Original subtitles

Hi everyone, condor you doing? Uh, today's something of a special day.

I appreciate all you guys in front of your radios,

"Hemorrhagingly Extra Special" "Everything Half Off"

Now pay attention.

Okay, you see, today we'll be getting serious.

I think "More Than 90% Flesh-Toned" will knock you for a crazy loop!

Please sit back and enjoy this in a room free of Mommy and Daddy.

And now, tonight's Naraku Peach-colored Theater. Here we go!

Huh?

Fool, where do you get off starin' at us like that?

I'll friggin' kill ya, you bastard!

What's this? What's going on, Hayato?

I don't really get it, but someone's lookin' at us

with some super-expectant eyes.

Huh, really? Ah, in a flash, it's become a dejected look.

What's going on? Did we not live up to expectations?

In any case, it's embarrassing to be looked at this way, huh?

Takashi, your skin's so pretty! Like a girl's!

No, don't touch me! It tickles.

Anyway, Narita is all muscular and cool.

Huh. Let's see...

Don't stroke it.

Don't stroke a man's brachial biceps.

Woo-hoo! He even has six-pack abs!

Dammit, d-don't touch me!

Fool! Seriously don't touch me there, idiot eagle!

- -Hey, you bastard! - -No! That was Takashi just now!

I'm sorry. I suddenly wanted a touch...

Uh, yeah. Well, it's okay if it's you, I guess.

How could it be okay?!

"Our deepest apologies for the former, inappropriate imagery"

Hey! D-Don't be showin' such creepy-ass footage!

Why show more male flesh tone, you idiots?! Aah, that was nasty.

Man, I thought I was gonna go blind.

Listen, you pricks, there are good jokes and bad jokes.

I said today was serious, right?!

I'm going for real numbers. We don't need crusty old jokes!

Do that again and I'll kill ya.

Grr, grr.

Hi! Okay, that grotesque scene just now never happened,

so let's go to the next one. Burukkyaou, piramu--

"We, Without Wings"

If you collect those gleaming shards of gemstone

And stretch both hands outward, they will sparkle blue

It was so very bright, and I shut my eyes

Lips I touched, memories of a long-ago day

Casual kindness, yet without hesitation

I'll show you, without giving up, I can change even destiny

If we spread our wings and take each others' hands

I feel we could walk even atop the clouds

With you here now

There is no difficult-to-endure past

I'll beckon you from countless points of light

"More Than 90% Flesh-Toned"

'Sup? I came to get some tea.

H-Huh? There's no one here?

I'm sorry. Welcomeeeah!

Are you okay?

Ow...

Hey, now. You all right, Hayashida? I swear. You gotta be careful.

There are rules of employee conduct, right?

When a female staff member falls, she must strike a feline pose

or fall on her buttocks, legs spread to form a letter M.

I'm sorry, sir.

Thank you for trying to cheer me up with such a nonsensical joke...

Um, Miss Rookie Part-time Worker?

I don't think Karuo's sexually harassing statements have enough in them to warm the heart.

Oh, it's Yu, huh? What's up?

I was about to hold a "Lust in Bloom"--Booyal!--

"Lots o' Women, Fully Spread Letter M Festival"!

Hurry and get your entry in.

"Alexander Yanagihara Shop" "Tel. OOO-XXXX" "Attn: 'Lust in Bloom! Lots o' Women, Fully Spread Letter M Festival'"

It looks like there's no sign of Kinako or the others today.

Yeah. They're off today and tomorrow.

After all, they won a trip to a hot spring.

Huh. A hot spring...

But having them all off at once is tough for the store, right?

I'm surprised you gave them permission.

Yeah. Well, Tamaizumi's friend came to help us out, so...

Also, Mochizuki has been working hard lately.

At a time like this, I have to let her spread her wings.

You have a surprisingly good side to you.

Incidentally, this was on the condition that they send me a bath-time photo.

- -Karuo! You've got mail! - -1 shouldn't have been impressed.

Wh-What! Speak of the devil! I g-g-got mail from M-M-Mochizuki!

Huh?! It can't be!

"Loading..."

I get it! This is definitely a "bath-time photo," isn't it?

Whoa! Mochizuki is surprisingly hairy when naked.

Uh, still, that just piques my interest. Behold!

Her cheeks are stained as deep crimson as a Japanese monkey.

- -Her maiden-like expression shows concern over her unusually thick body hair.

- -l wonder what Kinako and them are doing now... - -This sense of shame is lost on our current generation of Japanese female--

Nice. This okays our promise to the boss.

Kinako! What are you doing?

The footbath feels really good.

Okay! Be right there!

"Monkey: 'Gotcha!'"

"Monkey: "Woohoo! Striped panties!'"

"Monkey: 'Striped panties! Striped panties!'"

Let go!

Dammit, Masato!

- -N-No! Stop, I said! - -You mischievous monkey! You've come stirring up more trouble!

I wonder what Kinako's going on about...

