answering.
178
00:07:36,702 --> 00:07:39,153
Uh, what's, uh... What's Nate's number?
179
00:07:39,873 --> 00:07:40,879
I don't know.
180
00:07:40,913 --> 00:07:42,018
How do you not know that?
181
00:07:42,052 --> 00:07:43,226
Because when I want to call Nate,
182
00:07:43,260 --> 00:07:45,027
I press the button on the phone
that says "Call Nate."
183
00:07:45,028 --> 00:07:46,211
And B.J. stole my phone.
184
00:07:46,212 --> 00:07:48,006
Well, you're better off
without a cellphone, anyway.
185
00:07:48,007 --> 00:07:50,207
Now you're not being tracked
by the Silicon Nerd Cabal.
186
00:07:50,208 --> 00:07:51,906
- Or NSA.
- Or the CIA.
187
00:07:51,907 --> 00:07:53,434
- Or Air Force.
- Space Force.
188
00:07:53,435 --> 00:07:55,002
- Or you know who.
- Who?
189
00:07:55,154 --> 00:07:56,308
- Obama.
- Obama.
190
00:07:56,342 --> 00:07:57,620
Oh.Salam Malakum, Barack.
191
00:07:57,654 --> 00:07:59,077
Hope you're enjoyin'
what you're seein'.
192
00:07:59,103 --> 00:08:00,116
Hold up.
193
00:08:00,117 --> 00:08:01,333
You mean to tell me
194
00:08:01,334 --> 00:08:03,117
your husband's not worth
the brain space
195
00:08:03,118 --> 00:08:04,750
to remember nine digits?
196
00:08:04,909 --> 00:08:06,945
I mean, no wonder he
left you for my wife.
197
00:08:07,112 --> 00:08:08,147
All right, all right.
198
00:08:08,182 --> 00:08:09,873
What's his middle name?
199
00:08:09,908 --> 00:08:11,903
Oh, um, I want to say it's Paul.
200
00:08:11,904 --> 00:08:15,093
But... I... It could
very easily be William.
201
00:08:15,094 --> 00:08:16,529
Give me his birth date.
202
00:08:17,125 --> 00:08:19,946
'70... It's '70...
203
00:08:19,981 --> 00:08:23,364
- How old is he?
- 40... I don't know.
204
00:08:23,398 --> 00:08:24,537
What do you know about him?
205
00:08:24,572 --> 00:08:28,541
- Credit-card number?
- 375489432100.
206
00:08:28,576 --> 00:08:31,245
Expiration 7/22. Security 673.
207
00:08:34,283 --> 00:08:35,939
What? Guys, somebody
has to buy the groceries.
208
00:08:36,135 --> 00:08:39,103
Found him. Nathan P. Parker Junior.
209
00:08:39,138 --> 00:08:40,489
Yes! I knew it was Paul!
210
00:08:40,490 --> 00:08:44,108
Uh, looks like he made
a reservation at, uh,
211
00:08:44,143 --> 00:08:45,972
Sweet Suites by Swift Stay.
212
00:08:46,007 --> 00:08:47,974
Okay, stop. Stop.
213
00:08:48,009 --> 00:08:50,011
I am so sorry, Mr. and Mrs. Parker Jr.,
214
00:08:50,045 --> 00:08:51,288
but the room still isn't ready yet.
215
00:08:51,323 --> 00:08:54,671
Okay, I've had enough of this.
I'm not paying for my valet.
216
00:08:54,705 --> 00:08:56,172
I'm taking some shampoo
and some conditioner,
217
00:08:56,206 --> 00:08:58,406
- and we're going back to my mom's.
- Let's go. But I can offer you
218
00:08:58,433 --> 00:08:59,814
a complimentary spa voucher,
219
00:08:59,848 --> 00:09:01,747
featuring our signature
Catskill mud bath.
220
00:09:01,781 --> 00:09:03,350
Ooh, yeah. Let's get dirty.
221
00:09:03,783 --> 00:09:05,350
- Haven't you had enough?
