All language subtitles for sexfiles parody

Oh, dear.

Was it everything you hoped for?

It was more than I could imagine.

But, you know, Mom, I'm not like these
younger guys. I just hope it took a good

view if it wasn't me.

Yeah, it was good for me. But I'm not
done with you yet.

What did you have in mind?

Something kinky.

Slow morning?

Mind -numbingly.

Skinner wants to see us in his office.

You say what about?

No, but he said it was urgent.

Mulder, what's wrong?

Nothing.

Okay.

Agent Scully and Mulder are here to see
you.

Send them in, Arlene.

Take a seat, Aiden.

The Los Angeles field office contacted
us today. There's been a rash of serial

killings.

All male.

Ages vary between 20 and 58.

You're booked on the next flight out.

I'm sorry, sir, but why does this
warrant our involvement?

Is there something wrong, Agent Mulder?

No, sir. I just don't understand why
we're being called in on what appears to

an average string of homicides.

Satanic? No, not entirely.

We'll call you when we know more.

What's wrong with him?

I don't know, sir. He's been acting this
way for the last few days now.

Well, keep an eye on him.

Be careful.

One scully.

Can you send in Arlene?

Yes, sir.

You wanted to see me?

Don't have any appointments for a couple
of hours.

Oh, yeah? Well, good.

Oh, yes.

Oh, that's good.

Oh,

fuck yes.

That's all right. Yeah.

Good secretary, Arnie.

Hey,

who are you two?

I'm Agent David Scully.

This is Agent Mulder.

Yeah, I was told to expect you two.

I was kind of hoping you could help us
out because you've been having a hell of

a time.

Looks like you had a hell of a time too.

This is the sixth murder in two weeks.

Did they all have this picture carved
into their torso?

Yes, ma 'am.

As far as we can tell, it's some kind of
satanic imagery.

Jesus, Mulder, who would do this?

Not a satanist.

And that's not the only picture we
found.

Get the sheet.

We found this stuffed down his throat
all the way down into his intestines.

This just keeps on getting more and more
interesting.

What is it?

Looks like somebody's been practicing
sex magic.

Sex magic?

Let's get out of here, Scully. I think
I'm getting a little turned on.

Is that guy for real?

He takes some getting used to.

Are you sure you don't want to tell me
what's been bothering you, Mulder?

Nothing's wrong with me.

That's not true.

You've been acting distant for a few
days now.

Let's just keep our minds on our job
right now, okay?

Okay.

What do you think the pictograms are?

Well, the picture on the sheet is known
as the unicursal hexagram.

It's called unicursal because it can be
drawn in one continuous motion instead

of overlaying two triangles.

It's an ancient symbol found throughout
the world in many cultures.

It's known as a Thelemic Unicursal
Hexagram, designed by Aleister Crowley.

The wickedest man in the world.

One and the same.

He placed a five -petal rose in the
center.

Five plus six equals eleven, the number
of divine union.

Now, the other pictogram we saw carved
into the victim's chest, the goat

being, is known as a baphomet.

It's another symbol of divine union,
albeit of a more demonic nature.

How so?

Well, the baphomet is an androgynous
being. It represents the sexual union of

Lucifer and Lilith.

So you think this is the work of a
Luciferian cult?

Possibly.

Probably one of Crowley's students of
Thelema.

I'll have the L .A. field office fax us
over all the addresses of known Philemic

cults in the area.

Sounds good.

Good start at tomorrow morning.

Hey, Scully.

Hey, Scully.

Hey,

Scully. Want to get a pizza?

I wasn't peeping. I wasn't peeping.

What do you want?

Pizza. I came to see if you want pizza.

But I can see you've already eaten.

I'm sorry.

Good night, Scully.

Thank you.

Thank you.

So who is this guy, Scully?

Andrew Barsons.

Born, raised, still residing in
Pasadena.

Barsons?

Yeah, why, does that name mean anything
to you?

It may be.

Probable cause.

Are you Andrew Barsons?

Yes. Who are you?

Special Agent Fox Mulder.

This is Agent Dana Skelly.

May we come in?

Of course.

May I offer you guys a drink?

No, thank you.

All right. You can wait in the living
room. I'll be there in a minute.

Cozy. Oh, what, this is not the way you
see yourself settling down in a few

years? If anything happens, get behind
me.

Am I interrupting?

No. Please sit down.

So how may I be of service to you?

We're investigating a string of murders
that have occurred over the last few

weeks.

All the victims have pictograms of bath
mets carved in their torso.

We've also found polemic hexagrams
nearby, painted in the victim's blood.

So you assume it was me?

Not necessarily you, but maybe somebody
you know. You are the head of a polemic

order.

Our records indicate that your group
congregates here at your home.

I'm afraid your records are out of date.

We stopped meeting here about two years
ago.