Dunno. She's probably excited to be here. I guess that's understandable.

Yes.

Still, this footbath is good and all, but I gotta get my whole body wet.

It looks like this place's outdoor bath gets good reviews.

Yeah. Speaking of, Eriko, you researched this place online, didn't you?

That's right. Apparently, this place improves your luck at love.

What? No way. It's not like it's a shrine.

Anyway, entering a bath for something like that is improper.

There you go again. Quit talkin' that tired crap.

Here.

It's delicious.

That's right. There was another rumor...

Like what?

Well, at the outdoor bath here...

It appears, they say.

What does?

A spirit-like thing.

At the girls' bath?

"Countryside of Mountain Streams" "Seiryuen"

Yeah, they say you can see it. A girl who died at the bath. That's awesome!

My friends totally freaked when they heard that!

Ah. You knew of it, Takauchi?

So that's it. I wondered what would have made you invite us...

Where's the harm? Y'all aren't the type to get scared by ghost stories!

I guess. I didn't want to stop being able to believe that kind of stuff,

but I've gotten a little too old to believe in fairy tales.

I know. I miss the days when we could see what couldn't be seen.

I don't understand at all. Speak Japanese.

Put simply, we're saying that if something can be seen, we wanna see it.

Oh, yeah? Well, let's go see!

We must go see it.

Could it be that you're scared?

Huh? Alice, you're not?

But it's a ghost! A ghost! You're not scared?

Of course not. Because, I am an adult girl.

Only girl children can be scared of ghosts.

Therefore, those who fear them are very girly children.

O-Of c-course I'm not scared! R-Right, Yoshikawa?

Th-That's right! It's not scary! I mean, we're grown women! Right, Haneda?

We have weight problems!

We can even eat bell peppers!

That's good.

Then, adults that we are, we have to go see it at once...

That ghost.

Huh?

Ain't no "Huh?" about it, okay?

- -They say a spirit comes out here. - -Hey! O-Ow! Not there! Wait... Um, aah!

- -How lucky could we be?

We gotta go take a quick look while we're on our trip. Otherwise, it's bad luck.

Uh, I feel like going will be worse luck.

Yes, Miss Pal Crepe. We shouldn't.

If we saw it, we could totally get cursed. It's super, super dangerous.

You're a dummy. The spirit here ain't like that.

They say it's a blessing to see it.

My, that's rather dubious.

What a crock!

- -l know, right? - -Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow! That hurts, Miss Pal Crepe!

- -We could be cursed for seven generations.

Huh? That's unexpected. Ai, you're no good with these kinds of stories?

That's right. Didn't you know? I'm a super girly girl.

If I go to a haunted house, I'm the type that goes, "Eeek!"

There you go again!

Uh, that's nothing to heckle about.

There's no need to hold back. You like scary stories, right?

Your face when you wake up is like a scary story...

You should go with Miss Pal Crepe to the haunted spot!

Forget it!

If you're gonna talk like that, Naru, you can't get scared by spiritual stuff.

You've made being a strange, ditzy girl in front of guys your normal persona!

Miss Pal Crepe! Ai says she wants to go see the ghost!

I didn't say that! I didn't! You're the one who said it!

That's a lie. Ai's sentiments are so much more intense!

Not at all, not at all! Naru's are shining super intently!

Gah! Enough smack talk!

All right, we're goin'. No more jibber-jabber, you little brats!

"Women"

Eek, eek! Incredible! The bath is so big!

Hot springs are the best! Hoo-hah! Hoo-hah!

Kinako, you're disturbing the other guests.

Well, my body's all warm and I can't sit still!

Jeez, I guess it can't be helped. Cuz she can't hold her liquor.

Well, Kinako's the type where if they brag about the saké that much, she can't say no.

Kinako! Look, you're better off staying out of the bath till you sober up.

No fair! Leavin' your friends out ain't no good neither!

Once again, I don't understand...

Hiyo! Eri is so mean!

Ah. They're big.

Kinako! What are you doing?

- -Where's the harm? Where's the harm? - -Please stop!

They're so big and nice...

The heck is that?

There...

So, please rest there a bit, Kinako.

Tamahiyo! I'm gettin' in first.

Okay, I'll be right there.

Huh. If you see a ghost, your love life will improve?

Makes you suddenly wanna see it, huh?

Not really.

There it is. That's why the popular guys hate you.

No, that's not what I mean. It's just, it all sounds completely fishy.

What does a ghost have to do with your love life?

According to the latest information I've just received,

the spirit wasn't blessed with love in its previous life,

so it has a strong desire to at least make others happy.

For real? It's usually the opposite. That's super nice!

It's friggin' dark! They gotta turn some lights on, huh?

Say, Yamashina, how did the person die?

Shampoo got in her eyes. She panicked, and her foot slipped on the soap...

Apparently, she landed poorly.

That kinda death is like somethin' from a comic, huh?

So, if we wanted to drive that ghost off, we should toss around shampoo and soap?

