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1
00:00:02,449 --> 00:00:04,383
[Mooing]
2
00:00:13,760 --> 00:00:16,786
[Airplane Passes Overhead]
3
00:00:19,166 --> 00:00:22,863
- Anybody got anything yet?
- Nada.
4
00:00:22,936 --> 00:00:26,531
[Bleating]
Not even a mouse.
5
00:00:29,676 --> 00:00:32,008
Look who's joined the party, boys.
6
00:00:37,451 --> 00:00:39,646
Come on, baby.
7
00:00:39,720 --> 00:00:43,281
That's it.
There you go.
8
00:00:43,357 --> 00:00:45,291
Good girl.
9
00:00:46,326 --> 00:00:50,626
She made the drop, boys.
Go pick her up, but wait until
she's a couple of blocks away.
10
00:00:50,697 --> 00:00:53,222
How long are we gonna wait
for this guy?
We won't wait long.
11
00:00:53,300 --> 00:00:57,896
Roxy's not about to let 20 keys of blow
stay in that trunk much past dawn.
12
00:00:57,971 --> 00:01:00,906
[Mooing]
13
00:01:12,085 --> 00:01:14,212
[Mooing Continues]
14
00:01:18,458 --> 00:01:20,483
The hell is goin' on here?
15
00:01:23,697 --> 00:01:25,824
I'll go check it out.
16
00:01:28,235 --> 00:01:30,703
Cowboy Bob's
knocked out cold.
17
00:01:30,771 --> 00:01:33,763
What is this?
I don't know,
but it's sure not Roxy.
18
00:01:33,840 --> 00:01:36,775
- [Horn Honking]
- [Mooing]
19
00:01:36,843 --> 00:01:39,175
Oh, no, but that is.
20
00:01:40,180 --> 00:01:45,083
Hello, officers. Lovely night
for a cattle drive, don't you think?
21
00:01:45,152 --> 00:01:48,883
- [Laughing]
- Oh, I do not believe this!
22
00:01:48,955 --> 00:01:51,617
I wanna know who this guy is,
and who let him in here!
23
00:01:51,691 --> 00:01:53,921
Hey, so we're blown.
We been blown before.
24
00:01:53,994 --> 00:01:58,556
- Hey, what's this?
- It's a bomb! Everybody split!
25
00:03:01,194 --> 00:03:03,321
Interesting bomb.
26
00:03:03,396 --> 00:03:06,991
One of my lab techs thought it might be
some new form of liquid plastique,
27
00:03:07,067 --> 00:03:10,628
so he ran it through a scanner.
And?
28
00:03:10,704 --> 00:03:12,797
You can see them swimming,
if you'd like.
May I?
29
00:03:12,873 --> 00:03:15,307
Uh-huh.
30
00:03:15,375 --> 00:03:18,367
You know, this stuff could cause
quite an explosion�
31
00:03:18,445 --> 00:03:20,970
I knew it.
In the cow population.
32
00:03:21,047 --> 00:03:23,777
What is it?
Bull semen.
33
00:03:23,850 --> 00:03:26,148
Bull semen?
Bull semen�
Bull sperm?
34
00:03:26,219 --> 00:03:28,153
Uh-huh.
[Man]
There it is.
35
00:03:28,221 --> 00:03:30,451
There it is. That's my tank. That's my�
[Knocking]
36
00:03:30,524 --> 00:03:33,186
Hey, Buckwheat, let me in, man!
Let� Let�
37
00:03:33,260 --> 00:03:35,228
You're supposed to be
in the hospital.
38
00:03:35,295 --> 00:03:38,025
Will you tell these guys it's all right?
Guys, it's all right.
39
00:03:40,800 --> 00:03:42,791
It's defrosted!
40
00:03:42,869 --> 00:03:47,533
Now, what kind of people would let
frozen bull semen thaw?
41
00:03:47,607 --> 00:03:51,543
- Must be our warm hearts.
- Man, I come in from Texas...
42
00:03:51,611 --> 00:03:56,310
with two tanks of Gargantua's semen
to ship to my partner in Belize.
43
00:03:56,383 --> 00:03:59,079
One gets stolen
and the other gets ruined�
44
00:03:59,152 --> 00:04:02,417
defrosted by the cops!
45
00:04:02,489 --> 00:04:06,516
Gargantua?
Yeah. I named him
for his, uh, equipment.
46
00:04:06,593 --> 00:04:09,221
Thousand units a tank�
47
00:04:09,296 --> 00:04:11,730
hundred bucks a unit, easy.
48
00:04:11,798 --> 00:04:14,699
A hundred grand for bull sperm?
Yeahl
49
00:04:14,768 --> 00:04:17,134
What am I doin'?
I'm just mindin' my own business,
50
00:04:17,203 --> 00:04:20,536
sleepin' in my truck
by the Agriculture Department export place.
51
00:04:20,607 --> 00:04:23,633
And, uh, lucky us�
we were right next door, huh?
52
00:04:23,710 --> 00:04:26,770
[Scoffs]
I get bushwhacked!
53
00:04:26,846 --> 00:04:29,178
Boy, I tell you what.
54
00:04:29,249 --> 00:04:32,616
Texas Rangers never would've let them
little bitty sperms out of the corral.
55
00:04:32,686 --> 00:04:34,620
That's for dang sure!
56
00:04:37,924 --> 00:04:40,552
This is Agent, uh, Timothy Anderson
from Washington,
57
00:04:40,627 --> 00:04:42,595
here to let us know what
happened last night.
58
00:04:42,662 --> 00:04:46,291
- Great, another expert.
- It's imperative that we locate
this husbandry material.
59
00:04:46,366 --> 00:04:48,459
"Husbandry material"?
60
00:04:48,535 --> 00:04:52,232
Yeah, we gotta bring in every
unmarried Holstein in Dade County.
61
00:04:52,305 --> 00:04:56,503
Now, the department is extremely
interested in the recovery of the bull...
62
00:04:57,644 --> 00:04:59,578
semen.
63
00:04:59,646 --> 00:05:02,114
Unborn cattle rustlin', Lieutenant?
64
00:05:02,182 --> 00:05:03,945
Government needs a local liaison.
65
00:05:04,017 --> 00:05:06,611
Well, uh,
what are we supposed to do,
66
00:05:06,686 --> 00:05:09,849
question happy cows
with that, uh, sexual afterglow?
67
00:05:09,923 --> 00:05:11,857
[All Snickering, Giggling]
68
00:05:11,925 --> 00:05:14,450
For your information,
most cows don't enjoy it.
69
00:05:14,527 --> 00:05:17,928
That's why they have
such sad eyes.
[Laughing]
70
00:05:17,998 --> 00:05:21,627
[Mooing]
71
00:05:21,701 --> 00:05:26,502
Now, milk from one of these animals
is the most complete food in the world.
72
00:05:26,573 --> 00:05:28,905
Four-legged miracles,
these animals.
73
00:05:28,975 --> 00:05:31,535
I was, uh, explaining
to Mr. Cooper this morning�
74
00:05:31,611 --> 00:05:33,772
true beasts of beauty.
75
00:05:33,847 --> 00:05:37,476
Uh, you know, one of the first things
you boys gonna have to learn...
76
00:05:37,550 --> 00:05:41,042
is how to pick up on animal disease.
77
00:05:41,121 --> 00:05:43,351
You gotta look for the glaze
in the animal's eye.
78
00:05:43,423 --> 00:05:46,859
That�
That can mean, uh, a fever.
79
00:05:46,926 --> 00:05:51,989
You gotta check for warts,
abscesses, ringworm.
80
00:05:52,065 --> 00:05:55,159
You got to be cautious
with pus and fungus.
81
00:05:55,235 --> 00:05:58,295
- You don't wanna contaminate yourself.
- [Exhales]
82
00:05:58,371 --> 00:06:01,829
These, uh, animals
also sometimes have gut infections,
83
00:06:01,908 --> 00:06:04,206
and watch out for loose bowels�
diarrhea.
84
00:06:04,277 --> 00:06:08,407
That�That could be
a sign of some infestation.
85
00:06:08,481 --> 00:06:12,042
- Sounds great.
- Yeah, well�Pacol
86
00:06:12,118 --> 00:06:15,781
Come here and show these two
how to check out a cow for pregnancy.
87
00:06:17,123 --> 00:06:19,489
[Moos]
88
00:06:23,797 --> 00:06:26,698
Gina,
absolutely, positively overnight.
89
00:06:28,034 --> 00:06:30,025
What do you got there�
family photo?
90
00:06:30,103 --> 00:06:32,901
It's Gargantua.
It's Calvin's bull.
91
00:06:32,972 --> 00:06:35,065
You wanna see it?
92
00:06:35,141 --> 00:06:37,439
I've seen Calvin's bull.
93
00:06:37,510 --> 00:06:40,445
Hey, man, this is the finest bull
I ever had.
