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[Mooing]

[Airplane Passes Overhead]

- Anybody got anything yet?
- Nada.

[Bleating]
Not even a mouse.

Look who's joined the party, boys.

Come on, baby.

That's it.
There you go.

Good girl.

She made the drop, boys.
Go pick her up, but wait until
she's a couple of blocks away.

How long are we gonna wait
for this guy?
We won't wait long.

Roxy's not about to let 20 keys of blow
stay in that trunk much past dawn.

[Mooing]

[Mooing Continues]

The hell is goin' on here?

I'll go check it out.

Cowboy Bob's
knocked out cold.

What is this?
I don't know,
but it's sure not Roxy.

- [Horn Honking]
- [Mooing]

Oh, no, but that is.

Hello, officers. Lovely night
for a cattle drive, don't you think?

- [Laughing]
- Oh, I do not believe this!

I wanna know who this guy is,
and who let him in here!

Hey, so we're blown.
We been blown before.

- Hey, what's this?
- It's a bomb! Everybody split!

Interesting bomb.

One of my lab techs thought it might be
some new form of liquid plastique,

so he ran it through a scanner.
And?

You can see them swimming,
if you'd like.
May I?

Uh-huh.

You know, this stuff could cause
quite an explosion�

I knew it.
In the cow population.

What is it?
Bull semen.

Bull semen?
Bull semen�
Bull sperm?

Uh-huh.
[Man]
There it is.

There it is. That's my tank. That's my�
[Knocking]

Hey, Buckwheat, let me in, man!
Let� Let�

You're supposed to be
in the hospital.

Will you tell these guys it's all right?
Guys, it's all right.

It's defrosted!

Now, what kind of people would let
frozen bull semen thaw?

- Must be our warm hearts.
- Man, I come in from Texas...

with two tanks of Gargantua's semen
to ship to my partner in Belize.

One gets stolen
and the other gets ruined�

defrosted by the cops!

Gargantua?
Yeah. I named him
for his, uh, equipment.

Thousand units a tank�

hundred bucks a unit, easy.

A hundred grand for bull sperm?
Yeahl

What am I doin'?
I'm just mindin' my own business,

sleepin' in my truck
by the Agriculture Department export place.

And, uh, lucky us�
we were right next door, huh?

[Scoffs]
I get bushwhacked!

Boy, I tell you what.

Texas Rangers never would've let them
little bitty sperms out of the corral.

That's for dang sure!

This is Agent, uh, Timothy Anderson
from Washington,

here to let us know what
happened last night.

- Great, another expert.
- It's imperative that we locate
this husbandry material.

"Husbandry material"?

Yeah, we gotta bring in every
unmarried Holstein in Dade County.

Now, the department is extremely
interested in the recovery of the bull...

semen.

Unborn cattle rustlin', Lieutenant?

Government needs a local liaison.

Well, uh,
what are we supposed to do,

question happy cows
with that, uh, sexual afterglow?

[All Snickering, Giggling]

For your information,
most cows don't enjoy it.

That's why they have
such sad eyes.
[Laughing]

[Mooing]

Now, milk from one of these animals
is the most complete food in the world.

Four-legged miracles,
these animals.

I was, uh, explaining
to Mr. Cooper this morning�

true beasts of beauty.

Uh, you know, one of the first things
you boys gonna have to learn...

is how to pick up on animal disease.

You gotta look for the glaze
in the animal's eye.

That�
That can mean, uh, a fever.

You gotta check for warts,
abscesses, ringworm.

You got to be cautious
with pus and fungus.

- You don't wanna contaminate yourself.
- [Exhales]

These, uh, animals
also sometimes have gut infections,

and watch out for loose bowels�
diarrhea.

That�That could be
a sign of some infestation.

- Sounds great.
- Yeah, well�Pacol

Come here and show these two
how to check out a cow for pregnancy.

[Moos]

Gina,
absolutely, positively overnight.

What do you got there�
family photo?

It's Gargantua.
It's Calvin's bull.

You wanna see it?

I've seen Calvin's bull.

Hey, man, this is the finest bull
I ever had.

Key to my whole operation.