- Give me another one.
222
00:09:05,351 --> 00:09:06,407
Um, it's really just one per...
223
00:09:06,441 --> 00:09:07,625
Let's go.
224
00:09:08,719 --> 00:09:11,032
There's nothing famous
about Catskill mud.
225
00:09:11,647 --> 00:09:13,460
Actually, there is.
226
00:09:14,898 --> 00:09:16,555
You should've taken the mouth wash.
227
00:09:18,867 --> 00:09:20,973
If you two aren't feeling romantic now,
228
00:09:21,007 --> 00:09:22,837
you will after this.
229
00:09:22,871 --> 00:09:25,840
Now, if you'd like to disrobe
behind our modesty curtain.
230
00:09:25,874 --> 00:09:28,981
Yeah, no, who needs that.
Let's let it fly!
231
00:09:29,015 --> 00:09:30,431
Let's go. Let's get this goin'.
232
00:09:30,465 --> 00:09:32,087
- Let's get this off.
- Stop! Stop! Stop!
233
00:09:32,122 --> 00:09:33,882
What, are you gay? My shit is tight.
234
00:09:33,917 --> 00:09:34,952
What's wrong with you?
235
00:09:34,987 --> 00:09:37,161
I just don't want anyone to see.
236
00:09:37,196 --> 00:09:39,474
Who's gonna see? The place is empty.
237
00:09:41,994 --> 00:09:43,409
Oh, it's like I'm not even here.
238
00:09:43,444 --> 00:09:46,688
- Yeah.
- But you are. So...
239
00:09:49,390 --> 00:09:50,472
Babe, what are you...?
240
00:09:50,846 --> 00:09:53,626
Wow, that is tight. Look at that.
241
00:09:53,661 --> 00:09:55,023
Yeah, look at that.
242
00:09:55,732 --> 00:09:58,470
You're still here.
And... undressing yourself.
243
00:09:59,460 --> 00:10:00,564
Oh.
244
00:10:00,599 --> 00:10:02,911
Oh, maybe I read the signals wrong.
245
00:10:02,946 --> 00:10:05,051
I thought the three of us...
246
00:10:08,607 --> 00:10:10,125
No. Thank you.
247
00:10:10,160 --> 00:10:12,058
- Ok... Okay.
- Yeah.
248
00:10:12,093 --> 00:10:13,957
No problem.
249
00:10:13,991 --> 00:10:15,545
I can take a hint.
250
00:10:16,599 --> 00:10:17,660
I don't think you can.
251
00:10:19,721 --> 00:10:21,863
This is nice.
252
00:10:23,035 --> 00:10:26,108
Oh, my God. Mm.
253
00:10:27,073 --> 00:10:28,868
Oh, that's nice. That's almost as nice
254
00:10:28,903 --> 00:10:31,038
as that western Japanese town bath.
255
00:10:31,595 --> 00:10:32,838
Japan was great.
256
00:10:32,872 --> 00:10:35,047
What... are you talking about?
257
00:10:35,081 --> 00:10:37,165
Japan was awful.
I'm talking about Alaska.
258
00:10:37,878 --> 00:10:39,437
How can you not remember that?
259
00:10:39,511 --> 00:10:41,260
It was only two summers ago.
260
00:10:41,953 --> 00:10:43,780
I think it was probably
the last time we had sex.
261
00:10:43,814 --> 00:10:45,713
The last time you had sex
was two summers ago?
262
00:10:45,747 --> 00:10:47,266
Last time we had sex. Last time we...
263
00:10:47,300 --> 00:10:49,648
Of course, I haven't even
seen you naked since Tibet.
264
00:10:49,682 --> 00:10:50,787
We were in that tent with Jared.
265
00:10:50,821 --> 00:10:52,720
Oh, God, that was so sexy.
266
00:10:52,754 --> 00:10:53,754
What?
267
00:10:54,687 --> 00:10:56,723
- Did your boobs get bigger?
- Maybe they're just excited.