94
00:06:40,513 --> 00:06:42,708
Key to my whole operation.
95
00:06:42,782 --> 00:06:47,344
Well, they only lost one tank.
Why don't you just go on back there...
96
00:06:47,420 --> 00:06:49,888
and get a fresh supply?
97
00:06:49,956 --> 00:06:52,424
He's dead.
98
00:06:52,492 --> 00:06:54,426
Natural causes?
99
00:06:54,494 --> 00:06:58,430
Oh, he was servicin' a heifer,
and he stepped in a hole, broke his leg.
100
00:06:58,498 --> 00:07:01,831
Oh.
I had to sell him for slaughter.
101
00:07:01,901 --> 00:07:05,029
You mean, he was�
He died for love.
102
00:07:05,105 --> 00:07:07,039
Oh.
103
00:07:09,442 --> 00:07:11,706
Five dollars for a bullwhip.
104
00:07:11,778 --> 00:07:13,769
Hey, kids,
you gonna buy those whips?
105
00:07:13,847 --> 00:07:16,782
Are you gonna buy those?
Do you have five dollars for tho�
106
00:07:16,850 --> 00:07:18,784
Don't finger the�
Wait. Get aw�
107
00:07:18,852 --> 00:07:22,686
Get away from there with those snow cones!
Don't be comin' around here!
108
00:07:22,756 --> 00:07:24,781
Manny! Polaroid!
109
00:07:28,128 --> 00:07:31,757
Would you please hold this whip
in a possibly suggestive position?
110
00:07:31,831 --> 00:07:33,765
Have a little fun with it, eh?
111
00:07:33,833 --> 00:07:39,032
Uh, reintroduce...
playtime in the bedroom, eh? Yes.
112
00:07:40,840 --> 00:07:42,774
This is Rojas.
113
00:07:42,842 --> 00:07:46,175
So you think that feller knows
somethin' about my stolen tank?
114
00:07:47,747 --> 00:07:51,046
Izzy's got his finger
on the pulse of the underworld.
115
00:07:51,117 --> 00:07:54,814
I have located the Texan
and established surveillance.
116
00:07:54,888 --> 00:07:58,380
Very nice! Is she nice?
I'll take that, Manny. Thank you very much.
117
00:07:58,458 --> 00:08:00,790
Come on down here.
I talk to you a little bit.
118
00:08:00,860 --> 00:08:03,420
I'm doing
a remake of Red River...
119
00:08:03,496 --> 00:08:06,897
with the original
dialogue intact�
120
00:08:06,966 --> 00:08:09,230
Look at this guy, will ya?
121
00:08:09,302 --> 00:08:12,430
Who's he supposed to be,
Randolph Scott?
122
00:08:12,505 --> 00:08:15,497
Howard Hawks didn't want to have
the Duke die, but that's how it goes.
123
00:08:15,575 --> 00:08:18,009
It's going to be low budget,
but, uh, if we gave you�
124
00:08:18,077 --> 00:08:20,238
[Switek Shouts]
Hey, Buffalo Billl
125
00:08:22,882 --> 00:08:26,181
Give your name and number to Manny here,
and we'll get in touch with you, huh?
126
00:08:26,252 --> 00:08:28,243
Manny, get her name
and her number, eh?
127
00:08:30,990 --> 00:08:34,983
Caballeros, got my work permit
here somewhere, eh?
128
00:08:35,061 --> 00:08:37,325
I got my peddler's license
renewed this year.
129
00:08:37,397 --> 00:08:41,333
I can get you a special rate
on these for the police force.
130
00:08:41,401 --> 00:08:43,426
You got a line
on any bull semen thieves?
131
00:08:43,503 --> 00:08:46,028
You got a line on 50 bucks?
No, I'm only kidding.
132
00:08:46,105 --> 00:08:48,198
- I got your man.
- You do?
133
00:08:48,274 --> 00:08:52,233
Oh, yes. I know some very heavy
cattle breeders who know this guy...
134
00:08:52,312 --> 00:08:56,112
and say that he's getting
into artificial "insubordination"?
135
00:08:56,182 --> 00:09:00,346
I want you to go and tell him
you got an offer from an interested buyer.
136
00:09:00,420 --> 00:09:04,151
Sorry, but I'm gonna be busy
the rest of the afternoon.
137
00:09:04,224 --> 00:09:06,215
Well, then, maybe a certain
parole officer...
138
00:09:06,292 --> 00:09:10,194
would, uh, like to find out where
his girlfriend spends her Friday nights.
139
00:09:10,263 --> 00:09:12,458
Got a quarter?
He's no good for her.
140
00:09:12,532 --> 00:09:15,296
No.
You got a quarter?
141
00:09:15,368 --> 00:09:18,394
- I just tried to give back her self-esteem!
- Yeah, I got a quarter.
142
00:09:18,471 --> 00:09:21,929
Okay, all right, all right!
I'll make a phone call for you.
143
00:09:22,008 --> 00:09:24,340
Here's a quarter.
144
00:09:24,410 --> 00:09:27,072
I have my own quarter.
145
00:09:29,082 --> 00:09:31,016
Guy's a nut.
146
00:09:31,084 --> 00:09:34,110
- [Moreno] Listen, Paco,
it's like I tell you on the phone.
- You sure he's cool?
147
00:09:34,187 --> 00:09:36,815
He's cool.
He's a stand-up guy, here. Yeah.
Uh-huh.
148
00:09:36,890 --> 00:09:39,723
You're gonna walk away
with your down payment.
149
00:09:46,900 --> 00:09:48,868
They have arrived.
150
00:09:48,935 --> 00:09:51,597
Okay.
That's the signal, yes?
151
00:09:51,671 --> 00:09:55,869
Come on, come on, compadre.
152
00:10:05,084 --> 00:10:08,451
Howdy, pardners. You're busted!
153
00:10:08,521 --> 00:10:11,251
- [Anderson On Bullhorn]
In the name of the�
- [Water Splashing]
154
00:10:11,324 --> 00:10:16,193
In the name of the United States government,
I place you under arrest. Put the tank on
the ground. Lay your hands against the truck.
155
00:10:16,262 --> 00:10:18,196
Uh, put your hands in the air!
[Gunfire]
156
00:10:18,264 --> 00:10:20,198
[Trudy]
Who's shootin'?
157
00:10:21,267 --> 00:10:23,235
Shots came from over there.
158
00:10:32,812 --> 00:10:35,975
[Gunfire Continues]
159
00:10:41,821 --> 00:10:44,984
[Police Radio, Indistinct]
160
00:10:45,058 --> 00:10:48,494
Who started shooting?
There was not supposed to be
any shooting here!
161
00:10:48,561 --> 00:10:50,552
What are the feds doing here?
162
00:10:50,630 --> 00:10:53,599
Anderson, you can call
the A-team out. It's all over now.
163
00:10:53,666 --> 00:10:56,328
General all clear.
The tank?
164
00:10:56,402 --> 00:11:00,236
Looks like our friend Paco
was cowed by all the noise and split.
165
00:11:00,306 --> 00:11:03,139
What is it with this stuff?
You're not cleared to know that.
166
00:11:03,209 --> 00:11:05,143
"Not cleared"?
167
00:11:05,211 --> 00:11:08,180
Hey, uh, Anderson,
looks like you're an uncle.
168
00:11:10,717 --> 00:11:12,651
Montecristo.
169
00:11:12,719 --> 00:11:15,620
It's that Cuban pig Rojas.
170
00:11:20,827 --> 00:11:23,159
Cuban intelligence?
171
00:11:23,229 --> 00:11:26,858
Now, what could Cuban intelligence
possibly be interested in here, huh?
172
00:11:28,401 --> 00:11:30,426
[Anderson Sighs]
173
00:11:30,503 --> 00:11:33,199
Miniature cows.
[Snickering]
174
00:11:33,272 --> 00:11:36,002
[All Laughing]
175
00:11:36,075 --> 00:11:39,374
[Laughing]
Miniature cows.
176
00:11:39,445 --> 00:11:43,313
This gets better and better.
[Laughing Continues]
177
00:11:44,550 --> 00:11:47,451
Okay, this is a picture of Gargantua.
178
00:11:47,520 --> 00:11:49,954
Oh, this has gotta be
a gag, Anderson.
179
00:11:50,023 --> 00:11:53,186
[Guffaws]
I didn't know cows
came that small.
180
00:11:53,259 --> 00:11:55,921
- [Giggles, Laughs]
- Yes, they do, Detective.
181
00:11:55,995 --> 00:11:57,986
They do.
And the U.S. Of A. Plans to be...
182
00:11:58,064 --> 00:12:01,192
in the forefront
of bovine miniaturization.
183
00:12:01,267 --> 00:12:03,827
[Laughing Resumes]
184
00:12:04,037 --> 00:12:09,669
In India, high-yield rice,
impervious to nuclear fallout.