Well, they only lost one tank.
Why don't you just go on back there...

and get a fresh supply?

He's dead.

Natural causes?

Oh, he was servicin' a heifer,
and he stepped in a hole, broke his leg.

Oh.
I had to sell him for slaughter.

You mean, he was�
He died for love.

Oh.

Five dollars for a bullwhip.

Hey, kids,
you gonna buy those whips?

Are you gonna buy those?
Do you have five dollars for tho�

Don't finger the�
Wait. Get aw�

Get away from there with those snow cones!
Don't be comin' around here!

Manny! Polaroid!

Would you please hold this whip
in a possibly suggestive position?

Have a little fun with it, eh?

Uh, reintroduce...
playtime in the bedroom, eh? Yes.

This is Rojas.

So you think that feller knows
somethin' about my stolen tank?

Izzy's got his finger
on the pulse of the underworld.

I have located the Texan
and established surveillance.

Very nice! Is she nice?
I'll take that, Manny. Thank you very much.

Come on down here.
I talk to you a little bit.

I'm doing
a remake of Red River...

with the original
dialogue intact�

Look at this guy, will ya?

Who's he supposed to be,
Randolph Scott?

Howard Hawks didn't want to have
the Duke die, but that's how it goes.

It's going to be low budget,
but, uh, if we gave you�

[Switek Shouts]
Hey, Buffalo Billl

Give your name and number to Manny here,
and we'll get in touch with you, huh?

Manny, get her name
and her number, eh?

Caballeros, got my work permit
here somewhere, eh?

I got my peddler's license
renewed this year.

I can get you a special rate
on these for the police force.

You got a line
on any bull semen thieves?

You got a line on 50 bucks?
No, I'm only kidding.

- I got your man.
- You do?

Oh, yes. I know some very heavy
cattle breeders who know this guy...

and say that he's getting
into artificial "insubordination"?

I want you to go and tell him
you got an offer from an interested buyer.

Sorry, but I'm gonna be busy
the rest of the afternoon.

Well, then, maybe a certain
parole officer...

would, uh, like to find out where
his girlfriend spends her Friday nights.

Got a quarter?
He's no good for her.

No.
You got a quarter?

- I just tried to give back her self-esteem!
- Yeah, I got a quarter.

Okay, all right, all right!
I'll make a phone call for you.

Here's a quarter.

I have my own quarter.

Guy's a nut.

- [Moreno] Listen, Paco,
it's like I tell you on the phone.
- You sure he's cool?

He's cool.
He's a stand-up guy, here. Yeah.
Uh-huh.

You're gonna walk away
with your down payment.

They have arrived.

Okay.
That's the signal, yes?

Come on, come on, compadre.

Howdy, pardners. You're busted!

- [Anderson On Bullhorn]
In the name of the�
- [Water Splashing]

In the name of the United States government,
I place you under arrest. Put the tank on
the ground. Lay your hands against the truck.

Uh, put your hands in the air!
[Gunfire]

[Trudy]
Who's shootin'?

Shots came from over there.

[Gunfire Continues]

[Police Radio, Indistinct]

Who started shooting?
There was not supposed to be
any shooting here!

What are the feds doing here?

Anderson, you can call
the A-team out. It's all over now.

General all clear.
The tank?

Looks like our friend Paco
was cowed by all the noise and split.

What is it with this stuff?
You're not cleared to know that.

"Not cleared"?

Hey, uh, Anderson,
looks like you're an uncle.

Montecristo.

It's that Cuban pig Rojas.

Cuban intelligence?

Now, what could Cuban intelligence
possibly be interested in here, huh?

[Anderson Sighs]

Miniature cows.
[Snickering]

[All Laughing]

[Laughing]
Miniature cows.

This gets better and better.
[Laughing Continues]

Okay, this is a picture of Gargantua.

Oh, this has gotta be
a gag, Anderson.

[Guffaws]
I didn't know cows
came that small.

- [Giggles, Laughs]
- Yes, they do, Detective.

They do.
And the U.S. Of A. Plans to be...

in the forefront
of bovine miniaturization.

[Laughing Resumes]

In India, high-yield rice,
impervious to nuclear fallout.

