Original subtitles

hello to you and thanks for joining this

hello to you and thanks for joining this is exciting isn't it

is exciting isn't it

is exciting isn't it hey now let me get you up to speed

hey now let me get you up to speed

hey now let me get you up to speed previously in my life my mother tried to

previously in my life my mother tried to

previously in my life my mother tried to marry me off me marry my daughter

I'm literally giving away she was upset

I'm literally giving away she was upset because I just told her I blew my

because I just told her I blew my

because I just told her I blew my inheritance

inheritance

inheritance I bought a joke shop no I love it

I bought a joke shop no I love it

I bought a joke shop no I love it although I am worried that hiring my

although I am worried that hiring my

although I am worried that hiring my oldest friend to manage it was a mistake

oldest friend to manage it was a mistake

oldest friend to manage it was a mistake and that is how we will take this

and that is how we will take this

and that is how we will take this franchise global it's a bit much isn't

franchise global it's a bit much isn't

franchise global it's a bit much isn't it

it

it remember just a little shop that sells

shatter submit today I'm overexcited

shatter submit today I'm overexcited because apparently Garry Preston's back

because apparently Garry Preston's back

because apparently Garry Preston's back from his travels he was lovely but I

from his travels he was lovely but I

from his travels he was lovely but I always make a up if I see him well

always make a up if I see him well

always make a up if I see him well there's never any cook-off involved if

there's never any cook-off involved if

there's never any cook-off involved if you see what I mean

oh but the last time I saw him

oh but the last time I saw him [Music]

[Music]

[Music] Hey

Hey

Hey [Music]