268
00:10:57,587 --> 00:10:58,691
Is that how boobs work?
269
00:10:58,726 --> 00:10:59,796
That's how my boobs works.
270
00:10:59,830 --> 00:11:01,564
Maybe it's just 'cause
I haven't seen you in so long,
271
00:11:01,591 --> 00:11:03,122
but you seem like a different person.
272
00:11:03,189 --> 00:11:05,284
Yeah, it's the new-and-improved Robin.
273
00:11:05,637 --> 00:11:08,181
Old Robin was such a bore, right?
274
00:11:08,653 --> 00:11:09,680
I wouldn't say that.
275
00:11:09,715 --> 00:11:11,000
Mm, you don't have to. I did.
276
00:11:11,083 --> 00:11:12,843
What else did we hate about old Robin?
277
00:11:13,487 --> 00:11:14,569
Nothing, really. I mean...
278
00:11:14,604 --> 00:11:17,710
Oh, come on.
Old Robin was bossy as shit.
279
00:11:17,745 --> 00:11:19,816
- Not really.
- Yes, she was! Say it!
280
00:11:19,850 --> 00:11:22,715
- Old Robin was bossy as shit!
- I guess sometimes, she...
281
00:11:22,750 --> 00:11:25,269
She got this awful
"May I speak to the manager?" haircut.
282
00:11:25,304 --> 00:11:26,923
- It's not that bad.
- I'm growing it out.
283
00:11:26,924 --> 00:11:28,309
- Thank God.
- See?
284
00:11:28,311 --> 00:11:30,586
It feels so good to shit on old Robin.
285
00:11:30,620 --> 00:11:31,808
It makes me horny.
286
00:11:31,809 --> 00:11:34,071
Look at this guy.
Ooh, it's so big and thick.
287
00:11:34,106 --> 00:11:35,870
Why don't you stick
that in me right now.
288
00:11:35,872 --> 00:11:38,022
- That's my ankle.
- Then what's that?
289
00:11:38,024 --> 00:11:39,905
- My calf.
- Why don't you stick this in me.
290
00:11:39,939 --> 00:11:41,251
Not yet, you two.
291
00:11:41,285 --> 00:11:42,509
Ah. You're still here.
292
00:11:42,510 --> 00:11:43,564
The whole time.
293
00:11:43,604 --> 00:11:45,240
And I have to be honest.
294
00:11:45,241 --> 00:11:48,741
I can see that the two of you
are completely out of sync.
295
00:11:48,776 --> 00:11:51,882
You don't seem to know
anything about one another.
296
00:11:51,917 --> 00:11:53,597
Okay, we do. All right?
297
00:11:53,598 --> 00:11:54,713
It's just been a stressful year.
298
00:11:54,747 --> 00:11:56,577
Yeah, with his job and all.
299
00:11:56,611 --> 00:11:58,130
What? I haven't had a job
in three years.
300
00:11:58,164 --> 00:12:00,236
Okay, you know what?
You need your bars run.
301
00:12:00,237 --> 00:12:02,272
It'll completely change
your whole energy field.
302
00:12:02,306 --> 00:12:04,346
- Okay, out you get.
- No, we're fine.
303
00:12:04,589 --> 00:12:06,465
"Fine" is not the F-word
I want to hear.
304
00:12:09,387 --> 00:12:10,423
Okay, out, out, out.
305
00:12:10,457 --> 00:12:11,705
I'm getting up and out.
306
00:12:11,707 --> 00:12:13,709
- There we go.
- You kinda killed the mood.
307
00:12:13,840 --> 00:12:14,841
Yeah!
308
00:12:14,881 --> 00:12:16,670
Okay, you're going to witness in me
309
00:12:16,671 --> 00:12:18,685
a complete lack of embarrassment,
310
00:12:18,686 --> 00:12:20,253
a lack of shame,
311
00:12:20,254 --> 00:12:23,299
an ownership of my experience.
312
00:12:23,300 --> 00:12:27,047
And it binds two people
like nothing else.