Bat guano power plants
in Guatemala.

Herring farms in the Dead Sea.

The way to people's hearts and
minds is through their stomachs.
[Trudy Chuckles]

Mao Tse-tung.
[Chuckles]

Well, it's a sentiment that Cuban intelligence
seems to share, believe me.

Senor Rojas and I have locked
horns from Trinidad�
Yeah, speakin' of horns,

uh, when you gonna get off the red herring
and onto the bull business, huh?

Eyes only.

[Trudy Sighs]
Oh, God.

Up to now, the dairy protein needs
in the Third World have been met,

if at all,
in powdered form.

In times of drought,
the results have been tragic.

What you're seeing is the answer.

Little bossies
and their tiny teats?

What do they put out,
evaporated milk?

Try two-thirds the production
of a full-size cow on one-tenth the acreage.

The perfect low-cost animal.

So when did Rojas find out
about Cowboy Calvin's big secret?

Lesson number one, Detective:
In the intelligence community,

there are no secrets,
except the secrets that keep themselves.

[Clears Throat]

Okay.
[Clears Throat]
[Clears Throat]

[Calvin]
Goldurn it, Stanley.

I wish them cloak-and-dagger boys'd
butt the hell outta this.

Why, are you afraid all that
international goodwill...

is gonna bankrupt you
at the sperm bank?
Goodwill?

Stanley,
there's some serious long green...

to be made off
of them little cows of mine.

- How serious?
- Do you know how many sperms...

can swim around
on the head of a pin?

- I never looked.
- Millions, millions.

So just think of how many
potential cows is in that tank, see.

I mean,
that's at least one cow...

for every family in the entire
teemin' underdeveloped world.

Unreal.
Yeah.

Why, even at a buck a cow, that's�

- A lot of moola.
- [Whistles]

[Calvin]
You know, it's not that I don't have every
confidence in the local law enforcement.

It's just that�

I wouldn't be gettin' up
on the off side.

Uh, it's just that I thought�
and Stan here agrees with me�

that you're the man
to head up this posse.

Well, I just started casting
Red River, Part Two, but...

I can always check my calendar.

He's incredibly busy.
Uh-huh.

Well, if you wasn't busy, how would you
go about contacting this, uh, Paco, uh�

Hermosa?
Hermosa.

Uh-huh. Well, probably
in the role of a neo-crypto�

Uh, wh-whoa, whoa, whoa�
bagman.

Whoa.

Seventy-five,
80, 82� three, four, five�

Call that 86,500. All right.

Now you tell Mr. Hermosa,

86,500 for the return of my bull futures,
no questions asked.

[Exhales]
We are totally simp�tico, my friend.

I guarantee that I can get your, uh�

[Chuckles]
Vital fluids returned to your personage...

faster than you can say...

"Lash La Rue."

You know, I knew you was a range rider
minute I laid eyes on you.

Hey, didn't I say that about him, Stan?

- I got one question.
- Well, what's that?

"What's in it for me?"Right, Iz?

What's in it for me?

Think 86,500 will get it, Stan?

Ah, more than enough
if Hermosa's as low-rent as Izzy is.

Course, 86,500�

Well, that's kind of�
What?

Well, it's an odd number.
Odd number?

Yeah. Look, you're, uh,
obviously a bright guy,

but, uh, in the big city�
I'm just a big hick.

No.
Oh, yes, I am, damn it.

Now, just go on
and speak your piece, man.

Well, we work
with these fast operators all the time,

and one thing you recognize�
round numbers.

Round numbers?
Yeah.
I mean, you never see a guy, uh,

offer a bribe, say,
$72 and change.

It's always a hundred bucks,
10 grand.

Or a hundred thousand.
Oh, but see�

Yeah, Stan, I mean,
all I got on me is 90 grand,

'cause, you know, l� I didn't expect
to get rolled in some strange city.

I didn't prepare for it, or�

Yeah, well I've got some savings
I was gonna put into mutual funds,

but with the market
so crazy and all�
Yeah.

I'd be proud to invest
in the future of a better world.

No, no, I couldn't�
I couldn't let you do that, see,
'cause, uh�

Well, l-I'd have to insist
on one condition.