so nothing will speak no more often

so nothing will speak no more often let's crack on with the show morning TV

let's crack on with the show morning TV

let's crack on with the show morning TV afternoon missing lunch time

afternoon missing lunch time

afternoon missing lunch time Oh the trains are a nightmare it's a

Oh the trains are a nightmare it's a

Oh the trains are a nightmare it's a hellish journey you live upstairs

hellish journey you live upstairs

hellish journey you live upstairs so we leaves on the carpet got a good

so we leaves on the carpet got a good

so we leaves on the carpet got a good one on top of you

one on top of you

one on top of you delivery day you were gonna help right

delivery day you were gonna help right

delivery day you were gonna help right you can make a start with the chocolate

you can make a start with the chocolate

you can make a start with the chocolate penises sorry every time they're like

penises sorry every time they're like

penises sorry every time they're like Willy's but chocolate see they're funny

Willy's but chocolate see they're funny

Willy's but chocolate see they're funny they're like Willy's but chocolate

they're like Willy's but chocolate

they're like Willy's but chocolate nothing from you quite realistic aren't

nothing from you quite realistic aren't

nothing from you quite realistic aren't they not really no aren't they

concentrate but a silly lunchtime I

concentrate but a silly lunchtime I meant to be having a reunion lunch with

meant to be having a reunion lunch with

meant to be having a reunion lunch with a girl you hate the girls I know but if

a girl you hate the girls I know but if

a girl you hate the girls I know but if Killy says when you've dumped in a

Killy says when you've dumped in a

Killy says when you've dumped in a boarding school dorm aged nine your bond

boarding school dorm aged nine your bond

boarding school dorm aged nine your bond for life even if you hate each other or

for life even if you hate each other or

for life even if you hate each other or in my case get embarrassed being out

in my case get embarrassed being out

in my case get embarrassed being out with people with public school nicknames

with people with public school nicknames

with people with public school nicknames in my class

in my class

in my class Milly Tilly Bella Bunty who - pug

Milly Tilly Bella Bunty who - pug

Milly Tilly Bella Bunty who - pug Lumpur no you're right I'm not going

Lumpur no you're right I'm not going

Lumpur no you're right I'm not going I'll go girly work not sure what you

I'll go girly work not sure what you

I'll go girly work not sure what you want our business to follow my busy

want our business to follow my busy

want our business to follow my busy fight I'll get it and sign that visit

fight I'll get it and sign that visit

fight I'll get it and sign that visit there you go sir

did you just call me sir he just call me

did you just call me sir he just call me sir I mean it's fine when they're not

sir I mean it's fine when they're not

sir I mean it's fine when they're not really looking notice the height call me

really looking notice the height call me

really looking notice the height call me sir look up oh sorry madam that happens

sir look up oh sorry madam that happens

sir look up oh sorry madam that happens he looked straight at me still thought

he looked straight at me still thought

he looked straight at me still thought serves the right option right that's it

serves the right option right that's it

serves the right option right that's it as a girl I am going to make girlie

as a girl I am going to make girlie

as a girl I am going to make girlie lunch well tell you what why don't you

lunch well tell you what why don't you

lunch well tell you what why don't you get these out hi I might help Miranda oh

get these out hi I might help Miranda oh

get these out hi I might help Miranda oh good morning mom how are you are you

good morning mom how are you are you

good morning mom how are you are you engaged yet well not since you asked

engaged yet well not since you asked

engaged yet well not since you asked last night no and I said good morning

last night no and I said good morning

last night no and I said good morning mom how are you dare get emotional or

mom how are you dare get emotional or

mom how are you dare get emotional or not Spanish so news just in committee

not Spanish so news just in committee

not Spanish so news just in committee ona booth roof Benji has at last

ona booth roof Benji has at last

ona booth roof Benji has at last lit up from that ghastly fish woman

lit up from that ghastly fish woman

lit up from that ghastly fish woman right I've said it before I will say it

right I've said it before I will say it

right I've said it before I will say it again I'm not marrying my cousin it is

again I'm not marrying my cousin it is

again I'm not marrying my cousin it is so hard to John and art Liz they're very

so hard to John and art Liz they're very

so hard to John and art Liz they're very happy yes but their song isn't this is

happy yes but their song isn't this is

happy yes but their song isn't this is sorry no one Minds satphone hardly

sorry no one Minds satphone hardly

sorry no one Minds satphone hardly resist a load of baby stuff right it's

resist a load of baby stuff right it's

resist a load of baby stuff right it's very much me sorting out right I'm off

very much me sorting out right I'm off

very much me sorting out right I'm off well my lunch is very important it's

well my lunch is very important it's

well my lunch is very important it's what US elegant girls about town do does

what US elegant girls about town do does

what US elegant girls about town do does mean elephant girls myself well at least

mean elephant girls myself well at least

mean elephant girls myself well at least I'm not too small that I can't get on

I'm not too small that I can't get on

I'm not too small that I can't get on all the rides at Thorpe Park

well at least I don't have to go to

well at least I don't have to go to specialist clothes shops where those

specialist clothes shops where those

specialist clothes shops where those jeans from prison

jeans from prison

jeans from prison sorry we can long well doesn't mean I

sorry we can long well doesn't mean I

sorry we can long well doesn't mean I can't be feminine to that yeah work in

can't be feminine to that yeah work in

can't be feminine to that yeah work in it it's all about the recovery isn't it

how could a man think a woman is a man I

how could a man think a woman is a man I mean I do have a penis for that

mean I do have a penis for that

mean I do have a penis for that chocolate that was it wrong in public

and away sky Preston okay calm composing

and away sky Preston okay calm composing sample file

piranhas hi how are you okay look why

piranhas hi how are you okay look why you're in pain no no I'm fine I just

you're in pain no no I'm fine I just

you're in pain no no I'm fine I just Chatwin that's better

so sorry what are you doing here what I

so sorry what are you doing here what I woke you the new chef started last week

woke you the new chef started last week

woke you the new chef started last week oh my shops next door no way guys it's

oh my shops next door no way guys it's

oh my shops next door no way guys it's great to see this been ages

[Applause]