We now meet at an occult bookstore not
far from here.

You're both more than welcome to come.

No, thanks.

We'd just like you to answer a few
questions for us, please.

Ask away.

Is there anyone in your group that you
would consider dangerous?

No. Thelma is a peaceful way of life.

It may not look it to you, but it is.

Have you ever practiced ritual sex
magic?

Of course.

When was the last time this occurred?

Last week.

What did the ritual entail?

I'd be more than happy to show you.
Okay, that's enough.

That's enough.

For now.

Thank you for your time.

Let me show you out.

Oh.

And I wouldn't plan on taking a vacation
anytime soon if I were you. Might look

bad.

I have no reason to run from you, Agent
Mulder. The rest of my day consists of

going to the bookstore, and that night,
visiting a club with my friend.

So what do you think?

He's hiding something.

Start surveillance.

So tell me about the pendant.

Okay, so.

Long story short. In Jewish oral
tradition, Eve was not the first wife of

His first wife was a woman by the name
of Lilith, whom God created to be Adam's

equal. When she refused to have sex with
him in the missionary position, he got

mad and she left the Garden of Eden.

Can I have some more noodles?

Yeah.

God then sent three angels to bring her
back.

Senoi, Sensanoi, and Semengaloth.

They found her, but she refused to
return to the Garden of Eden.

She preferred instead to become a demon
and cause sickness in infants and

ruination in men.

She became a succubus, preying on men
sexually.

Want some more rice?

However,

She swore that if she ever saw the names
of the three angels that were sent to

retrieve her, written on either a
pendant or amulet, whoever wore it,

no power over.

Andrew, or pendant, with their names
written in Hebrew.

So, what do you think?

I'm not sure just yet.

Fuck.

Must be heading out to the club.

What do you want to do?

Let's go take a look and see.

Mulder, we can't just break into the
man's house.

Without a court order, nothing we find
is admissible as evidence in a crime.

Yeah.

Must be where the magic happened.

Come on, let's go check the basement.

This doesn't seem fulfilling anymore.

I know.

It's Lois.

We're leaving.

Hold on, Skully. Hold on a second.
Mulder, we're leaving.

Alright, I'm sorry. Let's go.

We have to find a girl to come back with
us tonight.

Yeah, that's why we're here.

Now, what can we say to get her to let
us train her?

It's important. It's important to find
the right girl.

She's wild and crazy.

All the girls here look that way. Yeah,
that's true.

Maybe we'll get lucky if we actually
find that girl.

You two look like you could use some
company.

You read my mind.

Yeah, I did.

Do you want to go somewhere?

What's wrong with right here?

Sounds like a great idea to me.

What did you say your name was?

Lois.

Whoa. Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, you got a little sweat.

That's fine, girl. You got a little
sweat. Yeah,

I think you're coming out of my fucking
head.

You got a little fucking sweat coming
out of my fucking head.

Oh,

yeah.

Fuck yeah. Come on.

Yeah, I got a little fucking sweat.

Yeah, come out of my fucking head.

Oh, my God.

Oh,

God, it's so fucking deep. Oh,

yeah. Oh,

fuck.

Yeah.

I'm going to take my pussy off you.

Oh, they're fucking good, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yes.

Oh, yes.

Oh, yes.

Oh, that feels so fucking good. Yeah.

She's a dirty little bitch.

Oh, God.

Oh,

yeah. Oh, yeah. Give

me all that.

Oh, yeah.

It's so big.

It's so freaking big.

Yeah.

Oh my God.

Oh my God.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh,

yeah.

Is this fucking cocktail good?

Oh, yes.

Oh, yes.

Oh, yes.

Oh, yes.

Oh, yes.

Oh, yes.

Oh, yes.

Oh, yes.

Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Oh, yes.

Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Oh, yes.

Oh, yes. Oh, yes.

Oh, yes.

Oh, yes.

Fuck you!

Same thing?

Yes, sir.

Except this time, the killer took a
souvenir.

Both of them?

Well, I guess they're not going to have
much use for them anymore anyway, huh?

Mulder, out with it. What's going on?

Scully, I think we're dealing with
something more than we originally

How so? I think it's more than just...

A cult murder or sacrifice to Lilith.

I think the murderer is Lilith herself.

A demon.

That's right. The concubine of Satan.

That's the one.

First wife of Adam. Yes, ma 'am.

Look at the nature of all the killings.

All performed after a sexual escapade.
The Baphomet carved in every victim's

torso. A representation of Lilith. The
hexagram.

Another symbol of her unity to Lucifer.

We found all the same pictograms painted
in Barsons' basement, plus a painting

of Lilith.

Not to mention the fact that Barsons
wears a pendant around his neck to

himself from her.

Okay. So, it's obviously a demon.