What's that?
And that's that your contribution
entitles you to two per�

f-five� five-percent ownership
in Teal Enterprises,

'cause, see, l-I'd just as soon that
you got somethin' for your money,

instead of just lettin' me
have it, you know.

And-And besides,
if you're gonna be standin'
behind me as an investor,

then I'd be honored
if you was my partner too.

It's a deal.
[Chuckles]

[Laughs]
Good deal!

How about Izzy's house, huh?
Boy, that place is a dump.
Man, I ain't lyin'.

[Moreno]
Entrez-vous, Agent Anderson.

Well, you're a tough little puppy
to keep in the crosshairs, Isadore.

I don't let the johnsongrass
grow under my feet.

Everything here
is perfectly legit.
Well, good for you.

Guess that means you're ready
to help the right side, huh?
[Chuckles]

I salute the flag on your lapel,
Agent Anderson, but, uh�

But what?
But, uh, I'm already engaged.

Well, I have some friends
in the I.N.S. That, uh,

gave me some information
that may help disengage you.

Seems your immigration status
is a little precarious.

Ingrid and I
had a very special relationship.

She taught me how to use the bullwhip.

It's a tragic coincidence
that we were divorced
right after I got my green card.

Well, I've got two outstanding warrants
in Puerto Rico, one in Guant�namo�

Where have I heard this before?
Okay. All right, all right. I will help you.

I'll tell you right now,
Hermosa knows how valuable that tank is.

Hermosa?
S�.

- You mean, Rojas doesn't have that tank?
- No, Paco Hermosa.

And he's not gonna take
a dime less than...

[Hesitantly]
200,000,

uh, dollars.

200,000.
Uh, we could raise that.

It'd be wrong, but�

No, no, 200,000� that's well within
the purview of my authorization.

[Phone Buzzing]
All right.

It might be more, though.
I can't tell.

Red River Productions.
S�, this is he.

This is Rojas.
I have just "receive" a fax from Havana.

It seems you still have
many outstanding warrants.

Shall I read them aloud to you?

Oh, no-no-no,
that's okay, uh,

Comrade Rojas.

I see. You are interested
in the amazing bull product.

Well, I don't know.
We are a nation of...

- card sharks?
- ?Qu�?

Give me the whole thing.
Play along.

Uh, yes, I'll see what I can do,
but it's going to cost you�

[Door Opens, Closes]
Something in the neighborhood of...

two hundred and...

fifty... nine...

thousand... dollars.
[Door Opens]

Oh, yes. Yes, well,
there are many pros and cons.
[Door Closes]

[Chuckles]
Yes, especially the cons.
Uh, un momento.

He wants to make the deal today.
Yes!

Yes, we can do that for you today.

I will meet you alone.

Yes. You have my word.

You and Comrade Rojas...

and one billion unborn cows.

Compact mini-cows?

Limousine-size cows
for our commie creep.

[Speaking Spanish]
[Spanish]

[Spanish]
All right, fine, fine. Okay.

It's a beautiful winged, uh, sloop
you got here, eh?

I can't believe it.
Sixteen boats in an hour?

Fifteen.
He checked one twice.

[Spanish]

Rojas?
[Gasps]
[Spanish]

[Both Speaking Spanish]

I do not see
any money here.
[Spanish]

Don't fool around�
[Gunshot]

- [Switek]
What the hell's goin' on?
- [Spanish]

[Moreno]
No. This is mine. This is mine.

[Horn Honking]

- What the hell are you doin'?
- Hey!

Nice goin',
Mr. Covert Operation.

Obviously you two have a little to learn
about the chess-like interaction
of international intrigue.

Yeah, like what?

Like the fact that our side just won a major
battle in the cold war of animal husbandry.

Mr. Rojas just bought himself a load
of our deluxe oversized cud chewers.

[Scoffs]
You're welcome.

Who is this guy?

Here's gratitude for ya.
[Sighs]

[Moreno]
I told you already.

Anderson tried to pull
a big con on you!

The tank is bogus!

I was just the bagman!

Let me down, please!
[Panting]

Hey!

Why don't you tell me
who you're really working for?