[Applause] we've been in chocolate well to be

we've been in chocolate well to be

we've been in chocolate well to be precise it's actually cooler we're one

precise it's actually cooler we're one

precise it's actually cooler we're one how much Malaysia yeah great great good

how much Malaysia yeah great great good

how much Malaysia yeah great great good it's good to be back though

it's good to be back though

it's good to be back though really yeah well you know you can have

really yeah well you know you can have

really yeah well you know you can have too much fun but come back and settle

too much fun but come back and settle

too much fun but come back and settle down

down

down be sensible join the gym yesterday oh

be sensible join the gym yesterday oh

be sensible join the gym yesterday oh the one round the corner yeah and you go

the one round the corner yeah and you go

the one round the corner yeah and you go no yeah no I'm really into keeping fit

no yeah no I'm really into keeping fit

no yeah no I'm really into keeping fit to Gary great great what's your sport

to Gary great great what's your sport

to Gary great great what's your sport gymnastics that's it and I'll work with

gymnastics that's it and I'll work with

gymnastics that's it and I'll work with that I am a gymnast Gary Wow

that I am a gymnast Gary Wow

that I am a gymnast Gary Wow Wow indeed yeah I mainly do ribbons no

you won't you might see me the last

you won't you might see me the last Olympics actually although having said

Olympics actually although having said

Olympics actually although having said that I wasn't on telly much because you

that I wasn't on telly much because you

that I wasn't on telly much because you will have noticed that a lot of

will have noticed that a lot of

will have noticed that a lot of gymnastic white manly have no curves or

gymnastic white manly have no curves or

gymnastic white manly have no curves or breasts that's one category not mine I'm

breasts that's one category not mine I'm

breasts that's one category not mine I'm in the bus tier section is less

in the bus tier section is less

in the bus tier section is less televised so in widescreen gymnast bust

televised so in widescreen gymnast bust

televised so in widescreen gymnast bust is the

right right good well I better get back

right right good well I better get back to work

to work

to work no when you job and everything what sir

no when you job and everything what sir

no when you job and everything what sir let's catch up some great yes lovely

let's catch up some great yes lovely

let's catch up some great yes lovely okay well that'll went very well I

okay well that'll went very well I

okay well that'll went very well I thought luckily I enjoy living alone

[Applause]

[Applause] consul now I'm working Oh

consul now I'm working Oh

consul now I'm working Oh wish me luck missing - heroin funny

wish me luck missing - heroin funny

wish me luck missing - heroin funny queen cog at the fire and that's okay

queen cog at the fire and that's okay

queen cog at the fire and that's okay there has to be Queen Kong you look

there has to be Queen Kong you look

there has to be Queen Kong you look exactly to noon

exactly to noon

exactly to noon you're the Empress of calm oh go where

you're the Empress of calm oh go where

you're the Empress of calm oh go where they live there with back oh well what's

they live there with back oh well what's

they live there with back oh well what's new well

pity older pork on no no I'm really

pity older pork on no no I'm really pleased to both marriage and the baby

pleased to both marriage and the baby

pleased to both marriage and the baby thing honestly it's not for me there's

thing honestly it's not for me there's

thing honestly it's not for me there's only what my mother wants see 80 days if

only what my mother wants see 80 days if

only what my mother wants see 80 days if your mother Katie okay but she's fine

thank Queen Kong we're arranging this

thank Queen Kong we're arranging this shopping bonanza

shopping bonanza

shopping bonanza oh girl shopping trip yay you ready come

oh girl shopping trip yay you ready come

oh girl shopping trip yay you ready come here love Elizabeth

here love Elizabeth

here love Elizabeth I've got limited windows I don't believe

I've got limited windows I don't believe

I've got limited windows I don't believe in labels b'keen a little bit more yeah

so I suggest we meet just there a small

so I suggest we meet just there a small afternoon at should we say four

afternoon at should we say four

afternoon at should we say four brillo pads so where are we going to be

brillo pads so where are we going to be

brillo pads so where are we going to be absent quite captured wedding-dress

absent quite captured wedding-dress

absent quite captured wedding-dress shopping baby what can I get for you

shopping baby what can I get for you

shopping baby what can I get for you madam madam a brilliant thanks Gary

madam madam a brilliant thanks Gary

madam madam a brilliant thanks Gary Stevie Stevie Stevie Stevie Stevie

Stevie Stevie Stevie Stevie Stevie

Stevie Stevie Stevie Stevie Stevie Stevie Stevie Stevie I won't stop TV TV

Stevie Stevie Stevie I won't stop TV TV

Stevie Stevie Stevie I won't stop TV TV TV little bit busy I just saw Gary he's

TV little bit busy I just saw Gary he's

TV little bit busy I just saw Gary he's walking next door no way and I told him

walking next door no way and I told him

walking next door no way and I told him I was an Olympic gingka why you know

I was an Olympic gingka why you know

I was an Olympic gingka why you know when you get nervous socially you end up

when you get nervous socially you end up

when you get nervous socially you end up lying to impress no exactly we all doing