313
00:12:27,048 --> 00:12:28,221
Here it comes.
314
00:12:28,256 --> 00:12:29,809
Here what comes? Where is it?
315
00:12:29,844 --> 00:12:31,500
- Oh... What are you doing?!
- Ahh!
316
00:12:31,535 --> 00:12:34,227
- It's called reverse totem pole.
- What?
317
00:12:34,262 --> 00:12:35,573
Now, I do have crippling vertigo,
318
00:12:35,608 --> 00:12:37,230
so I can't stay up here for too long.
319
00:12:37,265 --> 00:12:38,818
Then why would you do this at all?
320
00:12:38,853 --> 00:12:40,509
Place your tongue across my perineum.
321
00:12:40,544 --> 00:12:43,443
It's the sexual DMZ of erogenous zones.
322
00:12:43,478 --> 00:12:44,513
That sounds amazing.
323
00:12:44,548 --> 00:12:46,308
Now, once you've engorged the area,
324
00:12:46,343 --> 00:12:49,380
let your tongue wander
over to heaven's doorbell.
325
00:12:49,415 --> 00:12:53,177
But God's not expecting
company, so you gotta ring.
326
00:12:53,212 --> 00:12:56,042
Now, I like a predictable rhythm.
327
00:12:56,077 --> 00:12:58,389
- Have you ever been in a drum circle?
- No. Get down.
328
00:12:58,430 --> 00:13:00,263
I like the African djembe beat.
329
00:13:00,397 --> 00:13:01,400
In threes.
330
00:13:01,467 --> 00:13:03,360
Gak-Ga-Ga, gak-Ga-Ga, gak-Ga-Ga.
331
00:13:03,394 --> 00:13:05,224
Gak-Ga-Ga-Ga-get down.
Get down. Get down.
332
00:13:05,258 --> 00:13:06,805
- God!
- Oh!
333
00:13:06,905 --> 00:13:08,365
Okay, Robin. Your turn.
334
00:13:08,399 --> 00:13:10,298
- Okay.
- No. Babe, it's too slippery.
335
00:13:10,332 --> 00:13:12,093
Just stay there. I'm gonna get a towel.
336
00:13:12,127 --> 00:13:13,863
- Just spread 'em for stability.
- What?
337
00:13:13,971 --> 00:13:15,378
Then I can better get at your taint.
338
00:13:15,406 --> 00:13:17,892
- Okay, here we go again.
- No, no, no...
339
00:13:19,686 --> 00:13:23,656
Ah-ha-aaaaaaaah!
340
00:13:23,690 --> 00:13:25,244
I knew you were flexible.
341
00:13:25,278 --> 00:13:27,108
I tore my taint!
342
00:13:27,142 --> 00:13:28,557
Ow!
343
00:13:28,592 --> 00:13:31,112
I ripped it wide open!
344
00:13:31,146 --> 00:13:32,147
Ow!
345
00:13:39,016 --> 00:13:40,293
Hey.
346
00:13:40,794 --> 00:13:41,873
Good afternoon,
347
00:13:41,882 --> 00:13:43,542
and welcome to the Sweet Suites
by Swiff Sway...
348
00:13:44,021 --> 00:13:46,506
Swift Stay. I apologize for that.
349
00:13:46,541 --> 00:13:48,208
That's the first time
I've ever mispronounced that.
350
00:13:48,209 --> 00:13:49,506
Nate Parker. What room is he in?
351
00:13:49,578 --> 00:13:50,578
I'm sorry, I'm not at liberty
352
00:13:50,579 --> 00:13:51,995
to give out guest information.
353
00:13:52,029 --> 00:13:53,962
If you'd like to use the courtesy phone
354
00:13:53,997 --> 00:13:55,101
right over there,
355
00:13:55,136 --> 00:13:56,654
an operator may be happy to assist you.
356
00:14:01,487 --> 00:14:03,247
Oh, God.
357
00:14:03,282 --> 00:14:04,524
Sorry about that.