L� I can see there's�
[Chuckles]

No Eastern Bloc translation for
the kind of free market entrepreneurialism�

I'm getting dizzy.
Oh, so you are...

a capitalist pig
who'll do anything for money.

Uh, no it's more of a�
a informational processing...

of a very distinctly sought-after talent
in this most inhospitable world.

Where did you go? Aaah!
Surely not as inhospitable...

as La Cabana.
La Cabana?
La Cabana, no.

Uh, that's�That's not me.
You're�

You're thinking of somebody else,
I think, and it's not me.

It's really not me. I mean, I've heard
of La Cabana, but I've never spent any time�

Ow! Does she work out
with weights or something?

Isadore Francisco Moreno�

crimes against the revoluci�n.

Define la revoluci�n.
[Spanish]
[Spanish]

[Spanish]

Either way, I go home
with the spoils of capitalism.

You... or the mini-cows.

Maybe I'll take both.

So, who has my tank?

[Spits]
Now�

[Shouting]

Actually,
it's some guy named Paco,

actually works
for the U.S.D.A., okay?

Huh?
Oh, so U.S. Agents?

No-no-no-no, he's just
a opportunistic capitalistic,

you know, sibling, actually.

Uh, you know, he's just�
He's trying to make�

[Cries Out]
M- make an name for hisself.

He's, uh�

He's already entertaining an offer
from that overgrown Texas boot stomp,

that sodbuster,
who has made a bid for the tank...

of two hundred
and fifty-nine thousand... dollars.

[Spits, Coughs]
So, you are,
of course, to outbid him.

300,000.

This briefcase is bugged
and rigged to detonate...

on my command.

Uh�
So as to protect you...

from your socially inbred
tendencies of greed.
[Chuckles]

Any deviation from
my instructions, and, uh�
[Chuckles]

We will be forced to abort you
and your mission.

[Sighs]

[Grunts]

Any chance of this going off by mistake?
[Groans]

[Trudy]
We're gonna need Case 22.

[Gina]
It's on my desk.
Ladies.

Oh, hi, Calvin.
Hi.

They told me these was the last two
in the entire state of Florida.
[Giggles]

That's nice.
Thank you.

[Gina]
Why, thank you, Calvin.
Well, you're welcome.

Kind of hard
to come by 'em, uh,

so far from Texas.
Oh.

[Gina]
That's sweet.
[Calvin] Well, it�

It seemed like the least I could do
after the time we had last night.
[Gina Chuckles]

You check out Romeo
back here?

Ancient pangs of, uh,
jealousy surfacing, partner?

Get out of here.
This guy's puttin' on a road show.
[Gina, Calvin Chattering]

Yeah, well I think he's already
closed the sale on Gina.
[Gina Laughing]

Eight-to-five
she sees right through him.
[Laughing Continues]

You sure
you wanna make that bet?

Maybe you guys
could take some notes here?
[Calvin Chattering]

Kind of... nice color on you.
[Both Laugh]

[Gina]
Thanks.
How about we just pull his file?

Come on. Come on.
[Rattling]

[Lock Clicks]
[Moreno Grunts]

Come on. Come on.

[Phone Beeping]
[Cries Out, Panting]

Yes? Paco.
[Spanish] Hold on.

[Panting]

[Laughing]

[Laughing On Headphones]
[Speaking Spanish]

What is it?
I don't know.
He's breaking up.

Paco. Hey.

Yeah, listen, the Cubans
have come up with a better offer.

Yeah. Yeah, it's about, uh�

uh, three, uh�
[Coughing]

It's about, uh, two hundred
and seventy-five, uh, thousand.

Yeah.
Izzy just cut a deal for Rojas...

to sell the tank for 275,000.

All these people prosperin'
off of my hard work.

[Static, Indistinct Chattering]

[Moreno's Voice]
Yeah. It's gonna be at the trestle today,

near�
near the Albondigas Bridge.

And, listen, bring that bull gizmo.
[Spanish]

Close encounters
of the... weird kind.

[Switch Clicking]

[Coughs]

[Engine Starts]

I can't believe it.

Of all the people in the world
to be entrusted...

with the forefront
of bovine miniaturization.