lying to impress no exactly we all doing

lying to impress no exactly we all doing so what is going on in here

so what is going on in here

so what is going on in here they still haven't taken a baby stuff

they still haven't taken a baby stuff

they still haven't taken a baby stuff back we don't hold for over an hour we

back we don't hold for over an hour we

back we don't hold for over an hour we listen to the whole view thing it's

listen to the whole view thing it's

listen to the whole view thing it's continuous I'm going insane when we've

continuous I'm going insane when we've

continuous I'm going insane when we've had a double delivery of chocolate Pinay

you've never known how to have fun there

you've never known how to have fun there was some of us like to focus on work now

was some of us like to focus on work now

was some of us like to focus on work now get down here and help me Kelly beat ITP

get down here and help me Kelly beat ITP

get down here and help me Kelly beat ITP you can't get these in it before you put

you can't get these in it before you put

you can't get these in it before you put the little sorry let's go try them Gary

the little sorry let's go try them Gary

the little sorry let's go try them Gary you remember Stevie Stevie Gary and I'm

you remember Stevie Stevie Gary and I'm

you remember Stevie Stevie Gary and I'm saying we thought you'd come out of

saying we thought you'd come out of

saying we thought you'd come out of Randall box

wow you've seen my losing vision things

wow you've seen my losing vision things obviously going well yeah yeah yeah yeah

obviously going well yeah yeah yeah yeah

obviously going well yeah yeah yeah yeah but principally I am deeply successful

but principally I am deeply successful

but principally I am deeply successful yeah so look around so I'm a cop magnet

yeah so look around so I'm a cop magnet

yeah so look around so I'm a cop magnet shoot me and look I just popped in to

shoot me and look I just popped in to

shoot me and look I just popped in to ask um oh actually not with anybody or

ask um oh actually not with anybody or

ask um oh actually not with anybody or married or anything of the money yeah

married or anything of the money yeah

married or anything of the money yeah yeah of course yeah oh really

yeah of course yeah oh really

yeah of course yeah oh really kids yeah got to and Orlando and bloom

you know I'm still single me too

you know I'm still single me too you just said you're married divorced

you just said you're married divorced

you just said you're married divorced now and the kid says really what and

now and the kid says really what and

now and the kid says really what and they froze

they froze to death Gary

they froze to death Gary funny story actually not funny ha-ha but

funny story actually not funny ha-ha but

funny story actually not funny ha-ha but funny in that it's almost unbelievable

funny in that it's almost unbelievable

funny in that it's almost unbelievable you see we were on holiday in the

you see we were on holiday in the

you see we were on holiday in the Himalayas a base camp of Everest and

Himalayas a base camp of Everest and

Himalayas a base camp of Everest and they were just running around in the

they were just running around in the

they were just running around in the shorts and the t-shirt and I can't say

shorts and the t-shirt and I can't say

shorts and the t-shirt and I can't say you know put the coat on

you know put the coat on

you know put the coat on you can't you there none of that's true

you can't you there none of that's true

you can't you there none of that's true is it no you know when you get nervous

is it no you know when you get nervous

is it no you know when you get nervous socially you end up lying to impress not

socially you end up lying to impress not

socially you end up lying to impress not exactly we all do it right well I just

exactly we all do it right well I just

exactly we all do it right well I just wanted to ask how much you fancy yeah

wanted to ask how much you fancy yeah

wanted to ask how much you fancy yeah have you said anything we'll do whatever

you fancy grabbing a bite later I'm not

you fancy grabbing a bite later I'm not working I'll just be you know good to

working I'll just be you know good to

working I'll just be you know good to catch up you just go to the restaurant

catch up you just go to the restaurant

catch up you just go to the restaurant you notes for free food don't worry it's

you notes for free food don't worry it's

you notes for free food don't worry it's not a date it's just a thing you like I

not a date it's just a thing you like I

not a date it's just a thing you like I do like I do like very much why am i