358
00:14:04,559 --> 00:14:05,663
Didn't mean to do that.
359
00:14:16,295 --> 00:14:17,399
You gonna answer that?
360
00:14:22,025 --> 00:14:24,027
Good afternoon. Guest services.
How may I direct your call?
361
00:14:24,061 --> 00:14:26,270
Yes, what room is
Nate Parker in, please?
362
00:14:26,417 --> 00:14:28,488
- One moment, please.
- Give me Nate Parker!
363
00:14:28,536 --> 00:14:30,447
Excuse me, ma'am. I'm on the phone.
364
00:14:32,173 --> 00:14:34,140
I apologize for that outburst, ma'am.
365
00:14:34,175 --> 00:14:35,728
So, it looks like
he hasn't checked in yet.
366
00:14:35,762 --> 00:14:37,385
May I be of service with anything else?
367
00:14:38,731 --> 00:14:40,043
Oh, my God.
368
00:14:40,077 --> 00:14:41,665
Why didn't you call a hospital truck
369
00:14:41,699 --> 00:14:43,777
when you were showering and changing?
370
00:14:44,702 --> 00:14:46,394
Oh, holy shit,
371
00:14:46,428 --> 00:14:49,660
my anus is leaking out of my ass hole.
372
00:14:56,300 --> 00:14:58,406
You suck.
373
00:14:58,440 --> 00:15:01,547
You bitch.
374
00:15:01,581 --> 00:15:04,136
- No, no, no!
- Where you going?
375
00:15:04,170 --> 00:15:05,604
Parking garage.
Valet's gonna take too long.
376
00:15:05,605 --> 00:15:07,277
- What?!
- Hey, get back in your truck
377
00:15:07,311 --> 00:15:08,692
and cut 'em off at the parking garage.
378
00:15:08,726 --> 00:15:09,803
Go. Go!
379
00:15:13,125 --> 00:15:15,247
They usually give out
free cookies here.
380
00:15:16,424 --> 00:15:18,055
Where all the cookies at?
381
00:15:19,496 --> 00:15:22,686
Hey, can I get some free cookies?
382
00:15:22,710 --> 00:15:24,366
- Oh!
- Oh!
383
00:15:26,118 --> 00:15:27,469
Oh, my God, I knew you guys...
384
00:15:28,712 --> 00:15:31,715
Oh, shit!
385
00:15:32,098 --> 00:15:33,755
We should put her on the cart, too.
386
00:15:36,517 --> 00:15:39,209
All right, now that I'm full,
387
00:15:39,259 --> 00:15:41,370
time to go save B.J.
388
00:15:42,098 --> 00:15:44,203
Oh... Agh.
389
00:15:44,264 --> 00:15:45,506
Well, who put that there?
390
00:15:49,150 --> 00:15:50,358
Shit. Where did we park?
391
00:15:50,393 --> 00:15:52,498
I told you. We valeted.
392
00:15:52,533 --> 00:15:54,105
God, just get us to a hospital.
393
00:15:56,457 --> 00:15:57,538
- What?
- I'm just gonna...
394
00:15:57,572 --> 00:15:58,776
- What do you want?
- Give me this.
395
00:15:58,834 --> 00:16:00,683
Oh, yeah, yeah, I want
to have sex right now.
396
00:16:00,817 --> 00:16:02,888
Oh, I knew you wanted to have sex.
397
00:16:06,995 --> 00:16:09,170
Get him! Get him!
398
00:16:09,204 --> 00:16:10,896
Get him!
399
00:16:15,003 --> 00:16:16,419
Babe? Babe, what are you doin'?
400
00:16:16,453 --> 00:16:17,627
Hey, what you...
401
00:16:21,323 --> 00:16:24,047
Oh, shit! Ahh! Jesus!
402
00:16:28,189 --> 00:16:29,846
I can't believe
we're gonna survive this.
403
00:16:32,227 --> 00:16:33,470
Oh, shit. Go!
404
00:16:33,505 --> 00:16:34,609
Out of the way!