Psst, Izzy!

Who's there?

It's me, man!
[Exhales]

Who are all these light freaks?
I don't know, man.

You got the money?
Yeah. It's in here.

Be careful of the blinking red light.
That'll be your cue.

You got the stuff?
Yeah. It's right here.

Run!
[Grunting]

Let me see. Let me see.

Come on. That tank's
gotta make it back to the ranch.

You really care for this,
don't you?
No. No.

I just hate see a good ol' boy
get the shaft, that's all.

Not so fast,
my capitalist friend.

Hey, what we need here is a SALT-like
d�tente nuclear disarmament!

No way!
Those miniature cows
belong in the free world!

Why does Anderson always show up
at my drops, huh?

I should be Martinized
for trying to prevent W.W. Ill.

Get up, bonehead, before we
Martinize you right into the ground!

Where's the money, Izzy?

[Gasps]
Rojas is going to kill me!
He'll think I double-crossed him!

You�You gotta help me get into
a federal protection program!

Let me shoot him, okay?

Huh? Can I shoot him?

I got a round in here.
Sure, I do.

Bunco Division, Los Angeles.

Bunco Division, Denver.

Land Fraud Division,
State of Louisiana.

Who's that?
Cowboy Cal,

a.k.a. Chuck Teasdale,

Clyde T. Rose, Calvin Tuttle.

[Coffee Cup Shatters]

Calvin?

Yeah. Sorry, Gina.

That miserable 10-gallon rat.

Well, if it's any consolation to you,

he took a couple of investment bankers
for about 100 grand...

in, uh, phony mutual funds
couple of years ago.

Got off on a technicality.

Hundred grand.

Nice round number.

[Knocking]

Who is it?

It's Calvin.

Calvin. Yes.
The key is under the mat.

Hey, man, pay attention.

I'm gonna show you how to get rich.

My immediate sense of distrust
is temporarily overcome...

by the need for finances
to blow town.

May the, uh,
wind always be at your back.

For a hundred years.
[Gasps]

- Lookit here.
[Chuckles]
- No!

No. Any more alleged perpetrations
and I lose all semblance of"credibleness."

Well, hey, relax, man.
All them other tanks was fake.

Now this here
is the real enchilada.

I mean, you're lookin' at 400
tiny thunderin' hooves.

Hey, you didn't think I was really gonna
part with the genuine bull sauce.

Did ya?
[Gasps]

Mr. Teal,

you are a credit to the free-enterprising
vertebrates of this planet.

[Grunts]
Well, you're damn right I am!

So, as I see it,
we got a perfect opportunity...

to employ your God-given talent.

Eh, the telephone...

is my... instrument.

I was born to play it,

just like Mozart was...
born to play the piano,

BoJackson was born to play baseball.

Well�
Mmm.

Mr. Charlie�
[Phone Beeping]

Drives a lot of ballplayers�
[Spanish]
[Chuckles]

[Ringing]

Hello, this is�
[Ringing Continues]

This is Anderson.

Ah, yes.
By a strange, circuitous route,

the actual bull semen
has found its way into my possession,

and I wanted to give you first dibs.

We are, uh, opening the bidding
at, say, um, half million.

Moreno, is that you?

Listen, you Cuban cockroach.
If you've got the genuine tank�
[Phone Beeping]

Fork it over now,
before the entire resources�
[Ringing]

Uh, could you please hold?
Rojas.

[Spanish]

Trading in mini-cow futures
is open again,

and I'm entertaining a bid
from Agent Anderson...

of the federales
for five and a half points U.S.

[Spanish]

Marielito trash, how dare you negotiate
with the People's Republic de Cuba?

Uh, fish or cut bait.
I got Washington on the other line.

So, how do you open, uh, Andy?

[Anderson]
Why should I believe anything
a fruit fly like you has to say?

'Cause he's got the tank,
that's why.

And if you don't start
addin' on zeros real fast,

them baby bulls gonna be
mooing en Espanol.

Okay, okay. I'll go 550.

But I want Moreno's skin hanging
from the wall of the Earl Butz
Conference Room when it's over.

Yeah, yeah.
Which reminds me, amigo�

Ten percent.
Thirty.