185
00:12:09,742 --> 00:12:13,075
Bat guano power plants
in Guatemala.
186
00:12:13,146 --> 00:12:15,808
Herring farms in the Dead Sea.
187
00:12:17,350 --> 00:12:21,343
The way to people's hearts and
minds is through their stomachs.
[Trudy Chuckles]
188
00:12:21,421 --> 00:12:24,913
Mao Tse-tung.
[Chuckles]
189
00:12:24,991 --> 00:12:27,926
Well, it's a sentiment that Cuban intelligence
seems to share, believe me.
190
00:12:27,994 --> 00:12:32,260
Senor Rojas and I have locked
horns from Trinidad�
Yeah, speakin' of horns,
191
00:12:32,331 --> 00:12:36,700
uh, when you gonna get off the red herring
and onto the bull business, huh?
192
00:12:39,372 --> 00:12:41,340
Eyes only.
193
00:12:46,913 --> 00:12:48,847
[Trudy Sighs]
Oh, God.
194
00:12:48,915 --> 00:12:51,816
Up to now, the dairy protein needs
in the Third World have been met,
195
00:12:51,884 --> 00:12:53,818
if at all,
in powdered form.
196
00:12:53,886 --> 00:12:56,047
In times of drought,
the results have been tragic.
197
00:12:56,122 --> 00:12:58,852
What you're seeing is the answer.
198
00:12:58,925 --> 00:13:01,086
Little bossies
and their tiny teats?
199
00:13:01,160 --> 00:13:03,185
What do they put out,
evaporated milk?
200
00:13:03,262 --> 00:13:07,358
Try two-thirds the production
of a full-size cow on one-tenth the acreage.
201
00:13:07,433 --> 00:13:09,401
The perfect low-cost animal.
202
00:13:10,470 --> 00:13:14,338
So when did Rojas find out
about Cowboy Calvin's big secret?
203
00:13:14,407 --> 00:13:17,865
Lesson number one, Detective:
In the intelligence community,
204
00:13:17,944 --> 00:13:22,074
there are no secrets,
except the secrets that keep themselves.
205
00:13:23,983 --> 00:13:26,417
[Clears Throat]
206
00:13:26,486 --> 00:13:29,387
Okay.
[Clears Throat]
[Clears Throat]
207
00:13:30,790 --> 00:13:32,724
[Calvin]
Goldurn it, Stanley.
208
00:13:32,792 --> 00:13:36,228
I wish them cloak-and-dagger boys'd
butt the hell outta this.
209
00:13:36,295 --> 00:13:38,388
Why, are you afraid all that
international goodwill...
210
00:13:38,464 --> 00:13:40,989
is gonna bankrupt you
at the sperm bank?
Goodwill?
211
00:13:41,067 --> 00:13:44,696
Stanley,
there's some serious long green...
212
00:13:44,770 --> 00:13:47,204
to be made off
of them little cows of mine.
213
00:13:48,341 --> 00:13:51,333
- How serious?
- Do you know how many sperms...
214
00:13:51,410 --> 00:13:53,605
can swim around
on the head of a pin?
215
00:13:54,647 --> 00:13:57,878
- I never looked.
- Millions, millions.
216
00:13:57,950 --> 00:14:02,114
So just think of how many
potential cows is in that tank, see.
217
00:14:02,188 --> 00:14:05,783
I mean,
that's at least one cow...
218
00:14:05,858 --> 00:14:09,692
for every family in the entire
teemin' underdeveloped world.
219
00:14:09,762 --> 00:14:12,162
Unreal.
Yeah.
220
00:14:12,231 --> 00:14:14,358
Why, even at a buck a cow, that's�
221
00:14:14,433 --> 00:14:17,869
- A lot of moola.
- [Whistles]
222
00:14:17,937 --> 00:14:22,704
[Calvin]
You know, it's not that I don't have every
confidence in the local law enforcement.
223
00:14:22,775 --> 00:14:25,243
It's just that�
224
00:14:25,311 --> 00:14:28,178
I wouldn't be gettin' up
on the off side.
225
00:14:30,683 --> 00:14:35,143
Uh, it's just that I thought�
and Stan here agrees with me�
226
00:14:35,221 --> 00:14:37,883
that you're the man
to head up this posse.
227
00:14:37,957 --> 00:14:41,984
Well, I just started casting
Red River, Part Two, but...
228
00:14:43,129 --> 00:14:46,587
I can always check my calendar.
229
00:14:46,666 --> 00:14:50,227
He's incredibly busy.
Uh-huh.
230
00:14:50,303 --> 00:14:55,832
Well, if you wasn't busy, how would you
go about contacting this, uh, Paco, uh�
231
00:14:55,908 --> 00:14:57,899
Hermosa?
Hermosa.
232
00:14:57,977 --> 00:15:01,105
Uh-huh. Well, probably
in the role of a neo-crypto�
233
00:15:01,180 --> 00:15:03,705
Uh, wh-whoa, whoa, whoa�
bagman.
234
00:15:03,783 --> 00:15:05,842
Whoa.
235
00:15:05,918 --> 00:15:11,823
Seventy-five,
80, 82� three, four, five�
236
00:15:11,891 --> 00:15:14,451
Call that 86,500. All right.
237
00:15:14,527 --> 00:15:17,087
Now you tell Mr. Hermosa,
238
00:15:17,163 --> 00:15:22,795
86,500 for the return of my bull futures,
no questions asked.
239
00:15:22,868 --> 00:15:25,769
[Exhales]
We are totally simp�tico, my friend.
240
00:15:25,838 --> 00:15:28,568
I guarantee that I can get your, uh�
241
00:15:28,641 --> 00:15:33,010
[Chuckles]
Vital fluids returned to your personage...
242
00:15:33,079 --> 00:15:35,343
faster than you can say...
243
00:15:37,516 --> 00:15:39,450
"Lash La Rue."
244
00:15:39,518 --> 00:15:42,646
You know, I knew you was a range rider
minute I laid eyes on you.
245
00:15:42,722 --> 00:15:45,282
Hey, didn't I say that about him, Stan?
246
00:15:47,193 --> 00:15:50,356
- I got one question.
- Well, what's that?
247
00:15:50,429 --> 00:15:53,887
"What's in it for me?"Right, Iz?
248
00:15:57,336 --> 00:15:59,463
What's in it for me?
249
00:16:00,973 --> 00:16:03,134
Think 86,500 will get it, Stan?
250
00:16:03,209 --> 00:16:07,009
Ah, more than enough
if Hermosa's as low-rent as Izzy is.
251
00:16:07,079 --> 00:16:09,445
Course, 86,500�
252
00:16:09,515 --> 00:16:12,643
Well, that's kind of�
What?
253
00:16:12,718 --> 00:16:14,948
Well, it's an odd number.
Odd number?
254
00:16:15,021 --> 00:16:18,354
Yeah. Look, you're, uh,
obviously a bright guy,
255
00:16:18,424 --> 00:16:21,791
but, uh, in the big city�
I'm just a big hick.
256
00:16:21,861 --> 00:16:24,830
No.
Oh, yes, I am, damn it.
257
00:16:24,897 --> 00:16:29,231
Now, just go on
and speak your piece, man.
258
00:16:29,302 --> 00:16:32,601
Well, we work
with these fast operators all the time,
259
00:16:32,672 --> 00:16:36,108
and one thing you recognize�
round numbers.
260
00:16:36,175 --> 00:16:39,611
Round numbers?
Yeah.
I mean, you never see a guy, uh,
261
00:16:39,679 --> 00:16:42,273
offer a bribe, say,
$72 and change.
262
00:16:42,348 --> 00:16:45,215
It's always a hundred bucks,
10 grand.
263
00:16:45,284 --> 00:16:48,151
Or a hundred thousand.
Oh, but see�
264
00:16:48,220 --> 00:16:51,246
Yeah, Stan, I mean,
all I got on me is 90 grand,
265
00:16:51,324 --> 00:16:55,158
'cause, you know, l� I didn't expect
to get rolled in some strange city.
266
00:16:55,227 --> 00:16:57,218
I didn't prepare for it, or�
267
00:16:57,296 --> 00:17:01,790
Yeah, well I've got some savings
I was gonna put into mutual funds,
268
00:17:01,867 --> 00:17:04,893
but with the market
so crazy and all�
Yeah.
269
00:17:04,970 --> 00:17:09,100
I'd be proud to invest
in the future of a better world.
270
00:17:09,175 --> 00:17:12,611
No, no, I couldn't�
I couldn't let you do that, see,
'cause, uh�
271
00:17:15,448 --> 00:17:18,576
Well, l-I'd have to insist
on one condition.
272
00:17:18,651 --> 00:17:23,645
What's that?
