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(Transcribed by TurboScribe.ai. Go Unlimited to remove this message.) Hey, how's it going?
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Do you have any matches?
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Nope.
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How about a lighter?
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Nope.
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Because it says you have fire wings.
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Get out of here, kid.
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Go have a look.
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Oh, fire!
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Yeah, fire!
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Fire!
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Fire!
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Fire.
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Hello, Beavis.
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I have been waiting for you.
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I am fire.
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Whoa!
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Fire!
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You like, you kick ass.
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I have great power, yes.
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Yeah, yeah.
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Wait a minute.
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So like, so you can talk?
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I have always been able to talk to you, Beavis.
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Remember?
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Beavis, it is I, fire.
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Look upon my fearful glory.
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Fire.
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Um, fire, do you remember when I put an M-80 in Mr. Anderson's mailbox and it started a big fire?
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Yes, that was me.
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Remember when I found my first lighter and it was like, fire.
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I remember.
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I am fire.
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Fire.
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Have you ever been in a volcano?
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I am in all the volcanoes.
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What about that forest fire?
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That was a great day.
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Smokey the bear sucks.
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It's not his fault.
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I killed his parents.
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He's just trying to mend the hole in his heart that I put there.
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You're cool.
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Quite so.
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You and you, Beavis, are my special one.
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Fire, fire.
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Fire.
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Now, Beavis, listen to me.
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I am going to command you and you will do exactly as I say.
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Yes, fire.
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Tell me what to do and I will obey.
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Yes.
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Very good.
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Now, Beavis, go to your school and run four times around the track.
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That will be one mile.
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That's what you want me to do?
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Yes.
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Okay, I guess that's pretty cool.
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I'm going to run.
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Now, begone.
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Fire.
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Fire.
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Fire.
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Fire.
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Hey, fire, I'm back.
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Did you run around the track four times, completing a distance of one mile?
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Yes, fire. Yes. I did as you command. Yes.
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Very good, my loyal servant.
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So, fire, why did you command me to do that?
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It was good exercise. You needed it.
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Well, I guess so. I don't know. I mean, if you say so.
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Butthead doesn't understand us, does he?
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My special one, what we have, what I am.
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No, he doesn't. He sucks. Let's burn him.
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Perhaps in good time.
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But not today, for I have for you a second command.
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Yes, command me. The first one was just a warm-up.
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Look around you, Beavis. The streets of this city are crawling with filth.
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But you and I know what to do about filth, don't we, Beavis?
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Yes, fire.
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I command you to pick up all of the plastic bottles in this alley and put them in the recycling.
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And then the same for the surrounding streets.
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Really? You command me to do that?
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Obey me.
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Okay, okay. Fire. Okay.
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Get this here.
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One of these.
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Me.
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No, not the regular trash. The blue one.
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Okay, okay.
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Beavis, here's a little something for you from Kale Dodds.
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And this is country, I can tell.
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I can tell because he said down a two lane.
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And there's like a story.
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I think that's the guy who makes Family Guy.
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I didn't know he was a country singer too.
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Whoa, he's trying to score at breakfast.
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Man, it didn't work.
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Well, you know there's always lunch and dinner.
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Okay, he's like, okay, I can handle this.
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Hello, I'm country star Kale Dodds. I used to be a loser like you.
102
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I mean, not like you exactly.
103
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Yeah, you know, I mean, I was in a band.
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All the chicks liked me and all that, you know.
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I was nothing like you.
106
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You're a loser.
107
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He's like, you see, your problem is this sweater.
108
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Yeah, just get rid of the sweater, and that chick will come right over here
109
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and get it on with you right in the middle of Applebee's.
110
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This is like all those movies where like the good looking cool guy
111
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teaches the dork how to score, and he like trains him.
112
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He's grooming him.
113
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He's like, now that I paid for your meal,
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why don't you come back to my place and try on some clothes for me.
115
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He's going to wind up in a shallow grave.
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They told us about these kind of guys in health class.
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All the warning signs were there.
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They may come across as friendly at first.
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They might even sing you a country song, but beware.
120
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They might buy your breakfast, but that breakfast isn't free.
121
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Here's what happened to a young man who went home with Kale Dodds.
122
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Hey.
123
00:07:35,030 --> 00:07:38,250
Well, like, does this video mean that if you change your shirt,
124
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you'll score with chicks?
125
00:07:40,350 --> 00:07:41,390
Yeah, that's ridiculous.
126
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Because I have the coolest shirt you could possibly have,
127
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and I still don't score.
128
00:07:56,190 --> 00:07:59,450
Uh, the only way he can score is to go to a club
129
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and sit around and wait for a girl to trip and fall over.
130
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Maybe I should try that.
131
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As soon as the director says cut,
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that hot girl's going to leave the dork and go score with Kale Dodds.
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And then the dork is going to go home alone,
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put on a new shirt, and spank his monkey.
135
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Now that's a country song.
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Okay, fire.
137
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Um, so I picked up all the bottles.
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Very good. Very good indeed.
139
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Yeah, I guess it was fine. I don't know.
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Beavis, are you ready to obey my next command?
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Yes, fire. Yes.
142
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And something cool this time, maybe. Yeah.
143
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I think you'll find this very cool.
144
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Well, you could say I was just getting warmed up.
145
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Now, listen closely to what you shall do.
146
00:09:07,830 --> 00:09:09,510
Yeah, I'm listening closely.
147
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You will go and read Call of the Wild
148
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and write a two-page report on it.
149
00:09:18,990 --> 00:09:20,490
Um, what?
150
00:09:21,150 --> 00:09:23,230
Now do my bidding.
151
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Use topic sentences.
152
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Um, fire, um, why are you making me do this stuff?
153
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You are my special one, Beavis.
154
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Uh-huh.
155
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And it's about time you applied yourself.
156
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Yeah.
157
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It's one thing to screw around in middle school,
158
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but you're almost at the point where it counts for colleges.
159
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Oh, boy.
160
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Now go before I make it five pages.
161
00:09:52,870 --> 00:09:54,990
Um, just wait here a second.
162
00:09:55,710 --> 00:10:02,270
Um, did you know there's a fire in the garbage back there?
163
00:10:02,870 --> 00:10:03,390
Again?
164
00:10:06,350 --> 00:10:07,290
Yeah, there it is.
165
00:10:07,330 --> 00:10:07,790
What?
166
00:10:09,210 --> 00:10:11,870
Oh, Beavis, no. Stop him, Beavis.
167
00:10:12,350 --> 00:10:15,810
The pain. I'm being extinguished.
168
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Punish him, the death.
169
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Oh, please.
170
00:10:20,830 --> 00:10:24,070
It doesn't have to be two pages.
171
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Just three paragraphs.
172
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Remember the M-80s.
173
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Thanks, kid.
174
00:10:38,320 --> 00:10:44,290
And there was so much left to burn.
175
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Farewell, my special one.
176
00:10:51,940 --> 00:10:53,120
Yeah, that fire sucked.
177
00:10:53,610 --> 00:10:56,300
Whoa, cool.
178
00:11:04,100 --> 00:11:04,380
Fire.
179
00:11:07,480 --> 00:11:08,120
Chirp.
11793
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