do like I do like very much why am i

do like I do like very much why am i doing in Indian accent

doing in Indian accent

doing in Indian accent cool great well put him on a throws

cool great well put him on a throws

cool great well put him on a throws okay ciao what not to think

okay ciao what not to think

okay ciao what not to think I've got to take whoa what to do okay

I've got to take whoa what to do okay

I've got to take whoa what to do okay what were the girls do shopping of

what were the girls do shopping of

what were the girls do shopping of course something to wear yes I will

course something to wear yes I will

course something to wear yes I will trinny and Susannah myself I can do it

trinny and Susannah myself I can do it

trinny and Susannah myself I can do it with them because I'd have to punch them

with them because I'd have to punch them

with them because I'd have to punch them in the face

hate this kind of program welcome to I'm

hate this kind of program welcome to I'm okay you're obese I know what I do if I

okay you're obese I know what I do if I

okay you're obese I know what I do if I have one of those shows and excuse me

have one of those shows and excuse me

have one of those shows and excuse me hello right let's have a look at you

hello right let's have a look at you

hello right let's have a look at you well I wouldn't wear that top but you

well I wouldn't wear that top but you

well I wouldn't wear that top but you look comfortable are you yeah do you

look comfortable are you yeah do you

look comfortable are you yeah do you like it yeah do care that others may not

like it yeah do care that others may not

like it yeah do care that others may not like it now brilliant and wear that then

like it now brilliant and wear that then

like it now brilliant and wear that then bye where are you going

bye where are you going

bye where are you going I've got to get something to wear how

I've got to get something to wear how

I've got to get something to wear how often do I have a date never it's my

often do I have a date never it's my

often do I have a date never it's my first one first one of the many others I

first one first one of the many others I

first one first one of the many others I have also had I thought you said it

have also had I thought you said it

have also had I thought you said it wasn't a date she said it was a thing

wasn't a date she said it was a thing

wasn't a date she said it was a thing that's come two days in it yeah we'll

that's come two days in it yeah we'll

that's come two days in it yeah we'll just don't scare Gary off okay and you

just don't scare Gary off okay and you

just don't scare Gary off okay and you can help me before you go shopping we've

can help me before you go shopping we've

can help me before you go shopping we've had another delivery of baby stock and

had another delivery of baby stock and

had another delivery of baby stock and the hen nights tops still not here and

the hen nights tops still not here and

the hen nights tops still not here and I'm not enjoying telling the delivery

I'm not enjoying telling the delivery

I'm not enjoying telling the delivery company we're still missing fluffy

company we're still missing fluffy

company we're still missing fluffy handcuffs and love eggs

handcuffs and love eggs

handcuffs and love eggs degrading so no shoppi shopping to you

degrading so no shoppi shopping to you

degrading so no shoppi shopping to you tidy tidy

tidy tidy

tidy tidy furnisher that's racist I can't see you

furnisher that's racist I can't see you

furnisher that's racist I can't see you that is your fault get out

don't you want to achieve I always think

don't you want to achieve I always think big and then I think small

big and then I think small

big and then I think small Heather small I ask myself what are you

Heather small I ask myself what are you

Heather small I ask myself what are you gonna do

what are you gonna say fine I'd say

what are you gonna say fine I'd say Heather had a small you were excellent

Heather had a small you were excellent

Heather had a small you were excellent on Strictly Come Dancing yes your other

on Strictly Come Dancing yes your other

on Strictly Come Dancing yes your other two hands are today I helped my lovely

two hands are today I helped my lovely

two hands are today I helped my lovely little friend by putting the boxes away

little friend by putting the boxes away

little friend by putting the boxes away thank you

thank you

thank you and not in the kitchen slash workstation

and not in the kitchen slash workstation

and not in the kitchen slash workstation slash break area flash my personal space