And that's that your contribution
entitles you to two per�
273
00:17:23,723 --> 00:17:28,160
f-five� five-percent ownership
in Teal Enterprises,
274
00:17:28,227 --> 00:17:31,822
'cause, see, l-I'd just as soon that
you got somethin' for your money,
275
00:17:31,897 --> 00:17:34,263
instead of just lettin' me
have it, you know.
276
00:17:34,333 --> 00:17:38,861
And-And besides,
if you're gonna be standin'
behind me as an investor,
277
00:17:38,938 --> 00:17:42,305
then I'd be honored
if you was my partner too.
278
00:17:42,375 --> 00:17:44,775
It's a deal.
[Chuckles]
279
00:17:44,844 --> 00:17:47,574
[Laughs]
Good deal!
280
00:17:47,646 --> 00:17:51,207
How about Izzy's house, huh?
Boy, that place is a dump.
Man, I ain't lyin'.
281
00:17:53,519 --> 00:17:56,545
[Moreno]
Entrez-vous, Agent Anderson.
282
00:17:56,622 --> 00:18:00,319
Well, you're a tough little puppy
to keep in the crosshairs, Isadore.
283
00:18:00,393 --> 00:18:02,953
I don't let the johnsongrass
grow under my feet.
284
00:18:03,028 --> 00:18:06,555
Everything here
is perfectly legit.
Well, good for you.
285
00:18:06,632 --> 00:18:09,567
Guess that means you're ready
to help the right side, huh?
[Chuckles]
286
00:18:09,635 --> 00:18:13,662
I salute the flag on your lapel,
Agent Anderson, but, uh�
287
00:18:16,242 --> 00:18:20,269
But what?
But, uh, I'm already engaged.
288
00:18:20,346 --> 00:18:22,644
Well, I have some friends
in the I.N.S. That, uh,
289
00:18:22,715 --> 00:18:25,206
gave me some information
that may help disengage you.
290
00:18:25,284 --> 00:18:29,220
Seems your immigration status
is a little precarious.
291
00:18:29,288 --> 00:18:32,553
Ingrid and I
had a very special relationship.
292
00:18:32,625 --> 00:18:34,889
She taught me how to use the bullwhip.
293
00:18:34,960 --> 00:18:39,294
It's a tragic coincidence
that we were divorced
right after I got my green card.
294
00:18:39,365 --> 00:18:45,326
Well, I've got two outstanding warrants
in Puerto Rico, one in Guant�namo�
295
00:18:45,404 --> 00:18:48,805
Where have I heard this before?
Okay. All right, all right. I will help you.
296
00:18:48,874 --> 00:18:52,674
I'll tell you right now,
Hermosa knows how valuable that tank is.
297
00:18:54,246 --> 00:18:56,214
Hermosa?
S�.
298
00:18:56,282 --> 00:18:59,649
- You mean, Rojas doesn't have that tank?
- No, Paco Hermosa.
299
00:18:59,718 --> 00:19:02,016
And he's not gonna take
a dime less than...
300
00:19:02,087 --> 00:19:04,647
[Hesitantly]
200,000,
301
00:19:04,723 --> 00:19:06,884
uh, dollars.
302
00:19:06,959 --> 00:19:10,122
200,000.
Uh, we could raise that.
303
00:19:10,196 --> 00:19:12,130
It'd be wrong, but�
304
00:19:12,198 --> 00:19:15,190
No, no, 200,000� that's well within
the purview of my authorization.
305
00:19:15,267 --> 00:19:17,360
[Phone Buzzing]
All right.
306
00:19:17,436 --> 00:19:21,065
It might be more, though.
I can't tell.
307
00:19:22,675 --> 00:19:26,076
Red River Productions.
S�, this is he.
308
00:19:26,145 --> 00:19:30,775
This is Rojas.
I have just "receive" a fax from Havana.
309
00:19:32,384 --> 00:19:36,343
It seems you still have
many outstanding warrants.
310
00:19:37,490 --> 00:19:40,050
Shall I read them aloud to you?
311
00:19:40,125 --> 00:19:42,059
Oh, no-no-no,
that's okay, uh,
312
00:19:42,127 --> 00:19:44,789
Comrade Rojas.
313
00:19:44,864 --> 00:19:48,857
I see. You are interested
in the amazing bull product.
314
00:19:48,934 --> 00:19:52,961
Well, I don't know.
We are a nation of...
315
00:19:54,340 --> 00:19:56,740
- card sharks?
- ?Qu�?
316
00:19:56,809 --> 00:19:59,744
Give me the whole thing.
Play along.
317
00:19:59,812 --> 00:20:02,940
Uh, yes, I'll see what I can do,
but it's going to cost you�
318
00:20:03,015 --> 00:20:04,949
[Door Opens, Closes]
Something in the neighborhood of...
319
00:20:05,017 --> 00:20:07,349
two hundred and...
320
00:20:07,419 --> 00:20:09,387
fifty... nine...
321
00:20:09,455 --> 00:20:11,923
thousand... dollars.
[Door Opens]
322
00:20:11,991 --> 00:20:15,518
Oh, yes. Yes, well,
there are many pros and cons.
[Door Closes]
323
00:20:15,594 --> 00:20:19,496
[Chuckles]
Yes, especially the cons.
Uh, un momento.
324
00:20:19,565 --> 00:20:22,534
He wants to make the deal today.
Yes!
325
00:20:22,601 --> 00:20:24,899
Yes, we can do that for you today.
326
00:20:24,970 --> 00:20:27,461
I will meet you alone.
327
00:20:27,540 --> 00:20:30,475
Yes. You have my word.
328
00:20:30,543 --> 00:20:34,274
You and Comrade Rojas...
329
00:20:34,346 --> 00:20:38,407
and one billion unborn cows.
330
00:20:38,484 --> 00:20:41,078
Compact mini-cows?
331
00:20:41,153 --> 00:20:44,919
Limousine-size cows
for our commie creep.
332
00:20:46,525 --> 00:20:49,926
[Speaking Spanish]
[Spanish]
333
00:20:49,995 --> 00:20:52,429
[Spanish]
All right, fine, fine. Okay.
334
00:20:52,498 --> 00:20:55,956
It's a beautiful winged, uh, sloop
you got here, eh?
335
00:20:57,403 --> 00:21:00,861
I can't believe it.
Sixteen boats in an hour?
336
00:21:00,940 --> 00:21:03,408
Fifteen.
He checked one twice.
337
00:21:03,475 --> 00:21:06,467
[Spanish]
338
00:21:10,282 --> 00:21:14,150
Rojas?
[Gasps]
[Spanish]
339
00:21:14,219 --> 00:21:16,153
[Both Speaking Spanish]
340
00:21:16,221 --> 00:21:18,246
I do not see
any money here.
[Spanish]
341
00:21:20,059 --> 00:21:22,357
Don't fool around�
[Gunshot]
342
00:21:22,428 --> 00:21:27,832
- [Switek]
What the hell's goin' on?
- [Spanish]
343
00:21:27,900 --> 00:21:32,200
[Moreno]
No. This is mine. This is mine.
344
00:21:46,952 --> 00:21:49,216
[Horn Honking]
345
00:21:53,559 --> 00:21:55,959
- What the hell are you doin'?
- Hey!
346
00:21:56,028 --> 00:21:58,189
Nice goin',
Mr. Covert Operation.
347
00:21:58,263 --> 00:22:01,994
Obviously you two have a little to learn
about the chess-like interaction
of international intrigue.
348
00:22:02,067 --> 00:22:04,001
Yeah, like what?
349
00:22:04,069 --> 00:22:08,301
Like the fact that our side just won a major
battle in the cold war of animal husbandry.
350
00:22:08,374 --> 00:22:13,903
Mr. Rojas just bought himself a load
of our deluxe oversized cud chewers.
351
00:22:15,581 --> 00:22:17,572
[Scoffs]
You're welcome.
352
00:22:17,650 --> 00:22:19,584
Who is this guy?
353
00:22:19,652 --> 00:22:23,383
Here's gratitude for ya.
[Sighs]
354
00:22:23,455 --> 00:22:25,514
[Moreno]
I told you already.
355
00:22:25,591 --> 00:22:28,856
Anderson tried to pull
a big con on you!
356
00:22:28,927 --> 00:22:30,952
The tank is bogus!
357
00:22:31,030 --> 00:22:33,225
I was just the bagman!
358
00:22:33,298 --> 00:22:36,597
Let me down, please!
[Panting]
359
00:22:37,603 --> 00:22:39,537
Hey!
360
00:22:39,605 --> 00:22:43,439
Why don't you tell me
who you're really working for?
361
00:22:43,509 --> 00:22:47,206
L� I can see there's�
[Chuckles]
362
00:22:47,279 --> 00:22:52,717
No Eastern Bloc translation for
the kind of free market entrepreneurialism�
363
00:22:52,785 --> 00:22:56,414
I'm getting dizzy.