405
00:16:34,644 --> 00:16:35,886
Out of the way! Out of the way!
406
00:16:37,647 --> 00:16:39,165
Shit.
407
00:16:39,200 --> 00:16:41,029
- Eugh.
- Agh!
408
00:16:41,064 --> 00:16:42,065
God.
409
00:16:42,099 --> 00:16:44,032
- Ah, you okay?
- Yeah.
410
00:16:44,067 --> 00:16:46,483
Oh, this is just like
that movie "Crash."
411
00:16:46,869 --> 00:16:48,334
We should totally do it right now.
412
00:16:48,335 --> 00:16:50,320
What? No. Get off of me.
413
00:16:52,495 --> 00:16:53,910
Aah!
414
00:16:53,945 --> 00:16:54,980
Shit.
415
00:16:55,015 --> 00:16:56,395
What is happening?!
416
00:17:00,431 --> 00:17:02,660
- Why are you here?
- Babe, are you okay?
417
00:17:02,667 --> 00:17:03,889
"Babe"?
418
00:17:03,895 --> 00:17:05,718
Excuse me, you crazy bitch.
419
00:17:05,724 --> 00:17:07,307
Excuse me, you crazy bitch.
420
00:17:08,482 --> 00:17:09,607
- Ha-ha!
- Whoa! Whoa!
421
00:17:09,608 --> 00:17:10,632
What are you doing?!
422
00:17:10,633 --> 00:17:12,361
Gettin' our reward for that B.J.
423
00:17:12,362 --> 00:17:15,042
Moron, B.J.'s standing
right beside you, okay?
424
00:17:15,043 --> 00:17:16,562
This is Robin. Put the gun down.
425
00:17:16,563 --> 00:17:19,421
Nate, look at me. I am your wife.
426
00:17:19,422 --> 00:17:21,739
If she were me, she would know
that we're not married.
427
00:17:21,740 --> 00:17:24,716
And she would have also known
her life partner's phone number.
428
00:17:24,717 --> 00:17:26,779
- And birthday.
- And his middle name.
429
00:17:26,780 --> 00:17:28,427
It's Paul. I told you that.
430
00:17:28,462 --> 00:17:29,751
- It's Patrick.
- I knew that.
431
00:17:29,752 --> 00:17:30,786
Shut up! You did not!
432
00:17:30,787 --> 00:17:31,876
Let me see identification.
433
00:17:31,877 --> 00:17:33,980
I don't have anything! She took it all!
434
00:17:33,981 --> 00:17:35,248
She cut her hair. She took my clothes.
435
00:17:35,249 --> 00:17:36,382
She took everything.
436
00:17:36,400 --> 00:17:38,854
Holy shit, your sister is nuts.
437
00:17:38,855 --> 00:17:39,898
Let's just get out of here.
438
00:17:39,899 --> 00:17:42,029
Nate, look at me.
439
00:17:42,035 --> 00:17:43,310
Ask me anything.
440
00:17:43,339 --> 00:17:45,858
We've been together for a lifetime.
Ask me anything only I would know.
441
00:17:45,859 --> 00:17:47,697
- When's your birthday?
- We're twins.
442
00:17:48,620 --> 00:17:50,682
I... What's your dad's name?
443
00:17:50,683 --> 00:17:53,059
We have the same dad!
What's with the idiot questions?
444
00:17:53,060 --> 00:17:55,183
I'm sorry, my taint is broken, okay?
445
00:17:55,184 --> 00:17:57,280
This lady has third-degree soup burns.
446
00:17:57,281 --> 00:17:59,017
These guys are practically dead.
447
00:17:59,339 --> 00:18:01,070
Sorry I'm not thinking too straight.
448
00:18:01,426 --> 00:18:03,245
Nate, look at me.
449
00:18:03,750 --> 00:18:05,068
I love you so much.
450
00:18:05,585 --> 00:18:06,937
It's me. Robin.
451
00:18:07,274 --> 00:18:08,274
Nate.