That's so friggin' lame!

Y-Yoshikawa, did you hear that?

Yes! I heard it, Haneda. The ghost is no good with slippery stuff!

So, if we slather it on our bodies, maybe the ghost will stay away!

Ah! Haneda, you're so smart!

Okay, I'll go ahead and put it on you.

In that case, we should lather each other up.

Agreed!

It tickles a little, huh?

Right? But it feels kinda good, huh?

Yes.

Those girls are very grown-up girls.

Ai, did you hear that?

I heard.

Sh-Sh-Shampoo!

S-S-S-Soap!

Ah, thank goodness. With this, the ghost isn't scary--

Wh-Wh-What was that? Such a hideous voice!

It's a curse! A curse!

Hiyo! Let me fondle them again.

Huh? Hiyo, they shrunk a lot from before...

Noooo!

Evil spirit, begone!

Hey, what--?

Evil spirit? No way, for real?!

Wh-What're you doing?

When all's said and done, those two are havin' fun.

I'm glad I forced 'em to come along.

Huh? That's one heck of a racket over there...

It might have actually appeared.

For real?! Shoot, I'm gonna miss it. I'm goin', too! Gotta go see!

What is this?

Ow! It stings!

Ow!

Takauchi.

Fine, you son of a bitch!

C-Calm down, Takauchi.

Is it you who's pickin' a fight with me?!

No, no.

That's a lascivious scene...

So there was someone else?!

Why you...!

Take that, and that, and that!

Huh?

Eriko, did you hear Kinako's voice just now?

Huh? No way. She's still passed out.

Oh, you're right. Yes.

But, Eriko, I wonder if it's really all right...

Huh? What is?

Alexander! I hope it's able to get by with so few staff...

'Sup? You all having fun? Right now, I'm--

Hey, listen up. This is bad.

Wh-What is it, sir?

I'll tell you what!

I've concentrated so hard, stared for so long that now,

all kidding aside, this monkey has started to look like Mochizuki.

At this rate I, Karuo, will become a beast in the true sense of the word.

Yu! To protect my dignity, please show me naked human bodies right now!

Hurry up and do it!

Send your entries here!

No ages asked! Spirited girls are...

Things look like they're incredibly slow right now,

so take your time and get nice and refreshed.

And... Send.

Oh, Kakeru and the others aren't here today either.

I wonder what they're doing.

Folklore spread throughout a hot springs town...

Female passion rising up in hot steam...

Terrifying if I say so myself. Enough to make one's soul shiver!

Ow! Dammit. Sure enough, I couldn't get a peek.

I thought if I could make it along the cliff, I could reach the girls' bath, but...

Huh? Kakeru, what are you doing? You haven't even turned on the lights.

A foolish question, Kazama!

I am the deliverer of amusement. Those brats have forgotten their dreams,

but I shall etch into their gray matter the ultimate entertainment!

Ba-baam!

Uh, yeah! I don't really get it, but that's great, Kakeru!

Huh? Kakeru, where did he go?

He said something about going out into the night air.

How deeply those wings love isolation!

Whoa, for real?

What is it, Eri?

The story's different. The one how if you enter the bath here, your love life will improve.

When I saw it yesterday, it said you just have to enter the bath,

but now it says you have to see the ghost in the bath.

That's a pretty wishy-washy charm, isn't it?

Sure enough, it's gotta be fake.

Huh. Yeah, I guess so.

Shoot. I thought maybe tonight I'd have a great, romantic encounter.

Like, a boy who's secretly had feelings for you follows you here from Yanagihara?

Oh, that's good! The kind of outcome I bet Tamahiyo would like.

What are you talking about?

Ah, dammit! What the heck happened to that ghost?

Takauchi, quit showing your panties.

Too bad, isn't it, Watarai?

What is?

Well, the improved love life...

Oh, that? Yeah, there was that. I wasn't too interested in it, though.

Is that so? I thought perhaps you were a little worried about it.

Huh? Why's that? Not at all.

Oh. I'm sorry.

Yeah. No, right? Nope, nope.

Drawing in countless stories

You two are so cunning. I suppose I can't win. Because I am pure and fair.

"I can just take flight after I've healed

Oh, that's right. It's time to water the flowers!

"Your melody is a love song," whisper the oh-so-wounded angels

I'm going to get some fresh air.

Yeah. Sorry.

Maybe the charm did have an effect.

Okay, that about wraps it up. Well, what else is there to say?

Uh, this was a "What if?" story.

And yet, this was one, how can I put this?

The kind of fairy tale that, for example, we would tell you.

Rain falls, and though we leave by bus

You walk, still in a bad mood

When you get in a good mood, do you smile?

I can create an ideal world

Something that happened in a dream

You say nothing but complaints

It's a romance of delusion

But I like it

Even in fairy tales

There's no such thing as "forever"

And even princesses get angry

A single page from a fairy tale

The one who can turn to a new page

Is, yes, you