I've also been doing some research on
our little friend Barsons.

Seems his grandfather was a student of
Aleister Crowley, a man who himself

claims to have conjured up demons.

You do realize how hard it's going to be
to prosecute Satan before.

Well, Scully, what do you suggest we do?

I'm going to perform an autopsy on these
bodies.

Why don't you go back to Mr. Varson and
see what he was up to last night?

Okay, will do.

Call me if you find anything weird with
the bodies.

What qualifies as weird?

Something spooky.

Right.

Death appears to have been caused by
lost of blood.

either from the genitals, which have
been removed, or the throat, which seems

be ripped out by the killer's mouth.

The stomach is ripped open, most likely
related to the gaping hole in the

victim's back.

Stomach contents include a fingernail,

Most likely female in origin.

Black fingernail polish.

Likely lost when the killer's hand
thrusts through the victim's abdomen.

The heart seems to have been removed

and then put back at 180 degrees.

How may I help you, Agent Mulder?

I was wondering if I could ask you a few
more questions.

Of course.

Thank you.

So what would you like to know?

Where were you last night?

Like I told you and your partner
yesterday, I was visiting a club with my

friends.

Which club?

The Cage.

Are you aware there was a double
homicide committed there last night?

Of course.

What do you... What do you know about
it?

Everything.

You are a delightful agent, Mulder.

You want to tie me, you sick bastard?

No, not yet. I want you to experience
something with me first.

No, thanks.

There are many forms of sex magic, but
there's one in particular that's more

powerful than them all. Oh, yeah? The
one where you say abracadabra? No, the

where I bugger you.

Stay away from me, you sick son of a
bitch!

Calm down, Fox.

The more you squirm, the more it's going
to hurt.

Hold it right there.

Sit down.

Scully, I don't think I've ever been so
happy with you in my life.

Mr. Parsons.

Explain this.

That's your fingernail. Whose
fingernail?

Lilith.

The demon?

Yeah.

How did she get here?

I summoned her.

Why?

Seven years ago, I began to experience
nightmares.

She would come to me in my dreams, and
we would have sex, and at the end, she

would torture me and devour my flesh.

She told me this wouldn't stop until I
brought her into the real world, which I

did.

And how'd you do that?

My group, a ritual.

Sex magic?

Of course.

Thank you.

And where is she now?

Lilith is a demon of the desert.

Death Valley.

Wow.

A little help here, Scully?

Where is she?

I don't know.

Spoke of this old factory.

You take him and search that side. I'll
search this side.

I don't think he's split up.

Don't worry, we'll be alright.

Fire a shot if you see her.

Alright, move it.

Hello, Fox.

I've been waiting for you.

No

man

can resist me.

I'll give you pleasure you've never
dreamed of.

You really love her, don't you?

I can be her. If you prefer.

Tell me what you want.

I want you to leave.

Then give me Andrew.

That's why I allowed you to come here.

That's why I left you my heart.

Mover!

Give me what I want.

Scully, take the pendant off his neck.

Now.

No, please!

Don't you fall.

It's quite a story, Agent Mulder.

Oh, quite.

Varson's body was never recovered?

No, sir, but there was a pile of ashes
in the room. We assume it was Varson's.

It's been a week, and no more murders
have been reported.

I can only assume it's due to your work.

Good job, agents.

Thank you, sir.

Did you ever find out what was going on?

No, sir.

Do you have any idea?

No, sir. I don't think I do.

Mulder, talk to me.

About what?

You know what.

You were upset before we left, and then
in Los Angeles you seemed a little bit

better, and now that we're back, you're
upset again, so tell me what's going on.

Nothing's wrong, Scully.

Don't run away from me, Mulder.

I'm not running.

I'm walking.

Calmly. Have a good weekend.

Everything okay?

I just, um... Can I come in?

Yeah, of course.

Look, I came by because I want to say
sorry for the way I've been treating you

lately.

I... I just... It's okay, Mulder. You
can talk to me.

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately
about the things that are important in

my life.

When my sister was taken away so many
years ago, I felt like a piece of me was

taken with her.

And since we discovered her fate, I feel
like I've regained that piece.

Only I realize that it's not because I
know what happened to her.

It's because I'm able to move forward in
a way I couldn't before.

I don't understand.

Philly, the best part of my day is when
you walk into the office in the morning.

Because I know I get to spend the rest
of my day with you.

I love you.

And I have for a long time.

And at the risk of ruining our
friendship and our professional

had to tell you.

Because I can't hold it inside any
longer.

Mulder, I love you too.

So good.

Amen.

Yes. Yes.

I can't do it.

I can't do it.

Oh, yes.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

You better fucking watch me. You better
fucking watch me.

Oh my God.

Yes, it's right there, right there.

Oh, you

dirty motherfucker.

Damn it.