Twenty.
Done.

You're at 550,000.
Please hold.

- Did you get that?
- What I get...

is 300,000 of my Cuban money!

And for every additional dollar,
it will be one pound of your flesh!
[Spanish]

I see. Well, I cannot let
personal endangerment conflict
with Keynesian "economicals."

Going once. Going twice.

600,000!

Ah, Cuba six.
Gringos five-point-five.

The top of the eighth�
Seven.

Conference 'em.
[Anderson]
Moreno.

Los Cubanos,
the number on the table
is seven� rep�telo, seven.

- Eight!
- Nine!

[Rojas]
One million U.S. Dollars!

- [Grunts]
- [Inhales]

Senor Anderson,

0-2 count,
bottom of the ninth.

We are waiting.

Listen,
we took a big budget hit this year.

We, uh�
[Clears Throat]

- We're not prepared to go that high.
- [Both Grunt]

So, the capitalist running dogs
fade in the stretch.

Selling these bulls
to the Communists is� it-it�

It's downright non-American.

Aw, listen, federal breath.

If you can sell cola to the ChiComs,
I can sure sell cows to Castro.

- Adi�s!
- Hello?

[Dial Tone]
Hello!
[Groans]

Hey, congratulations there, Senor Rojas.

You just got yourself a full quart
of half-pint, short-horned studs.

Now, I want that money
delivered in unmarked, unused,

"unconsecutive" 50s and 100s
dropped off to my little buddy,

who's gonna be boatin' along the Miami River
sometime tween noon and 6:00 today.

- You got that?
- [Spanish]

[Rojas]
But don't cross me.
[Both Chuckling]

No way, Jose.
[Slams Down Handset]

Muy bien.
Yeah.
[Satisfied Chuckle]

Moreno,
give me the damn tank.

No!
Rojas will kill me!

What Rojas doesn't know
won't hurt him. Let's go.

Uh?

Thank you.

- Gimme the other tank!
- Merry Christmas.

Gracias.

[Tires Screeching]

[Laughs]

Not bugged and rigged, is it?
[Laughs]

[Gasps]
[Spanish]

[Grunts]
Yes. Ah, good.

Have a nice flight back to Cuba,
okay?

Just give me a push off there,
all right, and I'll be all right.

[Toilet Flushes]

Like clockwork.
S�.
Clockwork de naranja.

Uh, listen,
I'm a little "paratory" of Rojas,

so if I could just get my 20% out�

[Coughs]
Take it with me,
and withdraw to sunny climes�

- The fast money always fades first.
- Oh, yes.

Well, it's too bad, 'cause I was plannin'on
introducin'you to some permanent wealth.

Permanent wealth, huh?

What do you mean,
the "M" word or the "B" word?

I mean so much money
your children's children
couldn't even spend the interest.

- What's that?
- These are signed contracts
with the Saudis...

for 20 tanks of bull semen.

Man, do you know how much
them A-rabs crave milk?

I mean, this paper alone's worth
a billion, five.

And, uh, I been gettin' inquiries...

from all over
the entire Islamic world.

Now, I was plannin' on cuttin' you in...

for 10% off the top, but, uh�

But, uh� But what?

Well, see,
high finance is a game...

for men with a certain kind
of confident view of life,

and-and� and you got all you can do
to hang onto your little bitty green card.

Well, hey, you know,
I understand that.

I mean, go on.
Take your 200,000 and scoot.

Course, uh, by the time I deliver
on that paper,

I'm gonna be droppin' 200K on tips.
[Laughs]

[Laughs]
Wait a minute. Wait a minute, now.

If you are really serious
about bringing milk to the desert�

- I am.
- I wouldn't mind getting in...

on the ground floor
of some of this honey.

You're sure?

"Start the ball, Tector."

Now that's what I call
takin' the long view, Moreno.
[Chuckles]

Now, I want you to hang
onto these, okay?

Now, you put 'em
in a safe place...

and keep 'em there, and, uh�

See, I got a 7:00 p.m. Flight
to Dubai I gotta catch.

I'm gonna cable you
from there, okay?
Okay.