Oh, so you are...
364
00:22:56,488 --> 00:22:59,787
a capitalist pig
who'll do anything for money.
365
00:22:59,858 --> 00:23:03,123
Uh, no it's more of a�
a informational processing...
366
00:23:03,195 --> 00:23:08,394
of a very distinctly sought-after talent
in this most inhospitable world.
367
00:23:08,467 --> 00:23:12,062
Where did you go? Aaah!
Surely not as inhospitable...
368
00:23:12,137 --> 00:23:16,767
as La Cabana.
La Cabana?
La Cabana, no.
369
00:23:16,842 --> 00:23:18,776
Uh, that's�That's not me.
You're�
370
00:23:18,844 --> 00:23:22,280
You're thinking of somebody else,
I think, and it's not me.
371
00:23:22,347 --> 00:23:26,113
It's really not me. I mean, I've heard
of La Cabana, but I've never spent any time�
372
00:23:26,185 --> 00:23:29,586
Ow! Does she work out
with weights or something?
373
00:23:31,824 --> 00:23:34,384
Isadore Francisco Moreno�
374
00:23:34,460 --> 00:23:37,395
crimes against the revoluci�n.
375
00:23:37,463 --> 00:23:42,730
Define la revoluci�n.
[Spanish]
[Spanish]
376
00:23:42,801 --> 00:23:44,860
[Spanish]
377
00:23:44,937 --> 00:23:48,429
Either way, I go home
with the spoils of capitalism.
378
00:23:48,507 --> 00:23:51,670
You... or the mini-cows.
379
00:23:51,744 --> 00:23:55,009
Maybe I'll take both.
380
00:23:55,080 --> 00:23:57,071
So, who has my tank?
381
00:23:57,149 --> 00:24:00,141
[Spits]
Now�
382
00:24:00,219 --> 00:24:02,813
[Shouting]
383
00:24:02,888 --> 00:24:05,823
Actually,
it's some guy named Paco,
384
00:24:05,891 --> 00:24:09,054
actually works
for the U.S.D.A., okay?
385
00:24:09,128 --> 00:24:11,062
Huh?
Oh, so U.S. Agents?
386
00:24:11,130 --> 00:24:15,066
No-no-no-no, he's just
a opportunistic capitalistic,
387
00:24:15,134 --> 00:24:18,535
you know, sibling, actually.
388
00:24:18,604 --> 00:24:21,937
Uh, you know, he's just�
He's trying to make�
389
00:24:22,007 --> 00:24:24,305
[Cries Out]
M- make an name for hisself.
390
00:24:24,376 --> 00:24:26,469
He's, uh�
391
00:24:26,545 --> 00:24:30,777
He's already entertaining an offer
from that overgrown Texas boot stomp,
392
00:24:30,849 --> 00:24:33,409
that sodbuster,
who has made a bid for the tank...
393
00:24:33,485 --> 00:24:39,287
of two hundred
and fifty-nine thousand... dollars.
394
00:24:39,358 --> 00:24:43,727
[Spits, Coughs]
So, you are,
of course, to outbid him.
395
00:24:43,796 --> 00:24:47,857
300,000.
396
00:24:47,933 --> 00:24:53,872
This briefcase is bugged
and rigged to detonate...
397
00:24:55,374 --> 00:24:57,342
on my command.
398
00:24:57,409 --> 00:25:00,310
Uh�
So as to protect you...
399
00:25:00,379 --> 00:25:06,340
from your socially inbred
tendencies of greed.
[Chuckles]
400
00:25:06,418 --> 00:25:11,651
Any deviation from
my instructions, and, uh�
[Chuckles]
401
00:25:11,723 --> 00:25:17,423
We will be forced to abort you
and your mission.
402
00:25:17,496 --> 00:25:19,464
[Sighs]
403
00:25:31,743 --> 00:25:33,677
[Grunts]
404
00:25:34,880 --> 00:25:38,941
Any chance of this going off by mistake?
[Groans]
405
00:25:40,018 --> 00:25:42,714
[Trudy]
We're gonna need Case 22.
406
00:25:42,788 --> 00:25:44,722
[Gina]
It's on my desk.
Ladies.
407
00:25:44,790 --> 00:25:48,351
Oh, hi, Calvin.
Hi.
408
00:25:48,427 --> 00:25:52,887
They told me these was the last two
in the entire state of Florida.
[Giggles]
409
00:25:52,965 --> 00:25:55,433
That's nice.
Thank you.
410
00:25:55,500 --> 00:25:58,492
[Gina]
Why, thank you, Calvin.
Well, you're welcome.
411
00:25:58,570 --> 00:26:00,731
Kind of hard
to come by 'em, uh,
412
00:26:00,806 --> 00:26:03,741
so far from Texas.
Oh.
413
00:26:03,809 --> 00:26:06,107
[Gina]
That's sweet.
[Calvin] Well, it�
414
00:26:06,178 --> 00:26:10,581
It seemed like the least I could do
after the time we had last night.
[Gina Chuckles]
415
00:26:10,649 --> 00:26:13,447
You check out Romeo
back here?
416
00:26:13,518 --> 00:26:16,146
Ancient pangs of, uh,
jealousy surfacing, partner?
417
00:26:16,221 --> 00:26:20,590
Get out of here.
This guy's puttin' on a road show.
[Gina, Calvin Chattering]
418
00:26:20,659 --> 00:26:25,460
Yeah, well I think he's already
closed the sale on Gina.
[Gina Laughing]
419
00:26:26,765 --> 00:26:30,201
Eight-to-five
she sees right through him.
[Laughing Continues]
420
00:26:30,269 --> 00:26:32,669
You sure
you wanna make that bet?
421
00:26:35,474 --> 00:26:38,966
Maybe you guys
could take some notes here?
[Calvin Chattering]
422
00:26:39,044 --> 00:26:43,310
Kind of... nice color on you.
[Both Laugh]
423
00:26:43,382 --> 00:26:46,249
[Gina]
Thanks.
How about we just pull his file?
424
00:26:53,358 --> 00:26:55,986
Come on. Come on.
[Rattling]
425
00:26:56,061 --> 00:26:57,824
[Lock Clicks]
[Moreno Grunts]
426
00:27:01,667 --> 00:27:03,794
Come on. Come on.
427
00:27:03,869 --> 00:27:08,363
[Phone Beeping]
[Cries Out, Panting]
428
00:27:08,440 --> 00:27:11,841
Yes? Paco.
[Spanish] Hold on.
429
00:27:19,551 --> 00:27:22,042
[Panting]
430
00:27:22,120 --> 00:27:24,111
[Laughing]
431
00:27:24,189 --> 00:27:26,248
[Laughing On Headphones]
[Speaking Spanish]
432
00:27:26,325 --> 00:27:29,294
What is it?
I don't know.
He's breaking up.
433
00:27:30,796 --> 00:27:32,730
Paco. Hey.
434
00:27:32,798 --> 00:27:37,201
Yeah, listen, the Cubans
have come up with a better offer.
435
00:27:37,269 --> 00:27:40,705
Yeah. Yeah, it's about, uh�
436
00:27:40,772 --> 00:27:44,173
uh, three, uh�
[Coughing]
437
00:27:44,242 --> 00:27:48,235
It's about, uh, two hundred
and seventy-five, uh, thousand.
438
00:27:48,313 --> 00:27:51,680
Yeah.
Izzy just cut a deal for Rojas...
439
00:27:51,750 --> 00:27:54,480
to sell the tank for 275,000.
440
00:27:55,921 --> 00:27:59,823
All these people prosperin'
off of my hard work.
441
00:27:59,891 --> 00:28:04,385
[Static, Indistinct Chattering]
442
00:28:04,463 --> 00:28:08,365
[Moreno's Voice]
Yeah. It's gonna be at the trestle today,
443
00:28:08,433 --> 00:28:10,424
near�
near the Albondigas Bridge.
444
00:28:10,502 --> 00:28:14,233
And, listen, bring that bull gizmo.
[Spanish]
445
00:28:54,012 --> 00:28:58,278
Close encounters
of the... weird kind.
446
00:29:07,692 --> 00:29:08,818
[Switch Clicking]
447
00:29:13,031 --> 00:29:14,965
[Coughs]
448
00:29:17,169 --> 00:29:18,932
[Engine Starts]
449
00:29:23,842 --> 00:29:25,776
I can't believe it.
450
00:29:25,844 --> 00:29:29,109
Of all the people in the world
to be entrusted...
451
00:29:29,181 --> 00:29:31,342
with the forefront
of bovine miniaturization.
452
00:29:31,416 --> 00:29:33,748
Psst, Izzy!
453
00:29:34,986 --> 00:29:36,920
Who's there?
454
00:29:36,988 --> 00:29:39,320
It's me, man!
[Exhales]
455
00:29:39,391 --> 00:29:42,155
Who are all these light freaks?