452
00:18:37,324 --> 00:18:38,334
Shit.
453
00:18:38,872 --> 00:18:40,324
I didn't sleep with her.
454
00:18:41,810 --> 00:18:43,675
I...
455
00:18:43,709 --> 00:18:44,974
- Ohh!
- Ooh.
456
00:18:44,975 --> 00:18:46,441
Jesus Christ.
457
00:18:46,735 --> 00:18:48,979
What kind of man doesn't
recognize his own wife?
458
00:18:49,027 --> 00:18:50,666
You should be ashamed of yourself.
459
00:18:50,716 --> 00:18:53,780
Yeah, and just for the record,
this man has better judgment than you.
460
00:18:54,374 --> 00:18:55,686
Did you just kill her?
461
00:18:55,794 --> 00:18:57,209
No, she's fine.
He just bean-bagged her.
462
00:18:57,211 --> 00:18:59,236
Yeah. Trust me.
She's done way worse to me.
463
00:18:59,820 --> 00:19:02,133
Hey, did she cut my hair?
464
00:19:02,267 --> 00:19:04,373
Eugh! Shit! Ooh!
465
00:19:04,401 --> 00:19:05,464
Holy shit.
466
00:19:05,559 --> 00:19:07,936
That's your brain. Put the flap down.
467
00:19:08,001 --> 00:19:09,555
No, d... Agh!
468
00:19:10,184 --> 00:19:11,251
What? It's brain.
469
00:19:11,252 --> 00:19:13,698
Oh, nah. I just need my shaping helmet.
470
00:19:13,699 --> 00:19:16,095
We have all got to get to a hospital!
471
00:19:16,096 --> 00:19:18,433
I could walk it off. If I could walk.
472
00:19:18,602 --> 00:19:19,602
What?
473
00:19:19,603 --> 00:19:21,471
- What did he say?
- What?
474
00:19:24,716 --> 00:19:26,718
Uh-huh.
475
00:19:26,752 --> 00:19:29,134
No, oh, sure, that all sounds
really believable.
476
00:19:29,135 --> 00:19:30,975
A twin sister no one's
ever heard of before
477
00:19:30,976 --> 00:19:32,793
kidnapped you and broke your taint?
478
00:19:32,827 --> 00:19:35,230
Look, just 'cause some crazy stuff
has happened to our family in the past
479
00:19:35,424 --> 00:19:37,908
doesn't mean you have to lie to me
to avoid spending time with me.
480
00:19:37,914 --> 00:19:41,265
You could say you and Mom wanted
some time alone to bang or something.
481
00:19:41,266 --> 00:19:43,079
That might believe.
482
00:19:43,114 --> 00:19:44,253
I'm out.
483
00:19:44,266 --> 00:19:45,932
This family's stories
are just getting implausible.
484
00:19:45,933 --> 00:19:48,268
I mean, what kind of hijinks are
they gonna get us into next?
485
00:19:48,283 --> 00:19:50,544
God, I'm gonna have to shower to
rinse all the stupid off of me.
486
00:19:56,334 --> 00:19:58,923
So stupid.
487
00:20:10,451 --> 00:20:11,590
What are you doing here?!
488
00:20:11,625 --> 00:20:13,008
This is where I shower!
489
00:20:13,009 --> 00:20:14,358
- For how long?!
- A year!
490
00:20:14,359 --> 00:20:15,800
Did you not see the steam?!
491
00:20:15,801 --> 00:20:17,337
I thought it was Nana's smoke!
492
00:20:17,338 --> 00:20:18,356
What the hell?!
493
00:20:18,357 --> 00:20:20,113
- Wh-What do we do now?
- Get out!
494
00:20:20,114 --> 00:20:21,872
Oh, okay. Uh, good idea.
495
00:20:22,180 --> 00:20:23,976
Uh, despite all this,
it was still good seeing you.
496
00:20:23,977 --> 00:20:25,358
- Get out!
- Okay! I'm sorry!
497
00:20:27,765 --> 00:20:30,420
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