slash break area flash my personal space

slash break area flash my personal space slash was sorry Steve I wasn't good

slash was sorry Steve I wasn't good

slash was sorry Steve I wasn't good because I wouldn't put them in your flat

because I wouldn't put them in your flat

because I wouldn't put them in your flat flat slash personal day no exactly so I

flat slash personal day no exactly so I

flat slash personal day no exactly so I wouldn't do that to you and forgot to

wouldn't do that to you and forgot to

wouldn't do that to you and forgot to say earlier I'm just going to baby shop

say earlier I'm just going to baby shop

say earlier I'm just going to baby shop to get a present for cousin Georgina's

to get a present for cousin Georgina's

to get a present for cousin Georgina's christening tomorrow very antisocial to

christening tomorrow very antisocial to

christening tomorrow very antisocial to have it on a what I call weekday it is a

have it on a what I call weekday it is a

have it on a what I call weekday it is a weekday not just what you call the week

weekday not just what you call the week

weekday not just what you call the week that it is a weekday that is such an

that it is a weekday that is such an

that it is a weekday that is such an annoying what I call phrase shall I get

annoying what I call phrase shall I get

annoying what I call phrase shall I get you something to give them I didn't even

you something to give them I didn't even

you something to give them I didn't even know there was a christening I don't

know there was a christening I don't

know there was a christening I don't know what I'm going to get them such an

know what I'm going to get them such an

know what I'm going to get them such an ugly baby

ugly baby

ugly baby your father suggested a balaclava oh

your father suggested a balaclava oh

your father suggested a balaclava oh that's fun right well I must dash I'm

that's fun right well I must dash I'm

that's fun right well I must dash I'm off to meet someone for a spot of what I

off to meet someone for a spot of what I

off to meet someone for a spot of what I call T it is C just is to Phoebe I've

call T it is C just is to Phoebe I've

call T it is C just is to Phoebe I've tied you tidied right clothes shop I've

tied you tidied right clothes shop I've

tied you tidied right clothes shop I've been to big in long enough

been to big in long enough

been to big in long enough just give the taller or bigger than

just give the taller or bigger than

just give the taller or bigger than average why do we have to shop and

average why do we have to shop and

average why do we have to shop and patronizingly name places what's next

patronizingly name places what's next

patronizingly name places what's next lanky and sweaty swallow is an amazonian

lanky and sweaty swallow is an amazonian

lanky and sweaty swallow is an amazonian huge and gross for what graphic hi how

huge and gross for what graphic hi how

huge and gross for what graphic hi how can we help well I'm looking for

can we help well I'm looking for

can we help well I'm looking for something flattering for me and really

something flattering for me and really

something flattering for me and really feminine because them this might sound

feminine because them this might sound

feminine because them this might sound ridiculous but I often get called sir I

ridiculous but I often get called sir I

ridiculous but I often get called sir I know embarrassing and I'm going out

know embarrassing and I'm going out

know embarrassing and I'm going out tonight and I really don't want it to

tonight and I really don't want it to

tonight and I really don't want it to happen then I hear you let's have a look

happen then I hear you let's have a look

happen then I hear you let's have a look at usual well you're actually very

at usual well you're actually very

at usual well you're actually very feminine lucky cheaply

feminine lucky cheaply

feminine lucky cheaply ladylike

ladylike

ladylike and hassle these astonishing I've seen

and hassle these astonishing I've seen

and hassle these astonishing I've seen that a few in my time and these are

that a few in my time and these are

that a few in my time and these are frankly something else

frankly something else

frankly something else Thank You knife hair where'd you get it

Thank You knife hair where'd you get it

Thank You knife hair where'd you get it by far the thighs full of a third of

by far the thighs full of a third of

by far the thighs full of a third of them it's not going to take much heads

them it's not going to take much heads

them it's not going to take much heads will turn

will turn

will turn and not in a pointing and staring way

and not in a pointing and staring way

and not in a pointing and staring way now I always knew I could pull it off

now I always knew I could pull it off

now I always knew I could pull it off but I just don't know what clothes would

but I just don't know what clothes would

but I just don't know what clothes would suit me best you know well there's no

suit me best you know well there's no

suit me best you know well there's no point wearing jeans and t-shirt is there

point wearing jeans and t-shirt is there

point wearing jeans and t-shirt is there might as well be a man well it's sort

might as well be a man well it's sort

might as well be a man well it's sort you out for the night young lady lady

Phoebe I got an outfit you ready just

Phoebe I got an outfit you ready just give me a second

[Applause]