I don't know, man.
456
00:29:42,227 --> 00:29:44,161
You got the money?
Yeah. It's in here.
457
00:29:44,229 --> 00:29:46,288
Be careful of the blinking red light.
That'll be your cue.
458
00:29:46,364 --> 00:29:48,298
You got the stuff?
Yeah. It's right here.
459
00:29:48,366 --> 00:29:51,028
Run!
[Grunting]
460
00:30:00,045 --> 00:30:02,343
Let me see. Let me see.
461
00:30:04,816 --> 00:30:07,808
Come on. That tank's
gotta make it back to the ranch.
462
00:30:07,886 --> 00:30:11,014
You really care for this,
don't you?
No. No.
463
00:30:11,089 --> 00:30:15,185
I just hate see a good ol' boy
get the shaft, that's all.
464
00:30:23,602 --> 00:30:26,503
Not so fast,
my capitalist friend.
465
00:30:26,571 --> 00:30:32,305
Hey, what we need here is a SALT-like
d�tente nuclear disarmament!
466
00:30:32,377 --> 00:30:35,904
No way!
Those miniature cows
belong in the free world!
467
00:30:57,802 --> 00:31:01,898
Why does Anderson always show up
at my drops, huh?
468
00:31:01,973 --> 00:31:05,568
I should be Martinized
for trying to prevent W.W. Ill.
469
00:31:05,644 --> 00:31:09,341
Get up, bonehead, before we
Martinize you right into the ground!
470
00:31:09,414 --> 00:31:12,645
Where's the money, Izzy?
471
00:31:12,717 --> 00:31:17,245
[Gasps]
Rojas is going to kill me!
He'll think I double-crossed him!
472
00:31:17,322 --> 00:31:20,416
You�You gotta help me get into
a federal protection program!
473
00:31:20,492 --> 00:31:22,460
Let me shoot him, okay?
474
00:31:22,527 --> 00:31:24,791
Huh? Can I shoot him?
475
00:31:24,863 --> 00:31:27,195
I got a round in here.
Sure, I do.
476
00:31:30,135 --> 00:31:33,798
Bunco Division, Los Angeles.
477
00:31:33,872 --> 00:31:36,238
Bunco Division, Denver.
478
00:31:36,308 --> 00:31:39,402
Land Fraud Division,
State of Louisiana.
479
00:31:39,477 --> 00:31:42,412
Who's that?
Cowboy Cal,
480
00:31:42,480 --> 00:31:45,074
a.k.a. Chuck Teasdale,
481
00:31:45,150 --> 00:31:49,348
Clyde T. Rose, Calvin Tuttle.
482
00:31:49,421 --> 00:31:51,013
[Coffee Cup Shatters]
483
00:31:51,089 --> 00:31:53,523
Calvin?
484
00:31:54,659 --> 00:31:57,059
Yeah. Sorry, Gina.
485
00:31:57,128 --> 00:32:00,120
That miserable 10-gallon rat.
486
00:32:08,907 --> 00:32:11,068
Well, if it's any consolation to you,
487
00:32:11,142 --> 00:32:15,272
he took a couple of investment bankers
for about 100 grand...
488
00:32:15,347 --> 00:32:19,283
in, uh, phony mutual funds
couple of years ago.
489
00:32:19,351 --> 00:32:22,047
Got off on a technicality.
490
00:32:22,120 --> 00:32:24,782
Hundred grand.
491
00:32:24,856 --> 00:32:27,450
Nice round number.
492
00:32:37,535 --> 00:32:40,402
[Knocking]
493
00:32:40,472 --> 00:32:42,599
Who is it?
494
00:32:42,674 --> 00:32:44,767
It's Calvin.
495
00:32:44,843 --> 00:32:48,301
Calvin. Yes.
The key is under the mat.
496
00:32:48,380 --> 00:32:50,575
Hey, man, pay attention.
497
00:32:50,649 --> 00:32:52,583
I'm gonna show you how to get rich.
498
00:32:52,651 --> 00:32:55,950
My immediate sense of distrust
is temporarily overcome...
499
00:32:56,021 --> 00:32:59,286
by the need for finances
to blow town.
500
00:32:59,357 --> 00:33:02,758
May the, uh,
wind always be at your back.
501
00:33:02,827 --> 00:33:06,991
For a hundred years.
[Gasps]
502
00:33:07,065 --> 00:33:10,330
- Lookit here.
[Chuckles]
- No!
503
00:33:10,402 --> 00:33:14,133
No. Any more alleged perpetrations
and I lose all semblance of"credibleness."
504
00:33:14,205 --> 00:33:17,606
Well, hey, relax, man.
All them other tanks was fake.
505
00:33:17,676 --> 00:33:19,644
Now this here
is the real enchilada.
506
00:33:19,711 --> 00:33:23,772
I mean, you're lookin' at 400
tiny thunderin' hooves.
507
00:33:23,848 --> 00:33:28,785
Hey, you didn't think I was really gonna
part with the genuine bull sauce.
508
00:33:28,853 --> 00:33:32,846
Did ya?
[Gasps]
509
00:33:32,924 --> 00:33:34,949
Mr. Teal,
510
00:33:35,026 --> 00:33:39,759
you are a credit to the free-enterprising
vertebrates of this planet.
511
00:33:39,831 --> 00:33:43,323
[Grunts]
Well, you're damn right I am!
512
00:33:43,401 --> 00:33:46,996
So, as I see it,
we got a perfect opportunity...
513
00:33:47,072 --> 00:33:50,769
to employ your God-given talent.
514
00:33:50,842 --> 00:33:53,743
Eh, the telephone...
515
00:33:53,812 --> 00:33:57,179
is my... instrument.
516
00:33:57,248 --> 00:34:00,217
I was born to play it,
517
00:34:00,285 --> 00:34:05,086
just like Mozart was...
born to play the piano,
518
00:34:08,193 --> 00:34:12,061
BoJackson was born to play baseball.
519
00:34:12,130 --> 00:34:14,121
Well�
Mmm.
520
00:34:14,199 --> 00:34:16,463
Mr. Charlie�
[Phone Beeping]
521
00:34:16,534 --> 00:34:18,661
Drives a lot of ballplayers�
[Spanish]
[Chuckles]
522
00:34:18,737 --> 00:34:21,137
[Ringing]
523
00:34:21,206 --> 00:34:23,572
Hello, this is�
[Ringing Continues]
524
00:34:23,641 --> 00:34:25,632
This is Anderson.
525
00:34:26,644 --> 00:34:29,545
Ah, yes.
By a strange, circuitous route,
526
00:34:29,614 --> 00:34:32,674
the actual bull semen
has found its way into my possession,
527
00:34:32,751 --> 00:34:35,413
and I wanted to give you first dibs.
528
00:34:35,487 --> 00:34:40,083
We are, uh, opening the bidding
at, say, um, half million.
529
00:34:40,158 --> 00:34:42,718
Moreno, is that you?
530
00:34:42,794 --> 00:34:45,388
Listen, you Cuban cockroach.
If you've got the genuine tank�
[Phone Beeping]
531
00:34:45,463 --> 00:34:47,397
Fork it over now,
before the entire resources�
[Ringing]
532
00:34:47,465 --> 00:34:49,399
Uh, could you please hold?
Rojas.
533
00:34:49,467 --> 00:34:51,401
[Spanish]
534
00:34:51,469 --> 00:34:54,267
Trading in mini-cow futures
is open again,
535
00:34:54,339 --> 00:34:57,308
and I'm entertaining a bid
from Agent Anderson...
536
00:34:57,375 --> 00:35:01,072
of the federales
for five and a half points U.S.
537
00:35:01,146 --> 00:35:04,582
[Spanish]
538
00:35:04,649 --> 00:35:09,416
Marielito trash, how dare you negotiate
with the People's Republic de Cuba?
539
00:35:09,487 --> 00:35:12,820
Uh, fish or cut bait.
I got Washington on the other line.
540
00:35:12,891 --> 00:35:16,156
So, how do you open, uh, Andy?
541
00:35:16,227 --> 00:35:19,025
[Anderson]
Why should I believe anything
a fruit fly like you has to say?
542
00:35:19,097 --> 00:35:21,361
'Cause he's got the tank,
that's why.
543
00:35:21,433 --> 00:35:24,266
And if you don't start
addin' on zeros real fast,
544
00:35:24,335 --> 00:35:27,964
them baby bulls gonna be
mooing en Espanol.
545
00:35:28,039 --> 00:35:30,405
Okay, okay. I'll go 550.
546
00:35:30,475 --> 00:35:34,138
But I want Moreno's skin hanging
from the wall of the Earl Butz
Conference Room when it's over.
547
00:35:34,212 --> 00:35:36,339
Yeah, yeah.
Which reminds me, amigo�
548
00:35:36,414 --> 00:35:37,904
Ten percent.