Yeah, I'll keep these in a safe place.
Let me ride down with you, huh?

That's okay.
I'll be right in front of you, buddy.

You take care now.
Okay, wait a second.

- Hold the elevator for me, will you?
- I'll tell the doorman you're on your way.

Sonny.

Well, yeah. Come on in, man.
Come on in.

You want some champagne?
Hey-Hey, Izzy. Give�

Give the man some,
uh, champagne.

[Sighs]
What tipped ya?

This.

Yeah.
You know,
I started lookin' at this picture.

There were a few things in here
that bothered me.

So I sent it over
to Photo Analysis...

and had them
take a look at it.

It's a�
It's a composite.

See, the, uh� the shadow�
[Sighs]

From his leg here
is from a picture taken at 12:00 noon.

And the shadow on the bull here
is from a picture taken after 5:00.

Very nice.

And Paco Hermosa�
[Sighs]

Has been workin' for you from the beginning.
[Calvin]
Man, you are good.

I swear, man, you are real good.

Be a cold day in July
before someone put one over on you.

[Chuckles]

Look, l� I'm gonna take
a wild stab here at an explanation.

You�
You can just tell me how it fits.

Now,
what's in that briefcase there...

belongs to me and Izzy.

- [Spanish]
- Shut up.

'Cause, I mean, we sold
that bull sperm to the Cubans,

and they paid us for it�
coin of the realm, fair and square.

And�And what's in
that briefcase there, well�

It� It's ours.

Geopolitics ain't really my thing, cowboy.

However, I am
a little put off about, uh,

the way you tried
to burn my friends.

Well, I am
sorely ashamed of that.

So I suggest you come up with
a real good reason...

why I shouldn't haul
your ashes into stir...

right now.

Uh-Uh, well, okay.
Now, you know that tank of mine�

[Chuckles]
That wasn't real stuff.

Well, Sonny,
there never was no real stuff.
No.

There's only about 19
of them little suckers.

They're off on some ranch
in Mexico somewhere, and�

But, see, Sonny,
I never did break a single law.

Now the Cubans paid for somethin'
that they perceived as valuable.

It was Anderson switched the tanks.
I held up my end.

You got the money.

Ain't no harm been done, 'cept�

'cept the, uh, harm
that Rojas gonna do me,

once he finds out that, uh�
that he's been hosed.

So, Sonny, I am askin' you,
as a Southerner...

and as a gentleman,

to let my behind go.

[Laughing]

You really think I ought to let you
just stroll out of here?

Uh, well�

I'd be obliged.

Uh-uh.
The money stays.

You're not gonna
regret this, Sonny.

This is a true act
of Christian charity.
Ciao, y'all.

Tell Stan and Gina
I'm gonna make it right with them...

just as soon
as I get back on my feet.
[Door Opens]

Where the hell do you think
you're goin', Hud?
[Door Closes]

[Spanish]

[Spanish]

You know what we got
in there, don't you?

Letters of transit�
It's time to get out of Casablanca, man.

[Snickers]

This ain't the beginning
of a beautiful friendship, Iz.

When I hit it big it's gonna because I picked
the right six numbers in the lottery,

not because
I formed a joint venture...

with some "Castroid" reject
fleece artist.

I'm beginning to smell wages
on you, partner.

[Sighs]
Yeah, well, this is gonna go
to the fallen policeman's fund.

Look, let me just say good-bye
to the boys.

You know, Franklin and Grant
and all the others.

I mean, l�

I think I really got to know them well
in the short time that we were together.

- Please.
- [Locks Snapping]

What time does his plane leave?
7:00.

[Australian Accent]
Now, of course in Alice Springs,
we don't yet have the pressing need...

for the mini-cows,
'cause we still got a lot of space.

But, you lot, when you take over
in Hong Kong in another few years,

why, uh, I reckon you gotta utilize
all the space you got.

So, let's start the pilot project now,

and then, uh�Thank you�
in another few years,

you'll have a little herd of cows
on every rooftop in Kowloon.

Now, uh, have a look
at that little bugger, eh?
He's no bigger than a wallaby.

You know,
we're developing the dwarf clover,

so that you'll be able to feed 'im
right out of your window box.

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