[Applause] how'd I look

how'd I look

how'd I look oh sorry I did realize you have anyone

oh sorry I did realize you have anyone

oh sorry I did realize you have anyone here there's no problem

here there's no problem

here there's no problem wow I just say you look gorgeous

wow I just say you look gorgeous

wow I just say you look gorgeous oh thank you it's amazing

oh thank you it's amazing

oh thank you it's amazing so feminine oh stop it

so feminine oh stop it

so feminine oh stop it seriously me you could pause really I

seriously me you could pause really I

seriously me you could pause really I pause

and say sorry I saw did you get

and say sorry I saw did you get something

we know so hurry didn't you just say

we know so hurry didn't you just say that you look done

that you look done

that you look done you look gorgeous and feminine as a man

you look gorgeous and feminine as a man

you look gorgeous and feminine as a man season for a man who thought I was

season for a man who thought I was

season for a man who thought I was gorgeous and feminine and a man a man

gorgeous and feminine and a man a man

gorgeous and feminine and a man a man are you laughing there is nothing funny

are you laughing there is nothing funny

are you laughing there is nothing funny here there isn't because I wear normal

here there isn't because I wear normal

here there isn't because I wear normal everyday clothes I get called sir I

everyday clothes I get called sir I

everyday clothes I get called sir I actually make an effort I am a

actually make an effort I am a

actually make an effort I am a transvestite

hi um nice fancy dress tonight yeah yes

hi um nice fancy dress tonight yeah yes it is Santa dress and I was just trying

it is Santa dress and I was just trying

it is Santa dress and I was just trying on our new range of best.i costumes how

on our new range of best.i costumes how

on our new range of best.i costumes how does that well I'm panicking you're

does that well I'm panicking you're

does that well I'm panicking you're panicking it'll be fine just be yourself

panicking it'll be fine just be yourself

panicking it'll be fine just be yourself what an appalling piece of advice sure

what an appalling piece of advice sure

what an appalling piece of advice sure come back no no two seconds I'll just

come back no no two seconds I'll just

come back no no two seconds I'll just get changed

get changed

get changed Oh Miranda I cannot believe you filled

Oh Miranda I cannot believe you filled

Oh Miranda I cannot believe you filled my personal space this is a lot of time

my personal space this is a lot of time

my personal space this is a lot of time that's not what it sounds obvious

and how does gender anxious just picked

and how does gender anxious just picked up when I was traveling buddy look see

up when I was traveling buddy look see

up when I was traveling buddy look see lots of restaurants and yeah really

lots of restaurants and yeah really

lots of restaurants and yeah really going to it I think I finally found what

going to it I think I finally found what

going to it I think I finally found what I want to do well great your parents

I want to do well great your parents

I want to do well great your parents will see please do that how's your mum

will see please do that how's your mum

will see please do that how's your mum Oh still frantically trying to find my

Oh still frantically trying to find my

Oh still frantically trying to find my wife her mother's the same forgot to try

wife her mother's the same forgot to try

wife her mother's the same forgot to try to find your wife finding me a wife but

to find your wife finding me a wife but

to find your wife finding me a wife but just to be clear she wants me to find a

just to be clear she wants me to find a

just to be clear she wants me to find a husband because I am a woman right it's

husband because I am a woman right it's

husband because I am a woman right it's not just marriage the desperation to

not just marriage the desperation to

not just marriage the desperation to have kids no I mean I just don't have a

have kids no I mean I just don't have a

have kids no I mean I just don't have a desperate urge to breed yeah I'm up here

desperate urge to breed yeah I'm up here

desperate urge to breed yeah I'm up here we did have that desperate urge to breed