Thirty.
549
00:35:37,982 --> 00:35:39,472
Twenty.
Done.
550
00:35:39,551 --> 00:35:42,019
You're at 550,000.
Please hold.
551
00:35:42,086 --> 00:35:45,214
- Did you get that?
- What I get...
552
00:35:45,290 --> 00:35:48,919
is 300,000 of my Cuban money!
553
00:35:48,993 --> 00:35:54,954
And for every additional dollar,
it will be one pound of your flesh!
[Spanish]
554
00:35:55,033 --> 00:36:00,596
I see. Well, I cannot let
personal endangerment conflict
with Keynesian "economicals."
555
00:36:00,672 --> 00:36:04,005
Going once. Going twice.
556
00:36:04,075 --> 00:36:05,804
600,000!
557
00:36:05,877 --> 00:36:08,971
Ah, Cuba six.
Gringos five-point-five.
558
00:36:09,047 --> 00:36:10,878
The top of the eighth�
Seven.
559
00:36:10,949 --> 00:36:15,977
Conference 'em.
[Anderson]
Moreno.
560
00:36:16,054 --> 00:36:20,457
Los Cubanos,
the number on the table
is seven� rep�telo, seven.
561
00:36:20,525 --> 00:36:22,322
- Eight!
- Nine!
562
00:36:22,393 --> 00:36:26,159
[Rojas]
One million U.S. Dollars!
563
00:36:26,231 --> 00:36:29,394
- [Grunts]
- [Inhales]
564
00:36:29,467 --> 00:36:31,799
Senor Anderson,
565
00:36:31,870 --> 00:36:34,634
0-2 count,
bottom of the ninth.
566
00:36:34,706 --> 00:36:37,675
We are waiting.
567
00:36:37,742 --> 00:36:40,267
Listen,
we took a big budget hit this year.
568
00:36:40,345 --> 00:36:42,438
We, uh�
[Clears Throat]
569
00:36:42,514 --> 00:36:45,176
- We're not prepared to go that high.
- [Both Grunt]
570
00:36:45,250 --> 00:36:49,152
So, the capitalist running dogs
fade in the stretch.
571
00:36:49,220 --> 00:36:52,747
Selling these bulls
to the Communists is� it-it�
572
00:36:52,824 --> 00:36:54,815
It's downright non-American.
573
00:36:56,628 --> 00:36:58,596
Aw, listen, federal breath.
574
00:36:58,663 --> 00:37:02,963
If you can sell cola to the ChiComs,
I can sure sell cows to Castro.
575
00:37:03,034 --> 00:37:06,595
- Adi�s!
- Hello?
576
00:37:06,671 --> 00:37:08,730
[Dial Tone]
Hello!
[Groans]
577
00:37:08,806 --> 00:37:12,435
Hey, congratulations there, Senor Rojas.
578
00:37:12,510 --> 00:37:16,139
You just got yourself a full quart
of half-pint, short-horned studs.
579
00:37:16,214 --> 00:37:19,206
Now, I want that money
delivered in unmarked, unused,
580
00:37:19,284 --> 00:37:23,015
"unconsecutive" 50s and 100s
dropped off to my little buddy,
581
00:37:23,087 --> 00:37:26,420
who's gonna be boatin' along the Miami River
sometime tween noon and 6:00 today.
582
00:37:26,491 --> 00:37:28,584
- You got that?
- [Spanish]
583
00:37:28,660 --> 00:37:30,890
[Rojas]
But don't cross me.
[Both Chuckling]
584
00:37:30,962 --> 00:37:33,863
No way, Jose.
[Slams Down Handset]
585
00:37:35,700 --> 00:37:37,895
Muy bien.
Yeah.
[Satisfied Chuckle]
586
00:38:27,385 --> 00:38:30,081
Moreno,
give me the damn tank.
587
00:38:30,154 --> 00:38:32,987
No!
Rojas will kill me!
588
00:38:33,057 --> 00:38:35,525
What Rojas doesn't know
won't hurt him. Let's go.
589
00:38:38,796 --> 00:38:40,730
Uh?
590
00:38:41,766 --> 00:38:43,700
Thank you.
591
00:38:45,570 --> 00:38:49,199
- Gimme the other tank!
- Merry Christmas.
592
00:38:50,208 --> 00:38:52,870
Gracias.
593
00:39:17,201 --> 00:39:18,998
[Tires Screeching]
594
00:39:31,115 --> 00:39:33,242
[Laughs]
595
00:39:35,053 --> 00:39:38,318
Not bugged and rigged, is it?
[Laughs]
596
00:39:40,958 --> 00:39:44,359
[Gasps]
[Spanish]
597
00:39:44,429 --> 00:39:47,125
[Grunts]
Yes. Ah, good.
598
00:39:47,198 --> 00:39:49,223
Have a nice flight back to Cuba,
okay?
599
00:39:49,300 --> 00:39:52,963
Just give me a push off there,
all right, and I'll be all right.
600
00:40:05,717 --> 00:40:08,185
[Toilet Flushes]
601
00:40:13,925 --> 00:40:18,123
Like clockwork.
S�.
Clockwork de naranja.
602
00:40:19,297 --> 00:40:22,698
Uh, listen,
I'm a little "paratory" of Rojas,
603
00:40:22,767 --> 00:40:26,100
so if I could just get my 20% out�
604
00:40:26,170 --> 00:40:30,573
[Coughs]
Take it with me,
and withdraw to sunny climes�
605
00:40:30,641 --> 00:40:34,077
- The fast money always fades first.
- Oh, yes.
606
00:40:34,145 --> 00:40:40,084
Well, it's too bad, 'cause I was plannin'on
introducin'you to some permanent wealth.
607
00:40:40,151 --> 00:40:42,483
Permanent wealth, huh?
608
00:40:42,553 --> 00:40:45,113
What do you mean,
the "M" word or the "B" word?
609
00:40:45,189 --> 00:40:50,957
I mean so much money
your children's children
couldn't even spend the interest.
610
00:40:51,028 --> 00:40:55,192
- What's that?
- These are signed contracts
with the Saudis...
611
00:40:55,266 --> 00:40:57,461
for 20 tanks of bull semen.
612
00:40:57,535 --> 00:41:00,436
Man, do you know how much
them A-rabs crave milk?
613
00:41:00,505 --> 00:41:04,965
I mean, this paper alone's worth
a billion, five.
614
00:41:05,042 --> 00:41:08,205
And, uh, I been gettin' inquiries...
615
00:41:08,279 --> 00:41:11,271
from all over
the entire Islamic world.
616
00:41:11,349 --> 00:41:14,546
Now, I was plannin' on cuttin' you in...
617
00:41:14,619 --> 00:41:18,487
for 10% off the top, but, uh�
618
00:41:18,556 --> 00:41:21,423
But, uh� But what?
619
00:41:21,492 --> 00:41:26,054
Well, see,
high finance is a game...
620
00:41:26,130 --> 00:41:30,533
for men with a certain kind
of confident view of life,
621
00:41:30,601 --> 00:41:34,503
and-and� and you got all you can do
to hang onto your little bitty green card.
622
00:41:34,572 --> 00:41:37,336
Well, hey, you know,
I understand that.
623
00:41:37,408 --> 00:41:40,844
I mean, go on.
Take your 200,000 and scoot.
624
00:41:40,912 --> 00:41:45,008
Course, uh, by the time I deliver
on that paper,
625
00:41:45,082 --> 00:41:48,483
I'm gonna be droppin' 200K on tips.
[Laughs]
626
00:41:48,553 --> 00:41:51,283
[Laughs]
Wait a minute. Wait a minute, now.
627
00:41:51,355 --> 00:41:54,620
If you are really serious
about bringing milk to the desert�
628
00:41:54,692 --> 00:41:58,321
- I am.
- I wouldn't mind getting in...
629
00:41:58,396 --> 00:42:02,162
on the ground floor
of some of this honey.
630
00:42:02,233 --> 00:42:04,167
You're sure?
631
00:42:06,070 --> 00:42:08,470
"Start the ball, Tector."
632
00:42:08,539 --> 00:42:13,909
Now that's what I call
takin' the long view, Moreno.
[Chuckles]
633
00:42:13,978 --> 00:42:18,347
Now, I want you to hang
onto these, okay?
634
00:42:18,416 --> 00:42:21,214
Now, you put 'em
in a safe place...
635
00:42:21,285 --> 00:42:23,276
and keep 'em there, and, uh�
636
00:42:23,354 --> 00:42:28,223
See, I got a 7:00 p.m. Flight
to Dubai I gotta catch.
637
00:42:28,292 --> 00:42:31,022
I'm gonna cable you
from there, okay?
Okay.
638
00:42:31,095 --> 00:42:34,155
Yeah, I'll keep these in a safe place.
Let me ride down with you, huh?