we did have that desperate urge to breed

we did have that desperate urge to breed we could

I mean the number of women who turn 30

I mean the number of women who turn 30 and suddenly they just obsessed with

and suddenly they just obsessed with

and suddenly they just obsessed with babies I know I'm just so boring I mean

babies I know I'm just so boring I mean

babies I know I'm just so boring I mean I have a fairly normal healthy

I have a fairly normal healthy

I have a fairly normal healthy interesting chat system where it's

interesting chat system where it's

interesting chat system where it's getting laid by you where my chances

getting laid by you where my chances

getting laid by you where my chances last night turns out a flat for the baby

last night turns out a flat for the baby

last night turns out a flat for the baby stop isn't enough rhodesia

stop isn't enough rhodesia

stop isn't enough rhodesia Carrie we think you're fat what would be

Carrie we think you're fat what would be

Carrie we think you're fat what would be lot I'm sorry

lot I'm sorry

lot I'm sorry think he'd come back and you shouldn't

think he'd come back and you shouldn't

think he'd come back and you shouldn't have put it all in my personal space

have put it all in my personal space

have put it all in my personal space falling through well everything seems

falling through well everything seems

falling through well everything seems tidy tidy in here now well the fine you

tidy tidy in here now well the fine you

tidy tidy in here now well the fine you picked up the extra Pinay and I've had a

picked up the extra Pinay and I've had a

picked up the extra Pinay and I've had a call from the baby shop that's what's

call from the baby shop that's what's

call from the baby shop that's what's upstairs is theirs and they've got our

upstairs is theirs and they've got our

upstairs is theirs and they've got our hen nights doors Miranda you are in a

hen nights doors Miranda you are in a

hen nights doors Miranda you are in a street with some very dodgy businesses

street with some very dodgy businesses

street with some very dodgy businesses that baby shop I just come from the

that baby shop I just come from the

that baby shop I just come from the christening Marjorie gave a silver

christening Marjorie gave a silver

christening Marjorie gave a silver encrusted rattle Victoria an engraved

encrusted rattle Victoria an engraved

encrusted rattle Victoria an engraved mug I present him what I thought was a

mug I present him what I thought was a

mug I present him what I thought was a lovely toy rabbit turns out it was a

lovely toy rabbit turns out it was a

lovely toy rabbit turns out it was a battery-operated rabbit toy Wesley was

battery-operated rabbit toy Wesley was

battery-operated rabbit toy Wesley was the baby market

who described it of him

who described it of him it was absolutely what I call mortifying

what are you doing I'm being normal for

what are you doing I'm being normal for Gary good luck

Miranda welcome Gary aren't we seeing

Miranda welcome Gary aren't we seeing you here I work here

you here I work here

you here I work here it's not weird all the restaurants I

it's not weird all the restaurants I

it's not weird all the restaurants I could have just popped into and made a

could have just popped into and made a

could have just popped into and made a huge old it's very weird and look I was

huge old it's very weird and look I was

huge old it's very weird and look I was going to come and see you later anyway I

going to come and see you later anyway I

going to come and see you later anyway I should apologize about last night I

should apologize about last night I

should apologize about last night I shouldn't stormed off without you

shouldn't stormed off without you

shouldn't stormed off without you explaining everything was a stockman

explaining everything was a stockman

explaining everything was a stockman no no you don't need to no need to

no no you don't need to no need to

no no you don't need to no need to explain but you do need to let me take

explain but you do need to let me take

explain but you do need to let me take you out for a drink later okay great

you out for a drink later okay great

you out for a drink later okay great great was it was there anything else did

great was it was there anything else did

great was it was there anything else did you want over super dude you wedding

you want over super dude you wedding

you want over super dude you wedding cake not a joke that was the worst kind

cake not a joke that was the worst kind

cake not a joke that was the worst kind of don't look at me you know I'm not

of don't look at me you know I'm not

of don't look at me you know I'm not into all that stuff

I'm amongst friends

I'm amongst friends so I can be on earth already God ever

so I can be on earth already God ever

so I can be on earth already God ever felt more beautiful

felt more beautiful

felt more beautiful concretely you have to try one on its

concretely you have to try one on its

concretely you have to try one on its most amazing its beards it's better than

most amazing its beards it's better than

most amazing its beards it's better than anything horse be bit weird no

anything horse be bit weird no

anything horse be bit weird no engagement ring hello there twice I will

engagement ring hello there twice I will

engagement ring hello there twice I will I would like to try one on please really

I would like to try one on please really

I would like to try one on please really oh sorry

oh sorry

oh sorry and yes I think we might have something

and yes I think we might have something

and yes I think we might have something size 10 10 - yes I think we've got one

size 10 10 - yes I think we've got one

size 10 10 - yes I think we've got one in a 10 G

almost friends so I can be honest I

almost friends so I can be honest I don't think I've ever felt more

don't think I've ever felt more

don't think I've ever felt more beautiful no I look like a chiffon based

beautiful no I look like a chiffon based

beautiful no I look like a chiffon based anaphylactic shock

goodnight that's my mother walked past

goodnight that's my mother walked past her she'd take the joy

her she'd take the joy

her she'd take the joy [Music]

[Music]

[Music] [Applause]

[Applause]

[Applause] [Music]

[Music]

[Music] [Applause]

[Applause]

[Applause] [Music]

just like me

just like me [Music]