639
00:42:34,232 --> 00:42:36,257
That's okay.
I'll be right in front of you, buddy.
640
00:42:36,334 --> 00:42:38,325
You take care now.
Okay, wait a second.
641
00:42:38,402 --> 00:42:42,270
- Hold the elevator for me, will you?
- I'll tell the doorman you're on your way.
642
00:42:44,609 --> 00:42:46,702
Sonny.
643
00:42:46,777 --> 00:42:50,543
Well, yeah. Come on in, man.
Come on in.
644
00:42:50,615 --> 00:42:54,210
You want some champagne?
Hey-Hey, Izzy. Give�
645
00:42:54,285 --> 00:42:57,686
Give the man some,
uh, champagne.
646
00:43:03,294 --> 00:43:06,024
[Sighs]
What tipped ya?
647
00:43:10,201 --> 00:43:12,135
This.
648
00:43:12,203 --> 00:43:14,228
Yeah.
You know,
I started lookin' at this picture.
649
00:43:14,305 --> 00:43:17,274
There were a few things in here
that bothered me.
650
00:43:17,341 --> 00:43:20,401
So I sent it over
to Photo Analysis...
651
00:43:20,478 --> 00:43:22,776
and had them
take a look at it.
652
00:43:22,847 --> 00:43:25,281
It's a�
It's a composite.
653
00:43:27,451 --> 00:43:31,080
See, the, uh� the shadow�
[Sighs]
654
00:43:31,155 --> 00:43:35,091
From his leg here
is from a picture taken at 12:00 noon.
655
00:43:36,827 --> 00:43:42,595
And the shadow on the bull here
is from a picture taken after 5:00.
656
00:43:44,268 --> 00:43:46,498
Very nice.
657
00:43:46,570 --> 00:43:49,334
And Paco Hermosa�
[Sighs]
658
00:43:50,408 --> 00:43:53,775
Has been workin' for you from the beginning.
[Calvin]
Man, you are good.
659
00:43:54,979 --> 00:43:56,970
I swear, man, you are real good.
660
00:43:57,048 --> 00:44:00,142
Be a cold day in July
before someone put one over on you.
661
00:44:00,217 --> 00:44:02,310
[Chuckles]
662
00:44:02,386 --> 00:44:06,846
Look, l� I'm gonna take
a wild stab here at an explanation.
663
00:44:06,924 --> 00:44:09,654
You�
You can just tell me how it fits.
664
00:44:09,727 --> 00:44:12,321
Now,
what's in that briefcase there...
665
00:44:12,396 --> 00:44:14,591
belongs to me and Izzy.
666
00:44:14,665 --> 00:44:16,758
- [Spanish]
- Shut up.
667
00:44:16,834 --> 00:44:20,998
'Cause, I mean, we sold
that bull sperm to the Cubans,
668
00:44:21,072 --> 00:44:26,169
and they paid us for it�
coin of the realm, fair and square.
669
00:44:26,243 --> 00:44:28,973
And�And what's in
that briefcase there, well�
670
00:44:29,046 --> 00:44:33,676
It� It's ours.
671
00:44:33,751 --> 00:44:38,484
Geopolitics ain't really my thing, cowboy.
672
00:44:38,556 --> 00:44:40,888
However, I am
a little put off about, uh,
673
00:44:40,958 --> 00:44:43,051
the way you tried
to burn my friends.
674
00:44:43,127 --> 00:44:45,527
Well, I am
sorely ashamed of that.
675
00:44:45,596 --> 00:44:47,962
So I suggest you come up with
a real good reason...
676
00:44:48,032 --> 00:44:50,865
why I shouldn't haul
your ashes into stir...
677
00:44:50,935 --> 00:44:53,267
right now.
678
00:44:53,337 --> 00:44:57,774
Uh-Uh, well, okay.
Now, you know that tank of mine�
679
00:44:57,842 --> 00:45:00,970
[Chuckles]
That wasn't real stuff.
680
00:45:01,045 --> 00:45:04,276
Well, Sonny,
there never was no real stuff.
No.
681
00:45:04,348 --> 00:45:06,578
There's only about 19
of them little suckers.
682
00:45:06,650 --> 00:45:10,142
They're off on some ranch
in Mexico somewhere, and�
683
00:45:10,221 --> 00:45:15,557
But, see, Sonny,
I never did break a single law.
684
00:45:15,626 --> 00:45:21,587
Now the Cubans paid for somethin'
that they perceived as valuable.
685
00:45:21,665 --> 00:45:25,431
It was Anderson switched the tanks.
I held up my end.
686
00:45:26,804 --> 00:45:28,829
You got the money.
687
00:45:28,906 --> 00:45:31,238
Ain't no harm been done, 'cept�
688
00:45:31,308 --> 00:45:35,108
'cept the, uh, harm
that Rojas gonna do me,
689
00:45:35,179 --> 00:45:38,706
once he finds out that, uh�
that he's been hosed.
690
00:45:38,783 --> 00:45:42,184
So, Sonny, I am askin' you,
as a Southerner...
691
00:45:42,253 --> 00:45:44,653
and as a gentleman,
692
00:45:44,722 --> 00:45:49,125
to let my behind go.
693
00:45:49,193 --> 00:45:51,991
[Laughing]
694
00:45:55,733 --> 00:45:58,702
You really think I ought to let you
just stroll out of here?
695
00:46:00,204 --> 00:46:03,503
Uh, well�
696
00:46:03,574 --> 00:46:05,974
I'd be obliged.
697
00:46:13,050 --> 00:46:16,110
Uh-uh.
The money stays.
698
00:46:20,524 --> 00:46:22,549
You're not gonna
regret this, Sonny.
699
00:46:22,626 --> 00:46:25,288
This is a true act
of Christian charity.
Ciao, y'all.
700
00:46:25,362 --> 00:46:28,331
Tell Stan and Gina
I'm gonna make it right with them...
701
00:46:28,399 --> 00:46:30,833
just as soon
as I get back on my feet.
[Door Opens]
702
00:46:30,901 --> 00:46:34,803
Where the hell do you think
you're goin', Hud?
[Door Closes]
703
00:46:34,872 --> 00:46:36,897
[Spanish]
704
00:46:36,974 --> 00:46:40,205
[Spanish]
705
00:46:40,277 --> 00:46:42,768
You know what we got
in there, don't you?
706
00:46:42,847 --> 00:46:47,784
Letters of transit�
It's time to get out of Casablanca, man.
707
00:46:47,852 --> 00:46:50,116
[Snickers]
708
00:46:50,187 --> 00:46:52,917
This ain't the beginning
of a beautiful friendship, Iz.
709
00:46:52,990 --> 00:46:57,017
When I hit it big it's gonna because I picked
the right six numbers in the lottery,
710
00:46:57,094 --> 00:47:00,188
not because
I formed a joint venture...
711
00:47:00,264 --> 00:47:02,528
with some "Castroid" reject
fleece artist.
712
00:47:05,202 --> 00:47:08,262
I'm beginning to smell wages
on you, partner.
713
00:47:08,339 --> 00:47:10,933
[Sighs]
Yeah, well, this is gonna go
to the fallen policeman's fund.
714
00:47:11,008 --> 00:47:14,239
Look, let me just say good-bye
to the boys.
715
00:47:14,311 --> 00:47:16,336
You know, Franklin and Grant
and all the others.
716
00:47:16,413 --> 00:47:18,347
I mean, l�
717
00:47:18,415 --> 00:47:23,011
I think I really got to know them well
in the short time that we were together.
718
00:47:23,087 --> 00:47:26,250
- Please.
- [Locks Snapping]
719
00:47:29,727 --> 00:47:32,287
What time does his plane leave?
7:00.
720
00:47:32,363 --> 00:47:35,594
[Australian Accent]
Now, of course in Alice Springs,
we don't yet have the pressing need...
721
00:47:35,666 --> 00:47:38,726
for the mini-cows,
'cause we still got a lot of space.
722
00:47:38,802 --> 00:47:41,828
But, you lot, when you take over
in Hong Kong in another few years,
723
00:47:41,906 --> 00:47:44,807
why, uh, I reckon you gotta utilize
all the space you got.
724
00:47:44,875 --> 00:47:47,935
So, let's start the pilot project now,
725
00:47:48,012 --> 00:47:50,674
and then, uh�Thank you�
in another few years,
726
00:47:50,748 --> 00:47:54,013
you'll have a little herd of cows
on every rooftop in Kowloon.
727
00:47:54,084 --> 00:47:57,884
Now, uh, have a look
at that little bugger, eh?
He's no bigger than a wallaby.
728
00:47:57,955 --> 00:47:59,889
You know,
we're developing the dwarf clover,
729
00:47:59,957 --> 00:48:03,586
so that you'll be able to feed 'im
right out of your window box.
730
00:48:04,586 --> 00:48:14,586
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